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Updated: Nov 11, 2021 178 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Recommended Reading· Weekend Open Thread | · · ·

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The night RBG died, a friend posted a picture to Facebook of a candle burning with two books, Bad Girls Throughout History and Legendary Ladies. Both books are new to me but looked awesome. I didn't notice at the time that both are by the same illustrator and author, Ann Shen — but I'm psyched to see she has a new book that's about iconic fashion moments, Nevertheless She Wore It, that's currently #1 on Amazon in the Fashion/Style category. (She also has a journal, diaries, and pre-orders for a postcard book!)

All of these books look like great gift ideas, amusing, light reads, and I think they'd be stylish as coffee table books or featured on a “styled” book shelf. Love. (Now, which should I buy first? Hmmn.) The books are $12.07-$19.89 at Amazon, Bookshop (one, two, three), and Target.

(Psst: Here are all of the books we recommend at Bookshop… the “shop” is still a work in progress! What else would you recommend?)

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Indian Matchmaking Update

    For those of you who watched it – I saw Nadia getting ice cream at a place in Jersey City (Torico) last night with a guy who was totally not any of her matches (but he was Indian!). The two guy friends I was with were not particularly excited, haha.

  3. Clementine

    What’s the word that you somehow ALWAYS misspell. Like, you know how to spell it, it’s not that it’s super difficult, but frequently find the squiggly red line of ‘uh-oh’ underneath it.

    Mine: together. I’m pretty sure it should be togeather and write it like that at least twice a week.

    (This brought to you by my very intelligent coworker who CANNOT spell Personnel. Ever.)

    • Vicky Austin

      I’m an accountant.

      I type “depreciatoin” THREE HUNDRED TIMES A DAY.

      I’m also frequently guilty of onoins.

      • Anonymous

        I swear my grandma taught me to spell it “vacumn” … was she joking? I guess I’ll never knoe.

    • Anon

      I consider myself to be an intelligent person with a very good grasp of spelling and grammar – I write professionally and I was a spelling bee champ as a kid! But I always, always spell traumatic as tramautic.

    • Anon

      Recommend, I always add an extra c, I know better but still somehow the muscle memory always types the extra c.

      A well respected colleague has issues with rationale, always forgets the e.

    • Anon

      Thansk.

      There is a 50% chance that I type thansk instead of thanks, and you can imagine how many times this happens in a day filled with emails…

      I like to imagine it’s a bookshelf at Ikea.

      • Essential+in+Texas

        100% to this. I’ve even written it on a post it note as a reminder. Turns out the post it was wrong. I definitely don’t know how to spell it

      • Clementine

        Lol, I do this!

        Note: When there were all these headlines of racist ‘Statues’ coming down across the country, I read it as ‘Statute’ and was like ‘ABOUT TIME!’

    • Dread Princess Roberts

      Jewelry. I want to spell it “jewelery.” Then I try it both ways, and neither one looks right.

      And judgement. I know “judge” has a “d” in it, but somehow my brain thinks “judgement” shouldn’t.

      I’m a good speller. But there are maybe ten words that I have lifelong mental blocks about. It makes me sympathetic to people whose can’t-spell-it list is much longer.

      (Not a misspelling, but as a child, I interpreted the printed word “misled” as the past tense of “misle.” Pronounced in my head as MY-zul. I still think “misle” could be a useful and descriptive verb.)

      • Aunt Jamesina

        It’s spelled “jewelry” in the US and “jewellery” elsewhere, so you aren’t completely off :-)

      • Ribena

        I agree with you about misled- although I would pronounce misle to rhyme with drizzle. I’m ‘misled’ would mean that I’m underwhelmed or disappointed.

    • Anon

      I’m an excellent speller, but a lazy texter so I just let autocorrect do everything and expect my closest friends to read through the errors, which they do no problem. Some of our texts look like literal garbage but somehow it works. I correct major mistakes when texting other people, though.

      • Ellen

        I wish I were a better speller, like Anon. Dad always yells at me for my typos. Fortunately, there is automatic spell check on Word and Lynn tries to proof all of my briefs when she can, so my work usually looks polished to the court and opposing council.

    • Anon

      I don’t ducking know why Siri always changes my favorite word to duck, but Siri can duck right off.

    • Senior Attorney

      Sheriff. I always want to do 2 r’s, 1 f.

      Also Rebuplican and supboena. Drive me nuts.

    • anon

      Independent. Easy to spell it but my fingers love to press the keys in the wrong order.

    • Anonymous

      I have a degree in public policy. I live in fear of mistyping “public,” because spell-check doesn’t catch it.

    • AnonATL

      Restaurant. Every time. I want to put the u with the a after the second r, not before it.

    • Anonymous

      Exercise. Why isn’t there a “z” in there? exersize, exercize, excersize, idk

    • Greensleeves

      Accommodate. I always convince myself that only one of the letters is doubled, not two, and then it doesn’t look right either way!

    • anonshmanon

      Unneccessary. I try to remind myself that the double-c is unnecessary (get it?), but often I get confused and leave out the double n.

      • Ellen

        I am guilty of this to. The manageing partner says I should always look it up to make sure I am using the right one.

      • PrettyLawBelle

        Also mine. And I swear I learned that “seperate” was the verb and “separate” was an adjective in first grade. I also learned “dilemna” which appears to not be a thing any longer.

    • Anon

      Anything involving necessary. Also license. It’s embarrassing how badly I can butcher these — to the extent that even spell check doesn’t know what I’m trying to say.

    • Sesquedoodle

      “Consistant.” To the point that one of my friends used to make fun of me for it. One might even say I get it wrong… consistently.

    • Anon

      Precipice. I know it is not praecipe but cannot for the life of me keep an a out of the former.

    • Kat+in+VA

      I cannot type the name “Mindy” to save my life. My brain thinks it’s Monday but misspelled and it always ends up Minday.

      Also, I end up misspelling the name of my company at least 10x a week. It includes a word that ends in -ce but my brain always makes it -ec.

    • char

      I have a running spelling list on my computer of the words i struggle with. One used to be Maintenance until i broke it down so now i say it that way in my head EVERY TIME; Main-ten-ance. Like to-get-her. .every time.

  4. Anon

    Thanks to whomever recommended the Dr Jart Water Drop hydrating moisturizer. I’ve spent the last week or so experimenting with various sample size primers under my BB cream. Went back to the Water Drop today and it is Soo much better than any of the primers.

    I have a little “texture” if I just apply BB to bare skin or over serum. Putting the water drop on right before the BB cream (I give it about a minute to fry down) makes a huge difference.

  5. Vicky Austin

    So we’re still looking for a house (been a while since I posted an update!), and a nice one just went up…for auction. Inventory is super limited around here. Would it be crazy to consider this? What should I know?

    • Anon

      If you buy a house at auction I believe you are also responsible for any liens against it. I would do some research in your county courthouse but be aware that may not locate everything.

    • Anonymous

      It depends. Is it a foreclosure auction, or an estate auction? If foreclosure, I would not touch that with a ten foot pole (but I am a risk averse person). You would be responsible for getting the current tenants (perhaps owners) out of the property. Which may involve taking legal action. Which may be held up currently because of pandemic eviction restrictions. If it is an empty house being auctioned off as part of an estate, I would consider it. But it is buyer beware and you have no idea what you are getting.

    • Anon

      If it has never been stayed before it will likely get stayed and not really be up for auction. Scroll through the past dockets and look at the properties — you see a lot of them appear for months and then disappear, never actually getting auctioned off.

      • Anon

        Also it is likely the bank will buy it at auction if it actually goes to sell.

  6. Anon

    Ok pet peeve about autocorrect on the iPhone. I typed the moisturizer post above, which autocorrected dry down to fry down. (It just tried to do it to me again.)

    The problem is that it changes prior words. I typed dry correctly. Then I typed down and it went back and changed dry to fry, and I didn’t catch it because it was not the current word.

    I’m cool with and need autocorrect for a lot of my typing, but this business of changing prior words drives me nuts. Is there a way to turn just that feature off? I tried googling it but only found tips on turning off autocorrect altogether.

    • anon

      Autocorrect on iPhone has been getting progressively worse. I wish it would stick to fixing obvious typos instead of applying its machine learning/AI to infer what I’m trying to say. Also, I regularly write in 3 different languages so it will frequently change a word into Spanish in an otherwise English text. It’s driving me particularly insane with this latest update.

    • Anonymous

      Omg yes!! Thanks for the validation!! So glad it’s not just me. Autocorrect has totally gotten worse these last few months with recent updates. My biggest annoyance is that it will randomly capitalize letters when I go back to insert something.

      So yeah, basically Apple is gaslighting us. Because changes are subtle and the corrections are minor/NBD by themselves—combined they are a big nuisance.

  7. Anonymous

    Storytime! Tell us a story about a hookup you remember from your past who you did NOT marry.

    Here’s one of mine: my best friend at the time had a boyfriend in law school; his best friend was H. We all went out one night while H was in town and H and I wound up staying out way past the other two. We talked for hours and hours. The sun came up and we were still talking, walking around the city. I honestly don’t even remember if we kissed, but I think there was some of that. I thought he was my soulmate.

    We never talked again. :shrug:

    • Anonymous

      Oh man I just remembered he had a girlfriend or fiance or something and I found out after the fact. Again, shrug.

    • Anon

      His name was Henri. He was from France. He drove a Renault.

      I met him online. We went to a Thai restaurant and he pulled me to him and kissed me on the sidewalk as we left. I felt that all the way to my toes.

      I invited him back to my house. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was recently divorced, early 30s, and I just needed to get that out of my system.

      Henri thought we were in a relationship. I had to ask him to leave the next day because I had another date. He still thought we were in a relationship. I gave him one more night a few weeks later and the magic was no longer there.

    • Anon

      Oh god. I’m convinced a guy I had s3x with in the basement at house party in university gave me mono but I never had a way of knowing because I never learned his name or anything about him. I was sick for months. Good times.

    • Anon

      My ex from high school lived on a small horse farm overlooking the ocean. We used to hook up in the tack room, in the fields with the ocean backdrop, and in the hay barn. It was pretty romantic and part of me misses how young and innocent it all was.

      • Anonymous

        I would have married him just for the horse farm overlooking the ocean…
        As for me, I am not really the “hookup” type, but I did drunkenly make out with a friend who was, years later, the best man at my wedding. Now-husband and I were broken up at the time, friend and I were both in a new city and didn’t know a lot of other people and drunk and lonely, so *shrug*. Now-husband knows about it. We all pretend it never happened and by unspoken agreement have never mentioned it since. (Obviously, given that he was our best man, we are all still friends)

    • Anonymous

      I met this guy on a train while I was on my way back to school. He asked me to get off at his stop instead of going on to mine, and for some reason I did. We walked around the city all night. I got back on the train the next morning and went on to school.

      Nine years later, I ran into him again in a bookstore.

      • anne-on

        Hahahaha, but you left out the part about how 9 years later you were married and had twins…

      • Anonymous

        That is the sort of story that is either awfully fun to remember or you are listed as missing on the late news and then they find you cut up into little bits. I have such bad luck that it would end in little bits of me :(

    • Anonymous

      Weird story. This isn’t even a hook up. You didn’t kiss. We aren’t 12

    • Anon

      In college, I went to the national meeting of a club I was in. Meeting was in New Orleans. Met J, from a different school, on the last day, cut out on the lectures and such and walked around the city with him. New Orleans, the city, clearly did not care that I was underage ;) We stayed out literally all night long, aside from heading back to his hotel room alone at like 2 am for a nap? haha (like literal sleeping – we might have made out, but nothing more – drunk people get sleepy) and then went back out, walked around the city some more, and then got on our planes and flew back to our respect colleges across the country from each other ha.

      We’re FB friends today. I literally haven’t seen him IRL since that night in 2001, but he seems like a decent dude. Married with 4 little kids.

      • Anon

        Similar story, I did debate in college and there were tournaments most weekends at various schools with debate during the day and parties at night. Everyone hooked up at the parties of course and I had my fair share of drunken hookups that were strictly physical, but I met one guy that actually wanted to flirt with me while sober and we had a lovely mini-romance over the course of a year that involved meeting up in half a dozen different cities. The last time we saw each other in person was in NYC and we had the most magical night that ended with dancing alone in Washington Square park. Most movie-like moment of my life. We made out but nothing more. We never ever would have worked in real life – we had polar opposite values, religious beliefs and backgrounds, and I’m 99% sure he would now be full-on MAGA – but it was a lovely “debate romance” that was such a refreshing change from all the guys who just wanted to get hammered and grope me.

    • Vicky Austin

      In college I worked at a summer camp. The first year I worked there, another counselor and I had ~vibes~ alllll session long. The last day we sent the kids off and then all worked ourselves to the bone cleaning the place up…and still had the energy to literally stay up all night making out. Ah, nineteen.

      There was also a sauna at this camp, and always a big group sauna relaxation session after the cleaning was finished. We were two of the youngest counselors there and wore swimsuits to the sauna session, not knowing that everyone else was going to be naked. It still cracks me up to think that the only non-naked people in that sauna were the ones who left to hook up…

    • Abby

      Ooh..my first boyfriend in high school, T. We were best friends when I was 16, someone else told me he liked me, but by the time I talked to him about it (I also had a crush on him), he lied and said he was just kidding. Six months later, we eventually started “dating”, but we never kissed (lol). Ended up breaking up with him 4 months later because he was really bad at math and I tried to help him, but he just didn’t care, which was really against everything my nerdy Type A high school personality strived for.
      We stayed “friends” and he started dating another girl right when he graduated high school. A year later, he came back from college and asked to meet up in the park. He told me he broke up with the girl, and I told him I started dating another guy literally two weeks earlier. We pretended to be friends, lived in separate cities for college and became “best friends” again when I was single. Eventually I started dating DH, told T about it, he started dating another girl a year later, and we never talked again. They’re expecting their first child any day now! (our families are friends)
      In hindsight, we were a terrible match. But for never kissing the guy, I spent a lot of emotions on him when i was 16-20

    • Anon for this

      The guy I “dated” before I met my husband was much too old for me. Also had a laundry list of weird personal issues and was a bachelor in his 40s that had never been in a relationship that lasted longer than 3 months. Loads of red flags about this not working out.
      Regardless the s*x was seriously the best I’ve ever had. He was all about oral on me. I still think about it sometimes. Took me out to some of the best restaurants in town. It was fun outside of the actual relationship part.
      Garbage human being but with some serious skills.

      • Anon

        My friend dated a guy from another culture who was all about the oral on her but didn’t want reciprocation because he didn’t want to “degrade” her that way.

        To me as a TMJ sufferer, he sounded like the ideal man.

        • Anon for this

          It was not a cultural thing for this guy.. I think it was more of a control thing (see again red flags), but honestly I benefited a lot from it.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      Circa 2005, I took the Caledonian Sleeper from London to Edinburgh during my year abroad in the UK to visit a friend in Scotland (a delightful, magical experience all on its own). He was in the Royal Navy on his way home to visit his family on a short shore leave. We were both sitting and waiting by the big board in Euston for the departure, and started talking when a fellow in a particularly vile mustard-yellow suit walked by. He changed his seat, we got a bunch of terrible wine from the dining car, and had a delightful, magical romp pretty much all the way to Scotland. We kissed goodbye at approx 6am in Edinburgh Waverly, and never saw each other again. It remains a very fond memory – ahh, to be 20 and exploring the world again! :)

      • Ribena

        Before the world closed I would use the Caledonian Sleeper semi-regularly for work and I ALWAYS hoped something like that would happen. Nope. I did once show up to a rail replacement overnight BUS because there was an issue with overhead power lines.

    • anne-on

      While at a job in my early 20’s I always had flirty vibes with a cute slightly older guy in a different department, but nothing happened while we worked together. I left for another job but wound up going to another ex-coworkers goodbye drinks (was still very close with my old boss and the team). I got to the bar slightly early and he was there too, so we started talking. We flirted all night and made out when he walked me to the train. Found out from my old boss (who was so excited and though it would be great if we dated!) that not only was he dating someone else but they not only lived together but they owned an apartment together. I remember being really annoyed but also slightly touched at how MAD at him on my behalf my old boss was.

    • Sweden

      16. In Sweden at a youth festival. Spent all night with a Sicilian named Gianni (from where my grandparents lived before immigrating) whose only English words were “bella” and “ciao”. Definitely PG rated but a great memory. Got teased unmercifully by my roommates, who assumed we “slept” together as opposed to being awake all night walking around Stockholm. Never saw him again.

    • Maudie Atkinson

      When I had juuuust begun to dip my toes into the online dating world following my divorce, I matched with a foreign service officer in the US for a few weeks on leave who was driving across the country with a friend.
      He had never been to my city, was very upfront about the fact he was just passing through on this road trip, and wanted recommendations for things to do for the weekend. I met up with him and his friend on a Saturday night. I took them to some of my fave restaurants and bars, and then I took him home for the night. We ended up spending the whole next day (and night) together and then he went on his way to his next stop on his Deep South tour with some recommendations from me.
      It was the first time I had been to bed with anyone besides my ex husband in ten years, and it was the perfect low stakes way to do it because knew I would never see him again! And it gave me the courage to try the online dating thing for real, a choice that turned out very well for me.

    • Anonymous

      Junior year of college. Age 20. Attending a conference in D.C. with fellow college students. Met a practicing lawyer in a bar in Georgetown. I often lied to men I met randomly in bars and never expected to see again, but I also wanted to impress him in the moment, and I was also afraid of being busted for being underage in a bar. So I told him I was in law school (as I hoped to be in the future). We talked all night and kissed at the end. I never expected to see him again, but as I was leaving the conference to catch my plane back to school, a limousine rolled up, he got out with a bouquet of flowers and gave me a ride to the airport. I had not told him where the conference was or when I was leaving. I wonder now if he had been waiting there for a long time. He called me after I got home but I could figure out neither how to perpetuate nor how to undo the lie.

    • Anon

      Summer of 1990, when Eurail passes were the Big Thing. I was at Munich’s main train station, waiting for my train to Italy. Another student plunked down next to me. He assumed I was Canadian (thank God!) and started chatting. I believe he was Italian. He invited me to join him and his friends in Madrid instead of going to Italy to stay with friends of aunt of friend. I would have had to travel there by myself, I think, and I didn’t have a proper phone number to reach them, so I decided to keep on with my plans. We did make out, sitting under the big sign, though. Very nice!

  8. Amazon (Legal) Job

    Considering putting throwing my hat in the ring for an Amazon Legal position with one of their business lines. I’m a midlevel, though my firm has a short partnership track, so technically a sr. associate at my firm. I am super beat from a really long pandemic-related busy season and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. And like a lot of of folks, I am reconsidering my priorities and what I want to do long term. The opportunity sounds interesting and I’ve read generally positive things about working in the legal dept.

    Appreciate any tips regarding the interview process and/or comments if you know anything about working there! I never thought I would go in-house, so I have no idea where to begin (beyond applying) and if offered the opportunity how to negotiate my salary. I was the uber prepared OCI/OGI student, so anything but a large firm is totally foreign to me.

  9. kk

    A couple years ago, people on this site were talking about sending small gifts- like, two cookies, in the mail. I’ve searched old comments for the provider but can’t find it – anyone remember?

    • Carmen Sandiego

      Cheryl’s Cookies – I just did a gift tower to a friend who had a baby and the report back was that they were delicious!

  10. Anon

    I just had a total surprise crying session that seemed like it came out of no where, but it was really weeks of pent up stress and frustration that spilled over. What would you do with your single self this weekend to reset and relax? What would you cook/order? What would you watch/read? It’s supposed to be rainy where I am.

    • anon

      I would watch Teenage Bounty Hunters, eat popcorn and drink beer. And I would wear my sweatpants all weekend. But then again, I wear sweatpants all the time now.

    • Flats Only

      My favorite solo rainy afternoon activity, which I try to do every year, is to read The Hound of the Baskervilles. Atmospheric and escapist. Enjoy with tea and biscuits.

    • Anonie

      I’m sorry! I’ve been there. Could we watch an old movie you loved as a teen? I had one of those days a few months back and (I’m hanging my head here) signed up for a free trial of Disney+ just so I could watch Princess Diaries for comfort haha.

      As for food, I suggest ordering takeout pizza for a classy/fancy pizza local pizza shop and enjoying it with a glass or 2 of red wine, plus a foot mask or another beauty treatment.

      • Anonie

        * could YOU watch an old movie you loved as a teen??

        Haha I am NOT trying to invite myself to an internet stranger’s movie night hahaha! :) I sincerely hope your weekend gets better.

      • Betsy

        Oh man, I want to invite myself to YOUR comfort movie night! This next week is going to be a slog but now I know what I’m planning next weekend!

    • pugsnbourbon

      Man nothing is better on a rainy night than a big ol’ bowl of pho. I’d get enough for two, eat it all myself, toss back a couple beers and watch a scary movie.
      I hope you feel better soon!

      • Anon

        For me it’s chow mein with chopsticks right out of the carton, but also beer, or Sauvignon blanc if I don’t have any beer. I like an old movie or musical. I’ve been on a big Rogers and Hammerstein kick lately.

    • Anon

      I will be exercising, going to bed early, baking cinnamon rolls and quiche, and reading Allie Brosh’s new book on my balcony. So excited!

    • Abby

      I would order take out chinese food for a family of 5, eat it out of the carton in pajamas all day while watching a dumb teen show like gossip girl (i love it). And then shower mid day, change to new pajamas, open wine or champagne and do a facemask or paint my nails. Feel better!

    • Anon

      Thank you, everyone. I slogged around last night, but today I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a few things I’ve been wanting, picked up a pizza on the way home, and plan to have a Harry Potter movie marathon tonight.

  11. Anon

    I’m looking for a crossbody that has the roominess of a tote bag. Does this exist? Recs? My handbag style is Tory Burch, especially her Kira line.

  12. anon

    I think my identity has been stolen…but not sure. Looking for advice on next steps.
    Husband and I are considering refinancing our mortgage. My credit score was lower than usual, so I ran a credit reports on the three majors. 2 of the 3 (Experian and Equifax) showed: (1) $400 collection filed on me for a Texas utility company; and (2) Houston address associated with me. I have never lived in Texas and have never had a family live in Texas; I have lived in California continuously for the last 20+ years. The collection is under the name of a Texas collections agency. I filed a dispute with the two credit reporting agencies. I am worried about broader fraud. Should I make an FBI identity theft report? Should I contact the collections agency or Texas utility company? The debt looks a few years old. I have not been hyper-vigilant about identity theft in the past, but generally kept up with my bank account activity and credit cards — nothing unusual has happened. I am sure my data has been compromised in some of the large breaches that have occurred in the last few years.

    • Anon

      I’ve had so much identity theft.

      In your case, call the credit agencies, choose the fraud option, and say you don’t recognize those things. They will advise you to follow up with a letter.

      It may be a mix up and no one intentionally used your identity intentionally. My credit report consistently has an address on it that I’ve never lived at. I’ve written to all three and two have removed it, but it remains on the third. I don’t believe that one is intentional, just some sort of same-name deal, most likely.

      On the other hand, I have had someone file an income tax return using my SSN, and that was definitely identity theft. More recently I’ve had someone go into Nordstrom and impersonate me, have them look up my Nordstrom card number, and walk out of the store with $5000 worth of designer sunglasses. Definitely identity theft. For those instances, I’ve completely shut down my credit, and I’ve filed a Federal Identity Theft report, which is easy to do online. I’ve also signed up for a PIN with the IRS, without which my taxes can’t be filed.

      More recently someone tried to open Kohls and Home Depot cards in my name and we’re fortunately denied because of the credit lock. (Permanent, not temporary)

      Anyway, first step is to call the three agencies and follow their advice.

    • Clementine

      If there is no other evidence that somebody has opened cards, accounts, or anything else in your name, this may just be misreported on your credit report. Filing the report is the first step.

      This happens pretty commonly. Any chance you have a sibling with the same first initial who lived in those places? Or have a common last name? A lot of credit reporting isn’t under your SSN but is captured by the beginning of your first name and your city/DOB. Sometimes there can be mixups.

      So for example: if you are Jane Doe and your sister is Jamie Doe and you shared an address, it’s very common to have credit reports mixed between the two of you. People who have twins named things like Jason and James have doomed them to lots of mixed up credit reports.Sometimes it’s just that it’s somebody with the same name as you. If you’re Jane Doe, born 7/4/1984, there might be a Jane Doe from Texas born 4/7/1984 and the numbers were close enough where they got things mixed up.

  13. Erica

    I just need to get this off my chest. I’ve been trying so hard to power through everything and I think I don’t have much left in me. My mom has advanced pancreatic cancer and isn’t doing well. She’s not in a great headspace to make treatment decisions so it’s all on me. She has a lot of side effects from chemo and watching her suffer and decline is terrifying. Because I need to see her so often I’ve been very careful about going out and meeting friends. I’m going crazy in my apartment. On top of all of that I have extended family that only adds to the stress of everything. I get daily phone calls from them freaking out about some aspect of my mom’s health and I can’t manage their feelings and stress too. This whole situation isn’t a short term thing that will get better soon and I can’t see a way out. I’m barely sleeping, my eye twitch is practically permanent and I hate everything. All my usual stress release options (happy hour with friends, lots of travel and exploring) are off the the table. I feel like I’m going insane and I don’t know what to do to make any of this better.

    • Anonymous

      This sounds horrible. All the hugs. I say this as someone whose mom died when I was 19 of cancer. All the horrible, but I wasn’t in charge the way you are, not was I talking to extended family. Can you make an email or text update chain so you don’t deal with calls? And tell them you can’t deal with calls given life sucks (with maybe one exception?)?
      As to your stress…walks, yoga, home weight workouts to maybe chillax? It’s all just flip pin’ horrible and you just need to figure out how to breathe for a few minutes and change your head around.

    • sandpiper76

      Several years ago my father-in-law had pancreatic cancer and what helped all of us was hospice care. He had a case manager, a home health aide, a social worker and nurses coming in to manage his care. I don’t know if your mom is ready yet, but something to think about.
      I’m so sorry you and your mom are going through this.

      • Quail

        +1. You should definitely enlist all the help you can from the hospital. Even if she’s not mentally ready for hospice (my mom wasn’t willing to give up treatment until a few days before her death, and it was really, really hard – hospice helped a LOT and very much improved her quality of life for those few days), maybe a palliative care coordinator or a social worker can help. It sounds like you are alone in managing this (no siblings or other parent in the picture) which is incredibly stressful, emotionally taxing, and just plain a lot of work. Is there anyone – your best friend, a cousin, one of those extended family members, your mom’s friends, nice ladies from church – you can draw in to take the communication load off of you? Would it be less stressful to move in with her? Can you take leave from work? I moved in with my mom (she lived in a different state, so I kind of had to) for the last two months of her life when I was in my mid-20s and was her primary caretaker – and while it was incredibly difficult, I am glad I was there.

        Also. Grief therapy. Anticipatory grief is a real thing. And you have SO much on your plate you need to be able to talk to someone about it. Although I am not particularly religious, I found the book A Spirituality of Caregiving by Henri Nouwen to be cathartic during that time in my life. (He was a Catholic priest who devoted his life to living in community with people with intellectual disabilities who needed care.)

        It sucks, and I’m so sorry you are going through this. If my best friend, or even a good friend, were in this situation, I would 100% do pretty much anything you asked, so please try to outsource whatever you can.

        • Quail

          And re-reading this I assumed that your mom’s treatment prognosis was not good. I apologize for that and I hope she responds well to her treatment. If that’s the case, I still think it’s important to get some help carrying the load during this incredibly stressful time. You need to take care of yourself so you can help your mom. I hope she can pull through. Sending both of you strength and peace.

    • LeeB

      Just want to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish I could take you out for a drink, but I’m sending virtual hugs.
      Try to take an hour before you go to bed to treat yourself. Don’t answer any phone calls and don’t look at social media. Watch something mindless on a Netflix! If you can even do this once or twice a week it could help.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry. You have my and everyone else’s permission to tell your relatives the same thing you told us. You cannot be asked to treat their emotions on top of being your mom’s primary provider. You have my permission to send them to voicemail. You have my permission to delete their texts and emails unread.

      Your mom is your focus but you cannot help your mom if you don’t take care of yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

      Hugs to you. I have been there and it is so, so hard.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry, that is so hard.

      I would like to second Quail’s suggestion of outsourcing the communication with your extended family. Either by having a friend as buffer, or maybe by appointing one of them as the “person who gets updates and is responsible to tell everybody else”. Could you have a regular, scheduled update time (once a week max) with one of them – preferably the one that stresses you the least?

    • Another anon

      Hugs. Your mention of the eye twitch took me right back to a super stressful time in my life a few years ago. Can someone else manage the family or can you do one of those online update website things?

    • Anon

      Don’t take the daily phone calls and don’t take the freak-outs. “Uncle Roger and Aunt Sue, you cannot do this to me. I have enough on my plate.”

  14. Anon

    How rude would it be to my downstairs neighbors if I wear dansko clogs as house shoes on my wood floors? Also considering shearling-lined birkenstocks, more slipper-like. I’ve been experiencing low back pain, and generally tired/sore feet from wearing slippers all day, and this s!te made the savvy suggestion of switching to dansko or birks. Also would like to start using a stand up desk and wear said shoes while doing standing up work.

    • Anon

      Pretty rude, honestly, for clogs. I’ve never worn Birks so cant comment on those.

      Costco often have shearling lined house slippers with a slight wedge heel in a solid rubber material, not one of those hateful thin foamy sole things. Those work well for me and I have plantar fasciitis and bad back, may be try for something similar?

    • The Lone Ranger

      Are you clumping in your clogs? I wear clogs as house shoes (Haflingers) and I’m not loud when I walk on wood and tile. I know when I’m upstairs on wood floors my husband can’t hear me moving around unless I step on the skeaky board. My dd wears Dansko on tile floors for work shoes and isn’t loud.

      • Anon

        +1 my danskos fit well, don’t flop around like some clogs, and I don’t make noise wearing them around the apt. But I generally have a very light step. If you’re worried about the noise I’d just wear them at your desk/office space. Danskos are great and make standing much more tolerable for me.

        And if all neighbors were as considerate as you, apartment living would be great!

    • Go for it

      If you go to standup desk route get an
      ergo mat and you can stand barefoot on the mat and be comfortable all day
      I’ve been doing it for a number of years it’s amazing
      Clogs are rough to stand in a still position for extended lengths of time
      Idk if Birkenstock’s are better

    • Anon

      As a downstairs neighbor of noisy upstairs neighbors, I beg you not to do this. What about sneakers with orthotics? The hard soles of danskos are miserably loud and the heavy hit they have on the floor goes right through rugs too.

    • Mina

      This response may be too late but as a person who lives downstairs from a neighbor with hardwood floors my advice is not to wear the Danskos as slippers. I strongly recommend the shearling lined Birkenstock clogs. I am wearing a pair right now and they are comfy and very supportive.

  15. Low-tech to high-tech

    I’m attempting to move from a low-tech version of a tech job (working with industrial machinery) to a high-tech version of a tech job (working with software). I’m floundering a bit in regards to hiring norms. I’m used to negotiating salary, PTO, and benefits. Now I have to figure out if/how I am eligible for stock, an acquisition bonus, etc. Are there any resources for making this kind of pivot, and developing the knowledge and skill to have these conversations? “Negotiating Tech Jobs for Dummies” perhaps?

  16. Coolsculpt

    Saw the post too late for this morning, tried it once, zero results. Was going to do it again and the tech (whom I’d been chatty with the first time and who was lovely) kept telling me to think about it, just think about it, I really should think about it. I ran into her months later and she said she’d done all she could to talk me out of it as it was a total scam. She also said people get huge issues from it as it can lead to lumps and giant rocks of fat on the body part that have to be surgically removed.

    I’ve considered lipo but have no health insurance, am a contractor so there’s no guarantee of work, so the cost doesn’t make sense for me. However, as a minimalist with a tad bit of vanity, it’d be nice to just fit into clothes without having to wear spanx or pick things with patterns because I carry weight in my lower front stomach!

  17. Anxiety

    Right now, I look like a covid rockstar. I am juggling multiple projects, many events, management of tasks and duties, friendship support, pet support, and the like, all like it’s nothing. I am exactly the people that other people feel like lesser next to (they tell me often). Truth? It’s not rockstar, it’s anxiety. I barely sleep and my nutrition and exercise is in the toilet. In many situations, I would figure that the solution is therapy and probably meds. Except that right now I have a rockstar reputation and I am accomplishing so much, which may give me a leg up in my career (super important for all the obvious reasons). Part of me thinks I ought to let the anxiety run since it’s fueling externally great things. However, I also know that this is probably not a good internal plan. Not sure how to fix this.

    Any advice or commiseration? Also, I hope this may be helpful to those who see someone who makes you feel like you’re not doing enough; they may be super struggling behind the scenes too!

    • Anon

      Are we the same person? I have no advice, just commiseration. From an outsiders perspective I’m really excelling but I am also pouring out of an empty cup and periodically have total breakdowns and just start crying. But that lasts only a bit and then my anxiety/perfectionism tells me to buck up and get back to it, so I do. I know this is not a long-term solution but I also don’t know how to stop. I probably should be in therapy but I’m embarrassed to admit that I need help and any time I mention something to people in my life suggesting I’m struggling I get a “but you’re doing AMAZING” which makes me feel guilty and selfish because I know I’m very fortunate and that I should get over myself and carry on.

      • Anonymous

        Can you carve out time to invest in your long term health and well being like setting modest exercise goals and working that in? I find getting outside for a walk, run or hike is an investment in my long term productivity.

  18. Anon

    I think 100% of the rockstars I’ve worked with have had anxiety. One has also been diagnosed with OCD. I honestly think that exploiting anxiety and perfectionism is just how many professions work. People do burn out eventually though so I support working on balance before that happens!

  19. Terry

    Can anyone help me find jewel-toned T-shirts or tops (maroon, dark teal)? I thought for sure with the start of autumn, I could find these colors online, but I’m still seeing a lot of pastels which wash me out.

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