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I'm pleased to see that the polo sweater trend from last year continues… this one from Faherty looks perfect. I like the V-neck without buttons or adornment, the simple polo collar (not too floppy), and the general slim cut of the sweater itself. The sweater does have a band at the bottom of the sweater, but seems to avoid the blousy look that some banded sweaters get.
The sweater is $158 at Nordstrom, Zappos, and Faherty, available in sizes XXS-XXL in colors olive (pictured), beige, and a pretty lavender. (Faherty also has it in a pretty navy.)
(Looking for something similar? This $250 version from Rails is great if you want a stripey number, and this pink Lisa Yang sweater looks fabulous for $450. On the more affordable side of things, this J.Crew Factory sweater comes in a lot of nice colors and is marked down to $58. Over at Amazon, this polo sweater from The Drop is marked down to $19 (reviewers note that it seems to run big), and this under $40 option from seller Romanstii comes in a lot of pretty jewel tones.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
anon
It’s supposed to be 90 degrees all weekend. FML. I’m done with sweating.
Anon
Same same. I got so excited a few weeks ago when it was in the 80s, thinking we were done with this. Obviously as a lifelong southerner, I should not have gotten excited about fake fall. I’m just so ready!
anon
Right? I thought the same thing. I’m headed to Chicago for a conference next week and the incoming heat wave is throwing a wrench in my planned cute outfits that involved sweaters.
Anonymous
We haven’t been wearing sweaters yet regardless—maybe at night.
Anon
80s here in the Midwest. I’m kind of happy about it because it’s been cool the past few weeks.
Anonymous
I coach soccer with 3 dads. One is a physician, one is a very successful portfolio manager at a big bank and one is a CTO of a tech firm. We are texting about cancelling practice tonight (it’s raining and miserable). If y’all aren’t exercising mid day during work you are apparently doing it wrong. My mid 40s mediocre white man friends agree.
Dad1: I hope we are rained out, the girls won’t do well in this.
Dad 2: I won’t do well in this; I played 18 this morning and feel like a wet dog.
Dad 1: I ran 10 miles at lunch and had to take two showers.
Dad 3: I’m at CrossFit right now (1:30pm on a Friday) and about to row outside. Send help.
Me: I’m done with calls for the day so I’ll go check the fields
Dad 2: I drove by around 10 and they were already soaked
Dad 3: I’m going home after the gym so I’ll check then too.
AIMS
Dads have the best lives.
Anon
You said a mouthful there.
Actually, my husband I are very egalitarian parents so I’m not bitching about the dad in my own house. But I can’t tell you how many of my friends never, ever do something for fun without their kids, because the dad in the picture will never put anyone’s priorities ahead of his own.
Anon
I have friends whose husbands “can’t” cook or “can’t” put the kids to bed by themselves. Drives me crazy.
Anonymous
Me too. A friend’s toddler had an accident in the house the other day while dad was on duty. Toddler was asking for mom bc dad was checked out so mom came in, surveyed, and began cleaning which required husband to move his legs and he YELLED at her. Hellllllll no. These moments make me so glad to be single!
Anon
You guys should read The Husbands by Chandler Baker.
Anon
Wow, that’s awesome they’ve been able to fit in exercise. It’s so important instead of letting work consume you. Cool they’re coaching too!
Anon
How do I sign up for this life?
Anon
Finding a remote job has been completely key for me. My exercise increased from 3 to 4 days per week to every single day because I’m not losing so much time and energy on the (very lengthy) commute.
Anon
Yes, this. And even if your commute is not that bad, I’ve found that being able to, say, do a load of laundry while on a boring call has given me a lot more energy. My work productivity has not suffered but I get a lot more of my chores done during the workday and have more energy for the rest of my life.
Anon
Honestly you just do it. Take a page out of their playbook and do the same thing.
Anonie
Laura Vanderkam says a truism rarely acknowledged is that high-powered, high-paid jobs are often in fact more flexible and less demanding in some ways than lower-paid jobs. People think that if you make a ton of money or are high up in a company you have to work 60 hours a week and are chained to your desk 8-8, but in reality that is not true. Case in point.
Anon
I think there’s truth that the more senior you get the more flexibility you have (e.g., partners having more flexibility than associates), but I wouldn’t say that super high-paying, long hours jobs are the ones to go to for flexibility. I have way more flexibility in my low-paying, JD-preferred job than I ever did in Big Law. And even with flexibility, Big Law is a brutal lifestyle.
Anonymous
Yeah, but I don’t think of big law as being senior. Isn’t that the rub? Except for the highest level partners who are rainmaking, there’s still work to be done.
Anonie
Yes, there’s work to be done but there’s often flexibility in when it is done – almost any BigLaw attorney can get away for a workout in the middle of the day on some days.
Anon
Yup. Looking at the CEO of my company who is on vacation every other week and never comes into the office despite making the rest of us come in…
Anon
YES. Everyone acts like people (cough women) can have more “flexibility” by “leaning out,” preferably in anticipation of marriage. No, you can get a lot more flexibility when you set your schedule.
Trish
Yep. I now have my own small law practice. While I am not rich, I have time for yoga, the gym, or an occassional dip in the pool during working hours. I would have thought more women on this board also had time during the day for self-care based on the history of some of the comments.
Anon
It’s absolutely true. I’m a SVP and have much more flexibility now than when I was coming up through the ranks. Money also buys time. Lean in may annoy people but it was spot on.
NYCer
I exercised today during the middle of the (work at home) day too. It is not just successful dads! ;)
Anon
I exercised today during the middle of the (work at home) day too. It is not just successful dads! ;)
Anon
Same.
Anonymous
OP here- good for you! I was posting hoping it would inspire others to just…do the thing. Make time for what’s important.
FWIW I did NOT exercise today but i did do recess duty for my kids’ school :). And since soccer is rained out it’s Mom’s Unexpected Night In!
Anonymous
Yes but 18 holes of golf? I can see the run and cross fit. I hit the gym at lunchtime but nothing as extensive as 18 holes of golf.
Anon
Maybe he was playing for work?
Anon
Yeah I would assume that too. The head of my department often has golf things for work. I’m not jealous, golf is super boring.
Anonymous
OP here. He was not playing for work.
Anonie
Not to be overly analytical, maybe he was indeed just blowing off work, but a round of golf can start as early as 6 a.m., so you’d be done with 18 holes easily by 9-10 (since pace of play is much faster that early on weekday mornings).
Anonymous
My DH is like this. I think part of it is just viewing exercise as something you have to make time for in your day no matter what – like brushing your teeth. I can never do it but I do see how it is quality self care.
Anonymous
These dudes are all taking much more than a standard lunch hour out of the workday for exercise, though. They’re not trying to squeeze it in at 5:00 a.m. or 9:00 p.m. like a mom has to. If a woman took hours out of the day to go golfing it would never be tolerated.
Anon
Depends who you know. I agree that men get more leeway in general but I also know women (more on the outdoorsy side) who will disappear for mountain adventures or long runs for hours.
Anonie
I really don’t think there’s a gendered aspect to this in terms of what is tolerated, other than golf is sometimes assumed to be work related (as it was on this thread) and is a more male hobby, versus doing something a woman might be more likely to do like go to the hair salon or go shopping. I think the issue is more likely to be that the man in question here probably doesn’t GAF what would or would not be “tolerated” (even if a coworker is pissed off or jealous – so what? What impact does it really have?) And there are a lot of social/cultural reasons why men GAF less about the approval of others than women. But I doubt the actual reaction of coworkers would be significantly different to a man golfing midday vs a woman doing the same.
Anon
I am like your DH – I exercise every day regardless. I actually pay for extra nanny time to make sure I can do it while I have childcare.
Anonymom
I am a big law equity partner with two young kids and I exercise every day. So do lots of people that I know. It does mean that I get up very (very) early some days, and other days my workout isn’t as long as I’d like. But it’s so critical to my sanity that I’ve made it a non-negotiable.
Anon
Same here. Sometimes the exercise is just a short walk but I do something every single day. I’ve gone outside every day of 2023, including through some wild weather and truly wild personal crises (and pregnancy) and it’s one of the things I’m most proud of. It has made an enormous difference to my mental health.
Anon
One of the few times I think women should be more like men as opposed to the reverse…
Anon
Hard agree.
Anon
I exercise almost every day in the middle of the day. Sometimes I play tennis and sometimes I go to a class at the gym. I’m so much happier being able to do this and it’s a big reason that I don’t ever want to go back to working in an office full time.
Anon
+1
Anon
They all sound successful so they can flex their time. It’s nbd. Presumably they’ve worked hard in their younger days to be able to do this now.
Anonymous
They got paid a ton of money as young associates to put in face time, and now they are getting paid even more not even to pretend to work? Meanwhile, I have to account for every minute of my time, manage millions of dollars of budget s and over a dozen people, deliver on impossible expectations, and deal with obnoxious powerful clients, all while making maybe 20% of what these dudes make because they “ deserve” it?
Anon
Give me a break, nothing is stopping you from doing the exact same thing other than you.
Trish
That is a lot of anger.
Anonymous
I genuinely had to read this twice to understand why the post was funny (and it is!), I just read «Man moaning. Man moaning. Something to do with sports. Man moaning» why is there 30+ replies?? And I read it again. :)
Anon
Yesterday, I got the call from school and had to pick up both my boys for lice. For the first time, I went to a lice treatment place and paid $400. The official price was $189 for each person. (Thankfully, she did not find lice in my hair.) In the past, I had done the Nix treatment at home. It’s a pain, but I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good at combing the nits out. I’m curious to poll the crowd – do you think this service is worth it? (They were using the hot air thing, which made me think, wouldn’t this just work with a hair dryer too?) Or do you do treatments at home? I’m conflicted if I will do this in the future, but since I have two boys, 5 and 8, I’m sure I will need to deal with this probably every year. If I want to keep using this professional service, it’s cost effective to get on their $10/month membership plan, which guarantees two treatments a year…. Thoughts?
AIMS
For boys, you can just shave their head, no? Only half joking. Whether it’s worth it, depends on your personal finances and willingness to handle it. I pay a lot of money not to do certain things and I do a lot of things that I could easily outsource. It’s always a personal calculus.
Anon
Right after we had the lice incident in our house/my kids’ school, a good number of the boys were suddenly sporting buzz cuts.
A senior exec I worked with a lot came into town the next week and also suddenly had an uncharacteristic buzz cut, and I blurted out “did you get lice?” He said “no, I went camping” so what I thought was a great joke did not land well.
Anonymous
My pediatrician gave us a prescription treatment that theoretically kills eggs as well as lice, and had us treat the whole family including parents and repeat once in approx 10 days after any eggs that hadn’t been killed had hatched. It was super easy and cost just the copay. Combing was entirely optional. I know people love the treatment places, but I had a good experience with this. Also, we have only had to deal with lice once, although the pandemic probably helped. Our school did PTA-funded lice checks after every vacation/break too.
Anon
We only had it once, but I read about the louse life cycle, got the recommended very very very fine toothed comb (not the one in the Nix package) and DIYed it successfully. Although I FELT like I had lice myself, I did not. It’s a thing – we panic about but lice really aren’t that smart and aren’t super good about surviving just about any effort to eradicate them (unlike bedbugs, which I am truly fearful about). We washed clothing and bedding and bagged up things like teddy bears and put them away for the recommended amount of time, I did the lice combing, and we were basically done in a week or so.
My kids did not enjoy my obsessive combing, especially my curly haired daughter, but they wouldn’t have enjoyed it at a salon either.
So no, I would not sign up for this service personally, but if the idea of doing what I did doesn’t appeal to you (you’re still going to have to do the washing and bagging steps) I guess the service is fine – but do they have you come back and comb again every couple of days? Because that is the most important part.
Anon
https://www.islandhealth.ca/sites/default/files/2018-08/wet-combing-head-lice-removal.pdf
Anonymous
I guess it would depend on what the service price included. If she came to the house and did every single thing you have to do to get rid of lice (bagging non washables, allll the combing and the laundry, etc, as well as the treatment itself) then I might consider it, but if all she did was the treatment and I still had to do everything else, then I would not.
Anon
No. When I was a kid we tried everything that money could pay for, and nothing actually worked until we tried the old mayonnaise trick. Our pediatrician switched to recommending mayonnaise instead after that. There’s no resistance to “suffocating.”
Anon
This idea is genius.
Cerulean
Would hair conditioner not do the same thing?
Anon
I’m not sure; the consistency is a lot heavier and “gets everywhere” than any conditioner I use. The mayo actually was pretty conditioning though!
Anon
Prescription lice shampoo. Especially if your boys have traditional short hair. I wouldn’t pay for the service.
You’re making my head itch.
Seventh Sister
Yes, that was the ONLY thing that truly worked when my daughter had lice in elementary. The brand name is something like Sklice, but it’s ivermectin. It was also way cheaper than the comb-out places and about the same price as one bottle of what my mom referred to as “hippie spray.” As far I’m concerned, ivermectin IS a miracle drug, just not for COVID.
Anonymous
Out of our three kids, only one has ever had lice. She got it at a birthday sleepover. Once I discovered it, I called the lice treatment place and they did not answer. I couldn’t stand the thought of just leaving it so I went and bought everything available to treat lice at Walgreens. We spent a couple of hours combing my daughter’s long, thick, curly hair and using the medicated shampoo and did a follow-up treatment about 2 weeks later. It worked. We also treated everyone else in the house with the medicated shampoo and combing just in case. No one else in our house got it. After that experience, for me, it is fine to deal with at home.
Peaches
This is pretty much how my parents handled it when my younger sisters had it. They had it only twice; everybody got treated, all the bedding got washed/bagged, and we vacuumed the furniture every day. We also wore plastic shower caps around the house, but I don’t think that really helped. Good luck!
Anon
We had to do it once (girls with long hair) and was 1000% worth it. Husband is a germaphobe. I have long hair. Would have been a nightmare to go several rounds on not getting the lice killed all at once. Otherwise, the mere suggestion has you feeling crawlies everywhere.
Anonymous
Do you have the money to spend? If so I’d outsource it. If not, you can 100% do this yourself.
In your shoes I’d DIY then buy myself something nice.
Anonymous
I have long hair so this was always my fear when my kids were small, so I used to buy the Rosemary Repel shampoo and conditioner for me and them – it smells like rosemary so repels lice
https://www.amazon.com/Fairy-Tales-Rosemary-Conditioner-Conditioning/dp/B077KWFKZX/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=382OUTLFSGF03&keywords=rosemary+repel&qid=1696016831&sprefix=rosemary+repel%2Caps%2C82&sr=8-3-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1
Anon
Ummmm yes, absolutely this is something worth leaving to the pros. I cannot imagine considering not.
Anonymous
I did the same with 2 girls- 100% worth it
Anon
Ok please help me figure out how to handle this.
I was leaving for a work trip a few days ago and as I was rushing to leave and putting on one of my earrings, it slipped from my hands and bounced way under our bedroom dresser. I looked under there and saw it but couldn’t reach it.
So at the time, I said to my husband, “hey, I dropped my earring under there. If you need to run the roomba while I’m gone, could get something to scoot it out from under there?” and he was like no problem. (This is a standard thing for us, he often gets things I can’t reach and as far as I know is not resentful about it.)
So today I said something like “hey were you ever able to get that earring? Our floor is looking dusty & I was going to run the roomba,” fully intending to get a broom or something to try to get it myself if he hadn’t done it already. He said “oh, I roombaed while you were gone but we can do it again.” I said, “oh, ok where did you put my earring?” and then this look of recognition came over his face.
So the earring is absolutely gone. Trash day happened while I was away and the roomba was emptied into it after the cleaning.
Here’s the question. My husband feels awful about it, but I feel awful about my earring, which was fine jewelry and very sentimental. I find myself in a position of almost needing to comfort him when I’m actually pretty upset. I get that it’s a thing, but I liked that thing a lot. WWYD?
Anon
Sorry, that is disappointing! I don’t think you need to do anything. Sounds like it was an accident. In the future I’d probably immediately pick up anything valuable I dropped.
Anonymous
+1000.
Cat
oh man, I feel you. If he’s not usually oblivious and forgetful, it’s an unfortunately-timed mistake with larger-than-average consequences. It sounds like he’s being appropriately apologetic. Can you convert the remaining earring to a necklace or ring so you can still wear it?
Anonymous
I don’t see why you can’t say just that to your husband? “Honey, I know you’re upset too and I want to be supportive, but right now I need to sit with my own emotions around losing the earring.”
Anonie
I’m not sure if this is quite what you’re asking, but I don’t think he is particularly in the wrong here. It sounds like he was managing the household while you were gone, so it’s pretty understandable that he’d forget a random remark you made to him in a harried moment about not running the Roomba and picking up an earring first.
This is also one of those times where thinking through in very concrete terms how much time something will actually take can be helpful in just Doing The Thing, similar to how emptying the dishwasher feels like such a chore, but in reality it takes under 5 minutes. I get that you were running late, but to find something (a hanger?) long enough to reach the earring and just snag it up in that moment would have probably taken literally two minutes at most and not made you any later, even if it felt like you couldn’t afford to delay even a second longer. Overall, a sucky situation.
NYCer
+1. I definitely sympathize about the lost jewelry, but all things considered, I could have easily been your husband in this situation. I would just let this go.
Anonymous
I’d forgive my husband because it wasn’t done on purpose.
OP
Of course I forgive him! It’s not like we’re getting divorced over it. I was looking for tips and tricks beyond my usual managing his feelings responses like “no problem, don’t worry, its fine” when he’s upset about something like this.
PS he was the one rushing me out the door because he was dropping me off at the airport on his way to somewhere else.
Anonymous
I don’t manage my husband’s feelings, so no help there, sorry. If anything, I would be telling him it was my fault for not getting it out as soon as it went under the dresser…but maybe that’s just me…
Anon
Well you can use your words more accurately. “Thank you for saying that, yes I am sad about losing the earring but I understand you did not do it on purpose”. Saying “yes it’s fine” is making you feel bad because it’s not actually fine and it’s ok to acknowledge that a not fine thing happened without casting blame.
Anonymous
Exactly. Start owning your feelings. And I agree with the person who said do the thing. If he was running out the door, he wasn’t paying attention.
NaoNao
I once read terrific advice around accepting apologies without saying “it’s fine/it’s okay” by simply saying “thank you”! You can also go with “I appreciate that”.
I would acknowledge and accept the apology but not go to the “it’s fine” place because it’s not fine! He had a brain fart that resulting in you losing a sentimental and valuable item.
If anything, you could “prep” him for what to expect or what’s going on in your world “I’ll need a couple days to be a little down and pouty about this, so please give me some grace while I handle it.” or whatever!
I have discovered that I have much more success with my husband when I outright ask for what I want or focus on what I *do* want rather than what’s bothering me and expect him to “problem solve”. If you want specific actions or reactions from him, I’d bring those up too.
“I’m a bit upset, but beyond that, can we spend a couple minutes brainstorming on how to avoid stuff like this happening in the future?”
Anon
I sympathize with the lost earring. Jewelry can last several lifetimes so it’s not the same as losing a sweater. That being said, I’d let it go. If you mentioned it to your husband while running out the door and didn’t text him afterward I can see why he’d forget. My advice going forward is send a follow-up text if you’re on the go, turn off the lights and shine a flashlight at a low angle, and buy cheaper earrings (half kidding).
Anon
This is the worst!! I hate having to play manager when DH volunteers to do something for us and then doesn’t actually do it. And then I get to choose between doing it myself or reminding.
Anonymous
But it was her “task” to begin with. If you can’t be troubled to retrieve it, then I also don’t see how texting to keep it top of mind for someone else isn’t too much to do. Heck, I’d text myself something like that if I couldn’t do it in the moment because it’s so easy to forget–it’s truly out of sight and out of mind. Also, he actually was doing the good thing by trying to vacuum, emptying the trash, etc.. It’s weird to me how this gets flipped into him being in the wrong for not managing himself.
Anonymous
Her husband didn’t volunteer, though…OP asked him in the rush of heading out the door to the airport. If this were me saying it to anyone I know, they would have heard me and then forgotten in less than 5 mins because they were focused on something more important.
OP is really the one at fault for this accident because she failed to get the earring in the moment, and then failed to followup with her husband to check that he remembered what she had asked.
Anon
I wore my paternal grandmother’s engagement ring for my first marriage. (My sister has it now.) It meant a lot to me because she died before I was born and I only knew her widower/my grandpa. I had worn it for years before my Dad told me that it was actually her *second* ring because he first ring had been stolen and this was what they bought as the replacement. All of which to say, at some point the emotion-level will drop, and maybe you and your husband can go shopping for a replacement heirloom?
Anon
WWYD?
I would try to get past it as soon as possible, as it sounds like one of those unfortunate bad luck instances where anyone could make this mistake and he feels appropriately bad about it.
When my mother’s favorite jewelry was stolen in a break-in. She died too young, and it had great sentimental value to me. I filed an insurance claim and bought as similar jewelry as I could find to replace it. It isn’t as nice/valuable, but quite similar and somehow, the sentimental link is still there. And because of the classic nature of the piece, sometimes it forget it isn’t my mother’s when I wear it.
anonshmanon
ooof, I feel you so hard where the husband makes a blunder that affects me but I don’t get to be upset about it (not even what I think is a normal amount) because if I do, his guilt is so unmanageable that it makes me the bad guy. I have no solution to this other than verbalizing it ‘Please give me some time to get over this and don’t rely on me to manage your emotions for a little bit’, and trusting that it will pass.
anonshmanon
and a reminder to myself that I prefer a soft-hearted, kind husband to an asshole, so it’s the price of admission.
OP
Ok you get it. Thanks.
Anonymous
You don’t have to take on responsibility for his feelings. If you being a normal amount of sad makes him a disaster get some couples therapy.
Anonymous
I think we all get it. But it’s not a difficult situation – you need to be more honest with yourself, and him, about how you’re feeling and if you can’t, there’s a discussion to be had there.
Anonymous
This. ‘I know it was a mistake and you didn’t mean it but I’m really sad about the loss and I don’t have the capacity to support your feelings about it’
– could he have the remaining earring remade into a necklace if it is sentimental. DH often likes to ‘do a thing’ in these kind of situations
Anon
Thumbs down to the “I don’t have the capacity to support your feelings about it” language. That’s not a kind way to speak to a partner – that’s something activists say to each other. The first half is fine.
Anon
Yeah, the managing his emotions lingo creates pointless hostility. Unless he is explicitly using that language u (doubtful), just don’t mention it?
Anonymous
“That’s not a kind way to speak to a partner – that’s something activists say to each other.”
+1
anonshmanon
I feel like it’s pretty normal thing to say, but ymmv obviously. I wonder if it’s generational. Maybe, maybe not.
Anonymous
Maybe we’ve read ‘how full is your bucket’ with the kids too many times but DH and I talk about our emotional capacity all the time. Especially if one of us has been dealing with J.R. high school drama all day, we don’t always have energy to be a kind ear about workplace stuff. Better to be upfront about it vs half a$$ the support.
Anonymous
That is so rude. Like literally saying this is just as bad or even worse than being the person who forgot to do your bidding and is now watching you mope about it. Both of you need to grow up, but I think mostly OP. There is nothing “to do” over something that’s already done. You can choose to move on or continue to make this into a bigger issue than it should be. If it’s not about the earring, then you need to address that and do it honestly–and kindly. But it sounds like it’s still about the earring to you, which may also be why he is not moving on either.
Anon
This is disappointing but I don’t think there’s anything to handle.
Anon
Not helpful because it’s in the past: I would have put a sticky note on the Roomba saying “Don’t run the Roomba until you fish Eleanor’s earring out from under the dresser,” and unplugged the Roomba for good measure.
People’s brains just don’t work that way – asking someone to not muscle-memory a task, and to do so days into the future, requires something to stand between them and the muscle memory.
Anon
+1. I’m really sorry about the hearing and I would totally be disappointed as well, but I think that it just was not realistic to expect this to happen without some kind of nudge or post it. Next time I would just get the earring right away or ask him to get it immediately.
Anonymous
Exactly this. Heck, I would leave *myself* a “dude, earring before roomba” note because muscle-memory is very real.
Anonymous
Turn your earring into a pendant and get some fun new studs matching one of the stones from it. That’s what I did when we were robbed and the thieves dropped one earring on the way out.
Anonymous
If you didn’t take the time to retrieve the earring yourself or to ask your husband to get it right then (not if and when he ran the roomba later on), YTA here.
Anon
FYI I don’t think anyone is the asshole and that’s not what the question is about.
Anon
Not the answer to you question but consider turning the remaining earring into a nice pendant.
Anon
Me? I’d take it as an excuse to go shopping for a new pair of vintage earrings I’d decide to feel sentimental about.
Anon
Also I’d wear the single earring by itself or as part of a mismatched set for an edgier vibe.
Trixie
Could you look into having a duplicate made by a jeweler? Then this pair of earrings will have a long and interesting story!
Anonymous
I’m not understanding why you would feel the need to comfort him… it’s possible to say “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, I’m just sad that it happened”, and grieve your loss while you let him feel his own feelings.
And then use it going forward as a reminder to either get the thing right away or leave a note about the thing so that habit doesn’t take over and the thing gets lost…I leave notes all the time, including for myself, because of things like this happening.
Anonymous
That’s fine if your partner is reasonable. But if he’s someone that needs to be consoled that it’s fine and no big deal and OP isn’t that upset, that can be really draining if OP doesn’t feel that way.
Anonymous
If a grown adult needs to be consoled and told it’s fine about something and can’t handle another adult being sad about the same thing then there are bigger problems than the thing.
I grew up with an emotionally immature parent who needed to be “consoled” and “comforted”, so I get how draining that is, and I know how big of a problem it is for everyone.
Anon
Reposting from morning thread, and appreciate any leads:
Can anyone recommend a good alternative to these in white gold or silver? They were almost perfect (not too heavy; size I was looking for) but became distorted at the hinges/didn’t close properly after a few wears.
https://www.quince.com/women/14k-gold-bold-large-hoop?color=yellow-gold&g_network=x&g_productchannel=online&g_adid=&g_acctid=978-058-8398&g_keyword=&g_adtype=pla&g_keywordid=&g_ifcreative=&g_adgroupid=&g_productid=43555226026154&g_merchantid=128669708&g_partition=&g_campaignid=20572575045&g_ifproduct=product&g_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_campaign=&utm_term=43555226026154&gclid=CjwKCAjw69moBhBgEiwAUFCx2KNqWrq_V1-a1HNpKJo7P0X_gJt5C1wemVZl_IgRkTMurRum4H27QhoCe74QAvD_BwE
Anonymous
look at bloomingdale’s or nordstrom, they have a million variations of this
SC Estate Planning
My mom is looking to buy a home with 2 family members in SC –
intention is as a retirement home, but they want to do some creative things with survivorship and leaving it to kids…
1) they need a SC specific trust/estate attorney right? if so
2) anyone have recommendations?
Anon
It depends. I would start with a T&E attorney in your mom’s state of residence. Usually these trusts are set up to own vacation homes and avoid probate in a second state. But it looks like your mom might relocate there. A T&E attorney in her current state will be the place to start and make a referral if necessary.
Familiar with Smeg?
Does anyone have experience with a Smeg range, oven, or cooktop they can share. Just back from the appliance store to look for a range with an induction cooktop/electric oven and Smeg looked like the closest to meeting my needs and budget.
I’m not familiar with the brand and the sales staff couldn’t help much. Does it cook well? Is it reliable?
Anon
With SMEG you are paying for style and design, not necessarily better functionality. I love the look and would absolutely get them because I think they up the design look of a kitchen. We went with Big Chill, a similar retro look concept line. It fit our kitchen better and had color ways that could be customized. No regrets.
Anon
Just a heads up for anyone trying to get vaccines: I tried (but failed) to get my flu and covid shots at CVS over lunch today. My husband and I booked appointments last weekend, we got reminder emails this morning, and we checked in when we got there. He asked which vaccines we were there for, and he said okay when we told him flu and covid (and then weirdly tried to upsell me on hep B and HPV, which seemed inappropriate, as I’ve already gotten them), and told us to wait. After a 30 minute wait where nobody in line ahead of us got any vaccines, we heard the first couple to go behind the little curtain where they give vaccines discussing something about there not being any covid vaccines, so we opened the vaccine record emails CVS had sent after we checked in and realized they only listed flu, not covid. When it was my turn for the vaccines, the guy gave me a shot and then I had to ask if that was just a flu shot, not both like I was supposed to get (I always look away from the needle, so I don’t even know how many I’ve gotten). He told us they didn’t have any covid vaccines and didn’t know when they’d get a shipment.
I don’t in any way blame them for not getting the covid vaccines, which is out of their control. But they were apparently willing to not ever tell us that they didn’t have the covid vaccines, not before we came in, not when we checked in, not when we actually got the vaccines. If we weren’t paying attention, it would have been absolutely possible to walk out of there thinking that we’d gotten a covid vaccine! That seems completely inexcusable, so just wanted to give people a warning to double check their records and make sure they get what they think they’re getting, if you’ve scheduled more than one vaccine at a time (and maybe call for confirmation before you show up for an appointment).
Anon
Neither of my primary care practices (yes I have two) or any of the pharmacies near me have the Covid vaccine yet. I’m in a major city with several major hospitals.
Anon
In my city, it’s been normal that CVS gets the covid vaccines weeks or months before the primary care systems do. CVS was claiming that they had them a few weeks ago, so I thought I’d be fine to make an appointment now. I THINK they have had them and just didn’t have them today, but by the time I walked out of there I didn’t really believe a word they said. I hate everything about CVS, from the way they treat their employees, to the way they try to force all your prescriptions into 90 day orders (I already do mail order for everything I can. If I’m there it’s because it doesn’t make sense or my insurance won’t let me), to the way they call me constantly trying to put things on automatic refill. If I had any way to avoid them, I would, but my insurance pretty much forces me to use them.
Anon
Same
anon
thanks for the heads up!
Anon
I had a similar experience at CVS. We made our appointments for flu and Covid vaccines. But when we arrived, they told us they didn’t have any Covid vaccines. There was no effort to reach us by phone or email to tell us before we went to our appointment, which was really frustrating. Honestly, i’m just gonna avoid getting shots at CVS going forward is a result
Anonymous
ESH. I must admit that I am perplexed as to how you would not feel two separate shots, as someone who also looks away from the needles (and also gives myself injections at home), but I think both sides could have done more here. Should they have told you what shot you were getting real time? Absolutely. Should you have checked your confirmation email to ensure you were getting what you wanted? Also absolutely.
Anonymous
My confirmation email was for a Covid vaccine and a flu shot, it was only the vaccination record email that I got while at the store today that listed flu only. When I checked in, I told the pharmacist I was there for both, and he said okay, no mention that they didn’t have them. That’s what I’m complaining about. The actual guy giving me the shots said nothing about what he was giving me, until I asked him if he just gave me a flu shot, not a covid vaccine too. I honestly didn’t even feel it at all, which is why I couldn’t tell whether there were one or two, and I remember it was the same last year. They’re super fast. Unlike the poster below, I’ve never ever had them show me the bottle, they always bring the syringes out prefilled.
anon
This isn’t AITA, it was a PSA.
However, if one is going to judge, OP made the appointment for both shots. OP checked in and orally said they were there for both shots.
I don’t think OP is in the wrong for being concerned that CVS never mentioned that they were out of one of the shots. OP found that out that she wasn’t getting the Covid shot because a) a message CVS sent after she was already at the pharmacy only had flu listed and b) she asked.
If someone didn’t know there’s no 2-in-1 flu and covid shot yet, it’d be really easy for them to think they’d gotten both vaccines. In particular, I could see my elderly neighbor or a relative with limited English thinking they’d gotten what they’d registered for and requested verbally.
Thanks for the PSA, OP!
Anon
Enough with the redd1t language. That doesn’t make you seem as cool as you seem to think it makes you.
Most questions are more nuanced than these absolute judgments anyway.
Anon
I mean, I think it’s up to you to know how many injections you got. How can you not? Frankly you should look at the labels to make sure they don’t give you something you don’t want. My drugstore always verbally confirms what I am there for, and shows me the bottles.
AIMS
Isn’t a combo vaccine one shot though?
Anon
This doesn’t exist. There is no Covid-flu combo shot, it’s two shots.
Anon
I don’t think there’s a Covid-flu combo shot yet (I wish!) You just get them both at the same time.
Anon
It sounds like you go to a nice drugstore! The one I went to herded people in and out like sheep. I also felt nothing when they injected, and I don’t watch the syringe because I’m a syncope risk. I’ve never had anyone show me a bottle.
Anon
I’m laughing at the thought of a pharmacist showing me the vaccine vial like a fine wine. I needed the laugh today – thanks!
Had a similar CVS experience, but they did sent a text that I needed to rebook because they didn’t have the COVID vaccine.
Also talked to the pharmacist where I was able to get a flu shot (not CVS) and they said they’ve received very few COVID vaccines and believe their software booking vendor is opening way too many slots so they’re dealing with lots of angry folks.
Anon
This appears to be happening at all CVS locations. Just got covid and flu vaccines at Walgreens last night.
Anon
I did get my COVID booster at a CVS but they were suuuper busy and they had a hand written sign up that said if you didn’t have an appointment for your COVID booster there was no way you were getting one as a drop-in because they didn’t have enough.
I waited around 40 minutes past my appointment and the people “in line” behind me were on track to wait longer than that.
Anonymous
On the other hand, I got mine at the CVS in Target with no issues. I suspect this is probably location dependent, because I don’t think my area of the country is clamoring for covid boosters, unfortunately.
OP
I’m anon at 7:30 re the hand written sign, and it was a CVS in a target.
OP
(Not OP of this thread)
Anon
I got my flu and Covid no issues, but when I took my MIL for the shots later the same afternoon CVS was out of Covid and didn’t know when they were getting more. Their solution was that I make her an appointment for every day the following week and assume we would be lucky on one of the days. Fortunately, after a spate of phone calls, my SIL found the pharmacy at the local Safeway had gotten the Covid vaccines in, but their online scheduling was not yet set up to make appointments for it. They told her to bring MIL in and they would give it to her.
Trish
I was able to get my COVID shot at CVS without an appointment because someone didn’t show up. While we were chatting, the pharmacist told me they told me they had difficulty with their online system not updating so people would show up with email confirmation but they didn’t show anyone scheduled. Um, oh well. Most of us love within 10 minutes of CVS and it takes that long to get the shot. It isn’t like not getting an oncologist appointment in a timely manner. Of all the customer service issues today, this is very low. And, how on earth would you think you got two shots in one? lol.
Anonymous
If the appointment was just for the flu shot because presumably the CVS system had cancelled the COVID shot automatically, of course the guy giving the shot wouldn’t say “you aren’t getting the COVID shot” because he wouldn’t know you were expecting it. They do verify what shot you are getting before they administer it, though, so you have to pay attention when they are talking to you. It should also be written on the consent form.
Anon
I think you’re blaming the pharmacist for something that is the fault of CVS corporate and also you could stand to take a little bit of responsibility in knowing what shots you’re geting.
Anon
Anyone else celebrating Sukkot tonight? I am excited because it forces our shul to hold Friday night services outside, so we can participate!
Anon
What are your favorite meal train meals? It’s still quite warm where I am, so I’m hesitant to make soup or chili, which I would do if it were cooler. This is a family with two adults and a teenage son.
South american girl
The NYT has a piece about this today: https://www.nytimes.com/article/comfort-dishes-recipes.html
Lasagna works all year, but the chicken salad looks good for summer. Also, cookies.
AIMS
Mine is an orzo with peppers, zucchini and goat cheese that can be made ahead, reheated and even tastes good at room temperature. It’s very forgiving and flexible so I often cook it different but I’ll post the base recipe separately. I usually double the veggies/tomatoes and often cook it with quinoa instead of orzo.
The NYT also just had a great piece bout this with more ideas: https://www.nytimes.com/article/comfort-dishes-recipes.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare
AIMS
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1012724-baked-orzo-with-tomatoes-roasted-peppers-and-zucchini?smid=ck-recipe-iOS-share
Anon
I love a veggie lasagna.
Anonymous
What is a meal train? Is it like a pot luck?
Anon
An organized way of bringing meals to people who are sick, recovering from surgery or just had a baby.
Anonymous
I like to make whatever the family in question likes eating. I know that sounds so obvious and I don’t mean to come off as rude, it’s just that we’ve been on the receiving end of well-intentioned food that we couldn’t eat for whatever reason…
So, I find out some things the family likes and make one of those.
Anon
I always assume everyone makes lasagna, so I generally do Mac&Cheese and a bagged salad.
Steroids
Many thanks to those who helped me earlier this week, as I am started treatment and testing for a new diagnosis of a very rare Rheumatologic disorder. It is a systemic illness that has no standard treatment, can be very serious, and will require ongoing immunosuppression. And my cancer risk is high. I now have more doctors than I can count on 2 hands.
My life has changed, I fear, and much is beyond my control. I am midlife, and single, at a rare juncture where I have a moment to breathe, and sort things out. Plan was to make a career change and move out of state, and now my head is swimming. I must move close to an excellent major medical center (ambulance distance….). And perhaps some sort of support, as it is scary getting so sick and living alone.
There are many on this board that live with things like this. Can you please tell me your stories about how it affected your decisions for career and life, ongoing? If you could do anything with your life, what would it be, knowing how your life is likely to evolve health-wise?
Thanks for sharing.
Anon
I’m so sorry. I have a permanent condition requiring a specialty medication that must be infused and it was really hard to wrap my ahead around that – to go from being healthy and having no medications was an adjustment. I don’t mean that in the smug “I don’t take any medications!” way, but it suddenly meant I had to deal with specialty pharmacies and insurance prior authorization and other things I was lucky to not have to deal with before. That took time to accept and the loss of flexibility and freedom for infusion weekends was also hard, especially for someone who loves travel and adventure like myself.
What I learned, though, is that you need to keep doing all the things you love. Don’t let this diagnosis change your hobbies or relationships (unless it’s getting rid of toxic ones) – don’t let it become “you,” your only conversation topic when someone asks how you are. This can be hard to do. It’s tempting to update everyone on the intense details or try to make them understand, but I’ll tell you right now that they won’t really get it and you’ll just exhaust yourself and them trying to explain it. Also, if you let it fill to expand all your free time, it’s going to make it much harder on you because you’ll have lost other aspects of yourself.
Practical advice: schedule something you love to do for your worst medication days or doctor days (can be as simple as a walk in your favorite park), read lots of fiction and non-fiction that puts you in other worlds, try to find an excellent specialty pharmacy with good customer service (might not be in your control but if you have the choice, it’s worth trying), and start new hobbies and have new experiences that you’ve always wanted to do. Take your medication with you on vacation – it’ll work and be fine. That’s maybe my biggest tip: don’t assume that things won’t be okay or that you won’t manage the logistics well. You WILL adapt, things WILL likely be better than you expect (and even if they’re not, dreading them means you suffer twice), and you WILL have many happy experiences in your future. Since I was diagnosed, I’ve done two bucket list trips, gotten pregnant, picked up an old hobby that I now love again, kicked ass at work, and more. You can do it too. I promise! Best of luck to you.
Anon
Oh and I wanted to add that my condition also increases my risk for two or three cancer types by pretty significant margins – 37 times for one type. I’m just choosing not to think about it. I don’t want to be on my deathbed discovering that I never got cancer, but I lived my life as if I were going to.
One final thought and then I promise that’s it – telehealth appointments are your friend, especially for minor appointments for medication changes. Get as many as you can!!!
Coach Laura
I missed the prior posts and don’t have specific experience. But I do have a rare, incurable lymphoma. I was treated and am in “remission” (layman’s terms, not my doctor’s). But every time I see him – next week for my six month checkup – he says “Yes, glad you’re still not in active disease but it will come back.” I was diagnosed in 2019 and it took me 12-18 months to feel like I might survive more than a few years. It weighed on me everyday and I thought about it way too often.
I managed by being my normal Type-A self and researched everything. But many of the research is contradictory and none of it can tell me what my specific course will be. One of the things I did was to start a Facebook group for my rare type with an emphasis on research (other groups were almost anti-science and were run by anti-vaxers). Making close friends with similar diseases helps – if you can’t make friends with people with the same disease because of the rarity, people with related diseases with similar stresses might do as a substitute. I was never on FB before but it is a lifesaver and I feel like I have made a big contribution to the community of fellow disease compatriots. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2022 and died on New Years, so I have experience with supporting a family member with illness.
I try to eat lots of whole, real foods, exercise as much as I can, get lots of sleep and limit stress. Massages if I can afford them, yoga and meditation are a cheap option/complement. It may not help, can’t hurt.
Regarding the career and moving and those questions: Much of our lives are not under our control and any of the rest of the population could become disabled on any given day. With your challenges, you may not be able to move out of state or change careers but you might be able to do it or make other changes. The best plan would be to be flexible, plan for things like not being able to travel for work or plan for needing to work from home. Perhaps that would be pivoting to a new career, working on a side hustle that becomes a main income source or trying to position yourself to handle what comes your way. Easier said than done of course. My work as a career/life coach is with women who want or need to make career pivots and those who need to work through serious illnesses, those caregiving for ill family members while working and those wanting to change careers. Drop me a line if you want a few free sessions. Laura at careerevolutioncoach dot com.
Coach Laura
Long reply – needs review. Check back later.
Anon
Same with mine that’s stuck in m08. Check back, OP!
Anonymous
Rare disease here, with currently no cure. We are staying in our HCOL area for retirement so we can stay close to good medical care. I have focused on the things I can do to maximize my health and possibly slow progression or avoid depression for as long as possible: exercise, healthy diet, lots of sleep, planning social events, etc. I also don’t talk about my health except with a few close friends; I want to focus on other things as much as possible.
Anon
I understand the advice about not talking about this all the time with everyone you know, but I think it can really, really help to talk to people who get it. I know very rare conditions don’t always have their own groups on social media (though it’s worth checking), but sometimes they have a listserv or a forum or some other way to connect patients. There may be groups for people who take the same meds for related conditions. It can be surprisingly helpful to check in with people who are going through the same thing or similar, and it actually helps keep the topic from bleeding into other relationships in a way no one wants it to do. I think it helps with perspective, and sometimes this is also where people get updates from any researchers working on the condition, which can be encouraging or at least illuminating. Having a friend or ally to check in with can really, really help. Rare diseases are sometimes also rare experiences, and even the people who know us best aren’t always the ones who can relate to these experiences.
With questions about career and life, I think it depends a lot on symptoms and how well treatment manages them. One mistake I made was just trying to willpower my way through symptoms that just don’t work that way (I know some symptoms do), so I had to learn the hard way to be more realistic. I hope if the career change and move works out, that you’ll be able to build some support locally near the major medical center. If some insurers cover better meds than others, it can help to try to make sure you will have the coverage you may need if more expensive meds will be a possibility in the future.
Anon
I think those forums can definitely be helpful for specific questions, but I found that in general, they increased my anxiety for my immunocompromising disorder during the pandemic. Many posters made it seem like I should never leave the house, ever. That’s a very scary message for people who are already feeling like life has been limited due to a condition.
Anon
That sounds like it may vary by group and condition. I think my group made me nervous in a different way; it’s a very high risk condition, but mods are very tolerant of denialism and disinfo, and a lot of members don’t take things seriously but kept landing in the hospital, so it has been kind of a horror show each wave, and even now. It honestly feels more like a support group for pneumonia hospitalizations than what it used to be. But the pandemic has been kind of hard on all communities. Thankfully I got to know enough people that I can private chat w/the people I know at this point.
I know what you mean about the “never leave the house ever” crowd though. I don’t know why they think that PPE that works for medics treating patients wouldn’t work for them, or what they think is going to change that will make it safer to go out in the future. Even if we can’t risk getting sick, we have to live our lives with the precautions that can make that sustainable.
OP
Thank you so much for sharing your stories. It is really helpful. The suggestions are excellent.
I haven’t told anyone what is going on with me yet, and it is very isolating. There is a rare disease private Facebook group for this, I read. For privacy reasons, I am anonymous on the internet (no Facebook), but I guess that will have to change.
When an elderly neighbor asked me “How are you?” this week, I broke into tears. Of course, that was terrible, and they don’t really want to know. I’m so tired of saying “I’m fine.” But I know well that no one understands, and most do not want to know, and can’t relate.
I was a caregiver for my relatives for many years, and now they have died. I thought I would finally have time to restart my life before health issues started, but no luck. I am losing function by the day…
My medical expenses are staggering.
The frequency of appointments is overwhelming. I wont be able to work for months even if I wanted to. I have to move from where I am, and start a different job for reasons, but I will delay until things stabilize. But then I am alone longer. And I’m not close enough to a major medical center for emergencies. No family or close friends here, which was why I had planned to move in the first place.
Fortunately, I had already started taking care of myself better this year, so am working on the diet, exercise and sleep. But it is impossible to do these things and have time for my medical care/ management, and work and commute to my type of job. My body also can’t stand/sit/walk for too long, I will have to mask at all times, and I have to worry about the effects on my heart and lungs which are progressing. So everything has to change.
And then the cancer stuff. I have a breast biopsy in 2 wks. I can’t even think about that now.
I just wish I had someone I could be sad with for a few minutes, who knew me. just no one tight now.
so thanks for letting me be sad here.
I am seeing an old friend for lunch today. I’m really not up for it physically, but it will be good to see her. She is definitely not someone who can relate, so I wont share much. And I shouldn’t be eating outside without a mask…. But …. choices. Life is short. For sure for me. So I should go.
thanks again.
If anyone had to change their job because of their health, I would love to hear about it.
Anon
I’m sorry, OP. It’s a lot to take in. I hope you can enjoy some nice walks or time outside (even sitting on a park bench or something) without masking. It helps me so much to have the outdoor outlet with my immunocomprising condition. There are some who wear N95s all the time outside but I can’t and won’t do that. It’s too much to ask for too marginal a benefit.
Hugs to you. You will figure this out!
OP
Thanks so much. Wishing you the best.
It is beautiful this time of year. I loved being outside to eat. And I loved seeing my friend, and she was fantastically supportive and I told her more than I had intended. She couldn’t relate at all, but she was surprisingly logical and as infuriated by the poor health care system we have now as I am, and that helped.
Anon
I’m so glad the visit with your friend went so well! It is true that even people without serious conditions can often still sympathize about the challenges of healthcare systems. I hope you’ll keep finding support as you connect with people you know.
Anon
Is anyone familiar with Talbots’ luxe italian knit suiting? I can’t tell what kind of fabric this is describing and whether it’s appropriate year round and for travel. Would appreciate feedback.
Trish
For those who think they need to hover over their teenagers, may I suggest reading on how that will cripple them. Many of us sucessfully raised GenZ young adults without filling out their college applications for them. The ageism on this board continues to astonish me. Why do the younger women believe here that those of us not hovering have children who are in their 50s or 60s?
https://www.wnyc.org/story/teenagers-are-not-alright-it-lack-freedom/
Wildkitten
Speaking of age-ism!
Anonymous
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