This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started! See our thoughts here.
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off lots of sale styles (prices as marked).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase (ends 5/31).
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off.
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles (ends 5/31).
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals) (ends 6/1).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!).
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything, no exclusions.
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event, extra 30% off.
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale (ends 6/1).
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – Extra 40% off all markdowns (ends 6/1)!
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Horse Crazy
Any advice for a first-time Poshmark user? I’m mostly looking for workwear.
NY CPA
Only buy from brands where their styles consistently fit you (e.g. I know most Calvin Klein in 1 size fit me, so I’d be ok buying from that brand).
You can ask if the clothes come from a smoke free, pet free house. Usually won’t be any issues with smells that way.
Also, make an offer–don’t just pay full price. Worst case they flat out reject you, but as a seller, I know I’m willing to bargain hard on my stuff.
Cat
+1, but older pieces are less “vanity sized” — pretty sure I’ve been a 6-8 in JCrew since high school but I’m 20 pounds heavier now… so don’t be shy about asking for measurements if it’s an older item.
Anon in Texas
If you want to use my code (merrpg) you’ll get $10 your first purchase; I’ll get the same. I agree with the others, stick to brands you know tend to fit. If you’ve never worn Calvin Klein, don’t buy a CK skirt in size 6 b/c it might not fit, and you can’t return them. It’s great for purses and things that don’t have to fit. I’ve purchased some really nice purses and Kate Spade jewelry for a fraction of what they would’ve cost even on sale. Go through and “like” things because some sellers send an automatic discount when you like something. And as someone sad above, always make an offer. I’ve made some really low offers that were accepted and I was shocked.
Anonymous
I agree with what’s been said above. I would also recommend clicking on the seller’s “about” page before you buy anything, to check their average ship time. Most sellers ship in a day or two, but some less-active sellers may take quite a bit more time, which is something to keep in mind. You will also be able to see any positive reviews other buys have left the seller on their “about” page (called “love notes”). Posh doesn’t show you any negative reviews, just the positive notes left with 5-star reviews, but I like to check that the seller has a good amount of these before I buy anything. There’s no one step that will guarantee a successful sale (a product that fits, in the condition you anticipated, for a good price, shipped in a reasonable amount of time by an active buyer). It’s always a bit of a gamble, but these steps can help your odds.
Also keep in mind that Posh generally doesn’t allow returns unless the item wasn’t as described – no returns just because something doesn’t fit you or you don’t like it or changed your mind, so you’ll want to be quite confident about fit, etc. before you purchase.
Anon
Interesting article in the NYT about the shameful vote to destroy a piece of subversive, historic art because some people are offended (of note, very few students supported this decision). I can’t help but be glad I graduated high school before the paradigm shifted and adults started treating young adults like helpless, fragile beings.
“In a democracy, destroying a work of art is never a solution to any offense it may give. Once art has been made and released into the often choppy flow of life, it should stay there. It will live on anyway. To dictate its elimination is an implicitly autocratic move, similar in spirit, if not scale, to the deliberate demolition of ancient art and artifacts by the Taliban and the Islamic State.
The offended parties in and around the high school assume that their feelings about the murals are permanent and paramount. Those favoring destruction think that they know what the art is about, and that they have the right to decide for everyone, now and in the future, what will be accessible, what will be known. But reactions to art are in constant flux, and the best art should contain multitudes of interpretations.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/26/arts/design/george-washington-san-francisco-murals.html
anonymous
I agree with this quote from the article. That art depicts the ugly history of this country. I don’t think they should be covered up.
“These are among the scars on this country that every American — schoolchild or adult, of any race — should learn about in detail, keep learning about and never forget.”
Anonymous
Maybe school kids have changed since I went to school, but in any school setting I’m familiar with, a mural like the one pictured would be fodder for racist jokes and bullying rather than a call to sober reflection.
Anon
+1
Anon
You can and should punish bullying without destroying art.
Anon
But you can learn about that ugly history without having to see such a mural every day. Why not a mural that celebrates people who have impacted our country from all walks of life and times of our history?
Anon
Honestly, because that sounds boring and prescriptive and a million of them exist already. The whole point about this particular piece of artwork is that it was radical for its time (and still is).
Anon
+1 – I guess for me, when it comes to things like this, so much depends on a lot of factors. One – how do Native kids (if any) first, and other POC children second, at the school feel about seeing this? Does the visual impart a trauma on them, even if the majority of the other students (Native or non) don’t have a problem with it? To me, there are a lot of other ways to learn about the horrors of history without a potentially context-less mural being throw in the face of kids who are already marginalized and going for the message of the least harm is always best.
Second – are the kids really learning from this? I really do think a lot of kids are more aware of the horrors of history than they were in my generation, but I’m a firm believer that the best way to learn about the not-so-good sides of American history involves learning about it from the people who weren’t in power at the time (the Howard Zinn perspective, I guess). Obviously, your history class will teach about the life of George Washington, but a Native historian’s perspective on the genocide of their people is a much more valuable teaching tool than a mural.
Anon
The student body is almost all students of color and apparently many of them are offended by the mural, but very few are actually in favor of removing it (I’m located in the Bay Area and that was reported in one of the local papers, but I’m having trouble finding the article). Honestly, it looks like the Board is inventing a crisis and encouraging students to feel aggrieved, but the students seem wiser than that.
Anonymous
AFAIK, I have a surname that originated in Spain, but am dark enough not to doubt some indigenous heritage. Sometimes people just see the brown in me and not the part of me that is the conqueror?
I contain multitudes!
Coach Laura
I’m torn on this (like a true Aquarius) but if you read the whole article, there are three newer murals, commissioned in the 70s, I believe, down the hall in the same school. One depicts MLK Jr. and Malcom X throwing off and breaking chains. One is Native Americans breaking chains and the third is Asian Americans breaking chains. They were commissioned as a direct response to the original WPA work and the artist who painted those is in opposition to the removal of the WPA murals, saying it degrades the value of his art. Food for thought.
I was less ambivalent about the 2018 removal of the “Early Days” statue, also in SF, that depicted Catholic priest and a cowboy towering over a cowering and defeated Native American. That statue had no value – artistically or otherwise – whereas the WPA mural was meant to show the bad side of George Washington instead of glossing over it.
Anon
I general I agree with you about art. But murals have also struck me as something that are meant to be fluid. Regardless of whether a mural is offensive, there is something to be said for replacing them new murals that better connect with the population that sees them everyday.
Two Cents
Shamelessly stealing this from reddit because I thought it was a great question for the hive.
How much is your current outfit worth?
What is your profession?
What is your salary?
Anonymous
$350, $200 of which were shoes.
Finance
$600k/yr
Anonny
Get it, gurl
Anonymous
Ha! Thanks.
Abby
Wow love this!
1. Outfit is worth $100? What I paid ~$25. Light grey J Crew tee ($10), Blue patterned Anthro skirt (hand me down from my SIL, but it’s anthro so I assume its around $75), light grey heels (super sale $15 from dsw)
2. Finance
3. $62,000
Anon
$90-125 when I bought everything new, probably $20 now? Jeans and a bra from Marshalls ($30), t-shirt from the Banana outlet ($15), underwear from Aerie ($7), and flat leather sandals (cannot remember what they cost).
Small law attorney, salary around $120K
SF Anon
Uniqlo leggings pants, $30
Any Taylor loft blouse, $39
Jcrew factory cashmere open cardigan, $70
Sam Edelman petty booties, $100
Undergarments from Victoria’s Secret, probably $50
No jewelry
Lawyer, private practice, $330K salary ($100K bonus). Single with no kids… I just don’t spend that much money on clothes. Saving up to buy a house! :)
Anonny
How much is your current outfit worth? Shoes – $12 Jeans – $40 Shirt – $15 Vest – $80 Necklace – $70 Watch – $200 — so, about $417
What is your profession? lawyer
What is your salary? approx $200k
Anon
1)
Branded shirt – $40 new
Lee jeans – $37
Random comfy Amazon walking sneakers – $20
2) Law
3) $150k in house
I often think about the options posted on this site because I feel like everyone I know, from big to small to in house attorneys that all make way above average salaries don’t wear clothing any more expensive than someone that makes half that – the nice work wear is Ann Taylor, Boden, White House Black Market, etc. usually bought on sale.
Legally Brunette
I largely agree with you. Over the last two decades since I have been working, I have definitely stepped up in terms of what I buy, but once I made the leap from Banana Republic/Old Navy to Nordstrom (sale only) and Boden, that’s where I hit my limit. I’m not about to suddenly buy Akris or Burberry, even if I made 2x or 3x or what I make now.
Also, here’s mine:
Sigrid Olsen faux wrap dress from 10 plus years ago – $110 I think
Rothys – $145
Turquoise pendant necklace – $0, gift from mom
Indian earrings from street vendor – $0, gift from mom
Legally Brunette
Also, government attorney, $170K
anon
True. I had a little honey moon with my salary when I started working and spent a lot on some items from more expensive brands (Two pairs of $500 heels, a custom dress, etc., Boss, Reiss, etc.) but I feel like I’ve grown out of that now and have swung back closer to my normal (avoid shopping, cycle through same 2 pairs of shoes ’till they’re dead). In my firm no one will notice what brand you’re wearing, so other than just trying to buy quality that will last longer, there’s not much pay off. The longer I work, the less appealing I find the loop of *buy this dress to go to work –> go to work to buy this dress.*
Anonymous
Working from home today: Wit & Wisdom twill pants ($33), Barefoot Dreams cardigan ($150?), Amazon basics tunic tee ($20), silk undies ($30), Elomi bra ($45), Apple watch ($400), Kendra Scott necklace ($65)
Profession: Lawyer
Salary: $250K
Coach Laura
Love Kendra Scott – and also impressed that you’re wearing necklace while working at home.
Vicky Austin
Converse, probably $50
Jeans (AEO from my college days), also probably about $50 but I may have paid a little less for them
H&M sweater that really is too small, but I’ve never been able to find this exact shade of yellow anywhere else so I’ve hung onto it – maaaybe $20 but that feels high for H&M tbh.
Accountant, rural healthcare.
MarieCurie
When new, $385, including jeans ($150), fancy t-shirt ($40), shoes ($125) and bra ($60).
Profession: scientist
Salary: $110k
What can I say, I like fancy clothes!
Coach Laura
Answer today is much different than it would be on Monday, because casual Friday, no bosses in the office, no client visits and rode my bicycle to the office.
Betabrand riding yoga pants $60, Talbots charming cardigan $10 clearance 5 years old and stretchy Vince T-shirt $60, puma vega ballet flats $50. I should mention that I learned about all these items from posters here or saw all of these posted here.
Inspired By Hermione
I LOVE my Puma Vega flats. So much.
Annie
Earrings – Anthropologie $10
Sweater – Eileen Fisher (Poshmark) $40
Blouse – MM Lafleur $145
Jeans – Paige (Poshmark) $21
Shoes – Nisolo $168
Underwear – Thirdlove $80
Total: $384
Profession: Government Attorney
Salary: $155k
NOLA
Oh Lord, I’m off today so:
Denim skirt: Loft outlet, maybe $30?
Graphic top: Nordstrom Rack, $20
Yellow Box blue sparkly flip flops: Amazon, around $15
Profession: university faculty/administrator
Anon fer this
Suit – Reiss (bought at outlet) $3-400ish
Silk blouse – Theory (bought at outlet) $100ish
Underwear – Natori (from C21) $40
Shoes – Rothys for commute $125, then Stuart Weitzman block heels $200ish on sale
Total – approx $600-900ish?
In house attorney, approx $160k depending on bonus
Anon
$800 not counting jewelry
Insurance
$400k
Anon
If I include jewelry… it’s lots more because of my two wedding rings. If I skip the ring it’s still a few thousand more. I like jewelry.
Anonymous
Me too! My outfit wasn’t otherwise that expensive— Elie Tahari jacket, Lafayette 148 tank, random jeans, Brahmin tote and Frye shoes — but wedding rings, earrings and a bracelet do add up.
Anonymous
?
That is a very expensive outfit – sans jewelry. I probably love your outfit, but those are all pricey brands.
Anonymous
– outfit: $398 This is comprised of a $98 dress from banana, theory cashmere wrap (free 99, a gift) and $300 bedazzled aquazurra sandals (on sale from 795!).
– lawyer
– ~200k
Anonymous
This is fun.
$400 – casual Friday for travel (the TR jeans I am wearing are hand me downs!)
Profession: attorney/contracts manager
Salary: $125k (LCOL)
Hamstring Disturbance
Probably $60, half of which are my maternity shorts (I work from home).
Financial Technology
$60k
Anon
Less than $120? $50 dress, $20 hat, $40 or $50 shoes- don’t remember exactly.
Nonprofit legal org.
$62K.
Anon
Pants & top were Poshmark finds and everything else is sale/clearance purchase so all are worth every penny to me and more than I paid.
BR pants: $25
Modcloth top: $8
Aerie undies: $2.50
Gap bra: $20(?)
Pikolinos shoes: $75
Finance
$67k
In-House Lawyer
Mother Skinny Jeans: $100 from Nordstrom Rack
Top: $30 from White House Black Market
Cardigan: $50 from White House Black Market
Dankso Wedges: $100 from Nordstrom Rack
Total: $280
Occupation: In-House Attorney
Salary: $135k
Anony
Skewed with a Saturday answer! Probably $40 between exercise shorts and an exercise top
Commercial real estate sales
Varies but expect $450k this year
Alanna of Trebond
$1000 wedding ring, $3000 vintage Kelly bag, $50 silk shorts and $100 silk Breton top from Grana and $35 J. Crew headband. 40 Euro espadrilles.
$480k this year (Big Law associate).
Anon
$12 cardigan from Walmart (emergency purchase while traveling a few years ago that I now wear almost every day), $20 bra dress from Uniqlo, $10 slip shorts, $15 flats from Kohls
$70k web designer
Anon
Gov’t attorney, 90k, single no kids
Dress: Old Navy and on sale, $20
Shoes: Rothys, $125 (bought when I was in private practice and made 2x the salary)
Underwear: Aerie bra on sale, $20, and boring cotton underwear that comes in a 8 pack, $1.50
Watch: Fitbit Ionic, $250 (bought when I was in private practice)
Earrings: Etsy, $20
I’ve noticed a huge difference in what I spend on clothes after switching jobs.
Nikki Otero
Sleeveless front tie white Polkadot blouse from J Crew Factory – $20
J Crew Factory pink cardigan – $24
Old Navy pixie pants in gray – $22
Me Too flats – $30
Marketing Manager for a commercial real estate industrial development company
**I never disclose my income**
Two Cents
Shamelessly stealing this from another page because I thought it was a great question for the hive.
How much is your current outfit worth?
What is your profession?
What is your salary?
Two Cents
I’ll go first.
J Brand Maria gray jeans — $130 on sale at Nordstrom
I.State blousy top – $45, I think? From Nordstrom.
Black point Rothys – $145
Cheapo earrings – $5
Betsy Johnson bra — maybe $15 at the Rack
VS undies – $5, terrible, I need to toss
Total: $345
Fed gov’t lawyer, $165K
anonymous
I’m wearing a tunic, Old Navy leggings and sandals. I would say probably $60 total?
I work in software development and my salary is close to $100K.
Anon
I am currently wearing the Athleta Sutton romper, purchased on sale at $78.99. I am a lawyer working in litigation management. I work from home and would not leave my house in said romper.
Tweeter
Probably $200 including dress, shoes, jewelry, Fitbit; but excluding wedding rings.
Consulting mgmt and ops
$150k
Anon
Levi’s Jeans – $5 at Goodwill
Merona T shirt – $8 at Target
Crocheted vest – handmade 30 years ago
Kirkland Wool socks – $12/3 pack from Costco
Bra & underwear – $25 total from Target
Birkenstock Arizona Sandals – $90 Black Friday special at Shoe Station
Total: $132
Aging HippieHigher Ed AdminAnon
*snorts with laughter at the last line*
Anon
I love summers on campus… it’s a real-life version of https://www.proforhobo.com/
AnOn
Dress (Loft), Cardigan (Banana), Shoes (Cole Haan): $400 full retail price probably. Actuality? Prob paid $150 for all of it combined.
Finance/ibanking
$0 salary, prob $500k commission this year, which is a new high for me by a large margin.
Anonymous
Wait, you don’t have even a base salary? Or are you the person who said they closed their first deal yesterday?
AnOn
No base salary at all. 100% commission. That poster wasn’t me
Anon for this
JCrew cotton dress, picked up on sale for around $60, Talbots wedges, I think around $75, Natori undies & bra from the NAS, $60 total. Oh and an employer-issued fleece since AC is on overdrive, $0 :)
Costume earrings that were $30 but my other accessories would add… a lot… to this total since it includes a fancy watch, wedding & engagement rings.
Attorney, mid-$200’s.
Anonymous
Rothys
Gap jeans, bought with points and altered for 100% of the purchase price to they fit perfectly
20 year old plain solid-color blouse
Akris Punto jacket (new to me via ebay)
Lawyer
No salary — self-employed
AttiredAttorney
MMLF Fosters purchased NWT from Poshmark for ~80
Snakeskin print wrap top from Nordstrom Rack 25
Loafers from Nordstrom Rack 50
Attorney/Public Policy low 200s
Anonny
Username checks out!
Anon
Blousy JCrew peasant style top that I don’t think is flattering
Black H&M skirt
Both bought on eBay for approx. $30 total
white cami ~ $5
Adidas Cloudfoam, paid full price approx. $75
Financial services
Base + bonus approx. $200K
Anonymous
Rothy’s loafers- $165
Jeans, Paige on sale- $110
Shirt, Jcrew, I’ve had forever but guessing it was on sale for <$50
Necklace, Jcrew, likely on sale, I'm guessing $25
Everyday wear:
Apple Watch, $240
Wrap because my office is freezing, $125
So, $350-$725, depending what you want to count.
Anon.
Hooray working from home!
Zella maternity leggings $45
Target t-shirt $10
Roxy sneakers from DSW $40
Corporate Insurance
~$150K
Horse Crazy
Black NY Collection Boat Neck dress from Macys (I think it was a pick here but I’m not sure): Originally $80, paid $15 on sale
Wine-colored Predictions Comfort Plus pumps from Amazon: $23
District director for state elected official
$60k
Anon
Shorts: $16
Souvenir t-shirt: $12
Decommissioned running sneakers: $75
Lawyer (WFH today)
$140k
huh
You wear sneakers in the house?
Anon.
Not the OP, but yes. I use a standing desk and my feet/legs hurt if I don’t wear shoes.
Small Firm IP Litigator
$500?
Escada silk blouse, AG jeans, Joie booties.
Small Law
~$250k
Anonymous
Sounds cute!
Tippins
Work from home:
Work-issued polo $0
Linen drawstring pants from TJ Maxx $15
Target panties $3
Natori bra from NR $10
Barefoot :) $0
No jewelry $0
Total: <$28
Non-profit executive, $150k
anon
Loft top – $20
Gap shorts – $25
Rothy’s – $125
$170 total
Non-profit lawyer, $115K
If we’re counting jewelry, I also wear diamond studs, a gold initial necklace, and watch daily.
Anon
My current outfit is worth maybe $40 – I’m working from home and wearing a free t-shirt, J Crew factory sweatpants (probably $20) and a real bra that was probably $20.
Higher ed, Salary is $55k.
anon
Boatneck t-shirt – $12 from Target
Cotton skirt – $15 from Target clearance
Bra: $25
Undies: $5
Shoes: $60 AKSport ballet flats — can tell you they aren’t worth what I paid
Total: $117, probably on the lower side for my daily outfits
Higher ed admin
anon
Ope, forgot that my salary is $80K.
anon
Theory outlet suit (dress plus blazer) – $350
Everlane flats (first day wearing, love them) – $95 (had a $20 code)
Salary – 150K, gov’t attorney
Anon
Hei hei cargo skinny pants I bought at goodwill for $5
J crew cardigan I bought at goodwill for $4
Merrell tank top I got at a sample sale for $2
Birkenstocks $110
Nixon watch from ebay for $35
$156 total
Tax accountant, $75k
Anon too
$78 – white NYDJ jeans (got on sale)
$20 -snakeskin print sleeveless top from TJ Maxx (can’t remember brand)
$20 – Bobeau cardigan (got on sale)
$35 Gentle Souls sandals (one of my best scores at TJ Maxx)
Higher ed admin
$90K
Anon4This
I was WFH today so super lazy! Tank top with built-in bra ($30) + Wrap top from Anthro ($80) + maternity leggings ($30) + Cheap VS underwear ($10) = $150. Total salary: $400k.
Anonymous
Yesterday at work was bananas so didn’t get to answer then. We’re super-casual on Fridays at my workplace; just regular-casual the rest of the time.
Cotton top from Talbots (bought on ThredUp for $14.99)
Lauren Ralph Lauren skinny jeans (bought on ThredUp for $18.99)
White Supergas (bought on ThredUp for $24.99)
Random bra and panties that I really need to replace/update as all my underwear is getting kind of worn out: maybe $20?
Total: $78.97
I work in organizational development for a medium-size business (over 10k employees). Salary $90k per year. I buy almost all my clothes from ThredUp; occasionally I’ll hit a good local thrift store or consignment shop. I rarely buy anything new.
Anon
Loft lace sleeve wrap top, $30 (on sale from $50)
Loft shorts, $20 (on sale from $40)
Vionic sandals, $100
Georg Jensen silver heart necklace, $200
Leatherology crossbody, $150
Total: $500
Biglaw junior associate, $190k.
Anon
Normal day wear:
Theory outlet jacket: $200
Banana Republic / J Crew / Loft sheath dress: $50-200
Single diamond necklace: $1000
Leatherology laptop bag: $200
Vara pumps: $350 (on sale)
Anon
Pants – $35
Uniqlo sweater from like six years go – $30?
Everlane t-shirt – $18
Allbirds – $95 (super overpriced)
Bra and underwear – $40
Socks – $8
Total: $131
Industry: research
Salary: $75K
anon
This is a slightly inane question that I feel comfortable only asking on the Internet. I got an unsolicited email from a former classmate who asked me out on a date. I only vaguely recall that person from school and wasn’t interested, but was curious how he got my email address. He told me that he saw one of my exes at a social event a few months ago and asked him for my contact info (specifically, he wanted him to send an intro email introducing both of us). My ex declined, but agreed to give him my email address. I haven’t spoken to that ex in years, but I am slightly peeved he gave out my personal email address. Rationally I know this is NBD, but is it crazy that I am even a little annoyed? I would never do the same thing in the reverse situation, but maybe I’m more careful with personal information than most. I am not on social media, etc. so he wouldn’t have been able to otherwise find this information.
Anon
Totally fine to be a little annoyed, but you’re right to do nothing about it.
Anon
+1 I think it’s pretty rude to give out people’s contact information without checking with them
Ellen
Agreed. In my class, they published a directory with names, addresses, emails, phone numbers and work names and addresses (at the time), so it was and is not hard to find someone from your class. In fact, I get emails all the time on my AOL account, which I still use, from men I never met (or remember) who went to school and saw my year book picture (that is in the reference library), who want to know if I am still single and interested in dating them. It is very strange to me b/c I never even knew these people, yet, by looking at a 10 year old year book, they come looking for me? For all they know, I am married with 5 kids (like my friend from Virginia, who is getting a divorce). So anyway, do not be shocked b/c our personal information is out there, like it or not, so we have to deal with it. BTW, I never go out with people who call just b/c they went to my college and saw my picture in the yearbook. Otherwise I could become a statistic, Grandma Leyeh says. FOOEY!
Anonymous
You’re being a little much
Anonymous
I’m pretty over women being told to second guess their instincts. This story tickles my spidey senses too, and I’m sure OP has more information than I do. Let’s trust women to know when something’s off.
Anonymous
She literally asked our opinions. Get a grip.
Anon
I’d be annoyed – tbh, I’m not sure how far out of school you are but it does feel kind of weird to me to ask someone’s ex for their contact info (and also weird to get contact info from a third party). Your ex should have asked you if you were ok with getting touch with the guy and passed his contact info along if you were.
Mpls
This is where I land. It’s weird and contrary to the etiquette about giving out contact information.
But contact information doesn’t feel like it’s the same thing as personal information (which skews more private/personally identifying in my brain). Your contact information is literally there so people can make contact to you.
anon
OP here, you’re right, it’s not personal information per se, but I guess I think of it as information that only people I know socially happen to have. oh well, not worth wasting any more time on, it was just irking me a little and I was wondering if I was maybe overreacting.
Anon
I work in IT and am more paranoid about data privacy than most, but I don’t think of an email address as “personal information” considering it’s something that can be searched online for most people.
Anonymous
It’s weird and I’d be annoyed too. Two men are intruding on your time and attention in a romantic context. It sets off alarm bells. From the ex, he overstepped. If he isn’t friendly enough with you to send an introductory email then he shouldn’t be facilitating connections with you at all. “Sorry we’re no longer in touch” is a fine response. From the classmate, what on earth is he doing tracking down your ex and begging for your contact info? Why does he think that’s acceptable? Especially if you’re not on social media – if you wanted random high school classmates contacting you then you’d be on Facebook.
Penelope Chilvers Tall Tassel Boot
OMG they are restocked with the tall tassel boots!!!
Do I need the “tall” though or just the regular height? I am 5-4 if that matters. My Aquitalia high boots maybe are for someone who is 5-5 or taller. I’m not sure how the Penelope Chilvers ones run. Their website hints that short people might not do best with the talls, but IDK whether they mean me or someone who is 5-2 or shorter.
Anon
IMO 5’4″ is definitely short so I can’t imagine somebody of that height ever deliberately choosing a tall option, but I guess proportion is probably more important than actual height
Anon
But anyway, they have measurements so why don’t you measure a pair you already have? Or measure your legs?
Anonymous
To further muddy the waters, I am 5-4,but a leggy 5-4 (so petite jacket, petite dresses to get the waist right, but pants can’t be petite — I need regular pants). S*cks to be at the margins.
Anemone
I’m the opposite: 25″ inseam but need extra-tall shirts. I’m basically a human Corgi.
Anonymous
I wish there were LIKE buttons here.
KS IT Chick
That is so me. Thank you for the description. (I’m 5’4″; if my lower legs were in proportion to my torso, I’d probably be closer to 5’10”.)
Anonymous
It really depends n the length of your legs. I am 5’4 but have very long legs and am very short from hip to boob so Tall worked for me.
A Problem I Hope to Have
We are being considered as potential adoptive parents for a child. There are 100 reasons why this might not happen so I’m trying to not get my hopes up, which is impossible. Just a month or so ago I thought it was going to happen (with another baby) and told a bunch of people and then it didn’t so I’m trying not to make that mistake again. But I also want to enjoy these moments of hopefulness in case it does happen. So, I’m going to post a fun question I will have if this adoption does go through since I can’t get any work done right now.
We have two dogs. One dog is 2 years old, came from a rescue with a formal training program and was trained on his name. His name is a one syllable human name that is short for a longer human name. Baby has the longer human name of the dog’s name. Baby’s name is not always shortened to the dog’s name but can be. If we are chosen as this baby’s parents, do we change the dog’s name? Many families have a father and a son with the same name so would it be that weird to have a dog and a kid with similar names?
Think Bob and Robert, Kate and Katherine, Luke and Lucas, Tim and Timothy, Ben and Benjamin, Jen and Jennifer, Jim and James.
I’m thinking we could keep the dog’s name, call the baby by his/her full name (which we like) and if as the baby gets older he/she wants to go by the nickname, we could add “the dog” or “the kid” as necessary. So did Kate the dog eat? As they were older, there would be less chance of confusion too because no one is going to think you are bringing Kate the dog to dance lessons. Plus, Katherine could decide to go by Kat or Kathy and it wouldn’t matter that the dog is named Kate (or any of the other names I listed).
Anon
I think it’s weird and you should change the dogs name.
AnonInfinity
I would, without reservation, change the dog’s name. Dogs don’t link name to identity the same way humans do, and it’s very very easy to change a dog’s name.
OP
The dog has a whole host of nicknames already so changing his name shouldn’t be hard.
My one reservation was if dogs already get a bit jealous when a new baby comes into the house, if the dog will be even more thrown off by suddenly having a new name? Particularly if the dog ever hears people calling baby dog’s old name.
Anon
The dog will absolutely be confused by hearing it’s old name. I don’t think jealousy over it’s name being used for a child will happen, dogs aren’t really that bright or sentient enough to think “stolen name = jealous”. They get jealous over unfair treatment sometimes. But your dog won’t “give up” it’s old name, it’ll just always come when it hears the child’s name.
AnonInfinity
I once renamed a 4 year old dog because I just didn’t like name he came with, and I’m certain he’d forgotten his previous name within a couple of weeks. I just fed him a bunch of treats when saying the new name for the first few days, and after that he always answered to New Name. Of course, he wasn’t really hearing the old name anymore, so that could be a little different. I’d probably change the dog’s name as soon as I got word that the adoption was going to happen (I know that can be a short timeline sometimes) and call the baby the longer version of the name for a couple of weeks if possible if the dog seems to think he’s being summoned when you’re talking to the baby, and that should work.
Aggie
This – once they realize new name = treats or attention, they will quickly forget the old one.
Ellen
This is a very complicated issue where reasonable people disagree. They sure do in my family!
I would rename the dog; after all the dog may only live 10 more years or so, Dad says, and dogs don’t care what their name is, as long as you give them food and cheeze. Mom disagreed, b/c if the dog does not live more than 10 more years, then the baby will grow up, and without the dog named Baby, she will grow up and herself won’t be called Baby any more.
Rosa raised a good point. She said that even after the baby grows up, she may still be called Baby, like the baby in Dirty Dancing. Baby there became a great dancer, and must have been over 20 years old back in the 1950’s, so if she could be called Baby by Patrick Swazie and her family and sister, then she WOULD be tramutized if the dog shared her name. We, as women, take a lot of grief from men who love to call us dogs if we do not give them $ex. If I had a dollar for every time I was called a dog in college for not having $ex with a man, or otherwise doing stuff to satisfy them $exueally, I could fully fund my 401K, and retire early!
So I say, do what you want with the name, but recognize that whatever you do could have consequences! YAY!
Anon
How old is the potential adoptive child? I mean this in the nicest way but…why not rename the child if they are an infant. Don’t most adoptive parents select a new name for a very young child that they feel fits best rather than take the name that the birth parent who couldn’t take care of them and potentially doesn’t know the child well gave?
What if the child’s name is Ruth (old soul name) but her personality screams Brittany (maybe more free spirited and spacey)? Are you really that stuck on the child’s name if it doesn’t fit them?
Anon
This is such a weird comment. Names don’t have personalities; people do.
AnonInfinity
I hope this wasn’t a serious comment. In case it was, OP said they like the child’s name. Also, there’s a whole lot wrapped up in this issue that would probably make renaming the child inadvisable. I am adopted and would be horrified to learn my adoptive parents changed my name. Many adoptees have lifelong feelings of abandonment or not feeling good enough, and humans tend to associate a lot of identity with a name.
Anonymous
This is not a weird comment. People rename adopted children all the time, especially if it’s literally an infant. I wouldn’t be the least bit interested in keeping the name decided by the parents giving up the kid, I would change it in a heartbeat to a name my husband and I wanted. It’s a valid option.
Wow
So I don’t agree with changing a child’s name, but agree that it is common, particularly if the child is adopted from another country and has an “ethnic” name that is hard to pronounce (from China, India, etc.)
In the OP’s case, definitely change the dog’s name.
The original Scarlett
Agreed, it’s actually the first thing I thought of. I’ve also heard of parents changing their kid’s name that they picked while the kid was little because they ended up not liking it.
Hildy
Anon at 6:04 PM – as an adoptive parent I find this so incredibly offensive, you’re probably the type of person that tells adopted kids they are “lucky” to have been adopted. Parents place children for all different reasons (or as you so kindly put it – “give them up”). This doesn’t sever their relationship with their children or mean that they are bad people. Plus, in many situations birth parents personally select adoptive parents for their children – do you genuinely believe they’d want to pick someone who viewed them so harshly and dismissively?
Anonnn
Some parents are bad people. I would not trust anyone who thought otherwise of the parent I am very happy is out of my life, and I would change my name tomorrow if I thought that was the parent who named me!
Hildy
Anonnn – I get that, but that’s YOU making that decision – not someone else making that decision for you. With adopted kids it’s like their adoptive parents are trying to erase their past and their identity when they change their names. I’m basing my opinion on what many, many adopted children have said – many resent their adopted parents for changing their names and frequently end up going by their original name. Who knows if any particular child will feel this way, but why not err on the side of caution.
And not what you were addressing, but this applies perhaps even more when your child has an “ethnic name” – if you feel like you need to change your child’s name so they fit in, maybe your child isn’t going to fit in either. If you adopt a child of a different race than yourself you need to ensure they are surrounded by people who look like them and share their culture.
Anonnn
Hildy, thanks for responding; that makes sense to me.
Anonymous
Children are normally named within a day or two of being born, and in most cases it was a name the parents picked out long before they ever met the child. I’m not saying newborns are inanimate blobs but they don’t generally have a ton of personality from the beginning, so it seems weird to say a child should have a name that suits their personality.
Anon
+1 I’m also really skeeved out by the idea of thinking a BABY is ditzy.
Anonymous
My MIL is Bertha. Whatever images it conjures up, a sweet little baby isn’t one of them usually. Ditto Edna.
And I see grownups with stripper names — I doubt they seemed like that as infants. “Hey, she came out nekkid; let’s name her Destinee.”
Anon
Ha, someone I know was supposed to be named after a recently deceased Bertha. Thankfully her parents had the good sense to hand her Beth instead.
Anon
I kind of get it, assuming the kid will be at least some months old, at which point you can get at least a small sense of temperament and personality traits. I’ve definitely known super giggly, happy, but kind of forgetful 9 mth olds and similarly aged babies who are honestly old souls – quiet, patient, empathetic even without words, unusually precocious – whose personality continued like that into late childhood (they aren’t grown yet still children)
Anon
I do know someone who changed her (biological) child’s name when she was 4 months old or so, because they felt the birth name didn’t suit her. It’s rare but it does happen!
Hildy
NOPE! I’m an adoptive parent, you should absolutely never change an adopted child’s name – especially when it was something their biological parent gave to them, it’s disrespectful to both the biological parents and the child. Also, in an ideal situation you have an ongoing relationship with the bio parents and changing the name would mess that up.
Anonymous
For what it’s worth, I used to babysit for a family where the boy was named Brandon and the dog was Brandy (Brandy was the older one). I don’t think it created any issues.
And good luck! Pulling for you!!
Anonymous
Omg without doubt you change the dog. Save the child the therapy of having been adopted by a family that made him share a name with a dog.
NOLA
Obviously not the same thing, but one of my supervisees had the same name as my former cat. She always referred to herself as “Lucy the Human.” I loved it.
nutella
I agree to change the dog’s name if the time comes. Fingers crossed for you!! Don’t sweat it, either way, maybe it’s just my family but all the babies I have known get called a affectionate/pet name out loud around the house and referred to among adults as “the baby.” For example, we would say to the baby, “how did you sleep, Peanut!?” but to other adults, “Can you feed her?” or “Are you getting up with the baby?” Maybe it’s my family but those names are pretty much your name until you are at least walking and the parent needs to shout your name to get you from wandering off. In other words, plenty of time to teach your dog his new name!
Examples in addition to the aforementioned Peanut are: Cookie, Pumpkin, BB, Munchkin, Honey, Bunny, Belly, and, to make this even more silly for your situation, my nephew, now 12, known as “Pup.” :)
Anon
I’m 31 and my parents still refer to me as “the Puppy” both when they are talking to me and about me. It doesn’t register to me, since they’ve been calling me that my whole life, but an ex-bf pointed it out as a cute, quirkly thing once when I brought him home to meet my family.
DLC
Can you just keep both baby and dog names and see how it shakes out? It might not be as problematic as it seems on the outset. Not the same issue at all, but I stressed a lot about my first child’s name, it took us a month to name her, and she’s gone by three different variations of her name in the past seven years. Also many people go by the longer form of their name and if the dog already had claim to the shorter name first, the kid might decide on their own that it’s not an option.
Ms B
No advice for you on the name issue, but The Kid joined the family via adoption and I can tell you that the process involved one-post custody disruption and one situation that had to be turned down on our end (for a variety of reasons). It’s hard to deal with, but keep in mind that it is part of the process for many people and can result in a successful placement.
Good luck!
Pep
Change the dog’s name. Make it easier for the dog by choosing a name that starts with the same letter/sound. For example, if the dog is “Bobby,” change it to “Buddy” or “Brody.”
I adopted a dog and needed to change its name from Jenny, and chose Ginger. Same start “sound,” same syllables. She had no issues.
Westraye
This is probably too late for you to see this but I would keep the names and only change the dog’s at a later date if it feels like an issue – you’ll know soon enough! If anything, it’s a neat and lovely coincidence that they have similar names. All the best to you and I hope it works out with this adoption.
Samantha
Suggestions for a picnic menu for late afternoon dining at a park?
Menu should be vegetarian (not vegan), easy to make, ok to eat without reheating, and somewhat kid-friendly? It will be a group of about 10 people that includes my 2 young elementary kids.
I’m thinking –
– Ginger sesame noodles (for kids, I know they like this)
– Upgraded salad (for adults) – prefer something savory/spicy than creamy/cheesy
– Sandwiches? I love fig and brie, or is there something similar that is fairly easy to make?
Any easy desserts? I am not a fan of pie or brownies… might buy mini cream puffs and call it a day.
Thanks!
NOLA
I was at a meeting yesterday where they had sandwiches made on a kind of flatbread with a spicy hummus and vegetables. They were great! I’ve also done paninis with pear or apple and cheese.
For salad, I like either a corn and tomato salad with vinaigrette and basil, or this basmati rice salad (made with brown rice, it’s much nuttier and I love it with arugula as well): https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/sweet-corn-and-basmati-rice-salad-103494
For dessert, cannoli? can’t go wrong with cookies or chocolate.
NOLA
I may be crazy. I just bought OTK suede boots at Rack in New Orleans in July. But all of my boots are too big and these were such an amazing deal at Clear the Rack that I couldn’t resist. Putting them away for winter…
Anonymous
Sounds like a win! Your Fall self will thank you. I just bought a massively marked down grey suede bag that I plan to pull out with glee in the Fall.
Ms B
I bought Frye Veronicas two summers ago at Marshalls for something like $70. No regrets!!
ANON
For those of you with more seasonal jobs, how do you deal with the ebb and flow of tasks? I have weeks where I’m challenged to fill 30 hours and some where I can work 60 and still feel like I have an incredibly long to do list. Some of this is just the nature of my industry and my job, so it can’t be avoided. My mental health takes a hit with the extreme stress followed by extreme boredom. Anyone else have this problem and an effective way to cope?
Ellen
This is a very complicated issue where reasonable people disagree. They sure do in my family!
I would rename the dog; after all the dog may only live 10 more years or so, Dad says, and dogs don’t care what their name is, as long as you give them food and cheeze. Mom disagreed, b/c if the dog does not live more than 10 more years, then the baby will grow up, and without the dog named Baby, she will grow up and herself won’t be called Baby any more.
Rosa raised a good point. She said that even after the baby grows up, she may still be called Baby, like the baby in Dirty Dancing. Baby there became a great dancer, and must have been over 20 years old back in the 1950’s, so if she could be called Baby by Patrick Swazie and her family and sister, then she WOULD be tramutized if the dog shared her name. We, as women, take a lot of grief from men who love to call us dogs if we do not give them $ex. If I had a dollar for every time I was called a dog in college for not having $ex with a man, or otherwise doing stuff to satisfy them $exueally, I could fully fund my 401K, and retire early!
So I say, do what you want with the name, but recognize that whatever you do could have consequences! YAY!
Hmmm
This sounds frustrating. Can you take more vacation time or personal days during the slow periods? Sneak out for longer lunches/gym sessions without being noticed? Take up some sort of computer-based hobby that can be done at work?
I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but is there anything you can do during slow times to prepare for the more intense periods and make those less stressful?
Anonymous
Can somebody tell me about sizing for Rothy’s loafers? I’m already familiar with Rothy’s and know my size in the point and in the sneaker, but the loafers are new to me. How do they compare to the other styles?
Promo code for anybody else interested: https://share.rothys.com/x/iAoTRY
Anonymous
I wear the same size in the loafers and the point.
anonymous
I went up a full size in the point and up a half size in the loafer.
anons
I was the one talking about woodworking on the morning thread and someone asked for a pic. Posting here b/c noone will see it in the other thread.
My piece came out like a cross between these two:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/636100575/modern-wood-sculpture-natural-rustic
https://www.etsy.com/listing/551133214/english-oak-root-sculpture?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=root+sculpture&ref=sr_gallery-1-8
The shape is more compact, like the first link, but the finish is more glossy brown, like the second link. Mine is sitting on the dining room table, although I like those mounts they have in etsy. It’s taken a few months on and off (and figuring out a technique), and it feels creative, but not intimidatingly so. I am just taking a beautiful thing from nature and bringing out the beauty.
Editor
Anyone know where I could get some advice on whether to go on Medicare or not? I am starting with a new company and the cost of medical insurance is shocking. I am old enough for Medicare, but don’t “get” it. I do have material from the SSA, but it doesn’t answer what I want to know. Such as–do doctors reject you if that’s your only form of insurance? Are they forced to take you? Would I never be able to go to another specialist, like a physical therapist or dermatologist, again? Once on it, can you get off and go back to private?
My insurance from my old company (a government contractor) ends tomorrow. So I need to decide fairly quickly–and yes, I left it too late; was expecting to hear about COBRA with this company before this. Thanks!
Anonymous
If your insurance ends tomorrow and the premiums for the insurance at the new company are not affordable for you, then yes, go on Medicare so you are not without insurance. There are supplemental plans for Medicare available through insurers that allow you to access things that plain ol’ Medicare won’t cover. I am by no means an expert on Medicare, but will share this: my 91-year-old grandmother was on it and had a supplemental plan; when she ended up needing full nursing care this year her supplemental plan helped pay for a transitional rehabilitation stay and then covered a portion of her first month in the nursing facility (she died after only a month). You can absolutely go to specialists on Medicare; my grandmother had four of them! A cardiologist, a gerontologist, a gastroenterologist, and an endocrinologist. The rest of your questions I am not sure about. I do think going without insurance even temporarily is a bad idea.
IMMJ
Not an expert, so take this for what it’s worth. If you’re on Medicare and earning money it won’t be free – you’ll likely have to pay something for it, plus you’ll definitely need a Medicare supplement, which may be costly, and likely also a drug plan. Alternatively you can go on a Medicare Advantage program, which is a comprehensive plan that’s private and in lieu of Medicare. (AARP’s webpage may help you estimate what all of this may cost.) My doctors all take Medicare, but I don’t know if they have to. If you aren’t employed and insured you MUST sign up for Medicare right away because otherwise you get penalized long-term, but that’s not your issue. I don’t know if you can go on and off Medicare. My quick take is that there are a lot of decisions that you need to make with Medicare about what you sign up for, so it might make sense to sign up for your new employer’s plan for now, assuming you’ll be able to back out of it (e.g., by the end of the year). Then talk to the HR people and/or research the Medicare alternatives to make sure you’re fully informed before you sign up for it. Good luck.
AG
Anecdotally, I’m a mental health provider in a medical setting working with older adults — I hear of some issues with Medicare Advantage plan coverage. I think they are good for basic health care needs but not as broadly accepted as Medicare for some other services (e.g., individual psychotherapy, physical therapy, etc). Definitely worth doing your research if you consider one of these plans.
anon
Has anyone had a cyst located on outer uterus removed? Was it a laparoscopic surgery and how much was your recovery time?
Nikki Otero
I had a cluster of cysts wrapped around one of my ovaries and fallopian tube. The entire tube was removed laparoscopically. My recovery time was just a couple of days.
Bean
Anyone have a Rothys code? Thanks!
Anonymous
Sure, enjoy!
https://share.rothys.com/x/5cablL
Pretty Mama
Boutique hotel recommendations for New Orleans and/or Boulder? Never been to either one – will be there just a couple of days. Thanks for any advice!
DW
New Orleans – Hotel Monteleone
Boulder – Boulderado
Enjoy!