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Weekend Open Thread

Hue Moto LeggingsSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm back on the hunt for some comfortable moto leggings that hold their shape, and was happy to see the Hue brand marked down to $35 — perfect for a trend piece that I've seen for as much as $1000 elsewhere. The blue is sold out, but the black is still available in all sizes online — hooray! Happy Friday, ladies. Hue ‘Moto' Denim Leggings (Online Only) P.S.: please note that you can earn triple points at Nordstrom through 9/21. P.P.S. Here's a plus-size option.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

266 Comments

  1. Is Kate Spade becoming the new Coach? I see their purses and wallets EVERYWHERE now.

    2. Ha, I’m a longtime Coach devotee and was just thinking about how much I like the recent Kate Spade offerings. The two brands seem to have increasingly similar looks. And yeah, Kate Spade is everywhere.

    4. Reported by accident! Sorry! Is there a way to add a “confirm” button when a port gets reported? It would make life easier for my thumbs.

    5. I think it’s really the price. You can get KS bags for less than $200 in outlets or through their sales on sale items.
      I don’t find a lot of people in MK and Coach retail stores but their outlet stores are just flooded with people.

  2. I have 26 hour layover at Newark in a few months, on my way to Paris. Because my layover is so long, I’m planning to spend the day in NYC- is that feasible? Is it easy to get into the city proper from Newark? Suggestions on where to stay/eat? I’m vegetarian, if that makes a difference for restaurant suggestions.

    What’s the best way to spend one full day in NYC? If anyone has any suggestions on Paris that would be good too!

    1. It’s quite easy. You take the AirTrain to the NJ transit stop, and get on a train to NY penn Station. Prob 45 minutes all told. Do you arrive in the morning or evening? If morning and you have an early morning flight is probably stay at an airport hotel so you can drop your stuff off right away and not worry about a crack of dawn trip to the airport. If that’s not as much of a concern Midtown hotels on the west side will be easiest for you.

      Have you been to the city before? If you want a tourist highlight day I would start downtown to see the Statue of Liberty and Sept. 11th memorial and then work my way up to whatever else is on your must do list. If you’ve done the big sights a day walking up 5th ave, seeing the Christmas tree if it’s December, then down to Soho for shopping could be fun. Or for more culture whichever museum sounds good to you.

    2. Definitely feasible. I’m sure the NYC locals will chime in with more specifics but there are convenient buses and trains that run between Newark airport and NYC. I once took a specialty airport shuttle too that just took me into Penn station. It was probably a little more than the local transit but I didn’t want to get lost. There’s plenty of vegetarian fare. I had the lunch buffet at Tiffin Wallah and would go back again, really good Indian.

      Paris – gosh anything and everywhere is good. I enjoyed just meandering. Even the cliche’ touristy stuff is fun. The train ride to Versailles was worthwhile, just make sure you get off at the right stop (Palais du Versailles if I recall, not “Versailles” – but it’s an adorable little town near the palace).

    3. If you want to splash out a little money, for both places I’d recommend checking into a private guide via http://www.toursbylocals.com. They have people who live in the city, speak your language, and will tailor an experience just for you. I used them in Osaka, Hiroshima, and Ho Chi Minh City and was super happy with all of them.

      ETA: In New York I would definitely go to a Broadway play!!

      1. The Paris Greeters program is set up like this, but is free (donations are optional). The tours are run by locals who volunteer, and the program tries to set you up with a greeter who has knowledge of your specific interests in the city.

        It was one of the highlights of our trip last fall. Go to greeters dot paris. In the upper right hand corner, click the British flag for a translation into English.

      1. I get in around 6pm, and my flight to paris is the next day at 8pm- which is less than ideal for theatre unfortunately, because I LOVE theatre. And it’s not a weekend, otherwse I’d do a matinee.

        1. You can do a matinee on a weekday! Not for every show but for many (Def. for Phantom).

          If you’re getting in around 6, I would find a hotel somewhere reasonably close to Penn Station (a friend stayed at Affinia 34 recently and enjoyed it), check in, and then go have dinner somewhere delicious. If you like Indian, there are a lot of great Indian restaurants nearby in what many call “Curry Hill” (cause it’s in Murray Hill, get it?) which would be the high east 20s around Lexington avenue.

          Other dinner ideas: head downtown and go to Rubirosa or Motorino for some a-mazing New York pizza; or if you’re feeling fancier, check out Gramercy Park Tavern (the non-reservation Tavern part with the a la carte menu), sit at the bar, get a glass of wine and enjoy the people watching…. Or, walk over to Eataly on 23rd street and eat your way through (the veggie restaurant there is, also, the best of all their food options, imo).

          Then walk around (I’d walk back to your hotel from wherever, weather permitting, because New York walking is so the best), maybe have a c*cktail along the way, and head back to your hotel so you can wake up in the morning and have a delicious breakfast somewhere. I’d recommend leaving your luggage at the hotel, heading to Chelsea Market to get something to go and then climbing up to the High Line to eat it with a cup of coffee while in the middle of all that greenery. From there you can head to the theater district to go see a show, pick up your luggage and head to the airport.

          In Paris, whatever else you do: walk along the Seine, eat a lot baguettes and brie, make sure to visit Café Angelina and get the hot chocolate, and just try to get lost on some windy streets.

        2. I went to Paris exactly a year ago (and I’m in NYC now!) and did a rather thorough compilation and distillation of all the Paris info from previous Corporette threads and a few other places (TripAdvisor and one other blog I think). Wouldn’t mind sharing with you at all. If you want to email me at Christine is internet @ the google mail dot com (no spaces), I’ll send you my Paris research!

    6. So I’m not sure if my post last night got so few responses because it was too late, or because no one (except Wildkittens, thanks WK!) had anything nice to say.

      I just got these pants. They are a very strong taste, one you either love or hate. I am aware that some will agree with my tween’s assessment (like a cross between Elvis & India), but I love them, and am looking for something mid-hip length to wear with them .

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/raga-print-high-rise-bell-bottom-pants/3732253?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=0&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_1_C

      1. Sorry, didn’t catch that this posted in the wrong place soon enough to delete it. Am reposting further down.

    7. When we visited NYC last summer, I loved the Classic Harbor Line cruise: http://www.sail-nyc.com/ I got discounted tickets, but can’t remember the outlet. You should be able to google it if you’re interested.
      Have fun!

    8. As everyone else has said, totally do-able. You can purchase train tickets to NYC in the airport at kiosks before you board the Air Train. (Note: keep the ticket, as you need it for both air train and NJ transit train.) If you do not want to fuss with that, you can download the NJ Transit ticketing app and buy the ticket on your phone.

      You’ll come into Penn Station. It’s not the most scenic area, but there are loads of places nearby to eat in Hell’s Kitchen if you don’t want to fuss with hauling your things around the city/trying to get a cab. Larb Ubol is my current favorite, doing amazing Isan Thai food (though without much atmosphere). Getting back, allow about 45 minutes from station to your first airport line, because the Air Train, while convenient, is slow.

    9. In NYC , I would take the 90 min boat trip that circles manhattan halfway and gives great views of the Statue of Liberty and all NYC landmarks. Then, lunch followed by shopping. Then maybe finish up at Empire State Building maybe.

      Paris….my top picks would be the Eiffel Tower ( google the fat bike tour company ….American guides doing a great job) and notre dame. Also walking along the seine. Mused d’ orsay. And of course versailles. The stop is versailles chateAu rive gauche. But crowds are awful so try to find a way to skip the lines, even if you have to pY extra.

      What about chant illy or Fontainebleau? You can visit monet’s house at giverny if you like that. Make sure you try to see the Eiffel on the hour at 9/10/11pm or midnight/1 am. They have tiny flashing lights go on for 5 mins on the hour, for five mins.

      1. Something I LOVED in Paris was the cemetery where all the famous people are buried…name is escaping me at the moment. Oscar Wilde’s grave was my favorite. It’s gorgeous, full of history and totally un-creepy!

  3. I used to get my annual exam and birth control at Planned Parenthood and pay out of pocket so I’ve never dealt with this before and feel stupid asking about this.

    My insurance pays for my annual exam and a large percentage of my birth control. It only covers that visit once a year. In my past experience you couldn’t get a refill on birth control until you have your annual exam. But my gyn wrote my prescription for 12 packs of the pill. Problem is, that only covers 48 weeks not the full 52 weeks in a year. Add to that the fact that you don’t want to get your exam while on your period so I would need another exam at least 5 weeks before the end of a year since my prior exam but I don’t think my insurance would pay for that. What gives and how do I fix it?

    1. if you call your doctor’s office, they will typically give you a prescription refill for a few weeks to tide you over until your next exam

    2. Call your doctor, explain, and get a script for an additional month. Shouldn’t be a problem.

    3. I call my doctor and as long as I’ve seen her w/in 2 years, she writes me one. Recently had a slight lapse in my 2-yr visit and she wrote me an “emergency” 30-day RX so long as I made an appointment and came in.

    4. Call your doctor’s office and explain the situation. They will usually call in one refill for you, or sometimes even provide you with a sample pack from their office.

    5. Thanks all. I’ll do that. Why don’t they just write a prescription for 13 packs? I thought I was going crazy trying to figure out the math. It’s like the whole 9 month pregnancy thing while 40 weeks is really 10 months.

      1. I used to work in a pharmacy, and I think it’s just doctors that are so used to writing for a year’s prescription as “1 month with 11 refills” that they forget how the math works with BCP. Should they? No, but it’s really common and always a pain.

    6. Also, not all insurance is strict about the “every year = once every 12 months”. I’ve never had insurance care if I got an annual exam in September one year and got it in August the next year with only 11 months in between – they only just pay for 1 per calendar year. I’ve had dental insurance that squawked about cleanings with less than 6 months between them, but never medical insurance. Although I may have just jinxed myself by writing that ….

    7. Some insurances have a one month flexibility in you getting your exam. The scientists say you shouldn’t get an exam more than once every 3 years unless you have a reason to like a previous abnormal exam or are especially high risk. There are too many false positives that just go away with annual exams.

    8. Related rant: I really hate how the pill is not OTC in the U.S. In addition to only writing 12 months, I hate having to wait almost a month to get a new pack because I like to have backups in case I lose a pill/pack. When I was working in Asia, I was travelling every week, and it was great to be able to drop by the pharmacy once every 6 months, grab 8 packs of pills and be done!

      1. I agree. They make it such a hassle. I’d love to have extra on hand, but my insurance will only allow for me to have one month at a time. It seems like there should be a better way.

        1. Will your doc write you for three months at a time? This is what my doctor does, so I get three pill packs every three months.

  4. Recommendations for a drug-store brand hair oil (like Moroccan Oil or similar?)

    1. Body Shop has a slew of nicely and lightly scented oils that can be used on hair and body.

    2. I use plain argan oil and just buy it from iherb dot com. Works the same and costs way less. If you want it to smell pretty, you can always buy an essential oil of your choice and add a few drops.

    4. If you color your hair, make sure whatever you use is color-safe. I love oils but have been surprised to find that almost all have color-stripping potential. Basically unless it says color-safe, it probably isn’t– even including totally natural stuff like organic coconut oil.

    5. I tend to buy pure oils some of which you can get in a grocery store–beauty section. Reason being most hair oil brands include all these other ingredients that are not really necessary. For instance, Moroccan Oil is marketed as “Argan Oil, however the argan oil is the *sixth ingredient* on the list(see below). The first 3 ingredients are silicones. Argan oil can be pricey, but still…
      Moroccan oil ingredients list: Cyclopentasiloxane, Dimethicone, Cyclomethicone, Butylphenyl, MethylPropional, Argania Spinoza Kernal Oil (Aragan Oil), Linseed (Linum Usitatissimum) Extract, Fragrance Supplement, D&C Yellow-11, D&C Red-17, Coumarin, Benzyl Benzoate, Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone.

      In the past some of the oils I have used are Jojoba oil, fairly light, no odour and not greasy. Apricot Kernel oil, can feel a bit greasy and also a little heavier than jojoba. Coconut oil also works well, but best used in the warm months, it solidifies in colder weather. Also with coconut oil, less is more. Depending on where you shop, you can get some of these oils in the grocery store. Or online try Mountain Rose Herbs, New Directions Aromatics or From Nature With Love. I think Argan Oil should be available from these online shops too.

  5. Hello Ladies,

    I need some advice around salary negotiations.I have worked very hard and long hours this year and I have made huge impact on the project we are working on. The senior people I have worked with have given good feedback to my manager. My manager acknowledges the work I have done. But I am not seeing any clue that it will get translated to a promotion or a good raise. In our previous 1:1 meeting, he told me that it will be a very competitive during the reviews. I have worked way more than my pay scale and I deserve a promotion with a good raise. I had mentioned to him in June that I want to do everything that he expects from me so that I can be considered for a promotion and I have done everything that he expected from me. In fact, I have done more.

    Couple of years back, when I asked for a promotion and a raise, I was told that I shouldn’t ask for a promotion or a raise !!! I was told that when I explicitly asked for a promotion, it sounded like I only care about money. I should be caring for the company and the team and money will follow. I got that promotion anyways but I did feel bad for asking. when I spoke to my manager in June this year, he again kind of reiterated that I shouldn’t care so much for a promotion and money. I should think about how I can add value to the company. However, the second time, it is a different manager.

    I am wondering, is this a common thing for managers to say that people shouldn’t ask for a promotion? Would he have told the same thing to me if I was a man? How did you ladies ask for a promotion? Did you all wait till it just happened to you? It is almost like I was being shamed for asking a raise. I want to make my case and I want him to know that I am very serious about it. At the same time, I don’t want to give him an opportunity to make me feel bad for asking.

    1. I am calling BS on your former manager. As long as you did so appropriately and in private there is nothing wrong with asking for a raise. I found out the hard way that at my company they don’t even give raises UNLESS you ask for one (!) Of course, I can name plenty of problems with that policy too.

    2. Makes me wonder if they’d say this to you if you were a man. Almost every study finds that men are more likely to ask for raises than women and are perceived better when they do.

      But seriously, I think you can emphasize that you value your role at the company and do want it to do well – but that you also want to be valued correctly by the company because you view it as a reciprocal relationship.

      Seriously, this is such BS from your bosses.

    3. Your company is being cheap and trying to guilt you into taking less money. Let’s be real, everyone is out for themselves and they can’t expect excellence without ponying up.

      1. Yes, this sounds dysfunctional. It’s like they’re saying “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about money. Just keep working and trust us.”

      2. Seriously. Everyone is working for the paycheck. Sure, you care about contributing value to the company, but your salary matters, and it’s silly to pretend like it doesn’t. That would make me so mad.

    4. Yay!!!! Open Thread’s!!!! I love open thread’s and these legging’s, Kat! You seem to be abel to find nice thing’s for us at least once a day.

      As for the OP, do NOT listen to peeople who tell you to be quiet like a churchmouse. It get’s you NO Where! FOOEY! If you are doieng a good job, do NOT keep it to yourself. The extra money you deserve will NOT be comeing out of your bosse’s pocket, so do NOT be shy. If you are good, you will get more money to spend on thing’s you need — in my case, clotheing, a new Iphone, jewelry, etc. If you are worried, get your dad to negotieate with your manageing partner for you. My dad is a great person to do that kind of thing for you, but it does NOT have to be your dad. If you are MARRIED, get your husband to do it, and if you have a boyfreind, have him do something for all that you do for him. If you are not married and do not have a boyfreind, there are peeople around that can do this kind of thing for you. They are called “job coache’s”. For a littel money, they can come in and throw their wieght around useing your name. It is not Mafia or anything like that, but they get the job done. I will ask Myrna, b/c she had one of those guys get her promoted.

      This weekend, Myrna and I are goeing down to the Climate Change gathering b/c there are suposed to be eligibel men down there she say’s. She told me many will be nerdy or dorky, but I want a guy who make’s alot of money to marry me and I do NOT care if they are not the cutest as long as they do NOT cheat on me. I do NOT want, like the OP the other day, to be MARRIED to a guy onley to find out he is haveing sex with other women who are haveing sex with god know’s who? With peeople like that, you are haveing sex with all kinds of skuzz-balls that they’ve had sex with, down to the guys who do NOT shower before they ask you to give them sexueal pleasure. GROSS! We had those in college and I swear that I will NEVER have sex with a guy who does NOT scrubb down first. All of us corporete’s should make a pledge NOT to do anything with a guy who is not as clean as a doctor goeing into surgery. Noah told me all this b/c I think he want’s to sleep with me! I am NOT goieing to jump into bed with him so fast b/c I should real him in slowly, Mom Say’s! YAY!!!!!!

    5. I did make an argument during my last promotion that I need to be valued too and it should not only be me adding value to the company. The answer I got was I was given more work as the reward for my good work. If I had not worked well, then no one would be approaching me for help and trusted me to complete the tasks I was given. I should be happy that people are giving me more and more work. It was almost like more work is part of the compensation that I get for my good work.

      1. That’s a wrongheaded thing for them to say, but without the increased opportunity to succeed, you’re going nowhere. So in some sense, more work = more opportunity = more potential for raises/promotions? Or even if this company is not going to do the raise/promotion thing, at least you’re getting experience and seniority that you can take elsewhere?

        I’m definitely trying to see the silver lining here.

    6. I think that is utter B.S. and the proof of it is you got the promotion anyway. Ask away, says I!

    7. It is BS. Throw it back at them and say that you DO care about the company a lot, or else you wouldn’t have stuck around for such sh!tty treatment if you weren’t committed. No seriously. You should say that it IS marketable for the company to say that Asking F. Promotion has been with the company for several years, has moved up in the ranks, and has a lot of history and knowledge about the business, the projects and the clients that a new hire (transfer or total newbie) wouldn’t have. You’re a senior employee, provided that there are people who were hired more recently than you!

      Conversely, you can tell them that you will work the hours and the effort that you think their money is worth to you. I had a supervisor once who made that same argument after she was told that if she passed X exam, there would be a promotion for her at the end of the tunnel. She passed, they didn’t want to uphold their end of the bargain, and so she flat-out told them that she would be cutting her hours and effort to be more in line with what their offer was. They gave her a raise.

      If you are getting promoted in title, but not money–that’s not ok. It’s not ok for them to put more responsibility, more liability, more anything on you without fairly compensating you for it. Period.

      At least, that’s my $0.02. Besides, if they can give you a promotion and bill the clients more for your work, the reward should be passed on to you too. I can poke so many holes in your managers’ arguments, and I’m not even in law!!

    8. Speaking from the other side of the desk, I think you need to focus a bit more on your value to the company and less on “I did a great job and I deserve more”. If you did a great job that’s wonderful, and translates presumably to a higher merit raise than average… but a promotion should mean you are taking on a larger role or more responsibility in some way. I don’t know what kind of work you do, so if you’re in a “every X years everyone performing gets the next level title” it’s one thing, if promotions depend on specific positions being open in the company that’s a different story, and I’m speaking to the latter. This is a “know your company” question. For my company, “I did everything you asked me to and did it really well” does not equal promotion, but it should equal a good merit raise. Great performance on a project should merit a spot bonus, but not a promotion. Doing a higher level job that is available to be filled is what gets a promotion.

      1. When I spoke to my manager that I am looking forward for a promotion in this year’s review, I asked him what I needed to do to get a promotion. I did more than whatever he thinks I should do to get promoted. It is not the same as saying I did whatever you asked me to do on a day to day basis. I know the progress that I have done from my last promotion and I clearly have a much bigger role now.

        I understand adding value to the company. I do have very high standards for myself. If it was all about doing what my manager asked me to do, then I would have to ask for a promotion every year. I recognized that I have not done enough to ask a promotion in last couple of years. However, I was progressing towards a promotion during those years and this year I deserve it.

    9. As a manager I appreciate it when one of my direct reports asks about what steps they need to take to be considered for a promotion. It shows initiative and that they are interested in their future at the company and not content to just sit back and collect a paycheck. It sounds like you work someplace that doesn’t understand the importance of employee advancement, which would be enough for me to start looking for a new job.

      1. I agree. It sounds like your managers don’t know how to handle these conversations very well. They are demoralizing you when they could be having valuable conversations with you about how you can grow in your role (or provide a bit of transparency if there are other factors at play).

  6. It’s my birthday today! I just turned 24 and am really excited for the upcoming year!

    What year has been your biggest year to date? Mine was definitely 22. I graduated college, got married, moved halfway across the country, and started my first “big girl” job. I was glad 23 was a lot quieter. ;)

    1. ZOMG. My son is older than you…

      ETA I mean, Happy Birthday!! Here’s to an awesome upcoming year! My birthday is coming up next week and I have to say the year just ending (55 – gah!) has been pretty red-letter in that I successfully finalized my divorce, bought the new house, and started my dream renovation project. Also made a bunch of new friends and am dipping my toes back in the dating pool (verra cautiously) for the first time in forever.

      So while nothing will top the year I became a mom and a law student in the same year, this one has been pretty big.

      2. Happy Birthday! My biggest year was at 35 – left my first husband moved to another state where for the first time in my life I was completely, gloriously, independent of family, spouse, anybody. Came back six months later completely refreshed and with a new perspective and haven’t looked back since. And yes, at this point, I have earrings older than you, so… there might be other big years in your life — but congrats on the milestones you’re celebrating this year!

      3. Hey @Sr Attny …. congrats. My bday is this week and I’m also leaving 55 behind. You’ve had a most adventuresome year. I managed to see my final, of the 7, continents at 55. So I’m happy with the passing of my own red-letter 55.

        Happy birthday to the OP and Sr. Attny.

    2. Happy Birthday, Erin! I have Rubbermaids older than you (in the spirit of SA’s comment).

    3. Right around 30. Got laid off, broke up with someone I’d been dating a year, moved cross-country, got laid off again, took a trip to Mexico, got a new job…

      (It all turned out well–I’m still in the no-longer-new city, the last job I stayed with for 4 years (and didn’t get laid off, and still enjoy a very similar job at a different company!), and while it was hard at the time, I’m glad I didn’t stay with the person I was dating…)

    4. I would have to say 25 was rough, moved cities and started law school leaving my beau behind. He turned out being gay (but he gave the best gifts!). But at the time I was really sad and the first year of law school, plus not working (I’ve always had at least one job since I was 14…), plus a new city, new roommate, new friends.

      But 32 was probably the best birthday I’ve ever had. FWIW still single so I am sure there are plenty of things that could shake it up and top that.

    5. Happy Birthday! It’s my birthday today too. 35- finally. I guess that means I can no longer say I’m in my early 30’s! My biggest year was this year- new house, new baby in about two months.

    6. Happy Birthday Erin! My biggest year(s) was 33-34: finished my PhD, suffered a bout of depression while dealing with a very difficult job search as well as some painful family stuff, and a long-term relationship ended–all at the same time.

    7. Mine was 27 (I’ll be 29 next month). In May, I graduated law school on a Saturday, got married the next day, moved to a new house the day after I took the bar, started a new job, then passed the bar that September. Things have been comparatively boring since!

    8. Happy birthday!

      My biggest year was 23. Graduated law school, moved into my first official apartment some 300 miles away from home, started me first full-time law job, and passed the bar.

    9. So far, I’d say 31 was pretty great! Finished my PhD and had my first baby in the span of 2 weeks. :)

    10. So far, it has been 29. That was the year I got a huge promotion at work, got engaged to my bf, and moved into MY house that I had built. I have had so many great years, but that year will always stand out to me…I guess because I finally felt like a real adult with real responsibilities.

    11. 26, probably. Got married, finished my clerkship, moved across the country, bought a house, and found my first post-clerkship job without any help from family or friends (on my own merit).

  7. Reposted from mid week since I first posted rather late at night:

    Hi all, I’m a long time lurker, infrequent commenter. I would appreciate some input in regard to dealing with awkward chronic health issues that are not considered disabilities (specifically my own). The following may be nsfw for some people so heads-up.

    I have a chronic health condition called dysmenorrhea (commonly known as severe menstrual cramps). Due to the severity of the condition, I usually have to take one, sometimes two, sick days every month (with the occasional “good” month where all the bad days fall on weekends or evenings). I am resistant to painkillers and none of the currently available medical treatments have proven effective. In the past I have been fairly open with my coworkers and bosses about the reason for my sick leave. I work regular overtime (built into the job) and am a hard worker- when I am able to work. It has been helpful that I work in an all-female staffed office and there isn’t a gender taboo about unspeakable female complaints (sarc). Several coworkers have been sympathetic, usually those who have dealt with milder forms of this problem. However my unit coworkers are not in this camp. I am concerned that there may be conflict/resentment because I have to call in sick more frequently than many people do. On a related note, in a past job (different employer and field) I was criticised for taking excessive sick days: I had eye surgery that year so ended up using all my sick leave and some vacation leave as sick leave because of the extra days away. Since that experience, I feel a bit paranoid about negative perceptions of my work ethic and whether there is any chance that I am being viewed as a malingerer.

    Long story later, does anyone have any advice on how to navigate an issue like this? Doctor notes are pretty useless since all they can do is say that I say I’m feeling pain! Is there anyone who has suffered a similar complaint and found some ideas I haven’t thought of to reduce the negative impact? For employers/supervisors, how would you view or address such a dynamic?

    Any advice is appreciated.
    Thanks!

    edit- I am not looking for medicine recommendations unless you know of something different that only came out this year. The rest has been tried.

    1. I am so sorry. I was you in grade school / junior high. Severe cramps, vomiting, intestines in knots, all muscles below the neck in knots, the works. I think I missed about a week of school a month and had a sitter that I’d go to b/c my mother worked. I often wondered whether I’d be able to work a regular job when I got older.

      Things got better due to being on shocking advil levels at the first hint that trouble was brewing (probably not ideal) and contantly until it was over (an epidural would have been ideal) AND going on the pill (which didn’t make it magically go away, just in the vicinity of normal). Had this not been some time ago, I would have also investigated the IUD or seasonal BCPs that reduce your periods entirely (I self-medicated to skip periods all the time).

      1. Yikes I think you had it worse than me. I generally am able to work through most days with some nausea and lower level pain lurking in the background, unless it’s a really unusually bad month. I can’t imagine being incapacitated for an entire week. Glad to hear you found a solution!

    2. My sister had this and she cut out sugar for another unrelated reason (became allergic to corn and honey weird I know) and she said cutting out sugar decreased her cramps by 200%. Apparently there is a pretty big hormonal shift with sugar consumption. Just interesting. Who knows what works for each individual. She also had severe ovarian cysts and takes birth control for that.

      1. I’ve heard about the sugar thing before. Also milk products(bad), insufficient beta carotene(eat lots of carrots!), red wine as pain reducer (yummy but not really succesful- too bad) and several more diet related causes or cures. It is interesting how differently each person’s body seems to be affected by food and nutrients!

    3. I have a chronic illness/pain condition. To be honest, the best I can tell you is that you need to be as open and honest with your employers as you feel comfortable. I basically tell each boss/partner I work with about what is going on with me. That way, I feel like they are prepared for the fact that I have more doctors appointments/sick days than anyone basically ever.

      I also have recently started working a part time position (three days a week) which is great for me – but I realize is not an option for everyone.

      1. This. I have suffered pretty much the last 8 months with a hormonal sh!tstorm with my thyroid. I was missing a lot of days of work, but it would be like a day or two a week, not weeks at a time. I would never know when I would be able to work, because on a lot of the days, I’d go to bed feeling fine, but then wake up the next morning in agony (my primary symptom as a result of the thyroid nonsense was debilitating nausea). So, it would be 6am and I would email in that I couldn’t work. Or, I’d go in for the morning, and then have to leave at 11 or noon and sleep the rest of the day. And then wake up, tend to my kids, make & eat some dinner, go to bed and hope for the best. Even on the days that I was at work, I didn’t feel great. I had to basically double up anything that I was doing at work on the off chance that I wouldn’t be in the next morning to meet a deadline. I was really productive, but it was terrible.

        I told my boss that I was having ongoing health issues, and I said that it was thyroid issues, that I was waiting for an endocrinology appointment (next week), but that the effects from my condition made it impossible for me to predict what my schedule might be. I had planned for months to visit my sister after the birth of her second child (in April). I wasn’t well enough with enough predictability that I could even plan a trip till earlier this month. I honestly had no idea how I was going to feel every.single.day. I have (knock on wood) come out of it, and am finally feeling normal. But it was awful. I feel like I have lost so much time. I basically lost out on a whole summer (that was lovely and temperate, rather than icky & humid).

        I would try to answer emails when I was at home, but even that was just overwhelming sometimes. I didn’t ever record it on my timesheet, I just saw it as a convenience for myself and my supervisor to be able to answer questions that related to my projects and put out small fires when I could.

        Good luck, and I hope you find some resolution and comfort/peace.

        1. Good luck to you too! That sounds terribly overwhelming. I hope you are also able to find success in treating/managing your thyroid issue!
          Like you, the lack of predictability is a problem for me (though clearly to a lesser extent); I don’t have a perfectly regular menstrual schedule and pain levels and frequencies vary from month to month. Dring the bad week, I can feel fine and 15 mins later be white-faced and desperate for painkillers. Sometimes I’d start feeling better but then as I’d head out the door to go to work- surprise, it’s back! Sigh.

      2. Thanks TCFKAG,
        My supervisor is aware of the reason I am sick (cramps) but based on the advice here I am thinking of having a more specific conversation with her about my condition. Also, I think I should be looking at getting a doctor’s note that can be put on file so there’s something on record.

    4. Have you told your supervisor? I would. And then with coworkers say something if asked along the lines of “I have a chronic medical condition that results in my being unable to work for a day or two a month. I appreciate your help in covering things for me when I’m out and am happy to do the same for you.”

      1. As I mentioned to TCFKAG above, I am thinking I need to have a more specific conversation with my supervisor about my dysmennorhea. I was raised in a home where we didn’t complain or talk about illness (not supposed to be whiners) so it goes against the grain to bring attention to my health problems. However, I can see this might not be a good policy for work!

    5. Are you able to function at all on those days? As in, you might be able to pull off a few good hours answering emails from home with a heavy duty heating pad? Or are you completely out of commission? Any chance you could do some kind of work from home to alleviate the “sick day slacker” appearance?
      Also, are you in the kind of job where the work will be waiting for you when you get back, or do others have to step in to take up the slack when you aren’t there? That makes a big difference on people’s impressions as well – just seeing your desk empty might make some complainers a little grumpy, but having to fill in for you at the last minute might make it worse.

      Sorry you suffer from this – I also missed a lot of school in high school due to terrible PMS/first few days symptoms. It got better as I aged, and with birth control, but only the Mirena IUD has made it down to 1 day every 6 months instead of a few days a month.

      1. Some days I am on-again-off-again with the pain where it comes and goes every hour or so. I would be able to do some work from home in theory (and I’d love it if it were possible) but the area I work in is mostly dealing with confidential government paperwork that I cannot bring home. And my work email is on a secure system that is only accessible from my work computer.

        A significant portion of my job does involve urgent matters that must be done that same day. So, yes, my coworkers get stuck doing both my paperwork and their own when I go home/call in sick. For the other half of my job duties, I am the only person in my unit who has the training to deals with them. Those matters just sit and get further and further behind. Eventually one of our new hires is supposed to be trained as a second for my desk but that will still be a few months down the road.

    6. Honestly, it sounds you like could qualify for intermittent FMLA leave. It would be unpaid (and would likely run concurrently with your vacation/sick days), but at least you would be protected when you’re taking your time off.

      Other than that, I have found that being upfront about these issues makes people more likely to understand and be accepting. And if you mentioned in passing a few times that you’d much rather be at work than curled up in the fetal position with cramps, your coworkers might be more understanding. I’m sorry you suffer through this.

      1. Agreed on intermittent FMLA leave. You should also have some protection under ADA.

      2. Based on her name, she’s Canadian, and we don’t have FMLA here – most companies have short term disability, but really that’s meant for things that aren’t recurring in nature. I love the US, but we do have posters from other places.

        Natasha, I’d say that you really do need a doctor’s note for your supervisor or HR, and then have them make reasonable accomodations- whether that’s working from home those days, or if you’re truly incapacitated, shifting workloads so that you’re able to make up that time elsewhere. There is someone in my dept who has..crohns or lupus or fybromyalgia or something like that (I don’t know the details, and I’m not the type to dig), and she is still seen as excellent by her peers. She does all her work on time, and most importantly leaves her work EXTREMELY organized so that anyone can pick up any of her files and read her notes and know where to pick up.

        I realize how hard this is for her, but it is invaluable. She also tends to call in and let her supervisor know exactly what things are critical and MUST be done before she gets back. It works well, and while I’m someone that gives her work more than does equivalent work, but there seems to be no resentment.

        1. Since we are going with the Canadian issue – Daydreamer has nailed the optimal solution. She doesn’t have to spell out the specifics to everyone, just give the manager enough information (medical documentation to HR) to process a reasonable accommodation so they are both on board for her job success. The work needs to get done. Absences are handled with communication about the work flow so there are no surprises. Given the medical condition, which may qualify as a disability in Canada, see what can be worked out.

          I loved the comment about I-don’t-know-what-my-co-worker’s disability-is….it’s not important. It’s a distraction. They are working with an impairment, and are held to the same standard when the accommodation is in place.

          Everyone has a few days off here & there. No need to hyperfocus on someone who has them, too.

          1. Thanks JJ, Daydreamer, Anonymous. I will be speaking to my doctor about getting some kind of documentation to give my employer regarding my condition. I think I need to have a chat with my supervisor about this as well to see if we can make adjustments to help alleviate workflow issues.

            As far as I’ve been able to find out, dysmenorrhea doesn’t meet the criteria for a recognised disability so I wouldn’t be able to go that route. But I can look into it again and see if I missed anything.

    7. Hey CanadianNatasha, sorry that you are going through this. I know about dysmenorrhea because my high-school desk mate had this condition. I understand your frustration because people don’t really understand that this is a different kind of pain unless they experience it or watch someone else go through it. You absolutely have to let your co-workers/supervisors know. The friend I mentioned routinely missed class every month and at times it looked to people like she wasn’t serious about her schoolwork. (She routinely had to get some type of injection every time, that’s the only thing that helped with the pain.)Keeping quiet leaves it open to speculation and in a workplace that hurts you in the long run. I don’t know if this would make you feel better but another person who had the same condition said it went away when she had a child. You’ve probably tried all sorts of medication so I won’t offer any more advice in that area. Just hang in there.

      1. I’m sorry to respond with something medical given your footnote, but I had very similar symptoms for a good ten years before finally being diagnosed with endometriosis. Nothing ever helped the pain, and I have found myself crumpled and crying on a sidewalk, begging my doctor over the phone for something stronger than vicodin, having to pull over while driving because I can barely see. Just wanted to throw endo out there as a possibility on the off chance it hasn’t been explored yet. In my case, I got a diagnosis right before hitting what I now assume is very early menopause, so it wasn’t soon enough to help me much, but surgery would have been a very realistic option for me had I been diagnosed sooner.

        It also helps (with coworkers and bosses) having a real name for what I always called “just really extreme awful medication-resistant pain.”

        1. YES. This is my experience exactly, except I am not in early menopause. I had terrible periods – awful pain (I actually fainted once ) and nausea from the pain every month. It was bad as a teen, OK during my twenties and in mid thirties it started becoming unbearable.

          When I was suffering, usually a massive dose of Naproxen would help but as it got worse, even that stopped helping. I was “lucky” in that my dr found a large (unrelated) cyst that had to be removed, and during the surgery they found endo. I read about many women have to fight to get endo diagnosed because there aren’t always cysts and such that can be detected on MRI/ultrasound. I had a laparoscopic surgery to remove the cyst and endo growths, outpatient, and the recovery was not bad. I am feeling 100% better after all of this.

        2. Thanks BirdOnIt and Anon,
          I have looked into that possibility and, although it is difficult to diagnose, I don’t seem to have some symptoms that are usually found with endometriosis. But you never know.

      2. Hi Avril, I am concerned about negative perceptions. Like the girl you knew I don’t tend to talk a lot about it and it has lead to misunderstandings in the past (also school related coincidentally!). I will be addressing the topic with my employer.

        I have also heard about the baby effect. Not in the life plan for me I’m afraid. (And I have the sneaking suspicion that it would be a bit morally suspect to have a child purely in order to cure myself haha.)
        Instead I am counting down the years until menopause… :)

    8. Have you tried mefenamic acid? Most doctors (even Gyns) have never heard of it, even though it has been around for awhile. I am in the same boat as you; horrible cramps, blacking out and vomiting. This medicine makes it possible for me to show up to work on those days. I still don’t fee the greatest, but can make it through a day of work with the meds and a therma care heat patch.

      1. I don’t believe I’m familiar with that one. Thanks, I will investigate.

  8. I am a small-time partner at a big law firm. I came in as a lateral and then the group I joined left (and then was decimated in the downturn). I feel like I have worked my butt off to stay here but no one really cares. I am not part of any group in my office (although I work with lawyers in other offices) and no one really says “hi” or is terribly friendly (home are hostile; others are just busy with their own lives and practices and problems).

    I know that my job isn’t who I am, but it’s such a large part of my time and I feel that 7 years of this has been demoralizing and dehumanizing. Has anyone else been in this situation and left for another firm just to be around friendly people doing similar things? Is “I don’t fit in” a valid reason to move from a big, prestigious firm?

    On one hand, there is the devil I know. And my clients are all used to me being where I am. Dealing with new management, opinion committees, conflicts checks, preferred counsel lists, etc. looks to be a nightmare.

    All thoughts welcome!

    2. I was an associate in a similar environment. I had a coworker (who was also an associate) who literally would not acknowledge my existence. I went in house and my coworkers now are amazing! All of them are so friendly and constantly checking on me and making sure things are going well or just chatting. It makes all the difference in the world. I actually look forward to my job rather than dreading it.

    3. Totally a valid excuse to leave. “looking for a more congenial, team-based atmosphere where my people skills are valued…” something like that.

      I had a job where the answer to “how was your day?” was me saying “No one talked to me all day.” Then I was fired. That was awesome.

  9. The causal Friday dress code in my office hasn’t been updated EVER. As a result, pretty much the only pants women are allowed to wear are “khakis or khaki type pants”. Can anyone rec any type of pants that would fit this description and not be horribly unfashionable? Leggings, ankle pants and jeans area also prohibited.

    1. How about colored but still relatively casual slacks, like I got a pair of burgundy slacks from J-Crew outlet last year that are too casual for any day but casual friday.

      H&M has these slim-fit chinos that I don’t hate. http://www.hm.com/us/product/27045?article=27045-A&cm_mmc=shopstyle-_-us-_-ladies_trousers_chinos-_-27045&utm_source=shopstyle&utm_medium=comparison&utm_campaign=us_ladies_trousers_chinos&utm_content=27045

      Things like that? Like not in a khaki color?

    3. Ankle pants are prohibited? Is someone walking around with a tape measure making sure your pants are not too short? This makes me sad.

      1. You could wear ankle pants, and then, if told they’re too short, say that they’re full-length pants for a shorter person. That you’re just tall. /lame attempt at humor

    4. Are ankle pants really prohibited in the sense that anyone would enforce that if you wore them? I feel like this might be a spirt of the law vs letter of the law thing. I would generally put ankle pants in the same category of formality as khakis, as long as they’re not super tight.

      1. Let me put it this way.

        So as not to look too frumpy, I am wearing full length khakis cuffed up today. I am just waiting to be told to uncuff.

        1. I think ankle pants in olden days meant something other than, say, the Jcrew Minnie. Worst that happens is someone tells you it’s not okay. I don’t think you’ll scandalize anyone.

      1. Express Editor pant? J.Crew Maddie pant or Bristol trousers in cotton? Otherwise, I recommend revolt: wear dresses!

    6. Is the limitation the same for men? I’m just curious.

      Assuming that the “khaki” limitation is more about fabric then color, JCrew always has khakis in more modern cuts and more fun colors. (What in the world is the definition of “ankle pants”? No bare ankles?)

      1. The limitation is the same for men. We are all suppossed to wear the same thing—khakis and collared shirts. We look look like Walmart associates and not attorneys.

        The dress code was written by a man with no input from any women.

        2. That sounds vile. Polo shirts on women are for golf, yachting, and uniforms. Do you HAVE to be casual? I’d rather wear a suit (and take off the jacket) than that getup.

        3. I just pictured all of the attorneys at my firm wearing khakis and wal-mart polos, and it made my afternoon. Are you sure the person who wrote this policy wasn’t doing it because of the sheer hilarity?

    8. I think khaki style pants (are these actually chinos, and khaki is just the color, right?) are best in any color but beige- burgundy, slate, hunter. It takes away a bit of the corporate frump look in my mind.

      1. As “Mad About You” taught me:
        “Look, it is so simple. You can have a khaki pant that are chinos. You can have chinos that are khaki, but not all chinos are khaki, just like not all khakis are chinos, or even pants. Hell, you can have a khaki shirt or a hat!”

    9. I’ve worked in places like this and when they say “no ankle pants” they mean it. I would either wear a casual version of a normal, daily suit or more colorful type pants (cotton, khaki material but not beige). I don’t think many people look good in khaki pants.

    10. Do you have to dress casually on Fridays? With that kind of dress code, I just don’t think I’d bother trying to dress down & I’d keep it easy by just having one type of clothes for work.

      1. Ann Taylor has a jeweled collar polo, and another with fun trim on the placket. Sierra Trading Post has Lafayette 148 pants in Metropolitan Stretch. They look like khakis in color and aren’t too dressed up, but don’t have those dreaded chino details like pleats and tapered legs. During the summer Lafayette 148 also has a cotton sateen that usually includes a tan color as well. I would toss a stylish jacket over them.

  11. What is the weather like in SF in early November? It seems like it might be too chilly for touring around, but what do locals think?

    1. Basically about the same as the traditional summer months: unpredictable and can vary greatly in just one day. Bring layers and you’ll be fine.

    2. Highs in the mid-60s, lows around 50. It might rain a bit but probably not until later in November. It’s not that different from the weather in SF the rest of the year. It’s definitely not too cold to walk around, but bring warmer clothes than the temperature suggests and lots of layers.

    3. It’s usually very lovely, typically sunny and in the low-mid 60s. You’ll be fine with layers.

    4. I don’t think it ever gets too cold to tour around… Except maybe in the rain in January. I was pretty miserable then.

    5. The same as it is the rest of the year. It’s always around 60 & foggy & breezy. Depending on the year, perhaps a tad more rain during the fall/winter months. It’s a really temperate place, just bring a scarf and a sweater.

  12. How do you deal with awful clients? Any good stories about really bad ones and how they got their comeuppance?

    I’ve had a horror of a week working all hours and barely slept and now have had the client telling me off about how nothing is good enough and not enough is being done quickly enough (it is widely recognised that client is unreasonably difficult, but that doesn’t make it any better). I am not good at swallowing these things and it took all the strength I had not to tell client where to stick it, but still.

    I guess just RAAAWWWRRRR

    1. This has been my week, the time-sucking never satisfied client trap. I’ve been saying something along the lines of it’s my job to give you the best available options and counsel you through those options. I don’t make the options. I can’t help that the choices aren’t your perfect outcome. If you need additional time to think about the choices and talk them over with your loved ones, take the time. Otherwise, we are done here unless you have any new questions. It’s working well so far but I just started saying this after so many people have beat me down this week.

      I figure people like that must constantly make things harder on themselves. Who wants to help someone like that? Whether you are a lawyer or work at Target, F those kind of people.

      1. Yeah this is exactly it. The client is not helping me help them – all the nastiness and unpleasantness does not make me work any harder, it just makes me more anxious and results in me totally unprofessionally crying in front of the partner (who, in fairness was a legend about it).

      1. These are both great options were it not for the fact that I am still at my desk (8.30pm on a Friday).

    3. I have a friend that is also a lawyer and we share war stories. Sometimes that’s all that gets me through the week is knowing we will have drinks and compare notes on all the awful people we deal with (clients, other lawyers, bosses, you name it). It almost makes it fun because then you at least know you’ll have a good story.

      1. Agreed. It helps to have someone to share “Can you *believe* this client/opposing counsel?!?” stories. Although in one of my cases, I’d take a never-satisfied-client over my won’t-reply-to-email-or-return-calls-and-therefore-unnecessarily-prolongs-the-litigation-and-puts-us-in-horrible-bargaining-positions client.

        Maybe I’m projecting a lil’ bit, though.

    4. Hug’s to you. But not to worry, we all have crappie cleint’s. It is our job NOT to sweat over the ranting they do b/c they have to report to their manageing attorney’s or CEO about the progress of their case’s, and they come to us to do the actueal work, which they can NOT in any way do themself.

      So they take out on us (in excheange for $795 / hour, in my case), their frustreation’s b/c their manageing attorney’s ask them why isnt the case over, or why do they have to pay so much to settel the cases? In the long run, it is not them who are the a$$hole’s, but their bosse’s.

      When Jim was an early cleint, he got all sore at me b/c I would not date him, tho he kept pusheing me to date him while all I wanted was to do a good job on the case’s. He even went so far as to hint that I was marrage material, while he just realy wanted me to do more work for him b/c he was superlazy. He knew I had just broken up with Alan Sheketovits and I thought at first he wanted to move in quickley, but in reality he wanted me to do things for him without him haveing to marry me. It was a good thing that I never let him do anything underneathe my dress, but he alway’s was stareing and hinteing that I should have sex with him. Hopefully your cleint’s do NOT want you to sleep with them or do other thing’s sexueal for them like I do.

      In the end, you will prevaeal over their stupididty. You are a woman and an attorney so you can do anything. So just RAWWWWWWRRRR!!!!! all you want!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. So I went on a date with this guy and he suggested a bike ride on a bike path. I have a really nice road bike that I use for triathlons but I don’t ride as much as I should considering how much cool gear I have. I usually train by going to spinning class and my routine includes running and swimming if I do not have a triathlon coming up. The point is I look like I know what I am doing but I do not because I really do not use the bike or the gear as often as I could. He wore gym shorts and a t-shirt and I wore this whole two piece matching thing. He mentioned how I looked so professional. I kept thinking wow, my first date where we get to wear helmets. That’s special. Welp, I fell over – attached to the pedals of my bike, not once – but twice – once while stopped and once while turning a corner and I have two huge bruises on my butt (one on each side). He totally saw both falls. He just laughed but I was “teen magazine” mortified.

    1. Ouch! I hope your bruises aren’t too painful today.

      This sounds to me like a fast method to sort out jerks from your dating pool.

    3. And this is why I have not yet upgraded to clip in pedals. I’m fairly certain I would die. I’d love the extra speed and the benefit of pulling up and pushing down but NOPE not for this recreational hybrid rider.

      That is such a great story and I hope your bruises heal quickly. I have heard witch hazel helps!

    4. I am laughing so hard at “teen magazine” mortified!!! I totally thought about those “articles” the other day, and how in HS I thought “OMG I’D DIE” and now I’d just shrug. :)

  14. I’m not looking for moto leggings, but can someone recommend just a plain leggings brand they like, that are comfortable and opaque; I’m thinking it’s time to add them to my fall wardrobe. Do people like Hue’s leggings generally?

    1. Belle at caphillstyle raves about Zella leggings – they’re Nordstrom’s in house brand. I haven’t gotten them myself, but I think she’s a reliable judge.

      2. I also have the Zella leggings, bought on Belle’s recommendation. I really like the fabric feel, and they are definitely opaque, but they really sag on me – maybe I have too small of a size? I have to pull them up constantly. I would size up if between sizes. They also start to smell pretty fast. I’m not sure I’d buy another pair.

        1. +1 for Zella. Did not notice smell (but I wear them to lounge, not so much work out). Mine felt a little big but I love the.

        2. I have the Zella’s too – opaque, great fabric, comfortable, but they sag and I’m constantly having to pull them up, but I was thinking mine were too large of a size!

      3. I got some Matty M ones from costco. right price point for met to try out a newer look for me. They are seriously opaque, and not too shiny.

    2. I like the Hue wide waistband ones. The wider waistband helps eliminate muffin top that you get with the narrow waistbands.

  15. I ordered a suit from Ann Taylor yesterday and charged it to my debit card. Today, on my statement, the charge appears twice, for the exact same amount, about 30 minutes apart. I looked through my confirmation/shipping emails to confirm I hadn’t accidentally ordered twice, and then called them.

    The lady on the phone said it was a “pre-authorization” charge and that it would “disappear” in 3-7 business days, and that there was nothing she could do. What? I have never heard of this. Sometimes those pre-charges will appear for a dollar or two, but my bank account has $200 extra missing from it. Should I call back and demand it be returned immediately?

    1. I don’t think there’s anything you can do but wait for the charge to drop off.

      This is why I never use my debit card for online purchases. So much easier to put a hold/stop on a credit card transaction.

    3. I’ve had this happen a couple of times recently. The double charge has always gone away, but it weirds me out.

    4. Pre-authorization holds are common for signature debit transactions. It’ll be released when the transaction clears, which should be within a few days. If you look up your bank’s terms and conditions for your debit card, the policy should be explained there.

      Most transactions on a credit card don’t trigger preauthorization holds, FYI – yet another (of many) positives of using a credit card instead of a debit card.

      1. thanks, guys. I’m just confused because I make just about all of my many online purchases with my debit card (risky as that may be), and have never seen this before once.

    5. Also, if you have questions about it, you should call your bank, not the store – it’s the bank that placed the hold.

    6. That threw me off right after I set up text notifications for charges over a certain amount. I get two texts for each charge. I’m used to it now, but at first it bothered me. I called the bank and got the same explanation you did. They have never actually charged me double.

  16. So I’m not sure if my post last night got so few responses because it was too late, or because no one (except Wildkittens, thanks WK!) had anything nice to say.

    I just got these very groovy pants. They are a strong taste, one you either love or hate. I am aware that some will agree with my tween son’s assessment (like a cross between Elvis & India), but I love them, and am looking for something mid-hip length to wear with them .

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/raga-print-high-rise-bell-bottom-pants/3732253?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=0&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_1_C

      1. That’s the silhouette I’m trying to avoid! Once the belly’s gone they’ll probably work, but right now I’d look like the Great Pumpkin sprouted legs in those. I like these pants. They’re much better “in person” than on the screen, and the fit is very flattering.

    3. Those look like something I’d wear at Burning Man. For the desert I’d style it with a crop top, stompy boots, a big hat, goggles, and an oversized linen shirt to keep the sun off.

    4. The pants aren’t my taste, but I think I’d add a looser sweater in a fairly muted color on top to tame the “wildness” of the pants and match the boho aesthetic of the pattern. Thinking the Sloane crewneck sweater from Equipment in navy (at Nordstrom), the Free People “September Song” pullover sweater in a cranberry-ish color (also Nordstrom), or the Two by Vince Camuto “Saturday” sweater in ivory or grey (hard to tell from the picture what specific colors/tones are in the pants).

      1. Thank you! Those are the kind of suggestions I was hoping for. Thanks for getting over your own taste and giving me some ideas.

    5. I think they need a white tunic-y top, simple and loose, like http://usa.tommy.com/shop/en/thb2cus/7645224

      The pants are a little crazy, and not something I would wear, but I love when other people wear stuff like this… It’s fun, and it keeps things interesting (my style is right for me, but totally wrong for other people). Also, my mom often buys somewhat wacky things for me or my sister, and she always says you have to try it on! And often she is right.

  17. So my 4th IVF just turned out to be a bust and I don’t even know what to do or how to break the news to my hubby. We really want children but I’m feeling like a lab rat and I don’t know if I can do it again. And yes, before someone brings it up, we have looked into adoption but would rather not wait 2-3 years for a child. Any commiseration or words of advice?

    1. Only way I can commiserate is that I spent years “having fun trying” the old fashioned way. I do know people who have done the lab rat thing for years, including someone who moved across country in the middle of it, and flew back every x months. It did eventually work for her and her husband. I hope your husband is supportive when you let him know. Hugs!

    4. I’m so sorry. Dealing with infertility is a horrible, deep, pit of despair. I hope you and your husband do whatever you need and want to do this weekend to help process your feelings.

    5. Lots of hugs and commiseration. I can only imagine how difficult a time this must be for you. While I have not suffered from prolonged infertility, strangely enough, I found the comments to Amy Klein’s series of articles in the NYT to be very informative. You may have read her blog entries-she tried IVF multiple times in the US and Israel. I learned a lot from the comments, including if you are having trouble at the egg retrieval and embryo creation stage, donor eggs can make a huge difference. There were some highly educated people commenting. I hope however this turns out, you weather the storm and are stronger for it. It’s such a difficult process to go through.

    6. I am so sorry. You are not alone.

      I have so much empathy – I haven’t done IVF but I’ve “busted” 3 times naturally. We do have a healthy son, but the pain never goes away.

      You will be wonderful parents in your own way. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Love.

    7. I’m so, so sorry. Hugs to both of you. I don’t know how relevant this advice is, but it’s gotten me through a lot of really tough times: Try not to make any big decisions when you are having the worst day with one of your options. (So no weighing whether to cut off a family member after you’ve just had the worst possible Thanksgiving dinner ever, no thinking about whether to quit a job when you’re in the midst of an impossible project, no considering whether to renovate further or stop while you’re still dealing with a rotten contractor, etc.) Clearly, this is a much bigger issue. And I know it would be impossibly hard, but I would try to put off the “what next?” thoughts or discussions with spouse as much as possible until you’ve had a few days to sit with the setback and process some of it a bit. You both need some time to grieve before figuring anything else out. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

    8. I think right now mostly give yourself a break and a chance to regroup. If you don’t feel ready to try another round of IVF – then don’t – that doesn’t mean you aren’t committed to having kids.

      Maybe try a mini-getaway with DH to distract yourself a bit. Focus on something that you couldn’t do if you were pregnant – maybe Napa Valley for a long weekend? Continue to enjoy the protection free garden parties with DH just in case something happens.

      When you’re ready, start investigate where you want to go from here – that could be IVF or other types of fertitlity treatments or it could be pursuing adoption if that choice is right for you and your DH.

    9. I am so sorry. I have been there with infertility, but not to that level. Please have a virtual hug from a stranger.

    10. One more hug from another reader. I’m sorry you’re facing this heartbreak and I hope you and DH will be kind to yourselves this weekend.

    11. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Do something nice for yourself. You will be an amazing mom one day, and all the better for how much you will appreciate it. Big hugs.

    12. I”m so sorry. We’re just starting the IVF journey so I can only imagine. If you feel like a lab rat then maybe take some time off? If after a few months you want to try again then do, if you don’t then look into your other options.

    13. I hear ya. I have personally failed five IVF’s and an FET. Count ’em, six embryo transfers. Six. Failed.

      It’s a grief process, and failing an IVF can set you right back to the beginning of it all over again, each time. It’s hard not to get your hopes up, even after multiple failed attempts, and it’s crushing when you reach the end with nothing, again. It’s an all or nothing game. We had lots of nice-looking embryos, but you don’t get any points for getting close. You just come away with more needle sticks, less time, and aging ovaries.

      I can’t really give you any advice without knowing exactly what issue you’re facing – egg quality? endometrium lining? sperm issues? It can affect what your next step is, whether that’s IVF again with a different protocol, or genetic testing of embryos, or donor eggs or sperm. I’m sure you’re evaluating those options.

      Infertility is indefinite misery that is only fully appreciate by those who’ve been there. Time helps. Hang in there.

      1. At this point, it’s a combination of multiple things and we’ve tried everything except donor eggs. Was there a final straw for you?

        1. We just felt like we were done — that we had tried everything we could, and that it wasn’t going to work, and that in fact we were scared of it working. After so many self-aborting embryos, nature seemed to be telling us very clearly that a biological child of DH and me was just not going to be healthy. We felt like we weren’t leaving any what-if’s behind, no wondering if maybe one more shot would have worked. We just felt done.

          I will say that I thought it was very important to fully grieve what we lost — a child that is both him and me — before moving on to other options (donor or adoption). That way, when we did move on, we didn’t feel like we were compensating or settling. Leaving our combined genetics behind was one decision; moving forward with donor was an independent decision that also felt right. But you have to spend time with the grief first. (imho)

        2. My sister was here at several points. She is now happily pregnant with donor eggs, twins, going on three months. She found a fertility support group to be invaluable, still does.

          Finding this “tribe” helps with the bad, the ugly, and the good.

        3. If adoption would take as long as you estimate above, is there any reason you couldn’t start the process and back out if one of the procedures works? That could relieve some of the pressure on you every time you get en embryo transfer. And if, by chance, the transfers don’t work, you wouldn’t have as long to wait for an adoptee if you affirm that choice.

          Just a thought.

          1. I know this is well-intended and I don’t mean to beat up on you, so please don’t take it that way. But, as an adoptive parent, I have to say that I get super tired of people assuming that adoption is a plan B, to keep in your back pocket. Choosing to adopt and choosing to bring a biological child in the world are not the same things emotionally or financially.

            I would strongly recommend that hopeful prospective parents not pursue both IVF and adoption at the same time. When it comes to family planning, to be honest, I can’t think of a greater potential for misery if someone does both at the same time. Contrary to popular belief, adoption is stressful on the individuals, uncertain, intrusive, stressful for your marriage and friendships, and can be equally as painful as suffering losses from TTC. And depending on where you adopt from, you may not be allowed to pursue fertility treatments during the adoption process.

            There are a host of things that adoptive parents wrestle with that bio parents do not have to consider. You have to begin confronting these issues emotionally while you are applying to adopt. These issues are separate and distinct from those issues one encounters with IVF, which is also stressful on relationships, uncertain, and expensive. I’ve done both, and I can’t imagine doing them at the same time. Just thinking about managing the friendly requests for updates from family and friends- in both IVF and adoption – at the same time makes me want to reach for some Xanax and wine. ;)

          2. I agree Frou Frou. This last cycle has driven home for me that we will not be biological parents. We could keep trying but the emotional, physical and financial (10K per cycle) costs are too high for the very slim chance. I’m terrified of the adoption process and it’s inherent heartbreaks and not having any control. At least I’ll be able to drink wine and run again to help with the stress.

  18. Anyone have thoughts on the quality of jcrew’s shoes? I’m looking at the suede harper flats in particular

    1. Wearing their Factory suede flats right now. I got them for $30 and they’re pretty much perfect. I buy shoes for comfort, and then style – I can be picky, but these work quite well.

    2. I bought the suede Cece flats last year and love them – they are SO comfy. I think they discontinued them though but they were definitely worth it. I wear them pretty frequently and they haven’t begun to show signs of wear yet.

    4. Good – I have a pair of wedges that I wear weekly. When they go on sale again, I will buy them in several colors.

      1. how much “on sale” is enough? Would you by at 25% off as some are currently?

        1. for shoes I’d regret missing out on, 25% is enough for me to pull the trigger. I typically wait for 30-40%, but a lot of the shoes don’t make it to the deeper discounts if you’re a common size and wanting a classic/neutral color.

  19. I recently started pretty seriously dating a guy in the final selection process of the Foreign Service, and while the overseas lifestyle wouldn’t bother me, it’s started to worry me I’d have no career options. My career path is pretty flexible at this point, but I know I wouldn’t be happy being a stay-at-home mom, which it seems like is the standard (only) choice for diplomats’ wives. Does anyone here have any stories about accompanying spouses with successful careers, or should I cut this off early?

      1. I second this, I know for fact that they get given jobs at or in relation to the embassy.

    2. I think this really depends on what type of work you’d in interested in. E.g. teaching a course at a local university might be an option, or teleworking depending on your field. Research/editing/writing work can also usually be done remotely without too much issue. I think it’s likely that you could end up with a reduced career vs. other options but you wouldn’t necessarily have to be a SAHM and your trade-off would likely be getting to live in a variety of interesting places.

    3. I have no stories (successful careers or otherwise) about this, but to me it sounds like an awesome opportunity to start up a freelance-type career – writing of some sort, something artistic if that is in your nature, professional volunteering, etc.

    4. It’s not easy. Some spouses manage an online business of some kind. One has started a small business sending American-history-in-a-box material to other U.S. citizens overseas. Several spouses have teaching credentials and try to find something at the local schools. I know one computer consultant who teleworks and a few IT guys who get hired where they go. One is a consultant with one of the Big 3 management consulting firms. One spouse is a biologist who studies life in caves (if his spouse picks a countrys with caves, he’s good.). Every now and then a spouse may find a job for 2-3 years at an embassy that uses his/her skills – press work, economic analysis, human resources – but more often the jobs at embassies for spouses are basically clerical. A few may work in international development. SO, it varies widely and depends on the nature of your work, but I think while finding work might be easy, building a career is very, very challenging. I knew several spouses who joined the Foreign Service after a few years, either as “officers” (not a really accurate term these days) or as part of the IT or admin side.

      Most spouses – wives or husbands – find something to do besides the traditional SAH roles unless they have young kids, in which case the FS life can be truly great. Stay-at-home but have a maid is a very real option in much of the developing world. (Although you may be in places with a lot of poverty, harsh climate, bad pollution, etc.)

    5. Final stages of the selection process isn’t the same as having an assignment to an A-100 class. You don’t have to make any decisions at this point. Why not see where it goes on the personal and professional front?

      That said, the life of a trailing spouse can be hard for professional folks. Yes, you can get hired at at the embassy in many cases, but you’ll have little control over what you will be doing, and not all embassies have posts for EFMs. (Reference page here with some good guidance: http://www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c1959.htm.) That said, as a Foreign Service spouse, one thing you can be nearly certain of is ending up in a situation with the best internet access available in the country of assignment. So if your career is portable in that sense, it actually isn’t nearly the impediment it would have been even 10-15 years ago.

      Even more important, should he be selected, is the question of whether you would want to live the FS life. Are you energized or intimidated by new places? New languages? Can you cope with moving every 2-3 years for awhile? (FS is also up or out at the lower levels, so not everyone stays forever.)

      But mostly, why not let this play out a bit more until you have a chance to see how you feel about him and how his FS selection process goes? It’s not quick, so you aren’t going to be ambushed by the need to decide. Best of luck!

      1. This is a good reminder to not count chickens before they hatch, and I appreciate all the responses. I grew up traveling for my mom’s job, so the transient lifestyle isn’t a problem, but I’m doubtful my job will translate well to teleworking, particularly in different time zones. But as you pointed out, no need to worry about it yet! Thanks, ladies!

    6. Agree with the others who say there’s no reason to rush into a decision now. But I also agree that the spouse career issue is very challenging in the foreign service, especially when both spouses are professionals. Just to share our experience, I’m the FSO and have served at two overseas posts and in dc. At one post, jobs for family members were very hard to come by; my husband ended up doing an MBA program at a local university. Wasn’t in the plans but worked out ok. At the second overseas post he had a great job at the embassy. Back in dc he has had good luck with consulting. My takeaway (which may be different from my husband’s) is that spouses can make it work if they are very flexible and creative, but it’s difficult to have a coherent, consistent career. Spouses essentially have to reinvent themselves at each post. Not saying this is good, just how it is … We are struggling with the decision as to whether to go overseas again ourselves. (But the lifestyle has huge benefits too — I am thrilled about our kids learning languages and being exposed to other cultures. I love living abroad and we travel like crazy. It’s not all bad!)

      There are tons of blogs by FSOs and spouses, I’d recommend finding a few to follow to get a sense for the lifestyle and challenges. Good luck!

    8. Is your relationship far enough along that you’re invited to “company picnic” type things? That would be a good place to observe, and perhaps ask a couple questions about trailing spouses.

  20. Edited to add: Tangentially baby-related, so please skip if it causes grief.

    I know no one here holds back on opinions on shower etiquette, so here’s one:

    Some close girlfriends are throwing me a baby shower and I’m giving them a guest list; most of the guests will be from out-of-town since my closest friends aren’t in the same city. I am on the fence about inviting four or five women in town who I consider friends but who can’t be called “close”— i.e. former colleagues I still meet for lunch occasionally and really like but don’t see much of otherwise. I’m not on the fence about *wanting* to invite them; I’d be thrilled if they came. But it’s not like we socialize regularly, so I am really afraid of provoking the “OMG, what a tacky gift grab” response, or, more likely with these very nice people, just making them uncomfortable or feeling obligated to participate or send a gift. (If it’s relevant, there will only be one shower total, so there’ll be no separate work/ family / friends things that I know some people do.)

    Short version : how should I know where to draw the line on the list? It will be small no matter what but I’d hate to make anyone uncomfortable by including them if it will seem random.

    1. A good way to head off the gift grab tone is to invite them in person. If you see them occasionally anyway, and it’s feasible, inviting someone in person and then sending the email invite or handing them the paper invite can let you really emphasize how much you’d love to be able to celebrate with them. Mention you know they haven’t spent much time with the other guests, but their friendship has been a lovely part of your life, and if they can’t make it, you’d love to just get tea or lunch and celebrate with them alone. That heads off the uncomfortableness by immediately giving them an out.

    2. I think someone who you no longer work with but still make the effort to go out to lunch with occasionally is definitely appropriate. I actually recently attended a shower for someone who fits the same description and was genuinely honored by the invitation. I was nervous about going to a shower when I wouldn’t know anyone because I’m a hermit like that, but I had a great time.

      It sounds like these are all people who you would like to be there because you value their company and support – not their gift – which suggests to me that they are all people who will appreciate being invited and won’t think it’s gift-grabby. They most likely feel the same way about you.

      I think baconpancakes has a good suggestion, if that makes you feel more comfortable. I think reaching out by email or your usual mode is appropriate, too. I would have liked that just to know that Host Who I Don’t Know is going to send me an evite that may otherwise look suspicious or confusing.

  21. I have a witness for a case on Monday that formerly had a male name and now has a gender neutral name. In public articles about the witness, the witness identified as transexual. The articles referred to her as she. The witness however, for lack of a better description, dresses and sounds male. Would it be appropriate for me to ask her, prior to the hearing, what gender pronouns she prefers? I feel it would be presumptuous to call her “she” without saying something first but calling her he could likewise be hurtful.

    1. As long as you handle it tactfully, I’m sure your witness will be grateful, particularly if the witness is not clearly presenting as one gender or another. Something like, “When I’m referring to you in the hearing, which pronoun do you prefer I use?”

      1. +1

        Ask the witness about their preferred pronouns, and use them consistently and confidently.

    2. Yes. It is much better to ask than to assume. The person you ask will be thankful.

      1. I think it’s pretty clear that the preferred gender is female. Just FYI, transgender is the preferred term over transsexual. I wouldn’t necessarily expect or agree that she will be grateful that you asked. She is confronted with these issues and assumption every day and it is tiring, exhausting and de-humanizing. Personally, I would go with “she/her” and not ask in this situation.

  22. SO was actively asked to apply for two jobs. He was interested in one and not so much in the other. The first job he didn’t make it to the first interviewing round on, the second he found out he didn’t get two days ago. He claims he doesn’t care. Both jobs would have involved significant pay increases. I really don’t care that he didn’t get the jobs and I wasn’t terribly surprised to be honest. The first job he was underqualified for, the second he didnt want and I doubt he hid it very well.

    He’s immediately getting very sensitive about money (which is odd given how much he spends on things like lunch and drinks after work) and how he doesn’t like his current job (he was perfectly happy there a month ago). Thoughts?

      1. Nope. They actually just gave him a yearly raise and approved some vacation time for him in the spring. Seem happy with him.

    2. Maybe he’s having trouble understanding that being asked to apply isn’t the same thing as having a job offer and has a damaged ego at the moment?

    3. I have found it is pretty common for applying for new jobs to create a kind of kinetic energy in the direction of moving on from the current job, even if the jobseeker wasn’t actively or enthusiastically looking initially. People start envisioning themselves in a different position (and with different compensation) and that can create dissatisfaction with the current situation pretty quickly. It may also be a confidence issue — feeling down because he was rejected and then feeling like what he has is not enough. I’m not sure I have any advice here. Maybe remind him that he is in a good place and was happy before, and should really spend some time deciding if he’s truly unhappy, or just suddenly thinking the grass is greener. It sounds like you need to be supportive of him at this time, try to boost his ego/reinforce that you are proud and satisfied of where he is (and frankly it sounds like you may not be doing this if you are saying, directly or indirectly “You weren’t qualified for what you wanted and I am sure you didn’t act the way you needed to to get the other gig.”)

  23. Has anyone ever had to deal with an overly critical boss? My work environment has become incredibly toxic to my motivation and confidence. Of course I am job searching, but does anyone have any tips for handling this type of situation? How do you handle being criticized everyday and not let it affect your work product and motivation? I find myself caring less because I know no matter what I do something will be wrong and I’ll be criticized/yelled at.

    1. My sympathies. This is really hard, because even while you’re looking, you are hostage to this person in the meantime. Do you have colleagues you can commiserate with? Sometimes it helps to have some confirmation that it is the boss, not you. Also, if you are being criticized for not doing things in the way your boss prefers, but you haven’t been advised about those preferences, maybe ask to sit down and have the boss let you in on the secrets, or ask for a list of things you should check for before submitting work, so you can both be more efficient. If the boss can’t verbalize specific issues with your work, or a general list of preferences, it may be that you’ve found one of those special bosses who finds power and pleasure in having the opportunity to criticize underlings. In that case, I really would encourage looking. I’ve been in pretty abusive work situations and it can be detrimental to mental health, physical health, and work performance. Not worth it. Just taking control of your future can be helpful.

  24. I am preparing for my first international business trip to Bangkok and I’m super nervous! I’ll be traveling alone so I’m concerned about safety of course. Has any one traveled there on business before? Is it generally safe? I’m nervous about taking a taxi from the airport to the hotel because I’ll be traveling alone – is it better to book the hotel shuttle?

    I know this sounds crazy but I have no idea what to expect and I’ve heard some scary stories about Bangkok….

    1. Thailand is fine for business travel. Take an official taxi from the stand and there’s nothing to worry about, though the hotel shuttle is also fine – there is a very high quality of service in Thailand. If you’re out and about, you’ll find people trying to scam you constantly, but they’re mostly after your money. Try to get taxis from more “official” places, like hotels and if you get one on the street, make sure the meter is running and you’ll be fine.

    2. Yes, Bangkok is generally safe. The taxi stand at the airport is well-run, manned by assistants to whom you can say your destination in English and who will communicate it to the driver in Thai. If you’re arriving at night, you may feel more comfy in the hotel’s own pick-up. There’s also a 3rd option of a limo car service operated by the airport, priced between taxis and hotel cars – look for their counter straight after immigration.

      Within Bangkok (and its excellent metro), violent crime against foreigners is not common, but it is a big city, so you’ll need to keep alert about pick-pockets, snatch thieves and the like.

    1. I think they’d be stumpify in with skirts so would only wear these with pants.

    2. I think mid-calf is an ideal boot height if you’re trying to make legs appear longer. Booties cut you off at the ankle but knee-high boots risk making short legs look shorter. I don’t love these particular boots, but I do go for this height (partly because I’m petite).

  26. Question for you all if I’m not too late. I’m looking to buy a wedding gift – a gift-card maybe, for someone in Washington DC. Is there a department store or a housewares store that you could recommend? Or any other ideas welcome. I won’t actually be going there, so need to send something in the mail.

    1. Bed Bath and Beyond is the biggest housewares store in the area. Crate and Barrel is my favorite place to buy things for the home and there are a few in the area.

  27. So I ordered those pants from NY and Co that were featured 2 weeks ago or so. They arrived and were too big (I don’t think it’s their sizing, I think it is me not knowing what size to order). I went back on line and ordered the smaller size and they came. They kind of fit, but aren’t great. So I brought both orders to the store to return. The sales associate made quick work of the one return, but could not get her register to accept the 2nd return. A more experienced sales clerk came to help and could not get it to work. The store manager came and fiddled with it for 1/2 hour, and could not get it to work. They phoned the district manager who gave them directions to over ride the computer. Still did not work. The system would either refund me $102 for a $59 order, or $16 dollars.

    After over an hour and 5 employees being tied up in this return, they asked me to please mail it in for a return. They did provide a free mailing label after I insisted on one. I have no idea why their system did not work, but it makes me much less likely to shop there.

    About 6 women bought the pink version of the Sabrina dress from the Eva Mendes collection while I was standing at the counter.

  28. I know it’s late in the weekend, but just needed a place to rant/wallow in my sorrow…my husband has been out of town for work for all but 2 days of the last 3 weeks. He is supposed to come back for the foreseeable future on Tuesday…and I just found out I will have to travel indefinitely for work starting Tuesday. Sigh. We really need to pull the escape hatch on biglaw soon :(

  29. My comment is stuck in moderation, so I’m going to try again, sorry if this appears twice:

    Does anyone have an opinion on the quality of JCrew factory wool suits? The factory website is having a 30% off sale, and I was thinking of ordering one. I lost 35 pounds over the summer which is good, but none of my winter clothes fit now. I’m having to replace pretty much everything, and am kind of on a budget. Banana Republic is having a great sale right now, but both their navy and black wool suit jackets are on backorder, one in late November and one in late Dec. It almost looks like they are phasing out their suits. Ann Taylor has almost nothing available in their tropical wool suiting, hopefully they will be getting more in later. If anyone has bought the JCrew factory, let me know. Thanks.

    Also thinking of trying to have some things altered, but I went down 2 to 3 sizes, and am not sure about having suit jackets altered that much, has anyone done that successfully? I might try it on a couple of more expensive suits, but I don’t know if it will be worth it.

    2. I love my Factory blazers. I can’t wear the factory dresses or skirts (they’re way too short to be work appropriate on me). I’d order them and try them on, especially if you might keep losing weight and don’t need especially great quality to last many years.

      Also, I’d get things altered if its cheaper than buying new suits. You can also donate to Suited for Change – they always need bigger sizes especially if you old suits are like size 10 and up.

  30. Would a black crepe-wool jacket such as the one below pair well with black stretch-wool bottoms? I am trying to purchase blazers to wear with various pants/skirts/dresses (since I am told, here, that blazer reads more “professional” — even in a business casual environment — than a cardigan).

    And relatedly — how DO I go about finding blazers to match all my various shades and textures of bottoms? Grey is easy — black goes with grey. Black is tougher. Navy bottoms are the worst. I can’t buy a navy blazer to wear with navy bottoms, right?

    Last question — can one wear collared button-downs under collarless jackets?

    2. I think wearing a black blazer with a black skirt might look like you tried to wear a suit and screwed up. Have you thought about colored blazers? Like – red, blue, purple, etc.

      1. Agree, I think you need to have the blazer/jacket be different in either texture or color or both so it doesn’t look like you grabbed the wrong jacket out of your closet.

  31. I have a question about oils and lotions, cosmetics, etc. Should I be using anything in particular while I’m TTC?

    Should I use organic stuff,is some other stuff okay, are there ingredients that are not okay, etc.?

    Thanks hive

  32. Are these out of style now? I mostly wear black sheath dresses, and these have been a great way to look a little less boring. Specific link to follow.

      1. I still wear them, and see them worn by others. I consider them to be channeling Diane Lockhart.

  33. Banana is having a 40% off sale until midnight and I can’t find a single thing that isn’t excluded.

  34. Is it as good as Hanky Panky? There’s a sale on gilt – I am trying to decide if that is worth it.

Comments are closed.