Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 283 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Jersey Faux-Wrap Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150 | ·

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Trina Turk Jersey Faux-Wrap DressThere are tons of great dresses on sale right now — many in this price range (under $150). For today's TPS Report, I like the silky, drapey look of this Trina Turk faux wrap dress — particularly the longer sleeves and the banded cuffs, which I think give it a nice blousy feel; the pleating in the back, and the tonal waistband. It was $228, but is now marked to $136 at Neiman Marcus's “First Call sale.” Trina Turk Jersey Faux-Wrap Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2) Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page (updated to include a few Bloomingdale sale pieces I previously recommended)…

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. KC

    I love the color. It would be really pretty for the holiday party circuit. You could get creative with sparkly belts and put together some really festive looks.

  2. mamabear

    Favorite tweet of the election: “cheer up Todd Akin: if it’s a legitimate loss, the body has a way of shutting it down.” – Piers Morgan

    • manomanon

      hahahahahahahaha that combined with this (isnatesilveawitch.com) made my day

      Regardless of who you voted for I just want to say I am grateful to how the ladies of this blog conducted all of our conversations & debates leading up to the election. Yes there were moments when it deteriorated a little bit, but overall the comments were well thought out and were far more civilized than normally seen on internet commentary. So thank you!

    • CW

      One of the more hilarious moments for me was watching Brian Williams (love him) describe Donald Trump’s tweets as “That happened.”

  4. manomanon

    My original comment is in moderation… silly link.. but this was the important part

    Regardless of who you voted for I just want to say I am grateful to how the ladies of this blog conducted all of our conversations & debates leading up to the election. Yes there were moments when it deteriorated a little bit, but overall the comments were well thought out and were far more civilized than normally seen on internet commentary. So thank you!

  5. Woods-comma-Elle

    What a cute dress! Love!

    I have a serious election hangover, I managed to stay awake until 2am (London) and still had NBC on in the background and woke up again at 5am to Obama having won.

    Now being at work is a challenge. Zzzzzz….

    • Marilla

      Same here.. plus I keep obsessively checking news websites for more analysis and reactions pictures etc. And I’m working really hard to keep from commenting on my American conservative in-law’s FB updates about how they are now moving to Canada. Like, seriously you guys, our socialized health care and strong social safety net (including paid maternity leave through EI) will be happy to have you, but I don’t think you’re really getting the whole concept of Canada. As in, our Conservative party is not exactly analogous to the Republicans. At all. /rant. /back to work. /maybe.

      • loco

        Yeah, some of my fb friends were claiming this was the perfect time to move to Australia. I just wanted to re-post the trending tweet about how their PM is a single athiest woman and they have universal healthcare as well.

          • Mpls

            And isn’t nearly as cold as Canada. But is more likely to have water restrictions :)

          • Marilla

            But Australia has spiders and snakes and other warm-weather creepy crawlies. We just have a LOT of squirrels. And you can wear cute winter clothes. Plus when winter finally disappears, it’s basically national euphoria. Join us…

            (Australia does sound awesome though.)

        • Carla

          Yes, plus we have strict gun laws.

          I watched election coverage all afternoon here (on three of our tv channels exclusively covering it) and chuckled at Donald Trump’s tweets.

      • long time lurker

        LOL. I went on to facebook and un-hid many people this morning. Saw something similar re: Canada. I am refraining from posting that maybe they should move to Somalia because that country has lots of guns and limited government there.

      • Sad Anon

        Yeah, that’s stupid if republican type people want to move to Canada or Australia where policies in general are probably more progressive than here in the US. I am not sure I like the direction I’m afraid we’re headed in over the next 15-20 years, so I am thinking that Poland, the Middle East, or possibly Singapore would be where I would end up an expat.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          My husband loved living in Singapore but that country has tons of governmental control over the people. It is one of the safest due to the strict crime and drug laws. They don’t sell gum there because they got sick of paying to clean it off the subway and sidewalks. If you want less government in your life, Singapore would not be the way to go. I’m also pretty sure they have socialized healthcare paid through required payroll deductions.

          • Sad Anon

            Generally though the business environment and tax environment is very favorable. It is one of the best places in the world to do business. Also, I want to live in a place where the population doesn’t do wild things (at least so blatantly) like drugs, etc. So, I wouldn’t mind being in a place where the laws governing s-x/drugs/public behavior/etc. are more restrictive. So, for me, it’s less about minimizing all government control and more that I want to live in a place where my personal taxes are not absurd (and business people are not shown to be the bad people) and the populace generally follows the type of moral code/structure I believe in. Of course, bad things go on behind closed doors everywhere, but at least the principles I agree with would be in place theoretically and the cultural mores might be more in line with mine.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            Ah, your explanation makes perfect sense and I think you would really like it there! I’m hoping to get back to visit in 2013. Fingers crossed.

          • 'rette in Singapore

            Thank you. It’s nice to hear something apart from “Disneyland with the Death Penalty”, once in a while.

        • (Formerly Sad) Anon

          I would just like to clarify that the above Sad Anon is not the Sad Anon who posted a while back about a break-up and depression. That Sad Anon is in fact very happy about the election results.

      • Duh

        Same President, same House, same Senate. Why do we think anything will be different this time? Nothing will get done and Obama will blame the Republicans.

        • Sad Anon

          It won’t be different. It’s depressing. I’m sad things in the economy have to apparently get even worse for people to realize that they need to change.

          • Anon

            Agree. Romney is not perfect but he is the president we need at this time but we will get the president that the voters deserve.

          • Duh

            So they should let Obama enact polices that will continue to erode this country? What is going to happen when the debt ceiling needs to be increased?

          • Lalo

            You’re right.

            We all have different opinions. I know I would be upset and defensive if my “side” had lost. But please, Obama is not the end of the US as we know it. Do you not recall Moodys downgrading the US because of recalcitrant Republicans? Too many opinions have been expressed here for my comments to be remembered, but I have serious issues with them man (likely much different than yours) but I never thought he was the savior of the American people.

          • NJ anon

            And Obama/the senate should help the republicans pass legislation that is bad for the country? Do you live in a Sandy affected area? Let’s get rid of FEMA. I’m sure your state had the resources to entirely self fund recovery efforts.

        • Divaliscious11

          Nothing will get done….IF there was another not so secret meeting to say “Let’s oppose everything he does!” If that didn’t happen this time, maybe some progress and compromise. Republicans and Democrats don’t actually disagree on everything. Heck, if they start on the Republican proposals the President offered that they refused to agree with, a lot could get passed very quickly.

          More importantly – THE WOMENS IN CONGRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo0hoo!!!!!

          • Divaliscious11

            And New Hampshire is rocking – Governor AND Congressional delegation of women!!!

            As said this morning by Tammy Baldwin – if you not in the room, you are not in the conversation, you are the topic of the conversation (or something like that).

          • cfm

            you think there was a secret meeting to oppose everything the president does?

          • Divaliscious11

            It wasn’t a secret – they met the night of the election in 2008. Fairly well publicized….. they um, kinda bragged about it….

          • Bette

            “The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.” – Mitch McConnell, National Journal on Oct. 23, 2010

            I think the secret meeting line was an attempt at humor from Divaliscious11, but yes, Senate Republicans have been pretty clear that they are focused more on working to defeat the president than they are on crafting compromises to actually move this country forward.

          • cfm

            this is the problem. a dinner meeting of, 10? 13? people means all republicans tried to have a secret meeting to oppose the president.

          • Bette

            And Olympia Snowe cited this as the reason why she chose not to run for re-election.

            I think the filibuster rules in the Senate really need to be changed in order for our country to really move forward addressing large issues. Both the Dems under Bush and the Repubs under Obama have been using it to basically destroy the idea of compromise.

          • cfm

            did anyone here even read that fact checking article!

            also diva, you cannot cite the daily kos as a news source. I mean, come on

          • Anon

            Seriously, read the fact checking article! I wasn’t going to read it until I read your comment, cfm, so thanks for that. It actually says the democrats’ portrayal was WRONG!!!

          • Bette

            The fact check says that McConnell didn’t say that at the start of Obama’s term like Obama and some other Dems, but rather half way through.

            The fact check doesn’t refute the idea that Repubs are openly working against the President at the expense of progress but rather WHEN McConnell acknowledged that fact.

          • Divaliscious11

            The fact check was of the McConnell statement. My subsequent post was about the House meeting……

            I could post additional links but didn’t want to end up in moderation but your a bright girl, you can search and find lots of details, including the You Tube of Newt Gingrich discussing being there…..

          • Divaliscious11

            Uh, not a troll, have been on this board for several years, and not hiding behind an anon handle. Does neither side to pretend things didn’t happen. Things happened, but neither side is doomed to repeat unless they CHOOSE to do so…. the President has expressed an interest in working together….let’s see what the response is….

          • Anon

            Diva, the president has expressed an interest in working together with his words but not his actions. Look how health care was passed. There are lots of other examples.

          • ChocCityB&R

            You mean Bob Dole’s healthcare plan? You mean Mitt Romney’s healthcare plan? When Republicans started opposing themselves, I can’t see how the President could react differently.

          • Divaliscious11

            Well, he’s only been RE-ELECTED for about 12 hours so I don’t know what additional action he should have already taken, although he has flown back to Washington, so that’s a step……

            He has offered REPUBLICAN legislation and got a no thanks…

            CFM – 12-13 random people in a room – no big deal – the Republican leadership of the house and Senate – well in the words our Uncle Joey – big effin’ deal……

    • Cb

      I woke up at 2 (Scotland) and watched a few returns come in, and then my alarm went of about 5 minutes after Romney conceded at 6. Pretty sure I woke up my neighbors with my hurray. It’s funny, I’m sitting in a cafe and everyone is talking about it.

  6. I'm Just Me

    I love this dress. It would be perfect for the holidays.

    Is anyone looking at the Narciso Rodriquez line at Kohls? I ordered a tweed jacket and a ruched shirt this morning. I had seen the jacket featured in a magazine with various stylings and thought it would work with lots of things I already ow. The pictures did not make it look like it was shiny, but online it is defintely shiny.

    Oh, well, Kohls has a good return policy.

    I’ll link to the collection in the reply.

  7. NOLA

    Beautiful dress! I’ve bought so many dresses recently that I don’t need another one.

    Stayed up too late watching election returns. Plus my jaw hurts from dental work yesterday. It’s going to be a long day.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

      Sorry to hear that (re: post-dental work pain)

      When are you coming to NYC? IIRC, you wanted to go shopping, right? Like Godzilla, I’m a shopping chaperone, so I’m totally looking forward to it!

      • Godzilla

        I’m totally feeling the love today. So grateful to have access to electricity so I can rawr on here again. RAWR.

      • NOLA

        Awesome! I will be arriving in NYC the afternoon of Wednesday, Nov. 28th. I’ll have meetings on Thursday and Friday, but free in the evenings. I’m leaving Sunday evening. Hoping to go to St. Thomas on Fifth Ave. on Sunday morning just to hear the glorious singing (men and boys). Otherwise, I have no plans. I think my friend will be coming up from DC on Friday. I was going to email you closer to then. Is your email addy @yahoo?

        • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

          Ooh, St. Thomas. I’ve occasionally gone to listen to the music there– not Episcopalian but I do love the music at that church. I have a story to tell you about St. Thomas when I see you. Very slice of life type thing.

          You’re correct, email is edna_mode_nyc at yahoo dot com.

          When we discuss logistics, we can talk about which stores you’d like to stop at. When it comes to shopping, I have certain “stations of the cross,” but am always eager to learn new ones or to see what others like.

        • NOLA

          Yeah, I’m not Episcopalian either but I’m a mainstream Protestant church singer so the music is pretty familiar (and beautiful). I’ll think about what I want to do!

  8. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

    Hey ladies. I wanted to drop by an recommend a great cardigan I picked up from Target yesterday (link to follow). It’s soft and has just the right amount of stretch (so it’s comfortable without losing its shape) and the green polka dot pattern (which I don’t see online) makes me so happy. Plus at $20, I think it’s a steal.

    • AP

      Glad you are back, Ms. BEF — people here have been wondering about you and hoping you are doing okay!

      • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

        Thanks for the concern and support ladies. I am doing okay. The guy and I are. . .taking our time. I think that once our lease is up,we’ll need to go our separate ways, but he’s not so sure. Men.

        On a far more positive note, the reason I’ve been MIA is because I picked up a temporary position with my state’s bar association. I’m filling in for someone going on maternity leave and have been trying to pick up the basics (the position is in advertising) before she pops. So, basically I’m being aimless with a 40 hour a week job and a 20 hour a week job and I’ve taken up coaching an 8th grade girls volleyball team. When I need to get busy to avoid something, I really go all out huh?

        Morailty Question: If, in his effort to win me back, the boy got me a stand mixer for my birthday next week, would it be wrong to keep it if I think it’s likely that we’ll break up next year?

        • TO Lawyer

          I think it’s totally fine to keep it! I mean people are in relationships all the time that they don’t think will last forever, and get gifts from their partners and don’t give them back after the break-up right?

          Maybe take this advice with a grain of salt, as I kept and still wear jewelry from an ex (no sentimental feelings are still attached – I just really like the pieces!)

          • Honey Pillows

            One of my favorite pieces is a necklace from an ex! When I wear it now, I don’t think about the hard breakup or the fighting; if I haven’t worn it in a while, I think about how wonderful it was that he loved me so much and all the ways a relationship changes us. When I wear it regularly, I don’t even give it a thought.

            It’s even more applicable with a KitchenAid. It’s not a particularly sentimental gift, although a really useful and awesome one.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          I think it’s fine to keep it! No one knows what the future will bring. Also, what is he gonna do with it if you give him the stand mixer back?

        • KC

          As someone who recently got a stand mixer as a gift: the giver would have to pry it from my dead, cold hands.

          Translation: It’s a gift. It’s yours. You will love it and wonder how you lived without one :)

        • NOLA

          Hey! Glad to see you back. Sorry I missed getting together in Denver. I wanted to meet you and buy you a drink!

          I say definitely keep the mixer. It’s a gift and one you will use for a long time. Enjoy it!

        • mamabear

          Oh, that’s definitely OK. Every time you’re whipping the sh1t out of some cream, you’ll think of your ex.

          • NOLA

            You know, I still have furniture that I took from my ex-boyfriend’s apartment when I moved out and I have no regrets. He moved out before I did, but I guess, because the apartment was in his mother’s house, he figured I’d leave it. I have two sturdy captain’s chairs in my livingroom that he’ll never miss. And a bookcase that his father made. It fits perfectly in my kitchen for cookbooks. He said he wasn’t sure if I should keep it so I asked his Dad and he said he would love for me to have it. Now that his Dad has passed away, it makes me feel good to have something of his. His Dad said I was too good for his son. ;)

    • SF Bay Associate

      Hey there Ms. BEF! So nice to see you again :). Hope you’re doing ok. We’ve been wondering how you’re doing.

    • TCFKAG

      Oh hai! Hope you’re doing better/well. Cute cardigan — a green polka dot might be worth driving to target for….

    • Sydney Bristow

      Glad your back!! I wholeheartedly agree with your recommendation. I was just about to order it in new colors since I love the white one I got so much.

    • goirishkj

      You’re back! Hope you are holding up. I think I need a polka dot cardi :)

      • In the Pink for Godzilla

        I actually think the gizmo makes a version of your RAWRRRRRRR fire-breathing coolness.

    • e_pontellier

      ohmygosh I might buy that for my DH. Or for myself, to wear when I’m doing homework (since DH keeps interrupting me….).

  10. ADL

    I’m liking this. Yesterday, as I was picking out a red dress to wear (vs blue – after all, it was election day, I needed to support my party, and I work in politics), I realized I need more red. This might go in the “save” pile.

    • Bunkster

      Red’s my favorite color, but my party is blue. Today I’m wearing a blue jersey dress with a red cardigan. And I have red rain boots and a red anorak for the lovely weather.

      I guess you could say I’m bipartisan today.

        • TCFKAG

          I’m wearing a button down shirt with coral stripes. I think this means “I can’t believe we might get snow…I want to move to Aruba…but I sure am glad the election is over….”

      • Divaliscious11

        I am a blue girl wearing a red dress today (which matches my Runway to Win scarf nicely!)

    • KC

      Ha. Yesterday I also made the realization I own no red… so I wore blue. Now on the hunt for the perfect red shift :)

    • Jo March

      Canadian…but still wearing bits of red, white, and blue today. I feel patriotic for America :)

  11. momentsofabsurdity

    Apparently, I’ve gotten too old to stay up for the speeches. Because my eyes were cloooosing during Obama’s speech (and I was really bored for the 1.5hrs between all the major networks calling it, and the speeches).

    However, I was really excited for many of the election results! I watched with a Republican and Libertarian friend and both were disappointed (neither are Obama fans, though I am), but both reflected (and I agree) that hopefully this election will serve as a reset to the Republican party and allow it to restructure itself in a way that is more accessible and appealing to people like them (ie, less Tea Party, more small-government fiscal-conservativism, etc).

    I was also really excited to see marriage equality pass in the popular vote in four (?) states. That was probably my biggest “yay” of the night.

    • ANP

      I’m a big Obama person and an avowed liberal, but I support fiscal prudence. I find myself aligning with Libertarians on several issues. I would love to see a realigned Republican party (more of the “classic” model) — I think that would result in a much more interesting string of debates. (Or maybe I’m just kidding myself?)

      Otherwise, what a freaking great day. I live in WI and am beyond proud of its election of Tammy Baldwin. Incredibly historic for our state, plus she and I share an alma mater.

    • cbackson

      Marriage equality is one of my big issues, and because I would really prefer to see it handled at the state level, I was excited to see the results.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        I was especially excited to see it pass through a popular vote which I don’t think has ever happened before. I lived in Maine when the amendment banning gay marriage was voted into the state constitution and it was incredibly disheartening at the time – it’s so incredible to see the change that’s been made, in just four years.

    • anon

      You know, the Tea Party has been so mischaracterized. Tea Party = more small-government fiscal conservatism.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Tea Party was the wrong term. “Radical religious right” would have been a better one, you’re right. Though I have to say – they seem to overlap a lot, particularly with regards to abortion rights.

          • anon

            And you know, I always thought that the Tea Party and the Occupiers had more in common than anyone would have liked to admit, if they would just get over their preconceived notions about each other.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            In fairness, I don’t even think the Occupy movement knew what the Occupy movement was for, at least from Occupiers I talked to. Grassroots is great, and I wanted to ally with Occupy, but I felt like there was no coherent message they presented other than “what we have now is bad.”

          • anon

            Right, but everybody was against the bailouts and the government favoring some people/companies over others. I am not saying they had total uniformity, but there was some common ground.

          • Em

            I agree with momentsofabsurdity re a consistent message from the Occupy movement, but I also don’t think it’s necessarily right to characterize them, generally, as “against the bailout,” as opposed to specific parts of it. I also think that generally both groups did advocate policies that favored certain people or companies, but – by and large – different ones. I’m not a member of either group, but I just don’t see that much commonality.

        • anon

          I also have to say that I tire of the term “radical religious right.” Why is it radical? People are so hesitant to call other religions radical unless they are actually terrorists. No no no, Muslims aren’t radical, how could you say that, you racist?!?!? But when it comes to Christians, they are definitely without a doubt radical, and no one even questions it.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            I don’t think most Christians are radical (my parents are quite religious and I would not say they are a part of the “radical religious right”).

            I would absolutely call Muslim fundamentalists radical, just like I call Christian fundamentalists radical (Christian fundamentalists of the kind profiled in films like Jesus Camp, for example). I would say fundamentalist Christians who believe in things like Young Earth Creationism, are anti contraceptive access at all, are anti-abortion even in cases of rape or incest, or to save the mother’s life, are against even civil unions and maybe even pro anti-sodomy laws, don’t believe in global warming (or believe in dominionism), etc — those people ARE radical, and they are a part of the radical religious right in this country. They are the most vocal fundamentalists in America right now (though worldwide, I would absolutely say Muslims have the most vocal and radical fundamentalist bloc).

          • Em

            For me, people who want to impose laws on me based on what their religion tells them is right = radical members of that religion. I don’t really care what religion it is. (And radical Muslims don’t really affect my day-to-day life because they do not hold positions of power in the U.S. I respect and support people in Muslim countries who stand up for, for instance, women’s rights in the face of religious attacks on them, but I don’t believe it my job to tell those activists what they should and shouldn’t get outraged about in their own country and lives.)

          • AnonInfinity

            People don’t use the term “radical religious right” to refer to all Christians. They use it to refer to people who are in favor of certain laws or policies that are extreme. There is, objectively, a subset of our population that supports all kinds of laws that are extreme and the support for their position is their religious views.

            An example is people who would ban abortion in the case of rape because of their religious views. I understand the position and it is a legitimate political position, but only 20% of people feel that way, according to a Washington Post poll (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/wp/2012/08/22/who-rejects-abortion-in-the-case-of-rape/). That is an extreme position and one that is supported by a vast minority of people.

            The problem with the term “radical Muslim” as I’ve heard it is that people will use it as a blanket term for all Muslims.

          • Em

            b23, can you find an example of this? I’m sure there are, but I can honestly say I’ve never seen it. We’re talking about – what – 85% of the U.S. here?

          • just Karen

            “radical religious” can be applied to ANY religion. There are radical Muslims just as there are radical Christians, and there are non-radical Muslims and non-radical Christians. The whole point of saying “radical religious right” is to distinguish it from “religious right”. I don’t think the entire religious right is radical, but I certainly do believe there are radical elements within that category.

          • b23

            85% believe in “a God,” not are Christians. So they aren’t calling 85% radical, they are calling actual practicing Christians who have political views in line with their religion radical. I’ve seen it a lot. People act like if you are pr0-life, you are a radical Christian. I guess I could give you the example of Mourdock. What he said was in line with his views that life begins at conception, but he was totally tarred and feathered for it. Granted, people on this site acknowledged he was being consistent and truthful, and appreciated it, but the media and others did not treat it that way.

            (Note that I’m not defending Akin. :))

          • a-nun

            murdock basically said we should be thankful for our magical r*pe babies. (yes this is slightly exaggerated and sarcastic but it is the essence of what he was referring to).

          • momentsofabsurdity

            Murdock’s direct quote was:

            “I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that’s something God intended to happen.”

            I appreciate that he’s being consistent and truthful, and that he does oppose abortions, in all situations, all the time, because he does believe in the stat’es compelling interest to protect what he defines as life, but I have to say, the viewpoint that God “intended” for a woman to get raped and pregnant is a terrifying viewpoint.

          • Wordy

            b23: Wait, what? Who would call all Christians radical? That’s a pretty broad brush, yes? A Southern Baptist can have views in line with their flavor of Christianity and an Episcopalian can have views in line with their particular flavor of Christianity. Both are Christian, yet their views may be very different.

      • long time lurker

        I don’t see how the Tea Party is for limited fiscal government on the one hand, and government interference with women’s health and who I can marry, on the other hand.

        • anon

          First of all, all I said was fiscal conservatism (which you agreed with), which is not inconsistent with women’s health and gay marriage. The Tea Party is focused on fiscal conservatism – that’s it. Clearly their members trend toward religious people, but that doesn’t mean the Tea Party is inconsistent.

          • Almost There

            What you actually said was “small-government fiscal conservatism.” Seems like it’s the “small-government” part that contradicts the idea that the government can tell women what to do with their bodies.

        • Anonymous Poser

          +1

          I’ve been saying this for years, long time lurker. I’d love for the party to focus on small government and fiscal responsibility. Heck, either party…

    • American Idiot

      I am so, so disappointed with the American people today. I am so tired of this mischaracterization of Republicans as the “religious right” and “Tea Baggers”. Please educate yourself on the issues. Please read both sides of the argument. Please get your news from places other than MSNBC. I used to be a Democrat too until I started looking closer at the issues and not just the sound bites being fed to me.

      • Em

        Oh come on, people can, in fact, look at the facts and reach different conclusions than you.

        • American Idiot

          Where did I say that was not possible? My point was that only looking to news sources that reaffirm your own viewpoints is not “looking at the facts”.

          • anon

            “I used to be a Democrat too until I started looking closer at the issues and not just the sound bites being fed to me” sounds suspiciously like “If you looked at the facts and actually educated yourself about the issues, you wouldn’t vote for the Democrat.”

      • Anon

        Please do not assume that anyone who supported Obama (1) didn’t educate his/herself on the issues, (2) didn’t read both sides of the argument, and (3) got all news from MSNBC.

        I feel very confident that I explored both sides with an open mind and chose, for ME, the best candidate. It sounds like you did the same. The fact that we chose different candidates doesn’t make me wrong and you right, or vice versa.

        Thanks.

        • cfm

          I agree with you (voted for Obama), but strongly agree with american idiot. Based on my circles, their news feeds, its appalling the stuff my liberal friends believe. i think we have reached an age where we are seeing the death of critical thinking.

          • Em

            This strikes me as ludicrously melodramatic. This country has been around for over 200 years; people were not brilliant critical thinkers for the first 220 years who have just now become brainwashed by the evil liberal media.

            We are seeing a different electorate now, and with it, different values and priorities. Personally, I’m proud to live in a country today where for the first time, voters on a state level chose to grant equal marriage rights rather than deny them. And that’s just one example. Not every vote went the way I would have liked – and plenty of people made comments I thought were incorrect – but that doesn’t mean they’re brainwashed; it means not everyone agrees with me.

          • TCFKAG

            I think we all believe that the opposition lives in an echo chamber. I’ve seen the exact same statement that AI wrote written by others, but substitute “Fox News” in there and “left wingers” and “socialists” or whatever. Its easier to think that people disagree with our views because of ignorance rather then because they made an informed decision and came to a different conclusion based on facts.

            But in fact, if you see anything on this site, its that rational people do see the same facts and come to different conclusions. Yes, there are people who hold radical views on each side (and the internet tends to amplify their voices), but there are lots of reasonable, well-informed people on both sides.

          • Dawn

            Maybe you just have stupid friends? And/or you need to diversify and find some conservative friends who are also lacking in critical thinking skills? Yes, plenty of people are ignorant or misinformed, and plenty of people don’t dig too deeply into politics and positions. But they represent all sides, not just the side that was victorious last night. American Idiot (not a misnomer) is saying that anyone who voted liberal must have done so out of blindness or sloth. Here, let me introduce you to her liberal doppelganger:

            ‘I am so tired of this mischaracterization of Democrats as the “job destroyers” and “socialists”. Please educate yourself on the issues. Please read both sides of the argument. Please get your news from places other than Fox. I used to be a Republican too until I started looking closer at the issues and not just the sound bites being fed to me’

          • cfm

            Im very scared I have stupid friends. But I went to a top 10 college and t 14 law school. thats the scary part. i know that if I had conservative friends who were like this i would posting here “OH MY GOD these conservatives”

            TCFKAG I am not talking about the opposition. I am talking about my own side. Im very happy about the gay marriage votes. Im just schocked at the hatred and ignorance coming from people who voted the same way i did. and just blindly repeating sound bites and hate.

          • American Idiot

            Dawn: I did not say that. Please reread. I was calling for people to diversify their news sources and think critically about the issues. I never said that it was impossible to see the same facts and have a different conclusion.

            Thank you for the shout out and calling me an idiot! I guess anyone who has a viewpoint different than you is a moron? Hm where have I heard that before?

          • TCFKAG

            CFM — I know that — I was replying in general to the idea I guess and not to you — the thread is confuzzling. And now I think I’m out because the election is over and I need a mental time out from politics. :-P

          • SF Bay Associate

            My good friend’s mother remains absolutely certain that Obama is a Muslim. American Idiot indeed.

          • health care anon

            +1 to the death of critical thinking. My husband and I were talking about that last night. How do we teach our kids this? What do we do? How do I teach them to question everything? I had to teach my ten year old step daughter how to use and encyclopedia for Pete’s sake! I know you teach by doing, but I really, REALLY (sorry for the Ellen caps) worry about this! I feel like I am a fairly critical thinker, and is DH, but I’m one of those people who can’t teach what I do or what comes naturally to me, and I always want my children to be able to think critically and have their own ideas, yet be peaceful human beings.

            (steps off soapbox, sits down to a cup of tea…. long night…)

          • cfm

            half of my news feed posted that Bush voted for obama by accident. they were posting an article from a satire site, like the onion. which means they saw a “news article” from a publication they had never heard of, and posted it as fact. thats terrifying to me. my first instinct is always “who is publishing this”

            a bunch of bloggers ran with the story too. if you clicked the home page it says “Satire” in huge letters. takes .5 seconds.

          • AnonInfinity

            Health Care Anon — I think my parents did exactly the right thing to encourage me to be a critical thinker — They almost never answered my questions. Now I realized that it’s because I was an incessant questioner and they did not know the answers to most of my questions. But being expected to learn how to answer things myself has been a huge asset to me. It wasn’t a “stop asking questions you are crazy” kind of thing, but we’d have an exchange like this:

            AnonInfinity — Why do some cows have spots????
            Parent — Read the cow article in the encyclopedia and see if that tells you. [Now I guess they would tell me to google it?]

            Or maybe:
            AnonInfinity — What’s the difference between a Democrat and a Republican.
            Parent — [brief explanation] Which do you think you are?
            AnonInfinity — [Weirdness that kids say]
            Parent — During the news, let’s watch for the differences. Also you can read the articles about the parties in the encyclopedia before then.

            I’ve continued to use this system into adulthood, and I think I’m a pretty darn good critical thinker because of it. As a side note — through this process I have the same views as my parents on certain issues and different views on certain issues. They really gave me the tools to learn rather than telling me exactly what to think.

          • health care anon

            @anoninfinity THANK YOU! I do this already. We have encyclopedia’s and zoobooks and museum trips and what not, and I make both kids search for the their answers/solve their own problems. Clearly, my four year old needs more assistance than my 10 year old step daughter, but I just want to plant the seed to not believe everything you hear/read, do your own research, but still believe me when I say look both ways to cross the street!

      • Lady Enginerd

        I don’t think anyone is characterizing all republicans as the religious right. But there is indeed a set of single-issue voters in the Republican Party who are hard for candidates who sell themselves as moderates to please. I’ve met some, and they are lovely people, but I guess I do consider all single issue voters both right and left to be extreme or radical.

      • Wordy

        I don’t think anyone is characterizing the Republicans as the religious right or Tea Party. I believe that those segments of the party are extremely vocal and so their views get a lot of airtime. Watching coverage on several different channels last night (none of which were Fox or MSNBC), I thought the journalists were careful to distinguish between the different segments of the parties.

        I don’t think anyone can deny that Romney won the primary by catering to the more right-wing elements of the party and then tacked back to center as Election Day grew closer. So I would say that the right wing chose him for the election but his subsequent movement meant that neither group felt he spoke for them by the end.

        Also, +100 to Anon 12:16 pm

        • momentsofabsurdity

          I agree. I hope the reset of the Republican party allows for someone who really is a social moderate and fiscal conservative to make it through the primaries. That is the kind of person I could consider voting for. The level of extremity Romney needed to embrace to make it through the primaries (especially when coming up against Santorum!) was almost impossible to dial back from in a logical and rational manner to recapture the middle of the base and independents during the general election.

          • health care anon

            +1

            I may be biased, but I always thought Huntsman would have made a fine candidate.

      • hellskitchen

        I think it’s similar to the mischaracterization of Democrats as all “socialists” or welfare-lovers

      • Anonymous Poser

        Anyone who votes along party lines, whether Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green, etc. instead of doing their research on candidates is doing a disservice to our political system.

    • TBK

      Mr TBK echoed a lot of your friends’ points last night. As someone who is fiscally very conservative but social very liberal (i.e., a classic libertarian), he’s very hopeful that the Rs will realize that to get young voters and Latino voters, they need to seriously re-think issues like gay marriage and immigration at the very least. I tend to be more moderate on fiscal issues (I like a bigger social safety net) but still very liberal on social issues. I would be open to considering a moderate Republican position if it was truly small government and didn’t try to insert the government in every place it *really* doesn’t belong (i.e., my body, my bedroom, my soul). Let’s hope we see a new, younger, more in touch GOP come out of this race.

      • A

        It sounds like I am very closely aligned with Mr. TBK, and I totally agree with his point that the Rs need to move away from the older, more religious / socially conservative candidates and focus on finding a young(er), fiscally conservative R candidate who can energize our party!!

    • Divaliscious11

      Such mixed feelings about marriage proposals –
      Thrilled to see it pass, but see it as a civil rights issue and scared to death at voting whether people should be treated equally……..

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Agree. The rights of the minority shouldn’t be defined by the vote of the majority. But I’m glad to see that at least, finally, the majority is starting to see marriage equality as a civil rights issue, and come out in support of it.

      • Bette

        +1 yes, I find it terrifying that our country now feels that its ok to vote on issues of civil liberties

  12. TBK

    Wishi, if you’re out there, just wanted to let you know I read your thread from yesterday and wanted to say that I agree with you, you seem to have a very thoughtful, thorough understanding of the issues, and I appreciate your willingness to stand up and state your position.

    • wishi

      thank you! I am out here :) many real life friends looked at me like i had grown three heads this election season, I really appreciate that a few thissite-ers agreed with me or at least understand what I am trying to say. I think that people have become very brainwashed and there is a lack of criticial thinking. I went to liberal undergrad and grad school, but I see those people behaving on social media like the “uneducated rednecks” they think vote for the right. I vote left, but i know my right counterpart exists. people who think critically, question, but come to a different answer. I know if I had a conservative background, id think many of my peers posts were uninformed too. but its kind of shocking to me to see educated people with advanced degrees spouting liberal rhetoric. i want them to vote left but i want them to know what they are voting for. and if they don’t, how many do?

      • b23

        I agree, wishi, and I appreciate you saying this. I didn’t see what you wrote yesterday. I do get tired of people acting like Republicans are red necks and Democrats are brilliant. For example, I saw someone post something about the fact that The New Yorker endorsed Obama, and she said, “But it’s the educated elite, so why should I care?” sarcastically. I mean, The New Yorker really does not reflect my views or life at all, so it really doesn’t matter to me, but I don’t appreciate the implication that it is because I am uneducated or they are educated.

        (I know there are plenty of close-minded Republicans too, so I’m not saying this is one sided. I’m just pointing out the nature of calling half of the country uneducated and stupid while pretending they are the only ones with bias.)

      • Wordy

        “It’s kind of shocking to me to see educated people with advanced degrees spouting liberal rhetoric.”

        Well, maybe they believe it. Maybe they are critical thinkers.

        As an aside, I’ve lived in the bluest of areas (during W’s presidency) and now live in one of the reddest (during Obama’s). I have heard people express the most shocking things imaginable. And I don’t think these people’s counterparts from earlier in this country’s history were critical thinkers, I think that’s a myth that it’s a lost value in this country.

        For me, it is much more shocking to hear naked racism expressed in a social setting or large group as if it is some kind of valid belief. So maybe because that kind of viewpoint is so extreme to me, it makes more of an impact than a similarly extreme viewpoint expressed, say, about George Bush during his term by an Upper West Side liberal.

        • Anon

          Give me an example of naked racism expressed as a valid belief. People throw this kind of thing around a lot, implying that Republicans are racist, but they don’t give example. Yes, there were two signs that were racist at the Tea Party rallies. But I am getting sick and tired of people acting like Republicans are racist and the southern strategy only works because of that.

          • Anon

            For example, this. How does he get away with this???

            “I think America is currently in a Cold Civil War. The parties, of course, have switched sides since the 1964 Civil Rights Act. The party of the Union and Lincoln is now the Democratic party. The party of the Confederacy is now the GOP. And racial polarization is at record levels, with whites entirely responsible for reversing Obama’s 2008 inroads into the old Confederacy in three Southern states. You only have to look at the electoral map in 1992 and 1996, when Clinton won, to see how the consolidation of a Confederacy-based GOP and a Union-based Democratic party has intensified – and now even more under a black president from, ahem, Illinois.”
            —-Andrew Sullivan

          • Em

            I don’t think anyone thinks that most people, including most Republicans, are racist in the sense that they consciously believe non-white people are inferior. However, it’s really hard for me to look at something like the Birther movement and the traction it got among prominent Republicans as motivated by something other than subconscious racism.

            Of course, not all Republicans bought into those sorts of beliefs (and some Democrats did and do). And those who did aren’t necessarily bad people who should be shunned. But that doesn’t mean that racism doesn’t influence our political discourse in a lot of instances.

          • AnonInfinity

            I’m not sure where you are, so this may vary by region, but I am in the South, and comments that angrily talk about Obama being re-elected by “those [minority]” are extremely common on FB today. And that is the least of it.

            I do not believe AT ALL that all, or even most, Republicans are racist. However, I’ve heard plenty of things in my area that are naked racism expressed as a valid belief.

          • Anon

            Anon @ 12:44.

            I am with you. That quote is completely inaccurate yet people seem to think it is true. If anyone reads the history of both parties it would be very eye opening. It was for me.

          • Anon

            Plus, I’m pretty sure Obama was black when he won those states in the first place. To blame them going the other direction on racism is ridiculous. Perhaps people gave him a chance and didn’t like what he did with it??? Nope, must be racism.

          • Wordy

            Hey, Anon, I am not saying that Republicans are racist. My point, not expressed very well, was that when I hear someone–from either side of the political spectrum– saying something extreme and not very well informed, it makes more of an impression on me if there is a racist component. I do often hear Obama-related racism expressed casually. For example, I have heard many people express anti-party-line-voting in racist terms, like, oh, that [2011 local election] wasn’t fair because all the blacks voted party line.

            I wasn’t saying that the left does not have people running around spouting equally misinformed views. Because there sure are.

            I am concerned about the voting fraud movement, though, which seems to have a clear racist component. But I don’t think that movement speaks for anything but a small subset of Republicans.

          • Divaliscious11

            I could post LOTS… but it would be caught in the censors…… but you could start with the riot at Ole Miss last night, take a gander at the Twitter feeds of quite a few prominent Republicans, and we won’t even start at the postings on FB. Now I have major issues with the R candidate (fyi – Mass native – saw his governing up close and personal) but none of my issues are because of his race and even in my most heated discussions I have never heard THAT be a factor, but there have been plenty slurs and back to Africa type references regarding the President…..

            Are all Republicans bigots – of course not, but they are a very vocal minority of the party that seems to hold quite a bit of sway…..

          • a-nun

            “This fellow here, over here with the yellow shirt, macaca, or whatever his name is. He’s with my opponent. He’s following us around everywhere. And it’s just great…Let’s give a welcome to macaca, here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia.” – George Allen, Republican running for VA’s Senate when talking about an Indian American volunteer for his opposition’s campaign in 2006. Apparently, macaca is also considered a racial slur against African immigrants and basically hasn’t been used for forever until George Allen resurrected it.

            Said volunteer was born and raised in VA (and went to my high school). This hit close to home and appalled me when it happened because George Allen basically assumed that someone who was not white couldn’t possibly be FROM America or be American – not to mention the blatant slur usage. Also, George Allen ran again this year but was thankfully defeated, although he was leading for quite a bit.

            I am of Asian descent (half) but look pretty non-asian. I have had people (strangers!) comment to me about how those ch__ks need to learn english in the grocery store when my mother was arguing with a cashier about pricing and I was not obviously standing with her and act like that because we look white, we are part of this group that has racist in jokes about everyone else. The attitude is not necessarily restricted to white Republicans (although this specific quote is) and I am not claiming that all Republicans are racist. I just know that it is something that exists and we better not try to deny it.

            On another lovely note, I was taking my grandma to vote when a person (don’t know what party they were from) came up to us, not knowing we were together, and started telling my grandma she needed her citizenship papers to vote and if she didn’t have them she should just go home, asking her if her english was even good enough to read the ballot, when she came to this country and why she thought she could vote, etc. It was disgusting. I called the police and reported voter intimidation to the volunteers and escorted my grandmother inside. I have no idea where this person went or if anything came out of it but instances like this do happen to non-white voters all the time and when Republican candidates will openly make statements like this and think it is okay to do in this nation, I believe that there must be an audience somewhere that makes them think they can do it.

          • Bette

            The whole “birther” movement is a prime example of racism presented as fact.

            I find it distressing when the sane people of both parties do not shut down the offensive parts of their party.

          • Anna

            I think this comes up a lot with respect to immigration, an example being the ID laws in Arizona. For the congressional race in my district, the Republican candidate sent out a flyer talking about terrorism with pictures of the (brown) Democratic candidate on it that kind of insinuated he loved terrorist and crossed into racist territory. A few years ago, there were also a lot of Republicans that used the “ground zero mosque” as a political issue. I’m not saying that all Republicans are racist, they’re not, but sometimes some things that some members of the Republican party are involved in can be kind of racist. That’s why that view is out there. It is a shame, it really turns people off the party.

      • Young Consultant

        I’m not sure that critical thinking is a lost skill.. Maybe it just was never that prominent and with the development of things like social media, everyone can make their not-so-well thought out thinkings heard. I know I don’t think through every issue as well as I could, and I doubt many people do.

        I know many people really believe in one side or the other, but I as conspiracy theorist as this might sound, whenever I put my critical thinking cap on, I find myself believing the fabric of this country is deteriorating and neither party is doing anything to stop it. I believe that our most basic civil rights are being stifled when it matters most, as evidenced by the execution of American citizens without trail and the ever growing number of prosecutions against government whistle blowers (like the Drake case). I think corruption is growing by the minute, and almost all politicians are caricatures of what a person involved in governance should be. Our country is being divided purposefully along party lines to drive power into the hands of a few and to make us all consumed with wedge issues, when there are more pressing things that truly are making life worse for every single american, Republic or Democrat, rich or poor.

        Basically, I believe we need a political revolution, and the faster more people leave their parties and come to this realization the greater chance this country has to keep its place in the world.

        • wishi

          I want us to be best friends. I agree completely.

          And I also think your right about critical thinking- its not that we were better, I think I am just realizing now how little everyone does it. If it wasn’t for social media I would have no idea how many people I know that I thought were smart just blindly click share, like, agree, repost, retweet baaah baaah baaaah.

    • Young Consultant

      I also saw it late last night and completely agree. Thanks for your comments wishi, and most of my friends thought I was crazy this election season too.

  13. Ellen

    Yay! My vote was counted!

    My dad drove all the way in from Long Island with the stuff he bought for me at Cosco for the pantry colection, and he also showed me right where Grandma Leyeh used to live on Grand Concours in the BRONX.

    It is very nice there and Grandma Leyeh said it used to looked like Paris in the 1950’s when my dad lived there too.

    Mabye that is why they made it sound French! Yay! I love France! I want to go there on my honeymoon when I get MARRIED! Yay! But I need to find a man first who is WORTHY, my dad says and he is right AGAIN!

    Today, I had to come in to work b/c the manageing partner needed to go over stuff with me on my workeload. He asked me if I needed a paralegal! Can you imageine? I am goeing to be a manager too! Yay!

    I have to thank Roberta b/c she sent over another 30 WC case’s for me to worke on! Yay! Roberta like’s Myrna so we are all going back to the soup kitchen TOMOROW, but Myrna does NOT want to drive up. A lot of guy’s alway’s like to talk to her and she says the subway is FINE. I do not care b/c the subway drops me off at 77th. YAY!

    And I am up for reveiw soon, so I am sure to be sucesful.

  16. AIMS

    My office still has no heat, I only got 4.5 hours of sleep because I stayed up watching all the speeches, it is bitterly freezing in NY, another storm is supposedly on its way, and I think I am getting sick. It could obviously be worse but it does mean that I actually wore a hat to work today and now my hair looks amazingly terrible. How do you guys deal with hat hair??? Is there a trick to how you’re supposed to wear a hat? A particular type of hat? All tips and suggestions would be very much appreciated.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Days like you describe are my fishtail braid days. Everyone thinks it’s fancy (because it’s a fishtail braid) and it doesn’t get ruined by a hat.

      Option B — earmuffs. I don’t get hat hair when I wear earmuffs!

    • Mpls

      Well, if the office is freezing, I’d just leave the hat on – then no one has to see your hat hair :)

      Other than that…I don’t think I have any tips. Sorry :(

    • MaggieLizer

      Tie your hair back in a low pony tail or put a silk scarf over your hair before you put on your hat. To fix it now, maybe run a very lightly dampened brush through the top layer of hair and pat dry with paper towels? Though whether this would help or make it worse probably depends on your hair type. Do you have any hair spray or a frizz ease type product in your office or could you go to a drug store to get a travel sized bottle?

    • Bluejay

      If your office has no heat, why not leave the hat on?

      I just sort of run my fingers through my hair at the roots to build the volume back up.

      • AIMS

        I think I made it extra bad because my hair was damp when I put on the hat and I spritz some hairspray on it in a misguided effort to avert this issue which now equal really flat shellacked hair – maybe I should keep the hat on! I think it has actually gotten colder since the morning. Maggie – that is a genius tip on the silk scarf. Thank you! I will try it out tomorrow morning.

        I also like the earmuffs idea – that’s usually my M.O. (or a headband), but I was just too cold today. I need to learn how to make a fishtail braid – that sounds like a very pretty and elegant solution!

    • KC

      Depends on the type of hat. For stocking type caps, I’ve had luck putting my hair in a loose bun on top of my head (like the style that’s been really popular amongst bloggers). Then I pull the hat on and tuck up any stray pieces. When I get to work I gently brush out my hair. The bun + heat of my head combo gives it very light wave. Alternatively, if it’s a hat that needs to be worn with my hair down, I’ll usually do that and then style my hair into a ponytail or bun once I get to work, as the hat crushes all volume (if anyone has a good fix for this, let me know!)

      • AIMS

        How does the hat stay on if you have a bun on top of your head? Maybe I need to get larger hats? Interesting idea – thanks!

        • KC

          It’s one of those knit stocking type caps, so it’s pretty stretchy/can accomodate volume on top. I also have just below chin length hair, so it’s not a huge bun, YMMV.

          • Maggie

            How do you get just below chin length hair to stay up in a bun?? I’m growing my hair out and it always falls onto my face/neck and drives me crazy.

          • KC

            @Maggie An embarrasing number of bobby pins. Some days it just doesn’t cooperate (especially right after I get a haircut). I find headbands help with the stray pieces too.

      • Minnesnowta

        I usually part my hair on the right. When I wear a hat, I part it on the left, then when I remove the hat, revert to my normal right sided part. It helps me with the flat-hair-volume-issue, but may not help with creases from the hat.

        • Mpls

          Definitely try this, OP. And if possible get a longer hat and tuck all of your hair up into it, either as a ponytail/bun/twist, to prevent the hat crease. A knit hat might work a bit better than a cloche or something that has a fixed size, since it’ll have a bit more give. Won’t necessarily be wind proof (if that’s an issue), but that’s what your hood is for.

    • ABr

      If you don’t have issues with fur, rabbit fur headband. Speaking from experience the wide stretchy ones that completely cover your ears work best and are generally super warm. My favorite one doesn’t mess up my hair anymore than a normal headband would.

  17. eek

    Winter PSA from your mom….

    Please make sure you have jumper cables and a flashlight (and all the other important things) in your car. Last night at the train station I gave a commuter a jump because his battery died and he didn’t have cables. I asked another lady to please pull up by me to give us some light and I also quietly told her I felt a little uneasy doing this and asked her if she could please stay until we were done. She was really cool about it all. I just didn’t want SA Hotchner to investigate my disappearance but I also wanted to help someone out since the lot was fairly deserted, it was cold and it’s not close to any shops/gas stations.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I’m glad you asked her to stay! Go with your gut.

      And yeah! Definitely have jumper cables, a blanket, etc in your car. Also, make sure you know how to use them or you’ll be like me, fiddling with your phone in 10 degree weather on howtobeaman.com (seriously that’s where the instructions were) trying to figure out what to attach to what.

      • eek

        Thanks – I’m glad I did it, but internally I was thinking “oh eff oh eff oh eff, what if this is a setup ….”

        • rosie

          That was really smart of you to ask that other lady. Good deed while watching out for you. Well done.

    • Divaliscious11

      It would have been Morgan and Rossi…. Hotch would have been in the office tell Quantico to bug off and let his team do its job…..
      ;-)

  18. AnonPara

    Shapewear related question – I recently found shapewear that smooths my middle without squishing the life out of me. It is sort of singlet-like. Has a deep scoop neck so I can wear a bra and goes to mid thigh. It also has a smallish slit for restroom activities. Does anyone have tips on navigating the difficulties of using the restroom in this thing? I find myself holding a wide stance and leaning way forward when using the toilet as to not soak my hands or the shapewear. I like what the shapewear does for my body, but find myself not wanting to wear it so I don’t have to deal with the restroom game. Any ideas?

      • AnonPara

        I think there are lots of brands out there that make something similar. Spanx makes one called the Open-Bust Mid-Thigh Bodysuit. I got a non-Spanx version at a regional department store on sale for like $35 (compared to the $85 Spanx one).

    • DC Association

      I’ve got a similar thing. You don’t need to do anything weird for the “slit” to work. It’s miraculous.

    • manomanon

      I use shapewear pretty much daily- and because of the issues you mention I just take it off like I would take off pants if I were wearing those.. of course I am firmly on team hose so I have to take those off anyways- this probably is less helpful than other strategies but it works well for me and if you are in the habit of it only takes about 15 seconds longer than the alternative.

    • Honey Pillows

      I’m guessing it’s kind of like a leotard, if you’re having bathroom issues and you described it as a singlet. No advice, but I’m curious to find out whether different brands maybe have a larger slit. For the ladies who wear it, do you wear panties underneath? How do you deal with those when peeing?

      • mascot

        Perhaps it is a brand thing? I have some Spanx shapewear and found their slit to work just fine, better than expected even. Commando, it’s complicated enough without adding extra layers.

      • cfm

        If you get drunk at at a function and forget, you do not deal with those at all while peeing… and disaster.

    • Ginger

      My shapewear doesn’t have the thigh part… just regular bikini bottom so it has the hook and eye closure like a bra in the lady garden area. Works well enough…. but I like the concept of the fuller coverage of your shapewear… because I tend to get some pretty intense pantylines with the bikini bottom.

  19. anon

    Question about Laser hair removal for bikini line and upper lip – I know this has been discussed before, but it got brought up again yesterday, and I am considering because there always seems to be a groupon/livingsocial for this. Can someone describe the pain for me? I used to be a pretty regular brazilian waxer, is the pain similar? What about scarring or skin sensitivity? My skin is actually why I had to stop waxing, as I am allergic (hyper-sensitive to almost everything) and started getting rashes after every time I went. Thanks all!

    • A

      I find laser hair removal to be significantly less painful than waxing for bikini. I’ve never done upper lip. It sometimes feels a little pinchy (I don’t know if that is the right word), but even that is just a momentary feeling. I have never had any scarring or rashes after an appointment. Sometimes my skin is a bit red immediately after, but that goes away within a couple hours. I highly recommend laser!

      I would look for a place with good Yelp reviews 0r talk to someone in your area who gets it done. There are different types of lasers — some more effective and/or more painful than others.

    • Jordan

      My skin is very sensitive too, I cannot even use the towels at the gym to wipe my sweat or I get a face rash for a day. What made me finally pull the trigger on switching from wax to laser was that I have been dying my gray (head) hair for 5 years and after your hair turns gray, it cannot be lasered (or so I am told). I have been to 4/5 of my laser appointments and my skin is no more red than it was after a wax -definitely no scarring. However, I was told I needed to shave all of these areas prior to the appointments to make the hair as coarse and dark as possible for the laser to kill it. I have been shaving now since January and my skin has been miserable from that more than the laser process itself.

      The pain is like a rubberband flicking the skin but the rubberband has like little spikes on it. Some people say to use lidoderm cream before the treatment to lessen the pain but my doctor (at the laser place) says that you need to know the extent of the pain to make sure the laser is set at the correct level (you do not want to burn your skin but the hairs are still getting zapped). I call this the “pain is beauty” amount of pain – tolerable but certainly not “painless”. The main pain difference between waxing is that the laser covers a smaller amount of the hair at a time than the waxing does. Same level of pain but concentrated and takes longer. I had a good waxer and my wax took about 7 minutes. I would say the laser process is about 20 minutes for the same amount of bikini hair removal.

      The most awkward thing for me was the smell of burnt hair! You cannot wear any lotion or deodorant so when I had my first treatment it was for my underarm and the tech kept getting in my armpit and smelling for burnt hair to make sure the laser was at the right level! At the time I was thinking I hope she doesn’t do this for the bikini line…

      W/r to the clinic you choose, read the reviews online before you pull the trigger on the groupon. There are two clinics that run the deals close to my house; one gets good reviews except some scheduling problems and the other one has quality/cleanliness issues.

      • Jordan

        What is it about elections that makes me want to talk about body hair removal? Hmmm.

      • hellskitchen

        I am going to second Jordan on checking out the clinics beforehand. I actually made appointments with two before I bought an online deal. One of them had decent reviews online but the sales associate seemed very pushy in person and was trying to rush through the conversation. The other one was awesome – very responsive to my questions, very objective and realistic about what I should expect. The second clinic was a bit more expensive but I found groupon and lifebooker deals and told them I couldn’t afford buying a package directly through them. They were fine with it and the service I got was not impacted by the fact that I was using a groupon

        • anon

          You’re in NYC right? Do you have a rec? Also, have you heard anything about Satori in Hell’s Kitchen? That’s today’s Livingsocial and the yelp reviews are good.

          • hellskitchen

            I highly recommend Skintology, esp if you are doing something major like legs or if this is your first time lasering. They have locations in Chelsea and Midtown. If you go to Chelsea, ask for Laura – she is wonderful. Haven’t heard about Satori at all… check them out on Lifebooker and see if they have reviews there. Since you can only add a review on LB if you pay and actually use the service, I find that more trustworthy than Yelp or citysearch

    • PollyD

      I had my lower legs done and I’m not going to lie, it hurt. But so, so worth it. Also, because you are doing smaller areas, it will be over quicker, so not as bad. You can also get EMLA, which is a topical anesthetic – I think it’s even available on Amazon, but you could probably get your doctor to write you a prescription. You have to apply it about 1-2 hours before your treatment and wrap the area in plastic wrap (Glad Press N Seal is good) to exclude air. I would definitely try it for the bikini area (the place I went to suggested using a large plastic bag to cover the area, but I might hesitate to use it on the upper lip, just because that skin might be more sensitive.

      Also, if you have any kind of heart condition, you shouldn’t use EMLA. There are (small) risks associated with using it.

      Immediately after the treatment, I would have lots of red marks on my legs, it looked like I had been sitting with legs in a bag of mosquitoes or something. But this went away within an hour or so, you could also put cold packs on the area immediately to reduce the inflammation. Scarring is a risk if there is not good contrast between your skin and hair – ideally you want very pale skin and dark hair. This is also why they tell you not to tan during the treatments.

      I am really, really happy with the results on my lower legs (I have very pale skin but dark hair). I’d consider doing the bikini area if I found a good deal. I notice you say that you have sensitive skin – I think I have reactive skin, in that I get red marks easily but they go away fairly quickly and completely. I’ve never had a serious reaction to any skin products, though.

    • Another S

      My skin is also too sensitive for waxing and shaving and I have had no problem with laser hair removal. I have done my armpits, bikini line and the three dark hairs on my chin (yes, only three but plucking just led to ingrowns). I’m not sure I can describe the pain. Someone more familiar with the science might be able to jump in here, but I think what you’re feeling is your hair follicle burning up under your skin? So it’s a little different than waxing pain, but if you can tolerate waxing I think you’ll be find with laser pain too. In my opinion it’s totally worth it for the results (plus I usually get a mini endorphin rush afterwards which is kind of neat). I have zero regrets and I recommend it to everyone who asks!

    • phillygirlruns

      i’ve heard laser hair removal described as similar to being snapped with a rubber band – for me, that was about right. it wasn’t the most comfortable way to spend 15 minutes, but it was quite tolerable. it’s a different type of pain than waxing…less intense but more annoying?

  20. Aria

    I’ve been getting terrible tension headaches lately that last for a few days at a time and seem resistant to ibuprofen. And they’re causing me not to sleep, which makes everything worse. Last weekend I got a deep tissue massage and she hit on every knot in my neck, though it hasn’t helped with the headaches. Online research suggested anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, but that seems like a pretty big jump for headaches. I was planning on trying a chiropractor next, but research says chiropractors and massages are inconclusive in helping tension headaches. Anyone have any experience or suggestions on what I should try next?

    • Godzilla

      I suggest that you visit a doctor. Stop Dr. Googling yourself and let a medical professional evaluate you. It could be anything from high blood pressure, a terrible chair at work, sucky mattress or something else entirely. Take it from a fellow hypochondriac.

      • Godzilla

        But I can’t help speculating about your headaches – maybe it’s weather related? Cold fronts, heat? With any chronic condition, journaling your symptoms and daily activities will help your doctor help you.

    • aimless

      I am not a doctor, but I have had chronic tension headaches in the past. What worked for me was a double dose of Aleve every 12 hours (i.e. breakfast and bedtime), every day for three or four days, even if the headaches went away. My headaches came on at the exact same time of day, and my dr explained that my body got used to making a muscle spasm at that time every day. I have used this process on an as-needed basis (usually not more than once or twice per year) since I first had them, and it has worked every time.

    • Pip

      Late poster, but maybe you see this anyway… Has your environment changed recently, as in new furniture, new car, stuff like that?

      Check your eyesight. Also check the lighting in your work area and other places where you use your eyes a lot. Flickering computer screens can really mess with you.

      Check if you´re gnashing/grinding your teeth. (I do this in periods, chewing gum helps breaking the habit for me.)

      Lowering the temperature in the bedroom or putting a cool compress on your head might help you sleep better.

  21. hellskitchen

    Can you wear ivory/cream peep toe heels with black tights to work? I saw this styled as a work look in the last Real Simple issue and would like to try it but don’t know if it’s a faux pas. FWIW, I work in a business casual/informal office where people do wear jeans all days of the week, but I don’t know if this is a know-your-office rule or a big no-no

    • anonz

      I would not do that unless you work for a fashion magazine or something like that.

    • Cat

      I tried this last year and the MANAGEING partner (for real) (with whom I have a good day to day relationship because he sits down the hall from me) came up to me while I was talking to my secretary and said oh THAT’s what that is, I thought you had something stuck to your foot when I saw you down the hall.

      Now worn only with bare legs in summer.

    • Lalo

      Not an answer to your question per se, but I saw someone wearing contrasting pumps that had a cream body and black toes. I thought at first she was wearing cream peeps with black tights, but in the end I decided I kind of liked it.

    • darby

      I do this all the time & love the look. I’m a lawyer too, not in advertising.

    • Senior Attorney

      I would definitely say it’s “know your office” rather than “big no-no in all circumstances.” I think it’s a fun look.

    • hellskitchen

      It seems like opinions are fairly divided on this and this look is still considered a fashion risk. Lalo, I do like your suggestion… perhaps I’ll start with that.

  22. anonforthis

    How do you leave your significant other after 4 years? We do not live together, but I feel like I have no life without him. I literally have no social circle beyond him. This is pretty scary, but I think it’s time to let go. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

    • petitesq

      Oh, dear. That is scary. You CAN do it, however, and you’re smart to plan an exit strategy. I would strongly suggest looking into ways to keep yourself very busy, and particularly with things that are (a) social, and (b) outside your usual routine. Join a [new] gym, look into “meetup” events in your city, join a club, and start a new hobby. These things will all help keep your mind occupied, help you meet new people, and help shift your schedule and routine so you don’t feel like there’s something missing. Good luck!!

      • Research, Not Law

        All of this. Get out of the house and shake up your routine. It’s hard at first, but then it becomes freeing, and then suddenly you have a life. Add parks and rec or community college classes to the list. I reupholstered my living room furniture. I learned to cook. I set up field trips to museums, festivals, expos. I also found that I did have my own social circle and didn’t realize it. It took fostering, but I wasn’t actually starting at zero like I thought. I knew neighbors, coworkers, fellow commuters. Not a raging social life, but something.

    • Herbie

      I broke up with the last Mr. Herbie after 6 years, although I did have my own social circle. I dragged my feet for a really REALLY long time in ending the relationship, though, because of all the unknowns.

      All I can tell you is that it gets better. MUCH MUCH BETTER. You will build yourself a great life and develop a social circle, even if it takes time. You’ll be amazed at how much better life gets just by not having thoughts of how you need to break up hanging over your head.

    • Herbie

      Also, feel free to join our Facebook dating group! You don’t actually have to be dating, and it’s a pretty good group of ladies. It’s called Dipping Toes Into the Dating Pool, and it’s private, so none of your fb friends even know you joined or can see your comments. Link – www facebook dot com / groups/358635250819989/

      • cfm

        just fyi I have posted this before but the group is not private! i can see you all in that group. but I cant see what you post. But your friends can see that you are in it

        • Herbie

          CFM, is that you can see group members when you specifically search for the group and pull up its page? Because that makes sense to me. But I haven’t been able to ever find where you would see a link to that group if you looked at my FB profile.

          • cfm

            i can see your names and pictures when I click on that link. I am not sure about the profile because I am not friends with you on FB but maybe you are right and its only through that link or searching for the group

          • Herbie

            Yeah, I’m relatively confident that you can only see group members when you pull up the specific group page. I’ve been through my profile pretty thoroughly and haven’t seen any group I’m a member of listed anywhere. Hope I haven’t missed something!!

          • A

            There is a way to make the group “secret” as opposed to “private” — secret means that only members see the group, who’s in it, and what members post, and private means anyone can see the group and who’s in it. Only members see posts.

            But only the moderator (group owner?) can make the change I think.

      • anon

        any way you could change the settings so our friends can’t see we’re in that group?

      • op

        thank you for your kind offer and everyone else for their great advice! I am in DC, so I’m looking forward to the DC meetup :)

    • Pest

      I ended a five year relationship several years ago and felt the same way. It is very rough, but you’ll get through it. It is best to just do it. The sooner you do break up the sooner you’ll recover. It helps if you can stay friends with your ex. Ideally you should not have to go from having a years long relationship with someone who is a good person, just not Mr. Right, to never speaking to them again. See you at the DC meetup.

      • Herbie

        To chime in as the Loyal Opposition… do what feels right re the staying friends with the ex bit. I broke up with the former Mr. Herbie in January, and we haven’t talked at all since February. It’s not as a result of hostility– I’m sure we would be perfectly cordial if we ever ran into each other. I just didn’t want him in my life anymore… in any capacity. It’s a bit strange because I have stayed friends with *every* other guy I’ve dated, but I know I made the right decision for me this time around.

        If you do want to stay friends, don’t push it too soon. You guys have been together a long time, and it’s hard to go from intimate partners –> friendzone. Sometimes you need the space of a few months (or year(s)) to be able to be friends again.

    • Anna

      I had an ex I dated for five years before ending it. My life is so much more awesome now – I have a completely different social circle, too, and I’m not exactly the most outgoing or social person. Don’t let fear hold you back from ending it.

  23. anonforthis

    So, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks (we’ve hung out a total of maybe 9 times- once overnight and a few times for 5+ hours, so I feel like I’ve gotten to know him). Things are going really well. He’s my age (mid-20s), shares my political views, likes animals which is a dealbreaker for me, is super cute and very sweet/affectionate. He seems to want to take things slow physcically (and by that I just mean he hasn’t initiated full-on sex but we’ve done other things) but I’m totally satisfied so far.

    My only (well, not only, because I’m a born worrier) concern right now is that we don’t have enough in common. More specifically, I’m worried he’s going to realize I don’t like the same things he does and will bail, just as i’m getting emotionally invested. I think we have enough in common and I love how he’s into things I know nothing about, and his job is so totally different from mine which is cool (he coaches a varsity college sport, I’m in law). But I’m like the least athletic person I know and I can’t do any of the things he likes to do in his spare time (aside from the sport he coaches, he likes skiing and mountain biking, both of which i have no experience doing and would probably be too scared to do).

    Do you think it’s possible for someone who loves those types of sports/outdoorsy things to want to be in a potentially long-term relationship with someone who doesn’t? I’m totally open to trying things- but I also know myself and how nonathletic I am. I I know he has a ton of female friends who do these types of activities, and I ‘m starting to feel really insecure about this.

    • Herbie

      I think it’s most important that you’re open to trying. Plus, I think it’s nice to date people who have different interests than you. I’ve learned a lot about different things that way. Thank you, former Mr. Herbies!

    • anon

      This is not a problem. Me, when I met DH: never learned to ride a bike, never had a gym membership, never played a sport, knew how to swim only enough to pass the graduation swim test, never played on a team, hated/was bad at running, almost failed high school gym because I was bad at every sport, no sports in college of any kind. I am always the least athletic person anyone knows. DH, when he met me: avid runner, golfer, skier, rower, scuba diver, backpacker, camper, long-distance bike rider, gym membership since he was a teenager. Since we started dating, I’ve since gotten somewhat in shape with a personal trainer at a gym because it turns out I like some kinda of weight lifting and cardio. Turns out I like half-day hikes, so we go hiking together. We’ve been calm-water kayaking and I like that too, especially since he does most of the paddling. I still can’t ride a bike, I still don’t play sports, I still duck when a ball is thrown towards me, and I still don’t run. He’s trying to get me to go camping. We’ll see. He likes me anyway. He still does all the things he likes to do, and I encourage him to enjoy them, especially since it makes him happy and gives me alone time. Don’t worry.

    • EB0220

      My now-husband is into mountain biking, whitewater kayaking, climbing, skiing/snowboarding, etc. I had skied maybe twice when we met, and had never done any of the other things. I am really not athletic at all, and I am now (8+ years later) proficient at all of those things. Although these activities were scary to me at first, and I’ll never be ask good as my husband, I really enjoy being outdoors and being outside of my comfort zone. So you could try the things that he likes to do, but it really depends on his attitude. He may not want/need an activity partner in his SO.

    • Research, Not Law

      I’m sure that he’s noticed that you aren’t athletic and so if he’s still interested, then I don’t think you need to worry. Also, if he already has several female friends who participate in the activities, then he’d be dating one of them if that was what he wanted. He’s not. He’s dating *you*.

      Is he interested in trying out your interests and hobbies? Being interested in different things isn’t a deal breaker, but expecting you to abandon your interests in favor of accommodating his is.

      Do you resent the time that he spends doing activities in which you do not want to participate? Does he make you feel bad for not being proficient in the activities rather than being excited to share them with you? Those are red flags. It will only get worse, not better.

      While sharing interests is convenient, it’s much more important to be compatible in your world view, sense of humor, spirituality, etc.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc)

        +1 for this: “Also, if he already has several female friends who participate in the activities, then he’d be dating one of them if that was what he wanted. He’s not. He’s dating *you*.”

        and +1 for this, too: “While sharing interests is convenient, it’s much more important to be compatible in your world view, sense of humor, spirituality, etc.”

        wise words.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions