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Loungewear Hall of Fame: Whisper Tees

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This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Update: some colors of these great weekend tees are on sale for $9.99 in the NHYS.

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

We've mentioned this easy tee a few times over the past year (certainly in our “best weekend tees” roundup and several times in our monthly roundups for most-bought items), but I don't think we've ever featured it in a separate post.

These tees are great. My favorite is the V-neck with sleeves, but it also comes in a sleeveless V-neck. 

They're priced around $25–$35 at Zappos, Madewell, Nordstrom and elsewhere — but many are on sale right now as low as $12! Madewell Whisper T-Shirt

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

As of 2024, some of the best weekend women's t-shirts include Caslon, Madewell, Amazon Essentials, Fishers Finery, New Day, Rag & Bone, Frame, Splendid, Michael Stars, Three Dots, James Perse, and Velvet.

one of the best women's weekend t-shirts: a white crew-neck t-shirt from Amazon
New Day
one of the best women's weekend t-shirts: a black crew-neck t-shirt from Amazon
Amazon Essentials (exact)
t-shirt for work
Madewell
one of the best black weekend t-shirts for women from rag & bone
Rag & Bone

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

278 Comments

  1. I’m in the mood for some feel-good sports movies this long weekend (I don’t even love sports, but I have a soft spot for the movies). I already have Miracle on the list – any other ideas? I also saw Remember the Titans again and enjoyed it, although it’s more about race and racism than sports in the end. I have Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Disney+. TIA!

    5. I enjoyed “Bend It Like Beckham,” about women’s soccer/football. Actors include Keira Knightley, Parminder Nagra, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

        1. I recently rewatched it with my teenager and was disappointed by the cringeworthy relationships the coach has with both underaged players. I’d forgotten that part since I first watched it.

    6. We’ve been watching family sports movies with the kids this summer. Airborne, Cool Runnings, The Big Green, Mighty Ducks, Sandlot, Rookie of the Year, Little Giants, Little Big League, etc. Disney+ also has some great bad sports DCOMs like Johnny Tsunami, Ice Princess, Brink, Jump In, Double Teamed, and Right On Track.

      1. I LOVE Little Giants! I feel like it’s often overlooked in favor of the baseball movies.

        Angels in the Outfield was always a favorite of mine, too.

      2. I was an extra in Little Big League when I was a kid! I don’t think I ever saw the movie, though.

        Bend It Like Beckham is definitely my favorite, but I also like A League of Their Own, and Love and Basketball is good if you want more of a romance with sports than a sports movie exactly. All three were directed by women.

    7. The season of Pitch (first woman to play in MLB)

      The Natural

      American Anthem (gymnastics, starring Mitch Gaylord, medalist in 1984 as captain of the men’s team)

    8. It’s been a while since I saw it, but I remember loving The Mighty Ducks.

    9. No other suggestions, but I LOVE Miracle so much. I always shout “YES!” along with Al Michaels.

      2. Not to be a downer because I love the movie too, but there’s a really great 30 for 30 “Of Miracles and Men” about the Russian players in that game. And it really humanizes them and honestly made me feel kind of bad for them with the pressure they were under and how impoverished their backgrounds were. Very worth watching!

        1. That actually sounds super interesting! I don’t think it has to detract from the miracle of beating a storied, unbeatable team at all.

    10. The Rookie. I don’t particulary care for baseball, but this was such a great movie.

    13. My favourites are Cool Runnings and Ice Princess, both on Disney+, and Eddie The Eagle (don’t know where that’s available)

    14. In addition to some of the other suggestions like Cool Runnings, the Mighty Ducks, and the Rookie, I would also suggest 42, The Blind Side, Rudy, Gridiron Gang, Coach Carter, Field of Dreams.

    21. Loving all the hockey fans (or at least those who like hockey movies), so I’d recommend Take Off 2, which you can watch for free on Tubi: An odd group of women, including a North Korean defector, a short track skater and a middle school student, comes together to form South Korea’s first female ice hockey team. Based on a true story (the final games are a bit doctored though).

      If you’re into downright goofiness, try Score: A Hockey Musical but I think it’s only on DVD.

    22. I don’t know if it has aged well, but my hockey loving family loves Slap Shot.

      In sports parody movies, we love Blades of Glory and Dodgeball.

      1. Ditto to what Anon at 4:53 said for all three movies. I’m not even a hockey lover, but I love Slap Shot. Vintage Paul Newman? Any time.

    23. There’s a basketball one with Brooke Shields, and a cheerleading one with Shirley MacLane, both feelgood and mostly women main characters.

      There’s a silly but cute feelgood soccer version of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (She’s all that? or something like that).

      Chariots of Fire for white sweaters, beautiful British men and the legendary score.

      Shaolin Soccer for screwball Hong Kong comedy.

      Bull Durham for sure.

    24. The Ice skating one with Will Ferrell, Blades of Glory. I don’t particularly enjoy his style of comedy normally, but that one’s great.

    26. it’s fairly long, but good. Chariots of Fire, and the music could not be better. Also, Breaking Away set at my under grad alma mater.

    27. I really liked Million Dollar Arm if you’re looking for something about the overlap of cricket and baseball.

      HBO’s Seven Days in Hell is hilarious (maybe don’t watch it with kids or uptight adults though.)

      1. You had me at Keanu Reeves. Does Point Break count as a sports movie? Probably not but still, Keanu Reeves.

        1. Sure, why not? They have surf competitions, don’t they? That’s another fun movie.

  2. Curious if anyone is planning to volunteer as a poll worker for Election Day this year. Has anyone done it before? Can you tell us about your experience?

    1. This will be totally different this year due to covid. In past years, super long hours (often 5am-8pm or more), pay varies by location, and each assigned job is different but each involves somehow helping people through the voting process. Low SES areas often need workers more than High SES areas so if you are considering it, you may want to call for that area if you have one you can get to.

    2. I did several times in high school (in some states the age limit is 18, others 16) and it paid $9 or $10 an hour, which was better than any other jobs I had as a high school student. Bilingual clerks are especially needed in many areas and you can work in precincts that aren’t your own.

      Hours are usually long–if the polling place you’re working is open 7-7, you’ll work 5 or 6-9, longer if you’ve still got a line when the poll closes. You’ll also have to go to a paid training that’s a few hours long several weeks beforehand. If you’re an “election judge” (the person in charge of that particular polling place), there are extra responsibilities and your day will be extra extra long because you aren’t done until the ballots reach whatever central place is counting/storing them.

      You’ll want to make sure that you vote ahead of time because it can be hard to get away the day of. Dress in layers since you could be in freezing AC or outside in the sun monitoring the line or back and forth all day. Bring snacks and a book or something to do in case it’s slow (I’ve never worked a November election, but other elections had a lot of downtime combined with a few rush periods). If you’re a person who gets uncomfortable in certain types of chairs, bring your own chair or cushion.

      The job itself is like a combination of customer service and rigidly following rules/procedures. There’s a procedure for everything, many of them are a pain, and the vast majority of people walking in don’t know anything about the process aside from filling out the ballot. You’ll have to explain the same thing over and over, but most people are nice and follow instructions. You may have to walk someone through filling out a provisional ballot during a rush (which takes forever) or remind people campaigning outside to stay the proper distance away. If you’re in a place with voter id laws, you’ll have to turn people away and if you’re in a place without, some people will insist on showing you photo id anyway.

      I enjoyed being an elections clerk and encourage teens I know to do it because I think it’s a great way to really see what the voting process looks like, what all is actually on a ballot, and how few people actually vote.

      1. This is super interesting, thank you! I looked into this, but it looks like non-citizens are not allowed to serve.

    4. My husband is serving as an election judge this year. My dad has done it for years but can’t this year due to COVID safety risks so my husband (lower risk) volunteered in his stead.
      My dad found it to be an incredibly rewarding way to serve the community. It’s a very long day and mostly tedious sitting at a table checking people in. But, you also do problem solving – lots of people come in and something is a little off (like they are at the wrong location or maybe don’t have the right ID or something). You have the power to say nope and move on OR to help them figure out whether there is a way they can vote and what they need to do to get sorted out. Sometimes that means getting on the phone with the county board of elections and just being persistent till you get an answer. Even if it’s just a few people who need help, it is really valuable to help people have a positive voting experience because it’s so much more likely they will do it again. His biggest comment was that it’s a really long day with few or no breaks, so bring a lot of snacks.
      Personally, I have done a lot of election hotlines or poll watching for Lawyers Committee or with the Democratic Party. I find that very rewarding and is a shorter day as you can just take a shift for a few hours.
      If you are able to support free and fair elections this year, do it!

    1. I wanted to love this shirt (and ordered four at once because I was optimistic) but it just didn’t look right on me — size XL, large bust. It was comfy though!

  4. Am I wrong to be peeved about this? A few months ago, my (small) policy consulting company talked a big game about supporting Black employees and making commitments to support and uplift communities of color. Half an hour ago, we got a survey asking if we wanted to have an external speaker come in and discuss diversity and inclusion at our upcoming corporate retreat (via Zoom). This was immediately followed by “If we bring in a speaker, the cost of that is coming out of employee bonuses at Christmas. How much are you willing to give up from your bonus?” That’s messed up, right? That seems like it’s meant to discourage participation and to treat diversity as this “nice to have” thing rather than as a normal, expected business expense. FWIW, I’m white, but I feel like the burden is even worse on the employees of color. Is this going to make them look selfish or greedy for wanting others to give up their bonuses?

    1. WAY messed up. I’d not only be peeved, I’d be fuming at this. It’s disgusting and, if I were a person in a marginalized community, I’d feel pretty attacked by a company that forces employees to either remain less than educated on treating me decently or putting them in the position to feel some type of implicit or explicit bias toward me because they lost money to feed their family in order to not be at risk of legal ramification or job loss for their ignorance about how to treat me in the workplace.

      How is this even legal?!

    2. That’s horrific. You and your colleagues should push back strongly. Honestly I would submit this to your local news so they can be shamed publicly.

      1. This is actually offensive. I am so sorry that your workplace is mishandling this situation as such. I am a woman of color, and I would be livid if I was faced with this decision. I want my bonus. What a shady company.

    3. Super messed up. If they want to save money how about cancelling the dumb Zoom corporate retreat in the first place?

    5. I mean, all $ comes from somewhere. At some point, a business goes over mandatory (rent, electricity, taxes). I honestly want someone to make all those decisions and not put things up for a vote. OTOH, I have rarely found an outside speaker to be worth the $. My old company had $$$ speakers come in and it was an hour I could have listened to the Ted talk excerpt on YouTube or NPR that was just as good for free. That $ could have been used to lower employee health insurance contributions, etc. They also used to strongly hit you up for political donations to candidates. I get that RE development attorneys have to do this in local areas, but I don’t do that and resented the implication that I had to fund favored candidates to keep my job. Had I been politically inclined differently, I would have stayed in the closet. [Job is like accounting: not lobbying, not political.]

      1. I don’t think the issue here is the allocation of money – the business could have made that decision without involving employees – that email should have never gone out. It’s the way that the company essentially pitted personal bonuses against a diversity speaker. It’s not only wrong to threaten employee bonuses like that (and come on how much could that speaker have actually cost compared to employee bonuses) but it implicitly says “see embracing diversity will personally cost you” – essentially conveying that the company thinks diversity is bad and a money waster.
        I’d be horribly offended.

        1. Not same topic, but similar ickiness.

          A friend and his wife had a baby. She got pregnant again. Her water broke at something like 20ish weeks. She went into the hosptial and on drugs to help stabilize her / help the baby. By the next week, she had a fever and had developed an infection. She had an emergency C-section. The baby was < 2 pounds, which I believe is quite grave. The baby was in the hospital basically the rest of the gestational time (so 4-5 months, maybe longer) in the ICU. It was a miracle that the baby lived and has no grave health effects of this (no CP, in regular school, etc.). Someone up the food chain who deals with health claims said that the insurance premiums went up because someone had a billion dollar preemie the year before.

          My head would have exploded.

          1. That is an awful story.

            I will give you my personal story. My first husband and our child and I were on his work-provided Insurance when our daughter was diagnosed with stage IV cancer.

            Open enrollment was about a month later and HR asked my husband if he could come into the office to talk about it. I thought for sure they were going to try to find some way to drop us. Instead, when he got there, there was a representative from the insurance company there who went over the new plan (his company was dropping the carrier we had been on) and now the coverage would be better for our daughter’s case. They also assigned us a personal nurse case manager. She ended up being very helpful getting things authorized in a streamlined and quick manner. None of this was pushing back on costs at all, just making sure we had the coverage and help we needed.

            My daughter’s case was ultimately over a million dollars and we never heard a peep about costs.

            That’s the kind of employer I’d be loyal to for life.

    6. I’d be tempted to ask them if they can cut the sexual harassment training instead or something similarly stupid.

      1. I’d be tempted to ask them if they can fire the person who sent out this survey and hire someone that has a meaningful commitment to diversity and anti-racism

    7. I don’t think pushing a budgetary decision onto your employees like this (especially with the overtones of “you basically have to pay for this thing we said we would make an effort to bring to you”) is a good practice. I’m an accountant and I would never show people how the sausage is made in this way.

      1. Right, like if we cancel the corporate retreat entirely, we can obviously all get a raise. Hooray!!

    8. Oh, my goodness. How unbelievably tone-deaf. Or toxic. I hope it’s the former and not the latter, honestly.
      Yes, that is very messed-up. I don’t think your company is really committed to supporting inclusion and diversity if they sent out an email like that. I have no advice, just want to confirm your impression.

    9. OP here. I appreciate the gut-check, all. I talked to a couple of POC friends here and they are absolutely fuming. Not only was the survey phrased as “a fixed, equal amount will come out of employee Christmas bonuses” (meaning that POC, who are ALL junior staff, will be paying a larger share of their income for this than the highly paid, all-white leadership team), it’s very indicative of the fact that leadership doesn’t view this as important and is fine sending the message that POC are taking away your Christmas bonuses this year. I left a critical comment on the survey and am considering escalating as well.

      1. I’d encourage you to raise hell if you have the political capital to do so. This is just gross!

          1. I just sent a complaining email (worded pretty strongly) and have heard through the grapevine that an apology is forthcoming (several other people complained first). It’s just so gross though and I want to see apology in action, not in more performative actions.

  5. Would you shop at a store that publicly promotes a presidential candidate (signs in window, on social media, etc.)?

    Why or Why not?

    1. Depends on the candidate! But I strongly believe one is set on destroying my community and American democracy.

    2. If it were my preferred candidate, yes and if it weren’t, no. I get to decide where my money goes and that’s a piece of information I will use in that decision if it’s that obvious.

    3. It would depend on the candidate. I don’t necessarily have to agree with a store owner’s political affiliation, but if he or she openly supported a candidate – whether local, state, or national – that had embraced any kind of hate speech or discrimination, then I would not shop there.

    4. Before 2015 I might have had a different answer.

      Right now there’s no way I’m giving a vocal Trump supporter my money. I’d rather donate to the KKK. (Kidding, I’d donate to SPLC.)

    5. Sure, it makes it easy to know if a business is racist, misogynist and homophobic so I know not to shop there.

    7. I can and do decide what small businesses to patronize based on their publicly-stated political and religious views. A business that involves politics or religion in their corporate identity (assuming the business is otherwise not related to those things in the first place) is opening a door that the customer then has the right to factor into their shopping choices.

      But if a business keeps that information to themselves, I do not seek it out.

    8. Just as a counter point to everyone else: yes. I’m entitled to my beliefs and so are the business owners. I may not agree with them but that’s not why I’m there… I prioritize getting the best quality at the best price in my purchases. Not everyone has the ability to “throw money at a problem” like some of the people on this board. However, I do actively engage with people and talk about politics all the time, so it’s not like I won’t call someone out if they try to push some BS on me.

      1. What a bizarre reply.

        I commented above that it would affect my decision to shop somewhere, but I think this view point is a perfectly valid one as well.

    9. I would try to avoid it if it was not my preferred candidate but if avoiding them was extremely difficult, I’d still use them. Looking at you snowblower/lawn mower repair man – only one within an hour radius of me, that will come to my house and fix my stuff, but has a giant Trump sign in front of his business.

      Restaurants, yeah, no thank you, my money goes elsewhere.

      2. Good point. I have a mole guy, and I don’t mean dermatologist, but a guy who comes out monthly and keeps the moles from digging up my garden. Pretty sure he’s both a trump supporter AND a giant a-hole, but he’s an a-hole to the moles, and in this case the enemy of my enemy (moles) is my friend.

      3. Yeah, rural Midwest here and if I refused to do business with Trump supporters I wouldn’t have a car mechanic, handyman, plumber, general contractor or lawn service. In a perfect world, I would not choose to do business with people who proudly support him, but it’s really not possible.

    10. I would not shop at a Trump supporter’s store, but I would shop at stores with signs for other Republicans in the window. I’m not against all Republicans, but I am against Trump to the extent that I want absolutely nothing to do with supporting him or supporting people who support him. I would have gladly shopped at stores featuring McCain or Romney or even Bush signs. I could disagree with them strongly, but they did not disgust me to my very core.

      4. But, today’s Republicans (with a few exceptions for those who are not running again), have abdicated their duties to the Constitution and the country in service of the current person in the White House. They have shown themselves to have no morals and no backbone (see, e.g., Susan Collins, “I don’t endorse him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fully support him.” (paraphrased)). I won’t shop anywhere that has ANY R signs in the window, and ALL Rs in Congress DO disgust me to my very core.

        1. I disagree. Susan Collins has abdicated her morals, but John McCain did not and Mitt Romney has not. They both have refused to endorse/support Trump. The poster you’re replying to specifically mentioned McCain and Romney, not Republicans in general.

          1. McCain voted for Kavanaugh, and Romney said he would have. Republicans in Congress are not speaking out against the countless crimes being committed and the dismantling of our democracy by the occupant of the White House and his lackeys. The RNC has no platform – it has given itself over to an authoritarian (perk – now they have nothing to be accountable for). 2017-present has been a shitstorm and the Repubs in Congress could have done something about it, but they have not. The checks and balances system has failed. No, I don’t give any of them a pass. (And that’s before you even get to policies.)

    11. In my extremely red area, I’ve taken my car into 2 repair shops with rightwing signs up, recently. The first had a sign supporting the nutcase racist militia-member running for local office; I will not be going back there. The second had multiple signs up saying “CDC recommends masks, [state] requires them, we respect your choice.” Seems to have been a savvy move, because everyone was masked, which is not typical here. I’ve been taking the cars there regular gor years and will continue to.

    12. I dropped my regular driver because he voted for Trump. I don’t want to support misogyny.

    14. I wouldn’t shop there if they support Trump. I’d gladly shop there if they support Biden.

  6. Was wondering if you ladies might have any ideas — I’m looking for some patterned curtains and am having trouble finding a decent selection anywhere as it seems that solids are very much in right now. I would love block printed curtains or something like a granny floral, possibly in velvet (maybe like a House of Hackney fabric). I’ve browsed the usual US selections (Anthropologie, West Elm, etc) but haven’t found anything that quite works.

    1. You mentioned the upscale usuals – have you looked at the downscale ones? Target has a lot of patterned curtains – you can even search by type of pattern. Ikea also has some options that may work for you.

    4. If you want Indian block prints look at saffronmarigold.com. They have lovely stuff. I’ve got a shower curtain from there that’s held up very well.

  7. I’m the person who posted yesterday afternoon about the bad experience with the registered dietician. I had a headache the rest of the day yesterday from the moving car, but I’m feeling better today. The more I think about it though, the more annoyed I am. The car was clearly on an interstate for the whole hour, which makes me think she took the appointment while on her way to a Labor Day vacation. There were also points during the conversation where I felt judged or deeply uncomfortable, and she pried into mental health items that I am already working through with my therapist. I’ve decided I might as well review the nutrition plan that she sends me but I don’t plan on seeing her again, and I’m going to get support for this during my regular therapy appointment this afternoon.

    My question though, is this – are there parameters set forth by insurance companies to determine what constitutes certain appointments, such as “Initial Nutrition Evaluation” and “Follow Up Visit”? Or do they just let providers run appointments as they please and bill them blindly? I guess I’m wondering if the insurance company would even be willing to pay for the health care I received yesterday.

    1. Stronger U has some RNs and some food coaches. Some people join to lose weight, some to gain, others to just be healthy. I recommend.

    2. they might have standards, but is there a possibility that you report the provider to your insurance for violation of standards, they drop her and you somehow get the runaround, trying to get this consultation covered? I know there shouldn’t be legally/logically, but also insurance companies are terrible sometimes. I’d be wary of reporting her to the insurance, while I would definitely go back for another appointment.

      1. You need to speak to the provider and explain to her that it was unacceptable and you don’t want to pay/want a refund. The insurance won’t know the visit was a problem unless you tell them, but if insurance declines to pay the provider can still bill you directly.

        You could also just complain and move on, but if she bills you for an “Initial Nutrition Evaluation” and then you go to a new provider who also bills you for an “Initial Nutrition Evaluation,” your insurance might deny the second one because they don’t think you need that many evaluations. So you might take a bit of a loss if you then have to pay that one out of pocket. Could you find out if your insurance will cover both?

    3. I think you need to focus on next steps to getting the service you want from someone else rather than if or how you can punish the nutritionist. Take care of your needs. If she builds you a plan that’s probably billable—I’d call and say not to bother and why. (So insurance isn’t billed) And then move on ASAP.

      I once swallowed the cost of a therapist that during our first meeting took texts and then a call from her daughter over a minor issue and then proceeded to bitch about how her daughter needing to be more independent. Part of why I was there was for grappling with feeling less than due to infertility. Guy I went to next was a perfect fit from the start.

      Sometimes you need to just make it about you and stop letting the unprofessional people of the world take up more space than they should.

      1. As both a provider and a patient/client, I disagree. Certainly don’t spend any energy you don’t have, but negligent and harmful practitioners of any licensed profession should be accountable. I think complaints of all types–from just informally telling the person that you’re dissatisfied and why, all the way up to reporting them to insurers or boards–are good deeds.

    4. In the US, insurance companies pay providers on the basis of the diagnosis and procedure codes that providers submit. The codes are standardized, so pretty much every provider and insurer uses them (maybe not some concierge doctor who bills the patient directly). Your insurance company will pay the provider on the basis of the codes she submits. There is not a way for the insurance company to evaluate the quality of services prior to paying. If you complain to your insurance company, I don’t know that the insurer will refuse to pay her – possibly, the insurer will have a provider relations person contact the provider, but even that isn’t likely if this is the only complaint against her. In another post, someone mentioned a concern about if you complain and the insurer removes her from the network before your claim is paid – that is not something I would worry about. Insurers move at a glacial pace; they’re not going to remove a provider from their network because of one complaint; and they’re not going to remove a provider from their network quickly. All of this assumes you have a US-based plan from a standard insurance company.

  8. Does anyone intentionally live in an internet bubble? I’m at the point in my life where I have no capacity to deal with people who believe in crazy stuff (flat earthers, anti-vaxxers, etc). I know the general wisdom is to expose yourself to all sides, but I am just not interested in hearing people out who are anti science anymore. Can I in good conscience just mute all these people on social and move on with my life?

    1. Mute these people on social media and continue learning from reliable and nuanced sources that aren’t uneducated neighbor. If I wanted to learn more about finance, I wouldn’t learn it from my libertarian cousin who has no savings and a H.S. degree. Same principle. You have not duty to engage with anyone on social media, especially given that it is highly unlikely to sway anyone’s opinion on anything.

    2. I’m totally doing that. Fortunately it was a very small percentage of my social media connections but good Lord life is too short.

    3. Yes. Absolutely. Why do you need to be exposed to crazy? It’s not a bubble to exclude anti-vaxx, flat earth, other conspiracies. Blocking out junk “science” is not living in an internet bubble. It’s not different perspectives you are missing out on but complete BS. You’re also missing out on outdated medical advice to stick leeches all over your body to treat your humors, but I doubt you feel a moral obligation to entertain those theories.

    4. A few years ago, after my mom died and I realized I was using scrolling social media as a not particularly healthy self soothing method, I decided to either mute or unfollow/unfriend anyone whose posts made me feel bad in ANY way. Icky view points, those happy family pictures of people I didn’t particularly like in high school (sooo many of those had to go, wow), people whose posts made me feel smug and mean – basically anything that made me feel anything other than happy to get an update on someone I actually care about. It was SUCH A GOOD MOVE. I spent less time scrolling because there was less content to scroll, and I actually cared about all of what was left. I heartily recommend muting anyone who brings you down with anti-science garbage (or brings you down otherwise). Don’t waste your emotional energy on them, and don’t feel bad about protecting your own sanity.

    5. Of course you can. Since social media often feels like it takes the place of talking, sometimes it feels like you “have” to “listen.” You don’t. Mute, block, scroll on. Enjoy the peace.

    6. Mute always, and if you’ve got the guts, then delete. The chances that you have regrets will be slim. Follow your gut on this one… You’re making a healthy decision.

    7. After the 2016 election, I unfriended lots of people, including many relatives, on Facebook due to their unabashedly pro-Trump views. I do not feel the least bit guilty. Yes, my list of “Friends” is much shorter, but I am happy with what I see when I’m scrolling– reputable news, updates from people I actually like, and a few town/neighborhood type groups.

    8. There’s a difference between muting groups who are anti-science vs not being willing to hear various educated, researched, backed by science and data arguments. Mute the crazies and focus on the thoughtful, researched arguments even if they may be different from your views.

      1. One shouldn’t block out reasonable but different views entirely, but I don’t think anybody’s under any obligation to read them on their Facebook timeline if they don’t feel like it.

    9. For my own sanity, I have unfollowed/blocked people on FB. I just cannot have Mt blood pressure raised every time I see their posts.

    10. Yes and increasingly so. I don’t need to be secondhand friends with people who spout non-fact-based garbage. I have both unfriended and unfollowed people who do this.

      In the case of my own sister, who is not just blocked but unfriended (because she made offensive comments on my own posts or posts my friends made that I commented on, so just muting her wouldn’t work) it’s to preserve my relationship with her. I love her but don’t like her very much, and not seeing her BS day in and day out helps me focus on the love part.

    11. I feel like respect all sides when it comes to science is a path to hell paved with good intentions. Science is a method at getting at truth by examining evidence, drawing conclusions then testing those conclusions. I need to respect that anti-vaxxers are people, who deserve respect as fellow humans, but their crap ideas have been soundly debunked. Changing opinions, even dangerous, nonsceintific ideas is work, and sometimes you don’t have the time/energy/wherewithal to do the work. So in summary, mute and move on.

    12. Yep. Why I do not have social platform presence, other than LinkedIn (used primarily for business).

      I have a few trustworthy sites for news and professional knowledge bases, and search the internet for research and financial technical reading, ocassionally personal shopping browsing.

    13. Of course.

      Along this vein, I was kind of amused in the recent convo about pet peeves how many people mentioned some sort of influencer speak or other things about influencers as pet peeves. There is an easy solution there, stop following influencers? Especially if they annoy you? Or what am I missing that is positive about them? They sound super annoying. I follow none. It’s great.

  9. Calling all ladies with bunions — did you have surgery? What made you decide to get it? Mine are ugly but I’m not in a lot of pain. Shoe choices are starting to be limited though. I’m 45 and reasonably fit but very overweight.

    Not sure when I would get the surgery during these days anyway, just wondering if now is a good time to be on crutches since I’m not going anywhere.

    1. I had a lapidus procedure on one of my feet just seven weeks ago. The procedure itself was fine and I didn’t have pain that required more than extra strength Tylenol, but being non-weight bearing on that foot for four weeks was HARD. Even with a knee scooter it was HARD. I never mastered stairs on crutches. I’ve been in a walking boot for three weeks and have one week to go. So that’s better but I’m ready to ditch the boot and get on with my life.

      How did I know it was time? The bunion was hurting enough that I struggled to walk with my husband in the evening. I’m able to work from home and figured this was as good as a time as it would get to deal with the surgery.

      I don’t know if I’ll have the other foot done. If it doesn’t hurt, I’m unlikely to have the surgery due to the inconvenience. Aesthetics aren’t worth it to me. My grandmother, mother, and two sisters are all in the “only did the one that hurts” camp so I know I’m not alone.

    2. Yes! I’m 27 and had one foot done in February of this year – having the second done in 3 weeks. I’m so happy I did it. Don’t wait until you’re in a lot of pain!

  10. Does anyone have a silk cap or headwrap they like for sleep? I’m white with 3A curls that don’t hold their shape well. (Or: any life-changing YouTube videos?) Thank you in advance!

    1. I am about the pull the trigger on a grace eleyae silk turban (and a baseball cap, and a headband). If you want a lower cost, go to a beauty supply store that markets to black people or a Walmart/Target that black people go to. I mainly sleep in a satin scarf I bought at Walmart 10 years ago.

      Signed,
      A black lady

    2. So I know this is not “curly girl” advice – but I’m also white with 3A curls that don’t hold their shape well, and I wash my hair almost daily (sometimes I’ll skip a day here or there when it doesn’t look terrible and I have no where to go). I work out every morning and I don’t like dry shampoo and my hair generally just needs to be washed. It takes me the same, or less time, than a “damp refresh” would take and I don’t want to just dump a bunch of extra products into my hair instead of taking a shower.

      FWIW, I do pineapple my hair at night, but that’s really more to keep it from pulling on my pillowcase and/or getting trapped under my neck and making me hot while I sleep. I’ve given up trying to preserve my curls at night. It works for a lot of people – but not for me.

      1. What do you do with your hair while you workout? I’m surprised you have to wash it daily since most super curly hair doesn’t allow the sweat and oil very far down the hair shaft (that’s why curly hair has more moisture needs than straight). When my curly hair was long I used a loose scrunchie to hold the top and a double tied loose scrunchie to hold the bottom of each side and left it like that until is dry (usually only 20 min or so after workout) then fluff it out with a hair pick.

        I’d recommend doing the above and trying the curly girl method for a while (I understand it doesn’t work for everyone) to see if your curls hold up better. Some of my friends also just water rinse and use a leave in condition + gel + scrunch every couple of days to refresh in between washes.

        1. Depends on the workout. Running = braid, and under a beanie in cold temps or a ball cap in hot. Barre = top knot. HIIT = top knot unless lots of jumping, then braid. Kickboxing = braid (esp. if sparring b/c of headgear).

          The roots and first few inches are drenched after a workout, and the rest is frizzy. And adding more product to dirty hair just makes me feel gross. I have zero issues with washing it every day. Would it maybe look better if I didn’t and scaled back my workouts to sweat less? Possibly – but then I wouldn’t enjoy my life as much, and I refuse to be a slave to my hair just b/c it isn’t wash-n-go straight.

          1. You can preserve your hair even during a sweat workout, although you do have to wash more often. Sweat pretty much only leave a salt residue on your scalp your hair isn’t really dirty.

            When I work up a huge sweat (hot climate so any outdoor activity is sweat city), I increase my hair washing to twice a week, often only with a co-wash product on the second wash. There a curly haired girl at the gym I used to go to that would secure it loosely with a hair tie up top and on the bottom (like a double bun one on top of the other) then swirl the hair around the hair tie loosely and pin it down. Your curls won’t go all over the place and the pins will keep the loose hair tie in place. Maybe try that? Take it down right after your shower to air dry then fluff (or leave it up until it dries if you want to stretch out the roots).

            If all else fails, well, wash every day it is lol. But I’m all for experimenting to find anything that saves time on a regular basis.

        2. Just because someone is doing something differently than you doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong. I don’t see why you needed to chime in recommending the curly girl method when the poster said she washed her hair daily and was happy with it.

          2. Um…what are you talking about? She never said she’s happy with washing her hair everyday, she simply does because she has to. Her main concern is maintaining her curl shape. Trying curly girl is a way to maintain curl shape.

            What kind of day are you having that you get miffed about someone suggesting curly girl? Woman, calm all the way down. It is much easier to just close this comment section since you added absolutely nothing of worth.

          4. Anon 4:35, she literally said she has zero issues washing it every day. You’re projecting LOL.

    3. For my curly hair to keep it’s shape at night I either pineapple it with a satin scarf (silk is good too but satin works just as well and is much cheaper) and let my curls flow on top of and behind my head on my pillow or put on a satin bonnet by turning my head upside down and putting the bonnet on back first so that my curls are kind of sitting up inside the bonnet. In the morning take off the bonnet, shake it out, use a pick to pick out any flat parts and, if needed, refresh with a mixture of 3 parts water one part leave in conditioner.

    4. Silk does help the curls. I have similar hair and sometimes, when I don’t forget, I sleep with my hair wrapped in a silk scarf. I also sew and have a silk charmeuse top I sewed years ago which does not fit that well and I now use this top as a silk pillowcase and it works great. (Funny story…my husband started buzzing / shaving his hair during this time and he took so much off the first time that he started sticking to our cotton pillowcase like Velcro for a couple of days. I gave him my silk top to use as a layer and he loved sleeping on it!) I plan to eventually go to the fabric store and buy more silk and make a dedicated pillowcase…I just get distracted by all the gorgeous shades and start picturing creating myself a few silk tops for layering. I need to go do this soon… the bonus here would be that I’ve been using my silk scraps to line cotton masks! Also just bought tresseme next day hair anti frizz and it restores the curl nicely.

    5. I sleep with my hair tied in a buff and on a silk pillowcase in case some hair peeks out. Sleeping caps tend to fall off my head while I sleep, so the buff has been the best solution for me. I have 3a/3b curls. Sometimes I’ll use the Jessi Curl refresh foam in the morning, but I usually don’t even need that.

      1. Op here – thank you guys, lots to try! I now both want to try all these AND make my own silk pillowcase with beautiful fabric.

  11. I have a couple of people in my life who are fun, outgoing, we’ve traveled together, been to each other’s homes, etc. Social media has shown me that they use n@zi to mean anyone with a strong but differing opinion, they post or positively comment on posts of racist cartoons, think masks and CDC are a hoax, have said that they refuse to ever get vaccinated and they are voting for someone who has openly talked about harming a population that their child fits into. I unfollowed ages ago after an attempt at discussion led to a big mess when I said something about lack of vax meant lack of time together since I’m immunocompromised and she took it as a judgement about her and me trying to force her to get microchipped). We are in the same larger friend group due to a shared life experience. However, I am struggling with allowing them in my life anymore at all knowing where they stand. I don’t want to create drama since we are in the same group of about 10 people (all of whom are struggling with this like I am, we’ve discussed this situation privately). They are nice to me but keeping people like this close makes me feel disingenuous in my values and beliefs. I also wonder if keeping them around might let them learn by observing rather than to remove them and have them surrounded only with those who believe the same wrong info.

    Guidance? Thoughts? Advice?

    1. I think right now they’re comfortable and they’re not going to change. They’re not going to learn by observing. What they’re observing is that they can have terrible ideas and be hateful towards others and that no one is going to challenge them (much) and everyone is going to be nice to their faces.

    2. This isn’t just a minor difference in opinion or lifestyle – these people subscribe to a toxic, racist, misogynist, violent world view that turns a blind eye to murder and r&pe. You need to make a stand and not be friends with these people anymore.

    3. Let me restate this for you:

      “This couple is super fun and nice to me because I come from the same ethnic and economic background as them but they are actually horrible people. Should I stay friends with them?”

      Honey, the answer is no, do not keep them around, do not invite them to your home, let them have access to your children lest they influence them negatively. The easiest thing to do is to ghost them and be superficially polite if you end up at the same event. Take the lead and the rest of your group will do the same if they’ve all expressed the same opinion to you.

    4. Just don’t be friends with them. If they invite you to do things, decline. If you host a party, don’t invite them. If someone else organizes something and they are there, don’t go or leave. They are bad people.

      1. I agree with don’t invite them and don’t go to their stuff. I disagree you have to leave if they show up at something you are at. I’m in a very purple state. If I refused to go to anything that had outspoken republicans, I would never get to leave my house. Because we are purple and not red, most people keep their opinions to themselves at social functions. I just know them from seeing their social media. Which I have now hidden or unfriended depending on the severity. But no, in pre-pandemic times, I’m not going to skip my best friend’s kids birthday because her grandfather is silently racist.

        1. Oh no I meant leave because she’s immune compromised and they refuse to wear masks.

      2. Agree. I wouldn’t avoid attending events if they were there, but wouldn’t invite them anywhere or engage with them beyond very minimal polite small talk in passing. It doesn’t have to be a big blow up, you can simply opt out.

        You can come up with a few excuses if anyone asks (but they probably won’t), ranging from, “Oh, I just don’t think we have much in common” to “they have some abhorrent views on race that I can’t get behind” or “she accused me of wanting to have her microchipped, so I think it’s best that I give her some space.”

        Honestly, I’d probably just stick with “Oh, I just don’t think we have much in common” and be polite but distant to the people in question. You don’t have to befriend everyone you meet. And you’re certainly not going to change their minds by avoiding certain topics and having fun with them at events and inviting them to do fun things with you.

    5. You could also google “missing stair” in friendships/relationships to find more discussion about how people accommodate problem people in their groups, why they shouldn’t, and how to weed them out.

      The situation seems to lead more towards other people accommodating the problem than other people having a positive influence, and that’s a bad thing.

  12. I have been listening to the Nancy Meyer’s Kitchen playlist all week – thank you so much to whoever recommended it. Excellent music to have on while I’m working/ reading/ cooking.

    1. I just looked at it briefly and, oh my gosh, almost every song is on one of my playlists or favorites. Great pick, thanks to the OP who recommended it.

  13. I’ve seen this recommended here so many times before and I think I’m ready to give it a try. Have never run before in my life. Hoping to use an app.

    I hope this isn’t a dumb question, but there are a million Couch to 5k apps. Any that are particularly recommended? Is the one that says “official” (reddish orange) actually official and if so, is it the one I should go with?

    1. I use the one that has C25K trademarked and a red-orange logo and it’s . . . fine. Kind of a crappy UI and lots of ads if you don’t pay for premium. But it gets the job done and lets me listen to music at the same time the app is running.

    2. Yep there is an official one that is great! I was running 1.5-2 miles and after using the app I just completed my first 3 mile run. Stick with it and don’t worry about repeating weeks. Think it of more like 8-12 weeks.

    3. I’ve always used the blue/green logo one I thought that was official! You can choose your personality for verbal cues on top of audio. Not a ton of personalities but hey.

  14. I’m watching the show “Mrs. America” – with Cate Blanchett, Uzo Aduba, Rose Byrne, Margo Martindale…such a great cast. I like it so far. Anyone else watching it?

    2. I started it but couldn’t get through the first episode because the men were all so horrible to Phyllis. I know she’s the villain of the piece but I was alive then and it brought back pretty awful memories.

      1. I’m sorry it brought back memories and you don’t have to watch it if it makes you feel bad.

        But that’s kind of the point. The men are awul to her and all women, but she advocates for that system to continue, except she thinks they shouldn’t be awful to her personally.

        1. Right. I totally get that. I’ll just leave it to you young ‘uns to watch it for the educational value. ;)

    3. I loved it. The ending has really stuck with me, but I won’t discuss it! (Of course you know how it ends in general. I mean the decisions they made about final scenes in the series.)

    4. I watched it with my daughter and we both loved it, although it is a good idea to read some articles about its historical accuracy (very much so on some points and very much not on others). I did not love the characterization of Phyllis Schlafly in a lot of ways (particularly her marriage) since I think her position of privilege was very much what made it possible for her to take the position that she did. If you have a husband who loves and supports you, it is a lot easier to be against legal equality between men and women. I do think it does a good job of showing how she was marginalized on her real issues of interest by the men of the Republican party (which is one of the things that drove her to the anti-ERA movement), but does not account for the extent that was caused by her support for Goldwater and accompanying blame when he got pummeled.

      I though Gloria Steinam’s take was interesting although I do not necessarily agree with her characterization of the opposition to the ERA (essentially she thinks that the STOP ERA movement gets too much credit and it was really insurance companies and men using them as cover – when polling at the time actually showed that men were more likely to support the ERA then women and only a little over half of women supported it in the ’70’s). She seems to dislike the narrative that there were actually a substantial number of women who opposed it and that they were not just the puppets of men. (And yes – this is a gross simplification fo what she said; I will try to find the article and post it.)

      At any rate, it was really good and I liked it – even though the fictional character of Alice was terrifyingly unrealistic in my view, particularly in the end.

  15. I come from a New England family of quilters so our bedding was quilts. Maybe a down comforter layered above or beneath (and folded at the foot of the bed when not deployed) on very cold nights. Some blankets. Fitted sheet and flat sheet.

    I see “duvet covers” but what is a duvet? I thought they were comforter covers, but a Q and K didn’t fit my queen sized down comforter. Is it a quilt cover? I cannot find a “duvet” that the duvet cover is supposed to cover.

    I feel like I cut school the day this was explained.

    Also, when I run the world, there will be no Full/Queen bedding — mattresses are full or queen. F/Q looks shrunken on my Q sized bed. /endrant

    1. A duvet is a comforter, you’re over thinking this. There is bedding out there that comes in queen size, not just full/king.

    2. A duvet cover covers a down or alternative comforter. Idk what issue you had but that is literally how they work.

    3. Duvet covers are like pillowcases for the duvet. Duvets are the insert, usually made with down as fill. They are slightly smaller than the duvet cover and often sold as comforters. What didn’t fit about yours?

      1. +1. I assume that using a duvet cover means you have to wash the actual duvet less often – which is a hassle since they are bulky and/or filled with down. We just started using a duvet + cover and I really like it! You definitely have to check the dimensions on both your duvet and cover.
        Also – putting a duvet cover on is kind of a difficult. I’m not ashamed to say I watched a video on how to do it more easily – I’ll reply with the link. It’s from the Rachel Ray show.

    5. Duvet cover = comforter cover, duvet = comforter. I think some stores call them comforter inserts (e.g., Target).

    6. I would look for a comforter/insert that is made by the same company and sold together by the company to get an insert that fits the duvet. I have an old comforter and some of my newer covers don’t fit as well. Sometimes the difference matters, sometimes it doesn’t. Look for duvet covers that have internal ties/fastening systems inside each of the four corners. You attach the comforter via the ties and then the comforter doesn’t shift inside, which drives me bonkers. You might be able to get a dry-cleaner that does alterations or seamstress to add them. LLBean has internal ties.

      I agree that full/queen things should be avoided. Look to Garnet Hill, Lands End, Company Store and LLBean for things created to go together.

      1. +1 (esp. The Company Store)

        Also check out Macys white sales, Tuesday Morning and TJMaxx shops locally for good deals on comforters in various warmth weights and fill materials, and comforter covers.

        Odds are, your duvet/comforter is an overfilled model that does not fit std sized covers.

    7. I live in the U.K. and similarly get confused by people talking about comforters. Hear we have a duvet which is a cheap white cover with either down or synthetic filling which you put a duvet cover on. The duvet cover is usually a nicer quality fabric and often patterned with matching pillow cases. You can use a flat top sheet under it but most people don’t, you just regularly wash the cover. Comforters are NOT a thing here & i’m never very sure how you use them.

        1. Disagree. Comforters aren’t meant to be used as duvets – you don’t put a cover over them. Most of the time they come in a a finished fabric meant to be seen. For cleanliness/ease of cleaning you use a top sheet instead fo washing the comforter most of the time.

          1. lol you can disagree all you want but that doesn’t change the fact that a duvet is another word for comforter

    8. From a European perspective:

      I have had the opposite problem – what on earth are these comforters, quilts and blankets these Americans use, how do I find a proper duvet? ;)

      A duvet is a lot like a very thick and warm quilt (or flat sleeping bag), but instead of wadding sewn to the decorative outside, there is either down, feathers, wadding, poly-fake-down or similar inside a permanent, non-decorative cover, that is placed inside a duvet cover which is very much like a big pillowcase. I think it’s most accurate to say that a duvet is a warm comforter that is supposed to be used with a washable cover that encases the duvet.

      The duvet cover is washed regularly, the duvet may be washed occasionally. The point of the duvet cover is to be the barrier between the duvet and the body, like the point of a pillow case or a sheet. And of course to look good, the visual impact comes from the duvet covers, or a thin bedspread (but not the little bed runners that hotels use).

      You’ll find the biggest European duvets and duvet covers in the Swedish shops, like IKEA or H&M. (I think the biggest size will called King in the US, Super King in the UK, but just Double in Scandinavia.)

    9. Also grew up with quilts, also do not understand duvets or why one would need a cover for a comforter. Not just you.

  16. We are 3 weeks into zoom schooling, which is 7 hours (with some breaks and 30 minute lunch) in front of a camera every day. I worked in the same room as one of my kids after lunch (when she should have been a bit refreshed) and she just got very agitated (teacher going too fast). She has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum (but high-performing and in regular classes) and it just seems overwhelming to her. The teacher kept having to get on some kids for on-screen behavior and then would go back to teaching (we didn’t have live teaching this spring, so I am grateful for this). It just seemed to be too much for her. She was just having a meltdown and was very agitated. She usually loves school and her teachers, but this format and the very long day are working against her. I know that kids with an IEP are supposed to be getting accommodated, but no one has reached out. I know the school is overwhelmed.

    Is anyone else having this? If I could switch her to an in-person private school with a good student-teacher ratio today, I would regardless of money. I used to be #rideordiepublicschools but I feel like they are really failing her. And if I don’t get her something better, I will be failing her, too. FWIW, we have no end in sight for remote learning. I guess I will be calling around to private schools on Tuesday and will follow-through if we don’t see this get better (which means that instead of WFH, I am watching her watch school while the computer is turned on).

    If you pray, pray for kids and teachers right now. They are not OK.

    1. Maybe you could also contact your current school to discuss the IEP and find out if any accommodations are available/request accommodations? Maybe this is something that fell through the cracks or needs to be parent driven?

    2. FWIW I’m paying a lot of money to our private school… that is doing zoom kindergarten. I’m pretty annoyed.

      And yes, it’s breaking my heart to watch. My daughter even likes it! Because she thinks this not fun thing is kindergarten and doesn’t realize there’s this magical thing she’s missing out on.

      1. I’d work hard to keep the joy in it for her. In a way, it is a unique experience and IDK maybe a tale to tell her own kids someday. It’s pretty magical that she sees everything through a child’s perspective and that it colors her experience in a good/positive way.

      2. She doesn’t know she’s missing out. You can silently grieve but remember she will have that magical experience later, whenever she goes to live school. Be excited for her now!

      3. Private school kindergarten!?!? Why would anyone pay for that!?!? It’s basically still daycare.

        1. Not the person you’re responding to, but many private schools have only a couple of possible entry points so it may be a case of you can only start the school in K or 7th grade (or something like that). And often the later entry points are more competitive. So if you ultimately want a private school education, paying for kindergarten may be worth it even if you don’t care about the actual education in K.

          1. +1

            (My kids are in public, but have a lot of friends in private in a very competitive private school area and yes, you don’t just waltz in during later grades).

    3. There’s no way my autistic son could do 7 hours in front of a camera — even my older gifted kid (9) would have problems with that. Our school is doing lots of “scheduled Zoom calls” throughout the day with off-Zoom time to do the work and also watch recorded lessons for social studies. Definitely call the school. Maybe also connect with other parents in the class? Autistic or NT my guess is everyone would struggle with that setup.

    4. Don’t have kids, but it seems like this is way too much time to be on a computer every day. I’m going out of my mind just having to listen to my next door neighbor kid’s teacher on speakerphone all day, not sure how the kid herself is supposed to do it.

    5. Idk why you are skipping step one: talk to her teacher. Talk to the child study team. Revisit the IEP.

    6. I loved our neighborhood public school but decided to send my elementary-age child to private school this year so he could learn “in person.” I can’t tell you how relieved I am, especially when I hear how horrible distance learning is. I realize not everyone can afford this option, but am so glad we made this decision.

      1. I hope people realize how fortunate they are to be able to do this. Even if a family can afford to do so, living with an immunocompromised person, a sensitive pre-existing condition, or an elderly family members makes group instruction not an option for many.

        I’m happy that you are able to get your kid a somewhat “normal” instruction this year, but it just freaking sucks for many of us. The only way to get through it is to remember that “this is temporary”. How temporary, who knows, but likely shorter term than longer term, and eventually there will be a vaccine or a mutation making the virus far less dangerous (knock on wood). I pride myself that although it is difficult time, my family has enough resiliency to muddle through it decently well (can’t say the same for the crybaby anti-maskers who are upset about hair cuts and bars).

        1. I just don’t think it’s temporary. The teachers’ unions are dead set on this, because a good amount of teachers don’t want to be around children, pandemic or not. I’ve even heard comments from teachers that parents except too much in asking that school also be childcare.

          I really don’t understand or value zoom school at all. Why do we need to pay public school teachers who refuse to be around children? Get the best public kindergarten teacher in the state, have him or her teacher them all in zoom. Fire or furlough the rest along with all administrators. If I’m expected to recreate the school environment with a nanny and a learning pod and/ or quitting my job to do the actual teaching I’m not sure why my taxes are going to a school system that only exists virtually. Is this harsh? Yes. But I can’t believe in a public education system that the educators and administration don’t believe should exist outside of a screen.

          1. That is bananas and disrespectful to teachers. Most teachers enjoy teaching and love children. I went to public school through graduate school and had many, many excellent teachers who loved kids. And the small number that sucked were sometimes just a bad match for me or, sadly, near retirement and should have left a bit sooner.

          2. Surely anyone who made it through graduate school didn’t have a typical experience of public education in the US.

    7. My son has ADHD and he has really struggled with virtual learning as well. He doesn’t enjoy school anyway, but staying engaged in virtual learning is especially challenging for him. You can definitely look into an IEP or 504 plan, but if the fundamental problem is that school is virtual, obviously neither will fix that. Do what you need to do to get your child what she needs right now and don’t feel guilty about stepping away from public school if they can’t provide that!

    8. The school may be overwhelmed but I’m sure that most parents would agree that those kids with IEPs need and warrant being at the top of the list for help or accommodations or individual instructions.

    9. Similar experience, but kid doesn’t have ADHD or an IEP. We’re hoping to switch kiddo to a private school in the next few weeks.

      I was previously really strongly supportive of public schools. Now, I’m not so sure. Our local public schools have atrocious leadership that doesn’t seem to understand how awful Zoom school is for many young children and how much parental support it requires. They’re letting high schoolers come back in person for sports, but will not let any children come to school for instruction indefinitely.

    10. In addition to talking to the teacher about the IEP, you could simply inform the teacher that your daughter won’t be doing the whole day online on camera. She probably just needs the math instruction and then anything good or social she likes about Zoom. Zoom should be recorded with an autotranscription function so your daughter can go back or pause when the teacher is going too fast. But yeah, home school parents don’t make their kid sit down for 7 hours a day because no one spends seven hours straight sitting down and intensely learning/studying. (For context, I’m a graduate student.) As long as she’s reading for an hour a day, it can sub for a lot of her Zoom time. She probably needs time outside and away from screens and time just reading on her own.

    11. A long day format for educating very young students would most likely fail for *any* child, because their cognition and mental focus abilities are really limited at a young age – they are still years away from achieving fully formed adult brains.

      That said, ADHD is very likely caused by gut dysbiosis (gut microbial community metabolic imbalances) that strongly impact brain function in children, adolescents and adults.

      Finding a specialist who can test for the condition and treat it with dietary and supplement interventions may help significantly reduce ADHD symptoms to avoid developmental impact on learning, and socialization and behavioral processes.

      To read: a bit technical, but its what those of us who.have studied the role of internal microbial community functions on brain development have long suspected – that modern dietary imbalances and deficiencies negatively impact brain chemistry and neurological function.

      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6893446/

    12. Re-read your daughter’s IEP and see what services she is supposed to be getting. Federal DOE has held firm that schools are not off the hook for following the law, despite Covid. Also, it’s your legal right per IDEA to request an IEP meeting at any time, and the school had to respond, no matter how overwhelmed they are. But you might not need a whole IEP meeting. You could just email her IEP case manager and talk accommodations. I reached out to my son’s this week, first week of online school, and we have at least an initial plan for how he will be receiving support. You could also reach out to your state’s parent training center for support. Every state has one, by law. Google special education parent trainig center plus your state name.

    13. Off topic but can I just say I’ve been listening for weeks to parents complaining about 7 hours of Zoom and we just got our schedule (starting Thursday) and… 7 hours of zoom. Wtf?!? There must be better systems out there.

      1. I think a lot of schools are overreacting to the parent complaints last spring about not enough live instruction. Many school districts, including ours, didn’t really do any Zoom in the spring, it was just “here have some worksheets and YouTube videos.” Obviously there’s a happy medium between no Zoom and 7 hours/day of Zoom, but I do think they’re reacting to that feedback.

      2. So, our district is doing 8:30-2:30 (with a lot of breaks). I have a first grader and he is handling it pretty “okay”. We just moved and our old district is literally doing an hour a day. I would be irate at that.

        I realize there is for sure no size fits all here, and a kid with special needs would need very different things. But just to offer one opinion that I am glad we have more than less school. It sucks it’s on zoom, but my kid needs to learn and my husband and I cannot do that.

        (Ultimately I am on team want to be in person though, not trying to sugar coat online school it overall sucks and raises my blood pressure if I think too hard about it).

  17. Need a gut check. I’m seriously considering filing a bar complaint, or at least seeking sanctions, against an opposing counsel who actively concealed the death of his client for months and proceeded to engage in settlement negotiations and mediation. I found out about client’s death from my own internet sleuthing afterward. My colleagues all think I am overreacting.

    1. Have you confronted the attorney about this? He should have disclosed that his client died but he’s probably now representing the client’s estate. Depending on the type of claim, the claim doesn’t necessary go away just because the person died.

      1. This is not a claim that dies with the plaintiff, but the estate has not been substituted as a party yet. The plaintiff’s death does materially affect the value of the case (which he had a duty to disclose) and we he had no authority to settle.

        1. This is how it works in my state. I would be deeply uncomfortable with this, too. I’d consider a complaint very seriously and probably run it by a local mentor/firm management. But then, I’m about to submit reply papers about a suit I am seeking to dismiss because the exact same cause of action has been brought and resolved in another venue and the attorney just insists his client recover twice for the same bill. I’m not sure how these people have law licenses.

      2. +1 to the last sentence. A personal representative could be pursuing the claim on behalf of survivors. Many claims survive the claimant’s death. Only some claims are personal and die with the person.

        Best be on solid ground before you file a bar complaint. It is no place to be wrong, plus you are establishing a reputation you don’t want.

    2. Did opposing counsel materially misrepresent something to you or a court? Is the omission material? Did it harm or change your client’s interests? Did the estate authorize him to settle on its behalf/ did you enter into a settlement with the proper party? Active concealment is different than ethical violation. If he answered interrogatories, for example, representing the decedents opinion post death – then yes.

    3. I agree it is an ethical issue if he willfully concealed it and you do have a duty to report. BUT, make sure he actually knew his client was dead. I do personal injury work and some of my clients will say I won’t settle for less than $30k, get me every penny you can, and I don’t want you bugging me all the time. I nonetheless still send them updates but if I don’t hear from them for 4 months, it is not unusual and I may still be scheduling a mediation or discussing case value with an opposing party during that time. I’m not sure I would know if one of my clients died right away.

      1. I agree that you should find out if opposing counsel knew his client had died. If he knew and concealed it, and if the death affected the value of the claim (future projected medicals, pain and suffering, lost wages), then there is an ethical issue. If a lawsuit has been filed, under most rules of civil procedure, a motion to substitute should have been filed. He may be representing the estate or survivors, but in all jurisdictions I know, the new clients would have to approve, and there would have to be court approval of the settlement. Depending on the facts, this seems like a pretty serious ethical violation to me. In my jurisdiction, it is easy to call the Office of General Counsel of the Bar and run issues like this by him/her to get a feel as to whether you are over-reacting. I would do it off the record and without mentioning opposing counsel’s name.

  18. I’ve always thought the duvet was the cover that went over the down comforter to protect it. Like a pillow case. But I often hear folks refer to it as the full on blanket which I do not think is correct

    3. No. The usage has become weird but duvet is the comforter, and duvet cover is the giant pillowcase you put the duvet into.

      FYI for OP
      I have a king duvet I put into an oversized F/Q duvet cover. It gives it a nice fluffiness. The company store sells oversized covers.

      1. I use a duvet cover alone in the spring and summer as a bedspread and with a comforter inside in fall/winter. I use this for my children(with no top sheet) and it makes it very easy for them to make their beds.

  19. I joke that I workout because of how I eat – I’m a petite person but usually eat more than larger men at meals. I have no known dietary restrictions. The last couple weeks I haven’t been hungry, no specific cravings, have food in the house but don’t feel like cooking… I end up getting takeout but pick at it… is this a hormonal thing? COVID fatigue? How can I get myself to be interested in eating at home?

    1. Do you think you could be depressed? I don’t mean to alarm you but this is sort of one of the symptoms that doesn’t always get picked up on since its not what people typically think of.

    2. IDK … maybe you can give yourself a break from being interested and just do the minimum to fuel your body until it wants to take joy in food again.

      1. +1 Assuming you don’t think this is a symptom of a medical issue (physical or mental health), I don’t know that you need to spend energy trying to “fix” it right now.

        1. Agreed. Many people are fighting situational depression a result of CoVID19 social distancing and socialization restraints that are particularly difficult for extroverted personalities that require strong social network bonds with frequent contacts to ‘energize’ and center their lives.

          The realization that we may never fully return to the ‘before’ social practices is becoming fully apparent to many.

          There is a way out, but it requires reversing the primary causes of CoVID susceptibility, namely particulate air pollution super loading of the troposphere. That requires sunstantial changes in behavior and lifestyle choices.

    3. I go through this periodically. I just embrace it and live on smoothies and cereal (I put greens or greens powder in my smoothies, so I’m getting at least some nutrients that way) until I feel like eating again. As long as it doesn’t go on for months I think it’s okay. Most women I know have phases like this, where nothing sounds good. Unfortunately for me it is usually followed by a phase where literally everything sounds good and I Eat All The Things. Those phases are more problematic for me.

    4. We had a bout of pandemic boredom from buying the same things from the same stores too many times.

  20. Thanks to everyone who commented about my fitness app question! I’ll start with Fitness Blender and Nike and take it from there.

  21. I am 43 and recently realized that the hair in the front and the top of my head is thinning. I don’t think it’s pandemic stress; I have read a lot of articles that a lot of people have reported losing hair during this time, but this seems pretty widespread. I have PCOS (I was diagnosed 20 years ago) but based on recent bloodwork and a pelvic ultrasound, it’s under control (and even at a time when it wasn’t under control, my hair didn’t look like this).

    I recently traced a skin rash that kept cropping up over and over back to a biotin supplement I was taking, so I quit the supplement, and I did notice after that more hair was showing up in the shower drain. I am hoping that maybe the loss is temporary and the hair will grow back. But I just did my normal at-home hair color and was shocked, when my hair dried, about how much thinner my hair is in front. I can see straight through the hair to my scalp and see big spaces between individual hairs on my scalp, which I could not before (I’ve always had fine hair, but a lot of it). I am having nightmares about going bald.

    Anyone else been through this or is going through this and wants to share what worked for them? I ordered some Viviscal and a Nioxin shampoo/conditioner/treatment set but I’m not sure if that stuff even works? Is it already time to get Rogaine for Women? I’ll use it if it works.

    2. Rogain works. If I were you I’d look into hair powder. Its what anchors use to make their hair look thicker on camera. It will fix the problem cosmetically while you’re on Zoom and give you time for the Rogain to work.

    3. Long shot but if you have curly hair and happen to use Devacurl products, stopping using them has helped my hair start to regrow a bit. There’s a class action lawsuit bc apparently a ton of people had this happen.

    4. See my reply elsewhere in todays posts on ADHD and dysbiosis. My research on nutritional disrders started by helping the PCOS patient community in the mid 1990s, connecting metabolic imbalances to symptom severity / symptom combination types.

      Try methylated B vitamins (BestVite), with vit C and zinc.

    5. I’m sure you’ve considered this – but do you pull your hair up or back a lot? I was doing a lot of the big-messy-bun after my baby was born and had noticeable patches missing in the front. Less buns and a few years later it’s better.

    6. Rogaine is what is helping me. I’m a little older than you and in the throes of perimenopause but this past year the hair in the front was thinning out quite a bit more. One dropperful of Rogaine once a day has really helped the hair grow back. Worth every penny.

  22. Does anyone have any favorite hot chocolate brands? I love to drink this and my usual cups are made from either Godiva hot chocolate or Williams Sonoma. Would love to try something new though!

    1. I like Starbucks double chocolate flavor. They have a salted caramel too, which sounds like it should be good but is too sweet and artificial-tasting for me. But I like the chocolate one.

    2. We like Ibarra Mexican Hot Chocolate- comes in tablets, has a hint of cinnamon.
      I also like to make our own mix- Alton Brown has a good recipe, so does The Kitchn. Both these mixes involve using dark chocolate in addition to cocoa powder so they’re really rich and you can also then control how sweet the recipe is by adjusting the sugar in the recipe.

    3. Land o lakes makes amazing flavored hit chocolate packets. Rich and there has to be a dozen flavors.

    4. Yes, I am obsessed with Lake Champlain Peppermint Hot Chocolate. It tastes like heaven. It’s also organic and fair-trade certified, if you look for that.

  23. Anyone else notice some really weird photoshop on this? Her forearms are too long and thin, and the jeans don’t line up around her hip.

      1. Yikes. This is how I look in upper-hip hugging styles (and therefore think the model might be real) and this commentary helps understand why it looks bad. I don’t think the hips were skimmed, just she has a narrow pelvis in relation to her thigh circumference just like I do. I’m thin but that saddlebag really sticks out unless I’m starving. And I guess my forearms are indeed disproportionately long and thin. I have good swimming shoulders but tiny 5.5″ wrists and wide palms. My forearms look ridiculous unless I’m actively rock climbing. In any case, you won’t be seeing me in these shirts tucked into high rise skinnies!

    2. We had a very exciting morning. Made no-knead bread (started the dough last night), went to the grocery store, got a new salt cellar (picked it up curbside at Bed, Bath & Beyond), made a very fussy chicken marinade for tonight’s dinner.

      Mostly just gave thanks that temps are in the double digits.

  25. Does anyone know of any games or apps to make rowing machines more fun? I’m thinking of trying that zombie running app with it.

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