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Updated: Dec 21, 2020 384 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Under $150· Weekend Open Thread |

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5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!

Collection cashmere Tippi sweater

The below content is about the 2013 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Whew: as one friend said, that was the longest shortest week ever. But it's the weekend now, hooray!

There are a million great post-holiday sales happening now (I have been dropping money like crazy — Ann Taylor (extra 40% off sale, tons of new items), Nordstrom (winter savings of up to 50% off, plus the half-yearly sale for men)  eBags (tons of big designers up to 50% off), and Zappos's clearance — and yet I have one more for you:  J.Crew has a lot of new items in their “final sale” collection, and they're offering an extra 30% off — and the sale includes the Tippi sweater, a reader favorite.

It was $188, then marked to $99, but with code STYLE2013 it comes down to $69.99. Lots of colors and sizes left, too. Collection cashmere Tippi sweater

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. b23

    I was hoping you’d say there’s a deal in that awesome skirt! Like, under $100 kind of a deal. Alas.

    So, I just got a new washer with a hand wash setting. How much should I trust it? We bought my dog a fancy (please don’t ask how much it cost) wool dog bed, and she gets it quite dirty. It would change.my.life if I could just throw it in the wash. I’m also wondering about sweaters, delicates, etc. Any thoughts?

    Thanks in advance!

    • Susedna

      Not sure if you have the same brand/model of washer as me, but I wash woolens, delicates, and “dry clean only” items with my handwash setting all the time. No bad effects yet.

      The only time an item came to grief was when something that came out just fine from the washing but which should have been on a drying rack got mistakenly put into the dryer with everything else. And that item was a wool item, so I’d be extra careful with how you dry it and probably more cavalier about the washing.

      • Ellen

        I have a Latina come by 2x / month to clean, wash and tidy up. I think she is from Honduras or chili. She takes my stuff downstairs to wash and iron. She also Handels all dry cleaneing. I have an account with Nunzio’s and he bills dad directly. All I do is wear the clean clothes. Yay!

        Wednesday a guy vomited in the subway and I stepped in it by mistake. What a stink! FOOEY. It was like Evan’s breathe onley worse! Roberta is dropping off more Case’s for me. There are alot of deadbeats on her payroll! That’s ok by me b/c she pays on time.

        The Manageing partner called in from the boat show. He was thrilled about the one guy but did not want any alternate billing. Frank bills me hourley so we make ALOT of money B/C I am very through in my work! The Manageing partner said that once the brother sees me in action he will be happy to pay for me!

        I have to file 6 breif’s on Monday so I will be copying and pasteing all weekend! FOOEY!

          • Latina from 'chili'

            I fold Senorita ELLEN’s laundry, and yes, her tuchus is really as big as she says it is. I would fold faster if her skirts and pants weren’t so big.

          • LR

            I find Ellen as weird/entertaining as most people and I don’t always like her posts, but come on. That’s not what she said. She said she has someone come by her apartment, not that she “has a Latina”. Don’t be obtuse.

    • Cb

      Maybe try it out on something delicate but on its last few wears and see how it does?

    • moss

      i’d say you can totally trust your washer but don’t try to dry any wool in the dryer even on “extra low” heat.

      (looking sadly at a cashmere sweater)

      • K.P.

        I have a Kenmore front loader with a handwash setting, and I use it for all my handwash-onlies, including expensive underwire bras, plush cat beds, and fine cashmere.

        Select “cold water” and/or “no-spin” if you have any doubts. Oh, and the “second rinse” function really helps get the soap out of plush stuff like cat beds and stuffed animals.

        And um, yeah, no dryer. Or hot or even warm water. Heat + Wool = Bad.

    • Bunkster

      I cannot believe that skirt costs $425. And the No.2 sequin pencil skirt is $695. Seriously? My Limited sequin skirt cost $40 and is gorgeous.

      I remember when JCrew debuted in the 80’s. I used to buy all my clothes there. Now I can’t afford anything.

      • b23

        Same here. I used to shop there a ton. Now, not even on regular sale; just when they have the additional ___% off sale. The prices are insane, especially because the quality has gone down so much since it first debuted.

        • KC

          Agreed. I love the style but find it harder and harder to justify as the prices go up and quality goes down. I remember seeing a cute “silk” blouse this spring that I put back as soon as I saw it was $100+ and actually polyester…

          • saacnmama

            Blame Obama. Seriously. When Michelle wore that sweater on national tv, it changed the whole direction of JCrew

          • Susedna

            Unfair to blame Michelle Obama. The decline in quality has been happening to mass market retailers everywhere for years (c.f. _Overdressed_ by Elizabeth Cline)

            As for the pricing…maybe I’d point the finger at the uholy Mickey Drexler-Jenna Lyons combo. (I believe Ms. Lyons was working there before he started, at 2003, I think.) For forever, I thought J.Crew had some decent basics, but they’ve always had a few of what I call “sucker items.” They were slightly snazzier than the rest of the basics, but would always have at least 1 extra zero where the price was. If you bought it, it meant you were a sucker, because you could always find something very similar in style and quality at another retailer for an order of magnitude less in price.

            And those laughable plain and boring $XX,XXX bridal dresses that I love to hate.

          • Nope

            Agree that it is unfair to blame Michelle Obama. The quality was going down way before.

          • Saacnmama

            Quality in the entire sector has indeed been going down. I was referring to the prices going up. And the thing that really didn’t come through is that my bluntness was intended as humor because so many people do scapegoat the prez. On that count, that post was a total fail.

      • Bunkster

        In other news, I got a hideous corduroy smock thing from JJill for Xmas. I returned it and got a gift card. Today I bought bootcut cords that were originally $69 for $10.99 using code THX14.

        I know the cords will fit because I bought them in crimson when I made the original return.

        • Cb

          What is it with that store? It’s like half of it is very simple, very classic pieces and the other half is middle aged artsy woman going to the country to rediscover her passion. My mom laughs at me for shopping there (at 28) but their clothes are just so soft. I have an adorable ponte pencil skirt from there that I want to wear every single day.

          • Bunkster

            Agreed. Their target audience definitely seems older, but they do have some nice items and good prices. When I made the original return, I also got a great 3/4 sleeve red and white striped tee.

            The original gift from my strange aunt was hideous, though. I didn’t even bother trying it on. Oddly, JJill is actually headquartered in the town I live in.

          • NOLA

            I buy a fair amount from J. Jill but it’s mainly basics, like the ponte pencil skirts and the Wearever tank tops. I have a few J. Jill sweaters, but a lot of their sweaters are so unflattering on me.

          • Suzer

            JJill used to be cuter. They were acquired by Talbots a few years ago (before Talbots was as good as it now), and they got frumpy.

          • MB

            Yea, its my Mom’s favorite store and every once and while I indulge her and go in to try and find something I like and I never can. Also, they sometimes have some jackets that could be cute, but are cut way boxy and big.

          • SouthShore

            Bunkster, we must be neighbors! I live in the town that has Talbots’ headquarters :)

        • Cb

          I may own 4 of the three quarter striped ones. They are a bit big now but I’m hanging on to them because I love them so much.

        • Divaliscious11

          LOL…Every time I walk past that place I start singing “Santa Fe” from Rent…

      • Herbie

        Yep, add me to this list. Used to shop at J. Crew all the time. No more. Just can’t justify the prices in light of the low quality.

      • Kendall

        Affordable, cute stuff can be so hard to find lately. That’s why I started StyleUp, a service that helps women get dressed every day, using what they already have. Check it out!

    • Jennifer

      I alternate between using the “hand wash” setting on mine and actually hand washing/drycleaning, and just don’t ever use the dryer on the knits, tights, wool pants and bras I do this with. It cuts the cost/time of drycleaning/ hand washing down to a manageable level without making me feel too guilty about violating the instructions. (and I echo Cb above, don’t use it on brand new items you would be devastated about ruining after one or two wearings).
      Plus, it’s a dirty dog bed. is it worse for it to be dirty, or have an extra lump or wrinkle and save you the time of hand washing? (not snarky, I love my dirty pup and would rather spend time with him in an imperfect house than spend time getting everything pristine so he can mess it up all over again)

  2. joy

    i snagged a tippi cardigan in the sale jcrew had just before christmas and it is hideous! i look like a linebacker. do i need to go 2 sizes down or something?

    • a.

      It might just not fit your frame? I found the Tippi true to size, and love it deeply, but I know the crew neck didn’t work for a lot of other readers.

      • b23

        I find this particularly true with more well endowed women. Crew necks can look really bad.

        • a.

          Yeah, I have the chest of an eight-year-old boy, so crew necks are not a problem for me. But I know that’s not true for all of my better-endowed sistas.

        • phillygirlruns

          as a well-endowed woman, i agree about crewnecks in general but i found the neckline on the tippi surprisingly flattering. i do size down a little in the tippi – i wear a M in the jackie cardigan and a S in the tippi. the M tippi was all kinds of schlumpy.

      • joy

        maybe. i wear a M in the jackie cardigan and it fits beautifully. i got a M in the tippi and it is literally falling off of me. the arms are cut very wide and the torso fit is also quite large. i was really looking forward to it because i got a very wearable color and it is long sleeved!

        • Mpls

          It was suggested to me to do the Tippi Sweater in a M and the Tippi Cardigan in a L (as a comparison in relative sizing) so that the body of the sweater fit better. I don’t, mostly because the waistband has a tendency to creep up over my hips to my natural waist (very short waisted) and I don’t like having to constantly adjust them.

          • AnonDC

            I have this problem too! I (unfortunately) got the sweater in my normal size and it creeps up all the time. I with I had sized up so it would be longer. Sigh.

    • Lila

      This totally made me laugh out loud. Linebacker indeed – that’s what I look like in the Talbot’s ‘charming cardi.’

  3. Russia Repeat

    Has anyone tried goal-setting / tracking apps like LifeTick, OmniFocus, MindBloom, etc.?
    I get antsy every New Year and want to make resolutions, but this year there’s no one big thing, more a bunch of ongoing projects for career development, exercise, etc. Being able to use the same thing at home on the Mac, on my phone, and on the PC at work via web would be ideal–I dropped off with Evernote when my work blocked it.

    I am intrigued by the game aspect of MindBloom, but on the other hand is the cheesiness going to drive me crazy? I also looked into Fitocracy for the same reason, but I can’t lift weights for medical reasons, so it seems like I wouldn’t match up well with their model.

    • Plan B

      I haven’t tried these, but I’m interested in finding one that will work for me. I have a colleague who swears by OmniFocus. I have the same issues re: Mac at home, PC at work, and my phone is Android, which makes it even a little more complicated. My current system is too task-oriented; I need something that gives me a bigger picture view of things. Am interested in other responses!

    • Jennifer

      I’m using habit factor, I’m pretty sure it works for both iOS and android. There are two parts: the goals (long term big picture stuff) and the habits (daily things, or a few times a week things). The habits can be associated with a goal, e.g. if the goal is completing a marathon, the habit can be running for x miles per week or x miles per day. There were quite a few customization options, but I’m just using it for simple stuff like “be in bed by 10:00pm”, if you did it that day you click a checkbox. If the habit is averaging 3 runs/week over the next three months, it will prompt you to check the box every day but keeps track of total progress (so it averages out if you go twice one week and 4 times the next).
      I like it because you can set start and end dates, so if the “going to bed at 10:00 pm” habit is successful after 2 months, I can add a new habit like “wake up in time to go to gym before work” that builds on it. I think lifehacker might have had an article about apps like this earlier this week? maybe it was apartment therapy?

    • Tuesday

      Have you looked at Joe’s Goals (joesgoals.com) — very simple checklists, but it’s a website and so works everywhere.

    • tory

      Long-time lurker, first time posting here. I haven’t tried any of the apps, but this past year I did a 101 in 1001 list that I’ve found extraordinarily helpful. You list 101 things you want to accomplish in about 2 1/4 years, both short-term and long-term goals. It really worked for me … each month I look at what I’d like to focus on, or start (eg, I’m in the middle of Couch to 5k right now), and the mixture of immediate resolutions and long-term changes has been great. I just keep track of it in Word. There are lots of examples online of other people’s lists. Also, Fitocracy is great! You can track any sort of activity, and be as involved in the social side as you want (or not). Somehow seeing your points go up every time you log an activity (walking, swimming, cleaning, weights, etc) is really satisfying!

      • tory

        Oops, should have clarified that the 2 1/4 years comes from 1001 days, thus the 101 (things) in 1001 (days).

    • Plan B

      I found an app on my phone that I’ve never used, and have been looking into it a little tonight (yes, an exciting Friday night here at the Plan B house, where we are all sick!). Has anyone heard of or used MyLifeOrganized? It looks as though you can use it on multiple devices, different platforms, and it has cloud sync. I’m going to investigate a little more this weekend, but I’d love to hear if anyone has used it.

  4. StillJobHunting

    Moving this over here:
    Help!
    I have an interview on Wednesday for a federal attorney position (yay!!). The question I have is about references. They want three but I’m not sure who to pick for the third. One is a professor who I also 11)worked for in law school (graduated ’11). Another is a supervisor from my 1L summer when I was at a fed agency. For the third do I list someone I worked for for a short period of time or do I go back to before law school and list the partner at the firm I worked for for a few years right before law school? What’s more important? The amount of time I worked for them or how recently I worked for them? I have a few people I can list so I’m all worried I’ll pick the wrong one!

    • AIMS

      I think the most important thing is to pick someone who will be enthusiastic about you and be able to give concrete examples of your work and why you’re awesome. If the partner pre-law school is the best person for that list him/her.

    • lawsuited

      Both people you describe are appropriate references, so go with the person who’s knows you and your work product best. It depends whether the person who worked with you longer or worked with you more recently will be best able to do that.

    • CountC

      Congratulations!!! I echo what AIMS said re: references.

      Out of curiosity, did you apply through USAJobs? And if so, how did you make your resume stick out? That site is a black hole.

      • StillJobHunting

        Thanks! I applied through USAJobs. It is a huge black hole. Making sure your resume matches the description using as many year words as possible is the best way to get through to a human being. In my case I also had someone made a call on my behalf, which honestly is the best way to get pulled from the pile.
        I have friends that have done hiring many times. They’re just as flustered because if they don’t write the listing right they find that they never get anyone qualified when they’re given resumes. As in they knew people qualified that applied that never reached them despite less qualified applicants getting through the first hoop. It’s really just a bad system making knowing someone even more important.

  5. a.

    For anon from earlier, who was looking for backpacking recommendations: Try doing a week of the Camino de Santiago! There are various routes through northern Spain; the most popular is the French Way, which runs from southern France to the city of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, but that takes longer than a week. Still, lots of people start closer in, on one of the various routes, and then hike for a week or so to Santiago.

    Because the Caminos have been around for so long, there’s also a very well-developed infrastructure along the routes, so there will almost always be a hostel for you to stay in (depending on the season, though, since many close for the winter). And probably a group of friends as well. Including me, if you come to northern Spain :) I will (probably? I think? if I stay for a second year? omg my life) be hiking the Camino in June, if you want a buddy.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Two of my friends hiked the Camino this past summer and had a blast. I loved seeing their photos. Looks amazing, and they told me it was very social and fun as well.

  6. EC MD -- for TBK

    I read your post on the morning thread about not conceiving in seven months. First, as a I said on that post I’ll offer you sympathy in the form of hard liquor and sushi.

    But! at 35 the recommendation is to see an REI (reproductive endocrinologist/infertility) specialist if unable to conceive within 6 months, rather than the usual year that is quoted for younger women. You are up against the clock a little bit, and jumping on this should be encouraged.

    • goldribbons

      I don’t want to be rude but I am super curious how the timeline changes if the husband is older. I’m hoping that we start trying soon (ish), and if I’m 31 and H is 38, how long should we try before seeing a specialist?

      • EC MD -- for TBK

        Since sperm count doesn’t deteriorate as fast as egg quality (I feel like such a, I don’t know, cold clinical bummer with those kind of comments) I’m not sure there is a recommendation based on “advanced paternal age” rather than “advanced maternal age.” But IMO, early referral couldn’t hurt, especially because a sperm count/analysis is a relatively straight forward test and may be totally reassuring. I would go with 6 months, but I tend to be an anxious, outcomes oriented person who would rather have a bit more intervention then less.

        • goldribbons

          Awesome, thank you so much for the info. I’m super concerned about “advanced paternal age,” especially because DH recently said, “well the father’s age doesn’t count at all, right?” Thank you EC MD! Hope all is well with your kidlets!

          • Research, Not Law

            For a data point of one: We conceived our latest child when my husband was 39 with the same rapidity as we did our first, when he was a more typical paternal age.

          • anon

            Sadly, recent studies published in the NY Times show that paternal age is linked to autism.

          • Wordy

            I believe there was some clarification after that story (maybe on Double X in Slate or in Motherlode in NY Times) that the risk was still very, very low, even with advanced paternal age.

        • TBK

          Thanks! I plan to call the doctor for a referral this week (I’m guessing I call my ob/gyn and get a referral from her? or do OBs do that work, too? or do I call my GP?). Quick question (since you’re here — didn’ t you JUST have a baby yourself?) — my FIL had low sperm motility (took my in-laws 5 yrs to conceive my husband). Is that at all hereditary? I asked my dr and she said no, but it seems weird that that wouldn’t impact my husband at all. Should he go get a work-up, too? And does the REI handle that, or would he go see his own GP? (So many questions! Sorry!)

          • Anonanonanon

            My OB said the first thing we should do is get DH checked because it’s so easy and fertility issues are spread out approx 50/50 between men and women. That said, we already knew I was ovulating and my LP was sufficient due to my TCOYF charting obsession. I don’t know if she would have had different advise if we hadn’t known that.

            Anyway, here’s how it worked for us: my OB ordered my husband’s test without even meeting him. She just gave me an empty cup with instructions and lab paperwork. I gave everything to him. He dropped off a full cup at the lab. The results were sent to my OB. It was quick, easy and cheap (definitely cheaper than any test my OB ordered for me).

          • EC MD -- for TBK

            I did just have a baby; but maternity leave is a little bit weird for me — I’m so used to going a million miles a minute that hanging out with a new person, waiting for him to wake up so I can feed him, is a little bit of a different pace than I’m used to. I’m definitely savoring time at home, but I’m also aware that a busy EC MD is a happy EC MD.

            Anyways, I would go to your OB for the referral; they have someone they probably like and use. Alternatively, if you have friends who have struggled with similar issues, ask them. Not all repro-endo practices are the same; it’s an enormously lucrative field so my bias is towards repro-endo practices that are a little more academic rather than the ones that have HUGE financial incentive to keep you with them regardless of possible outcome. The repro-endo should do the workup of both male and female fertility issues, including sperm stuff (highly technical term). Your OB should be able to do a basic workup, but my bias is to do it all with the repro-endo so that it’s all in one place and you don’t have to reinvent the wheel when/if you get referred..

            Depending on the cause of your FIL’s motility disorder, it may or may not be heritable. Also a question for the repro-endo person.

            I’m sorry for your struggles. Several of my friends (high achieving, action oriented women) have struggled with infertility and it’s a long painful road. Most of them have beautiful children from their journey — some biological, some adopted, all treasured.

        • PHX

          @TKB — I also left you a comment on your original post.

          TTC — even at its easiest — really sort of sucks. ((( Hugs )))

    • anon for this

      I will also jump on the bandwagon from this morning and say that TTC sucks!! I had no idea how much it would suck until I actually tried. I especially struggled with the fear of the unknown — what if we can’t ever have kids? What if there is something seriously wrong? And then after many months of doing everything right and nothing happening, suddenly it actually worked. What did we do differently that month? Nothing. It is such a mind fluck. Hang in there, and hopefully you will get good results soon.

      • Anonanonanon

        Oh, how TTC sucks! In fact, the suckiness of TTC became all-consuming for me. We did everything “right,” followed TCOYF to a T for over a year and nada. Tests showed we were both healthy in that regard. So, at the risk of sounding like someone on those TTC message boards where people believe eating pineapple at just the right point in your cycle will have magical pregnancy powers, I firmly believe soft cups worked for us. Not for their intended purpose, but for TTC. I know, it’s just anecdatum coming from some random person on the internet but it can’t hurt to try them if you ovulate between now and when you’ve scheduled your RE appt.

        • TBK

          I guess I should go look at some TTC boards because I don’t know what TCOYF or soft cups are. What are those?

          • JJ

            Don’t know soft cups. TCOYF is the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Even if you’re not TTC, I highly recommend it. (But it’s even more important if you are!) I was embarrassed by how much I didn’t know when I read that book.

          • Anonanonanon

            TCOYF = a book called Taking Charge of your Fertility. I learned about it here a few years ago and was *shocked* about how little I knew about my cycle and getting pregnant (I generally consider myself an informed person). Seriously, go buy it today. It will teach you how to track your temperature and other, um, bodily information that I won’t go into detail about here. This information can help you identify problems or possible problems – its can be really helpful to an RE.

            As for soft cups, I inserted immediately after lady garden parties that were held during my fertile phase (TCOYF will help you identify when yours is).

            Feel free to email me at anonrette at g m a i l . com if you want to know more. I understand how hard TTC can be and I’d be happy to share what I learned while going through it myself or just commiserate electronically.

          • Anonanonanon

            @TBK – I replied but my comment is awaiting moderation. If it never shows up and you want to email me, my address is a n o n r e t t e at g m a i l (no spaces).

          • Westraye

            Second the recommendation for TCOYF. I bought it after reading about it on this site and it was immensely helpful and fully prepared me for TTC – made it much less stressful.

        • anonahol

          do “use a softcup not for its intended purpose” mean what i think it means? like, DIY invitro?

          • Anonanonanon

            I guess they could be used like a 21st century turkey baster but I just inserted them after LGPs (not all LGPs, just ones when I was fertile).

          • Anonanonanon

            You can google this, but to elaborate it requires a bit of practice to get them in just the right spot. However, when you do, it ensures that the man’s contribution to the LGP is held very close to the cervix which is right were it needs to go. I guess it’s like a jersey barrier directing traffic in just the right direction?

  7. D

    Can we talk short term disability/supplemental insurance…. do you have it? Is it worth it? Debating since I might have a kid in say 3-4 years and it would pay for a longer maternity…

    • Kontraktor

      I get ST disability as a regular benefit, and I pay out of pocket via my job for LT diability insurance. We have 2 options- one covers at a lower rate and one at a higher rate (but not full salary). It’s only a few extra dollars/month. I do it namely because I have known so many people to have random, awful health related things happen to them that I guess it sort of shocked me into prepping for the worst for myself. Also, since I am of childbearing age (though not trying), I wanted to be covered in case we ended up with an oops baby and something bad happened to me. I have obviously never needed to use the benefits, but I can clearly afford a few extra dollars a month and the peace of mind knowing there is some recourse to help myself in the event I am seriously injured or become ill is comforting and worth the small cost.

    • PharmaGirl

      Someone else might have a stronger knowledge of this but, from what I understand, disability would only pay for longer time off if there is an actual medical reason. Disability leave for maternity is typically 6 weeks for vaginal birth and 8 weeks for c section and paid out base don your company’s individual policy (usually based on tenure). If your company allows longer leave, you actually have to get the doctor to sign off saying you are not yet fit to return to work.

      • Research, Not Law

        Plans vary, but this is definitely the most common. A normal birth gives you 6-8 weeks, with typically a 1-2 week waiting period, which gives you about 4 weeks of payment at a percentage of your normal pay. The percentage, and whether it’s pre or post tax, will vary by the plan.

        That said, I’ve known one person who got all 12 weeks at 60% of pay, tax-free. So that was a great deal. Mine ended up being closer to 25% of my income, averaged over the whole 12 weeks. It’s not fantastic, but it’s something.

        It requires a pretty serious complication to get more. As in, something you don’t want to experience.

        Check your plan about any duration requirements (some require coverage for at least a year before payout, etc). If you’re planning 3-4 years out, I’d consider waiting.

    • Susie

      I don’t think your premiums increase equity so I don’t see a point in signing up now if you think you may need it in a few years. Your money is better spent building up your savings.

      • mascot

        Caveat to this is, if you got pregnant or even injured unexpectedly, could you live without your salary? You’ll need to get signed up before TTC, the exclusionary periods on those policies for pregnancies is around 9 months. If you have to time it around open enrollment, then you will sign up even earlier.

  8. perfect jersey dress?

    I really wanted to pick up one of those Land’s End wrap dresses in that nice thick jersey material, but alas, they are totally out of my size (normally a 6, but at LE more like a 4 or 2).

    Has anyone had any success finding jersey dresses for work that aren’t too casual or clingy, other than at LE?

  9. Happy Anon

    Can anyone recommend an app for android for navigation that offers audio? I want one that cues me when to prepare to turn so I don’t have to keep referring to the screen on my phone. Is there such a thing? Better yet, is there such a thing that is free or low-cost?

    • joy

      you mean besides the built-in nav app? mine talks and gives warnings for exits and turns.

    • Merabella

      I don’t know who your carrier/what your phone is, but my standard navigation app on my Samsung Galaxy SIII is awesome, and does turn by turn navigations with or without the voice. I use it all the time.

    • Happy Anon

      Ack! I’m a dope. I’ve been using the directions on my maps instead of navigation all this time! Nevermind…

    • Anon

      Google maps is a free android app and comes with a voice navigation feature, called Navigation, that actually works better than the TomTom my husband has. So far, it has been pretty accurate & hasn’t got me lost. I’ve got a windshield mount for my phone as well.

  10. c_

    This is kind of related to Kat’s post about the blog awards earlier, but what sites do you read when you’re slow at work? I read this-site, Slate, the NYT, Longform, Gawker, and a handful of Tumblrs (love, love, love My Friends Are Married and Suri’s Burn Book), but need some new ideas to get me through a slow stretch. News-y sites are ideal, but all suggestions appreciated!

    • Cb

      I read the Atlantic blog, Foreign Policy, some of the Guardian blogs and a range of fashion, design, style blogs (although it was super slow at work and I deleted loads from my Google Reader).

    • AIMS

      I love reading advice columns. Dear Economist (there’s an archive online) is great. So is Savage Love (if you don’t read these, going through the archives can take up hours).

        • AIMS

          I read it at work every Wednesday during lunch – oops? I justify it by chalking it up to just words ;)

    • LizLemler

      Whoa, just looked up My Friends Are Married. I do way too many of these things. Is it obnoxious to send the photo christmas cards to single friends?

      • c_

        No! I like getting cards from my married friends (and sent out my own Christmas cards this year, so hopefully they liked getting a card from their single friend). But I definitely chuckled a little bit at the comment from the girls who said their refrigerator had become a shrine to their married friends; mine is currently covered in so many Save the Dates that I had to buy more magnets.

      • anon

        I personally think the photo christmas cards are obnoxious and I am married. Unless its children or puppies. Because why do I want to see a pic of a couple? unless its like a really cool locale or something its just like, yup there you are. looking the same as when we went out for a happy hour last month.

        • TBK

          My single friend sent a photo Christmas card of him and his dog. It was a little awesome.

        • Anonymous Poser

          One year a couple we knew only in passing (same church for a time, lived in the same neighborhood briefly) mailed us a Christmas postcard. The photo on it was of their children–just the children, not a family picture.

          We were like, “Who *is* this?” We would have recognized the parents if they had been included in the photo, but our lives stopped overlapping shortly after they had their first child (and moved away). It was odd.

          • Nancy P

            I totally agree. I get photo cards of people’s kids where I’ve met the people, but not their kids. Yes, they’re cute and all, but YOU are my friends, not your kids.

      • CW

        I love photo holiday cards (sending and receiving) and I’m married and childless. Maybe other people hate them, but I love seeing happy photos of my friends and family.

        • darby

          Me too. I love love love holiday cards no matter what’s on them or in them. Happy mail for a few weeks makes me really happy.

          • NOLA

            My friends did a montage of themselves and their dogs. The ones of them were really cute – putting their heads through a stone railing and one where they made a heart with their hands and feet. That was hilarious because they are the least cutesy couple I know.

      • k-padi

        No. It’s the page-long “Christmas letters” that are obnoxious. I like the kid photos. One friend did a photo card that had 2 big pictures of the kids and a smallish picture of the family. The kid pictures showcased their personalities and came with a short caption like “Johnny is 5 years old and in kindergarten. His favorite toy is his Tonka Truck.” And the picture is Johnny holding his truck with a huge grin on his face. So cute!

        The theme of “My Friends are Married” is more just how married’s well-intended advice betrays their underlying assumption that there’s something wrong with unmarried people who don’t devote their lives to trying to get married. The other half are just kind of “culture shock”–what?! you compete with DH over being a “better spouse”?

        • anon

          yeah kid photos I like. But I always think the photos of just a couple are kind of obnoxious

      • mamabear

        I FREAKING LOVE PHOTO CARDS! I hope none of my friends are reading this and stop sending me their photo cards. I leave them up for months. I love everyone’s kids, everyone’s pets and from my childfree & petfree friends, usually photos of awesome vacations. I do not know what you all are so cranky about, but you can redirect those unwanted photo cards to mamabear.

    • Cornellian

      Do you speak a foreign language? I read German and Swedish papers sometimes, and it often gives me a fresh take on something that everyone else is discussing based on the same NYT article.

      • c_

        This is a great idea, and a good way to keep up on my Italian! Thanks, everyone– lots of great suggestions!

  11. Cb

    Do other people keep a secret chocolate stash? How have I not replenished this. I have loads of calories left for the day, am desperately craving something sweet, and nothing, nic, nada!

    • SunnyD

      I keep a secret chocolate stash in my tummy. Any chocolate arriving in my office goes directly to its proper resting place—my stomach.

    • SFBayA

      I do. I keep a stash of good dark chocolate, which keeps me out of the crappy corn-syrup chocolate in the candy bowl. The individually wrapped Ghiradelli dark chocolate squares are perfect for this.

      • Leslie Knope

        Lol. Did you hollow out your office copy of Black’s Law Dictionary to create a hiding space?

    • phillygirlruns

      yuuuup. i currently have two lindt 90% bars and one random 85% bar in my top desk drawer. my other office stashes are buffalo jerky and coconut water, both of which i subscribe to on amazon and have delivered here monthly.

    • lawsuited

      UM, of course I keep a chocolate stash. Is this not standard office procedure?

      I have been the generous benefactor of many emergency chocolate hand-outs which are integral to the smooth and creamy running of the office.

  12. Research, Not Law

    Home good shopping help, please!

    I’m looking for pump dispensers for shampoo and conditioner. I need ~20 oz, but the largest I’ve been able to find is 12 oz. Prefer glass, but fine with plastic/acrylic.

    I’ve looked at Restoration Hardware, Rejuvenation, Pottery Barn, Williams-Sonoma, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Container Store, and Storables – although I could have missed an item.

  13. Emmabean

    So my SO has recently been doing something interesting – he’s been telling people that I am his fiancee. The first time it happened, he had started a new job and was telling his new boss where he lived etc., and said that we owned a house together (true). He told me about it I think because he was worried it would come up at the Christmas party and I would blow his cover. At the time I just laughed it off and answered a couple of questions at the party about whether we’d set a date etc and that was it.

    Oh course, all of that got me thinking that maybe I’d be getting something sparkly for Christmas or New Years this year, but it didn’t happen..I was slightly disappointed, but I’m over it now.

    Then, today, he did it again. He told our homeowners insurance agent that I was his fiancee! I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut and make a joke about him telling everyone except for me (in private). Yeesh!

    Anyways, I tell this story not to complain or anything – I’m very happy, and an engagement can totally wait..but geez…has anyone had this happen to them? He gets to say we’re engaged but he doesn’t have to go through the stressful experience of actually asking me I guess.

    • CW

      That is really strange. Has he explained why he has been telling people this? My now-DH and I dated for many years and started to feel like people didn’t take our relationship seriously because we were “just” boyfriend and girlfriend, even though we were virtually married.

      Have you guys talked about marriage plans?

    • Research, Not Law

      I used to refer to my now husband as my husband after we moved in together but before were engaged or married – but to contractors and salespeople, because it was a simpler term. I wouldn’t have done it to people with whom I had a real relationship, like my boss.

      LOL, hope something sparkly comes to you soon!

      • SFBayA

        Our dry cleaner and housekeeper perpetually referred to us as married when we simply lived together, and it wasn’t worth correcting them after the first couple times. I also prematurely used “husband” when talking to mechanics and other service persons. “Boyfriend” didn’t have the gravitas I was trying to convey, and “significant other” was too many syllables.

        • KC

          This reminds me of the time my boyfriend and I took a vacation together and everyone kept asking if we were on our honeymoon. I think he got a kick out of my immediate “Oh, no, no! We’re too young!” response :)

      • k-padi

        No husband or boyfriend. But I do refer to “my husband” if I feel like I’m being treated unfairly or being lied to by a service person (employees at hardware stores or auto-parts stores, auto-mechanics, and house contractors). Traditional people just don’t treat single women fairly sometimes.

        • Cornellian

          Yeah, I think it’s a bit more of a safety concern for single women than for men. but that doesn’t explain her boyfriend’s behaviour here.

          When my boyfriend and I were 2 of 7 roommates, they called us mom and dad because we were the more responsible, calmer, eternally picking drunk roommates up ones, but it sort of stuck when we started seriously dating. That was funny at 20, now i’d worry someone would think I was a mother.

    • MaggieLizer

      A friend’s now-wife did this when she started her job in a particularly conservative biglaw office. They were living together at the time, and I think she was concerned that people would think less of her if she were living with a non-fiance. She also didn’t want to be the center of ALL THE SQUEEING when the engagement actually happened, but that’s probably not the case with your SO. Have a chat with him, see where he is on it.

    • anon

      sometimes my bf calls me his wife. I dont think he would do it to actual work people. but when someone is like “oh you and your wife should blah blah” he doesn’t correct them. I dont think the homeowners insurance thing is weird, i call him my husband or fiancee when dealing with service people (like if I am making a call on his behalf)

      also, about your comment that you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, I would def talk to him about it. I’m assuming you talked about it before buying a house together, so you should talk to him if its bothering you.

    • Greener Apple

      This is how I ended up engaged without realizing it. We never talked about it–or possibly I just didn’t notice that he might have been hinting, since we did have conversations about things like finances. At some point, it was just a given. Which is fine with me.

      Is his office conservative? My SO’s is risk-averse in the extreme, and we were going to be required to socialize quite a bit with some of the more conservative clients, so I think at first he just told his boss we were engaged as cover. That said, my SO also knows that I would likely have frozen in sheer mortified terror had he gone down on bended knee. It was much more relaxing and reassuring to write up our wills together instead.

    • lawsuited

      My initial reaction is that this is sort of funny.

      As I think about it more, is there a chance he might want to take advantage of the percieved commitment that comes from having a fiancee without actually committing to you? Employers and insurance companies like people who are married and therefore (stereotypically, not actually) stable and committed. I know that my employer likes that I have a husband and family in this geographic area and so am committed to being to staying in this area and working for them. I know that my insurance premiums went down when I got married.

      OR, he just lurvey lurves ya and wants the world to know! :)

      • Susedna

        I was wondering along the same lines, lawsuited.

        I think it’s one thing to just use “fiance/e” or “wife/husband” as a convenient shorthand to contractors or people you don’t think you’ll see again and who, as k-padi says, might treat a single woman badly. But it’s something else to lie to your boss, and coworkers you talk to every day. I don’t love that. And what I love even less is how he reveals it to you– he’s much more interested in you helping the cover up and avoiding being caught out than that you’re all excited, etc, didn’t know about it. I see a potential red flag here.

        Look, nobody is 100% honest all the time, but this is the sort of thing that would bug me about a person. YMMV, so if this doesn’t bug you, enjoy the anticipation, OP. For me, it’d worry/annoy me.

  14. anon

    Reposting – travel/breakup TJ! I was wondering if anyone has recommendations for places to backpack for about 1 week solo. I am 23, moved to a new city last year for a job and had a long-distance SO until last week. We broke up and I just realized I have 0 friends (lots of good coworkers) in the area because I spent all my free time outside of my 60 hr/week job skyping/visiting my ex-SO. I am really sad about it ending and just need to get away for awhile… but I haven’t traveled solo really and don’t know where to go. Some ideas I’ve had are Iceland (expensive!), Ireland, Spain…?

    • anon

      I had a wonderful week backpacking in Spain on my own in college. Barcelona & environs and Granada. I’d recommend that itinerary but stop at some town between the two, like Valencia.

    • Statutesq

      Are you in the US? What about a portion of the Appalachian trail? A lot of people do it solo and meet up with other solo backpackers at the designated camping areas etc.

      • Anon for this

        I am a death-qualified criminal defense attorney. I’ve attended several conferences in which attorneys representing persons charged with murder share their cases and we all brainstorm. All I can say is please don’t do the Appalachian trail alone. Don’t.

        I’ve heard good stories about Switzerland. . .

        • Charlotte Peloux

          Seconding what “Anon for this” said.

          My colleague (built like a heavy-weight wrestler, very thick from chest-to-back) hiked most of the Appalachian trail alone. He said there were points when he was so completely alone that he got concerned. It was more about the “if i fell could anyone find me in time” than about personal safety, as he said:

          “If I fell down and broke my leg, it might be hours if not a full day before someone passed by who would hear my whistle or screams of pain.”

          Similarly, I could see it being a great hunting ground for a serial killer. Seriously, don’t hike it alone unless you are Lara Croft and armed.

          • LR

            I read a book (Haven by Kay Hooper) that had this premise, a serial killer hunting single hikers on the Appalachian Trail. Eek.

    • phillygirlruns

      how about patagonia, or other parts of argentina (iguazu, mendoza, salta)? i just spent a week in buenos aires by myself and LOVED it, but i’m very much a city person.

    • EC MD -- for TBK

      I hiked hut-to-hut in the Bernese Oberland in Switzerland several years ago. I was with my now DH, but I think it could be great for a solo-woman traveller. Super safe, beautiful scenery, friendly people, challenging but not dangerous hiking. And cheese! And chocolate! Often times the hut keepers went out of their way to make me feel comfortable, as I was sometimes the only woman in the hut at night (one night in particular a hutkeeper kept rowdy but lovely Italian men out of a room so I could change in privacy, when there was no privacy for any of the men). Also, other hikers are very friendly too (huts and guest houses often put speakers of the same language together at meals) so you would have interaction and conversation.

    • LadyEnginerd

      I am considering the rockies (canadian or us parks) for a mini-eat pray love experience myself. Also, Sweden (in the summer).

    • Anonymous

      Southeast Asia!!! I backpacked Vietnam-Thailand-Cambodia solo after grad school and it was amazing. You might not time for all of that (took me over a month) but it’s safe for solo women, cheap, and awesome.

  16. De

    Has anyone done the Stir Events with Match? A friend of mine asked me to go with her next week, and while I do online dating, I haven’t done one yet. Yay? Nay? Awkward? Fun? Any tips?

    • k-padi

      I went to two. Fun-ish. It’s mostly a meat market–the women really dress up (tight red dresses) men come in after work. I actually had more fun meeting the women and met some potential friends. At each event, there seemed to be 1-3 people of each gender who were always surrounded by people and got asked on many dates by the end of the night (I played wing-woman for one of those women so I know it happens).

      I went alone and my strategy was to find a “wing woman” pretty quickly. We would help each other out and keep circulating through the room.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        My straight female friend went to one and left with three girls numbers lol. They hang out now.

  17. easylaw

    What habits do you think have helped maintain your weight or lose weight? I’m looking for small things I can help ease into a daily routine. :)

    • Cb

      I’ve lost about 40 lbs over the last 12-16 months. I hate to be a salesperson but my fitbit has helped loads, it encourages me to get more steps and climb more stairs. Also figuring out what I actually enjoy (I was an elliptical girl for years before realizing that I hate running like a hamster and would much rather be outside, even in miserable weather).

      I am a terrible eater so no real advice there.

      • Bunkster

        I’ve seen so many mentions of this over the past couple of weeks that I just got on Amazon and ordered the fitbit zip. It should arrive on Tuesday.

        • ITDS

          I ordered one last week – I hope it’s waiting when I get home. I am very interested in how it will work with my sparkpeople account and tell me how many calories I’ve burned off – hopefully that feature really works well.

      • Esquared

        How is this better than a simple pedometer? Intrigued… trying to lose my post law school weight before my wedding later this year.
        I normally do wear a pedometer (it SOOOO helps me be less of a couch potato)… but am totally interested in this…

          • Lalo

            Me, either. In a less than charitable moment I thought it might have been a way of saying “get married and you’ll drink less.” Or maybe a failed joke?

          • Charlotte Peloux

            I drink more now with my guy than as a single gal.

            My friends + me + his friends + my guy = more social events, more people to drink with, more alcohol consumed.

    • Russia Repeat

      I weigh myself once a week and keep track of it. I can see when something’s a blip or part of a continued trend and then consider what in my diet might be contributing. I also tend to eat the same few things for meals during the week and I’ve reached a place where if I eat those, I can splurge on weekends without doing too much damage. When I get into a new lunch place, it can take a few weeks to find out if it’s compatible with weight maintenance.

      • b23

        Similarly, cooking dinner and taking leftovers for lunch is my number one thing. When I cook at home, I make healthy choices, but when I look at a menu, it’s game over. I don’t know why. I never really slip up at the grocery store.

    • cofax

      Food-wise: portion control via small plates/bowls. I have a couple of 6-oz bowls I used when I was actively dieting, and it made a big difference. Also I cut most of the easy/useless carb calories out of my diet, so no more pasta with olive oil & parmesan for dinner. Where I eat carbs, I go for whole grains: brown rice, whole grain breads, very little pasta. I tracked my calories on Livestrong or Myfitnesspal, both of which have pretty good databases of food. (Specifically, I ate a lot of Trader Joe’s brown and wild rice medley over TJ’s boxed Indian food: I would get two meals out of each package, and usually would add some frozen vegetables before putting it in the microwave.)

      Exercise-wise: get a workout partner! I meet my sister three mornings/week to run 3-5 miles, and it makes a huge difference. We only cancel if we’re sick or the weather’s lousy. If you have someone waiting for you, you’re much less likely to decide to sit on the couch instead. Also, having a social element to the workout makes it far more pleasurable: my sister & I serve as each other’s therapists on our 6AM runs.

      • Dead Quote Olympics

        Co-sign this. If I want to drop weight fast, the easiest thing for me to do is just eat half of what I would normally eat. Bag up the rest of your meal at a restaurant, don’t take seconds if you normally do, dish yourself up half of what you normally would. But otherwise eat what you normally would. Alternately, cutting most grains out in a lazy semi-paleo way ( see website Mark’s daily apple) also worked for me — just cutting out bread and pasta made me go down a couple of pounds. I don’t think it’s so much the grains, as that grain-based foods are such excellent and common vehicles for other high calorie passengers like butter, sugar, oil, cheese. Hot buttered toast, yum.

        The only successful strategy that works for me is concentrating on methods that don’t induce too consistent a feeling of deprivation or inability to participate in social situations. So portion control is key for that, because I can still eat whatever I want. Now that I’m a lazy semi-paleo, I eat whatever I want on the weekends, because my family and I are running a split household for work reasons right now, and when I join my husband and son I want everything to be “normal” and that means lots of pasta (my husband is the cook — and he is starting to cut down on the amount of pasta). Being mindful of the amount of processed grain has made me consciously look for more vegetable-heavy options and more varied sources of protein.

        The only thing slightly different for me is the social element, although i have very successfully used gym or workout buddies in the past, so i agree with that strategy too. But the best investment I ever made was a treadmill. It’s always there; it is responsive to your energy and fitness level (if you have a cold or are really tired, you can walk instead of run; and I am a couch to 5k graduate because it’s much kinder to my knees than pavement or trails), and I can stream the Walking Dead on Netflix on my iPad while I’m exercising!

        That being said, these are strategies that work for me for in controlling that age-induced upward nudging of weight – between 5-10 lbs.

    • Bunkster

      For me, it’s planning my meals and workouts. In the morning, I plan out what I’m going to eat. I bring my breakfast and lunch and I even plan what workout I’m going to do.

      This is why I was particularly annoyed when my boss suggested lunch today. I’d already planned on the asian green bean salad I brought with me, as well as the yoga class. When I go off plan, I eat more and gain weight.

      Also, I use myfitnesspal to track my meals and my workouts.

    • NOLA

      For me, when I set out to lose weight, the thing that helped the most was replacing as much of the meat and cheese in dishes with vegetables as I could. For example, I could eat an omelet, but made it with egg whites and lower fat cheese with lots of spinach and mushrooms. Or if you eat pasta, make sure it is mostly vegetables and a lot less pasta than you’re used to. I also switched to brown rice and sweet potatoes.

      But the biggest thing was finding ways that I was comfortable with exercising every day. It’s different for everyone but for me, it was having a treadmill at home (so weather wouldn’t stop me and I could be at home and read or watch TV) and a gym that’s on the way home from work.

    • joy

      Don’t go all out with exercise right away (or even ever). I lost 30 lbs 4 years ago and have kept it off. I exercised a little bit for 6 days a week. That kept me WAY more motivated than groaning about huge workouts 2 or 3 times a week. Even when I felt awful, I would say “Ok. I have really bad cramps. I will walk for 15 minutes at the gym.” So that way I still didn’t miss a day at the gym (vital for me) but I didn’t have to kill myself working out. Most days I did about a 30 minute workout at a moderate intensity. I was also on a grad school budget which kept me from eating out, like, ever. Slow and steady wins the race!

    • Greener Apple

      Cutting most liquid calories and wearing tailored clothes has worked for me.

      It was pretty easy to switch from my regular tea to herbal tea, which meant I cut out the milk that I was previously drinking. It helps that I buy a variety of more interesting teas, now, instead of just the same old box of P&G.

      And wearing clothes that fit means I notice any changes right away, before it becomes an issue.

      • lawsuited

        Bahahahaha! I wish my eating were so disciplined that cutting out the milk in my tea would make a difference!

        • Cornellian

          If I’m honest with myself, 3 cups a day with half and half probably does add 100 calories.

        • Adele

          This is my problem. I generally have relatively healthy eating habits but twenty lbs. to drop from years of sedentary job with long hours. There’s just no easy way to do it – I can’t cut out candy bars or snacks because I don’t eat them, I can’t quit soda because I only drink water, I can’t stop putting milk & sugar in my tea because I only drink it plain. The closest I have to an indulgence is a cup of coffee with 2% milk and 1 sugar each morning and that is only about 50 cal. I eat a healthy breakfast and lots of veggies and soups, I walk tons daily, and it is just so infuriating because the only thing to do is make time that I don’t have for the gym and cut all my portions in half … It is such a drag getting older!!!!

          • NOLA

            Oh honey, I hear you! I don’t eat fried food, don’t drink soda, don’t eat a lot of meat or cheese, don’t drink much (maybe a drink a month), I eat pretty well, don’t eat giant portions, work out 10 hours a week and I still gain weight. I asked my doctor about it and she said, “probably genetics.” Ugh.

    • Cornellian

      If you’re in BigLaw, try immediately having your dinner when it arrives. When I come upstairs, I put half of my dinner on a plate and eat it, and then if I’m still hungry, I can eat the rest, but most of the time it goes in the fridge and is a free lunch the next day.

      A similar idea works for me and comfort eating. If I’m craving something not particularly nutritious, I try to have just a bit and then store it away. I think portions are key.

    • SunnyD

      I don’t eat anything that anyone else brings to the office, no matter how delicious it looks. I realized I consumed a lot of calories I wasn’t accounting for by eating the stuff people left in the common kitchen.

    • JessC

      I find that I’m most likely to eat bad/junky food while I’m at work, so I make an effort to keep only healthy snacks in my office and bring my lunch with me.

    • long time lurker

      I try to stay cognizant of my daily calories and make adjustments. Like if I know I’m going out to dinner, I will have a small lunch. I make allowances for things like wine because I don’t do well on restrictive diets. Like I will eat a smaller portion of dinner so I can have wine or a piece of chocolate. I try to leave food on my plate. I stopped also eating bread and butter at restaurants when I did WW years ago and that is one thing that seems to have stuck with me. Bread and butter can be fairly meh so why waste the calories (of course if it is special focaccia or nan all bets off). I guess I prioritize my calories so that I enjoy what I’m eating and try not to eat too much of it. I could be better about eating more veggies but I try.

      • long time lurker

        Also one more … I had to accept that I cannot eat as much as men and not gain weight. I got into the habit of serving up identical portions of dinner for me and the H. He is heavier than me with a super metabolism and I cannot eat the amounts he does and not gain weight. So yeah now I give myself a smaller portion (I am the cook in the family). It offends my sense of equality but my pants fit.

        • SFBayA

          This was one of my biggest problems too. Everything should be equal! I get half of everything! Except… I should not get half of our food because if we cooked enough food for him to not be hungry after his “half,” I was eating way, way too much. 2/3 : 1/3 is what our proportion should be. I still struggle with this concept given my deep seated requirement that we be equal in all things.

        • Cornellian

          Also relates to the drink comments! I consumer way too much alcohol both in terms of alcohol and in terms of calories when I drink with male friends or boyfriends. I’m not trying to be cool or anything, but I need to take a round or two off if we’re out all night.

          • Anon for this

            I recently went thru a rough patch with severe insomnia. I took sleeping pills, but they wore off about 3 or 4 am, and I discovered that if I drink wine when I wake up, I can fall back asleep. In 6 weeks, I had gained 10 lbs. I reviewed my drinking habit by quantity, and I was downing about 2 glasses in the middle of the night, plus my usual one with dinner. My flawed thinking was that, well, chardonnay is clear, I was drinking it standing up, and it didn’t really have any calories. I mean, I wasn’t drinking to get high, just to fall asleep again so I could be a good lawyer the next day.

            In fact, I think all food I eat standing up doesn’t count.

            And. I have learned the sad lesson that clear liquids — I talkin’ to you vodka, gin, chardonnay and pinot griglio , have a lotta of calories.

    • Anon

      Eating better–more protein and vegetables, less processed carbs, and not overeating. I bring a salad that I love for lunch at work everyday (spring mix, dried cranberries, feta, pecans, and raspberry dressing.) I honestly look forward to eating it because it is so yummy!

      Moving more–I run on the treadmill 5 nights a week. Sometimes I absolutley don’t want to do it, but I force myself to get up and do at least 10 minutes (which of course after that I am fine to do another 20 or so.) When it is warmer, we do a family hike (hubby and our 3 kids and dog) every Saturday morning.

      I usually allow myself one “cheat” meal a week–typically eating out dinner once on the weekend. I have lost almost 30 pounds, but would like to lose another 30. It is coming off slow, but I don’t really feel deprived, and although I don’t love the treadmill it has really become part of my routine.

  18. Leigh

    Send positive thoughts my way! My inlaws fly in tonight. I am not looking forward to the visit. Added to that, I’ve somehow forgotten (seriously, it flew out of my head) my ATM pin number. Seriously is the longest short week ever.

    • emcsquared

      I realized this morning that I had forgotten (a) my garage door code and (b) my home phone number. Like seriously, totally forgot, while standing out in the cold holding a shivering dog. I couldn’t remember most of the digits, much less the order they go in.

      I chalk it up to December being an f-ing stressful month. Time to eat some chocolate and go to bed early.

    • Leigh

      So they’re here. Scheduled to show up at 7 PM (I had to text them to find out, because they never tell us when they’re coming), and I had several things scheduled after work. I got a text at 5:00 PM telling me that they were here, and they would “See me after work.” (Otherwise known as: Please come pick us up when you get off) WTH? No, seriously, WTH?! You flew out THREE HOURS AGO and could not send me a courtesy text to tell me you would be 2 hours earlier on another flight? Thanks.

      On the positive side: I remembered my pin number! Emcsquared, I think you’re onto something with December being a difficult month.

      • hellskitchen

        Ugh that sounds very passive-aggressive… why would they assume you’d be done with work at 5 and ready to pick them up when they can’t even letting you know when they are arriving? Good luck with the rest of their visit!

        • Leigh

          Oh they’re very passive agressive. My MIL is the one (I’ve told the story here before) who wrote me a sympathy card after my dad was killed in a car accident saying, “Although we did not agree with you marrying (DH), we’re glad you have him at this time.” UGH.

          Per my husband’s request though, I’m trying to be nice

          • lawsuited

            I remember that!

            It sounds like them showing up 2 hours early and unannounced and assuming you could pick them up (especially at an earlier time than previously “arranged” – I seldom get off work at 5pm) may be the least-annoying part of the trip!

            Good for you for trying to be nice! It’s truly admirable.

      • Saacnmama

        And I thought it was bad that my parents arrive by car 20-30 min arlier than they say they’ll be here! Good luck with the visit.

  19. SFBayA to TCFKAG

    Since I don’t have Tumblr (just merely read yours and Ru’s and Kanye East’s), please tell Ru HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for me.

    • SunnyD

      Thanks for posting this. I don’t follow Tumblr, but tracked down Ru’s Tumblr page after reading your post and am so happy to see the great news!

    • Ru

      Seriously, you are the best. I got so many lovely messages via tumblr and email. I can always count on you lovely ladies in the best of times and worst of times, whether I’m on here or not. And the ones who made the special trip out to the crazy mind trip that is tumblr, thank you. You people are too much. Today was a very, very good day. And I heart you all.

      (To all the confused, I’ve had persistent headaches for 55 days, I guess it’s 56 now, that would not go away. I checked myself out of work 3 weeks ago. After 2 pcp’s, 2 ENT’s, 2 allergists, 1 orthopedist, 1 inner ear specialist, 1 audiologist, 1 ophthamologist, 1 physical therapist,1 chiropractor, 4 neurologists, 1 xray, 3 MRIs and too much dangerous and ineffective medication later, we’ve finally found that I have herniated discs in my neck. They’re harassing my nerves and muscles. AND THIS EXCITES ME SO MUCH BECAUSE HELLO DIAGNOSIS.)

      • Coach Laura

        Ru, such good news. I hope that you are pain-free soon. I was just wondering where you were (I’m not inoto tumblr….)

      • KC

        Ru, glad to hear that you have a diagnosis – that’s a big deal! Sending good vibes, hopefully you’ll have less pain soon!

  20. Jo March

    Sigh. The saga never ends.

    Mom saw her neuropsychiatrist today. He thinks that it was actually a minor MS inflammation that caused the mania, NOT a psych condition/delirium, because she was back to normal so quickly. So his opinion is that she should not be living alone . So today has been a new rush to research and contact assisted living facilities and start to find otu about costs, amenities, waiting lists, etc. My mom will start visiting some of them next week with a friend, and once we find a few that she would actually be willing to live in, then I will have to go home again and make the arrangements to get her on the waiting list etcetc. And then of course there will be the issue of actually selling the condo and getting her moved, but that’s down the line and I can’t worry about it yet. I’m just really damn glad that she respects her doctor enough to be willing to listen to him about this, even though she really doesn’t much like it. I am working hard on pushing the idea that things will actually be *easier* for her if she doesn’t have to worry about keeping house at all. So far, so good.

    Man, it would sure be nice if I could rely on crazyaunt to take her to see these places, but I am better off without her, I swear.

    I also spoke to insurance today. They will not commit to anything at this point, but the woman was really nice, said she wanted to try to help my mom out if at all possible. Of course, this is an unusual claim, so once she has all info gathered she will have to meet with her manager for a final decision. She asked me to get a letter from the doctor indicating it was a medical condition that caused her to light the fire, as opposed to anything like legal intent to do so. We even had a little joking about how everyone expects the worst from lawyers and insurance agents, and neither of us wants to turn this into a terrible fight between the two. So that was reassuring, lol.

    I slept really well last night. Hopefully tonight will be just as good.

    For some reason posting these updates and getting support from you gusy really helps. Not to minimize how awesome Professor Bhaer is being, but this is all really hard for him too, seeing me such a mess. So the outside perpectives are awesome – like the doctor telling me he wishes all his patients had kids who worried this much, and that I really shouldn’t listen to anyone who suggested otherwise. That felt really really great! :)

    • AMB

      I have a few friends in the T-dot with grandparents in assisted living facilities, will see if I can rustle up some recommendations for you. My grandfather was in one in Scarborough – do you/does she have a preference for a part of the city?

      • Jo March

        Mid-town/southern North York. Downtown would be fine, but those places tend to be way more expensive. However, I’d definitely consider the Beaches and High Park as well. I definitely don’t want to stick her somewhere too suburban, as her friends are mostly midtown/downtown, and they go to see her pretty regularly. Also, she is still somewhat self-sufficient re: shopping and stuff, so I think she’d like to have at least some things within walking distance (e.g. Shoppers Drug Mart, Starbucks, whatever). Groceries wouldn’t be an issue because food would be all covered, but I know she is worried about feeling isolated/too dependant.

        ps. You’re awesome.

        • AMB

          One rec I just got is the Dunfield at Yonge and Eglinton, may be more downtown than you’re looking for…

          • Jo March

            That is totally on my list. It looks awesome, actually. I am talking to them tomorrow. And that location is about perfect. I think north of St Clair (if it’s central as opposed to High Park/Beaches type areas) is perfect. Of course, Forest Hill is way out of our price range. (For reference, she is currently at Avenue and Lawrence. She lived in the Beaches before that and loved it.)

          • AMB

            And a second friend also recommended the Dunfield. I have one more line in – will let you know what I hear!

          • TackyMum

            I have visited a friend’s father at the Dunfield and it is a lovely place. Not at all what you think of for assisted living. The day I was there, they were organizing a rock-climbing trip!

    • KC

      Glad that posting here helps. I know many of us on this site are thinking of you through this whole process. And your doctor is absolutely right – your involvement speaks wonders about your character and love for your mom. She’s a luck lady. Keep that in mind as you focus on taking care of yourself too!

    • saacnmama

      I’m impressed at how you are handling this! In your first post you were overwhelmed, not just because your mom would do that, but also trying to figure out all the stuff that needed to get done. And now you have broken it down into steps and are moving through them. You’re making it!

      • Research, Not Law

        This. You’re doing a very, very good job. You’re doing well by your mom.

      • Research, Not Law

        This! You’re doing such a great job. Your mom is very fortunate.

    • L

      Hang in there!!! You are a really great person to be doing all of this and still holding it together. I’m amazed. Lots of good vibes headed your way.

    • Susedna

      Hey there, you’re handling this really well. Your mom is lucky to have a daughter like you. And I’m glad you’re getting better/more sleep.

    • SoCalAtty

      You’re doing great, hang in there! If it IS MS, that may help with the insurance, strange as it sounds. My cousin that I am very close to has MS, and is on a pretty good combination of meds that keeps her neurological symptoms to a minimum. Hopefully they can do the same for your mom! We’re all thinking of you!

  21. CW

    Any recommendations for a resort in San Juan, Puerto Rico? I’m flexible on price, but want to be on the beach. Thanks!

    • purplepear12

      The Marriott in Condado was awesome. I was skeptical since it’s the Marriott and I don’t think “resort” when I think of them but the tripadvisor reviews were good and we loved it.

    • Turtle Wexler

      I stayed at the Renaissance La Concha in Condado a couple years ago and liked it a lot. The vibe is a little “hip” for me, but the room was awesome, the location good, the staff friendly, and the pools nice. There’s also a jetty on the beach outside the hotel, so that stretch of beach is slightly calmer than the surrounding areas (a good thing, IMO, as it can get really rough on the north side of the island).

      • Lady NFS

        I also stayed at La Concha and enjoyed it. Second everything Turtle said. The hotel does have a Miami chic feel to it in the lobby and with their cocktails served there. Pool area is great, I remembere doing Zumba classes in the gym (any hotel that teaches Zumba and lets me keep up with my regular fitness routine gets a gold star), and the beach was nice, albeit a bit small. Also the surrounding neighborhood was OK to walk around. There were some high end stores in the street if I recall.

    • anon in tejas

      Hilton at San Juan for a conference. GREAT experience. GREAT hotel.

      private beach, swim up bar, great staff, hospitality suite

  22. Epi Leather

    Hi All, I just purchaed an LV wallet in a light colored epi leather. Is there something I can treat it with to prevent it from getting dirty or to reduce or slow signs of wear? Thanks!

    • Phoebe

      I know some folks who, if their leather goods get dirty, use a Mr. Clean magic eraser on them with no problem. I have not personally tried this, though.

      • SoCalAtty

        A magic eraser sounds a little scary, because it could take the dye out. What type of finish is it? Smooth / pebbled leather, or something else?

        Lexol makes decent leather care products, but if you want something really nice head to your local tack shop and get a nicer product like something from Stubben, Passier or Effex. One of them even makes a leather wipe, like a disinfectant wipe, you can use for quick clean ups and conditioning.

        I know, horse people are way too obsessive about their leather care!

    • lawsuited

      A friend who worked at a luxury leather goods store told me you can treat leather with the same lotion you use for your skin. It conditions it somehow? I massage my own cocoa butter into my leather wallets and it works for me.

  23. goldribbons

    Quick: what’s your favorite not-too-expensive Sushi restaurant in NYC in the high East 70s or low East 80s (think: coming from E 77th st)? Bonus points for: accepts credit cards, BYOB (but these aren’t mandatory). I’m leaning toward Amura. Thanks all!

    • Susedna

      Yuka

      And yes, I used to do the all-you-can eat sushi because as I’ve said earlier today on a separate thread: I’m actually a bear pretending to be a person, and bears have to eat enough to be able to hibernate. :-)

        • AIMS

          Yuka can be fun and it’s super cheap but it’s cash only (I think) and the rolls are huge and very heavy on rice (I like them but some people don’t). Sushi Suki all the way on York in the East 80s is fresh and really delicious; Iron Sushi on E 78 and 1st can be nice if you’re in the mood for something slightly different. I can’t think of any places on the UES that are BYOB sushi. If you want really good Indian though – Om on 2nd ave and 83rd allows you to bring your own wine. I think they may have started to charge a $7 or $10 corking fee though.

          • Susedna

            +1 Sushi Suki

            -1 on me for not remembering it. Another good place! I blame it on bear-brain. (Snoozed my alarm 3 times this morning to DH’s annoyance, because I.just.could.not.get.out.of.my.lair…)

    • c_

      If you can go a little further south, Fatty Fish on E 64th is BYOB, accepts credit cards, & relatively inexpensive.

  24. Anon

    I’ve decided that I could benefit from starting therapy. Would any of you have a recommendation for a good therapist in the Bay Area (preferably Silicon Valley)? Thanks in advance!

    • Anon0321

      Yes! I went to a great therapist on CA street in Palo Alto. Her name is Lisa Daly…. I think she does a lot of work w/ kids actually, but I found her to be really great to work through a lot of my post-law school issues.

    • anonypotamus

      I don’t know what type of therapy you are looking for but there is a great one in the Saratoga area who focuses on relationship and marital counseling, but is also wonderful for helping personal growth, co-dependency issues, self esteem, etc. His name is Marvin Cohen and he is just great to talk to :) Just google Marvin Cohen MFT. Good luck!

      • Anon

        Many thanks to you both! This is a big step for me personally, so having some recommendations from this community is really reassuring.

        • anonypotamus

          Hugs for taking this step! I think everyone could benefit from therapy – it took me a while to wrap my head around going myself, but it was seriously one of the best things I’ve done for myself in a long time. Just make sure you find someone with whom you really connect/feel comfortable with. It’s totally ok to visit a few different people until you find the right therapist.

    • Cb

      If you are willing to go to SF, I’d recommend Vanessa Tate. I worked with her for a year and feel like it made a huge difference in how I cope with things. It was a safe place to vent but she also encouraged me to be proactive and develop life skills.

    • mascot

      I read all three parts. It was an amazing read (although it will cause eye leakage so careful at work).

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I just started reading. Thank you for posting this. My bff works with these micro preemies. It is a world few people know about and it can be very isolating for her. I will be sure to send her the article.

    • a.

      That was really powerful, thank you for sharing. I’m not much of a crier but I still teared up a couple of times while I was reading it.

    • saacnmama

      My son cut this out of the newspaper and brought it to me just as I was waking up the first Sunday it came out. He’s 10. It was very powerful stuff to read and then to discuss with him.

      Momentsofabsurdity, are you in the Tampa Bay area? You can email me at the same handle at hotmail.

  26. KinCA

    Any recommendations for good books/classes/articles on how to become a better negotiator, particularly those aimed at women? I took a new position recently, which involves a lot more negotiation than I initially realized, and I’m struggling with it.

    I’m a total Type-A people pleaser, so negotiating is particularly difficult for me, as I find myself giving in because I want the other party to like me (such typical NGDGTCO behavior, I know).

  27. K...in transition

    Just wanted to leave a hug here… for anyone who might need one or who hasn’t had one in a while or who needs to take one to pass on to someone else. ((HUG))

      • Silvercurls

        Thank you, K. I’ll try to pay this forward the next time the Grumpies come to visit. Better to do an anonymous good deed than sit around eating cookies.

  28. Anon

    Lawyer ‘e t t e s, how do you deal with family members who like to use your lawyer status to their advantage? A close family member, we’ll say father for the sake of discussion, likes to use “Well, my daughter is a lawyer and she said to do . . .” in a variety of settings, from trying to get out of traffic tickets in court to various business transactions, to now what could turn into a rather squirrely criminal/IRS issue. The point is, my name is being thrown about without any discussion with me first (i.e., whatever it was a supposedly advised actually never happened), and in areas of law I know nothing about. I have repeatedly asked, probably too nicely, for him not to do this, and tried to explain the professional repercussions should someone ever take up the notion that I actually gave this advice and am involved in these issues. Help!

    • SoCalAtty

      This drives me crazy, but for me it is more relatives expecting that I will clear up whatever issues they have for free and spend tons of time on it just because we are distantly related. I can’t imagine anyone actually using my name without me there…?

      I would get pretty blunt with them, and basically say that by using your name on issues you know nothing about, the judge / auditor / whatever could report you to the state bar and it could cause big trouble for you or your firm. That’s a little exaggeration, but they need to know what a big deal doing something like that is.

    • Anon

      Even though it is family and would be super awkward, I would probably send a CYA letter to that family member saying that I do not represent them, the lawyer-client relationship is a formal one taken very seriously, and that I have never given them any legal advice. Then keep a copy in your records. That way, should there be any kind of disciplinary complaint, you have a paper trail.

    • Cornellian

      I am not much help, although I’d second the CYA letter and say you should send it return receipt requested for the extra dollar or two.

      I also hate how people assume that not only can they get all of their legal questions solved for free, but that you’ve actually memorized all of the laws, of all of the states, all of which are obviously perfectly clear and never litigated. Even in a specialized area (say, S-corp taxation) you still have yards and yards of statutes, regulations, rules, and case law, all of which is constantly changing, plus the general background corporate law, etc. ARGH.

    • lawsuited

      I’m lucky to have other lawyers in my family who have modelled this for me. Also, I practice in Ontario, so I have the strict Rules of Professional Conduct to hide behind :P

      If a friend/family member/acquaitance asks me for advice: “Sorry, my licence doesn’t allow me to give you legal advice unless we have a lawyer-client relationship, and you’ve have to sign a retainer agreement and give me a bunch of money in order to do that! *Laughs*”

      If a friend/family member/acquaintance tells someone that I’m a lawyer and will sue them: “I’m not your lawyer and I didn’t give you legal advice on that issue. If you say I’m your lawyer and I’ve given you legal advice and I’m not and I haven’t, then I can lose my licence. Yikes, don’t put me in that position!” I sometimes follow up with an email which is slightly less formal and slightly less awkward than a CYA letter.

    • CPA to be

      No advice, just commiseration– I just found out in December that I passed the CPA exam, and at Christmas this year, my FIL cornered me and started asking me about tax shelters and asking for my advice on how he could shelter his money…. he has an accountant but was telling me excitedly how he’ll use her this year, but then next year it’ll be all me. For free. Thanks for presuming that, buddy.

      • lawsuited

        I’m a lawyer not an accountant, but when family members actually do want me to do work for them, you can:

        1. Refuse because the service they’re looking for it not your specialty area, and refer them to someone you know who can do the work they’re looking for. (For me, this account for about 90% of such requests.)

        2. Offer a “friends and family” rate (which is presumably not “free”). The law firms I’ve worked for have been fine with this for a close family member. If you’re working for yourself, you can do all the free work you want, but it might be better to adopt this strategy right out the gate?

    • OP

      Thanks, ladies! I guess the problem is that he doesn’t actually ask for services (so far, maybe because I always flip at the part where he says “so I said my daughter is a lawyer and she said…”), he just says that I advised whatever the outcome is that he wanted, as if that will scare the other party into submission. I’m a new enough lawyer that I don’t want to be doing any unsupervised legal work at this point, so I usually just stick with the “its not my area of law, sorry” route. Its very unlikely that anyone I know would need my specialty area. I think if it happens again, I will go the CYA email route just to be safe.

    • anon in tejas

      I’ve been asked by both sides for advice (my family and my husbands). My husband’s family is easy. He knows what I would need to do if a family member asked me a legal question (i.e. research, write up a long email, spend at least a couple of hours– even if it’s my practice area). He generally will put the family member off. There are rare situations where I have given a perspective (not advice), and it’s followed up in writing with (that was not advice, I’m not your lawyer).

      With my family, it’s more complicated. I don’t get asked, but when I have it’s been very sticky– ugly situations. I tried to refer out to someone specialized, but they didn’t bite on that and still expected some major help from me.

      Interested to hear responses.

  29. SoCalAtty

    The next round of good news came through! I’m through to round 3 which will be January 16. Not that far away, but it seems like it I’m so excited. I’m either jinxing it or going all “The Secret” with it and deciding that it’s mine so that I will get it :)

    • Cornellian

      I missed the earlier posts… so… round 3 of what? job interviews? chemo? reality tv show audition?

      • SoCalAtty

        Let’s call it a reality TV show audition, I’m afraid to say too much because the opportunity is so unreal and amazing it seems like it (so…#1)! I think I’m going to call it that from now on! So I had a great first audition, and was invited to a call back, and that was great too, and now I have a second call back scheduled.

        • Equity's Darling

          OMG, I really hope you’re auditioning for the Amazing Race, which is the best reality show ever, and if I was an American citizen I would be applying for it every year.

          They’re doing a Canadian version, but it’s only within Canada….I’ll probably still apply because the Yukon is probably worth a trip….

          My fingers are crossed!

          • KC

            This is a secret dream of mine!

            And SoCalAtty, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. Good luck!

          • Gail the Goldfish

            oh I hope it’s that! That would be the best thing ever. Ever.

            Jeopardy, however, would be a good second.

    • LadyEnginerd

      Hooray! And, more importantly, hooray that you’re liking this opportunity more the more you learn about it. That’s a really good sign!

  30. Cornellian

    Might be late to get feedback, but for the lawyers out there:

    A neighbor wants me to “take a quick look” at her mother’s last will and testament because there’s just one word that’s “legal speak” that she doesn’t understand. If someone just called me on the phone and asked me what “put option” meant, I’d have no problem responding. Is there a way for me to clear up a very concrete and small uncertainty for her while staying the hell away from being her lawyer?

    • Bonnie

      It’s a slippery slope. I would avoid it if you can. I generally blame my employer and say that I’m not allowed to.

    • Anonymous

      In those situations I find it helpful to point ppl to public documents/new articles/the Internet explaining the principle. Eg, “I’m not your lawyer and can’t give you legal advice, but this link has some information about how that is generally handled that you might find interesting/helpful”

      • Cornellian

        That’s a good point. I worked at a plaintiff’s side civil rights firm, and spent two years doing that for the 99% of cases that we rejected. That’s a brilliant idea, actually. Thanks!

        And thanks, Bonnie, for the word of caution.

    • saacnmama

      Can’t you just ask her what the term is and define it for her without looking at the doc? If she tries to pull it out, you can start by laughing and saying “that’ll cost you” and then if she persists explain the difficulty.

  31. Lili

    What do you do when the chance to meet a friend for drinks/dinner/etc. after work comes up unexpectedly and you happen to be dressed very business-y (button down, slacks and boring black pumps fwiw) and not at all for going out that day? Or when you plan to go home and change and end up having to go straight to an event, again in your business-y clothes? I could make a 1 hr roundtrip drive back to my house to change, but I’m trying to avoid it. What do you ladies do in this scenario (I hope I”m not the only one who this happens to all the time!)?

    I think the clear solution is to just have a pair of jeans, heels and cute top in the trunk of my car so this won’t keep happening to me….but what to do tonight?

    • Cornellian

      this happens to me all of the time. You’re right about keeping stuff in the office. If I were you, I’d roll up the sleeves, throw on any make up or jewelry I had lying around, and call it a night. Rolling up sleeves definitely makes a difference, and you could be more aggressive with make up if you feel like it.

    • SFBayA

      Unbutton your shirt to a slightly scandalous level, roll up your sleeves, and bust out your red lipstick and dramatic eyeliner and eyeshadow. If you’re by a mall, you could grab some inexpensive blinged out earrings or necklace or bracelet. On days I know I’m going out, I wear a shell, switch to jeans, and throw on non-worky jewelry and makeup.

      • LadyEnginerd

        Love this suggestion. Could change your outfit from boring to Audrey Hepburn all with a quick run through a drugstore!

  32. KinCA

    My boyfriend was nice enough to surprise me with a fancy leather designer handbag for Christmas. The purse is a lovely light gray color, but as it’s the most expensive bag I’ve ever owned, I am worried about keeping it clean/protecting the leather.

    Any recommendations on how to treat/protect leather handbags?

    • Ellen

      I have ansered this before for the HIVE. You have to get MINK OIL and Saddel Soap. Now the MINK OIL can darken it a bit, but SO WHAT? If you are woried, you can go to the designers’ store with BAG in hand and ask them for suplies they recomend. They will charge you alot more then you can get at the DUANE REEDE, but if it is that EXPENSIVE and your worried about it, then PUT YOUR MIND AT REST.

      I am STILL WORKEING at 7:30 pm and wonder if it is realy worth it. I wish I was abel to be home watcheing TV or hangeing out with a signifiecant other, but none have appeared that are worthewhile.

      BTW, some one told my dad about the FITBIT, and he got one for me. I have to program it and load it into my MacBook Air every night, and then he can see on the INTERENET how many step’s I have done for the day and how many mile’s I have walked. He now want’s me to walk to work (over 2 miles on my IPHONE according to GOOGLE MAPS) and back! Can you every day (UNLESS IT IS SNOWEING OR RAINING). He told me that the USMailman deliver’s rain or shine and I would do better if I was a mail delivery person. FOOEY! So mabye I would not have a fat tush, but I would NOT be abel to think all day like I do, and I also would NOT be abel to go into court (which I have to do next week), so what’s the big DEAL with walking?

      My dad is now telling me that my tuchus is the same and my mom’s, and that is NOT a compliment. I love my mom, but her tuchus is bigger then Grandma Leyeh, and Grandma Leyeh alway’s talks about her tuchus, and my dad is going to convince Grandma Leyeh to start shameing me about my tuchus. FOOEY on that! I am doieing what I can and most peeople do NOT care about my tuchus at all. It has NOT stopped alot of guy’s from askeing me out and I do NOT think that they care one bit about my tuchus. DOUBEL FOOEY.

      I have to get back to work b/c I want to be abel to get out of her b/f 9:00 b/c I have to be back here tomorow by 9:30 to bill 5 hour’s before heading out with Myrna to Rosevelt’s Island where there is some new park she want’s to walk around. My dad will be VERY happy b/c my FITBIT will have alot of steps on it. I can alway’s lend it to MYRNA and have her give it back to me at night so I can plug it into the INTERNET so dad can read the NUMBER of steps!!! Yay!!!! I am geting smarter every day with him. And Myrna and I are going to buy cookie’s tomorrow at CRUMBS b/c I did NOT have any over the new year’s! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      g

      • Anne Shirley

        Um, pretty please EllenWatch can you set up an Ellen based fitbit group for us? I would love to track my tuchus’s progress next to her.

  33. Katie

    I am a MAC and DH is a PC. Do any of you use Google Maps or some other online method of keeping your family life organized? Between our schedules, parent doctor appt., and the kid’s school stuff, we don’t know if we are coming or going! Do you use one calendar for work and home? Any suggestions are welcome.

    • PHX

      We use google calendar. All of his stuff goes on it. All the kiddo’s stuff goes on it. The only proble is my schedule: I can’t give him access to my work calendar, so I try to put the big stuff on google (trials, out of town travel, networking) so at least he can see it ahead of time. It’s still two calendars for me, but….

  34. KS IT Chick

    TJ, from a long – time reader who is posting for the first time.

    I had LASIK today! I have worn glasses or contacts for 30 years, and I already see better than I ever had with with one.

    If you are prone to migraines and get it done, apparently it is almost a guarantee you will have one on the day of the surgery. I discovered that Valium helps with most of the non-headache symptoms. I am going to ask my doctor about getting an emergency supply of it to have on hand.

    • hellskitchen

      Congrats – good for you! Getting LASIK was the best gift I ever gave to myself. My headaches and watery eyes lasted for just a couple of days and Tylenol took care of the headaches. My eyes felt a bit raw-ish for a week afterward but nothing too uncomfortable. And it is such a freedom to not worry about glasses or lenses anymore.

    • Research, Not Law

      Congratulations!!! I really, really, really wish that I was a candidate. I think it must be the most magical thing ever.

      • Susie

        I had it done about 9 years ago, and started wearing glasses again about 5 years after the procedure. Apparently it is not strong enough to withstand the rigors of law school!

        • hellskitchen

          Wait, is this common? It’s only been 2-3 years since I had it done. I figured I was good for a long time (sad face). Is this reversal to be expected or can I do something to prevent going back to glasses?

          • Susie

            Sorry, I don’t mean to scare anyone! My mom and I both had the same problem but most people I know who’ve had LASIK have been very happy with the result. I was about 22 when I had it done so maybe I should have just waited. Or the staring at textbooks and computer screens ruined it. Both the LASIK place and my optometrist just said that sometimes it happens.

          • hellskitchen

            Thanks for clarifying! I think I’ll talk to my optometrist and see what she says.

          • Mpls

            I had it done 10 years ago (while in ugrad) and I’m still doing fine. It could be that some people have it done before their eyes fully settle on a prescription prior to having LASIK, and so they continue to worsen after the procedure.

            The other end of it is when people have it done later in life and then start needing reading glasses – which is normal. The need for reading glasses among older adults is do to the stiffening of muscles that help your eyes focus. As you get older, the muscles don’t respond as well as they used too, and hence the help needed to read small things. And that can’t be helped by LASIK.

  35. Bunkster

    Just discovered the LoGo channel has a Buffy marathon on tonight. Perfect

  36. Gone Anon

    In case anyone is on here on a Saturday morning, wish good thoughts my way? Interview #2 with a dream job today!

  37. a.

    Brief, late-in-the-thread, vent: why is it so hard for me to ask for references for my grad school application? I have one strong non-academic reference, who I just emailed despite my overwhelming urge to hide under my quilt/throw up/play with my puppy/go run/scrub my bathtub/do anything else in the whole world…but the prospect of emailing my academic reference is making me want. to. die. He mentored me through an unsuccessful round of fine arts grad applications, so I do feel like he cares about me as a human, but somehow the through of coming crawling back to him for a reference for a more practical, career-based program is making feel like a complete failure and sellout. And my other possible choice dropped out of his PhD program and is currently managing a BigLots in Utah; and while I found his current email through the time-honored method of Facebook stalking, I really somehow feel like that’s even weirder. RAWR I HATE THIS

    • Lucy

      He probably gets those requests regularly from his students/former students. It won’t have emotional impact for him the way it does for you.

      Do you have an Interfolio file to which you can ask him to contribute? Not quite as good as having a letter tailored to each application, but it makes the asking easier since it only has to be once rather than again and again.

    • Lalo

      I had the exact same feeling when I was applying to the more practical graduate programs. Like somehow I was letting down these two people who I completely idolized and wanted (still want) to be. It was especially hard as one of them had told me that she was sure I was going to do something really fabulous in that field. Which, um, law it wasn’t. I sort of still feel like I let myself down on that one. (But hey, there’s always life outside of law. Hopefully approaching that.) I really want to reach out to these two people again because they are amazing people outside of being great academics in a really interesting field, but I’m almost embarrassed and a lot of time has gone by.

    • Belle et Rebelle

      Agree with Lucy that your academic reference probably gets these requests all the time. DH is a professor in a liberal arts field, and they often have majors go on to study in completely different areas, including law school, med school, etc. I don’t think he minds writing reference letters for students applying to do things in other disciplines. It seems more important to him that he be given a reasonable amount of time to get the letter done before any deadlines.

      Good luck with your application!

  38. Meg Powers

    I just scheduled a hair appointment for this week – going for side bangs again, which I am so excited about, but haircuts in general terrify me (I like my long hair and am always worried they’re going to chop off more than they need to).

    My actual question: since the last time I had bangs I’ve started exercising (running and yoga) and I hate having sweaty hair in my face. Any tips on how to deal with the bangs while working out? I have headbands already, but does anyone else have suggestions?

    • Legally Red

      Bobby pins–I used two and pinned them in sort of an X to keep my bangs out of the way. I never had much luck with headbands.

    • big dipper

      I use those snap clips that you can buy in packs of 6 or 8 for a few dollars at the drugstore (link to follow). My hair was always too slippery for the bobby pins. So, I usually snap clip the bangs back and sometimes use a basic cloth headband (for something like running, where my hair gets super frizzy).

    • a.

      Late, but I had the most success with pinning my bangs back (pull them back, then pin an X of bobby pins; spritz with hair spray if you really want them to stay) and then throwing a headband on top. The bobby pins did the heavy lifting, and the headband would catch whatever they didn’t.

      • Meg Powers

        Thanks, all! I’ll start with the bobby pins and headbands and maybe try those snap clips if needed – they remind me of when I danced ballet in middle school, that style of clip was all the rage (whether or not you needed them to hold your hair back!).

    • Cat

      Random, but is your name from a YA novel about the president’s daughter? Bc I had a brief obsession with the book as a tween :)

      • Meghan Powers Forever!

        I also loved those books and guess what – there are sequels. There are actually four books total and they are all So Good. The most recent one just came out a few years ago. I love them.

        • Goosebumpy

          Oh my GOD. I had no idea there were more! I just adored that book! Thank you for making my Monday morning!

  39. Anon for this

    Job-search related: I hope it’s not too late to get responses

    I’m thinking about reapplying to a company I interviewed with a few years ago in the same team, different position, as I applied to before. I went through several rounds of interviews, but I didn’t ultimately get the job (though I know I was a serious contender). The Director of the team, with whom I interviewed directly, is still the director (though his team is now quite a bit larger). Since I still have his contact information, would it be weird to reach out to him directly to ask about the position (or jobs there in general)?

    I’m a big believer that you really do need to network into jobs, so I don’t see any point in just submitting an application cold. When I first interviewed the team was small enough that he was the only manager, but I’m fairly certain that at this point the direct supervisor for this position would be below him. That said, if they consider me for the position he would probably have to sign off on hiring me…so no matter what my previous application/interview will come to bear. I just don’t know if it’s weird to reach out so many years later when my only context for knowing him is my previous application to the company. FWIW, what I’ve been working on over the last few years is pretty far-removed from the job I originally applied for (and my educational background). It’s also pretty good/relevant experience for the opening I’m considering, and I think that my education plus experience is probably fairly unique and well-suited to this job.

    • CountC

      Ask A Manager has addresses this question a couple times. My personal opinion is that it would not be weird and that you should reach out. I agree that networking is king!

      • AMB

        Agreed. A note saying you saw the posting, will be applying, look forward to applying all the experience you’ve accrued since you last met would be good.

        • Anon for this

          Thanks, that’s what I was thinking I would put in an email. Should I attach my resume and CL in addition? And would it be too forward to ask if he has time to chat or refer me to the relevant hiring manager? FWIW, I wouldn’t hesitate to do that if he was any other networking contact (e.g. a fellow alum or someone introduced to me by friend/colleague).

          • Anon for this

            I re-read and if that sounded sarcastic, it was not at all meant to ;) Yeesh, e-communication!

          • AMB

            I would put in your resume and CL through the normal channels indicated by the job posting. To me, he’s not really a normal networking contact so you don’t want to seem too pushy, don’t ask for a chat, just give him a heads up you’re applying to try and jog his memory and leave the ball in his court.

            (I didn’t read any sarcasm :))

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