Coffee Break: Geometric-Print Scarf

78 Comments

1. Has anyone ever used the eshakti website to order clothes? I’m an unusually sized girl and would love clothes customized to my measurements but am wondering if the quality is acceptable. It always shows up in my ad on the sidebar and the clothes look really fun for casual wear.

   1. I ordered a skirt there once. I gave them my measurements and it turned out ok. I didn’t love it, but that likely was more my own issue than anything wrong with their clothing. I tend to try on a ton of things and return a lot but I couldn’t return the skirt. I can’t remember if I just missed the window or you can’t return custom items. The quality was fine. The back of the skirt had some weird stitching that I didn’t like that wasn’t visible when looking at the images online.

2. This scarf reminds me of Elmer the elephant. It’s cute but I don’t think I could get past that to wear it.

   1. The comment about the geometric print reminds me of the BBT episode where Penny says she bought Leonard a sweater in a “fun geometric print” and Sheldon asks her, “Is it the geometry that makes it fun?”

      For me, I just couldn’t see myself wearing something this bright and a print. But that’s just me.

      1. love ;o)

   2. It IS like Elmer the elephant!

      For some reason that doesn’t turn me off, though, lol.

      1. I kind of like it more now.

3. I really like this scarf. It wouldn’t work for my skin tone, but it would be versatile for someone else.

   Can anyone help me choose between two bags? Links to follow.

   Things to keep in mind:
   – This bag is just a place holder while I continue to look for the perfect (and higher quality) bag. My beloved handbag suddenly died after many years of service, I haven’t been able to find a suitable replacement, and I really hate the temporary bag I bought immediately.
   – I’m a one bag at a time girl, so this will be my every day, all-occasion bag. I don’t particularly mind if the bag doesn’t match my outfits, though. I wear a lot of brown/cognac/warm colors, but jade is one of my favorite colors and it would coordinate fairly well with my spring/summer wardrobe.
   – I usually carry smaller bags, but I haven’t been able to find one with the aesthetic and functions I want so I’m hesitantly opening up to larger bags. While the cognac is shorter than the jade, they are the same width and nearly same depth. I’m not sure whether the height difference is enough to make the cognac actually feel smaller since it’s still rather wide (for me).

   1. Relic Heather Double Shoulder in cognac.

      http://www.6pm.com/relic-heather-double-shoulder-cognac

      1. This one has my vote unless you need to be able to stuff papers in it – I don’t think it is tall enough for that. I really like it!

      2. I like this one — seems really versatile.

      3. I like this one better – something about the other one looks weathered (and huge, if the picture is to be believed), although I like the internal layout of it. This one looks like it has some extra zipper pockets, which could be great.

      4. I also like the cognac – looks super versatile to me.

   2. Relic Bleeker Double Shoulder in Mint

      http://www.6pm.com/relic-bleeker-double-shoulder-mint

      1. The jade! This one is very nice. But, in fairness, I just don’t like the cognac one. I think it looks matronly.

4. I love this scarf but somehow end up never wearing the ones I already have.

   1. I wear the same 2-3 scarves all the time, and the rest languish in my closet. Probably means it’s time to donate them!

   2. Same.

      I do not need another scarf. I do not need another scarf. I do not need another scarf. :-(

5. Quick finance/pregnancy related question: I’m going to try to get pregnant this year. I need to figure out what I need to do to get some finances in order. Two questions:

   1) Work offers an FSA that I haven’t taken advantage of yet because I don’t have any out-of-pocket medical expenses. Should I max that out for pregnancy-related medical costs? My deductible is $250 and out-of-pocket limit is $1750.

   2) I have a life insurance policy for $50K. Husband works, but makes significantly less than me. We have a mortgage, but other than that, very little debt. How much life insurance should we have once I have the baby?

   1. First…for the FSA, you can only join it during open enrollment. If you missed it for 2014, its too late. This is assuming your year is the calendar year, which the majority of these plans are. You can join after a “qualifying event”, i.e., having a baby, but you’d have already had to have the baby in order to join now. Also, not to be negative, but just because you’re going to try to get pregnant this year doesn’t mean that you will be. if you joined the FSA (if you could) thinking you’d have the pregnancy expenses, then you don’t get pregnant…you’re out of luck.

      The rule-of-thumb I have heard regarding life insurance is you should get coverage for 10 years of your salary if your family is dependent on your salary. So, if you made $100k/year, you should really take out a $1million policy. Of course, this is what insurance people say, but you can use as a guideline.

   2. These are both questions that are very specific to the individual/family. There are many schools of thought on both issues. I’d consult with someone who can look at your individual situation and advise you, rather than internet strangers with a tiny little bit of the picture.

   3. My only real advice is to look into short term disability that covers pregnancy.

      As someone else said, the FSA stuff really depends. My insurance does not bill any prenatal coverage until after delivery so I won’t have any copays/out of pocket expenses, etc. until after the baby is born. Thus fair my only pregnancy related expenses were a couple prescriptions for Zofran and prenatal vitamins. Nothing to cry over if you don’t have an FSA.

      1. Building off what KLG says, FSA can usually only be initiated during open enrollment. But, if your OB/GYN bills after the birth, and you don’t deliver until 2015, you can sign up for 2015 FSA. IRS rules require that FSA be “use it or lose it” so if you were to elect it for 201X and not need it, you lose the dollars. It’s a lot more $$$ to lose if you don’t use it than you would save using the tax benefit.

         That being said, since I’ve had kids I’ve maxed out the FSA every year and always used it. Sometimes we had to have an extra dental cleaning or order extra contact lenses or buy prescription sunglasses but we never had to waste it.

         1. IRS said you can sometimes keep them for 3 more months, or sometimes carry over $500, but it’s up to your employer.

   4. I don’t have much input on the amounts you need for insurance, but I would recommend getting the additional life insurance BEFORE you get pregnant. If the pregnancy causes any health issues, those will be factored into your premiums over the entire term of the policy. This is just my experience, where I would have saved a ton if I had gotten the insurance prior to pregnancy.

      1. Yup. At a minimum, post-baby weight could push you a couple points up the BMI scale, which could be enough to put you in a higher cost category (happened to me).

   5. One thought — it took me over a year to get and stay pregnant, and I think it could be hard emotionally to spend all the effort getting your financial ducks in a row like this, and then keep waiting and waiting. (Hopefully it will be easier for you, of course!). I enjoyed having all of the life-to-dos waiting for me as a way to celebrate once I actually got pregnant (and kept the pregnancy).

   6. For life insurance, we picked an amount that allowed us to pay off all debt, fund the college fund, and allowed small stipend for the surviving spouse.

   7. We picked our life insurance amounts based in part on enabling the surviving spouse to pay off the mortgage in full and have money left over.

      1. We did basically this too. I am the primary earner in my household, so we have enough life insurance on me to pay off our mortgage, allow my husband to not work for at least a year, and a little more extra.

         1. We did the same (the surviving spouse could pay off mortgage, pay off law school loans for both spouses, and take several years off work). We also bought enough to cover college for our child and one future child. We are very over-insured, but term life insurance is so cheap that it is worth it to us.

            1. Oh yeah, I should mention that this is 30-year term insurance. We don’t expect to need life insurance at all, because 30 years from now the mortgage will be paid off and the kids will be grown up. He can fend for himself at that point. :)

            2. Buy won’t the student loans of the non-surviving spouse end at death? Why would you need insurance to cover those?

   8. Agree with others regarding FSA. It’s use it or lose it money and your max is pretty low. I’m not sure I’d bother.

      You should definitely get onto your short term disability, though, if you aren’t already. Some plans let you join at open enrollment at any point in your pregnancy, but some require that you join a certain amount of time before using the benefit.

      If your life insurance is through work, get your own plan that you won’t lose if you change jobs. We got enough to pay off all debt plus one year combined salary.

      1. Don’t plan too much because it will add stress, and stress is not so good for baby-making. It’s funny, it’s so easy to get pregnant when you’re 16 and can’t handle a baby, but harder when really want it. Stress is a big factor. Second, I’m the main breadwinner, so we have enough term on my life so he can pay off the mortgage, his student loans, and then have the equivalent of 1 year of my salary.

6. My SO is accepting a post-doc position that is about a 3 hour flight away from where we live.

   It is a kick a** position and I’m really excited for him! But will obviously miss him like crazy and anticipating some bumps.

   Advice on navigating 1-2 years apart? If it matters, we’ve been together 5+ years.

   1. H and I were long distance twice for two significant periods. Once while dating/engaged and once while married. I have also done long distance with a significant boyfriend before I met my H. The first time it just didn’t work and the second time it did and I think it had a lot more to do with our relationship than any sort of long distance relationship management tricks. Write emails, text (and, now i feel old because there was no texting when I was in any of these long distance relationships!), talk on the phone as much as possible, obviously. Also, try to book flights for your next trip as soon as you can after you finish your last so you always know how long it is going to be before you see each other again. Good luck!

   2. Congrats to your SO! I’ve been in a long-distance marriage for several years because my husband is also in academia and is currently doing a postdoc on the opposite coast. There’s been discussion about long distance relationships here before with lots of helpful advice. My biggest tips are: have a firm end date – which you probably do, if you know precisely when his postdoc will end, visit each other as often as you can, even if it means trimming other things your budget, and maintain your own lives and keep busy with your own jobs, friends, and hobbies so you don’t end up in a situation where you’re always staring at the phone waiting for him to call. Good luck! It’s not fun but will ultimately be worth it. 1-2 years is not very long in the scheme of your relationship or your lives and reminding yourself of that helps. We’ve both been so busy with our demanding careers, and he’s been able to visit a lot, thanks to a flexible academic schedule, so the time apart hasn’t actually been that bad. Frankly, the hardest part for me has been the judgment from other people (including other high-achieving women) that we aren’t devoted to each other because we’re “putting our careers before the marriage” when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

   3. Like Anon at 4:19 I’ve also done this once successfully and once unsuccessfully. A few tips:

      1) Establish what will make each of you uncomfortable/jealous before he moves. Then be very honest with each other about what you’re up to. A little up front work to avoid jealousy can save a lot of stress.

      2) Make time for each other every day and try to make it quality time. For example, skype/google hangout/face time can make a 15 minute chat much higher quality than on the phone. Also see: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/04/technology/internet/04couch.html

      3) Do everything you can to see each other as often as possible. For me, this included finally having the discipline to stop ordering take out so that money could go toward more trips to see each other. There’s just no substitute to being physically in the same place.

      4) Even though your time together is limited, try to spend some if it with each others local friends. This helps your lives feel more connected to each other as well as helping your friends feel more included in your life.

      5) Schedule down time after your in person visits end. I like to give myself at least half an hour of “pouting” before I try to get anything done. This helps me to acknowledge the feelings and get over them rather than letting them bubble up later.

      Best of luck! I hope the postdoc is everything he’s hoping for!

7. I love the look of scarves, but haven’t figured out how to work them for myself. I’m petite, slim, but busty. Kind of built like a miniature version of a real grown up. Is the bustiness just going to prevent me from wearing scarves attractively?

   1. I’m petite and busty (5’1″ and 30E) and wear scarfs frequently. I had the same thought myself initially, but try out some different scarfs and different ways of wearing them. I prefer long scarfs with nice drape, which I usually wear loosely wrapped.

      1. On that vein of being petite and busty, I am not nearly as much as you (5″4′ and 32DD), but I feel like lately, I’ve been looking extra busty, like that’s all you see of my upper half. Any tips for minimizing? Do I just need different bras or is it the tops I’m wearing too?

   2. I felt the same way. Then I got a disgusting skin infection on my neck that forced me to wear scarves for a while… and now I feel like scarves look just fine on me. I think I just had to get used to how it looked on me.

8. I love infinity scarves so much I don’t think I can ever again buy a non-infinity scarf. I know that there are 1000 fun ways to tie finish scarves, but the infinity is just so much easier to wear.

   1. *finite, not finish

   2. I wear all types of scarves on a very regular basis (a few times a week at least). Right now I am on an infinity scarf kick, but you can just tie your regular scarves at the end and turn them in to an infinty, which is what I do most of the time. Infinity scarves are often solid, but this gives you a lot more versitility. There are a few different ways to do it, but you can just play with your various scarves to make it work.

   3. I’m just giggling at the term “finite scarf” – imagining it becoming part of the vocabulary if infinity scarves become so popular that “scarf” is assumed to refer to one of them (like “TV” is now assumed to be color, so you need to say “black and white” to refer to the old standard). I know there’s a special word for that and it’s driving me nuts!

      1. I just made it up for that comment but I’m going to keep using it.

      2. Retronym

         1. My personal favorite is “natural breasts.”

9. I keep reading about some sort of clothing spreadsheet that tracks what you wear. Is it available on this website?

   1. I believe Orangerie is the one who created it. If she doesn’t respond, I can forward you the spreadsheet.

   2. Hey there, feel free to shoot me an email at orangerie09 at gmail (that’s a zero before the 9) and I’ll forward you a blank template.

      1. Could you forward it to me too? Thanks!

         1. Sure, if you send me an email so I have an address to send it to.

10. TJ – what are your favorite yoga dvds or websites? I’m looking to get back into yoga but my gym no longer has classes, so it would be great to get started at home.

    1. I like Dave Farmar podcasts. Free on iTunes.

    2. It’s kind of silly, but my old roommates and I would always do Denise Austin’s Yoga Body Burn DVD together after work, and it was a pretty good workout and didn’t require a ton of space or equipment. If you’re in to the spiritual side of yoga, I’d probably skip it, but if you’re in it just for the workout and stretching, I’d suggest checking it out. It’s like $8 on Amazon right now.

    3. I belong to YogaGlo (subscription streaming) and love it. It’s $18/month.

11. I have two close friends who are at the same stage as me – TTC. We confide in each other about our struggles, email each other baby-related stuff online during the day, etc. We all 3 want babies pretty badly, and it would be ideal if we all had kids the same age.

    But I worry about what would happen if I got pregnant first. I know they’d be happy for me, but I suspect they’d be a little jealous, too. I guess that’s similar to how I’d feel if one of them got pregnant first.

    If I am the first… should I tell them? If I knew they weren’t trying so hard, they are close enough friends that I would tell them pretty much as soon as I knew. But I also want to respect their feelings, and maybe they wouldn’t want to know before we “made it public.”

    1. You are SO lucky that you all are trying to get pregenent. I do NOT think you should worry if you get pregenent first, nor should you be jelous if the other’s are first. You are three women with similar goal’s, and hopefully supporteing husbands.

       I have often wondered if I should follow up on Grandma Trudy’s sugestion that I do artificieal insemination. That way, I could have my baby but would NOT have to have a lazy man laying around expecting to be fed every day and have sex every night. Of course, I would have to do all of the work myself bringeing up the baby, but that way, I should be abel to mold the baby into a littel person with MY ideal’s and NOT have to listen to a guy who is busy burpeing and being demanding just b/c he fathered our children. I think that a woman has to do 9 month’s of pregeanancy which is alot more stresseful then just haveing sex and getting me pregenant, so why should I have to spend alot of time cookeing and cleaning just for him so that he can just burp and walk away?

       I have to looke into this b/c I am not sure if it is even legal in NY State. I want to be abel to figure out who the father is, b/c I do NOT want any guy with bad gene’s or alchoholism in him. Even Alan turned out to be a drunk and a loser, so I know there are NO gurantee’s. Grandma Leyeh kind of liked Sheketovits b/c she knew some relatives from the old country with that name, but when I told her about his probelem’s she said to stay far away from him. I think mabye she was right along time ago and I should have found another guy 5 year’s ago rather than stay pineing for him.

       Myrna is comeing over to watch TV with a Cherry pie she bought at Citarella’s and we are going to eat it tonight after we have deli take out from Second Avenue. YAY!!!!!!

    2. Tell them when you ordinarily would in a way that gives them space to react privately.

       1. +1.

    3. How would you want to be told if one of them was first (which seems equally likely)?

       I’d suggest email or text — it’s impersonal and not as much fun as in person or over the phone, but it will allow them to take in the information without having to worry about immediately putting on a happy face.

       1. I agree, unless you see them a lot and email would be awkward. Also second the advice to let them know somewhere privately so they have time to process. After struggling with fertility for over a year a good friend announced her pregnancy when we were in a car on the way to a party – I had to spend all night secretly upset but outwardly happy and it was terrible.

12. My husband had an interview scheduled this week with two people. He was supposed to come in, but they called today to say the interview’s been changed to take place over the phone, rather than in person. Initially, one of the two interviewers was going to conference in anyway, while my husband was in a room with the other one. Now both people will be on the phone.
    He’s worrying this means they’re not that serious about him. Our friend actually recommended him to the recruiters, basically giving them his resume. Today’s developments make him think they’re just doing her a favor. My take is no — one of the two managers doesn’t even know her. What are your thoughts?

    1. I wouldn’t read too much into this. It could be that the 2nd interviewer had to travel for some reason and can no longer do it in person.

       If they wanted to cancel, they would cancel.

       1. Thank you for this response! That’s reassuring.

13. I know it’s been asked before, and recently, so please forgive me for asking again. But I’m about to order somethings from Asos’s maternity line. Should I size up. “The model is wearing a size 4” makes me think I need at least a 6. Your input is appreciated.

    1. Yes, size up. Their maternity wear is cut like junior wear with a bit of extra spandex/room for a perfectly petite basketball sized bump. I pretty much only gained weight in my stomach, but if you gain any weight anywhere else their line may not work for you.

       1. This is baby number two, the first one I only gained a belly. But I’m not sure how this one will go. Thanks for the help.

14. I need help from the hive pls. I will be travelling from Charleston to Charlottesville as part of an east coast road trip ( we are from Australia) in about 4 weeks. We would like to break the trip in the middle of those two cities preferably somewhere of historic interest , or a great restaurant with accommodation. Any hints? Myrtle Beach was suggested but it doesn’t seem far enough along the route.
    Also, and most importantly will I need to bring my heavy coat if we are travelling all of April from Jacksonville to NYC and then staying in NYC for a week? Boots?
    Many thanks Can’t wait to arrive!

    1. Hi. It’s probably not as convenient but I recommend that you re-post your question earlier in one of tomorrow’s threads. Right now it’s 3:00 a.m. on the east coast.
       If you’re interested in our Civil War history you’ll probably find useful information on any one of multiple tourism or Civil War history sites. Richmond, VA has the Museum of the Confederacy and the Confederate White House. I can’t say I was sympathetic to the Confederacy but it was interesting to see the war as viewed from “the other side” and amazing to stand in the same room in which President Lincoln visited Jefferson Davis only a few days before he (President Lincoln) was assassinated.
       I couldn’t tell from my quick glance at Google Maps whether you’d be close to the Great Smoky Mountains or anything else similarly vast and scenic.
       Happy trip planning! I need to sign off and go to bed.

       1. Thank you so much! I will repost later ( it is 730 pm in Sydney) and look at your kind ideas too. I will be having a few meetings in NYC and attending my step daughter’s Masters Graduation at Columbia. Will a black work suit with a scarf for the ceremony be appropriate for me? Does SO need a suit and tie for it? I will repost this question too. I hope you have gone home now!

          1. I went to Columbia (years ago!). You can wear a nice spring dress. Your SO should wear a coat and tie, but he doesn’t need a suit.

    2. You almost definitely won’t need snow boots and heavy coat in NY in April; a good choice might be a lined raincoat. Americans, even in New York, are very casual so that if even neither of you wears a suit to the graduation ceremony, you won’t be out of place.

       1. I’m blaming you when get a snowstorm in April now.

    3. It’s not quite between Charlotte and Charlottesville, but Asheville, NC, is a lovely historic town.

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