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Updated: Aug 28, 2019 271 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Lexington Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Rag & Bone always has the most beautiful blazers. This oatmeal color with a slightly-darker grosgrain trim looks like it would be incredibly versatile. If you work in a jeans-acceptable office, this is a great way to dress up a pair of dark skinnies. In a more formal setting, I’d wear this with black trousers and a blouse with a fun print. It’s $550 at ShopBop and available in sizes 00–12. Lexington Blazer Calvin Klein has a couple of more affordable options in regular sizes and plus sizes. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.   Looking for more great posts from Corporette? Check out some of our top right now:

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Vicarious Shopping?

    I’m searching for a low back counter-height barstool that looks like the one linked below but is preferably not $300. The counter is a silver speckled black granite. Wall color is Benjamin Moore Cedar Key. Floors are walnut colored hardwood with a midnight blue-toned runner.

    These will sit at a peninsula off my kitchen. Sitting on the chairs, you look into my kitchen but immediately behind the peninsula (and the seating) is the TV and sectional couch…. will I regret not getting swivel? Right next to the peninsula is an entrance to our back patio so I’m trying to make these stools on the minimalist side and not a focal point of the otherwise large living room.

    https://www.article.com/product/11889/sede-thunder-gray-walnut-swivel-counter-stool?forceCurrencyId=1%3Fartcl_campignID%3D901468458&artcl_network=g&artcl_adgroupid=43368917245&artcl_keyword=&artcl_source=google&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsvrpBRCsARIsAKBR_0IwKogKvP7i1kkz6drpgkIEn5h5TMwGeSzmrCFdlHJY1PDUFEtledAaAoNJEALw_wcB

  2. Letting down tennis instructor

    I’m taking tennis lessons at a club that has several pros. The one I had been taking lessons from, I wasn’t very happy with: he would get started a couple minutes late, wrap up a couple minutes early, take bathroom breaks in the middle of lessons, would take long water breaks, would text during my lessons, didn’t really teach me technique instead just hit balls to me. I didn’t feel like I was improving. At my last lesson last month, he told me he was taking a month-long vacation.

    While he was away, I filled the gap with lessons with another pro. This one started right on time, was attentive the entire time (no bathroom breaks), invited me to get water while he picked up the balls, taught technique in a helpful way and had clearly stated goals, etc. In short, it was a much better experience and I felt I was getting more of my money’s worth and that the pro respected me and my time more.

    My prior pro got back, and I told him I was doing lessons with the new pro for the rest of the month, so I was “all set for now.” Sort of a soft breakup without enumerating all the issues I’d had. He wrote back seeming a bit put out, “But you knew I was coming back.”

    What should I say in response, if anything? Did I mishandle this situation? I’m thinking of just saying, “I want to try taking lessons with Sutton for awhile, but I’ll definitely reach back out if I want to resume with you. Thanks so much for your help so far!” In truth, I do not ever see going back to the prior pro — I would probably stop taking lessons before I did so, but I don’t want to completely close the door. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      Don’t overthink it. Send what you wrote and move on. Good luck with the lessons!

    • Monday

      He already sounded unprofessional and entitled, but “But you knew I was coming back”? That sounds whiny and manipulative too. You’re a paying client, and he failed to compete for your business.

      • Anonymous

        This. You paid for a service. You are unhappy with the service and severed the business relationship. You owe no explanation, and the “pro” is entitled to nothing. IMHO, you are doing the “pro” a service through your quiet termination, although I feel bad for the next “sucker.” And who needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of a one hour tennis lesson…every time…??? Also, if you are paying for time–starting late and ending early are absolute deal breakers—I can’t fathom how you lasted as long as you did…you are a saint.

    • Inspired By Hermione

      I think what you said here will be fine. If he doesn’t accept it, that’s another question but hopefully he’ll just accept it and let it go.

    • Anon

      Use your words. If he wants to make this emotional and not professional, that’s on him.

      I would say something about “continue with Sutton because he is a better fit” or somesuch.

    • Anonymous

      Say nothing more. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just enjoy the new pro. This stuff happens all the time.

      • Ellen

        Agreed. Who needs a whiny washed up tennis “pro” who has urinary issues? You paid good money and found a better alternative. I knew a guy who was a tennis pro out on LI, and all he could do was hit the ball straight; no fancy drop shots, slices, or anything. Yet, he expected women to fawn all over him just because he once played tennis at Hofstra! Can you imagine the nerve of that schlub? While there is nothing wrong with Hofstra, come on!

      • Nope

        Yeah you don’t have to respond. A man would not respond to that. We’re conditioned to apologize for basically everything… you don’t have to do that. He’s lucky you don’t tell him exactly why he didn’t keep your business.

        • Anonymous

          Although maybe you should tell him. That’s a ridiculous way to treat you.

    • Anon

      You’ve already spent too much mental energy on this. He’s bad at his job and this is the consequence for it; you don’t owe him anything, including explanations.

  3. Anonymous

    I think I posted this too late in the weekend comments, so trying again this morning. I want to buy some Rothy’s loafers but I’m not sure how the sizing runs. I know my size in the point (9) and the sneaker (8.5). Can someone tell me how they compare to the loafer? Thanks!

    Obligatory promo code for anybody else interested: https://share.rothys.com/x/d10E2B

  4. Vicky Austin

    I love that Elizabeth shares a “here’s how I’d style this” in her picks!

  5. Horse Crazy

    Talk to me about melatonin. My SO hashr slept well for 2 weeks – he’s exhausted. Does the over the counter CVS brand stuff work, or should I go for a specific brand or store?

    • Monday

      Generics work fine for me! I take 10 mg. but some people can use as little as 3. I think the maximum recommended is 20 mg.

      • Veronica Mars

        I use .5 mg in the spray form under my tongue. For a lot of people who say it doesn’t work for them, too high a dose can be the reason. Melatonin is a hormone (and to my knowledge the only OTC hormone you can get). It can also cause severe nightmares in excessive doses. I’d start at .5 and work your way up.

    • Never too many shoes...

      So I use liquid melatonin occasionally for myself and every night for my son with ASD. It definitely helps with initiating sleep but not always for preventing night waking (depending on what your SO’s issue is). I use Nature’s Harmony Sleep Tight from a health food store. It is liquid and so faintly berry flavoured that you cannot tell in water.

    • Anonymous

      I am a recent devotee of melatonin. I found 1mg quick dissolve tablets that are in my bedside table. If I have trouble sleeping, I take one. I read somewhere that the more you take at once, the less effective it may be (I think you can buy up to 10mg tablets), and the 1mg really does seem to work.

    • Anon

      Melatonin can be helpful in establishing a better nighttime routine and helping to get to sleep. Over the counter, around 3mg has been a good dose for DH and me. The key is to take it about 30 min before you want to fall asleep – it’s not instant and it’s not a heavy pill that will keep you asleep if the insomnia is in part due to frequent awakenings in the night. Though no one has officially said this, I find it helpful to take it around the same time each night. It functions to release a chemical your body should naturally make telling you it’s time for sleep. I’d also suggest making sure your SO gets sunlight during the day as that can help one’s natural melatonin output.

    • Not a Fun Guy

      I’ve used a couple of different generic ones and haven’t noticed a difference in quality between the brands. I buy 3 mg tablets but lately have been taking 2. I don’t use them every night, maybe once a week or less, when I anticipate that I might have trouble sleeping because of stress or another reason.

    • BB

      +1 to generics working fine. Be careful about noticing the dosages per pill though. I think the ones I have are 3mg, but when I was shopping for them, I think I saw them go all the way up to 15mg. Best to start out low in my opinion.

      The other things you should know are that it only puts you to sleep and doesn’t keep you asleep. It can also be a bit habit forming if you use it for long enough.

    • Anonymous

      Diagnosed insomniac under the care of a neurologist specializing in sleep here. The advice I have been told by him, and others, is yes it works, but most people do not use it correctly. The most effective dose is the smallest one, specifically 500 mcg which is .5 mg. I have been specifically recommended by multiple physicians to get the Trader Joe’s brand if possible. Another thing, don’t take it right before bed. Take it 3 hours before desired sleep time, and try to limit light, especially blue light, after that. 1 hour before bed make a very strong effort to eliminate blue light, no screens! Blue blocking glasses can be helpful for this.

      • Anon

        This is all consistent with what my sleep neurologist told me.

        I believe the higher doses of melatonin are for endocrine conditions.

    • Anon

      My spouse uses generic brand melatonin, as does our nephew (sleep problems run in the family). He started out with a 3mg dose, but ended up having nightmares and being very groggy in the morning. Switching to a lower dose helped a lot.

    • Anon

      Do you live in a state with legal marijuana? I find that most helpful for my insomnia problems.

  6. Anon

    I’m looking for a black shirt dress for work and am hoping the hive can help. I want something with a collar and sleeves (3/4 length ok) that’s knee or midi length. I’m looking for a slinky material that doesn’t have too much volume and won’t wrinkle. I plan to belt it, so something with a defined waist would be great but isn’t required. I thought this would be easy to find but I’ve been struggling. Any suggestions? TIA

  7. Shirt Q

    1. How tight is too tight a shirt at work? (I know this is a very basic question, but it’s been a long time since I’ve worked in an office vs. working from home, and this is such a small company that I don’t have many examples to compare.) I work in a casual/business-casual office, and my issue is that I’m a size 34DD. These shirts aren’t low-cut at all, just rather fitted and a little stretchy — nice tees and short-sleeve sweaters. I would wear them tucked into with casual-ish skirts. I’m talking about this sort of fit: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/caslon-ballet-neck-cotton-modal-knit-elbow-sleeve-tee-regular-petite/5054939 (I have this one) or https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/reformation-alex-slim-tee/4994498 … but picture someone with a bigger chest wearing it!

    2. What are your favorite inexpensive, nice tees/tops to wear with skirts, *not* tucked in? I’m only 5′ so it’s hard to find shirts that are short enough to not look frumpy with a skirt (but I don’t want crop tops!), and that aren’t boxy either. I’m not a big fan of the French tuck (sorry, Tan!). Kind of like this length: http://bit.ly/2LN90cn.

    • Never too many shoes...

      On the fit issue, I refuse to accept that something that is acceptably form-fitting on someone with a flatter chest somehow becomes totally not okay if you are busty (unless that makes it much more revealing/cleavagey). For fit, a body is a body and that shirt looks completely fine to me.

      • Anon

        I think her issue is that a shirt that fits through the shoulders and waist may be too tight through the chest, ie there is no size that really fits properly.

        If you can see the material stretching, or see the outlines of your br*, it’s too tight in the chest.

        • Worry about yourself

          Or if it’s button-down, gaps between the buttons is a dead giveway. I’ve also had issues with my “gals” causing stripes or gingham print to warp and curve in the chest area, which probably isn’t a good look.

    • Minnie Beebe

      Regarding issue #2: I don’t have specific recommendations, but at 5′ you need to be shopping Petite for tops. I’m nearly 5’6″, but am short-waisted, and the Petite section is the answer to tops which end at the correct spot on my hips (as well as jackets with sleeves the correct length!)

    • anon

      1. As long as the shirt isn’t see-through (a problem with many of these refined tees, IMO), you’re most of the way there. I would also be really careful about bra fit. If everything is contained in the bra, it’s much less of a problem than when you can see tissue bulging across the top. If the material is straining across the chest, I would size up.

    • anon

      I am a 36DD and would definitely wear either of these shirts in the office (although the white T-shirt looks a bit see through) with a jacket or a cardigan. For a business casual environment, a jersey or sweater cardigan is more casual than a jacket.

      • Wow

        I’m a 32DD and wear these types of tops all the time. The key is to make sure that your bra fits well. Assuming yes, you’re fine. (Also, 34DD isn’t all that big, IMHO. Don’t worry).

    • Anon

      I am strongly in the camp of if you have to ask…it is.

      I am of the exactly same chest size and also short (five two) and the “fitted shirts” I wear will obviously always show the b00bs as they are there but they fall in a way that is stomach grazing, not fitted tight to the other parts of my torso. So its flattering to the shape but not “va va voom”.

      However, with the examples you gave, if the shirt fits like that (i.e. not shows you have b00bs but is stomach grazing not figure hugging) you’re fine. Your b00bs are a part of your body, you can’t and shouldn’t hide them…but also don’t make them the showcase of your shirt.

      • Anon

        Yes I agree with this. I couldn’t tell if she was saying the fit was like that on the model (fine in the dark shirt, borderline in the white shirt) or that she would wear the same size as the flatter chested model but then it would be super tight in the boob area. I feel like the latter never works because then you have straining in the boob area, and it pulls the rest of the shirt tighter trying to make up for the extra fabric needed in the boob area.

        OP, I’d probably buy a few new basic shirts a size up. I feel like if you’re wondering if they’re too tight, they probably are.

    • Flats Only

      I am similarly chesty, and would happily wear a shirt like that with 2 caveats: Bra must not show – no bulges at back, no cups cutting in in front, all of which make the shirt look like it’s too tight. No bounce – fine to have boobs, but I don’t want them bouncing when I walk. I wear Vanity Fair Beauty Back bras and they take care of both these issues. Bottom line: I don’t want to look “sexy” at work, and a too-tight shirt and bouncy boobs read “sexy” to me.

      • Ellen

        You make alot of good points and are alot like me. As professional women, we must take care to balance our desire to look good with the reality that when we look too good, men will ooogle us. None of like to get ooogled, so we must tone down our clotheing while still looking professional. When L&T was still around, my personal assistant there would always put aside clotheing that was PERFECT for me, so I did not mind paying so much money to look good. There is no equivalent on the internet. FOOEY! Now I get stuff at Bloomies, but the level of personal service is not the same. I may start going to Saks b/c they have alot of longtime personnel who fit middle age women and make them look smart! YAY!!

    • Anon

      Someone here recommeded Bravissimo when I asked for “shirts with darts”. This is a life saver – there is a huge difference to me between a properly fitting shirt and one that is stretched tight in the chest and is tenting over the waist. (I’m also short, and have the same issues you described). If you want a cheaper product with the same idea, I recommend Polish brand Urkye. Their site is not as easy, but the shirts are good. In general the Polish stuff runs a little shorter which I appreciate.

      https://urkye.pl/en_US/p/Grot-w-butelkowej-zieleni-Top/625
      https://www.bravissimo.com/us/products/ava-top-oatmeal-pt655oat/

    • anon

      I think it depends on the size of one’s chest. For example, I am super flat chested and feel like I can get away with wearing very fitted tshirts under suits in a way that my well-endowed sister cannot. It is also easier to wear lower cut things because I just do not have cleavage unless wearing a padded push up bra.

  8. Anemone

    I’ve seen lots of nice laptop bag recs here, but can anyone recommend one specifically by weight? I need a very lightweight bag (preferably messenger style) to fit a 15″ laptop. Flexible on price and color, since the weight is the main priority.

  9. frizzy hair

    Does anyone know a good hairdresser for wavy/frizzy/not quite curly hair in Charlottesville or Richmond? Also needs to have weekend or after-work hours. Thanks!!

  10. Anonymous

    I’m prepping my apartment for sale and worked on it for most of the weekend…besides normal cleaning, all I did was buy cheap storage cubes to organize the closet, run a rag over my old wood furniture with restor-a-finish, sloppily repaint a chipped area of the kitchen, and shove my winter coats into a suitcase to make the closet less crowded.

    My tiny space looks and functions so much better and only cost $20, and I’m slightly annoyed that I didn’t do this stuff years ago so I could live in the apartment more comfortably. Please learn from my mistake and do your small home improvement projects instead of living with little annoyances every day!

    • anon

      Completely agree with this. We’re doing the same thing for our house and it’s kind of boggling my mind. I have hated one of our bathrooms for the SEVEN years we’ve lived in that house. And I finally took the wallpaper down this weekend and I’m priming and painting. And we’re getting our flower beds redone. Why didn’t I do this sooner?

      • Anon

        My friend sold her house recently and said the same things. Like, why did we live with all of this easily repaired stuff, just to spend the money to repair it for someone else, when we could have enjoyed it ourselves while living here? Like the wall that needed patching, the door that didn’t quite close, etc.

        • Anonymous

          Before we sold our house last year we painted the exterior and the interior, got some tile fixed in the kitchen and upstairs bathroom (cracked tile and missing grout that had been bugging me for years; it got fixed in an afternoon for $400) and got all the trees and shrubs professionally trimmed. I got mad at myself for not feeling like investing in those things while we were living there was important. Painting the interior, in particular, made a huge difference in how the house looked and felt – and we never lived one day in the repainted house; we had it done after we moved out. In our new house we have already remodeled one bathroom and will remodel the second one within the next year. I’m not living with problems and old, worn-out things just because “it’s good enough.” Additionally, the cost on the deferred work was huge because then we had to do everything all at once. It’s much better to spread the expenses out over the long term.

    • Anon

      This. I’ve always heard don’t save money to do all these amazing improvements to a home right before sale, do them as they come up so you can enjoy some of the money you put into it.

    • Vicky Austin

      +100. I say it to my husband all the time – “don’t live miserably!”

    • Anon1

      I have your feet too and orthoheel 3/4 insoles work for me in most shoes. My best shoes now are: Cole haan pointed toe flats that look quilted on the sole, naturalizer d’orsay pointed flat that has extra passing under the ball of the foot, and a sandal by bueno with a 1″ wedge heel. None have arch support specifically but the cushioning seems to be sufficient. I also love using birks blue footbeds in my winter stock – my favorite being the everlane modern loafer.

    • Yup.

      Yes. This. All of this.

      We just sold a home that I feel like we never moved in to. Do you know how easy it is to change a light fixture? Swap out a ceiling fan? Change outlets from old and beige to crisp white? Buy a rug that matches and fits?

      We also just bought a house that we’re committing to long-term. We’re now taking the time to move in, make it our and comfortable, which includes also spending a little $$ on great furniture that fits the space and not shoehorning in the brown couch I bought four residences/13 years ago that seriously doesn’t go with any decor and/or fit in the space (and is just overall gross).

      • Mpls

        I moved into my place last spring (so have been there a year+) and I just finished switching out all my outlets and light switches (beige to white – the house has white trim). Light switches also went from switches to paddles. It’s amazing and makes all the difference. There’s a light fixture in the kitchen that’s next on the list.

        I’d been renting so long that I’m still getting out of that mindset (you can’t change anything!), though.

    • Anemone

      I never hung stuff on the walls when we moved in. All my framed photography is still in boxes. We bought the house in 2006…

    • waffles

      we did this! We put in a deck about 4-5 years before we moved, because we knew it would add resale value. That was 4-5 years that we thoroughly loved that deck. And we had a better idea of what we wanted in a backyard when we bought our current home. Even after a few years, it was still a great selling feature of the house.

  11. anon

    I have thin feet with high arches and not much natural padding. Just very skinny, bony feet, though the rest of me is completely average-sized. I can’t tell you how many pairs of office-appropriate shoes SEEM like they’re going to work but end up hurting my feet. I have tried brands at several price points, from cheap Target finds to mid-range brands to shoes in the $150 range. I do OK in the winter, when I can wear booties and socks for extra protection and padding, but I really struggle with the lightweight styles made for spring/summer/early fall. Even though I think paying $175 for a pair of ballet flats is outrageous, I’m about ready to try Tieks just because they’re supposedly comfortable and slightly more padded.

    Does anyone else have this issue? What shoe brands do you wear? Probably my favorites, comfort-wise, are from the Cobble Hill brand but the styling is really not my taste at all.

    • Health insurance

      I have the same problem. The only shoes that are truly comfortable for me are sneakers with insoles. Unfortunately, I have no great advice just commiseration. I’ll be following to see if anyone has great recs.

    • Anonymous

      I may have your feet!

      I have cute flats from SAS (not the stuff my grandmother wears!) and also love the Fortunas from MGemi. And I have some . . . Sigrid Olsen (?) sandals with a sneaker bottom that are great. There are a lot of cheaper knockoffs of that sort of sandal now so you should be able to get any of these for less than $200 each. I’d start maybe with the SAS’s — lots of options on my website.

    • PolyD

      Have you tried putting inserts, even Dr. Scholls you can pick up at Target, in your shoes? I buy all my non-sandal shoes a half size larger and put inserts in – the kind that has a stiff plastic arch and some cushioning in the heel.

      I think if you want the kind of padding you’re talking about, you are either going to need to go the insert route or the “comfort shoe” route. I personally like several of Rockport/Cobble Hill’s styles, but I can see where they might not work for a more formal office, or fancy event. The inserts have been very helpful for me, although I’ve come to realize that I can’t wear a heel higher than 2″ and I need my shoes to be securely attached to my feet – so, mary jane style instead of ballet flat, or loafer styles with a higher vamp.

      • anon

        The problem with most inserts is that they “raise up” my feet too much, and then I can’t keep them on my heels! My feet are totally at war with my style preferences — partly why I’m having such a hard time, I think.

        • Ariadne

          This is me as well! I’ve mourned and let go of most of my shoes during a huge Clear-out a few years ago. I am slowly finding new styles, but it is frustrating and costly ( though I wait for sales), to find something in my style that works for my feet. I have had to adjust my eye to accept new looks, which wasn’t easy.

    • Ariadne

      Not exactly the same type of foot issues — I have high arches, narrow heels, and a wider forefoot— and a small bunion forming (I wear custom orthotics to help with this). I’m also fortunate to live next to lots of unique brick and mortar fancy /comfort shoe stores. Shoe brands I’ve tried on that may work for the high arches are:
      Vionic— not all styles, but they have good arch support, and I can fit my custom orthotic inside.
      Ecco— good padding in some of the sandals and shoes
      Naot— again, I’ve tried them on in a naot store, and while not all their shoes are my style, the comfort of that foot bed is unique, and amazing for standing and walking— my best travel sandals.
      Pikolinos or wonders— shoes from Spain, and soft as well.
      Some shoes in the mis mooz brand, though some are awfully uncomfortable.
      Some fly London shoes.
      Audley of London block heels— very artsy shoes, not all are padded— these I’ve tried, but not bought.
      Earth brand shoes— very soft and padded.
      Taos brand — comfy for sandals
      Sofft brand— I had one shoe that was super padded, it the heel was too high for me, so I’m looking for another, it very comfy.
      Beautifeel shoes— I’ve tried these on, but they were too expensive— I’m waiting for a sale!
      Out of all these brands, the shoes I actually walk in the most are Ecco, earth and naot, but the other brands I would wear to work for standing. I’m lucky to find them at store on sale:). Also, I actually do not own that many shoes, as I am slow to find what works, and indecisive— I did buy all my shoes in store on sale!

  12. Stop this barking dog!!!

    Help me!

    I live in a multi-generational household. My husband and I have demanding jobs. My mom lives with us, watches our kid and does the bulk of the housework. It really was an amazing arrangement until she got a brand spanking new puppy Yorkie, without even mentioning it beforehand. She’s never had a dog before, and does not put in the effort to train him. We were furious, but the childcare arrangement is just too good to kick her out.

    But.

    This dog barks incessantly! It drives me insane. I’ve sent her articles and things on training techniques to help, but she doesn’t even try them. We are having another baby this fall and this is unsustainable.

    Any other options? CBD oil? Some other product? I don’t have time to train the dog myself (that’s why I didn’t get one!!!) and my mom will not do any training.

    • Anon

      Exercise. Your mom needs to exercise the pup. Just because he’s small doesn’t mean he doesn’t have puppy energy. Walks and socialization will go far to solving the problem.

    • Anon

      You sign the dog up for training and tell her that training the dog is a condition of keeping the dog. You also pull the “newborn” card and insist the dog be trained because if the new baby, both in Barking and behaviour.

      • Anonymous

        This. Definitely make the dog staying conditional upon training. Hire the trainer yoursefl. I’d also look into doggy care a few days a week while you are home with the newborn in case the training doesn’t take right away.

      • Anon

        CBD oil is not an essential oil and is fine for dogs, albeit I’d give a CBD oil treat made by a pet company, because they’ve done due diligence on doses. This will make her less anxious but won’t address any other issue.

        • nona

          The point is – don’t medicate the animal when it’s a training issue. That’s doesn’t solve anything.

        • Please note!

          Innovation head at a pet company here – please be aware that the larger companies, who would do their due diligence, have not entered the CBD space, as the regulations are too risky, so you are getting a ‘mom and pop’ type company’s product, who is not likely to have invested much in safety testing et al.

    • Anon

      Specifically on training – when I trained my dog, who liked to bark, the AKC trainer recommended training him to bark on command. The hand signal is opening and closing your fingers like you’re working a sock puppet. The command is speak! (Always do both hand signal and spoken command.)

      The idea is that if they speak on command, then they can also be told to not speak on command.

      We also bought him a citronella spray collar because though he learned to bark less, he couldn’t help barking around squirrels (he was a large terrier and it was in his blood.)

    • Anon

      Honestly, I know you didn’t want the dog and this is your Mom’s dog technically, but your easiest course of action would be to think of it as “the family dog” since your mother lives with you. You and your husband should take the initiative to take it to training. It’s expensive, but the two week board and trains for dogs work amazingly. It will come back house trained with basic dog manners and training, and you’ll just need one or two one hour sessions on how to reinforce the training.
      As for the barking, dogs with more training have more self restraint and are less likely to get super yappy. In addition, she needs what I’d call exposure therapy. Take her walking around your neighborhood, to dog parks, around the city, the more exposure she has the less anxious she’ll be at random sounds.
      If that doesn’t stop the barking, get a bark collar (citronella spray collars work really well they also have ones that beep loudly and/or vibrate), it works well on 90% of dogs.

      • anon

        Fair point, but I would be so livid. It’s hard to think of the dog as a “family pet,” when you wanted nothing to do with training and raising an animal. I would be so PO’ed if I were pregnant, had kids already, and somebody dumped this into my lap.

        • Anon

          Idk let’s think of the mom as an independent entity for a moment. She’s providing free childcare and housekeeping for OP, which OP refers to as a “great deal” and the only reason OP says she’s not kicking mom out for getting the puppy is due to said great deal.

          Maybe mom needed a companion that was just hers.

          Mom should absolutely train the dog, and I would work with her instead of demanding or throwing out ultimatums, but there’s a lot of language here sounding like mom should be the ideal servant who stays in her box.

          • Anonymous

            I disagree. A pet should only be brought into a household with the agreement of all adult members of the household. If this is a multi-generational household, then all generations of adults in the household should have been involved in the decision. A no from any adult household member means no pet.

          • Vicky Austin

            There’s a difference between “staying in your box” and bringing home a dog without even discussing it beforehand, though. Mom’s crossed a line, even considering that OP is (for lack of a better phrase) in mom’s debt for the free childcare.

            I do agree with Anon @ 11:00 that the dog is a fact of life now and best to just think of it as the family dog, albeit Mom’s responsibility.

          • Anonymous

            I think it’s the equivalent of an unplanned pregnancy (or mom deciding she wants her unsavory boyfriend to move in) — this has happened and while it was not wanted or planned, you will decide that you are making the best of it and that this is just how your household is now. Dog training. You do it since your mom won’t. Worst case: an untrained dog bites your kids and then you lose your free childcare at the same time.

          • Anonymous

            Um, if mom had her unsavory boyfriend move in, OP would definitely be within her rights to kick him out.

    • Anonymous

      Pay for childcare and move out. You can’t drug a puppy to keep it from barking.

    • Stop this barking dog!!!

      Thanks for the answers so far.

      For clarity:
      The childcare my mom provides isn’t free. We pay her living expenses, her car note, her medical care, etc and give her several hundred dollars a month. Before the dog, it was a great deal because of the convenience. No drop off or pick up hassles, and my mom is great with small children. She was also working for minimum wage, so this was a way to spend her golden years with family, literally never worrying about money again. She’s not my servant.

      We also offered to get her a condo or apartment nearby because the dog was so noisy. Free of charge to her. She said no because she doesn’t want to have to commute to our house.

      Questions:
      I am willing to throw money at this. For the obedience school overnight option, does the owner have to follow up with the training after? Because she just won’t do it.

      We have a large yard so the dog seems to get a lot of exercise. Is there a Yorkie guidebook or something to read? I know nothing about dogs.

      • Anon

        Having a yard != dog is well exercised. Additionally, an unattended Yorkie is hawk bait in a lot of places. She, you, someone needs to actually be interacting with the dog by walking, playing fetch, working on tricks. All the money in the world won’t help you with a bored, unstimulated puppy. The only want throwing money at the problem might be effective is if you hire a dog walker, to supplement exercise.
        Training is not a “set it and forget it” proposition with dogs any more than it is with people. Your family will need to consistently reinforce it.
        Is there a reason your mom wants a dog? It doesn’t really sound like anyone is too into the idea of having the little guy around, which makes me sad for the dog, since he didn’t ask for this situation and is just being a puppy.

      • Anon

        I’ve never had a Yorkie but grew up with my dad having labs, and they used to go away to obedience school and come back a few weeks later completely trained. I don’t think dad had to do much follow up other than utilizing the training (tell them to sit, tell them to heel, etc). I don’t know why it would be any different for a smaller breed. If your mom is willing to part with the pup for a few weeks, might be the most efficient option.

      • Anon

        Yes, follow up is 100% required for effective training. This arrangement isn’t working any more.

      • Anon

        On the obedience school this will vary by trainer. You will have to do at least one or two follow up sessions so the trainer can teach you the techniques that they used to train the dog (I’ve seen some that come to your house for a followup session to fine tune your dog in their home environment). So long as your mother follows these techniques she should be fine. She doesn’t need to do ongoing training. And unless you have an absurdly stubborn mother, it shouldn’t be that hard to maintain. Use the same cue words, positive reinforcement and be consistent. You aren’t training the dog for an agility contest, she just needs to not poop/pee and be able to remember simple commands: sit, stay, drop it, down/get off. I practice these with my animal while sitting on the couch watching TV with a pile of treats on the coffee table.

      • Anonymous

        You are the owner in this situation because you are taking responsibility for training. So you need to be doing the follow-up.

        Also: walk dog with baby in stroller needs to be part of the routine once new baby comes. Yorkies don’t walk that far — it could be an Irish Setter.

      • Keek

        A yard is not the sole kind of exercise a dog needs. Think of the yard as convenience for you, but not exercise for a dog. She needs to walk the dog.

        Any kind of training is predicated on the owner following up with training after. Dog training is 90% training the humans how to train the dog and 10% of actually training the dog.

        This sounds like a garbage situation but I think you need to enforce a serious boundary with your mom before it all goes south. Also, given that it sounds like you are from a culture where people are not “dog” people, just a reminder that this dog needs to be attended to by a veterinarian regularly and receive vaccinations for all of your sakes.

      • anon a mouse

        You and your mom need to come to an agreement, in advance, about the right level of barking that will make this a workable solution. Is it no barking? Barking only if someone rings the doorbell? Etc. Be very clear that you want to find a solution for her to keep the dog and continue to live with you but that you can’t support the status quo. And put a time limit on it — solved a month before the baby is due or you move her out.

        In your shoes I would recommend a one-on-one dog trainer who will come to the house and work with the dog AND your mom (and you, probably). The knock against overnight trainings or training schools is that the dog will learn to behave in that environment and it will be hard to replicate. Your best bet for success is to have someone come 3x a week (or more) at the beginning and then adjust as necessary.

      • PolyD

        Is she refusing to participate in training, or you know she’s not good with follow-up? I find it odd when people get dogs but don’t want to train them. I mean, you’re not talking about training a Yorkie to rescue Timmy from the well, just basic good dog manners.

        Plus I think most/many dogs like to learn things? Can you sell it as it’s training, but also fun for the dog? And when the grandkids get older, they could have fun teaching the already-well-behaved dog some good tricks and things.

      • Anon

        Wow. I am a huge dog lover but in your situation I would not be ok with someone just moving a dog into my house without my agreement. I assume you’re going to have to pay all the dog costs too, and that can be expensive. This whole thing is ridiculous. You need to put your foot down and re-home the dog.

    • Anonymous

      this is what happens when you accept a gift like free childcare! pay the money to train the dog. also, start paying more attention to your mom–was there anything going on to make her feel neglected (or anything else that would have prompted her to get a dog unannounced?)

      • Eh

        She said above the childcare is not free. She pays her mom. Several hundred dollars a month plus living expenses, car, and medical.

        • Anonymous

          +1. If she’s your dependent (and it sounds like she is), then a house rule about pets should be followed. I think she’s actually being kind of disrespectful. It’s one thing to ask about getting a dog and then bring a dog into the home that you’re going to train, but to get it without asking and then not train it is ridiculous.

        • Anonymous

          To be fair by OP’s usage of the term car note I’m 99% sure they are somewhere with universal healthcare so medical isn’t some generous gift.

      • Anon

        So what happens when her child goes to school full time and they don’t really need moms help? Are they still going to be obligated to financially support her? This situation sounds really messy.

    • anon1

      if I had a few bucks to spend, i would hire a trainer that will help dog acclimate w new house and kids… and also hire a dog walker in case your mom run out of time to walk the dog regularly. maybe start there and first steps

    • Anon

      Having a mom like that sounds like an amazing deal to me actually, even with the dog. Some of you don’t know how lucky you are.

      But to address the pb re the dog, it sounds to me like in addition to what others side, maybe the kid (existing) should take some responsibility in helping with the dog and might have played a role in the dog acquisition.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed on the first part–you have a mom who is willing to help and good with small kids! that sounds great.

  13. Petite

    Hello hive! I’m trying to help my mom find a cocktail dress for her daughter/my sister’s wedding and would appreciate any leads. A few limitations:

    – she is petit (5’2, size 6/8) and most dresses make her look frumpy
    – wedding will be outside in shaded warm weather, but she insists on sleeves to the elbow or wrist
    – lightweight fabric would be a plus
    – wedding dress code is formal, but my mom would like a short dress (to the knee or just above)

    Any leads would be much appreciated! Thanks!!

  14. Health insurance

    I’ve met my deductible for my health insurance for the year. What are some “extras” that I should think about doing? I already do the standard annual physical, lady dr appt, dermatologist, and I get acupuncture. Any advice? Thanks in advance!

    • Anon

      Physical therapy for your aches and pains or whatever is causing you to seek acupuncture

      A visit to a podiatrist and custom orthotics if your feet hurt

      An eye exam by an Opthamologist

      If you’re old enough or have family history, a mammo and/or a colonoscopy

    • MagicUnicorn

      Any annoying aches & pains you want looked at? Ongoing low-grade problems that you didn’t address in your physical? Does vision count? I like to use up extra in my flex account on new glasses.

    • Anon

      I also get prescriptions you may have in advance (i.e. have doctor prescribe three month supply in December)

      • ElisaR

        my insurance wouldn’t cover a 3 month prescription even if the doc wrote it that way

      • Anon

        It really depends on the insurance. My insurance requires a three month supply unless it is a one time medicine – this is common for insurances that use Express Scripts as the pharmacy insurer.

    • anonshmanon

      Also search for the same question in one of last week’s threads, there were lots of ideas in there!

      • Health insurance

        I thought I saw it discussed here before my it’s not coming up on my searches! Darn. If someone could please link the thread, I’d be v appreciative.

  15. Allergy shots

    I’ve always had pollen-mold-dust allergies in addition to various animal allergies (cats and per testing: dogs, horses, most other critters). It’s been managable with OTC meds as needed until I moved into an allergy vortex and everything went sideways. Per the allergist, the shots are a real thing (at least weekly in Year 1, but tapering over time), to commit to, but will work in a way that meds do not. I’m so sick and tired of feeling sick and gunky that I’m game for it to start. It is a bit crazy to me b/c I work at a desk job so I wouldn’t think I’m even exposed to nature enough for it to matter, but my track record says something in my system is going haywire.

    Annecdata from the Hive?

    I’m in the SEUS now, but NEUS originally.

    • Anonymous

      I’m guessing you moved to Nashville? Kidding, but only sorta. It really is the worst for this. My H did the shots and it helped, but not as much as he was hoping. I’ve developed seasonal allergies since moving here and power through with claritin (daily) and flonase.

      • Anon

        +1 Not the OP, but even though I’m from the SEUS originally, my allergies went insane once I moved to Nashville. I did allergy testing, and apparently my pollen allergies run from Feb to October here… I have generally been able to manage with medications (Singulair + Flonase + Claritin as needed) but still was getting sinus headaches/lethargy/etc. Was also concerned about medication becoming less effective over time. Allergist said I was generally the ideal person to try allergy shots. I just started, and it’s a big time commitment (2-3 times a week before work for a few months), but I’m optimistic!

    • Allergic anon

      Allergy shots less than one year in have seen a marked improvement for me. I have/had allergic asthma so this is quite literally a life saver. The treatment varies by doctor and by your level of time commitment. It is time consuming the first several months but totally worth it and honestly very natural – you’re teaching your body out of an allergy through increased exposure so no additional drugs. There are generally two phases (I started and was at the once a month maintenance phase after six months):
      1) Build up – Either a) do rush therapy where you take an entire day and they dose you ever couple of hours to get your dosage up in a very short period of time or b) a normal build up which is one or two shots weekly
      2) Maintenance phase – a round of shots every four to six weeks for three to five years – I actually know quite a few allergists who will mix your shots and allow the shot given by any provider that they have approved so my PCP or company’s on-site nurse can be briefed and give me the shots.
      Most allergists I’ve consulted with have nurses or medical assistants do the shots and you don’t need to see the doctor, so I go in, get my shot within 5 minutes of arrival, wait for thirty minutes to ensure you don’t have a non-local reaction and leave. You will have a prescription for and carry an epipen for the next day or so as added precaution.

      • Anon.

        +1 to pretty much all of this.

        I did the ‘Rush’ build up and it was absolutely worth it for me. I saw a marked improvement within weeks.

        5 years later, I’m no longer on maintenance and my quality of life is SIGNIFICANTLY better. And my Kleenex budget is significantly lower.

    • Anon

      Make sure to use a corticosteroid nasale spray (flonase and an OTC like claritin or zyrtec) especially during the shot day because you could get extra sniffly/have worse symptoms for a day or so. Most doctors actually require you to take an OTC antihistamine before shots anyway.

    • Anonymous

      Allergy shots were a game changer for me. Serious time commitment from not only the frequency, but as a poster above noted, they generally make you wait about 30 minutes to ensure no dangerous reaction. They not only lessened my seasonal allergies in a big way, they almost eliminated my oral allergy syndrome (I’ve had allergies my whole life and it took until I was in my 20s to have someone tell me that raw carrots and raw stone fruit sometimes making my mouth itch were due to a cross reaction from my birch allergy).

      • Inspired By Hermione

        …that explains what happens when I eat carrots. I knew stone fruit but not the carrots. Thanks!

    • GCG

      Is there an allergist in your area that provides sublingual immunotherapy (e.g. allergy drops)? They are not FDA approved (and so not covered by insurance) but have been available in Europe for years. The allergy clinic I go to offers them and I’ve noticed a marked improvement in my allergies since starting them about a year and a half ago. And the out-of-pocket expense was not bad when compared to all the co-pays and weekly visits I’d have to make if I went the shot route.

  16. Anonymous

    So clearly no one ever sends me flowers — just received a vase for the 2nd time in my life. It’s been 3-4 days. The flowers are still doing ok but the water is looking cloudy and gross and it looks like the flowers at absorbing a lot of the water. I have the same recollection of cloudy water the last time I got flowers – like 10 years ago? Is this normal? For people who always keep fresh cut flowers around the house, are you constantly changing out the water? Because that seems like a lot of work . . . .

    • Anonymous

      Yes. After a few days, when the water looks gross, you tip it out and refill

    • Anonymous

      This is normal. Every couple of days, I pull out the flowers and re-trim the stems (cut off about half an inch and cut them at an angle) and change the water. Keeping the stems bare (strip the leaves) below the water line helps keep the water from getting as gross so you don’t have to change it as often.

    • anon

      Yep, this is a thing. Carry it to the sink; grab the stems with one hand; dump, rinse and refill the vase with the other. Depending how much you care about making the bouquet last, you might take this as the time to yank the wilted flowers out and leave only the freshest ones–in my house and office the garbage can is under the sink. Side benefit, if you are in an office, carrying the vase will be a chance to get compliments on it and let other people see pretty flowers.

    • Trixie

      yes, change the water. don’t make it hard! Just hold the flowers, pour the water into the sink, and add new water. In a perfect world, you can add on cutting the stems again (helps them drink up) and mix flower food with water and pour that into the vase. You can also rinse out the vase. Enjoy the flowers!

    • Anon

      Do everything everyone else said but rinse the stems too, before you cut off up to 2” and put them back in clean water. Definitely get rid of dying flowers and any leaves that are below the water line.

  17. Wellbutrin

    For those who have taken Wellbutrin, when did you start to notice the medication start having an effect?

    • Anon

      Two weeks to three weeks. I also dropped 10 lbs over six weeks so watch out for that side effect.

      • Wellbutrin

        Hey that sounds great. But is it due to this horrible nausea that won’t go away? :(

        • Anon

          For me, it was pretty quick, maybe over the first week I started sleeping better and the veil of I hate everything just kind of lifted. The nausea may be a side effect of formulation. Are you taking a generic? I can only take two generic preparations, the others give me either nausea or a headache. I always ask the pharmacy person to either open the box or read off the manufacturer. But this is a trial and error situation; you should mention the nausea to your Dr’s office and they may decide to ask pharmacy to give you the brand name.

        • Anon

          Mine didn’t come with any nausea, I just lost the weight without really trying. It stopped at around the 10 lb mark and I slowly picked that up again over about a year. Give it a few weeks, if the naseau and other annoying symptoms are still there, talk to your doctor. Welbutrin is generally well tolerated but it may not be for you, or he may have you change the way you take it. For example, I can take it on an empty stomach but some people can’t. I can’t take mine right before bed either because it messes with my sleep.

        • Anemone

          Don’t take it on an empty stomach. 20-30 minutes after a meal worked best for me.

    • anon

      I felt the effects pretty immediately. I did have a reduced appetite/slight nausea when I tried to eat for the first few months which was kinda annoying but that eventually normalized. In the mean time I was kind to myself with regards to what I ate– ie, no beating myself up for not being able to force down kale and just eating something less healthy– not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

    • Anon

      For me, I think it took close to six weeks for side effects to subside enough for the effects to become appreciable.

    • No Problem

      I felt vaguely better after a couple days, but after 5 or 6 weeks I noticed a sudden improvement. It was like someone flipped a switch. I didn’t have any nausea (definitely mention to your doctor!) but I did have a decreased appetite and lost 8-10 lbs over the course of a few months.

    • Anonny

      Fairly quickly, within a week or two. I also experienced an all-over rash as a result of the medication so I had to return to the doctor pretty quickly and transition to something rash-free.

  18. Anon

    I asked a week or so about vitamin C serums, specifically the rather expensive Skinceuticals serum ($170).

    I ended up buying a dupe from amazon (Dr. Brenner’s, recommended by one of the articles posted on the redd1t skincare sidebar) and got it with same day shipping. Unfortunately it was already slightly yellow and I was disappointed to have bought something that might have started oxidizing already. It was only $16.99.

    Then, because I know myself and know if I went down the “dupe” road I’d end up spending $179 on trying to find the right dupe and never be satisfied, I ended up buying the Skinceuticals, with a small discount for being a new Dermstore customer.

    I have been using it for a week? Just under a week? And I can tell the difference already. My skin looks less dull and also looks smoother. If it’s really boosting the effectiveness of my sunscreen it’s a total winner.

    I’ve decided to use the dupe on my chest and hands.

    Thanks for all the input! I will try to remember to post in a few months about the longer term effects.

    • Anonymous

      I have a sample of the DE vitamin C serum that’s bright orange. Does that mean it’s oxidized?

      • Anonymous

        Google image search “drunk elephant vitamin c oxidized” and compare. A fresh one has an orange hue to it because of other ingredients but is mostly clear.

    • RR

      If you end up looking for a less expensive “dupe” again, I’ve been really happy with the Glossier version. I’ve had it and been using it for a couple months, and I still see no signs of oxidation in my bottle. I think it was $30 something?

    • Anon

      Honestly it could be where you bought it from. I never buy products to put on my skin from Amazon because they are often old or questionable Chinese “remakes” in fake packaging. I always read the reviews and half the time the more critical reviews focus on the product not being an original or the formulation mysteriously changing. Buy from the actual brand or buy at more reputable sites.

        • Anon

          That doesn’t mean the product is good. I’ve gone through several company stores on Amazon and for many of them Amazon buys a large chunk of their stock and it sits in warehouses and is shipped by Amazon when ready. This happened to me with a patio umbrella. I called the company directly and they wouldn’t cover it as it was “sold” through their company store but actually bought from Amazon. There is a good chance your product was old.
          And I’ve also seen Chinese scammers setting up a company store on Amazon and using a brand illegally or without the company’s awareness. There could be six vendors that look like the same company. In general Amazon purchasing has gotten very sketchy since they started letting in unvetted Chinese companies sell on there to compete with Alibaba.

        • Anon

          So according to an episode of Patriot Act I watched a while back (or possibly an article I read around the same time), because of the way Amazon stores and codes stuff from third party knockoffs, they’re often stored right next to the originals and often knockoffs get shipped out as originals even when you try to buy from the actual seller and not a knockoff.

    • Anonymous

      ooff this makes me want to spring for Skinceuticals. I’m generally a “save $ on products and invest in treatments” person, but I am intrigued.

    • PolyD

      I use Sunday Riley CEO 15% Vitamin C Brightening Serum and I really like it. Same as you said – by skin looks less dull and smoother, and that’s with using it only once a day (in the morning because at night I use a night cream with retinol and I’m not sure retinol and Vitamin C mix well? I have no basis for this). It’s not cheap – $85 at Sephora – but it’s cheaper than $179. I’d say with once-a-day-use, the bottle lasts a good 5-6 months.

      Man, I never thought I’d get into the “good” skin care stuff. I blame Sephora’s subscription box, which I ultimately cancelled after about a year (no one needs that many primer samples!!!) but it did introduce me to some product$ that I really like.

      • Anon

        I’m OP – Not to take you down this road, but the Sunday Riley is what I was using before – also seduced by a sample. The Skinceuticals is miles more effective so far.

        • BeenThatGuy

          I’m a long-time use of the Skinceuticals serum. That’s great that you’ve noticed a difference in a few days. I think it took me 2-3 months to really see a difference. If I miss a few days of it, I certainly notice a different so stay consistent. It’s a great product (minus the smell of ham for the first 30 seconds)

    • Beaglelover

      I agree it is effective, but SkinCeuticals is NOT cruelty-free, so I use The Ordinary. Way cheaper and no dogs get tortured.

      • nona

        Do they use dogs for biocomp testing? I thought it was usually rats/mice/rabbits/guinea pigs.

  19. Coco

    Recommendations please for hotel in New Orleans. I will be with my teen son and we’ve never been. I’ve been told we should stay in the garden district. Something near public transportation and something unique to the area but not over the top expensive would be ideal. Thank you!

    Also any recs for unique restaurants – we are from SF and have never been to the area at all. Barely even been to the south before :)

    • Anonymous

      I like Le Pavillion. It’s an old historic hotel with a roof pool. A short walk to Bourbon Street, but still quiet at the hotel.

      • PolyD

        Seconding the WWII museum – it’s amazing!

        We did a bike tour through Confederacy of Cruisers. Ours included cocktails, but I think they have some that are for food. Really a great way to see New Orleans.

      • Anonymous

        It is fantastic even if you aren’t at all into history. Great storytelling.

    • Anon

      The Garden District is nice, but I would lean toward staying in the Downtown area. There are some really nice hotels in the Warehouse District/CBD. This would put you in between the Frenchquarter and the Garden District, and close to the streetcar line which heads either out to the cemeteries (Mid-City/City Park area) or to the Garden District (Uptown). Check out: NOPSI, The Ace Hotel, Drury Inn for Warehouse District/CBD. Or, in the Frenchquarter Hotel Monteleone or the Royal Sonesta. All of these hotels, except the Drury Inn, have nice rooftop pools as well. In the Garden District I love the Henry Howard Hotel, but I don’t know if it’s ideal for what you’re looking for.

      For restaurants, it depends on what you like, but there are plenty good ones:
      Uptown:
      Commander’s Palace
      Restaurant Atchafalaya
      Saba (former chef from Shaya)

      Downtown:
      Restaurant August
      Bayona
      Meril
      Antoine’s (I’m not going to lie, the souffle potatoes are just the best ever!)
      Mr. B’s

      Mid-City
      Ralph’s on the Park
      Parkway Bakery (for po-boys!)

      If you’re going in August, check out “coolinary” which is a month-long special where restaurants have deals and a pre-fixe menu for a special price! It’s a fun way to check out pricier restaurants.

      • Anonymous

        I always stayed at the Hampton Inn & Suites in the Warehouse District (near friends, but also super-walkable to so much). It is in an old warehouse, so don’t let the generic-ness of the name turn you off. Lots of other hotels around there (chains, not chains). FWIW, WW2 and Cabildo and just walking around down there are great.

    • Anon

      There is an Autograh collection Marriott right near Bourbon St – called The Saint, on Canal St – very nice and convenient to best restaurants – there are so many good ones…

    • Never too many shoes...

      Visit Cemetary #1 – it is so interesting. Resting place of Marie Laveau (the Voodoo Queen) and for the law nerds, Homer Plessy (of Plessy v. Ferguson).

      Hotel le Marais is really lovely. It is in the French Quarter but off Bourbon enough that it is quiet at night.

    • Delta Dawn

      The Roosevelt or the Hotel Monteleone! Monteleone has a rotating bar called the Carousel– probably don’t take your teen there at night, but maybe during the day you could swing through there and have a coke while the bar turns. For meals– Commander’s Palace and Antoine’s (it’s Nola’s Oldest Resturant) are fancy dinners but could be less fancy at lunchtime. Of course Cafe du Monde for beignets– it’s on Jackson Square,super casual, outdoor coffee-stand atmosphere. Or Brennan’s for brunch– pricier but they make bananas foster at your tableside and you get to watch them set it on fire! Definitely agree with the recommendations for the WWII museum.

    • anonymous

      I would recommend staying in the French Quarter. I’ve stayed at the Marriot on Canal Street a couple of times. I’ve booked it as a package deal with air fare through Southwest.

    • NOLA

      I would stay downtown, if you’ve never been here before. There aren’t many hotels in the Garden District. It’s residential. If you stayed at Le Pavillion, you’d be in the central business district, but really close to the Quarter and the streetcar to get uptown. I’ve heard that the Intercontinental has paper thin walls. My friends were pretty miserable there.

      • NOLA

        Definitely go to see the sculpture garden at NOMA! One of my favorite places/things to do.

    • Anonymous

      What are you planning to do with your son in New Orleans? I ask because I really want to go but my husband doesn’t think there will be enough for our teenage son to do there, if we go for a family vacation. I’d love a use case to show my husband it can work!

    • anon.

      NOLA native and current resident. You have some good restaurant recommendations here. I’ll add (higher end): Peche, Herbsaint, Brigsten’s, Delmonico. Not fancy: Turkey and the Wolf, Pagoda Cafe (not far from city park), Paloma Cafe.

      Hotel: Agree with recs to stay downtown.

      Activities: City Park (so much to do there), WWII Museum, Walk at crescent park, Ride the streetcar all the way uptown on St. Charles (and get a piece of pie at Camellia Grill while you’re at it), look at local calendars and see if there’s a festival the weekend you come, there’s usually something fun going on.

    • Ms B

      In the French Quarter, not the Garden District, but I like the Dauphine Orleans. Oodles of charm. Easy access to the Garden District and the Zoo by streetcar or Lyft; walking district to the river and the Warehouse District.

      For dining, I like Cochon, Felix’s (stand to eat the oysters!), K-Paul’s (cajun martinis!) and breakfast at Brennan’s, plus of course Cafe du Monde for beignets and coffee. For fine dining, I cannot resist Commander’s Palace (the lunch special is a Very Good Deal), but I also like the original Emeril’s (eat at the food bar) and Arnaud’s (those potatoes!).

  20. Anon Unhappy Tenant

    I need advice from some New Yorkers. I just moved here in May (yay!). I met my two roommates on Roomi. I’m pleased with my location and the apartment itself, but I really, really can’t stand one of my roommates – the other one is great. It’s not just a “leaves takeout in the fridge too long” kind of thing. Example: I had a guy over that I had gone out with a few times, and we were getting ready to head out for the evening. Everyone in the apartment knew he was there, and him and I were in the kitchen chatting. My roommate comes out of her room and proceeds to attempt to have a full on conversation with us IN A BLACK PUSHUP BRA AND WHITE SHORT SHORTS. This person is almost 29 years old and completely rejects all forms of communication. On top of that, our values and beliefs are completely unaligned. I truly cannot stand to be around her and if she’s home, I don’t enjoy being in my apartment. I try to just keep to myself if she’s there but she has no scope of personal privacy or alone time . I am not on the lease, only the roommate I don’t like is. I’m considering looking for a new place. Our lease isn’t up until May of 2020 and I just don’t know if I can last that long. Plus, my mom has been watching my cat for me since I moved and I’d really love to move somewhere pet friendly. How should I go about doing this? Should I offer to find my replacement? Do people do things like this often in New York? I feel like when I was looking for a place, there are just endless options of people looking to find someone to take over their rooms.

    • Anonymous

      I mean, step one is you grow up a bit. “Excuse me why aren’t you wearing clothes?” “I can’t talk to you now.” “Please leave my room Idlike to be alone.”

    • Anon

      Honestly I’d just move asap. You literally can’t stand being in your home when she’s there. You might get her to put on some clothes, but you won’t ever feel comfortable in your own home. You aren’t on the lease (do you have a sublease agreement?). If there is no contract, just go, they can find their own roommate.

    • Anon

      I mean, she lives there too, so if she wants to wear a bra and shorts in her own home, that’s not unreasonable. But also yes, learn to use your words.

      • Anon

        I have lived with a lot of different roommates, and, unless I was dating the person I was living with, it was always considered unreasonable to walk around in just a bra and shorts. That’s a pretty standard requirement for living with other people

        • Anon

          Agreed. Bless your heart if you think this is normal but to most people, respecting the common spaces of the apartment by not being half naked around their guests is pretty much standard.

    • Anonymous

      I mean, have you really lived in NYC if you haven’t had at least one interesting/terrible random roommate experience? (I had one roommate I lived with for two and a half years and yet basically never saw and could tell you nothing about. If the FBI contacted me tomorrow for a background check on her, I legit would have no information for them or even be able to confirm basic facts like age). Did you move in to an apartment they already had a lease on? If so, I wouldn’t feel too bad about moving out. Roommates in NYC are a constant revolving door. They can find someone to replace you.

      • anon

        Lol, they do this exact roommate situation thing in Broad City regarding the MIA roommate.

      • Anon

        Not in NYC, but I had a roommate in college like that freshman year. My first roommate moved in to her sorority over winter break, and I got a new roommate. She moved nothing in to our room, and I think I only met her once (and I’m not even sure of that at this point). I basically got the room to myself, which was great for me.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve never lived in NYC, but while I wouldn’t do what your roommate did, that alone doesn’t seem like an objectively awful thing or a reason to move out. Is there more to it?

    • Worry about yourself

      I mean, you could start by telling her “Jane, it was a little uncomfortable having you come chat with us in a state of undress, I’d appreciate if you were more fully clothed in common areas when we have guests over.” But it does seem like the two of you simply aren’t a match, and it wouldn’t be unfair if you told her you were going to start looking for a new place to live, you’ll keep her updated on your timeline as things progress, and offer help finding your replacement. Putting the word out on social media, taking the photos for the Craigslist ad, and keeping your room tidy and minimizing your clutter in common spaces, are little things that can make a big difference.

    • Anon

      That doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. I’d just say something. Also, you’re the one who was inviting other people into your shared space. Unless she is doing things like stealing you things, I would just put up with her until your lease ends.

  21. Anonymous

    Does anyone have a great breakfast cookie recipe that’s healthy but yummy? The Google search is overwhelming me..

    • Anon

      I love savory oatmeal squares. You can make them hard like a cookie (if you do this, limit fillings to cheese, herbs, flavored nuts and don’t keep out longer than a week) or bake soft and freeze them. I love the sundried tomatoes and olives as below, but I’ve done all kinds of fillings, pretty much anything pickled or from your cheese drawer. One change is that I always add eggs, they help bind everything and help me stay full.

      http://anjaschwerin.com/food/savory-oat-bars-with-olives-and-sun-dried-tomatoes/

    • Anonymous

      Pinch of Yum banana blueberry breakfast cookie. I double the flour and baking soda to make them less doughy.
      Run Fast, Eat Slow sweet potato breakfast cookie (no alterations to recipe).
      Both of these freeze well.

    • Anonymous

      It’s been a long time since I used to regularly visit this page, but I recall the Fitnessista had a couple of good recipes for breakfast cookies.

    • Marilla

      I like the Bon Appetit quinoa almond/cranberry breakfast cookie. Store in the freezer past a day or so.

  22. Favorite Internet Communities/Blogs

    What are your favorite internet communities, pages, blogs, forums, etc? (Yes, totally going down the rabbit hole!)

    For me: Captain Awkward, Ask a Manager, Money Diaries at Refinery 29, Janet Lansbury, Gottman Blog, thr Onion, and old essays from Dear Sugar — many of them from recs on this site!

    • Anonymous

      Here, obvs, Ask a Manager, Money Diaries, recently got into Ask Amy from WaPo, but my big one is Reddit. I have carefully curated subreddits that are relevant to my interests and avoid most “mainstream” ones.

    • Anon

      Redd1t – AITA (am I the assh0le), skincare addiction, and then some of the cooking subs because that is my interest.

      • Worry about yourself

        AITA is great, also xxfitness which is a fitness forum for women, it has daily discussions very similar to what you find here!

        • Anon

          I almost forgot and must confess: my favorite redd1t sub is Bravo Real Housewives

          Some super funny and clever posters in that sub.

  23. Dating Woes

    How do you deal with constant rejection while dating without letting it ruin your self esteem? I’ve been dating for years without finding someone who even likes me enough to consider being exclusive with me, and it’s really stating to wear me down.

    I have good self esteem, and I think I’m a catch, but I worry that *I’m* the problem, not all of these guys. I have a full life, and I’m happy with it, but I also want a partner and to settle down and get married.

    Is therapy the answer? I don’t even know how I’d address that in therapy—“I seem to be the problem in my dating life, not all the guys”?

    I’ve taken breaks from dating before, and I guess that’s what I should maybe do now, but I also feel like if I’m not actively dating then I’m missing out on potential opportunities.

    Help?

    • Anon

      Could you replace dating with some other activity that increases your chance of meeting people? Take some classes or join some clubs?

    • Monday

      Check out A Single Serving podcast and the affiliated Facebook group. It’s about being single more broadly, but definitely deals with these kinds of issues in a mature, articulate way.

      The host, Shani Silver, is also a writer with lots of great articles online.

      Separately: the book “It’s Not You.”

    • Celia

      Have you talked with a good friend? Do you have a male friend who could give feed back?

    • Anonymous

      omg, shani silver is one of the most bitter single author’s i have ever read. if you look into her, look into other more positive things as well. maybe therapy would help? if you are in NYC, dating is extremely tough here so, commiserating with you!

    • DCR

      I don’t know how old you are, but this has been the experience of all my single friends and I in our 30s in DC. In our 20s, there were guys who we would date for 6 mts to a year, and then break up. In our 30s, it seems to either we go on 6 dates or less with a guy or we marry the guy. I honestly can’t think of anyone I know who has been in a true relationship in their 30s, and who didn’t end up marrying them. (I’m sure they exist, but it does not seem to be the norm at least in my social circle.)

      I’m not sure if this is because we have a better sense of our deal-breakers and what we are looking for, are a better judge of character, are willing to put up with less bullshit, if guys who are still single at this age are all either looking for a one-night stand or to settle down, or some combination of all those factors and others. But, in case it helps, it is not just you. Sadly, I have no advice on fixing it or stopping the cycle.

    • Anon

      Find a friend willing to be exceedingly blunt with you, or understand that it sometimes just takes time.

  24. anon

    I’m in my mid 30s and it seems like whenever I get together with my friends who are also lawyers, there’s a weird competition to show who works more. It’s insanely annoying and I feel like at this point in my career, that amount of work probably means you have bad management, not that you are SO important (I’m looking at you law firms- why give 2 associates 40 hrs, when you can give 1 zero hrs and another 80?). At this point, a lot of them are now feds or in-house and I feel like there’s a chip on their shoulder about proving that they are just as valuable as our big law counterparts. Anyone else deal with this? Any way to stop it? I’m really tired of it- I work hard when I’m at work, but I don’t think there’s anything noble or glorifying about working 80 hrs for a corporation and killing myself and taking time away from my personal endeavors for an employer (if that DOES give you satisfaction, great, but I don’t think that’s the case here).

    • Anon

      You need new friends. Most of my friends are lawyers. We barely talk about work, except to get advice on usually an office politics issue, let alone compete about who works the most. You may be a circle that is prestige and competition driven. In your situation, I’d back away from those friendships and embrace the ones with nonlawyers/with lawyer friends who do not humblebrag this way.

      • anon

        These are people I’ve known and been close with since law school over 10 years ago, so I’d rather not throw away the relationship. I’d rather figure out a way to redirect the conversation in a useful way.

        • anon

          I’m in DC if it matters… I feel like this happened less in other states I’ve lived in.

          • Anon

            Oh yes the typical DC talk. Whenever the “competition”is on I usually just responds “sounds horrible, I don’t know how you put up with it” then silence. Makes them sound like they are victims rather than winners and usually makes things less fun to brag about.

          • Anon

            I’m in DC, and don’t have those conversations with any of my non-biglaw friends.

            Are these conversations always happening when a biglaw attorney is present? IME, lots of biglaw attorneys have to talk about how busy they are because it’s a source of pride and sign of responsibility in their firm and because they have nothing else to talk about because they are always working. None of my friends who are attorneys in gov’t or non-profits do that, unless either a biglaw attorney starts it or they are legitimately in a really busy period.

          • Anon

            Also, can you think about how this hours topic comes up? I hate, hate, hate the question “what’s new with you?” I’m in my 30s, most of the time nothing is truly new with me and I say this is someone with a lot of hobbies and activities. When I was in biglaw, I would often answer that question with talking about how busy I was, because I didn’t have anything else that came to mind. Now I try to answer with some activity I did over the weekend, but it is still a horrible question and I can see how it would lead to a discussion of hours.

          • anon

            There’s only 1 former big-law person, my husband (and he definitely doesn’t glorify working OT- he moved to gov and very happily works 40 hrs a week now). But for the rest it’s a sore-spot because we graduated in 2010, and I know many of them would have liked to be in big-law and feel like they would have been, had we not been interviewing in 2008. I feel like they still aren’t over it. Some good strategies here, I’ll try them.
            I work in law- adjacent now and truly don’t dgaf about hours, so it’s mostly me & my friend’s husband, an engineer, yawning at each other when this happens.

        • Triangle Pose

          If these are such good and lasting friends, use your words and tell them. I am an in house lawyer and have lots of lawyer friends and we never talk about to work the way you’ve described. Say to them “I’m sick of talking about work and busyness! What’s the best show you are watching right now? We’re planning a vavcation, any destinations you’ve been eyeing? Did you go to so and so’s birthday, how was the restaurant? etc. on and on. Just tell them you don’t want to talk about work. But yes, I saw this MUCH more in D.C. than in other places. D.C. has a weird culture about it where everyone wants to talk about their job and how important it is. Other cities haven’t been like that for me.

      • Anon

        Would your friends pick up on your cues to steer away from the topic? For example, if someone says they worked an 80 hour week can you reply any of the following:
        “Enough about work, what’s going on with X (last vacation, family, some other topic)?”
        “Everyone’s hours are long. How’s X (new topic)?
        “We all work too much to be talking about how much we work. I’m glad to get away from things with y’all.”

        Or you could address the issue head-on with your friends. Maybe if you let it be known that you don’t glorify how many hours someone is working and you’re here if someone needs to vent, but otherwise you’d rather talk about more positive and interesting things.

        FWIW, I do share your pain with my fellow DC lawyer-friends (though not all of them) and I’m starting to feel that discussing hours is a little like discussing money and I just don’t need to know (or feel the need to compete with you) over the bonus you’re making.

    • Suburban

      Yeah, my husband and I have both noticed that our law school friends are weirdly competitive,not necessarily about the time they spend working but for sure about how well they’re doing. I chalk this up to the fact that we were in competition with each other for three years.

      My strategy is just let them win. “I’ve worked the last three weekends” gets met with “you poor thing, any fun vacations planned?” Honestly, my boss is the only person I am trying to impress with my work ethic. I’m pretty modest and vague when anyone asks about work in a social situation,unless they are asking for advice or something.

    • Anonymous

      I’m surprised this is happening in your mid 30s. Mid-late 20s, sure, biglaw is still new and shiny then and there is a lot of — oh I’m soooo important at my firm, aren’t you important at yours; I’m gonna make partner. By mid 30s — the partner thing has shaken out or not; some people get pushed out; some move on on their own; and even those who make partner aren’t leaping for joy as they know they’ve signed up for long hours for life, not just for another decade.

      • anon

        I mentioned this above, but we graduated in 2010, so most of them never got to do big law– and it’s a bit of a thing for them, because they feel the would have been able to had they not been interviewed in 2008. But I agree… 10 years out, let’s accept our (mostly pretty great) lots in life.

    • Anonymous

      If one or two people are the instigators I think you can lightly call them out and change the topic. “Ew who wants to talk about work, please dish about your dating life.” If it’s a group dynamic then I think you use it as the opportunity to play on your phone/use the restroom/get another drink/space out.

  25. Curious

    If you had a small, intimate (less than 20 guests) wedding where a lot of family were not invited, would you expect to be invited to the wedding of a family member who wasn’t invited and is having a ginormous wedding? I can totally accept this but just want to make sure my expectations are appropriate. Additional info: my wedding was a compromise to eloping and thrown together in 6 weeks, if that matters.

    • Worry about yourself

      There are very few people whose weddings I would “expect” to be invited to, and I think most of those people would be invited to my wedding if I were to have one (even a small one). I don’t believe people are obligated to include everyone whose wedding they were invited to when they themselves get married. That said, I think it would be a bit petty if someone leaves you off their huge guest list just because you chose to have a really small wedding and didn’t invite them, especially if you ended up being the only family member they didn’t invite.

      • Anon

        I agree with this. The only person who’s wedding I expect to be invited to is my brothers, but there is also no situation in which I wouldn’t invite him to mine. I don’t think anyone should expect a wedding invite except from their closes family. Having said that, it is really petty if someone is leaving you out just because they were not invited to your wedding. It’s not a tit for tat situation – you invite the people who you want to be there to celebrate with you.

      • Curious

        True! There’s been lots of talk in the family about the wedding with the expectation that we’re all invited, and I’m like, hey, I’m not so sure I’M invited. Also, save the dates went out very recently and I did not receive one, which family members are convinced is a totally coincidence and it’s lost in the mail, haha.

        • Worry about yourself

          Oh no! Well, I wouldn’t assume you were purposely not invited, it might just be taking a long time for the save the date to get to you, but if a couple more weeks go by and you don’t get one, is there someone who can advocate for you on your behalf to the family member getting married, like a parent or sibling?

    • anon

      They may be sore about not having been invited to yours- I wouldn’t be, but my parents have held grudges about similar situations.

    • anon

      I wouldn’t say that I “expect” invites from anyone but it would offend me if my spouse and I were the only person left out of an otherwise complete family “circle” (e.g. all other siblings or all other first cousins or whatever were invited except me). Would I do anything about it, nope.

      • Anon fer this

        This – invite everyone at a particular level, or only a select few, but excluding one couple/family is cruddy. Like, all your first cousins = ok, none of your first cousins = ok, only the first cousin you were roommates in grad school with and are particularly close to = ok, all your first cousins EXCEPT the one you don’t really like = not cool, brah. Nothing you can really do, but super tacky, and IME, the rest of the family will notice and it’ll reflect badly on them, not you.

    • Anonymous

      Nope. You made your choices. Can’t see feeling entitled to a courtesy you didn’t offer them.

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