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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Happy weekend! I've been a little obsessed with these shoes since I saw them on The Directrice — and I keep waffling between which style I like the best.
In general I like the white rubber toe and sole, but the rainbow detail takes it to the next level. (My youngest is also really into rainbow, tie-dye, and all things bright colors, so he'll be thrilled.)
There are a bunch of variations and colors, including some with the rainbow detail right above the white sole instead of as pictured on the side of the shoe. (And mules and high tops and more, oh my!)
The pictured shoe is $75 at Zappos in black, navy, white and yellow, but Amazon has even MORE colors, including khaki, red, and a gray camo.
(Happy holidays if you're celebrating one!)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
Any favorite places for brunch/lunch near Hartford, CT or Worcester, MA? Will be there this weekend and wanted to have a few in mind!
Anononon
Armsby Abbey in Worcester!
Anon
Worcester:
Mezcal
Via
Nuova
One Eleven Chop House
Sole Proprietor
Some are more dinner choices but check for brunch and lunch options.
Anon
I’ve been offered a new job, and would love some outside perspective in weighing the pros and cons. The jobs have the same commute and flexible hybrid schedule. I’m married, no kids and no plans for kids. I was not job hunting but was offered the new position out of the blue through my network.
Job A (current position)
Senior associate at a 100 lawyer firm. I bill about a third of my hours in my preferred practice area but supplement with route work that I don’t enjoy as much. Up for partner in six months and every indication is that I’m on track, although the firm is currently in merger negotiations that could completely derail that. I really love some of the people I work with and for. The firm expects market hours for below market salaries, and junior shareholders don’t make much more than senior associates (in some cases, less) although senior shareholders are very comfortable. Amazing benefits, especially retirement contributions.
Job B (new position)
Attorney at a 15 lawyer boutique firm. None of the work would be in my preferred practice area, but it is high stakes, prestigious work. There is no partnership track and realistically no one will have ownership except for the founding partner for at least another 20 years. I know most of the attorneys who work there and they include some of my favorite practitioners in the city. It would be the same salary for 30% fewer hours, although just standard benefits (effectively a 12% pay cut) and only cost of living adjustments going forward.
What would you do?
anon
My big question is – how do you like your current hours/schedule? You don’t complain about it the way most posters do when they talk on this board of leaving Bigger law. If the hours are fine because you get more of the work you like and the people are great and the money is good, I would stay. But if you want more flexibility in your life and to down shift and don’t see preferred work area as important anymore, I would leave.
helloanon
I agree with this. For me, it would depend on what “market hours” means and how that plays out in your current job – is the work uneven or steady and do you see that changing in new job? Billing 2000 hours per year is fine when the work is steady but can easily move into awful territory if you have a couple of slow months and need to catch up.
Re Job B, I would also not be thrilled with COL adjustments going forward, especially if the firm is truly doing big name, prestigious work and billing rates increase YOY.
And then there is the partnership thing – do you want to be partner and do all the biz dev and other work that entails? If not, you need an escape, and this could be it.
Anonymous
Can you make partner, bank another retirement contribution, and then jump?
Anon
Yes exactly. Get that title if you’re so close, you’ll have it forever and it does make a difference for some other jobs you may want down the road. Honestly I bet you could be candid with the new firm that you’re thrilled but need to get through this milestone and they’d understand.
Anon
What is your long term plan if you do B? Is this the type of thing you can leverage into a different role that gives you more salary?
anon
I feel like B sounds good on paper if you’re looking for a change but is the perfect recipe for resentment if you’re there for anything more than a couple of years, I feel like. If you’re desperate for fewer hours, could be a good exit plan in the immediate term, but long-term, COLA only and no partnership track….meh.
No Face
B does not sound great. None of the work is in your preferred area. At a small firm, a single person can dramatically change the culture in a bad way.
I vote stay and keep your eyes open for better opportunities.
Anon
+1
Anon
Agreed. And I’d add that a small firm with no partners is often a nightmare of a place to work. I’d stick with your current job.
Anon
+1
Anon
Stay and make partner. Go for the brass ring.
Anonymous
+1. And if you don’t end up loving it, you can lateral to another partnership position later.
Maudie Atkinson
This. You can always make this (or another) move later. You’ll be more marketable if you make make partner. By contrast, you’re virtually never going to be less marketable than you are right at this moment; the assumption is you’re looking for a runway because you’re getting pushed out.
Anon
(OP here) Super helpful – thank you everyone for the insight and food for thought!
Ellen
Go with the less hours. You don’t seem to be a go-getter, and without kids, you should have plenty of free time with hubby (which can be a plus or a minus). I on the other hand have no hubby, and am a go getter, so if it were me, I would stay where you are. But you are not me so you have to do what is right for you. The only thing you haven’t expounded upon is whether you will use all of your extra time wisely; either doing what you want or spending more time with hubby, as I presume there is no problem there. In either event, good luck to you and keep the HIVE apprised of what you decide to do. YAY!!
Auntie life
What would you do? I’m single, no kids, late 30s. My sister and I live in the same suburb, about a 4 hour drive from our parents’ house. We normally don’t travel for Easter but had to skip winter holiday celebrations due to illnesses, so we are all going to our parents’ home for lunch on Sunday. In my state, a 4-hour drive is nothing (we’ll still be within the same state); my parents’ town is tiny and has no airport so driving is non-negotiable. Here’s my question:
Do I carpool with my sister, her cranky husband, and their two sons (ages 7 and 5)? I’ll be in the backseat between the kids. They are great, but sometimes car trips of that length are just….awful, from what it sounds like. I’ve never been in the car with them for more than 30 minutes. Pro: gas savings, I could maybe read or listen to music part of the time, maybe a fun trip with the kids; Con: tied to their schedule and mood, sandwiched between the kids and they might be loud/whatever.
OR
Do I drive myself? Pro: peace, quiet, can stop where/when I want to. Con: 8 hours of driving, gas cost/environmental waste (but we all kinda accept that in this part of the country), we’re probably arriving/leaving within 1-2 hours of each other anyway.
My sister doesn’t care so I don’t have emotional guilt from them, my parents might comment if we arrive at the exact same time in two cars. I don’t have pet care lined up, so I can’t extend the trip another night.
Anon
I didn’t like long car trips with my own child, never mind other children. Get an audiobook or some podcasts and drive by yourself.
Anonymous
I did an hour with my friend and her her kids years ago and still regret it.
Drive yourself! Unless you adore those kids.
Anon
Have you been in their backseat before? I get carsick, especially in the backseat, which makes me unhappy about about having to spend much time there. But if it’s reasonably comfortable and you’re not prone to carsickness, I’d be more inclined to give it a try.
anon
Drive by yourself.
Explorette
I would absolutely drive by myself.
Anon
Definitely drive yourself.
Option C?
Take two cars. For one way, you and your sister are in the same car without kids and for the return, you are alone. Or: for one way you take kid A and for the return you take kid B?
anon
I’m a parent of two and wouldn’t want to be in my own car for that drive. Go on your own.
anon
+1000. My kids are slightly younger and I would not even attempt a four hour drive with them at this point unless it was for a major event.
Curious
+1
Senior Attorney
OMG no way would I sit in the back between the kids for 4 hours.
Here’s a thought: What’s your relationship with the kids? Any chance of maybe driving with one of them for all or part of the way for some special auntie time?
anonymous
I’m shocked and infuriated by the near-unanimous response to drive separate and just pump twice the carbon into our atmosphere. We’re literally burning our species to extinction with carbon! Frankly, between climate and Covid, you should probably all do Easter lunch by Zoom. But if you have to be special and see family in person, you absolutely should carpool!
Anon
This is insane.
Anon
So you don’t even travel to see family?
Anon
So according to you, people should be holed up in their apartments going nowhere till the rest of their lives?
OP: I have travelled with my friends and their 2 kids (3 & 5 y.o.) for 4+ hrs and I was sandwiched between the kids. While I didn’t mind and kids were sweet and all, in your situation, I would drive. I wouldn’t want to be tied to their schedule and also wouldn’t want to get stuck with 2 kids in the car (in case they are moody or car sick or sick).
I echo what other said – maybe take sis for one way or one of the kids or just enjoy a nice playlist.
I did the “take one kid each direction” on a 1hr drive and it was nice. But depends on specific kids and your relationship.
Anon
Omg this is truly insane. I’m super covid safe but even I started seeing my family in person for holidays. After 3 years, cut people some slack. They’re not endangering anyone else and as far as climate change, yea let’s focus on the 8 hour drive to see family rather than the corporations and celebrities taking private jets for vacations. Go away!
Anon
I felt really bad for insisting on distancing this past holiday season because my household was on such strong immune suppressants, but we’re also the only ones in my family who didn’t catch COVID at the holiday super spreader gathering. (And two people are still sick as of today.)
I still think that comment is nuts though; individual decisions made by ordinary consumers aren’t the way out of the climate crisis. Individual decisions by working people aren’t the way out of the pandemic crisis either!
Option C?
Still sick in early April from a case of COVID they contracted the last week of December? Ooof. That is terrible. I hope they make a complete recovery.
Anon
Thanks. My suspicion is that it will turn out that the infection triggered autoimmunity, and it takes a long time to figure this kind of thing out. Maybe that’s my bias though because my own household lives w/autoimmune disease. But full recovery would be ideal. I wish we could have normal gatherings without risking this kind of outcome!
Ellen
I agree. Although I am all for doing what we can for climate change, I do not believe we have to stay home all the time. That only will increase the tension we had during the Covid thing. I am so happy to be abel to see my Grandma Leyeh and Grandma Trudy when I want, without having to wear masks like I did last year during the Passover Seder. We had excellent homemade Gefile Fish which Grandma Trudy made especially for me. It was so much better then store bought stuff. And Grandma Leyeh catered some excellent Turkey Tetrazzini with all of the trimmings for us, making the job very easy for Mom, who only had to do the Chicken / Matza Ball Soup, which was really good. Rosa and the kids took leftovers home, but I did not even care b/c Myrna got the all of the Turkey Tetrazzini and sides because she is preparing for the Triathelon and needs to bulk up. Dad was very nice to everyone, which may have been a first, since none of the kids barfed or whined for Ring Dings, as they’ve done in the past; and no one bothered me about not having a man! All in all, a great week and weekend. All the best to Kat, Kate and the Entire Hive! Happy Spring!!!!! YAY!!!
Anon
I’m pretty sure this is sarcasm, guys.
Anon
Lmao thanks for adding the unhinged ridiculousness to the conversation, always appreciated
I’ll start worrying more about my own carbon output when celebrities and rich folks stop flying around on private jets. Do you know how many people are going to be flying – in private jets or otherwise – this weekend for the holiday? OP’s carbon output for her car trip is less than a drop in a bucket. Grab ahold of yourself, you’re coming apart at the seams.
No Face
I definitely would not drive with your sister, unless you would genuinely enjoy it.
Anonymous
Absolutely not. A middle seat? No.
Anon
I would maybe consider hitching a ride in this situation if my sister had a vehicle with three rows of seats, because everyone would have more room to spread out.
Sandwiched in the middle between two kids in a backseat for four hours? My idea of hell, for real. Never in a million, billion years.
Anonymous
I’d go and offer to take one of the kids (at least one way). Or maybe meet up and switch kids during a rest stop.
Or drive with your sister! Something to help ease the burden of the cranky kids :)
Anon
I like the idea of taking one kid each way for special auntie time.
Anon
I like the idea of taking one kid each way for special auntie time.
Anon
Drive yourself! I say this as the mom in the packed car with the sometimes grumpy husband.
Anon
God no, don’t go with them. Even if you weren’t going to be trapped in the back seat with small children, being dependent on their schedule would be frustrating.
Anonymous
Car as in sedan? That brings back memories of childhood roadtrips with my sibling and parents. Those ages plus their booster/car seats…you’d be lucky to find the middle seat much less use it comfortably for 8 hours.
Not only would i take my own car, I would travel with sister and plan a seat rotation where I take one kid for a bit, then the other…you’ll probably need to stop for a bathroom/stretching legs break halfway anyway…
Anon
This is probably too late but my suggestion is drive with your sister and the kids and have cranky BIL drive himself in your car. As a parent of two little kids, he’ll appreciate the alone time, and you’ll get a chance to visit with your sister and nephews. Win win!
Auntie life
Thanks to everyone’s guidance, I am driving myself! I appreciate the reality check and am looking forward to a peaceful drive.
Anonymous
TW medical
Just need some pep talks please! Got a callback today from my recent mammo. Need follow up imaging and ultrasound “and the radiologist will discuss your results with you right after.” First available appt is on my freaking birthday.
I do have dense breasts. Due to closed adoption, I have no idea re family history. Definitely don’t feel anything although I am obsessively poking my boob now (just the one side that needs more looking).
I suspect I am going to ruminate on this til it’s over. Gahhhh. Not telling hubby until there’s something to tell (he will legit freak out and start telling EVERYONE including random moms in the playground that I have BC). Tell me all your stories of getting follow up imaging that ends with nothing, please.
Anon
I had a mammogram that found a small “suspicious mass” in the words of the results right before I moved cross country. Lots of stress, but it was just a dense spot. they always follow up with you right after a diagnostic mammogram and U/S – it doesn’t say anything about what it is.
anon
I have had two call backs, one for a cyst and one for “asymmetry”. They do a diagnostic mammo which squishes even more, and yes, they did tell right after that there was nothing to be concerned about. The cyst was a “simple” one and the “asymmetry resolved with compression”. (LOL I could have told you I was asymmetrical!). It was nerve wracking and I was a mess (my family history is that both my mom and grandmother died of BC, so I am pretty easily spooked…. also have dense breasts). Thinking good thoughts for you – but remember a lot of people get called back and it is nothing.
Anon
Is it your first mammo? My OB has told me I have dense breasts and my first mammo will require follow up ultrasound and possible MRI. I think it’s pretty standard first protocol.
Also where are you in your cycle? I’m 37 and haven’t had a mammo yet but OB found a lump during a manual exam last fall (a couple days before my period was due) and I had to go for an ultrasound. My period started in the interim and my ultrasound tech had a really hard time even finding the lump because it wasn’t palpable by that point. They eventually found it and it turns out it was just a benign cyst and had shrunk considerably after my period started, which is apparently normal.
anon
I hear you.
I have dense breasts, and EVERY MAMMOGRAM is like this. They either call me back for an ultrasound, or even more stressful…. the tech keeps coming back to the room after reviewing the scans with the radiologist and asks for more images/more positions… and keeps asking more questions…. “You’ve lost weight right?” or “You’ve gained weight, right?” or “when was your last period?” or “It was your paternal grandmother, not your maternal grandmother that had breast cancer, right?” And then they keep me waiting for extra long, by myself, in the cold…. waiting….
All of my follow-up imaging is fine.
It actually is quite a bit harder for the radiologists to read scans when you have dense breasts, and our chances of breast cancer are higher partially because of this. Our early cancers can be more easily missed.
So the good news is — you probably went to a better mammogram location that is being extra careful. You definitely do not have a big obvious cancer, or the Mammogram would have caught it and they would already be calling you back for a biopsy. Instead, you probably have any area of breast tissue that is really dense / hard to read, so they are being extra careful by getting more information without exposing you to a lot more radiation by doing an ultrasound (every new mammogram image exposes you to more radiation…).
And even in the scariest scenario… if they do see something tiny on ultrasound that they think is worth a biopsy, it is probably so small and early that it is great that they are catching it early when it is easier to treat and cure.
So I totally understand your panic, and I talk myself down using the above logic every year. Now that I understand how my dense breasts put me more at risk for breast cancer, I am better at scheduling a mammogram every year which is the right choice for me/my risks. I also stagger my GYN appointment, where she does a breast exam, 6 months after my Mammogram, so I am essentially having someone/something checking my breasts every 6 months. I also try to go to the major teaching hospitals near me for my Mammograms. It is better to have all your studies in one place, using similar machines, with the best techs. When I used to go to a local small community site for mammograms, it was only a tech by themselves. They just did the scan, didn’t ask many questions, and didn’t have a radiologist on site who would make sure the scans were sufficient.
So OP – you will be fine. This is incredibly common. Almost all of us with dense breasts will have this happen multiple times over the years, so try not to panic. But please tell someone you can vent to and stress with – ideally a women friend/sister/family member who understands and can talk you down, because they have probably been through this too.
Smokey
I had to have a biopsy done many years ago and everything turned out fine. Just a benign cyst. But it really scared me so I know what you may be going through. And, like you, I have dense breasts where the need for an additional look is more common. Everything is probably fine.
Anonymous
Statistically it’s probably fine. I had this on my first mammo and then had to have a biopsy and it was nothing. I seem to need follow up imaging not infrequently. Also dense breast tissue.
Anon
I have had many callbacks and no issues. My advice is that it is nothing until they tell you otherwise because my doctor told me that it is more often nothing than something!
OP
Thanks ladies! Am attempting to put this out of my mind for now – regardless of the outcome there’s nothing I can do right now anyway, I suppose. Once real life amps back up next week (home with kids on spring break) – we’ll be so busy I might forget to worry! Dense breasts, dense breasts, dense breasts…
Not my first (which admittedly was a couple years ago), and midway thru my cycle. This time hurt more than the first time, though… not sure if that’s just a different tech, or maybe a couple years of perimenopause hormones :-/
Anon
I’ve also been on this rodeo before!
I doubt a day or two will affect anything other than your stress level, so if having the appt on your birthday is worse than the delay, maybe just pick the next available?
Anon
This happens to me every year. Get the screening mammo, get the call. We need more images. Okay. Go in for more images + ultrasound. They come in, nope, everything’s fine. See you next year. It’s happened four years in a row and so now I just count on it happening. They keep pushing me to do a breast MRI and I may do it this year or next, but have some reservations about doing one every year.
My mom had breast cancer and that’s in my chart and I think that’s part of why they’re careful. Dense breasts are an issue. I know this is scary, but don’t freak out. Stop poking your boob; you’ll just hurt yourself. All you can do is wait for the follow up appointment and see what’s what. It’s very very likely it will be fine, and if it’s not fine, you likely caught it early. My mom’s cancer was caught on a mammogram; she had a lumpectomy and radiation and six years later has had no recurrence or lingering effects. Hang in there.
Anon
Wow – they are offering you an MRI? I would do that instead in a heartbeat! No radiation (mammograms expose you to radiation). No pain/compression which makes me dread my Mammo every year (and sometimes delay it….). Nx the best possible imaging – so no having to come back for another visit. Saves time and stress. There’s no downside. And in my state, your insurance has to cover it at 100% as a preventative test if it is prescribed by the doctor.
Why are you resisting? Are you anxious about lying in an MRI? Then ask for an ativan before hand.
Anon
oops…. MRI is the best possible imaging.
Anon
Your response is full of assumptions and pretty inappropriate, just FYI. If you don’t know someone or their medical history, exhorting them to undergo a medical procedure is irresponsible. If you’re one of our self-appointed “I’m not a doctor but I read all the medical journals” folks – just so you know, that doesn’t qualify you to dispense medical advice. Back off.
Anon
Ok yes I’m working from home, but also, there’s a big auto accident on my street (yes, I made sure no one was injured) and I’ve been rubbernecking at it from my home office window for a good hour now.
KS IT Chick
Our neighborhood has been rubbernecking at a fox who seems to be living in one’s backyard. Our best guess is that he has a mate in a den there and is hunting to feed her and impending kits.
Anon
That would be so much more fun than a traffic accident!
Ellen
This is why I don’t work from home. I do everything else but work, and I have no view of the street from 37 floors up. I do look out at the Hudson River to see the boats going up and down the river, as well as Central Park, but I cannot see down to ground level to tell anyone exactly what is going on, tho I hear the sirens from Fire Trucks nearby and there is a hospital where ambulances come and go. I prefer to go into work where I can see Lynn and the manageing partner whenever he shows up. I don’t care much for Frank’s oogeling, but after being stuck at home from the pandemic, I almost missed his gross stareing at my boobies and comparing them to his wife’s. I find myself more productive @ work, tho my value billing is about the same; I am on track for 7,500+ hours this year, which I could not do w/o value billing, so that is a good thing. I hope the hive also is doing well on their hybrid jobs, too. YAY!!
Anon
Bert and Ernie shoes!
Anonymous
Toddler shoes.
Anon
haha totally.
Well, grandpa shoes are in. I guess when they are running out of more ideas….
Anonymous
More like Rainbow Brite shoes.
Anonymous
Does anyone have any good stories from when your families met your significant other for the first time? My boyfriend is coming home with me to meet the family for the first time… wish me luck, I’ve got a good feeling about this one!
Anon
My then boyfriend traveled with me to my mom’s home for Thanksgiving. We had met in August. There was horrendous traffic on the way there and he was grumpy about it. Mom’s house was crowded with houseguests and we had no privacy. We had been on a rather enthusiastic intimacy schedule until then, so it was a bit awkward. My mom’s then-partner was a total d1ck to everyone, my sister had her unruly kids over, who seemed to be jacked up on amphetamines, and sister got falling-down drunk. Mom wasn’t far behind her. It was overall a chaotic nightmare. Then-boyfriend was very uncharacteristically quiet.
I was 100% convinced he was breaking up with me as soon as we got back to our city.
But after thanksgiving dinner, as we were taking a trash bag out to the cans at the curb, he said “I love you,” and I was actually shocked. I told him I thought for sure he hated my family and was going to break up with me. He said, “What? Your family is great!” I guess he was just quiet because he didn’t know them that well.
Anyway, my mom died a couple of years ago and it was pretty clear to everyone that my now husband was her favorite person in the world. And it was mutual.
Good luck!! Expect awkwardness, but it’s just something you have to get through.
Anon
my boyfriend was super nervous to meet the parents, because his are quite formal and hard to please, and so he was expecting mine to be as well. He likes to talk about how we arrived for Easter lunch, and my dad greeted us in his crappiest work clothes while digging a trench in the garden. We had theater tickets for the evening and my husband tried his best to dress up while my dad attended in shorts. That went a long way to make him less skittish.
Senior Attorney
My husband came to Thanksgiving dinner with my grown kid, kid’s Marine Corps buddy, kid’s (antisocial and deeply weird) dad (yep, my first husband), kid’s dad’s sister, and my just-on-the-edge-of-losing-it-due-to-old-age parents. He brought a homemade apple tart and was the most charming person in the room and I knew then that he was a keeper!
Anonymous
My then-boyfriend came to stay for Thanksgiving at my grandmother’s house, which did not have running water but did have mice. We were engaged a month later.
JTM
Took my now husband home to meet my family when we were seriously talking marriage. My mom had met other boyfriends but this was my first time taking someone home to meet my brothers, sister, aunts, etc. Everyone loved him esp my twin nieces & my nephew. We wound up moving him 1000miles to live with me about a month after the visit, and he proposed 2 days after the move.
Anon
Good luck! When my now husband and I went to visit my dad for the first time, my dad showed him the separate room where he would be sleeping, and then my dad showed him his gun collection lol. My dad was into target shooting, but still. When I first met my husband’s parents, we went to a very fancy Chinese restaurant. A dish of peanuts was served as an appetizer. I am not Asian and didn’t grow up using chopsticks, but I passed the chopsticks test, yippee!
Big Moody Curve
Boyfriend and I were already living together. Parents flew across the country to visit me and meet him. The afternoon of the day they were arriving, I started getting a migraine (not stress, never did figure out the trigger) AND there was a massive area-wide power failure. We left work early and started for home. He drove, I tried not to throw up. Took an hour and a half to drive 20 miles, crawling through intersections with no traffic lights. (Kudos to the volunteers who came out and did traffic control.) Miraculously, the power was on at our house. Parents arrived just as I took my kill-it-with-fire migraine meds. I said “Hi” and “I’m so sorry,” and crawled into bed. The last thing I heard before I went to sleep was Boyfriend saying, “Have you folks had dinner? Can I fix something for you?”
That was the moment where the relationship went from “This is nice” to “I’m keeping this one.” Forty years, still going strong.
Addendum: A year or so later, we visited my parents at their home. Boyfriend wound up helping my dad do something to the septic system. Not a pleasant job, but he took it in stride. Definitely a keeper.
Anon
Not him meeting my family (which went well, but my mom knew we were getting married before we even started dating, so….) but when I met his. We started dating my husband when I was 19. I had met his mom and her husband in a real low-key way and it had gone well. A few months later I met his dad and step-mom’s large, complicated, big personality family all at once at his grandparents’s 50th anniversary weekend. The first day he and I went fishing on the river. I slipped and fell and my white tshirt was completely transparent. We switched shirts, which was immediately noticed by all people in attendance when we returned from fishing. That night in the shuttle on the way to the party, boyfriends 5 brothers and step brothers tore apart one brothers’ date. Shy me, thinking oh my god what have I gotten myself into. Fast forward 31 years, and we have been married for 27 years, with lots of love for his family and lots more good stories.
So Super Anon
I am in-house with a mid-sized company. Long story short, it is time for me to start looking for a new job because I think I might get laid off come fall. It has been literally decades since I have needed to update my resume and I could use some help. My network is strong (which is how I found my last two jobs) but I think having a stronger resume could help, particularly as I am now looking for a more senior position. Any suggestions for a fee-based career coach or other similar person who does that type of thing for lawyers? I have the sense that the resume rules and formatting I used 20 years ago is not going to cut it. I am in California if that makes a difference.
Thanks!
Anon
I wouldn’t bother paying anyone. Read askamanager.org for good advice on how to draft a resume.
AnonTX
I’d talk to Martha Newman. I’ve used her myself and can vouch for her expertise. https://www.toplawyercoach.com
Finch
Any thoughts on a nighttime tour of Washington DC monuments? Traveling with very excited kids- a teen and a tween who are lucky their mom picked up some wonderful and helpful tips from this site a week or two ago. TIA and Happy Friday..!
Anon
Check out DC by Foot
Ellen
No, not very smart to go walking at night! There are way to many wierdo’s floating around downtown DC even in the day! I remember when I was there, the crazies came out at night, and some of my freinds were chased down the street by men who did not just want the time of day from them. The college security people told us to travel together at night, and that likely prevented more serius things from hapening to us.
Sallyanne
We did this a few summers ago with our teen and it was so fun! It was a great overview of the sights and a good way to spend an evening. We came from the west coast so having something later was helpful with time difference.
Anonymous
Thank you ! Also coming from West Coast and will check out this rec!!
Corporette Anon
OMG, my adult son does this in golf carts, it’s so fun! WeVenture is the name of the company, you can book it through Viatour. If you get a chance, ask for Matt, he really makes it fun!
Anon
F*ck. Republicans will continue attacking women on all fronts, just like they’ve made it clear they plan to do for 50 years, while Dems sleepwalk us into a nightmare. Women are nothing more than hosts to Republicans and useful voters to Dem. I’m furious.
Anon
Me too.
Anonymous
Dems: What is a woman, anyway? I’m not a biologist.
Can’t do anything about anti-woman legislation when you no longer have a word to describe the affected class of humans.
Ellen
As a woman, I can challenge any man to a legal debate and win, since I am now admitted to the bar for 15 years! That is not something anyone can take away from me. I still am attractive even tho I have put on a few pandemic pounds which won’t go away, and now older men want me not only for my brain but also for physical companionship since my fertility is lower and they can have s-x without much of a chance of becoming a daddy again.
Anon
Yup. If you don’t know what sex is, you can’t identify sexism, much less fight it. We need to fight back against that nonsense.
Anon
here here
I can’t believe the women’s rights movement has been set back so far.
What is everyone on this board doing this week to help?
Anon
I want to start donating time and money to an organization that offers practical assistance to women who need abortions (like driving across state lines, other immediate help). Does anyone have any recommendations? I’m in CA.
Anon
I just donated $50 to my local transgender resource center in honor of the TERFs who chose to crawl out from under their rocks today.
What are YOU doing to help women’s rights this weekend? Advocating that women should have to wear full burqas in public, I imagine.
Jane
You can find an abortion fund to donate to or at which to volunteer here: https://abortionfunds.org
I am looking for a place to train/volunteer that is more like the Jane Collective of 1960s Chicago. Have not found it yet.
Anon
Please stop it with this nonsense. If you want to be trans-exclusionary, do it somewhere else.
Disgusting to me that our resident conservative basket cases always pick the weekends to come out from under their rocks and post gross, inflammatory comments because they know it will be slow and most people only read here during the weekdays. Just so we’re clear: your opinion is not how most people on this board feel about trans issues, based on other discussions that have happened during the weekday. You and your clown-show companion, Anonymous at 10:37, need to go back to posting in the comment section at Fox News. That’s where these kinds of opinions belong. And also look in the mirror at yourself, sometime this weekend, and ask an important question: “Do I have to be this way?” The answer, BTW, is NO.
Anon
Lol. Many progressive feminists and lesbians want women only spaces. It’s typical of supporters of the patriarchy to try to shut women up. No one on this
Board has to go someone else.
Anon
Yawn. Women are used to being told to sit down and shut up, especially when they’re fighting for their rights.
Anon
LMAO to both of you. It’s super sad you don’t see you’re being used as tools of the radical right, which has convinced you that female empowerment depends on eliminating trans people – while simultaneously stripping legal rights away from women. You’ve been brainwashed, and you won’t realize you’ve fallen in league with the wrong people until it’s too late. How very sad. I would think women reading this blog would be smarter than this. Although – maybe the two of you are a couple of our resident non-achievers. Do either of you even have jobs?
Anon
To be supportive of women is not anti trans.
amberwittch
And suddenly it is not ok for women to have opinions and voice them, when they are not in agreement with your views?
When we actually object to being disenfranchised and being told our lived experience, wishes and fears are not valid because a very small minority of people who has grown up with male priviledge has more rights than we do?
Anon at 1:23 you are probably the kind of person who uses slurs such as TERF to target people you don’t agree with, and I think you should take a hard look in the mirror to get a beter understanding of why you feel the need and right to oppress other women.
Anon
You are missing the point. And nicely falling into the Conservative agenda of distracting us from the biggest issues so we keep fighting about words.
Can’t we talk about what really matters? The eating away of our freedoms? The freedom to choose what to do with our bodies? And then with the little amount of resistance our society shows to fighting this being shot down by intra-progressive infighting?
Anon
I want to be free to have my body examined by an actual woman when I go to the gynocologist. Anything other than that is r@pe. I suggest that you stop being insulting to women who don’t agree with you if you don’t like the infighting. I am a woman who can think for herself. I am guessing you are not friends with any masculine presenting lesbians who have been called tr@nsphobes because they don’t want to date “lesbians” with male gentalia.
Anon
Donate wherever you want to. But stop living under the delusion that it is only conservatives who think women are women. What on earth does a Burka have to do with any of this? I am also guessing that you would support an effort to stop women from wearing their Burkas on the beach?
Anon
I can’t believe how many progressive women will not even entertain a discussion about protecting women who need female only spaces (prisons, DV shelters). Nike gave its new campaign ad to Dylan Mulvaney and if you point out that, once again, 99% of all sports corporated sponsorships are going to people born with penises, you are a hateful bigot. Um, no. I just think perhaps there are female athletes who could have been chosen. I am a liberal card-carrying member of the ACLU and will not post my thoughts on social media under my name because I work in a progressive field. We have been effectively shut down by the partriarchy, AGAIN.
Anon
That Dylan Mulvaney ad was horrendous. Could Nike not find a woman? Are young girls supposed to look up to someone jumping around like a ditzy bunny, an absolute caricature of womanhood? It was insulting. The female athletes I follow are serious, dedicated, and strong.
Anon
I agree. It’s also a big problem in STEM with trans women taking awards and scholarships for women. I don’t believe that assigned male at birth brains are inherently better at STEM but if you grow up male and tr*nsition in grad school or beyond, you’ve really befitted from male privilege and an assumption you can succeed that women don’t benefit from. I faced so much implicit bias in high school and college that male peers didn’t.
Anon
So true, Anon at 5:00 pm: my son’s girlfriend is studying biomedical engineering. She was told by teachers in HIGH SCHOOL that girls are not good at math. PS to the poster upthread: I own my own sucessful law firm. And I am not trying to erase tr@ns people or deny them rights. I am just trying not to be erased myself. I WAS brainwashes by my fellow progressives before I was introduced to what has been happening in the lesbian community by one of my lesbian friends. Lesbians have always suffered from s@x assault and threats of r@pe by penis havers and it is worse now that SOME tr@ns women have entered their community.
amberwittch
+1
Once again the women are dismissed and an opportunity given to someone with male privileges.
anonshmanon
the strategy is called divide and conquer, it’s literally thousands of years old, and you are falling for it.
Anon
+1
Yes this.
Please people. Learn your history.
Anon
I agree. Convincing women around the world that they have nothing in common and that sex is a meaningless concept is unfortunately very effective at dividing and conquering them.
Anonymous
+1. Growing up, the only safe space at school was the women’s loo. I could go there when I was routinely being groped in the hall between classes. And in adulthood when I was groped at work. Now, in my state, those have been eliminated entirely. Instead we have unisex loos that reek of urine. There is literally no place to hide from men.
Anon
That is the goal. To erase us completely.
Anon
what are these comment? trans people are not living their lives at you, specifically, in order to invalidate your uterus! the concept of gender is evolving and you need to get on board. meanwhile, if you’re actually paying attention, a religious maniac in Texas is trying to dismantle the rights of half the population. THIS is the infuriating thing happening! this is the thing that needs our resources and attention. so what are we going to do about it?
Anon
How about just saying “pregnant women and pregnant people”? Or talking about women’s rights and trans rights? Or saying pregnant women and pregnant trans men? Can’t we do both?
I marched in the 80’s and 90’s. I never thought I would be marching again to control our bodies.
Young women – are you marching now? Where? Thanks for those of you that are voting!
We should start a thread on Monday encouraging us to get more active. Even the smallest thing…. we need to start now. Donate. Talk. Make some volunteering strides. Share stuff online so everyone knows the websites to refer people to. Vote in every election, no matter how small. Especially the local ones.
Share your abortions.
My cousin’s son, spending his 20s in a male dominated Management Consulting boys club, started talking about “well, women should be more responsible blah blah blah….”. So his mother… my cousin… told him that HIS PARENTS between the 2 of them had had 2 abortions (my cousin had one, and her husband had one with a old girlfriend before they got married). My cousin’s son was shocked… stammered…. “don’t tell me that… !?!?” But boy, he needed to hear that. He idolizes his parents. So he needed to hear that. And then my cousin said… “You wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for our abortions. We would have married different people and had completely different lives…. that wouldn’t include you!”.
Do you know other men that talk about how many abortions they have had? It is important that they accept their responsibility in pregnancy, and show their support.
We need to talk. Reveal our miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies, if you can bear to…. We need to normalize these things.
Anon
So you don’t think women have the right to insist of a person who was born with a vagina to be their gynocologist? You think women have not be raped in prison by trans-women with penises? And while I agree that most trans people are just living their lives, that is not the case with Dylan Mulvaney. Nike chose to give her the bra campaign AT the skilled AFAB athletes who only get 1% of the pie. Trans men are not trying to invade spaces of men. If you look at this issue as being penis havers continuing to dictate to women how to act and behave, you will see that the attack on womens’ rights is connected. Calling us “uterus havers” is part of reducing us to hosts.
Anonymous
No, they are just trying to erase our existence, and all safe single sex spaces.
Anon
It’s amazing how the TERF discussion shut down an entire thread that should have been about how to support our human right to control our own bodies. As our world is getting worse every day.
The Republicans are winning every time this happens.
What are we doing?!?
Anon
It’s not shut down and women can fight the battle for their rights on more than one front. When I fight for abortion rights, I use the word “women.” I use the language my mother and grandmothers and great-grandmothers used, and I don’t use dehumanizing alternatives in the name of “inclusivity.” I have discussed this with a lot of women and they have been VERY receptive, but most are afraid to speak out or get canceled. The tide is turning, though. Far from shutting us up, calling us vicious names for fighting for our rights only motivates us more.
Anon
It is amazing that JK Rowling is subjected to death threats. It’s not members of the GOP who is attacking her.
Anon
Actually, I think this must be a tr0ll…. If this quite supportive environment is so relatively threatening when we have made a lot of progress in just the last 10 years for Trans rights, then we have no chance.
Anon
Sure. People who don’t agree with you are trolls. Whatever.
Anon
Has anyone tried the Lululemon Go Getter Bag 2.0 25L as a carryon for the plane? Going on a 9 hour flight on Thursday and want a bag with plenty of room and easy to use.
https://shop.lululemon.com/p/accessories/Go-Getter-Bag-20/_/prod10370117?color=0001&sz=ONESIZE
Thanks!
Maudie Atkinson
This is coming late for you, but I have that bag and have used it as a carry on. It’s fine. It’s a great bag. My frustration with it for that purpose is that it doesn’t have a trolley sleeve (or at least mine, which is a few years old, doesn’t).
Anon
Any recommendations for restaurants and/or things to do in Honolulu (without a rental car and staying near Waikiki)?
Thanks!
west elmo
I’m sure this is already on your list, but we loved hiking Diamond Head. We took a city bus up to the park that it’s in, and you have to walk a bit, but you can get to the start of the hike pretty easily without a car. On the way down, we decided to walk through the neighborhood instead of waiting for the bus and unexpectedly ended up having brunch at the cutest neighborhood restaurant, with someone playing live music! If you’re up for a bit of a walk, this was a great to get some exercise, feel a bit more like a local, and overall we just had a fun morning!
(Just a note that Diamond Head might require timed tickets, I can’t remember.)
Anon
+1 to Diamond Head. That and Waikiki Beach are really the only things you can do without a car.
But I’d strongly encourage you to get a rental car. I visited Oahu a couple summers ago. While I actually liked the Waikiki area a lot more than I was expecting, it is such a small part of the island and the rest of the island has so much to offer. Unless this is a business trip or something like that and you don’t have much time for sightseeing, I think you’ll really regret not having a car.
For restaurants, Yelp is usually a good bet. Make reservations in advance – when we were there many places didn’t have any availability in the next two weeks. You can get stuff delivered on Doordash and other delivery services.
Marlowe
I hope you are still reading this! I loooooove Chinatown, which is east of Waikiki. It’s a little homeless-y but all my favorite restaurants are there. Lucky Belly for ramen and amazing appetizers, Jolene’s for takeout, the Pig and the Lady for modern vietnamese food. Kaka’ako also has some good places, like Vons for Korean fried chicken. Also the H Mart food court has a Giovanni’s, which is a legendary Hale’iwa food truck famous for garlic shrimp, only you don’t have to go to Hale’iwa (and Left Wing is my other favorite Korean fried chicken place). Cinnamon’s in Ilikai (I think techincally it is in a hotel) is my favorite place for breakfast — guava chiffon pancakes. You can also rent a Biki and get around really easily from Waikiki to Chinatown, it’s the kind of bikeshare where you pick it up at one rack and leave it at another.