Weekend Open Thread

237 Comments

1. I’m in the process of buying a house with my spouse in a VHCOL (SF). We’re spending our max budget to buy a home that’s a little more future proof (e..g, it’s ~1500 square feet vs. 1,000, has more bedrooms, has outdoor space) and it works out to about 30% of take home pay. I have some weird anxiety about feeling like we don’t “need” that much house or we don’t “need” to spend as much as we are. We’ve been renting a small one bedroom for many years (which helped us afford a significant downpayment) so that’s part of it. We also don’t have kids, and have serious fertility issues so that may never happen, so I think part of it is feeling guilty about buying a large home with the expectation of a family that may never materialize. Like people will judge me for buying a larger/expensive home without the corresponding family.

   Advice on managing the emotions of home buying welcome!

   1. You could be housing aging parents / various other relatives, so your housing needs over the rest of your life may not just be for kids. And in my family, women live to almost 100, so space for a live-in caregiver / housekeeper would not be an unreasonable use of an extra bedroom and bathroom.

      1. Amen to that! My parents small bought a 1 bed/1 bath retirement condo and they had to move to assisted living because there was no room for a caregiver!

         1. Yes! My mom kept her giant suburban house after all us kids moved out (actually she bought it while my brother and sister were still home. I was already out.) Many years later, she needed full-time care while fighting cancer. Because she had extra rooms, we could provide live-in care for her. Now that she is better, she has filled every room in her house (a sewing room, a play room for the grandkids, and a guest room.) She also has space for an extra large dining table so we can all eat together on holidays, etc. I still think it is too much house for her, but she is happy.

            1. Totally don’t fight this. My FIL passed at home with at home hospice care and it was so much better than my MIL, who decided to sell the place and spent her last years in a completely depressing nursing facility.

   2. Don’t worry about others’ judgement! Easier said than done sometimes, but … you are buying a house! It’s exciting! Kids on the horizon or no, a little more space can mean hosting out of town guests, friends and family, or a home office for WFH, or dedicated space for a hobby. Outdoor space – same thing. A place for parties, gardening, making great memories no matter what your family looks like. Congrats and enjoy!

      1. Totally knew what you meant, but outdoor space for gardening made me snicker.

         1. Ha! I thought of that the second after I hit post comment. Hey, if you are feeling adventurous…

   3. DH and I bought a rowhouse even though we don’t have kids. We like the extra space and could afford it, and having a patio & container garden has become a lovely hobby. If anyone is secretly judging us for not living in a 1BR apartment they can take several seats.

   4. It’s normal to have some trepidation before you make a big purchase like this, but don’t let others’ opinions steal your joy. There are always gonna be people who pick apart your decisions. Honestly, f*ck ’em.

   5. Congrats on being rich! I’m sorry having enough money to buy an unnecessarily large home you nonetheless want is a burden for you.

      1. Point taken! I grew up very much not rich so I have a general anxiety about money and often worry about whether I’m making sound financial decisions.

         1. I get that truly! But you are ok and actually in a really wonderful position.

            1. Sorry, my “point taken” sounded snarky but it was actually sincere. Like a “this is an irrational worry” helpful.

      2. 1,500 square feet is not an unnecessarily large home, unless you believe that anything above the bare minimum is unnecessary.

   6. I feel like after WFH for a year, it is like insurance on ever needing a dedicated work space for two adults and having one door to the outside (vs common halls and elevators). And light and room for a yard / garden. It seems like you shouldn’t have to reproduce to have that be normal. In MCOL and LCOL cities, that is the norm for people once then can afford it. No one wants to share walls with strangers or have people above/below them (once your house becomes your gym).

      1. This. I now think of home office and workout space as insurance for the future. Not just for catastrophes, but also because the norm seems to be shifting towards a national job market with full-time WFH. My husband’s company is sending signals that they are going to sell several buildings and make a large number of employees WFH permanently, and it really makes me wish we had another bedroom or office.

         1. I agree about having room in case you need to WFH long term. My company shut down several office buildings last year and I’m now a permanent WFH employee.

            1. For this reason, I think many young adults are going to start doing whatever they can to avoid living with roommates. I would much rather be trapped alone in a studio apartment than in a 2-bedroom with three other people.

            2. Yes, absolutely (to 3:23). It’s not just the roommates, but their sketchy GFs and BFs taking over the couch when that is your WFH desk. Even under regular times, group living made me love being a workaholic at work (sort of kidding). It is like volunteering to live in a dysfunctional adult family to save $. No wonder reality shows feature group home s (Big Brother; The Real World). Too much bad drama.

            3. Haha do you think people live with roommates because they think it’s fun? Unless something changes to make real estate more affordable to young adults, forget about your theory.

   7. I’m also in the SF area, and there are a couple of unique things here that make buying a future proof house more sensible than it already would be elsewhere (if one can!): 1) With the magnitude of $$ I’m sure we’re talking about, the closing costs on either end are no joke, so it would be a bigger bummer than a lot of other places to in fact need a bigger house in just a few years (since closing costs are not an investment, and instead just like throw away money), and 2) with Prop 13 and the locking in your tax basis it makes sense to lock in as much of a future proof house as you can, because otherwise if you have to move in a few years your property taxes will get reset to market, which can be meaningful.
      Just reminding myself of these two things would make me not care what others thought!

   8. My childless aunt who is an awesome person bought a 2,400 square foot condo for herself and said she needed all the space. l love that and I love her place. Go for the space you want!

      1. I’m single childless and have a 1400 SFH with almost a 1/3 of an acre yard in a suburb. I LOVE my house and it’s actually a downsize from the first house I bought as a single childless woman. As far as I am aware, no one judged/is judging me and if they are, I couldn’t care less bc I love my house.

   9. Are you me? We have a significant (as in, could put down 50% if we want, or more) downpayment due to fortunate circumstances of living at home for a long time (both my husband and I did that, I did it for longer) plus high incomes. After living at home, we lived in tiny condos for years well below our means for the very purpose of being able to afford doing this, we drive an 18 year old car (which will obviously need to be replaced at some point, I just don’t care about the car really), yet I feel a lot of guilt and shame about a house and the judgment / questions that will come because housing is such a hot topic in my area right now. We’re looking at nicely sized houses in a desirable area (the location is definitely driving the price), no mansions but not tiny either. Living drastically below our means this whole time has really “hidden” who we are from the outside world, and I liked that anonymity. Also undecided on kids, maybe have one though, and a dog. I keep telling myself that I am not buying a house for anyone else but myself, so I should be happy with my purchase instead of dialing it down to fit others’ expectations. Yet, I get so wound up about it (people pleaser here). I know this is a problem NO ONE wants to hear about, and it’s all on me to get over it.

      1. This whole thing perplexes me. Who is going to judge you for buying “too much” house? Judgment usually comes from having crummy stuff, not nice stuff. Like right now my in-laws are judging us for deciding to spend our money on college tuition instead of new kitchen cabinets and a country club membership.

         1. I hear you, it definitely could all be in my head, as I said, I’m not saying I’m being rationale about it ha! In-laws who grew up in a poor area of the country, tend to make comments about other people who are “too focused on money/material goods” as opposed to family, so I guess it’s an extension of comments like that, I assume they would see spending a lot on a house as being too focused on material goods. They also got caught in the 1990s interest rate rises so they have bad feelings about housing in general.

         2. I’m childfree and there have been a couple of people who were snide about asking why we needed extra bedrooms, and shouldn’t we save those nice big houses for “families”. But miserable people who need to bring others down will find a way, whatever your real estate choices.

            1. It’s disgusting that anyone would say that to you (or anyone else)

            2. Your last sentence is very true. Ignore the miserable critics.

         3. “Judgment usually comes from having crummy stuff, not nice stuff.”

            Dude! Do you even C*o*r*p*o*r*e*t*t*e? ;)

         4. I feel like it’s increasingly common in my liberal circles to judge people for showing their wealth. Like if you make good money you should be embarrassed that you’re not working at a non profit. I find it to be exhausting.

            1. +1. I am really tired of the constant criticism for working in a corporate environment. Those evil corporations brought you your solar panels, Teslas and iPhones.

      2. Nope we truly truly do not. But by all means talk to your therapist.

   10. Don’t worry about it! Coming from a MCOL suburb, 1500 square feet is a starter home here. No one would bat an eye at that.

   11. Also in the bay area. Look at it this way – this morning’s discussion had a thread about how we’re all expected to have home working spaces. In today’s working reality, you probably do need the extra space. And I agree with a prior poster to buy as much house as you can in order to avoid paying our very high closing costs twice.

   12. I am not sure how old you are, but we purchased our forever home when we were in our early 30s. It was a stretch when we bought it but 6 years later we have gotten promoted and are making more than we did when we bought. We knew this was likely to be the case, but also wanted to plan for a home we could afford on what we had then.

   13. My sibling and their spouse bought a 5 bedroom/4 bathroom house when they got married at 26 (LCOL area). They never had kids, and I think over time they started to resent having all that space with no family to fill it, plus having to clean it. They never knew what to do with the extra rooms and just really fell out of love with it. A decade later, they are finally moving to a home that is more reasonable in size for them.

       1. That is not at all the same thing as 1500 square feet.

          1. Sorry, but +1

   14. Hi friend! I just bought a 1000 ft townhome in a HCOL city as a single person and had all of those feelings and thoughts. I wanted a place that would also fit a future partner, if I found them, and maybe 1 kid, but also felt really down about not having them and “taking too much.” So many emotions. I came down to, 1) I worked hard and saved in my tiny 1 bedroom for years to afford this, 2) I deserve not to work from my bedroom forever, 3) these emotions are also reflective of things you might want but don’t have (and worry you might never get), and 4) anyone who says anything can go stuff it. Congrats on your new place!

   15. Well you can just say YOLO and that should cover it. That is what I am doing now that COVID may be coming down. I have not been successful in finding a man to marry me even tho I have a good job and good family. Men just want to have s-x, but not more with me. I have given up trying to figure this out b/c I used to be younger and prettier, and even then I could not land a man able and willing to marry me. Sometimes I thought that mabye my Dad was intimidating to them, but many never even met him before heading for the hills. It seems that perhaps I was to focused on marrage, and did not have s-x with men and they just decided I was not worth pursuing unless I pulled my panties down for them, but that would have been wrong, as I have scrupules. So now I just say YOLO, and to heck with men who just look for s-x. I never found s-x that exciting, probably b/c men were not good at doing anything for me; just themselves. Now that I am almost 40 years old, I have to just consider myself, and if a man pops up that is decent, fine, but I am not going to go out pursuing any man b/c YOLO. I have family and freinds to get me through the day. YAY!!!

   16. F the haters. My husband and I are child free by choice, have a 1700 sq ft place in SF and a second home in the wine country. I don’t need to justify that to anyone. Enjoy having a nice place, you get one spin around the sun.

   17. We are also buying a home that I think is bigger than strictly necessary. My FIL’s advice was “always buy a little more house than you need” because you don’t know how your life will change in the future. That helped me feel better about the decision.

2. One of my neighbors just posted a bunch of Madame Alexander dolls (“and boxes!”) on FB marketplace. She’s emptying out a great-aunt’s house. It may be a regional thing but does anyone else have relatives who really went all in on collectible dolls? I have some at my parents’ house that I was never allowed to play with (all with boxes). I am insanely curious about whether or not she’s getting offers on these. I think they are maybe a notch above items from the Franklin Mint, but some collectors are apparently still out there collecting.

   1. OMG my husband’s late wife had a big doll collection (ca. 80s and 90s) and it’s boxed up in the attic because he can’t won’t deal with them.

      1. I had no idea that this was also a west coast thing. Is it maybe just in the US? Or do other cultures do “collecting”?

         1. Madame Alexander dolls were definitely A Thing in the 80s/early 90s all over the US, not sure about elsewhere. I remember being creeped out by a my aunt’s collection as a kid.

   2. The market for things like this has really dropped off. The only people collecting them are other older folks, who won’t be around forever. Ditto for “valuable” things like Lenox “collectibles” that my aunt prizes and I now see at Goodwill for $3. I love antiques and vintage items and will take a good many things from my mom, but I’m not taking, for example, her limoges china. Frilly, breakable things – Madame Alexander dolls included – just aren’t my jam.

      If you love antique furniture and thought you couldn’t afford it, the market has reeeally dropped out, and you can get even good antiques for about half the price of what they went for even just 5 years ago. Now’s definitely the time to buy if you want a few pieces.

      1. I am having a flashback to Carmella Soprano and her Lladro.

         1. Ha that was awesome!

   3. Not dolls, but I follow someone on Insta who’s making a killing selling her 80s and 90s My Little Ponies. I gotta get into the tub at my parents’ place and see if there’s any hidden treasure.

      1. Oh no! I gave my kids MLPs away (with their blessings). Next time will see if we can’t monetize them first.

         1. Do these things really have any resale value if they were played with?

            1. Well, My Little Ponies are kind of their own “thing”. Def. NSFW google on that one.

            2. Well, My Little Ponies are their own sort of “thing”. NSFW Google on that one.

            3. I used to work with a guy who let is slip that he was a brony. That was something I didn’t need to know!

            4. I have a 6 year old daughter, so we watch a lot of My Little Pony. Dude! It is a great show! I’m actually kind of sad that I didn’t discover it until it ended and didn’t get to cosplay it during its prime.

   4. In my family it was antique dolls. I am still stuck with a terrifying porcelain baby doll that was a gift from my great-grandmother. As a kid I was never allowed to touch it, except once a year when my mother took a picture of me holding it in front of the Christmas tree to send to Great-Grandma.

      I think my relatives’ collections of antique clutter are what inspired me to become a minimalist.

      1. +1 on your last sentence. I also can’t deal with selling stuff, even if it’s supposedly worth a lot. I just don’t have the patience for it. In a donation box and out of my apartment it goes.

         1. That’s why we’re stuck. Hubby feels like it’s somehow disrespectful to donate the late wife’s dolls and neither one of us has the bandwidth to figure out where/how to sell them, so there they sit.

            1. Why is it disrespectful to donate them but not to sell them?

            2. I may have spoken too broadly. I think his idea is that they should go to a place where they will be appreciated. He’d be okay donating them to, say, the doll museum or even another collector, but thos fall into “we don’t have the bandwidth” and the only donation options readily available are places like Goodwill and Salvation Army that wouldn’t properly handle them.

            3. “Properly” in his view, at least.

            4. I realize this is totally random but there’s a place in Fresno called Fresno Doll Hospital. You might give them a call for ideas. They have a facebook page. I vaguely remember going on a field trip there (or probably to its predecessor business) when I was a kid.

   5. At least once per quarter a house hits Zillow in my city with a creepy doll room in the listing photos.

      1. This has to be why I think all Victorian houses are haunted (in the Lifetime TV movie variant of haunted). Are you in a sunbelt city (where old people move to? do they pack up these rooms and re-plant them in the Sun Cities that exist everywhere now)?

         1. Yes, but not in a popular retiree area. These are generally houses built in the 60’s, redecorated in the 80’s and maintained as if it was 1985 since then.

      2. I thought all houses were staged for sale now? The dolls should be the first things to go into the Pod.

         1. For a nice time wasting treat, check out “Zillow Gone WIld” on FB. The horrors!

         2. All houses are not staged, and TBH, “Live, Laugh, Love” word art and that giant portrait of a shaggy cow that is part of the house stager starter kit isn’t much of an improvement.

   6. Yes! My grandmother. She also gifted me Madame Alexander dolls, which I wasn’t actually allowed to play with and stayed behind glass. Also had some shirley temple dolls. And she collected Santa Clauses. My grandmother was a bit of a packrat.

      I do need to go through my My Little Ponies from the 80s/90s and see if I can sell those, though. (My mother also is a packrat and kept EVERYTHING from my childhood. Trolls, my little ponies, american girl dolls, beanie babies… If it was a toy in the 1980s/early 1990s, I’ve got it. And now have to get rid of it since my parents are downsizing for retirement.)

      1. If the American Girl dolls or books are in good condition, they have appreciated in value!

         1. They are, but those were my favorites and I think I am going to hand them down to someone once I figure out who (I have no kids and no intention of having kids. Just need to figure out which lucky friend’s kid is going to have a box of expensive toys show up one day, since I’ve given up hope on having nieces since my brother never seems to date)

            1. I would be very annoyed if a friend dumped a bunch of old AG stuff on my daughter. It takes up so much room, and she already has enough of her own.

   7. My mom for some reason started collecting not Hummel figurines, but Hummel plates. Sort of beige plates painted with images of cherubic children. This was a woman who never had a spare nickel until she was retirement age, so I guess it was just an indulgent, fun hobby for her. She ordered them from some sort of ad and I think she paid on installments. I am 100% sure she got completely ripped off, but she loved them and had several plate hangers for them in her living room and dining room.

      When she passed away, we had to decide what to do with them, because I’m sure that they have no resale value (contrary to what she would have thought!) and besides, they’re sentimental. In splitting things with my siblings, I took a good share of them because I have an old house with a plate shelf in my dining room. I don’t really want them out all the time so my compromise is to put them out as Thanksgiving decorations – so basically for the month of November. My kids actually love that tradition and I hope someday they’ll split them up and do the same.

      1. OMG my paternal grandma collected Hummel figurines and she loved them like your mom loved her plates! But it made my mom SO MAD: “Hrumph! She only likes them because they’re expensive!” I don’t know what ever happened to them.

         I love your Thanksgiving tradition!

         1. Thank you! I actually feel a little heartless only allowing them one month out of the year, but if Mom were here I’d tell her I just wanted to be very sure they didn’t get broken, and then she would be satisfied. :)

            1. Also I think it makes them a lot more special when they only come out for a holiday!! Great solution!

      2. My dad has a collection of plates, but they feature…fish.

         The best/worst part is that he didn’t decide to collect them. His mother subscribed to some kind of plate of the month club and got them for him because he likes to fish. She died and the man can’t throw them away but also…has 25 fish plates.

   8. I also have (had?) the Madame Alexander dolls in the 80’s that were kept in boxes and I didn’t play with! I think a friend of my mom’s got her into it, don’t remember whether the dolls were a gift from a friend or from my mom. What were these even for?!?
      Tell me if you strike it rich!

      1. Yes! Keep us in the loop. As a little girl in the early 90s, I was given a MA doll every year for my birthday that I was never allowed to play with and that stayed in her box. I’m pretty such my parents still have them stored somewhere. So much for these “investment pieces” that we never got joy from when we were kids!

   9. I received a porcelain doll at the age of 6 from my godmother, and was told to keep it on its stand and “just look at it”. I played with it the first night I got it and promptly smashed her arm.

      I was also the kid with the shoeless, half-naked Barbies with ratty hair.

      1. I pierced Barbie’s ears and the pierced area turned blue.

   10. I have a number of Madame Alexander dolls still in the boxes that my mom would give me as a child in the early 80s, along with other “collectible” dolls. The idea was that they were a good investment and would appreciate in value. They were displayed in a cabinet behind glass doors in my childhood room. After that they sat for years in a box in my garage. I’ve only recently started trying to think about what to do with them. My research indicates they were valuable at one time but have dropped in value a lot in recent years. I can’t bring myself to just give them to good will, but selling them for maybe $20 apiece, if that, seems like a lot of trouble. My friends’ kids are now all too old. So the dolls sit in a box. I’m open to ideas. I’d love to see them go to a child who would enjoy them.

3. Pls check that link for the Vince sweater…..it’s not working. and I wholeheartedly agree that the basic boring ones get worn all the time : )

   1. I have some LE cashmere that is 15 years old and still going strong. A good pick of an item like this is like pennies per wear.

   2. Argh! I’ll fix ASAP

   3. I have a Vince cashmere sweater in excellent condition that I can’t wear anymore! I’ve been trying to sell it on Poshmark for $50, but no biters. Suggestions for other websites? Alternately, is my price just off base?

      1. I’ve bought vince cashmere on the Real Real and it’s easy to consign there. However, you’d probably get a better price waiting a few months and listing in the fall

      2. Your price is probably too high. I only buy things on poshmark when they are a real steal. I know $50 is kind of a steal for vince, but if you price it lower, you’ll sell it faster. I guess that last part is obvious. Just wanted to comment that I am a pretty regular poshmark purchaser, and I probably would pass that over unless I had been specifically looking for it, so you’ll have to wait a bit before it sells. Also, there is a facebook page The Mom Edit BST that you could sell it on.

      3. I buy from Poshmark all the time, but there’s always a risk that the item won’t fit right or the cashmere will be either itchy, or pilled, or too thin (all problems I’ve had with gently used sweaters in the past) and I’ll be stuck with it (and I hate trying to sell stuff, so I basically donate everything that doesn’t fit). Because of the inability to return things, I basically only buy stuff if it’s worth the risk that I’ll just be wasting the money on something that won’t fit. So, that’s a long way to let you know that I wouldn’t buy your Vince sweater for $50, but maybe for half of that amount. I’d rather buy new and be able to return it for a full refund if it doesn’t meet my expectations.

4. I know this board probably skews conservative, but it’s the weekend so I thought I would ask:
   Temporary hair colour suggestions?!!
   I have greying Asian hair. I’ve been unemployed for the past year (thank you pandemic decimating my job in the arts!) but…. I’ll be able to go back to work in about eight weeks. So as a fun project, I want to temporarily dye my hair a fun colour.
   Thoughts on a) what to use for this, and 2) a colour that might work for dark hair? I don’t want to bleach and I don’t want orange (because it seems to be a common highlight colour among my mother and her friends).

   1. Hair chalk? We are brunettes and nothing else shows up on our hair color. You will need to wash your hair before bed.

      Or clip-ins.

      Otherwise, you have to double-process (bleach, then add color), which is a good way to wreck your hair (how Gwen Stefani still has hair I will never know. witchcraft?).

   2. Purple or lavender could look lovely in your greys. Unless you are looking for a 2-3 washed color, I think there is a little bleach even in the semi-permanent dyes, just to make the color stick.

   3. Temporary colour shampoo–water colours intense shampoo and other companies. It builds up over time and will colour the whites. If you stop using it the hair will return to the original colour.

   4. If you have a fair bit of white hair that doesn’t need to be bleached further, I’d go all in and pick a purpley-red highlight that works with your skin tone! I’m personally fond of teal or blue, but I already did the bleach + color thing in college and came out looking too much like an anime character.

   5. I’m afraid I can’t help you on the dark hair question, but did feel compelled to chime in and say that around last summer when it was clear we were not returning to work in a timely fashion, I went and dyed my hair a decidedly non-traditional color. So here I am, corporate lawyer, occasionally popping on the zoom with my crayola highlights. I love it and no one in the organization seems to care.
      I’ll say that even though I have fairly light hair, they still needed to bleach my hair to get the color to show. Gray may be a bit different, but you may have to go fairly vibrant for anything to show.

   6. My greying asian bff used to dye her hair dark brown/close to black and had to really keep up with it because she’d grow a significant white stripe between dyeing.

      During the pandemic no hairdressers were open in our area so she let the roots grow out a bit, then had a bleach job done on the dyed dark ends of her hair, then went overall blonde. It’s so cute on her, kind of punky to see a fifty something asian woman with very blond hair. I absolutely love the look on her.

      Anyway, if you do the bleaching step you could go any color afterwards, but keep in mind that it’s very permanent!

   7. I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but it’s likely you’ll need to bleach to truly get a fun color with any intensity. If you have classic Asian hair – dark to the point of being read as black, straight, thick – then it’s likely pretty resistant to color, with the grey hairs even more so. Which means that you need to bleach first, then deposit color second. If you’re up for it, I say do it! Especially since most jobs in the arts have plenty of leeway for rainbow hair. I like cobalt blue or dark cherry red as colors.

      1. This, sadly. Asian with only a few greys but the classic won’t-curl-won’t-dye hair. Early in the pandemic i bleached before doing a demipermanent color. The bleaching went really well, i did an awesome job if i do say so, but the lovely dark purple dye literally only lasted three days. I was so so mad. I thought about permanent, but wasn’t thrilled about doing it at home, and now i feel like it’s too late (sigh). You really really might need to bleach but it has dratroyed the ends of my lovely virgin hair.

         1. My stylist says that all fashion colors are demipermanent and will fade quickly.

   8. I am getting tons of ads for temporary hair color gel from the brand As I Am. The brand is for Black women with natural hair, so dark hair with an entirely different texture. I wanted to buy some for vacation.

      1. How have I not seen this already? I like As I Am products, so this is up my alley. Definitely getting the gold and probably the red and well.

5. Has anyone gone from using a traditional ~9 inch box spring their entire life to an ultra low 2 inch box spring? Did you notice a big difference in support? I am looking at the “Simple Bed Frame – Tall” at West Elm and I’d like to get a very low profile box spring to keep my bed at my preferred height in relation to my nightstand. I’ve read that a thicker/traditional size box spring will absorb more body movement, whatever that means. But the thin one will get me the perfect height that I want.

   Here’s the thin box spring I’m looking at (also sold at other stores): https://www.potterybarn.com/products/tempur-flat-foundation/

   1. My kids’ bunk beds use “bunky boards” which are compressed boxsprings, possibly similar to what you are describing. I have laid on the bed and it seems fine, and my kids (now teens) have no complaints, but I don’t actually know what it’s like to sleep on full time. I would assume the Pottery Barn version is better quality than the kids’ furniture store version.

   2. I’ve at various points in my life in beds with a regular box spring, low profile one like you’re asking about and a plain old slat-pack. I can’t tell any difference. As far as I knew/know they’re all just platforms to get the mattress up to the desired height.

   3. I don’t think I’ve had a box spring for most of my adult life. I have something the size of a box spring that is really a slat system right now, and when I bought my first mattress set as a fresh out of college broke person, the “box spring” was really a wooden platform. It’s been fine. I’m bad of back and neither of these have caused a problem.

   4. Growing up none of my beds had box springs. The mattress sat on a hard sheet of plywood in my daybed frame, or directly on the floor in college (the dorm had a broken Murphy bed that the college refused to fix so I put my mattress on the carpet-covered concrete floor and left the Murphy bed in the wall). Both the plywood and floor as bases were fine in terms of comfort.

      As an adult, my husband and I have a frame with a regular box sorting and a latex foam mattress. I love the mattress but having a box spring is weird. Makes the whole bed feel…wiggly? Like sleeping on top of a jello sculpture. DH can’t fathom getting rid of the box spring for a more solid platform so we have kept it, but if it were just me I would get rid of the box spring and go back to a solid sheet of wood under the mattress.

6. Around the time of Biden’s inauguration, the Biden/Harris campaign store turned into an Inauguration store. They had a beautiful photo of Kamala Harris in the white suit from the night in Wilmington, Delaware where they made their election win speeches like a week after the election. It was a framed photo of her with her quote about how she was the first but would not be the last and I think some sort of Inauguration date script with a seal?…I didn’t order it and I really regret it now but the Inauguration website doesn’t exist anymore and I can’t find the frame anywhere. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Anywhere you think I can find it?

   1. I found the photo! This link should go to the google image of the photo (I hope) but when you click the actual link under the photo, it just says the Inauguration Committee Store is now closed…

      https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ALeKk03rz5IgoW9LnYpS5jHVDqGBNXSVPQ%3A1619205932709&source=univ&tbm=isch&q=biden%20harris%20inauguration%20framed%20photo&hl=en-us&client=safari&fir=17o7hw1a3Fc8MM%252CwBNEclk2lTtJbM%252C_%253BHQgyk1ARENxuVM%252CRGRigczBOzHQFM%252C_%253BvBj9oFZcEHQGkM%252Cb1ZoIPtTc_uO3M%252C_%253Bwe9mvaUZ-Rv6UM%252CtewKn_C7O-R1LM%252C_%253BABh1flaR1z_1yM%252Cel1JhbUZqCkv6M%252C_%253BgFHCMrGRW-qpGM%252CeYPZmF77xfs6GM%252C_%253BXJgnjSerlrfLCM%252Cxi_rFVTzgbD5eM%252C_%253BSeZYX32Vk4X-qM%252C6yIvhjzzgaF49M%252C_%253Bzm-Fs2JV3uT2bM%252CVnc8dPaePh-jgM%252C_%253BTTy2zF36d0_QRM%252Cw4VvFbwVuqerIM%252C_&usg=AI4_-kT3Slbq3wyJq6m3ykeKZ5NAA-_cNA&ved=2ahUKEwiw8IGWjJXwAhWohOAKHS6OCSkQv7IFegQIARAG&biw=414&bih=703#imgrc=gFHCMrGRW-qpGM

   2. Have you checked ebay?

      1. I’d suggest saving a search on etsy and ebay so you’ll be notified if one comes up.

7. Is it gross to donate socks? I bought some lovely knee-high boot socks on Etsy, handmade. Sadly my calves will never be that small again. They’re in excellent condition, barely worn.

   1. Go ahead and donate them! I would!

   2. Do you have a friend with smaller calves? Ask if they want them! Good quality socks that are clean and tried on but just don’t fit are an awesome thing to pass along to someone who will wear them. If that’s gross, then I’m gross and I’m good with that.

   3. If you have a local Buy Nothing Group, and it’s anything like mine, socks will quickly find a new home.

8. Some people this morning posted about taking over their dining room to use as an office space, which makes sense. But I’m curious as to where you eat? Do you also have an eat-in kitchen or do you eat somewhere else like the living room.

   I ask because I’m seriously eyeing my dining room right now….. but unfortunately, no eat-in kitchen here

   1. I’ve always had dinner on the sofa, but used to have breakfast at the dining room table. Now it’s all in the living room. Maybe soon it’ll be nice enough to eat outside for a change.

   2. We have an eat-in kitchen and realized the dining room was pointless, so we turned it into a music room. Now I wish I still had the dining room table for WFH, sigh.

      1. We have an eat-in kitchen and a dining room. We kept the dining room and put giant refrigerators where the kitchen table should go. I have never regretted it.

   3. I eat on a TV tray bc I like to eat dinner while watching TV.

      Ahem, steps atop soapbox – the notion that families must eat at the dinner table is, imo, just another way to villainize working mothers who cannot always make that happen. No kids here yet, but once they (hopefully) arrive, eating at the table every night is unlikely to be a priority. Also, the other half has fully taken over the table since he is WFH and I am not.

      1. Amen to your soapbox speech. We have some family meals on the weekends but on weeknights everyone’s schedule is different and it does not happen and I am fine with that.

      2. Push back here: Research shows that children who eat as a family have bigger vocabularies, more general knowledge, and are more connected to family than those who do not do so. Eating together once a day is a ritual, a touch point, and a connection builder that is very valuable. Even if the meal is canned soup and a sandwich, with paper plates, sitting together is powerful. Signed, a mom with two now fully grown and high functioning boys with adhd and two very busy parents, who pulled it off. It was worth it. (I don’t have a link, but google this, and you will find info.)

         1. Eating together as a family can happen in other locations than a dining table. My family always had dinner together but usually on the couch. Then we could be comfortable and casual and if no one felt like talking we would put on a show. Forced conversation isn’t necessary. Just being together helps build the connection.

         2. This is a bit of a stretch. First, the research is about eating together not dinner together and doesn’t talk about the location of that meal (dining room or couch). Second, this reminds me a lot of the br*ast is best research where the benefits largely disappear once you factor in things like education and socioeconomic status.

         3. Did research show causation or only correlation?

   4. We eat at our kitchen island when it’s just the adults. We eat family dinners in the dining room, which is also my office space during the workday.

   5. We made our dining room into the office. And now we eat on the couch. Sometimes I absolutely miss having a dining room. But the greater functionality was space for two desks and computers.

   6. I have a kitchen island so I can eat standing up there, or eat in the living room. Neither is ideal nor the way I grew up, but I’m definitely counting the days to when I’m moving my workstation back to the real office!

      1. Eating standing up has actually been great for my GERD.

         1. I would probably eat less (which I need to do) if I ate standing up. Relaxing in a chair makes it too easy to reach for that second helping to prolong an enjoyable meal.

   7. We sit on the couch. We have an open kitchen/dinette area and I work from the table there. Out dining room has cat trees and some cabinets to hold some of the fancy liquor my husband collects.

9. What home design trends do you think will look totally dated in a year or two (or 5)? if you LIKE those trends are you trying to design around them, or make them easy to replace down the line? My list would be
   – all white kitchen / and living room
   – lower cabinets in a color (but I love that one)
   – open floor plans in general

   1. I don’t own a home so I have never specifically chosen what my kitchen looks like, but I love all white kitchens. I can’t imagine them looking as dated and awful kitchens from other decades, but I guess we’ll see.

      1. as* kitchens

      2. I have an old house and did a lot of research into what an original kitchen would have looked like when my house was built (I was fixing a really poorly executed 1970s remodel.) Kitchens pre- the explosion of color in the late 20s were white. Some chrome. Maybe black accents. But white for the most part. It inferred a sterile, germ-free environment, which as you can imagine was something very much front of mind to people who only recently had indoor plumbing.

         So it’s definitely classic, but the finishes and shapes of course evolve over time. A white laminate 1980s kitchen is going to look pretty dated to most people.

         1. Also just to be clear, a house my house’s age would have had a stand-alone stove in some sort of a hearth with a chimney, a wall-hung sink, and a table to be used for baking/rolling/prep. There weren’t built-ins the way we live today, much less long countertops to work on. Things were more arranged like furniture. I didn’t go THAT authentic! But most of these things would have been white. The stove could have been black.

   2. Gray. Especially gray-toned wood. That’s going to be “oh, that’s so 2010s” in not very long. Maybe not your 3-5 year timeframe, but soon enough.

      1. Ugh, yes, greige wood-grain tile already looks dated to me. I loathe it with a passion.

         I think anything Joanna Gaines is obsessed with has a good chance of being dated really soon, e.g., giant wall clocks and word art (such as an EAT sign in the kitchen, although if someone realizes my dream and puts up a FORNICATE sign in their bedroom I will declare that classic).

         1. this made me actually lol and nearly choke on my water, thank you!!!

         2. OMG SHIPLAP – DIE DIE DIE

            also love your bedroom sign idea – there’s a hilarious yard sign one that’s “in this house we believe” but it’s about bigfoot (and it is NSFW)

         3. I would like to see someone put a POOP sign above their toilet.

         4. I found a big old-fashioned sign that said “LUBRICATION” at an antique store. I would have spent any amount of money to buy it at put it over my bed but alas, it had already been purchased.

         5. I still chuckle over a furniture store I went to where somebody had kindly rearranged the wood letters (that I assume had spelled out eat, love, family or similar) into «f#ck you».

   3. I don’t think open floor plans are going anywhere just yet. I have been looking at new construction, and all of the floor plans offered are open. Most don’t have a formal living room or dining room at all, just a big great room with a large dining area off the kitchen. The really big McMansions have a home office and a formal dining room on the first floor in addition to the great room, but still no formal living room.

      Open plans are just so much more functional. Our early 1990s house has tiny separate rooms for the kitchen, family room, living room, and dining room. They are all basically useless for entertaining, and are not even terribly functional for our little family of three. There is only room for enough furniture for three people to sit in the family room or living room, and the dining room is barely big enough to seat six. Only one person can work in the kitchen at a time. If the same square footage were combined into one great room, we could accommodate so many more people. It’s not feasible to use the little tiny formal rooms as separate WFH offices, because they are connected to each other and the rest of the house by open archways.

      1. Disagree. A poorly designed traditional floor plan (no living room?) will not be functional, but most are and they give you the crucial separation of space that open floor plan does not. Plus open floor plans just look less attractive from a design perspective.

         1. I’m an old house dweller and restorer so I am team #closed but sometimes I would like to have a family room off the kitchen with some open flow between the two rooms, and ideally that room would also face and frame the backyard with something like glass doors. Not in this house. I wouldn’t change my old house just to scratch this itch but in a future house I think it would be nice.

            However, I will still want a dining room with a door where you can’t see the inevitable mess in the kitchen from making big meals for holidays or dinner parties. My favorite door in the house (in a house of many, many doors) is the one between the dining room and the kitchen.

   4. I have lived for a long time and I am utterly convinced that there is no such thing as “timeless design.” Things like kitchens and bathrooms, by their very nature, get renovated every generation or so. The only things that aren’t going to age in a bad way are high-quality fixtures that are consistent with the age of the house, e.g. Mid-Century Modern, Craftsman, Victorian, or whatever (although of course the latter two, and even the first, will need to be updated for functionality). Once you walk away from the original fixtures I think you need to face the fact that any house is a work in progress and at some point it’s likely to look dated.

      That said, you always need to be very careful with accent tile in kitchens or bathrooms because it’s generally dated before the grout is dry.

      1. Oh, and one of my fashion mantras is “if it’s never IN style then it will never be OUT of style,” and I think that goes double for home design (looking at you, turquoise leopard print St. John Knit suit and Hollywood Regency living room).

      2. lol- yes- see the acres of sparkly mosaic tile that Flip or Flop purchased over the years!

         1. Ugh all of those Flip or Flop houses are all gray gray gray white gray “neutral” monotone

   5. Rustic/country style, which I already detest (looking at you, barn sliding doors).

      Anything Chip & Joanna Gaines.

   6. Gray-toned laminate and faux-“handscraped” laminate, both of which I hate.

   7. Giant marble patterns. Not even sure how to describe this but I see it everywhere in kitchens and bathrooms. Like white marble with gray marbling, but the marble swirls are giant.

      1. Yeah I see a lot of this too, and I agree it isn’t going to age well.

      2. Oof I agree with this. The pattern is way too large-scale for the space. I just think it looks like thin gray socks or dirt streaks on the floor.

         On the other hand, classic Carrara (mottled white-gray) is a classic for a reason.

   8. Wait, does that mean white kitchens are currently in? Because I’m trying to renovate my early nineties all-white kitchen with the same color palette, and I’m having one hell of a time finding white appliances.

      1. The appliances are either stainless or you pay to have custom paneling applied to match your cabinets.

         1. Yup.

      2. Yeah, I think stainless is the way to go right now.

   9. Grey

      Open shelving in kitchens

      Using white-white for trim

      Concrete bathrooms, or concrete floors in private homes

      Bachelor black leather, chrome and glass (this is more of a wish than a prediction)

   10. White kitchens are classic. They might have a moment in style, but they don’t go out the way any color eventually will.

10. Ladies, a PSA. I spent the first 35 years of my life with straight brown hair that had no volume and would get greasy unless washed daily.

    I started going grey and broke down and got highlights to cover/blend the grey. It looks fine enough color wise but texture wise it is LIFE CHANGING. I can go 2 days between washing my hair and it is still clean/looks good. It doesn’t get greasy until day 3 or 4 (no dry shampoo involved). It dries quickly and I can even do a quick dry and let the rest air dry and it holds its shape/bounce. I save 40 minutes/day easily on my hair are routine and I wish I had done this a decade ago.

    1. I have been coloring for gray since my midtwenties (thanks for those genes, mom) and it definitely helps calm overactive oil production. I can get 3-4 days out of one wash, if I don’t exercise or work outside.

    2. This makes me feel much better about my upcoming hair renovation. I abhor my hair texture as it’s growing out. It’s brunette, thick, coarse, and looks good only one day out of the week. I have done the CG method for 2 years, cut it so I got rid of all the damage, and I’m still just not pleased with it. It’s like a really uncommitted 2B curl pattern, with underlayers that are ultra-fine, that are more like a 2C situation, and it just does not blend or work.

       Getting it cut and dyed soon, and probably going to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. No idea what color yet (I trust the stylist, I’ve seen a lot of their coloring work and they’ve never given anyone an unflattering color) but even just the texture change alone will be worth it.

    3. Ha! I think you are me. I have your exact same hair type. I started getting blonde highlights 3 years ago and can go 3 days between washes. It is so nice.

11. My in-laws have a history of taking their (three) children + spouses/grandchildren on a big vacation every year. They pay for air fare, housing and any meals eaten together if meals are not included. The exact place/time has varied over the years depending on ages of grandchildren. They skipped last year (for obvious reasons) but just sent an email listing three possibilities and asking for preferences and a decision about who will be attending.

    My husband and I got married in 2019 so he skipped that year because of our honeymoon and I have never been (we were dating in 2017-2018 and he went but they are strict about the “spouses” part; GFs and BFs not invited). Siblings are leaning strongly toward a resort in Costa Rica because of the children. My husband says that the expectation is that the family will usually have pre-dinner drinks and dinner together most nights but no pressure to hang together during the day. If we do Costa Rica, we will have our own room, although they will try to get us close together.

    My husband’s family is very close and I have always gotten along with them but for some reason I am finding the idea of spending week together very anxiety provoking (it would be an unmitigated disaster with my family). Does anyone have experience with this type of trip? My husband would clearly like to go, particularly since he has not spent much time with his siblings or their kids over the past year.

    1. I would go once and see how it goes. I think it’s very promising that the family mostly does their own thing during the day and then reconvenes in the evening – that goes a long way to mitigating the “I’ve already exhausted anything interesting anyone has to say and we’re on Day 2” or “we’re the up-and-at-em types and SIL doesn’t get moving before 11:30” frustration.

    2. I think is sounds amazing and if I were in your shoes I would at least give it a try once. Good grief! A free vacation for the cost of showing up for nightly drinks and dinner? Yes, please! (Provided you generally get along with the in-laws.)

       1. yeah, I agree and am a little confused – OP, do you have any reason to believe this wouldn’t be as lovely as it sounds? I mean specifically with your in laws, not because of whatever family trauma you are carrying around based on your comment?

          This would be a dream come true in my family and my parents could only wish they had the money to do this every year.

          And yes of course your husband wants to go and of course you should.

       2. I know, what’s not to like? Why on earth would you write this off before even trying it? Anticipatory anxiety is not good.

    3. My inlaws used to take us on trips like this, but it was usually a cruise. Same deal where we all had dinner together, but did our own things during the day and after dinner. It was fine. I am not super close to them, but I found the trips enjoyable. For Costa Rica I suspect the resort will have “excursions” you can book (rainforest, volcano, etc.) if you want to be a little more out and about. We would usually reserve one night for a dinner alone as a date night, and no-one objected. I say go once and evaluate afterwards whether you want to do it every year.

    4. I think as part of the deal with marriage, you go, because husband wants to go and it’s not costing you anything. Don’t make your husband not go because of your pre-anxiety about it.

       If you end up really not having a good time, then you can skip future years for good reason. But don’t make up reasons not to go when you know nothing about it.

       This all assumes you’ll be fully vaccinated, of course.

    5. Costa Rica has a pretty good health system, but it’s rather hard for countries in that income bracket to get access to vaccines. I wouldn’t assume that the pandemic will be over in Costa Rica this year and there’s no way I’d commit to going there this year.

       However, for some future date when the pandemic really is over, that sounds like a lovely trip. I get not wanting to spend a week with your husband’s family, but I think it’s worth trying once.

    6. give it a chance and go with an open mind. Don’t try to compare this family against your family, that won’t make anybody happy.

    7. Why not try at least once? My lovely husband has gone on multiple trips with my family and I have stayed for 5+ days at his parents house (who live cross country). Its part of being married to me. Do I enjoy being snowed in at his parents house for a week? No. Does he enjoy the quality time every 6 months with his aging parents and siblings/ nieces? Yes. Family time is important. Even if it isn’t relaxing.

    8. Thank you to everyone who commented! I am going to go because it is important to my husband but was mostly looking for reassurance. This would be an unmitigated disaster with my family of origin so it is nice to hear that other people have done it and it has been fun. And certainly my in-laws are lovely people based on everything I know about them so I have no specific reason to worry but my father would spend a trip like this drunk while my mother would spent it making snide remarks about my hair, weight, job, etc. so I am a bit wary of family gatherings.

       And if Costa Rica is not open there are back-up plans in the works!

       1. One of the great things about marriage, for people who grew up in dysfunctional families, is the chance to see up-close-and-personal a different family dynamic. You might even experience what it’s like having an engaged FIL and a supportive MIL. With anyone other than our family of origin it’s an adjustment, sure. But you might learn healthier family habits and you might even find you really enjoy spending family time with a different family.

          1. This. If I had had such an unpleasant family experience and married into a family that seems to enjoy each other’s company, I would be camping at the bit to engage with the in-laws (of all ages) in a fabulous environment.
             Also, I think you kind of have to go if this is a family tradition. Don’t be the reason this family suddenly doesn’t work.

             1. +1 to all of this.

             2. +100 dont be the reason this lovely family tradition with this close family suddenly does not work anymore.

       2. Have you never spent time with your in laws before? Surely you know not every family is going to be like your own.

12. Need a quick gut check, please! We are still putting on full suits for zoom interviews (i.e., as the interviewee), correct?

    1. yup. I mean, unless it’s an industry where suits Aren’t Worn. But for law, etc yes.

       If you secretly have leggings on though, no one can see…

    2. Yup. I just went through a lot of rounds of interviews and wore a suit jacket and appropriate shirt every time (and got the job!). It was a little funny when my interviewers were sometimes wearing hoodies, but it’s normally a dressy industry so I went with the norm. Seemed little downside to it but potential downside to not.

    3. News anchor suit: business formal from the waist up, anything goes off camera under the anchor desk.

       I have been on at least a dozen interview panels in recent months and would not dream of showing up in a hoodie. If our candidates are dressing up, we owe the same courtesy to them.

    4. Depends, I’m in the c-suite and have interviewed same level candidates- all wore a blouse or button down but no jacket and same on my end. Polished hair/makeup. Basically a nod to formality but recognizing we’re all at home.

13. Just in case people are still reading, if not I’ll ask on Monday — Would it strike you as weird if you got an interview at a trade association (as a lawyer) along with the video link they sent you helpful hints (like review our website; think about experiences as you’ll be asked – name a time when etc) and said dress code was business attire? I’m 15 years out of school, not a college kid so this much instruction strikes me as weird, like is this a micromanager type of place. But then I’m like don’t be so negative, this could be a dumb HR thing. If you know trade associations, what do you think? My experience is NYC biglaw, so this is new to me.

    1. Try again on Monday for more visibility. But my company does this and I think it’s a great practice. Applicants get instructed about our office dress code, how we expect candidates to dress, and they get a summary of what each interview is testing for (skills to hit on), and the key questions they will be asked (so they can prep thoughtful answers).

       This is the most diverse company I’ve ever worked for and I attribute it partially to how clear we are in the interview process. All candidates know exactly what to do so they aren’t getting dinged on “not being a cultural fit” and we can focus on their skills.

       It also weeds out poor candidates – the instructions are one page and many candidates don’t read them (they will openly says “I didn’t know I’d be asked that” about a question sent in advance). It’s easy to tell who is really unprepared/disinterested.

       And my company is the opposite of micromanaging – we all have a ton of autonomy.

    2. I see it as courteous not micromanaging- there are so many different approaches to dressing for work that telling a candidate what to expect is nice.

    3. It’s insulting to you but probably hugely helpful to people who are not from your background. That’s a step toward leveling the playing field, and we should all embrace things like this when we see them.

14. Where is your clever spot to keep secret cash around the house? I’m not a burglar looking for ideas, I promise ha…I’m just stashing cash at home for the first time (for disaster type emergencies, like evacuations), and I can’t decide where to put it.

    1. Back of a dresser drawer under a pile of clothes (I put it in an envelope so money isn’t touching clean clothes).

       1. Just to warn you, a friend of mine had their house broken into when they were on vacation. The thieves went through all of their clothes drawers searching for valuables, even going as far as unrolling all of the pairs of socks as I guess rolling it in a sock is common.

          Not sure if the other suggestions are any better, but the experience struck me that that must be one of the more common hiding spots.

    2. Pockets of jackets hanging in my clothes closet.

    3. Do you have a 72-hour bag? If not, make one and keep it there.

       1. This.

       2. Hmm what would go in this bag besides clothing/toiletries? I don’t have one of these.

          1. I live in Earthquake country which is unfortunately now also Wildfire country, so we have one. But with climate change it seems like unprecedented stuff is happening everywhere (see: TX freeze) so not the worst idea to have:
             https://www.ready.gov/kit
             You can often buy ready made disaster kits from Amazon or Costco which is the only way I finally got my butt in gear to get one.

             1. The thing with these kits (also in quake country here, and increasingly fire country) is that the plastic bottles degrade, the pills expire, the batteries die, etc. Like a lot of things in life, it’s easier to set up than to maintain.

             2. +1. We have been told to be ready to survive for 3 days before any assistance could get to us after an earthquake or fire. We usually have a tub of supplies near a door, and backpacks to grab. Which reminds me I need to refresh this, thanks!

    4. Get yourself a wall safe and install it in a closet. We have a big mirror on a hinge in front of ours. Its handy for things like passports, too. And I put my jewelry in it when we’re on vacation

    5. We have a fire safe bolted to the floor inside a closet.

    6. My grandma used to keep it in an orange juice concentrate container in the freezer, assuming you have a clean one and other stuff in the freezer.

    7. If it´s for disasters – put it with other grab bag stuff.

       If what you want is to squirrel things away just in case and don´t need quick access – get creative! put a roll inside hollow curtain rods, taped to the back of your nightstand, at the bottom of your tool box, in the freezer — knock yourself out and have fun.

    8. Fire safe first. Second, tampon box or diaper pack so long as everyone in the family knows not to throw it out.

       If you buy yeti coozies they come with a fake beer can that unscrews. That would be a good place and then store it with your other beers.

    9. My parents always hid money books. It works great, particularly if you have as many books as they did/do. Although it was a total pain when my dad died and we had to search thru a literal library to make sure we weren’t throwing away/donating a bunch of cash with the books that we had to get rid of.

       1. This is what I do. When my home was burgled, the thieves searched all the drawers and closets and opened all the shoeboxes, but the one place they did not touch was the bookshelves.

    10. I literally keep mine in a cookie jar. I’m loving these ideas, because clearly I need a better spot!

    11. Tampon box under the bathroom sink, under actual tampons.

    12. FYI – when I was robbed recently, they went through my bathroom thoroughly. Medicine cabinets/shelving/drawers. They found my deceased mother’s jewelry and took it all. There wasn’t much, which was why I was so devastated.

        I was told by police that they are looking for drugs, since many people keep their meds in the bathroom (opioids, benzos etc..). But I know I am not the only women that keeps some jewelry they wear frequently in their bathroom/medicine cabinet.

15. Are ear crawlers appropriate for a business casual office that leans more business than casual? I think it’s okay, but I need a gut check from internet strangers. Local government legal department in SF Bay Area.

    1. For regular office days I think it’s fine. Probably wouldn’t wear them on days I wanted to be Taken Seriously because they’re a trendy look, similar to how my peers 10 years ago wouldn’t wear the JCrew Bubble Necklace for client meetings.

    2. In the Bay Area I wouldn’t think twice about it

16. Going anon for this. I just took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Boyfriend of a year doesn’t know. We weren’t trying. I am mid 30s. I’ve never wanted kids – I love other people’s kids but figured my single lawyer life was fine.

    Is there a site I can read about options? I grew up very religious. I am pro choice but for myself I just don’t know if I can or want to do it? Do I have to tell him either way? I’m trying to be logical and I think I’m in shock a bit.

    1. There’s no legal mandate to tell him, if that’s what you’re asking. Big hugs from this internet stranger – I’m sure it’s a shock. Planned Parenthood’s website has good explanations of the options. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/pregnancy-options

    2. Sending love. Yes, tell your boyfriend. Planned Parenthood has solid fact based info.

       1. No, don’t tell your boyfriend until you have decided what to do. And if you decide not to pursue the pregnancy, you do NOT have to tell him. It’s YOUR body, your choice to both the action and the telling of that action. You are entitled to your privacy. You could also go the at-home pill route and tell him you were pregnant and had a miscarriage, which is technically true.

          1. +1

          2. I agree with this. “The Original” at 2:48 had some thoughts which I also think are worth considering, with the exception that should you decide to terminate the pregnancy you ought not to feel compelled to tell your BF at any time regardless of whether or not he might become permanent. This is a medical decision for you and you alone to make and absolutely no one is entitled to that information unless YOU decide you want to share it with them. I am sending the most sincere virtual hugs to you from Canada.

    3. Plannedparenthood.org is where I’d start. They can live chat with you and connect you with appropriate counseling. They will not pressure you either way on what to do, and will support you in any decision.

    4. You don’t have to tell him, it’s 100% your choice, and only you know whether you want to have kids now that the option is here. It’s very personal, but you can also Google for plenty of stories. Good luck with your decision.

    5. This is so hard. Sending you many hugs from this internet stranger. Your relationship makes a big difference in this I’m sure, but, unless you are not planning on staying with your boyfriend, I would tell him. I had an abortion relatively early in my relationship to my now-husband, and it would definitely have made things with our relationship go poorly for us if I hadn’t told him. Less because of the decision itself, which he was very supportive of, but more because it would have felt like I was hiding something from him.

    6. You don’t have to tell him. Planned Parenthood is a great resource. I’m sorry this is a sucky situation. I myself am childfree and so are most of my friends. It’s perfectly okay!

    7. If it were me, I’d do the research and make a decision first. That includes certain termination, certain keeping, or my decision is based on x, y, z information from boyfriend. Then, when I felt clear in it, I’d go from there. If I was terminating, I’d decide whether to tell boyfriend based on how serious I felt about him (if he’s temporary, maybe not, if he might become permanent, I’d share). Obviously tell if you are keeping, since that involves him. If you are uncertain but based on x, y, z, then have those conversations with him to get the info you need to make your decision. Regardless, it is your body, your medical care, and your decision about what is best for you and your life. No one gets to tell you otherwise and no one gets to judge whatever you choose. <3

       1. +1, Well written!

    8. Absolute hugs from an internet stranger.
       I went through this in my twenties with a man I intended to marry one day. I did make my choice before telling him (abortion), but I did tell him (he happened to be in agreement, but he knew it was my choice to make). I was grateful to have the support (emotionally/physically/logistics), as I didn’t want to tell anyone else. We ended up not staying together and broke up 1.5 years later. However, looking back I realize that my choice had nothing to do with why we broke up, and I am grateful to my younger self for engaging in the trust partnership with him. It also meant that I didn’t harbor any resentment from that period when we split – we just weren’t meant to be. Unsure if any of this helps, but it’s a real life perspective. Hang in there.

    9. If you see a future with this guy, you need to tell him. It would hurt your relationship years down the road if he finds out.

       Let the shock wear off and think about how you feel about being pregnant and having a baby. My husband always wanted kids; when I got pregnant, we were mid/late 30s professionals; he was still scared when the pregnancy test was positive. The shock and surprise are real, so work through that.

    10. OP, please don’t listen to anyone telling you that you need to tell him, regardless of whether you stay with him or not. You absolutely don’t have to tell him.

17. Anyone have the Nisolo huarache sandals? Are they comfortable? I have slightly wide feet and typically live in Sperrys.

    1. I don’t have those but have returned everything from that brand (well almost, I missed their two week window by 1 day recently and was SOL),, they are the most uncomfortable shoes ever IMHO. Plugged by bloggers who I’m convinced don’t actually wear them. I want to like them but refuse to try again.

18. Anyone have a Sezane promo or referral code? Looking to place my first order.

19. Struggling to spend a bit of money on myself. I grew up with nothing (literally), spent a very long time with nothing (mostly), and now have a tiny tiny bit. I logically know that spending a couple hundred dollars to buy a thing or two would make me happy, but emotionally it feels terrifying to have a couple hundred dollars less in my bank account. It’s not at all a logical or financial issue, it’s all emotional and fear-based. Any advice?

    1. If you don’t want a specific thing and the thought of your bank balance dropping that much in one go bothers you, perhaps mentally make that amount your frivolous spending cushion for the next several weeks or months and give yourself permission to splurge on several little things instead of one big thing. And if nothing strikes your fancy, it’s also okay to just save the money for now.

    2. Set up a second account for fun money and a small but regular autotransfer into this account. You fun account money are now free and can be spent on anything that takes your fancy, because they´re in the fun account. I mean, buy ice cream with the fun money, or a new blanket for your sofa. Anything goes.

20. FYI – when I was robbed recently, they went through my bathroom thoroughly. Medicine cabinets/shelving/drawers. They found my deceased mother’s jewelry and took it all. There wasn’t much, which was why I was so devastated.

    I was told by police that they are looking for drugs, since many people keep their meds in the bathroom (opioids, benzos etc..). But I know I am not the only women that keeps some jewelry they wear frequently in their bathroom/medicine cabinet.

Comments are closed.