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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. There are all sorts of reasons I shouldn’t like this jean — it’s a skinny pant, it’s ankle length, it’s bright royal blue, and it’s expensiveish — but I can’t help it: I really want a pair. I think they’d look as cute with motorcycle boots and a big comfy sweater as they would with a more polished casual look, such as ballet flats, a crisp white blouse, and a neutral blazer. The jeans are $175 at Net a Porter. 511 mid-rise corduroy skinny jeans (L-2)Workwear sales of note for 4.18.24
Our favorites are in bold!
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Diana Barry
MATERNITY SUITS REVIEW:
The Jules et Jim “Elizabeth” perfect maternity suit in herringbone grey
http://www.figure8maternity.com/viewItem.cfm?pid=1322100
I like this a lot! Pretty great quality for maternity stuff. The jacket and skirt are fully lined. Fabric is poly/rayon but doesn’t look cheap. Pants have 33″ inseam but seem longer bc of the belly panel (under belly but super soft, can be pulled up). Skirt could be a skosh longer (hits just above my knee) but if you wear a long top and pull the skirt down (under belly panel, v soft as above), it is long enough. Jacket hits at low hip and may be too long if you are short. The only thing I don’t like is that the pants have a not-so-attractive tush, but if you are wearing a long top and/or jacket, will be hidden.
Note on sizing – I am 5’8″ with longish legs and usually a size 6-8 prepreg; I ordered this in a size L, the same size as my Pea in the Pod suits (which are not as nice quality). Should fit throughout pregnancy – jacket falls open over belly, so can fit any size belly.
Audrey front tie maternity suit
http://www.figure8maternity.com/viewItem.cfm?pid=1167301
This suit is AWFUL, very cheap fabric and looks terrible. Going straight back!
ANON
NEED ADVICE,
Corporettes–regular poster, seeking advice from the HiveMind:
I work on a large team which has different levels of people–about five at the top, twelve below them, and three of us that are more junior. I am one of the more junior folks, but to clarify, we’re not support staff. My whole team has been going like gangbusters this year–it’s been crazy. This week, as part of a tight project we were working on, I was given access to one of the “middle” people’s emails to pull out some responses from clients that were scattered all over his email and handle them in relation to our project.
And…then I came across the holiday party invite in this person’s email. (I wasn’t snooping–it was right in the subject line, and I was instructed to check every email.) None of the three junior folks (including me) were invited, but all of the senior and middle folks and their significant others were.
This has completely demoralized me. How do I get over it? Someone thought about the guest list (and btw, venue is not an issue–it’s at a HUGE home) and decided not to invite the junior people. That we weren’t important. Not really part of the team, even though we have been asked to work just as hard.
I feel like saying something is a lose-lose. If we say something, we have to explain how we found out. If you force someone to invite you after an omission, it’s not really genuine anyway, and it’s clear they didn’t want us there.
Also, incidentally, in other departments at my company, people at the junior level are usually included in these things (I asked, and I know from prior years).
Do I do nothing? And if so, how do I work the crazy hours these people have been asking me to put in, knowing that they don’t even consider us equals? SO DEPRESSED.
Another Sarah
It may not be that they don’t think of you guys as part of the team, there could be a lot of reasons (although these are by no way excuses, since you should have been invited). They may not really like one of the junior team, and didn’t want to invite everyone but that one person. Or the host/hostess thought you guys wouldn’t want to hang around older people for a party. Or that the “party” really isn’t a “party” but more of a work session, and they thought you could have the night off. Or the lady of the house where the party is at said that she didn’t want those young, nubile corporette juniors that spend all day with her husband to steal her man in her own home. In other words, they may not have meant the snub as a snub. Honestly, I think you’re putting a bit too much weight on a workplace holiday party; if they show their appreciation in other ways, then it may just be that you haven’t been there long enough, or something.
If you guys continue to not be invited to things, then mention how it’s lowering morale to your direct supervisor or the middle/senior person you feel most comfortable with.
Erin
Are you friends with any of them (not the person whose email you used)? I would feel completely demoralized too, and the only thing that would help is finding out the whole story. If you can talk confidentially to someone and find out the details, you might not feel more encouraged, but at least you’ll know the truth and where you stand on the team.
I would not tell the other junior people. That could only hurt, not help.
meme
I don’t think anything good can come from saying anything. It will just make you look snoopy and petty.
SF Girl
It’s a no-win situation.
If you were to say anything, any trust that anyone had in you would be destroyed. Even if you didn’t share how you found out, someone would eventually figure it out–these are smart people (I think?). And once they find out, it would spread like wildfire what you did. I understand that you were suppose to be looking at every.single.email. But, given that you could quickly see the email wasn’t relevant, most folks would assume you would have breezed past it– not overanalyzed the “to” and “from” list.
This is the kind of information that I would just catalog away in your mind. Once you get enough of these little “situations,” you will be in a better position to evaluate what’s really going on. As other posters have mentioned, there could be a *lot* of different issues happening. I know that when I have a situation like this, I tend to think the worse. In reality, it tends to be the complete opposite– usually something benign.
Also, you aren’t being singled out for exclusion. They are purposefully excluding all the juniors. So there isn’t anything wrong with you or your work, most likely. So I wouldn’t stress too much about it.
As for being considered an equal… um… you are the most junior. You AREN’T an equal. Even if you are there 12hrs a day longer than the higher-ups, you still aren’t an equal. Even if you are in the same conference room as the higher-ups for 16hrs/day for 12 months, you still aren’t an equal. In every organization, firm, company, etc. there is a hierarchy. Though at times the lines may be fuzzy, don’t ever forget it’s there. I think this is one of those instances that, because of the workload the past year, you may have forgotten the hierarchy is still there. That said, embrace it and learn how to work it to your advantage.
Good luck. And don’t dwell on this!
MelD
I think the reality is that at any workplace, there will be lots of events that aren’t all-inclusive. Even if the house is huge, they may have a limited guest list based on the type of party it is- e.g. if it has a full meal included, it may just be a way for the more senior employees to get together. If someone’s hosting it a private home, I don’t think there is any requirement that the host invite everyone in the department just because that’s what’s done in other departments. Perhaps those departments are smaller, have fewer upper level employees, etc. Then again, I’m not really the type to like workplace parties, so I would probably be relieved not to be invited.
anon
No advice, but I’d be upset too in your place.
Anon
It’s one of those workplace things that you really can’t do anything about. Mids and seniors hang out together all the time and don’t HAVE to include juniors. Same way that in certain groups/departments, juniors will go out but would not think to invite mids or seniors — or sometimes invite them but don’t them to come and clearly express their disappointment if they do come. There could be any number of reasons for this from the size of the house to the fact that this group has known each other for a decade, but I wouldn’t sit around considering those reasons because you can’t change it. Take comfort in the fact that NONE of the juniors were invited; it would be a worse sign if just you were left out. Whichever poster said you’re not equal is right; you’re there to do what you ask, earn your paycheck, and learn something valuable to your career, anything you get beyond that — whether it’s a mentor relationship, a friendship, party invites are gravy and you will have stretches of your career where you won’t be getting those things. BTW — in no way can you say how you found this out and I wouldn’t even tell the other juniors, if you haven’t already. When someone asks you to review email, they are assuming they can trust you with their personal info; it will be a detriment from a work perspective if you are painted as untrustworthy over something so unimportant.
Anon
Has anyone heard of the site bootssaleworld dot com? Looks like they have some amazing discounts, but also looks a little to good to be true!
Anon
bootssalesworld that is, forgot the “s” on the end of sales!
Anon in BK
Recently moved to Park Slope. Any Corporettes know if kiddies trick or treat here? Trying to decide how much candy to buy!
Carson
I know how u feel! I broke down and bought these J brand jeans in Bright blue. I think it will be good to trade in the leggings for these jeans!
Tra La La
Hi all,
I won one free personal training session as a prize. I have never met with a trainer before, and I don’t intend to regularly meet with personal trainer after that session. Do you have any suggestions on how I can best take advantage of the session? Also, what can I expect the trainer to do/not do? Thanks in advance!
NOLA
I occasionally work out with a friend who is a certified trainer. If you’re intending to work on strength training, I’ve learned the most from her about how to use the machines, adjust to my height and strength, how to move so you get the most out of it and don’t hurt yourself. She has also taught me stretching moves to do afterward. I’ve never worked out with a trainer for cardio so I can’t speak to that. I was doing okay by myself but I’ve gotten so much better just from the workouts I do with her!
MJ
“One” personal training session won’t do you much good, because the trainer will talk to you about what you currently do, weigh and measure you and then say, “great…how can I get you to buy more sessions/come in.” They are taught to prolong things this way at nearly every gym.
I would do your best to be up front if you don’t intend on coming again–tell them you’d like to make the most of the 60 mins you have, and have them take you around the gym, as the prev poster said, and show you all the machines you’ve always wondered about.
Rainee
Can anyone recommend boots that run wide in the forefoot and narrow in the shaft?
Or, alternately a place that alters boots in the DC area?
Tired Squared
Not sure what level of quality you’re looking for, but I’ve found a couple of wide-footed pairs at Aldo that fit my wide feed/thinner ankles perfectly!
found a peanut
So….who else has Halloween plans that are being ruined by the weather?
I have a great costume and a party that could be great or could be awful, but on a nicer night I’d at least give it a try before going to a bar or something. But now all I want to do is sit home.
The one good thing is that my costume involves wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. I kind of feel bad for all the girls dressed as slutty _____’s, but then I actually don’t feel that bad at all.
Argie
Always the risk of Halloween :) I know I purposefully structure a costume that would be warm, after years of bundling coats over really cute costumes as a kid.
This is the 20 year anniversary of our area’s “Halloween Blizzard” where is it snowed 8 inches btwn late afternoon midnight on Halloween, and then continued to accumulate another 2 feet over the next couple days and the temp dropped a lot. Needless to say 10 year old Argie did NOT go trick-or-treating that year.
So… if you want to stay home, stay home. Save the costume for next year.
EM
Halloweens in Texas were great. You could wear any costume you wanted and not worry about temps being too cold. In Omaha, where I grew up, I remember one Halloween that was Officially Postponed by the mayor, since there was a blizzard that day. I was colder than freak the next day when we actually went out trick or treating.
Where I live now, I think we’ll actually luck out on the weather. We got snow last week, but it’s mostly melted by now, and supposed to be in the 60s tomorrow. There’s a joke here about how it always rains or snows on Halloween.
ahm
Does anyone have any advice about whether its ok to wear sweater dresses to the office? I work in a business casual law firm in CA, and because of the moderate climate I can wear dresses, especially sweater dresses, year-round with tights. I have a whole bunch of them, all of which are in excellent condition and are flattering but not at all revealing. I’d love to wear them, but in general my rule is if it looks better with riding boots than heels, I don’t wear it to the office, and my dresses look great with flat boots. I can’t really take any guidance from the other women in the office since there are only a couple (both very senior to me) and they both wear pants almost all the time. They do wear quite casual pants sometimes, such as khakis and cords.
mamabear
I dress on the more dressy end of business casual, and I’d wear a dress with flat boots in a heartbeat. I don’t think there’s anything unprofessional about the look, unless your boots are the super “weathered” type.
ahm
thanks for the input!
Jr. Prof
As long as it’s not too clingy or short, go for it!
Jeannie
NYC lawyers — what is the standard maternity leave at your firms? Paid, unpaid?
Working Girl
18 weeks paid and up to 6 months unpaid is top of the market in Biglaw. 12 weeks paid and up to 6 months unpaid is bottom of the market in Biglaw. Most bigger firms, if not all of them, fall somewhere in there.
Magdeline
What kind of legwear/hosiery does one typically wear to a bus. casual office in the fall/winter? I have so many sheath dresses that I wore at my old job with nylons and a black blazer for court, but I feel overdressed wearing nylons at this firm. Black opaque tights? Is that too casual?
Magdeline
Also, if wearing tights– what about subtly patterned black tights? (No HUGE/fishnet-y patterns.)
MelD
I wear tights with patterns fairly regularly and my office is on the more casual side of business casual. Even in more formal offices I think a simple pattern would be fine with an otherwise conservative look.
AnonInfinity
Definitely do tights. I think a small pattern is okay in some offices. I’m in a nice business casual office (full suit doesn’t look too dressed up, but most people wear something similar to a suit without the jacket), and would not wear patterned tights. I can imagine some of my friends wearing them in their offices, though. So I think it depends on what end of the formality scale and how tolerant people in your office are of more creative outfits.
ahm
I think black opaque tights are completely fine. If you can go without nylons in the summer you can definitely wear solid color tights in normal colors (black, gray, brown, navy, etc) in the winter. Patterned tights aren’t really my style but if they were I would definitely feel ok wearing subtly patterned black tights.
Bunkster
Ladies on the East Coast – how’s the weather treating you? I think we got a little snow (a couple of inches) back home in Quincy, but I’m at my parents’ house on the Cape. The storm was very loud – the windows rattled all night. We lost power for about 3 hours and some of the window screens flew off. Currently, its 39 degrees and blowing 37 mph. It is very cold.
My mother is in upstate NY (Troy). She has no power and lots of snow. I don’t think she’s getting back here anytime soon.
Blonde Lawyer
Most of us don’t have power so you probably won’t get a lot of responses! I got over a foot of snow and had no power from 9 pm last night until 5 today. Most of the stores were out of power too. It is pretty crazy!
Nevadan
Re student loans, how do you feel about the fact that now people will not have to pay off the whole loans under the new rules, whereas you are stuck with the whole thing? I know it would totally bug me if I was involved in paying off a student loan at present……
On the other hand, some now in school may never get jobs.
MelD
I am not bothered at all because the interest rates charged on federal loans these days are outrageous. The reality is that the feds are making a lot of money off the current direct loans because the cost to administer them is so much lower than the going interest rates. I think the better alternative would be to lower interest rates for everyone who is currently taking out the loans. I took out about the same amount in private and federal loans, and my federal payments (if I were not in IBR) would be almost twice as much as my private loan payments.
Argie
Just to be clear, you’re talking about the plan where federal student loans in IBR that still have a balance after 25 years will have that balance forgiven? Its not like they are getting a free ride – they still have to spend 25 YEARS paying on their loans, and have that payment pinned to their income. That’s 25 YEARS of having this debt hanging over their head and keeping them from doing other things in their life.
So, 22 year old graduate plus 25 years of payments – that’s 45 years old. Yes, I’m okay with them getting it forgiven at the point. Every other debt has the opportunity of bankruptcy for a fresh start, this one doesn’t. There needs to be some relief valve. I think 25 years is enough of a punishment for a decision you made at 18.
Erin
But it was always the case that you wouldn’t have to pay off the whole loan if you hadn’t paid it off in a certain number of years. It’s just that now it’s 20 years instead of 25 (still 10 for public sector workers).
I am jealous that they’ll only have to pay 10% of their income over the poverty line whereas I pay 15. But what would really make a difference – in case Obama’s reading this – is if they would take into account your private loans. The federal goverment may think I can only afford 15%, but in reality I’m paying more than twice that.
stc
Don’t forget that after 25 years, folks will be taxed on any forgiven debt. But total forgiveness for public sector after 10!
Lhd
Proportionally recent grads had to borrow a lot more, so I don’t mind this at all. Even 10 years ago, my undergrad was 20/yr and now it’s 35+. Wages, however, are almost the same. If they had to borrow more, at a higher rate, just to end up in the same place, a little extra forgiveness 20 years down the line is fine w/ me.
Houda
So I have a little win I want to share with coporettes.
It’s been six months since I first started my action plan based on NGDGTCO.
So the type A in me was urging me to quantify the progress. I redid the little test and I see great improvement, 17 points in total (no cheating).
I am very happy about this improvement because I have now two very clear items to work on in the coming 6 months. we’ll see if that is what is holding me from getting my awaited promotion.
Houda is no longer a nice girl.
L
Weekend venting…
I’ve been at my firm for only a couple of months. Its really small and laid back, so I thought it would be great. Since I started, I’ve been doing a lot of cleanup of work done by others before me at the firm. Clearly, the partner I worked for reviewed this work before and let it through. Not that I want to generate poor work product, but his review of my work drives me batty. He is trying so hard to mold me into writing in his exact style that it is taking a toll on my work. I really think the quality of my work has gone down since working at this firm, and I find it hard to take his comments seriously when he let such terrible work get through before.
I moved to a new city for this job. I don’t have many friends around, and I’m generally unhappy with where I am at right now. Part of me knows that I need to just suck it up and do what he asks, but I can’t seem to get my ego out of the way. I was laid off a while back and it took me 6 months to land this job. Ugh. I feel trapped. And I’m starting to lose confidence in my own abilities as an attorney.
Homestar
L, that sounds really frustrating. Is he messing with content or style? If he is changing content, find out why. Did you draw the wrong conclusion or emphasize the wrong thing? If so, those are things you should work on. With style, you should let him do what he wants and try to adapt to his style. (I have to do this for most partners I work for. When I work with Partner A, my style is totally different than for Partner B because that is the way they like it.) Also, not to be harsh, but don’t assume that with so many years of education that your style is the “better” one. In my field, clients like the complex topics boiled down nice and simple. It is really hard to do that. It may even go against the way you were taught to write in high school, college, or even law school, but most people like work work product that they can read quickly and not get bogged down with unnecessary detail or complex writing styles. Lastly, flip through a Bryan Garner book if you want to improve skills or keep them sharp. Finally, working on your writing style is something you will do your entire career, so don’t let a few bad experiences with this partner bog you down!
Homestar
One more thing . . . don’t end the last two sentences of a paragraph with “lastly” and “finally!’ Always proofread. Ugh.
L
Thanks! I know I need to get my ego out of the way. I just needed to vent to some fellow corporettes. My frustration comes from his assumption that because I was trained at a different firm, anything that I do that isn’t what he would do is “wrong.” It doesn’t help matters that he is a terrible communicator. In trying to fit his style, I’ve lost some persuasiveness in my own work. I am in my fourth year of practice, so not exactly new to catering to individual partners/clients. But this one is especially difficult. Interestingly, I have a very succinct writing style and he is pushing me to use longer, more descriptive sentences, etc. I find his work much harder to read.
MelD
I know how you feel. In my office, we go through a 2-person review process. The first person to review tends to prefer lengthier, more detailed work, while the second person tends to prefer concise work. Person 1 has extensive experience with the type of writing I normally do. While my style is far more like person 2’s style, I tend to make the changes person 1 requests because I know she knows what she’s doing.
My guess is that Homestar is onto something with respect to the audience. It may be that this partner’s audience prefers writing to be a certain style, and adapting your style to the audience is probably more important than whether you think the work is good. I know some of my biggest challenges in my job came from trying to write something in the wrong style for the audience. Now I just ask up front to figure out what style is needed.
L
Thanks guys. This really helped me pin down that it is his lack of communication that is my real issue. I can talk to him about that.
Hive to the rescue once again!
TOSteph
Just had a fun Halloween event at our local science center – went with family with suggested “science” costume. I looked up a few famous women in science and went to town – it did help that I had a few vintage/retro pieces in my wardrobe, and I redid a book cover and did up a few calling cards with two lines of content. I was having the random thought that if we dressed as women we admired for Halloween (and I could wear this to work, the person was an academic) it could be a step away from the “sexy ____” horror story. To take the stuffiness out, I billed myself as a well-preserved zombie of _____.
anon in SF
Fun! That is a great costume idea. Though now I kind of wish I was going to a Halloween party, I would dress up as Marie Curie and wear glow in the dark nail polish.
Anonymous
NYT Article on one Buffalo law firm’s Halloween party:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/29/opinion/what-the-costumes-reveal.html?_r=1