Coffee Break: Braided Handle Tote Bag
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I haven't seen as interesting a bag as this — for as cheap as this — for a long while, so I had to post. I love those folds in the leather, the shaped opening, and even the braided handles. It's a faux-leather (PVC) tote bag with silvertone hardware, and at 13″H x 17″W x 5″D, more than big enough. (Also note: if you're hunting for a great gift for a vegan friend, this may be your ticket.) The bag was $110, then was marked to $75, but with today's sale, comes down to $45. Tumbled Leather Braided Handle Tote Bag
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Which document management system/ document repository do you use at work and or you like it?
I work at a startup and will be picking one. We are a small team distributed in 4 offices and don’t have an IT department as such, so I am thinking it should be cloud based.
TIA for your input.
I use dropbox and evernote for my personal cloud documenting.
We do use dropbox currently, but would like something with more search capabilities. Thanks!
Box or Dropbox for smaller places. Also look into egnyte.
At biglaw, always FileSite or its predecessor, iManage.
Our department uses (or tries to, anyway) Google Drive. I like it because it’s really searchable. As in I had to find the mention of something and it found it in a document from two years ago — the only mention of that word anywhere (it was a password).
We separate everything by client, then by major category. Clearly, having a defined naming system is important for this kind of thing.
I’ve worked with a client who uses some corporate service offering at Box.com.
Did this company reach out to bloggers? The exact same bag was featured on Cap Hill Style this morning!
I saw that too. More likely that Kat saw it over on CHS. Kat, please give Belle credit where it’s due!
That accusation feels really off base. Corporette and CapHillStyle hardly ever overlap but it doesn’t seem overly shocking that 2 work wear bloggers would notice the same good deal on a cute bag.
Coincidences happen, so I wouldn’t suggest anyone is stealing someone else’s picks.
Yeah, especially when it’s well-known that Kat schedules most of these posts several days (minimum) in advance of publishing. If anything, I think she would’ve pulled the post if she’d had the chance to see it this morning on a major blog with considerable reader overlap–I can’t see at all where she needed an item last minute and would go “hmm I’ll just use this and hope no one notices.”
Shrug. I don’t see the outrage. It’s a bag available for purchase. Kat offered more detail at least.
Early thread TJ – my sister’s birthday is this weekend and she’s super difficult to shop for. She works as a card dealer in a casino (uniformed, of course) and spends almost all of her free time beach bumming/paddleboarding/surfing. She’s also a vegetarian and really into clean eating/healthy living, so the usual goodies are kinda out. Doesn’t do makeup or perfume really. She did ask for a specific pair of water shoes but I’m letting my dad get those since he’s even more clueless than I am. I’ll probably pick up a nice organic wine but that’s all I can think of so far. Hoping someone here knows someone like this and has some ideas!
Gift pack of healthy goodies.
Organic cruelty free lotion
Hair mask
Sun hat
Sun glasses
Light weight scarf
Maxi dress
Beach bag/beach towels/really fancy no-chemical face sunscreen/fun havianas/cozy post-beach sweatshirt/hair sunscreen spray/a small car-only handheld vacuum so she can get the sand out of her car/sunglasses?
— Cute rash guard (check JCrew)
– Gift certificate for manicure & a nice hand cream (since her hands probably get a lot of focus)
– Fancy beach towel and/or tote
– One of those subscription fancy, healthy snack boxes (naturebox, etc.)
Does she like to cook? What about a nice vegetarian cookbook? Plenty by Yotam Ottolenghi is gorgeous, and I think he just published a follow up, Plenty More.
I love Plenty – no recipe I’ve ever made from there has been a dud.
Or a subscription to a magazine like “Clean Eating” or some other lifestyle magazine she’d tolerate/like?
Deborah Madison just came out with a new version of her “Vegetarian Cookbook for Everyone” book. It’s really great – I think it’s generally considered one of the premier vegetarian cookbooks out there.
Where does she live? Are you opposed to experiential gifts or gift certificates (for a good vegetarian or vegan restaurant, spa treatment, etc.?). What about organic, cruelty-free, body washes or lotions, etc.? Does she cook–if so, what about some high end olive oil and balsamic, or cookware of some sort?
Gift card to Athlete or REI. They have lots of cute outdoorsy stuff.
+1; also Title Nine
Good general sentiment, but based on the description of the sister I’d do Patagonia over either of these for the overall environmental ethic of the company.
Beauty products and bath/body stuff from Lush (vegan, cruelty free, ethical company, etc…). Naturebox subscription. Organic beach towels. Ask her what her favorite surf shop is? This actually doesn’t seem that hard to me.
Beach towels were last year, and she is pretty anti-beauty product (no makeup or perfumes, really). You would think she would worry about her nails, but not really (she just keeps them short). She does some very basic cooking but maybe if the recipes are easy enough that would be good. It just seems so easy to get recipes online these days, but I’ll check it out. She’s in a kinda remote beach town in Florida so if I got her something from Jcrew or similar she would probably have to drive an hour or more to exchange it if it fit badly (and she probably won’t bother). Cookware may be an option as well.
Happy Herbivore has pretty simple, vegan recipes that might work (I’ve only cooked from her webs!te, but she has cookbooks that you could get as gifts).
Or, I don’t know if she’s into simple jewelry, but your description of her makes me think of a particular pendant from Brilliant Earth (will post as a reply to avoid moderation).
Longer comment still in moderation, apparently, but what about:
http://www.brilliantearth.com/Wave-Pendant-with-Ethically-Sourced-Blue-Sapphire-Silver-BE4WV1S/
Rosie – that is REALLY pretty.
Look into Thug Kitchen (subtitled Eat like you Give a F**K, as the attitude to match) all vegan, and is meant to be super accessible recipes. BF and I just bought it, and neither of us are vegan/vegetarian, but it looks good and gives good advice on basic cooking!
A CSA share if there is one in her area? A gift of tickets for something for the 2 of you to do together if you will both be at your parents house like a movie or massage? Really comfortable shoes if she’s on her feet all day at work?
http://localfoodsouthflorida.org/south-florida-csas-producebuyingclubs.html
Fancy spices, a fancy cookbook like Oh She Glows or the Forest Feast, lululeon yoga pants, a new surfboard fin
I love the idea of really great sunscreen and a rashguard. Maybe throw in a cute floppy hat? The perfect sun-protection package!
Having worked in a casino before, my first thought was ~ALL THE HAND SANITIZER~ but I know that’s not really a Christmas kinda thing. :P Having said that, your hands do take a beating in that job, especially on the card tables. Would a hand-care kit (lotions and such, maybe the ones with the cotton gloves you wear to sleep) go over well? Seconding the idea of a hair mask, quality sunscreen and other beach-related goodies, too.
Okay, I’m just venting but I HATE my job. And I HATE (some of) the people I work with. I mean, these people are just horrible, lazy, back-stabbing, two-faced, awful awful people. I’m trying to get out, I’m interviewing, but MAN today is just another bad day at the office. I’m in biglaw, and I am SO DONE.
Same here. We’ll get through it.
Same here. I tell myself daily that it has to — and will — get better.
Another TJ…does anyone have a bathrobe they absolutely love? My sister wants one for Christmas. Requirements are: mid calf length, warm, a tie at the waist, machine washable, not horrible looking, and nothing with really bad static.
Check LLBean…I love their robes! Garnet Hill and LandsEnd have good ones too. GH is 30% off right now too.
I love my robe from Land’s End. Regular terry cloth. Wears like iron though.
That’s the one that I have…and its almost 10 years old.
OP – go for natural fibers (no fleece) to avoid the static. Terrycloth will be heavier weight than the lighter cotton. Flannel robes might be around, and could be pretty cozy.
Lands End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer (?), The Company Store.
I actually got one from victoria’s secret years ago that was wonderful. It was a pretty cotten pattern on the outside and terrycloth on the inside. I don’t wear a robe daily (probably about once a week after a shower), but it’s held up for the past 10 years!!
Sounds really $$ but restoration hardware has really good deals on blankets/towels/slippers this year. I got my parents huge plush terry robes for like $65 each there before black friday, they periodically run sales on that stuff.
Pottery Barn Luxe cozy robe. I always wore a terry cloth before – which is great for getting out of the shower and wearing while you get ready, but feels weird over pjs. (Opposite is true for flannel – it just sticks to you if you haven’t dried off every drop after the shower, but cozy over something). The cozy robe is perfect in either situation, it’s warm and soft and absorbent.
ETA – I never realized how passionate I am about this robe, haha, but it is very good!
Pottery Barn Luxe cozy robe. I always wore a terry cloth before – which is great for getting out of the shower and wearing while you get ready, but feels weird over pjs. (Oppos!te is true for flannel – it just sticks to you if you haven’t dried off every drop after the shower, but cozy over something). The cozy robe is perfect in either situation, it’s warm and soft and absorbent.
ETA – I never realized how passionate I am about this robe, haha, but it is very good!
I love the look of this bag, but it totally annoys me that the name is “tumbled leather” and it’s not leather. I definitely prefer leather bags and got excited based on the name (until I read Kat’s description). Boo.
As an attempt at creative gift-giving, I just bought someone a gift card to Kiva (which does a huge amount of microlending). I am intrigued by the idea. Then…I did a little more research online and saw a variety of criticisms about the organization. Has anyone used Kiva? Thoughts? Any similar organizations that you believe are more effective? Hopefully no one tears it apart, seeing as my money is already spent.
I think it’s fine, as long as you realize that the personal selection aspect of the organization is basically a fiction. They select people to give loans to, and the people featured on the webs*te have probably already gotten loans. Your money still does get linked to those people in the sense that their payments determine whether your money is repayed, but they are not actually waiting for someone to see their profile and choose them before they get the loan. Which is more efficient, in my opinion – actually dispensing each loan as they get selected by individual lenders would be much more complicated logistically and probably more expensive.
There are criticisms of microloans in general – it’s not at all clear that they are always effective in reducing poverty. Personally, for international development, I would give to any of Givewell’s top charities, the most similar of which is Give Directly. But Kiva is not a bad choice if you want to do microloans.
I received a Kiva gift card about four years ago, and I have loved using the site. As your money gets paid back you get to reinvest it with other users, so it is literally a gift that keeps on giving. As Sarabeth said, there are many who find the logistics of it to be a little “untruthful” because those people do already have the money, but I think it’s just semantics. I’ve loved it.
Ugh got stuck in moderation for s!te – sorry if this ends up double posting.
I received a Kiva gift card about four years ago, and I have loved using the s!te. As your money gets paid back you get to reinvest it with other users, so it is literally a gift that keeps on giving. As Sarabeth said, there are many who find the logistics of it to be a little “untruthful” because those people do already have the money, but I think it’s just semantics. I’ve loved it.
I’ve been using MicroPlace for microlending for years but just discovered that they’ve decided to stop offering new investments. Disappointing to say the least, but I’ll be interested to see what other organizations people use for microlending.
What would you wear to an office holiday party to be held during the workday (starting at 2pm), with an after-party at a funky bar? I’m stumped this year
My favorite regular office clothes.
Ditto. I’d probably choose, for example, my most fun/festive/flashy but still work appropriate shoes and or jewelry, to jazz things up a little, but I would still stay in the realm of typical office-wear.
So I’m going to need some venting/advice here. Here’s the situation- family members of mine with whom I wasn’t previously close but live within reasonable driving distance are dealing with a major health situation. Husband has been diagnosed with a very fast moving, progressive, terminal illness which will render him unable to speak or move but with his mind intact. Wife has recently become temporarily disabled and is unable to care for husband due to temporary disability.
Wife has sorta gone over the edge. Wife has decided that everyone is somehow conspiring against her, which they are clearly not. Wife is repeatedly trying to kick willing and able caregivers out of the house and has repeatedly voiced that she thinks spouse should go to an assisted living facility. Husband wants to stay in his house as long as possible, and in the area that they’re in, it is very possible to die peacefully at home with supports.
Husband is very quickly losing the ability to speak; however, he has verbalized that he no longer trusts wife with his finances. Additionally, she appears to be making very poor financial and planning related choices. At husband’s request, one of the primary caregivers arranged for an appointment for husband with an experienced elder care attorney without wife’s knowledge and set up the meeting for a time wife would not be around. I’m now getting brought into this because I’m the person who had initially researched attorneys based on request from Husband+Wife and gave phone number and name. Wife is now insisting that she be in control.
I spoke with the major caregivers and we made a gameplan that lawyer info is shared with Husband+Wife+Major Caregivers and made sure the lawyer has a heads up as to Wife’s current state.
I have some major concerns that Husband is being bullied into making choices that he doesn’t want. What can/should I do as a caring advocate beyond what I’ve already done?
Respect his wife. She’s disabled and soon he will need round the clock care. Assisted living actually sounds like a great idea although he likely will need more like nursing home care.
You could just as easily say he’s bulling her into keeping him home. It’s a really really complicated situation.
Thank you for your feedback. They are luckily in a place where there are people able to provide 24 hour care without her participating. Based on the trajectory of his disease, if they follow his wishes I don’t see him necessarily needing a nursing home setting- he just wants to die peacefully without machines and that’s very possible right at home.
I’ve been really working towards being compassionate towards Wife, but right now I and others are concerned that her judgement is severely compromised. I will certainly try to look at it more from her perspective though.
Is wife in any kind of support group or therapy? It sounds like this behavior is uncharacteristic for her based on how you are describing her and what is going on.
ETA: The end of that thought is that it sounds like you’ve done a lot for the practical aspects of the situation, but I cannot begin to imagine the pain the wife is facing, and I think she needs someone to help her process.
I’m giving the woman every benefit of the doubt I can. If I were just making a straight up observation, I would tell you that she is an incredibly manipulative, nasty, unstable, and utterly impossible to be around. Ironically, she herself works in mental health, but I’ve been trying to get her some type of mental health services. I’m also trying to encourage them to get a hospice social worker to come in and just talk to them about options while he is still able to talk.
That sounds really unpleasant. Does this have to be your problem? Is there anyone else (their kids?) who can take the responsibility, even if they aren’t as nearby as you?
The lawyer should be able to handle any powers of attorney for the husband. Honestly, I’d try to give the wife some emotional support here. Her husband is dying. This type of decline carries its own brand of grieving. I think that there is a somewhat inaccurate notion of what dying at home looks like. It can be peaceful or it can be anything but. Has she been caring for him prior to her becoming disabled? If so, she’s likely exhausted and she has her own health to worry about. She may not be willing or able to provide the 24/7 care that he may ultimately need and may be scared that something will go wrong on her watch. She may be uncomfortable with the idea of his dying in the house that she will continue to live in. She may need some space to be able to process everything that is going on and not feel like she can do that in a house full of strangers. Perhaps a therapist or clergy member or even hospice worker could help her process some of what’s going on.
Totally agree that she has had no time to process and no time to grieve. The decline has been very fast so she was a caregiver for about a week and I don’t argue that was really difficult for her.
You make a good point that she may just not want him to die in her home. It’s interesting, because growing up my grandmother died at our home, where my mother was taking care of her with the help of a local Hospice. It was natural and peaceful and – seeing as it’s what Husband wants – seems like a no brainer to me. Maybe we can talk about other options. Maybe a Hospice is a good option or maybe we need to just give Wife some time.
My sister just shared with me that her main observation is that it’s like we’re getting two different people- in one breath she says ‘I m going to override my husband’s decisions’ and the next she says ‘I’m going to fight for every decision he wants to make’.
I’m so sorry; this is an incredibly difficult situation. I can’t think of anything you could do beyond what you said you’ve already done (great idea about getting a hospice worker just to talk to them). It sounds like you’re looking for some way to get the wife to see reason, which is an attitude with which I strongly sympathize, but unless she is actually abusive (sounds like not the case), I think there’s only so much you can do. Hopefully the attorney will be able to meet with the husband soon. If you’re concerned the husband is being manipulated, maybe see if you can sit in on meetings with the attorney and any others that might be helpful? This might be overstepping, depending on your relationship with them.
Thank you. I really appreciate the validation that I’ve done the things I can/should do.
I’ve considered the sitting in thing; however, you’ll never know what Wife’s mood will be like. They’ve had appointments where she sits back and is normal levels of annoying, but not in any way totally out of place and then there have been moments where she freaks out that everyone else needs to leave and that everyone is conspiring against her and having conversations around her back.
I think the lawyer I helped pick will be able to see the bigger picture and I have some degree of trust there.
Actually, if husband had a consult with someone and another caregiver without her, that isn’t paranoia – people are in fact having conversations around her back.
And I can totally get her wanting 24 hour care out of her house and wanting to be alone and not constantly surrounded by strangers. Depending on the layout of the house, assisted living might be a better way to go in order to help with feeding, bathing etc needs. She probably just wants to be his wife and not his nurse – and even with 24 hour care she probably feels like his nurse.
Please look at what is objectively best for both of them for the long term, not just his wish to die at home – dying at home can be very hard on the rest of the family, as someone who’s helped with family with home, hospital and hospice deaths.
Yeah, reading what I wrote really made it sound like her suspicions were justified.
To clarify timeline went more like this- everything was being run through wife (like EVERYTHING), circumstance happened where wife asked everything to be run through daughter (poor kid is in her early 20’s but by her own admission is still in a very adolescent phase of life and is reluctantly doing this because mother freaked out and is making her), then we were going along looping everyone in and conversations we were having she would freak out that she wasn’t involved. These conversations were things like ‘do we need more milk’ and ‘have you gotten the mail today’ and Wife turns this into a screaming tirade of verbal abuse against caregivers.
I’m starting to come to the sad realization that because Wife has decided that she can’t deal with Husband dying at home, he’s going to be shipped off to an Assisted Living facility. She will visit occasionally, her kids will visit once a month or so, and she will do everything in her power to not allow the people who are advocating for her husband’s wishes in at all. I’m realizing also that once Husband dies, I don’t think I will ever in my life want to speak to this woman again. What’s not coming through at all is just the hostile human being she is- even pre-illness.
I getting a vibe of hostility for the assisted living piece. He’s got significant medical issues that will need lots of professional care. Most facilities are nice places staffed by people who do a great job. He can still have a variety of supports in place, including being under the care of hospice. And he won’t have to live with the stress of her fighting with caregivers. However, if his disease is such that he won’t be able to ambulate or use a wheel chair, he likely will need to move to a more skilled level of care like a nursing facility.
We’ve had family member pass while in hospice facilities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes, as well as at home. In every case, they were surrounded by love and visitors in their final days. If the wife is as toxic as your report, just having him remain in the home doesn’t guarantee that she will spend the time with him.
Echoing the advice to have a hospice worker speak with the husband while he can still talk. Hospice workers can be very helpful in navigating varying opinions in the family about how to provide the best care in a manner that takes everyone’s interests in to account.
Completely frivolous holiday question. I’ve decided to be ambitious this year and bake some cookies for small holiday gifts. I planned to do little box with 8-10 cookies in each one.
I’ve found four recipes that look easy enough but also delicious: peppermint sugar cookies, Russian tea cookies (aka Mexican wedding cookies, aka snowball cookies), molasses cookies, and white chocolate cranberry cookies.
Is this too many different cookies?
That is the correct number of cookies. Also I need those white chocolate cranberry ones immediately.
That sounds delicious. Would you share links? I’m thinking the cranberry cookies would be delicious with cherries as well.
Yay thanks to everyone for the reassurance. Here are the links to the ones I mentioned. The peppermint sugar cookies are dipped in chocolate, so that was going to be my chocolate cookie, but I’ll poke around for something that might be better.
Even though I am a huge NGDGTCO fan, I am also throwing caution to the wind and bringing them to some people at work.
Snowball cookies: http://www.browneyedbaker.com/snowball-cookies-recipe/
Cranberry white chocolate cookies: http://www.browneyedbaker.com/cranberry-white-chocolate-chip-cookies/
Peppermint sugar cookies: http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/chocolate-dipped-peppermint-cookies/
Molasses cookies: http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/molasses-crinkles/
I make a recipe very similar to that molasses cookie one, and the trick to making them awesome is to roll them in turbinato sugar (sugar in the raw) instead of just plain white sugar – super yummy!
I don’t think there’s such a thing as too many different cookies, especially if they’re easy enough to make.
The only thing I notice is that you have no regular (non white) chocolate. I may be biased, but I think you need at least one chocolate thing! (OK, you don’t really NEED one chocolate thing, but now I’m thinking about cookies and chocolate… yum). The molasses and tea cookies seem somewhat similar in taste profile.
I would still love to receive this.
That sounds perfect. Why are you not in the office next to me, showing up at my door with a gift box right now?
My SO used to work with a woman who baked a bunch of different cookies and gave them out for the holidays in pretty boxes. He has since switched jobs, but wow do I miss those cookies. My favorite were the gingerbread.
To OP, I think this sounds like a good mix. If you were going to sub one out for something with chocolate, I’d skip the peppermint sugar (but I hate mint desserts). Tea cookies are awesome and very festive. This is all making me very hungry for cookies.
While I think the peppermint sugar cookies sound yummy, in my experience all of the other cookies will end up tasting like peppermint if you mix them together in a box!
Good point! I might replace those or I might try wrapping in colorful saran wrap…
Ziplock makes holiday baggies.
I was going to say the same thing. Plus the molasses cookies will make all the other ones soggy. If you’re going to go with this assortment, each one needs to be in its own plastic, sealed bag inside the box to avoid ruining the other ones.
I felt a little silly posting my question but now I’m glad I did. I never would have thought to separate the cookies without y’all because I did not realize they’d all affect each other.
Agreed. I would put the cookies together in the box at the very last minute for this reason. Also, this tends to happen with gingerbread, if you decide to do that.
However, Russian tea cookies are some of my favorite cookies of all time and this is making me hungry! Also the molasses cookies.
Another tipping and gift-giving threadjack –
1) I’m using a new cleaning service this year. It’s a company and not an individual cleaner, and all of my contact is with the owner of the company. She sends four people to my house for each visit, but I’ve never met them and I have no clue whether it’s always the same four people (I think it’s not). Do I still tip? Who and how much? Is a gift basket of goodies sent to the owner appropriate?
2) Apparently future MIL is getting me, individually, a gift this year. I have no idea what to get her, and I feel like if I get her something I should also get something for future FIL, or a joint gift (they’re still together). They like fancy cheese, they’re not particularly adventurous eaters, and fancy chocolate is out because fiance called it (fooey on him). Other than handing them a hunk of cheese, I’m out of ideas. Help?
1. I would tip the workers with money, but not send anything to the owner.
2. You give them chocolate, he finds another gift idea. (And is he always such a jerk?)
Not necessary. I don’t understand why we always have to jump on every little behavior of someone’s SO as some giant red flag.
OP, you could put cheese AND chocolate in a gift basket with other stuff like Cookies! describes and it could be from both of you to both of them? Maybe include a bottle of wine or two if you’re concerned about it seeming like too small a gesture from two people.
He “called it” on a gift? That’s sibling behavior, not spouse behavior.
Are you serious? He’s planning on giving chocolate. Not really a crime. Calling him a jerk for it? Complete and total overkill.
Totally something my husband or I would do to each other,, and I think we have a pretty good marriage.
Ah. I’d want my future spouse to let me have the good gift idea for my first holiday with the in-laws rather than”claiming it” so I have to bring a hunk of uncertain cheese and ask internet strangers for ideas. Just me, I guess!
I would respond to that as “great, you’re ‘calling’ it, you can find it, buy it, and give me the card to sign.” But we’re joint gifters.
Maybe a basket with a couple of fancy cheeses, some nice crackers, and some olive oil or something similar? Or fancy cheese, olives, and a cheese board. For what it’s worth, I would NOT complain if someone gave me a hunk of cheese as a gift.
Agree with this – you can also get some very nice cheeseboard/cheeseknives etc for reasonable cost and then combine that with nice cheese in a basket/box. If this is a sort of ‘home made’ cheese picnic basket with necessary equipment, a bunch of fancy cheeses and crackers and some kind of jam (if they like their cheese with jam) then in comparison your fiancé’s fancy chocolates you will win the holidays – not that it’s a contest.
This has totally just helped me decide what I want for Christmas…
Zingermans has great food boxes with cheese!
Fruit of the month club? Cheese of the month club? Fancy coffee? Wine?
I would just go in on a gift with your fiance. Merry Christmas, here’s some wine, cheese and fancy chocolate, love Son and Future Daughter-in-Law!
+1
Joint gift all the way. Her getting you a separate gift is a nice, welcoming gesture though.
Cash left on the table with a holiday/thank you card to the workers in small bills so they can easily split it in the amount of the total cost of one cleaning.
This is a NY-specific recommendation, but Murray’s Cheese in NYC offers fancy cheese boxes with either a pre-picked assortment of cheese or a make-your-own option, and some accompaniments. I’ve received them as a gift and the cheese is good.
1. Tip the workers with $$. I would leave cash in the amount of one cleaning in a holiday card along near your payment for the cleaning. Nothing to the owner.
2. Give a joint gift with your fiance. Sign the card with both your names–we did it before we were married, and we do it now that we are married. I like the suggestions to add a nice cheese plate & knives if you want something bigger.
I have to go to a social event on Friday where some of my colleagues will be in attendance. I just found out I am pregnant so definitely not far along to tell anyone. How do I avoid the “why aren’t you drinking” conversation? It’s a smaller group so it will be pretty obvious if I’m not drinking and a few people know I never turn down a glass of wine. I am considering saying we are starting to TTC but is that still TMI and no ones’ business?
Ewww. Starting TTC is a huge over share and a stupid reason not to drink anyway.
Get a glass of seltzer and call it a gin and tonic or get a glass of wine sip it once and ditch it when you get a chance or just say you’re under the weather and looking forward to the codeine cough syrup instead.
You are watching your calories in anticipation of the holiday season.
I’ve never been pregnant, but I work in an alcohol heavy office and while I drink, I don’t want to drink all the time. I usually say something like, “had too much fun this weekend, don’t think I’ll be drinking for a while”. This is obviously a know your group kind of thing, my office is the type of place where people regularly come in hungover, and talk about it.
If I ever do get pregnant, I have grand plans involving faking a major drunken party and hangover which will leave me unwilling to touch alcohol for at least 3 months or so.
I have to say, I too am known for never turning down a glass of wine and nobody ever asked me at these occasions why I wasn’t drinking before I was ready to share the news. That said, I like tonic or club soda with a twist. If I had been asked, I would have said I don’t feel like drinking wine tonight/have an early morning or long day tomorrow/have a headache.
You could say you had to take medication that doesn’t interact well with alcohol. Some stomach-soothing medications and even NSAIDS aggravate your stomach more if mixed with alcohol.
There’s a prescription for a bacterial vaginosis that will make you violently ill if mixed with alcohol. I wasn’t taking it when I was in early pregnancy (obviously) but that’s the line I used – I’m on a Rx that interacts with alcohol.
I’d go with early next morning (family obligations, 5k race if you’re into that, work out), or cold medicine you don’t want to mix with alcohol- it’s that time of year and that stuff makes some people (raises hand) loopy as is.
I’ve gotten glasses of wine and pretending to sip them before. No one ever noticed.
+1 As long as it’s in your hand, I promise nobody will notice whether you’re actually drinking it or not.
This is my plan. I will “sip” on a glass all night. It’s not an event with a bartender so I know the hostess will be pouring and I bet no one notices whether or not I actually drink it.
Do not mention TTC. Entirely inappropriate in a work setting.
I have never had a problem telling my nosier friends/colleagues, “Don’t worry about it,” with a MYOB tone. If that doesn’t work for you and you need an excuse, the medication/5K in the morning are good ones. The “recently overdid it” would work in my office, but perhaps not everywhere. Otherwise, assuming this event isn’t straight after work, I would either tell people I came from an earlier event and had a couple of glasses there, or I have a long drive ahead of me.
In some offices, people are already monitoring the uterus of any woman of childbearing age. (Is she not drinking? Dyeing her hair? Is she wearing looser tops and long scarves?) You cannot do anything about those people. Everyone else will forget about your non-drinking in short order.
Order a seltzer or coke and ask the bartender to put a lime on the glass. If someone asks what you’re drinking say a rum & coke or a gin & tonic. Then just sip on it slowly so no one rushes to buy you another. I do this all the time when I don’t feel like drinking.
Arrange this with your DH ahead of time what your “usual” non-alcoholic drink will be and when you get to the party, have him ask if he can get you anything. You can then tell him “the usual” and he will know what to get you. This works really well when you are in the middle of a conversation and he can just hand you your drink in mid sentence. People will be distracted by the conversation.
Don’t lie and say it’s alcohol – once they find out you’re pregnant someone might remember and think you’re weird for lying OR drinking while pregnant. Just say “not feeling it tonight.” In my experience (and I’m in the exact same position as you), no one has asked me yet. I’m assuming some people might think I’m pregnant, but polite people know that you don’t assume and don’t ask until you know ABSOLUTELY FOR SURE that the woman is pregnant.
Say you had a big headache and took a bunch of acetaminophen, so you don’t want to drink.
What’s the quality like of jcrew factory stuff?
Crappy, but the price is right.
Perfect if you’re a broke recent grad and can’t afford the regular stuff.
I just bought a ponte dress from JCrew Factory that was recommended here last week (or the week before) and I am really pleasantly surprised with the quality. I guess it just depends on the product?
Question for BigLaw senior-ish people: I am a sr associate and am in a very busy, very stressful period. The jr associate who is working with me is good, but keeps triaging me. (For example, he’ll say things like, “I’d like to do this, but I have to turn my attention to my other matter.” He also has taken what seem to be a ridiculous number of vacations.) I know that I’m being seriously unreasonable in being irked at this. He has other matters, I know. But it is so frustrating! Can someone give me a reality check here – or maybe give me some perspective on how to best manage juniors in this kind of situation? I don’t want to be a jerk here, but I need more of his time and more than that, I need him to be reliable instead of so obviously suggesting that he’s too busy for our matter.
I’m clearly not your target audience here – not in law and still junior- but I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in being irked.
Is it possible or you to talk to the other people who are using his time? I am a mid-level and I usually reach out to the other mid-levels using a junior associate who I need.
This was my thinking, too. The general rule seems to be that, when you’re very junior, your time effectively isn’t yours. Obviously, you have to learn to prioritise, but this is often superseded by the fact that it is up to the seniors to make the decision on what to prioritise in terms of different deals/cases. The junior would say something like ‘hey, I’m doing this for A and this for B’ and the more senior person can then speak to A and B and discuss with them what needs to happen, whether someone else can do some of the work etc. In this scenario, you still sometimes lose and you obviously you can’t always win, but it’s a more reasonable proposition than someone just saying to you they can’t, but not explaining why or offering any opening to manage their time at the delegating level.
Why is this in moderation?!
No idea. I posted the same comment below and was not put into moderation.
Any reason to think that he is blowing off your case(s) because you are a girl and, therefore, easier to blow off? I had that happen to me. Until the poor guy learned (the hard way) that the case I was running was actually the case for a senior partner who squashed this kid like a bug.
Do you have any reason to believe that he is not telling the truth when he says that he has to turn to his other work? That is to say, is that work less critical or is he prioritizing poorly? The only way to know that is to sit down and have a conversation with him, and either with the senior associate(s) on the other matter(s) or the partner on your case to discuss with the partner(s) on the other matter(s).
Because it may be that your case is less important, objectively. Timelines may be looser, case may be lower priority/prestige, partner may not be the type to go to bat for junior associates. And so he may be prioritizing correctly, but the only way to know is to have those conversations. And if he is prioritizing correctly, your case is understaffed and you need more bodies — another conversation you need to have with the partner on your case.
Thanks, all – all of this is good sense. A few responses to questions: 1) I do think he’s telling the truth about other work, which is partly why I noted that I was being unreasonable. However, I think that his view about being overworked and my view about being overworked are slightly divergent. 2) Our case is going to trial. In the grand scheme of things, that’s pretty high priority. 3) I am a senior associate but not a partner, so I’m in a terrible place to manage this. I bear all the responsibility of getting him to work on our case, but have virtually no sway in getting him taken off other cases or in ramping up the staffing. The net result is that I work until 3 AM and then want to cry. This is probably a structural problem more than anything, and I can see that. I do understand that he’s really busy. But it’s been really frustrating to try to manage.
I was going to write something snarky about vacation, but I will restrain myself :)
FWIW (and I manage 3 people), he’s managing “up” in the way that management advice people say to do it (as long as his tone is appropriate). Is he seriously overworked? That language is textbook what I would say if I were seriously overworked or working for someone with unrealistic expectations.
+1. And unless you’re his direct manager (and you approve his time off), his vacations are not really your business. If he’s telling you he’s too busy, why not believe him? Presumably if he’s good, you’re not the only senior associate who wants to use him. Not law, but I’ve been in both his and your situations within my field.
+1
I am this junior associate in my office. I’m good, and I’ve got 3 partners vying for my time. When I get slammed I try to take on as much as I can but then also try to keep my managers informed about how I’m prioritizing so they know I’m not blowing them off. I also am careful to say that I will switch priority if the partners want me too (small firm, so they can and do discuss how they want to use my time). I’d say try to give this guy the benefit of the doubt unless you have reason to think he’s blowing you off, and talk to the other people who use him. Or, can you pull in another associate to do some grunt work? I’m sure it’s super frustrating, though :/
I think I am going to break up with button down shirts. I don’t wear them and they don’t flatter me but I spent so much money on them that I am having a hard time giving them away. I just had to post that on the internet so that now it’s embarrassing and I have to do it.
I realized I don’t wear my button downs either, so my alternative was to only keep the ones that look cute as a layering piece under a sweater for weekends. Everything else went to charity
Good for you! I have no intention of buying any more in the future.
It would be great if workwear advice regularly suggested other types of shirts, as a proper fit is a challenge for many women.
I have long since given up on button downs. Either I look like a waiter, they gape like hell over the boobs, or they’re a sack at the waist. Sometimes all three. -.- Fooey on button downs.
This was my thinking, too. The general rule seems to be that, when you’re very junior, your time effectively isn’t yours. Obviously, you have to learn to prioritise, but this is often superseded by the fact that it is up to the seniors to make the decision on what to prioritise in terms of different deals/cases. The junior would say something like ‘hey, I’m doing this for A and this for B’ and the more senior person can then speak to A and B and discuss with them what needs to happen, whether someone else can do some of the work etc. In this scenario, you still sometimes lose and you obviously you can’t always win, but it’s a more reasonable proposition than someone just saying to you they can’t, but not explaining why or offering any opening to manage their time at the delegating level.
help! I bought a beautiful cream coat, but my black purse has rubbed off dye on the wool. Should a simple dry cleaning fix this? If not, what to do?
I have an interview coming up, and I’m wondering if it’s too much blue to wear a powder blue button down with a navy suit. I also have a really pretty blue button down that’s like cobalt but a little darker. I have a blush one too, but that’s not cut as nicely and I’d be a little concerned about it being too low cut. If I wore either of the blue shirts, would that be too much blue with the navy?