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Updated: Sep 18, 2020 266 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Pleat Ponte Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | · · · · · ·

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July 2024 Update: The biggest sale of the year — the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale — starts July 15! (Unfamiliar with the NAS? Check out this page for more info on why it's the best sale of the year.) Sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the major workwear sales, or check out our roundup of the latest sales on workwear!

The below content is about the 2016 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

work clothes in nordstrom sale

This dress has been around for a few years, and I think I've posted it at least twice in different iterations over the years.

Honestly, I have to stop myself from posting it more often because every time I see it I think, man, what a great dress. Sleeves, a work-appropriate hem, a flattering jewel neck, and interesting waist details — sign me up!

It's available in black, navy, and a surprisingly fetching mustard yellow, sizes 2-16, regular and petite sizes. Right now it's $64 (!), down from $108. Ellen Tracy Pleat Ponte Sheath Dress

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Psst: The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale starts this morning for cardholders! We'll have a roundup of our favorite work clothes soon, but in the meantime, here's a quick primer on the sale: Nordstrom holds this sale once a year where they mark down NEW clothes (fall and winter clothes) early, before the season starts. Prices go back up after a certain time. Right now you need to be a Nordstrom cardholder to enter the sale; if you don't already hold one you can sign up here. I did a quick swing through the beauty department this morning and will note that there are a lot of major discounts on beauty “appliances,” if you're into that. Several products from Clarisonic, FOREO, and some great sets including several Diptyque candles for barely more than you pay for one. A few quick things jumping out to me from the sale section also: TONS of Zella, one of readers' favorite legging brands, as well as tons of nice plus-size picks from Vince Camuto and Eileen Fisher, both of which are “featured brands.” Those tend to sell out first, so here are four of my favorite picks from Vince Camuto right now, all currently marked $46-$105:

nordstom anniversary sale picks for work clothes
  • white blouse (available in petites and several other colors) now marked to $46, will be $69 after the sale
  • black flare skirt, regular and petites, now marked to $58, will be $89 after the sale
  • red dress (plus sizes and petites also, also several other colors), now marked to $72, will be $109 after the sale
  • blazer (LOVE this one — plus sizes also), now marked to $105, will be $159 after the sale

(L-all)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Leatty

    I’m on the hunt for some new shoes, but the quality of my go to brands has deteriorated. Ann Taylor’s Perfect Pump is no longer around, and Cole Haan isn’t as comfortable without the Air technology. I’ve been just having my favorite shoes repaired by a cobbler, but I can’t do that forever. Anyone have any favorite shoe brands that make high quality, comfortable leather shoes for less than $200?

      • MollySolverson

        +1. I last bought a pair of Van Eli pumps a couple of years ago, so cannot speak to any changes in quality since, but I love mine. So comfy!

      • anonymous

        +1 comfortable, good quality, and good fit because they carry extended sizes (both in length and width)

    • Anonymous

      I often heard Corso Como Del grouped with the other brands you mentioned, but no first-hand experience myself.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I bought a pair of Corso Como flats last year after a promotion … and after less than a year of wear, they look like hell. Granted, I did post a little while ago about how hard I am on pointy toes, but it wasn’t just the toes – the backs, the sides got all scuffed and peeled.

    • Maddie Ross

      I was a big fan of the Ann Taylor Perfect Pump and moved on to the Stuart Weitzman Platswoon. Love the Platswoon. I’ve heard it may be discontinued, but you can still find around on amazon, etc.

    • PJ

      Also, if you can find Stuart Weitzman or Donald Pliner pumps on sale. They are my favorite.

      • anon-oh-no

        second this. SW are awesome and they are often on sale in the $200 range. check the webs!te now — 50% off clearance

    • waffles

      Ukies are comfortable if your feet are narrow. The toe box is a bit too small for my feet (on the wider side) but the soles are super comfortable. If you like Cole Haan, Ukies will probably fit well and are worth a try!

    • Goatsgoatsgoats

      I love Rockport’s Total Motion line. Super comfy lining and actual arch support in a heel that’s not frumpy!

  2. Anonymous

    Need birthday ideas for a 30-something friend. She’s a great person who has really been there for me through some tough stuff in the last couple of years but we’re both kind of reserved, so I’m at a loss for what to get her. She enjoys cooking and travel and is married and a new homeowner. Not a big drinker (nor am I), so alcohol is out. My first thought was kitchen gadgets but I know she has a lot of stuff already and we don’t live in the same town so I can’t scope out her kitchen while I’m hanging out with her. I know some clothing brands she likes but don’t trust myself to pick out something I know she’d like, since style is so individual. Looking to spend $100 or so and hopefully get something small enough that I can take carry-on when I go to visit her.

    • CPA Lady

      What about something like a subscription to Cooks Illustrated magazine as part of the gift?

      • JayJay

        That’s a great idea. I’d also recommend taking her out to a nice dinner – without drinking much, you can eat pretty well for your budget.

        • OP

          That’s my go-to gift for local friends, but unfortunately we don’t live in the same place and I’m visiting her with some other girls (to celebrate her b-day) so I won’t have the chance to take her out one-on-one.

          • Meg Murry

            Are you close with the other friends, and could you all go in together for something for her new house as a birthday/housewarming gift?

            Could you call or text her husband and ask if there is anything she’s been thinking about getting for the house but hasn’t gotten around to yet?

            Blue Apron subscription plus a small gadget to go with it (a microplane zester or garlic press or something else that fits in a drawer)?

    • Clementine

      I think I’d go to Etsy for somebody like this. The nature of your relationship lends itself to a slightly more personal gift. Although they’re slightly cheesy, there are quite a few keychains/mugs/etc that have images of each of your states.

      I’d personally do a sweet necklace that has some meaning to the both of you plus a hydroflask coffee mug (my go-to gift for basically everyone).

      I looked on etsy and I personally like this necklace with two birds on it- https://www.etsy.com/listing/236332247/friendship-gift-long-distance-friendship?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=long%20distance%20friendship&ref=sr_gallery_32

      As a new homeowner though, what she really needs is a gift card to the hardware or home improvement store. We easily dropped $4k on our ‘doesn’t need anything major’ house in the first year.

    • Anonymous

      You can get her fancy spices from a place like Penzey’s or fun things from the King Arthur catalog.

      • Annie

        Yay to spices! DH and I got a box of spices from The Spice House (located in the midwest) for our wedding. I was skeptical at first, but it has been such a great gift. I highly recommend!

    • Anonymous

      I’d take her to Sur La Table or something similar and do a cooking class together!

    • Laura B

      What about an accessory, like a wallet or jewelry, from the brands you know she likes? I never splurge on little nice stuff like that for myself, so it would be an awesome gift. Kate Spade accessories would be at the top of my list.

    • Lobbyist

      Fancy vanilla, fancy flavored salt — you can get both at Williams Sonoma and she can return for other cooking stuff if she doesn’t like. Add a cute kitchen towel and you’re done. The vanilla and salt are more expensive than you;d think.

    • Hollis

      How about a Dutch oven (have it delivered since it’s way too heavy to take on the plane), or a Longchamp LePliage (good for travel and they wear out), or a Kate Spade wallet (cobble hill)?

    • Constant Reader

      High quality French kitchen towels. Nobody could possibly have enough Garnier- Thiebaut kitchen towels. Amazon often has them for half price, leftover from MyHabit.

  3. LLM for tax?

    Hello!

    I know that there are a lot of lawyers on this board. For any of you in tax, could you share whether you have an LLM, whether it is viewed as helpful, whether it is in fact helpful, etc.

    FWIW, I have a job lined up, but was assigned to the tax group and where I feel I am outgunned (and maybe I am perceived that way since many people have LLMs). There is no LLM program in my city (but many are online now — is that even worth it?). My firm also has offices in cities where there are LLM programs, so maybe that is an option long-term?

    • Anon

      Before you go rushing off to get an LLM, are you even that interested in tax?

      The main schools for LLMs for tax are NYU and Florida. I think I read recently that BU has an online one. Don’t know how it’d be received.

      LLMs are a mixed bag. Sometimes people use them to “whitewash” a JD degree from a lesser school. Some are mostly foreign students and used to prop up declining JD enrollment in law schools. Some actually get people jobs (I have heard fantastic things about Duke’s Entrepreneurship LLM and Berkeley has something similar).

      They are not inexpensive, so I’d proceed with caution. Many attorneys I know that work in tax don’t have an LLM; many do. I don’t think it’s impossible to learn on the job. My understanding of tax is that it takes years to get super-familiar with ins-and-outs of the Code anyway, so you have time to see whether you like tax all that much. Good luck!

      • Scarlett

        +1 also law is snobby about schools and an LLM is no exception, I wouldn’t recommend tainting your resume with an online degree, it’s the opposite of why people usually get them (see above). If you really feel like an academic background would help, see if you can just audit some tax classes online or at a local school (but personally I think you’ll learn more on the job).

    • Anonymous

      I’m not in tax but I know quite a few people who are. Most don’t have LLMs. Those who do did it because they were looking to transition from another area to tax and they thought (correctly) that it would help them enter the field. I also know a couple people who got an LLM in tax at NYU because they had a JD from a much less prestigious school and wanted the NYU name on their resume [for non-lawyers, NYU is a Top 10 law school and is #1 in tax]. But plenty of people are great tax lawyers without an LLM. I definitely wouldn’t do it ASAP. Wait and see if your firm encourages it (and if they do, they may pay for it).

    • A

      If you’re a new associate and just starting out, definitely wait until you get to your firm and decide how to proceed. I know a few people who were sent to get LLMs in tax from NYU by their firms — as noted above, it’s extremely prestigious, so may be unusual. For now, I wouldn’t get psyched out by your colleagues that have LLMs, as many lawyers practicing in the tax arena do not.

    • Anon

      I looked at the same thing when I was entering tax! I decided against the LLM and have not found that to be an issue. I’m a senior associate at a regional firm. I have changed jobs and explored several other job offers that I rejected.

      The fact that you have a job in tax without the LLM leads me to believe that you don’t need it. DO NOT get an LLM just to boost your confidence; it won’t. Tax is a hard field straight out of law school, because the learning curve is long and the law is changing so much right now. You will likely not be able to run any project independently for years, much longer than colleagues in general litigation or general corporate. You will feel outgunned and confused regularly. It’s ok.

      If the job wants you to get an LLM, let them suggest it AND pay for it. My employers have dumped lots of money into sending me to classes and conferences on complex topics. As for online: the NYU online program is prestigious (and very expensive); Georgetown at one point had (I think) the third ranking tax LLM program and offered a remote option, which nobody would look down on.

      As far as which program, outside of NYU or the Florida program, a tax LLM is only worthwhile if it is well-regarded in the market you want to work in. My market has a tax program through a business school that is well regarded here, but nobody outside of my area would recognize or value it.

      Bottom line: let your supervisors at your job guide you. They know whether an LLM is valuable, and which ones would be valued. Don’t jump into it without asking.

    • Hollis

      I took 10 LLM classes in the evenings while working FT in BigLaw before it dawned on me that I actually don’t like tax all that much. Tax is hard and for me, it was kind of boring and not worth the mental energy. And I had a great tax law job with great mentors (who were all NYU LLMs, etc.). Be sure you want to do it and if you’re not sure, try sitting in on a corporate or partnership CLE (like PLI) and see if you find it interesting/exciting to you. I should have known a long time ago that it wasn’t my thing, but I wanted to be a hot shot tax person since tax people are in high demand and are generally perceived as smart people. Some people are wired for tax and other people are not. For me, I just wasted time but my firm paid for the courses – I think you should wait and see if you love tax before you pay your own way toward a degree.

      • Hollis

        And just to add, I’m not the only person I know who gave up on tax after making a huge investment to learn it. I know multiple people who practice corporate or litigation who have tax LLMs and I know some people who left law altogether to do completely different things. The hard part about practicing tax is there are no easy billable hours – everything you do as a tax person requires some thought and precision and the stakes are high if you are wrong. Also, tax law changes so frequently that it requires a fair amount of non-billable time just to keep on top of recent rulings, new regulations, etc.

        That all being said, if you’ve never taken corporate or partnership tax, I think that auditing a course at night would be helpful because that stuff is not intuitive.

    • Evie

      So I did get a LLM in Tax, online from University of Denver. I was in estate planning at a firm where I wasn’t happy, and most of the posting I saw for estate planning attorney positions at the better firms listed “LLM preferred” so that was why I started the program.

      I ended up going in-house not longer after I started the LLM, but I still finished it. In my practice group of six lawyers, one of the other attorneys has a tax LLM as well. It is not directly applicable to our work but sometimes help to have a general understanding.

      Denver, NYU, and Alabama have online programs.

      If you are already practicing as an attorney, you may be able to deduct the cost of the program.

  4. Foot down?

    How do I gently tell my best friend that i can’t listen to her dating drama anymore. In the past couple of years its just been a cycle of emotionally unstable guys and mini relationships that are very dramatic and short lived (about a month). She claims she doesn’t want a relationship or anything “emotional” but its clear she does because she gets very wrapped up in them then is devastated when it doesn’t work out then onto the next and the cycle continues.

    Other than that she’s an amazing friend but its getting exhausting to keep having the same long conversations over and over again then she goes out and continues the cycle. Its like shes addicted to it all. I’ve tried to convince her to go to therapy a few times and she has no interest. How do I put my foot down without being mean about it?

    • Bee

      Increase the time you spend with her when she’s single and decrease the time you spend with her when she’s not. During the periods that her life is revolving around boy drama, you’re not going to have any success stopping her from talking about it. That kind of drama requires so much emotional energy that it drains everything else from your life; she won’t have anything else to talk about.

      Try to keep in mind that this is one stage of many in life. It will pass. Do your best to stay in her life until she’s on the other side of this and you can be close again.

    • Clementine

      She confuses passion with drama in a relationship. That’s her thing.

    • Anonymous

      What happens if you try to redirect the conversation?

      If you tell her to stop talking about it, gently or not, my hunch is that she will stop hanging out with you and will generally reduce her interactions with you. If you don’t mind that fine, otherwise, you’ll have to accept that this is who your friend is for the time being and if redirecting the conversation doesn’t work either suck it up or distance yourself until it passes and hope she will want to reconnect if and when it does.

      I have a friend who constantly complains about being broke but then spends her money on all sorts of frivolous things. It’s her life, so I don’t offer any advice, but it’s annoying and old. I distance myself and don’t interact when these conversations happen. Sometimes we talk more than others as a result. I am okay with this. Personally, I’d rather have some distance than listen to the same thing over and over again about which she has no interest in taking advice or asking for opinions (I don’t give them anyway).

    • meow

      Maybe try putting your foot down and being a little mean? High drama girls sometimes appreciate cold hard truths told in dramatic fashion. I mean, if you’re considering ending the friendship, nothing to lose, right?

    • Godzilla

      Woman up. If you can’t be frank with your best friend, then wtf. Tell her – I don’t want to talk about this because quite frankly, it’s boring. I personally give my best friends a limit – you can complain about the same thing only 3 times and after that, no more. Because the problem is either them or the situation and they have the power to change it. If everything remains the same, they clearly don’t hate enough to make changes and I have no patience for ineffective whining*.

      Obvs, I’m talking about first-world-problem whining here.

    • Marise

      Refer her to the Sex and the City episode where Carrie’s friends tell her to get a shrink:

      Carrie: Isn’t part of the whole break up process that you get free rein to whine to your friends?
      Charlotte: Of course you do!
      Miranda: But, maybe you should think about whinning to a shrink.
      Carrie: Why should I pay someone when we can talk for free and then go get drinks or whatever? I don’t need professional help, I’ve got you guys.
      Samantha: For another ten minutes.
      Miranda: Then we’re cutting you off, cold turkey.

  5. Anon

    I’m looking for work pants that are on the casual side, like khakis or chinos. I’ve started a new office job where impromptu site/field visits are common so I’d like to move away suiting fabrics. No ankle pants please. Does anyone have favorites to recommend?

    • Veronica Mars

      I like the editor pants from Express. They come in a variety of cuts and colors. Really stretchy and comfortable.

    • Clementine

      The Limited has great pants for this, especially the Exact Fit ones (I think that’s what they’re called?). I have both the slim pencil cut ones and the boot cut ones. They’re a poly blend but they’re machine washable, wear like iron, and don’t wrinkle too readily. They’re also super flattering on multiple body types- they work well for size 8 and tall me, my 5’0 pear shaped friend, and my size 14, 5’9 SIL.

      • Anonymous

        I like these pants too, but I think they’re dressier than what the OP wants. They’re not suiting pants but they’re pretty dressy dress pants. Definitely not khaki/chino level of casual.

        • Clementine

          My SIL wears colored ones to her casual office with nice t-shirts and statement necklaces and looks great. She occasionally needs to go into a lab-type setting and they fit well under protective gear

      • Anonymous

        They’re called exact stretch pants. It’s so weird – I bought these pants in black, gray and navy. The gray and navy have held up beautifully and when paired with a blazer look really sharp and professional. The black ones immediately got all stretched out and misshapen, and look only slightly more professional than sweat pants. I thought I had just gotten a bad pair so I threw them out and bought another pair and the exact same thing happened. All three colors are made from the same fabric and I’ve cared for them the same way (dry cleaning even though they are machine washable) so I have no idea what’s going on.

      • lost academic

        Does anyone know when the Exact Stretch pants will reappear in tall sizes? I’ve been waiting for months for the black ones….

    • KT

      Does anyone know when the Exact Stretch pants will reappear in tall sizes? I’ve been waiting for months for the black ones….

    • Best Coast

      Gap Perfect Trousers. My job is similar, and I have found that these bridge the gap between trouser jeans and dress pants. They are slightly bootcut, so for me, they are perfect with either heels or my steel toes. They come in a few different colors each year, are machine washable, and last. The pair I’m wearing today has been going strong for 7 years with no fading.

      • HSAL

        They don’t make those anymore. A couple years ago they changed the fit and there was an online review rebellion, and at some point after that they didn’t have them anymore. It was pretty disappointing because I had just discovered them a couple months prior and wish I’d bought more pairs. They have the “modern boot pants” now but I don’t know how similar they are.

    • Anonymous

      Betabrand 4 life. You will not find a comfier pant. Stick with black, though.

    • Godzilla

      New York and Company. I have a bunch that are perfect for the office/field work.

      • Not That Anne, The Other Anne

        +1. Practically all of my pants are from NY&C. They’re washable, comfortable, and they have decent-sized pockets.

  6. Nordie's sale

    I know we’re going to have a longer discussion of the Nordie’s sale later today – but what are everyone’s first impressions? I’m excited about the number of sports bra options for larger busts, but I’m disappointed by the limited hosiery selection.

    • Anon

      I was really upset that they removed Spanx tights (not shapewear) from the sale in favor of their “own brand” hosiery and DKNY and a few other brands I’d never heard of. I need talls, and I above a Size 12, so essentially Nordy’s froze me out!

      I got a super-cute pair of leopard flats and have been drooling over the Louise et Cie high-heel Mary Janes. Fired those up this morning.

      There were also some really lovely handbags, but I am not in the market for those right now, alas.

      • Syd

        Second this! Tahiri had several. I also got a couple Halogen suits, and there were other Vince Camuto shells that look great, too, besides the one featured here.

    • Cat

      Meh. I may pick up some leggings etc. but I’ve heard that many brands have started producing items purposefully for this sale (a la Rue La La) and so you’re really not getting the identical item for which other stores are charging full price.

    • Carrie M

      I’m underwhelmed. The work section does seem good, but there aren’t that many great shoe or bag options (at least for what I’m interested in).

    • Nordie's sale

      Anyone else having problems with checkout? It won’t take the new card they issued me. Both cardholder services and normal customer service were completely unhelpful – the card people blame the website and the website blames the card.

    • Anon in NYC

      I could have written the same thing. I’m excited about the sports bras and really disappointed to not be able to stock up on hosiery.

    • Wow

      I’ve actually been more impressed with this sale than past years. I just bought a bunch of Hugo Boss/Classiques suits and Tahari, Eliza J work dresses (with sleeves!).

      I spent $2500 (gulp) but I bought a couple of different sizes so I fully expect to return more than half of it.

      No problems checking out.

      For anyone who goes to the Nordstrom in Pentagon City– do they normally have large inventory for the NAS sale? I normally buy online but I thought I might hop over to the store just to check some things out in person.

    • Kitty

      I want new sleeveless or short sleeve tops for under suits and I am disappointed or maybe overwhelmed but nothing jumped out at me.

    • Well Seasoned

      What specific sports bras for the larger chested women do you like that are included in the Anniversary sale? Some of them are so tight in the chest I feel like I can’t breathe but I do need support. It’s hard for me to find a comfortable but supportive sports bra.

      • Anonymous

        The Wacoal underwire bra is great. It looks like they have it in white.

  7. jumpingjack

    I tried this dress on recently. I’m hourglass shaped and it looked perfect for me. But it made me look weirdly wide in the waist, which I am decidedly not. I was bummed because it was otherwise very nice.

    • Amanda

      I think it makes the model in the picture look wide in the waist, which she is definitely not, too!

    • jwalk

      Just looking at the picture, I can tell it would have the same effect on me – the waist band is simply too low, so rather than hitting at the smallest area of my waist it hits lower, making me look bigger. Which is so sad, because it’s a beautiful dress!

    • Anon 2

      I am hour glass also, and got the petite. The band hits me in the correct spot and my middle did not look wider. I have it in the yellow, which is a lovely color – I’d say closer to a sunflower than a mustard.

    • bcc

      i have 2 of these dresses, love them, get compliments all the time. i’ve got a long torso and am a little bit straight up and down. considering the price and the fact i’ve been able to wash them instead of dry clean, they are clear winners for me. the one drawback is that the ponte pills quickly in areas of friction (e.g., bag rubbing against fabric when walking) and i have to use an electric clothes shaver every 2-3 wearings.

  8. Broke

    Lately I’ve been spending way too much money. Looking at Mint, my main issue is eating out during the work week. There have been times I get into a great packing routine, but lately always buy lunch and often breakfast too!

    A large part of the issue, I think, is how good the food is around my office – lots of delicious and healthy options. I look forward to lunch out way more than anything I pack. Another issue is variety. I usually get a salad, and am able to buy something more complex than anything I’d have time to make. Yesterday I had a kale salad with roast chicken, pumpkin seeds, black beans, corn, jicama, and jalapeños, and a delicious spicy low-cal dressing. It was $13! but so filling.

    Finally, I struggle with freshness. I’m picky about food and don’t love when chicken, etc, sits in fridge for more than 2-3 days. I tend to make heavier dinners for my husband and I, so leftovers are often too much to eat for lunch.

    What lunches do you pack that you’re actually excited to eat? That are easy, healthy, and filling?

    • Anonymous

      I am cheap and basic if I am packing. I like cheese and triscuits. And I could eat a whole bag of shredded cheese. And yogurt is always easy and gets me calcium. Also, baggies of cereal.

      • Veronica Mars

        I like looking at it from a budgeting perspective. I give myself $100 a month for lazy eating out (and I have a separate fund for entertainment/fun so if I were getting drinks or a nicer dinner with friends, I’d draw from the fun fund first). I’m ok with spending $1200/year on eating out so I enjoy when I do get to run out and grab something. But you should look at Mint and see if you’re comfortable with your yearly number. If I spent $10/day, every workday, it’d be $2600/yr, and it’s worth it to me to save that extra $1400 and put it towards my other $ goals (one of which will be a weekend getaway this winter!). So it just depends on how much you value the “small joys” vs your other goals.

    • Anonymous

      I like bean and grain salads when packing because I think they taste better after sitting for a bit. Today I have a farro salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, onion, dill, and feta.

      • anon-oh-no

        I’m a big fan of kale based salads for the same reason. I actually think kale tastes better the next day after the dressing has soaked in a bit

        • nutella

          You can replicate this by massaging in lemon juice. Kale tastes better because the acid in the lemon juice or your dressing breaks down the bitterness of the kale. To get that taste now and not tomorrow simply massage the greens for like 3-5 mins in lemon juice. (G00gle this if you want to see what it should look like.)

    • Anonymous

      I do better by aiming low. On Sunday night I try and make two salads and eat them, and eat leftovers once a week- just pack a smaller portion with whatever salad things are leftover. And then Thurs and Fri I plan to eat out because it’s too much of a bother meal prepping the entire week.

    • Anonymous

      Healthy and tasty food is hard to find and especially hard to pack. If you’re loving your lunches and they’re good for you, I’m not sure why $13 a day is such a big deal if you can afford it. I’d focus on not eating breakfast out. I like cereal and fruit and you can also make and reheat fruit muffins or egg cups. Lots of people also eat oatmeal or yogurt. Make your coffee at home if you drink it. That should save you a good chunk of change and you can still look forward to lunch.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        Keep a stock of yogurt cups/protein bars at the office for breakfast. Make coffee at home.

        It’s fine to eat out for lunch if that means you eat healthier and $13 is totally reasonable for a great salad. Just work it into your budget (say $50/week) and when you hit your budget, start bringing food from home.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t agree that healthy and tasty food is hard to find or pack. I make a week’s worth of healthy and tasty lunches every Sunday. Yes, you have to accept that you eat the same thing all week for lunch, but I don’t understand the big deal there. This week I made roasted corn, sweet potato, black bean, and goat cheese enchiladas (corn tortillas), with a green tomatillo salsa sauce. I suppose you could consider goat cheese and tortillas unhealthy, but overall I feel the dish is better than a salad slathered with dressing and cheese.

        Anyway, if you can afford it and eating lunches out is your thing, then keep doing it. If you are going to be miserable and unhappy trying to pack your lunches, why bother trying?

        • Anonymous

          That sounds amazing. Did you follow a recipe? How do you reheat and transport them?

          • Anonymous

            No recipe, but I can tell you what I did! :)

            Filling:
            – two to three sweet potatoes, cut into smedium sized cubes (not as small as a dice, but not large either), tossed with Sazon seasoning, EVOO, and a bit of S&P, roasted until a little brown on the outside
            – either 2 cobs fresh corn on the cob which you can grill/hold over your gas stove burners then slice off or defrosted frozen corn sauteed a bit, same seasoning as potatoes (Sazon FTW)
            – 1 can black beans rinsed

            You can add sauteed bell peppers, one time I added some sauteed spinach, really anything you like.

            Sauce (cheat version):
            – one or two cans of green enchilada sauce thrown in a food processor with some chopped up tomatillos (sauteed or raw, your reference), a can of rotel if you feel like it, some garlic, chopped fresh red onion seasoned to taste
            – lime juice to taste

            Sauce (long version):
            – sautee or roast a lb or two of tomatillos with the chile of your choice, an onion and some garlic (tossed in EVOO and S&P) until soft and a little brown
            – chuck all that stuff in a blender or food processor and add olive oil to the consistency of your liking
            – lime juice to taste

            Once the corn and sweet potatoes are done, toss all of the solid ingredients into a large bowl and add a little of the tomatillo sauce. Heat up the tortillas two at a time as you go to make them soft (they will crack, but nbd). Fill with a couple spoonfuls of filling, and sprinkle the goat cheese on top, roll, and place in a large baking dish fold side down. Once the baking dish is full, spoon any leftover filling over the top and then pour the sauce over the top spreading to make sure you get all bit of tortilla (or else the edges get really crisp).

            Bake at 400ish until heated through. I portion out two tortillas into a tupperware container to take into work. I sprinkle additional goat cheese or hot sauce if I feel like it and heat it up in the microwave. It makes a full week’s worth easily and if you want to split it up, I find they freeze well too. Hope that helps!

      • Anonymous

        It’s funny how people prioritize spending differently. To me, $13/day is an insane amount of money to be throwing away. You could make that same salad yourself for like $2! Take inspiration from the lunches you’ve had lately and make them at home.

        • anon

          It’s also funny how people are so judgmental.

          You know what else is funny? Stating that “A kale salad with roast chicken, pumpkin seeds, black beans, corn, jicama, and jalapeños, and a delicious spicy low-cal dressing” could be made for $2.

          • Anonymous

            She probably means $2 per serving. Certainly it would vary depending on your location, but yes, it’s usually a lot cheaper at home than to buy something at an $8.99/lb salad bar (or however they price it). Your grocery store probably prices most of the ingredients less than that per pound price.

          • Daisy

            I was buying $11 salads daily and finally had a breaking point when I realized how much I was spending. So, I went to the grocery store and set up my own “salad bar” at home. The reality was I was ordering basically the same salad for $13 each day anyway. So, I set up 5 or 6 tupperware’s of the main ingredients on Sunday night. I also pre-portioned out lettuce into baggies, and each morning I would “customize” my daily salad from the base 6-8 tupperwares (black beans, tomato, cheese, diced apple, etc). That has worked really well for me. I might change up the protein each week, or cook two proteins so I can mix/match salads throughout the week. WAY more economical and the Sunday prep makes the morning-of prep fly by.

          • Anonymous

            There’s no way a kale salad with all those ingredients could be made for $2 for a restaurant-size portion (which is undoubtedly much more than what a nutritionist would consider “a serving.”) $8 minimum, probably $10 in a HCOL area which it sounds like OP is in (because LCOL areas don’t usually have an abundance $13 kale salads…). So yeah, there’s a mark-up but it’s not a crazy premium for the convenience of not having to shop for ingredients and assemble the salad. Plus, nothing will go to waste, which always happens when I buy produce to make a salad at home.
            (I personally would never spent $13 on lunch but I don’t eat kale salads with fancy ingredients like that. If you like trendy, organic, health foods, you’re going to have pay $$$.)

          • Anonymous

            LOLwut. The cost for just the kale for a Sweetgreens-size salad would be way more than $2 at the grocery store, to say nothing of the other ingredients.

          • Canadienne

            At my farmers market a bunch of local organic kale is 1.50 and that is enough for 3 salads. IDK where you live but in season produce is cheap here.

          • Nati

            Hey Canadienne,

            Which farmer’s market do you go to in Ottawa? I found a lovely place in the Golden Triangle (not a neighbourhood I was looking in originally but this condo really does feel like the best fit for me right now). I love seeing posts from you. It makes me more excited about my move.

          • Canadienne

            I go to the Byron Market on Saturdays in Westboro and also get a CSA from Roots and Shoots.

        • Emmer

          Where do you people shop!? I live in an extremely HCOL area (DC) and could make one portion of this salad for wayyyyy less than $10 or whatever you allege….

          Kale – $.89 for about 9 large stalks. I’d say a salad would have 1/3 of this, max – $.29
          Chicken breast – $5/lb. Salad has what, 1/4 lb. of it? $1.25 per serving
          Pumpkin seeds – $6.49/lb, 15 servings per lb. – $.43
          Black beans – $.69/can, 3.5 servings – $.19
          Corn – $.50 for an ear, 1/3 ear – $.16
          Jicama – $2.69 for 9.5 ounce tub, 3 servings/tub – $.89
          One jalepeno – $.25
          Spicy low-cal dressing – varies, but each serving is negligible – I’d guess maybe $.10 max
          Total: $3.56

          Not to say that OP shouldn’t eat out if that’s what she wants and can reasonably afford it. It just needs to be seen as a priority spending item and other areas should be cut back if money is getting tight (clean your own house, drink at bars less, whatever).

    • Food and Snacks and Food

      You probably cant have everything you want. Even if you brought this type of elaborate, fresh salad from home it would probably cost just as much to make with ingredients like that. If I were you, I would alternate weeks. One week you eat out, the next week you suck it up and eat something boring and cheap. Just doing this, you’ll cut your spending in half. On weeks I need to be boring, I bring in a ton of stuff on Monday. Like 5 frozen meals. This week I brought in a bag of chips and a box of uncrustables. Yes, you’re probably making a face right now, but I’m spending $0 eating out this week. I also have yogurt, frozen strawberries, bananas, and a tiny bottle of orange juice that I use to make afternoon smoothies in my nutribullet, which I also brought in. Does this make me look crazy? I dont know, but I’m spending $0 eating out this week.

      Alternately, you could decide that food is your passion, spend a ton of money on that, and cut your spending elsewhere. I don’t think spending money on food is “bad”, it is just a choice.

    • X

      At the beginning of the week, I make some sort of stir fry – usually chicken in a peanut sauce with broccoli and bell peppers. I bring it in and have it each day for lunch in a wrap. It’s really tasty. Each batch is a little different and it’s filling. I’m on a high fiber, high protein diet so I use Fiber One Honey Wheat wraps.

    • Anne Elliott

      Why not enjoy the pricey lunches but maybe cut back elsewhere? I would love to have delicious plus healthy lunch options where I work!

    • Snick

      I’ve been buying prepackaged kale salad mixes (Eat Smart is the brand) at the grocery store to bring to work for lunch. They have chopped kale, brussels sprouts, and other healthy greens, a separate packet of nuts, seeds, and dried fruit, and a dressing packet. There are a few different varieties. It makes a large single serving for about $4 a pop. If you needed a heartier meal, you could bring a separate container with a protein. They are convenient and cheap compared to eating out.

      • Julia

        This is my go-to, as well, when I don’t have leftovers. I’m not sure it is the same brand, may be, but sold in my local grocery and I’ve liked all the options. I don’t eat the whole bag, and sometimes I pull a soup out of my work drawer full of organic soups and do a half-n-half lunch. I also like Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers with some soup. We have a freezer at work and I leave some there all the time.

      • Needanewmoniker

        This is what I do too, and I know exactly the salad you mentioned! Sometimes for variety, I’ll bring half the salad and something else, like leftover salmon from dinner, a boiled egg, cheese + crackers, etc. It makes for a filling, healthy, cheap work lunch.

    • another suggestion

      I bring my own “sides” but still purchase the main item to keep it a little less expensive overall. Good side examples that are on the healthier side and don’t run into the freshness problem if you grocery shop once a week include: carrots with hummus, red peppers, grapes, green beans with raspberry vinagrette, apples, cheese stick, yogurt, etc. Doing this combo approach can cut my lunch costs by about half. Also, bring your own water/juice/whatever you drink – beverages drive up lunch costs a lot!

    • SC

      I have similar hangups about packing my lunch–I’m picky about freshness, like variety, and like complex, healthy foods in general. I’ve found making mason jar salads to be a really effective way to pack complex, healthy salads that stay fresh for several days (maybe not all the way to Friday, but at least Wednesday and maybe Thursday). There are several websites with recipes and layering techniques if you search online. Also, experiment with making your own dressing–it makes such a huge difference in flavor, and you can control how much fat, sugar, etc. is in it. The other thing I do is take some leftover meat from the night before and add it to salad or take different vegetables so it’s lighter than whatever dinner was.

      • MKB

        I’ve been doing grain salads for myself a lot recently. I make a big batch of farro or wheatberries in the rice cooker, freeze half, and then make a salad with the rest. The next week, I pull one of the frozen containers of grains out, microwave, and make a salad for the following week.

        The one I’m eating right now is wheatberries, fennel, a little bit of onion, and dried cranberries. For the dressing, I zested an orange and used both the zest and the juice, plus oil and soy sauce. I think I used a little agave, too. (I just experiment with the dressings until it tastes ok, and then add the warm grains and mix thoroughly, and then add the veggies.)

        Sometimes I use cheese (usually feta), but I feel like those don’t last quite as long.

        • Employee Stock Purchase Plans

          Whenever I make a big batch of grain salad or vegetable salad that I want to last for a few days, I will portion it out into the individual containers without the cheese and then add the cheese in the morning, before taking that day’s container to work.

          • MKB

            I… have no idea why I haven’t just done that. Thank you, this will clearly solve my issues with the feta.

          • Employee Stock Purchase Plans

            Another tip: if you have a fridge at work, just bring the container of feta with you on Day 1 of that salad, so that you don’t forget to add it in the mornings. If you don’t have a fridge, store the container of feta on top of the stack of tupperwares in your fridge, so that you have to pick up the feta in order to grab that day’s salad.

  9. TO Lawyer

    Any suggestions on making Outlook Tasks more useful? I currently have a word doc with all the cases I’m working on plus tasks for each case (the nature of my litigation practice is fewer large files but generally lots of tasks for each) and I like to list them out because it helps make sure nothing falls between the cracks. I like the functionality of outlook tasks i.e. I can easily change deadlines or move it around, or add things to my calendar but I can’t seem to find a way to maintain my entire to do list on there without replicating it which seems inefficient.

    Thanks in advance!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      This might not exactly answer your question but I use Outlook Tasks for anything I give out to an assistant or paralegal. Sometimes I can’t remember if I’ve already given out the assignment or where they are on the assignment. This lets us both track everything. It was actually my assistant’s idea and it works great. At her request, the steps are broken down into separate tasks for easier tracking. So not just “get discovery responses out the door” but (1) send to client, (2) template responses, (3) schedule meeting with client to discuss, etc.

    • Anon

      I use a spreadsheet for every major case. Once a week I move upcoming tasks to my to do list, also in Excel, and put deadlines into outlook. Probably waste an hour every week duplicating things, but I’ve never had a deadline creep up on me and when partners ask about upcoming dates, I can just copy and paste or give them the case spreadsheet.

    • Anonymous

      I’m feeling pretty bad about my post-it notes system right about now.

      I wish employers offered more education on how to use Outlook and other tech to organize our work and increase our productivity.

  10. Yoga

    Shopping question: I keep seeing people at my yoga class and gym with these light tank tops that are open from the neck or mid back down, like a v shape cut. They either leave it open or tie the ends together. What is this called and where can I find it??? Google fu is totally failing, tia

    • AnonLondon

      Gap has one in their line that’s the softest and comfiest thing I think I’ve ever bought. I have it in grey and am buying at least one more when stateside next month.

      • Anonymous

        I am a lululemon addict and I have 3 of these gap tops. Need them. They’re from the breathe collection and run about $17 during a sale. I think it’s called an open-back top. (lulu has similar ones for $54, I like the length on the gap ones more)

  11. long time lurker

    I have been packing my lunch and breakfast for about one month and have saved SO MUCH money. I have also lost 5 lbs! I would buy breakfast from the deli and then go to a salad place or sandwich place for lunch. I loved those fancy salads to For breakfast I’ve been eating a yogurt (from the grocery store, much cheaper, buy the sale brands) and an apple or other piece of fruit. For lunch, these have been some things I’ve been making:

    – I do a salad with romaine, cherry tomatoes from my garden, cucumbers, throw on some walnuts. Keep dressing at office. romaine holds up better than fancy mesclun lettuce. kale works well too – lasts a while in the fridge.
    – I made a quiche and brought slices of that plus salad. Quiche is great because you can use up odds and ends.
    – Made a bunch of rice and then throw on frozen veg and edamame with some sriracha and/or asian stir fry sauce, microwave at office
    – my DH will basically only eat ham or turkey sandwiches so often I make those for both of us, but I tire rapidly of sandwiches. I sometimes fancy them up with avocado (splash with lemon juice to keep from getting brown), sliced cucumber, etc. side of baby carrots or apple.
    – when I make pasta I always save some plain for leftovers, toss with any leftover chicken, veg, a little garlic powder, parm and a pat of butter, microwave at work, instant primavera.

    • Nati

      Go you! I really want to get into the habit of packing lunches too. It’s not necessarily that I can’t afford to pay for them out, but I’ve prioritized spending in other areas of my life. There also isn’t anything great near my office, and I hate to spend $12-15 on something that isn’t even good. And if I’m honest with myself, I do have the time and know-how to do it, it’s just a matter of…doing it.

      Congrats on your weight loss! I find I feel better too when I eat food I’ve made and it’s nice to know EXACTLY what is or isn’t in it.

  12. Employee Stock Purchase Plans

    For those who are eligible to participate in your employer’s ESPP, do you? Why? How did you figure out how much to contribute?

    • Veronica Mars

      I don’t, because I’d rather invest that money in an index fund. It also makes me uncomfortable because I’m already “invested” in the company, I work there! If the company declines and I lose my job, I’m hit twice, once because I lost my salary and again because the stock price has declined.

    • Badlands

      I do, because of the discount purchase price. I’m contributing 3% of my salary to the GESOP/ESPP fund and have to hold it for 18 months after the contribution period to keep the tax benefit. 3% is because, that is what I don’t miss from my take home salary. I would consider increasing the percentage if I get a raise.

      It’s a diversification from the other investment stuff I have, the company stock has been on a steady increase (on the slow side though), so I figure at worst I’ll break even (with the discount) and get the money back in two years.

      • Badlands

        And my plan is when I’m eligible to sell, I’ll sell enough to recoup my salary contributions and then periodically sell chunks of the remaining stock over time.

        I don’t see the goal of an ESPP to keep and hold forever. It’s keep and hold a little bit forever. Kind of like cost averaging on the selling side vs the buying side.

    • Anonymous

      I do – my company will give me an extra share for every three shares I buy, up to 4% of my base salary, so I put in all 4% (it comes directly off my paycheque).

      It’s mine right away, it doesn’t make sense to say no to free money. I cash out once I hit a certain dollar amount and re-invest in index funds, for the reasons listed by Veronica.

    • Employee Stock Purchase Plans

      Thanks everyone who weighed in.

      My company offers 15% discount, and they’re yours immediately after the quarterly purchase. And the stock has a very good track record. I haven’t participated up till now, and I get a healthy amount of stock annually as part of my bonus, but I’ve been considering participating, so these perspectives are helpful.

      • sell sell sell

        I agree with those who caution against investing too much in your employer’s stock, but with a 15% discount I would definitely participate and set up a trading plan (if you are subject to trading windows) so that the shares are sold immediately after they are purchased. I know a number of people at my company do this even though our discount is considerably lower (which is why I don’t bother).

        • Sarabeth

          This is what we do with my husband’s plan – sell immediately. The tax advantage to holding for longer only applies to the amount they appreciate, so it’s irrelevant if you sell immediately.

    • Anon

      I’ve been contributing $25 a month because my company matches 3%. At this amount is it even worth selling and reinvesting? I know virtually nothing about investments.

  13. Anonymous

    How much would you pay a catsitter? A friend wants to hire me to come by and feed, but also hang out with/play with her girls while she is out of town because she said they get lonely. But it’s much less active than say, dog walking, so…?

    I dogsit occassionally but this is very different. Major east coast city, not NYC.

    • CountC

      I pay my petsitter $15 per visit (3 cats, 1 dog) in Central PA. That is a massive bargain IMO. Among friends we do it for wine or beer or dinner.

    • Anon

      Since it’s $15/walk and feeding for our dogs, I would say $20-30 depending on how long she wants you to stay and if you need the money. Could you bring your dinner there and eat with them or watch TV there with them a few times? (Our dogs like having humans eat with them and really like the downtime, in addition to play time. Maybe her cats are similar?) You could also just check with the cat sitting businesses in your town and then charge a little less if you want since it’s a friend.

    • Anonymous

      Nice friend to offer to pay you! My husband has gotten roped into doing it for friends for free.

    • LAnon

      I use a pet-sitting service in LA. They charge $22 per half hour visit, and that includes sending a short email update along with a few pictures.

      Also, it’s nice that your friend wants you to hang out and play with her kitties, but I would say about half the pictures I get are of my cats glaring suspiciously at this person who has disrupted their naps. Only occasionally does one of them get lonely enough to want to have petting and playtime from the pet-sitter.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I pay mine $20 per 30 minute visit for 2 cats for the service I use. I think it’s a little high, but my cats are weirdly needy for attention for cats and none of my friends are really cat people, so I think it’s worth it to pay someone.

    • Anon

      I pay $25 for a 30 minute visit. A bit pricey but I live in the Bay area… par for the course.

    • SC

      We live in a LCOL area, but we typically pay $10/visit for our cats. We have an automatic litter box and a water fountain, so all they have to do is put down food and pet/play for a few minutes (we don’t ask for half an hour, I’m guessing people stay for 10-15 minutes). We ask friends or acquaintances who live nearby, and we don’t use a service.

    • Carrots

      I haven’t used a professional yet for cat sitting but when I was gone for a week, I left my friends $40 I think for dinner/take out/whatever and bought requested snacks/beverages for one cat. Mid-sized east coast.

    • arya

      oh it’s super nice of her to pay you. i do it for free-ish (aka beer or dinner) for friends when they’re out of town. usually ill come in and feed them, change the water, and sit on the couch and kitty will come and want human attention. i pet him/her for a bit and bring a book or watch netflix for a hour or two while kitty comes for pets when it wants.

    • Libby

      I agree that it’s nice for her to pay you! I normally do it for free (and end up with either a growler of beer, Starbucks gift cards, or reciprocal cat sitting). I think when I’ve paid a professional to do it, it was $20/visit.

      That said, my current cat has no interest in people who aren’t me or my husband for the first hour or so anyone is in our house, so all I expect from a cat sitter is scooping the litter and feeding. When I cat sit for a friend whose cat love to play, I spend about 15-30 minutes playing.

      • Anonymous

        I probably would have done it for free – she’s never asked before! The people I dogsit for I do regularly and for long periods of time (doing 2 weeks next month) so it’s a little different – that one is just a win/win for both of us. But if a friend asks me to dogsit for a day or two I’ve done it for a bottle of wine or whatever.

        Realistically I’ll be happy with whatever she gives me, but I think she’s going to ask what I want. And it sounds like a lot of just hanging out and being there – her one cat is truly like a dog and loves everything, has come to hang out and try and steal my food when I’ve been there before, etc., so we’ll see! Thanks for the input, everybody.

    • lost academic

      We pay ours $19 a day for what is one cat. If it were more pets it would be the same. It’s high, but when we moved here we didn’t know anyone and she came recommended by husband’s coworkers.

  14. Anonymous

    Anyone in NYC able to recommend a financial advisor / planner that can (a) help my (new) husband and I figure out an equitable way to combine our incomes and allocate our bills/payments or at least provide suggestions and advice in this regard and (b) general investments / financial planning advice? DH and I discussed finances extensively before getting married and came up with a plan together, but we both feel there could be improvements in the plan and want to create an equitable arrangement upfront since we make vastly different incomes. So I guess I’m looking for an advisor that can specifically help in both regards. Thanks!

    • DC Anon

      I’d make sure you use a fee-based advisor/planner. Interview a few different people before going with one. In addition to recommendations from the Hive, I’d check out napfa.org. NAPFA is a professional association of fee-only financial advisors and has a directory of fee-only advisors. If you click on “Find An Advisor,” you can search for fee-only advisors near you.

    • Veronica Mars

      Watch the John Oliver segment on retirement and 401ks–he offers good advice about picking a fiduciary, someone who’s aligned to your best interests.

  15. Tonka Bean

    Went and checked out Boden after yesterday’s discussion about different brands for different shapes. Was depressed when their fit calculator told me that my J. Crew size 0 equals a Boden size 4. At least I saved money I would have otherwise spent on their dresses, I guess.

    • Anon

      1) are you sure you aren’t looking at the UK size? Because a US 0 = a UK 4

      2) who cares what the label says? If that makes you depressed, I feel sad for you.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Seriously. Wear what you like and what looks good on you. I literally have items in my closet that all fit me that range from a size 0 to a size 12 depending on the designer, the cut, etc. The number doesn’t matter! And if you care that much, just cut off the tag and no one will see it.

    • Anonymous

      Are all the 4’s out of stock or something? You might try customer service., though I find that I’m the same size in both brands. Perhaps they were comparing UK to US sizes, Boden has both.

    • X

      My size 8 is a 12 at Boden, but the dresses still look fabulous. Maybe you should focus less on the number and more on the fit…

    • DC Anon

      I don’t understand why this is depressing? Every retailer sizes differently, and the whole point of a fit calculator is to make sure you’re ordering a size that will fit…

      Boden doesn’t work for me (too long-waisted), but if you are petite or have a high waist, the fit can be really good.

      • Tonka Bean

        Alas, it’s their US size.

        It’s depressing because it makes me feel fatter than I am, even if that’s irrational and no one sees the size tag but me. I could handle the 2 but the 4 somehow makes me sad.

    • Cc

      Wait- you didn’t buy the dresses you liked just because the tag (which literally no one will see) says a 4 instead of a zero? I feel like you posted this to complain about boden but maybe unpack your own issues first….

    • Jules

      Buy the dresses! Your body is exactly the same size as it was before you went to the Boden site; the only thing that might be different is the size written on a tag on a dress. Who cares?

      This reminds me of a friend who finally got a bra fitting and discovered she needed a smaller band size but a bigger cup, from C to DD. Her husband was all “whoo-hoo!” when she reported her new cup size. But she said, look, they’re the same b**bs they were this morning.”

    • KT

      I will never comprehend this. I AM fat and have clothes in my closet that range from 14 to 18 depending on the brand. One brand makes beautiful dresses, but I’m a 3X in them. Whoop dee do! No one cares. It’s not like KNOWING my clothes say I’m 3X people will suddenly realize my size.

      You’re thin. It doesn’t matter what your tag says–whether it’s a 4 or a zero–people see you as thin.

      If it bothers you that much, just cut off the sizes.

      I had a heavy friend who was so ashamed to shop at plus-size stores, she would buy Prada/designer clothing tags on ebay and sew them on her Lane Bryant clothes, the idea being if anyone hypothetically walked into her closet, they wouldn’t know she wore “fat people” clothes.

      We all have our hangups, but if a 4 versus a 0 is an issue for you, I think you need to examine that kind of mental gymnastics.

    • anon

      Ok. I am a tiny person overall- 5’2 and, I dunno, tiny shoulders or something. I’m currently a size 000 in J. Crew, because J. Crew’s sizing is absurd. It’s total vanity sizing. In 2008-09, I was a 0/00. I assure you I did not get smaller. The concept of a 000 is sooo stupid- Why not just start at a 0 and go up from there? Because people respond poorly, like OP, to feeling like they are a larger size. I have literally placed one B.R. suiting skirt on top of another to observe the vanity sizing. The 0 from one year was the same size as the 00 from a previous year. Pay vanity sizing no mind.

      To all the people here telling OP to STFU because she’s a 0/4 whatever and she’s “complaining about feeling fat,” STFU. Small people can feel fat, too. Small people can be unhappy with how their bodies look. When I put on weight, and have to go up a size or don’t look how I like to look naked, I don’t like that either. 10 lbs on me is the equivalent of 15-20 on taller women. It’s all proportion. We hear complaints all the time from women who want to lose 15 lbs, or want to lose 20 lbs of baby weight, or whatever, and we don’t destroy them for “needing” to lose “only 15 lbs.” It’s normal. Every woman is and has been bombarded with messages about how to Woman Better and how they better be “slender” and “toned” OR ELSE, et al. Are smaller people immune from this? No. I’m not saying that thinner people have to deal with the same amount of BS hurled at women who are overweight, but its not like thin people have a magical shield that protects them from messaging about woman’s bodies.

      I didn’t read OP’s comments to suggest that she feels that a size 4 makes her obese or a clinically overweight person, or even someone who would be perceived by society as “fat.” She said “it makes me feel fatter than I am.” I.e., relative to her baseline.

      I’m not trying to speak for OP, but my experience was that when I did start gaining some weight due to my craft beer and cheezit habit, I freaked out. Because I had never really struggled with weight before. I’d never had to, and so I’d never come to grips with the idea that I was a worthy, attractive person independent of my weight and body shape. A lot of people who have struggled with their weight *have* achieved that difficult and worthy goal. I didn’t. Happiness that is dependent on external circumstances is always perilous. Try to look at it from that perspective. Someone else’s unhappiness at their weight is no less valid simply because they are a size smaller than someone else.

      It drives me crazy to see people just belittle and dismiss someone because they don’t think that they deserve to feel sad. I am grateful that my body is the way it is, on the whole. I rarely discuss my issues with friends who have struggled with weight because I don’t want to be insensitive or make someone feel bad. But also because the response I normally get, even from my other friends who are “thin,” is “STFU you’re tiny your feelings are invalid.” Not cool.

      • Employee Stock Purchase Plans

        Okaaaaaaay – except she didn’t comment to say “I know I’m a size 0, but weight gain is weight gain, and I’ve gained 5lbs and can’t seem to lose it and feel uncomfortable in my own skin”. She commented to say “Literally nothing has changed about my body between yesterday and today, except that last night I looked at some clothes, and I’d have to buy a different size than the size I buy right now b/c of different cut/fit/whatever, and that arbitrary number is making me sad”. Regardless of your size/weight, #1 is understandable. Regardless of your size/weight, #2 is disordered and problematic.

        • anon

          Nope. Not accurate. She wrote: “And said “fatter than I am” — not that I am actually FAT. Nor am I implying that anyone bigger than a size 0 is fat. Not at all. Insecurities are insecurities — whether it’s body dysmorphia or imposter syndrome.”

          So sorry that she didn’t explain her thought process and insecurity in the exact right way to make sense to you.

          “Regardless of your size/weight, #1 is understandable. Regardless of your size/weight, #2 is disordered and problematic.”

          Problematic and disordered? That’s a little extreme. It’s this mindset that I was trying to address in my post. Like I said, do you think that thin women are immune from worrying about their appearance? Did you read what I wrote about happiness/self-esteem being predicated on being thin? When everything in the world is telling you that you should feel bad about yourself if you’re overweight, don’t you think that you might feel susceptible to…. feeling bad if you feel like you’re gaining weight? This is not rocket science.

          Is it problematic that our society sets women up to feel this way? YES. Is OP uniquely flawed because she feels this way? NO. Is OP disordered for feeling this way? NO.

        • Anonymous

          +1 million to Employee Stock Purchase Plans.
          anon, you are completely and totally missing the point. ESPP isn’t saying that “thin women are immune from worrying about their appearance.” She specifically said it would be reasonable for OP to be upset if weight gain caused her to go up two sizes in the same brand, even if she started at a size 0. Her point is that the label on your clothing has NOTHING to do with your appearance and refusing to buy a brand because the tag says a different thing than tags on other clothes you have is disordered and problematic. And I agree 100%.

          • anon

            “non, you are completely and totally missing the point. ”

            I really don’t think I am. OP thought I nailed it. Think past the *literal words* of what OP’s first post stated and you’ll figure it out.

            ESPP is the one who decides when it is reasonable for OP to be upset? No. Hard pass on that logic. OP is allowed to be unhappy about her weight even if she didn’t gain any.

            We all KNOW that the label on clothing literally has nothing to do with what your size actually is. Don’t patronize me. What I was saying is that she is *allowed to feel unhappy with her body even though she is small* which other posters were berating her for. That’s what I was reacting to. I explicitly told OP that clothing size is irrelevant. But it’s obvious that this triggered her feeling bad-silly or not-, so, instead of dismissing her feelings as invalid like half the other posters here did, I explained from my perspective why this might have made her feel bad and why she is fully entitled to her emotions about her body.

    • Really though...

      Why did you feel the need to post about this? Looking for head pats? I’m the same size as you and even if I was annoyed by the label, I would never think to discuss it here.

      • Really though...

        And my that I mean, I would never think it was worthy of discussion.

          • Anon

            Look up Lily Myers “Shrinking Women”. I’m not sure if that’s what the above person was referencing, but I found it powerful.

    • Needanewmoniker

      You know, I read this super annoyed too. I’m a size 6/8. Frankly, I’d love to be a 4! 4 would mean I’d finally lost the 10 extra lbs I can never seem to kill. So I thought STFU too. Buuut then I read all the smack-down comments. And I thought, OK, if this poster had said ‘I’m a 10 and this says I’m a 16’ or ‘I’m and 8 and this says I’m a 14’ I don’t think she would have gotten smacked down. I think she would have gotten comments like ‘it’s just a number! sizing is designer-specific! don’t feel down on yourself!’ – encouraging, fact-focused comments, rather than ‘listen miss high-and-mighty size zero, don’t you show up here with any negative feelings’. This is because of her size. This is not ok.

  16. Catlady

    I used to be a nail biter/picker but I’ve gotten much better about it and my nails are growing, but I don’t paint them or get manicures. I find I’m more likely to attack them if they’re painted but chipped.

    I was thinking of starting a regimen of gel manicures, but what is the stuff called that’s more of an overlay than a polish? Like acrylic, but gel?

    • Anonymous

      You’re looking for CND shellac/OPI gel/Gelish.

      I bought a light on Amazon and ordered the OPI base and gel (I had tried other brands in the past…. nope) and a few starter colors online. Small learning curve but I do mine at home now and have already gotten my money’s worth several times over. I spend a lot of time in the gym so gel is really the only option for me, and I also find it helps with picking at my cuticles.

      I’m in DC and I discovered the nail supply stores out at Eden Center, and get my gel polishes there now for $9 each.

      • Anonymous

        Wow, I read too fast. Need more coffee. You are just looking for gel nails, if you want the ones that are actually a “fake nail” like acrylic.

    • Anonymous

      You may also want to look into Signature Nail Systems. They apply an adhesive and then dip your nails into a powder (there are lots of color options) and it hardens into a gel-like finish. It makes your nails super strong (like nearly impossible to break) and the color lasts as long as you don’t mind the “grown out” look at the base of your nails. It’s sort of like acrylic except it doesn’t actually make your nails longer, just the existing length stronger. Not every salon has it, but it’s pretty common so you can likely find somewhere in your area that can do it (call and ask whether they do SNS).

  17. Firing nanny

    We are letting my nanny go today. She is great with my kids but has made it very clear that she views input from my husband or me as interference that she can’t live with. I will tell her we appreciate all that she has done for the kids but that her relationship with us isn’t a fit for reason above. We will give two weeks severance and get our key back. Also will offer to be a reference for a family ghat may be a better fit.

    Anything else I should say or not say? I’m really anxious and have not done this before.

    My kids are babies so nothing to explain to them.

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      I am paranoid, but I would not have her come in for the last two weeks of work (I’d pay her though) and would probably change the locks in addition to asking for her key back. I wouldn’t want a disgruntled employee around my kids.

      • Nati

        I think that’s their plan. At least that’s what I’m interpreting from the “two week’s severance.”

    • Anon

      Coming from the former sitter/nanny perspective:
      If you’re set on doing it, do it now. People are looking for nannies for the school year now, if they haven’t already found one.
      Have you talked with her about this and seen where she’s coming from? If she’s great with the kids, is there some sort of quasi-“PIP” that could be done for a few months to see if anything gets better?

    • Msj

      Been there with my baby twins. I was dreading it but she took it very well. We also framed it as getting an au pair rather than firing her, which helped some. I posted on her behalf to a local moms group (she wasn’t a right fit for my kids as they got older but was good for babies so I felt okay recommending her) and set her up with 20 interviews. Im not saying you have to go to these lengths but it’s common enough and she should be able to find another gig easily – particularly if you send the bat signal to other local parents groups.

    • Betty

      I went through this earlier this year, except I discovered that our nanny was on her laptop all day and largely ignoring the kids. A few things to think about: Do you have other childcare lined up that could start ASAP? Your nanny may quit or may need time to interview for other positions. We kept our nanny for two weeks but would have paid the two weeks’ severance and just not had her come if we had back-up care ready to go. As for the actual conversation, keep it short. Be prepared that there may be some blow back from your nanny or defensiveness, regardless of what you are saying. (We told our nanny that our youngest needed to start preschool and we couldn’t afford to keep her full-time, which was not entirely true. She said, “Yeah I could tell that having a full time nanny was a stretch for you.” Her comment came across as so petty and defensive but ticked me off either way.) It sounds like this is the right move for your family. I bet that you will feel better when the conversation is over, and six months from now, you will be happy you made the switch.

    • Editor pants

      I would have her last day be today (I can’t tell if that’s what you were intending). Definitely don’t have her come back, so awkward to have a fired employee return to your home to work.

    • Spirograph

      This is exactly how and why we fired our nanny. Asked for the key back, gave her a check for the next two weeks, and thanked her for taking good care of the kid, but emphasized that her relationship with/respect for us as parents was equally important and that part wasn’t working. I don’t know if it was “right” but you’re not alone! I have never regretted it for a second.

    • Anon

      i would hope in your “reference” you’d be honest about the problem and not just dump her on another family – seems like a deal breaker for a nanny position, refusing to take guidance from the parents

  18. Anonymous

    Kind of a funny situation I am in. I’ve been dating my BF for about 2 years now and things are great. last night we went to see a classical music concert and I am a little embarrassed at how he was acting. He was moving both hands in the air acting as if he was the conductor the whole concert. It got to a point where I could hear a lot of people snickering behind us. BF is really a nice person so I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Is this something that you guys would bring up?

    • Anonymous

      I would have said during the concert “what are you doing? Stop! It’s weird and distracting.”

      • Nati

        Yup – me too, for reasons noted below. Retroactively I don’t think there’s much you can do and any conversation after the fact will make it seem like a much huger deal than it really was.

      • Anonymous

        I would’ve gotten a couple drinks and joined in! Life’s too short to take yourself seriously!

    • Catlady

      This sounds a lot like a potential Seinfeld episode. I wouldn’t say anything, but I would never take him to a classical concert again.

    • Nati

      One of my general pet peeves is people who can’t stop moving. My twin will sit next to you and jiggle his leg for hours straight without even realizing he’s doing it. So, the conductor thing would drive me insane as is, but I’d also find it odd. What I’m saying is, I get finding it weird but am not sure whether it’s worth bringing up retroactively? Maybe he was just really into the music and wasn’t sure how to “channel” that feeling?

    • m0lady

      Uhm, unless he’s wearing Mickey Mouse outfit and channeling his inner Fantasia there is no place for such distracting behavior at a concert. I would bring this up next time you guys go.

      • DC Anon

        This was my first thought as well.

        You’d be framing this question entirely differently if you were crazy about this man and were just trying to figure out how to tell him that one specific thing annoyed you.

        • AnonInfinity

          Wait, what? She also said that things are great.

          It seems like “nice” is a pretty common adjective used to describe a SO. And one would be especially reticent to hurt a nice person’s feelings. So, I’m don’t at all understand why this leads to dump him.

    • KT

      I’m sorry, I laughed out loud at this one. I feel like all couples find those weird hidden quirks a few years in (Heck, my husband hid being an Star Wards nerd. We dated for five years before we moved in together and I only found out when I saw him lovingly unpacking his mint in box figurines—hundreds of them!!!!)

      I think this is something you address in the moment–if you say something now, he’s going to feel weird and it’ll be bigger than it is. When you go to a concert and he’s all in conductor mode, just put a hand on his arm and laugh and ask “what are you doing? that’s really distracting!”

      My husband has to do this to me. I am a long time equestrian and have ridden racehorses in morning workouts and jumpers. When we watch a horserace or a competition I’m really into, I have an awful habit of popping in my seat like I’m jumping or reaching for a whip. I don’t even realize I’m doing it, until my husband tells me I’m doing the weird thing again. Than he laughs like crazy.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Ok, between yesterday’s post that your husband is a pastry chef and today’s that he’s a Star Wars nerd and you’re an equestrian, I want to be your new best friend.

        • KT

          HA! We are a quirky pair.

          Now I am a slow-poke equestrian. I lease an ancient, sweet Percheron and we putter around the trails on weekends. Safer for my neck :)

          I’ms till bitter about the Star Wars figurines, though. He totally hid that.

          • lost academic

            You and I would be great friend IRL (or so I imagine!) and you could absolutely free lease my mare :)

          • lost academic

            Used to go there regularly for a conference! Doh. Closest I usually get these days is Tampa. Until I give up, quit, and move to Ocala maybe (ha, ha)

            I’m in Pittsburgh now, can’t imagine why you’d come here, but ping me if you do!

        • KT

          Also, being married to a pastry chef sounds like a great idea in practice, but it is the WORST.

          He HATES sweets. Hates them. How one is a pastry chef but hates sugar is beyond me, but there you go. So when he was in school and apprenticing, he would practice at home and I’d “have” to taste test everything to make sure it was right. Then when he got his current job (to add to the fun, he’s a pastry chef at Disney World), he brings home some of the leftover desserts for me.

          When we met, I was a 4/6. Now, I’m an 16/18. This is completely and utterly his fault (but I’m okay with it)

      • Edna Mazur

        I somehow, unintentionally, hid the fact that I am a huge Star Trek TNG fan from my husband. I don’t go to conventions or collect anything but will watch marathons.

        So not his thing. I get how it happens.

        • KT

          That’s awesome :)

          We all have our things. It’s just surprising because my husband is the last person you’d expect to be a Star Wars person or a Trekkie. He dresses like he’s Jimmy Buffett every day and thinks he’s always on the beach with a margarita in hand.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            Yep, we definitely need to be friends. I too would like to live a life like Jimmy Buffett, am a Star Wars fan, equestrian who loves dessert. Next time I’m in Orlando for work, I’m getting in touch…

    • Anonymous

      It’s probably not worth bringing up if you’re not planning to attend another concert like that in the forseeable future. If it’s something you want to start doing all the time, sure. But once every two years or more – eh, wait till next time, when he starts doing it.

    • Closet Redux

      LOL your boyfriend is George W. Bush at a funeral! Sometimes when your jam comes on, you just can’t help but jam.

    • Idea

      What a great reason to hold his hand during the concert!
      Unless the hands get sweaty…. ew.

  19. Aki

    I am ecstatic that a Reiss just opened up at midtown! What are the best times of year/sale events for buying suiting?

  20. KT

    I’m really happy prince Harry posted getting tested for HIV live; I’m not really into the royals, but I love that someone who is so in the spotlight is trying to make getting tested a normal thing and bring awareness to it. There’s still SO much stigma…people don’t want to be seen in the waiting rooms of testing sites, so hopefully efforts like this will help.

      • KT

        Gosh darnit. I am the worst at remembering that euphemism. Every time I end up confused.

        Just now, I went, “That’s a weird comment. Maybe it’s to someone else? Why would she worry about planting shrubs with prince Harry”.

        Then it occurred to me. This is my best/worst moment of today.

        • Anon

          Couldn’t figure out what “LGP” was yesterday.
          In case anyone else is confused, urban dictionary is 1 MILLION percent NOT NOT NOT the place to look up that acronym. Channeling Ellen but I actually said “Oh g-d no that’s not it” out loud.
          Found it later on Kat’s list of acronyms.

        • Never too many shoes

          KT, you do not have to be good at remembering that euphemism because it is RIDICULOUS and seriously cringeworthy. Did Ellen come up with it???

  21. KT

    Also, thanks to the poster who recommended “A Slob Comes Clean”. I spent a good chunk of last night reading it and it’s really helpful.

    I am a slob by nature but I don’t want to be, and it’s so DARNED HARD to keep it together. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who aspires to cleanliness but fails.

  22. cbackson

    Paging yesterday’s poster looking for a doctor for an annual exam in DC who would be sensitive to the fact that the poster was in her thirties and hadn’t been “active”: I spoke with my friend, and she strongly recommended the GWU midwifery practice. They do standard well-woman care as well as pregnancy care, and she said that they’re compassionate, nonjudgmental, and have seen friends of hers in similar situations to yours.

    (I have seen midwives for well-woman care, although not at GW, and highly recommend them – the midwifery model involves spending a LOT more time with you, which really helps when you’re new to pelvic exams, or if you’re nervous about them.)

  23. Anonymous

    Any other Hoosiers here? Seems like our lovely governor is going to be The Donald’s running mate. On the one hand I’m absolutely thrilled about anything that will get him out of our state, but I also feel like I need to start apologizing to everyone for inflicting him on America.

    • Pesh

      Not a hoosier, but spend a good deal of time in Indy/Carmel for work/visiting friends (I love Carmel!). Curious if Pence will be the pick. He seems pretty terrible and I remember seeing lawn signs calling for his resignation during several trips. With his niece being a local news anchor, I’m sure she’d be thrilled to get the scoop.

    • Idea

      Are you used to “inflicting” your pols on America since Dan Quayle? Remember him?
      Ha! I am so old.

    • HOOhOO

      Also a Hoosier. IDEK.

      I find that I don’t actually know anyone who is into trump, except for a stray cousin that I’m 90% sure has a clinical psychotic mental issue (not euphamism, frequently comments on Nancy Grace posts about setting alleged perpetrators on fire and bringing the matches herself, picks fights with random neighbors, etc.)?

      It feels like it is the Emperor’s New Clothes (I know it is not, but it does feel this way).

      I also feel like Pence is pretty uniformly reviled….and (1) I work in conservative boys’ club/country club/NRA -loving law firm who really support Republican party/host fundraisers, etc. (2) I just “graduated” from a faith-based organization where I worked with straight white evangelicals.

      It’s like I’m in this weird alternate reality.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Hoosier here and I’d put money on Pence getting it. This has been his goal for a while – with the “religious freedom” act and the more recent horrible abortion restrictions, he’s put himself in the national spotlight as a “strong conservative.” He’s calmer than Christie and younger than Gingrich. Apologies to all.

    • ace

      Reformed Hoosier (now living in IL) with lots of friends and family still in IN.
      Totally conflicted that my IN friend’s problem is now becoming a potentially national one. Happy that he’s not running for reelection? If anyone wants to learn more about Pence, definitely check out the P E R I O D S for P E N C E group on facebook (remove spaces).

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