ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 322 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Vicky Paisley Tie Neck Blouse

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I recognize that this top from Alice + Olivia may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is very much my cup of tea and I couldn’t be more delighted. The vibrant paisley print and floppy tie at the neck are whimsical without being too childish.

This fall and winter, I would wear it with a navy pencil skirt and camel blazer. Next summer, I’d pair it with white ankle pants or a light gray suit.

The top is $350 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS–XL.

This Vince Camuto top is a nice dupe at a lower price; it's available in three floral prints in sizes XXS–XXL and is on sale for $47.40. The brand also has a plus-size paisley top in sizes 1X–3X for $89.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

322 Comments

  1. Anyone have recommendations for Charleston? Meeting a girlfriend there (she has a work trip, we’re turning it into a weekend) in two weeks for some relaxation time. Already have reservations for dinner, but looking for daytime activities + lunch or breakfast recommendations? I’ve been, but only for work before.

    4. Check out Sweet Southern Prep or Julia Berolzheimer (sp) formerly Gal Meets Glam, both live in the area and constantly post restaurant and bar recs

    5. I went their for a girls trip several years ago. We spent our weekend shopping at the boutiques on King Street and eating/drinking at a bunch of good restaurants recommended by the ladies on this site. It was a great trip!

    7. Hopefully not too late and I know it doesn’t fit your criteria for time of day, but Kaminsky’s Dessert Cafe is a must for me in Charleston. At least one of the walking ghost tours ends right by Kaminsky’s and it is the perfect place for a drink and decadent dessert!

  3. Has anyone used a career coach before? Bonus if they specialize in biglaw. I’m a junior partner out on maternity leave and dreading going back. I don’t think I would be happy long term as a SAHM, but pre-baby I was regularly pulling 2500-2700 years. I don’t think I really want to quit, I just want to have more reasonable boundaries, and I think a coach would be helpful in boosting my confidence and keeping me accountable. Or tell me your success stories of going back to work after leave!

    1. Only an overachieving biglaw partner would think of spending time with a coach to help her work less (I say with love). There’s something to be said for working smarter not harder. Having kids is generally that point where you stop out-working and out-preparing everyone else because you just don’t have time for it. That’s a really hard transition for someone whose success has always been based on studying harder than everyone else. But also, at this point in your career, your success will be from bringing in clients not necessarily doing the work. I recommend focusing on finding a career coach who can help you develop your network not just who can help you with boundaries.

    2. Mindful Return is a great resource and some firms pay for a membership.
      I have never worked like that, but I’ll say that becoming a parent significantly improved my management and delegation skills. In part it was necessary (I could no longer do everything myself) and in part learning to parent made me a better communicator. I echo the previous poster who’s aid this is a hard shift if your narrative about yourself is that you’re good because you outwork everyone else – you need to remember you’re good because you are smart, experienced, and have good judgment.
      Also it’s fine to switch jobs. There is quite a world between being a stay at home parent and working 2500 hours a year!

      1. The husband of the woman who founded Mindful Return is a career coach. The founder of Mindful Return just left her biglaw partnership position this fall to focus full time on MR. They have two kids.

    3. You might want to check out WorkParent by Daisy Dowling. Not law specific, but big career appropriate.

    4. Why do you see biglaw or SAHM as the only two options? Biglaw is a really extreme corner of the legal field – midlaw, small law, in house, or government are all options where you can find more work life balance at the right place (though less $).

      1. Good point! I’m not sure I want to let go of the biglaw gig. I genuinely love my firm and want to make this work. I think I may need a little help reshaping my mindset though. But of course if I’m unable to do that, I appreciate the gentle reminder that it isn’t all or nothing!

    5. Elena Rand. She is excellent at pinpointing issues and understands the biglaw landscape.

    6. I am an equity partner in biglaw and had similar concerns after returning from maternity leave. The partners in my group bill at those high levels too, and so it wasn’t just a matter of delegating because having lower hours that were still over 2,000 indicated that I had availability. My firm requires both business development and hours, which may be different from other firms. I could not keep up in the way that felt okay to me, so I recently went on a slightly reduced schedule, which is much better. I encourage you to explore your options once you are back. You may be able to target lower hours, or you may have reduced hour options. If you love your job, I’d try to make it work.

    7. I used one that was recommended by the State Bar Association and found it completely useless.

    8. I have successfully returned from maternity leave to a non-Big Law Big Job twice now and I’m here to say that it is 100% possible to set the boundaries required to design the life YOU want. There is a huge emphasis on YOU because what you really want is probably not going to look like what anyone else wants. I love my job and make sacrifices for it that others probably wouldn’t make – my life, not theirs. That said, with Big Job money comes the ability to outsource those things that are not important to you. I found Laura Vanderkam’s “I Know How She Does It” very empowering to think through what I wanted my life to look like, then design strategies and own my decisions to get there. You can absolutely do it!

      Caveat: you will also feel like you are failing at everything from time to time. You are not. Most likely, you are only failing at getting adequate sleep and should address that issue, then reassess. You’ve got this!

  4. Does anyone have a recommendation for a rechargeable, heated throw blanket? I know several people have recommended heated throws. This specifically needs to be rechargeable. I have searched but I prefer a recommendation. Thanks for any suggestions based on personal experience.

  5. Does anyone have a family hauler with cloth seats? It seems like the worst idea ever, but we need a new vehicle asap, and with the chip shortage, our options are seriously limited. I haven’t had cloth seats since the blue and burgundy velour of my childhood, so maybe they’re vastly improved now?

    1. We have always bought cars with cloth seats because leather is hot and sticky. We use a car seat mat and have a seat cover for the dog. As long as you don’t get a very light color of fabric and you get the seats shampooed once a year or so, it’s fine. Also a good idea to prohibit ice cream, popsicles, and gum in the car if your kids are less careful.

    2. You can swap out the cloth for leather after purchase. I had a GMC Acadia many years ago and they only had cloth seats available. For about $1500, I had them changed to leather.

      1. I did this too in a Jeep. It was the best investment. The leather was nicer than the stock leather and I was able to get all the other options I wanted.

    3. We have a car with cloth seats and it’s fine! Only 1 kid so perhaps the volume of dirt is lower, but the footprints, crumbs, mud, etc come off with a good hoover and it’s 4 years old and looks new after it gets properly cleaned?

    4. I mean, they’re fine. They can be cleaned. Ultimately it’s a personal preference.

    5. We have two minivans, one with leather and one with the regular cloth seats. No discernible difference or issues. We’ve had the one with cloth seats for 3 1/2 years and have never cleaned them and they’re fine. Our kids are 3, 3, and 6 so we’re not easy on them. I actually prefer cloth in the summer.

    6. Scotchguard and seat covers, or just quit caring about having a pristine car. Both are perfectly valid options.

    7. The car I drove when I had my first kid had light-colored cloth seats, and I would not do that again. Dark cloth would be fine for me.

    8. I grew up in minivans with cloth seats. No issues but we didn’t have a dog and rarely were allowed snacks in the car…

    9. I have two kids and a car with grey cloth seats (we didn’t have a garage when I bought it and i hate the hot or cold leather seats) it’s they’re fine! They can be cleaned!

    10. We have cloth seats in a Chevy Traverse and it’s just fine. We have a giant dog and my kids leave goldfish and chicken nugget crumbs all over. “Who gave them a tootsie roll?” is a question I’ve asked in the last week while throwing the trash out at the gas station.

      It’s a family car filled of carseats, training potty chair in the back, and crayon on the windows. We vacuum and clean the interior when the level of sludge looks like it can support a family of rodents and the reality is we’ll drive the car into the ground. Maybe my standards aren’t super high, but leather seats doesn’t really fix any of my problems.

    11. Fun fact: Many, many years ago I bought a car with cloth seats and I thought I was Very Fancy because it was a big step up from vinyl!

      2. My parents drove a Ford Pinto wagon with vinyl seats. I was so excited when they bought a Dodge K-Car with cloth seats. So fancy.

    12. We had a family car with cloth seats when our kids were little. We had them scotch guarded and that didn’t work so my advice is to go for a physical barrier of some sort – like a full waterproof mat that covers the seats and backs for the entire back seat row where the car seats are. Also get weatherproof floor mats. Once you have spilled milk in cloth seats it never doesn’t smell like spoiled milk.

      1. I’ve cleaned old milk smell with enzyme cleanser, but yeah it’s a good idea to use covers.

  6. I’m about to move from NJ to Texas in two months (work, not in my hands) and worry that I’ve not thought out a bunch of things! I know I’ll be going for professional Packers and movers but feel like I should still be doing other things right now and not just wait to change utilities and addresses etc at the end. Tips/ anecdotal or general advice and personal lessons welcome!

    1. -Send out a “change of address” email or card in advance
      -Set up your USPS change of address online
      -Purge NOW, not after you pay to move the stuff
      -If your new place will have a different layout than existing (e.g., going from a 1-floor to 2-floor) organize your stuff by floor NOW. The packers will just blaze a path through your stuff and pack based on what is in proximity to each other, not by where you’ll want the stuff when you’re unpacking.
      -Keep a suitcase with you for your “day 1 kit” – shower curtain, sheets, basic toiletries, etc. Also keep valuables like jewelry with you, not on the truck.
      -Have a back up plan in case your truck is late (where will you stay – local hotel?)

    2. Why would you move instead of job searching where you are? I can’t imagine moving to Texas right now.

      1. Sometimes you don’t have a choice… People forget how choice can be a privilege. Believe me I DO SO wish I had a choice!

        1. I promise not all Texans are as terrible as our Governor and Senators! Welcome!

          1. Long-time Texan here. There are many many wonderful people who live here. And, if your politics are more blue than red, you’ll find many like-minded people in Dallas, Austin, and Houston and the surrounding burbs. If you’ve paid attention to our more recent election cycles, you’ll see the state is turning purple.
            Welcome to Texas. The first summer you’re here can be rough, but you learn to adjust to it and then enjoy the lovely fall and spring and usually decent winters.

          2. Fellow Texan here – agree to all the points made here. This is a very, very diverse state, and you’ll find that while there is some truth to the stereotypes (or otherwise they wouldn’t exist), there are lots of folks who don’t align with them at all, especially in all the major cities. My favorite example is that until recently, the Dallas sheriff was a gay Latina woman. she was great! Actually ran for governor too…
            I know it will be a big change, but hope you find a lot of things to enjoy.

      2. Um, not everyone is as fortunate as some folks on here who can apparently change jobs frequently and not have it affect their career, their salary or their family’s well-being. I almost had to accept a temporary work assignment in Texas, just a couple of months ago. It fell through, but I would have taken the assignment rather than quit my job, which is a great, well-compensated job working for thoughtful, laid-back people, which is definitely not easy to find. For people in upper-level or niche positions, a new job can take six months or more to find, and it wouldn’t be worth taking a major pay cut, or going to work for crazy people, just to avoid a job transfer to a not-great state.

        1. +1 it’s the height of privilege to just be like “don’t move to Texas, just get another job, it’s no big deal.”

    3. Take care of any medical care, dentists visits, or eye care now. Stock up on extra contact lenses and glasses if necessary. Once you move, it takes a long time to sort out the new insurance and find new providers. Similarly, check the expiration dates of your credit and debit cards and state ID(s) to make sure nothing is expiring during or shortly after your move. Take care of any routine car maintenance as need.

      I would also gather all cash, spare checkbooks, important documents, jewelry, and irreplaceable photos or keepsakes and start a box or suitcase that you will take with you personally when you move.

      1. Strongly second this. See your doctors and dentists now. Get haircuts before you go. If you need repairs/maintenance of items you care about such as a car or jewelry or a watch or furniture, I recommend getting it done now. Get things taken care of before you move. It takes a while to find providers of all kinds in your new location.

        Also, before we moved I learned about the neighborhood listserv in our new community and joined. Reading the listserv emails for several weeks before we arrived allowed me to know about a lot of hyperlocal things before we arrived, and that had us much better prepared.

    4. When the packers come, make sure you emptied your trash cans and removed things from the countertop like that bottle of nice wine you were saving for your last day in your home. They will just pack everything. Ask me how I know.

    6. When the packers arrive, if possible, make sure all of your belongings are in the room you want them to go in in the new house. Packers just pack whatever’s in front of them and label it with the current room, so if, say, you have excess kitchen stuff in a cabinet in the basement, it’ll be labeled basement and you’ll be searching for your mixer among the paint supplies. Our last house was tiny, so we squeezed in things wherever we could find room, which made for a wacky unpacking process when we moved into a dramatically larger house.

    7. Get your hands on a huge stock of Plan B and also misoprostol, enough to share with any female friends you make there. I’m not kidding.

      1. Cool snark against the 2nd most populated state, especially with so many women living there and trying to make a difference.

        1. I don’t see this as snark, especially since many non-the-ground TX activists are recommending this.

        4. It wasn’t snark. It was serious advice that I stand behind 100%. I would not move to Texas without a supply myself.

        1. And neither are abortions if you have the means to travel out of state. The law is terrible but it’s not going to directly impact the upper middle class women posting here.

          1. So in your eyes, it’s okay for upper middle class women to have to pay hundreds of dollars, take time off work, deal with childcare, and fly out of state for an abortion? That’s 100% a rights violation. Stop trying to divide women when we all need to be united on this issue. Protecting abortion rights helps ALL women in the state of Texas.

    8. Before we moved from Ohio back to the East Coast I had a few things done that were much cheaper there: car detailed, dining room cushions recovered, cedar chest refinished. I am generally really glad that I did these things there where I knew whom to hire. I also had area rugs cleaned and rolled in paper for the move (tell the rug cleaners that you are moving so that they don’t wrap in plastic–you want residual moisture to escape).
      When we moved to Ohio, I made sure to contact the few friends of friends in advance and line up a book club to join. For me, this made the transition much easier and happier. Book club of course might not be your thing, but think about what will make you feel like yourself in the first few months and try to do some advance research so that you know where to find it.
      I don’t know how much you’ve moved around, but you are in for a BIG MOVE. Things are different in different parts of the country. Be ready for surprises and give yourself a lot of grace and permission to make the transition. It takes a ton more time to get things done in a new place: You don’t know where to go, you don’t know whom to ask for a recommendation, then you have to explore your options. It really makes everything two to three times as complicated as normal. Be patient with yourself and allow a year or two to feel settled. It’s a process.

    9. More thoughts: I agree about purging before the move:
      –look through your bookshelves and give away books you don’t want to move
      –clean out all medicine cabinets now; throw away expired medicine
      –clean out your documents and files now
      –give away furniture you won’t want at your destination; start this now if you want to sell things so that you’re not rushed
      –plan some goodbye events with people you want to see before you move; get these on your calendar
      Don’t plan any disorienting changes for early days in Texas. For example, I got a new iPhone right after our 2018 move. A new phone is an unusual occurrence for me and was so disorienting. I lost all my contacts and had to figure out new apps and a new operating system. Normally that’s not the biggest deal, but I was also in a new house in a new city. It was one more source of confusion and really made a [negative] difference. I wish I’d just gotten the new phone a month or two before the move.

    10. All great suggestions.

      A few more – some may not be applicable to your situation:
      – Don’t buy new things for pets, if you have them, order them online and have them delivered to the new address. I did this for litter boxes, litter, etc. (Wasn’t going to lug those 1K miles)
      – Do take with you some of their toys, blankets so that they feel comfortable in the new spot
      – For your day 1 pack, don’t worry about things like plates, cups, etc. Jump to a dollar store or grocery store and buy a small pack of each for use during the in-between time. I’m a big re-usable only person but that first week or so is hectic and the last thing you want to worry about is dishes.
      – Find the best pizza place in your new town for Day 1 dinner – and wine. This is my standard first night feast and it’s helpful to have that info stored in notes on your phone so you don’t have to think.
      – Find the closest grocery store – make a list of basics on your phone now – grab those day 1 if possible.
      – Not sure of your furniture situation when you get there (will you be in corporate housing?) but if not, you can purchase an air mattress at Target when you get there. (Or order online and have it waiting for you) They have a queen double high that is amazingly comfortable and has gotten me through 2 1K+ mile moves. (movers typically take 7-10 days to arrive at new place)
      – If driving there, make sure you have something like AAA just in case. Also, fill your car with as much “necessities” as you can. If you are driving, make a list of audio books you may be excited to listen to now.
      – Overall, I find that making lists or noting things about the new area now is super helpful because it can be overwhelming when you get there. This way you aren’t as flustered.

      –

    11. Check the list of things the packers will/won’t pack. Sometimes they won’t pack things like aerosols, nail polish, and alcohol. Either use them up now or prepare to get rid of them.

    12. Good luck OP! Moved >1 year ago from East Coast to Denver. I made sure to plan zooms with my closest back home friends and we kept (keep) in constant touch. It made the transition much easier.
      I second all practical advice about organizing and purging now (what a pain!), and keeping important papers and valuables with you on the drive.
      Best to you!

  7. What holiday gifts are you getting for the men in your life? DH has some bigger ticket items for the grill on his list but I’d like to surprise him with at least a little something. (Plus grill stuff isn’t really 100% a gift for him since I get to enjoy the results!)

    1. We do a refresh of wool socks, I’ll likely be getting him some new long sleeved polo shirts since his are getting raggedy, and one of those vibrating foam rollers (the percussion gun was a huge hit). Stocking gifts are small and silly – candy, book, card game, etc.

      1. What vibrating foam roller do you recommend? Partner has been asking for one for post-run soreness.

    2. I really want to get DH a Solo Stove, but we don’t have a place to put it yet and it would also be a gift for me. I’m a little stumped. So far I have cheese and a tortilla making kit. I need to find something not food related!

  8. Looking for Boston recs for a first trip there! Spending a long weekend and staying near the convention center (Seaport District?). Will have some solo time to explore. It’s also my anniversary so I would appreciate recommendations for a nice dinner or a bar with views. Thanks!

    1. Last time we were in Boston, a local friend recommended we go to little Italy for dinner (Giacomo’s? Cash only, from what I remember) and then we walked over to Mike’s Pastry for cannolis. It was all lovely and perfect. Would happily recreate for a romantic celebration. Highly recommend!

      1. Go to Modern Pastry instead of Mike’s! :) Especially if you prefer traditional ricotta cannoli versus having lots of random flavors with food coloring. Take it from someone who used to live in the neighborhood.

        2. I like Maria’s, myself! They fill the shells when you order so it’s nice and crispy. Don’t know if they’re still there, though…

    2. My favorite place to visit in Boston is the JFK Library. It’s a little out of the downtown area but you can easily get there by Uber or public transportation. Also, walk the Freedom Trail, visit the Public Garden and Boston Common, window shop (or for real) along Newberry Street, and have a drink at The Newberry overlooking the Public Garden. It’s a great city- have fun!

    3. We are going in a couple of weeks and have a reservation at Atlantic Fish Company. Haven’t been before but reviews looks good. I hope to walk around the Beacon Hill neighborhood, go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum the JFK Library (I have been told it is fantastic even for non fans).

  9. Considering spending up to $750 on a black leather moto jacket. Recommendations?

    1. I love mine from Emerson Fry, not sure if it’s currently in stock but it usually is this time of year.

      2. I love the Allsaints Dalby because it is sleeker than the Balfern and doesn’t have a belt. For my next acquisition I am looking at the Madewell washed leather jacket.

        1. I think the blogger at Looks Good From the Back did a review of the Madewell washed leather jacket. She did not like it, too thin-feeling for the money was the main complaint, I believe.

          She is a big fan of the All Saints jackets and has reviewed them.

      3. I have the all saints one without a belt. Bought it on a whim (even though it’s almost half my annual clothing budget…) and it’s my favorite thing ever. I get constant compliments on it, and it somehow goes with everything and is always the right weight for fall and spring weather. I had to size up though — I normally wear a 0 or 00 top and I got it in a 4 and it fits very slim (so I can wear a sweater under it but not a super thick one).

    3. No current recs, but I will say that I spent $450 on a black leather moto jacket about 10 years ago, which was a huge splurge for me, and I’m still wearing it and getting compliments, so I think that’s a garment where you can safely “invest” and expect to use it for years and years.

    5. I got the Mackage Baya in a ‘berry’ color when the Duchess of Sussex wore it and adore it. I don’t wear a ton of black so this is a more wearable color for me but overall the quality of the leather is amazing, and they do send out 25% off codes around the holidays.

    6. I have a navy blue Rebecca Taylor leather jacket, and I love it as a dark-but-not-black basic. This was a second hand jacket, and I highly recommend buying leather this way. Leather jackets are common in high end second hand shops. Current Boutique has many online and they are even returnable.

    8. I have had a Vince leather jacket for years, and it still looks great. Not sure it qualifies as moto style though, but they may have other options now!

  10. Thoughts on this sweater blazer?:
    https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/sweaters/sweater-blazer/sweater-blazer/G9309?display=all&fit=Classic&color_name=hthr-acorn&colorProductCode=G9309

    I am going in to the office for a one-off meeting and seeing co-workers for the first time in since March 2020. This is making me a bit nervous, especially because I have no idea how to dress anymore. The thought of a blazer makes me shudder, but I also don’t feel right in a t-shirt/hoodie. So, I thought that this sweater blazer might fit the bill. Anyhow, what are you wearing in the office these days?

    1. that one personally looks like it will pill immediately (Factory quality is hit or miss). Can you stick with the “regular” JCrew sweater blazers? They’re constantly running some sort of sale.

      FWIW, when I go in, it’s pretty much “2019 land” with more comfortable shoes. Jeans, however, normally relegated to Fridays, are worn pretty much whenever you don’t have high-visibility meetings.

      1. I have the beige and black and no pilling yet (I got it last year). It’s all hit or miss honestly. I got a “regular” cashmere sweater for the holidays last year and it’s so badly pilled it’s unwearable. This one has been surprisingly decent!

        1. I sent the Factory sweater blazer back because it was gigantic, but it was densely knit and well made and didn’t seem prone to pilling.

    2. I have two of them, and I like them quite a lot, but be aware they are more structured than you might expect (which I like as I’m not tall and otherwise I think the slouchy sweater thing just looks sloppy on me). I’d pair them with a nice tee or shell (on the thinner side, again, the arms on this can be rather tight fitting), a dark wash pair of jeans or slacks, and nice flats.

      1. Agree. I also have 2 of them, both from 3-4 years ago, and they still look like new. I agree they are more structured, but I prefer that. I agree with the hit or miss on the quality of JCrew Factory, but on these I think the quality is exceptional (as long as they’re still the same quality as when I bought them). I prefer the fit of the Factory sweater blazers/sweater coats to the regular JCrew store. These are a bit more fitted, whereas the regular JCrew ones are a bit oversized and boxy.

        1. Concur. I have 5 of these from Factory and they are excellent quality. No pilling, hefty weight (can be worn alone in chilly fall weather or mild southern winters), easy to wear. I didn’t like how drapey and oversized the regular J.Crew ones were – they looked like loungewear, whereas these are clearly work-appropriate. They’re a great wardrobe staple. I’d wear them with an oxford button up shirt and the full-length Cameron pants from main J.Crew. (Size up on those – or at least my pear self needs to!)

    4. I have this blazer and like it. I also have 2 other J Crew Factory sweater blazers without buttons. They are all 100% cotton, and I don’t think they pill as much as rayon or poly blend sweaters tend to. I do machine wash and sometimes dry mine, which I’m sure doesn’t help preserve them. But they are the MVPs of my work wardrobe. Highly recommend! That is not a great price for them though.

    5. I have this one in navy; I bought it off Poshmark. It’s very warm, and mine has not pilled, but as someone else mentioned, it’s more structured than I anticipated. I bought mine for home wear and not meeting people in person and it feels more like an “in-person work” garment to me. So maybe that means it would work great for you? It definitely does not read as formal as a regular blazer. Example, I would wear the sweater blazer on a plane to a meeting with my execs, but for the meeting I would wear one of my Going Out blazers with appropriate top and pants. If that makes sense.

      1. I had one factory sweater blazer but since have bought 4 sweater blazers from the regular store. Much superior quality in terms of fit and fabric.

    6. I have this and really like it. I actually like it better than the J crew version because it does not have wool. As others are saying, it’s pretty structured and somewhat narrow in the arms.

  11. Thoughts on Jockey clothes? I’ve never bought any real clothes there before but I’ve been getting some Instagram ads for them. I’m looking at the joggers, ponte pants, and vneck tees.

    1. I have some of their performance tanks for working out. They’re fine. Nothing exciting and I don’t love the logo on the, but they were what I was looking for and are comfortable and have held up well. Size chart was accurate.

    4. Love their “casualwear” pants. I’m wearing a pair of the ponte pants right now. The ponte knit is substantial (so not great if you’re in a really hot/humid climate, maybe) and it washes and wears really well. I have two pairs of the straight-leg ponte pants, a pair of the joggers, and another pair of pants that I think are discontinued because I can’t find them on the website right now. I work from home permanently and my Jockey pants have become frequent flyers as they’re comfortable, but look structured enough that I don’t feel weird walking the dog or running to the grocery store in them. They feel like leggings, but don’t look like leggings. I bought one pair of the ponte straight-leg pants to wear on a long flight, and liked them so much I bought an additional pair, and the joggers, for daily wear.

      I will say I did not have a good experience with a couple of t-shirts I ordered at the same time I got the pants; the fabric was really insubstantial and pilled immediately.

  12. I’m about to travel on a plane for the first time in two years. Any recs for masks that are protective but could be worn semi-comfortably on a 5-hour flight?

    I have N95s for when I get on the subway to protect myself from the people who don’t wear masks on the train…but I think they are way too uncomfortable for such a long flight. My only other current option is just a normal surgical mask, which is very comfy, but not super fitted.

    I’m not high risk but do feel a bit uneasy about getting on a plane for the first time again.

      1. I had an in person training where I had 8 hours in a KN95 each day and it really didn’t bother me.

      2. KN95 would be fine if they seem legit…I bought some KN95s before and the ones I got are looser than even a plain surgical mask.

        Hoping for a specific brand/model recommendation, should have stated.

        2. (hit submit too soon) Maskc? Wore theirs on 10 hour flights to & from Europe and could even sleep in them no problem.

    2. KN95s are super comfortable, better than cloth/surgical masks for me and definitely way less uncomfortable than an N95. I like the Vida brand. You might also consider eye protection. Wear glasses if you have them, or you could do goggles/face shield.

      1. +1

        Agree with the eye protection. I remember a doctor form the CDC commenting last year that he picked up COVID on a flight despite wearing an N95, and he attributed it to forgetting his eyewear.

        My cousins both got COVID on a cross country flight last month. They are incredibly careful because he is immunocompromised, and it was his first flight. He had already gotten the booster and didn’t get very sick, fortunately.

    3. Using some kind of clip that keeps the elastics off your ears to me is the biggest factor for comfort.

    4. The most comfortable ones to me are the 3Ms with two sets of elasticized bands that go all the way around my head and leave my ears alone. They also leave plenty of room for breathing.

      1. Second on the two bands rather than ear loops if I need to wear for extended periods like a flight.

    5. I LOVE my KN95! It protects me and my family, and at this point, I really don’t think I could do life without it!

    6. totally get that N95s aren’t comfortable physically, but if it would make you feel more comfortable you can wear them on a plane. some doctors wear them all day. my dad has flown to visit us a handful of times and he has flown with an n95 each time (even post vax). Happy Masks are supposedly equivalent to a k95 and were pretty comfortable

    7. KN95. Or to make a surgical mask fit snugly, fold it in half lengthways and tie overhand knot on each ear loop right up against the mask. Open it back up and from the front, push the sides of the mask behind the knots. It should fit snugly on the sides when done this way. It also puffs out a bit in front and it’s easier to talk than with it smushed up against your mouth.

    8. I love the Maskc K95s and have worn them for multiple flights (6+ hours including airport time, can time, and flight) with no problem. shopmaskc dot com

    9. I asked this a few weeks ago before international travel! I went with an N95 from 3M. The design kept the mask completely off my face. It also has foam padding at the nose. I wore it to sleep, no problem. It does feel a bit hot, but I get cold on flights so that wasn’t a problem for me. No glasses fogging, either. The airlines handed out alcohol wipes, but I also brought a spray hand sanitizer and sprayed the seat, headrest, etc. Have a great flight and trip!

      https://www.3m.com/3M/en_US/p/d/v101143932/

    10. If you’re in NYC get KN95s from the street vendors in Chinatown. They should have a sample mask that you can look at to assess quality. That’s what I wear every day on the subway and in court and they are comfortable to wear for hours and with a lot of talking.

    11. If your N95 isn’t comfortable all day, it’s the wrong brand N95 for you- they vary a ton in fit. Try a few different brands to find one that fits your face.

      1. I don’t think this is true. An N95 has a tighter seal to your face than other masks. That’s what makes it more effective. But it also makes it less comfortable. Lots of doctors/nurses talking on twitter about how hard it is to wear N95s all day. I don’t think they’re all just wearing the wrong mask.

  13. one time use discount for JCrew (15% off). I won’t use it but maybe someone here will. please post if you use it.
    KRM-95TW4LZDZ7

  14. A while ago I had to help with drafting a vision and mission statement. It was the worst sort of committee work and so much parsing of words. And now . . . I’m on another one. Im still not sure how these things are different really. It is one word salad after another. And yet . . . I am not sure they are ever truly helpful to anyone. “We aim to be a mediocre HR back office support provider” said no one ever (and how would this org’s mission statement be different than its vision statement)?

    1. I hate them too, overused. That said, I think of vision as your brand (and keep away from the same language everyone else uses) and mission as the main thing you do. For example, “we’re a traditional, back to the classics, maker of the perfect teapot.” You can elaborate from there but I think it’s easier to think of it that way.

      1. +1. The vision is the “why”, the mission is the “what and how”. If your mission is to make traditional teapots, your vision might be “We aspire to preserve and magnify the beauty of time-honored pottery techniques.”

        I agree though, then your teams will nitpick every single word because the meanings won’t match exactly what is in their head.
        “Do we mean magnify? I was thinking more like glorify, but not so churchy. Maybe highlight?”
        “No, highlight isn’t right. Maybe respect?”
        “Respect doesn’t signify enough reverence. We want to make sure future generations love this and protect it as an art form.”
        “Oooh protect! I like that!”
        “Wait, protect misses the feeling of exalting. I want to circle back to magnify. But not that.”

        1. OMG this is so accurate haha. I’ve been on one of these committees too and this is exactly it.

        3. I got prickles up the back of my neck reading this. One of the most painful and aggravating experiences of my professional life was being in (almost) this exact conversation. Except it went on for two days. Two. Full. Days.

          1. I had to do a mission statement for a church. I feel that “church” is usually self-explanatory, doubly-so if there is a denomination attached to it: St. Frodo’s PCA Church, St. Frodo’s Episcopalian Church, St. Euphemia’s Church (“where God is a She”), Springfield Friends Society, etc. If it is “Wildwood Holiness Church of the Spirit,” I probably need a bit more info (but that is usually not from a mission statement, but a statement of belief: unerrant literal word of God, no wine just grape juice, etc., etc.
            It went on for . . . a season, at least.

    2. Well you must have done something right:) I think on the example of mediocre back office, something that can be helpful is highlighting what has to be a priority vs. what can be mediocre, in a way that is nice but provides focus. Something like really fast or high quality service in ABC group of activities for this sub group of clients, balanced with efficiencies in XYZ types of activities for this group of clients.

      1. As a back office, you facilitate the overall vision for the company, so clarify how this is done. Simple words like “bigger, faster, better” are good to use. As an HR org, you “bring the right talent to support XYZ mission” or “provide benefits that give our employees blah blah”

    3. The Economist mag just did a side bar article on why mission statements matter. Prime example was the one from We Work which originally was “We are a community company committed to maximum global impact. Our mission is to elevate the world’s consciousness.” This is terrible. It doesn’t clarify a business target, stakeholders, or customers. It has since been changed its vision to “create environments where people and companies come together and do their best work.” Just push for clarity. If you’re trying to write for a department rather than the company, try to tie the statement to the company statement.

      1. Wow — that first one is prime mushy word salad. I am a native English speaker and have no idea that it means “we lease co-working space.”

        2. Well, that’s the thing. When Adam Neumann ran the company, the vision wasn’t that they were just going to lease co-working space; he and his spooky wife really did want to run the world. They started or acquired a bunch of companies trying to set up their world-domination strategy. It wasn’t a very good business strategy, except of course for the Neumanns, who walked away with over a billion dollars. Billion Dollar Loser is a great book about the whole debacle.

  15. Sedona recommendations? DH and I are considering going there for a week after the holidays/over NYE. We like food, booze, and hiking. We’d like to see the Grand Canyon while we’re there, not sure if we should plan to spend a few days there or if it’s doable in day trips? DH won’t go to a spa or do anything woo woo but maybe I can convince him to go golfing for an afternoon while I indulge. We’re saving for a house so we don’t want to spend a mint, prices look quite high (approaching $1000/night) at some of the nicer resorts, even though my online research said to expect around $300/night at those resorts (which is in budget). Is everything just crazy expensive rn? Any recommendations are appreciated!

    1. I’ve stayed at Auberge and Enchantment and both are lovely. They will be priced high now because the weather is better in AZ in winter. For the $300 deals you have to go in the summertime when it’s hot AF there. Not reasonable to expect to pay that low right now.

    2. Winter is high season in Arizona and holiday travel is always significantly more pricey than the surrounding weeks. L’Auberge is probably always around $1k and Enchantment and Amara are probably north of $500, but I would think you’d have plenty of options <$500 if you can avoid the holiday weeks. If you can't do that, yeah you'll have to spend big because that's an incredibly popular time to travel. Being limited to taking our winter vacation over Christmas-New Years is the thing I'm dreading most about our kid starting school. I did the math on some of the resorts we've been to in the past and it will literally double our travel costs to go Christmas week versus a couple weeks earlier.

    3. I think a week is too much for Sedona. There is not a ton to do there. The Grand Canyon is about 3 hours away, so it can be done in one day, but I always recommend staying overnight to see the Canyon at sunset and sunrise (yes, it is worth it to get up early and see this).

      1. Agree with this. After living most of my life in the Southwest, I finally visited Sedona for the first time this summer. I was not impressed. It is super-touristy, and there’s just not that much to do there. I really don’t get it the appeal. The only way I could see staying there for a week is if you were at one of the fancy spas and you didn’t expect to do much besides spa and hike.

        Not that anyone asked, but I feel like Tucson gets overlooked as an AZ travel destination. We love it there (in the winter – in the summer it is too dang hot). They have a great little downtown but also access to great nature activities. The Sonora Desert Museum is amazing. Etc.

      2. Depends what you’re there for. A family member just spent a week there doing different mountain bike rides every single day and it sounded like he would’ve loved to stay longer.

    5. If you want to do any hiking at the Grand Canyon (and you should) I would plan to spend at least one full day there, not including travel time. Maybe do 2-3 days Grand Canyon, the rest at Sedona? And yeah, if you’re looking at the NYE holiday, I can bet prices are higher than usual. Maybe push it out towards a random week in January/Feb?

  16. Any thoughts/experiences using Noom? Would love to hear. After ~20 months of not being in a workout routine, pregnancy, nursing, and lots of emotional stress, finally ready to take care of myself…but need some help.

    1. I used it… it worked, but I would not recommend. As someone with a history of disordered meeting, the idea of “red” foods was very triggering to me and I would constantly end up way under what would be considered a normal calorie goal. I greatly preferred WW or just normal MyFitnessPal.

    2. I’d recommend WW over Noom. WW seemed much healthier to me and definitely works if you stick with it. I know noom markets itself as more whole-person focused but I think WW delivers that much better.

    3. I wanted a lower cost option with a coach, and thought that Noom would be that. I’m pretty sure their ‘coaches’ are chatbots that they sometimes supplement with real people – my ‘coach’ never answered any of my questions directly, and just replied with super generic advice. I complained that 1200 calories wasn’t enough for me to power my workouts and they bumped it to 1400, so be aware that they set really low calorie targets.

    4. I have not used Noom, but what works for me is signing up for an active pursuit that I really enjoy. In the past I have done Les Mills, yoga, martial arts, and ballet. I am not comfortable with group fitness classes in crowded studios right now, so I just joined a rock climbing gym. Having somewhere fun to go, preferably on a set schedule, motivates me to work out, and working out motivates me to eat better.

    5. I used it a few months ago to help lose baby weight. I had never been on a diet before, and it was helpful for me in that it made me really think about what I was eating and if it was a good choice for weigh loss purposes. I lost a very big 8 pounds and then stopped using it because I found after my trial price, it was expensive for what I thought it was and I had gotten what I needed out of it (calorie tracking, mindfulness around eating). I’ve kind of regressed back to eating what I want, when I want, but it’s more of a conscious decision now (“Yes I realize this cupcake and eight Halloween candies will blow my calorie budget for the day, but I still want them!”).

    6. Thank you! I have the one-week trial, so will give it a whirl but may just default to WW given the context shared here.

    2. I’ll post in the afternoon – busy morning. Thank you for checking in. <3

  18. Paging our resident mistress. Why do keep seeking answers about various hypotheticals from the hive and then ignoring them? Do you think all these highly educated women are wrong or do you believe we’ll eventually ‘see the light’? It’s all a bit bizarre and I truly want to know.

    1. I don’t think it’s real. I think someone is testing plot points for a romance novel or something.

      1. But I have to admit, the women on this site still have extremely interesting discussions, give good advice regarding this “hypothetical”, so I suspect the posts are still “helpful” for that reason. I’m sure there are people who can relate to aspects of this situation, regardless. The chain of responses is always the longest of the day!

      2. A romance novel where you are the side piece and there is a messy divorce? Sounds like stressful reading.

      3. I didn’t think of that. I do think it’s real. There’s clearly a lot of distressed rumination going on. In my own mind, she’s completely distressed that he isn’t calling an attorney for a divorce that she clearly wants. He might not be so on board with the divorce because he’s getting the best of both worlds right now.

        1. I think it’s real. I think she was also the one posting about when to move on from a situation where someone else won’t make up their mind. I don’t think the husband is ever actually going to live his wife (why would he when he’s getting everything he wants from the mistress already?) and she’s constructing these fantasies in her head where he chooses her over his family.

    2. There are a lot of “regulars” who post weird hypotheticals or ramblings and then never actually respond to what anyone has responded. It’s getting pretty old.

    3. FWIW, I’m not sure that being highly educated correlates all that strongly with knowing that a married dude is feeding you lines. That’s much more at the intersection of morality and common sense.

      I think the mistress deeply wants to believe that somehow, this can all work out. Someone will have the solution she’s looking for that will enable the kids to not hate his guts and the wife to not kick up a fuss in divorce court. She’s ignoring the responses because they aren’t giving her the roadmap or absolution that she wants.

    4. People in those situations are delusional. However, I have a friend (ex-friend?) who has been with a married man for 4 years and she seems to be getting everything she wants now. He moved out and started talking to his wife about divorce 2 years into their relationship. They didn’t file anything for about another year. He routinely told friend things like “I broke up my family for THIS??” whenever they would fight, he picked fights over stupid stuff and treated her even worse than he did before he moved out (when he refused to talk to her on weekends because he was busy with his family). Friend had her IUD removed and started TTC hoping that it would convince him to file. He and his wife finalized negotiations and filed papers maybe 5 months into her pregnancy. The week after papers were filed, he bought a huge house and put her name on the mortgage and deed. Now that she has her man and mansion I guess she doesn’t want to be friends with people like me who know how they met. I haven’t heard from her since shortly before their closing date.

      1. Wow. Both of them making terrible decisions. Sounds like you’re better off without her.

      5. I’m just coming back to this but I forgot to add: the ex wife is being so so nice about all of this. Like I want to be friends with her instead. They have two little kids and she’s clearly trying so hard to make it less terrible for them. She even congratulated my friend on her pregnancy and invited her to lunch. My friend refused because she’s “too busy” aka embarrassed. Friend snapped at me when I urged her to accept the olive branch. Maybe another reason she’s not speaking to me.

    5. I was reading a trashy novel over the weekend and one of the plot points was this exact thing: the young woman was seeing a married man and explaining to all her friends how his marriage had been “over” for a long time, but the wife was “fragile” and it was hard to find a good time to leave, and he wanted to do the right thing, and blahdy blahdy blah. Turned out he was sleeping with the wife and she was pregnant. Of course.

      1. Oh was this All Adults Here? I cringed SO HARD at the pregnant mistress running into the pregnant wife during the town carnival.

        1. That was what I thought of too! So awkward. Although the mistress in that book got pregnant through artificial insemination, right?

        2. Haha no it was a thrilled called Her Perfect Family. But the mistress was also pregnant in this one! Ha!

          1. The book’s not really about that. It includes a character who is single and pregnant via IVF who still has the occasional casual encounter with her married ex and his wife also becomes pregnant around the same time. That one scene anne-on described is cringey but the whole book isn’t like that. I didn’t like the book in general though. It felt too try-hard.

    6. Having been in a bad (for totally different reasons) relationship where he was not treating me right yet I was so desperately in love and wanted it to work out and would find any way to convince myself that X bad thing was not so bad…I think you can get pretty irrational in these situations. I’m sure she’s looking for reasons/justifications to stay, as I once did.

      Also I am 99% sure I know what the regular handle is of this mistress poster is, based on some conversations that this regular had with me on a burner address. I’m sure it would cause more drama to “unmask” her, but uggh I wish she would stop.

      1. Omg I am dyinggggggg to know who!! I’ve recognized a lot regular posters going anon in the past, but I have no clue who this could be. I’ve been a regular reader since 2008ish.

        1. Also regular since 2008 and really desperately want updates on some of the old regulars!

  19. I had planned to set aside a small amount of my new job’s signing bonus to reward myself with an earring I really wanted, but yesterday one of our foster cats fought with his sister on the back of the sofa and tumbled down onto my head, smashing into my ear. My two-year-old formerly-healed piercing is now reopened and painful, so I have to go back to the standard safety stud until it heals again.

    The singing bonus is also exactly the amount needed to fill up our IRAs for this year. *shouting up to the clouds* Okay, I hear you!

  20. Vicarious shopping challenge. I am in search of a dress for winter choral concerts and solo instrumental recitals. This is for daytime performances in churches and similar venues, so not full-length “concert black” as you would wear for an evening concert in a hall. It needs to be black, knee-length or midi-length, and dressier than business wear but not as dressy as a c0cktail dress. 3/4 sleeves and a fit-and-flare silhouette are ideal. Some fabric interest, such as texture or sheer sleeves, is fine. No bodycon, low necklines, open backs, or sweater dresses. Budget $300 or under. I have been through hundreds of dresses on various department store sites and am not finding anything suitable. Help?

    2. This is probably not where you usually shop if that is your budget, but since you need a conservative cut and since black is the best color for not showing how much you paid for a dress: have you checked JC Penney?

      1. Whenever I need something super-generic and not expensive, that’s where I start my search, and I usually find what I’m looking for.

    8. You will need to be the judge of the dressiness factor, but Karen Kane has a few options under $150 that fit these requirements.

    9. The Fold, Northcote Dress. I have this in black and navy and I think it hits your mark

    11. Also consider a skirt and top combo possibly with a belt. I’ve also worn a sheer black top under a sleeveless black dress to add sleeves

    13. Peruvian Connection has several that fit your parameters. I’ve always found their products to be of good quality.

    15. Universal Standard Refined Luxe Twill Sheath or MM LaFleur Joanna or Etsuko.

    17. &Other stories has some that might work?
      https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/midi-dresses/product.draped-accentuated-waist-midi-dress-black.0962328001.html
      https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/midi-dresses/product.smocked-waist-midi-dress-black.1032624002.html
      https://www.stories.com/en_usd/clothing/dresses/midi-dresses/product.belted-merino-wool-knit-midi-dress-black.0952666003.html

      Baukjen:
      https://www.baukjen.com/products/kelly-ecovero-dress-caviar-black
      https://www.baukjen.com/products/harlow-dress-caviar-black

      LK Bennet, the jersey dresses:
      https://www.lkbennett.com/Clothing/Dresses#esp_filter_standard-colour=black&sort=default&page=0

  21. I know, I know….we’ve been over this, but please remind me which Steelcase office chair is your favorite and why…is there really a big difference in chair comfort/utility between the Series 1 ($450) Leap ($1100)….thank you!

    1. Sorry to say I haven’t tried the Series 1, but my DH and I both have and love the Leap. I have back issues and he has tailbone pain.

      1. Thank you – I want back comfort so that means the adjustable lumbar support? Can you advise on any other details you ordered? Did you order directly from Steelcase? What fabric? other enhancements?

        1. Are you narrow of shoulder? The arm rest adjustments available on the Leap 2 are critical for my shoulder and neck comfort.

        2. I ordered mine from Amazon, believe it or not. Assembly was easy. I didn’t order any enhancements, kinda wish I had bought the coordinating foot rest (isn’t there one?). Mine is their basic black frame/fabric. It’s fine. Doesn’t run hot nor cold. I haven’t spilled anything on it so I can’t say how it cleans up. On really bad back days, I add a small lumbar pillow from Target.

          Like the other poster, I love the adjustable arm rests. Had no idea how much comfort that would add. I don’t think I’m narrow in the shoulder, probably average.

          This is for my home office. I now also want to order one for my “real” office but can’t bring myself to do it…feels a little extra for my K-12 public ed gig ;)

          1. Great! Thanks for this feedback….I see only black or charcoal on the Steelcase site….will check out Amazon too!

  22. Open enrollment season. Trying to decide if the big price for supplemental long-term disability coverage is worthwhile. I work a remote computer job, nothing physical or strenuous. Thoughts?

    1. I’d want it. There are so many unpredictable conditions that can affect cognition (MS and TBI are two of the big ones affecting people I know).

    2. +1

      If you can afford it, get it. You could come down with MS or cancer or be hit by a car and disabled for life tomorrow. I know healthy young people in non-strenuous jobs that all had those things happen and never were able to return to their prior work-levels or even jobs again.

      Curious – what is the big price?

      1. The price for what you get may vary by company. For ours, 60% of salary is included as a LTD benefit at no additional cost; we can opt to purchase another 6% of coverage for $$. So I don’t think the OP is asking “should I purchase LTD at all” more if the extra is worth it. My answer – it depends on your expenses vs. your current income.

        1. OP here, this is correct. We get 40% of salary free, and can pay for an additional 15% on top of that.

          1. With only 40% IMHO it’s probably worth it to buy the supplement… you never know.

    3. LTD is not limited to workplace injuries. It’s for any type of LT disability. It is ALWAYS advised if you can swing the cost.

    4. Do you have your own portable disability insurance? Rather than paying for add on through work, that probably isn’t portable, is now the time to bite the bullet and get outside insurance?

    5. Do you have kids? That was a big factor for me. I didn’t buy it before I had kids and I did buy it after.

    6. Spoken as someone staring down the possibility of 6+ months of chemo, with STD capped at 6 months for me and LTD after — it seems worth it to me! I’m early 30s and was previously as healthy as a clumsy horse.

  23. Looking to buy a new pair of flats that are a little fancier than my Rothys, which I’m just tired of. Anyone have experience with either of these brands (or any other recommendations)? Want something I can dress up a bit more without feeling too office.

    https://www.sarahflint.com/products/natalie-black-vachetta

    https://larroude.com/products/caramel-lee-flat-leather?variant=36438778052774&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gclid=Cj0KCQjww4OMBhCUARIsAILndv5WkE1Pj-NCGv9Dn4Ag_Q7AEjL-44KYvldIRr1oWEOBAQ5JTluS2ykaAi9CEALw_wcB

    2. I have a bunch of a Sarah Flint shoes, the heels are amazing and comfortable so I had high hopes for the flats, specifically the Natalie. And it is the single most uncomfortable pair of shoes I’ve ever worn. Like wanted to saw my feet off uncomfortable. The TL/DR, heels amazing, pass on the flats.

  24. I’m having lunch today with an attorney who left my firm for another firm. We worked closely together but weren’t really friends outside of work. He called me when he first left to try to recruit me, but I was on the verge on making partner and wanted to stick it out. I know he’ll want to try to recruit me again. I want to keep the door open but it’s not a good time for me to move rn; I’m TTC, DH is away for work for several months (which makes TTC so much fun), and my work has slowed down a lot, I don’t really have new clients on the horizon. I need to ride my goodwill at my current firm until I get my feet under me. How should I handle the lunch?

    1. Unless there is something going on that you aren’t mentioning, this seems like a no-brainer to me. Maintain your network!

    2. About the TTC part – remember that you can do IUI for these situations. Might be a whole lot less stressful than trying to plan his business trips or meet up mid cycle, etc.

    3. This sounds like a normal networking lunch to me. You never know where people might end up.

  25. You ladies are always so helpful with scripts, and I need one. My mother-in-law is expecting to go wedding dress shopping with me. I’ve decided that I want to go to two different stores on separate days. I’ve never tried on dresses before, so while I know what I like in pictures, I have no idea what will look good in person. For the first store, I want to bring a small group of people with me, so I’m not overwhelmed with opinions – just my mom and BFF/maid of honor. I will happily bring my (very opinionated) mother-in-law for the second store, along with my aunt. How do I tell my MIL that she’s only coming the second time without offending her? I don’t want to not tell her – the people who come with me the second time will obviously know it’s not my first time shopping. She can definitely be sensitive, so I’m hoping y’all can help me with a script that will hopefully not hurt her feelings. Thanks in advance!

    Side note – one thing I’ve learned about being “the bride” is that you’re totally expected to manage not just your own feelings and emotions, but also EVERYONE ELSE’S involved in your wedding. And to that, I say, fooey.

    1. Go by yourself or with your mother only, pick out your dress, and then take the whole entourage back to ooh and ahh over it.

      2. This. I shopped for my own, by myself – I hate others opinions of my clothes, I know what I feel good in and didn’t want to have noise from anyone. I eloped so I skipped the entourage viewing, but that’s the best way to handle it.

      3. Yea, I did a lot of dress shopping by myself (and told no one I was doing this) to get an idea of what I liked before I invited my mother or anyone. My mom and I have very different opinions on fashion and know roughly what I wanted made it a much better experience.

    2. “I have PTSD from watching too much Say Yes to the Dress and want to narrow down my preferred styles before modeling for a bigger group!”

    3. The sooner you figure out that the wedding is not actually for you at all, the better off you will be. This is the case even if you are paying for your own wedding, but is greatly amplified if anyone else is footing part of the bill. It’s also worse if either you or your fiance is the first child in the family to be married.

    4. I don’t think there’s really any way to do this and not hurt her feelings. It’s your prerogative to want to shop only with your mother and BFF but also it’s reasonable for her feelings to be hurt about being excluded from the first shopping trip and you just have to own that.

    5. Option 1: Blame the store! “Boutique 1 limits the number of guests.” Don’t make up a number, don’t say it’s because of COVID, just say it’s limited. This is true – they won’t let you bring 100 people in there – and the less said, the better.

      Option 2: Say what you said here. You want to go with a smaller group to get a feel for the dresses without being overwhelmed with opinions. This works when you are very matter-of-fact about it.

      Unsolicited advice: assuming that you are generally accommodating and thoughtful, people will be as hurt as they are given space to be hurt. You have limits on time, money, emotional energy, and decision-making capacity. Everyone wants everything up in the air forever – I was EXHAUSTED twisting arms to get decisions in time. Everyone wants everything done their way. People are going to jump in at the last minute with a request that would have been easy to accommodate six months before but is impossible once they ask. People want contradictory things.

      The line I love is “Too many moving parts; next family wedding!” Save your sanity and embrace it.

      1. This is great advice. I might also add that as the mother of a son I would never expect to be invited to help his hypothetical fiancée pick out her dress. I guess it would be nice to be included (although honestly that sort of thing isn’t my jam) but “expect?” Nah.

        1. No one has yet beat my father’s third ex-wife for wedding presumptuousness. It was epic.

      2. Go with option 2. Last thing you want is MIL calling the story to try to get a waiver for the fib on Option 1. My sister was super anxious about dress shopping and upfront that she would be overwhelmed with a big group. We came to a compromise where the two of us would go shopping and everyone else would get “the moment” when she tried on the dress when it arrived. Essentially, the wedding dress equivalent of only telling people a child’s name after its born, as you can only express so many opinions once it is a done deal.

    6. welcome to wedding planning :-). so this is a know your family situation/ask your mom, and so i did kind of like what you are doing. i really wanted to go shopping with just my mom, but felt like i should include my MIL and my mom felt like i should include my sister (who i didnt really want to include). the solution was that i went for the first time with just my mom, and i got lucky in the sense that no one asked, but my mom said it was fine to blame it on her, like that she always dreamed of going wedding dress shopping with me one-on-one. so did that, then a few days later went with mom, MIL, sister and SIL. my parents were throwing us an engagement party near my hometown where my sister and SIL happened to live, so went shopping there with all of them. then two months later went again one day just with my mom in the city where i lived (nyc) and then my MIL joined us for a second day in that city bc she also lived near nyc.

    8. If more people are coming to the second can you treat them to lunch before or after? That way it feels like the “official” outing and the first store was a spur of the moment thing?

    9. Just invite her! “Hi, we’re going to go to this wedding boutique on Saturday. Would you like to come?” If she hasn’t said anything about needing to come to every single dress try on experience I think you’re anticipating trouble that may not exist.

      1. I agree with this – you still plan on including her, just don’t mention the other day. Things may be fine! Either way, you did your best for your own sanity. I just went through the dress-picking-out process, and was surprised how at how the process felt/how it could overwhelm me, even when surrounded by 100% supportive folks. Do what you need to do for yourself! It’s worth it.

    10. Hey there! Just writing to commiserate because I am dealing with the funeral version of this: managing feelings. We are having 2 ceremonies due to the pandemic and out-of-town relatives. One woman was offended b/c she is local and close to my aunt who lives out of state, but she was not notified or invited to the first intimate ceremony. I can understand being upset at the thought of missing out entirely, but I hope it dissipated once she found out that she was invited to the second, larger ceremony. If she was hurt regardless, well, the invitees were around during my relative’s illness, including medical visits and her deathbed on the day she died. This woman was not.

      Now is a great time to accept that you can’t please everyone.

    11. Tell her the same thing you said here – the first appointment was just to get an idea of what styles you like, the second appointment is the “real” appointment. You wouldn’t even THINK of wasting her time with a place you knew you wouldn’t get the dress! You’re so considerate!

      Fwiw I looked at Davids Bridal first, in part because I knew they would have sizes that would actually fit me. I’m a size 10/12, sorry but neither the size 4 nor the size 20 (if they even have plus sizes) gives me any idea what this dress will look like on me.

  26. PSA since I missed the cheating convo yesterday about STD testing – go get the HPV vaccine if you’re under 45! (Or at least ask your doc about)

    https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hpv-infection/in-depth/hpv-vaccine/art-20047292

    “This vaccine can prevent most cases of cervical cancer if the vaccine is given before girls or women are exposed to the virus. This vaccine can also prevent vaginal and vulvar cancer. In addition, the vaccine can prevent genital warts, anal cancers, and mouth, throat, head and neck cancers in women and men.”

    3. I went through the series this year and I’m 40. My insurance covered it at 100%. Your doctor should do a pre-auth so that you know what you’ll be paying in advance. Only thing to be wary of is timing it with any other vaccines/boosters. You need two weeks in between different vaccine shots. So that was a tad tricky for me w covid shots.

  27. I have a math problem that a 9-year-old could probably figure out. Apparently I have forgotten basic arithmetic, can anyone help me out? I am buying myself a gift to celebrate starting a new job, this is very bougie so I’m embarrassed to ask anyone IRL. Can anyone tell me which of these Diptyque candles is better bang for my buck? Here are the specs (yes, they are ridiculous, I know):
    A.) 3-wick, 600g, 90 hour burn time, $195
    B.) 5-wick, 1500g, 120 hour burn time, $345

      1. Love Feu de Bois! I agree that they have great throw so you actually don’t need a huge one (but by all means get it if you want it).

    2. If the burn times are accurate, A.

      A – $195 / 90 hours = $2.16 per hour
      B – $345 / 120 hours = $2.875 per hour

      Now someone else will have to weight in on whether the burn rates are accurate.

    3. A. $195/90 hours = $2.17 per hour
      B. $345/120 hours = $2.88 per hour

      alternatively,

      A. $195/(90 hours x 3 wicks) = $0.72 per wick-hour
      B. $345/(120 hours x 5 wicks) = $0.58 per wick-hour

    4. The 5-wick is slightly more expensive per burn hour ($2.7 versus $2.2). Are shipping costs the same? Which one do you have room for on whatever surface you’re planning to burn it? Will you really enjoy the same candle scent for 120 hours or do you like to change it up a little more often?

    5. “Someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this”!

      Seriously I would just get the one you like better because neither of these candles is a deal. Congratulations on the new job!

    6. FWIW unless you have a HUGE room, Diptyque candles have good “throw” – one of the mini ones (shot glass size) is nice for our city-sized living space.

      So for me I’d go with the three-wick or just the “regular” one wick size. (I have and use Feu de Bois – it’s lovely! – just strong.)

    7. Congrats! Even if the 5 wick candle was cheaper, you’d be stuck with the same scent for longer. Part of the fun of candles is trying new ones.

      1. Am I missing something about what is special about these candles? Do they come with a side of diamonds or some sort of human catnip? That seems like a sh*tton of $ for a candle (and I am not a candle-hater).

        1. Right? It wasn’t too long ago that $354 was more than my week’s take home pay.

        2. I’m not OP or anyone who has commented so far, but Diptique candles are lovely. They are much longer burning than something like a yankee candle, and their throw is more intense. You only need to burn them until the entire top surface is melted, then you blow them out and the scented hot wax continues to perfume your space. I get a month + out of most standard sized Diptique cables, and I burn them often.

          1. She’s treating herself. We get this variety of question a lot – someone is doing a splurge purchase for a special occasion. No need to trash this particular poster for hers.

        5. They actually scent my whole house. I could burn one tiny Diptyque or like 25 candles from HomeGoods.

    8. I have the 5 wick (it was a lovely gift) and while it burns a long time, it gets a little messy as time goes on. I much prefer the regular size single wick.

  28. Does anybody here have experience with really, really severe procrastination? I’m not talking about a normal person coming to this website for 15 minutes or something. I’m talking bad procrastination. The normal tips do not work for me. I have a wonderful therapist who has been very helpful in the past for other issues and I’m wondering if I should go talk to her about this. She did make a comment in one of our early sessions about what I thought was ADD in grad school was actually more likely the result of obsessive compulsiveness. I feel so guilty about this, but no amount of beating myself up seems to change anything.

    1. Absolutely talk to your therapist about it!! And yes, I have struggled with this and therapy was helpful.

      1. Whoops, hit post too quickly. Was going to say, I have OCD and I think I know what you’re talking about.
        Not just like “I’m going to read the comments” but “I’m going to read ALL the comments” and have no off-ramp from that activity until it’s done.
        Or playing a game past the point you’re enjoying it? Or executive disfunction where you know what the most important thing to do is and you do literally everything but that thing.
        (This type of behavior isn’t just OCD, but it is a feature of my OCD and maybe yours?)
        I have a few tricks that work sometimes:
        Abstain from things particularly designed to “hook” you. Phone games, Facebook, anything “gamified” – avoid.
        Build in off-ramps from activities. Like a meeting at the end of your day, or schedule things so you have regular (but not frequent) interruptions.
        Write down things you’re obsessing about. Sometimes that can trigger the “done” feeling and let you let go.
        Create deliverables in small increments. When your other strategies for focusing have failed, make sure the Thing Due Tomorrow is small enough to get done last minute.

        1. Thank you, it is really helpful to know I’m not the only person with problems like this. Sincerely, thank you.

          1. You’re welcome. I wish you the best in dealing with this. It is so hard. It’s taken me a long time to accept that this isn’t going to be cured or managed completely away and that therapy (CBT for me) can help only so far. But I’m pretty happy and have been able to have a good career once I found a fit.
            Another thought: I also have had varying success telling friends and partners, but sometimes them just being aware that you may be a bit “trapped” at times can prompt them to divert you. I’m very conscious that I don’t want to be dependent on someone for this, but just that occasional assist is nice.

    3. Yes, I have. I still go through swings in productivity. Procrastination tends to be the worst when I don’t have a deadline bearing down on me. For me, it’s completely anxiety related. Specifically, the fear of getting negative feedback or doing something wrong.

    4. Yes. I will drag on something for weeks. I am always amazed when I see tips for things like Pomodoro…I just procrastinate on that, doesn’t everyone?? ADD medication was a huge, huge assistance. I’m not medicated anymore.

    6. Yes, it’s part of my inattentive ADHD. Unfortunately I need the last-minute panic-induced dopamine to fuel my creativity, so working ahead isn’t feasible for my type of job because it relies on my creativity. So I compensate by “clearing the runway” as deadlines approach: ensure that my house is clean, the fridge is stocked, all laundry is neat and folded, and bills are paid.

    7. Yes, definitely a therapist. But if you want day-to-day support, a coach might help. Even if it’s not ADHD, there are coaches that help people overcome procrastination with or without an ADHD diagnosis. Coaching isn’t a replacement for therapy but works on solutions and goals and setting interim waypoints on big projects and on accountability. If you want to send me an email I can refer you to a coach. happy77peanut at the g email.

    8. So much yes. I always used to be bad about big writing assignments, doing them last minute. But during COVID it has become the norm for…all work related tasks. I hate it. I feel so guilty and anxious about it all the time. But I continue doing it. I have brought it up with multiple therapists but they have not really offered any solutions. My first therapist always came back to “well, are there negative consequences for your procrastination? are people thinking you are doing a bad job?” and when the answer was no, she was like, well then why not just accept that this is how you are and stop beating yourself up about it. If it were just for the big written assignments, where you just accept you are going to write the report/proposal at the last minute, maybe that’s fine. But while somehow no one at my job notices now that I am doing the worst job, I just feel like this is not a way to live. I THINK it has to do with needing a new job, because I just don’t care about the results in this one anymore (and I do not procrastinate non-work things), but I’m terrified that if I did bother to get a new job, one where I needed to be on the ball and delivering, that I would no longer be able to actually focus and work. And while I’m very curious about whether medication for anxiety, depression or ADD would help, I have also been TTC unsuccessfully for the last 1.5 years so I don’t feel able to start a new, non pregnancy indicated med. How much of this is infertility depression? COVID depression? Something else? I don’t know, but I hate it.

      1. OP here, I feel this sooo much. I actually am on Wellbutrin for depression and it apparently helps some people with ADD, but I certainly don’t get that kind of benefit from it.

  29. I’m on an elimination diet (medical) which includes elimination of added sugar. Please give me your tips for things to eat instead of sweets or how you broke your something-sweet-after-dinner habit. I can have all but the sugariest fruits. (ie no grapes, bananas, mangoes etc but berries are ok)

    1. Hot herbal tea can be pretty great by itself, without milk, sugar, honey, lemon or anything else added. It’s what I use as a treat when I realize I have been treating myself a little too much. Check the ingredients to make sure they didn’t put any ingredients in the tea or teabags that you can’t have.

    2. Lean into fall spices. Adding cinnamon and nutmeg to sliced apples is delicious even without extra sugar. They’re great roasted too; a tablespoon of coconut oil or butter makes them feel especially decadent. Sometimes I’ll have them over plain fat free Greek yogurt, it’s great with a bit of homemade oatmeal but if you can’t have that then toasted walnuts would give you that satisfying crunchiness.

    4. I actually lose my sweet tooth to a significant extent if I just avoid all sweet tasting things for 2+ weeks. So you could stick it out. Carrots eventually taste like candy!

      But if non-nutritive sweeteners are included on the diet, a little stevia/lakanto/erythritol goes a long way! (Lemonade, cocoa if cocoa powder is not excluded, iced tea, smoothie, whatever.)

    5. For an after dinner treat, I have Greek yogurt with raspberries or blueberries and no-sugar granola. I mash up the blueberries and add a splash of lemon juice. You may need to make your own granola or use paleo muesli with coconut, nuts and seeds – I like Bob’s Red Mill muesli. I mix Bob’s muesli with sugar free granola. https://www.bobsredmill.com/paleo-style-muesli.html

    6. Oatmeal sundae – oatmeal with cinnamon, vanilla or almond extract, lots of berries, toasted sliced almonds, maybe whipped cream if not high in sugar (make your own if needed). Can also make it with Celestial Seasonings sugar cookie tea – it tastes sweet but has no sugar.

    7. When I had gestational diabetes my after dinner treat was a frozen dessert of banana, peanut butter and coconut flakes, blended in food processor and frozen in muffin tins. I would make a batch and freeze.

    8. Herbal tea, carrot sticks and a craft (I like raffia weaving!) to take your mind off it.

      Good luck with the elimination diet. I did it and it was really beneficial.

  30. Anyone here have PRK? (Photorefractive keratectomy) Trying to do my homework and figure out what I should know going into the procedure. Thanks.

    1. I had SBK, when I was researching it was the most highly regarded procedure with the best outcomes for my situation (astigmatism). My doctor strongly advised against PRK and said it should really only be used in situations where other procedures wouldnt work.

Comments are closed.