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Weekend Open Thread

strappy-evening-dress-2Something on your mind? Chat about it here. If you have some holiday parties or winter weddings coming up, let me bring this awesome midi dress to your attention — it looks elegant, sophisticated, flattering, and appropriate for anyone, regardless of their age or body type. It's nice that it navy (pictured) as well as black, red, and white — and it's pretty affordable at $194. Gwen Midi Dress Looking for something plus-size or more affordable in regular sizes? This plus-size festive dress is great, and this $58 dress (with a more casual cocktail vibe) looks great. And of course, there are a ton of great Adrianna Papell dresses in all sizes for desk to dinner, cocktails, weddings and more. Psst: The Nordstrom Fall Clearance continues — check out our full workwear roundup. Pssst2: If you have time this weekend, watch our next “working girl” movie: His Girl Friday. It's available for free as part of Amazon Prime, on Hulu, via DVD from Netflix, and, of course, from your local library. We'll be discussing it on Tuesday, Nov. 15. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

250 Comments

    1. I’d like to take my SIL shopping or at least send her a gift card for a new outfit. She’s been through a lot lately (relationship break up, car accident, unemployment) and has lot weight to the point of needing new clothes (still plus-sized). She has liked Talbots back when she was working b/c they have Women’s Petites. I’m not sure if that’s still a good recommendation, but what are similar nice stores that work of Talbots has worked in the past?

      Dress is lovely — glad it comes in non-W sizes (why can’t they load all sizes into the same item listing???). May get for spouse’s fancy party.

      1. Nordstrom, Talbots, Macy’s, Lane Bryant, and Lands End all have decent plus sized sections.

      2. There are a lot more plus size options online versus in brick and mortar stores, so I think a gift card is the way to go. Seeing as you want to be sure she’ll actually like the online retailer you get the gift card from, I’d get her input: “I’d love you get an $X gift card to treat yourself to some new clothes, but want to be sure you could actually use it! What retailer would you prefer?”

        I suggest telling her the amount because it might impact her decision. If it were $250, I’d definitely say Nordstrom, but if it were $75, I’d probably choose a place with more budget-friendly options.

      1. Agreed, but if I wore a dress like this, my boyfriend would ruin it if I was too slow in taking it off.

        1. If you pull his pants down I’m sure you won’t find much and what’s there will be gross! Get a more respectful boyfriend.

  2. This dress is stunning. Have to share here, I’m so excited because we are getting solar panels.

  3. Ohh, that’s pretty! I have a wedding to go to where I’ve been asked to wear navy. The groom asked me to find something in the same fabric as the groomsmen’s suits and I was like “that’s not how women’s clothing works.” I’ll shoot for something in the same color.

      1. I know, I just saw it! My friend is sending me a swatch in the mail. That’s the first thing I’m going to try. If it works, I can see it becoming my new work uniform.

      2. Talbots also has a flutter sleeve dress similar to the Resume that might work.

          1. You could also try navy wool skirt with navy blouse if you can’t find a dress you love.

    2. I’d be interested in hear people’s thoughts on the propriety of asking wedding guests to wear a specific color. This seems to be a trend that’s here to stay. Maybe eventually I will have a rainbow of colors appropriate for all weddings, but I get a little stressed out having to buy a new dress for a wedding, both cost-wise and finding a dress for my difficult to fit tall frame.

      1. I took it as OP was participating in the wedding in some way – either as a groomsperson or a reader at church etc. Not a regular guest. Gauche to ask regular guests to dress a certain way.

        1. I see. I’ve been asked to wear a specific color twice (“to celebrate friendship” for the people who didn’t make bridesmaid cut), which meant two new dress purchases.

          1. That’s cray cray. Being invited to the wedding means you’re a friend of the couple. So weird to emphasize ‘special friends who are not quite special enough for the bridal party’. Creates like three tiers of friends – bridal party, special color dresses, regular guests. Sigh. Glad I got married ten years ago – weddings are getting complicated.

          2. That was my feeling about it, but the other ladies in these weddings seemed delighted to be included in the special color scheme. I thought I was just being a grinch, so I’m glad to hear I’m not totally off base.

          3. I can see wearing sorority or alma mater colors if that is how you know the couple, but only if I had it and otherwise the dress worked.

            I could see how you could do this if you were young, but I can’t imagine asking great aunt Bertha to kindly wear orange to signify that she’s family and not “neighborhood friend” or “former rugby teammate of the groom” or “suspected frenemy that I had to invite anyway”.

          4. What. In. The actual. Hell.

            Asking your friends, who have not made the cut to be in the wedding party, to go and buy a new dress in a particular colour to wear to your wedding to “celebrate friendship”?!?! That is friendship you do not need. I can’t deal with the wedding crazy. I can’t deal.

          5. One wedding invite “suggested” orange or turquoise….it turns out because the wedding photographer thought those colors would “pop” in the outdoor wedding setting. I wore black.

          6. I would have been so tempted to show up in a Miami Dolphins cheerleader’s outfit…

      2. I knew this would come up. I was asked to do this as a “groomswoman,” but I have been to weddings and even FUNERALS (WTF, Aunt Caroline) where we were asked to wear specific stuff. I found it pretty annoying. Unless someone is having an elaborate theme and you know your guests will be into it. But even then, I’m not really into themed weddings.

        1. Was Aunt Caroline the deceased? Because I think it would be kind of amazing to put in your will how you wanted people to dress at your funeral…

          1. Yes. Controlling up to and after the end. I’ve also had special color requests for family birthday parties and on behalf of the deceased. (Let’s all wear black and yellow in tribute of Uncle Bob’s love for the Steelers.)

          2. I hate it for weddings but find it kind of amazing for funerals, especially for older people where passing is sad but not tragic. Kind of want to change my will to mandate red hats at my funeral now.

          3. It sounds sweet for funerals. Especially if it’s broad and likely something everyone can do without buying anything special. Extra especially if the attendees came up with it on their own like it sounds like in the pink and blue shirt example.

          4. I’ve always said I want a party instead of a funeral when I die. It is now upgraded to costume party!

          5. I attended a funeral where the deceased loved gardening and bright colors, and requested that attendees wear colorful clothing to her services so that we’d look like a beautiful flowerbed :)

          6. My mom has specified in her will that she wants everyone attending to wear bright and joyful colors only, in celebration of life — no black, white, etc. !

          7. At my dad’s funeral his friends all wore pink or blue button downs, which was all my dad ever wore with his khakis. It was so sweet….still makes me tear up thinking of them coordinating that.

          8. I think that many people might know your dress code preferences at a funeral. But many people find out from the family telephone tree and would probably not think of not wearing funeral attire to a funeral. I mean, it’s the one ceremony where you don’t worry about the dress code, right? I know lots of non-suit people who keep a dark suit or dress just for funerals.

        2. I’ll do you one better – I was invited to a funeral of a colleague I didn’t know very well. His ex-wife and mother of his kids asked people to come in a particular, quite loud, color to show support for the children (there’s a story behind the color that I won’t get into). The current wife (no kids) asked people to please be respectful of the fact that it’s a funeral by dressing appropriately. I did not attend the funeral because there’s no way I was walking into that mess.

          2. People are showing support for the family, incl. the children, and/or respect for the departed by attending. How is one’s presence not enough???

            My parents are old school and would never wear non-funeral clothes to a funeral.

          3. I would have kept silent as wife #2. I think a funeral asks for funeral clothes and bad move on wife #1’s part for trying to set a dress code for an event where wife #2 is the surviving spouse. [It has a whiff of a MIL trying to set dress at a wedding.]

        3. A friend’s college-aged son committed suicide and they asked ppl to wear sweatshirts because he was always wearing one. There can be reasons, its not ridiculous. There was also “he hated to dress up, so he would not want people to dress up” thing.

          1. That’s a nice tribute. I think funerals are a little different, and funerals for anyone young are heartbreaking. I would do my best to find the requested outfit under those circumstances to show support. But with a wedding, where I am already paying to travel and buying a gift (both happily), I’ve shown my support.

          2. Also – if specific attire is requested in tribute for a funeral, i tend to think it comes from a genuine place of wanting to bring a little joy and a lot of personality of the deceased to the occasion. It’s a tribute. If requested for a wedding, I tend to think you’ve been spending too much time on Pinterest and want blog-worthy wedding photos where everyone is coordinated, and I kind of hate you.

        4. I think it can be sweet/appropriate for a funeral. My uncle was killed in a sudden, truly tragic accident and his wife and kids requested everyone wear golf attire to the funeral- he loved golf, and they had a family tradition of golfing together for his birthday… which of course was 2 days after the funeral. Ugh, I may cry now.

          For a wedding? Hard pass.

        5. My ex’s mom died. Everyone showed up in purple. She loved purple but I really didn’t think about that when choosing my outfit. I wore a dark navy/purple tweed blazer. After the funeral, I mentioned to my ex how funny it was I wore purple even though I didn’t get the “wear purple” memo, since I’m not on social media. He said there was no memo and it just happened organically. What is even crazier, it’s not like everyone wore purple consciously because she loved it. One friend was in a bright purple blazer. She had been on a business trip when she learned of the death and went straight from the airport to the funeral without having time to buy other clothes. She worked in a hip industry and had no sedate clothes with her. We all think his mom sent a message from above that we all somehow got. It was beautiful.

          1. My friends all wore purple to a bday party of mine once, without any planning! I was the only one not in purple, and I totally loved and appreciated it. (Purple is my fave color)

      3. I’m really glad to have never experienced that. For my wedding, my sisters kept asking what color they should wear. I kept insisting that they should wear whatever they wanted. They all wound up getting dresses in our wedding colors. It was sweet but not something I’d ever expect people to do!

  4. I’m flying from my very blue home state of Washington on election day to volunteer as a poll observer with the HRC campaign in Chandler, AZ. Any advice from those of you who have volunteered as poll observers before? I was “trained” earlier this week, so I know obvious things like “don’t talk to voters” and no electioneering, but I am eager to hear any suggestions from veteran election observers.

    Also, any advice on Chandler, AZ, regarding safety, etc.? I think I’ll plan to rent a car for the 1.5 days I will be there–I had forgotten how spread out places are in the suburbs!

    1. That’s awesome! I’ve never done it or been to Chandler, but I just wanted to say thanks for doing what you’re doing, and good luck!

    2. I haven’t worked as a poll observer but have been the point person for observers and “boiler room” lawyers at the BOE. I’ll be at my (Ohio) county’s BOE for, oh, 15 hours on Tuesday.

      Be friendly and pleasant to the poll workers from the start, to build up good will. Take donuts or fruit or something when you get there. Seriously.

      Don’t interfere but also don’t be afraid to be – politely, tactfully – assertive. Raise questions with the poll worker in a non-confrontational way and have some info to back it up. The campaign should provide you with the poll workers guide for AZ, so if you can point to the answer in an official, state publication it’s helpful. Sometimes it’s even good to play dumb a little – “I think I’m confused. You just said that utility bill isn’t a valid ID, but I thought it was. Can we look at the poll workers’ manual?” But of course don’t argue if tactful discussion doesn’t get the problem resolved.

      If there are a lot of provisions ballots, ask why. You probably need to wait until the voter is done but that ask why that particular voter got a provisional ballot. If there is a pattern there — and especially if you think the decision was incorrect – ask to talk to the presiding judge or whoever is the head worker at that polling location. If they can’t resolve the issue, take it to your boiler room.

      Also, you can talk to voters outside the polling area. So if someone has a problem, and you want to et their contact info to document it or to encourage them to come back when it’s straightened, go outside and talk to them there.

      Thanks for doing this!

      1. This is very useful! I will bake some cookies before I leave. Thanks for the tips!

    3. Chandler is just a suburb of Phoenix. There’s petty crime, so lock your car and don’t leave valuables in plain sight, but other than that, it’s fine. Phoenix has surprisingly amazing food, so hopefully you’ll have a chance to go into Phoenix proper or Scottsdale!

      And yay for doing this! I’m doing this in LA (though with Lawyers’ Committee on Civil Rights).

    4. Sending you good vibes from another Washingtonian! Thanks for doing this!!!

  5. We’ve been TTC for nearly 2 years now. I was supposed to start IVF today, but the baseline ultrasound was not favorable for this cycle and we will be getting pushed back 2-3 months. I’m just… sad. I don’t have anyone to commitserate with IRL (besides DH) so I thank you for letting me share.

    2. Hugs. I’m sad for you too, and just put a calendar reminder in to think a good thought for you 2 months from now.

    5. I’m sad for you too. Hugs.

      2-3 months feels like forever right now — here’s hoping it passes quickly for you.

      1. I’m going to think that it’s because 2-3 months from now will be the time the fates want you to conceive for some reason. But I know it’s really hard, and I am sorry.

    7. I’m sad for you/with you. I hope you have space to take it easy this weekend… Hugs to you!

    8. I’m so sorry. When you’re hoping for something as much as I’m sure you’re hoping for a baby, waiting is so hard. It’s okay to let today be a bad day, and I hope the next couple of months fly by for you!

      I completely understand that you would have lots of reasons for keeping your TTC journey to yourself, but reconsider telling a friend that you love and trust. It’s hard for you and your spouse to shoulder the whole burden, and I think a lot of people suffer in isolation.

    9. I am sorry. Sometimes there’s not much to say aside from it sucks right now. Hugs.

      I think who to tell about this journey is a difficult thing. If you know anyone IRL who is going through or has gone through fertility treatments, I would definitely suggest reaching out to them. Otherwise people who have never TTC or people who have kids with minimal issues can too easily in the “mean well, say terrible things” camp, so I get that, although if you have close friends who you can tell what you need from them, that might be something to consider. You should also be able to find a therapist that specializes in fertility issues if that is of interest–you might see if your clinic has any recommendations if you wanted to pursue that.

    10. I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I just wanted to say that there is an “other side” that you will eventually come out on. It never takes away the pain of infertility, but 2 successful IVFs and 3 kids later, I can say that I’ve come out on the other side.

  6. I accidentally ate a few bits of veggie hummus that turned bad. I thought the sour/carbonated taste was coming from the apple I dipped in it. I then switched to dipping some chicken in it and tasted the same thing. AHHH. It’s been a half hour. Probably too late to throw it up and I don’t think that’s the advice they give anymore anyway. Is there anything I can do at this point to avoid getting sick or just cross my fingers that my immune system fights off whatever I just consumed?

    1. Well… how much did you eat? It’s possible that it wasn’t enough to affect you.

    2. Chin up – you ate food that was spoiled, but that’s not at all the same thing as being contaminated. The vast majority of spoiled food went bad because of harmless microorganisms that are unpleasant, but won’t hurt you. Pathogens that cause food poisoning can reside in food that appears perfectly good (and of course they can be present in spoiled food too). The funny thing is, dose matters. So you’re more likely to get sick from consuming a full meal of “good” food that has been cross-contaminated with raw chicken from someone’s unwashed hand, then you are from a bite or two of spoiled hummus. No promises, but the chances are excellent that you’ll be just fine. (Ph.D. in microbiology here).

    3. It’s not enough to make you sick. I think you’ll be fine! Maybe carry some Pepto tabs for a day just in case you get the rumbles.

    4. I’ve eaten a lot of bad hummus. It’s not so bad–maybe a minor tummy ache and then it’s over. If you aren’t immune-compromised, I wouldn’t worry about it.

      In general, I’ve found that eating bad vegetables is way less bad than eating bad animal products (meat, dairy, egg).

      1. I too have eaten loads of bad hummus. As well as a box of ant-covered crackers.

        1. Hahaha. The ant covered crackers definitely just made me feel better.

      2. I ate something like a frozen gumbo that I had left in the refrigerator at work by mistake. For maybe a week? But I was hungry. It didn’t make me sick. It did give me the equivalent of a juice cleanse back when that was trendy, but not in a having-an-accident-on-the-metro sort of way.

        2. Yeah, I had to go into seclusion due to some bad bleu cheese (how could I have known?!) but it was…ahem…cleansing.

    5. Even as someone who has a weak stomach, I’ll tell you that simply eating spoiled food does not automatically cause food poisoning. Food poisoning is one of two things – either an actual pathogen in the food (e.coli, salmonella, etc.) that causes you to get ill, or your body having a reaction to something that you have eaten, perhaps because it’s turned “bad,” but perhaps for other reasons. If I were you, I’d put it out of my head, drink a lot of water, and perhaps take an antacid. You’re likely just fine.

    6. This week my mom gave my kids yogurt from the back of my fridge and I cringed because I had no idea when I bought it — when I checked the remaining container, its expiration date said April!!! They were fine. You probably will be, too.

      1. FWIW, unopened yogurt (so like single serve packages esp.) is good for significantly longer than the sell by date.

        1. Yes, learned that in an unintended way. But really, April?! I’ve got to clean out my fridge more.

          1. I write the dates mayo was opened on the top in a sharpie. 3 months later, out it goes.

          3. I am OK with keeping vinegar-based condiments for a while (ketchup), but for anything with eggs or dairy . . . no.

            FWIW, we live by a lot of old trees, so we are always losing power. I am never sure how reliable refrigeration is when I often go to work only to find everything blinking 12:00 when I get home. When it doubt, I throw it out.

          4. I saw a life hack for that — you keep a quarter on top of a dixie cup of ice in your freezer. If the power goes out, check the cup. If the quarter is on the bottom, throw stuff out.

    7. One time my husband ate spoiled cottage cheese and told me he kept eating it after the first bite because he thought it was “blue cheese flavored” … We both have iron stomachs, but FWIW, he was unaffected!

      1. Are you married to Spike?

        “There’s something wrong with this yoghurt…”

    8. These stories are cracking me up. I grew up in a family that cut off the moldy bits and ate the rest. I still practice that approach. I also have a running joke with a friend that the microwave will kill everything so all you have to do is microwave it and it’s fine. Anytime I find something tragically old in the fridge, I tell them about it and ask them to wish me luck. Three days later I get a “survive?” text. So funny. To me.

      1. I grew up in a cut off the moldy but family too. My husband grew up completely the opposite. As a result, he’s the one who cleans out the fridge 99% of the time! I normally figure out he did a deep clean when I can’t find my jar of jelly or something else I don’t use frequently.

    9. So I love cheese. I bring a Babybel with me to work everyday and eat it as an afternoon snack. While moving, I went some 6 weeks without bringing in my babybel due to forgetting while grocery shopping and just general moving mess. After 6 weeks, I bought another bag of them and brought one in one day, per usual, and ate it. Later that day, I found another one and realized that one of them had been in there for 6 weeks and one was fresh from that morning. I realized they had different wrappers, too, and prayed I ate the fresh one until I got home and could verify. Nope, the one I ate had a different wrapper than the bunch in my fridge. I ate cheese that had been in my purse for 6 weeks!!!!!!!!

      Nothing happened, and if I hadn’t found the other one I wouldn’t have noticed because it tasted fine.

    1. I was also thinking that since that’s a requirement for me. I think the answer is no.

      3. Oh god, clear straps, no. No clear straps. I put those in the same category as toeless pantyhose – just don’t do it.

        1. Lol, my H cup boobs require straps, so I wear clear bra straps rather than none when the need arises.

          1. IMO, you’re fine. Clear straps are not going to as obvious when they are under all these straps. I find clear straps most problematic on strapless dresses, where there isn’t anything else to draw the eye.

    3. I might wear it with a navy bra with thin straps. The lines would change but it could look intentional.

  8. I’m seeing trestle/ladder bookcases everywhere lately. Do people think it’s a passing trend or a look that will stick around for a while? I’m looking for two bookcases (I have a lot of books) that I plan to separate with a fabric bench with a large piece of art hung over it. Any thoughts on one kind of bookshelves would work best for that look?

    1. I’ve had one now for 3+ years, so if it’s a passing trend, it isn’t moving super quickly. I may not buy them from Restoration Hardware or something (but then, I’m too cheap for RH normally anyway), but I’d feel comfortable with the trend. I’ll tell you though, they aren’t the greatest for holding books – not a ton of support. They are better for a mix of books and knick knacks IME.

    2. I have something like that – I also have 2 but put knick knacks on the top shelf. I haven’t found that they’re not sturdy (too many double negatives). I like the look of them and I think they would work well in the type of setup you’re describing!

    3. I feel like I’ve been seeing those for a lot longer than a year or two. Like, at least a decade longer. I thought about making one in shop class in high school.

    4. Not a new trend. Don’t get them to actually store large amounts of books. We have one in our bedroom for books on the bottom 2 shelves, and pictures, piles of stuff on the rest. The bottom shelf gave way after holding cookbooks for 2 years, so that’s reinforced with a dowel. And the way ours is, it’s easy for books and folders to slip off the shelves around the open sides.

  9. When I worked with all male lawyers, I frequently received feedback that I was too timid with opposing counsel and needed to be more forceful. Now I’m working with more women and they say that I need to tone it down because I could be read as overly aggressive (the men still say the opposite). Have you found that your women mentors tend to check their tone for fear of coming off as shrill or unreasonable, whereas your male mentors may not be in tune with that issue? How do you strike the right balance?

    1. I haven’t had any mentors really, so I can’t speak to that bit. I will say that I absolutely tailor my tone based on who I am talking to or emailing with and based on my end goal. It took me several years to get to the point where I felt comfortable doing that, but now I don’t think anything of it.

    2. Talk to your mentors about it. Why do they think you are too timid or aggressive? What do they think about what the other parties say?

      1. I used to be timid and then I learned from the manageing partner that I could be more assertive then any of my peer’s. Now I have become very assertive, and alot of men are even afreaid of me b/c the manageing partner thinks I am now assertive. If I knew then about NOT letting men take advantage of me, I would not have had the troubel I had with Sheketovits trying to take advantage of me sexueally. I am older and wizer then I used to be. YAY!!!

    3. I learned a long time ago to just be myself. I work on being assertive but once I started just being myself, I found my own groove that works.

    1. How much less expensive? Color? Do you want real leather? I love vicarious shopping and have a quiet afternoon….

    2. most of these are in the 200-400 range, but I searched just real leather:

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/marc-jacobs-gotham-pebbled-leather-hobo-bag/4276621?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=BLACK
      (I think this one is also on sale in a tan/saddle color)

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/via-spiga-alicia-leather-hobo-with-studded-strap/4406828?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=OXBLOOD

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/hobo-quincy-leather-hobo/4397062?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=MAHOGANY
      (I am obsessed with the “granite”)

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/frye-paige-leather-hobo/4375212?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=DARK%20BROWN
      (might be too big?)

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/louise-et-cie-alis-leather-hobo/4413792?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=BRENTWOOD

      1. These are great picks, thanks!! I hate bag shopping, glad someone out there enjoys it. To follow up on your questions, primarily looking for beige/tan but open to alternative neutrals like muted blue/green/burgundy (want it to easily go with either black or brown base neutral). Either leather or fabric/faux leather is cool, just prefer a classic look that won’t fall apart in 6 months. Prefer price under $300 or at least not much more.

  11. I have a very expensive item of clothing (think Oscar de la Renta / Escada suit of amazing fabric) that I got and can’t fit into (probably 2 sizes too small, would need to have a rib removed). It is unlikely that I will fit into it ever (improvident e-bay purchase, so not a ton of $ sunk into it).

    Do I:
    – save for two daughters (who are almost tall enough to wear it, but couldn’t pull off until high school, 6-8 years away) (storage is not an issue; possible damange / style changes in this window are a concern)
    – offer to a bunch of co-workers (whom I supervise, possibly an issue) to see if any want it? They are all of a size where they could wear it (2 sizes smaller than me)
    – donate to Junior League thrift shop (which may have shoppers who want it)

    I had it on consignment and it didn’t sell.

      1. They’re not staff (junior accountants on my team). I was thinking bring it in and if anyone mentioned it, I’d say that I was going to drop if off at the thrift shop and see what happened next.

    2. Can you ask your daughters if they might want it? I realize they might say yes and never wear it, but if storage isn’t an issue then you could always just get rid of it later.

    4. I’d consider keeping it for a daughter only if it’s really special and a Classic piece (or the trendiness could be altered – eg changing sleeve length or neckline or whatever). Otherwise I’d donate.

    5. On the keeping it angle – I’m 22 and I have recently re-worn a few dresses, including one similar to what you describe that my mom had when she was around my age.

      1) Can’t believe my mom wore that dress.

      2) Wore it to a semiformal and everyone loved it

      3) Dad saw Mom taking it out and said Mom should wear more dresses like that.

    8. Totally give it to staff! One of the senior associates on my team got a pair of Loubs that didn’t fit the partner!

  12. Any lefties on here remember learning to write? I am trying to help my left-hander with handwriting (which they don’t teach in school anymore it seems) and it is so hard for me. I am right handed. She really can’t see how she is even making the letters since her hand blocks her view.

    She can read fine, but forming the letters is not just “wrong” from how I learned (which may or may not be right and was for right-handers anyway), but the letters she writes are almost impossible to read (and sizing / formation, orientation of b versus d is all over the place). It’s like she knows if it is right or wrong if I were to write it out, but can’t execute it correctly on her own.

    There are apps where you can trace letters, but that’s not the same as writing. Maybe a start though?

    1. You can get printed sheets where you trace the dots to form cursive letters. Try home schooling supply stores via Google.

    2. My school teaches using Handwriting Without Tears. Two months into kindergarten, my kid’s handwriting is vastly improved from where it was at the start of the school year. He is a righty though, so YMMV.

      1. Handwriting Without Tears has a specific component for left-handed writing – cursive style. I work in the Learning Disability Field and recommend it often. In addition, cursive is always more fluent for children as it “flows” and there is no stopping and trying to put your pencil in the “right” spot. I wish we would immediately start with cursive as they do in the UK system as well as Montessori pedagogy. You might also try putting a duplicate page of what is to be “copied” higher and further up on the desk to her right so she can see it. Check out pencil grippers as well to help her hold the pencil without tension. Best wishes.

    3. Agreed, this is not something for apps. (I’m right-handed, and I write differently on a tablet than I would on paper anyway.) If handwriting is not taught, she just needs to practice a lot at home, using the sheets or workbooks. My SO is a lefty and in a rare profession where handwriting on paper is still used every day and his handwriting is beautiful(!) despite being a lefty. Why? Both his mom and grandpa thought handwriting was important and made all the kids practice, practice, practice. To this day, he still writes thank-you notes to his grandpa in formal cursive.

    4. Leftie here.

      What really helped me was a strict penmanship teacher who taught me how to angle the paper and hold my pencil. I just googled “how should leftie writers angle paper” and a number of good results came up. Basically, the paper should be at at least a 45-degree angle with the left corner of the paper pointing away. I personally prefer about a 60-degree angle.

      Bonus to learning this: the pinky side of my left hand no longer dragged through what I had just written.

      I also had a problem with “b” vs “d”. I started drawing “d”s in on stroke so it felt different than drawing “b”s.

      Lefties have a very hard time learning left from right because so many everyday things are backwards for us. I still rely on a well-placed freckle when driving or giving directions. I found the trick of extending my index finger and thumb to find the “L” for left very confusing, probably for the same reason I had problems with “b” and “d”.

      2. The cursive solution I recommend addressed the difficulties with b/d recognition for most youngsters. When using manuscript/printing, most letters are nothing more than combinations of balls and sticks which have to be put in the correct orientation. Conversely, letters are unique in cursive. One of the best things for the b/d issue is that they begin at different points in the writing line space when beginning: b begins at the lower left side and goes upwards; d begins midline on the right side and starts with making an arc. Hope this helps.

    5. I can’t quite tell from your post- are you working on cursive or printing? My son is left handed and we’ve been working on teaching him to turn his paper at a significant angle when he writes so he doesn’t hook and cover up the writing. I’ve also put the examples on the right side of the page instead of the left so he can see what he’s supposed to be doing. It’s pretty normal for size, spacing, spelling and orientation to be wonky for a while. But, we are still in kindergarten so it might be harder to undo a habit if she’s older. I think there are left-hand specific books for cursive from school supply stores that might help. What does her teacher say?

    6. I don’t remember issues with learning to write, but I very clearly remember having difficulty learning cursive in 3rd grade. I just couldn’t get my pencil to go the way the teacher showed us. Thankfully, one of the other 3rd grade teachers was left-handed, so she taught me instead.

    7. Handwriting without Tears has a cursive component directly designed for lefties.

      Add a pencil grip to avoid pressure on the pencil.

      Cursive will be more fluent. It will also address the b/d confusion that many young writers experience. In manuscript/printing formats there is a host of letters which are simply balls and sticks in various orientation. Cursive begins at different points on the writing line which particularly helps with the b/d issue: b begins at the left baseline and swoops upwards; d begins at the right side and middle space, making an arc.

      For left-handers, I suggest putting a duplicate paper of what is to be copied or referenced on the upper right side of the desk – they can see it better.

      I’m in the Learning Disabilities field, btw.

    8. Late to this, but I’m a lefty and I write with my paper angled at 90 degrees, so basically I write top-to-bottom instead of left to right. I learned to write after learning to draw, and I think that influenced it, but it solves all the issues of having notebook spirals in the way or dragging your hand across ink. I’m not suggesting you teach a kid to do this, but rather that being open to them turning the paper in odd ways without telling them it’s wrong.

  13. Ugh. Apparently a trump surrogate attacked Hillary for Bill’s cheating just now.

    1. Is this somehow different from any other day in this election cycle? The blame the woman if the husband cheats isn’t exactly ground breaking. More like standard GOP politics.

      1. True and depressing.

        The statement was “I never had – relations with that woman” “maybe he meant hillary”

        1. Anything to pillory Hillary… I saw on Twitter that the FBI admits tipping off the Trump campaign that they were going to make a statement about Hillary’s email. Interference much!

          1. I think that is so inappropriate and I’m surprised it’s not getting more coverage in the media.

  14. Anyone else a little addicted to sugar and sweets?

    I seem to be all or nothing with candy, ice cream and cookies. If I tell myself I can’t have them, I can go weeks without them (though I do miss them). But I can’t eat just one piece. I eat ten pieces of candy, an entire pint of ice cream, fistfuls of cookies.

    I don’t do this with any other kind of food. And I’m sad, because I think the only solution is to just never eat these foods… but I love them! And I don’t want to have a life without dessert.

    Curious if any of you have overcome something like this or if you, too, just abstain to avoid the binge.

    1. I say replace it with something healthier. I love sweets, but I enjoy tea and fruit so I make sure I have plenty of those around. Even if that means buying the fruit party platters and just eating them all week at work.

    2. Seltzer (I like Spendrift the best) or tea (Bengal Spice, mighty leaf chocolate mint truffle or the republic of tea hot apple cider tea) help to satisfy my sweet tooth

    3. Yes! This is also me. Things I have done to work on it:
      -buy those little single squares of chocolate and eat those
      -drink chocolate protein shakes
      -eat another frozen dessert that takes time to thaw so that you have to proactively
      -but those mini ben & jerry’s servings or forte gelato, because it’s fine to eat the whole thing
      -only buy enough dessert for one day every time I go to the store
      -avoid eating dessert alone

    4. Yes! This is absolutely me. My solution to this has been to buy the packets of honey in little tubes / straws. When I get a craving for sweets, I suck on one of those honey straws. Occasionally I have a “binge” but there is only so much damage you can do binging on honey a straw at a time.

    5. You might be interested in Better Than Before – it’s a fun book about habits and it talks about this exact issue. For me, there are some foods where I’m an “abstainer.” Cookies, cake, muffins – basically baked goods – are kryptonite to me and I have a very hard time regulating. With other foods, I’m a moderator. Candy, chocolate – I can mostly have just a few and enjoy them and then put them away. The book was helpful to me in sorting out my own feelings and strengths.

  15. Anyone have the Dyson hair dryer? I am interested, but it seems like the $400 price tag is insane. If it really is a time saver and improves the condition of your hair over time, however, it might be worth it. Would love any thoughts you have!

    1. It piqued my interest, too. I saw a review somewhere that was ho hum so I am waiting for more info.

    2. I have had one for two weeks. I seriously love it. As in I love it so much that I pack it when I travel even though I am compulsive about packing lightly. For context, I have thick but fine straight hair that is layered and falls a few inches below my shoulders. I do a full blowout with a round brush. I bought it because my 12-year-old dryer was making wheezing noises and I knew the end was nigh, and the quietness of the Dyson appealed to me because my old dryer would wake up my kid in the morning which was inconvenient.

      The Dyson shaved about 30% of the time I spend drying my hair off. And my hair is so much bouncier and shinier than with my old dryer. It is also a pleasure to use — I like the redistribution of weight into the handle, and the shorter barrel improves my drying technique. I haven’t had it long enough to comment on the quality of my hair.

  16. Would really appreciate your advice. I am a mid-level manager, 15+ years experience and have just started at a new firm. My boss’s boss is cliquish and has a favorite who is involved in everybody’s work. This fav. encourages own team to act as our boss (though we are colleagues) and the whole company actually looks at their team as the go-to folks for any questions that should legitimately come to our team. My boss is of course trying to hold onto his job. I decided to let this slide and keep a low profile since I am new and do not want to be labelled troublemaker. Company does not believe in rocking the boat. However, this has proved counter productive, since I am now being told I am not engaged! How would you deal with this situation?

  17. Where can I get my hair cut in downtown SF (FiDi/Embarcadero/Union Square) for cheap? I am on a budget and don’t want to spend a ton of money. I am thinking $40-$50. Is the Supercuts on Battery decent?Any other cheap options?

      2. Pretty sure there’s an Aveda school downtown – I think it’s still in the $50 range for a cut, but if that’s in budget I’d go there over supercuts.

    2. In addition to the schools, most of the big salons have student/apprentice programs where you can get on the list and then get a cut from a junior trainee, usually well <$50.

    1. I got that notice via email and ordered a pair to try. We shall see if they work!

      1. Glad it helps! I’m on shopping ban at the moment (bought a new house, haven’t sold the old one yet!), so I’m doubly glad that others can benefit from the many emails and shopping temptations in my path!

        Although, the heel on one of my go-to pairs of shoes broke yesterday, so I’m counting replacing that as a necessity and therefore exempt from the ban. Loophole!

  19. Vitamin help, please: I am exhausted and one suggested has been to take a vitamin. But I have no clue what to take and don’t have the time/energy to really research it right now. Does anyone have a suggestion? I know I want iron and vitamin D—can those be in a multi? Or might I need to take more than one supplement?
    Thanks!!

    1. I take an iron and B12 (Megafood Blood Builder) and a Fish Oil + D vitamin. If you are exhausted though, you are probably better off calling and getting some bloodwork done to see if you have any actual deficiencies or a thyroid issue so you know what you’re up against.

      1. +1

        You shouldn’t randomly take vitamins, especially iron. Iron, for example, may just make you really constipated and not be needed at all. Vitamin D deficiencies are common, but while one person needs 1000iu per day, another may need 5000iu. And too much vitamin D also is not beneficial.

        Go see your doc.

    2. Yeah, you really should go see a doctor. But I think most multivitamins have both iron and vitamin D.

    3. Yes. Low levels of Vitamin D and Vitamin B are regularly linked to feeling tired for women. My doctor recommends I take 5,000 IU of Vitamin D daily – but if I miss a few or am feeling really lethargic I actually find that I need to take 10,000 or 15,000 as a one off. This completely, completely resets my energy levels. B pills are hard on my system so I take the sublingual ones and this helps.

      2. Does your doctor follow your Vitamin D levels?

        Your treatment plan is …. odd.

    4. I take the MegaFood Women’s One Daily and the MegaFlora women’s probiotic, and the combination really has made a huge difference in my energy level. They’re both available on Amazon Prime, so pretty easy to get.

    5. You could just take prenatal multivitamins; they usually have good amounts of all the vitamins you need (but if you have small children, be extra careful about keeping them away from anything containing iron). I was told by a health professional to only take Centrum Silver or Nature’s Made vitamins–she said those are the brands that do clinical trials.

  20. I need motivation. Please share a recent personal finance win/accomplishment (small or large)!

    1. I signed up for the Chase Sapphire Reserve credit card (which I pay off in full every month). The sign-up bonus is $100,000 points, or approximately $1000 if you take the cash benefit (it’s worth $1500 towards travel booked through the Chase portal). It’s really nice to know that our next vacation is paid for!

      1. Me too! Saving to fly business or first to Australia. I talked about it so much, both my dad and FIL signed up too.

        1. That is true, but it comes with a $300 statement credit for travel expenses. So the annual fee is really $150. But if you get the card and spend $300 on travel before the end of the year, you get that $300 credit for 2016 and then can get it for 2017 as well before the annual fee is due again, so you’ll come out ahead there. It also comes with lounge access.

          In my case, I swapped out my Sapphire Preferred card with the $95 annual fee and more than make up the $55 price difference in the extra points earned for travel and dining. I’ve done very well in getting a ton of value for my points when traveling internationally, so it is worth it for me.

    2. Small but significant for me: I have saved enough in the past 2 months from my paycheck to be able to pay my property taxes next month without dipping into my savings account! Double win because I saved this money a month ahead of time and won’t have to dip below my checking account minimum balance to waive ATM fees! It’s the first December where I don’t have to be careful about not going to the ATM between paying my property taxes and my next paycheck!

    4. As of this weekend I’ve officially paid the government back as much as I borrowed for law school. Granted, I still owe over $20,000 in interest, but I’m celebrating the accomplishment.

  21. Has anyone taken probiotics consistently and noticed a difference in their skin? I’ve been hearing that gut bacteria can really affect skin (acne, redness, etc.) and I’m curious if taking probiotics might help some of the issues I’ve been having. I recently took several courses of antibiotics for an infection and have had weird skin issues since then.

    1. Am also interested in this topic. There are so many different types of probiotics that I freeze up and don’t buy any.

    2. They can, but it’s also important to have a cultivate a good gut bacteria by eating well. Lots of leafy greens, vegetables, fibery foods like legumes, no refined sugar, etc.

    3. I take the CVS Feminine Health probiotics (sold in the lady goods aisle). Aside from its advertised benefit, it also keeps my digestive system on schedule and I swear it boosts my immune system. I haven’t seen a big difference in my skin, maybe slightly reduced redness, but not much else.

    4. It’s conceivable that gut bacteria could affect your skin, but I’m not aware of any solid evidence that consuming probiotics would help things like acne or redness. Probiotics are completely unregulated, so there’s no guarantee that you’re even getting what the manufacturer claims they’re selling, much less that they make a difference to your skin. Most are probably digested or pass right through without doing anything. You have thousands of different kinds of bacteria in your gut and they’re definitely important, but taking one or two kinds in a probiotic is unlikely to have much of an effect on most conditions most of the time. Like the commenter above says, you’d be better off feeding your natural gut bacteria a range of complex carbohydrates and fiber rich foods. It’s more likely that the antibiotics affected your normal skin bacteria in ways that could cause acne or redness, but the same warnings as above would apply to any probiotic product you’d apply directly to your skin. Just give it some time to recover.

    5. What I have read and what my doctor mentioned was that your diet matters just as much – if you’re taking probiotics but eating a ton of bread, processed food, or sugar you won’t see any results.

    6. My gastroenterologist recommended I take probiotics for stomach issues. He said many brands don’t actually have the probiotics they claim to have, and suggested Florastor or Align.

      1. +1 I took Florastor when traveling in SE Asia, my husband took a different kind of probiotic. We ate pretty much exactly the same foods and he got sick and I didn’t. Of course there are other explanations, like my natural immune response is stronger than his or I was more scrupulous about hand-washing, but I think Florastor is a good brand.

      2. +1

        Agree. My family member’s 2 gastroenterologist all said the same. These probiotics have been studied in clinical trials and shown to be effective.

      3. My GE recommended specifically Culturelle. In any case, don’t just get any old probiotics from your pharmacy or drugstore (looking at you, Past Me who bought TJ’s lactobacillus).

    7. I’ve taken MegaFlora probiotics for a few months now and while I feel great, I haven’t seen a huge difference in my skin. I didn’t start with serious skin problems, though, so I may not be the best indicator.

  22. Anybody watching “Goliath” on Netflix? I am not a huge fan of Billy Bob Thornton, but Lovely Husband and I are totally hooked on this show, if only because the cinematography is amazing and makes Los Angeles look gorgeous!! Who’s with me?

    2. I thought it was ok. I kept hoping it was going to be better, you know? But it definitely kept me coming back.

      It took me several episodes to figure out where it was! Gorgeous……? Well, the weather looked good!

      I think my favorite this season on Amazon was Transparent. Another great LA show!

    3. I watched the preview and was unimpressed. It does make our town look very pretty, though. Maybe I’ll give it a shot.

  23. Would really appreciate your advice. I am a mid-level manager, 15+ years experience and have just started at a new firm. My boss’s boss is cliquish and has a favorite who is involved in everybody’s work. This fav. encourages own team to act as our boss (though we are colleagues) and the whole company actually looks at their team as the go-to folks for any questions that should legitimately come to our team. My boss is of course trying to hold onto his job. I decided to let this slide and keep a low profile since I am new and do not want to be labelled troublemaker. Company does not believe in rocking the boat. However, this has proved counter productive, since I am now being told I am not engaged! How would you deal with this situation?

    1. This is a tough situation and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. The bright side: you’ve spotted a core cultural and structural issue early on. Do you feel you can have a conversation with your boss first, something along the lines of “I know I’m new here, but I’ve noticed that ….” and then ask for her or his feedback on how you can be successful given the challenge?

      1. Thanks! I did try having a conversation with my boss – but the culture is very much – don’t rock the boat!

  24. My former BFF of a couple of decades had a baby (I think.) There are lingering feelings of resentment on both ends from when our friendship ended about 3 years ago or more, and those negative feelings were there throughout most of the friendship, if I’m being honest, at least on my end. Even after we drifted apart we would see each other in a group setting every 3 to 4 months because we have mutual friends, and it was fine and sometimes even great to hang out with her.

    I did not know that she was pregnant until she was about 4 months along. It hurt not being told before then, but it seemed fitting to where our friendship was as we are more acquaintances than friends at this point. In the weeks that passed, when mutual friends threw her a baby shower, I was invited but did not attend because I would have had to go a little out of my way to do so. I would have made the effort and attended if we were better friends.

    I assume she’s given birth by now as her due date has passed, but I have not received an announcement nor have I heard anything about the arrival of the baby from our mutual friends. Part of me wants to send a congratulatory note or something to acknowledge that I’m happy for her, but it seems odd to do it now when I didn’t reach out to her while she was pregnant. Still, while we may not be close anymore, having a baby is a huge event and I’m happy and excited for her. It’s been long enough since the due date where I think I can send her a present/well wishes, but I’m holding back. If she wanted to hear from me wouldn’t she have sent an announcement? What if the baby is sick or something? And I don’t really want to ask our mutual friends (who I don’t see that often either) because it feels like I’m snooping around. Do I just let it go? I’m not really looking to be anything more than acquaintances at this point.

    1. Assuming it has been at least 6 weeks since due date, can’t you just send an email or text: “hey! Have you had the baby yet? Hope all is well! Let me know if you need anything” Or something like that? Or reach out to a mutual friend- it’s not a weird thing to ask and if you were on invite list for shower all I don’t think anyone would say you are “snooping.”

    2. It’s water under the bridge now, but you should have attended the shower. You said it was only a “little out of the way” for you to go, and this woman had been your BFF for many years, even if you are no longer close. She invited you, you didn’t show up nor did you reach out to her during her pregnancy, her feelings were hurt, and so she didn’t include you in the birth announcement. Can you blame her?

      To your question, I would simply send her a short email asking for an update and telling her that you wish her all the best.

      2. Agreed. You may have put the nail in the coffin by not attending the baby shower. That’s a major life event you missed and it wouldn’t have required you to be BFFs at the time. People often attend baby showers for simple work acquaintances, etc, and to miss this event shows you are fine being totally out of her life.

    3. Ball is in your court. Unlike other posters, I do not think missing the shower was the end-all (but you did acknowledge invite, right?). And my peers mostly don’t send out birth announcements.

      So if you really are interested and care, and it seems that you do, just ask a mutual friend if she has given birth/all ok, and then drop BFF an email saying congrats and you wish her well and would love to see her and the baby sometime. And then bring your favorite childhood book as a gift.

      But I also think you need to decide… what are your real goals here?

    4. I’m not sure you should have been offended by only finding out she was pregnant 4 months into her pregnancy. I didn’t start telling people until I was almost 4 months, and then it was very difficult to control the announcement and news spread to people before I’d had the opportunity to tell them so I just had to let that go. I’m also not sure that you can be surprised you weren’t included in the birth announcement given that you didn’t attend her baby shower or otherwise show any interest in her pregnancy. If you’d like to make amends, perhaps ask one of your mutual friends whether the baby has arrived, and then send a card or other nice token to acknowledge the arrival.

      1. Right?? I didn’t tell anyone but my husband until 3 months, and even then only told parents, in-laws and a couple of very close friends that I see regularly. We didn’t start telling far away friends and extended family until 5-6 months. I wouldn’t be hurt by this at all, especially if you go months without seeing each other in person. She may have also wanted to wait to tell you in person?

    5. A collective and warm thank you to each of you above and below who took the time to respond. I found your comments to be thoughtful and useful. Winter’s perspective in particular, which was echoed by others of you, really helped me frame my thoughts and make a decision on what to do next. In the end, I reached out to our mutual friend, learned all is okay, and sent a gift and a note. Happy weekend and thanks again!

  25. I want to add that I did send her a present even though I did not attend the shower.

    1. Well – maybe think about what you want to come out of this. What is your real motivation? For example:

      A – Do you simply want to extend congrats to an old friend? If so, don’t over think it. Just send her a note. Ask around before hand if you’re genuinely concerned that the baby may have had a problem as you mentioned above. (Obviously don’t imply that in your question. Go with something more along the lines of “I was thinking of sending Jane a baby gift. When was the baby born?”)

      B – Do you want to be friends again? If so, reach out to her with a warm, sincere congrats. Don’t over think it or dwell on the fact that you haven’t been close lately. Offer to help with something, and then do it. In other words, if you want to rekindle the friendship, be a friend. Maybe she’ll be open to it, maybe she won’t.

      C- Do you really just want snoop around? No shame implied by the question. I’m always interested to hear what old friends are up to. Next time you see one of the mutual friends, ask a few questions about the baby, then move on.

      1. You said everything I was thinking much more eloquently than I was thinking it.

  26. I’ve posted a few times since the summer that I was curious about the rag and bone booties- I really wanted to purchase a pair of the harrow or margot. I ordered a pair of each from the nordstrom sale, and went in to nordstrom in person today to check out the rest of the sale. I ended up trying on a pair of the Blondo Nivada, and fell in love- I’ll be returning both rag & bone pairs. For a third of the price, I’ll happily wear a similar style, without fear of ruining them with snow, salt, or beer spills. Just in case anyone else is looking, theyre $149 , so comfy, and the waterproofing is icing on the cake!

    1. I have a pair of Blondo Valente and I love them. I’ve used them as snow boots in a pinch and they were great!

  27. I posted this a few days ago but hoping to get some more advice from the hive. What are helpful scripts I can use to ask for $105k (with goal of getting to $100k). And what I’d say if the recruiter tells me if it’s the best they can do or ask me why I deserve that much.

    I’m a new masters grad with limited work experience – got a engineering offer (not software) in the Silicon Valley. initial verbal offer is $90k, then when I got the offer letter it’s 95k. I want 100k (market seems to be anywhere from 90k-$120k). Is it reasonable to ask for 100k? I really want to just ask for 100k and get 100k, vs asking for 105k or whatnot. I really like team and I don’t want to negotiate but I think 95 is still a tiny bit on the low side…

    1. Be blunt but nice about it. “Hi Person, I’m very excited about the offer and prospect of working for Company. I think it’s a very good fit for both of us. However, i’ve been doing some research and $95k is on the low side for Silicon Valley, which has one of the highest costs of living in the country. Is there any room to increase that? Can you share the salary range for the position and where that salary falls in the range?” and try to determine how they came to that number. Your master’s degree should count for work experience, so you should not be at their bottom. In some companies, a Master’s = a level 2 position. Make it a discussion. You can also ask about promotions and their performance review system and how promotions and raises occur, if you haven’t already. The contact will let you know if their is room to increase the salary or not. Your goal is to have a straightforward discussion where you seek to understand how the process works and they will let you know what can happen.

      1. No no no – do not use your living expenses to justify wanting a salary increase. That is directly counter to most of the advice you can find online about negotiating salary. Go check out the Ask A Manager salary negotiation archives and focus on what you bring to the table and why that justifies a rate increase. You don’t need to have an epic speech prepared – stay to the point and then stop talking.

        1. I think COL is a legit negotiation tool when moving from one place to another. If you had X job in Nashville and were being recruited for X job in NYC, you’d argue to be paid more because of the COL. But in this case she isn’t negotiating against another offer, and I don’t think the COL argument would help. They know it’s expensive – they live there.

          1. I’m not sure about other HCOL areas, but I think at least in Silicon Valley there is a culture of “everyone wants to live here because this is such an amaaaaazing place” so I’m not sure a COL argument would work in negotiation even if you were relocating from someplace like Nashville. The response would be “Yeah, but we have so much more to offer than Nashville.” Don’t get me wrong, people here complain a lot to each other about the cost of living. But they also look down on all other areas of the country as not offering what Silicon Valley offers so I don’t think COL would be a powerful negotiation tool.

  28. Just a small victory to share — I put my wedding and engagement ring at a local jewelry store on consignment. They weren’t expensive rings to begin with and we weren’t sure if they’d sell because they are yellow gold (with sapphires and diamonds). I got a call the other day that they had sold the wedding ring! I had always thought they would be more likely to sell the engagement ring separately, so I’m really excited. Woohoo! Just a little extra money and I don’t have those rings anymore.

    1. Way to go, NOLA. I hope you do something to treat yourself with some of the cash. Celebrate the you that you’ve become!

      1. Awww thanks! I didn’t do anything special with it, partly because I recently bought a coveted pair of Jason Wu t-strap pumps after stalking them for a year. I was tempted to buy more jewelry because the store that sold them is my favorite place!

    2. Awesome! Also funny because I am currently in the market for a yellow gold wedding ring with diamonds and sapphires (my engagement ring is a yellow gold diamond solitaire). But I did not buy your ring :)

      1. Oh, that’s so funny! Mine was the kind that has the v-notch to fit up against the engagement ring. My engagement ring was a sapphire so I chose a channel set sapphire and diamond wedding band. I bet mine would have worked well for you! No idea where you are, but mine was from Sydney Rosen in Philadelphia.

  29. An almost identical dress, but in black, is on Zulily for $19.99 (but no returns). If you want a link to join (I think we both get a discount of some sort?) lmk.

  30. Stuck in moderation so I’ll try again.

    I’m venting and also looking for a little advice on how to respond in this situation:

    My husband and I are both attorneys. I just (this week) started a job in private practice after having worked in government for the past three years. While I was in the state job, my husband frequently mentioned that if I could just make more money we’d be better off, I’m wasting my talent, etc. I loved my job because of my coworkers, the flexibility, and the state benefits, but he was right.

    So after about a month of recruitment and negotiation, I accepted a position in private practice. The salary is nearly double what I made before (and is still slightly less than my husband’s), there’s a fantastic benefits package (health/life/long-term disabil!ty insurance, retirement), and a company (new, luxury) car for my personal use. Although breaking up with my old job was incredibly difficult because of the friendships I’d made there, I’m looking forward to starting something new.

    Here’s the rub: now that I have the new job with more money, my husband acts insanely jealous. I’m still making less than he is, and he has excellent benefits at work as well. He honestly has one of the best jobs in our small town, and other attorneys would k!ll for his position. I know he is highly respected in his work, and he’s good at what he does. He was the one who pushed me to step out of my comfort zone, and I’m grateful he did. But now, all I hear is that he wishes he could have my job, everyone in town will find out I’m a better attorney than he is (we are not in the same practice areas), etc. I had my first client meeting yesterday, and I didn’t feel like I could tell him how it went because when he found out I was already getting my own clients, he shut down and was very short with me all evening. The night before, I told him I had gotten good feedback on a project I had been stressing over, and the same thing happened. I didn’t relay either of these things in a bragging way, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I just want him to be supportive for five minutes, because his transition has been really stressful and emotional for me.

    We both struggle with anxiety and depression, and we both probably have low self-esteem. I make a point to celebrate his accomplishments and be supportive when he’s struggling. I feel like I’m not getting the same in return. Have any of you felt this way, and how have you dealt with it?

    Reply

  31. I’m giving up my expensive R+F skincare subscription and looking for recommendations on replacement products.

    I have sensitive skin prone to redness and have been using the Soothe line. In particular I’m obsessed with the moisturizer labeled “2”. It’s a lightweight moisturizer that is specifically calming for redness, and has peptides and antioxidants. It absorbs easily and is never greasy.

    (I have little to no use for the moisturized labeled “3” which is just meant to be applied in addition to 2 when the skin is very dry or flaky)

    Can you recommend any replacement over the counter products for this? Lightweight, non greasy and loaded up with all the goodies.

    I am specifically NOT interested in Paula’s choice.

    1. It sounds like we have very similar skin! I’m sensitive, prone to redness, and have struggled with dryness and eczema in the past. I’ve been really enjoying Avene products, specifically their “hydrance” line and “antirougeurs” anti-redness line. I like the moisturizer without SPF the best, but they also make a pretty good day moisturizer with SPF 25. Avene is a French pharmacy brand but you can get it at Duane Reade or on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Eau-Thermale-Antirougeurs-Redness-Soothing/dp/B002D48R2Y/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1478381391&sr=8-2&keywords=avene+spf+25

      1. Thank you! I will try the one you linked. I also don’t like SPF in my moisturizer. I get some physical sunscreen in my foundation/bb cream.

  32. I wrote a long, venting post that is stuck in moderation. The short version is, how do you deal with professional jealousy at home? DH and I are both attorneys. At his urging I took a job that pays much better than my last, but still pays less than his. Every time I casually mention work he turns sour and makes comments that he wishes he had my job, etc.

    1. Wow, I’m trying to imagine what I’d do if my husband had that reaction *every time* I *casually mentioned* my work, and I honestly think I’d encourage him to go to counselling. That’s sounds like some deep-seeded discontent that shouldn’t fester.

    2. I can’t imagine it. I would just suggest he indeed look for a new better position. Don’t let him make you feel bad that you have good job.

      1. This sounds awful for you OP. I would encourage him to change jobs as well, telling him you can clearly see how unhappy it is making him and now it is starting to rub off on you. Be honest and tell him what he is doing and how it makes you feel….. Try to end up on a high note, by saying you were able to make the move with his help and encouragement and now you will help him too!

        And I think he could benefit greatly from therapy. Maybe you as well, for your sanity.

    3. When I changed jobs a few years ago, my husband encouraged it but when I got my offer, he was a little jealous. He spent a lot of time working through it to be more supportive and it didn’t take long for him to come around. But what made a big difference is that he realized he was actually mostly unhappy at his job, which was resolved when he changed jobs not long after I did.

      That is to say I am seconding your husband looking for a change. Even if your husband has a job people are jealous of, it doesn’t mean he is happy. Also, I got the opportunity to support his change and we now regularly talk about how grateful we are that we supported each other though the new job process.

  33. Hi, long-time lurker here. I was just wondering if other petite pear-shaped ladies have any experience with the LL Bean Polo Coat: http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/61752?feat=512154-GN3&page=classic-lambswool-polo-coat-long . I’m specifically looking for feedback on how it fits over the hip area. I’m looking for a sleek-looking wool coat with thinsulate and this looks like the best option, and it’s a classic. I’m 5’2″ and a size 8-10 with big hips, so any feedback from similarly-proportioned ladies would help. Also, same question for the JCrew Lady Day Coat (which I found via Corporette archives). TIA!

    1. Lady Day is notorious for running small, so you may want to order 3 different sizes and return. But it’s a flattering coat.

  34. Where do you buy plus-sized lingerie? Like, a teddy, not bras/undies. I am a 14/16 but I carry all my weight in my belly, and when I looked at a local lingerie shop their items made me look/feel fatter instead of sexier.

    1. I haven’t been in the market for this for a while, but my local Nordie’s seems to have a pretty decent selection.

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