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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 232 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Kate Spade New York Polka Dot Knit Dress | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Gah, love this. I had it stuck in my reminder system for a Splurge Monday — and I suppose you could still wear it to work through what I used to call “stodging” it up. Add pearls, a dark blazer, dark tights, classic pumps, and suddenly the dress gets a lot more respectable for work. But really I see this gorgeous dress shining on the weekends — what a fun, happy dress. It’s $468 at Nordstrom. Kate Spade New York Polka Dot Knit Dress (L-2)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Hollis

    How much are you planning to give your administrative assistant, kids’ teachers, and hairstylists for the holidays? Do you give gift cards to paralegals and your back-up assistants as well?

    • lawsuited

      No kids’ teachers, and I don’t give my hairstylist or esthetician a holiday bonus – I just tip generously whenever I visit them throughout the year. I give my assistant an $100 giftcard that I know she’ll use, and give the other assistants and clerks a bottle of wine each.

    • Sydney Bristow

      One more to ask. How much is appropriate to tip the super in NYC? This is the first year I’ve been in the position where I should do so and don’t know what range to consider.

      • NYCpg

        Huge range. We did $50 in our rental buildings. Last year we bought a coop and moved in late in the year and tipped the super $100 (we’d also just given him a bunch of money in connection with our renovation, for no particular services). I think this year we’re doing $150, though DH may talk me back to $100 again. My MIL lives cross town, also in a coop, and tips the super $500.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Thanks all. I think we’ll do $100. Our super is really good and responsive.

    • WomenLawyersNews

      On a related note, curious, for people like assistants, who does cash/cash equivalent versus gift card to a specific place versus a gift? Who does a combination?

      • Hollis

        I always do a gift card. Earlier in my career, I just put cash in a card but nowadays gift cards are very easy to purchase.

      • DCR

        We buy a team gift for our assistant. As the only female on the team, it is my “job” to always pick the gift. (I know it’s ridiculous, but it is far from the worst gender issue at my firm). I just ask the assistant for a few gift ideas and she will provide a list of 4-5 things she would like. I pick one and we give it to her (don’t worry, I make one of the male associates deal with buying it).

        I would rather give her cash/cash equivalent, but that would never fly with the partners on my team.

    • Anonymous

      I have an ask too – do I holiday tip my wedding planner? I’ll probably give her some kind of gift/tip when the wedding’s over, but I have 2 holiday seasons to get through with her and I have no clue whether I need to tip for that too. She’s the owner, fwiw.

    • Anonymous

      Is it appropriate/expected to give my assistant (and anyone else) a holiday gift as a first year associate? I started in October and am rotating through my current group for 5 months.

      • ace

        Yes, give your assistant a holiday gift. Talk to other associates about what is an appropriate amount. For biglaw, maybe $50? It’s not just about rewarding past performance, but also an investment in the future relationship (and failing to give a christmas gift would be a very rough way to start a relationship!)

    • Kristinewill

      Nyc professional managers networking event next week at night. Suit or dress? Nylons? Any help appreciated!

    • ace

      +1. It is adorable. If it was $100, it’d be on it’s way to me right now…

  4. Preganon

    Hi ladies. My period was late and I just took a test confirming that I’m pregnant! This is something DH and I have wanted forever, but is still crazy and the timing is quite challenging career wise. I’ve just made an appointment with my gyn, but what else do I need to do now? Also, anyone have recommendations for good night cream with no retinoids/anything else I’m not supposed to put on my face now? Thanks so much!!

    • NYC tech

      Pre-natal vitamin (or at least folate supplement) if you’re not already taking them. Otherwise – nothing! Just enjoy. I know it feels weird to have such a huge change but nothing to *do* about it, but so it goes.

    • Anon in NYC

      Congrats! The first few weeks before official doctor confirmation are so surreal. It feels like everyone else is acting like normal and you feel like everything has changed. I’ll second the advice about pre-natal vitamins. I love the Korres Greek Yoghurt Night Cream. Read Expecting Better – it’s really eye-opening, and then you can do what you want with the information. Also, while you’re feeling good, do try to eat as healthy/normal as you can. I felt great for several weeks and right around the 7th or 8th week I suddenly could eat nothing but pizza.

    • Diana Barry

      Congrats!!! I use the Ole Henriksen vitamin C serum – run the ingredients by your doc first. :)

      • Anon

        I am pregnant and use this in the mornings under my makeup. They explicitly state on their website that it is safe for pregnant women and I couldn’t identify anything that has been designated as harmful for pregnant women/fetuses in the ingredients so that was good enough for me. I actually use the Sephora instant moisture cream at night.

    • EE

      Does your gyn also deliver babies? If not, start thinking about where you want to deliver and look into your options for doctors there.

    • Batgirl

      Congratulations! Here’s my list (I’m also pregnant):
      –prenatals, calcium, vitamin D
      –do whatever you can do that will require a lot of energy while you still have it (any unfinished projects, etc) because you’ll probably get hit with fatigue pretty soon (which, for me, passed at 11 weeks).
      –look for a good OB and make an appt asap, they can book up
      –if you’re in a major city, start doing daycare research (if applicable) around 8 weeks, start calling between 8-12
      –enjoy!

        • Walnut

          My husband enthusiastically handled this task. He researched, built an excel spreadsheet, handled initial visits and gave me the top two to visit. Definitely let your significant other get involved wherever they can.

        • Batgirl

          Right, I wasn’t implying that it solely falls to the woman, just adding it to the to-do list of things that need to get done early on.

  5. Paging EE from this morning

    I posted on the other thread but probably missed this – how is the zero-grains diet working for your PCOS? I used to eat strict paleo and it helped, but I have seriously fallen off that and need to get my symptoms back under control. Did you try any other diets before arriving at this one?

    • Anonymous

      I am not her, but low-GI diets are proven scientifically to help with PCOS. A low-grain diet would probably be low-GI, as would Paleo, low-carb, Atkins, South Beach, etc. It has to do with insulin, when the levels rise slowly instead of spiking it helps control your testosterone.

    • EE

      Oh hello! Sorry, I missed you over there. It’s magical for controlling my weight (which is so, so challenging to control) but doesn’t help at all with other symptoms (acne and anovulation are my big ones). I also eat no potato, and try to avoid other things that are especially starchy. I don’t control my fruit and other carbs, so it’s not “no carb,” like many of my friends call it (nor is it a gluten free diet… I had a friend recently send me a big box of gluten free flours and mixes, which I still don’t eat). My doctors are very supportive, even now that I’m actually pregnant, but none of them “put” me on the diet.

      In the past I’d done South Beach successfully to lose weight, and I’ve always known I metabolize grain-based carbs poorly (french toast for brunch on the weekend could lead me to pass out for the rest of the day, no booze).

      • Anonymess

        Chiming in here as a fellow sufferer of PCOS. I am on a mostly paleo diet, but there are certainly pizza and french fries binges more often than there should be. I also really focus on eliminating sugar where I can and that seems to help.

        Related to hormonal acne, I wanted to suggest that you try a DIM (Diindolylmethane) supplement. It’s supposed to help regulate estrogen levels. I started taking one called EstroBlock and saw an improvement in my skin within a week (seriously). You can order off of Amazon. The price is a little steep for me, and I’m now using another brand’s DIM supplement but am not seeing as dramatic a result. I can’t comment on whether it has helped my anovulation. The anovulation is initially why I went to my GYN and eventually received the PCOS diagnosis, but strangely within a couple weeks of visiting with the GYN, my cycles returned to normal and have stayed consistent.

        • EE

          Interesting, thanks! Will need to figure out if that’s okay while pregnant.

          I actually had a regimen that worked for the acne prior to TTC (involved a strong antibiotic that I was eventually hoping to wean off of, Tazorac which is like a super-strong Retin-A, Aczone, and one other daily topical cream). My derm was also sure spironolactone pills would work but I strangely didn’t want to have to worry about my potassium intake, which is a concern on spiro.

          Now that I’m pregnant, I’m on a couple ultra-gentle RX creams, which basically do nothing for me. I actually stopped the heavier stuff before starting our epic TTC journey so I’ve been dealing with horrible skin for quite a while now.

          • Wildkitten

            The only thing I’ve found to work at all besides RX’es is the Clean and Clear Advantage spot treatment. If I went off the RX’s I’d probably just slather that over my whole face.

          • by the way....

            Your fear about sprinolactone and potassium is misguided. Just so others don’t think they need to “regulate their potassium” while on spironlactone…. you generally will not. At all. As with many meds there are sometimes lab tests that need to be monitored periodically, but which will be unaffected for the vast majority of users.

          • EE

            You’re right, I wasn’t clear. I didn’t want to go in for related monthly blood tests for 6 months that she would have required on the spiro. This is absurd to me in retrospect, having done the whole infertility “thing” for the better part of a year (with bloodwork sometimes 4-5x a week).

    • PCOS

      Side tangent, thanks in advance. Would any PCOSers suggest getting the arm implant birth control? I’m on the pill right now, but keep forgetting to take it at the exact time daily. However, with the arm implant, I have heard that you stop getting your period–which I thought was the entire reason my gyn prescribed the pill, so I could regulate my cycle. I’ve tried Googling, but haven’t had much luck, just extreme scary stories. Thanks!

  6. how fuzzy is too fuzzy

    I am now thinking that acrylic sweaters are good for half of a season, if that. How much fuzz / pilling do you allow on sweaters before you donate (this one is heavily cabled, so I can’t really shave it) or move from work to weekend wear?

    • tesyaa

      I have had this dilemma, but I don’t know how to answer that question! Is is a question of what percentage of the sweater is covered with pills? or how big the pills are?

    • Diana Barry

      And also, what is that Amazon sweater shaver that everyone likes? My DH has a few nice-ish sweaters for holiday parties etc. that are now pilly and I want to shave them.

      • SW

        Amazon has it listed as “Conair Battery Operated Fabric Defuzzer.” I have one – it is awesome.

      • Anonymous

        I haven’t tried it, but I want to try the Gleener. I use a sweater stone right now and it works, but I end up with fuzz all over the room after.

  7. Lo & Sons Seville

    I got an e-mail re this new bag and I think I love it (and the related pouches / wristlets). Has anyone gotten this yet? It looks totally new. I have an OG, but might part with it for this.

    • Care

      I love it! I really want one, but I have an OMG and a TT – neither of which I carry often enough to justify spending that much on a third Lo&Sons bag. I think I need more travel plans to justify all of the bags I want!

    • Wildkitten

      I love it. I think it will be my next handbag – but I don’t think I’ll need another one anytime soon. I have the TT but don’t like how deep it is, and this bag seems to be perfect. I do question the usefulness of the swapping out of the shell. I just don’t think that’s something I would do. I’d wait for it to be included in a L&S sale if you aren’t in a handbag emergency.

    • Anon in SV

      I audibly gasped in my office upon seeing it. I need it like a hole in the head, but odds are good that I’m going to end up owning that bag within a few years.

    • Anonymous

      Am I the only person on this s-i-t-e that thinks Lo and Sons bags are f*cking ugly? I get that they may be functional and well-organized, but so is a backpack. I do not understand the style appeal of these bags at all.

        • by the way....

          I’m not a fan either.

          But a light, nylon bag that is stylish is still what my sore back needs… and I haven’t found it.

          At least it’s better than Longchamp Le Pliage. The whole design/look/lack of structure/poor handles just makes me say no, no, no… each time I see it.

      • Batgirl

        +1. I want to love them because I love organization but I don’t like the way they look (at least the OG and OMG).

      • Tired Squared

        Nope – it’s definitely not just you. Also, when I’m really tired and someone posts about “getting an OMG,” it takes me an extra second or two to register the meaning.

  8. ADupDate

    Sorry, trying to be clever.

    I was started on Adderall about a month ago. Had my check-in visit yesterday and dr. switched me to Vyvase to try and overcome some of the side-effects of the instant release. Today is my first day on it.

    Overall: I am so glad I went. Things are not perfect, but they are much much better and I am getting so much more done at work and in life, and am generally more in control (I find it easier to eat the food I have instead of eat out, etc.) Thank you to everybody who encouraged me, and those who have shared their journeys on ADD/ADHD as adults!

  9. This dress

    Where would you wear this? Church? A shower? I can’t see otherwise wearing it on a weekend (esp. not this time of year and not when it’s warm b/c it’s a sweater dress, even though it is styled with strapy party sandals). It is lovely, but I think it works in Pinterest for the Pinterest weekend activities that I don’t have, but not IRL.

    • Anonymous

      Well, according to Kat you would wear to work, but I think that’s cray. I think it’s very pretty and could work great for a bridal shower, but I agree, not a lot of “real world” uses.

    • SC

      With different accessories, I’d wear it to a bridal or baby shower, engagement party, rehearsal dinner, holiday party, nice restaurant, or theater. Granted, I don’t have an event like this every weekend, but I could probably wear it once-twice per month from September through April (I live in a warm climate). That said, it’s out of my price range and probably wouldn’t look good on my body type :-) In theory, though, I love it and could get a fair amount of use out of it.

    • Bonnie

      Short sleeved sweater dresses do have limited use I think. I also think this dress is too cutesy for work, even with a blazer.

    • Anonymous

      I’d wear it on a date, to dinner with friends, a museum, etc with tights and chelsea boots, and a wool cardigan or tan jacket. The fabric isn’t formal, you should be able to dress it down nicely.

      • Anonymous

        How could you do a swingy sweater dress with tights? I envision static city or a slip that doesn’t quite work (so if the dress swings out, you can see the straighter non-swinging slip). And if it’s cold enough for tights, a topper would seem to ruin a lot of the look.

        • Anonymous

          This dress isn’t a sweater dress and there’s no special trick, you just them on.

  10. Anon

    Can you attend an ugly sweater party without doing the ugly sweater thing – without looking like a complete stick in the mud (which I admittedly am)? Got invited to one. Living in a new city and the party is being thrown by a colleague/friend from an old job who lives here. There will be other people from the old job there. These are people who are used to seeing me in a suit when they see me. I’m also a reserved/quiet/uncomfortable type of person who doesn’t pull off the crazy look comfortably. So I don’t want them being like – wow, we’ve never seen Janie like this (which is what happens with friends when I socialize bc people are so used to me being serious that they can’t imagine me relaxing).

    Are jeans, boots, a regular sweater a no-no? Have you seen holiday-ish looking sweaters that may look festive w/o being ugly etc?

  11. Anonymous

    Has anyone listened to the new Adele album? I love “Hello” (probably more than any of her other songs, even) and I’m wondering how the rest of the album compares.

    • Betsy

      It’s fantastic! Definitely worth buying. Right now I am madly in love with “When We Were Young.”

    • TO Lawyer

      I totally forgot it came out today and have unfortunately been stuck in meetings all day. I wish she was allowing streaming on apple music so I could listen to it now!

      • Anononymous at 2:27

        Good to know! I have some Amazon no-rush shipping MP3 credits that are burning a hole in my pocket — I guess I will use them for this album!

        TO Lawyer, looks like you can sample it on Amazon if you want to listen before you buy.

    • EE

      I have not purchased music in a million years (truly, probably a decade) but I’m home from work today and BOUGHT the album on Amazon this morning (tip: the CD was cheaper than the MP3 album, and comes with instant download! I’ll gift the CD to someone for the holidays). Love it!

    • KinCA

      I haven’t been able to get all the way through it yet, but what I have heard is awesome. Definitely recommend purchasing it.

    • Anonymous

      Loved “Hello” the first time I heard it. Not so much on the umpteenth time. It’s like the only song playing on any radio station. I’ve heard it probably 6 times a day since it came out, and I only have a 15 minute commute.

      • Mpls

        Honestly – I’m kind of meh on Adele. Not my cup of tea.

        My next music purchase will the be the Hamilton soundtrack instead :)

  12. Anon

    Kinda bummed – Went to a K Street professional even as an invited guest – in a suit, wearing the name tag etc. Was walking around the corner where the food was set up and some woman hollers out – what’s in these chicken appetizers? I turn to look bc she was loud and I was the only other person in that hall besides her friend right next to her. She hollers it out again and by this time I’ve turned all the way around and you can see my enormous name tag. As I start to say – I don’t work for the caterer – she cuts me off and goes “oh you don’t know” and resumes talking to her friend. No apologies or even embarrassment even for a millisecond. This stuff happens and normally it’s like – whatever – but somehow when it happens at Target with a random stranger it’s no big deal vs someone in your profession who is SOO well educated and I’m sure claims to be SOO open minded and diversity oriented, since that’s what clients want to hear.

    • Anonymous

      Just guessing . . . the downside to wearing so much black is that one is mistaken for a cater-waiter (although I think of that as white shirt + black pants + flat rubber-soled shoes).

      Perhaps a risk of being young / female (guessing) / near the chicken?

      • Meg March

        Due to the diversity comment, I’m also guessing race might have played an role…

    • Opal

      More than once I’ve been the only woman at a professional event, dressed at same level of formality (pant or dress suit) as men, and I get mistaken for the administrative assistant. My favorite was when a guy asked me to make him a name tag… meanwhile, I’m in the middle of the meet/greet/networking, not at the front door, it is not my company’s event so I couldn’t even feign helpfulness, talking to mutual peers. Roar.

      Some people are just **eyeroll**.

      • Anon

        Secretaries are allowed to wear suits too you know. Especially in a professional environment, just being dressed up does not always mean you won’t be taken for an admin.

  13. Anon

    I just got in a heated debate w/ someone senior at my office about whether the arts are important. I’m still steaming, and can’t concentrate on work. Help!

    • Anonymous

      How is this a question for debating? It’s like red is the best color ever. It’s an opinion — it is true that I think it. It may not be true for you. “Arts” and “important” mean many different things to people.

      Art (knitting) is important to me.
      — Mme. DeFarge

      • Anon

        More to the effect of, “Judas Priest doesn’t need to fundraise, so why should the Symphony?”

        • Anonymous

          Judas Priest (art) does in fact fundraise (ticket sales, albums, merchandise). That person is misinformed.

        • Anonymous

          That’s not at argument that the arts don’t have value though. It’s an argument that the symphony doesn’t.

    • Helene

      I cannot understand the relevance of having two neophytes debating complex topics? Why not stick to what we know and are good at?

  14. Turkey!

    Really random question: I am picking up a turkey next week from a farm near my work. I think the best time to go (to avoid lines) is first thing in the morning, but then I’ll have a turkey sitting in my trunk all day for 10 hours while I’m at work. It’ll be max 40 degrees on Monday, so I think this will be okay if I park in the shade? Am I missing something that makes this a very bad idea?

    • DisenchantedinDC

      I have no idea why this wouldn’t be fine, but could you take a cooler bag/chest if you’re worried about it?

    • nutella

      cooler full with ice bags in it just like you would have for drinks at a party?

    • Snickety

      Definitely ice and a cooler. It needs to be colder. 40 degrees is in the danger zone for bacteria and you can’t be sure that your trunk will maintain a safe temp under 40, especially after it was running for awhile.

    • Anonymous

      is it frozen or fresh? If it’s already frozen, you are probably okay. If it’s fresh, you want to make sure to keep it super cold (so I would not plan on letting it sit out for 10 hours), even if you park in the shade, your trunk could get hotter than 40 degrees.

      • Theresa

        Wait! I thought you were getting a LIVE bird!!!! If LIVE, 40 degrees could become too cold for the bird.

  15. Wedding date set

    Anyone else feel a shift in their wedding planning/thinking once a date/location were set? I feel like I went from “I’m so excited (in the abstract)” to “I’m SUPER excited and HOLY SMOKES there is a lot to do in the next six months…”.

    Normal?

    • Anonymous

      Of course that’s normal. Now it’s more ‘real’ and now you actually have things to do on a timeline. It’s the same as if you had a big project at work that needs to be done “sometime in the future” versus need to be done in 3 weeks. It’s real now. Get crackin.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Totally normal because it has gone from abstract to real. I went through that transition then basically wrapped up all our planning in a single week when I was visiting my hometown where the wedding was and felt like I was missing something. I think a lot of people also reach an eff it point close to the date where they just can’t be bothered to make any more decisions.

      Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

    • Cat

      Totally normal. Also, remember that aside from food, drinks, music (assuming dancing) and ceremony participants (if any, other than officiant), there’s not much that’s mandatory. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by ALL THE DETAILS, figure out what you don’t care about and skip it! For us, that was signature c-cktails, monogrammed everything (like c-cktail napkins, water bottles, dance floor initials), cake, bouquet/garter toss, unity candle, and toasts from anyone other than my dad and the best man.

      I will say that if you haven’t decided already, having a small (or nonexistent) wedding party will greatly simplify your life. We each had three attendants, and even just the fact that we could all fit in the same regular car made day-of easier.

      • Wedding date set

        Thank you for the wise words/reassurance. We’re envisioning a low key affair. All the things you list after “For us” are things that won’t be a part of our day. We just want the people closest to us to watch us get married, eat delicious food, enjoy themselves with some great music (and pretty flowers bc i love flowers) in a meaningful setting. The rest is not important to us.

        Wedding party will be family only – which means no am-i-prettier-than-the-bridesmaids comparisons bc my brothers arent pretty :).

      • KinCA

        +1 to all of this. We skipped signature cocktails, ceremony programs, the bouquet/garter toss, and parent dances and literally none of our guests noticed or missed them.

        • Wedding April

          I just picked out invitations today and realized that the day will be here sooner than I think. We are not doing the traditional stuff ie bouquet toss, signature cocktails, but wonder if we have to give wedding favors. We are only having inviting 50 guests ,just close friends and family, and no bridal party. Thoughts?

          • Brit

            My cousin just got married and instead of favors they had cards at the table that said they had made a donation to the American Cancer Society, so that’s always an option in lieu of favors.

          • Sydney Bristow

            I totally don’t think they are necessary. I’ve never really enjoyed getting them unless they are food because I don’t like to have a lot of stuff around.

            We did give our guests tickets to the fireworks festival that happened in the evening after our daytime wedding. But they were really just an invite to a sort of second reception we had rather than a wedding favor.

          • Anonymous

            Favors are def not necessary. I think they are good if you can do something kind of personal or delicious. Don’t do the charity in lieu of favors- its always so weird to me to see “instead of getting you a gift, I have given that money to charity.” Id be much more impressed to see a bride donate instead of her flowers or something like that.

  16. vet recommendations?

    Anyone have a vet recommendation for Arlington VA? Looking for good care, obviously, but at a reasonable cost.

    • Duchess

      I used to take my dog to Dr. Fred Jones at Arlington Animal Hospital and I LOVED him. It was definitely not cheap, but I don’t think it was exorbitantly expensive either.

    • DisenchantedinDC

      Fairfax Animal Hospital – I have not taken my own animals there (I don’t have any, soooooo…) but my old roommate took her dog there. I helped out when she first got him and he had some issues where he was at the vet a lot, including a couple nights stay after which I picked him up.

      It was not cheap, but she was very happy with how he was treated, and they were always great when I took him in, stayed open late one day for me to come pick up his “special food”, etc.

    • DCR

      I like Caring Hands Animal Hospital. They have a few locations – I go to the one on Glebe Road. And they have weekend hours. Not cheap necessarily, but so much cheaper than Friendship Hospital for Animals where I went before moving across town.

  17. whole house purge?

    Has anyone undertaken an entire-house purge? De-clutter/get rid of things that you moved and then never unpacked? Where to start? I feel like my house/life are being swallowed up with excess stuff. I really would love to downsize and be forced to cull the stuff, but we have a fairly large house, and it’s just getting filled, and I don’t like it.

    • anon

      Yes! I did this while on maternity leave and it was AWESOME. It was the perfect project to do to make me feel productive. I started with clothes but did end up going through everything in our entire house. Then we had a garage sale.

    • Anon

      My husband and I did this during a long weekend where we both had off work. We also had three small children, including one under a year old. I am not sure what possessed us to do it at that time, haha! Now, four years later, I feel like we need to do it again. We just went through every single space in our house–all the closets, shelves, drawers, cabinets. Everything. We donated so many things and really tried to organize what we had left.

      • Mpls

        I would actually caution against trying to do the whole house in a weekend, unless you really find yourself on a roll. There can be a lot of decision fatigue involved in decluttering, especially if it hasn’t happened in a while, so you may do better to break it down in smaller chucks and take half a day for several weeks in a row to pare stuff down.

        • Anon

          Oh yes, I agree! We were just on a roll and it wasn’t really our plan to do the whole house. We were having guests and decided to clean out the closet in that room. . .

    • Anon

      I did this the second I found out I was pregnant. I trashed ALL THE THINGS. I went room by room (sometimes drawer by drawer), even though this goes against the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up and trashed anything I don’t use/need. The two caveats are our unfinished basement, and to the extent it is organized, the garage, in which I let my husband keep whatever he wants.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m late to this, but over the weekend I cleared out my garage, which was FULL of stuff I’d moved and then never unpacked, and had the junk guy come and take a big truck, full to the brim, away. It was awesome. I don’t think you can do a whole house in a day, but I highly recommend just Letting Go Of The Things.

  18. News

    Just out of curiosity, where do you all get your news? The only newspaper I read daily is the NYTimes (which I read online), and I’m looking to branch out in my news sources and get some other perspectives (in all directions politically/otherwise), particularly for non-local news (I live in NYC). I occasionally read the WSJ, Washington Post, New Yorker, and Atlantic and also click on anything interesting that appears in my newsfeed/this s**e, but there’s nothing else I check regularly. I’m not interested in video or TV news — I’m a cord-cutter so I don’t have live TV, and just generally prefer reading to watching.

    • Anon

      Al Jazeera (English) is excellent. As is the BBC. Vox is good for summaries of certain issues. Buzzfeed actually does some good investigative journalism on overlooked stories.

    • news

      NPR addict. If I’m not listening to work podcasts NPR is on in my shower, kitchen, bedroom and in my car.

      A little Google news

      My fantasy when I have time – NYT, some WSJ, some New Yorker.

      • Elbe

        I used to love Morning Edition but now I am completely turned off. The current main announcers are incredibly annoying. Reneee Montagne acts as though she cannot think of the word she wants to say – any word. Steve Inskeep acts as though every story is a giant joke. They have adopted a style where they try to accent “important” words in every sentence. I used to think it was a quirk of these two but now they have David Green acting the same way – and he used to be normal! Plus, their “interviews” all seem to be a version of their interviews with Shankar Vedandam. Shankar – “fact”, Steve Inskeep – do you mean to tell me “fact”?!?!, Shankar – that’s right, Steve, “fact”. If anyone told me 5, 10, 20 years ago that I would not want to listen to Morning Edition, I would have said they were crazy. I also would have been wrong. Fortunately, we have another public radio station that doesn’t carry Morning Edition. I can’t believe it is just me. Does anyone else fell the same way? Please bring back the serious Morning Edition with real announcers/reporters!

    • News too

      I was literally just thinking the same thing. My daily go-to news sources are Wash Post and BBC. I also look at the NYTimes but only occasionally. I seem to always find my way to CNN, but I feel like its so sensationalized and overly focused on one story at a time. I still don’t know why I even look there.

    • KateMiddletown

      Literally everywhere. I listen to podcasts most mornings (only news-related ones are APM’s Marketplace) and I do have the college music public-radio station on, which does highlights of NPR. Pre-podcasts I used to listen to NPR All Things Considered and Morning Edition coupled with our local hyper-conservative AM radio station that airs Bill Cunningham and Cincinnati Reds games but has the best traffic coverage. (Balance.)

      If there’s something major that I’m interested in hearing about, ie. Paris as of late, debates, etc., I’ll seek out the headlines in WSJ, NYT, etc. Apple’s News app has become very useful. I personally like the curated-ness. I also get the Reuters highlights on my desktop stock quote software for industry stuff, plus I have CNBC on in my office 24-7, but only tune in hard when there’s breaking news. I also read Vanity Fair and NYTimes in print when I have time. I try not to binge on news, but I do seek out the truth from multiple sources, especially when I’m faced with those whose only, and I mean ONLY, source of info is Fox/Fox Business.

    • Runner 5

      I have the Guardian and Frankfurter Allgemeine apps on my phone (I haven’t switched breaking news alerts back on yet though – switched them off last weekend) and I get audio news through BBC Radio 4 and the Deutschlandfunk podcast feeds. Anything big and political I wait for the end of the week’s Slate Political Gabfest and Guardian Politics Weekly podcasts to tell me about.

    • Anon100

      Washington Post, the Atlantic/citylab, BBC, Slate, and NPR

      I’m subscribed to WaPo because I live in the area, and I love having access to the weather blog and the livechats, especially the Food Rangers.

      BBC is my go-to for international news, because I think the American outlets present everything in an extremely sensationalized fashion.

  19. Sheepie

    I’ve been thinking lately that I’d like to teach a contract drafting class – just a one course, night class deal. I want to keep my day job, but love the idea of being able to give law students real life skills. How do I go about doing this? Cold contact my local law schools to see if they are interested? When do I need to contact them to hopefully start next fall?

    • Stormtrooper

      Start looking now online. They tend to post faculty positions, including just one off classes, online and pretty far in advance. Doesn’t hurt to contact as well

    • Rose

      You might offer to present as part of an existing classes a way to show you’re serious and have the skills.

  20. tragic....

    A girlfriend lost her elder brother this week in a tragic accident. It’s heart breaking, and I just wish I could do something to help…..even though I know this is an unbearably painful time for she and her family. Thoughts?

    • loss

      Send a thoughtful, simple condolence car. If you knew the brother at all, or even met him only once, include a recollection/story if you can.

      Send her a gift card to a food delivery service.

      Call her in a month, and in two months, and in 3 months, etc..

  21. Rose

    Short girls, 5’4ish with a stomach, a size 18-22/24, what are your go to brands for jeans.

    I can’t find short enough that fit my stomach at least in store. Or do you buy what fits and have hemmed? I also have a preference for real jeans not that lightweight, feels like it’s going to tear material that’s out now.

    • Anon

      I’m 5’1 and almost always have to get my jeans hemmed. Old Navy and a couple other mall brands (American Eagle, Express) in “short” length work for me. Levi’s also. But my friend who is 5’4 finds that the “short” length is too short, while regular is too long so she gets everything hemmed.

  22. MIL?

    Are you ladies, most people close to their MIL? Not close to mine… Just cordial and on holidays lighthearted awkward talk. Was off to a rocky start because she didn’t approve of me in the beginning of me and DH marriage. (Very attached to her son). After some forced confrontations from family we talked about the snide comments she made, she apologized.. But now things are awkward and have been for a long time. She was very insincere and has many mood swings… At this point I don’t trust her or even feel comfortable around her. It makes me sad, I always wanted me and my MIL would be close.

    • Anon

      No. When I was early married I too worried a lot about not being close with my MIL and my sisters in law (my husband is the only married member of the family of 4 kids; the other women do stuff together all the time without extending an invite)–particularly when my MIL made it very clear she preferred my husband’s ex-girlfriend and was/is unimpressed with lawyering (read: not having babies). Those things were, and sometimes still are, really hard pills to swallow. For the first couple year of marriage, I spent a lot of time reading books and trying various tactics to improve our MIL/DIL relationship. Nothing worked, and it mostly just took me accepting that she is a narcissistic person who will never find anyone impressive enough to marry one of her children. According to one book I read, 2/3 of MIL/DIL relationships are strained and experience conflict.

      At some point, you can only give so much. Your MIL needs to make an effort too. What’s more important is that you and DH are on the same page about things.

    • Anonymous

      I like mine. She’s a sweet, polite woman but she lives across the country and is very quiet, and I’m not super extroverted either, so we don’t know each other well. I would like to spend more time with her but my father-in-law is a narcissistic egomaniac and MIL does not stand up to him, so I try to avoid my in-laws as much as possible. I’d say I get along with my MIL better than 80% of my friends get along with theirs and, like I said, we’re far from close. From my experience at least that ‘second mother’ thing is incredibly, incredibly rare, and you should count yourself lucky if you can get through an afternoon together without yelling, drama or hurt feelings.

    • lawsuited

      I’m very close to my MIL. DH is an only child, so very precious to her which I think motivated her to put effort into having a good relationship with me. I was similarly motivated because DH is very close to his parents so I knew we would spend a lot of time with them, plus I come from a large, loving, close-knit family so in general didn’t want any family strife.

      Of course there have been disagreements along the way but ive made some concessions for her, she’s been forced to make some concessions for me, and now we enjoy a very strong relationship to the extent that she’s my first call about certain things rather than my own mum (who is wonderful).

      I think it made it easier that we started building our relationship while DH and I were still dating, so when we got engaged it wasn’t awkward insta-family.

    • NYtoCO

      I am not that close to mine yet, but I’m hoping that will start to change and am already seeing some improvements since we got married a month ago.

      She is very nice and sweet but also quite reserved– 4 out of 5 of our interactions are of the awkward sort, and then the fifth time she’ll totally surprise me by opening up. But then it’s back to the slight awkwardness. DH and his family are from the northeast (and his parents are quite wealthy) my family is from Texas and more middle class, and they both follow the respective stereotypes (his– reserved and polite; mine– friendly and more outgoing). I do think she likes me, and I certainly like her, but we don’t yet have that easy-going familiarity that I would like to have. Maybe one day.

    • anon

      I have a friendly relationship with my MIL. I’m probably the more reserved one. We’ve taken a couple vacations together with the four of us – my in-laws and my husband and I. The camping trip was way too much time together in a secluded place, but the short trip to a beachy locale was great. It can be awkward sometimes because when I talk about my own family or childhood, she immediately compares it to how she did things and feels the need to defend herself, even though my intention was only to share a memory or funny story about my past and not to make a comparison. I would prefer to spend limited amounts of time with my in-laws, but they are more high energy and want to interact all day long and pack in as much as possible. But they are truly good, kind, generous people, so I think I’m lucky.

  23. Mary

    Question about office culture and drinking. Is it okay to have a few drinks (beer, wine, or mixed) during lunch and go back to work? I work in a state public defenders office and at least 75% of the staff drinks during lunch at least once a week and returns to work. I think it is unprofessional and unethical even if they are not intoxicated. What says the hive?

    • Susie

      For some jobs it’s common to wine & dine clients/potential clients, but I wouldn’t think so for a public defenders office! I think it’s okay for rare special occasions but not as a regular thing.

    • Mpls

      Company policy (explicitly stated in handbook, not law) prohibits coming back to work (or doing work from home) after the consumption of alcohol, drunk or not.

      • Anonymous

        Do people really follow this though? I find it hard to believe that nobody does work from home in the evenings and weekends while enjoying a glass of wine. I’d guess at my old BigLaw firm, the vast majority of associates had drinks when working late from home, especially while doing something fairly brainless like doc review. Lunchtime drinks and then returning to the office is definitely a different situation, but this policy seems draconian.

        • Mpls

          Well, it’s not law, so most people aren’t really taking work home with them. And yes, I think even those that are working from home are probably not doing it with a glass of wine.

          Maybe – MAYBE – if someone is out on the road and had a glass of wine with dinner and then came back to send a few emails. But I think for most people, having that drink and knowing the company policy on alcohol and work is a perfect excuse to not go back to work on a few things.

          • Mpls

            And it is a policy that covers both officer workers as well as the manufacturing floor. My sense is that it’s not really unusual in the field (medical device – I would imagine it extend to pharma as well) so no – I don’t think it’s draconian to limit people’s consumption of alcohol to after work hours.

    • Wildkitten

      In my work it’s fine to have one drink at lunch on slow Fridays. I would never have more than one, and never when I have important things to do that afternoon. I only do this maybe 3 times per year, but it’s fine when I do.

    • Monte

      I never drink over lunch in my current job, but I don’t think it is unethical. Getting drunk — of course. But one drink has no impact on my ability to work. (Two or three drinks will impact my willingness to work well before it impacts my ability.) I just work in a relatively tight knit community and would rather avoid even the perception of anything untoward, even if I enjoyed the rare steak and glass of wine at my last gig. But if a heartier colleague had two beers over a reasonably long lunch, I would be jealous before judgmental.

      That said, lawyers have a high rate of substance abuse, so that would be my concern before the sheer optics or ethics of it.

      • Mary

        I just wonder how a judge or high level prosecutor would view seeing the local PDs at lunch on a random Thursday with mixed drinks. Or how it would look if of one of them got arrested for DUI on the way back to the officE.

        • Anonymous

          They’d probably be like, heyyyyy. If they’re not drunk I don’t see an issue. They’re not getting DUIs. I wouldn’t do it but it’s not unethical at all.

        • Runner 5

          If they’re drinking enough to get a DUI they’re drinking too much to go back to the office IMO. I would use the drink and drive limit as a drink and work limit too.

    • Anon

      Eh. I’m a local prosecutor and it’s normal for us to get a drink during work hours. It’s not an everyday occurrence and usually done after someone finishes a trial. Nobody gets sloshed, drives or goes to court afterwards. And we can all work perfectly fine after a beer or two. The public defenders do the same thing. It’s a stressful,job and sometimes we need to bond as a group and chill. And I know for a fact that judges meet with other judges in chambers and do the same thing.

      • Agreed

        It’s different in criminal court and criminal law. The stress factor is simply different. We don’t do it often, but it happens. And no one is going to court afterward.

    • emeralds

      Not in law, but I’ve had a beer with lunch and gone back to work. With my personal level of alcohol tolerance, I wouldn’t have more than one, but as long as you respect your limits I don’t see a problem with it.

  24. Royal tea

    Following up on my post a few weeks ago to thank everyone for the excellent advice about what to wear at an important meeting in London presided over by HRH Prince Philip.

    At T-1 week, after ordering and returning heaps of clothing, I got myself over to a Nordstrom personal stylist who set me up with a sheath dress (knit, no wrinkles, yay!), a black suit, and a silk blouse. These looked great with the heels I had picked up at the N*strom clearance sale. I spent way more than I expected to (in academia, not know for big salaries or sartorial flair), but am delighted to have clothing that is appropriate for big meetings and presentations.

    When I was chairing a session involving the head of a major foundation, the VP of a major NGO, and two other very senior people, I remembered the advice from here about what to wear: “If you’re important enough to be at this meeting, you should be wearing a suit like the men will be.” Yes, everyone at the table was wearing a suit, and I was glad to be properly dressed.

    Many thanks, wise women!!!

  25. Royal tea

    Following up on my post a few weeks ago to thank everyone for the excellent advice about what to wear at an important meeting in London presided over by HRH Prince Philip.

    At T-1 week, after ordering and returning heaps of clothing, I got myself over to a N*strom personal stylist who set me up with a sheath dress (knit, no wrinkles, yay!), a black suit, and a silk blouse. These looked great with the heels I had picked up at the N*strom clearance sale. I spent way more than I expected to (in academia, not know for big salaries or sartorial flair), but am delighted to have clothing that is appropriate for big meetings and presentations.

    When I was chairing a session involving the head of a major foundation, the VP of a major NGO, and two other very senior people, I remembered the advice from here about what to wear: “If you’re important enough to be at this meeting, you should be wearing a suit like the men will be.” Yes, everyone at the table was wearing a suit, and I was glad to be properly dressed.

    Many thanks, wise women!!!

    • Ellen

      If you know the Prince, then mabye you can introduce ME to prince Harry, his son! I know he has already dated alot of women, but I do NOT think he has dated any one from NYC, especialy a NYC lawyer like me. I think we are about the same age, mabye I am a littel older, but I would LOVE to be abel to have more royal blood in my children, as Grandma Leyeh has said that I am the product of royalty and plebean stock. FOOEY! Dad agrees. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      The manageing partner is mad b/c he was NOT listed in the NYC’s Best Lawyer’s magazine, even tho he paid for a spot in it. They said it “was an oversight” and that they would either REFUND his money, or hold it on deposit for the next edition. The manageing partner said to send it back b/c we will use it for our HOLIDAY Party! YAY!!!!

      Right now, mom is bakeing an apple pie for thanksgiving, but I will eat it TODAY! YAY!!!!!!

  26. Nancy

    New reader here and love the blog. My husband and I are taking our first overseas trip (small tour group) to the Tuscany area in Italy in May for our 35th wedding anniv. Beyond excited and looking for any recommendations for what items to buy, read, etc in preparation for our trip. Which cross body bag? which adapter for outlets? Suitcase? etc I am really really worried about the walking due to severe Planar Fascilitis and heel spurs,. May have to swallow my pride and wear dark athletic shoes (Brooks Addiction). Thank you in advance for any advice and recommendations your can offer.

    • Rose

      Scan all of your travel documents, in order of use and store them on your smart phone in an app that you can access without data usage. Carry the emergency overseas phone numbers for your credit cards somewhere in case the card gets stolen.

      Call your credit card companies and let them know what dates and areas you will be traveling to. That way they’ll be less likely to suspend charges that they think are fraud because it’s not normally where you use your cards. Also try to travel with at least two cards in case something does happen to one.

      Exchange rates are normally better for currency exchange, in country via atms

      Make sure you turn data off and download a currency converter app that you update just before you leave so you have current exchange rate.

      Leave a copy of all travel documents and a copy of your passport with someone at home. Also copies of your credit cards.

      Pack half your clothes in one suitcase and half Your husbands and do the same with the other suitcase. That way if one bag is delayed you’ll still have clothes.

      Buy “no jet lag”. Google it. It’s a homeopathic jet lag remedy. I swear by it.

      Download and be comfortable using either skype, whatsapp or another app that you can use via wifi.

      Let me know if you have any other questions. Huge traveler here.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Double check which of your credit cards charge a foreign transaction fee. If they all do, try to get at least 1 new card that doesn’t.

        Also, sometimes a place will offer to process your card in USD instead of the local currency. You’ll get a better exchange rate from your credit card company so always have them run it as local currency.

        Have fun!

    • Runner 5

      Everyone in Europe wears Converse so I’d consider a pair of the new Chuck II’s with the memory foam soles if you don’t want to wear big sneakers. But we also wear sneakers all the time too – as long as they’re not garishly bright white you won’t stick out as ‘American’

    • NOLA

      I bought a ziptop cross body (Gianni Bernini brand) from Macy’s for my last trip. I would buy a smallish adapter. Like this one: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BTZIH1O/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=1AVI8H9M65A19&coliid=I3EUFG2CEWZ9YA&psc=1
      You can buy an international cell phone package just for the length of your stay, just in case. It’s not expensive. Or use Viber or something that can be used with wifi.
      If you don’t already have a credit card with a chip and PIN, get one. It’s really helpful. I bought a smaller carry-on bag that would slip over the handle of my rolling suitcase. Also, take a zip-top tote bag that can be used as a second carry-on to come home. If you have a tablet, take it. We found it very useful to find restaurants, etc. from our hotel. And it wasn’t heavy.

    • banana

      Have a wonderful time!
      o. Download some maps to your phone (I just used Ulmon for Paris). Basically, if you get lost you don’t need data because all the maps are already stored on your phone.
      o. Wear comfortable shoes (even if not cute). You’ll have the memories of your big anniversary trip for the rest of your life – make sure they’re not of hurting feet!
      o. Bring warm things for the plane (I always freeze) and drink lots of water.
      o. Here’s my jetlag routine. a) take an over the counter sleep med on the flight. b) at location, take a short nap in the early afternoon c) stay up as late as possible (honestly, usually 9:30pm for me) and take another sleep med.

    • Min Donner

      If you have an unlocked smartphone, pre-paid SIM cards (phone and data) are very easy to buy/use in Europe — they’ll sell them in most grocery stores and there are often kiosks in the airport. Worth it if you want to be able to look up things on the go and not just rely on wifi.

  28. Rose

    Anyone have a mail slot in thier front door? Do you use any kind of basket? I haven’t but I’m tired of sliding on the mail when I come in the door and occasionally having one of the dogs opening my mail got me.

    • Bonnie

      We do and I’ve tried baskets but it doesn’t really work unless you attach a significant basket that you then bump into. We’re actually replacing our door and getting rid of the mail slot because it’s a huge energy waster.

      • Rose

        Hmmm I wonder if I could just close it off ( I know not particularly attractive) and get a mailbox

        Door is in too good condition for me to justify replacing it right now.

        • Bonnie

          You should be able to. I considered closing ours with clear silicone sealer but our door is a relic so decided to upgrade.

  29. Rose

    Second question that I thought posted last night but didn’t appear to go through.

    I’m 5’4, short waisted, curvy with a stomach for sure and decent thighs. I’d say I’m an 18w-22/24.

    I’m having problems finding jeans that fit my stomach, and are short enough for my height (mostly flat shoe girl).

    Similar women, is there a magic brand or do you size for fit, not nessisarily worrying about length and then get them hemmed. I mean the pants that fit my waist are normally, 6 inches give or take too long.

    Plus for an affordable brand. Oh and also I like traditional denim, not this thin/feels like it’ll tear material.

    • Anonymous

      I’m about the same height and wear talbots petite boot cut jeans. I don’t have to shorten them.

  30. Sakina

    Hey all, do any of you have experience weaning off of Cymbalta? I’ve gone from 30 mg to 0 in about 6 weeks. I feel awful. Headachey, nauseous, extreme mood swings, not functioning well at work in terms of understanding and memory, suicidal thoughts. How long did it last for you? How did you manage?

    • Anonymous

      Is your doc overseeing your taper? Maybe you did it too aggressively. I would call your doctor ASAP and ask for advice. Are you getting off to go on to another med, or just off totally?

      When I got off Celexa I took about 2 months to do it and I was on a 20 mg dose.

      Also – be very kind to yourself. You are doing a hard thing, and you deserve credit for it! :-)

      • Sakina

        I just moved to the US a couple of months ago for a new job, just finally got my insurance info, and am trying to get a PCP. No one’s called me back yet. My doctor back home did advise me on my taper, which I started before I came to the US. I did 30-20 alternating days, then 20-10, then 10-0 then 5-0. It took nearly 9 weeks – not 6, now that I look at my records.

        I was taking Cymbalta for chronic pain, but it didn’t work. Several months ago, I stopped taking it for 2 days and was vomiting and in severe pain. Then I googled! Everyone’s suing Eli Lilly over how bloody awful Cymbalta withdrawal is.

        Thanks, I am trying to be kind to myself. But my job involves thinking about complex problems, and it’s obvious to everyone that I’m definitely not thinking well/clearly. I feel pretty incompetent.

        • Anonymous

          Google “urgent care center”. They aren’t an emergency room, but you can walk in and get seen right away. If you pick one associated with a large medical practice they can probably refer you to a regular physician.

    • Wildkitten

      Call your doctor. Go to urgent care. Call a friend. Call the suicide hotline. Go to the ER.

      If you call your health insurance and tell them you are suicidal they will find you a doc with an opening. Would also be good to try zocdoc. Stop tapering.

        • Sakina

          Oh you guys. So dramatic.
          I just meant suicidal thoughts, not that I am imminently in danger of jumping off a building or anything.
          I was looking for other people’s experiences and commiseration, which is why I asked “How long did it last? How did you manage?”
          I don’t have any friends, which is why I was asking on here.
          I don’t have a doctor, I can’t afford urgent care.
          Forget it.

          • miss mollie

            Hi Sakira,

            I had to taper off Cymbalta myself and it was an awful experience. I tapered down from 60 mg over 2 months. My thought is that you might need to stretch the taper out for a longer period of time. I would pull the capsule apart and actually count out the little balls inside. I would then place the balls inside of empty capsules, which you can buy at a health food store. My doctor also had me take a low dose of Prozac, but sounds like that is not an option for you. Hope this helps.

          • OfCounsel

            No personal experience, but a family member took about 9 weeks to taper off and did it much more slowly than you did. At one point I know she was breaking up the capsules and mixing the beads with apple sauce (you might want to google that – I know there were issues with what she could mix it with). Oddly she was specifically warned against alternating different dosages. Good luck!

          • Sakina

            Thanks,
            9 weeks is how long I took too.
            30mg is the lowest dose available for purchase, so yes, I have also been taking the little balls out and measuring out smaller doses. I just swallow them with water.
            Miss Mollie, I was wondering how long it took you to feel normal when you got down to a 0 dose? I have read that it can take months.

          • miss mollie

            Hi Sakina,

            First off, I apologize for the misspelling of your name in my first post.

            It took me about 4 months to feel back to “normal”. I started the process at the beginning of summer several years ago, and by fall all of the awful side effects/withdrawals were gone. The worst one for me was the “brain zaps” and I told my family that If I were to be oil or suffer a medical event, like a seizure, that they were to investigate whether the drug manufacturer had any responsibility in the illness.

            I would be more than happy to chat with you outside of the forum if you would like, either about Cymbalta or work or whatever. :-)

            My email is mcclawwi @ gmail . com

          • Wildkitten

            I know that thinking about suicide (or wanting to take a vacation from life) is not the same as suicide. I also know the hotline is free and that there are times in my life I wish I had called it, or that I wish I had called friends, or that I wish I had visited urgent care.

            I (Wildkitten) am glad I never called 9-1-1, because I was never that situation. So that’s why I recommend the suicide hotline: (800) 273-8255. It’s free. They can connect you with someone local who might know how to cut through the red tape for you.

            And anywise, call your insurance and tell them you need an immediate psychiatric referral. Even if you don’t – that’s the only way I’ve gotten my insurance to actually care to find me a doc with availability. Good luck!

          • Anonymous

            You said you have insurance, yes? Then an urgent care center is usually a $50 co-pay.

          • Sakina

            Thanks – no worries I’m not offended by the misspelling of my fake name ;)

            I have metroplus insurance, which apparently is the worst ever. No urgent care centers take it. There’s also only 4 psychiatrists who take it, and they are far and their reviews didn’t inspire me much. Anyway I got a PCP appt for Dec. 5. I’m too tired to go anywhere right now anyway. Lying in bed is good. My insurance doesn’t answer the phone on Sundays either… Tried calling last night. Was on hold for 25 min, then they hung up on me.

          • Sakina

            I’m so angry at doctors right now anyway… Yes i should have researched more and if I had I would have been aware that there is even a “cymbalta withdrawal syndrome” named about 6 years ago? But why didn’t my doctor know? Why wasn’t I advised that my life could be seriously disrupted for 6 months if I decide to stop taking this drug?

          • Miss Mollie

            We trust our doctors. I am sure there are unscrupulous doctors out there that might prescribe medications for the wrong reasons. Perhaps kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies?

            Sakina, I hope that you pull through this. Just remember that every day will be better than the one before. :-)

  31. New to Corporette

    I discovered this website while researching executive wardrobes. Little did I know I would stumble upon a forum of incredible women. From pregnancy to Prada, and everything in between, you’re such a supportive online community. Well done!

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