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Updated: Oct 21, 2022 212 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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bright red bag with quilting details; it is shown worn by a woman wearing a denim jacket

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I've had really great experiences with AllSaints leather goods — so I love it when they go on sale. This bright red crossbody looks like the perfect size for running errands, and I like that the strap is detachable and adjustable, also.

It's down to $223 at Nordstrom in this bright red color, with five more colors full price from $319-$365.

(And checking around the web, it looks like Zappos has the dark burgundy down to $191. AllSaints has a ton more versions of the bag (love the shearling and studded versions!) — and some colors are down as low as $171. Nice.

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Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
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  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    cross-posting from moms page because it’s quiet there in the afternoons…

    I just had my (slightly overdue) women’s health exam and my doctor found a lump. It’s small, she said 1 cm or so. She didn’t seem super concerned and said it feels benign but I have to have a mammogram and ultrasound to investigate it further. I know that the odds this is cancer are low, and even if it is cancer I’ll probably survive but it’s hard not to think about worst case scenarios. I’m only 35 and have little kids and I know breast cancer is more aggressive in younger women. Anyone been through something similar and have reassuring anecdotes?

    • Anon

      Yes! I’m 27 and have had the GYN find lumps of varying sizes 3x. Each time I have to get an ultrasound and each time the ultrasound results have been too inconclusive so I’ve had to get a biopsy. Each time, the biopsy has been benign.

      If your ultrasound results are inconclusive, it’s likely because it’s a mass and not a cyst and thus they need to biopsy the mass to see if its cancerous or not.

      The biopsy is a mild PITA (one time I felt fine a few hours later, another time I was in pain for a few days, and the third time it was painful that day and sore the day after but otherwise fine – IME it’s due to where in the breast the lump is and how that impacts movement).

    • anon

      This happens to me every year. It started maybe when I was 38? It’s likely just a cyst but very important to have it checked. Don’t worry until you need to worry.

    • Anon

      I had two terrifying, but ultimately benign, lumps investigated when my kids were little. I know the terrified feeling and all I can say is hang in there. It’s going to be a ride… prepare yourself.

      Also, my OBGYN had the biopsy results back for several days before I finally broke down and called to ask for them after her estimated # of days had passed. She didn’t urgently call me because they were fine. So frustrating. Brace for that too.

      • Anon

        That’s awful! Sorry that happened to you. My OB said she would have the results for me the same day I have the ultrasound (Tuesday first thing) so I will definitely call before the end of the day if I haven’t heard.

        • Coach Laura

          Their are laws about this now though. In 2021, US doctors are required by law to release results within 24 hours via electronic portal. So get signed up with your doctor’s electronic records system (MyChart) and they should pop there as soon as they’re ready. If you don’t have a handy doctor to read them, that’s when you can call and get answers.

          • Anon

            Yes I’m all signed up with the portal. But my experience is they only contact you through the portal if everything is totally normal and fine. If there’s anything at all concerning or that needs follow up, the doctor will call you. So I’m hoping for a portal message but mentally preparing myself for a call.

      • Anon

        For more information, mine was a lactational adenoma. The first time I went through diagnosis for it, I felt it myself, went to the doctor, then went through the whole mammo-ultrasound-biopsy-waiting-waiting-waiting rigamarole.

        The second time, it was found on routine mammography ten years later, and despite me saying I’d had a lactational adenoma diagnosed in the same spot, the radiologist insisted it was a new lump and was not interested in my oral history. So I went through mammo-ultrasound-biopsy-waiting-waiting-waiting again. Yep, lacational adenoma.

        A lactational ademona is, in my understanding, a little area of breast milk that hung around and was not expressed, which has since calcified. Just in case this is relevant to you, since you have little ones!

        • Anon

          Interesting, thanks for sharing. I weaned two years ago and have had a breast exam since then so probably not that? My doctor seemed to think it was a fluid filled benign cyst. Apparently those can get more prominent right before your period and I’m due to start mine in a few days.

          • Anon

            Oh, believe it or not I’ve also had fluid filled cysts. I’m just a cyst person. They were identified on mammo (I didn’t feel them), then followed up on ultrasound, which showed that they were fluid filled, so I just had a six month follow up and they were gone then.

            Try not to go down the Dr Google rabbit hole on this. Easier said than done, I know.

    • Anon

      Long time reader, first time poster. Biopsy two years ago and three months ago had surgery because the mass had grown. Just turned 40, but family history, and I have two little kids. All ended up normal. The waiting was very hard.

  2. Josie P

    ISO 2 kinds of socks for winter: (1) socks for sleeping when my bedroom is cold, as soft as possible and stretchy, and (2) super warm socks that are not wool – I can’t tolerate my warm Smartwool socks any more. For #2 I have the Fox River kind, but they are really synthetic feeling (high elastic % I think?) and make my feet stinky. TIA!

  3. anon.

    Thanks to all on here who recommended the Rothy’s point – good shoes for coming back to the office and wanting closed toes. I also got a pair of the leopard loafer and love them.

  4. anon

    For those of you that like reading romance novels, what do you like about them? Why do you like reading them? Any good romance novels you’d recommend?

    • Anon

      I like the comfort of knowing there will be a happy ending, and I love the focus on women – it’s a genre that truly centers women’s experiences and desires (of all types, not just s*xual). My faves are Courtney Milan and Alyssa Cole; I also really enjoy Mary Balogh. I’m a massive fan of Ilona Andrews, but that’s more urban fantasy with strong romantic elements than pure romance.

      • Anonymous

        YES, 1000% agree with 2:23. It feels like a feminist and bookish corner of the universe, if that makes sense, but where everything ends happily. My favorites are the funny ones like Tessa Dare (historicals), Annika Martin, Jennifer Crusie, and Ali Hazelwood (all contemporary); the IAD series by Kresley Cole is also a longtime favorite (vampires, werewolves, valkries, etc).

        There’s a wide variety in terms of spice – most of the ones I read are quite a bit more than Hallmark movies. When I started reading them I would skip the sex scenes; I still do sometimes if they feel like they’re dragging on or unnecessary to the plot and characters. One of the most chaste ones I’ve read is Bet Me, by Crusie – still open bedroom door but very very little and it’s skippable.

        I also like that they’re often a series so they lead easily into the next book to read; the IAD series above is like 17 or 18 books by now.

        • Anon

          I feel like so many writers are bad at writing sex scenes. I love you Jennifer Weiner, but this ain’t your thing.

      • Anonymous

        That’s so interesting, I have a similar reaction to badly written women characters, but I end up reading M/M romance instead, because I can’t handle the gender clichés or stereotypes I’ve seen in W/M romance – I don’t recognize anything in the Hallmark style W/M stories.

    • Anne-on

      I agree with the other comment – I appreciate knowing there will be a HAE, the authors are writing women as they really are – fully fleshed out authentic people, not walking plot devices, and sometimes I just need to read something in a world where nothing seriously bad happens. Casey McQuinston, Tessa Bailey, and Jasmine Guilroy are good authors who have recent books out that may be available at your library (or on ebook).

    • JTM

      I recently finished The Right Swipe by Alisha Rai & I loved it! I also loved the books by Jasmine Guillory, especially The Wedding Date & Royal Holiday.

    • EB

      I find they remind me of the early days of my relationship with my now-husband, which is fun. It helps with the spark! I also just really like easy reads. A lot of my job is reading, so I like my other reading to be for fun. I like Tessa Bailey and Colleen Hoover a lot. Is Hoover romance? I’m not sure.

    • Anonymous

      Piggybacking, inspired by this and yesterday’s post — Are these all heavy on s3x scenes/a bit smutty or are some more like Hallmark Channel movies? Never read one.

      • Anonymous

        the Christian ones are probably more closed door. the average romance book is generally open door, lots of general oral/P in V sex. i’d consider something spicier if it included pegging, anal, BDSM, toys, threesomes, etc.

      • Anon

        I think it really varies. I’ve read some that are rated PG, some that are rated R.

    • Anonymous

      It’s totally relaxing, no stress, and there usually good character development. Helps with spark. I also like large series’s where you have the same characters going in and out of different storylines, or interrelated series. Currently enjoying Grace Burrowes as an author.

  5. Anonymous

    My mom is coming to watch 2/3 of my kids tonight while Husband and I go out with kid #3.

    I need to leave dinner, or the makings for dinner. We have no food in the house.

    Help me! No pizza. One of the two kids home has been having stomach issues and needs to be on a high-fiber diet so easy stuff like pasta is out (I think?). They just had- and do not want again- tacos.

    • Anon

      Is whole wheat pasta not an option? With jarred sauce and broccoli (or some other kid friendly veggie) there would be a lot fiber and still very easy to make. Veggie chili is also very high fiber, if kids are willing to eat it. The Amy’s in a can is decent, if you don’t want to make from scratch.

    • Anon

      Burritos from door dash or similar. Beans are extremely high-fiber. Leave out the cheese for the stomach issue kid.

    • SDCityGirl

      I know it’s too late now, but a baked potato bar is always a good option for the future.

  6. BB

    Any recommendations for good cardio options when I have a minor glute injury? I got a bit over-optimistic with my strength training and re-aggravated an old glute injury two weeks ago. My normal cardio is either Peloton or swimming. I’ve been trying to do easier Peloton rides, but I think I have to go even lighter. Swimming also seems to tweak the injury, but maybe I should use a pool buoy and only use my arms? I was thinking maybe the rowing machine in the gym?

    • Anonymous

      Is the swimming itself causing a problem or pushing off the wall/turns? If the latter you could probably work around that. A pull buoy is also a good idea, although holding your legs together takes some leg squeezing and might cause an issue – worth a try anyway.

      • Vicky Austin

        The leg squeezing required for a pull buoy did make my sciatica act up recently (pregnant, sigh), but it’s worth a shot, OP. Could you also consider the elliptical? What about walking?

        • Anon

          Try working on buoy placement. You shouldn’t be squeezing very hard to keep it in place.

    • Clementine

      If you’re correctly using the rowing machine in the gym, it’s glutes and quads much mores than upper body.

      I would do swimming with a pull buoy.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        Former high school swimmer and college rower here and the rowing machine will likely not be your friend. I think swimming with pull buoy would be preferable.

    • BB

      Good point on the rowers! It’s been a few years since I used one and I forgot how much leg pushing there is. Looks like I’ll try the pool buoy first – I’m not going for speed, so I can probably not squeeze too much and let it drag a bit. Walking too long also seems to aggravate it sadly, so maybe elliptical would be similar?

      • Sallyanne

        Injuries are so hard especially when you crave cardio for the endorphins. Sadly, might just need some time off to let it heal. Good luck, I hope the buoy works!

  7. pugsnbourbon

    I love this bag.

    Keep me in your thoughts, y’all. I’m in a day long “professional development” about mental health and the first two speakers were not good. Here’s hoping the afternoon gets better but I’m keeping my expectations low.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, is this one of those things where the company tells you that if you’re stressed out it’s because you aren’t practicing mindfulness, and definitely not because they are overloading you with work and mismanaging everything?

      Paging our friend ShotsShotsShots

    • Wheels

      Oh no. This is the time when I do isometric exercises and let my mind wander to creative things to let solutions come to me, or just remember happy times and have a mind holiday.

      I hope they at least provide good food!

      • pugsnbourbon

        I’m watching it virtually – so I’m missing the food but at least I can get some work done at my desk.

  8. Anon

    What would you say to your (otherwise) moderate family member if they expressed to you that they wanted to by an AR for self/family protection in response to the Raleigh shooting that happened recently. They think a handgun in that situation “isn’t going to do much.” I really don’t know what to say. This was in text so maybe I just won’t respond.

    • Anonanonanon

      I wouldn’t respond. Or sarcastically suggest that an AR wouldn’t cut it either, they should probably just get a sawed off shotgun and some grenades.

      • Anonanonanon

        Probably just don’t respond is the better answer. I am just salty at their suggestion that they need an AR for that reason.

    • Anon

      I think the best thing you can do is advise them to take a gun safety course before buying a firearm. A good firearms instructor will get your relative comfortable with guns and also help them understand the best choices for home defense. Most instructors would quickly disabuse your relative of the utility of an AR for this purpose. A handgun is a much more useful and realistic home defense firearm, although the risk of an accident is also much higher with a handgun. If your relative wants a long gun for home defense, a firearms instructor will likely point the toward a tactical shotgun. That’s harder to use (heavier) but you have lower accident risk because of the long barrel and the fact that it’s heavy and thus difficult for a child to pick up.

      Unless your relative is going to commit to carrying at all times and to very regular practice, plus specific training in active-shooter response (and repeating that every year or so), they are unlikely to be able to do anything about a mass shooting in progress. We have both a handgun and a tactical shotgun and I’m under no illusion that I’d be useful in a mass shooting. A firearms instructor will also prove a reality check on that.

      • Anon

        This. And I believe that a shotgun is the right answer for which gun is best for protection. And I believe that a loud barky dog likely means that you don’t actually need the gun.

        But I’ve taken the safety class even though I don’t own a gun and don’t plan to. I like the idea of precision shooting and skeet shooting, but you can usually borrow a gun for that and I barely have time to do either,

        Shooting a gun is loud. And smelly. And you need some arm strength. And then you need to take your gun apart and clean / oil it. A 22 won’t protect you. Hot shells will eject and go down that cute blouse. It’s just cool in movies and a PITA IRL.

        Signed,
        Premises protected by a very large barky rescue mutt

        • LaurenB

          What ever happened to premises protected by — oh, I don’t know, ADT? SimpliSafe? Another home protection company of your choice? It’s so weird to not think of those services as your first line of defense, as opposed to grabbing your gun and playing John Wayne.

          • Anonymous

            People were shot outside their houses and on the greenway in the Raleigh event OP cites. That shooter even shot and stabbed his brother and then shot his neighbor and her dog (dog looked teeny, not a protector dog).

          • anonshmanon

            Idk, my alarm system automatically calls the cops, and they take 15-20 minutes to arrive in my white, affluent neighborhood. Are those ‘security firms’ quicker? I wouldn’t count on them in an emergency, tbh.

          • LaurenB

            So what does that mean, anonymous at 4:28? We all should just carry our guns everywhere – to Target, to Starbucks, to the dentist, when taking a walk – because at any moment there might be a wacko with a gun?

    • Anonymouse

      An assault weapon is not remotely a logical choice for home protection. Is your relative trying to get a rise out of you?
      If you respond go with the previous advice of suggesting they take a safety course and Consider asking them why they want an AR15? Might provide some insight into their mental state and decision process. Otherwise not engaging with this insanity seems prudent.
      I’m so sorry this is the conclusion they jumped to.

    • LaurenB

      “Yee-haw.” Sorry, that’s what I’ll always think about guns. For police officers, people who plan a criminal life, and country bumpkins.

      • Trish

        LaurenB,

        I would like gun control as well. And your studied ignorance will ensure that we never get it. How can you vote responsibly if you don’t understand the issues?

        • LaurenB

          I’ve had to learn about the different types of guns, but I strongly resent the fact that I have to.

    • Anon

      I’m so sick of pointing out to people that having a gun in your home highly increases the likelihood that you or someone in your household will be injured or killed by that gun, and that the chances of you or someone in your household using it successfully in self defense are basically nil. But that’s what the statistics very clearly point to.

      At this point, it’s just a tragic Darwin Award.

      but here you go, one of many, many citations based on the data (and not the 1990’s self-selected telephone survey gun nuts love to quote)

      https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/hicrc/firearms-research/gun-threats-and-self-defense-gun-use-2/

      • Anonymous

        why post this? Why let reality get in the way of psychopaths who get their jollies off on a crazy revenge fantasy where they murder the bad people with a machine gun.

        Kidding of course. People rarely buy guns they don’t want to use. Op I’d stay very far away from this person. No one who wants an AR is sane enough to be trusted with one.

        • Anonymous

          An AR is not a machine gun (fully automatic weapon). I feel like the people who argue the most about guns in here know very little about guns.

          • LaurenB

            Yes. You’re right. I don’t know very much about guns. This is not the flex you think it is. I also don’t know much about child beauty pageants or how to cut a mullet hairstyle. I get that guns are a hobby for some people, but why should I have to invest my time learning about your stupid, tacky hobby that puts us all in danger? Indeed, I resent that I “have” to learn about the differences. I’d prefer to remain ignorant about guns, but noooo,I can’t, I need to get dragged into it because heaven forbid we have reasonable gun control in this country.

    • anonchicago

      Oh my. I wouldn’t respond as that would make me very uncomfortable.

      I live in the Triangle area and frequent that greenway often on the weekends (or used to, before I got too pregnant). The shooting itself won’t stop me from going back because I see it as an isolated incident from a troubled individual, but if I knew most others around me were carrying ARs or even handguns, probably unsecured…I would feel differently. “Good guys with a gun” don’t make me feel safe at all.

    • anonshmanon

      I am not suggesting that OP respond this, but I would personally question whether to visit this relative’s house. I am sure I’ve visited houses with guns in them unknowingly, but if I knew for sure, I might just avoid that particular one.

    • Anonymous

      This is one of those ‘less is more’ things, I think. If I responded at all -and that would depend on the person who texted me- I would just say some version of ‘good for you’ and leave it at that.

    • Anonymous

      I’d be tempted to show them pictures of the guy whose head was opened when a teenager used an AR 15 this summer in my town. Photo didn’t hit the media of course. I can’t get it out of mind months later. Just thinking of it makes me gag. I don’t think people fathom the damage a second can do. Literally no tending to him to help. Because it happened at a parade, there was plenty of law enforcement around (plenty of “good guys with guns” but still multiple people were killed and a young boy isn’t going to walk again. Only thing that stopped it was the shooter taking off. Our community is never going to be the same. No one needs an AR 15 and the risk of it getting into someone’s hands who it shouldn’t is not a risk any decent person should be OK with. I’m normally not a very vocal person or someone who talks politics. But I am absolutely disgusted by anyone that thinks acquiring a weapon of war is appropriate for a home security measure. And I think it’s the decent thing to speak up and let others know this.

    • Anonymous

      thanks! went and bought myself a pair of the silver metallic point flats over the weekend.

  10. Anonymous

    I may be hopelessly style challenged but why do people keep saying skinny trousers and jeans are out? I see them still sold everywhere and being worn everywhere. I am not talking about a PTA meeting of middle aged women in Des Moines. I am talking about the streets and restaurants of London and New York where I’ve seen many more skinny than wide legs in the last month. Are people not listening to what the style experts are dictating?Does it just take a while for wardrobes to cycle through? There seems to be a huge gap between what people are saying and what they are wearing.

    • Cat

      Well most people don’t just throw out their whole wardrobe and start fresh! I’d say my ratio of skinnies to non-skinnies is probably like 3:1 at this point, but the new jeans I bought for fall are a boyfriend slim-straight cut.

    • Anon

      Yeah I think what people are buying now is not synonymous with what people are wearing, because (most) people don’t get a whole new wardrobe every year.

    • Anon

      I’m a city dweller and am also not on the Des Moines PTA. I did not throw out all of my pants, but I’m not buying any new skinny legged pants. It takes a while.

      But RIP my tall boots because I will not be wearing those over pants & haven’t for years.

    • Shelle

      I find this breaks down by age mostly. The vast majority of the younger people I see, teens and early twenties, are wearing the new cuts. As always they are the early adopters.

      • Cat

        Also more likely to buy cheap fast fashion that gets replaced seasonally or annually anyway, vs. the serious money many of us spend on wardrobe 2 decades later.

    • Anon

      I’m a middle aged women in a PTA near Des Moines. The style on those ladies can be fierce.

    • Anonymous

      They look really dated to my eye now. They’re on the way out and you’ll be seeing less of them.

      It’s ok if you still like them but the fact that “most people” even in a stylish city wear something means little.

      There are more stylish people in New York than most places, but the vast majority of people
      there aren’t particularly stylish. If you go to a particularly chic restaurant or new bar in your area you’ll probably find more fashion forward styles and less skinnies.

      • LaurenB

        I guess we all have to decide how much we care about the opinions of the people at the chic-est new bars in our area.

    • anonshmanon

      Welcome to my rant! They are trying to make themselves feel better by inventing bs reasons to gatekeep or they are actual hyperconsumption advocates, intent on setting the planet on fire.
      Fashion can be such a fun thing, discovering new shapes, patterns and whatnot. Trying things beyond your normal style and seeing yourself in a new way. There may even be some actual innovation every now and then (as opposed to ‘let’s bring back some earlier decade’). And if everyone goes nuts for that new thing, sure lets agree that new thing is _in_ right now. But we can ooh and aah over the cool novel thing, and at the same time, we don’t have to make those who are not ready to jump on the new bandwagon feel shit about themselves. If someone doesn’t have the means to switch over their wardrobe, or is not interested, hates clothes shopping or simply likes the way they look in skinnies, we don’t have to tell them they are out.

      • Anon

        I feel like there are a lot of strawmen here. Who exactly is “they”? I’m still wearing skinny jeans and nobody’s making me feel bad about myself. Maybe y’all could be taking Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice here . . .

        • Anonymous

          I’d say “they” is the fast fashion industry. Similar to the beauty industry, where making money depends on the way people -mostly women- feel about themselves. If you’re putting out a new line every three months, you aren’t going to make any money when everyone feels confident in continuing to wear what they already own, you want them to feel like they need to keep up with the changing trends.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      People said the exact same thing about bootcut jeans circa 2008. Not all people who live in major world capitols are into fashion or have the means to replace items that have yet to wear out.

      Fashion changes. It’s okay to enjoy your skinnies; they’re fine. They just aren’t trendy anymore.

    • Worried

      Based on so many threads here about skinny silhouettes in jeans and pants, as well as reading other online threads, in addition to observation and people watching in my city, here is my personal spin based on what I’ve absorbed. While I agree that skinny is no longer trending, and that it’s up to the individual to navigate whether to follow trends, or do what makes them happy, slim trousers and jeans have always been around, and will always be with various tweaks, especially in black.
      By slim, I don’t mean skinny or clinging. I mean following the shape of the leg and skimming. This may be tighter, as in the skinny reign, or looser, leaning in the more classic straight leg, but not too baggy direction. I’m in my early 50s and even when wide legs, balloon, bootcuts, baggy and other pant styles were in fashion, there was always a variation of a straighter slimmer leg available. Sometimes this version was closer to skinny or legging like, and sometimes more trouser skimming. In the late 80s when I was in high school, kids wore loose trousers, but also slim more pink like tight black pants too. In 1997 I needed some black pants for my first ‘real’ job and they sold narrow cotton slim pants with one percent stretch with the side zipper full length. In 1998 – 2002 gap sold a variety of close fitting slim pants, alongside bootlegs. I remember some had wider openings in the leg, while others were narrow. I used to love this cotton sateen finish with stretch back in the day. This treatise is to say that slim, black pants will always be in. Maybe light denim super skinny is not trending now, (if you love it, then rock it…I see women making this look fab today too). I still have some black jeans that are a loose skinny, and while I’m not buying the exact style again as I don’t need it, I’m still wearing it. I favour dresses and skirts, but for black pants, I will always have a slimmer pair, and they will always be around in a trendy or classic iteration.

  11. Anon

    Does anyone’s DH or boyfriend have a high gardening drive that embarrasses them, or have men like that in their lives? I was reading a Slate advice column today about a guy who says his drive made him constantly worry about being “that guy” in interactions with women who weren’t his wife. I feel like I’ve known men at work who seem to shameless flirt or seem very affected by pretty women in a way that would make me cringe. I was always so confused by this – are they really powerless against it? Can they not just control their impulses to be sleazy? I don’t think I’d ever turn into a schoolgirl over a handsome man or have my gardening drive affect any interaction with anyone. Can’t imagine it being so strong as to overpower you being a stand-up person.

    • Anon

      I don’t think having a high gardening drive forces you to fawn over women you’re not in a relationship with. Seems like that’s just an excuse for being a sleaze.

    • Monday

      Didn’t read the article, but no, I don’t buy this idea at all. Men who “just can’t contain themselves” are just sleazebags and/or have s3x addiction issues. Being gross and inappropriate is not at all the same as having a strong drive, which one appropriately channels toward consenting partners only, in proper settings only.

      • Anon

        Yea when I first read about a bf with a strong gardening drive I thought it was going to be about a relationship issue. If men can’t control themselves in public or in the workforce, that’s a major problem and they should seek help. High gardening drive is not an excuse.

    • Anon

      I personally don’t really know anyone like this, but I did listen to a podcast (maybe one of the TED series?) about someone who has tr@nsitioned to a man – before transitioning, their attitude was like yours. After transitioning, this person talked about how shocked they were at the effect testosterone had on them and how they couldn’t keep their eyes off of attractive women, etc. Certainly anecdata and not scientific but I thought it was an interesting perspective. I don’t think it’s ever an excuse to be a creep, however.

    • Vicky Austin

      Hmm, this reminds me of riding in a car with my dad as a tween when an infomercial for one of those Male Restoration Pill things came on. You know – “grow all your hair back! get your s*x drive back!” etc. I asked him if he thought something like that would be worthwhile. And he paraphrased Plato to say that no, he much preferred being out from under the “rule of that mad master,” meaning the s*xual drive of an adolescent. I’ve never forgotten that, and I certainly wouldn’t trust any grown man who was a creep and blamed it on a high s*x drive.

      • Anon

        Omgggg I can’t imagine asking my father if he wanted libido-enhancing medication.

        • Vicky Austin

          I was 12, and he answered me truthfully, age-appropriately and with respect for my curiosity. My whole childhood was shaped by conversations like this where he took me seriously. I’m sorry that seems alien to you.

          • Anon

            I mean, my dad and I have a great relationship, and he definitely answered some tough questions when I was that age. I still don’t want to know anything about his sex life and I think that’s pretty normal…

          • Trish

            Vicky was TWELVE. Thank God her Dad answered appropriately and honestly. If you are a single mother of a boy, I hope you can discuss normal human biology with him without getting weird.

          • Anon

            Vicky, I am sorry you’re getting shade for your comment. Good for your twelve-year-old self for feeling curious and safe enough to ask, and good for your father for giving that age-appropriate response.

          • Curious

            I particularly like that he paraphrased Plato in this conversation, and you know it. Mad parenting points. Kids have a lot of questions about sex, which often get answered wrong by peers or just go unanswered. Mine did, and that wasn’t a good thing for my life. I think it’s cool you felt safe enough to ask that, and he could answer.

    • Anon

      Eww, what a gross cop out for being a creep. They’re not powerless, they’re weak, pathetic little jerks who won’t take agency.

    • Anonymous

      they are not powerless, they can control it, they choose not to. “i have a high gardening drive” is just a disgusting excuse to be a creep. these guys are as bad as -and sometimes are- the ones who say they are ‘nice guys’ and vilify the women who refuse to date them.

  12. Anon

    Has anyone had to get single-color t-shirts made up with some one-color artwork (so black ink drawings put on a white tee)? Can you chime on in what company you used, what to expect re pricing, etc.? It used to be that there were only local options and now that are so many on-demand places (and so many different cuts of shirts, etc.). I’m a bit overwhelmed.

  13. PolyPocket

    I just bought throw pillows for the first time. And a chunky knit blanket because it was on sale. And finally, a new pillow to replace my old one that was long past overdue for replacement. After a string of rough times (big bad dramatic breakup) the creature comforts really hit differently.

  14. Anon

    I am probably too late to comment on the morning thread. My husband worked in IT for a hospital. The IT workers were on call all the time because if a system stopped working, patient care was potentially affected and it was always urgent.

    Despite being on call and getting calls at, for example, 3AM, all the IT staff were exempt and did not receive overtime pay. But they also punched a clock and were docked PTO if they weren’t in the office for their scheduled hours, to the minute, say 7AM-4PM in my husband’s case. They even had to clock out for lunches and breaks (but of course were on call during those too.) And as a matter of fact, the department manager told all of his direct reports that being a “professional” meant routinely working an extra hour every day, and working the set hours only (plus on-call hours) was looked down upon.

    This definitely felt illegal to me, but not being an attorney, I didn’t know how to advise him. The entire department despised it, but they all went along with it too.

    Any attorneys have opinions on this? My husband finally left, but his friends/former coworkers are still there.

    • Anon

      I thought if you punched a clock you weren’t exempt? But maybe that’s more of a convention and not a legal requirement.

      • Anon

        Uhh no, I think reasonable employers will take an employee’s word for it on their time sheets.

        • Anonymous

          She said punch a clock. I read that as needing to be physically there to swipe their badge and “clock in”—think standing line to access the machine. Different from those of us in consulting and fill in a time sheet weekly or whatever.

          • Anon

            OP here, yes, they had a computer system (which his department managed!) that recorded clock in/clock out, and it had to be on a machine in the physical office or else PTO was automatically deducted.

    • Anon

      IDK but spouse has this sort of IT job also AND has to pay to buy his required logo work attire (which they take back from you when you leave, so it’s not like you even truly own it).

    • Jules

      The Department of Labor’s Wage and Hour Division has good information about the rules around salaried, exempt employees.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like that hospital system’s actions might be creating risk for the system that their IT workers are not actually exempt.

  15. Anonymous

    Thoughts on “vegan leather/pleather” these days?
    There are so many clothing items out this year made from this material. I am drawn to some of the jackets and blazers, even pants, and I certainly can’t afford to buy these trendy items in real leather, but I grew up with “pleather” equating to a curse word. On the other hand, it seems like there have been improvements in quality and breathability. Are we abandoning the taboo against fake leather?

    • Anon

      I’m actually wearing a “vegan leather” skirt today and I love (really love) it! I think fake leather is a go.

    • Anon

      No, we aren’t abandoning the taboo. It’s horrible for the environment, with the exception of the versions made from pineapple waste.
      “Vegan leather” is absolutely green washing.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed!! But if it’s made from pineapple or apple waste products, the manufacturer will be singing it from the rooftops to make sure you know it. From my research, they still have resins, etc to bind the fruit waste powder.

        Generic “vegan leather” is all still made from plastics—aka petroleum.

    • Anonymous

      Pleather should definitely still be a curse word, especially with all of the fucus on climate change, the environment, and the oil industry these days. Polyurethane -a petroleum byproduct- will stay in the environment practically forever.
      I avoid ‘vegan leather’ like the plague, and since I’m not one for ‘trendy’ items, all of my leather was bought second hand.

        • Anonymous

          +1000000000
          And #1 and #2 in that article are still PVC (aka vinyl) and polyurethane
          Like the commenter said above, companies will go out of their way to tell you when their $$$ product is made from cork or mushroom or cactus. Your run of the mill “vegan leather” is still plastic

      • Anonymous

        ‘cactus, cork, mushroom, and more’ may exist, but I would bet they are beyond the budget of the majority of people who buy these pieces.
        plastics make up the majority of ‘vegan leather’ pieces on the mainstream market.

      • Anonymous

        That article lists 23 types but seems that many are still plastic based (PVC/vinyl, polyurethane, “thin microfibers,” “fleece”) and/or energy intensive.

        There has been a lot of brainwashing and greenwashing from marketers. Let’s face it, as much as you and I cut back on our meat consumption, cows around the world are not being raised for leather, they’re being eaten. Methane was already emitted by that cow on its way to becoming hamburgers and steaks–its hide should not be wasted.

        I’m not saying the tanning process of real leather is good for the environment. But a lot of these fruit-based leathers are energy intensive as well. They’re taking skins or whatever from oranges, pineapples, grapes, apples, etc and DRYING them into POWDER that then gets mixed in with resins. Not low energy and the fruit waste was compostable and biodegradable in the first place.

    • Anonymous

      It’s all a big (successful) marketing ploy to make people feel okay with buying more plastic. Perhaps from the gas industry? Fast fashion?

  16. Anon

    Fine hair help

    Natural blonde with super fine hair that gets greasy looking easily with products but needs lift and style. Please help!

    I have buckets of dry shampoo but it makes my hair look awful so please recommend something else!

    • pugsnbourbon

      Have you tried a hair powder? I have very fine hair and it gives the right amount of “grit” and volume. But that might be too close to try shampoo. You could also try volumizing mousse or texturizing foam. I think others have talked about using hot rollers, but I don’t have any experience there.

    • Anon Aussie

      I’ve done lots of research into this for my husband’s beautiful soft fine hair that’s starting to thin and his products were making it look worse, so hopefully I can help! Using these have made styling his hair much easier and looks much better.

      Iherb have a thickening shampoo with biotin made by Avalon Organics. Derma E make a keratin thickening spray and Jason Natural make an extra volumising spray with biotin. I’m allergic to artificial fragrances so these are all free from those. I have a discount code BWH243.

      I have super coarse curly hair so if anyone has recommendations for fragrance free products for me, I’d be very interested.

      • Anon

        Love Ur Curls, a Canadian line, offers fragrance free products for curly and wavy hair. The only downside is that you have to spend a chunk to get free shipping. Their spray bottle is the best mister for a hair refresh that I have ever found, although it is pricey.

    • Anon

      I have to wash my hair every day if I don’t want it to look greasy and flat.

      • Anon

        Same. I have similar hair and keep it long. Using scrunchies in a knot at night also helps to give some volume between washes.

        • Anon

          op here and thanks I’ll look at these. I also have to shampoo daily or looks like it’s been a week.

          my hair is straight but hopefully those comments help.my curly sisters!

          I’m open to more feedback as well!

    • Vicky Austin

      Things that help my fine, easily greasable hair:
      -Don’t put conditioner on your scalp. Ends is enough. Squeeze your hair out for a minute in the shower before you apply it so that it absorbs better and doesn’t just sit on your hair and turn it to slodge.
      -Blow drying upside down with some of the Bumble and bumble Thickening Spray applied at the roots and worked in gently. (Blue and white bottle.) I always end up with a total lion’s mane when I do this, and then I sleep on it, which brings it down to normal levels.

      Hope that helps – my hair is extra grease-producing now that I’m pregnant and I have to be vigilant about my conditioner!

    • Anon

      Lightweight shampoo. Towel dry hair. Spray thickening spray (eg Aveda volumizing tonic) at roots when hair is very wet and brush through. Dry hair upside down until 90% dry. Finish with round brush focusing on drying roots.

        • MagicUnicorn

          Baby shampoo is actually really harsh on hair and gentle only when it runs into your eyes. Time to switch to a different shampoo.

    • Anon

      Wash it every day. Shampoo removes grease ;)
      For lift, I like a volume product in wet hair, everything works from Kristin Ess volume spray to other volume creams. And blow dry it. That should solve your issues.

  17. Anon

    I had a lot of down time this week with a bunch of male coworkers while installing equipment at a customer. I was mansplained that Roth IRA withdrawals are subject to capital gains. (What bugged me most was their confidence on such a wrong statement)
    I also was asked by every coworker I was with, if I plan on having another baby throughout the week.
    An expensive airport beverage is calling my name while I wait for my late flight home.
    Anyone else have any irksome comments from coworkers this week?

    • Curious

      Ugh that stinks. The most difficult coworker this week has been the one with diarrhea and diaper rash, so, while difficult, she’s not quite the same level of obnoxious. Hope the drink is excellent and the flight a nice time to zone out.

      • Anon

        LOL. This gave me a good laugh. Good luck with the diaper rash! That’s the worst!

    • Curious

      Awaiting mod, so

      Ugh that stinks. The most difficult coworker this week has been the one with diarrhea and diaper rash, so, while difficult, she’s not quite the same level of obnoxious. Hope the drink is excell3nt and the flight a nice time to zone out.

    • Anon

      not this week but I’ve been thanked for my uterus in front of whole month team, because it makes the gender numbers!

      true story.

      I switched teams and he was eventually fired…..

    • Anon

      I hate when people at work ask about reproductive plans. It’s even more awkward than normal. I had to explain to the CFO’s right hand woman that I am at high risk for PPS (yep, S, not just D) and was done having kids. She was like… oh… I guess you were serious about there being medical issues. Yes, I told you that four times but you would not let it go.

  18. Anon

    Is there a more budget friendly sneaker similar in style to Vejas? I can’t stomach spending nearly $200 on a pair of sneakers, and I can’t find any in my size and preferred color on Poshmark.

    • thanksgiving anxiety

      without knowing which particular style, maybe Madewell Sidewalk sneakers?

      • Anon

        I feel like the paparazzi are stalking me every time I wear mine. Seriously, I love my adidas as much as I would hate it if the paparazzi existed outside my brain.

    • Chl

      Feiyue was featured in the WSJ story about budget picks that fashion people wear.

  19. Curious

    Has anyone heard from Sloan Sabbith recently? I was missing her voice on the books thread this AM. I know it’s been a rough couple of years for her. Sloan, if you see this and are mostly Anon or non commenting lately, we care.

  20. Anon

    Talbot’s sent me a reminder that I have a merchandise credit for about $100. What have you liked from there lately?

    • Senior Attorney

      I just got a nice cashmere sweater. I got the Audrey in the peacock print but they have lots of colors and some other fun prints.

    • Nylongirl

      I just preferred necklace, earrings, & bracelet from them along with a sweater. I like their shoes too.

  21. Need A Nap

    Friday afternoons are The Worst. And, I’m the boss but don’t feel like I can swan out of here. I am doing zero work and almost physically passing out from exhaustion. I have done all the pretend work I can do but still 2.5 hrs to go on the west coast. Anyone else?

    • Ses

      Hey, I’m the boss too and sometimes you need to set an example. You work hard, you get it done, and if you need to take a couple hours on a Friday, you take it. And if possible you tell your team to get out early too.
      Some of my favorite junior analyst fridays were when my boss said “ok, it’s beautiful out today and we did good work this week, let’s call it. Go home.”

  22. MagicUnicorn

    I think I’m one of the few people who did not do any major home renovations or redecorating early in the pandemic and now that fall is upon us I want to restyle my whole house. Browsing Pinterest is overwhelming and leads me down the rabbit hole of grey chevron wallpaper and navy velvet sofas with yellow throw pillows. My style leans minimal but cozy with MCM influence. Does anyone have a blog or IG they like for inspiration? Thanks!

    • anon

      I like Schoolhouse Electric a lot, so I look at their Instagram feed and also the photos they’re tagged in. Generally, finding a company I like, then looking at photos featuring their products works well for me.

    • Anonymous

      amber interiors. she has an amazing eye. lots of mcm in a very soothing, SoCal way

    • Anonymous

      I feel triggered with my blue velvet soda and yellow throw pillows. Have had them for 9 years and didn’t know it was a trend.

  23. Anonymous

    Has anyone used DC Derm Docs for laser hair removal in DC? Or have any recs for anyone else? Preferably downtown, would love to just buy a package without having to do a consultation, feel free to tell me if that’s not a good idea.

  24. Anon

    favorite camisoles? looking for something under a white lace shirt either white or wool consider nude for me. it’s silk the right play here?

    willing to spend on a nice piece. don’t love skims.

    • Anon

      Both Ibex and Icebreaker make wool camis and tanks and both are great depending on what cut and color you are looking for. I love lightweight merino as underwear.

  25. Anon

    Help me adjust my mindset! I have a really hard time being empathetic when a loved one is complaining about an issue but not doing anything about it. So, like, when my sister is complaining that she is tired even though she goes to bed too late. Or DH complaining about heartburn even though he knows that spicy meals give him heartburn. I know it isn’t a fair feeling on my part–Sometimes I just want to complain too. But it really grinds my gears and makes it hard for me to be a supportive person. Any tips?

    • Anon

      I’d just say something like I’m sorry that sucks or try going to sleep earlier and end the conversation. It’s frustrating to hear people complain about things they have control over but they’re adults and they know to go to sleep earlier/not eat food that will bother them. Ignore it as much as possible and don’t let their complaints zap your energy.

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