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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
When Kat told me that she had found some cute items at J.Jill, I have to admit I was skeptical. My memories of the mall store were less than flattering. Upon further review, I’m delighted to report that several of the “Wearever Works” pieces look like they’d be fantastic additions to a work wardrobe.
This draped-waist top is reminiscent of some of my favorite pieces from The Fold and comes in a size range of XS-4X, including petites. I would pair this with slim-leg pants for an easy office look.
The top is $99 at J.Jill and comes in regular sizes XS-4X and petite sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
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- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
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- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
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- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Anon
Re the Joffrey Jonas / Sansa Stark divorce and the issue of what she may have said in front of a Ring camera in a rental house, how is this not some crazy freaky wiretap issue on his part and the landlord’s part? This is so creepy that I am now get why some people refuse to stay in AirBNBs.
Anon
It’s not a wiretap issue if she knew about the camera. People have been caught cheating on nanny cams for decades. (Not insinuating she cheated, just saying that divorcing someone over something you saw on home surveillance system isn’t new).
Anon
Did someone watch frame by frame to catch a fleeting moment and then send it to Joe Jonas? That is the creepy part to me. In that case, maybe we all should start wearing hoodies and speaking really softly.
Anon
The amount of surveillance nowadays is truly creepy. Most folks just put it out of mind, I suppose. The tradeoff & abuse potential is too big for whatever marginal gains in solving crime comes out of it.
Anonymous
He was probably watching for any moment that she was alone outside with a friend in case she said anything negative. He seems super controlling.
Anon
And yet isn’t he a FT dad b/c she abandoned the kids with him to go out and party and also touring at the same time? I’m guessing he employs a staff of people just to monitor the Ring camera and also call the Daily Mail.
Anonymous
Abandoned the kids to go out and party? She was working on a film in the UK and (as every actor does) went to the wrap party. That was her job. Just like he went to tour (his work). Neither is a full-time parent and that shouldn’t be shamed. The only thing shameful was that he tried to paint her as a partier to the media when there has been literally years of footage of him complaining about what a homebody she is. Also, the only “party” footage from that wrap party was her with a drink in hand–not dancing on tables or being carried out to a cab or any other behavior crazier than simply being in a bar. I suspect on tour he also has stood in a bar at some point. I find the whole narrative sexist and disgusting. Also, they had been house hunting in the UK. Her taking a role in the UK is now being used against her? I guess that’s what you get for not bending everything to suit the man.
Anon
They’re selling misogynist tropes to the press because people are basically misogynistic and this kind of thing will stick.
Anon
Surveillance cameras are not wiretaps, so there shouldn’t be an issue there, but this whole story seems like a desperate attempt by his PR team to make him seem like the victim.
Anonymous
They put out the story right after he was getting reamed from the nonsense about posting pics on IG with his ring on and off. So now when you search them and ring, this business comes up instead of his pre-filing drama llama posting.
Says a lot that there were pap pics today of the custody exchange. Like is there better evidence that those kids should be back in small town England where people will leave them alone? They were there since April and zero pap pics.
Seventh Sister
I think the UK may have better laws/norms about pap pics for the kids of celebrities. It varies widely in the US but it’s often legal to take pictures of pretty much anyone in a public place. It may be better in the UK.
Anon
Was it video or audio? Recording someone’s voice without their consent is not permissible in many states.
Anon
I guess if the Ring doorbell is visible they assume consent? This was IIRC in the UK, so IDK what the laws are there. I assume UK is stricter and more pro-privacy and not assuming consent than the US.
Anonymous
It’s not clear that it was recorded vs something he claims he heard.
RiskedCredit
My ex husband has been very smart with his abuse. I found a camera in the bathroom and recording devices in the children’s bedroom. We are currently doing coparenting therapy and I am very certain he is recording the sessions and/or has someone listening in. My car has been tracked for the longest time.
The law doesn’t protect me because I don’t have direct proof that it’s him who has done it. The police observed a man enter my apartment with a key and leave with my laptop. They couldn’t arrest him because stop and search rules prevent that. They followed him and spoke with him. I only got my laptop back because I told my exhusband I couldn’t find my laptop so he would need to wait for his money. I got home and there was the laptop…
When people have money they end up with a power they shouldn’t have. Until I have concrete evidence that it’s him who has set up this abuse, I look like the crazy lady to say anything. I know his game and I think the wife here is smart to say nothing. Recording your wife is never acceptable. He lost when he made this public.
Anon
I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
Anon
+1, this sounds like a nightmare.
Anon
OMG this must be so scary and unsettling when that happens to you. Big hugs from this internet stranger and if you are in the Bay Area, I will buy you a drink.
Anon
If I were a law school prof, so many hypotheticals from this case and in so many different classes (personal jurisdiction, privacy, family law, international law, I think there was a tax angle about if they were FLA residents for tax purposes).
Anon
My city has a lot of mall stores. Is ordering from Anine Bing worth the hype or is it this year’s Jenni Kayne ( however it is spelled)?
Anonymous
Hype.
No Problem
With all the threads lately about dysfunctional corporate cultures, I’m wondering whether anyone here works or worked at a company where consultants (like McKinsey) came in to fix or advise on something. If so, did anything actually improve? Was the “fix” too circumscribed to actually make much of a difference? Why did things improve or not (too much institutional resistance, lack of leadership, etc.)? Or if you work/worked for a business consulting firm, what kinds of things are you brought in to fix? Do you actually see change happen, or do you get out of there before it’s really possible to see the effects of your work?
I’ll leave my limited experience in this area as a separate comment in response.
Anon
I think consultants are worthless in this regard. I have never seen any recommendations from consultants change anything long term or in a meaningful way. I don’t know why people keep paying for this $hit instead of using the money on what we actually need, which is more FTEs.
Anon
+1
Anon.
Agree 100%.
Whenver consultants were engaged in my company regarding strategic projects in a regulated industry sector, for example identifying untapped business opportunities, the consultants usually did one of two things, or both:
a) Recommended things that we had already identified, i.e. brought forward proposals with limited novelty/innovation of proposals
b) Presented too optimistic business cases that didn’t take into account overhead, realistic timelines, challenges of scaling up, or organizational inertia.
I can see how a) would be an asset if there is resistance in the org to pursue such new areas, and management needs some external endorsement to enforce a decision they know they are going to make anyways (“Because see, even the consultants think it’s a good idea!”)
The issue with consultants is, in my opinion, that they do not own the implementation of anything. They can create ideas and generate some facts and momentum around that, but their accountability ends the moment they present their findings to the client’s executives. Decision making and implementation is where things usually fall apart.
anon
Bingo!
Anon
+1 – in my late 20s/early 30s I worked at a healthcare research + consulting company that had Bain come in and do some work in this realm, under the guise of “fixing” things. The only major implemented takeaway I remember was to make sure all meeting invites had agenda items, and that if you got a meeting invite without some type of agenda you are free to decline.
At the time Bain was engaged, the company was at the end of high growth period and was known for high quality of work, smart (young) teams, and very high turnover. There were literally major restructures 2-3x/year. Company has majorly downsized and does not exist in it’s former glory.
The cynical 40-year-old me figures in hindsight, a senior exec had a partner friend at Bain and this was good window dressing to hide the fact that the company was actually…not that great.
Anon
“The cynical 40-year-old me figures in hindsight, a senior exec had a partner friend at Bain and this was good window dressing to hide the fact that the company was actually…not that great.”
I don’t think this is cynical; I think this is generally how those things work. Someone from the consulting firm approaches a company about a potential engagement, then the account execs and the company leaders go out golfing together and there’s backslap/handshake agreement made on the golf course, and then the consulting firm gets a multimillion dollar contract to do a project no one may have asked for, and that won’t produce anything. I know for a fact the company I work for ended up getting a consultant to come in this way. And millions of dollars were spent and there was no tangible result or real change at the end.
McKinsey is now under a ton of scrutiny and criticism for their role advising Purdue Pharmaceutical and driving the opioid crisis, and I feel like that situation is indicative of most consulting engagements I’ve seen – either nothing happens, or the changes recommended are noxious. It’s hard to understand how and why some of these big consulting firms continue to exist, when they produce so little work of real value to anyone.
Anon
I’m a MBB partner and my observation is that it’s actually pretty hard to change things and some types of change are easier than others. If you’re talking like strategic questions like who to acquire or which markets to enter and scale in, that’s very different than trying to affect a change that requires much of the organization to be on board. And in the latter cases it’s really the company leadership that makes the real difference. I do think we help the C suite get more clarity and comfort on their choices though.
Anon
You’ve got to stop sending in a bunch of 20 year olds who know nothing about technical jobs to tell a bunch of people who have been doing the tech forever how to do their jobs. No one is going to get buy-in with that approach.
Anon
amen. or at a minimum tell them to talk to the people who actually do work!
Anon
Preach!
Anon
I didn’t understand this response.
The technical people I’m talking about in my story were actuaries who worked their asses off every day. Company systems were antiquated & held together with paper clips and bandaids, so there was a lot of institutional knowledge about how to manipulate data to cover the gaps. 20 somethings who were not actuaries came in after googling a few very general level topics like “what is actuarial” and had the brilliant idea to just stop doing that step.
Sure, if you want the answers to be wrong, that’s excellent.
The company in turn was willing to spend $2mm + on this consultation but not to actually fix the systems.
Anon
OMG this. I am sorry, some 24-year-old with an MBA and a lengthy and storied work history of being a barista at Starbucks for two years does not know more about a company’s inner workings and potential forward trajectory than the people who – you know – actually work at that company, and have for years or decades. I have personally had enough of wet-behind-the-ears consultants coming in and trying to force-fit some change model onto our company’s operations so they can collect a fee. It never results in any durable, sustainable change; it’s a waste of time and resources, etc. I honestly think most consulting agreements are about wealth transfer from one rich person to another rich person and there needs to be some kind of activity to justify that, so – here you go! Here’s a team of pimply near-teenagers who are going to come in and condescendingly and ineptly explain your business to you.
test run
+1 I feel bad, but I work in medicine and it is so painful to see these earnest (and I’m sure well-intentioned) 20-somethings trot out their slide decks to seasoned providers and administrators with absolutely ZERO understanding of how hospitals actually function (not to mention…medicine itself). Agree with other commenters who point out that it’s often just a way to get backup for something an organization wants to do anyway (overhaul salary ranges, cut staff, whatever). Otherwise I’ve never seen anything actually implemented. Just a bunch of binders on shelves with Huron or McKinsey or whatever logos gathering dust.
Anon
they do make pretty powerpoints though!
Emma
I don’t think consultants, at least regular management consultants, are very good at changing cultures. They can change processes and structures and increase efficiency, but they aren’t trained or particularly skilled at culture stuff. Other types of consultants may be better at it, but cultures are hard to change and the changes really need strong buy-in by top management to work.
Anon
I once worked at a company that brought in consultants when there was a fundamental challenge in culture, with staff feeling they weren’t seen or heard by senior leadership. We did a multi-day “retreat” (in one of our regular offices) and sat there while the consultants spoke at us and presented various templates to help us with time blocking and scheduling. Basically, we were told that staff were the problem. No one used their templates. I left the company not long after due to the dysfunction.
OP
I have worked for a $1B+ company for well over a decade. I don’t know for sure if we’ve ever had a McKinsey type come in for any reason (I’m not in a role that would be involved in that kind of decision, but I would be surprised if we’ve never had outside consultants), but we’ve had various vendors sell us and implement their software. Across the board these implementations have been terrible. I don’t know if it’s the fault of our people or their people, but it’s apparent that every single time there is a failure to actually consult with the people who will be using the systems (aka normal people throughout the company, not just the finance people or the head honchos) to find out how to structure workflows to meet their needs. We switched over to Workday several years ago to handle all of our HR stuff (overall a much needed change) and they set it up to have recruiting approvals going to all the wrong people and none of the right people. This was not an example of the powers that be deciding to also change who would be doing approvals and failing to communicate that: everyone agreed it was set up incorrectly but it took months to fix and left a very bad taste in everyone’s mouth about using Workday. Workday is not some tiny company with limited experience setting up their systems for a new customer. They’re also not McKinsey. But shouldn’t a basic principle of onboarding a new customer be to find out how they want the new system configured so it actually works for them? And shouldn’t a basic principle of buying a new system be having the new company configure it appropriately and giving them the information they need to do that? We also “upgraded” our finance and timekeeping system to a newer version several years ago and while it’s apparently much better for the couple dozen finance people, it is much worse for the thousands of employees who have to enter their time and approve timesheets. I (and many others) find it hard to believe that certain features of our older version are simply unavailable in the newer version and think the people on our side were just too lazy to ask for/didn’t want to pay for additional changes because it worked well enough for them. So again, who is the problem here? Or does everyone suck here?
Anon
I’m convinced this is one reason why so many healthcare systems hate Epic while others love it (the former never configured it for the needs of the majority of the people who use it). It’s a kind of dark topic since poorly configured health records systems can be dangerous in a number of ways!
Anon
Oh hi it me, Epic makes my life harder in so many ways every day.
Anon
Epic, or at least the idea of electronic medical records, potentially saved my friend’s life just this month, receiving emergency treatment at two different places and not being in a position to speak for himself.
Anon
Good electric medical records for sure save lives. I am so glad this is what happened for your friend. This is what we want to happen.
You can imagine what happens currently when electronic medical record systems don’t talk to each other, make it easy to record inaccurate information and hard to correct it, make it hard and time consuming to find crucial information.
Anon
Yes, his second ER doctor actually said he was glad the prior hospital was also on EPIC.
Anon
@OP – you might enjoy reading Jennifer Pahlka’s “Recoding America.”
OP
I added it to my TBR list!
Also, in case anyone was wondering, I don’t believe that management consultants are the answer to corporate woes. If they actually were, there would be so much less dysfunction out there. It seems like most of the stories I hear and have personally witnessed boil down to poor leadership in one way or another. Being a leader is hard, but some seem to go out of their way to be particularly bad leaders and hire more people with similar mindsets.
Anon
Thanks for sharing this as now I feel less alone/like my employers are the only dumb ones out there. I have seen similar problems with ScottMadden, which I have had the misfortune to work with in two different organizations on two different implementations. I don’t know which is worse: that the 22-year-old “consultants” pretend to listen when they’re collecting business needs and process information, but actually do not incorporate any employee feedback (which just wastes everyone’s time) into the project. Or, that it’s completely transparent that the consultants think employees are morons and are not really worth listening to, but they’ll go through the motions of it anyway. In both projects, we had the exact same problems with different teams of consultants, so it’s something about the company’s general approach or who they hire.
Runcible Spoon
Oh, God, it’s so typical for new or upgraded software to be designed by and for the software developer/salesperson’s POC at the client entity, and not for the actual end-user. I am so tired of IT Departments configuring systems for THEIR convenience, as opposed to making them user-friendly for the professionals they are supposed to be supporting, and for whom the systems, ultimately, are acquired. (Apologies to any IT folks here — this doesn’t apply to ALL IT folks, of course; that’s just my lived experience.)
Anon
A company my spouse used to work at benefited when some kind of outside group was brought in to help them with “challenges of scaling” and managed to find a way to persuade the company’s erratic and abusive CEO that it would feed his raging narcissism complex better to stop showing up to work. I don’t think they fixed any of the other problems, just the one problem that everyone knew about.
Cat
Feels like a way to spend a lot of $$$ to help the C su-te defend their decisions (“the experts recommended it!”) rather than actual constructive contributions.
Anon
My experience has been the exact opposite (which I think speaks to the horrible corporate culture my company has). KPMG comes in at the Board’s request to evaluate processes and staff. Report goes out to C-Suite. C-Suite has meeting to review with Officers and declares the results and recommendations as absolute garbage and tosses them in the trash. $500K down the drain.
Anon
This happened with one of my client companies – they put some work with us on hold because they were waiting for a consulting group (I can’t remember which one) to finish a project and deliver a report back with recommendations. One day we got a call – the work can proceed, we’re ready to go now. I asked – oh, you guys got the report back? Did you already implement the suggestions? (It seemed like a fast timeline for that, to me.) My contact said no, the CEO and COO hated the report so they just dumped it and we’re moving on. I think they spent over a million on the project just to dump the findings and recommendations report in the trash.
Anononon
I have only lived through it once, but the ultimate report ended up including a lot of findings and recommendations that management hated (and that every employee could have predicted). The two most innocuous changes recommended were adopted — think changing the name of an internal program to make it sound more appealing, but not any of the substance of it — and the rest of the report was promptly buried.
Anon
It reminds me of the movie Office Space where the Bobs come in and fire everybody.
Peaches
What would you say you do here?
Anon
lol no. you would not believe how much time and money we spend cleaning up after management consultants (like tens of millions of dollars wasted just in the most recent project). and don’t get me started on the quality of their “analytics”
Nope
I worked in a F50 com and worked closely with McKinsey consultants. They are awful. AWFUL. I am convinced that their main value is placating boards (who think Ivy Leagues are the signifier of intelligence) and CYA for the C-suite. Their main advice was to raise prices. This is fine, except we are in an industry that employs long term agreements. You can’t just unilaterally raise prices when there is a contract that has very clear price terms. Of course, nobody listened to us (what do we know, we went to public schools), and lo and behold we were sued by a major customer who prevailed in court. It destroyed the relationship that had taken years to build and cost a fortune in legal fees. The most memorable moment was one of the consultants telling us to lay off a bunch of people right before Christmas without any regard for the employees who were about to let go. They see everything as a line item on a spreadsheet. I know this is harsh but they represented everything wrong with corporate America. So no, I don’t think they are capable of improving culture. I’m now in smaller, more humble company that does not use consultants. Guess what? Employee engagement is off the charts, and we are minting money. People who are treated humanely are more productive. A real shocker
Anon
Wow those ivy leaguers sure showed you a thing or two. If you want to make more profit raise your prices. That would never have occurred to me!
Anon
I mean, it’s funny but I’ve seen similar “brilliant” suggestions come out of consulting projects that cost millions and took months. Like several folks have said, what is the actual use of these consulting firms, if this is the quality of information/conclusions they provide?
Anonymous
I worked for a large multinational (FTSE top 10) for many years, and the company was crawling with all types of management consultants. My experience is that McKinsey, BCG, and Bain are brought in to provide management with cover. The ideas the consultants had were largely lifted from employees, but senior leaders wanted to tell the board that the ideas were blessed by McKinsey. I worked with many of these companies, from McKinsey to boutique firms, and none of them brought anything new. If you were smart, you learned how to use the consultants to suggest something you wanted or to influence senior leaders. The consultants didn’t care because basically they want money, positive feedback, and the next assignment.
So many stories! Once, we hired one of the big four to assess an area of the business for benchmarking and improvements. I had a spreadsheet of my ideas, costs, impacts, whatever. As part of discovery, I gave the consultant lead my spreadsheet. He was British, I’m American. For some reason, I had done the spreadsheet in a blue font, probably out of boredom. You can guess what happened—the spreadsheet was given back as a deliverable with my American spellings and blue font. My boss was mad when I told her, not because they did it but because I pointed it out. If I recall correctly, the whole initiative whimpered away.
Clementine
Lol – as someone who has a consulting group literally copy pasting my work into their templates, I hate consultants.
We pay a lot of $$$ to get a bunch of college kids to try and get an a on a project without realizing this is real life. I resent the hours I need to spend ‘educating’ the consultants.
Hate it more as my career goes on. They make pretty slide decks tho.
nonprofit consulting
I was on the board of a nonprofit that used volunteer consultants through an elite business school’s pro bono program for their alumni. They did excellent work for us and I’m really grateful. The scope was limited, “We’d like to do X to make our services more accessible to Y group. How do we do X in a way that makes sense for our organization?”
If you’re on a nonprofit board, I highly recommend checking out the pro bono consulting services provided by business school alumni associations!
Anon for this
My company has brought in consultants in my dept twice (different depts each time), and each time the consultants just shared things that individual contributor employees had been shouting about for ages. I guess senior leadership needed to pay tons of money to finally get the message. In the first situation, the recommendations were implemented but only because a new CEO came on board. I’m still waiting for the consultant’s recommendations to be implemented in my current dept but I’m not holding my breath.
Anon
Is there a good source for finding out which flights operate on which days of the week, for flights that aren’t operated every day? Or is Google flights just the best way of doing this?
anon for this
Sometimes the arrival airport website will have a list with scheduled frequency.
Anon
If it’s a smaller airport, check the airport’s website for a listing of regular flights. Many of them post that info, particularly when it’s a short list of cities/flights.
Cat
Yes, Google flights. If you search a day that it isn’t available, you can bring up the calendar (‘date grid’) and see the dates with fares available.
Anon
Yeah, that’s what I figured. My issue is that it’s not showing on Google flights and I’m trying to see if there’s any way to access more current info about future planned schedules from the airline, but I guess Google has all the public info.
Anonymous
You could try looking at Flight Aware
Anonymous
If you know the airline and the route, you should be able to find their route schedules on the airlines website. But you might need to dig hard to locate it.
Anonymous
If you have a specific flight number, you can use flightradar24 or similar to see flights for the next week or two.
For a more general idea, go to the air lines own page, search for some random days and use the calenda view to see «find cheapest flights» or similar. The days with no price is a no-flight day.
Anonymous
I’m not sure how to search for this on my own, so asking here. Are there any designers out there that have midi length dresses that have the interesting fabrics/print combinations, sleeves, and specifically sleeves that don’t even in an elastic cuff, and quality level of Sue Sator but where the silhouette is less bulky? Thank you!!
Anon
Following. Would say Buru but they do a lot of elastic cuffs. I love their fabrics — it speaks to my inner magpie.
Peaches
My first thought was Batsheva but that might be too voluminous.
Have you searched modest fashion?
Anon
Misa LA, Trovata
Anonymous
Boden
Anonymous
I like Peruvian Connection, the soft Pima knits drape really nicely and can be layered over.
anon
They have so many nice pieces, but they’re all handwash/dry clean. Curses, foiled again!
NYNY
I’m anti-rufflepuff, so this may not be what you’re after, but I like b&sh, Whistles, and Rails for sleeved midi dresses. Also worth looking at things you like on a larger boutique or department store s!te and then searching the brand name. Tuckernuck and Anthropologie are both good for this.
Anonymous
Sugarhill Brighton in the UK is good for this exact combination but I’m not sure they ship internationally.
Nudibranch
The Vampire’s Wife?
Anon
I’ve done zumba on and off for almost 15 years. I restarted a month ago and now have some (admittedly not bad, but annoying) knee pain in both knees, which is new. Is this just the reality of being 40? Is it because I’ve put on some weight? Any supplements or suggestions to address the pain?
Anonymous
It’s because you’re older, heavier, and in worse shape. Pace yourself!
Anon
You are probably going to want to see somebody for this. They might want you to brace your knees with some of that self adhesive tape, or they might want you to wear different orthotics in your shoes, or they might have alternate exercises to recommend. There are probably some all-purpose supplements for pain or joints (I think of glucosamine or hyaluronic acid), but joint issues in the 40s can be endocrine, so it could be a waste of time to try supplements if you haven’t had hormones checked.
Anon
I was slightly overweight, maybe 12-15 lbs, still within BMI limits but high for my frame. My zumba knee pains started improving when I lost about 5 lbs. The knee pain disappeared completely at around 10 lb lost, unless I did a class somewhere with a bad floor.
No Problem
If you’re restarting an exercise program and haven’t been weightlifting, your joints are probably taking the brunt of the impact in lieu of muscles that are not strong enough to take the impact. Also, my limited zumba experience is that it’s a lot of dance movements, which cause your body to move in planes of motion that you wouldn’t be likely to in your everyday life (as opposed to a treadmill or elliptical, where it’s mostly straight line movements that are similar to walking). So if your muscles aren’t up to the challenge of all that irregular movement, your joints and ligaments will definitely feel it. You might need better/different shoes, some knee braces, several weeks or months of strength training and stretching (and recovery, don’t forget the recovery!), all depending on the exact issue.
Shelle
Also make sure you have good quality shoes and they aren’t in need of replacing. Worn out running shoes caused some knee pain for me a few years back just doing a couple miles. New shoes fixed my issue.
Anonymous
It’s probably the combination of restarted after whatever time of not doing it, being 40, and the weight gain.
You’ll likely have to ease into it a bit more now than you used to.
Pep
You might want to take a hard look at your shoes, if you aren’t using a shoe designed for dance exercise. Shoes designed for zumba and other dance exercise have pivot points on the sole.
supplements industry leaches money from my naive, poor, and elderly relative
If you search for supplements for any problem, someone will sell them to you. Please don’t take anything without consulting your doc. Almost all supplements for someone who eats an adequate range of foods at best give you expensive pee, and at worst can be harmful. In cases where someone would benefit from a supplement, a doctor can advise on what the person needs and how much.
Anonymous
Do some cross training with something that is knee supportive. When my knee get a a bit sore, I spend more time on a stationary bike and the knee calms down. My husband with the carefully reconstructed knee does the same thing.
Anon
Slowly work in yoga or some other strength training that targets your thigh and calf muscles (i.e. muscles that support the knee joint). If you don’t your ankles may start to complain, too. Athletic tape or a knee brace may provide temporary relief so wear it for a couple of weeks but it isn’t a long term solution.
Source: Dancer for many years with knee problems on and off who has tried many things
Anon
How would you style a J Crew No.2 pencil skirt (wool) in 2023? Big chunky turtleneck and Doc Martins?
Anonymous
Yes. Or a lady jacket and cap toe slingbacks if you’re into the polished classic thing.
Anonymous
I vote for tall boots.
Anonymous
Ballet flats, sweater, statement necklace
Anon
Maybe in 2010!
Anonymous
All things that are in again this year!
Anon
Uhhhhh no.
Anon
I see people in puffy headbands and long prairie dresses (some with cutouts though) and flat shoes and all I can think of is Laura Ashley Sister Wife.
Peaches
Ballet flats are back. I haven’t seen statement necklaces yet.
BeenThatGuy
Vogue says statement necklaces are back.
https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/jewelry-fall-2023-trend-statement-necklace
Anon
Yeah, but not all at the same time in a look from just 10 years ago. It doesn’t look like an old trend coming back, it just looks dated.
Anon
Thanks — I need to try to shop my existing closet and make what I have work. Can we make stuff like this a feature?
Anon
That would be wonderful!
I’m so over the culture of perfectly good clothes needing to be replaced because they are “dated” and have resolved to wear things until they are actually worn out (or damaged, or don’t fit, etc). Part of it is also redirecting my own thought process when I see what other people are wearing — I try to redirect my thoughts from “that’s dated” to an honest assessment of the item or outfit, independent of the trend cycle.
Anon
Oh and to your actual question — I think a chunky sweater and either docs or tall boots with a low heel would look great!
Anonymous
I disagree. The older I get the more conscious I am about looking current. I feel like there’s a big difference between not caring about what’s current at all and reinterpreting pieces you have to look modern.
I used to think that once I developed a personal style I’d be trend proof. But it’s actually the opposite; you develop a personal style by interpreting current trends to your personal taste. Also, as I age it is a really low stakes way to stay open minded and mentally flexible. For example, I can’t believe how fresh bright red looks to me this season.
Anon
100% this.
Anonymous
And for me, once I got older and developed my confidence and sense of style I did become trend-proof.
At this point in my life I’m aware of what’s current and have no issue passing something by if I know that it won’t work, either because it isn’t my style or because of my body’s proportions.
Anon
2023 jackets are so overwhelming on my frame — I look like I am in my Dad’s coat or shacket or whatever. The scale will never work and no tailor can change that. I’m on dresses for the time being. Current doesn’t work for everyone and you have to be honest about your shape / size / etc. or the clothes will wear you.
Anonymous
I think it’s age dependent. When you are 29 or 39 even you can look retro hip with out of style boots. If you are an old like me, early 60’s, and still in the workforce you need to absolutely look current or people write you off as out of it.
Anonymous
I’m 11:36 above, and I’m late 40s and still working. I get positive comments about my ‘out of date’ clothes, so I must be doing something right, lol.
Seventh Sister
I have been thinking about Elliot Page’s bright red sweater in Inception since…probably 2011. I have red v-neck but I’m thinking cardigan in that hue.
Anonymous
It’s funny, on the one hand, as someone who shops primarily second hand, I benefit from the culture of replacing perfectly good clothes because they are “dated”, and on the other I wish we could turn back the clock to before fast fashion when all clothes were treated like investments by everyone and were made to reflect that. How much better off would our environment be if we did that, I wonder…
Wheels
So much!
anon
I’m all for more questions like this!
Anonymous
I would love to see features on shopping our closets, it would be a refreshing change from all of the sales listings, lol.
Anon
Same here! But less remunerative for the blog, so…
Anon
Kat gets referral link revenue from posting products and links to sales. That’s how the site continues to exist.
Wheels
Me too.
No Face
I wore a pencil skirt recently for the first time in years and felt so sleek. I wore it with the Fold top that the top in the post is mimicking.
I’m going to copy everyone’s advice about the chunky sweater!
Anon
I’m a short-waisted flat-chested pear, so I need a chunky top to balance out my t-rex hips.
Anon
I am similar to you (flat chested pear), but I like to have a top that emphasizes my sleekest parts (shoulder, bust, under bust) and go out from there because otherwise I look chunky all over.
Wheels
How long is the turtleneck?
Chelsea boots and a mock turtleneck with a cropped cardigan.
Or doc martens and an oversized blazer.
Sleepless
Have you ever gone through a period where you just aren’t sleeping well? I ended a relationship a few weeks ago and I am not getting good sleep. It takes me hours to fall asleep, and then I wake up between 3-4 and struggle to get back to sleep. I have some Ambien left over but I hate taking it every night. I do yoga and meditate before bed, try to limit screen time. No caffeine after noon. I journal early in the evening to get my thoughts out. I’m running out of options and having difficulty functioning. I plan to give it a few more days and then contact my doctor but I’m wondering if any of you have ever dealt with this? It’s making it harder to deal with all the difficult emotions.
Anon
Girl, take melatonin, CBD or magnesium. Play around and see what works for you. I don’t understand all the running to the doctor for normal things that are well handled over the counter.
Anon
It is really, really reasonable to consult a doctor or at least ap harmacist about melatonin which is not even OTC in every country and is easy to misdose.
Magnesium is another one that is tricky because if you run out and take magnesium oxide, you might just be sitting on the pot, when magnesium glycinate could have actually helped you sleep!
Anon
If you are ultra paranoid sure. In the USA these things are labeled and OTC and pretty hard to screw up.
Anon
Hard disagree, melatonin is notorious in this country for being unregulated despite being so popular and independent testing confirms that the amount listed on the bottles are almost never accurate across a wide variety of brands.
anon
I’m pregnant and really struggling to get to sleep. My OB recommended Unisom and it’s really helping. She had a whole speech about how it’s non-addictive, really safe in pregnancy (which presumably also means very save non-pregnant), etc. Might be worth trying!
Anon
My Ob (and my friend’s midwife) warned that it can be habit-forming.
Anon
Everything related to a sleep routine can be habit forming. Eat a banana every night before bed and you’ll struggle and miss your banana for a few nights.
Anon
Do you work out? Walk? I sometimes need to make sure my body is more tired than my mind to shut off the thoughts.
Anonymous
I’ve been battling insomnia for over a decade. It sucks.
Anon
this sounds ridiculous but mouth taping really helped me. I like Somnifix
Anonymous
It’s like with a heart emotions, and so if you can do CBT therapy work around those, you will probably sleep better. Doctors tend to default to medication and melatonin, but the data is really best for doing CBT for insomnia.
anon a mouse
How old are you? If you are in your mid-30s or later, you may start to be seeing some hormonal shifts that are associated with night wakeups. They completely suck.
I’ve had good luck with a very small dose of melatonin (1mg) an hour before bed, then stretching and listening to a meditation app while I fall asleep. The other thing I do is give myself permission to get up if I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep. I change rooms and sit and read until I get sleepy again, usually happens in 30 minutes or so. That helps combat the doomloop of thinking oh no, I’m not asleep, tomorrow’s going to be terrible, why can’t I go to sleep, etc. I just try to accept that my body needs a little bit of awake time, tomorrow will be okay because this is what my body needs now.
No Face
This is my stage unfortunately.
If I work out hard in the morning, I’m more likely to fall asleep faster and stay asleep. If I wake up (usually at 3am), I listen to an audiobook in my headphones until I fall asleep again.
test run
+1 to getting out of bed when you don’t fall back asleep quickly. I went through a period of high stress at work and kept waking up at 3:30am on the dot. Eventually I started getting out of bed when it happened and doing something really boring (folding a load of laundry, etc.) – usually with 15-30 minutes I would feel myself getting really drowsy and I could get back in bed and immediately fall asleep. I also like various podcasts (get sleepy is my go-to, but I think there are a bunch) that read dull stories in dulcet tones when I have trouble falling asleep.
Anon
I know this is probably going to seem trite, but I have a harder time falling asleep at night when I looking at my phone or the TV (often both) than I do when I’m reading a book. The book will knock me out pretty quickly. So basically when I think I’d like to be asleep an hour from now, I stop the screen time, change into PJs, floss & brush, do my skincare, and then sit in bed with my book. I usually beat that hour by a good margin.
In terms of waking up in the middle of the night, you can pick the book back up to stop racing thoughts, or you can embrace biphasic sleep, but that’s going to require you to go to bed earlier. Link to follow.
Anon
Basically biphasic sleep is probably natural for us but over the last century or so we’ve tried to force ourselves into monophasic sleep so we can be good workers
https://www.healthline.com/health/biphasic-sleep
Bette
I was struggling with a similar situation for a long time (waking up at 4 am, unable to go back to sleep) and tried almost everything I could think of – the only thing that worked was shifting my schedule to wake up at 6:15 am and do a 20 minute workout every morning, M-Fri. It felt impossible to start waking up earlier and run on even less sleep but after I pushed through the first few days, I found I was sleeping much better and overall had way more energy and just was in such a better mood all the time.
Anonymous
I wake up every night between 3 and 4 as well and am probably awake for 30 to 45 mins before falling back to sleep. I think my body just needs to sleep in 2 shifts as it were.
When I wake up I just close my eyes and let my mind wander and then I’m off to sleep again.
If this is a real struggle for you, you might want to consider seeing a sleep specialist…
Anon
See biphasic sleep above.
Anonymous
Yes, I’ve read about that before. It’s very interesting, especially from an anthropological point of view.
NaoNao
“Kin” non alcoholic “euphorics” elixir is a sipping mocktail nootropics drink that one takes 2 oz dose of winding down at night. I didn’t find it made a huge difference, but it did help replace a negative cocktail habit and it helped a bit. Plus it was indulgent and the little ritual felt good.
Anonymous
Years ago there was a great article about a couple struggling with their finances. High earners two kids in private school three cars no savings massive debt. Talked about a lot on here. I want to reread but can’t find it does anyone remember?
Anon
I know exactly the article you mean because I posted one of the original threads about it here, but was so long ago that I cannot remember the title. I do remember the couple kept buying Whole Foods sushi for their kids and felt that they really couldn’t afford it but didn’t want to say no.
Peaches
The “whole foods sushi” jogged my memory! Smoothies, too, the kids loved pricey smoothies. I remember it but have no idea where to find it.
Anon
I think there’s one that pops up from time to time on Financial Samurai called “scraping by on $500k a year”, but I don’t know if that’s what you’re thinking of!
Anon
is this https://www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazine/couple-debt
Anon
I just read it and it’s… terrifying. I wonder how they are doing now. I hope they figured something out.
Pep
I’d love to see a follow up to this. I wonder what they ended up doing, and how they paid/are paying for college for those kids.
Anon
Pretty sure the kids are on their own and are taking out loans. I don’t see any way there was any money for college, even from cash flow. Hopefully the kids learned from watching the mistakes of their parents and won’t repeat the same cycle.
Seventh Sister
Part of me wonders what their house is worth now…
anon
I found it and it’s insane.
https://www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazine/couple-debt
Anon
I cannot imagine having 3 kids and school debt on 150k a year HHI. She’s underemployed and should get a higher paying job.
Anon 2.0
Do you mean their exact scenario or just in general? BC most households will NEVER earn 150K combined and plenty have 3 or more kids. Though 100% agree she is underemployed and needs to get a new gig like yesterday.
Anon
Yeah, I was going to say…99% of families around the world manage to survive just fine on less than six figures!
Anon
Yeah I did mean in general, 3 kids is a huge financial expense.
Anonymous
the way she talks about her career is so… stupid? They married in 1997, article was 2018. They have an 18-yo kid. So she’s been leaning out since at least 2000. When did she graduate law school? If her plan was to take a crunchy legal services job, why take on the debt, or why not look for that when she graduated where at least some of her loans might have been forgiven? Argh.
Anon
Sometimes the solution to financial woes really is just making more money, and coping with the attenuated sacrifices that requires. We can’t all marry generational millionaires who will enable us to have three kids in private school and a big house in a rich neighborhood without worrying about money. If you don’t marry rich, then you have to work to live the rich life. The whole situation was a mess but I felt like the wife had been very passive in not leveraging her own education (the cost of which was part of the debt problem) to bring more money in for the family.
Anon
That is frightening on so many levels:
– what are you doing to those kids!?
– what is going on in your marriage that you can’t be on the same page and come up with a plan?
– so many potential plans (sell/rent house and move to small town with good public schools is the obvious one)
It makes me anxious just reading it.
Anon
These days, a house in a decent area that was $360k in 2007 may be worth nearly a million now. Their best bet is to sell, massively downsize, and take the windfall and throw it all at debt.
Anonymous
I also felt anxious. It’s like watching a horror movie where the characters keep doing the stupidest things.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
This just made me feel so sad for those kids! Of course they keep asking for things like Whole Foods sushi when they’ve been taught that’s the norm. I feel like they have avenues out – and don’t even LIKE their current lifestyle.
The “jokes” about dying from stress and having good life insurance were chilling. I hope they are in a better, more honest place now.
anon
The number of idiotic choices those people made/make, and their blind unwillingness to fix it…wow. I feel sorry for their kids who have grown up with no sense of financial responsibility and will likely make the same mistakes their parents did for lack of better knowledge.
anon
What in the what.
Private school, building your own home (in the $$$$ northeast no less), $60k credit card debt and a second mortgage. Buying a tux at Nordstrom because they had the card vs cash (or using the same card??) to rent a tux for a prom?
Is this even real? Or am I in such a bubble that I don’t realize more people are in this kind of distress around me despite keeping up appearances?
Anon
Dysfunction breeds more dysfunction.
A functional family with a good handle on their finances would not have done this. They would have known several months in advance that this expense was coming. They save. If they can’t save enough, they tell their son to shovel a few driveways or mow lawns or get a job at the local ice cream shop. If the son already has a job and that doesn’t make ends meet (because some families really struggle like that), they ask family to borrow a suit or a tux, look into charity prom “rentals” for kids who are hard up, or scour second hand stores.
But when you chronically stick your head in the sand, you have fewer options and the available options are a lot worse.
Anon
I have a relative who belongs to a fancy yacht club and you would not believe how many of the people with the nicest boats have massive credit card debt and a second mortgage on their house.
Anonymous
Thanks for tracking it down!
Anon
Change the geography and add in a first marriage with 4 kids and him being in a third marriage now with two more kids and this would be my ex-BIL. He earns more than several families and just cannot burn through it fast enough. Is in bankruptcy right now as a Chapter 13 but can’t get a plan approved. I think he’s pro se. and he’s not a lawyer.
Anon
A vent for the morning. I have a trial next week and am so exhausted. We’re prepping 17 hours a day for the last week in a conference room, and introvert me just wants alone time. I just broke down in my office. I have 10 days left to get through – which feels like forever but also nothing, given how much work is left to do.
While I generally enjoy my legal practice – every time I go through a big trial like this (about once a year), I really question career choices. I miss my husband and sleep and doing anything but work.
Anon
Ugh I’m so sorry :( That process is not fun, and I totally understand and have experienced everything you’re talking about! I would just try to snatch moments as I could, with varying degrees of success. Honestly, this is one reason I left litigation because it took such a huge toll on me.
At the end of the day, be gentle with yourself and try to feel the emotions to the extent you can. And plan something fun for when you get done! Even if it’s just staring at the wall alone for a few hours.
No Face
Trials are sprint marathons for sure.
If it works for your budget, try to take several days off after the trial.
Runcible Spoon
After the trial, I suggest you have a good, long conversation with yourself about where your career is going. Is this what you want to be doing when you are 65? If not, then start making plans, affirmatively and assertively. Nobody else will rescue you, only you can figure your way out of the situation that does not seem compatible anymore with the way you would like to live your life. Good luck!
Very Anonymous
Silly question incoming: I hear moleskin recommended a lot to make shoes (especially flats) more comfortable/prevent blisters. But how do you use it? I’ve heard people say they put it on the shoe, but a web search to buy some makes it seem like you put it on your foot, not the shoe. Thank you from someone whose feet continue to rebel after getting very used to being barefoot during WFH!
Peaches
I do both! If it’s an area I know will rub, like right on my achilles, I’ll cut a decent square and put it on the shoe. If I’m walking around and start to feel a hotspot, I’ll put it on my foot/toes.
Anon
Random moleskin tip not related to blisters: if you will be walking across an indoor floor in a situation where you don’t want your shoes clacking, put moleskin on the soles and heels. This was a director’s tip when I was being filmed and my entry involved walking across a room.
No Problem
You can do either or both. I’ve had some sandals with spots that rub and I just cut a piece and stick it on the shoe so I don’t have to remember to put a piece on my foot every time I want to throw them on to run errands. I also have some spots that get blisters when I run longer distances, so I’ll cut pieces and put them on my foot before putting on socks and shoes (obviously no point in putting it on the shoes when you wear them with socks). I’ve also done both at once for extra assurance if it’s a shoe that has a spot that needs it and I’m going to be doing a lot of walking in them that day. Experiment to see what works for you.
Anon
It’s supposed to be used on your foot. If you want pads for your shoes, try Pedag brand.
Cat
the point is to prevent friction on your skin. Adding moleskin to the shoe MAY work if it means the shoe stops slipping around, but if you adhere it to your skin, a rubbing shoe is bothering the top layer of the moleskin rather than the top layer of YOUR skin, so that’s how I think it’s intended.
anon
FWIW, a small piece of duct tape on the problem area of your foot will do the same thing. Obviously you don’t want the silver of the tape to show so it’s probably less practical for shoes with low cuts or the heel if exposed, but it really does work.
Anon
You could use one of those large square bandaids (or cut to size) on your foot if you dont want to go out and buy moleskin just for that one shoe.
Mrs. Jones
I put it on the foot and put a bandaid over it just in case.
anon
I’m in leadership at a small business that is growing but struggling with scaling employees. Good lord this stuff is not easy. We have tons of business and opportunities but just so stretched. It feels like that there is definitely something we could be doing better that we just don’t know how to do yet. Big consultants are too big/overkill for this business, but a really good leadership coach would be fantastic. But I’m super wary of most of the coaches out their billing themselves as “leadership coaching” without actual experience or solid recommendations. Any recommendations?
Anon
Hire more FTEs. If needed, there are plenty available on a contract basis.
Anon
A business case for hiring the FTEs you actually need to scale. No company I have ever worked at has succeeded by overworking their current emp’ees or piling them with unrealistic expectations of what they can get done in a reasonable time frame with the resources that are currently available (unless you can get more resources, in which case do that!!!)
anon
OP anon here, 100% agree we need more FTE. I should have been more clear – we are actively trying to hire more FTEs. Hiring more FTEs is absolutely true but hiring is the hardest part and I feel like we could be doing better at but it’s hard to know what to do. We’ve increased salary, benefits – that’s the low hanging fruit that we are doing.
But it comes to questions of do you hire someone who really isn’t qualified or seems to be unreliable just to get more people (because those are the people who are applying) vs. do you hold out for people who would actually be helpful in the job? We’ve tried hiring the less qualified people and they can be bigger frustrations to the existing full time employees.
The positions really needed are highly skilled blue collar type of positions – highly paid but physical and dirty. We’ve tried finding contract/temp workers through temp agencies and they do not seem to be available in our area. We work with the technical colleges for the related apprenticeship and they do not have people entering the program. Part of the challenge is that we’re in a less populated area, but FWIW our competitors in other parts of the state also struggle significantly with hiring this same type of position.
I know all of the above sounds like excuses and I fully believe there is a better way to go about it and that we’re blocked. We need a resource to get over the block. We’ve had the approach of “increase salary and hire more” and it isn’t working – and my question here isn’t trying to solve this issue; I’m wondering if anyone can recommend a good leadership coach (or a coach specialized in scaling, or hiring or business) who would be able to take the time to understand what our challenges are and help us get to that next level. Or a program, or a something.
I know we’re doing this badly. I want to get this better but we have to develop ourselves to get there.
Chl
You could check on On River Consulting based in chicago and Grand Rapids (but work nationally). This is something they advise on.
anon
Thank you!!
Anon
Is there enough housing locally for people who want it?
Are the type of people who take good blue collar jobs the type who also want families? That means their spouse needs a job (might even be white collar), they need a house, and they want decent schools for the kids. Is that available?
Your answer might be to move operations to the outskirts of a larger city. Look at where the large automobile manufacturers are located – Toyota in Georgetown KY (right next to Lexington, and draws *from* the rural areas, not *to* the rural areas), BMW in Spartanburg SC (right outside of Greenville, an hour and a half from Charlotte), Nissan in Smyrna TN (not far from Nashville), Ford in Clay CoMo (just outside of KC). They are in areas with cheap land but aren’t all that far from decent-sized cities.
Anon
To clarify, I’m not saying you guys are running an auto manufacturing facility. I’m using that as an example because they are basically all located in the same type of area (Detroit being a legacy situation): cheap-enough land and close-enough to a real city.
Anon
Sorry to deluge you with ideas: assuming you cannot move operations (it’s something with natural gas or the like):
Go to the area high schools. Take the kids on a tour of your plant. Start in the parking lot! Have them look at all the nice cars people drive. “Kids, we pay $60k starting and the fancy apartment complex rents a 2 bed/2 bath for $900 a month. Yes, you can buy yourself a new pickup truck or convertible after a year on the job.”
Are there any colleges within commuting distance? Is this work strictly 9-5 or is it on a shift? Weirdly, manufacturing can be a good job for people working their way through college: the pay is great, the hours are regular (can schedule classes around it), and while the days can be really long, they have energy at that age and graduate debt-free.
Cerulean
I think it’s either 1. the pay needs to be increased or 2. your geographic area doesn’t have the population demographics to support your company’s growth.
Anon
A drop in the bucket thought but — have you considered doing an internship program for HS students to encourage them to apply to the apprenticeship that would lead to a full time job with you? I’m sure there’s tons of students looking for alternatives to an expensive college degree but just don’t know about them (I wouldn’t). Perhaps also promoting your partnership with the technical colleges would help too – people are more likely to pursue them if they have a concrete idea of where they can get a job after and what it would look like.
Anon
Do you have a board? Or a network? Or VCs who are invested in your business? I’d start by talking to others who’ve done this successfully.
anon
Nope, we’re smaller than boards and no VCs. (I’m pretty wary of the VCs – VCs involvement are becoming more frequent in the our local industry and honestly have ruined one of our competitors and one of our manufacturer partners; in both cases employees are leaving their in droves and the quality of the product is diminishing.)
We do have a national network that we’re trying to reach out into further; this is helpful in sharing experiences (and knowing that the challenges we face are not unique to our company) but it doesn’t get us to that next step.
anon
Funnily enough, yesterday I was sitting in a coffee shop by MIT’s campus listening to a biotech founder interview and vet a consultant he was bringing in to straighten out his CTO. I’m a big skeptic on leadership coaches and such, but this consultant was very insightful and really seemed to know his way around the situation. I mostly gave up reading my book just to listen and glean what I could.
Anyways, the consultant was almost certainly a senior MIT professor who had a history of working with tech startups as they faced scaling problems. If you can figure out a similar university program local to you that makes sense for your industry, I would look at whether any of the professors affiliated with the program do this kind of work. Then set up an information meeting and see if you find their approach and personality conducive to helping you with your problem.
anon
Interesting! I’m definitely going to do a little investigating on this.
Anonymous
A tactical approach that might by some breathing room – has management articulated what scale should look like? My experience has been that when you are growing fast and there are a lot of opportunities, people either freeze or go in multiple directions. Can you pick one or two key roles or areas and collaboratively discuss “we are here, we want you to be there, and how are we going to do that?” These can be tough conversations, but frequently people will step up and surprise you.
Anon
hire a management consultant ;)
Anon
I have a black saffiano Seville for a 15” laptop and the nylon travel shell. It is about 5 years old and I replaced with a new one recently after shutting the car door on a strap. The straps have a few years of use left in them (but have some wear where they meet the bag) but both shells and the innards are in great shape otherwise. Free to a person who will a use it — email to spitfirewench at the email of G.
Anon
That’s very thoughtful of you.
Anon
I emailed you! I spent last night looking at Lo & Sons laptop totes on Poshmark actually.
Artemis
J.Jill always has hidden treasures if you’re willing to look. I am in my early 40s and a few years ago I switched all my work pants to their pull-on elastic waist straight-leg pants. Not all of them have pockets and they have no waist details so you cannot tuck in a shirt, but I am short-waisted so I never do. Not all have pockets. That said, they are insanely comfortable, they look work appropriate, they come in great colors and patterns and some small detail changes season to season, and I am never looking back.
Two of my absolute favorite sweaters are also from there, lucky finds—because ya often walking into the store it skews frumpy/blah until you dig a little.
Anon
I got a J. Jill catalog recently and I actually liked the clothing in it! I couldn’t tell if they’ve stepped up their game or if I’m just old now… but, based on your review it seems like it’s probably worth a try.
Anon
This is how I felt upon recently receiving a Land’s End catalogue, lol.
Anon
I bought SO many of their sweaters last winter. They were all superb and I can’t wait to get them out again.
But you should never buy anything on LE that isn’t at least 40% off. Wait two days for a new coupon.
Artemis
Another plus—the work pants I mentioned are machine washable, line dry, and look great after several years and many wears. Frankly I’m surprised they’ve not yet been recommended on this site!
Anon
Are you buying the travel separates from them? Is that where the pants come from? I’ve always been drawn most to that collection.
ALT
I’m 34 and really like the looks of this top…so maybe I’m just old at heart hahah
Anon
which pants?
Artemis
Any of the ponte or Wearever choices are closest to what I have—the details are slightly different now and it looks like more of them have pockets.
Anon 2.0
I am 33 and like some J Jill! Granted I love a good cozy looking grandmillenial sweater so they have things that fit the bill. Also, see Chicos! Can lean frumpy but also can find a good basic hiding in there too!
Anon
Haha I’ve never heard grandmillenial.
Oversized cozy sweaters imprinted on me in the 80s and I’ve never stopped loving them.
top
Thanks for sharing this.
I absolutely love this top. It is the perfect top for my shape/style, in every way.
I am sad it is sold out in my size. Would love it in other colors.
Eager Beaver
I prioritize things that give me the most payoff. I make my bed everyday, I empty the sink every day, I don’t leave clothes on the floor, and my whole family “resets” the living room at night. Other stuff (bathrooms, closets, laundry, etc.) are lower priorities for me, and they get done when they get done. Waking up to a tidy living room has tremendous payoff for my mental health.
Anonymous
Ladies with ADHD or executive dysfunction, what tips do you have on keeping your living space somewhat organized and clean? Once things get cluttered, I get overwhelmed and really, really struggle with digging myself out of the hole. I also really struggle with being productive in any way if my living space is a mess. It’s just creating a bad cycle of anxiety and stress and executive dysfunction for me. Having ADHD, a lot of the typical tips (touch things once, put things away immediately) are difficult for me.
I saw a GREAT tip on Instagram recently about putting dawn dish soap and white vinegar into a scrubber and using that to clean your shower while you’re showering. I used to dread cleaning my shower and thus rarely did it, but now that it’s easy to do and easy to remember, I’ve been scrubbing it weekly. I need tips like this for the rest of my apartment.
Anonymous
Also have 3 kids and a dog so I’ve just accepted a certain level of chaos.
– biweekly cleaners. Spritz method brand daily shower no rinse cleaner in between
– daily task list and weekly tasks list to keep on track
– specific days and times assigned to each task
– DH in charge of dishes and puts on dishwasher every night
– I handle laundry and do it all weekly on Sundays
basically a rock solid routine to minimize the amount of decisions points
Notinstafamous
I invite a rotating group of friends over and for a later easy dinner or drinks on Friday night. Means I get home and panic clean for 60-90 minutes, which combined with a cleaning service that comes once a month for 3 hours means things stay clean / tidy. The other “trick” is that I have a “take something with you from every room and put it away” rule – so if I I’m leaving the living room to go to the bedroom and I see socks on the floor, the socks come with me to the bedroom to the hamper.
anon
Cleaning ladies come once a week. Stuff must be put away for them to clean. Spend an hour the night before they come putting everything away – one room at a time, and then they clean our space.
Anonymous
OP here – I should have added that I’d love a cleaning person, but that’s not in the cards for me right now
Greensleeves
One of the tips I’ve found helpful is to spend 15-20 minutes on straightening up, either every day at the same time or whenever you feel like the clutter is overwhelming. ADHD makes it so easy to look around and get overwhelmed, but I usually find that I can make a huge difference in that time period and it doesn’t usually feel like too much commitment. So I set a timer, put on some music, and give myself permission to do only what I can before the timer goes off and then walk away!
Twoesday
This is small, but “never walk empty-handed.” This means, if you’re headed to the bedroom, take at least one thing that belongs in that room and drop it off on your way. Then we’re you’re coming back from the bedroom, bring that water glass that needs washing when you’re going back to the kitchen.
Also, I sort mail into junk (trash) and deal with (to-do pile) immediately. Even better, open it immediately. For some people, unopened mail seems frightening or like bad news so might as well open it now and get it over with!
Peaches
Not clutter-specific, but google “ADHD refrigerator.” Basically all perishables go in the door, where they’re easily seen and consumed before they go bad. Leftovers live in the front of the main fridge, and things like condiments go in the back or in the crisper drawers.
Anonymous
follow “Strugglecare” on tiktok – she has a lot of great ideas just for this. the new thing i’m doing is trying to declare areas i don’t use often that should look perfect all the time because then at least it’ll feel like part of my home is beautiful. could be better, but i do appreciate passing the small built-in-bookcases near my bedrooom that are styled prettily without a lot of random kids clothes draped on the chairs.
No Problem
I don’t have ADHD or EF problems (as far as I know…) but I’m never on top of my house cleaning. One thing that I have found that helps when I’m overwhelmed: each day pick one or two tasks that are the most annoying to you at the time and do those. Do not make a big list and pick from that list, just literally decide what is driving you the most crazy and deal with only that. Then the next day decide what is driving you the most crazy and do only that. Or if there is something that has some kind of time limit on it (like Wednesday is trash day, so the thing you do on Tuesday is clear out the leftovers from the fridge), you do that thing in time to meet the deadline. They can be small tasks or large tasks. And if you have time and momentum, you can pick another task. It can definitely help to go room by room and create a big list of all the tasks that need to be done, but sometimes that only makes me feel more overwhelmed and stuck.
Anonymous
“Touch things once” and “put things away immediately” are actually the best strategies for me. A big mess is overwhelming and it’s so much easier just to prevent it. The key is to find a way to turn these practices into habit so you don’t forget.
If you take ADHD medication, clean and organize during the day while the medication is still in your system, not in the evening.
Nesprin
“How to keep house while drowning” – Wonderful book by an ADHD woman about how to prioritize cleaning with helpful tips like body doubling
And put “Atomic Habits” through the garbage disposal please- that one was written for and by neurotypicals. Like one suggestion is chain other habits to habits you already have- do you think I can remember to brush my teeth without multiple phone reminders?
Vicky Austin
HAHAHA. The teeth brushing thing is me.
Anon
Bins, bins, and also bins. Bin for 7 y.o. trinkets, bin for paperwork, bin for electronics/cables. The content of the bins is not particularly tidy or organized but it takes care of the visual mess. Then I’ll tackle one bin at a time when I know I’m in a good mood for it (or let’s be honest, to procrastinate on an even more unpleasant task). This has helped me manage the overwhelming feeling of “I have to do everything all at once”
Anon
I feel exactly how you describe in your first paragraph! Although not officially diagnosed with ADHD, I suspect I might have it.
I clean room by room, start from the door and work my way clockwise around the room, in order, even if that order doesn’t make objective sense. That way I don’t have to make decisions about what to do next, don’t get distracted as much, and can see progress which helps motivate me. Anything that goes into other rooms I pile up at the door (sometimes in a basket) and don’t leave the room until I finish it. EG in my bedroom, it’s usually water plants, straighten up and dust night stands and lamps, make bed, pick up clothes from chair, clear top of dresser, clean mirror, straighten up closet, vacuum, then take hamper out and start the laundry.
Vicky Austin
Something I saw once in the depths of the internet was referred to as “jitterbugging.” You pick an area of the house – a very small one, let’s say, the sink in your bathroom. OK, you wipe that. You think to yourself, the mirror needs to be wiped down. You go to look for the glass cleaner. Glass cleaner’s under the kitchen sink. Oh, you have dishes moldering in the kitchen sink – you can put those in the dishwasher. Oh, oops, dishwasher’s clean, let’s unload it first. Unload the dishwasher. Load the dishwasher. Wait, where was I? Bathroom sink.
Grab the glass cleaner and go back to the bathroom sink. Wipe down the mirror. OK, now what? Maybe do the other glass fixtures in the house? Find yourself in the living room. Trip over a toy on the rug. Spend some time picking up the toys and throwing them in baskets. Wait, where was I? Bathroom sink.
Go back to the bathroom sink. What else is nearby? Toilet’s gross, let’s clean that. Now we have to wait ten minutes for the cleaner to work. Hmm, when was the last time you washed the towels? Let’s do that now. Grab the bathmats, too. Go throw those in the laundry. Wait, where was I? Bathroom sink.
Go back to the bathroom sink. Hey, the toilet’s ready to be scrubbed out! Let’s do that. OK, what else?
Some of this is comedic, but it harnesses the ADHD a bit better by allowing you to follow your brain as it zings around, and you still get a bunch of random tasks done. I like to do this while I set a timer for 30 minutes. When the timer rings, I finish whatever I’m on and then I stop.
PDX Atty
This works for me too; just starting something and that usually keeps me on a chain of events that gets around the house. I also suggest (sorry this comment is so long, I am just thinking about things I do in my life and it keeps going):
– one bin that goes up and down the stairs with you – empty it at the floor you are at (so all my mail, things i have left on the first floor, etc. get walked up to our second floor where my office and bathroom are, as well as our master bedroom; same thing when I take it down: it usually has my mug from the morning, bowl if I took my breakfast upstairs, stuff to recycle or toss, etc.);
– I finally bought a filofax so I can keep all my random notes in one place (meaning my shopping list, my planner, my random thoughts about how I have to finish my yoga teacher training before the end of the year or I will have wasted over $1,000.00…);
– my keys, wallet and sunglasses go in the exact same spot when I come in the door (some call this a “landing strip”; ours is an old buffet with an old potpourri bowl on top that keeps our keys and a top drawer that keeps our sunglasses, wallets and sunscreen; bench right by the door for our shoes);
– reminders galore on my phone and outlook calendar;
– having less helps me with the clutter/mess (less clothes = less laundry to put away = less piling up of laundry on the floor or chair in the bedroom; etc.);
– having friends over definitely helps with cleaning things up;
– listening to audiobooks while I clean has been amazing – I hated listening to audiobooks for so long bc I just zoned out then I started listening to MFM while doing long periods of yard work and cleaning, then tried harry potter while cleaning in the fall, and I’m hooked. Even if it is me and my husband doing something, like painting our master bedroom, I put on an audiobook I think we would both like (this is how I got him started on the Will Trent series). I recently added the Witcher series to my cleaning repertoire; its so long & so engaging;
– keep shower cleaning product in the shower & either spray the shower before you turn on the water or do it while you are in the shower;
– toilets: if you could switch out your toilet to one that doesn’t have nooks & crannies, do it. For some reason that is a big obstacle for ADHD-ers with cleaning their toilet;
– get a vacuum that can work on hardwood floor and carpet – I use my vacuum on everything before I start wiping things down, including in my bathroom, bc seeing the dust and dirt seem to just move around really discourages me while I am cleaning;
– keep a set of bathroom cleaning supplies in each bathroom so you don’t have to add an extra step of going to get the product then cleaning). Honestly, even keep them in sight if you are fine with that; out of sight, out of mind!
– get an older roomba on ebay; it has made my life so much easier merely in the fact that it can go under our king sized bed and I don’t have to use every single attachment known to man while laying on my stomach with the vacuum laid flat beside me;
– if you have a pet (or other responsibilities like this), see if there is a pet shop nearby that will auto order the pet’s regular food and email you when its available for pick up (we just switched to a shop that does this and truly, I tell the workers every single time that I am so grateful they do this because it truly is such a weight off my mind);
– keep swifter dusters at your desk (the small ones that are floofy and go on the small yellow attachment), they are AMAZING for picking up dust on desks and screens (and really anywhere);
– get an air purifier (even if its a small one) and keep it in the room where you spend the most of your time. I have found it helps with preventing dust and hair from accumulating.
The r/ADHD subreddit is really great for this kind of stuff; for instance there is a post titled What “ADHD-hacks” have you tried that actually worked? and it has 1.3k comments so look around there too!
Anonymous
This works for me but I find the end result so unsatisfying because it feels like nothing was ‘done’ because no specific area was complete from start to finish. I really need the external rules/structure/check lists.
PolyD
I don’t have ADHD issues but I do this from time to time. I call it blitzcleaning.
Anon
A downside of rampant retail theft that I’m noticing much more lately: essentials are all locked up. I recently had to wait 15 minutes for a pharmacy tech to unlock a pregnancy test for me. It’s a violation of privacy, especially for women living in anti-abortion states, and it’s also so inconvenient. In my area, the other things that are usually locked up are shampoo, razors, deodorant, pads and tampons, and baby formula. Won’t sales be down at stores with the most stringent lock-ups because no one wants to deal with that hassle?
Anon
It’s not “essentials”, it’s higher priced items, and it’s always been this way in cities and higher crime areas.
Anon
In the 1980s (and I assume before, but that’s as far back as my memory goes), tampons and condoms were available without a prescription, but many pharmacies keep them behind the counter so that you had to ask a store employee for them. Why? To shame people who wanted to use those products and to discourage their use. I personally experienced this.
Anon
This right here. During my time in retail (all of the 00s), the ORC items were razor blades, electric toothbrush heads, white strips and powder baby formula.
Local small timers would grab other stuff and resell at the flea market.
This is nothing new.
Anon
Or it’s because those are items that are relatively small and often stolen. I personally knew more than one kid in high school that would steal condoms because they were too embarrassed to purchase them.
Anon
A stick of deodorant is a few bucks.
Anon
Pads and tampons aren’t essentials? What?
Cerulean
I don’t think that poster meant that those items don’t qualify essentials, they mean that those items are being locked up because they’re expensive and frequently shoplifted. The fact that they’re essentials is just a crappy side effect that the store doesn’t care about, not the cause.
Anon
I don’t think this is accurate though. People steal essentials more because they need them more.
Cerulean
My understanding is that a lot of these thefts are people who turn around to sell items for money rather than for personal use. They go for frequently used items with a high cost relative to size.
Anon
I’m probably more familiar with people who steal essentials for personal use.
I can easily believe there are also people who buy stolen essentials to pay less than they’d pay in the store.
I wish we could recognize that for people to use diapers, deodorant, tampons, pads, baby formula, condoms, and toothbrushes is in the public good and making these things available for free would only help.
Anonymous
I’ve lived in the same few neighborhoods of Philly for about 8 years. Some stores always locked up toiletries, but not all of them. Now they all do. And, a lot of the pharmacies, convenience stores, and my closest Target have all closed.
High priced items, like electronics, have always been locked up. Now, literally every toiletry is too. I can’t by soap, shampoo, lotion, conditioner, body wash, or deodorant without a clerk unlocking it for me.
Anon 2.0
Our local Walmart locked up the toothbrushes for about 6 months. Not just the higher priced electric toothbrushes, I am talking the $1 cheap-o ones! They finally stopped so I am guessing they had complaints?
Anon
The 15 minute delay was so that someone could get Meta to set up a camera at the correct angle to capture your face and your hand holding the product with the label showing, and then alert the government to send Meta a subpoena for the photo and your phone provider a subpoena for your geolocation data.
Anon
What in Tarnation
Runcible Spoon
I think the comment above about Meta and subpoenas is meant to reflect the violation of privacy especially in anti-abortion states mentioned by the OP (alluding to certain state Attorneys General who have threatened to subpoena, e.g., medical records of pregnant women suspected of seeking abortions).
Anon
I mean probably, Target just closed a bunch of stores. At least with stores like that though you can do order pickup if you want to avoid the hassle of getting things unlocked.
RiskedCredit
I now do pick up for my toiletries because I do not have the patience to wait. It’s wrong that theft is such a big issue and I’m very aware that locking things up wasn’t a decision the company took lightly.
Having said that, I am confused why the high end toiletries ant Target are not under lock and key but the mid range items are. It’s not clear why the difference.
Anon
Probably the resale market
Anon
They know which SKUs have the most “shrinkage” and it’s not necessarily the more expensive ones. I have no clue how people steal a big heavy jug of detergent but apparently they’re a hot item at my local Walgreens.
Seventh Sister
I’m convinced that some of the stores want people to move to pickup or buying online instead of browsing. It’s such a turnoff – I’m not going to impulse-buy some fake nails if I have to wait ten minutes to spend eight dollars.
While I’m sure there is plenty of shrinkage/theft, I think it’s also a way to discourage people from shopping in certain stores and downsizing into only certain neighborhoods.
Anonymous
I only buy toiletries and the like online now a days. The Target and CVS closest to me closed, and the others all have pretty much all toiletries locked up and it takes forever to get someone (usually there’s only 1 cashier working) to come unlock the display. So, I now buy online for either in store pickup or have my toiletries shipped to my house.
Buying online is usually cheaper, and I have a larger selection and can buy bigger sizes of things, so it’s actually worked out in my favor.
Anonymous
My Target locks up deodorant…sometimes I kind of panic because I feel so awkward selecting a product with the worker there. I recently bought deodorant instead of antiperspirant and then had to return it. This makes me shop online more often.
Anon
I know! I had an experience where I wanted to check out the labels on several similar moisturizers to find one without a specific ingredient but I had to wait forever for the clerk and she clearly had other things to do, so I had to rush and I ended up with the wrong product.
Anon
Order your pregnancy tests from Amazon. You can get 20 for $10. And they are absolutely as sensitive as the expensive brands (I am unfortunately going through a miscarriage and having my levels monitored, and still getting lines at <10 HCG). I’ve used them for three pregnancies and counting
ollie
+1 I used the bulk-pack Amazon pregnancy tests and ovulation strips and they work perfectly well
Anon
So sorry you’re going through this.
Cerulean
Target also has the Easy at Home cheapies.
I’m sorry about your miscarriage.
Anon
+1, I recommend the Wondfo brand. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hugs.
Anon
I don’t buy anything health-related or important from Amazon due to counterfeits and expired products, but I’m glad if they worked for you!
Anon
Good point, I don’t buy a lot, but I have been using the cheapie ovulation strips/pregnancy tests for 8 years (I regularly track my cycle for fertility awareness) and have never had a bad batch
Anonymous
The policies seem to be nationwide even when that doesn’t make any sense. I live in a boring burb with thankfully low crime rates and still had to get a Walgreens clerk to unlock my deodorant. I now do Target orders online and pick up at the store.
Anon
You’re probably fooling yourself about the level of theft in your small town. It’s not the kind of thing that makes headlines but even employees will steal things they can easily resell and make a few bucks.
A lot of it is drug issues. You can be an opioid addict and live with it for a long, long time as long as you get your fix. Breaking a car window and grabbing valuables left in there or shoplifting personal products from Target or Walgreens = one more day you can support your habit.
And I guarantee you have people dealing opioids in your small town, 100%. They’re not dealing if they don’t have customers.
Anon
When I was trying to get pregnant in 2005 I had to get the pregnancy tests unlocked for me, and I don’t live in a particularly high crime area. Pregnancy test were easy targets for shoplifters because they’re necessary and expensive.
I will say that my husband (who does our weekly grocery shop) stopped going to the Target nearest us because they started locking up almost everything we need from the household and personal care aisles – shampoo, detergents, razors, deodorant, etc. It wasn’t worth it to try to find someone and then follow them around as they locked and unlocked cabinets so he could get what he needed. He goes to another Target a mile away where everything is unlocked. I don’t think the store closest to us is going to last much longer.
Anonymous
I don’t mean to be unkind, but you must have lived in a very privileged bubble for this to be news to you. I’m pretty privileged but my late teens/early to mid-20s were spent living in neighborhoods where the grocery stores and pharmacies locked up baby food/formula. The closest pharmacy to my work locks up deodorant and I’m sure a bunch of other things, but curiously not makeup or candy or those little cheap toys. It’s a sad reality that most shoplifting is done because people can’t afford essentials, not because people want to shoplift for kicks.
Anon
I didn’t say it was news – that I was noticing it was more common.
Anonymous
Why do you think most people are shop lifting because they can’t afford essentials? If you read recent news articles, that’s simply not the case. Employee theft (shrink) continues to be a big problem, but retailers are now facing organized retail crime. Perpetrators are stealing things that are easy to resell, frequently online, like brand name personal care. FWIW, baby formula is locked up due to high theft rates from people using to cut drugs.
Anonymous
Looking for a recommendation for under eye patches that come in a somewhat large container and don’t cost $$$. I previously had the DRMTLGY ones; I really liked them but they’re too expensive for me (I received them as a gift). I tried the Pixie ones but they kind of burned my skin. I’m not opposed to the reusable ones, but frankly at this stage in my life I don’t have the mental capacity to refill it.
For me, these patches are probably 25% for their help with my puffy, dark bags under my eyes and 75% to take 15 minutes while they’re on and chill and relax. I know I could find other ways to chill, but this seems to be working for me right now.
Anon
Buy the deux moi reusable eye mask and use your own eye serum underneath. I’d look for a serum with caffeine to reduce puffiness – there are tons out there.
https://www.dieuxskin.com/products/forever-eye-mask
Anonymous
has anyone bought extra lumbar support for your car? I used to have a good little blow-up pillow that i used but it’s dying now, so i’m looking for a new one…
NSmith
I use this in my car and at work:
https://www.amazon.com/Original-McKenzie-D-Section-OPTP-700/dp/B000GPM520?th=1
PDX Atty
Check out camping supplies! This sounds like something you could find there.
Anonymous
Travel ideas – looks like I may have a week in early March where I can take off and travel, so counting weekends on either side it would be nine days. I’m in DC and would like to go to Europe. Am not well traveled at all – I’ve been to the UK a bunch of times but that’s it.
Thing is I’d prefer not to go someplace super cold, dark or rainy, which I feel like eliminates the places I’d want to go – back to the UK or to Switzerland. I mean I’m not expecting warm weather but I’d like it to be at least 50 or 60 degrees and somewhat sunny if possible. Also for various reasons I’d be interested in going someplace where it’s possible to have meals outdoors – March may not be the time for that.
I like cities – walking out of a luxury hotel, exploring, stopping to grab coffee along the way, love old towns and architecture. I like medium cities that are walkable though am open to big cities too esp if someone could tell me where to stay. All I can think of is Italy – though unsure what cities as I can’t do it all in nine days as I want a leisurely type of trip. No real interest in Greek Islands, nor Spain right now. IDK if nine days in Portugal is too much. I’m looking for a leisurely trip though and am not super worried about getting bored – like I’d rather waste time in a city I enjoy than have the type of trip where I am jumping on a train here for two days or renting a car and driving for hours just to be able to check off a list. Ideas?
Anon
I think Italy or Portugal would be great.
Anon
It will be hot in Italy! I think it’s a great option for a mix of relaxing/walking/sightseeing. I spent a week in Rome with a few days in Florence and it was perfect. I’m the kind of person who would rather spend a week in one place rather than be constantly moving around too. Plus there’s so much to see you won’t get bored.
Anon
As a warning, it depends where in Italy you are, since it’s a big country. It might be obvious but it hadn’t occurred to me – I remember being in Florence in March one year during spring break and it snowed.
Anonymous
definitely not hot anywhere in Italy in March.
NYCer
I agree that Rome and Florence would be great picks for this trip, but I don’t think I would classify either city as hot in March. The average high temp in March in Rome is 62. OP said early March, so it may even be cooler. I think that is totally fine weather for a city trip though!
Anon
+1 I would describe the weather in Italy in March as “nice” but it’s by no stretch of the imagination “hot.”
Anon
I would vote for Italy or Portugal also. My kid’s spring break is in early March and we have loved visiting Tuscany and the Algarve that time of year. You wouldn’t need 9 days in either place but both have lots of day trips or you could combine with a different region of the country. And I know you said no Spain but I also have to put in a plug for Seville – very close to the Algarve (we did both in ~8 days) and very different than the other parts of Spain I’ve been to. Seville is also one of the warmest cities in continental Europe at that time of year. The average high in March is 70.
Cat
Rome! It will be warm enough in March to enjoy and a lovely city for wandering. Or Paris will still be a little chilly but the beautiful street lighting at night makes it not feel dreary at all!