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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
These textured ankle pants from Boss look a little bit summery but will still transition nicely into the autumn. I would wear these with a crisp white blouse and loafers for this strange post-Labor Day, still 80+ degrees period and add a chunky sweater blazer when the weather turns a bit cooler.
The pants are $248 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0–18.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Anon
Love these pants! I’m very into “interesting” pants right now. I’m rebuilding my work wardrobe after 2.5 years of working from home as we’ve transitioned to a hybrid schedule. I tend to wear plain solid tops so I’m trying to get away from black pants. Remember the days around 2008 when we wore red and pink jeans? I miss those days!
Vicky Austin
I rocked those red skinnies until 2017, I think!
Carla
I like this look a lot – solid tops and patterned pants.
Probably have to space out how often you wear each pant though, depending on the pattern.
Nylongirl
Check out Ann Taylor for the great colors.
anon
I wore a wine-colored pair from AT yesterday, and man, I just love them already. They’re neutral enough to go with a lot in my closet but are more interesting than the usual neutrals.
anonshmanon
olive pants are my favorite neutral, and work with all the loud colors and patterns in my closet.
Anon
Olive is a great suggestion, thank you! They will look good with all my black and navy tops I think.
pugsnbourbon
I found a pair of dusty blue-green pants at Target. The fit wasn’t quite right on me but the color was great.
Anonymous
I’m all for a colored pair of pants or textures (I love a coral pair of pants in summer), but patterned pants like this often look pretty awful IRL. Unless they are really high quality, the patterns often don’t line up at seams and that drives me crazy. Something like this also seems like it would show every lump on someone’s body and emphasize knees and other stretch-prone areas by end of day. It’s already hanging kind of weird in the crease area where someone sits just from one leg being a little more in front than the other. No thanks!
Anon
Did a pair of patterned pants hurt you in some way?
pugsnbourbon
Not Anonymous above, but while shopping the other day I saw a pair of flared, red-and-black plaid pants that were IDENTICAL to the “edgy” pair I wore throughout high school. Those pants hurt me, just a little.
A
Boden had the most awesome printed pants this summer. Size down.
Art Institute of Chicago
Thanks for the recommendations of restaurants near Union Station in Chicago last week – we were able to get reservations at one for our large group.
Next question – planning to do the Art Institute on Saturday afternoon. Is the Fast Pass worth it/needed or will we be fine with general admission tickets? It just about doubles the price of the ticket and would like to avoid if it only means we avoid a short line. Appreciate any advice from Chicagoans.
Thanks again.
Josie P
FWIW, I was there last Friday and there was no line.
anonymous
It’ll be busier on the weekend, but in the afternoon I can’t imagine the line would be bad enough to pay more to skip it. It’s only open until 5, so I think most people would try to get there earlier in the day.
mrskbp
Cleaner question.
My cleaner comes monthly. I feel we spend more time “cleaning FOR the cleaner”, which makes me put the laundry away and motivates me to get rid of clutter, but usually the night before the person comes, which leads to arguments and hiding things in a closet.
They clean 3 bathrooms, kitchen, washes hardwoods on main floor and vacuums living room, dining room, hallway upstairs and 3 bedrooms. What other tasks does your cleaner do? I feel when I come home it smells like pine-sol, but the smudges on the fridge and light switches are pretty noticeable.
Cb
Would more regular but shorter sessions work? We have 2 people come 1 hour every week and I feel like this ensures the house doesn’t ever get really bad? They are working at speed, so the smudges etc don’t bother me as much.
Betsy
I feel like a monthly housecleaner is the worst of both worlds. You still have to clean in between, I would assume, and the cleaning for the housecleaner is probably pretty overwhelming because you’re cleaning up a month of clutter in one evening. I also think that sounds like a lot of work for the housecleaner in a single day so I’m not surprised that some of the little things like fridge smudges aren’t getting taken care of.
If it’s in your budget, I would have them start coming every other week at least. And maybe talk to them about the fridge and light switches – it sounds like you might need to have them come in and do a deep cleaning session to catch up on some of those tasks.
Anon
I’m on Team Monthly b/c spouse is weird about people in his space, like super-weird. Also, I have kids so I also didn’t want them to grow up thinking that cleaning is someone else’s job (FWIW, if are a working adult, I think you get to fund and decide this yourself, but I cannot stand a kid who thinks they are entitled to mess up a house and walk away from that). I’d have them come more often if it were just me (but if it were just me, they wouldn’t need to come more often).
FWIW, a guy who I thought was HAWT used to work at McDonalds was very “clean as you go” even after working there and it rubbed off on me. Decades later, I still try to be this way, so I lose the battle with clutter but win the battle with grime.
Anonymous
That’s fine. But OP is overwhelmed by the prep and dissatisfied with the level of detail on the clean. And the solution to that is more frequent cleaning.
mrskbp
Yes, we are monthly because bi-weekly seemed too often and husband works from home and monthly was compromise between our family and the cleaner. It’s just a one-person cleaner, not a team or company, so that adds to a little bit of scheduling difficulty.
They are at our house for 2 hours…which I feel is maybe not enough, and don’t know if there are other things I should/could ask to be done while they are there. Not the sheets or laundry. But don’t want to be nit-picky about assigning dumb tasks I don’t really care about either.
Anon
I’m a monthly and we have a 2-person team come for 2-2.5 hours (will also do deep cleans if asked, which I do periodically). They are all business (not like me, who often gets into a rabbit hole of organizing, wondering if something is needed or better stored over here and not there, an is this just trash vs something to be filed . . . hours later, nothing is organized or cleaned when I do it; this way, I just have to keep the clutter at bay).
Anon
My monthly cleaners just clean (no laundry or bedding tasks; trying to have the tween kids to it so they don’t get foul in college / as adults). And by clean, I really mean deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen and mop floors / dust+clean molding. The rest has to be clean-as-you-go in a family with kids (or IMO you should be weekly, as everything is in constant use).
Anon
Bi-weekly isn’t too often if the house isn’t getting clean. Two hours once a month is not a lot of time.
Anonymous
Omg. One person cannot thoroughly clean a whole house in 2 hours a month.
anon
If you have kids, biweekly really isn’t too often. We switched from monthly to biweekly a few years ago, and I haven’t regretted it. I still try to scrub our kitchen floors on the off weeks because they get grimier than everything else. And of course the daily tasks STILL take time and energy.
In addition to the tasks you mentioned, our cleaner also dusts the blinds, which might be my most hated task in the entire world. They also wipe down the outside of the fridge and the light switches. They don’t do linens or anything like that.
Curious
We have a 2000 SQ ft house, relatively dense for the square footage (e.g., 3 baths to clean), and it takes one person 4.5 hours twice a month to keep it clean. We wipe down counters, sweep, and mop in between, and we clean up (counters don’t have clutter, baby stuff in pen, dishes done) for the cleaner. Two hours monthly feels like very little time.
Betsy
Oh gosh, 2 hours for that many rooms just isn’t enough. I don’t think it would be enough even if you switched to bi-weekly. If two hours is all you can handle, I would have them switch to only cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms so that they get cleaned more thoroughly and a significant task is taken off your plate.
You’re doing all the cleaning-for-the-cleaner of a full housecleaning, but in two hours you aren’t actually getting a full housecleaning, so you aren’t getting the payoff. It’s no wonder you don’t feel like it’s worth it! I think if you had your cleaner come in for the entire day you would feel like it was really worth the stressful preparation. I’m not sure you need to give your cleaner a task list to keep them going for the additional time. I think just giving them enough time to do a good job will make a difference! And then if there are specific areas that are bothering you, you could ask them to focus extra attention there.
Anon
I live alone in a studio apartment and I take 2 hours to clean it. That is not enough time for a whole house with a family!
Anonymous
We’re just 2 people and our 1 person bi-weekly cleaner usually spends 5-7 hours at our house each visit
Anon
What about a compromise if they come twice a month, one time they just clean the downstairs/common areas and one time they do the full house?
That way at least people aren’t in your bedrooms so it’s less invasion of personal space for your husband and your kids still have to clean their bedrooms and bathrooms.
Also, just because you have cleaners doesn’t mean the kids can’t be involved in day to day cleaning.
Anon
Well if you have hat much cleaning before the cleaners to do, doesn’t sound like the kids are getting the memo . . .
anon
No idea how old her kids are, but this can take a LOT of time and practice.
Anon
I know I’m considered strict/old school these days but kids each have a few tasks to do each day or week and if they’re not done by a certain time, then there’s no dessert/screen time/whatever that day. Like your room has to be clean (bed made, clothes/toys put away) and you have to set the table. If it’s not done by dinner, no dessert. Weekly the kids clean the kids bathroom, change their sheets and vacuum their bedrooms and maybe do one other house cleaning task (vacuum the living room, dust the dining room, pick up sticks in the yard – whatever) and if it’s not done by our team’s NFL kickoff on Sunday (or before noon, before church, whatever it is you do) then no dessert on Sunday. Kids can do the weekly task whenever during the week, they don’t have to do it Sunday morning but the deadline is on Sunday.
Allie
Agreed – you have to do every other week, or only on occasion. Regular monthly asks them to do too much in too short a time.
Anonymous
You need a bi-weekly cleaner.
anon
+1 The answer is not you need to clean more. The answer is you need to pay for more hours of cleaning per month. If DH is too “weird” about people in his space, then he gets to clean the extra hours needed, not you, since he’s the one creating the roadblock to the outsourcing.
Anonymous
You should talk to your cleaner about your priorities. If you want the light switches wiped, ask for that. Depends how much you are paying for how many person-hours, but I pay for 2-3 people for 90-120 minutes. In that time I get 5 bedrooms vacuumed, beds made (if I strip them and leave clean sheets they will make them fully, otherwise it’s made with existing sheets), 2 full bathrooms cleaned, 1 powder room cleaned, all hardwood mopped, all rugs vaccumed (living, dining, family room, also our massive entry hall and stairs), kitchen mopped and counters cleaned, microwave and coffee pot cleaned.
They may or may not wipe my light switches, I wouldn’t know. They do wipe my front glass door but half the time it’s smudged again because I have young kids and a dog with a wet nose.
For me 90% of the value is the bathrooms, which I don’t have time to clean myself.
Anonymous
Cleaning for the cleaner was more work for me than cleaning was for the cleaner, so I dropped regular services. Now I am scheduling someone to come in monthly/quarterly just to hit my real pain points – hardwood floors and bathrooms. Nothing else. I found that I need someone to either do daily cleaning and decluttering or occasional deep cleans to make my life easier, but the bi-weekly stuff was a lot of effort with little satisfaction.
Anon
That’s a lot to do in one day (how many hours?) plus also smudges etc. My cleaner comes every 2 weeks and does what you listed (but 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment), plus dusting everything, and a few extras each time — sometimes she wipes the inside of the fridge, sometimes the cabinets, sometimes the shelves in the bathroom, baseboards, etc, so nothing ever gets bad. Basically the way you would clean your own house — not everything at once but a little extra each time so it never gets bad. But we have a years long relationship and I always pay her if she’s sick or one of her kids is sick (or takes a vacation — which she’s done twice in 5 years), let her bring her kids if she has no childcare, let her switch days if she has an appointment or something, and give her a raise every time I get one.
I have an elementary aged child and she’s responsible for clearing her plates etc after every meal and snack, and wiping down the dining table after dinner and sweeping under it. She’s also responsible for picking up her room every night and making her bed in the morning. The day before the cleaner comes, we do an extra thorough pick up and I always remind her that the cleaner’s (whom she knows by name) job is to do the big cleaning and not to pick up messes after kiddo. She gets it. I also put an emphasis on the fact that the cleaner is doing this because it is her job, just like I have a job, and never indicate anything but respect for this job (which is how I feel so it’s easy!). She’s a professional just like the person who cuts my hair is a professional.
anon
+1. I agree that it’s completely possible to teach your kids to clean up after themselves and respect their spaces, even if you have a cleaner. There are so many daily tasks to be done; it’s not like hiring someone to do the deep cleaning takes care of every cleaning task ever.
mrskbp
+1, yes kids and husband are responsible for day to day. We definitely emphasize the cleaner is a professional and is not here to pick up their messes and stress that they work hard and let’s not mess up what we just put time in to picking up.
Perhaps I can ask them what they can do as a little extra or what they notice they focus on more when they are at our house. If they can spend an extra hour of their time at our house for the extras.
Cat
if clutter is a problem once a month, it’s going to be a problem every other week, too. I’d start there. How can you streamline your day-to-day so it’s not a big project every time?
FWIW, we have a monthly clean (one person, 5-6 hours) – mopping, vacuuming, thorough kitchen clean (incl. backsplash, burners, baseboards), thorough bathroom clean, dusting, and an ‘extra’ or two that varies based on the day. Most recently it was wiping down the interior doors, which collect dust in the nooks and crannies, and wiping cabinet fronts. Other times it might be fan blades, baseboards, a light fixture with glass shades that need to be washed, etc.
anon
This is a good point. OP, are there any pain points in your house that you could address on a regular basis, which might make everything a little bit easier? I’m thinking laundry that piles up or other areas that tend to turn into clutter magnets.
Anon
Haha we used to call the night before the cleaners “screaming night”
Walnut
This checks out.
pugsnbourbon
We didn’t have a cleaner growing up but our screaming night was the night before company came over. Or immediately before Christmas Eve Mass.
Vicky Austin
hahahahaha! I think ours growing up was garbage night.
Anon
ours was the night before travel, because how could we leave when the house was a mess.
Vicky Austin
just found my future kids’ idea of screaming night – I am the WORST about this!
Trish
And this is why I FAILED at making my son to chores on a regular basis. I hated being screamed at my my mother and I hated screaming at him. I did learn that a list with very specific duties helped him because he was overwhelmed by the tasks.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
We switched to every 3 weeks – we realized monthly was too little (and things would pile up like you mentioned, and cleaners would miss things because there was too much to do), but every 2 weeks would be too much to navigate (since there are 1-3 adults at home during the day in the house).
Marshmallow
We have an incredible cleaner who comes bi-weekly. She’s here for six or seven hours, by herself (four bedrooms/ three baths). She does all the standard stuff you describe, but also a lot more: dishes, inside of fridge and microwave, changes sheets, straightens up kids’ books and toys, organizes basic adult clutter such as stacking mail and rolling up charger cords, actually moves furniture to clean under/around it, the works. If you have multiple people you can of course get away with fewer hours because they’re working at the same time, but if you want a very thorough “no smudges” kind of clean that’s really how long it takes.
anon
What is all this stuff you’re hiding in closets? Do you need to declutter and just get rid of some stuff? Or maybe you need some kind or organization plan in place. Using baskets and bins is an easy way for me to corral stuff.
Anonymous
I don’t clean for the cleaners. If there’s a laundry basket waiting to be put away or my kid has a train layout, so be it. I just ask them to work around it. This means I don’t come home to a pristine house, but I see the twice monthly cleaning sessions as maintenance, rather than the precursor to a perfect home. I’ll scrub a shower or mop a floor if it’s extra gross but otherwise 2x month is fine for me.
I don t have the same value lessons as you with regard to cleaning. My kid know miss Lucy helps us keep our home clean and she’s a professional and we’re lucky we can hire her. I don’t think it’s unethical to treat any domestic task as important and worth paying someone to help with.
Anon
One time our cleaners came when we weren’t able to tidy up for some reason (I forget the exact circumstances) and the house was a complete mess. They worked around it and it made me realize that picking up everything is kind of optional. We still try to tidy up normally, but we definitely don’t hold ourselves to the standard we did before and it’s been fine. So maybe try lowering your standards?
Trish
I can only manage to CLEAN clean one room a weekend and barely pick up during the week. Our monthly housekeeper allows me have the house look neat with floors done the same day as kitchen and bathrooms. It is a nice little splurge but I still have to clean in between. She does not have time to deep clean!
Anon
My mom wants a new robe. Must be fleece. And, this is key, it just have on-seam pockets (not patch pockets). Pref style is one with a belt tie that wraps. Any recs? I can find fleece but not with on-seam pockets. Help me! Her birthday is coming up.
Anon
How about this one? https://www.ullapopken.com/en/bathrobes/all-bathrobes/wrap-style-fleece-bathrobe/p/810001309-1130
Anon
This looks promising! Do you know how this brand fits? I guess I didn’t mention that she is sort of pear-shaped, but like a 6 on top and an 8 on bottom (noted from periodic closet raiding and as the recipient of some cast-offs). So as a wrap robe, this might work.
Anon
I have no idea… it was just the first one that met all the criteria when I googled. I never really gave any thought to how a bathrobe fits. They just go on and you tie the tie.
Vicky Austin
Have you already tried Land’s End and LL Bean? This is where I think of good quality fleece robes; not sure about the pockets though.
Anon
Yes, for YEARS. They have patch pockets on fleece robes (but otherwise, their robes are lovely).
Anonymous
If needed, you can buy the lovely fleece robe, and take it to an alternations person who can take off the patch pockets and add in-seam pockets–that’s an easy alteration.
Vicky Austin
Darn – so sorry!
Cat
Lake Pajamas? They’re known for the pima cotton but the fleece-lined option looks lovely, and looks to have on seam pockets.
https://lakepajamas.com/collections/robes/products/french-blue-cozy-robe?variant=39521857798234
Anon
I know what mom will think: if I get her a white robe, I will need to get a spare for when the cuffs get dingy and then nasty (her words; she takes the dog out and cooks breakfast and reads the newspaper in her robe and the cuffs were dingy years ago and she has fought valiant laundry battles to clean them but they are too far gone even for her). I think that the robe is half as old as I am and she’d gladly replace it, but I can’t see a white robe being the right sort of workhorse for her (she might love for the spa day that she deserves but never get around to).
Cat
FWIW, Berry is a soft pink, as opposed to the others where it’s white with different colors of trim.
Anon
Kohl’s has them
Anon
OP: I think that it is Kohl’s for the win (specifically: Petite Miss Elaine Essentials Fleece Long Wrap Robe with Matching Blanket –> mom is not officially petite, but not tall and there was a color here in her size that she’s prefer; it also comes in tall; way to go, Kohl’s!). With matching blanket! You cannot beat that! Thanks for all of the good recommendations. The Ulla one above was a second choice (going for it: solids, longish).
Honey
Vera Bradley plush robes are exactly what you’re looking for! Cozy fleece, on seam pockets and a hood (a major plus in my book.)
Maura
Ugg Duffield II – it’s amazing and extremely cozy
Anon
On a photoshopped picture of a model who appears to be thin, these pants hit in a place that gives her slight muffin top. I can only imagine how awful they would look on my not so thin body IRL.
Anon
And, re the shoe choice, I have some questions.
Anon
On a normal person they’d probably look like normal clothes! Can’t imagine what you think about all the non-models walking around . . .
Anon
OP here. I don’t think much about others walking around, but I choose not to select pants that will emphasize my love handles. You might not have any. You might not care. That’s fine—I was commenting on why these pants are a no for me.
Anon
This model does not have “love handles.” What a ridiculous comment about an objectively very thin and attractive woman.
Trish
1 1. No one said the model has love handles. 2. Nothing about photo shop is objective.
Trish
You know you are on a fashion page, right? Some clothes are made for Zendaya only and will never flatter the rest of us mere mortals. One of the things we discuss on a fashion page is whether the outfit in terms of cut, style and fabric will be flattering on our body types.
Cb
Has anyone successfully agreed phone rules/tech with their partner? My husband and I both have grievances about each other’s phone usage and I’d like to sit down and talk about it sensibly, rather than just sniping, and agree on a plan going forward. Only partially triggered by our 5 year old saying “I just need to send 15 emails…” while holding my phone.
My grievance is that he’s on his phone for a significant amount of time, including when our son first walks in in the am and when we have visitors. He’s often got the phone rotated which means he’s playing a game, which makes me ragey (irrationally so, I have lots of time wasters they just look like books). He’s ND and struggles a bit with executive function, so will often drop everything to respond to a non-urgent message.
His grievance is that I always have a podcast on when I’m cooking, and shush him/don’t always turn it off when interrupted. We both spend too much time on work email, although we’ve both turned our email/teams notifications off during non working hours.
I’ve significantly cut back on my own phone usage, in hopes of leading by example but no joy and I’d rather not silently seethe.
Emma
I’m not sure, but I struggle with this too. I tend to grab for my phone when DH picks a movie or show that doesn’t interest me much, and he feels like it’s rude and I’m not watching with him during our together time. He also has the trait of immediately answering non-urgent messages, including during dinner, while we are walking the dog together or while we’re talking, and it drives me nuts. We are expecting our first child shortly and I would like us both to commit to a more screen-free environment around the baby. Any pointers welcome.
Cb
Ugh, I think we got worse after the baby, because hanging out at 3am with a non-sleeping baby is very boring, but twitter makes it slightly better? But I’d like to reset now that I think our son is noticing it.
Emma
Yeah I will give myself a pass for mindless scrolling in the middle of the night at first :) but like you said, once kiddo is old enough to notice I don’t want us all addicted to our phones.
Anon
Screen-free hour every night and include your podcasts in that.
Vicky Austin
No, so following with interest. I especially want to kick our addictions to phone-in-bed before baby comes.
Anonymous
Why? Phone in bed is lovely. Phone in bed is cozy. Phone in bed is fun.
Vicky Austin
This is not helpful, thanks.
Anonymous
Phone disagrees. Phone loves you.
Anon
Anonymous, I don’t actually agree with you, but you’re making me laugh. FWIW. :)
Anon
Step 1: Work on sense of humor.
Anon
Agreed! I don’t get all the agita about phones in places, they’re fun, they’re handy, they’re a part of life today. Don’t try to control your partners so much and give yourself a break too.
Anon
Science also says that having a phone in bed contributes to insomnia and poor sleep patterns.
You do you, but you’re not being helpful.
Anon
Omg you guys need to get a life.
Anon
Just my opinion, but the randos mocking someone for asking a legitimate question are the ones in need of getting a life.
Anonymous
LOL
Geriatric Millennial
+1
I’d love to hear others’ perspectives as a non-child-haver, but edging closer to having children.
We are of that age where we didn’t grow up with our parents having phones in their hands 6 hours a day, but now we do… so it’s this weird feeling of “how do I raise a kid like I was raised (a positive 90s-2000s experience), when the circumstances have absolutely changed”
Vicky Austin
Same!! My mom had a cell phone from the time I was in…third grade? But it 100% was not a Presence the way phones are now. Sometimes I swear I had the last analog childhood.
Anonymous
DH and I have a ‘no phones’ policy between 5:30/6 – 8:30/9 depending on when kids go to bed. Then also no phones between 11-7 overnight, and between 7:30-8:15 in the morning when we are getting the kids out the door to school. We put out phones in a basket on the front hall table. We both know we have to do this to be engaged with our kids at those times.
Weekends are more of a hot mess. I realize that not everyone’s job allows them to disconnect like this.
Grace
Having a podcast on while doing something else productive (cooking, gardening, cleaning, exercising etc.) /= being on the phone while there are visitors. In the old days, my family would just have the radio on constantly. I don’t see how that’s much different than listening to a podcast? I do get wanting to reduce screen time and distractions checking email / twitter but the podcasts alongside productive activity seem like almost a non-issue to me.
ArenKay
I agree with the comparison to the radio here, and I also am a steady podcast-while-cooking person. But I’ve started being assiduous about pausing it when a family member comes in to talk, because it feels rude not to. Especially since I can pause the podcast—I couldn’t do that with the radio.
Anonymous
It’s the togetherness aspect. Radio everyone is listening to – podcast with AirPods is isolating.
We use the Bluetooth speaker and leave the phone next to the speaker on the mantle.
anon
I can’t speak for the OP, but I know I’m much more mentally engaged with a podcast than I would be with the radio on, so it feels like much more of an interruption if a family member starts talking to me while I’m listening. I’m sure my facial expressions are a dead giveaway!
Anonymous
I play podcasts through my Echo Dot so it’s very easy to say “Alexa pause” if someone else comes in.
Could you do this as a joint effort “I will commit to pausing my podcast for you if in exchange you will not use your phone at dinner.”
Don’t try and solve the whole problem just gradually build better habits.
Lil
I don’t have great solutions but consider/ask what the game playing /scrolling phone time is about for your ND husband. I have an ND husband too and we fought about this in our early marriage. once he shared how it was one of coping mechanism for sensory overload and anxiety, it made a lot more sense. With two young kids (one ND) there is a lot of sensory overload in our home and there always has been at work for him.
We have agreed to no devices between coming home and kid bedtime during weekdays. We have a basket of fidget toys near our couch that seems helpful for focusing chilling everyone out. If kiddos are ready for bed on time they can play this The Sims like game with daddy before bed. We also build in strategic breaks in weekends ( kids watch TV weekend afternoons )because we need that break to be better parents.
Cb
I think it’s soothing but also he doesn’t really read and his family dynamic is difficult at the moment, so it’s a boredom thing. Versus me, I can happily whatsapp with a friend or my mom or read a book.
Anonymous
If he is bored, perhaps he should be doing the cooking.
Anonymous
We put our phones away to charge at the end of the workday/when we get home. We have an old phone with no cell service that we use to stream music etc. over the living room speaker. It lives in the TV cabinet and is only for streaming. Everyone does take some solo iPad time later in the evening, but never during meals or family time.
I would go nuts if my husband played podcasts in my hearing, but that’s because I detest podcasts. We do listen to NPR sometimes but it gets turned off if someone is talking.
Anon
This is a phone problem but also really sounds like a relationship problem, where you’re doing the bids for connection (is that what Gottman calls it?) and shutting each other down. Phones might just be the symptom here.
Anon
No tips but we have similar struggles (married 15 years, 2 kids in elementary).
I listen to podcasts when I fold the laundry and resent DH or kid barging in and talking over the podcast. I usually ask my device to stop (in a pointed manner) but dont like to do it too many times during the short 20-30 minutes it takes me to fold/hang up the clothes.
DH has similar problems in responding to non-urgent messages – in fact, in checking what the pings are to see if they are urgent or not (and then it just takes an additional minute or two to send a quick response, so that often happens) during our date night dinners or other special couple time together. We do put away our phones after 9pm when we get couple Netflix time together, but then sometimes he still has to look up where we saw this actress before, or look at reviews before selecting a movie – so that is a WIP. Our kids have learnt sarcasm so they make jokes about daddy on his phone which is making an impact.
Anon
This may be a dumb question, but from yesterday, does the fall/spring semester college admissions thing matter for majors like engineering and accounting where things seem very rigid and sequential?
Asking b/c I went to a small liberal-arts state U eons ago. My kids are younger than my older cousins’ kids and what the ones that have gone are engineering and accounting where things seem to be very rigid and sequential (so it is hard to switch into these majors at their schools; you could easily switch from those majors into something in the college of arts/humanities/education if you wanted. It all seems so daunting (and we are in an overwhelmed city school system where friends say you need to switch to private school $30K or hire at least hire a good private college counselor b/c the school ones are too understaffed and overwhelmed to be of meaningful assistance). I could probably run a good spreadsheet, but until this week it never would have dawned on me to have a column for this. One kid will be in high school next year and we are still struggling with a lot of learning loss — our schools were closed or largely remote for a year and a half, so this is our first normal year (I hope).
Emma
I think it makes things hard in very structured sequential programs, but some programs might be built to accommodate spring starts (ie ENG 101 is also offered in the spring) whereas other are not. It’s really school and program specific so if you are considering this you would have to look into it. Even my literature undergrad required taking a 101 class which was not offered in the spring, but most people could take electives in the first semester and then start taking the mandatory major classes the following year.
Anon
Well at my school so many people failed and had to retake engineering classes that they were all offered off cycle too. So if you start in the spring you’d either have to take summer classes, overload, or graduate in December but you could get the classes you need when you need them. Both spring admits I knew were bioengineering majors and didn’t seem to have issues with getting classes. I had a teammate fail the an accounting class 3x and only graduated one semester late.
Anon
Also, my undergrad was unusual in that you didn’t have to apply to switch into different schools (engineering, business, arts&sciences, health), you just filled out a form. I knew a girl who switched into civil engineering from arts & sciences, I knew a ton of people who switched from engineering to business and quite a few from arts & sciences to business. I think just about every one of these people graduated on time. Most did it first semester but at least two people I know who transferred to the business school did it in their sophomore year.
So, it really depends on the school and the program.
Vicky Austin
I went to a smallish state school for accounting not too long ago. The intro courses were extremely flexible and offered every semester. The upper division courses were not supposed to be taken in any order (except for the three-course sequence of intermediate accounting), so those were flexible as well. In fact, I took the first intro course in the spring of my freshman year, the second in the fall of sophomore year, and then, what with study abroad and other courses, it was an entire year and a half before I took my first upper division course. No joke. It worked out fine.
However, as you point out, it’s hard to switch into these majors. I knew a few people who switched between finance and accounting, or between different types of engineering, but to go from a humanities major to a super technical major feels rare and unlikely. FWIW, I double majored and my second major was squarely in the humanities camp, so if you’re wondering about your kids’ particular interests, maybe that’s a route they could take.
Vicky Austin
Oh – one more thing. The way my school was structured, you had to “apply” to the business school once you’d taken things like macro- and microeconomics, the intro accounting courses, a few others. I’d say once you’ve done something like that, you’re pretty much set on your path.
I know it’s very common to change majors, so if you’re worried about your child wanting to make such a drastic switch at some point, I’d encourage them to explore both very, very early. At my school there was zero prerequisite to take the intro accounting course, and one of my classmates when I took it was a senior just filling out her schedule and looking to learn something a little different (I think her major was dance education or something!).
Anon
Not necessarily, unless you come into it with a ton of credits already. If you’re coming in needing to start with College Algebra, you’ll need every bit of time and possibly some summers, too, to get the prereqs in and get out in what the state and uni want. Many take an extra semester and that’s fine within reason. My big state U seems to have an unwritten (or maybe it is written somewhere) expectation that students are coming in ready to take calc 3, having gotten credit for 1 and 2 via AP scores or CC credit. Same with physics, etc. The last time I looked at a course map for engineering, and the “option” they give for busting out a BEng in 4 years without coming in w/ a ton of credits, I can’t imaging actually surviving that load and wanting to be an engineer at the end of it.
tl;dr – it works out and students are fine.
Anon
Professor in a STEM field at a large public university here and all of the big intro classes are offered at least twice a year, often including the summer as well. Even if everything isn’t offered in a given semester, you can start with chemistry instead of physics, or whatever the equivalent is for a given major, as there are lots of prereqs to get through. Getting into classes can be an issue, and lots of students fail, so spring semester admissions is really the least of your concerns! Also, my impression is that spring semester admissions is more common at private schools- we get a lot of transfers that start in the spring and students that enroll in the spring because they don’t get around to applying for the fall, but I don’t think we deliberately defer students the way more selective schools do. This might be more of an issue at smaller schools.
Anon
In my state, the public institutions often defer a student who applied for fall to the spring semester, to help with their common data set and rankings. It’s not widely discussed outside of the admissions world, and a faculty member would not have any way of knowing if a student were deferred. The decision to accept spring semester applications and/or to admit a student on the condition that they defer to spring semester will vary by institution, including among public institutions.
Anon
Yep, this. Students who enroll in the spring or as transfers are not included in data in the same way. This can work for you (enroll in the spring and they can overlook your mediocre stats, knowing you can do the work) or against you (merit aid is much harder to get as a transfer student, because buying your talent and scores isn’t as important).
Anon
Reposting to avoid mod. I really hate that certain very commonly used part of a word does this!
Professor in a STEM field at a large public university here and all of the big intro classes are offered at least twice a year, often including the summer as well. Even if everything isn’t offered in a given semester, you can start with chemistry instead of physics, or whatever the equivalent is for a given major, as there are lots of prereqs to get through. Getting into classes can be an issue, and lots of students fail, so spring semester admissions is really the least of your concerns! Also, my impression is that spring semester admissions is more common at private schools- we get a lot of tr**sfers that start in the spring and students that enroll in the spring because they don’t get around to applying for the fall, but I don’t think we deliberately defer students the way more selective schools do. This might be more of an issue at smaller schools.
Anon
Yes, courses are heavily sequenced. Based on my experience as an engineer:
Sophomore year onwards, courses are heavily sequenced. Because they are offered only once a year (smaller engineering school and those who flunked a class tended to transfer to liberal arts), you stay another year if you are out of sequence. This almost never happens.
In order to take those sophomore classes, you need to have your prereqs done. For most engineers, that means two semesters of physics and one of chemistry; for chemical engineers, it’s the opposite. It’s good to have done at least calc III (multivariable) by the time freshman year is done.
There are also intro engineering courses, fall and spring, and it would be a juggle to take them as a sophomore – they might not fit into your schedule.
You “could” take summer classes and use AP credits to get on sequence? Maybe? But engineering is really five years squished into four, so I’m not sure how you would wedge all of your credits (upper level electives, really) in.
Anon
Speaking with a STEM degree earned off-cycle from a smaller state U: it is possible to get necessary classes if you start in spring semester but you have to be very, very organized with your schedule, on top of class registration opening dates each semester, aware of all prerequisites, willing to take classes at awful times (early AM & night classes on the same or sequential days, pack your summer semester with humanities classes so you can fit your oddly timed core classes in during the fall & spring terms, etc.), and willing to aggressively advocate for your needed classes with the administration. Or just plan to take an extra semester or year to graduate.
Switching between STEM focuses in your freshman or sophomore year is fine, but the further you are the harder it gets to switch because your classes don’t really count towards a different major.
Anon
Re packing the summers with humanities: or could a kid do the AP histories and/or community college credits (our city is big into co-enrollment with the CC). I get that engineering is very specific, so maybe for everyone, better to do the humanities early b/c you could always take more if you major in that but if not, my understanding is that engineering kids generally get paid career-focused jobs in the summer (vs me as a history major grinding it out at Walmart), so you’d want to keep that door open if possible.
Glad I’m not a kid now. I would have been looking to do hair (which I had a side hustle for in high school b/c I could do fancy braids and also did braids for sports kids who needed their hair tied back for games / practices) or go into something like a deck-only construction company (b/c outdoor spaces are more fun).
Anon
Once again this poster is incoherent, but if I understand her question, AP credit doesn’t count toward gen ed courses at most universities. It will get you credits, it might get you out of intro classes, but you often still have to take a history class, if there’s a history requirement. Community college classes are usually the same, unless you get a degree or have a tr**sfer agreement.
Anon
AP math is most likely to get you credit because it actually corresponds well to college classes. Intro biology and chemistry are usually multiple semesters and often don’t match up well with AP, so you can’t place out of all of them, or often any of them (chem is more likely than bio). Physics varies, but usually engineers still have to take it, it’s just expected that they’ve seen the material before and paced accordingly. You get credits, but they don’t actually count for anything useful, other than needing fewer to graduate, but they don’t count toward a major, which is the real issue for most students. If you do want to do a STEM major, though, the AP calc credits help a lot, because they’re a prerequisite for everything else and it really slows progress if you don’t have them.
Anon
That’s not the case in the State University System in Florida. Can’t speak for elsewhere.
Anonymous
IME APs will usually count to fulfill GE requirements and for some intro courses that are taught at only one level but may (e.g., intro chem, intro bio, calculus), but will not count towards most prerequisites for a major.
Anon
At the time I went to college, I got credit for and waived out of school-wide requirements for biology, chemistry, physics and math based on AP exams. My college has done away with giving credit for bio and chem though and only does physics and math now. And it’s not one-to-one. You have to have a 5 on both Physics Mechanics and Physics E&M to get out of college Mechanics. There’s no way to get out of E&M. But it does count towards the major, if you want to major in physics or math.
Cat
So, Back In My Day (college in early 00s, Ivy), I got a bunch of honest-to-goodness credit for 5’s on my AP humanities. I would have needed 5 classes per semester to graduate on time, but ended up only needing to do that 2 semesters I think, which means I got 6 actual credits. My other APs in the sciences meant I didn’t have to take a particular specific science course, but could replace it with any science course of my choosing.
Vicky Austin
I also got full credit for college math due to AP test scores. (And then I majored in accounting, but whatever.)
Anon
I got full credit for two history intro classes for 5s on AP European History and European History. 5s in Bio got me out of Bio 101/102 + labs. I got fewer credits for botching my AB Calc exam but IIRC it was worth 1 vs two classes. 5 on BC Calc would have put you pretty far ahead.
All of these classes I got credit for and they satisfied “distribution” requirements for graduation. I think I’m pretty well-rounded and took a lot of cool seminar classes in my history major b/c I placed out of the large lecture hall-type intro classes.
I can get NOT going this route if you are a science / math major b/c maybe those classes are harder (so maybe you get credits towards graduation but not for a major), but I feel like the humanities just aren’t that technical.
Anon
Class of 2014 at a selective non-Ivy. 5’s on APs just counted for the sequence, not for credit. For example, I majored in political science and international relations and minored in Spanish. I got to skip taking the entry level US Government class (due to credit for AP Gov) and started at Spanish 3 because of my AP score. I didn’t get to take less poli sci or Spanish classes but I got to place out of intro levels and take more interesting ones.
I also had credit for several AP History classes (World, US, Euro) that did nothing for me because I (shockingly) didn’t take any history classes while in college.
I didn’t take any AP math or science courses and didn’t score high enough on my AP English courses to place out of freshman English.
pugsnbourbon
How many AP classes did you all have in high school? At my rural school we just had American History, English and Calc. I think they’ve added Bio in the last 5 years or so.
Vicky Austin
@ Pugs, all we had was calculus! Chemistry was added after I graduated, I think.
Cat
pugs, I forget how many total were offered, but mine offered at least US History, English (2x), Calc (AB), Physics, Bio, Chemistry, Econ (Macro and Micro), and Spanish, French, German.
How they worked in college depended on your major. I could get full credit for electives and “waived but you still have to take a class in the genre” for those in my major.
Anon
I’m the anon you replied to and I’m not really sure you have a question.
On the jobs topic, I worked full time while taking 15+ credits a semester, including summers, for a pure science degree (not engineering) because I did not want be in college a second longer than necessary. My state U was small and there were not a ton of scheduling options for my program’s core classes, usually only one traditional day slot during fall semester, and another non-traditional early or night slot during spring semester (vice-versa for the second half of a full-year class). That is why I packed my summers with all the humanities classes I could. This let me get my core classes in when they were offered, during fall and spring semesters, without extending my time spent in college.
Whether your kid can do AP or community college history while in high school and have it count towards their college degree is going to be very school-dependent. My program accepted AP credits towards graduation totals but also required us to take the actual college version of the class if it was a requirement for the major. The school did allow students to test out of our major’s required classes, which I did every chance I got, but you still had to pay for the credits.
Anon
Depends on the school but a semester’s worth of wiggle room is normally not a big deal. I wouldn’t worry about any loss of learning due to Covid either. High school curriculum isn’t going to matter much for those majors anyway. Like yeah you could test out of comp sci 101 or calc but they should be planned into the major road map and it’s not worth agonizing over because most kids in the major will not have tested out. I really wouldn’t give it a second thought.
Anonymous
In my experience as a STEM major, yes. It’s a lot easier to start majoring in engineering or any pre-med life science and then switch to a non-STEM major, instead of vice versa. AP credits will only help with the first one or two required math or science courses. Like another anon said, you have to be on top of when particular classes are offered, the intro classes usually have the worst lecture times (8 AM chemistry for two years in my case) , and you may have to do summer classes or take longer than 4 years to complete.
Anonymous
When do these second-semester offers come and who is taking them anyway? I can’t imagine anyone not taking an offer from another school and just sitting around waiting on the off chance that the preferred school would offer them a second-semester place.
Anon
I believe they come in the spring of senior year when other decisions are released.
Leatty
Anyone have recommendations of the below types of items?
– raincoat that is professional enough for work
– house slippers that are supportive
Vicky Austin
Ooh! My parents are obsessed with Stegmann’s wool clogs and have given a pair to everybody in our family at this point (except possibly my new BIL, but his birthday is coming up so stay tuned). I love mine. They’re beautiful and comfortable. The inner molds to your foot but the sole is still extremely supportive. I wore them constantly when I was WFH.
Anon
I had a knock-off pair and even they were awesome.
AZCPA
I have Taos wool house shoes (their convertible clog, so they have a back you can fold up) on my feet as I type. Super comfy and supportive.
Ribena
Ilse Jacobson for the raincoat. I was checking out all the news presenters’ clothing while in the queue for Her Maj last night and was reminded how good that brand’s gear is. Uniqlo and M&S offer a similar look
Anon
I wear Birkenstock clogs as slippers. Specifically the Boston. I like the shearling lined.
Anon
Same. Gotta have a pair of house Birks!
Anon
+1 to House Birks.
Grace
A bit dorky-looking but I love my Orthofeet slippers (I have both moccasins and mules) for support and comfort.
For raincoats, I know J.Crew has a hooded trench coat this year that may fit the bill. Regardless, my inclination would be to look for a belted raincoat. I think they are more formal overall.
startup lawyer
Oofos for house slippers. they are super ugly but nothing is more comfortable
Eager Beaver
If you just need a raincoat (not for warmth), Cole Haan makes packable raincoats in a couple of styles. I really looove mine.
Nesprin
Vionic slippers have arch support. My flat feet love em.
Anonymous
Co-sign. Vionic has been a lifesaver for the feet that my orthopedic surgeon recently deemed “severely deformed”. Yes, surgery is scheduled.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
Buy the rain coat that will keep you dry. Dressing appropriately for the weather is inherently professional.
anon
Eddie Bauer has a few rain coats that come in petite, tall, regular and plus that are longer and look fine. They work well, which is the most important part! Recommend. Do not buy until Columbus/Indigenous People Day if not on sale–they will put the whole site on sale at 50% then (they do for nearly every holiday).
Boden also has cute macs that are waxed.
Ginger
Finn Comfort clogs and sandals (I use them as house shoes). Pricey, but they last for years. I have the clogs with a cork foot bed that molds to your feet. I literally breath a sigh of content every time I put these on after taking off my work shoes.
NYNY
Does anyone have experience with the brand Status Anxiety? I need a new work bag and was looking for something different when I stumbled upon their s!te. Also intrigued by their belts, which I seem to need more of now that I’m wearing pants again.
Anon
No, but I hope they send you a commission for the bag I’m about to buy from them. They have so many small crossbodies, which is always much harder to find than it should be.
anon
Just lost out on our third offer in DC. The market has seemed to cool off a tiny bit, but not enough to win yet. Ugh. It feels like maybe we dont belong here anymore. But if not here, I dont know where we belong. I am also stressed about the amount of money we have just sitting around while we wait to buy a house. Any advice? Our patience is running thin and I feel like we’re going to offer a crazy amount on the next house because we’re just so tired of this.
Anon
Take stressing about money in cash off your list of troubles, it’s not like the market is booming.
anon a mouse
Yep, in fact if you’ve had money sitting in a savings account for the past year you’ve beat the market by a significant amount.
Anon
If a hope story helps it took us 5 rejected offers before getting our 6th accepted in the Bay Area in the mid 2010s. I remember one particular low point where I felt like as you described. In our case, the house we ended up getting ended up being better from a practical standpoint than at least 3 of the houses I was so upset we lost.
I realize not every story like this ends positively, but just an anecdote that might make you feel better. (Only you can decide if it’s time to truly give up and reevaluate). Advice is to try not to get too attached to each one, although I’m sure I failed at my own advice every time.
Good luck!
Anon
We’re trying to buy in the NY Metro market, having sold our house in the spring (living with my parents in the meantime). We have invested a chunk of money in Treasury bills – 4 and 8 weeks, staggered, so cash will become available again as we need it. (We are keeping our down payment in a high yield (ha) savings account, and put the rest into the T bills)
Anonymous
You’ll get there eventually. You have the money available for when you need it, and that’s a great resource to have. You can also take a break from searching for a few days/weeks/months, whatever helps.
We bought several years ago, in a different market than this, but hot for the location. We lost at least 3 houses for various reasons before successfully purchasing our current home. I was in the suburbs with a bad commute, really wanting to get back to the city. The transition phases are tough. You just want to “get there” already, and know what the new normal is like, and have the current phase be over. At least, that was my situation. For me, the more I was able to re-frame our current position, the easier it was to live with the uncertainty. If I were you, I’d try something like “I’m in a good space with the funds available to use as needed. Something will turn up eventually.” Even if that something is you re-evaluating where/how/when to purchase, you will eventually find something that fits your then-needs.
Anon
I want to get myself a splurgy bag to celebrate a milestone. I loooooove bags but I generally don’t indulge so I have too many items on my wish list and can’t decide. I will be in europe next month and am hoping to get something for european prices, but would prefer to keep it under $3k (but could go up to $5k). It can’t be black (I have a black bag that I adore) but also not a bright color (not my style), and needs to be big enough to hold a small paperback, small wallet, iphone mini, and sunglasses case.
What would you get?
Cat
FYI – a lot of commonly wishlisted bags are sold out in Europe right now thanks to Americans taking advantage. So go with an open mind :)
OP
I’m hoping to get something a little less popular so hopefully it won’t be a problem (i.e. not a chanel flap, etc). But thanks for the heads up!
Anonymous
I misread all of this as bra and was like girl
You don’t need to spend 3k on even the nicest bra! 300 is enough!
Anonymous
$300 for a bra?!
Anon
Makes more sense to me than $3k for a purse! Bras make a big difference to physical comfort.
Anon
My dream bag is a Loewe puzzle bag, I think that is probably in your price range.
A
Have this amd love it. Very roomy.
Marshmallow
Shape is so personal and dependent on your wishlist, but for color, may I suggest either a royal blue or soft gray. My favorite investment bag is gray and I wear it with everything.
DC pandas
Ooooh- congrats! Celine Sangle or Cabas Phantom in a taupe or navy would be my inclination.
pugsnbourbon
Oh but the “Amazone” color for the Celine bag! I think that would look beautiful with everything.
BeenThatGuy
Oh but the “Amazone” color for the Celine bag! I think that would look beautiful with everything.
DeepSouth
I jut got the Chloe Marcie bag and love it.
A
Either bottega Veneta or the loewe patch bag.
Anon
Thanks for the advice on the Bartolommeo cyst. It burst last night at home. Ewww.
I’m still going to the doc today since I have the appointment and it’s too late to cancel.
Let me just say that right now I can’t imagine ever having s3x again.
Anon
Sorry about the spell check. Bartholin. Bartholin cyst.
Anonymous
Thanks to the person who recommended the Year of Less by Caitlyn Flanders. I’ve decided to start my own 3 month no-buy challenge and spent the morning unsubscribing from store emails. And I’m looking forward to starting a big de-clutter this weekend.
Anon and on
or vacation ended up a stay cation and we’ve been decluttering. it’s ongoing but overalls I have soo many blazers pants tops bags shoes!!
good luck
Anonymous
I was inspired by reading this as well. I like how she talked about the emotional triggers that lead to spending.
Anon
I’m happy to hear it’s been a helpful read for so many people!
Anon and on
can someone give basic premise on the book, beyond amazon description? love to read just no time for next month
for me, I feel like I’m too old to put up with almost- right and nearly done. I’m not 50 but helping my mom through cancers plural right now.
Anonymous
Sorry you’re going through that. If it helps, I did the audio book and it was really short, like about 4 hours. But you can kind of get the idea from some articles:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/23/smarter-living/year-of-less.html
https://www.insider.com/cait-flanders-shopping-ban-quit-job-2018-3
Anon
+1 would love to hear more about this book
Anon
I’ve been pretty cautions about trying to avoid Covid but I’m really missing indoor group exercises classes. I work from home most days, socialize outside with friends, and hang out inside only with other people who are fairly cautious, so this would be a big jump in risk for me. I’m mid 30s, no kids, and don’t have any underlying conditions that I know about so I’m mostly concerned about long Covid which I feel like isn’t talked about enough. I’m just not sure what I’m waiting for anymore once I get the latest booster. It seems like I either give up indoor group exercise forever or I may as well get back into it now. It’s not like we’re waiting for Covid transmission to slow down or some amazing new treatment. Has anyone else been through this thought process?
Anon
Like 2 years ago. You’re right, you either get back into your life or give it up forever.
Anon
+1
Get vaccinated, go back to living your life.
Anon
+1
Anon
I went through this thought process in Sept 2021. I finally decided that I missed my favorite exercise enough that the risk was worth it, especially since I am fairly risk averse otherwise. I’m not immunocompromised and I don’t have any family members who are, so I know that all went into the calculus. Honestly, being so risk averse was taking a toll on my mental health in a big way. I felt like I was just living in a constant state of fear and anxiety regarding just about anything outside my home. Going back to group exercise helped me in this regard (as well as getting back into great shape)!
I started slow, going to a sparsely populated class at a gym that was in a big warehouse type building with doors open on both ends. I personally knew everyone in the class, and everyone was vaccinated, plus we could spread waaaaaay out. Then started going to more populated times. Now I’ve jumped all the way back into my favorite workouts (Orange Theory), acknowledging that masks and social distancing are not possible in that setting.
I’m happy with my decision. My mental health has improved greatly because of the physical activity, plus the confidence aspect.
Ribena
This sounds like my perspective – and it took a full year from when I started going back to risky activities to get Covid, so taking the risks paid off in terms of how much joy they brought me. PLUS I’m confident that the fact that I was in half-marathon shape when I caught Covid (still overweight but in the best cardiovascular health I’ve ever been in probably) has given me the best chance of fighting off the virus well (or at least won’t have hurt!).
Anonymous
Yes, this is me almost exactly. Not particularly high risk and still quite cautious generally. I missed group fitness so much but I was very nervous about returning. (My city doesn’t have much to offer in terms of outdoor classes and online classes weren’t cutting it anymore.) Exercise does so much for me (mental health, headaches, sleep) that I decided the risks were outweighed by the benefits and I decided to go back.
Colette
I am also pretty cautious and what’s helped me is stopping thinking of things in an all or nothing way. It’s not return to normal life or be totally covid safe.
I still mask frequently in high risk public settings (travel frequently for work) but have generally loosened up with activities that my family values. We also respond to the local transmission rates. During the summer we are very active, but when covid likely spikes again this winter we will take a break from non-essential things.
Grace
Yes, this is me exactly. My behavior changes whether we are in a covid peak or valley.
Anonymous
I have been through this decision. First I tried going back to group exercise at a studio with a big garage door open in back and a mask on. I was uncomfortable working out in the mask and felt like a freak as the only masked person. Weighing the risks and benefits, as much as I love group exercise, unmasked group exercise just isn’t worth it to me. It’s one of the very riskiest things you can do, and I don’t think it’s worth long COVID. I invested in home workout gear and the Sweat app and will re-evaluate in a couple of years once the nasal spray vaccines that will supposedly prevent infection come out. Bonuses are that I am saving quite a bit of $$$ on gym fees and am not catching colds and flu in class either.
Anonymous
You’re honestly stunting your life for literally no reason. If you want to stay a hermit fine. But this is not rational at all.
Anonymous
+100. Life is inherently risky. You can do everything right and still get cancer, autoimmune diseases, etc. The risk of long covid is literally no more than the risk of any of those things for the average person.
Anon
Part of my calculus is the concern that post-acute effects of COVID could make it harder to treat other conditions that are actually treatable.
Unless medical science and funding changes fast, it’s going to be ages and ages before they figure out how to treat long COVID. The risk of “waiting around for twenty years until the science comes in to even inform a treatment plan” seems a lot higher for long COVID than for conditions we’ve been studying for years.
Anon
I’m high risk for a lot of reasons so I have other considerations.
But when it comes to long COVID specifically, my reasoning is that long COVID would stunt life a lot more than precautions to avoid COVID. And even if I don’t end up with long COVID the first time I’m infected, we I could end up with it on any subsequent infection. So even if the odds of drawing the short straw are low for a single infection, what will the odds be if I keep catching it over the years?
I want to enjoy my life and now and into the future, so I’d rather enjoy my life in ways that minimize exposure.
Anon
I agree with you. The things I’m giving up at this point are small sacrifices to me, trivial compared to how miserable long Covid can be. And there’s so much about this virus we don’t know beyond classic “long Covid.” The studies about brain shrinkage are particularly terrifying to me. I definitely think it’s worth minimizing how many times you get it, particularly if you can modify your life in ways that don’t make you unhappy (outdoor dining vs indoor, etc.)
Anonymous
I concur with your reasoning 100%. Furthermore, even a COVID infection that doesn’t turn into long COVID can be hugely disruptive.
Anonymous
She isn’t high risk.
Anonymous
Everyone is at a high risk of long COVID.
Anonymous
You don’t have to be high risk to develop long Covid. In fact, it’s more common among middle age adults than elderly. Ending up with a chronic condition after subsequent infections also isn’t simply a matter of whether you are high risk now.
Anon.
That’s how I see it, too.
Anon
Long covid is not “no reason”
Anon
We weigh risks and benefits. So we’re back to things that have a tangible benefit to us (travel, seeing friends and family, in-person activities for kids, obviously school and work) but still abstaining from things where we have a good alternative or don’t see a ton of benefit from it. For us, indoor dining and indoor exercise fall into that category, but it sounds like indoor exercise classes might be in the former bucket for you.
I used to believe in “riding” the peaks and valleys, but I know SO many people who got Covid this summer when transmission rates were ostensibly fairly low, that I’m not sure that approach makes sense anymore. With home tests being so prevalent, i think it’s really hard to know the true transmission rate.
Grace
If you are in the US, transmission rates were pretty high this summer, especially around June. I agree on the problems with relying on PCR and rapid testing but that’s why wastewater testing is such a powerful tool. Boston, in particular, I know has a really good wastewater testing program that can give you a good idea of the covid level.
Anon
I mostly know people who’ve gotten it in the last few weeks and numbers are currently really low in my county and state. I agree that wastewater testing is a better indicator, but it’s hard to find that data for my area.
Nora
I’m late 20s no kids and tbh other than masking on public transportation and a few other places I don’t think about COVID at all anymore. I have 3 boosters, I got omicron, I’ll get the new booster, but I’m living my life!
What ARE you waiting for?
I do have underlying conditions and when I get sick (or have an allergic reaction) it can easily turn worse than normal. So that actually makes me feel more like getting sick is a thing that happens, thats just a fact of life, be smart and safe but don’t let it rule you. Also no one cared or understood or tried to understand when I had severe asthma or allergy issues in the past, and now everyone and their mom is an infectious disease expert apparently.
Anonymous
I have asthma that turns every cold into bronchitis or pneumonia, and my attitude is the opposite of yours. I spent so much of my life sick, including 9 months straight leading into COVID. Life was a miserable slog. Now that I can wear a high-quality mask in public, my quality of life is so much better. I am never going back to just accepting constant sickness if I can possibly help it. Giving up indoor dining and group exercise and wearing a mask everywhere else is 100% worth it.
Nora
It just varies. My asthma turns every cold into bronchitis too. Wear a mask in public sure, that’s great and as I said I do that, but I’ve been sick enough that I just don’t think its a big deal anymore?
Yes every cold turns into bronchitis. But we have modern medicine and I’ve handled that in the past, so that’s that. There is always a risk of getting sick, but honestly, regardless of my choices, I’ve had various illnesses pop up. I have another separate rare health condition. So might as well live life.
Anon
I totally agree with this. I just don’t enjoy those things enough to pay the price, and that was true before covid, I just hadn’t thought about it enough to realize it. It would be different if I didn’t get hit so hard by every minor cold, but I get really sick for a long time, and life is just so much better when I’m able to stay healthy. It’s worth giving up some things so that I can do the things I care about most.
Nesprin
Yep- I tried going back an immediately caught covid and needed like a month to be remotely back to normal. You may want to see if your group exercise class offers an online version, or you may decide that catching covid is just the fee for entry.
Anon
I decided to give up indoor group exercise classes forever. The risk exceeds the benefits for me. I miss them but I have substituted other physical exercise that I also enjoy. FWIW, my weight has not varied at all since March 2020 without paying it any attention..
No Face
Do it. There is nothing else to wait for.
I had my annual checkup with my doctor recently. She said the current COVID strains are much less serious than the 2020 version. Many of the original scary long term effects (blood clots in the lungs) aren’t really happening anymore.
Just get boosters the second you can and get back to living a full life. You will thank yourself.
Anon
I would be waiting for nasal boosters that protect better against transmission, or at least for my bivalent booster to kick in (I realize the data on the bivalent booster isn’t in yet).
I get that it’s nice to have fewer blood clots in the lungs, but I consider stroke, embolism, and heart attack risk to be pretty serious too.
Grace
I don’t think that is true. The only reason they appear less serious is that as a society, most people have either been vaccinated, previously caught covid, or both. So there is some degree of underlying immunity that blunts the worst outcomes. The strains themselves are very potent (especially BA.4 and BA.5).
Anon
This.
Anon
There’s no evidence for this, all strains cause long term health problems.
Anon
Yes, so I found an outdoor class I love and can hang out with classmates after.
I also do online classes with my camera on to keep me accountable! Easier with early morning classes because I can roll out of bed rather than having to spend time travelling to the gym, plus my own shower afterwards!
Anon
My husband is a pilot and considering an offer to be based out of Boston Logan. We’re a little shocked by cost of living up there, but love the idea of a quintessential New England village. Any recs for towns within ~90 minutes of the airport where we could have a couple acres on a budget of $1.25M? He’d need to go to the airport about once a week, generally on off-peak times, and I WFH but would need the airport about once a month.
Anonymous
You might want to look at New Hampshire. You can get to Logan in 90 min and have a lot of acreage.
I responded to you yesterday- may want to check back on that post.
Are schools an issue for you? Taxes? New construction vs old home? Lots of considerations but generally? If schools are not a factor, the further north / west you go the more acres you get per dollar. You are also out in the boonies but people like that!
Harvard, Bolton, Groton, Stowe.
If you can stretch your budget or get lucky or are okay with a “gentleman’s farm” but want good schools you could maybe find something in Carlisle or Sudbury. Friends just sold their 2 acre gentleman’s farm in sudbury for $1.8 but it was pretty fancy.
Anon
OP here – thanks I’ll go back and check yesterday’s post!
We’d like an old home, as we have one now. Our current home is an antique home with acreage, but only 10 minutes to a cute small town with historic Main Street and weekly farmer’s market, etc. We’d hope to find something like that. We definitely don’t want new construction and I definitely don’t want to be all alone out in the woods with no town close by.
Schools are a factor, but honestly, northern taxes haven’t scared us that much because you pay for good schools one way or another: southern private school tuition or northern taxes. We figured northern schools would mostly be better on the whole than southern public schools, so that hasn’t been a driving factor for us this early in the game, but will be once we narrow things down.
Sadly, $1.25 IS the stretch; $1M is where we’re most comfortable (and is a heckuva price tag in the south!), but we know we’d have to increase up there.
Someone below asked if we’re good with snow and cold. My husband is – he loves it! I’ve visited it, we’ll see how I do ;) I can say that I enthusiastically feel that it is Too Dang Hot where we are, even though we do have seasons, so I’m ready for cooler temps…we’ll just see how I do with winter, ha.
Anon
OP again. I spoke too broadly above and it feels icky to me. Where we live, we pay only $1,100 (not a typo) annually in property taxes on our house and over 50 acres, and the schools are what you’d expect for that minuscule investment, plus people are always screaming about “freedom” and how they’re being “oppressed” by the local government because the taxes are *too high*. So yes, we built private school tuition into our budget when we bought the house. But that’s not true across the south, and I didn’t mean to speak so broadly as to imply that it is. There are lots of areas where schools are a priority. But yes, this cultural mismatch for us is one reason we’re considering the relocation.
Anon
I asked about snow because it will impact your travel to Boston and even getting out of your own driveway. It’s nicer to be on/near a main road if you dislike driving in it, as they get plowed first and most frequently. Even if you hire a plow service for your driveway, you will need to touch up the work – the plow doesn’t get everything off.
Things to consider when purchasing.
Anonymous
New Hampshire. Amherst, Hollis, Exeter, Newton, Greenland, etc. Quality of schools varies widely if that matters to you, but there are a bunch of towns just across the border with what you are looking for. On the other hand, NH is its own culture – look before you leap. I say that as a native with a real soft spot in my heart for the state – but I when I moved back home, I chose to live in Maine.
Anon
OP here. Thanks, I’ve heard something along those lines a couple times. I’ll have to get a feel for NH and see if it would do for us.
Anon
As long as he would routinely be on an off hours commute, I recommend living off 93 north of the city, potentially over the NH line. Your money will go the furthest there, and that will be the easiest drive. 93 on the south side of the city is horrible traffic all times of the day, including weekends. Being west of the city is not as easy a commute as north of the city but not as bad as south of the city; the Pike isn’t bad but Storrow can back up for Sox games which means traffic off commuting hours, and cost of living will be most expensive there, in a fan from roughly Westwood to Bedford.
anon
Agree with 93 or North being your best bet. South and the Pike (West) will be much harder to get to Logan.
Anon
OP here. Thanks! Super helpful to know.
Anon
Before moving to New Hampshire, understand that you pay taxes twice: heavy, heavy NH property taxes (because they don’t have a state income tax) and Massachusetts income taxes.
Look at or outside of the 495 belt. Try to stay near an interstate, Route 3, or Route 2 (less preference for the latter two, as they bring you to 128, not directly into Boston). Consider that “off peak” isn’t as much a thing in Boston as it is elsewhere. Avoid the South Shore, as traffic on 93N is gridlocked by 6 am.
Are you used to snow and bad weather?
Anonymous
Have you ever done it? The housing costs are so much lower that even with the high tax rate the property taxes are lower because the taxable value is so much lower. NH has no income tax so yes, anyone working in MA would pay MA income tax.
OP WFH though so depending on her company’s HR she could just work out of NH.
FWIW we’ve lived in both states while working in MA. Absolutely no question the COL is much higher. Also, schools are better.
Woof
New Hampshire and Massachusetts are very different states. You can count on Massachusetts to be a blue state, good schools (varies town to town), and good medical care. You don’t mention children and schools…if that is a concern, look at Boston Magazine’s annual list of ratings. Take those with a grain of salt. In general, take a look along the main arteries to the city: Route 90, 93 South, 93 and 95 north, and route 2. Groton has a cute down town, as does Hudson, and Littleton and Harvard are cute, and along route 2. Yankee magazine has lists of pretty towns. Good luck!
FP
I grew up in this area. Check out Littleton, Acton, Westford, Groton for nice towns with decent public schools and homes around your price range. Merrimac MA (not to be confused with Merrimack NH) is also adorable – much more reasonably priced than towns right on the water, but you are still so close and on 93.
Anon
OP here. Thank you both for these recs!
Anonymous
I once toured the most gorgeous, classic new england house on a budget in Douglas MA, which is about an hour out from Logan. Not the conventional “North on 95” approach but might meet your needs. We ended up moving out of state instead but man, I would have loved that house, which also had a carriage house and was on a lake…
Kelsey
For those of you who do Intermittent Fasting, when do you exercise? If you do it during your fasting period, does it make you light headed? IF is working for me so far but I’m going to start working out regularly again. Thanks.
anon
I work out first thing in the morning between 8-9, then wait until 11 to eat.
Anonymous
I find exercise while fasting helps me kill time and fights hunger. I don’t tend to get light headed and I’m only doing light cardio.
Anonymous
I don’t formally do IF, but I just don’t feel the need to eat before lunch. I typically run in the morning before work, and it has never been an issue — no feeling lightheaded. If I were going to lift in the morning, I would probably have a small protein snack after, but again don’t have any issue working out without eating first.
That said, I’m not feeling a run on particular morning (usually for sleep issues, not food), I have eaten lunch at my desk, waited a half hour, and then used my lunch hour to run after that.
Seafinch
I am prone to getting light headed in general but don’t find working out while fasting triggers it. I do also find electrolytes help enormously. I probably most frequently workout out between 10-11 a.m. after fasting from 7 p.m. but sometimes don’t get it in so end up working out right after work, midway through my eating window, or after 7 p.m.
Anonymous
Lunchtime. Black coffee in the morning. Protein shake and bowl of oatmeal at 11am coffee break. work out at lunch time (usually pilates, yoga, or short run), eat small sandwich with fruit at 1pm. Coffee at 3/4pm sometimes with a yoghurt or fruit. Dinner at 6:30-7pm. Fast 7:30pm – 11am.
A
If I do IF, I just walk. No strenuous exercise as I then end up overeating.
Anon
I mostly work out outdoors (I’m Covid cautious and also prefer outdoor exercise) so when I do it is mostly dictated by the weather. In summer I go in the morning while fasting (and usually eat right afterwards), in the winter I usually go in the late afternoon during my eating window.
Anon
My partner and I just got married but we are not combining finances (we’re older etc etc). We do find it convenient to have a joint bank account and a joint credit card for shared expenses. So far we’ve been using my Chase Sapphire card for joint expenses but it’s also my primary credit card so it creates a bunch of work to figure out which charges are joint and which are just mine. I don’t want to move away from using the Sapphire card because I love the travel points! Has anyone figured out a solution to something like this?
Vicky Austin
Can you request a second card for your partner to use? We did this with my husband’s Capital One card that he had spent a few pre-marriage years building on (I did not have a credit card) and didn’t want to abandon, and it also helped us avoid applying for a new line of credit when we were mid-house hunt. In the Capital One app, it shows whose card made the charge.
Anon
Our Citi mastercard only identifies in-person purchases by cardholder. Online purchases aren’t labeled and all users have the same card number. It’s a huge pain honestly.
Vicky Austin
That is a huge pain! Wonder what Chase is like.
Anon
I would either recommend a totally new card for joint expenses (and then you keep your Sapphire for your own purchases) or using Splitwise to input your joint expenses and settle up at the end of the month? It’s an extra step but I find it very easy to use.
Anon
This is what we’ve been doing — I was just hoping to find an easier way! It’s doable but annoying
Chase doesn’t show which card made the transaction (he’s an authorized user on mine) and I also make transactions that are “ours”…
Anon
Wo do yours/mine/ours banking. We had Capital one Venture cards – we each used the no-fee one for personal spending, then one person opened a fee Venture card for joint spending and added the second person as an authorized used (they weren’t doing true ‘joint’ accounts). All the points were transferrable between accounts (or used to be – we switched up what we did a bit during the pandemic) So, while we could earn Capital One points on 3 accounts we could merge and spend them off 1 account.
Colette
Refer your husband for the chase sapphire card and get yourself an additional card on his account as an authorized user. Wait for an increased sign up bonus for him to get the card.
That;s what we do.
We have two joint chase cards set up in this way – chase sapphire reserve which we use for travel and restaurants and then the chase unlimited for all other spend. We have earned a lot of “free” travel via these points.
Anon
I just don’t understand not combining finances. I can see keeping some investments separate but it’s so the characters in the Joy Luck Club who split up otherwise.
Anon
DH and I do not because we are very different in our money management styles. We are both frugal savers, but he’s a “manage investments, watch every penny” type and I am a “set it and forget it” type. We each find the other’s style to be quite stressful.
Anon
Also, not OP and we are not separate for investments, but DH and I keep our personal spending money separate. Otherwise, if I gave the side eye for every sports bet he placed or he rolled his eyes at every $300 P448s I bought, we would probably be divorced by now. As long as it’s within our personal spend budgets, neither of knows or cares what the other one does with that money.
Anonymous
Same. It’s doesn’t affect our financial goals but if he say what my shoes cost he’d be upset.
Anon
I wouldn’t at this point because I have all my auto payments set up, and I honestly just like having my own money that I can do whatever I want with.
FWIW my former spouse and I shared 100%. I understand people who do that, but having done it, I would not again.
anonshmanon
On the other hand, I don’t understand why marriage has to mean that people stop being individuals. Joint finances, taking each other’s name, doing everything together and having to agree always. If you want that, great, but I don’t understand why it’s the automatic assumption for those who get married.
OP
We have specific-to-us circumstances that make this the best choice for us.
Anonymous
There are plenty of ways to divide up expenses in between sharing everything and combining everything. People also may want to keep some money or purchases separate (inheritances or purchases for children not shared with the spouse), while combining others like travel or housing. With Vemno, Splitwise, Mint, and the ability to transfer money and have view-only access to accounts, it is much easier today to customize financial accounts so that they fit each person and family, and I don’t think anyone should be shamed for wanting to share some money and expenses with a spouse but not share all money and accounts.
Anonymous
I mean, we are just lazy and never got around to it. I’m an authorized user on one of my husband’s cards. We don’t track, though–I pay the mortgage, he pays groceries and utilities, we figure it roughly evens out close enough (we make close to the same amount).
anon
I would strongly suggest another credit card for joint purchases. We are long-time partnered with partially split finances and love having a joint credit card without joint bank accounts.
I’ve never tried, but is it possible to get another account set up with the same card? So one Sapphire card that you use personally, and a totally separate account that is a joint card. I’d think this would be possible.
Anonymous
You can get another Chase card (together or individually) and then transfer the points to your Sapphire Rewards account.
anon
Just get a different Chase card! Still get great points, joint spending will be on one statement only.
LadyB
I have a personal Sapphire Preferred and we got a joint Sapphire Reserve. Your partner will need to be the one to apply for it though and add you as an authorized user because you cannot be the primary owner on both a preferred and a reserve.
Anon
Immediately transfer the money to the other person for the joint purchase, rather than waiting until some future date. (Our finances are the same.)
Shaila
Anyone have any bronzer recommendations, especially for darker (Indian) skin?
letscircleback
Hello! Fellow Indian here…and South Indian (relevant since our skin tones can vary quite a bit!). I have used a number of bronzers across price ranges and here’s what I’ve liked. NOTE: I’ve been surprised at how many bronzers actually work for me. They don’t need to be significantly darker than your actual skin tone. So don’t write off tones that are similar to yours!
– the ELF bronzer quad is a good starting point because it gives you four shades to choose from for a very low price. This can help you decide what works for you or you can just use the quad. I loved it honestly!
– the NYX matte bronzer (Medium) is what I currently use
– Physician’s Formula butter bronzer (Medium/Deep) is my OG fave
– NARS Laguna bronzer (I would get the mini)
Anonymous
REALLY weird question but maybe someone knows what to google. My eyes have been weird for a year or two. I mostly notice it while driving, like it’s hard to focus, they feel heavy – like it’s hrad to keep them open, and sunlight coming from the side is really hard for me. like i see things but look right through them. i told my eye doctor it felt like they weren’t focusing correctly; she told me it was just dry eyes. (I wear prescription sunglasses and know I have a slight astigmatism. asked about bifocals and dr says i’m not ready for them.)
separately (maybe), when I was having issues with vertigo, my PT was doing the “follow the pencil” exercise and said my left eye wasn’t moving with the right, that it was really disconcerting. i’ve never been able to duplicate it for family. (the Epley worked for my vertigo so I think it was BPPV/ear crystals.) I’ve done some eye exercises off and on with two playing cards though, didn’t notice an improvement with whatever my eye issue is.
cut to last week at the eye doctor and the tech noticed my left eye wasn’t moving in sync with my right. i was excited she’d seen something but the eye doctor couldn’t duplicate it.
this morning as I was driving I was thinking about how much farther away my focus is when I’m driving, like 20-50 feet away, when the rest of the time it’s almost always 1-3 feet in front of me. could it be that there’s a lazy eye only with distance? that my astigmatism gets worse with distance? googling isn’t helping.
Anon8
Hard to focus and feeling like I was seeing “more” out of one eye used to happen to me– I have astigmatism and started wearing glasses and it doesn’t happen anymore. Another possibility to maybe look into is vestibular migraine.
Anon
My daughter was diagnosed with strabismus in her early 20s. Most cases are caught in childhood. However, eyes not moving in tandem often requires immediate referral to a neurologist if it’s not strabismus (which I understand is something you are born with, and it turns out it runs in my family). Follow up with a different ophthalmologist if you are concerned and still having symptoms.
anon
100% not in medicine, but I’d talk to someone in neuro immediately.
Mid West
My daughter was diagnosed with strabismus at age 8, which is on the older side. The first thing they did was an MRI/neuro consult, which thankfully wasn’t the issue. She ended up with minor surgery to correct both eyes and hasn’t had issues since.
I would go to a different opthamologist who specializes in this and see if you can get a neuro consult from them.
Anon
So this is most likely a binocular vision problem, which could be a childhood issue which was never detected and is now causing problems or a new issue caused by some sort of neurological problem. If it’s the first, you want to see a developmental vision specialist (a regular eye doctor might be able to refer you, but often they’ll only check one eye at a time and tell you your vision is fine). If it’s the second, you need a neurologist asap.
I have the same issue that the poster above’s daughter has- strabismus that wasn’t noticeable as a child but has slowly become more apparent over time. I’m 100% sure I’ve had it since I was a kid since my depth perception has always been really, really terrible and I struggled with things like learning to drive, any kind of ball sport, regularly walked into walls and furniture, couldn’t see magic eyes or 3D anything, etc. I also have a lot of trouble with motion sickness, headaches, and extreme light sensitivity. I’m having more and more trouble with my vision and have stopped driving completely, but am sort of at a loss about what to do now. I’m considering surgery, but the surgeon told me that he couldn’t guarantee that it would make my vision better and there was a risk of permanent double vision (I currently suppress vision from one eye at a time so that I don’t see double). I did vision therapy for a while and it helped some, but it’s very expensive, not covered by insurance, and I moved to a town where it’s not available. If you have the ability to pursue that, I would at least give it a try, though, if it turns out to be applicable.
Anon
What kind of eye doctor did you see? (Neuro-ophthalmologist is a specialty that exists for a reason)
Anon
As a result of a concussion several years ago, I have something called 4th Cranial Nerve Palsy. My right tracks just behind my left eye. This has caused me to have vision problems and severe bouts of vertigo. I have prism glasses that my optometrist prescribed that have helped me tremendously. They have been life changing when I thought I would never get back my regular vision.
Anon
My right eye does this. Never really noticed it until I had bad episode of several days in a row. It’s like that eye falls out of synch with the other and I end up with double vision, but my actual vision and focus is fine in either eye individually. My right eye is just slow to respond and won’t keep up with the left.
After seeing all the specialists and having all the tests, my unsatisfying diagnosis is idiopathic sixth nerve palsy, probably related to migraine activity. It tends to act up with stress, lack of sleep, or alcohol, and I can tell that eye feels tired? or heavy? or something well before I notice it in my vision. The double vision is more obvious with distance because the misalignment is pretty slight sometimes.
It’s worth getting checked out because there are some serious possibilities that are very unlikely (atypical seizures, brain tumor, MS) but there’s a good chance it’s a fairly harmless biological quirk. For what it’s worth, mine hasn’t gotten any worse in almost 20 years and I’ve had several neuro and opthalmologist workups, MRIs, and an LP.
Anon
You should see a neurologist for these symptoms. If you have convergence insufficiency this can be a sign of something going on with your ocular nerves.
nonny
had it after 2 TBIs, prism glasses helped
Anon
You should see a neurologist rather than an optician with these symptoms. If you have ‘convergence insufficiency’ this can be a sign of something going wrong with your ocular nerves or brain rather than the eyeball itself.
Anonymous
Were you seeing an optometrist? If so, try an ophthalmologist instead. And probably a neuro. When I had trouble focusing, it was just an astigmatism that was easily corrected with new contacts specific for it, but eyes not moving in concert sounds more concerning.
Anonymous
When you say eye doctor, do you go to an optometrist or opthalmologist? Highly recommend the latter.
Family Photos
I’d like to have some family photos taken, and ideally would make it an annual thing. I’m wondering if anyone has skipped the professional photographer and enlisted a friend or family member who is good with iPhone photography? If so any advice?
Anon
It won’t be the same at all. Even if you have a friend who is good with a DSLR (which is a huge step up from an iPhone) they aren’t going to loo professional. Only you can decide whether professional pictures are worth it to you. They are expensive. But they’re also noticeably different than a friend with an iPhone.
Anon
Photos and particularly good quality photos are something I really care about. I totally understand not everybody else feels the same! But I would splurge for a photographer. I think the results would be worth it.
Anonymous
It’s not the photo for the most part (I mean, skip having my husband take it, but almost anyone with an eye for framing could take it), it’s the photo editing that makes the biggest difference. Find a friend who’s good with Lightroom or a similar service to work with the shadows and light for hte most professional looking shots.
Anon
Or, like, don’t ask your friends to do that kind of thing for free and pay a professional to do it.
Anon
My photographer does mini-sessions in a park — $300 for 30 minutes and you get 100+ great pictures. They are miles better than anything anyone can do with an iphone.
Anon
I feel like unless you know this person already and that person would be game for an hour max (and no expectation of retouching), you maybe could get something useable. But you have to have a person in mind. In my family, I was often that person (dabbled in it, learned that the most important things are what you can’t photoshop (the sun, the shadows, placement of people, dealing with what they are wearing, finding a background) and I can point to pictures in the houses of most people I know that I took. There are also a ton of crap pictures that are not good and if you are OK with that, great.
Recommendations: test your wardrobe with selfies first. You want the light in the hour before the sun sets (aka the golden hour — and if you hire someone, pay attention to the time of day — no pictures at high noon outside or the light will look harsh and you will have shadows). Pick your location. IMO nature locations are just very pretty and seem to relax people enough so that they look good.
TLDR: a pro will be much better and can offer retouching and think of setups-lighting-wardrobe things that will help; some amateurs can be good but most are probably just OK. If using a pro, talk location and outfits and ask for an honest opinion on the best option from what you have. If in doubt, simpler / solids near faces. Beware of people doing a fig-leaves thing with their arms.
pugsnbourbon
Def go for a professional. We had family shots done (I mean, me, my wife and our dog) and I’m so glad we used a pro. We are both decently awkward and she helped us feel more relaxed and got us to try some poses we wouldn’t have otherwise.
Anonymous
Just pay a professional, especially if you want to prints instead of just digitals; it’s not that much (in my area, you’re looking at $200-300) and they’ll be a lot better (editing software is key). Plus you won’t annoy your friends by asking them to do it for free (I say this as someone who is fairly good at photography but not a professional).
Anon
I’ve posted a few times in recent months so some of this might sound familiar. I lived in standard suburbs my whole life and moved to the DC area (Crystal City in Arlington) about a month ago for a new job (in DC itself). I’ve been working from home for a month or so and I have my big first day in the office tomorrow. I’m nervous! I’ll be walking from 33rd Street in Crystal City to CC Metro Station which is just under a mile. GPS says it will take me about 20 minutes. There is a bus that passes CC Metro and also goes to the Pentagon City Metro Station but I want the exercise so I’m going to walk first and see what that’s like.
I haven’t worked in an in-person office since March 2020. I went from a size 2-4 to an 8-10 since that time. I don’t feel good about myself and I’ve had to buy all new clothes. I also have raging anxiety and depression that has gotten a little bit better recently with a medication change.
I don’t have a question, I’m just really nervous! Please send me all the good vibes for what will be a new life for me and a day of firsts – first day at new job, first day in new city, and first day as a pedestrian commuter!
Anonymous
Good luck! I love DC! Such a great city!
Anonymous
You’ll be fine. It’s ok to exist in the world and not be very thin.
anon a mouse
You can do it! That’s an easy walk, nice and flat. You also will have the option of grabbing a bikeshare bike if you want to shorten it (or if you want to get home quicker in the evening).
Anon
You’ll be fine! You can put the commute on your phone with your headphones and listen to it as you go along if that will make you feel more prepared. If you have a favorite Spotify list and can download it so you can listen without streaming, do that tonight. Or pick your favorite podcast or audio book to have on hand (I can’t read on the metro, so I’m stuck with what I can listen to).
Not to worry you, but to prepare you – I would check for a line outage. I’m down at Braddock Road (so two stations south of you) and there was long term closures that started yesterday that meant they were bussing folks from Braddock to I don’t know where (I don’t have a metro commute, so just saw the busses when I was out driving yesterday). I think that may just be a Yellow line closure though.
Have a good day tomorrow!
PC Gal
Welcome to the neighborhood! I’m right by Pentagon City metro and walk over to Crystal City daily, and it’s right around 20-30 minutes.:) Stop by Commonwealth Joe’s along the way for some great coffee as a motivator too. Also, my daily walk includes looping around Long Bridge Park – highly recommend! If you ever need a neighborhood buddy, hit me up. I work from home and bop around the neighborhood all the time.
You’ve already knocked one thing out of the park – picking the best place to live:) JK there are better, but I do love it here.
Anon
Good to know! I was really overwhelmed with choosing a place to live and opted for VA instead of DC because of apartment size, rent costs, and lack of knowledge about neighborhoods. That left me with basically choosing a unit as opposed to choosing a neighborhood, so just happened to end up in Crystal City! I’m so glad to hear that you like it here.
Anonymous
Also in the neighborhood– Aurora hills over here! Welcome, OP!
PC Gal 2
Hey PC Gal – In case you see this, do you have a burner email address? From a fellow PC walker
Vicky Austin
Are you the poster who was worried a couple weeks ago about being able to get out of bed for your new non-WFH job? So glad to hear your medication change helped a little. Sending you many good vibes!
Anon
Yes, that was me. I was in a serious hole but light has started to come through. I got a new psychiatrist (shout out to the poster who recommended Washington Nutrition Group) and new medicine combo. I’m nervous-excited for tomorrow. Thank you for your thoughts!
Anon
You got this!!
pugsnbourbon
Oh I’m so glad things are looking up!
Anon and on
good vibes to you!
take it easy and slow, you’ve got this.
Anon
You got this! I’m not you, obviously, but getting outside more helps me with everything you describe, and can really counteract the butterflies of a new job. There will be moments when it WILL be overwhelming – they will pass quickly if you let them. I’m rooting for you, and I hope to be doing the same thing in another year or so once I’m done with grad school.
Anonymous
Does anyone have the Dagne Dover Landon carryall? Considering it for a commuting/travel bag.
Anon
Can anyone tell me more about Book of Mormon? The main things I know about it are that it’s super popular and that it’s created by the South Park guys. I’m trying to figure out if I should bring my 70-something mom to the tour in our city. She loves musicals in general but South Park is decidedly not her brand of humor (or mine, but I’m better at keeping an open mind to things outside my comfort zone).
Anon
I loved it and I hate South Park, if that’s any help.
Cat
I mean, I thought it was funny when I saw it in like 2010, but not sure it’s aged particularly well
Anon
I have not watched South Park but I found BoM very funny. It is VERY explicit though which may or may not be her cup of tea.
Anon
If she’s a devout Mormon she might not like it but otherwise it’s reasonably inoffensive.
Anon
Ha no she’s a devout atheist :) Thanks!
Anon
Considering the Church of LDS literally took out ads in Playbill (“The book is better!”/”You’ve seen the play, not read the book.”), it sounds like Mormons might appreciate it. I read somewhere that the writers stayed away from polygamy jokes on purpose because it is not part of the Mormon mainstream and Mormons actually appreciated that.
Anon
I suggest listening the the soundtrack. I loved it (although share the opinion about it not aging well) but it has some very profane/obscene language, some extreme vulgarity, and some jokes in very, very poor taste (including about what can only be characterized as s*xual assault).
My 70-ish mother hated it – not because of the language but because she thought it made light of some very sad things (including the aforementioned assault).
On the other hand “It’s a metaphor” was hands down one of the best lines in modern musicals and the final message is actually pretty inspiring. I took my teenager and it sparked some great conversations.
DC pandas
+1 I don’t know if I would take your Mom to *this* specific musical.
Veronica Mars
It pokes fun at both Mormonism as well as other organized religions, so if she is religious, she likely wouldn’t enjoy it. I can’t remember if there’s anything else regarding language or gardening innuendos. I’d look up some of the songs on Youtube and have a listen to see if it seems like something she’d enjoy.
Anon @ 1:22
I am relatively religious and thought it was hysterical. But then I am not a member of a religion that encourages me to take the Bible literally or discounts the possibility of much of it being metaphorical.
Anonymous
I’m fairly religious (not Christian though) and thought it was hilarious. IMO it mostly poked fun at people who take the Bible literally, which many religious people don’t.
Anon
I have not seen it but my late 30s very non religious frat bro/lax bro I Banking cousin* saw it about 10 years ago (so in his mid/late 20s) and hated it because he thought it crossed several lines.
* all the descriptors to show that at the time he saw it, he had a pretty crass sense of humor and was not easily offended. And is very anti religion. But still thought that making fun of someone else’s religion was too rude.
Anonymous
I love musicals and hate South Park. The Book of Mormon is the only musical that I’ve ever hated- not just dislike, HATE. My mother is around that age and also loves musicals, but I would never take her to see that. It’s very explicit and vulgar. My opinion may also be influenced by the fact that I was sitting in the front row, next to my father-in-law, and at one point the entire stage became a vagina. So cringey.
Anon
Thanks everyone! I conveyed these comments and found some clips online to show her and my mom decided to pass. I’m very excited though! Even if I am about a decade behind the times :)