Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 550 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Alexis Bittar Long Leaf Statement EarringsSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm in love with these earrings by Alexis Bittar. It's more than just these “long leaf statement” earrings, though — I'm kind of obsessed with his entire Lucite collection right now. I like about ten different pairs of the earrings, the rings, and the bangles (me! and I HATE bangles!). Sigh. These blue and purple ones are part of the “Winter Savings” sale at Nordstrom — were $115, now marked to $77.05 (and the red ones are marked down to $57.) Alexis Bittar Long Leaf Statement Earrings (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon in nyc

    My boss just scheduled my four-month review for next week, and I am terrified. He makes me very uncomfortable, and the last time he had a closed-door meeting with me, he insulted and humiliated me for nearly an hour – and never told me why (even when I asked). I really want to ask to leave the door open, or to have a neutral party present but I don’t want it to turn into An Issue – but I really just want to protect myself. (BTW my discomfort around him doesn’t stem from anything inappropriate…he is just a weird guy in general). I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or just cyber-wringing my hands over this. Arrgghh!

      • anon in nyc

        Not personal, but related to work performance. All unfounded. Don’t really feel like getting into specifics.

    • So it's that kind of Friday

      Do you have a formal firm mentor that you can ask to be included in the meeting?

      • anon in nyc

        I am not in law. I work for a university. I have an HR department and a union, both of which are meh.

        • Susedna

          But even if they are meh, could you ask that an HR person or union rep be present at the meeting?

          You may want a third-party witness, especially if, at the meeting you ask him for evidence to back up his …um….assertions.

          Like, if he said, “you’re always so sloppy in your work.”
          And you say, “I disagree with your assessment and ask you to please give examples of what you are talking about.”
          And he comes up with only vague stuff, then you want a witness to that.

          • anon in nyc

            Thank you. Your example is quite similar to something he said to me in the past. He told me I engaged in “bad practices”, but when pressed for specifics he flat out REFUSED. He didn’t even try to fumble over a vague answer. He just said NO. Ugh. Thanks for your answer!

          • Houston Attny

            I agree with Susedna. That’s a great example of why you’d want a witness.

            I’m also thinking that if you can’t get a third party or decide not to, take notes during the meeting and, like in Susedna’s example & your example, he won’t provide specifics, I suggest following up with an e-mail after the review. “Thank you for meeting with me. You expressed your concern about blah. As you know, I requested specific examples so we may determine exactly what went wrong and determine where we might have a misunderstanding. I appreciate you providing those examples to me so we may discuss.” It might help later if you need to CYA.

            Good luck.

          • eek

            Piggybacking here — Do you feel comfortable reaching out to HR prior to your meeting to ask for tips and guidance (like you’ve done here)?

        • NOLA

          I don’t know if you’re faculty or staff – that may affect what you can do. In our case, our staff actually have more recourse about their evaluations. We use a form supplied by HR and there is a place on the form for the staff member to add their comments. In my case, I’m faculty and, if I were untenured, I’d have a non-tenured review by my peers in addition to my evaluation by my supervisor and that helps. It sounds like you are staff and should be able to go to HR or at least submit some kind of comments that they would attach to your evaluation. In cases where I’ve had to give difficult evaluations to staff, I always have someone from HR present, in order to take some of the pressure off for me to remember everything to say and how to say it. I think, at the very least, you need to go to HR to get some advice about how these things are done.

        • saacnmama

          When my dean began attacking me, my dept chair went with me to meetings and helped with note-keeping. He was very much on my side, and critiqued my performance afterwards, letting me know he thought the big guy was being way unreasonable, what I had said that was right on target, and how other people had handled him before. If you have such a wonderful immediate supervisor, that’s what I’d suggest.

          As NOLA suggests, staff positions are likely to have more protection and formal requirements for disciplinary meetings.

    • oil in houston

      I had a boss like that… my 2 cents:
      I don’t think you can have a ‘neutral person’ it would only aggravate him
      you could try to have the door open, but then again, do you want your colleagues to hear whatever he is saying?
      personally, I’d prepare myself; you now know what he is like, prepare yourself for an hour of screaming. if it doesn’t happen, great, otherwise you knew it was coming. From time to time, allow yourself to zone out, to collect your thoughts and energy. What also worked for me was to write down all his criticism, it gave me something to focus on and made it a lot easier to turn it into a positive conversation around ‘how can I improve’.

      I’m sorry you have to go through this. Stay strong.

      • anon

        I wonder if you could secretly record the meeting and file the tape away somewhere?

        • JJ

          Don’t know about NY, but in some states it’s not permitted to tape a conversation without both the parties’ consent.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            You only need one party’s consent in NY, so if you’re a party to the conversation, you can. (I can’t believe I retained that random piece of information from the bar exam).

          • JJ

            You’d be surprised how often one-party versus two-party consent issues come up in employment litigation. Unfortunately, you never know when you’ll need that random Bar knowledge…

      • GirlMeetsWorld

        His seeing you write things down might also cause him to reign in his criticism, esp. when your hand is poised to write down the specifics that he isn’t providing. Maybe then he’ll be more constructive. By the same token, pen and paper could be viewed as “aggressive” because you’re trying to create a record. Good luck! I think your pressing for specifics is really important.

        • Godzilla

          Do you have an outfit that makes you feel authoritative? Wear that, whatever makes you feel on top of your game.

          I like the suggestion of note-taking. Even if it’s after the whole meeting is over, write down what happened.

    • TBK

      I agree on taking notes and summarizing in an email. I don’t know about asking for a third party. Maybe it’s done in some places, but if you’ve only been there four months it might put you on the wrong foot (I’d be a little wary of a new hire who wanted to have someone else present during a review meeting). Does your review process include any written review portion? If it does, can you ask to review that ahead of time so you can make notes? This would allow you to really control the meeting by giving you a chance to ask for specifics and discuss the written material in greater detail. If not, then the email summary is especially important and you can say “I just wanted to put this in writing to make sure we’re both on the same page.”

    • SpaceMountain

      I just watched this interesting TED talk — it’s linked on HuffPo under something like “body language . . .” It describes dominant vs. weak body language like you already know, but then she has this tip for people to do a “power” posture for a couple of minutes before something like this (her example was a job interview) and it can actually convince your mind that you are more powerful and more confident, and maybe better able to get through something sucky like this where someone else is trying to dominate you. I have no clue if it really works, but worth a look. The other suggestions above are more practical, but maybe this will help you keep your head up.

      • Lila

        Thank you for this, SpaceMountain. I just watched it (Amy Cuddy, correct?) and am amazed and inspired. This could really be life changing stuff.

      • Houston Attny

        Great idea. I’ve watched this, & it *is* really interesting. Definitely something worth doing before this mtg.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open thread’s!!!! Freaky Friday too!

      Before my job NOW, I held a lot of strange position’s and had even STRANGER bosse’s. When I worked as a PROCESS SERVER, my boss was an ex-cop who did someting that got him kicked off the forss, and we NEVER knew exactely what he did. He told us he was TIRED of being a policemen, and wanted to branch out, but he was suposedly close to geting a pension, but lost it b/c he did SOMETHING bad that we do NOT know about.

      He also told us to say we served every body, even if we did NOT, b/c that way he would get a BONUS. That was WRONG. I told him FOOEY!

      So when he gave me an evalueation, all he did was stare at me and it was creepy! Fortuneately I decided that I would pursue LAW full time and then NOT have to deal with sckuzzy people who did NOT want to be served with LEGAL PROCESS.

      Frank has the FLU and he came in b/c he has to get the payroll program fixed. He sneezed all over me and the manageing partner, so the manageing partner got mad and told him he should stay home and have the programer work here and he call in to talk, not show up! He called him BAD names that I will NOT repeat. FOOEY!

      I hope Myrna is feeling better. I am goeing to meet her and get some Italian Take Out tonite, with extra sauce and watch movies on my DVD!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

    • emcsquared

      I have a reviewer like this (luckily I have many more reviewers who are not like this). One of my colleagues told me I need to “care less,” and I’ve found that to be really helpful. The awful reviewer is incompetent and doesn’t remember anything from day to day, so I get wildly conflicting feedback. I’ve just learned to zone out and nod, smile or frown when appropriate, and then promptly forget everything he says so I don’t dwell on it later.

      Does this guy have any say in your career path? If he does, I would really encourage you to get a second person in the room and to have a meeting with that person prior to your review so you can go over your self-review and your list of concerns in advance.

      • AnonForThis

        I would agree with this. I had awesome reviews from everyone as a Summer Associate, except for one partner who acted like I was just the dumbest thing to cross his path ever in his entire life. I’ve never been so shocked to receive such horrible comments on work that really was fine, at least as to the professionalism, writing style, etc. I was so worried for my mid-summer review because of all of his criticism. Guess what the managing partner’s first sentence was: “You’ve gotten stellar reviews from everyone except Partner X, but he never has anything productive to say about anyone, so we generally disregard his feedback all together.” Ok. Officially cared 100% less about pleasing him after that. I think it was viewed as a rite of passage for new law students/attorneys to work with him.

  2. Gerri (NYC Book Club)

    If you’re interested in starting/joining a corpor*tte book club in NYC, email me at corpor*tte.gerri@gmail (with an “e” where the * is). For those who have emailed me, I will reply over the weekend.

  3. Jessica Glitter

    So…it is supposed to be 48-50 degrees and raining for the Houston Marathon this weekend. Any favorite waterproof running gear suggestions (or wet, cold running itps in general) for this Texas Girl?

    • b23

      Ugh, I’ve been feeling so sorry for the runners while looking at the weather forecast! Yuck. I have no tips. Instead of running, I’m going to a brunch at a friend’s house that is along the route, so I’m kind of bummed about it raining during that too – I’ve been training for eating brunch and drinking mimosas, so I don’t want all of that to go to waste. :)

      Just kidding. But hopefully I’ll be outside cheering when you run by!

    • Bonnie

      Wear a cap to keep the water off your face. You could wear a rain jacket but would probably get really hot. I’m usually okay running in the rain so long as my head is dry.

    • rosie

      Focus on staying warm, because you won’t stay dry. My personal *must* when running in the rain is a hat or something with a brim to shield my face (I notice a big difference when I am able to relax my eyes/face by wearing sunglasses or a hat). I haven’t done a marathon, though, so I’m afraid no more specific advice. Have fun!

    • Susedna

      I’m (in)famously sedentary and also not in TX but I’ll be cheering for you (at home)!

    • Anonymous

      Carry vaseline/aquaphor and a pair of dry socks in a Ziploc. The rain will increase the chance of chafing and blisters, and I’ve found that at least for me, vaseline works better than body glide when it’s raining… I’ve also known a few people who use grocery bags over their socks before putting on shoes, but it seems like it my feet would sweat too much to do this.

      • Kady

        This x1000. I ran one rain-soaked marathon, and my extra pair of dry socks saved my feet.

        • Susie

          I just wear really thin socks so they get wet but not soggy. Thankfully I’ve never had a problem with blisters. My biggest problem tends to be my glasses fogging up.

    • SunnyD

      Second the hat suggestion. It will keep the rain off of your face, which allows you to relax better.

      Also put Glide everywhere—everywhere—when you get dressed (including Gliding up your feet, upper arms, upper legs). And have someone at the finish line who has a towel and dry clothes for you unless the bag check is going to be really close to the finish. If it’s going to be 48-50, I don’t think you’ll be that cold, just wet.

      Good luck! Hope you have a great time (meaning both hours and minutes and a lot of fun).

    • MB

      I agree with everything said. You’re not going to stay dry, so dress for the temperature, not the rain. A hat with a brim is a must. Try one in a lightweight material.

      Also, I don’ t know what you generally run in, or were planning on running in, but I would personally stay away from those ubiquitous nylon running shorts. They seem to get really heavy and droopy when wet. I would wear a running tights (capri length, maybe?) or tighter shorts / half-tights.

      Rain is better than heat for running. I’d much prefer to run a marathon in rain than high temperatures.

    • So it's that kind of Friday

      I’d go with running tights (as someone else suggested), a hat (also suggested) and a waterproof running jacket that’s thin but water repellent.

      • LowerAlabama

        I did a half marathon in Tampa in the same conditions one year. Didn’t have an issue with normal running shorts or chaffing, but I’m very used to running in humid weather where you end up soaked in sweat anyway. I wore a cycling jacket that, although it’s only water resistant, was perfect because the sleeves were removable. I started overheating after a few miles even though I was soaked. Do you have anyone supporting you along the route? You could have extra clothing for different situations waiting on you.

    • Susie

      I would wear a waterproof windbreaker and spandex running capris. But I don’t really mind the rain. I got hailed on running a 50k in sloppy mud. :p

    • Houston Attny

      You go! Here’s hoping it’s not cancelled. And I’ve gone to cheer on runners in the past (always happy to do my part ;) ), so hopefully I’ll get to cheer you on!

      • Jessica Glitter

        Agreed! I don’t think they will cancel unless it is a full blown thunderstorm with lots of lightening. So hope those t-storms stay away! Thank you for cheering – Houston has such great crowd support!

        • b23

          I’m glad to hear Houston does well! This marathon-cheering brunch is one of my favorite events of the year, and you can look up and down the streets and see many similar events going on.

    • IronGirl

      A hat or visor is a must to keep rain from driving into your eyes. And I definitely recommend vaseline or Aquaphor all over your feet to prevent blisters. I usually try to stash a pair of dry socks with a friend – it’s something mental to look forward to. One year running the Miami marathon I had to stop and wring out my socks because every step water was shooting out the toes!!! Those temps may get chilly if you’re soaked so wicking fabrics for the run, and warm dry clothes and a towel at the end are essential – you’ll be inside the convention center so you can benefit from them quickly. The year I ran it was cold and drizzly but not full on rain, and I loved it. Have fun and kick assphalt!!

    • Herbie

      Merino wool socks – they won’t cause blisters if your feet get wet. I like Darn Tough’s wool socks.

    • Cornellian

      Socks are the most important, I’d argue. You’re not going to stay dry, and that’s fine, you’ll probably be warm enough at 50 when you’re running. I’d wear a long sleeve tech shirt and maybe tights instead of shrots if you have them.

      But really I’d make sure to focus on shoes and socks so that you don’t get blisters. I like the “Hera” made by… Asics, I think? But a non-cotton running specific sock, and make sure you have access to bodyglide or something similar if it’s not on the course.

      Good luck! Emprically 50 degrees is a great temperature to set personal records in long distances, so you may even be faster than you think!

    • Another Houstonian

      Not a runner so no advice on attire but good luck! You should feel accomplished just for showing up to run a marathon on the rain, regardless of how you do.

      Apparently I live under a rock because I didn’t realize the Houston Marathon was this weekend! I’m moving on Sunday and I live along the route so I’m not sure how that is going to work out… I hope you all run fast so the roads open back up quickly! :)

      • b23

        Maybe wait until the afternoon if you’re moving to or from anywhere inside the loop. There are major road closings and traffic problems as a result of the marathon. It seems like everything opens back up around 1:00.

  4. anon56

    I got some great answers on the last thread but thought I’d post here again just in case anyone else has some insight:

    So, any tips on building a maternity wardrobe for a working woman and for the weekend? How many work outfits did you buy? What were your best or worst buys? Any other tips?

    Basically, I’m looking for the equivalent post to yesterday’s “how to pack for a long trip” but instead “how to buy for a long pregnancy.” Thanks, gals.

    • anon56

      I also saw a couple of people referred to Isabella Oliver tops but not the wrap tops. Can you tell me anything more specific, or link to the type of shirt you mean? They are fairly expensive but I guess y’all thought they were worth it.

    • Legally Brunette

      One of the posters on the previous thread recommended Isabella Oliver and Seraphine, which I wholeheartedly recommend. Probably about 80% of my maternity wardrobe is from those two stores. In addition, I got a really cute wool peacoat from Motherhood Maternity. I also recommend the bootcut pants from the Gap (but if you’re any shorter than 5’6, get the ankle length because the regular length pants are waaaay too long). Another higher end boutique is Japanese Weekend, but I never bought anything from there. You can also try Boden, their stuff looks cute.

      Warning about IO is that you can waste money on shipping. They don’t do free shipping or returns, and those costs can add up. DO NOT use the express shipping method on IO – I spent almost $70 on custom fees when using that option, and was pissed. No custom charges for regular shipping, for some reason.

      Seraphine does not do free shipping but does free returns in the US, which is slightly better. Nordstrom has free shipping both ways, which is great.

      Places I had no luck at: Target, H&M, Old Navy, Pea in a Pod

      I spent about $1200 on maternity clothes total, mostly from high end stores, and I’ve been very satisfied with my wardrobe. Also, I know that everyone is different, but I did not have to buy larger sizes as I progressed in my pregnancy. I’ve gained about 28 pounds, mostly all belly, and I’m close to my due date.

    • Sugar Magnolia

      Check the flash sale sites for deals on maternity clothing. Specifically Zulily. You didn’t mention being budget conscious, but if you are, keep in mind that you can re-sell your maternity clothes to a mommy consignment shop or on ebay/craigslist afterward.

    • Sugar Magnolia

      Oh, I should mention that I survived most of my pregnancy with just 4 dresses for work (2 for weekends), 3 tunics, a black cocktail dress and two pairs of black pants and 8 or so blouses.

      I also should mention that you can “get away with” dressing much more casually once you get to the 7 month mark than you might expect. I had judges (who I am friendly with) say they were surprised to see me in a maternity business suit (OK, black dress pants, a black jacket and shell) during month 8.

      I also think this is a “know your office/field/city” thing. In my midwestern city, I think the bar was pretty low, but I am not in biglaw.

      Lastly, invest in good underwear. Attempting to wear my regular ones under my belly was a disaster, and left red marks. Buy some maternity panties and you will feel much more comfy.

    • Sugar Magnolia

      Darn moderation for mentioning the “c” word….

      Oh, I should mention that I survived most of my pregnancy with just 4 dresses for work (2 for weekends), 3 tunics to wear with leggings, a black c*cktail dress, two pairs of black pants and 8 or so blouses.

      I also should mention that you can “get away with” dressing much more casually once you get to the 7 month mark than you might expect. I had judges (who I am friendly with) say they were surprised to see me in a maternity business suit (OK, black dress pants, a black jacket and shell) during month 8.

      I also think this is a “know your office/field/city” thing. In my midwestern city, I think the bar was pretty low, but I am not in biglaw.

      Lastly, invest in good underwear. Attempting to wear my regular ones under my belly was a disaster, and left red marks. Buy some maternity panties and you will feel much more comfy.

    • Anon

      Re-posting for moderation:

      I’m in the process of stocking my second (and hopefully last) maternity wardrobe right now. I don’t have to buy as much this time around, but my first pregnancy was mostly during the summer, so I didn’t have much in the way of winter clothes.

      Generally, I would avoid Motherhood Maternity, although I was able to find a couple pairs of cheapo black pants there that I ended up wearing quite a bit. I have actually gotten rid of most of the tops that I bought there because they started to look so schlumpy and sad after a few washings. I’ve had a lot more luck with Gap and Liz Lange for Target, which are also quite affordable (especially with all the 30% off sales that Gap seems to have) and decent quality, considering that these clothes do not need to last forever.

      It’s a little dull, but this time around, I stocked up on a lot of super-neutral pieces, such as black, gray, and white sweaters and t-shirts, black and gray pants and dresses, jeans, etc. I figure that I can cycle through that stuff fairly frequently without people noticing and save the rest of my clothing budget for fun cardigans, scarves, jewelry, shoes, etc. that I can use to spruce up my outfits and still enjoy after the pregnancy.

      People will disagree on this one, but I generally regretted my “splurge” purchases from the first pregnancy. Everyone still wants to look cute when they’re pregnant, but in the grand scheme of things, this is a relatively small portion of your life and I wish I had saved my money for something else. The only exception is a pair of J.Brand dark denim maternity jeans that looked great and I wore them to pieces — literally.

      Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck!

      • Maddie Ross

        My maternity splurge was a pair of Paige jeans – the ones with waistband tabs, not the traditional maternity waist bands that come up over the belly or demi panels. I love them! They feel more like regular jeans (even have a zipper) which is nice – I feel “normal” in them. I also love wrap dresses (Gap and Lands End mostly – non-maternity). I for one hate maternity clothes and other than a pair of black pants for work, I’ve mostly tried to avoid them as much as I could.

    • Diane

      congratulations! My approach was spend a little more money on some basics that you can wear once or twice a week (pants, a couple dresses) and then fill in the rest as cheaply as possible. I hit a local consignment store and found a couple of great tops, and I bought a bunch from Old Navy (I lived in their jeans after work) and Target. Cardigans are great especially if you’re switching seasons while you’re pregnant – then you can get away with wearing short sleeves longer. My worst buy was a skirt – I could never get it int he right place and at the right length.

      At the end I think I had four pairs of pants; about 5 dresses; and a dozen tops plus some cardigans. Everything fist in one of those big rubbermaid tubs.

      Also, don’t forget about shoes. Your feet might swell, so you might want to have some room in your budget for larger shoes.

    • anon

      Any specific advice from taller ladies for maternity wear? So many dresses seem like they’d be too short.

      • JJ

        They are. I ordered a LOT of dresses from Target online, would try them on, and keep the ones that were long enough. I had better luck with Gap for long pants and some dresses. While it’s colder, you can get away with wearing them over leggings. I just gave up on skirts once I outgrew my normal pencil skirts.

    • Diana Barry

      YMMV, and fit for you may not be the same as for others, but:

      – I didn’t like Isabella Oliver *AT ALL*, too much $$$ and the sizing was weird (I think I was between sizes).
      – Best work wear was from pea in the pod (2 pantsuits, one grey plaid suiting fabric dress) and gap (several dresses).
      – Best tops (work and non-work) from gap and old navy.
      – Best weekend wear from asos (dresses and leggings) and old navy (casual pants).
      – Maternity tights – hit or miss. I am long of leg so I sized up and got some from gap and assets.
      – I didn’t get maternity underwear, just bigger sized underwear (I wear thongs with the lace sides).

      Also, don’t buy things until you need them – I got some stuff that I thought would fit later, and it didn’t. Stuff that fit me from months 4-6 did not fit *at all* from months 7-9, and I bought about 3 shirts at 38 weeks because nothing would fit over my belly any more.

    • Also in search of a maternity wardrobe

      I ordered an insane amount of maternity clothes online from many different stores earlier this week… I’m happy to give you reviews as they arrive if you want to share an e-mail address? I work in a mostly business casual office, but suit up probably once a week for important meetings. So far (26 weeks) I’ve been able to get away with my regular work clothes with the help of hair ties and bella band, limiting to my blousier tops, but those days are rapidly ending. Most of the stuff winging its way to me is supposed to be for work, and I seriously bought so much (with full intention of returning a large portion of it) that I don’t even remember what to expect.

      For weekend, I’ve gotten a pair of jeans from Destination Maternity (not sure whether they’re motherhood or pea in pod brand), some skinny, colored cords from Gap, a pair of black leggings from Seraphine that I love to death, a handful of sweaters that are all pilling terribly from Pea in the Pod and Old Navy, and 2 long-sleeved shirts. I probably won’t buy any more casual clothes unless they completely fall apart…. which, in the case of the sweaters, is possible.

      • Anon

        I’m not the OP but if you’re willing to share out reviews that would be great: a n o n r e t t e AT g m a i l (no spaces). Thanks in advance!

    • ANP

      I wrote an insanely long response to your earlier post and it somehow got eaten by my computer — boo! Here’s what I can remember:

      + I hated spending money on maternity wear (I’m currently in week 37 of my second pregnancy) because unless you have an ENORMOUS wardrobe, you’re going to get sick of your pregnancy clothes and everything will be in super-heavy rotation. So I shopped mostly at Old Navy, Gap and Target (I also work in a biz cas environment, and could wear black Gap slacks and a regular-person blazer when I needed to dress up more).

      + If you have thrift stores nearby, it’s worth popping in once in awhile — all it takes is a donation drop-off from a gal who’s your size who’s not planning on having more kids and BAM! Instant maternity wardrobe. Once you know your sizing, eBay can also be good for this.

      + I got a lot of workhorse maternity pieces at the Gap during my first pregnancy, when I was consulting and had to dress up more. Some people might disagree with me, but if you find something you love I’m a big advocate of getting two. Ex: I got two pairs of full-panel black work trousers from Gap because they fit so well.

      + Posters on the earlier thread wholly endorsed dresses, and I couldn’t agree more. In my biz cas environment, I can wear leggings and boots (so the leggings are kind of disguised as tights) under dresses and it’s super comfy. Dresses also flex much better as your body grows and changes. I never bought maternity tights — if I’m not wearing leggings, I find that thigh-highs work fine and don’t cut your belly.

      + I can’t believe no one has pointed this out yet (or maybe I’m just an anomaly), but I bought a fair number of tanks to layer under pretty much everything. I find maternity clothes to be pretty low-cut, and since the Girls are WAY bigger now than normal I find I need a tank top to keep things modest. Gap and Old Navy have been great for these.

      + If and when you buy pants, I’d make sure you have at least a few pairs of over-the-belly versions. I do own some of the low/demi panel pants but honestly, these just do not work at the end of one’s pregnancy. The over-belly pants seemed ridiculous to me when I was initially pregnant with our eldest, but I learned that they’re pretty dang useful.

      + Leggings + long shirt + long cardigan = a great weekend look. Replace leggings with work trousers during the week.

      + Don’t underestimate the power of accessories! I had a lot of fun during my pregnancy with big, colorful scarves and statement necklaces. I also bought a couple pairs of fun, comfortable flats without guilt (since those can be worn when not pregnant). Slip-ons are key at the end of a pregnancy; even though they’re not the cutest shoes in the world, I LOVE the Toms I got for Christmas and have worn them pretty much nonstop since last month.

    • Anonny

      One question is where you expect to gain most of your pregnancy weight. I am very much a pear and have no doubt that one day, should I be pregnant, and gain 35lbs, 90% of it will be lower body and I will have an enormous rear, even bigger than ELLEN’s, and really fat legs.
      I think I would avoid pants since I gain in the lower body and wouldn’t want to outgrow them every 3 weeks, and maybe some nicer wrap maternity dresses I can wear under a blazer.

      A lot of the maternity clothes I’m seeing are modeled by people who I suspect either didn’t gain any weight anywhere other than in the belly like Heidi Klum, or, are non-pregnant models wearing fake stomachs.

      Whereas someone who expects to gain weight in a different place may want to buy a different set of maternity clothes.

      • Rufus

        I am 25 weeks right now and have pretty much gained weight only in my belly.

    • Anonymous

      I had good experiences renting from mine for nine. They had a lot of good work stuff from seraphine, olian, Jules and join etc. you rent for something like $20/ month ( depending on item) It’s a little bit of a pain because all the brands fit differently and I always ended up ordering 2 sizes and sending one back but it helped keep pace with my changing body and kept me from getting totally bored wearing the same things over and over. I also got some formal dresses from there for weddings and got lots of complmnts.

    • B

      Buy one good pair ($100-120) pair of maternity jeans (Pea in a Pod has several brands to choose from). I loved having my good pair that I knew looked good on, especially since I wear jean to work on Fridays, so they got a lot of wear. I wore them with heels and then got them temporarily hemmed to wear flats later in the pregnancy (temporarily so that I could pull the hem back out for pregnancy #2). Other than that, I loved dresses for pregnancy much more than pants. They are much more flexible as your belly gets bigger, whereas with jeans early on I liked under belly waist bands, but then as I got bigger I liked the over belly bands, and then at the end you’re so huge that pants just don’t fit well, but dresses still do. Also, I loved maternity tights under my dresses as they gave my belly some good support.

      I found gap maternity to be way overpriced, especially for the quality, unless you are getting things on clearance. You can find some cute maternity clothes on ruelala, gilt, zulily, and totsy (the latter too are baby/kid flash sites, so also great for baby clothes, gear, and toys). Pea in the Pod is super expensive, but much nicer quality, so I had a just a couple of items from there that I wore all the time. Worth the money to have a couple of go to items when I wanted to look nice, and their sale prices are a bit better. Find friends who you can borrow clothes from, and pass it on after you have the baby. Some of my favorite items were borrowed from others. I got some cheap basics from Motherhood – not great quality, but you’re not wearing them for all that long. Old Navy maternity for weekend clothes since they’re cheap, but the quality was very hit or miss. Target has a great maternity section as well. I’m jealous that Nordstrom has maternity again – they got rid of it while I was pregnant. That’s another great place to splurge and get a few higher quality items.

      • ANP

        Late to the party, but…

        + Posters on the earlier thread wholly endorsed dresses, and I couldn’t agree more. In my biz cas environment, I can wear leggings and boots (so the leggings are kind of disguised as tights) under dresses and it’s super comfy. Dresses also flex much better as your body grows and changes. I never bought maternity tights — if I’m not wearing leggings, I find that thigh-highs work fine and don’t cut your belly.

        + I can’t believe no one has pointed this out yet (or maybe I’m just an anomaly), but I bought a fair number of tanks to layer under pretty much everything. I find maternity clothes to be pretty low-cut, and since the Girls are WAY bigger now than normal I find I need a tank top to keep things modest. Gap and Old Navy have been great for these.

        + If and when you buy pants, I’d make sure you have at least a few pairs of over-the-belly versions. I do own some of the low/demi panel pants but honestly, these just do not work at the end of one’s pregnancy. The over-belly pants seemed ridiculous to me when I was initially pregnant with our eldest, but I learned that they’re pretty dang useful.

        + Leggings + long shirt + long cardigan = a great weekend look. Replace leggings with work trousers during the week.

        + Don’t underestimate the power of accessories! I had a lot of fun during my pregnancy with big, colorful scarves and statement necklaces. I also bought a couple pairs of fun, comfortable flats without guilt (since those can be worn when not pregnant). Slip-ons are key at the end of a pregnancy; even though they’re not the cutest shoes in the world, I LOVE the Toms I got for Christmas and have worn them pretty much nonstop since last month.

  5. JessC

    OMG I want those earrings!
    So I saw this painted on a wall in one of the local H&M stores –

    “Forget the rules. If it makes you happy, wear it.”

    Good advice or not? Thoughts?

    • Susedna

      I think that’s good advice most of the time. But not for job interviews, or funerals, or other places/situations that have a dress code.

      • KC

        This is my philosophy. My casual wardrobe consists of things that make me happy (namely, bright colors and patterns). I also inject a bit of fun into my work wardrobe, but try to temper it with conservative cuts and other neutral pieces.

        There are some occasions where it’s more respectful or in your best interests to follow the rules and go with the standard dress, like Susedna says. Job interviews, a funeral, visiting a holy site, traveling in a place with different customs, and being in a bridal party all come to mind.

    • TCFKAG

      Within reason. If mini skirts or leggings at work or spike sandals or whatever make you happy – that’s a short term happiness. In the long term that’s not going to make you happy because you’re not going to be taken seriously at work and won’t be as successful.

      So I guess the questions is – how do you define happiness?

  6. Need to Improve

    Re-posting b/c I accidentally posted in news round-up:

    If you had 7-8 days of vacation, child-free, and could go anywhere within reasonable flying distance of NYC, where would it be? My in-laws are going to give us a week of baby-sitting (!!!), and I am beside myself with exitement. Where should Mr. and I go? Portugal? Costa Rica? Bermuda? We love: food, wine, beaches, a reasonable dose of museums, hiking, yoga, mountains, and warm climate. I would like to stay somewhere nice. This will be sometime in May-July.

    Suggestions, hive?

    • cbackson

      I had a great time in Sicily a few years ago – there’s really cool historical stuff (from Greek ruins to Crusader castles), you can hike volcanoes or swim at the beach, and there’s great food available. I stayed in Taormina for a couple of days, which was lovely, and would also strongly recommend Syracuse (don’t miss the cathedral built on the ruins of a Roman temple, with an Etruscan altar!).

      Personally, I’m hoping to head to Istanbul in that time frame, myself.

      • Ru

        Yes, Istanbul is AMAZING. Go there.

        Also, it makes me want to cry when Kat posts jewelry like this for so much money. Please come shop with me in the fashion district. We will buy all the costume pretties for less than $10.

        • TO Lawyer

          I am dying to go to Turkey… if 2013 ends and I have not been to Turkey, something will likely have gone very wrong.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            Also, Istanbul is so hilly in parts that it pretty much felt like hiking mountains until I acclimated;-) (yea, I’m from flat places)

    • Niktaw

      Portugal, Italy, Spain, Greece.
      Majorca has everything you are looking for. You could stay there for 5 days and in Barcelona or Madrid for 2 or 3, if you haven’t been there before. Same deal with Greece – some beach time on an island, and a couple must-see sites on the mainland.

    • Fiona

      I would go to the south of France. Perhaps stay in Nice for a couple of nights and somewhere in Provence for a couple of nights. You will get beaches, fantastic art museums, culture, and a cool old city to explore in Nice, and hiking and mountains (and perhaps yoga!) in Provence. The food and wine would be fantastic in both. This trip is also more of an adult trip and would be less interesting to kids, so a good chance to take advantage of your in-laws’ offer. And it would be great weather in May or June.

      • b23

        Barcelona is my favorite city in the world. It has the best vibe, and Gaudi’s stuff is phenomenal, and the food and wine are out of this world. I just love it. It’s where I would move if I left the U.S.

    • Lola

      San Sebastian! Food is some of the best in the world, wine is abundent, beaches are beautiful, and teh Guggenheim in nearby Bilbao is amazing.

      • Ellie

        I very much wanted to go here to visit a friend studying abroad but could not swing it for the 7 days I had to travel. Each way was about 24 hours of traveling with so many airport transfers (from the east coast no less). She had an incredible time though and my parents who had 10-14 days to do the trip and went can’t stop talking about it.

      • a.

        Such a good suggestion! San Sebastian is one of my favorite places in the entire world. It’s got everything on your list (especially with a day trip to Bilbao for El Goog), and in May and June the crowds shouldn’t be too gnarly yet. Seriously, if you want wine, food (more Michelin stars than Paris!), beaches, warmth, mountains, a reasonable amount of museums, and hiking, San Seb is PERFECT. GO THERE.

    • Sue

      Bermuda is lovely, some of the best and pristine beaches ever!! You can go snorkeling or diving or just swim. It is abit pricey though but summer is a good time to go. I’m not sure if there are any major museums though. But there are a few historical places like Fort St Catherines and some lighthouses. But ultimately this is more of a tropical beach destination. You can get around by bus or taxi and if you are brave enough, rent a scooter. It’s a good place if you like sea food, Hamilton has some nice restaurants. I went to one called the Pickled Onion (or something close to that) which is next to a Thai restaurant, also really good. The island of St. Georges and nearby St. Davids also have nice eateries and pubs that also serve food. If you like rum, try a drink called the “Swizzle”, there’s also a restaurant/pub called the “Swizzle Inn”. The vibe is relaxed, it’s also very humid so light clothing is helpful. Flights from the East Coast take about 2 hrs direct, booking early will help you get a good price.

      • NYCG

        Two ideas:

        Argentina. You should spend about three days in Buenos Aires (for the food / wine / museums / culture), then go to Salta or Iguazu or both if you have time. Or if you want to get in some time at the beach, take the boat to Colonia in Uruguay.

        Guatemala. It is lacking some of the things you mention (the food is mostly just fine and I don’t know about the beaches) but it is a spectacular country. The Atitlan lake, surrounded by volcanoes, will just take your breath away, and it’s a great area for hiking and yoga (check out San Marcos). Antigua, which is en route to the Atitlan lake, is a charming colonial city. In terms of culture, you should try to go to Tikal (you can fly there from Guatemala City), an old Mayan settlement with several temples. It’s located in the rainforest, so it’s a nice hike and you’d get to see monkeys. I also loved learning about the modern-day Mayan culture. Safety may be a concern though, with young children at home. I never felt threatened there and know quite a few people who went there without incidents but the crime statistics aren’t great.

        In my humble opinion, Costa Rica is very nice and in some ways more comfortable than Guatemala but it’s also much more touristy / Americanized. Plus you can save it for a vacation with the kids– it seems like a good destination for families with kids who are five years or older.

      • CountC

        Second Bermuda – have been twice and will go back for sure. Clean, safe, friendly and GORGEOUS.

  7. anon

    I posted this on the last thread, but this new thread opened up almost immediately, so I thought I’d repost it.

    Has anyone tried any of the ceramic-coated, non-stick cookware? I really want a new non-stick frying pan, and was thinking of buying one, but I see mixed reviews on some of them on Amazon. It sounds like a great idea, I like non-stick pans, but the coating always starts to peel after a while. Just wondering what brand was the best, and if they last longer than conventional non-stick pans.

      • NOLA

        I was going to say the same thing. I love love love my Le Creuset enameled cast iron because they are so easy to clean up and hold up better than non-stick.

        • Brant

          We’re a Staub house. DH is a cooking snob, and a snob in general, and didn’t like that Le Creuset was becoming more mainstream. I kid you not- we saw a pot in TJMaxx, and DH dragged me over and said “THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!”

          [fast forward to several weeks later when I saw a Staub pot in Marshalls and immediately sent him a photo.]

          Snobbery and function aside, I happen to like the Staub color selection better.

          • Ada Doom Starkadder

            re: DH a cooking snob.

            That’s hilarious. Loved that you snapped a photo of the Staub at TJMaxx to show him.

      • Niktaw

        I am a Staub fan, but, like Le Creuset, it is not non-stick.
        Cuisinart and Lodge also have enameled cast-iron lines.

        • Equity's Darling

          I’ve also heard from a few friends that they like Staub more than Le Creuset.

    • Inlander

      I found an AMAZING La Creuset frying pan in a thrift store for $30, it was quite a find! The enamel is in perfect condition and it’s quite old, it has a wooden handle. Usually when I see them second hand, the enamel is badly scratched.

    • PollyD

      Costco (sometimes) carries very good enameled cast iron pots. Much less $$ than Le Creuset! I have an enameled cast iron Dutch oven and love it. It does clean up very easily.

    • Scully

      If you are talking about those new “green” non-stick ceramic pans, I have heard they start to stick after some use. Also, I don’t know if they heat evenly. However, I was impressed with a crepe demonstration at my local kitchen shop. Don’t know anyone who has them yet.

      I use enamel-coated cast iron for everything (skillets, dutch ovens, grill pan). I have both Le Creuset and Lodge pans and find they are comparable in quality. So if you want to save some cash, go with Lodge (or a vintage piece if you are lucky enough to find one). I’ve also heard good things about Staub.

      Enameled cast iron lasts FOR-EH-VER. I have a circa 1970s Descoware frying pan that is still in great shape.

      Pros: even heat, easy to clean, usually comes with warranty for chips/cracks, no need to season
      Cons: heavy, can scratch if you use metal utensils, can chip if you drop it or immediately go from very hot to very cold, can crack with super-high heat (over 500F)

    • TCFKAG

      We got almost every size of Le Creuset bakeware available (plus a dutch over and a large sauté pan) – some are enameled cast iron (the sauté pan and the dutch oven) and some are ceramic and they are all amazing. Soooo good. We will probably have them until the day we shuffle off this mortal coil.

      • NOLA

        You know, I got my French oven at a Le Creuset outlet (for a really good price) about a month before Hurricane Katrina. We were really poor so it was a big stretch to buy it. I remember saying to my then-husband that I wondered if it would float if the house was flooded. As it turned out, the ground was flooded but it didn’t make it into the house. I was so happy to see it safely in my kitchen when I returned!

    • CountC

      I love Le Creuset but if you have a flat top stove, I wouldn’t go near it. All of my beloved LC is useless on the flat top stove. Everything burns and I have to baking soda boil it off everytime. Now if you have a stove that has burners, especially gas, go run and buy some!!

    • Susie

      Has anyone tried Pampered Chef? My coworker is selling, wondering if it’s worth it to support her.

      • b23

        I love everything I’ve bought at Pampered Chef, although admittedly it hasn’t been much. Randomly, I really like their Italian spice blend. They have great stoneware, and I’ve bought some gadgets there too. It’s all been really high quality. Go to one of the parties if you can for demonstrations.

  8. EB0220

    Can anyone recommend a source for tops that are longer in the torso (long sleeved shirts or sweaters)? I prefer simple with just a hint of something special (interesting neckline/a little embroidery or a subtle pattern). I am not that tall (5’8″), but my torso is long and everything seems to ride up on me. I have found things here and there at various places, but no store is consistent. I would love to find a place to stock up!

    • Parker - Boardroombelles

      W118 by Walter Baker blouses tend to be longer, but it varies a bit. Also, Banana Republic sometimes carries silk blouses in “long”. Sometimes, I just give up and revert to tunics. For a basic tank/cami – H&M’s standard tanks are pretty long.

    • Diana Barry

      I just got a Theory nice silk top that is v long. Forever 21 also runs long in their basic tees.

    • Anon

      You can get tall sized tops at Gap, Jcrew, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Eddie Bauer, JC Penney etc The selection isn’t always great, though. Some “nicer” brands run long. I bought a few things from Faconnable at Nordstroms because it all runs super long.

      • Mpls

        Tall will get you a longer torso, but will also give you longer sleeves, so be prepared for that.

    • NYNY

      I’m the opposite body type (5’4″, short torso), and I find that Vince Camuto tops run long on me even in petites, so they could be a good option for you.

  9. Senior Attorney

    NYC treadjack:

    Mr. Senior Attorney have decided this year’s vacation will be a week in Manhattan for my birthday in September. Hotels are ruinously expensive and I’m looking for a 1 bdrm or studio apartment to rent for 8 nights. There are so many options my head is spinning.

    Anybody have any leads in the $300 or under per night price range? We are flexible on the neighborhood but want to be very close to the subway.

    Thanks a million!!

    • TO Lawyer

      Have you checked airb&b? When my SO and I were looking at NYC, we checked there first and found some great places. Ultimately though, we ended up using hotwire and found a pretty decent price on a hotel room (around $225 a night all in) in the financial district and stayed there. We found it pretty convenient.

      PS I am so jealous! I loved NYC! We spent something like 8 months planning (the first 5 -6 months were more fantasy planning) and I loved just wandering around NYC for hours

      • rosie

        We got a great price on a room at the Benjamin on Hotwire. We liked the hotel a lot, and they run specials at times that might get a suite there under $300. Have you looked at Hotwire? I like using it when we don’t anticipate paying for any extras, like parking.

      • NYNY

        Be careful about airbnb and other apartment sublets – they’re often illegal, and people have been kicked out during their stays with no place to go. There are a lot of boutique hotels priced under $300/night, which is probably a better bet.

    • petitesq

      We stayed at the GEM hotel in Chelsea and it was about that. VERY small rooms (yea, NYC hotels), but we liked it a lot.

    • Fiona

      I know this is non-responsive to your question, but for DH’s birthday this year we stayed at the Eventi hotel in Chelsea and it was great. It’s a Kimpton and it was really nice, very new, modern design, extremely helpful staff, and a free wine and cheese hour every night. It was in the $200-$250 range per night. The precise block that it is on isn’t that great, but the overall location is excellent. Walking distance to Madison Square Park, Times Square, and midtown, plus very close to several subway lines for getting around the city.

      • LR

        I’ve stayed at Ink48 in Hell’s Kitchen. It’s gorgeous. Their website says rooms are over $300 right now, but they frequently have specials. Since you have so much time before your trip, I’d sign up for their email offers and see if you can get a deal. I think we paid $325ish a night a couple years ago, but we upgraded to a suite.

      • ning

        DH and I stay in NYC (Manhattan only) on weekends once every few months, and I don’t think we’ve ever paid more than $225 for a room, except for our engagement weekend when he got us a suite at the Waldorf.

        Most recently, we got a room at the King & Grove (near flatiron) for $125/night on a Saturday. NYC hotel rooms are notoriously small, but they’re only for sleeping anyway.

    • Jules

      Try NYHabitat dot com for rental apartments. I don’t know about their selection in NY — I used them to get a really great flat in London, and a friend rented through them in Paris — but as the name implies it is the company’s home base.

      Have a great trip.

    • Mpls

      Do the college campuses have dorm/hotel dorm rooms available (maybe not, if its Sept). My dad and I went to Manhattan after I graduated high school and I remember us staying on campus at Columbia. Couple days in dorm rooms and a couple days in “hotel” rooms they had on campus. I’m pretty sure we got the deal on account of my dad being an alum and it being alumni reunion season…but something to consider.

      • Bunkster

        Interesting. I went to Columbia. I’ll have to check into that next time I go to the city.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Washington Square Hotel is occasionally under $300 a night. If you don’t mind the outer boroughs, Long Island City in Queens has several hotels that will be cheaper than $300 a night–they’re clustered around the N/Q at Queensboro Plaza, which is the first stop in Queens, so it’s super fast to get to midtown. (A warning that the area can appear (and occasionally be) rough around the edges and if you don’t have a high city tolerance, it’s probably not for you. It’s a lot of European tourists for the most part who seem not to mind (or the parents of people who live in queens when they come to visit)). Some friends have used air bnb with success.

      • NOLA

        Depending on the season, I’ve stayed at the WSH for around $220, I think, but it was considerably more on this last visit because it was December. I know they send me emails with specials.

        My friend who went to NY with me said she’s gotten great deals on great hotels in Manhattan on Priceline but I’ve never tried it.

    • Sue

      I second the person who suggested staying in one of the outer boroughs outside of Manhattan. The subway system is pretty efficient, so you should still be able to get wherever you want to go even if you stay abit farther away.

      • Senior Attorney

        Generally I take this advice. Last time we stayed in Brooklyn and the time before that, in Jersey City (Mr. Senior Attorney was working in Manhattan and his company had a nice apartment for him in JC). But this time I really want to be in Manhattan! We’ll see if it turns out to be worth it, of if I go back to my outer-borough ways after this trip!

    • Darby

      I’ve had really good luck just using priceline in NYC — pro’s, generally get a room for around $120/night at a decent hotel (think Westin/Hilton, etc.). Con’s — you have to wait until close to the last minute to get a deal like that. My strategy is to book the $300 room so I know I have a place to stay, make sure it has a last minute cancel policy & then I priceline a couple of days before the trip.

    • Senior Attorney

      Well, despite the wise advice to be careful with airbnb and the like, we have booked a 1 bedroom apartment in Chelsea through tripadvisor and are pretty excited! It’s in our price range and super close to the subway, has multiple positive reviews and the lessor seems businesslike and has an actual, verifiable business with an actual, verifiable office. Fingers crossed.

      We can cancel up to 5 days before, so I am going to keep an eye out for deals on Priceline and the like when we get much closer to the date!

      Thanks for the help, ladies!

      • Gail the Goldfish

        for some reason the site wasn’t letting me post this earlier, but check sites like groupon, living social, and vacationist, as well. They always have NYC hotels on them.

  10. De

    I know there are a few rettes who love William and Kate….have you guys seen the new official portriat of Kate? Thoughts?

    • anon prof

      It looks like the artist didn’t like her! The half-lidded eyes make her look scheming. Usually she looks so lovely.

    • Nutshell

      I happened to see a picture of it. She looks so old and unpleasant in it!

    • Young Consultant

      Yeah, wow, that is not a very flattering portrait. Hopefully better ones to come.

  11. LS Apps Anon

    I am most likely being paranoid, but I have a question for your ladies who have applied to law school and the bar.

    I applied to a few law schools recently, and on the portion of the application that asked for employment history and internships, I entered the jobs that I felt were relevant to my application. I left off some short-term part-time gigs from college (I didn’t think anybody would care that I spent a few months reshelving books in the library, or similar jobs).

    After spending some time on law school application forums (notably, TLS), it seems that the common opinion is to disclose EVERY. SINGLE. JOB., regardless of its importance (and to email schools to update your file if you left things off). The rationale is that when you apply to the bar they will compare your employment history (via tax records or something) with what you disclosed on your law school apps, and it could be problematic if there are discrepancies. I didn’t leave off the positions with any intent to deceive or hide disciplinary action, they simply weren’t important.

    I am pretty sure I am being silly, but can someone confirm that for me? Reading the TLS threads about it has made me paranoid, but emailing the schools to update my employment history (especially in cases where I have already been admitted!) seems silly too.

    • Brahbrah

      I have NEVER heard that before — that’s so nuts. Just put relevant jobs on your law school application. I don’t even know how the bar would have access to your law school application.

      • Agreed

        For the bar, it matters more (although if you are omitting HS babysitting, and not your part-time law-school job where you got fired for stealing, you probably won’t get in trouble, either); for law school apps, just put down what is relevant — like you would on a resume.

    • meme

      Yeah I agree with the paranoid diagnosis. Don’t sweat it. When you apply for the bar there will be miles of words explaining in great detail why you’d better not leave anything out. Law school apps don’t have the same language if I recall correctly.

      • Homestar

        Several of my law schools apps did have the same language. So go back and read the application instructions. If the instructions were clear that you should have included every single job, then go back and add the positions that you left off.

    • FedTaxAtty

      STOP READING TLS! It will only make you crazy. It sure made me crazy.

      As to the employment stuff – go back and look at the wording on the applications and see if they were looking for your entire employment history or only those positions eliciting skills relevant to lawyering. If the wording was specific (i.e., provide every job you have worked since you were 5, including the lemonade stand), I would consider sending a letter to the admissions office updating your application just so that the information is on file. However, I might also consider waiting until you are matriculated somewhere, though, to avoid a bad impression. As long as you didn’t omit job information for nefarious reasons, I would not expect any problems. I am relatively certain that I did not list any work work study positions I held in college when I applied to law school, but I did include all positions I had worked since I graduated – I went back to law school after several years in the work force.

      And Honey – relax! I know how nerve wracking applying to law school is, but this is your last chance to be sane for a while – enjoy it! You will have plenty of things to worry about later.

      • LS Apps Anon

        Thanks FedTaxAtty, and everyone else!

        I just looked back at the application form itself, and it requests “List all employment including internships.” I figured it could be read either way – “List every job you have ever had, ever” or “In this section list all employment that you think is worth mentioning.” I am choosing to go with the latter. :)

        So glad this site exists. I wasn’t freaking out too much, but it is nice to have confirmation from actual lawyers (instead of other paranoid 0Ls).

    • Blue

      I just want to second the thought that you should avoid TLS. People there can be craaaaaaazy.

      • Boston 1L

        Agreed. Some of the information can be useful, but generally it’s important to realize a lot of what people say on TLS is on one extreme or the other. I thought I worried about way too much and was a perfectionist, but after reading TLS a bit, I realized I was not nearly as bad as I thought (at least compared to other law school applicants/students)! ;)

        • LS Apps Anon

          True. On one hand, TLS has been so helpful in terms of preparing for interviews and just understanding the overall application process. On the other hand, people will give you such strongly-worded advice that you assume they have some insider knowledge or other application experience, but no, a little bit of comment-stalking reveals that they are 0Ls too.

          • Boston 1L

            Exactly! Once you realize that, though, sometimes some of the threads are amusing.

            If you have any questions or, more likely, need some pep talking/ranting about waiting to hear back time with someone who recently went through the law school application process, let me know. I’d be happy to chat!

            I was able to negotiate up some scholarships, too. Unsolicited advice (which you likely already know): apply to peer and higher ranked schools compared to your top choices (even if they are in other areas of the country or are schools you’d never attend) to use scholarships and higher ranked acceptances for negotiating. If I hadn’t done that, I may not have been able to afford to go to my top choice (though still way too much in loans).

    • JessC

      It might depend on your state bar, but I had a friend have some issues with our state bar because there were things she disclosed on her bar app that she didn’t disclose on her law school app (she was prosecuted for writing a bad check and her record was exponged after she went through a diversion program).

      • mascot

        Most state bars have issues with crimes of moral turpitude so I can see why they piled on when they thought she hadn’t been forthcoming about it. Bar apps are crazy. I still have a copy of mine because it provides the best single record of my past addresses and employment through age 25.

      • roses

        Also my law school allowed us to “amend” our law school applications 3L year prior to applying for the bar so we could cover any discrepancies.

    • lucy stone

      I didn’t list all my jobs on my law school app, I did on the bar one (yes, I did work in a bakery at age 15!), and I had no character and fitness issues.

    • roses

      +1 to re-reading the application instructions. If it doesn’t specify that you must list *every* job, then no need for it. You fill out a separate app for the bar, in which you do have to list every single job ever, so make sure you do have the contact info for those part-time gigs!

    • TBK

      My verdict: crazypants. Don’t listen to law school application message boards. They are insane.

    • AnonyMiss

      At my law school (Wisconsin) the app specifically asked for total disclosure on several fronts, and the admissions director had us amend our applications during orientation if we omitted anything. That was years ago though. Since WI grads don’t take the bar exam, they really did compare our law school apps to the bar apps to look for inconsistencies.

      The instructions to verify the wording on the application are accurate. Some schools asked for more information than others on the resume. I remember one app asked for my high school class ranking. Ridiculous!

      Question: What is TLS?

      • LS Apps Anon

        Top-Law-Schools . com (the forums).

        It is a discussion board for law school applicants/students. It has a solid amount of information about the process compiled from posters, but a number of the people are pretty neurotic or mean-spirited. Reading it can definitely make you crazy (as evidenced by my OP!).

  12. Legally Brunette

    Ideas on vegetarian tailgating food appropriate for a football watching party? We’re having some friends over tomorrow night and I’d love some simple recipes. We’re doing veggie hot dogs, some chilli, chips/guac, and salad. I’d like another dish or two to round out the menu. Emphasis on the simple, since I’m close to my due date and don’t have too much energy to cook. Thanks!

    • Susedna

      Bean & chickpea salad?

      1 can of black beans
      1 can of chickpeas
      1 can of cannelini beans
      1 can of kidney beans
      1 can of (non-sweet) corn
      add in balsamic vinegar and olive oil

      if you want it to be a bit fancier, sautee some garlic and cilantro and then dump it onto the mix of the beans and corn.

    • NOLA

      I’ve mentioned this before, but I like the idea of a make-your-own burrito setup with tortillas, guac, pico de gallo, then grilled mushrooms, black beans, brown rice, chopped tomatoes, cilantro, cheese, etc. The nice thing is that if you have meat eaters, you can throw some shrimp or chicken in as well.

      • Bunkster

        I’ve always wanted to do a make your own grilled cheese bar, but that might be a little tricky/messy for this event.

        • Godzilla

          Oooooh, that’s such a great idea, especially if you have a waffle iron or panini press. Now I have to do this.

        • eek

          Of course I’m going to say Ina Garten has the best recipe for grilled cheese, ever – Ultimate Grilled Cheese. Godzilla, go buy a panini-maker from JC Penney!

    • Fiona

      Are you close to a Trader Joe’s? They have a frozen vegetarian “buffalo chicken” option in the same section with their veggie burgers that’s pretty good. I cover them with more Frank’s Hot Sauce and bake them according to the package. You could serve them with celery/carrots plus blue cheese for a buffalo wings riff.

      • Niktaw

        Trader Joe’s also has excellent frozen veg appetizers: mushroom turnovers, spanakopita, little phyllo thingies with onion and brie… You can also buy vegetable wontons, they are very easy to prepare.

    • Research, Not Law

      I just saw buffalo cauliflower on epicurious.
      Baked potato bar.

    • Anon

      At our tailgates, we used to eat spanakopita and quiche, among other things. It’s probably pretty easy to whip up a crustless quiche.

    • saacnmama

      deviled eggs?
      If you’re hosting and will have a grill, throw on some veggies.

      Isn’t a crustless quiche called a frittata?

  13. Divaliscious11

    I/We go to NY sans little people couple times a year and my favorite hotel is Ink48 – I don’t think I’ve ever paid $300 a night, but if you can come up on your price a tiny bit, you might be able to get a good deal. I’d call them and ask about what deals they may have available.

  14. anon

    Any attorneys for any 401(k) companies be willing to talk shop off the record?

  15. k-padi

    Question: as someone with a pixie cut, are earrings like these “too much”?

    What kinds of earrings can/should women with pixie cuts wear? I am having a hard time wearing any earrings other than small drop earring but I am getting so bored of those. Large studs, huggies, and small hoops look to “Eighties secretary” to me and large earrings look too “Madeline Weston” (Florida-retiree/Michael Weston’s mom on Burn Notice). But maybe I’m wrong?

    • AnonInfinity

      I had a pixie for many years and could never pull off huge earrings. They made me feel very self conscious and like the only thing people could see when looking at me was !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EARRINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Brahbrah

      I think dangly earrings with a pixie cut are adorable, though it might skew a little bit elementary school art teacher (but I like that look).

    • NOLA

      I don’t have a pixie but kind of a shorter asymmetrical bob. I found, when I cut my hair shorter, I no longer liked long dangly earrings on me. I think, in some cases, they reminded me of my older, former boss, who wore shorter dangly earrings with a very short (beyond pixie short) haircut. It looked fine on her, but not a look I wanted to emulate. I find that smaller earrings or large hoops now look best. I don’t like posts (they poke me in the neck) so I end up wearing hoops a lot.

    • Kontraktor

      My hair is still short… I wear whatever earrings I like/go with my outfit. :-) I don’t see why length of hair must forbid you from wearing an otherwise work appropriate pair of earrings (I am not sure I would wear the featured earrings to work regardless of my hair length- they seem a bit too big). I think smaller scale dangly earrings are just fine. I have also been wearing larger stud earrings recently and like that look too, especially with my short hair (you can see them more easily).

    • AJ

      I have a pixie too, and while I still like dangles on me (I wore sparkly purple ones for NYE) I don’t like hoops as much. Which saddens me, because my gold hoops were my absolute favorite earrings.

    • SunnyD

      When I cut my hair short, I started feeling like dangly earrings looked funny. And I can’t explain that because I always wore a ponytail before so the amount of hair around my face hasn’t changed. But now I mainly wear studs.

    • k-padi

      Thanks! It’s good to know I’m not alone. My goal is now to try on some bigger hoops this weekend.

    • Maggie

      As I’ve changed many times between short and long hair, I’ve finally figured out that I think I look weird when my hair hangs below my ears but shorter than the bottom of my earrings, if that makes sense. On the other hand, I think big earrings can look great with hair up if done properly (minimal other jewelry, etc.). I’ve never had a pixie but I think it would fall into the latter category. I should also mention that this is definitely a self-critical thing, I’ve never noticed or thought about another person’s earrings with respect to their hair length, so I say do whatever you like because odds are no one else will care!

    • Darby

      Hmm, I wouldn’t think so — I don’t have a pixie but I usually wear my hair all pulled back, so not that different & love big earrings. I’d think it would be fine.

  16. St. Louis legal headhunter

    Anyone in the St. Louis area work with a recruiter/headhunter either to move laterally to another law firm or go in-house? Any help would be appreciated.

  17. Liz

    Is there a Boston meet-up next week? I would love to meet the other ‘rette fans in the area, and remember seeing a general reference, but can’t put my mouse on it now. If so, many thanks to whoever is organizing.

    • Boston 1L

      We emailed tonight. If you aren’t already on the email, email me at boston1lrette at gmail dot com and I’ll add you.

    • De

      Getting a hair cut! And color….I’ve been going back and forth between cutting my quite long hair back to a shorter length, and maybe going a different tone. I change my mind every ten minutes!

      • a.

        I got my hair cut too! And…I kind of hate it. It’s not a bad haircut per se, so I can’t go back and tell my stylist to fix it; it’s just not very me. She also cut off way more than I wanted, so I’ve gone from waist-length to collarbone-length. Maybe I just need to adjust to the shorter length. Ugh.

        Other than that, working on grad school apps, cleaning my apartment, getting coffee with a friend or three, and trying not to lose my life savings in Spain’s winter sales. (So far I’ve only impulse-bought one thing, which I do think I’ll end up wearing quite a bit in the spring.) I’m also going out for Moroccan food tonight! So that’s exciting, since I almost never eat full meals out here.

    • Susedna

      Seeing a good friend and having dinner w/his amazing Mom. She’s a real firecracker, and just so, so awesome.

      I’m so looking forward to it, as I’m having an utter crap day at work.

    • KC

      I’m going ice skating! Haven’t been in years… here’s hoping it comes back easily.

    • Herbie

      Lady date tonight with the girls, date tomorrow with A Very Cute Gentleman Caller, dinner on Sunday w/ my mom. Yay!

    • JessC

      Painting!
      After seeing some of my artwork/projects, a number of my friends have encouraged me to open an Etsy store to sell my art. So I’ve decided to give it a try and am hoping to spend a chunk of this weekend working on stuff to sell.

      Oh yea, and I have trial prep to do. Blech.

      • Leigh

        You’ll have to link to your Etsy shop when you have it up and running. I’d love to see your work. I’m always looking for stuff for my house!

    • Susie

      Going up to wine country for a friend’s birthday. I’m not a wine drinker, so for me it equates to a very long drive to see some friends who don’t live that far from me. :/ But I am having lunch with my old college roommate on the way up, and visiting my best friend the following day, the real highlights of the weekend!

    • eek

      sleeping in, work, and laundry. Maybe yardwork, since the weather is supposed to be so warm in DC.

    • KS IT Chick

      Sleeping in. Watching lots of football. Laundry. And maybe going to a friend’s house to play with his daughters now that his sister has moved out.

  20. Kate

    I’m heading down south to Florida for a long weekend in about a month. I want a new bathing suit(s). The issue is that I have a large chest (32DD) and have trouble finding tops that fit. The D-cup swim sizes from jcrew seem to work, and all three of my suits are from there. However, those sizes are only available in solid color suits that are relatively boring/matronly in cut. I’m 29 and not shy about my body. I’m sick of my suits and I want something more fun/colorful. People have suggested Victoria’s Secret, because you can buy by cup size, but most of their suits — even in the large cup sizes — are push-ups (I don’t need to be bigger!!). Any suggestions from the hive? Where do people get two-piece suits these days?

    • b23

      Go to a Just Add Water type of place and try them on in person. I have sworn off buying suits online, even when they are on sale. Last year, before a big beach vacation, I just went to a swim store and tried on about 20 suits and said I’d spend what I needed to to get a great suit. And I did! I love it. The women there were very helpful and pulled suits that would fit my similar suit size.

      I also bought a J. Crew D cup one, and it is way too big around because it doesn’t come in a small band size (I’m also a 32). I think one thing that helps on that is if it is a tie-back suit rather than a clasp. Perhaps yours from J. Crew were tie back, but mine didn’t work at all.

    • mezzaluna

      Same age, 32DDD. Believe it or not, I have actually had great luck with Old Navy string bikini bathing suits. The triangle tops in XL fit perfectly and the tie-back allows you to adjust the width around your rib cage, unlike the snap closures. I just checked and they don’t have a ton of selection right now, but they usually put out all their new swimwear in time for spreak break-ers so hopefully they’ll have some more options soon. Victoria’s Secret never worked for me. I’ve heard good things about Athletica, but have never tried anything from there and the styles seem to trend older. Finally, you might have luck at a swim specialty shop, like Everything But Water, which would likely cost you more $$. Good luck!

      • MaggieLizer

        +1 to Old Navy. Almost all of my bathing suits are from there and they’ve held up really well. I think I have a top or two from Target that have been great too. Marshall’s always seems to have a huge selection but I haven’t looked through it.

    • little b

      Panache brand. Available at Her Room, Linda’s online, and Bare Necessities. Not a large selection but they do make bikini tops in larger bra sizes that aren’t push-ups.

      • Petunia

        This!! I love Panache suits.

        Sigh – BCBG has the most divine gown that I’d love to wear for an upcoming Mardi Gras ball. But there is no way to wear a bra with it…sometimes b**bs aren’t all that great!

    • MB

      I love Freya for suits for my large cup / small band figure. Try figleaves dot com or barenescessities dot com.

      Or, if you want to try them on in person, try a specialty bra store.

    • Anon

      You can take the pads out of Victoria’s secret swimsuits. The ones I have from there are weirdly my favorite, even though I hate their bras. I also love Vix – their bia logo bikini fits really well and come in DD.

    • KP

      I would avoid Victorias Secret. As a 30DD, the suits are poorly made and don’t really fit that well. After an endless quest to find bikinis, I would recommend Lucky and Becca. The best thing about Becca is that they are the only place where I have been able to find string bikinis that actually fit and don’t make me feel like I am about to fall out of them. I get that underwire suits are better for busty women but a little variety is nice. Also if you can find one top that fits really well in a solid color you can buy a bunch of different bottoms to go with it. I have Becca tops that I pair with solid, patterned, and different cut bottoms.

    • Need to Improve

      Freya! They are great and you can mix and match top and bottom. The tops have underwires and adjustable straps, and generally are very supportive for the larger of chest.

  21. Houston Attny

    Drugstore mascara question: I am interested what you would recommend as your go-to favorite drugstore mascara. My main complaint about many mascaras (regardless of price point) is that it flakes off under my eyes. I’m looking for something new and would like to go less expensive so I’d love your suggestions. Thank you, Ladies!

      • Petunia

        Great Lash – Lots of Lashes! It has the heart on the tube. Even better than the original!

      • a.

        I’ll be the voice of dissent. I tried it because everyone I knew said it was The Best Mascara Ever, but it always got really flaky and smudgy on my lashes, and seemed to stay on for three hours, tops.

        • phillygirlruns

          agreed on this – i’ve never liked great lash. it seems extra wet to me, also.

    • LowerAlabama

      I use Loreal Double Extend Waterproof, but my issue is smudging, not flaking.

      • Susedna

        Ditto. I gave up after trying just about ever single drugstore mascara, because they always, always smudged, even if they were billed as waterproof.

        I’m thinking that the oils produced by the skin on my eyelids was what did it, not “water.” And then, these stupid smudgey mascaras would be hard to wash off because they were waterproof, not oilproof.

        The only mascaras I’ve ever bought that didn’t smudge were expensive European and Japanese ones that were immune to the oils on my skin, but easily washed off with warm water. This to me seems more sensible, but they were all so expensive, that I’ve mostly just given up on mascara at this point.

        • LowerAlabama

          Have you tried the Double Extend? It still smudges a little on me, but it’s more of a s*exy smudge than the raccoon smudge other mascaras give me.

    • Anon

      I use the L’Oreal beauty tubes mascara (forget what it’s called.. the tube is red and white) because the fiber/tubes make it smudgeproof.

    • Houston Attny

      Thank you, Ladies! I’ve written down your great suggestions and will enjoy trying them…and not flaking all over the place. :)

  22. Meg Murry

    We’ve been invited to a baby shower this weekend where we’ve been asked not to bring gifts but meals that can go in the freezer are welcome. Any recipes/suggestions for meals that can be frozen and reheat well? Preferably something easy, as I’m only a so-so cook. Or something that I could make for the pantry instead of the freezer, since I suspect the freezer will fill quickly? I’m trying to think of foods that are easy to eat too, since I seem to remember all of my postpartum eating was food that could be eaten 1 handed while holding a baby, or in 10 minutes so I could get a nap or shower before the baby woke up.

    • Anon

      How about a few different Bell jars full of homemade trail mix? One could be strictly mixed dried fruit and nuts, a second could incorporate chocolate/peanut butter chips for a sweet treat, and the third could be more savory (incorporate pretzels/wasabi peas/etc)? Won’t require cooking, can eat one handed :)

    • eh230

      Most soups freeze well, lasagna, mac and cheese, pizza kits (dough, sauce, cheese). For pantry items, maybe homemade instant oatmeal packs or brownie or muffin mix. If you have Pinterest, maybe check it for pantry ideas?

    • Kontraktor

      Love the idea above about trail mix. Healthy and expensive to buy yourself, so making it for somebody would be very generous. Also, what about making pancake/waffle mix and writing some directions that say, “just add 1 cup water, 1 TBL oil, etc.” That way, if she wanted something like that, she wouldn’t have to measure anything out herself. You could also make a gift basket up of these sorts of items (scone/muffin/bread mix) from Trader Joes or something. Gift basket of herbal tea might be nice. What about gift cards for take out?

      I know these are a bit different than freeze meals, but I like the idea of trying to diversify the gifts and still having them be meal themed.

    • SunnyD

      Would a gift card to a nearby restaurant that does take out (or a grocery store like Whole Foods with lots of prepared stuff) count?

    • AJ

      Shepherd’s Pie (I’ll put the link in another comment to avoid moderation, but look for the one on Simply Recipes) or Chicken Pot Pie? I make my chicken pot pie with a biscuit topping, which makes it a lot easier.

    • Suzer

      Look at the Dinner a Love Story blog. They just did a post with a link to “freezer meatballs for new moms” that looked easy and good.

    • Anon

      I think I would make something like a dozen breakfast burritos or chicken, potato and cheese burritos or customize to suit her prefernces. I know, for me, the hardest time was breakfast/ lunch (often ate one meal around 10-11 am), since that is when I was alone. Dinner wasn’t so hard because my husband was home by that point and either cooked or could help with the baby. But burritos would be something easy to throw in the microwave and eat one handed.

    • Research, Not Law

      Avoid items with dairy (it doesn’t freeze well and it’s commonly something nursing moms have to avoid eating).

      Store bought pantry items for new parents: stretch island fruit leather boxes from Costco, granola bars, breakfast bars, trail mix, goldfish crackers, graham crackers, canned soup, Annies mac and cheese, dried fruit, izzie sodas, juice.

      Gift cards for conveniently located take-out would be great, too.

      While I think the above suggestions for baking mixes are generally a nice idea, I would not do it for new parents. It’s not what they are looking for.

    • MaggieLizer

      There was a post with a ton of good crock pot recipes a few months ago. I personally love a jerk chicken recipe I found through WW. The recipe isn’t particularly spicy, but I’d probably go easier on the spice if she’s going to be nursing. Link in reply.

      • Also in Academia

        Is she breastfeeding? I could not eat chili while breastfeeding, the spicy flavors made my son very sick to his stomach. Each kid is different, though.

  23. Kat

    I’m visiting a friend this weekend and she had her baby about two months ago. What should I bring? I thought food for her and her husband – any other ideas?

    • Research, Not Law

      Food is great. Offer to hold the baby while she showers or does something else.

    • saacnmama

      offer to go grocery shopping and to pick up diapers

      No negative comments on the house and do not just start cleaning something without asking, but sincerely offering to give them a hand would probably be appreciated.

      Are they ready for a little alone time while you babysit, or still into googly-eyes at the baby?

  24. Friend anon

    Ladies, I need a reality check. A good friend and the guy she had been seeing for a few weeks (never official, no LGPs) stopped seeing each other a little while ago. I’m in a sort of LDR with my BF; we live 2 hours apart and so we only see each other on weekends.

    Before the break up, friend and I had made plans to double date one night this weekend – dinner and an event. She asked me last week if I would uninvite BF and I said no, we only have this 1 night this week because of work, but if she was uncomfortable then we could cancel and have a girls’ night some other night. She didn’t want to cancel and seemed OK, but today asked if I would uninvite him from dinner and just have him meet us later. I said no, I would be super p!ssed if he did that to me so I wasn’t going to do it to him, plus it creates a logistical nightmare, and she got really upset. I think she was already upset with me because I couldn’t hang out with her immediately after the break up because I had other plans, though I was available over text and chat and took her out as soon as I was able. I’m feeling really guilty about not being there for my friend; at the same time, though, I have a really busy life and I’m not going to drop everything and rush to your side for something that’s not earth shattering, like a divorce or death in the family. Someone please tell me I’m not being a horrible person! I feel so powerless, is there anything else I can do to support friend? TIA!

    • De

      You’re not a terrible person for sure, but is there a reason why she wants to have just girl time? Can you schedule maybe a mani/pedi date for the next day? To me it sounds like maybe she needs some girl time.

      • BMBG

        Second. You’re not a horrible person. But she probably wants to talk, and it would be nice if you can fit in a little time for her soon …

        • Friend anon

          Yeah, I took her out last weekend and we spent a day together, it was just later in the weekend than she would have preferred. I offered to do something with just her this weekend and she declined. Maybe I should just make an appointment and tell her I’m going and I hope she will too?

          • BMBG

            Now that you’ve elaborated, I would say that if she can’t join you both tonight and accept your generous offer to do something with just her later this weekend (or even just the latter), then it’s more her issue than anything else.

            I do think it’s important to be there for friends, but it sounds like you have been there for her through this …

      • Nonny

        Agreed. It sounds to me like she has something she wants to discuss with you in person. Some things you just can’t talk about over text. Try to fit in some time with her alone – can you meet her an hour before dinner and have your BF join you later?

    • MB

      Not a terrible person, and if she can’t socialize with you and your boyfriend and enjoy a nice meal / drinks / conversation, I think its her problem.

    • Ella

      She’s being unreasonable. Maybe you can try to see her for an hour before BF joins you for dinner?

      • Friend anon

        Thanks to you and Nonny, this would be a great compromise, but I’m in biglaw and as it is I’m heading straight to dinner from work and can’t leave any earlier.

    • TBK

      Is there a reason she was more invested in this relationship than most people are at a few weeks? (i.e., Did this guy seem very special? Was she coming off a bad break-up of a longer-term relationship?) Becuase if not, it strikes me as a very meh thing and really just part of the ups and downs of dating. If I were her, I might not want to be the third wheel with you and BF but I also would never ask you to cancel your one night this week with your guy. Which makes me think there’s something else up with her. I think she should be totally okay with postponing. Are you often difficult to make plans with? Does “some other time” mean like Sunday afternoon or does it mean “maybe sometime before March”? Because if you’re generally unavailable, this might be less about one particular night and more about how much time you’re available as a friend in general vs how much time she needs in a friend (one or the other isn’t better or worse, just often the source of friction in friendships).

    • k-padi

      I think she needs some girl-time. As a single gal likely to be in this situation, I wouldn’t mind if my friend’s partner joined but…he needs to understand that I need girl-talk. The best husbands/boyfriends of my friends know that these situations are where they just don’t talk for the night. They let the conversation go to girl-talk and stay on girl-talk.

      So, can your BF stay quiet and only say supportive things or is he the kind of guy to take the spotlight, dismiss girl-talk, or tell her she’s never going to find Mr. Right? If he’s the latter, I don’t blame your friend for not wanting him at dinner.

      • Friend anon

        Thanks, I’ll make sure to have a chat with him about what you’ve mentioned, though I don’t think he would be a jerk about it. If anything he’ll tune out and watch sports on his phone. I’ve been in her shoes more times than I can count and it’s really weird to now find myself as the coupled one with BF time commitments, so I’m really trying to be sensitive.

  25. D&B

    Long time lurker here: Is Dooney & Bourke still uncool? Has the brand been so tarnished by their teenybopper days of the early 2000s that it is beyond repair? I was looking at its website and came across the Alto line. The styles are classic, and the Italian leather looks sturdy. Completely smitten with this bag in the red (http://www.dooney.com/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpSctDspRte.jsp?section=49142), to rotate with my black briefcase tote.

    I remember the 2010 discussion on Coach and D&B, and the views were strong and polarized. I know this is a petty question to ask, but I would really like to get some peer feedback before dishing out a couple hundred bucks.

    Happy weekend!

    • Suzer

      I actually sold D&B bags back in the 90’s and sort of harbor a prejudice against the brand – it reminds me of the obnoxious customers who bought them at the time. But this looks NOTHING like those old pebble leather bags with duck logos – it’s very nice. Plus the logo is discreet. I say if you love it, go for it.

    • PHX

      Piggy-backing on to your question: what about the Longchamp le pliage? They are not ubiquitous in my region, so theoretically shouldn’t have the “college girl book bag” stigma….

      • Esquared

        I am from the west coast were not many people have these (& that is were I currently live) & went to law school on the east coast… were ALL the obnoxious undergrads in legging pants used them… and I finally gave in & bought myself an awesome red one for $70 during a bloomingdales sale. Because I felt so mixed about it I didn’t want to pay full price, but I figured even if I used it as an extra stuff away travel bag, $70 wouldn’t kill me. I’ve been using it as a fancy lunch bag, place to stuff an extra scarf lately.

        • PHX

          Thanks! I am looking for a spring/summer bag that zips all the way across. I actually saw a woman with one tonight–I almost asked her if I could play with it. But I controlled myself. ;)

      • Darby

        I hope not – I love mine. Lightweight & I carry it all the time. I’m nowhere close to being in college though, so I had no idea that was a stereotype with it.

      • a.

        I live on the East Coast, where the stereotype is probably strongest, and I will tell you straight up that I don’t give a d***. You will pry my Longchamps out of my cold, dead hands. It’s lightweight like Darby said, fits a ton of stuff, and is extremely durable. So PHX, I’d say go for it, especially if you’re looking for a summer bag with a full zip.

    • Midwest

      IMO, there is a world of difference between a Coach or D&B logo bag and the rest of their stuff. I think the bag you have in mind is absolutely fine.

      … says the woman who is eyeing a D&B of her own.

      • MaggieLizer

        Agreed, it’s something of a pet peeve of mine that people equate Coach with ALL THE Cs with normal-looking Coach. The bag OP linked is lovely.

    • Herbie

      Not a fan of logo bags myself, but I like the red D&B you linked. I say go for it! Haters gon’ hate!

    • AIMS

      Ok. I get that it’s a petty concern and we should all just buy what we like and never think about these things, but this is the kind of thing that might bother me too so I will tell you my thoughts. D&B really killed me for a while for all your cited reasons, but I have also noticed a lot of their new designs lately are kind of awesome. So, my thinking is if the design is nice and not in your face and nobody ever wants to give them a chance because they used to have too many cheesy logo bags, how will they ever be good enough to allow women who like their new stuff to proudly rock it? A mouthful, yes, but I say you get it and start a trend!

    • Ella

      I had similar concerns when I received one as a gift, but it’s so cute and classic looking that I decided to get over it. I also asked some brand-obsessed friends and they said that as long as the logo is discreet, they think it’s fine

        • D&B

          When I was in high school back in the late 1999s and early 200s, Dooney was the brand that the “popular girls” and “wanna-be girls” carried to school. It also ran advertisements in Seventeen and etc. for their logo bags. That’s how I came to view the brand forever and ever…

        • Sadie

          I also think of it as a mom brand (late 30’s) and when I was in high school, it was an Esprit bag and keds, and Guess jeans with the triangle patch that you HAD TO HAVE. At the time, $80 jeans were REALLY EXPENSIVE. ;)

      • Senior Attorney

        Same here! I’ve been carrying Dooneys since the mid-80s, and it was my then-in-her-60s mother-in-law who bought me my first one! I guess I missed the teenybopper period.

    • mamabear

      I didn’t really know all of this and I’m glad I didn’t. Last year I bought a red “Priscilla” bag by Dooney & Burke – found it at an outlet – and I got nothing but compliments on it.
      http://pinterest.com/pin/76209418664021397/

      I was so impressed with the bag’s quality I bought a different style in gray online. I pretty much rotate between those two bags and a black Kate Spade these days.

      I’m glad to be from the West Coast, I guess.

  26. Nutshell

    Does anyone have recommendations for alternative/Eastern medicine for migraines, immune system (really weak but doesn’t show on blood tests as an issue), or generally? Any specific recommendations in MA/RI would be great as well. I want to explore alternatives, but I don’t know where to begin! Reiki didn’t work well for me (sometimes made me feel better, sometimes made my head significantly worse – but this was just done by a coworker a handful of times and not regularly, so I don’t know if that changes things).

    Thanks!

    • Ru

      I’ve been going through A LOT of health issues that sound very similar to yours. Hello 62-day headache. Weakness, fatigue, trouble concentrating, dizziness, nausea, ear pain, exploding eye pain, stiff muscles and more. It took me a very long time to get diagnosed but finally – herniated discs in my neck (pinched nerves). The pain radiated up into my head, weakness/tingling in my arms and resulted in stiffness in most of my neck and back.

      I was initially diagnosed with sinus headaches and made myself photosensitive on prolonged ibuprofen/naproxen use. Pseudoephedrine worked sometimes. Then I was diagnosed with migraines. Didn’t respond to migraine meds or narcotics. I’m now on an nSAID given to arthritis patients, which is making life manageable. I also see a chiropractor and physical therapist to help with the disc issues and hopefully reduce pain. I’m thinking about starting acupuncture soon because I don’t want to be on pain medication forever.

      It’s a trying process but make sure you have the proper diagnosis. I’d still be in bed if I believed I had migraines.

      • Nutshell

        Sounds like a rough time! I’ve had a 24/7 migraine since late 2007, broken for a time by a medicine combination that worked well other than landing me in the hospital a ton of times for heart and other issues. Once we figured out the migraine medication was causing it, I tapered off, but obviously the 24/7 came back in its entirety. (I get one that is 24/7 and then about four different ones that alternate irregularly.) I’m on a botox treatment that lowered the constant and others, but nothing that has fully ended them. I’ve tried all different things – chiropractor, special neurology clinic (I actually go up to Dartmouth Hitchcock), different medication combinations, spinal taps, etc. Basically, my neurologists have determined what it isn’t from by process of elimination (exams like MRIs, trying different treatment methods), so all that is left is the communications/chemistry in my brain (from what I gather). [sorry for the overshare of at least part of my medical history!]

        I hope acupuncture works for you! I’m so glad that you were able to determine what the main cause is so you can treat it and hopefully get rid of it! I know what you mean about medication forever – I can’t stand the constant medication. (I have some other health issues as well, so it’s a pathetically long list considering I’m in my early 20s.)

    • Esquared

      Dude, I suffer from crazy migraines, and have since I was pretty young (they run in both sides of my family). Have you taken a look at your diet? I notice that some foods trigger them for me, specifically eggs & wine. Also, I tend to get them during certain times of my cycle (not sure how to avoid this, but at least there is a pattern). If I don’t drink enough water & if I sleep in on the weekend– bam migraines. Not all of these things cause migraines all of the time… but if I’m on the edge, even waiting to go to the bathroom can push me over so listening to my body is essential.

    • Kellyn

      I have no advice for your question (sorry) but I had to say hey to someone (finally!) in RI!!!

      Hi!!

      (End nerd rant)

  27. HM

    Need from wedding-related advice. My best friend and MOH is plus-sized, and has had horrible experiences trying on/ordering bridesmaid dresses. Since I’m not very particular about the b-maids’ dresses themselves, and everyone has unique styles and shapes, I figure each lady will have a unique dress.

    The game plan right now is for everyone to buy something off the rack in blue. I’m flying MOH in next month to go shopping — just she and I for a few days of fun. I’m trying to set this up for success, and scout out dresses in advance that would fit and flatter her. Beyond Nord.stroms, are recommendations of where to take her and what styles might work best?

    • BMBG

      No idea, but I wanted say that you sound like an awesome and considerate bride, not to mention best friend!

      • SunnyD

        +1.

        I always like it when the bridesmaids have unique dresses in a common color.

      • Nutshell

        Agreed! I’m hoping the wedding I’m in soon does this, because all of us bridesmaids are very different sizes.

      • Sydney Bristow

        As a former bridesmaid who was plus-size at the time, I completely agree!

        The first time I wore a dress from David’s Bridal and the second was from Ann Taylor’s line, which ultimately didn’t really fit. Both of these were for matching dresses. It would have been much easier to pick our own with a specific color.

        She will probably have some idea on the styles that will work best. It depends on where she carries her weight. Nordstroms and JC Lenny’s are good suggestions, as is David’s Bridal. I think Target also has bridesmaid-style dresses in plus size but they are probably something you have to order online.

        You sound like such a great friend and a laid back bride!

    • Anon

      I am the MOH in my sister’s upcoming wedding, and while I am not plus sized, when we went to try on dresses at Alfred Angelo, the only sample size they had in one dress was a 20, so I tried that one on and they clipped it. Anyways, point is that they had cute dresses in the plus size range.

      • Willow

        +1 for Alfred Angelo. I’m getting married in April and each of my bridesmaids picked their own dress out from their collection. We were able to fit everyone from a 00 through plus sizes without a hitch.

        • EB0220

          Agreed. I was in a wedding last year. The bridesmaids were a very wide range of sizes, and they definitely had samples in different sizes.

          • EB0220

            Should have said that we got the bridesmaid dresses (matching) from Alfred Angelo.

    • L

      Do you know what size (roughly she is)? I will say for all the horrible terrible things about David’s Bridal, it was nice that they had a ton of sizes for me to try on. I’ve been in a few weddings and have two dresses from there (one I wear all the time; the other is a cinderella blue horror show).

      Nordstrom is a great plan and maybe Macy’s as well as Lord and Taylor. If you know her size, I can recommend a few more stores.

      • L

        Oh! Here’s another thought for ‘regular’ stores, non-wedding chain stores. Why not call and ask what they have in stock by in plus size and could come in blue? If you gave a personal shopper a heads up a week or two, I bet they’d be happy to help.

        • HM

          That’s an awesome idea. I think I’ll call Nordstroms and Lord and Taylor and see if they can pull some dresses in advance.

          I believe my MOH is a 20-22.

          Thanks for all the suggestions!

          • L

            I may sound like a crazy person, but David’s bridal is actually not a bad option for her. I wore the same size in a few weddings and had a decent amount of luck because you can try on the style of dress you want to see and pull another to see the color. Some are hideous, sure but there are some that are easily worn again. The salespeople are fairly annoying, but if you have a glass of champagne or two before hand it can be mildly amusing.

            I hope this helps and seriously you are an awesome friend!!

    • Research, Not Law

      JCPenny has a surprisingly nice plus-size selection in regular clothing. I’d look at the options online.

      Years ago, Ann Taylor’s bridesmaid line came in a wider size range then their normal clothes. Their dresses were great. JCrew did as well.

      I wouldn’t overlook David’s Bridal, either. I think all their dresses come in plus.

      • Houston Attny

        Yes! At a local JCP, there are lots of formal/semi-formal options in all sizes. Also Dillard’s comes to mind. I don’t know that Lane Bryant has any formal clothes (at least in the store).

      • Esquared

        Yup, JCrew is pretty great because you can tell your bides a color & then they can pick the size/style they like best & you will still get a pretty uniform look. I think most styles go up to size 20. I def would never wear my JCrew bm dress again, but at least it didn’t make me cry to order a dress online & find out it was ok. The only thing I kind of didn’t like about JCrew was that the dress I ultimately picked was $250… but I still appreciated being able to pick a dress with straps.
        I’m getting married and am having a summer garden type wedding & just told my bms to buy a knee length dress in a certain color in whatever price range & size they felt was appropriate for them. I happen to like the look, but I know it’s not for everyone. I also made a pintererest board were I pinned samples I liked & email them when I see dresses I like & sales that are on.

    • MOH

      To HM, my SIL picked out fabric and had me and the other bridesmaids have tailors/seamstresses make us each unique dresses. That way they all “matched” in fabric/color but we each got dresses that we like that were suited just to us. The three of us were in separate cities so that helped too as we couldn’t shop together.

  28. L

    I have a sort of gross skin care question. I have small tiny whiteheads along my chin/jawline that I’d like to get rid of. I use Paula’s Choice products right now and have some Retin-A, and a Clarisonic Mia too, but it doesn’t help them go away. Is there something I could use? Treatment like microdermabrasion? I’d like to get the gunk out but don’t want to wreck my face in the process.

    • Leigh

      Because of the location, the acne could be hormonal. Make sure you clean your phone, hands, etc., prior to putting them on or near your face. Beyond that, I would recommend chemical peels by a certified aesthetician. It helped my skin immensely.

    • hellskitchen

      Face masks are the only thing that work for my whiteheads (i get them on my nose, often a couple every morning when I wake up). I haven’t found anything to keep them away. But a basic homemade face mask with kaolin clay, yogurt/milk and either a bit of honey or lemon (depending on whether my skin feels dry or oily that day) usually works. If I am in a rush, I put on a drugstore kaolin clay mask on the whiteheads for 10 mins and then wash with hot water, sometimes following up with a Clarisonic Mia rub if needed. That usually gets everything out.

    • Kanye East

      They could be milia, which can be tricky to remove. Find a great facialist/aesthetician. That’s my best best recommendation.

    • mamabear

      If they’re little pus-filled whiteheads that come and go, that’s acne. If they’re little hard bumps under the skin, that’s milia and your skincare routine is not going to help. You need to get them extracted. An esthetician can do it but if you really want to be cautious, I’d go to a dermatologist.

  29. Midwest

    I need wine and cookies.

    Warning: Secondary infertility rant. The back story is that I started TTC in November 2011, got pregnant in August 2012, miscarried in October 2012, and recently started trying again.

    After not getting much guidance from my OBGYN, I went to my PCP this week to discuss any potential reasons why I’m having trouble getting and staying pregnant. She asked lots of questions about my nutrition and lifestyle and my periods, which have been screwy for as long as we’ve been TTC. Her take, which is similar to my OB’s, is that my hormones are off and my body is struggling to ovulate regularly. Stress is the most likely culprit. Thyroid problems have been ruled out and none of my ultrasounds have indicated other issues. Basically, I’ve been told to manage my stress better, maybe take a vacation, and have a lot of LGPs. I wanted to scream, LADY, I’VE BEEN DOING ALL THAT. I’m stressed because I’m NOT PREGNANT.

    It’s one thing to be given annoying advice by well-meaning friends and relatives who don’t know any better, but now my doctor, too?! I feel like a jerk complaining because I know I’m fortunate to not have something majorly wrong with me, but I’m not feeling particularly hopeful, either. My doctor admitted that this can be a tough nut to crack because fixing a problem like stress is just so nebulous.

    Has anyone else been here? I feel stuck. I go back and forth between a) saying, eff it, let’s start Clomid since ovulation appears to be my issue anyway; b) feeling guilty as hell for screwing up my body; and c) wondering if having a second child is such a great idea anyway since my body seems to be telling me it’s a bad idea.

    In the meantime, I will be talking my DH into getting a family membership at the Y. Harder workouts would go a long way toward helping me blow off some steam.

    • L

      So I don’t know this, but couldn’t you take minor doses of something to help with stress? I know it’s not recommended while you’re pregnant, but it seems really wrong that your providers are just like hey you’re stressed about pregnancy, stop being stressed! Maybe a few sessions with a counselor could also help you figure out ways to productively channel your stress? And yes to the workouts and enjoy a lot more wine!

    • TBK

      Ugh. What a frustrating doctor visit! “Manage your stress better” is so nebulous.

      • Nutshell

        I’m sorry. I haven’t had this advice in this situation (having never been in this situation), but I hate when doctors tell me to eliminate the stress (especially since I don’t outwardly stress) in my life and that I should work less. I always want to ask how they suggest doing that while still being a functioning member of society.

        Best of luck!

        • Midwest

          The ‘working less’ thing came up. Trust me, if I could cut my hours and remain employed, I’d do it. Alas, not every workplace offers a part-time option, and it sort of peeved me that she even mentioned it.

        • TCFKAG

          The “eliminate stress” thing drives me nuts. Sure…show me someone with a stress free life. Point them out. I’d love to meet them.

          GAH.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry. I can only imagine how stressed you must be. I have never TTC so please feel free to disregard my advice and I really do hope that this doesn’t come across as annoying as the “well, just try not to be stressed…” advice. You said that you were not TTC until recently. Does that mean you were not have LGPs at all or you were using some kind of protection? I assume the latter, and if that’s the case why not just give yourself a break for 3 months, let’s say, with the aim of de-stressing but also not use any back up when natural opportunities occur.
      My theory is purely anecdotal but from folks I know TTC is itself a major stressor. My sister tried and failed for years, ended up getting help, and then after she had her twins, ended up accidentally getting pregnant with the third because she just assumed she couldn’t and let it go. The same thing happened to two other friends. I know it’s weird and tricky advice, but maybe it’s worth a shot?

      • Midwest

        We were using protection in the two months after the miscarriage. Doctor’s orders. But we’d been trying for 9 months before I got pregnant, so in my mind, the miscarriage gave us our ‘breather.’ I’m not eager to hold off any longer.

    • JDS

      I’m woefully under-qualified to offer advice on this topic (though I’ve recently had a miscarriage, so I can offer my sympathy), but I would probably go to a fertility specialist as a next step, at least before saying eff it?

    • emcsquared

      I apologize for my bluntness here, but your rant smacks of a woman who looks to others to solve her problems and is stressed when that doesn’t work out (and…it never does work out). For instance, why do you need to talk to your DH about getting harder workouts? Go for a run tonight. Sign up for an exercise class over lunch and make it happen yourself. It isn’t DH’s problem, so he *can’t* fix it and you don’t need his input. Similarly, your doctor *can’t* do anything for your stress level because it’s inherent to you – you need to set up a long vacation, or go part-time at work, or see a therapist, or request anxiety medication, or whatever.

      • Midwest

        Dude, yes. It’s a rant. I made that very clear from the get-go. Trust me, I am well aware that nobody can fix this for me.

      • Kris

        I think the first sentence was uncalled for and mean. The OP is upset about a really sensitive topic. She even says she’s feeling guilty. She doesn’t need you to diagnose her personality (based on what?!) and then *blame* her for her troubles.
        The rest of your advice was helpful; I wish you had reconsidered that sentence.

        @Midwest, FWIW, I don’t think anything in your post matches someone who blames others for her troubles. To me, you just sound sad and disappointed. I hope it gets better.

        • Midwest

          Thank you. I know this is the Internets and one cannot expect sunshine and lollipops on a message, but that comment really hurt my feelings. I should have said so right away.

          Anyway, moving on. I appreciate the support, ladies. This has been a challenging time, to say the least, and I can’t say I’m proud of how I handle it every moment of every day.

          • Godzilla

            Hey, have some hugs and rawrs and sunshine and lollipops. We’re here for you.

        • Bewitched

          +1,000,000 TTC is so tough. Miscarriage is even tougher. Hang in there, Midwest, I hope 2013 brings beautiful new beginnings for you!

      • Bewitched

        As an irregular ovulator who had the same TTC problems you describe above, and who was given the same diagnosis of “stress” and instructions to “relax”, I will say that nothing worked until we started Clomid. I know it can be a concerning medication due to concerns about hyperstimulation etc, but my goal was to try it for a few months and see if it regulated my periods. If it did not and it looked like I might stay on it for months and months, I might have considered the long term concerns. It worked for me in the first two months. I’m not a physician (clearly!) but I think the stress/relax advice is a bunch of ?? (charitably-malarkey. Bluntly-garbage). Good luck!

        • Midwest

          That’s good to hear. I need to do a lot more research before going that route, but I’m glad to have it as an option.

          • B

            My suggestion before even reading the previous commenter’s post was to ask about Clomid. I was totally ready to have a baby but my periods were all over the place without any real reason why. From doing the temperature routine for a few months, I don’t think I was ovulating, or at least not regularly. Clomid did the trick on the first try. It’s not a great long-term solution, but it might be worth asking your doctor if you can try it for a few months. Are you charting your temperatures. For some people, doing this increases their stress level, so if that’s you, then avoid it, but for me, I liked the sense of control it gave me so that I could actual “see” what was going on a little bit and had a better sense of what my body was (or wasn’t) doing, which made the clomid decision an easy one for me.

      • Left Coaster

        Way harsh. Have you ever been in this situation? It’s horrible, frustrating, stressful, isolating — you name it. And on top of this you have to say that Midwest is looking for someone else to solve her problems? Have some compassion.

        • Lila

          Give me a break. You stopped posting here because of comments “like this?” EMC’s intentions were clearly good — I sympathize with you, too, OP (and empathize, as I’m struggling with getting pregnant too) but I don’t see why we can’t be blunt when giving sincere advice. It’s galling that everyone’s jumping all over emc like this. She wasn’t intending to be cruel – she was giving her take. OP didn’t like her take, and it sounds like it was inaccurate, but honestly, it might well have been accurate for a different person, and thus helpful. What if OP really is someone that looks to others to solve her problems? (It doesn’t sound like you are, just hypothetically.) This is the kind of tough-love advice/feedback that might then be helpful.
          Sometimes we don’t like the advice or perspectives we get, but they can be good for us. So long as the feedback is delivered from a place of good, and there’s no reason to think that emc’s wasn’t. She took the time to give her perspective and your guys’ general reaction is disappointing.

    • anon

      It seems to me like you should be taking all this as good news (and blow off your doctor’s pseudo psychological evaluation): the bottom line is you CAN get pregnant and nothing is “wrong” with you. I know it’s not happening like you want, but try to embrace the “there’s nothing physically wrong you” as a blessing rather than an indictment that it means it’s all in your head. Don’t worry about fixing anything because there’s nothing to fix.

      • anon

        Very misinformed statement – clearly you’ve never had problems with infertility. About half of the couples with infertility problems will never find a cause, and that doesn’t mean that there’s not a cause, it just means that the doctors don’t know how to find it. In many cases, you’d rather know that there is a cause, because then you can go about treating it.

        As someone who experienced secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriage, the “you can get pregnant!” statements really strike a nerve.

        OP, sorry, it sucks. I’m not a doctor, and I don’t know what you should do. But I can tell you that my rainbow baby was born with the help of a baby aspirin a day and mega doses of B-vitamins (vitamin deficiencies are an issue for me). I also looked into acupuncture – it seems to me that it could help with both the stress and the ovulation/TTC.

        • Niktaw

          I know at least two couples who conceived with the help of acupuncture, so heartily second the suggestion.

    • hellskitchen

      I am not medically qualified but i was told/have heard that amping up your workouts while TTC is actually not a good idea. Does your OBGYN have any advice on that?

      • Nonny

        Certainly not an expert myself, but I know a couple of people who have actually experienced the opposite – i.e. they could not conceive until after they had stopped exercising so much and gained 5 lbs. So I think it totally depends on your existing lifestyle, weight, health, and whether the stars are aligned that particular day.

          • hellskitchen

            :-)
            But yeah, I have a cousin who was super thin and had to put on some weight and take supplements before she was able to conceive

      • Mighty Mouse

        What about yoga instead of a hard-charging workout? (I say this with love, and also as a person who goes 110 mph through most of my life.)

        Just wondering if folks like you and I are triggering our fight-or-flight hormones as we try to de-stress with a hard workout. Maybe a little yoga in our lives could be helpful. My Y offers this—guessing that yours might, too.

        Good luck!

    • Kontraktor

      I understand that the more nebulous issue at hand makes everything hard to cope with, but perhaps consider that maybe your doctor is only being honest? I am always so surprised at pervasive doctor hate. My father is a physician and always finds it frustrating when people argue with him about his diagnoses and/or remedies. He may tell them something like, “Well in order to improve condition X, you really need to adjust your diet and do Y minutes of physical activity a week.” And then they will get upset at him! He always says he has no idea why- he has spent time with them, considered their condition, put the effort into making the correct diagnosis and treatment- why would he lie to them or say things just to make them mad or brush them off? If he tells them the wrong thing, they don’t heal (and at worst, get really sick or die), and at best they might not come back to him if he makes it seem like he has not put effort and thought into his recommendations. Do you really think all doctors are just trying to be jerks for the sake of it? I guess some are, but not all are. And if your doctor is a jerk/you’re getting that vibe from her, switch. If her advice is really that bad (it doesn’t sound so if she spent so much time with you, but I am not there), you shouldn’t have her as a doctor. But, if stress really is your problem (and the tone of your message suggests you feel some stress), why are you upset at your doctor for pointing out that it is a problem? Why not take that at face value and see if adjusting your stress helps? Yes, that’s hard… but what if that is in part what needs to be done?

      I like the suggestion another commenter had about seeing if there is some low dose medication to go on. Are there any tasks at home you could outsource that would free up time or mental energy? Would going on Clomid reduce stress? Do you need more date/lovey time with hubby? What things would make you happy and can you do more of those things? It can’t hurt to *try* to reduce stress, right?

      I’m sorry you are experiencing a frustrating time… but just think that maybe your doctor was just trying to do her job, and perhaps her suggestions might be worth looking into. She wouldn’t have suggested them if she thought they were stupid or useless, and if in fact she did, well you need a new doctor then regardless.

      • Nutshell

        I think the problem is that there are some doctors who by default go to stress or something like that rather than taking the time to really look at something in detail. For instance, I had a doctor who told me everything was allergies – every health problem, virus, etc. (some were tonsillitis or similar and others are in no way related to allergies) even after I went through multiple allergy tests and showed her information from specialists pointing otherwise. I switched doctors, obviously, but this is not my only experience with such doctors (Also, I got diagnosed for much of these issues later and doctors pushing me off meant I went a long time in pain and undiagnosed.)

        While obviously there are good doctors out there, my issue is with the ones who suggest things without looking at your file or really listening to you. Yes, you should switch from these doctors, but sometimes that is difficult for other reasons (like no doctors taking patients in your area or insurance coverage).

      • Midwest

        You make a fair point, and I am not angry with my doctor specifically. I don’t even disagree with *some* of her advice. I am frustrated, plain and simple. I have done all the little things I can think of to make this situation better. I eat well, I exercise, I go on date nights with DH, and I’ve made an effort to relax more, as she recommended. But after more than a year of doing all the “right” things, I am exactly where I was a year ago, only a lot more heartbroken and with no real resolution in sight. And that ramps up the anxiety quite a bit and I am not comfortable with the risks of medicating myself right now. That isn’t the right choice for everyone but it’s where I am at. Here’s hoping this, too, will pass.

        • anonie

          Dear Midwest,

          First of all, I am SO sorry. You don’t mention this in your original post, but has your husband been checked? I say this because my DH and I were TTC for quite a while. Everyone was operating on the assumption that I was too stressed out and that’s what was the problem. Long story (years) short, after one failed attempt at IUI (and being pumped full of hormones), it turned out that the problem was actually on DH’s end. No amount of stress reduction could have fixed it–it required surgery for him. If there are no obstructions in your Fallopian tubes (there is a test for that), if you haven’t already done this, make sure that your husband’s sperm count is sound, etc., before you continue to beat yourself up about insufficiently reducing your stress.

      • Flying Squirrel

        Kontractor, I get your point in general, but I don’t think it really applies here. There’s a big difference between offering specific medical advice like lose X pounds or cut Y out of your diet and telling someone they are too stressed. The former is informed by a diagnosis that diet or lifestyle may be contributing to a specific medical problem. The latter is waving your hand without offering any specific solution. Going on vacations and having more LGP when you are TTC unsuccessfully can actually make you more stressed out, because there is so much pressure on what should otherwise be a fun activity. And losing recommendations to lose weight/change diet are backed up by a lot of medical research to suggest that those things can help manage certain diseases. There isn’t much evidence linking stress to infertility or research to suggest how one should manage stress (no one is stressed by choice)…this PCP just sounds uninformed.

        • anon for this

          THIS. I had severe vaginismus i.e. pelvic dysfunction that basically prevents intercourse and had a doctor who said I was stressed and nervous and should just drink a glass of wine. I almost yelled at her because it had been two years since I got married – any nervousness i had about s*x had long gone out the window. And this was a very common story on the vag support group I had joined.. doctors who had no idea what this was or who believed it was not possible for a woman to physically not be able to have s*x or ones who made the women feel guilty or inadequate. It wasn’t until I found a doctor who knew what vag was that I got a diagnosis and was then able to get treated. But this is why doctors saying things like “your are stressed” really bugs me… that’s not what I’d expect from a medical expert.

    • Anonymous

      I am sorry about all the terribly ignorant advice you have gotten, both here in this thread and from your doctors.

      Go to a reproductive endocrinologist. They are the one soecialty that actually understands the process of conception down to an hour by hour basis of how things are supposed to work. Secondary infertility is too frequently blown off by non-experts. A whole host of things could be going on, from a simple hormone imbalance (which requires proper medication) to premature aging of your ovarian reserve, to a whole host of other conditions.

      Get an appointment with an expert, who actually knows where to look for problems.

      • Meg Murry

        I agree with the rec for to go to an RE. If your periods are irregular and your hormones are out of whack, it could also be PCOS, which many OBGYNs and PCPs write off as “nothing they can do about it other than BCP to regulate”. But an endo can take a closer look at your hormone levels and determine if Clomid or something else might help you regulate – for me, Metformin (a diabetes medication) is what helps keep my hormones in balance and regulate my periods/ovulation. And I also agree with the suggestion to have your husband evaluated as well – its not just you who should be carrying all the stress related to TTC.

    • Flying Squirrel

      First, I’m so sorry for your loss.

      And I hope it’s not too late for you to get this, but I want to chime in and agree that I *hate* when anyone, especially MDs, cite stress as a reason for not getting pregnant. People get pregnant in the middle of wars and in all kinds of horrible, and stressful situations!!! Stress is not a cause of infertility, though it can have some impacts on your fertility that you need to be mindful of, most commonly making your ovulation less regular.

      Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? If not, you must. TCOYF will help you figure out when you are ovulating, even if your cycle is not regular. That said, from your post it also sound like it took almost a year (10 months) to conceive the first time, which may mean there’s an underlying issue that goes beyond recovering from your m/c. If you were having generally well-timed LGP, that’s a long time (I know that the recommendation is 1 year if you’re under 35, but in TCOYF they recommend seeing a doctor after 4-5 months if LGP’s are well-timed).

      Given your history TTC the first time, and the fact that your cycle hasn’t regulated in 3 months since your m/c (I know everyone is different, but my cycle regulated post m/c after 6 weeks, so 3 months seems long), I would definitely recommend seeing a reproductive endocrinologists (RE)/fertility specialists. If both your PCP and your OB are suggesting hormonal issues, an RE can run a much broader suite of tests (e.g. timed blood tests during your cycle etc) to figure out if there’s an issue. And there is absolutely no obligation to get fertility treatments even if you consult with an RE, it will just give you more information about what’s happening.

      I feel like OB’s just use clomid as a hammer, seeing all infertility as a nail, but it often doesn’t make sense. You may be having trouble ovulating at all, or it may be that stress or whatever is making your ovulation a bit less regular. In the latter case, jsut tracking your ovulation to time your LGP may be sufficient. And, if the problem is your hormones haven’t regulated since your m/c, clomid will just be adding another unnecessary variable to the mix.

      Good luck! And if you really want a second child, please don’t give up! Secondary infertility can be very lonely, and hit you very unawares since you’ve been successful before. There are physicians that could help you figure out what’s going on…and in my personal experience some (I’m sure not all) PCP’s can be the worst, spouting very outdated information, when it comes to fertility. I switched PCPs after my old one went on a rant about my needing to gain weight if I’m ever going to get pregnant. Two different REs have never said that to me, and I have been pregnant twice since then.

    • Ellen

      Not here, and not right after Midwest’s post lammenting b/c she can NOT get pregnant. I feel BAD for her, so lets solve her probelem first before goeing on about how awsome bieng a parent is.

      I want to get pregnant and have a child, but I need to get MARRIED first, and before I can DO that, I have to find a boyfreind that is WORTH geting married to. So far, I am comeing up EMPTY. My dad want’s me to consider men that are dopey. I want a guy who is professioneal like me and has a GOOD personality. He does NOT have to be gorgous, just not a SLOB. He should have a job too. He does NOT have to be a lawyer. I TOLD dad this, but he keep’s on showeing me a bunch of looser’s that his freind’s refer over to him. I do NOT need a lazy slob, or a drunk, or a guy that is SELFISH, interested in me pleaseing him, then burpeing and walking away. FOOEY on that. Someone who knows a decent guy with a decent job that will treat me right is all I want. Why is that so dificult to find? I am pretty, profesional and have a job. If my tush is my only bad thing, is that so bad? I still am a size 6, but can get into some 4’s on a good day. What is so bad about that? Why don’t the decent guy’s want me? Are they scared? I don’t think so b/c they go for alot of other’s who are model’s. I am not a model, but I used to get alot of guy’s interested, but NOT any more. Mabye they think I just want to hook them into marrage, but I don’t (unless they are MR RIGHT). Where is he? FOOEY!

  31. Bewitched

    Love Parenthood! Huge fan of Adam. I was not so enthused by the new “crisis” storyline this week (Drew) -isn’t Christina’s cancer enough for now? I hope they don’t go down the “Grey’s Anatomy” route of feeling like there has to be a huge crisis to keep us entertained-sometimes we just like the characters and a regular good old fashioned storyline. I do think the Victor saga is very realistic and poignant.

    • Heather

      I also love Parenthood and agree with your statement about the new Drew storyline. I do have to say though that it seemed to fit in with the “talk” with Max though, which I thought was handled in such a great way by Adam (and hilarious for some reason). And I totally am torn on my thoughts with Victor… I’m upset that there are only two episodes left this season!!!!!!

      • Lalo

        Agreed that it fit. I thought the “talk” was great and it was so touching when Max said something along the lines of “I wish I could shed my skin like snakes do.”

  32. Warm long coat?

    I’m in the market for a really, really warm long down coat that doesn’t look like I’m wearing a sleeping bag. It doesn’t have to be high fashion, but I’m hoping for something that has at least a little shape to it. I have a friend who swears by one of the Lands End down coats, but honestly she looks like she was camping and just cut off the bottom of her sleeping bag so she could stand up.

    • Boston 1L

      A friend told me she found two decent ones: one at Macy’s that has a little shape (pulled in at the waist a bit) and one at Northface that is puffy but still has shape and is not overly puffy.

      Personally, I tend towards thick pea coats. I find them more comfortable than down coats and sometimes warmer.

        • Plan B

          One caution about the Betsey Johnson jacket – I bought this and returned it, because that pillow collar looked HUGE on me. It looks OK on the model, but I looked like a football player wearing huge puffy shoulder pads. Ugh.

      • Equity's Darling

        Boston 1L:What peacoat is warmer than down?

        I’m not being facetious at all, I would buy that peacoat and banish my thoughts of buying a long down coat entirely, because I don’t really like down, but I dislike being cold even more.

        • Boston 1L

          I have a couple (one black, one navy) I bought years ago that are warmer than any down coat I’ve ever tried/had. Unfortunately, I think I bought them at a Burlington Coat or TJMaxx or such and have no idea where to find new ones. I have another one that is Merona actually (I just checked) that is about equivalent in warmth to down coats for me, though I wish I had bought a longer one. What I’ve found is that the really thick peacoats are equivalent or better than down coats, at least in my opinion. (It may also help that they are so much more comfortable.)

          Sorry I’m not more help! I’m semi-looking for a new coat, so if I find a thick peacoat similar to these, I’ll post on here!

          • Equity's Darling

            Yeah, I could see how a lower price point pea coat would be warmer than a lower price point down jacket, just because it would be low fill and have poorly designed seams that leaked air, but I really can’t imagine that any pea coat is warmer than a canada goose, or, northface or patagonia, or equivalent, down jacket. My wool coats are high quality, and they do keep me warm to -10C or so, but below that they just aren’t enough.

        • Cornellian

          Lands End peacoats with down filling are super warm. Some are rated to -30 C if I’m not mistaken. They’re not the sleak peacoats you can wear to 0 or -5 C, but they are warm. Plus the wool does better in rain, I think.

    • Equity's Darling

      I’ve been on the hunt for one for a while too….I don’t want super long, just to my knees or so, and I also really dislike the puffy down look (at least on myself, I don’t mind it on others, just personal preference for me), much preferring the smoother exteriors with down fill. I’m pretty sure I mentioned this on the post on this site on 01/07 (titled the Hunt for Wool Coats), and there were a few suggestions from Land’s End…

      I really wish Kat would do a post on professional jackets that are meant for real winter, because I’m sorry, but a wool coat just does not cut it in a city that does reach -40C or so at least a few times a winter. Honestly, I was freezing today in my wool coat, and it was only -25C, and I was outside for all of 5 minutes.

      Regardless, I’m going to an even COLDER city on business in the few weeks or so, so I guess I will be rectifying my down jacket issue within the next couple weeks. Boooo winter.

    • Brant

      I spent long time looking for this mystical down coat that doesn’t look like a sleeping bag. DH actually found one he approved of and got it for me two years ago– I think Cole Haan? The problem was, because it was long and fitted and stylish, it wasn’t as warm. For example, it didn’t zip all the way up to the neck, didn’t have fitted sleeves, and didn’t have a hood! I wore it outside and was still chilly. It was very similar to this one, but full length: http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/cole-haan-mid-length-down-coat?ID=575990

      In the end, I returned the jacket DH bought, bought myself a sleeping bag coat from Lands End and a long mid-calf lined wool coat. On bitter cold windy (that’s the biggest problem here in Boston) days and/or days with heavy slow/sleet, I wear the sleeping bag with the hood up. I look like an Eskimo, but I stay warm. For the vast majority of the winter, though, I wear the wool coat.

    • Chi Squared

      I have a Canada Goose Kensington parka. It was expensive, but worth it. Great features, super warm, especially the hood. It is knee length on me, has straps to cinch in the waist a bit, and is very fitted. Much more shapely than the North Face arctic parka I wore for 4 years, and any Lands End coat I’ve ever seen. Canada goose also makes a longer parka – I think it’s called the Mystique, if knee or mid- thigh length is too short.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just got back from Japan and everybody in Osaka was wearing Uniqlo down coats. They still have the channeled down coat look, but seem to be MUCH lighter and less puffy than the down coats I’m used to seeing. Plus they seem to come in, like, a million colors.

      • Cornellian

        They do, but they’re really not that warm (at least not the ones at the American Uniqlo). I wouldn’t give them much below freezing.

      • ss

        On the other hand though, the sleeveless versions of Uniqlo’s puffies work great as an insulating layer under tailored wool coats. Like you say, there are a million colours so it’s easy to get a good match, and I’ve had little loops sewn in so that the puffy behaves like a buttoned-in lining and the whole ensemble can be hung/ checked as a single garment.

  33. Divorce

    Does anyone know how to find divorce support groups, preferably for younger women with kids, on long island, ny? My google skills have utterly failed me. In Nassau County, near Great Neck if possible. I never imagined this would be so hard. I tried meetup without much luck. Is there better places/ways to look?
    I know this is a shot in the dark, but I am not sure what else to do.

    • Nutshell

      No help, but good luck finding one and with everything that is going on!

    • NYCG

      No help from me either, but what Nutshell said. My sister became a single mom when her husband left her around the time their child was born. She ended up finding a group of single moms after she ran into one of them at a playground and really appreciated hanging out with women in a similar situation every once in a while.

      I know it’s little comfort now, but things will get better. When her marriage fell apart, about four years ago, my sister was crushed. It has taken time and hard work and she is still often lonely (she hasn’t found a new partner but her ex has), but now her eyes sparkle again and a lot of things are falling into place for her, which is wonderful to see.

      Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

    • hellskitchen

      Go to yahoo groups and do a search using different names “nassau divorce” or new york divorce” or something. That might give you access to some online groups that also meet in person

    • Clover

      Look up Divorce Care….http://www.divorcecare.org/

      It a sort of ecumenical group therapy for people who are separated or divorced. Meets weekly. Trained leaders. You’ll meet people who are going through the same things. It is hard. Be strong.

  34. Boston 1L

    Any thoughts on Charles Tyrwhitt shirts? I found a recommendation for them on here from a few years ago, but I wanted some fit and more current recommendations. There is a great sale going on, but it isn’t worth much if they don’t fit!

    I have a tough time finding button downs for under a suit (as discussed earlier today, issues of too low cut) and was hoping these may be good.

    • Divaliscious11

      I have two that fit lovely, and one that I hate the fit. I’d recommend ordering different fits to see what works for you, and returning the ones that don’t. the shirts themselves are beautiful…

  35. Heather

    Lookimg for a specific color and style of a dress and am wondering if y’all can help! Looking for a navy colored, knee length dress appropriate for a wedding… I like a-line with a defined waist. Sleeves optional- price point preferably under $100. I’ve been looking everywhere but to no avail! Please help!!!!

  36. momentsofabsurdity

    For those who have been following along – I just ended things with DWNF, at least in my mind.

    Basically while I was away over Christmas, things were fine at first and then he went incommunicado. When I asked him what was up, he told me he was bipolar, and we had a brief conversation about it. We kept talking intermittently until I came home. I got back about 10 days ago, and he picked me up from the airport. Things were fine – he drove me home, helped me carry my bags, kissed me hello, we had a normal conversation, etc. I had hoped to have a longer conversation in person last weekend, about what he’d shared and what it meant.

    Unfortunately, he has not spoken to me at all since then. Literally not a word to let me know if he is alive or dead. It’s been 10 days. I know he’s okay (he’s been signing on and off gchat and posting on Reddit just fine) and I’ve just… given up. I have tried to reach out every day, tried being sensitive (“Hey, is everything okay, do you want to talk?”), tried being funny (texting him links to funny articles, etc), tried being honest (“It’s really hurting my feelings you aren’t speaking to me at all”), tried just saying hi to see if there was any response, via text, gchat and phone. Honestly, I’m not sure if he’ll ever contact me.

    This is an insanely cruel way to treat someone, whether or not he is ill. I am not sure if I’ve ever been treated cruelly before (hurtfully, yes, but out and out cruelly?). It’s painful and I find myself crying. I’ve come to realize can’t deal with being treated this way, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I’m really, really, really hurt by it and tonight I sent him this text:

    “Hey — whatever you are thinking/feeling, you owe me a conversation. We’ve been seeing each other for four months and we’re in a defined relationship. So hopefully you do reach out to me, but if you don’t… I guess you don’t.”

    And for me, with that — it’s done. I’m disappointed – so disappointed. Because I really like him, and he was the first guy in a while that I’ve really, really liked, maybe even could have loved in the next few months. But part of me is glad I’m out now, and not finding this out when I had already jumped headfirst and was trying to deal with behavior like this if we were married, or if I was trying to figure out how to coparent with someone who acts like this, intentionally or unintentionally. I do hope he contacts me, so we can resolve things – but I don’t think I can be with him. Not if this is how he treats me.

    So yeah. That’s the update there. Sorry I didn’t have a happier ending for you guys!

    • PHX

      This is the no furniture guy? Regardless, I’m so sorry. That truly sucks. (((HUGS)))

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Yeah, Mr. No Furniture himself. I’m bummed but hopefully I’ll get over it. I have a lot of good things to look forward to in my life – hopefully I will meet someone even better.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          Gah that reads wrong. I meant those as two separate thoughts – a lot of good things are happening for me in the next few months (starting grad school, until then have an awesome promotion and raise at work, etc etc) and that eventually, I hope I’ll meet someone new.

    • NOLA

      Aw, moments, that really sucks. I have to say that when you said he told you he was bipolar, I was worried. Glad you’re dealing well with it. You’re very strong!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Thanks =) I was worried too but I still thought it was workable. At this point, I just… don’t. I hope I do hear from him at some point, because I don’t like loose ends and I’d like to have an adult conversation with him, but even then, I just can’t be in a relationship worried that the other person is going to drop off the planet without even a smoke signal to let me know they’re alive.

        • NOLA

          For what it’s worth, given my experience, I didn’t think it was workable. As others have said, I dealt with a person who was bipolar and would not take medication. When he was depressed, he would get suicidal and he would occasionally commit himself, but when he was manic, he actually liked that “king of the world” feeling so he would never take medication. I know one other person who is bipolar and has done really well on medication but I think it can be pretty rare.

    • Frou Frou

      I haven’t kept up with all of the DWNF posts, but just wanted to say I’m really sorry to hear about what’s happened, and also offer up some unsolicited @ssvice. Don’t let this guy use his bipolar dx as an excuse to treat you poorly. It sounds like you have a good perspective on it, but the fact that you really really want some closure makes me think you might end up groveling to get the closure that you want (and boy, have I ever been there. :) and I’ve made it my personal mission to try to stop women from following in the same humiliating steps I’ve taken). He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to humiliate and hurt you again, this time to your face, where he can see just how hurt you are. Save your vulnerabilities for someone who cherishes you. It’s OK for you to say, “You know what? I’m done with you and THAT’s my closure, because I am worthy of love and respect. And I’m not getting either from you, which are deal breakers for me.” And then try your d@mndest to move on.

      Sometimes, some guys don’t want to be a “d!ck” so they come up with great excuses as to why they can’t really participate in a relationship. Sometimes these excuses leave women hanging onto a thread of hope that things can be fixed. IME, these are the cruelest types. They don’t have the decency to say it simply: “You’re great, I’m just not in love with you.” You only give him the opportunity to humiliate you and hurt you further if you force him to actually say this to you. Anyway, just my perspective based on what struck me as I was reading about your situation. Love and hugs. And I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Thanks for your thoughts. I am definitely done – like I said, I can’t be in a relationship where I’m waiting for the bottom to drop out. But part of the reason I want to have a conversation is to tie up that loose end and let him know, hey, how you treated me? Not okay.

        It’s definitely something to think about – what would I even get out of a final conversation – etc. I’ve definitely been there in the “I stupidly want to have a conversation even though I’ll end up even more hurt in the end” and I don’t know if that’s the situation I’m in right now – I just need to think more.

        • anon for this

          Hi – I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just a couple of thoughts that might make you feel better. My SO is bipolar & does exactly what you’re describing (e.g. goes totally dark for weeks/months at a time). We’ve been together a really long time and he didn’t have an eipsode until we’d already been together for quite a while and I was in too deep. We’ve gone to counseling & while I agree with Frou Frou that theoretically, the dx s/n be an excuse, it is. It is just extremely difficult to live with. For what it’s worth, consider yourself lucky you found out early — I know 4 months is not insignificant, but it’s not years — and I think you’re saving yourself from a lot of heartache. My advice would be to stay strong/hold firm in your decision, but don’t blame him too much. It feels cruel, but it really isn’t about you. It’s probably the only time that awful line “it’s not you, it’s me” is really on point.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            Thanks. I really appreciate that perspective – and interestingly, it’s also what my friend, whose dad is bipolar said — it’s good that you know now, before you’re in too deep, so you’re able to make this decision without love getting in the way.

            I hope your SO is on a road toward healing and the whole thing becomes easier to live with! I admire you for being able to handle what I clearly cannot, and you speak very gracefully about it.

          • Miss Rumphius

            You are being way, way too hard on yourself. What you “can’t handle” is someone with a severe mental illness who is choosing not to treat it. I can’t speak for anon for this, but based on what she said, it sounds like her SO is taking steps to treat the bipolar, which IMO makes a world of difference.

            My mom has bipolar, and I can say from more experience than I’d like that it can be an incredibly painful disease. One of the challenging things about bipolar is that often times, the more you need your medication, the less likely you are to want it/think you need it. Also, a lot of people like the feeling of mania and dislike the medication, which tends to have pretty significant side effects. It’s frustrating because bipolar can be controlled, but you have to be really committed to treating it (not to say you can always eliminate episodes entirely, but it makes a big difference).

            One other thing to keep in mind: at a certain point, bipolar leads to completely irrational behavior, and when you are dealing with an irrational person, your rational words and actions are unlikely to be received in the way they would normally be received. This isn’t meant as an excuse, just a reality of the illness, and something to keep in mind if you’re having any thoughts of “what could I have done or said differently?” His response (or lack there of) likely has nothing to do with what you have said, it’s about him not being in a place where he is able to respond to it like he normally would.

            Not that this is news to you, but I’ll say it anyway: people in the midst of a bipolar episode can be altered to the point that they truly seem to have become a different person; we said “it’s not mom talking, it’s the disease” a lot, and I think that mental separation helps, because the DWNF you knew and really liked wouldn’t act this way were it not for the illness (doesn’t excuse him not seeking treatment, though). Last thought: if you do end up talking down the road, he may remember this situation completely differently than you do. It was sometimes shocking to talk with my mom months after an episode and hear her version of a situation because her memory of it was so different than mine.

            Big hugs – this is not an easy place to be.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            Thank you so much for your thoughts on this, especially from your first hand experience. You’re right – when you put it like that, my dealbreaker is “severe untreated mental illness” which doesn’t seem like too harsh of a dealbreaker!

            I think your point about the medication is spot on – I think HE thinks he’s fine (maybe it’s sort of like needing glasses? You’re convinced you can see just fine until you actually put on a pair and see what everyone else has been seeing this whole time?) and far be it from me to dictate how someone can/should manage their illness, but I think if he is not managing it, it’s just too much for me to deal with.

            Thanks for your perspective that he may remember things differently than I do. If I ever do hear from him and we have that closure conversation, I will try to keep that in mind if his understanding of the situation is very different from mine.

        • Saacnmama 4 hr in moderation.

          I hope you haven’t given him the tix to a show together yet. That would be awk-ward!

          • momentsofabsurdity

            Did give him the tickets (they were in his Christms present) but the show was last night and (obviously) we didn’t go because I didn’t hear from him. $ wasted, but at least I know, I guess.

    • anon

      Im so sorry. But really, is there anything to resolve? Think about your ideal answer from him that would make this ok. Is there one? It sounds to me as if its over, and I think you should stop torturing yourself by contacting him everyday. His no furniture situation actually struck me as weird from the beginning and I think it might show an inability to commit (Ie make a home) but that might be looking to much into it. Im so sorry he is behaving like this, it is extremely rude to radio silence you. Wine cookies tea hugs and all the hive wishes.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Thanks =) By resolve things, I mean have an adult conversation ending things, as opposed to ending on radio silence.

        But I see what you mean, and how you can read it that way, that I want to resolve things as in make them better and find a way to make the relationship work – I don’t. There’s nothing he can say that’ll make things okay – but I would like to have a conversation actually ending things, rather than this complete silence thing (which I would understand after 2 dates, but after months of actually being in a relationship and speaking every day Makes zero sense).

        I definitely am done contacting, trying to reach out, trying to be sensitive, understanding etc etc — I’m done with the relationship.

        I don’t know if I agree re: the no furniture thing – I think he is pretty willing to commit (he’s never had a relationship under a year and his last one was four years) but that he picks women that are pretty willing to let him behave this way. Either way, food for thought since I’m wondering if there are signs I should have seen that I didn’t.

        • hellskitchen

          I am so so sorry to hear this – I was rooting for you and this guy. But he clearly doesn’t deserve you. And about having an adult conversation – he doesn’t seem to have behaved like an adult this whole time you have been contacting him…. there’s no guarantee he will behave like one now and have a proper adult conversation. If it seemed like he would understand the point of having a closure conversation, then by all means, do it – it would be healthy for you both. But if he acts juvenile in this conversation, then it’s just going to hurt you more. Anyways, do what you think will make you feel better – sending you lots of hugs!

          • momentsofabsurdity

            You’re right. I am just going to wait and see – he may contact me in a few weeks, when he comes out of his depression, he may not. I’m bummed but you’re right – if it’s a situation where speaking would bring out the worst in me, or him, it’s not worth doing.

    • TCFKAG

      I’m so sorry this is happening. To me this sounds very much like someone going through the “down” swing of the bipolar cycle – which may also explain why he doesn’t have furniture and some of his other quirks. It doesn’t make it okay – it just may be why.

      Unfortunately, sometimes being in the life of someone with not well controlled bipolar can be very, very hard. I’m sorry this is hard. I’d say keep your chin up, but that always makes me want to hit people.

      At least now you have an awesome wallet to either keep or to give to another male person in your life (birthday or christmas shopping DONE way in advance).

      • momentsofabsurdity

        True dat. My dad’s gonna love the wallet.

        I think his behavior is symptomatic of his bipolar disorder, but if he is choosing not to treat his bipolar disorder (which, in the brief conversation we had the day after he told me, was the impression I got), then it’s ultimately behavior he’s choosing not to control

        I talked to a good friend of mine whose dad is bipolar this week – they have a complicated relationship. She pointed out that a lot of the time, bipolar people have no idea how cruel they are being – but that doesn’t make being on the other side of it any easier. I’m hurt but I’ll move on and I’m glad to know this now. Thanks for your thoughts =)

        • TCFKAG

          Honey – I wasn’t saying it was an excuse, simply a reason (I know its a fine distinction…but I think its a critical). Sometimes for me when dealing with people in my life with mental illness, it helps to remember that its really, really not me.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            You’re right. I’ve been trying to reexamine my behavior to see if there was something I could have done differently be “it’s really, really not me” is a pretty good maxim, especially when he’s clearly got his own things he’s dealing with. Thanks.

          • Saacnmama

            I was thinking you could’ve just gone over to hang out, but seeing as you had already set up a date, I don’t think that would’ve worked.
            Hope you enjoy yourself this weekend, with whatever you like best

    • Equity's Darling

      Bah, I’m sorry to hear this! I was enjoying the DWNF saga, I sort of love hearing the beginning of people’s relationships. You can just count this of one of the absurd moments in your life journey, I suppose. Chin up!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        True! After all, I loved hearing about the reasons my mom and her ex boyfriends broke up and why she picked my dad growing up – it’s all a part of my tapestry, I guess.

    • a.

      Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. But you deserve better. Champagne, ice cream, and hugs for you!

    • shortiek

      hey yeah I was one of the ones who commented last time.
      It sounds like this guy really needs to work out stuff of his own and isn’t ready for a relationship. I think it’s definitely for the best that you’ve ended things. You should be with someone that treats you with respect, and excuses or reasons aside, this wasn’t respect.

      I understand what you mean about closure, you at least want to know that your “goodbye” was heard.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Yes, that’s exactly it. It’s not that I want to work it out and get back together (and I definitely want to take the high road here), I just want him to hear and acknowledge the fact that it’s over. It feels… unresolved. But it may never be resolved and I guess I’ll find a way to be okay with that too.

    • Bunkster

      Hey, Moments! I know we’re in the same city and I think we may even be in the same type of job. If you want to vent about him, I can meet you for a drink…

      Also, I think we’re doing another meet-up next week…

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Thanks so much! This week is pretty nuts at work, but I’d love to try and make a meet-up. When do they usually happen/how do I get in on the deets?

    • Lila

      You generally sound like an epically cool gal, momentsofabsurdity, and you deserve much, much better. I have been following your story intermittently (haven’t had the chance to get on here much lately) and honestly, yes, he is not worth it. I know you will do better, and in the meantime it sounds like you have a lot going for you. Would happily take you out for coffee/drink if you’re in the Chicago area.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Thank you so much! Yep not worth it – but the good feelings don’t always come in the same envelope. Hopefully I’ll get there soon. Thanks so much for the offer but I’m in Boston =(

    • Monday

      MOA, I also have a view from what might have been down the road. I had a 3-year relationship with a guy whose diagnosis was bipolar and/or borderline personality, with 2 years living together. He didn’t cut off contact at all like you were describing, but there were other incidents that were incredibly hard on me. He always apologized later, but it was never going to stop. My attitude was always that it was his illness, and not him, and I stuck it out because he was (still is) a wonderful person, and I love(d) him.

      He was able to function untreated, i.e. work and so on, but he wasn’t able to be good to me. Ultimately, the dealbreaker was that he didn’t want to be consistent about treatment–whether meds or therapy. I respected his decision, but couldn’t stay with him under those conditions, and while it was very sad I don’t regret that call. We might have been able to work it out, as might you and your guy, but I don’t think anyone can be blamed for trying to protect herself from a known source of hurt. You did your best–way more than some others could have managed–so now take comfort in knowing that you can be respectful and compassionate but also a good friend to yourself.

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Monday — I really, really appreciate your comment, especially this part:

        He was able to function untreated, i.e. work and so on, but he wasn’t able to be good to me

        I think that was the key for me. Similarly, I think DWNF is a great person – when stable – and I sincerely hope he does find health and stability because I can’t imagine how he must be feeling when in the throes of depression. But he’s just… not able to be good to me. And from my understanding when we spoke briefly (when he first told me his diagnosis), he likes his high periods and doesn’t have a lot of interest in seeking out treatment. Which I respect – but you’re right, it means he’s not going to be able to be good to me, and that he won’t be able to doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or it’s his fault or he’s wrong – it’s just that I know deserve someone who will be.

        I admire you for being able to stick it out for as long as you did with what sounds like a great deal of grace.

        • Monday

          Or, he does seek treatment but then tapers off therapy sessions or “runs out” of meds and doesn’t ever quite get around to refilling. And this happens any number of times. I think you get the picture very clearly already. Substance addicts often aren’t able to be good to their partners either–similar situation.

          This is why I think that some statements that sound like ultimatums are really something else. For example, mine: “I respect your decision to stay off treatments, but given my experience I am not going to be able to stay in this relationship if you continue to go untreated.” If you really mean both parts of the statement, it’s just a statement, and even a loving one.

          You’re showing a lot of wisdom and you’re going to be fine. I’ll try to be checking for you on here and hope can find peace.

        • saacnmama

          Telling you this only because you might find it humorous.

          That couple I mentioned where the guy might be bipolar–he’s brilliant and can be very “up” and keyed in to what’s going on around him, other times very withdrawn, doesn’t make eye contact, can be hard understand when he speaks… I met them when he and I were both very active in a human rights organization. The funny part is that, on his sullen days, shuffling around whatnot, people would assume that he had somehow been a prisoner of conscience, beaten and abused in some h’llhole jail somewhere. They’d come up to me very quietly and whisper their question to me, asking what had happened to him. From what I know of his background, that’s very, very, very far from anything that’s ever happened to me, and it privately cracks me up.

    • Nutshell

      Nothing much to add that has not already been said, but I think I can relate to your need of closure. I have had some relationships (mostly friendships) end without closure and it still sticks with me (even in some cases years later). For a more recent example, I had a few friends (we all were very close friends for years) who suddenly stopped talking to me after I brought them on vacation (never paid me back, either). We came back and suddenly it was radio silence. I reached out numerous times with responses of silence or, with one, pretending all was normal and both were hurt and then when I tried to talk to her about something, lashing out via email and never again responding (I only sent one reply, but made it clear I would like to hear back if she wanted to remain friends). It hurt like heck, and I know that I no longer should – or want to – be friends with these people (and I honestly think I’m better off now, because clearly they were not the friends I thought), but it would be nice to have some closure so that it didn’t remain an open question that I constantly think back to.

      Sorry, didn’t mean to make it a post about me, but I just wanted to say that I have some idea of how you feel (regarding the closure, not the bipolar part – that is just rough and something that it is good you found out about early, as others discussed). Hugs!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        That’s exactly it. Even though it’s over, I want it to be over, I know I can’t do this — it still hurts, to have an ending go so completely unacknowledged by the other party and have it remain, as you say, an open question.

    • Herbie

      Ugh, so sorry to hear this. I think you’re right to close the door and move on, though. Hang in there. Champagne & cake.

    • Senior Attorney

      Hugs, MOA. I’m so sorry it turned out like this, but it seems from all available evidence that you dodged a bullet by finding out about this before you got in too deep. Be strong and remember you are awesome!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Yeah, I’m glad I know now and not two years from now. I imagine what is a two week period of hurt with a short mourning period would have been light years worse down the line, when I was really in love with him and had invested a ton of my life in him. Thanks so much!

    • ML

      Moments- I don’t think i commented on any of your previous posts re this guy, but i’ve been following along and mentally rooting for you two. I am so, so sorry to hear this. It sounds heartbreaking. I don’t have much to add except that you have always come across here as someone with grace, wit, and good sense, and I hope those qualities will see you through this. I wish all the best for you.

      Also, my cousin was bipolar (he’s now passed) and it is an incredibly, incredibly, difficult disease on the people who love you. Just so hard. So I won’t say this is “all for the best” but I am glad that, like you said, you got out before falling in love/investing years of your life. Chin up!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Thank you so much ML! I’m sorry about your cousin, and you’re right – from the comments here, it seems like an incredibly difficult disease for the bystanders in your life, and from my brief brush with it in this situation, I think I can attest to that.

    • CBM

      I’m sad to hear about this too! But…after an appropriate amount of time…I look forward to hearing about the next smart, interesting guy you date!

    • Ellen

      WOW, your guy sound’s like even more of a doosh then Alan. FOOEY!

      I am VERY sorry you had to go thru this. BUT you are on the RIGHT track if you follow thru and DUMP him like I finaly did with Alan.

      You sound young, so there WILL be other guy’s interested in you that will treat you right. You are NOT a doctor, so you are NOT obliegated to treat his mediceal issue’s. I know it is tough, especially AFTER you have been intimeate with a guy, to dump him but you CAN do it.

      When I told Alan finaly to leave, I felt like a HUGE burden was lifted from me. Yes it is nice to have a guy to hold you and be romantic, but beleive me, cleaning up after him is something I do NOT miss. Also, the drinkeing, vommitting, and takeing my money to buy more VODDKA is not what I want in a man. You should NOT either, b/c you do NOT even know what this guy could have in his CLOSET.

      If you go to Gradueate school, you will meet men who are interested in you. I did and alot of professor’s too. These men will make you forget about this doufuss. Myrna told me that I would never find a guy as long as I stayed with Alan and she was right. Even tho the right guy has not come around yet, I know he will come around. I am workeing out and trying to be optomstic that a good guy will see me for what I am and take me as he find’s me. That will work for you also. Yay!!!!

    • MaggieLizer

      Late to the party here, but I’m so sorry to hear this, MOA. Hugs, cab & chocolate.

  37. easylaw

    I’m moving to a new city to start at a new firm soon, and want to start dating and making friends. I won’t know anyone else in the city. I’m worried that people at my new firm will find me online if I use the free dating sites, but I can’t really afford much else. Is this worry unfounded? I just don’t want to be embarrassed at work.

    • anon

      Don’t worry – even the free dating sites usually have profiles behind a login wall and at least on OKC, you can opt not to be crawlable by search engines. So the only people from your firm who will find you will be people on those sites themselves. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

    • TCFKAG

      I have never used it, but my understanding is that the first rule of OKC is that you don’t talk about OKC. Go forth – and date young padawan.

      And if you are moving to a city with a [this site] meet-up, you should attend one. All these lovely ladies are awesome.

  38. AIMS

    JCrew Factory has a LOT of amazing things on sale with 30% off right now, I couldn’t keep it to myself. Their stuff is super hit or miss and it’s final sale but I wanted to give a shout out to a few items I can vouch for:

    1. The knee length puffer coat. It’s warm and just as good as the regular Jcrew puffer and marked down to $94 right now. I have one of these from a few years ago and it’s held up great. With the extra 30% off, it comes down to roughly $60 – if you need a warm coat, this is awesome. Only size XS and M though.

    2. The skinny patent leather belts – several bright colors and lots of sizes, $9 less 30%, so right around $6! I actually prefer the factory belts to the the regular store ones. They knot better. You really can’t beat the quality for $6.

    3. The bright color wool pencil skirts. If the no. 2s work for you, they are about $30 with the discount now. I have the bright blue one and it’s been great.

    4. The modern trench – this is not a personal rec., but it’s $120 now, so $90 with discount, and I recall lots of raves about it from earlier this year. Many sizes.

    5. I’m also going to order a bunch of the tissue thin turtlenecks, they come down to about $6 and there are lots of colors and sizes still available (unlike the main Jcrew site). I have never tried the factory ones but the regular store ones are always huge for me, so I am sizing down and giving this a chance.

    Anyway, just had to share. Esp. re: the coat and belts.

    • phillygirlruns

      endorsing the j.crew factory modern trench – i bought last year’s and have been happy with it. one thing to note – it’s not lined.

    • Monday

      I got two 100% merino turtlenecks for about $17 each a few days ago. The Factory store doesn’t seem to be lower quality than the main store (though I know that’s quite a qualified statement) and if you like rich colors the pickings are often better.

      I also love my boatneck sweater dress from the Factory store and would get another color if they had my size:

      http://factory.jcrew.com/womens-clothing/sweaters/wool_blend/PRDOVR~93050/99102819271/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+216~~~0~15~all~mode+matchallany~~~~~boatneck%20sweater%20dress/93050.jsp

      • AIMS

        Cute dress! I wish it wasn’t sold out – I have been basically living in sweater dresses this winter.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve definitely have had hit or miss experiences with J Crew Factory as well. I own their double-serge pencil skirt in cotton and a blouse that I can’t remember the name of (sleeveless, ruffle-neck in polka dot) that seem just about equivalent to J Crew retail. On the other hand, a shirt and a cotton sweater I’ve gotten are substantially, noticeably lower quality – think on par with H&M. Shorts have been somewhat lower quality than retail but still flattering and durable.

      • AIMS

        I have a cashmere turtleneck sweater from them from a few years ago and it’s still in perfect shape despite this being its third winter of wear. It actually seems to be better quality than the reg. JCrew cashmere and I wish I had bought more at the time. But, yes, other things are not great at all. The good thing is that most of it is fairly clear in person so you can get a good feel for what will work if you make it to the actual store.

  39. Bunkster

    Did anyone watch Deception this week? I think it may be my new favorite show. My sister-in-law and I are hooked. I’ve already watched the first episode twice this week.

    Also, I’m looking forward to the premiere of The Following with Kevin Bacon.

    • Herbie

      You piqued my interest. What channel is Deception on? What other shows is it similar to?

      • Bunkster

        NBC. It’s a little like Revenge, but better. It’s also a little like Veronica Mars. The main character returns to her hometown because her best friend has died.

        • Lucy

          I’ve been rewatching all of Veronica Mars and I’m now totally intrigued.

  40. anon

    So I’m a current 1L at a T20 law school, and this weekend I’m devastated because grades came back and I did poorly. I’m a nontraditional student, and prior to starting law school had been removed from academics. My GPA would have been fine, but I choked on my last exam (I was revolted by the misogynistic professor and decided doing the reading on my own would be preferable to attending class… worst decision I’ve made in years, and then to top things off, I started my period during the exam and bled all over my seat.) Do you ladies have any words of advice for me? Any horror stories of your own that you bounced back from?

    • Boston 1L

      Nothing to help (haven’t gotten grades yet), but hugs. That sounds miserable (especially everything about the last exam).

      I know a lot of people at my school have talked to us about how even though grades can be everything, you can also work past them. Send out a ton of summer applications, if you haven’t gotten a job already (and I only know a handful of people who have), because that will (supposedly) help you leaps and bounds to get your 2L summer and job following (basically, having a super 1L summer or having something great to discuss in 2L interviews).

      Again, none of this is from experience, since I’m also a 1L. However, I like what one of my professors told us: ‘Grades do not change who you are. If you were a good person before getting them, you’re still a good person whether or not your grades are good. If you were a bad person before, even if you get top grades, you’re still a bad person.’

      Plus, you have another semester to pull that GPA up! Best of luck! (As an aside, I’d be happy to chat with you via email and commiserate about law school if you ever want. ;) I know sometimes there are annoyances you don’t want to discuss with your section/school-mates.)

        • anon

          I love that tumblr! That post made me laugh, so thanks!

          And, wow, no grades yet? That must be so stressful. Best of luck with your summer job search and the second semester as well! I’d love to chat and hear about how school’s going for you; I almost decided to attend a school in Boston before I chickened out (the cold, oh, the snow).

          • Boston 1L

            You can email me here: boston1lrette@gmail.com

            I didn’t look at that tumblr until exams – but then it was a terrific study break!

            Well, it was nice not to worry about grades over break, but now it would be nice to know. I’m getting a little nervous now that they should be coming out soon.

            A lot of people in my section have mentioned that they almost chickened out from the weather. I don’t think it’s bad, but I also know that I want to stay in Boston (and am from New England).

          • Boston 1L

            Sorry, I posted hours ago but it is still in moderation. My email is: boston1lrette @ g mail

            I didn’t look at that tumblr until exams – but then it was a terrific study break!

            Well, it was nice not to worry about grades over break, but now it would be nice to know. I’m getting a little nervous now that they should be coming out soon.

            A lot of people in my section have mentioned that they almost chickened out from the weather. I don’t think it’s bad, but I also know that I want to stay in Boston (and am from New England).

    • Anon for This

      Sorry you are going through this.

      I was a non-traditional student at my law school, as well. In spite of hard work, I just didn’t “get it” my first year. My marks put me in the bottom half of my class. I kept at it, and by the end of second year was in the top third and graduated in the top quarter (just missing the 10% mark).

      I applied for summer jobs emphasizing the subject areas in which I did do well and was able to get some respectable experience.

      I feel as though I put on blinkers for 2nd and 3rd year and made the commitment that law school was not going to get the better of me. By the time I interviewed for my law job, I had enough good marks and experience to get the job I wanted.

      • anon

        You have given me hope! What do you think was the key in turning your grades around? Did you focus your studies more, budget your time better, talk to professors more, etc.?

        • Anon for This

          I see my first year as learning a foreign language – by immersion. I found that the more I studied, the better I was at understanding new concepts, but it was a very slow start. I also found that the more I wrote (and read) the better my focus at legal writing. I am a list-maker, so I think my time was budgeted fairly well at the outset, I just didn’t always understand everything that I read or was brought up in class and there weren’t enough hours in the day to go over and over the same material. I had to learn to move on.

          I found there were people in law school who were smart and quick and were always at the top of the class. There were also people in my first year who were able to take on the 1L material and do pretty well, but, once the going got tough, had never developed the skillset to slog through. They were the ones who did not do well the farther we went in law school. And those of us who had to really work in first year were the ones who improved over the long haul.

          Someone below recommended going out for everything, even if you don’t think you will qualify. I think that is also really good advice.

    • e_pontellier

      I’m a 2L at a decent big city law school (not T20). Everyone talks like OCI is the end of the world, but really, only a VERY small percentage of your class will get jobs from it. I got zero interviews at OCI, was totally devastated, and thought my legal career was over before it even began. After a few nights and a few bottles of wine, I tracked down the list of the largest 300 law firms in the country (you can google “biggest law firms” or something similar to find it). I wrote up one great cover letter, with 2 sentences that were firm-specific, and applied to every single firm that (a) had a summer program (b) for 2Ls (c) in the city I wanted to be in. I didn’t send anything in the mail — I did everything online and I used basically the exact same cover letter for every firm. I know they tell you not to do that, and maybe I would had been more successful if I hadn’t. Anyway, rejections trickled in over the next 2 months but then I got ONE interview. This sounds crazy, but it’s true: I got an offer for a summer associateship, they told me that they expect to give full time offers to their summer associates, and I love the firm. I haven’t started working yet (obviously – I start in May) but all it takes is one.

      I know you asked about grades, but the only reason to worry about grades is to get a job. You’ll get a job; each semester at law school you’ll learn something that will help you do better the following semester, and by my 2L Fall (last semester), I got my first law school A. I haven’t gotten all of my grades yet and I’m hoping I’ll have another A to report, but we’ll see. The point is – I have a job and you will too! Keep your chin up.

      • anon

        This is great advice, thanks! It’s good to hear success stories like this after reading horror stories on sites like Above The Law, ugh. Congratulations on the summer associateship!

      • Boston 1L

        Thanks for this – makes me feel better, too! and congratulations on getting the summer position!

    • anon

      Based on my own mistakes, my advice is to get over the grades. They are in the past and you can’t change them, but you can do whatever you can to make yourself a promising candidate for the career you want going forward. I got disappointing grades my first 1L semester at a T5 school and I didn’t apply for some competitive internships, etc., because I thought my grades weren’t good enough. I really regret that now (in my 4th year of practice). So don’t let a few letters get you down! And when you get interviews, be confident and don’t worry about your transcript.

      • e_pontellier

        YES – this – do not limit yourself. Apply for EVERYTHING. Network as much as you can. Don’t let your grades define you. You’re smart, capable, intelligent, hardworking, etc. etc. and a 4-hour exam doesn’t change that.

    • lucy stone

      My first semester grades put me at a 2.6. I graduated with a 3.1. You can turn law school around pretty easily – do NOT let this get you down. I went to a third tier school and had two job offers within 6 months of graduation.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions