Thursday’s TPS Report: V Neck Long Sleeve Pleated A Line

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The doo.ri for Impulse collection is available now at Macy’s, and I must say there are a lot of cute dresses. So many, in fact, that it was hard to pick which to feature! I think this blue dress is my favorite, though — something about the way the sleeves pool at the cuffs, and the way the pleating is just so at the front bodice. It’s $75 at Macy’s. doo.ri for Impulse Dress, V Neck Long Sleeve Pleated A Line

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. PSA: Spanx are on sale at today

  2. Early threadjack.

    I see that lace is big this spring, according to Nordie’s new catalogue.

    I have a navy lace skirt from Talbts that has a very dark green lining. What color top and jacket could I pair with that? I do wear belted cardis and more traditional to biker cut blazers…so I have things in the closet to consider. I’m lost in terms of colors. I never wear green nor any of the citrus colors (clashes with my sallow olive skin tone).

    I have had the tailor change out the lining in a lace skirt (from the same co) before, but it’s kind of pricey…esp. when I buy the skirts on deep discount in the first place :)

    Where’s Ru and her magical way with colors?


    • Navy, cream, white, maybe gray if you want to calm it down. Of if you’re feeling adventurous, something bright like pink or yellow (if you’re avoiding citron shades, more on the mustard side). That skirt sounds really cool though!

    • Oh god, the last time we talked about lace it turned into a bit of a “argument” — but I actually remember the skirt you’re talking about from Talbots in the winter (or last winter, I don’t remember).

      Maybe a tan shirt with a white blazer. Or eggplant. Yeah, I tried on this skirt and decided against because I couldn’t figure out how to style it, sorry.

      • I also think it would look pretty with a really nice, crisp white button down.

        • is this the skirt? (link goes to “kaboodle,” a site I found thru a google image skirt for Talbots lace skirt)

          if so – I probably wouldn’t wear it to work. Some lace skirts (usually those with a heavier, more matte finish) I could see working at the office. But not this one. I can also see the styling problem – hmm – I would probably stick with navy.

          • This was the argument. In this, I am Switzerland.

          • ack, didn’t want to pick at old scabs! *retreats, muttering things about knowing one’s office*

          • Hahahahaha.

          • Happily, not the skirt. Mine is a very dense lace that shows far less liner!

            Thanks for the thoughts…I will try navy/white or navy/grey combos and the entire thought of eggplant intrigues me…perhaps in a solid cardi, belted.

            FWIW I am not a JD, but a PhD in my own practice, so I have more leeway. For example, today I”m wearing a pencil skirt/belted cardi outfit with a pair of Enzo Anglioni heels that are sueded with bows in the back of the heels from Nordies…yeah, I can bell all the feminine corporette I want to be.

            Thanks again for the ideas!

        • I think crisp button downs look great with skirts like this and can make it look a little less party-ish.

      • Sadly, I ordered mine on line and there was NO indication of the lining color. BOY was I shocked when it arrived. I had just ordered a black lace skirt and it had grey lining, so I had no idea that Talbts was going into color blocking/heightening … but I kept it anyway as it was a lovely navy color and delicate lace…if I don’t wear it THIS spring, it must go as I have already added a few new skirts to the spring wardrobe and am pushing hard on my “buy one, give one away” motto to maintain the volume of hangers in there and my DH’s sanity. :)

    • I would vote for a tan / beige color.

      • MaggieLizer :

        This is what I was thinking too. Camel blazer with a light blue, lilac, or white shell and navy or dark purple pumps.

    • How about a gray cardigan belted with a bright yellow/lime belt? That way you have a more flattering color next to your face, but also a little pop of color to help tie things together. Or maybe a dark green belt? Not sure if this would be too matchy.

      Gray and orange are my usual go-to colors with navy, but I guess orange wouldn’t work with the green lining. I guess I’d stay neutral on top (gray, white, black, maybe some camels/khaki) and then try to do a belt or shoe in a color that plays off the blue and green.

      • Love the idea with shoes….mybe a grey or black top and then shoes with purple in them….sounds stunning! SEems like the consensus (nod to Bunkster there) that purple is the third color to use…

        • Luckily, Kat is obsessed with eggplant shoes, so you have LOTS of ideas on this site. Ha!

      • Maybe a burnt orange could work?

    • I’m wearing a green Ann Taylor wool skirt today with a purpley-gray (for lack of a better word – it’s not mauve) boatneck sweater and black tights.

      So I think you could try shades of purple/violet.

  3. TJ — Need some advice! My department is re-orging over the next month or so, I think for the better. My boss is highly supportive of me and thinks that there will be good opportunities for me (but probably not promotions), but also told me about an opportunity at another company that came up through her network. It would be a step up professionally and I think I would really love it, although it might be a stretch and I probably wouldn’t be considered without her recommendation. The kicker — I’m 9 weeks pregnant and haven’t told her. Do I pursue it, knowing I’d work for a few months and then need maternity leave? Is that a bad spot to put my boss in? Do I tell my boss and see what she thinks? I’ll definitely be coming back to work afterwards and my boss knows that (my hubby is a non-profit guy), but I don’t know if it puts everyone in an awkward position. Anyone gone through this?

    • This is tough and I’m sure you’ll get a lot of different opinions. How is your relationship with your boss? If you are relatively close and you trust her, I would tell her the situation now and see what she thinks is the best way to handle it.

      You have no obligation (legal or otherwise) to tell her or the prospective employer, but I think it is a good thing to do ethically. If you don’t feel comfortable telling anyone now, can you put the decision to ask for a referral off for a few weeks until you are out of the first trimester?

      • That’s a great point. I have a really good relationship with my boss, but I’m still a little nervous to get through the next couple weeks. I think I can post through the end of February, so maybe I can use my best stall tactics!

    • I say definitely pursue it, if you think it would be a good move for you. If your boss recommends you, it will be because she is pleased with your work, not because she’s vouching that you wouldn’t do anything so inconvenient as to get pregnant. If you got this job, you would have several months to do good work for them, and then years after you returned from maternity leave to do more good work.

      While I recognize that maternity leave can be difficult for some (usually smaller) companies to work around, I don’t like the idea that women should apologize to their employer for having children. You are bringing life into the world, which is great for society. The least employers can do is support you in that. Also, would a man hesitate at going after a better job because he was about to have a child? Probably not, unless the new job would involve a steep increase in hours or cut in pay.

      Also, congratulations on the pregnancy!

      • “If your boss recommends you, it will be because she is pleased with your work, not because she’s vouching that you wouldn’t do anything so inconvenient as to get pregnant.” — Love this!

    • anon prof :

      Keep in mind that you have to be with the employer for a year to be FMLA eligible. Of course, the company may have a more generous policy (or be too small for FMLA to apply), but I ended up in this bind and was back at work 19 days after giving birth and was grateful for those 19 days since there was literally no applicable leave

    • Thanks to a previous, similar thread on here, I purchased the shoes below to solve the commuting problem and I LOVE them!! They are so so comfy, I promise! I never have to worry about the pants dragging or commuting in uncomfortable heels!

  4. If you wear flats for your commute and heels at work, how do you deal with the hem issues on your pants? Most of my pants are hemmed for heels, so they drag on the ground when I’m wearing flats. Obvious answer is wear more skirts, but is there some secret that I’m not in on about how to save the backs of your pants when you are wearing flats?

    • I also have this problem and so far have not found a good solution — will be watching this thread eagerly to see if other ladies have!

    • I use Zakkerz, which have magnets to temporarily shorten the pants.

    • I do a temporary safety-pin hem – sort of a reverse cuff at the back, and then pinned from the inside (so only a small sliver of pin shows at the back of my ankle) to keep it folded up. I have also tried paper clips and binder clips, although they haven’t worked as well for me in not slipping around/falling off and not really keeping the hem sufficiently up and out of the way.

      Apparently there is a specialty product (as seen on tv?) for this problem – some sort of plastic, magnetized clip – but I didn’t want anything that big/obvious and then they’d just be in the way on my dresser when not needed.

      I’ve also seen ladies wearing clogs, which would give you more heel height than typical flats.

      • I tried binder clips last week and it was a disaster. Now I’m off to check Amazon for Zakkerz.

        • phillygirlruns :

          i just did the same thing and am fairly surprised that amazon doesn’t sell zakkerz – but they do sell some pretty sweet magnetic hem clips for toddlers.

          • Yup. Unfortunate. I have Amazon Prime so I was hoping I could order them today and get them on Saturday. But I just don’t think train and/or princess magnets are very professional.

        • I can see how binder clips might be difficult but I have successfully used paperclips and bobby pins. It probably depends on the weight of the fabric…

    • All my hems are a mess.

      Is that not the answer you’re looking for?

    • This drives me crazy. I haven’t found a great solution – what I do is
      – wear commuting flats on days when I’m wearing skirts/dresses
      – wear commuting wedges or boots on days when I’m wearing pants. The wedges are usually rubber soled and designed for walking – the boots are just really comfortable, more casual ankle boots that I wouldn’t necessarily wear at work, but great for commuting.

      Occasionally, I wear pants that are hemmed for flats, but in general I like a longer pant leg. I’ve tried rolling the pant hems, but they don’t stay up; I tried clips, but they were annoying, scratched up my ankle and were strange looking as well! I work in NYC, so dirty streets are a big issue.

    • Sometimes I’ve used staples. This won’t work for more delicate fabrics, but for heavier fabrics you won’t notice the holes after you take the staples out.

    • I wear my pants kind of low, so I hike them up and tighten my belt as tight as it will go. YMMV with this, and I only started this job in the fall so I don’t know how this will work in the summer when people can see that I’m wearing my pants Steve Urkle-style.

    • I knew a woman who wore Shape-up type shoes to commute because they’re higher than regular flats so her hems didn’t hit the ground. This works if you don’t mind kinda ugly commuter shoes and your pants aren’t hemmed for really high heals.

      • I do this. The pants cover the ugliness of the shoe but I don’t have to worry about dragging hems while I’m oh-so-comfortably cruising through my commute.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I wear skirts :).

    • I use magnets too, from City Clips.

    • Clueless Summer :

      This is so incredibly unstylish…but I wear flats with elastic backs (think like Tory Burch, but not actually) and tuck the back of my pants into the back of the flats. If they are long enough to go over my heel, then the pressure of walking keeps the fabric inside the shoes, and then the front of the pant just kind of drapes over the flat. I only have about 5 minutes of outside walking, though, the rest is indoors.

      • Oops I posted this link above but I think to the wrong thread. Anyways, these shoes will solve your commuting problem. They are extremely comfortable wedges (I seriously feel like I am walking in flats).

  5. What’s a great gift for a boyfriend around $50? I’m throwing him a surprise party at a bar, and I committed to buying apps for everyone there. Well, with 10% tax and 20% gratuity, that ended up costing $600! I’m sure he’s going to appreciate it, but I need to get him a gift as well. Just… can’t spend too much money!

    • I’m not sure I would get a gift, if you’re already spending $600 on a surprise party!

      That said, $50 can get you a decent bottle of scotch or whiskey, or an iTunes giftcard …

    • retrocufflinks dot com dot au has wonderful vintage cufflinks, with designs ranging from classic to kitschy, and lots to choose from in the AUD 25 – 35 dollar range, which should come in at USD 50 with postage. I’ve ordered successfully from Asia and Europe.

    • Does he like video games, you can usually get the hottest new whatever game for whatever gaming system for around $50. Scotch or whiskey or bourbon is also a good idea. You could also get him tickets to an experiential type thing (on the cheaper side) like a comedy club. Cufflinks, flasks and that sort of thing can all be gotten for under $50.

      One cool place to look for fun customized presents is actually etsy if you’re looking for something different.

      And there’s always the old standby: DVDs or books. :-)

      • Sweet, thanks. Sports video game might be a good idea. I’ll research that and also poke around Etsy.

        • I think Uncommon Goods always has interesting items. I look forward to their catalog, and there’s a website, too.

          • This thing is awesome!!

            Not sure that he’d get a huge kick out of it, but I want it!

          • Also, if he’s a nerd or into computers or anything at all, check out Think Geek.

    • I’m from south jersey and <3 your name!

  6. Spark Group Idea :

    An update from yesterday’s post:

    For those who do sparkpeople instead of, or in addition to weight watchers, and and interested in joining a SparkPeople group, the group is now up and running on the Spark website.
    It is called “Sparkers who enjoy Corporette”, and right now I’m the only member. You can search for it on the teams page.

    Good luck to everyone with their health and fitness goals!

    • Just joined! You’ve already doubled the membership.

    • Barrister in the Bayou :

      Hey, I just joined as BInTheBayou! I already track my calories through an app, but I need to be held accountable because the willpower is not quite there yet.

      • Spark People has an app if you want to switch over for everything…but what doesn’t have an app? I feel stupid even telling you that!

  7. Anon Canadian :

    TJ – For those of us that wear hair elastics around your wrist, you can now do it in “style”

    Don’t know if these have been talked about recently, so sorry if they’re old news.

  8. Lipstick Lover :

    What do you ladies think of the trace amount of lead found in this list? The link was on the Makeup and Beauty Blog and I have three of the lipsticks on this list. I don’t plan on using them again but this is freaking me out. Thoughts…

    • I think that I probably won’t go out and eat a couple of cases of lipstick on a daily basis, but fortunately I wasn’t planning on doing that anyway.

      As stated (by the FDA) in the link you posted:
      Our initial findings, as well as our expanded findings posted in December 2011, confirm that the amount of lead found in lipstick is very low and does not pose safety concerns.

    • I was surprised to see Burt’s Bees is on the list, and also surprised to see that it is owned by Clorox.

      On the other hand, I have no idea how bad trace levels of lead are for you. And I find it interesting that the levels vary by color more than by brand. It looks like something that would be pretty hard to shop around, unless you just decided not to wear lipstick anymore.

    • I’m not a doctor — so don’t quote me on this. But while I wouldn’t eat these lipsticks in large quantities, trace amount of lead is unlikely to do serious harm to adults. Lead causes the most harm developmentally to children (which is why lead paint is dangerous).

      But if it makes you feel better, go buy different lipstick.

    • The model sort of looks like Kyle from Real Housewives…

    • FWIW, I don’t see Buxom by Bare Escentuals brand on there. I switched to that brand because it was the only one that didn’t dry my lips out.

      • do you know how this line differs from bare escentuals? I just got their mascara & love it, but thought it was just packaging.

        • Buxom used to be sold at Bare Escentuals boutiques/counters but eventually became exclusively sold at Sephora.

          *I’m aware that the grammar in the above sentence is atrocious but I’m too tired to figure it out.

  9. Another early threadjack . . . some of you ladies were raving earlier about Paula’s Choice products. Do people use ALL of them (face wash, toner, exfoliator, antioxident, etc.) or just some? I currently use a horribly overpriced line from my aesthetician and would like to switch to something that’s cheaper but still comprehensive and effective.

    Also has anyone used their skin lightening product? I’ve heard some of you raving about the Clinique product and wondering how they compare.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I use all of them. She sells a set of all five steps at a discount, which I stack with a % off promo like they are running now. I find I go through the antioxidant and toner a lot faster than the cleanser and the BHA, so I usually pick up a couple of the former in between set purchases.

      • Littlest Attorney :

        SF Bay Associate — do you use a whole preset line or do you mix and match between the lines? I have breakout prone skin, but it is also sensitive, and at 29 I’m thinking I need something to prevent wrinkles! I know they have a breakout/antiaging line but I also like some of the products in the “Clear” breakout line. Do you think it would work to mix and match the lines as long as I have a product for each step? Or does that defeat the idea behind the system approach?

        I saw they had an online chat feature, maybe I should ask there …

    • I use all of them as well (although not necessarily every day or on every area of my face).

    • I was so inspired by yesterday’s discussion about Paula’s Choice that I ordered two sample kits last night. Shipping is free on the sample kits and there was an additional discount on the products so I now get to try 10 different products for $11. And I got three free samples, too.

      • I was inspired too, so I got the BHA liquid and a sample kit, along with the three additional samples. I tried Paula’s Choice years ago, and I can’t remember why I stopped using it. Presumably if it had been really bad, like a major bad reaction, I’d remember. I’m assuming I just got bored as there are so very many products in the world to try.

      • Me too. I bought the skin balancing line.

    • I use the skin balancing line. I don’t use her moisturizers because I prefer the one from Clinique I have been using for awhile. I also don’t use a mask at all. I do use the rest of the products – face wash and toner morning and night, and the exfoliator only at night, and the antioxidant only at night and only in areas where I’m concerned about wrinkles.

      @Littlest Attorney – I used to mix and match with the Clear line. It should be fine to mix and match so long as you have a product for each step. If you have sensitive skin, though, I really don’t recommend the Clear line. The AHA treatment and the toner are too harsh for delicate skin. Skin Balancing, and not Clear, is what really cleared up my acne.

    • Related questions as I’m somewhat curious to give this line a try. How long does a set last you?

    • I used to use everything, but I have fair, extremely dry skin and I live at high altitude. Unfortunately, PC moisturizers just weren’t enough for me, so I’ve added some skinceuticals products (two daytime serums, a moisturizer and sunscreen). Currently, I use PC cleanser, toner, BHA, and some anti-aging things that I am winding down from (the blue stuff, at nite). I love her products and I have used the lightening cream. It’s OK and affordable. I don’t like the smell, and I stopped using it while I’ve been sorting out moisturizers. It’s definitely not as great as HQ (has this come back on the market??) But, it did not make my face red or irritated (like Obagi did).

  10. momentsofabsurdity :

    Advice for a formal event tonight? I am wearing a teal strapless dress and black tights (and probably black or gray heels). I want to wear a cardigan but am unsure what color – presumably a neutral but will a black cardigan + black tights be a bit too depressing? White? Gray?

    • I really like gray and teal together, but sometimes a heathery gray makes an outfit look less formal. Black would be fine, and not too depressing, especially if you have a pretty necklace or accessory to go with.

    • I would go with black shoes and black cardigan. I like mixing black with gray at work, but for a formal evening event, I think mixing gray in will make it look casual in a I-thought-I-might-get-cold-so-I-grabbed-my-favorite-cardigan kind of way. I’m thinking of the cardigans I have though, so YMMV. I also just like the look of matching shoes, tights, and cardigan. So if you want to go with gray, could you do gray shoes, tights, and cardigan?

      If you go all back, the teal of the dress should keep it from being too depressing, especially if you brighten things up with fun jewelry.

    • What about a gray blazer with gray heels? That way you aren’t defaulting all your layering garments to black (which can look less than purposeful) and you’re not wearing the “heather gray back-of-my-chair freezing office cardigan”.

      • Anonymous :

        You’ve been cheating on Kat and reading a certain other blog . . . For shame!

    • Where are you gonna wear your bling? Ears, neck, fingers, wrist?

  11. To whomever posted the McSweeney’s Comic Sans rant yesterday — Thank you.

    Though you may get me fired because I’m sitting at my desk right now losing my sh*t.

    • This is it for anyone curious who doesn’t want to dig through yesterday’s suit post:

      • Thank you for thanking whoever posted that. I lost it laughing.

      • Perpetua Snob :

        Just had my assistant and 2 other attorneys come check on me because I was laughing so damn hard. We have a partner who insists on using Comic Sans. For. Everything.

      • the late Professor Ginsburg used to type up all his tax exams in Comic Sans :)

      • I needed that.

  12. Personal finance threadjack. I will be getting a fairly large chunk of money this spring, to the tune of $13,500, and so far figuring out what to do with it has been making my head explode. I have no debt to throw it at, so really, it’s like magical fairy dust falling from the sky, to be sprinkled on *anything* I want.

    Stuff I’m almost positive I’m doing with it: $4,ooo to max out an existing IRA (I don’t have a 401(k) or anything) and $2,000 to my emergency/savings fund (which is already reasonably robust).

    But that still leaves me with $7,500. I will be dealing with either relocation or unemployment in July, so I would prefer that it not be irrevocably locked up in something–still, my emergency fund + $2,000 should keep me easily for the suggested six months in case of unemployment. I don’t really know what other options there are for that amount of money. Please help! I am clueless about anything more complicated than blank credit cards monthly/contribute to savings/contribute to IRA/live within my means.

    • Jewelry. :) Seriously though: have you thought of also treating yourself to something nice? When I get work bonuses, my rule is that 10% can be spent on a fun gift for myself. The rest goes straight into my ING Direct account.

    • 1) Open up a high-yield savings account (not that the rates are that high, but .. ) and stick it there.
      2) You could put it in a short-term CD, but that limits your flexibility as far as taking it back out if you need it (and again, rates suck right now).
      3) Or, if you’d like to start investing in addition to your IRA, you can easily open an account with Vanguard and put it all in one or two no-fee index funds.

    • Can't wait to quit :

      Since you know you will either have to relocate or be unemployed in July, I would blow 10% of it on something fun and then just put the rest in the bank for contingencies. When you wind up with a wonderful new job or cool new city, if the money’s still in the bank you can reconsider its uses then.

    • Considering that you’re expecting relocation or unemployment in July, I wouldn’t plan on doing anything too drastic with it for now. If you’ve got a savings account you can stick it until you know what’s going to happen in July, that would be my suggestion. I hate to be the Debby-Downer, but there are lots of people out there who have been unemployed for more than 6 months. And moving can be really effing expensive. That way it’s liquid and not tied up in the even you do need it.
      That all being said, take $1,000-$1,500 and do something nice for yourself like to take a trip or buy something sparkly. :)

    • Thanks for all the advice! I think I’ll plan on sticking it in my (or if I can find one, a higher-yield) savings account until I figure my life out, then; and when I get my employment situation figured out, consider investing. I would love it if this money could become the start of a fund that would, sometime in the far-off future, go towards the down payment on a house.

      I also like the idea of 10% on something nice for myself, obviously. I was struggling with how much of it I could reasonably allot to fripperies, but 10% seems like a very reasonable number. Yay for vacations! And maybe a decent pair of pearl studs.

  13. I am going through all of the old Corporette threads about computer and tote bags and am not really finding what I’m looking for, so here’s my question–if I were to get a cross-body bike messenger bag, would I be shunned for wearing it to commute to work? I’m thinking something like a Chrome bag, and I promise I’d get all black, I’d get a small one and wouldn’t wear it to interviews, etc. My problem is I just got a firm-issued laptop and my Levenger bag and the firm-issued laptop bag are killing my back and shoulders, even though I got the smallest laptop they offer! I have a 40-minute walk to work and I barely made it today without keeling over. I’d like to start biking in good weather as well, so I don’t think a rolling bag would work. The problem seems to be that I’m so short that the straps on these bags are too long even if I tighten them all the way. But I worry that the bike bag is not “professional” enough, even though I think it looks better than a backpack and I don’t really see how they’re different from a black canvas laptop bag. FWIW I’m an associate at a firm that purports to be business casual but a lot of people wear suits anyway (annoying, seriously just pick a dress code and stick with it). It seems like most people just carry the firm-issued laptop bag, and I see a lot of big LV tote bags.

    • Yes, shunned! You’d have to wear a scarlet M for messenger!

      I like the Timbuktu bags. I’ve never tried a Chrome bag, but I love that you can customize the Timbuktu ones with your favorite colors.

      • Ha the way some of the people on this site talked I’ve really gotten the impression this is what will happen to me if I wear peep-toe shoes or something.

    • If anyone shuns you for the bag you carry into and out of the office (and presumably not around the halls otherwise), I’d punch them in the face.

      But seriously, get what works best for your shoulders and back. 40 minutes is a long walk!

    • I’m carrying a black leather crossbody bag these days. The brand is Crown Vintage. It’s the only bag I own that fits over my heavy coat and is easy to lug on the commute.

      So, if people are shunning you, they’re shunning me, too.

    • To be clear, when I say cross-body messenger I mean something like this, in black:—medium.html

      Like a bag actual bike messengers wear, not what has come to be called a “messenger” bag.

      I am glad to hear I should just do whatever makes me comfortable though. I was just worried this skewed a little too edgy for work.

      • Ooohhh…with that bag you’ll look really tough. When they shun you and you have to punch them in the face, it’ll be all the more believable!

        Seriously though, I don’t think you should walk all around the office with it or bring it to court, but whatever works best for you.

      • I saw from the images that this bag can fit a six-pack! If anyone gives you trouble, offer them a beer!

    • Well, you may want to consider the pain an early warning and get a back pack if you are walking 40 minutes twice a day and the laptop is a mandatory part of your commute. It may not look as sleek as you would like but you can whisk it off on arrival and use the firm-issued bag for when you head out to see clients etc.

      I did a lot of work-related travel for a number of years (airports every couple of days) and did permanent damage to my neck and shoulders with my laptop despite the smallest possible machine and the lightest possible bag. The problem was chronic strain and no time for muscles to recover, which may be the case for you as well if you’re bringing the laptop to and fro everyday.

      • Yup, I carry a backpack to and from work (I take night classes and textbooks are a b****), and I figure that as long as I hide it in my office during the day no one is going to care if they see it when I leave at night.

      • What I am looking at is basically a backpack, I guess, just with a different type of strap. The appeal of this kind of messenger bag is that you tighten the strap across your chest so that the bag sits up really high and doesn’t move. I guess it’s similar to having one of those camping backpacks that has the extra chest strap. I have a regular backpack but it, too, strains my shoulders even if I wear it up high, and it is really not comfortable for biking.
        I will definitely try one of these on before dropping $100+, though. If it’s no better than the backpack I have I’ll just wear the backpack.

        • I have never found those kinds of bags to be as comfortable as a backpack, even when I cinch the around-the-body strap to take weight off the shoulder strap (which I think is what you’re describing). I have a Kelty backpack that I used in law school and now only use for day hikes, etc., since I don’t have to carry a computer back and forth, and I need the waist strap and the sternum strap to take the weight off my shoulders and upper back for carrying heavier loads.

      • Yeah, I have a similar several-airports-a-week schedule, and I tried a few different things and ended up with a backpack. It’s definitely not the most professional looking, but it has a separate space for my laptop, lots of space for papers and personal items and pockets and such. I have a few nice laptop bags, and it’s not TOOOO bad if there’s just my laptop in it–but if I also need paperwork and my wallet and keys and phone and some snacks and…it’s just too much.

    • I just bought my boyfriend this menswear-inspired backpack for V Day and we both love it. It’s really quite a classy backpack. I don’t commute with a computer, but I would’ve scooped one up for myself if I did. He was using a messenger bag but I noticed it really threw off his posture, and I really like the backpack for posture and balancing on a bicycle. I would probably tie on a colorful scarf and voila! it’s more feminine.

      • Cute. Is it waterproof? Also, are those straps comfortable? I feel like they’d dig into my shoulders.

      • never heard of them before – thanks for introducing me! adorable bags!

    • This doesn’t really address your question, but FYI on Chrome bags – I bought the Chome laptop messenger and found that the bag really killed my left shoulder and decreased my shoulder mobility for a while, due to weakness in the left shoulder. It feels extremely comfortable on the bike, but if you need to walk around with it at all, the weight of the bag might still cause you back/shoulder pain. The other issue is that if you’re a shorter woman, even if you get a smaller bag, the Chrome bags look huge on you – I swear it takes up more real estate when I’m wearing it than I do. However, if you’re strong in the shoulders (my shoulder pain eventually did go away when I started climbing regularly again) and get a smaller model – the laptop model is probably more medium-sized and bulkier than the others – it might not cause any problems for you!

      • Ugh, good to know. Which model did you have? There were one or two of the laptop-specific ones where the reviews on the website said something similar, while the regular bike bag didn’t have reviews like that.

        However, my old backpack and my current shoulder bags not only strain my shoulders but also, weirdly, my hips, so I am just hoping for any improvement at all. I don’t understand why someone can’t just make a bag that you can walk and bike with without hurting yourself. I am starting to think that all of these supposedly practical bags are made with men’s bodies in mind, and that manufacturers just go “Oh we’ll just make something pretty” when catering to women without any thought to ergonomics.

        • I have the Buran, which – aside from the shoulder problems – also does this annoying thing where the SUPER STRONG velcro sticks on certain parts of the bag’s piping and now the piping looks fuzzy and worn. (It doesn’t affect the functionality — just doesn’t look pretty.) For reference, my typical load — both during and post-shoulder pain — was a laptop, charger, textbook or two, binder of papers, and the miscellaneous stuff: wallet, extra cable for my lock, glasses, pens, lights, bright windbreaker for night-riding, etc.

          I will say, though, that despite the various issues, I really do love owning this bag — you can pack everything (much more than a six pack! almost an entire case!) and not have to worry about it falling out or getting wet and without having to load panniers. I will also say that the shoulder pain might have been a personal problem — I’ve always had a hard time strengthening my shoulders without the movements required by climbing so weightlifting the problem away might work for you. However, it does seem like your walk to work might require a different bag.

          And totally agree about the rugged goods manufacturers’ design philosophy towards women’s stuff!

          • OK I’d seen the complaints about the Buran shoulder strap pilling–evidently that is one of the bags that is made in China with different materials. But that bag does seem to have the same strap design as the original model messenger bag so it will probably cause the same issues. I might see what ReLoad etc. have to offer, their straps may be more comfortable.

            I think what I will probably end up doing is just getting a bike bag, commit to biking, and then use my old backpack when I walk.

    • I have a Kimono laptop bag, which is really lightweight, and has a long enough strap that you can wear it as a messenger bag if you wanted. I love it.

    • LadyEnginerd :

      Put me squarely on team backpack for the walk. Leave your “professional” bag in your office and swap your stuff in and out. You can even stash a black nylon tote in the backpack in case of emergency. I worry that you’ll come back to us in a couple months asking us how to still look professional with your arm in a sling!

      For biking, you should consider making your bike carry the weight for you – get a rack and a bag that mounts to that rack instead of stressing your shoulders with a backpack. Check out Po Campo for bags that look like you’re going to work, not camping.

      • Amelia Pond :

        My SO and my dad both walk and they swear by the Ogio Metro backpack. It takes the strain off their shoulders and has all sorts of nifty pockets for commuting.

    • I carry a timbuk2 bag and it has really messed up my shoulders and back. If you are carrying this for commuting, I would seriously reconsider it and look at a backpack or (gasp) a wheely bag. I know part of the problem I am having is with how I am carrying the bag. If I tighten the crossbody strap as it should be, it will bisect my breasts, push one aside in a weird and unflattering way, and generally, draw a lot of attention to my breasts (32D, here). I end up wearing the bag looser and it shifts the weight around in a way that hurts. I also carry a purse or tote on the other side for personal items, and the combo of bags and off-kilter weight distribution is killing my body. I should probably do something about it, but this being my last semester of law school, I just can’t be bothered to sort it all out. :)

      • OP here. With my body type I absolutely will not have problems with it bisecting my breasts, as I don’t really have any.

        Although if you want a messenger back that doesn’t do that, you should check out FabricHorse.

        But like I said above, I am really starting to think that there aren’t any bags out there that don’t cause shoulder or back problems for most women, as I haven’t had any luck with a regular backpack, either. A rolly bag wouldn’t work with my city’s horrible sidewalks (even if I didn’t shudder at the idea of carrying one) so I just can’t win unless I get bike saddles, but those of course don’t solve the problem if I want to walk to work.

  14. Since when does Zappos no longer offer free 2-day shipping???

    They just lost a customer to Endless. Wth, Zappos?

    • phillygirlruns :

      i think it’s been a while since they stopped that for “regular” customers, but if you register as a “VIP” you still get free overnight shipping.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Yep. Call and nicely ask them to upgrade you to VIP. They will probably do it if you have a strong order history.

      • Apparently I already had VIP and never knew it. I didn’t realize you had to go to a different site to log in. I just called them and they refunded the shipping charge.

        I can’t even remember the last time I bought from Zappos, so I have no idea how I became a VIP, but apparently I am.

  15. Travel threadjack! I am going to Houston this weekend for a wedding. Between rehearsal dinner and wedding we won’t have much site-seeing time, but are there any must-sees? How about fun places to eat?

    Also, am I right in thinking Houston is fairly casual? I’m not worred about the wedding itself, but just wondering if I need to pack something other than nice jeans and nice top for going out to eat.

    • Hooray! You’ll love my city. :) You’ll need a car because it’s unfortunately pretty spread out. Our museum district is top three in the country, so I would spend some time there if you’re into that sort of thing. Plus, that area is just gorgeous, so you could walk through Hermann Park and down Main Street, etc. NASA is obviously worth a trip, but it’s about 30 minutes outside of town by car with no traffic. If you’re looking for some outdoor time (not sure what the weather will be like this weekend; we’ve been getting lots of rain), I would recommend Memorial Park (a gorgeous park pretty centrally located) or Buffalo Bayou trail.

      Also, a fun area for dinner and nightlife is Montrose. There’s a great craft c*cktail bar called Anvil that gets lots of attention in GQ, etc. Plus, Montrose has great restaurants – upscale Italian at Da Marco, a little lower scale but still nice (same owners) at Dolce Vita, Mark’s is fantastic American food in a beautiful old church, Indika for Indian fusion, Hugo’s for upscale central American — yum yum yum. People don’t give Houston’s foodie scene enough credit.

      And yes, Houston is pretty casual. You can go to any of the above places wearing jeans and a fun top.

      • Awesome! Thanks so much. We will have a car. I want to check out this Montrose area, the restaurants sound interesting and I love tricky c*cktails. I wouldn’t mind seeing NASA – my BF actually does some work with NASA and has been to the facility in Houston. I think he might be going there for a meeting in April or May, maybe I will see if I can tag along.

        Will be printing out this rec!

        • It would also be fun to drive around River Oaks if you have some free time. It’s gorgeous and really close to Montrose.

        • Long time Houstonian here too!

          If you check out NASA, they have a pricier, behind the scenes tour which is worth it if you have tht ime. You get to see the pool that they train in and even some places that show up in the movies…but the real place, not the sets.

          Otto’s is traditional Houston BBQ.
          I like Kiran’s restaurant for Indian food.

          You might look at the Houston section of the monthly magazine called “Texas Monthly” as many standards and new ones are listed and reviewed.
          I think Houston was ranked as having one of the highest number of restaurants per capita for most cities in the US.

          You’re a corporette, so if you need/want to do some high-end shopping, the Galleria is the place to go for all the big names. Nearby is Uptown Park which also has some boutiques and a great one for lingerie called Top Drawer.

          If you are going around in the Montrose area, you might want to check out the DeMenil collection and Rothko chapel on the U of St. Thomas campus…stunning modern art.

          I believe the King Tut traveling show is still at our museums too.

          They are talking rain F/Sat so be sure to bring something for that. We’re not complaining after a long, hot drought summer.

          Welcome to H-town!!!

          • I’m a cheap [email protected]@ corporette (fed-erette?) but the BF is always complaining about my lingerie, so perhaps I will point him to the nice lingerie shop!

            I made a mental note to myself this morning – bring umbrella. Been checking the Houston weather.

      • Yay for Houston! It’s my hometown. It has the best restaurants ever.
        Also, the Menil Collection! The Rothko Chapel! They are really awesome art museums (and quite close to Montrose).
        NASA is quite a long drive from Houston proper, but it’s very fun. If you do drive out there, stop for seafood in Kemah or Galveston! Gulf coast’s finest.

      • And now I wish I was staying longer. May really have to consider if I can tag along when the BF goes to Houston for work!

        Thanks for all the info!

    • Houston is pretty laid back for dining and a big Foodie town. You’d be fine in jeans and a top. Some of my faves- Haven (full disclosure, I know one of the chefs), Brenner’s, T’Afia, Coppa, Stella Sola (food is amazing and the drinks are really creative), Shade, Breakfast Klub for breakfast. Crave has the best cupcakes in town.

      I like Discovery Green, walking around Rice University, the Heights area (19th Street). If you are a foodie, go to Central Market or the Farmer’s Market. There’s a King Tut exhibition at the Museum that’s pretty fantastic. If it’s a nice day, just grab some drinks and sit outside-Mollina’s margaritas are good.

      Have fun. And, welcome.

      • Discovery Green and Rice are really wonderful, you’re right. I second Crave having the best cupcakes, but I say not just in town – anywhere. The strawberry cupcake is to. freaking. die. for.

        Also, Breakfast Klub is awesome – great recommendation! It’s a family-owned, wings-and-waffles kind of place. The line getts really long by about 10:00, so try to get there earlier than that if possible. Brennan’s is also really great New Orleans-style food (same branch of the Brennans family as Commander’s Palace in NOLA).

        • So thrilled that Brennan’s is back. How did I forget that?

          Isn’t Crave cupcakes in Uptown Park where the lingerie place (Top Drawer) is located?

          Central Market is a great idea…it’s in the River Oaks area if you’re driving around looking at lovely mansions…great shopping center there too. Love all the foodie stuff available there. Just learned about Biscoff spread after finding the cookies at the place on the SF pier…so yes, Central Market for foodies! My friends in other towns are jealous from the care packages I send them.

    • Barrister in the Bayou :

      Taco Cabana and Shipley’s Donuts for Kolache (sp?) and donuts of course! Both places are kind of silly, but in a delicious way.

      I loved the shopping in Houston. By far the best thing I purchased while there was a pair of bad-a$$ cowboy boots at Cavenders.

      • Oh yeah, I always hit up Shipley or Kolache Factory for kolaches when I go home. 50 billion calories each, but oh so worth it. Try the jalepeno cheese sausage ones!

        • fly a-way :

          I once helped out travelers order kolaches from the Shipley’s shop at IAH airport. It was so cute as they couldn’t pronounce it and didn’t know what it was. A must really!

          BYW, this is the last weekend for Mardi Gras celebrations in Galveston, before Ash Wednesday. So it could be that there is alot of traffic heading south of Houston on I-45 (which is perennially under construction) out that way, especially on the weekend.

          Just wanted to give the raveler a heads-up. If you’re coming again in the spring and will be around NASAm might be a better time to do that and Galveston as well.

          Wishing you and the wedding party clear skies (fingers crossed) and a wonderful day/night/ceremony/celebration.


  16. Anonsensical :

    Thanks to everyone on the weekend thread who helped me justify spending more than I was comfortable with on a hair cut. I went to the stylist of my choice, got a great cut, and will not feel guilty about going back again!

    • Suited Up :

      I’m a firm believer in the school of “Treat Yo’Self!” No guilt! Enjoy your hair!

    • Ekaterin Nile :

      You wear your hair every day. A top-notch haircut is a solid investment.

  17. This is so off-topic – I apologize! I’m in the market for a nice big rectangular dining room table. I’m looking for something more interesting and modern than you might find at a big furniture store (out here we have Jordan’s, but it’s the equivalent of Ashley or Levitz, etc). I’ve been looking at Room & Board, Crate & Barrel, Restoration Hardware, Pottery Barn, and Design Within Reach. Any other recommendations for equivalent stores that I should look at?

    • We got our living room furniture at a store called Arhaus and it has beautiful furniture — we absolutely love it. Though its not precisely modern, you might see something you like.

      • CB2, West Elm … I think those two plus what you have will give you the basic “modern” stores that have catalogs you can look at. DH and I have a pretty modern style and actually got our table at World Market.

        • I would recommend CB2. I have the CB2 Blox table and it is wonderful—a modern take on a farm table, very heavy, has character without being too rustic, and goes well with my modern (BluDot) dining chairs.

      • MissJackson :

        Okay. Now we’re really twins TCFKAG. I effing love Arhaus. Amazing furniture, and really great customer service (says the girl who ordered a bedframe that would not fit up her stairs)!

    • If you’re particularly into DIY — there are some really cool on-line projects on how to do your own poured concrete dining room table (I’m hoping to do it for a patio table when the weather warms up!)

      Would be totally unique!!

      • WHOA, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME – links please!

        • Okay. I keep trying to post the links, and they keep disappearing.

          But if you google build your own concrete table or polished poured concrete tables, you should see lots of ideas. Grarr.

    • West Elm, ABC Home & Carpet, Bloomingdales Furniture, William Sonoma Home (although not so modern) …

    • Wisteria dot com has a cool “rustic industrial” dining table that I love.

    • Maybe try a local-ish handmade furniture store — e.g. Hardwood Artisans (which is DC based).

    • I’ve had good luck with Macy’s furniture.

    • If you want a painted table, check I have a nightstand from there that is really well made.

    • Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams or whatever that duo is called. If you are in the Boston area, they have a couple of stores here.

  18. anon for this :

    One of my staff came in this morning wearing jeans, a pinky-red satin blouse, and a silvery beaded sheer bolero. What in the world made her think that was appropriate work wear? I mean, she’s not out in front of the public much (if at all today) but seriously?

    • Do you work at Dollywood?

    • Maybe after work she’s going flamenco dancing? That DOES sound like quite the outfit though.

      • And really…what WOULD that outfit be appropriate for? Its so mismatched on top and bottom…and weird. Certainly not for running errands on the weekend.

        • anon for this :

          I don’t know. I think she’s wearing sneakers with it as well. I’m not going to get into the why, but if I said anything to her, she’d be crushed.

    • Casual Friday? Maybe with a side of bullfighting in Mexico after work?

      • Oh crap, just realized it’s Thursday.

        • I’ve been having that kind of week, too. On Tuesday, I was convinced it was Thursday, so it’s been pretty brutal!

          • On Monday I walked past one of the Partners at the firm I’m temping at and said “Have a nice weekend!” … and then had to back up and say “Oh wait, its Monday.” So I’m right there with ya.

    • People need to stop reading those “Work to Evening” articles in Glamour or the like. srsly

      • anon for this :

        Unfortunately, not the case. She’s a 50-something Latin American single mother who likes bright colors. She was just complaining to me the other day how lonely she is, so I don’t think a date is the issue. I think it’s just her taste.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Perhaps she had a really good Valentine’s Day date and still hasn’t made it home to change?

      • Anonymous :

        Maybe J.Crew has another questionable collection and very convincing sales people.

  19. Complete threadjack: We talk about books here a lot, and we talk about dating a lot, so I had to share this: Basically, it a speed-dating event, but you have to bring a book that represents you in some way for your potential dates. I just think that’s facinating – what book would you bring?

    (FWIW, I can’t think of any single book that I would want to “represent me” entirely. Thank god that I am not in any way interested in dating. :) I still thought it was interesting, though.)

    • AnonInfinity :

      If I was single, I’d totally go to something like this. How fun!

      Would it be cheesy that I would want to bring a blank journal?

    • I LOVE this idea, but have no idea what book I would bring. Catcher in the Rye is a little too depressive and serial killer-y (since it’s supposedly a favorite of that lot.) With Harry Potter or the Hunger Games, I’d be spending a lot of time trying to convince him that I have a reading level higher than an 8th grader. This is going to be a fun game for me today to figure out what I would bring.

    • They were doing that at a nearby local library….it seemed like such a neat idea that I toyed with the idea of breaking up with my sweetie to go (kidding!)

    • Tired Squared :

      I would have a hard time choosing any single book too, but I think this sounds like a great idea!

    • The Little Engine that Could (I’ve kept a copy of this in my office for years–it helped me keep going at BigLaw)

      And this is an awesome idea!

    • NGDGTCO of course!

    • I’d go way out of left field and bring this book called “Backpacking around Ireland with a Fridge”, which if you haven’t read you should.

      I feel like it would start enough conversations that it would be worth it.

    • I’m single and I would love this. In fact, this is probably the perfect dating event for me.

      I’d bring a relatively recent book that’s a little quirky or maybe a mystery. I’ve been dealing with Production issues all day so I can’t think of something offhand, but I’ll check my book list and get back to you.

    • I’d bring The Complete Cartoons of the New Yorker.

      What a great idea! I wish there was something similar here in DC.

      • I think the Arlington Public Library has a book-lovers mix-and-mingle night. I’m not single, but I think I recall seeing that on their webpage. The main branch is Metro accessible (Virginia Square).

    • I’d probably bring Memory by Lois McMaster Bujold. I wouldn’t be interested in a guy who’d look down on me for reading sff, but Memory is an objectively good enough book that I wouldn’t feel the need to defend it. Plus, I can talk about it in both high brow and low brow terms depending on who I’m talking to. Bujold’s work in general touches on a lot of themes that are really central to who I am, so it works on that level as well.

    • Twilight. To represent my ideal relationship.

    • I would bring “Pride & Prejudice”. Probably a good thing that I am out of the dating arena as I might never get a 2nd date:)

  20. What do we think of the new JCrew Fall 2012 collection? I’m loving certain pieces, but the styling………

    • Right now I’m eagerly awaiting the day that I can start wearing my spring wardrobe. There’s no way in h3ll I’m gonna start thinking about fall. Come back in six months with this question.

    • I LOVE the shape of this dress, but wish it came in another color. Can’t wear this one to work.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m looking at the JCrew cashmere sweater I’ve worn exactly twice that’s pilling like nothing on earth…
      And yes, Crew styling lately seems to be inspired by toddlers dressing themselves for the first time.

  21. andy sachs :

    Just need to vent that it’s only 11:15 and so far today: my bank account was compromised and almost drained, I got bad news about a job after a great interview, and I’ve realised it’s time for my boyfriend and I to go our separate ways after a year and a half. Is it 5 o’clock yet?

    • First, I’m SO sorry this is happening to you — all of those things suck individually but together, geesh.

      Second, I think you should get up from your desk, go to your bosses office, and tell them you need to take the rest of the afternoon off because you’re “not feeling well” or “for personal reasons” or whatever. Then send a 911 text to whichever friend is most likely to be available, or your mom, or whomever and go get a few drinks. Or else go home and watch a marathon of your favorite trashiest show. Because really, on days like this, being at work is almost pointless.

      • Totes McGotes :

        THIS x1000. Tell them you need to go file a police report about your bank account.

      • Yep, get outta there. This calls for a comfort lunch (wine? kraft mac and cheese? chocolate shake?), tv, and an afternoon nap.

        • newbie chi lawyer :

          wine AND mac and cheese AND chocolate shake, if you ask me. three disasters, three treats.

        • Or just cupcakes. I have cupcakes for lunch when I’m having an awful day.

          But I definitely agree – take the rest of the day off sick, and maybe tomorrow too.

    • Tired Squared :

      Oh dear — that sounds like a “personal day” if I ever heard one! Take the rest of the day off, go home and maybe figure out what you’re going to say to the boyfriend (if you haven’t already), make any necessary credit card/debit calls, and treat yourself to a glass of wine. Do you perhaps have a friend nearby who could come join you for lunch or something?

    • Morning Sickness = gone! :

      I agree with all of these commenters. Go home and take care of yourself, whatever that means to you.

  22. Tired Squared :

    Going on a “first date” later today, and I have no idea what to wear. It’s just coffee in the afternoon, since we’re both finishing with work early today, but I don’t want to look too dressy or look too underdressed either. It probably doesn’t help that I’m nervous–I haven’t been on a date in a year!

    • Jeans, a cute top, flats or boots. Don’t be nervous! Consider it coffee with a potential new friend – at worst, a one-time conversation, fodder for later gab with your girlfriends.

      Good luck!

    • MaggieLizer :

      He probably won’t think to change his clothes after work, so I’d base my outfit off that. Wear something comfortable that you feel fabulous in. He will notice your confidence much more than your outfit.

    • Not sure what the weather is like where you so this may or may not be appropriate. But I vote for a skirt and cardi. Ideal would be a cord or khaki material so it’s not as casual as denim but doesn’t read too business like a suit material either.

    • karenpadi :

      Relax. I usually just wear what I wore to work and maybe put on some make-up.

      And join our facebook group (started by K in NYC). It’s called “Dipping Toes into the Dating Pool”. K and I are getting bored of listening to each other so feel free to dish!

      • Definitely too late in the day for this one, but — for me — a first date is either a good time/conversation or a good story for later. It helps that one of my best friends is a writer, so I consider it my job to provide her with story fodder (characters and anecdotes).

        Hope it went well!

  23. Hello gang, it’s me, Batgirl again with another guy-related threadjack… :)

    I know some of you may remember that I had been seeing this guy who didn’t seem all that anxious to make plans with me (though emailed and texted very regularly). I thought that he was trying to edge me out and force me to end things with him. Regardless, I was feeling underappreciated and obsessing about where things were/weren’t going so I ended it.

    The problem? Well, I ended it over email (I know, I know) and despite a back and forth of emails, we never met in person to discuss things so there wasn’t much closure. I essentially said I wanted more and that I didn’t think he was in a place to go there. I said that I wanted to be with someone who was excited about me and who also thought the relationship had the potential to go somewhere real.

    His response surprised me a bit. He said he did like me, did see it having potential to go somewhere, but was having trouble finding the time at the moment. (But he had also previously said to me that he wanted to go slowly b/c he was afraid of getting too serious too fast.) After a few more emails, I said I knew I couldn’t be happy with things as loose as they’d been but that maybe down the road, the timing would be better. He agreed and said he would keep his fingers crossed on the timing. It was a sweet, amicable parting.

    My problem now is that I find myself still hanging onto hope that he’ll reappear and things will start up again. And then this “hope” turns into “despair” because I think/know that it won’t work out anyway. But leaving the door cracked open for this mythical “better timing” is kind of driving me crazy. It’s made worse by the fact that I honestly do think that in his mind, we’re just taking a sort of break. He even emailed me for Valentine’s day. It also doesn’t help he works a block away from me.

    I know that the logical response is “move on! forget him!” but I guess I’m just trying to figure out how. Really, I wish I could move on and get over him while still allowing myself the possibility of rekindling things with him should this mythical timing appear. I did like him a lot, but they say people show you who they are and maybe he’s shown himself to just not be ready for a relationship.

    Thanks in advance!

    • If I recall, you had only been seeing this guy for a couple of months? Seriously, I think it may have been way too early for you to treat what should have just been casually dating as a full blown relationship.

      You jumped the gun with this guy and I really wouldn’t spend too much time hoping that he reappears.

      • I don’t think she necessarily jumped the gun. After a couple of months of dating, a couple can still be casually dating, or can be married, or can be anything in between in the seriousness spectrum. It is very much dependent on that one relationship.

        It did sound like she wanted it to be more serious at that point than he did, but I don’t think that owning her feelings was a mistake on her part.

      • Praxidike :

        I don’t agree with this. After a couple months of dating, my now-husband and I knew we were probably going to get married, and after four months we were living together. We’ve been married for six years now, and together for almost nine.

        As far as the original question, this stuff takes time to get over. You will eventually start thinking about him less and less. I know this is an odd comparison, but bear with me. My firm and I parted ways in mid-2011 when I got an unexpected offer to go in-house by one of my clients. I told the firm about it, told them I wanted to be a partner, and asked them to get back to me. They never got back to me despite me asking them repeatedly for SOME answer.

        I am now in-house. The first few months were just plain brutal. I felt like they were my family and they’d abandoned me. I focused on it all the time. I hoped they would come to their senses and ask me to come back. Now … now I just think about what might have been sometimes. I know what you’re feeling, and I promise it will get better. It just takes time.

        • I appreciate your response. It seems silly because we only dated for about three months, but I felt so strongly for him initially (and I think he did for me, too) that it made it seem like he might be “the one.” Maybe he felt that way too a bit and panicked. Or not. Either way, moving on! I just hope I meet the right guy eventually.

    • Not to sound too much like a broken record. But if he’s not dating you and he’s not making time for you, he’s just not that into you.

      You deserve to be with a guy who IS that into you. Who MAKES time to hang out, even though he’s busy (lets face it, we all are). And who thinks of the time he spends with you as the best time of his week. So stop hoping this guy will come around and get out there and start looking for the guy who is that into you. Because that’s what you deserve.

      Now ends my Oprah/self-help book moment.

      • Thank you! I know you’re right!

      • You are so cute, TCFKAG, and I totally agree. You can – and should – do way better, Batgirl.

      • “And who thinks of the time he spends with you as the best time of his week.” — Abso-effin’-lutely. This is the reason why, even if someone is super busy, they will make time for you if they really like you.

    • Move on! Forget him! I swear this could have been me in the past and trust me, even if things DO rekindle, it won’t be because you’re looking for it or wanting it or lurking about desperately at his favorite hangouts hoping he’ll come in. Go out, have fun, enjoy being single and having your space and your time, and get back into dating in general.

      I truly believe that when there’s a spark you don’t have to wait months to know whether it’s going somewhere, so I disagree with anon at 12:56. If you’ve been dating for months and there’s still indifference/space that you don’t want in your relationship? Time to find someone who wants to make you a priority.

      • This is what I needed to hear! Thank you!

        I don’t think I jumped the gun because he was ALL about me for the first month–making plans to see me (even if just for coffee during the day) several times a week. Then poof! He got what he admits was cold feet and made himself scarce. When he didn’t fix that, I ended it. I guess I just wonder if I ended it too soon or should have been more patient.

        You’re right–need to move on! If he wants to ride in on a white horse with a bouquet of roses, nothing is stopping him.

        I appreciate your collective responses b/c friends can be a bit biased.

        • There’s something between you; you clearly haven’t imagined it. In my life, there were two times I was really into a guy and knew without a doubt that he was taken with me, too, but for some reason wouldn’t move forward. The first one finally fizzled and I married the second guy. In both cases, other women were involved. The one that fizzled wasn’t into me enough to settle down; later, he married someone else. When I met my husband, he was in an on-again, off-again thing and didn’t want to get involved with me until after that relationship had run its course. Your dude is probably seeing more than one woman or otherwise has a romantic complication that prevents him from being serious with you. I agree with the others to let it go–the last thing you want, is for him to see you as a fall-back plan. I know from experience with the one that got away (far inferior to my husband, fwiw. It all works out in the end).

    • MaggieLizer :

      Are you feeling any regret about not waiting/giving it more time? It seems like if you had been at a place emotionally to walk away from the relationship then you wouldn’t be hung up on him still.

      The fact is, though, he could’ve made something work with you and didn’t. He didn’t give you what you needed when you were seeing each other and he didn’t fight to keep you. If you got back with him, it would be really hard to get past that – he let you go once without any regret, is he going to do it again? Some good guys just don’t make good boyfriends. You’ll find someone who is both, but it probably won’t be this guy.

    • Any other How I Met Your Mother fans? This reminds me of the “you’re on his hook” episode…

      Honey, I don’t doubt that he likes you, but the cliche exists for a reason — if he wanted to see you, he would. ESPECIALLY since you only work a block apart? Everyone could meet for coffee before work, or grab a quick lunch together, or a drink after work. There are options, and he’s not suggesting them. Do yourself a favor and move on.

    • What strikes me the most about your story is that at each step, he has managed to stay “in charge” of the relationship – even taking control from you when you made a decision. He decided when you two could spend time together. You told him it was over, and then he changed his tune to keep you interested. But says he doesn’t have time right now. So basically, he makes sure you are there for him, without having to be there for you. When timing is better (for him) then he wants to be sure you’ll be around. But not too much, because he doesn’t want to get too serious too fast.

      It sounds like he’s stringing you along to keep you convenient. Sorry, I can’t tell you how to get over him – I myself was horrible aobut moving on from exes. But you should try to move on. Would you really want to marry someone who acts like this?

      • This reminds me of the SATC episode where Big could NEVER reach HER but she could ALWAYS reach him. And he came to Aiden’s country house to complain about it. Does anyone else remember this episode?

        • Totes McGotes :

          I loved that episode! And she kept calling the Green Hornet the Green Bee.

          Batgirl, I don’t mean this to be mean, I truly don’t, but I have found both posts about this guy exhausting to read. Aren’t you worn out from actually living it? Find somebody who will walk a damn block to come see you. You are worth it. Go out with friends this weekend, get a little tipsy, make out with a stranger, and remind yourself that there are other guys out there.

    • springtime :

      Been there, done that last winter. After running into this guy at a mutual friend’s party he told me that “he really liked me, he didn’t want any other girls” (which he had done at, oh, 3 prior occasions yet still failed to make attempts to see me) and I finally said “No you don’t; if you really liked me, you wouldn’t ignore my existence for months at a time when I’m not “convenient” for you.”

      Unfortunately, I think it went over his head. At least I felt better getting that off of my chest.

    • dancinglonghorn :

      The best dating advice ever:

      Ignore every single thing a guy ever says and only consider the things he does. Its that simple.

      When you disregard everything that this guy has said, his actions speak clearly that you are not a priority to him. Don’t make him a priority to you.

      I think that by leaving the conversation open for future possibilities, you are opening your heart to more heartache and you are, frankly, spending valuable emotional energy on someone who is not spending that energy on you. Spend the energy on yourself instead.

      I think that you should be honest with yourself. You clearly don’t want or deserve to be the backburner girl. Can you imagine yourself telling your future grandchildren “and then your grandfather was really busy and didn’t know how he felt about me so we took a few years off while I waited for him…” NO! Ignore everything this guy has ever said to you and judge him only on his behavior…I think you will find that he is not worth your energy.

    • Hey gurl, you know what helped me in my extremely similar situation? Getting a life. As terrible as that sounds, being alone and doing nothing made me mope and miss the glassbowl more. Really. I am still single but I’m doing more than I’ve ever done before. I have to *turn down* events and invitations now. How awesome is that?

      My particular genius would call me every six weeks, which would be right at the point where I’d be done missing him and put him out of my mind. After doing this for almost 9 months (I never said I was the genius), I blocked his number. Sure, he has my email and my work number but he will never call. BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE. And I can’t care for someone who doesn’t care about me.

      Good riddance, gurl. We got this.

    • I’m not sure if it helps to hear this story rather than live it, but it was so incredibly liberating for me that I will share.

      I dated this dude for a while. He said he was into me. I didn’t necessarily buy it (we rarely saw each other on the weekends), but wanted it to be true, so whatevs, I kept seeing him. One morning, I left him in my bed to go to work. He said, “I’ll call you later.”

      Four years later (!!!) I got an email from him. I was single and he wasn’t a bad guy, just not interested in commitment when we’d dated (and the s%x was good), so I figured what the hell and agreed to see him again. We went out a few times. This time I had more of a handle on what I wanted and insisted that we have actual dates and not just hangouts and that plans be made in advance. Unsurprisingly, when I required him to actually *act* like he was genuinely interested in me, he evaporated.

      All that time, I thought it was me. I thought that I was too demanding, too into him, made him too uncomfortable with how much I liked him, etc. After the second go-round, I had the epiphany that it was not me, it was 100%, unquestionably, totally and completely HIM. I was not flawed/broken/useless/clingy/undateable, he was just a commitmentphobic manchild.

      It seriously changed my outlook on my dating history and gave me a big boost going forward.

      It’s not you, it’s him. Really.

    • Hi Batgirl, I didn’t read any previous messages about this dude, but from this post it just sounds like “he’s not that into you”. I know that hurts and makes you feel rejected, but he’s just not the one! A guy worthy of your time will MAKE time for you. It really doesn’t mean anything that he emailed or texted you as that takes 2 seconds and is not a commitment. It’s hard to get over things, I know. Maybe you could plan a fun night out with your girls or go buy yourself a fabulous new dress – or both! :)

  24. newbie chi lawyer :

    An update to an update – you all provided some amazing advice on small firm interviews and I found out today I got the job! Unbelievable relief. I’ve been looking since I graduated in May 2011 and I’m so so happy to be done. Thank you all!

  25. Thoughts on this dress?

    Do the side zippers make it a no? I really like it, otherwise.

    • you know, I am normally on Team No Slit-Creating Zippers, but these are so subtle and on the side seams that I don’t mind them. Assuming, that is, that you plan to keep them fully zipped :)

    • ooh, love it. would be fine at my work place – a cardigan would cover the zippers also.

    • If I had a spare $300, it would be mine — and I’m usually on team anti-side zippers as well. But those zippers are barely there. Actually…I’m not even sure why they’re there at all if they’re going to be so hidden. Seriously, what’s the point?

      But cute dress. I want it badly.

      • Please…someone tell me I DON’T have a spare $300 to spend. Because I really like that dress.

        • Stalk it with shoppingnotes dot com until it is in your price range. Done and done.

    • I like it. A local news anchor wore a dress w/ an exposed zipper down the front from neck to bottom. I turned to my husband and said “those are very controversial in the work place. People think they scream ‘unzip me.'” My husband said, “according to who? Corporette?” Ugh, he knows me too well.

      Now, whenever I throw out some random factoid he will ask “did you learn that on Corporette?”

      I’m afraid I’m going to end up citing to Corporette in a brief someday!

  26. I like this dress, but would really like it if it were several inches longer.

    I’m a little worried about myself. I got a Pendleton catalog in the mail and I like a number of things in it. I want someone to tell me that Pendleton has changed, not me. :)

    • It’s not you. My younger self would abhor the number of Pendleton items in my closet right now.

    • I could not resist the navy sheath in a recent Pendleton sale catalog. It’s classic and the fabric is lovely, but the dress is too baggy and too long (even though I ordered a petite). I am springing to have it tailored but I kind of wish I had never ordered it. On the plus side, much of Pendleton’s line is made in the US.

    • I ordered a cardgian from them last year (it has waist shaping, which is hard to find in a cardigan) and now I get all their catalogues. I think my husband usually recycles them before I can see them, so I hadn’t kept up with their stylistic evolution, I guess. I like the sheath dresses, the bow blouses and several of the jackets. There is a draped neck suit jacket with a peplum-type waist on sale that I’d buy in a second if I actually needed another suit. (Rarely wear them in my business casual office.)

  27. I have to fill out my yearly self-evaluation today and I need help! The last question is “Where do you see yourself, professionally, in five years and how can XYZ employer help you reach that goal?”

    I have no idea what to say. My professional aspirations have changed a lot in the past year. I don’t know where I want my career to be in five years. What I do know is that I have lost the desire to move into upper management, which is what my boss envisions for me and basically what I’ve put on my evaluation for the past three years. My only goal for the next five years is to not suck as a working mom and improve my skills while navigating another maternity leave (or two) and not lose my effing mind when I return to work. Then we’ll get back to long-term plans.

    I genuinely care about doing high-quality work, but I’ve chosen to put higher ambitions on the back burner until my son and any future children are MUCH older. I’m very happy with that decision on a personal level, but I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the idea that my boss thinks she’s grooming me to take over her role when she retires (in five years) and I no longer want to do that. We have a great relationship and I don’t want to blindside her, but I cannot, in good conscience, lead her to believe that my career ambitions are higher than they really are.

    If you made it through all that rambling, bless you.

    • The correct answer to that question is “working for my company in upper management.” Any other answer will be read by HR as “lay me off the next time you need to make cuts.” This is one of those times when honesty is not the best policy.

    • Diana Barry :

      You know, just because you have “lost the desire” to move into mgmt, doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be good at it, your bosses don’t want to promote you, or you shouldn’t try to move up. I would think in terms of what that job would allow you to do – would you be able to negotiate working from home, more PT work, something else – along with the promotion? Are there any reasons specific to the job that you wouldn’t be able to do it other than lack of desire? Eg does the job itself sound uninteresting/terrible? Or is it just too much to ponder right now? If the latter, I would just “act as if” and go for it even if you aren’t totally into it. :)

      • Diana Barry :

        And also, ditto to Bluejay, any other answer may be seen as “lay me off pls thx”.

      • The job is interesting, but the hours are terrible. Hence, why it’s too much to ponder right now.

        • Diana Barry :

          Aha. Your answer should still be the same, that yes, you want to be considered for upper mgmt. If they offer it to you, push back on them by requiring that your hours be NOT terrible (eg the same or less as what you are working now, with some kind of reduction in pay to make it worth their while).

        • Then tell them you love the company and want to work for them forever, and secretly start looking for a new job with better hours. Telling them your 5-year plan does not involve working for them is seriously asking to be laid off.

    • This reminds me of Cheryl Sandberg’s TED talk–don’t take yourself out of the game pre-emptively. See where life takes you. I’m not stupid–you can’t have it all. But there’s no reason you can’t still have ambitions and be a mother, even if you’re just trying to hold it together, day-to-day.

      Also, co-sign the “evaluations are not the time for honesty” comments. Position yourself as a player, no matter how you feel about suiting up for the game.

    • Sheryl Sandberg :

      “Don’t leave before you leave.”

  28. why do they call this an A-line? it doesn’t look like an A to me, at least not a capital A, maybe it’s a lower-case a? I really want A-lines, and i wish more designers would make nice work-approps dresses with real A-lines.

    And also, Macy’s, is it so hard to have more than *one* picture of each dress??! come on!

    • Agree! Sometimes I just want to copy and paste entire Corporette comment threads and send them to major retailers with the note, “Do you know what highly educated, intelligent, well-paid women think of your clothing/website/policies? They think you suck at this!!”

  29. I am a long time lurker, looking from across the pond here in Scotland and loving all of your fashion and lifestyle advice. It is great to know that there is a common bond amongst all lawyers of long hours, billable time and managing client expectations. Any how, I actually have a question that you might be able to help with.

    My elderly client, who has previous lost money in investing in a too good to be true US investment scheme, has been contacted by a broker in New York advising that his client wants to purchase shares that my client holds. These shares were derived i think from the previous dodgy investment scheme. This company will buy the shares from my client, for $100k plus, but he has to pay $21K as a vendor’s bond to what is alledged to be an escrow account, but the escrow account is in Hong Kong. He is suspicious annd has had various calls pressuring him to send money. I am convinced this is a scam, but I want to independently verify this. No joy tracing the company on google. There is an attorney named in the papers. Is there a database of attorneys i can check against? How are escrow companies licenced and again is there a way to check?

    Thanks in advance.

    • Diana Barry :

      You can look up attorneys on I would also call the NY bar association and ask them about the attorney.

      Definitely agree with you that it sounds like a scam. He should insist on an in-person transaction instead where the purported purchaser brings a cashier’s check.

    • Do you know where this attorney claims to be admitted? I would think you could call the state bar and ask to confirm that the attorney is a member in good standing.

    • Sounds like a classic Nigerian prince scheme to me. You give me $x dollars now (in a conveniently over-seas and unreachable account) in return for some greater $y later.

      But yeah, there should be ways to check up on the lawyer (the bar he’s admitted in will tell you if there are any complaints against him). I would also suggest your client insist on an American or Scottish based escrow account, something that you feel you can rely on and verify authenticity.

    • Texas Lawyer :

      This is what is known in the U.S. as “throwing good money after bad.” As someone who has worked on many financial fraud cases, I’m highly suspicious of this transaction.

    • Verifying the lawyer may not be enough. Someone may be fraudulently using the lawyers name. We looked into renting a condo through Craigslist that it turned out wasn’t actually up for rent. Someone was pretending to be the owners. They got pics off the web from the last time it was for sale. We discovered it was a scam when they said they moved but would mail us the key after we mailed them the money. No thanks.

    • The ABA maintains a database of disciplinary actions taken against lawyers from all states. This way you could find out if he’s ever been sanctioned anywhere.

      However, if the company doesn’t exist on Google, I’m pretty sure it flat out doesn’t exist. Sounds like a scam to me.

      • You can also look up new york licensed attorneys here:

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