Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 271 Comments · by

Splurge Tuesday’s TPS Report: Chanel Jacket Grey

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ys by Yohji Yamamoto Chanel Jacket GreyThe MLK day clearance sale at 6pm is continuing through today, and there are some impressive markdowns on expensive, higher fashion stuff. For today's TPS report, I'm liking this chic floral blazer by Y's by Yohji Yamamoto (also available in plain black). I like the frayed edges, the front hook closure, and interior flat pockets (WHY do more women's clothes not have this?). The blazer was $1,210, but is now marked to $302.50. Ys by Yohji Yamamoto Chanel Jacket Grey Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Brant

    wedding related TJ

    My sister is getting married this summer and asked me if she should invite DH’s parents. I asked DH, who gave me a blank look. I can’t tell if it’d be more awkward NOT to invite them, or to invite them. My sister isn’t close to them or anything, but it feels like a family affair–and they’re family now, right? Would they feel left out if not invited? Would they feel obligated and awkward if invited?

    FWIW, I’m the only married sibling, and DH is an only child so this isn’t going to be anything we’d have to think about on his side.

    • Brant

      I should add that they live a flight away, so they’d have to make a trip of it, but we have a new baby so i”m sure they’d love an excuse to come up (and hold the baby during all things wedding)

      • Maddie Ross

        With the new baby, I think I would invite them. I think that’s sweet of your sister (and ostensibly I assume, your parents) to offer. Etiquette-wise, there’s an old convention it’s property to invite the parents of the bridesmaids/groomsmen, so an argument could be made that they fall under this umbrella. Certainly you and your husband could tell them they are under no obligation to attend, but I don’t think it’s necessarily gift-grabby.

        • Cb

          I think it would be nice to invite them, they can decide whether or not they want to come.

    • jc

      Seems no harm in inviting them if your sister doesn’t mind. You can let them know they aren’t at all obligated to come so that way they could just politely decline if they thought it was awkward.

      • Brant

        Sister has plenty of space, she would be happy to have them, but doesn’t have a relationship with them so didn’t want to see gift-grabby.

        • jc

          IMHO, it doesn’t look gift-grabby, it looks kind and like your sister is trying to make sure they know they are part of the family.

          • hoola hoopa

            My brother’s ILs were invited to our wedding. We were keeping it small, but they live in our area and we see them socially about once a year.

            My ILs live four states away, but they were invited to my showers. I asked the hosts to add a note in the invitations saying that we understood that they wouldn’t come but wanted them to feel included. I think it would have been fine if we hadn’t, but several mentioned that they appreciated it.

        • TBK

          Ugh, I realize a few people are gift grabby, but I hate the idea that a nice and hospitable gesture like inviting someone to a wedding can be interpreted as selfish. Honestly, for most weddings, the cost of inviting extra guests is more than the value of the gifts they might (or might not) bring. Inviting your in-laws is a gracious gesture by your sister and I think anyone who thinks otherwise is someone whose opinion is not worth worrying about.

    • EB0220

      We invited my in-laws to my sister’s wedding last year. I did what jc suggested – let them know that there was no obligation to attend, or even to send a gift. My sister wasn’t all that limited on space, though, so it would have been fine if they had decided to come. In the end, they just politely declined as it would have been a significant travel effort for them. Although, it would have been kind of nice if they had come and run baby duty as you suggest, Brant!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Unless they particularly know your sister (other than the once-a-year, they-see-her-at-your-house-on-holidays kind of acquaintanceship), I probably wouldn’t invite. They’re *your* family, not your sister’s.

      • Lyssa

        I agree. I’ll add that my inlaws are the most outgoing, friendly, best friends with everyone they’ve ever met sort of people out there, but I don’t think anyone would have ever thought to invite them to the 2 my siblings’ weddings that have happened in my family since DH and I got married.

    • Diana Barry

      I wouldn’t invite them, it is kind of like in-laws of in-laws. BUT if you will need a babysitter, I would invite them *for babysitting* and pay for their hotel etc. (we did that for my brother’s wedding with my in-laws)

      • R

        This, I’m doing this with my parents for my SIL’s wedding. My baby will be flower girl, but there’s no way she’ll make it through an entire wedding ceremony. So she’ll walk the aisle (hopefully) and then my parents will have her in the cry room. And they’ll be ready at the reception to take her as soon as she gets tired. Oh, and they’ll take her after the rehearsal so we can still attend the dinner.

        So while they’re not “invited,” they’ll be in the background of every event to watch the baby. And yes, I’m paying for their hotel.

    • Anonymous

      I think this really depends on your family dynamics. Do you regularly get the whole family together, DH’s parents included? Or do you stick to specific “sides”? My cousin and her husband get all of their siblings and parents together often, so they are like one big family now. I think in that case, it makes sense to invite them. If she only met them at your wedding events and/or the hospital when you had the baby, then it seems like you’re sticking more with distinct sides and she shouldn’t feel like she needs to extend an invite (though I don’t think it would be awkward if she did, unless the implication was “you’re invited as a babysitter since Brant will be bridesmaid-ing”).

    • Deep End

      I invited my brother’s in-laws to my wedding. My brother is significantly older than me though and I have known his in-laws since I was 5 years old. I only see them once a year or so, but we had room and I included them. They did not come (and I was not offended at all).

      • Sam

        Another South Asian here. Not only would there be no question of “inviting” them in my culture, but they would probably help out with a ton of stuff.
        My uncle’s (mom’s brother) wife’s parents were invited to my wedding and helped my mom out with organization.

    • SouthAsian

      This is not even a question in my culture. There would be decades-long feuds over this slight.

      • In House Counsel

        Haha — so on point. I’d never even think to question inviting in-laws of my husband’s siblings.

      • Marise

        We had 50 relatives on my Dad’s side attend my wedding. Thank God I’m only half-Indian. Otherwise it would have been 100+ distant relatives, and just enough room for me to invite five friends.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        Oh man, I know. This is why we had an engagement party in India (“small, for just relatives”) and it was 300 guests.

      • Liz

        I am so glad someone said this. It is HILARIOUS (in an adorable way, like, “aww, I definitely can’t have your life but it’s cute that this is a choice”) to me when my white friends plan weddings and are “deciding” whether to invite family members.

      • AN

        Indian here. My inlaws would have felt terribly offended if they’d been left out. They attended, BIL went out of his way to help with wedding stuff, and they gifted my sister diamond earrings.

        But OP may not be South Asian…..

    • Anon-athon

      I think it depends on family size/dynamics/relationships. My extended family is ginormous on both sides — so I couldn’t imagine, say, my father inviting his parents to my mother’s sister’s wedding. It would just be so many people if everyone did that. But my immediate family is smaller, so this may vary with my in-laws. (Hasn’t come up yet!)

    • zora

      oy, if i ever get married, there is no way in hell i am inviting my sister’s in-laws. ;o)

    • Jules

      My mom has already been acting insulted at the mere thought that my brother-in-law MIGHT not be able to invite her and my dad to his wedding. I’ve tried explaining to her that they are having a very small affair at a restaurant and aren’t inviting their own friends let alone my parents yet she has continued to raise the issue over the last year, offering to pay for her own meal, which I’ve repeatedly explained is not the issue but rather one of space. So yeah, I think it varies by family and how crazy your parents are.

      P.S. I completely appreciate how insane my mother’s position on this is. This will likely be a slight she will hold on to for years to come.

      • Fromage

        Would it help at all if you hosted a small get together where your parents could celebrate with your in-laws and the bride-to-be?

      • Godzilla

        Book her a non-refundable trip/show/something else at the same exact time as BIL’s wedding. She just won’t be able to make it, whoops.

    • Anonymous

      My husband’s sister invited my parents to her wedding and it was a plane ride away. They were thrilled to be invited and happily came to visit me / go to the wedding.

    • NYNY

      My sister invited my MIL to her wedding at my request, but MIL & sister live in the same city. Otherwise, I would say no, don’t invite them.

    • CKB

      I have 3 married siblings, and I’m married. None of the parents of the sibling-in-law were invited to any of the weddings. I’m 100% sure my inlaws would have thought it very strange if they had been invited to either of my brothers’ or my sister’s wedding.

      • Rosalita

        +2 here. I have met my siblings’ in-laws (at their weddings) and they are very nice people, but they were not invited to my destination wedding.

        But I am 1 of 4 kids. If I were an only child, and my DH were an only child, and we all lived in the same town, I could see how the in-laws might become part of the family, celebrate holidays together, etc.

        But I don’t think it’s normal (or feasible) in families that are bigger and more spread out.

    • AN

      I would invite them, but also add that they shouldn’t feel obliged to attend. I don’t understand why this would seem gift-grabby. It just seems very sweet of your sister to think of them.

  2. NOLA

    This jacket looks a bit boxy to me. Not really flattering on the model.

    Network but no internet at work today after IT work early this morning apparently went awry. Can’t do much work (keep bumping into needing internet) and can’t even find ways to waste time.

  3. Europe

    Hi Ladies! I’m in the early stages of planning a trip to Europe this summer and am looking for some input. Our home base will be England (I’ve been there about 5x, she’s never been) and we are planning for about 7-10 days. We would like to visit some other countries. I’ve already been to France and don’t want to go again this time (plus, it was really hard getting around due to the language barrier). What are some of the other countries that you would suggest? I’d love to go to Italy but don’t want to waste too much of our time traveling back and forth, since I think we will have to book our flights in/out of the same airport due to cost.

    TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I was just in Paris a few months ago and the language barrier is really not an issue at all anymore. As long as you say “bon jour” and other basic greetings phrases in French to be polite, they will happily speak to you in English. We found many times that waiters, shopkeepers, etc. automatically spoke to us in English before we’d said a word.

      • Anonymous

        Sorry, I meant that as part of an aside in a longer reply and then got distracted. I just don’t want you to rule out France based on the language barrier, though I can’t speak to what it’s like outside Paris. I’m also not *that* huge on Paris either vs. London or Italy that I probably wouldn’t go back again either with so many other fun places to explore. I just felt the need to clarify on the language barrier because I felt the same way after going there in 2005 and having *no one* speak to us unless I spoke in my rusty high school Spanish.

        You didn’t say who “she” is–relative? Partner? If partner, Italy with a partner would be wonderful, but perhaps better saved for its own trip. If London is your home base, I would stick to closer destinations like Ireland, Scotland, maybe a day or two relaxing in a small English countryside town, and Brussels (accessible by Eurostar). All that depends on how many days you plan to spend in London itself though, and the energy level/desired traveling pace of your traveling companion.

        • Cb

          There is loads to see within the UK, Wales, Scotland (I’m admittedly biased). Within England, the Lake District or Peak District would be lovely if you wanted to have a bit of a rest.

        • Europe

          Thanks! It’s more of the fact that I’ve already been there and toured extensively, not as much the language barrier issue. The “she” is a high school friend, not a partner at all!

          We are planning about 3-4 days in London itself. While we want to see different places, we don’t want to wake up at 6 am each day and go till 12 am….that would be an option for just 1-2 of the days.

          The English countryside is a great idea, thanks!

    • Diana Barry

      I think Paris is the closest – you could do 2 days there and then 8 days in England. I might rather take train trips up to York and then Edinburgh – both are gorgeous cities with plenty to do for that length of time.

    • Katie

      Italy is lovely and worth the travel time. You could fly into Milan and work your way down to Rome (Cinque Terre, Florence, Assisi are somewhat on the way). Or a shorter version.

      • ss

        No, you could not, in the time which Europe proposes. All you’d be doing would be planes, trains, buses, cars, airports, stations etc.

      • Anonymous

        I was just in Italy earlier this year and spent 9 days in Italy (not counting days we were flying to and from US, but counting train days). We did pretty much the cities you list, except for a side jaunt to Venice instead of Assisi. It was a wonderful trip but also a very frenetic pace and I didn’t feel like we had enough time in Cinque Terre or Tuscany other than Florence. I really think this should be its own trip.

        • Europe

          That’s kind of what I’m thinking too..there are so many cities in Italy that I would like to see that the country should probably warrant its own full trip.

    • tk1

      There are trains and ferries to Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Brussels. It looks like 4 to 5 hrs on a high speed train. Also, Ryanair does cheap flights around Europe, although I’ve heard the service is awful. One year I flew into Rome and out of Venice and there was no cost difference from flying out of a different place, we just booked as multi-city, so cost may not be an issue if you stay with one airline.

      • Europe

        Ooh, okay, good to know, I won’t rule out different airports then.

        Yea, I’m a bit wary of Ryanair as I’ve heard some bad things. But I love trains and Amsterdam is a great idea.

        • Cb

          Eh, RyanAir is fine if you have a place to leave your bags or are a light traveller (super strict baggage requirements and high fees). However, the service is a bit grim and they do tend to fly to airports further outside of the city or have crappy terminals (Biliy, I’m looking at you!)

          Eurostar from London is just so easy and awesome, you leave from the centre of London and a few hours later, arrive in the centre of Paris or Brussels. Super easy security check, able to bring a bigger bag on. Brussels, Paris, Amsterdam might be worth it, only 90 minutes between all 3.

          • Nonny

            Eurostar is my favourite thing ever. “Let’s go to Paris for dinner!” Done. Although I will also put in a plug for Edinburgh. I love Edinburgh and there is so much to see and do there. Very different from London and the train ride up is gorgeous.

          • Cb

            Nonny: Edinburgh is awesome! I love living here and the idea of having to move for a postdoc makes me curl up into a ball and cry.

        • New Girl

          Ryan Air is cheap for in-Europe flights but are super strict about baggage. You can only have one small carry on. Any checked luggage has a fee and if you are over there are more hefty fees. Easy Jet is another airline to look into. Enjoy your trip! London is my favorite city and Ireland is a great place to visit. Belfast is a fun city up north and the Ring of Kerry is beautiful.

        • Ryanair reply

          I used Ryanair when I studied abroad for a year – its’ uncomfortable and the constant sales pitches are annoying, but it was always safe and on-time. I was willing to forego comfort in order to visit some amazing places. I studied in Italy, and I’m unashamedly biased so a few recommendations:
          If you’re looking for touristy must-sees where language is no problem: Venice, Rome, Florence
          Unique, wonderful, slightly lower-key: Turin, Bologna, Cinque Terre (if you’re into hiking and breath-taking scenery it’s Cinque Terre all the way)

          • korakel

            Ryanair isn’t comfortable, but London-Amsterdam is only an hour, so it’s doable.
            Train takes half a day (appr. 5-6 hours).
            Berlin is also a nice city, and not that long a flight.

        • Rural Juror

          +1 for Amsterdam – so beautiful, and the language won’t be a problem at all.

        • wintergreen126

          Also chiming in to say Amsterdam is great! It’s a lovely, walkable city with really relaxed people. Lots of fun!

    • LifeScienceGoingToFinance

      What about Germany? Berlin is my hometown and has lots of exciting and cool things to offer! Tons of history, art museums, parks, cheap food, hipster areas…
      Otherwise Hamburg, Lubeck, Munich, Cologne, Heidelberg could also be options, and you should be able to find an inexpensive flight from UK, as well!

      • LifeScienceGoingToFinance

        And I would not suggest Rome or Barcelona in the summer – too hot and way to crowded!

    • Deep End

      We have a wedding in Ireland this summer. We hope to then use a Eurorail pass to visit Amsterdam, Brussels and explore some of Germany and Switzerland. It’s a lot, but the option of being able to hop on and off trains (I hope) will work well for us.

      • Europe

        Genius idea, I hadn’t event thought of buying a multi-ride pass

        Thanks for all of the great ideas everyone!

  4. Lasik?

    After 20 years of contacts, I’m seriously thinking of going for Lasik. How do I even start looking into this? Is there a dependable review source to find the best doctor (I’m in Boston if it matters)? I have no financial constraints – I’m just really paranoid about the surgery going badly.

    • Anonymous

      Pay for it with a Health Saving Account if you’re able! You could be saving 20-30% off the top in taxes by doing so (depends on what tax bracket you’re in).

      • Lasik?

        Oh, I didn’t even think of that! I never chose to have an HSA since I don’t normally have non-insurable expenses. Hmm…I wonder if I can actually sign up for this now or if I’ve missed the window. Thanks!

    • preg 3L

      Find the busiest doc where you’ll just be a number. You want the guy who’s done this a million times. Hopefully Boston readers will have recommendations! Good luck!!

      • Lasik?

        So, I get this conceptually, but how do I find out how many they’ve done? Is there some sort of ranking somewhere?

        • preg 3L

          I think you can ask how long they’ve been doing it; your state might have info on how long the doc has been practicing; your health ins might have info on how long a particular doc has been performing a particular procedure… Just ideas. I’m not sure exactly, but that’s where I would start!

        • Anonymous

          Usually they will advertise if they’re the highest volume. In my experience though, the number one volume doctor in my major metro area (not Boston) gets a lot of business from radio ad bombardments and groupons for “one eye free.” But having some (non-confidential) familiarity with his malpractice claims, I would never send anyone I know to him. I don’t know if that applies for all of the top volume doctors, but I personally would search for someone who is solid in terms of experience and number of procedures but is not so high volume that it’s practically like an eye factory where they don’t give two shakes about the patients and have plenty of revenue over which to spread the cost of a few mishaps and any associated bad reviews.

          • saltylady

            +1 I had it done about 15 years ago. I went to a guy people in my office recommended. It turned out he’s THE guy in LA, he had really good educational credentials and had done lots of pioneering research work on top of having a thriving practice. I paid more than I would have for a doctor who advertises on the side of a bus, but I figured it was worth it. I had no problems, and still have 20/15 vision.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t have advice but am also looking for info on this and I am in the boston area too.

    • Godzilla

      I’ve had a lot of friends do Lasek at Park Avenue Lasek. It’s bladeless and they’re very happy with the results.

      • Godzilla

        I meant to add that people come from all over the country to have their laser eye surgery done in NYC. One day when I have the ovaries, I’m going to do it here.

    • annoness

      The only important question to ask yourself: has your eyesight been stable for the past few years? If yes, I would go to an optometrist first to see if you are a candidate, then move onto finding a surgeon. Not everyone can get LASIK and may need to get PRK, or may not be eligible for either or surgery at all.

    • WestcoastLawyer

      If you wear contacts I’d ask your eye doctor for a recommendation.

    • LASIK

      Stop thinking about it and go get it now! I had LASIK 10 days ago and I cannot stop gushing about it. I had very very very bad astigmatism and wore glasses/contacts for 30 years (from age 5). I now see 20/20. It is amazing. The risk of complications with the newest technology is very very low. Also it is simply impossible for you to blink or move your head during the surgery and mess it up. The laser my surgeon used operates on the order of a billionth of a second. There is no human on earth who can move her head that fast. The surgeon should be able to give you statistics on patient satisfaction – a good surgeon should be in the range of 99.99% satisfaction. I got the referral from my regular eye doctor. I’m on the other side of the continent so I have no recommendations. But it was totally worth it. If you are a candidate for it, do not wait any longer!!!!!!!!

      • Lobbyist

        I had LASIK 15 years ago and it’s the closest thing to a miracle (other than hubby and kids) that I have ever personally experienced. Being able to see is awesome. I’ve had no problems or side effects.

    • MJ

      Please see this post: extensive discussion of LASIK and PRK. https://corporette.com/2013/11/20/suit-week-gucci/#comments

      Highly recommend putting the max in your HSA–you can pay for ~one eye that way.

      Do not go to anyone who offers a discount. Good doctors that do this don’t need to do sales…and won’t. You may also want to call the opthamology departments of the best hospitals in Boston and see who they have on their teaching staff that does this–they should be the best.

      If you have any friends that attended Boston-area schools (MIT, BC, BU, Harvard, Tufts, etc.), have them post your query to their alumni list. A few names will emerge.

      • annoness

        Highly disagree about the discount as a hard no… I got a nice discount for being a part in a study with a top LASIK surgeon.

  5. AnonInfinity

    A man I went to high school, college, and law school with has just been diagnosed with cancer. We are not super close, but we’re definitely friends (the type of friend you chat with for a while or go out of your way to sit with at an event, but maybe not get together for coffee or lunch or anything). He’s in his mid-30s. I’ve already sent him a text saying that I’m sending good thoughts his way. Does anyone have ideas for other things I can do? I don’t want to be overbearing and weird, but I’m sure that this can be an isolating experience.

    • chicago chic

      Mostly… don’t forget him. Give him a call and/or take him out for coffee … try once a month for awhile, and see how it goes. Just let him talk, don’t give him advice, just be there to listen and say… “I’m sorry you are going through this.” Don’t tell him he’s an inspiration, don’t tell him you aren’t as strong as him.

      Then treat him like a normal friend. Tell him stories, keep him up on the gossip, ask for HIS advice so he can feel like he is helping others. Let him forget about himself for awhile.

      Most people with cancer get forgotten after a few months, so keeping him in your circle is the nicest thing you can do.

    • TBK

      Being in the midst of a somewhat less serious health issue (but that has involved LOTS of hospital time) I wouldn’t worry too much about being overbearing and weird (the fact that you’re worried about it means you’re probably okay). We have some casual friends who’ve really gone above and beyond for us — visiting, bringing dinners, etc. — and all we’ve felts is overwhelming gratitude. It’s really the silver lining in a dark cloud, to find out how many people care and how loving and caring people can be. Also, if your friend has a spouse or partner, reach out to her/him and see if there’s anything you can take off her/his plate. I am so grateful to the people who’ve thought of my husband and offered to be there for him, too.

    • Rosalita

      If you live in a snowy area, perhaps you or your partner can shovel his walk/driveway.

      My DH just did this for a friend going through a tough time and I thought it was very sweet. He didn’t ask – he just went over there and did it when they were out.

    • AnonInfinity

      Thanks for all the thoughts and ideas. I will work hard to make sure he’s still included over the coming months. His family isn’t in our city, and we don’t have snow (thank goodness), but the random act of kindness idea can certainly apply anywhere.

  6. Miss Behaved

    I don’t normally do this, but I like my outfit today so much I thought I’d a What Are you Wearing thread…

    I’m wearing the Land’s End shift dress in herringbone (so cute) over a JCrew button down in the 2014 Pantone color. I think I’ve had this shirt for at least 15 years and haven’t worn it in at least 10. I’m also wearing black tights and grey/taupe flat boots that I bought a couple of years ago at TJMaxx because I was at my parents’ and had to go to a wake, but had nothing to wear. Plus silver jewelry and emerald green plastic teardrop earrings.

    So I’m mostly happy to be wearing completely random items, but looking totally put together. Yay!

    • NOLA

      I like my outfit today, too!

      Wearing a charcoal ponte pencil skirt, dark purply blue tank, charcoal flyaway cardigan with a wide collar and a kind of light gray plaid pattern. Houndstooth tights in charcoal and black and my new dark purple Enzo Angiolini booties.

      • Cb

        I’m having a casual day (after a 14 hour day and a 5:30 am start). I’m wearing a knit boden 3/4 sleeve dress that I call the ‘spaceship dress’, black tights, and chocolate brown camper boots. Well, I was…but I came home a bit early and now I’m wearing leggings, my college sweatshirt, a blanket as a cape. I’ve accessorized with a ginger cat sitting on my lap.

      • preg anon

        I’m wearing a very loud suit and wishing I had someone to tell me whether it looks okay. It’s a maroon and black striped skirt suit. I like it a lot in theory but am not sure about it now that I’m wearing it to work. I have on black tights and black conservative pumps to calm it down.

        • Senior Attorney

          I’m sure you look great. I would totally wear a maroon and black striped skirt suit!!

    • Theory Suit

      Outfit fail: all LE (usually a good thing), but 3 solids, 2 of which are neutrals. I didn’t even bring a scarf (usually my only way to get over the blandness). I blame it on weather. 20 degrees warmer and I’ve got game. Now, I just don’t want to freeze and my office is probably not even in the 70s today.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Splurge Tuesday’s – what happened to Cat’s splurge Monday’s!! This is a great choice, but I have NO credit until the end of March, and then Dad said that he would consider REOPENING my credit, but it is NOT a done deal. FOOEY! b/c I am a Partner and should be abel to have personal credit!

      As for the OP, today is cold and snowey, so I am wearing boot’s and jegging’s and Myrna’s fur coat. Dad will NOT let me spend on a new coat b/c he said I was dumb to give my good coat away. But I told him it was a PUFFEY coat and it made me look fat, especialy in the TUCHUS! He said I did NOT need a coat for that. DOUBEL FOOEY ON HIM FOR MAKEING FUN OF MY TUCHUS, especialy b/c I am useing my FITBIT every day now.

      Mom say’s she is bakeing me a Pecan Pie. I LOVE PECAN’s, and buy them by the POUND at Trader’s Joe. I recomend Trader’s Joe for all kind’s of food, b/c it is GOOD and it is NOT that expensive. Alan used to go to Trader Joe and buy me pecan’s but then he would eat them all up. Also, they used to sell a good bean burger that is good in the winter, tho Alan used to heat up the bed at night and that was very stinkey. TRIPEL FOOEY!

      Sam came over with Myrna last nite and we watched TV. Sam said he would marry me if I wanted, but I still can NOT get his winkie out of my head. FOOEY! What would the hive do? He is swave, makes alot of money, but is from the UK. I could NOT live in the UK b/c they have bad teeth there. I want to have a good dentist, and I am NOT sure of the dental care there. Is anyone in the HIVE from the UK? How is dental care there? YAY!!!

    • Equity's Darling

      I like my outfit today, so I will play:
      – burgundy wool pencil skirt (J. Crew)
      – cream blouse (also J.Crew, it’s sleeveless, with ruffles around the neck and buttons, with a crepey material)
      – black opaque stockings
      – black loafers that I love because they respect my ongoing ankle issues unlike heels, and
      – a black and cream flower patterned cardigan.

    • KS IT Chick

      Another one who is liking her look today….

      Gray pinstripe slacks, black turtleneck, teal structured fleece blazer, black heels, black pearl necklace & earrings.

      One of my co-workers keeps coming up and petting my blazer, because it is “soooo soft!”

    • emeralds

      I do not like my outfit today. Just feeling super-blegh with all the weather and layers. But in the interest of illustrating that not only put-together people answer these threads, I’m wearing tweed trousers, a black cami, navy cardigan, a black scarf, and taupe boots. Was trying to go for a stylish navy/black blend, but mostly just feel uncomfortably mis-matched.

      • Philanthropy Girl

        I don’t like my outfit today, either. Black slacks. Black flats. Green sweater (that i really should retire). But its COLD here. And snowy. I just feel, eh – under dressed, unstylish and – well – still cold.

      • Philanthropy Girl

        I don’t like my outfit either. Black slacks. Black flats. Green turtleneck sweater. Blah blah blah. I feel underdressed and boring. But I am warm. Which is nice given the balmy 12 degrees.

    • Senior Attorney

      Team Liking My Look Today:

      Gray wide-leg trousers
      Gray/olive/black/red/purple floral print (it’s muted colors, I swear!) silk blouse
      Olive Theory blazer
      Light green Nanette Lepore slouchy handbag
      Purple pumps

      I feel kind of 70s-ish, in a good way, in this outfit. Also I am tickled because every single color in my jacket, bag, shoes, and pants is in the print of the blouse.

    • AMB

      It is super cold here today so I’m in fleece lined leggings,black wedges with a wooden heel, a red shift ponte dress and a red/black/blue/brown plaid scarf. I’m comfy and warm – yay!

    • Seattle Freeze

      Got dressed in a fog – very sad & cold today – but came up with brown skinny cords, long charcoal tank under a rust-colored cardigan with a charcoal & lighter grey tweed jacket on top, greyish-brown heeled oxfords, & big grey hoop earrings.

    • ANP

      I love my outfit but wish my dress (Lands End ponte shift in eggplant) was less pilly. I have a black 3/4 sleeve open cardigan over the top, black leggings and knee-high boots on as well. Accessories are a black infinity scarf, my favorite mixed metal, one-of-a-kind huge flat teardrop earrings, and also my fave watch (Michael Kors — big face with a white leather band). I like to think of this look as “casually put together.”

    • michelle

      I’m happy with my look today too – black leather/fabric skinnies, black and white striped blouse with tie neck, black cardi, and black moto boots – yes business casual office (fashion company)

    • kjoirishlastname

      Today is “be able to get home from work day”
      We’re getting snow, though not as much as the northeast.

      I am totally bummy today in my office: Jeans, a lavender corduroy button-down from Eddie Bauer & my Ariat zip paddock boots. Though they haven’t been riding in years…But, today, I look as though I might as well be ready to muck a stall.

      Tomorrow is going to be a little trickier–supposed to be single-digit cold with wicked wind chill, but I have a meeting with some pretty important developers. We meet with them bi-weekly, and have been for a long time, but even though they’re laid back guys, they’re highly-networked, and since at least one of them always wears a tie, I try to step it up a notch with a skirt. So, I am eager to try out my walmart-brand fleece-lined tights. I’ve heard so many good things about them, and I finally found them in my size.

    • HSAL

      Tan/brown/coral shell, tan 3/4 sleeve cardigan, brown pinstriped pants that I’ve had at least ten years, and some tan booties. Boring, but I’m okay with that on a snowy day like today.

    • Calibrachoa

      Today is all New Look for me.. black skinny jeans, black high-collared shirt and a black lace-back cardigan, completed with black doc martens. Except for my jacket – grey knit biker jacket thing from Evans that’s ridiculously warm.

      • zora

        GAH! I really want one of those knit biker jacket things! damn, resisting urge to go shopping right now. ;o) your outfit sounds super cute!

        I’m wearing what i wear every day… i’ve become really boring

        grey skinny jeans, royal blue jersey shirt (long and flowy), brown long waterfall cardigan, black boots. Purple scarf for the cold office. yaawwnnnnnn

    • lucy stone

      Black merino & boucle blazer, grey cashmere sweater, white camisole, black/grey/white tweed skirt, black tights, black boots.

    • Rosalita

      I had a pro bono event yesterday, but most offices and courts were closed around here. Today I am wearing the same top as yesterday! Naughty me.

      Plum cowl-neck top, black/gray tweed blazer with brown buttons, black Gap modern boot pants. Multi-colored toursade necklace. Black pumps.

    • IT Chick in MN

      It’s back to being really cold here, so I’m not liking today’s outfit as much. I’ve got a nearly ankle-length grey LE knit skirt I bought years ago, a new black flowy tunic with 3/4 sleeve, and my favorite screaming turquoise scarf. Silk longjohns under the skirt with black trouser socks and my default black booties. If it weren’t so cold, I’d be rocking the charcoal pencil skirt. I just couldn’t face the wind and really wanted my longjohns today.

    • AlaskaLaw

      Boring, I reached for the safest thing on a Tuesday after a long weekend — white Brooks Brothers shirt, Land’s End navy blue skirt suit, beloved black leather Cole Haan pumps. Nice pearl cufflinks, though.

  7. salt

    I have a 6 month old that I adore.

    Just found out I’m pregnant with number 2. Please reassure me that my world will not, indeed, fall apart? I can’t stop crying. I feel like I’m cheating her out of her time as “the baby.” And worried about how we will afford childcare. And, the most embarassing/vain/ridiculous–the weight coming off. Who is this awful woman crying about being pregnant?

    :/

    • NOLA

      Awww. My SIL did this on purpose. She wasn’t thrilled about pregnancy so she just figured she’d do it again right away and be done (although she loves being a mom). My nephews are 16 mos. apart and they’re really different but really close. They grew up as each other’s best friend. It hasn’t caused them problems at all, even at school. No competition, as far as I know. And I don’t think my older nephew (now 17!) felt deprived at all. Of course, all kids are different.

    • Theory Suit

      The baby will be the baby for many more months! And then you will be really good at all baby things by the time #2 comes around. They will be close enough to be each other’s friend. As close as they are, I wish mine were closer b/c 20 months apart (what we would up with — we were on track for 15, but had a m/c) an be a long time when they are so little.

      Think of it another way: if you were a day care, a 2:1 ratio would be beyond awesome for allowing a caregiver to focus on each child.

      • Theory Suit

        And re the weight — I have found that 2 children in 20 months was just perfect for weight loss. I have a two-story house and the lifting / carrying / laundry / sorting the closets / drawers / toys made for a whole-life workout. I horded gift cards for the Double BOB and we put a ton of miles on it (just walking mostly) when the weather was nice.

        YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THIS!

      • Diana Barry

        You can do it! My friend had her second 2 (so #2 and #3) 13 months apart. They play together so nicely and you can even get in a bit of potty training together if your first is late with it! :)

    • Miss Behaved

      I have 3 nieces. They are now 10, 9 and 7 1/2. The oldest 2 are 360 days apart. That’s 3 kids in 2 1/2 years. It’s okay. They’re okay. They all get along well. The older 2 are very close, usually.

      Fun fact, my sister didn’t even realize she could get pregnant that fast…. You can do this. They can do this. She’s the moneymaker in the family. But my brother-in-law works, too. And – while you may never go back to your pre-mom weight – you’ll be okay. Actually, I don’t think anyone goes back to their pre-pregnancy size. Your weight shifts after you have a kid.

      • tesyaa

        To the OP: Some people (not necessarily me) do get back to their pre-mom size. Definitely don’t get depressed think that it’s not possible.

        • Maddie Ross

          This. Some people are lucky, some people just work hard, and yes, some people may not ever get back there, but this is an inaccurate, sweeping generalization (says the girl who is smaller now than pre-pregnancy). Miss Behaved, you don’t even have kids I don’t think – don’t scare people!

          • Miss Behaved

            Sorry (although, I don’t appreciate being called out by name or moniker, as it were…). My teeny sister swore she would get back to her pre-pregnancy weight and asked me to get her a very nice Shoshanna dress for her birthday. She was never able to wear it.

            I just don’t want the OP to think that not getting back to her original size is a huge problem. Sometimes it’s age, sometimes it’s metabolism, sometimes it’s body changes…

          • Maddie Ross

            It’s not a problem at all. Didn’t mean to call you out – I just hate that sweeping generalization that all moms are larger than their pre-pregnancy selves. Especially because it’s such a fear for so many.

          • Anon

            Me too. Same dresses, shirts, bras, etc.

            But I worried too. My mom told me: You’ll probably get the weight off, but maybe you won’t. And that’s OK because you will have a beautiful baby.

        • anne-on

          I am below my pre-baby weight, however I will agree that my body shape changed in ways that I didn’t necessarily expect. In fact, most moms I know did lose most (if not all) of the baby weight, its the widened rib cage, bigger feet, broader hips, etc. that you might not have expected and that don’t always go back to the way they were.

          • Profmama

            Below my pre-preg weight by nearly 10 lbs. Narrow hips – had to buy all new pants/ skirts. The biggest relief is that my feet are back to pre-preg. size.

            I like to be active, try to early mainly whole non-processed foods (though I definitely have a sweet tooth), maybe just lucky.

            I don’t think it has to be a truism or dire prediction that every mom becomes larger!

        • kjoirishlastname

          I returned to pre-pregnancy and then some, but not until after more than a year (2 years now) of Crossfit. I was a 10/12 postpartum, and now am a 0-2-4. But, it has been a ridiculous amount of work. I’ve earned it. I am also smaller than my pre-pregnancy weight–like closer to my college freshman weight, but my weight is distributed differently too. My feet actually did shrink back down.

    • Eleanor

      Don’t be so hard on yourself. Plenty of siblings are born this close together, and the oldest is not cheated out of anything. It may even be easier for your oldest this way, since she won’t really have time to get used to being the center of everything. And I don’t blame you for worrying about the weight, but I bet once you have two kids under two, you’ll be so active it will fall off.

      I hear childcare is expensive, but people have raised happy, healthy children on less money than you probably have if you’re posting on this site. I say this not to make light of your concerns, but only to encourage you that it probably will not be that bad.

      And (I’m being sincere, not flippant), congratulations! I hope in a few years and for the rest of your life you’ll be delighted with your children and laugh at how upset you were when you found out about the second.

      • KLG

        Yep! I’m the oldest and my sister and I are really close in age and I think it was great. Sure we fought all the time growing up, but we also played together all the time because we were developmentally close and when we were teens it meant we got to go to the mall, etc. for new clothes without our parents because hey, we were together and it wasn’t like I was babysitting her since she was so close in age to me. We are still really close today and we’re in our 30s now. I live two hours away from her and I miss living in the same city and she’s always trying to convince me to move back.

      • bananagram

        I’m thirteen months older than my sister and really relished being the older sibling! When you’re a small kid you want to be older. I’m not saying that it’ll be a picnic for you, but your older kid will probably relish any responsibility that comes her way. And, like KLG, I fought with my sister growing up. We have similar personalities and similar interests which I think created some comparison and competition, but now, as an adult, it’s great having a sibling my own age.

      • Maggie

        I’m the baby of the family by 15 months. Other than my sister being annoyed when people asked if we were twins, I don’t think being that close in age caused any problems or made either of us feel “cheated out of being the baby”. We fought like any siblings do but we had different enough personalities and interests that I don’t feel like there was major competition between us or anything. It may have also helped that our birthdays fell so that she was two years ahead of me in school despite being just over a year older, so we were more distanced in classes / groups of friends.

    • JJ

      Congrats!! I just had my second son five months ago, who was conceived when my first son was 9 months old. And I had the EXACT SAME emotions that you are currently going through. In fact, my husband even asked me why I was crying about it if I was so happy to be pregnant. So I know that you can be thrilled to be pregnant and also “mourn” the life that you had.

      But I promise it can be done. I’m still in the thick of it and trying to keep my head above water, but it’s doable to have two kids so close together. And my older toddler (who will be 2 next month) LOVES his little brother. They already are close and it’s so fun to watch them grow up together.

    • R

      My younger brother and I are 18 months apart, and we always wished we were even closer. I don’t even remember being “the baby” – I just remember having awesome fun with the same toys and same friends. I felt bad for friends that had siblings 3 or 4 years younger, because they couldn’t play ball together or make forts together or whatever, they always had to “dumb it down” for the babies. (A 5 year old seems like a baby to 8/9 year olds.)

      It’ll be physically hard on you the first few years, but then they’ll have built-in playmates and friends, which means more time playing together and less time needing mom/dad/parent’s attention.

    • Wondering

      Congrats! I always thought I would get pregnant when my little one was 6 months, but it never happened unfortunately. You will get through this and your children will be very close and good friends. And as others have said, your baby will be a baby for the next 10 months while you are expecting.

    • LizNYC

      I don’t have kids, but my little brother was born when I was 22 months — and lemme tell you, I was made to be the older sister. In fact, I used to ask my mom why I didn’t have more younger siblings to lord over (nicely) and play with. Growing up, we always had a built in playmate and now that we’re adults (in theory…) we’re really good friends.

      You can do this! :)

    • kc esq

      Congrats! Please make sure that you give yourself as much care as you do your baby — what you’re about to do is physically incredible. You are obviously strong enough to do it, but make sure you are getting vitamins, etc. to help you along the way (and hopefully set up a quick recovery).

    • new york associate

      Oh, honey, I totally understand how you feel. But on childcare – I actually think you’re financially smarter to get them closer together. Your children will be able to go to the same schools, have the same after-school babysitters. If you choose daycare/preschool, they can go to the same place, thus making it more expensive but infinitely easier for logistics (drop off, pick-up, etc.). If you choose a nanny, it’s much better to have them closer in age. And if you can just survive for the next five years, you’ll be done with the intensive childcare expenses and the kids will be in public school together. Regardless of how you do it, childcare is expensive and you’re just getting through it faster.

      And one other thing – I got pregnant with my second when my first was TWO. And I still felt like I might be depriving my first of her time alone with us. I think it’s natural to feel that way whenever your only baby has to share her time with a sibling. But my daughter is an awesome big sister to the baby and while there was definitely a transition, it was ultimately a good one.

      Good luck!

    • saltylady

      Ok I’m a good one to respond– I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 7 months, so they’re 18 months apart. I wasn’t upset like you at first, more just scared and stunned. They are now 8.5 and 10 and they are the cutest matched set– they totally play together, snuggle on the couch, etc. (most of the time). Personally, it was a challenging first year or two, but then it became WAY easier than any of our friends had it with their kids that are 3-5 years apart. We didn’t have to wait as long to do cool stuff, like travel, ski, go to decent restaurants, leave them with a sitter, etc. We took them to London and Paris for my 40th birthday, and we’re going to Costa Rica for spring break. My friends with a 4th grader and a toddler can’t swing that unless they’re seriously intrepid.

      Childcare is a lot, for sure. Nannies are expensive, so is daycare for two. We were poor for awhile even though we made good salaries. But it was short lived because they were both in school faster.

      As for the weight, I was so thin it was scary when I went back to work after my second was born. I didn’t worry about weight or fitness at all during that pregnancy, and gained a decent amount of weight. But afterwards, all the running around, nursing, plus a mommy and me fitness class (baby in the bjorn), totally made the weight come off and then some.

      • saltylady

        Oh wait sorry, he was nine months when I got pregnant, duh. It was at 7 months we decided to stop using birth control.

    • Hopeful Mom

      Just wanted to say I’m so happy you asked this question, and I’m even happier to see all the responses! I’m a long loooong way off from having kids, but I always imagined I’d want them to be as close as possible in age. I have multiple siblings and one is less than two years apart from me. We’re definitely the most tight-knit of the bunch!

    • TBK

      If you have a spare bedroom in your house, look into getting an au pair. When we were looking at what to do for our twins, it was immediately clear that an au pair would be about 60% of the cost of putting two infants in day care. Yes, it means sharing your home with a stranger, but all the people I know who have au pairs love them (plus if you can manage to use only 40 of their 45 hours per week, they can babysit for you in the evening most weekends and so you have date night, too).

    • CKB

      None of my boys are quite that close together (2y4m is the smaller gap). However, instead of thinking about what you are ‘cheating’ your daughter out of. try to think of what a gift you are giving her instead. A sibling, close to her age. I had girl cousins on both sides of my family that were only a year & a bit apart, and I was always envious of their close relationship. I also have a pair of cousins (b/g) that are less than a year apart and they have always been close.

      I think one of the best gifts you can give your child is a sibling (and I realize that’s not always possible for whatever reason and I don’t mean to offend any parents of onlies), and I love, love, love seeing my boys play with each other, get along with each other, debate, spend time together, etc. It’s honestly one of my favorite things, to eavesdrop on their conversations.

      Congratulations!

    • RR

      As a mom of twins, I can assure you that the world is not falling apart. Yes, you will have less time to gaze soulfully into your baby’s eyes, but you are giving your baby a sibling. The rewards of the latter (and you will love the interloper as much as you love your 6 month old–even if that seems impossible) are priceless.

    • Bewitched

      I had two boys in the same time frame you mention. I cried too, when I learned I was pregnant. It’s been the greatest thing EVER (Ellen caps intentional). They are now almost adults, and it was great to have them go through the same phases at (roughly) the same time. Diapers-sure, alot, but then done! They had each other to play with, which was better for them than just mom and dad. It really did work out well.

    • Coach Laura

      Salt, I’m late to this thread but yes, you can do this and no, your baby won’t feel slighted.

      Example #1 – My brother is 14 months younger than I and my sister is 14 months younger than my brother. We did a lot together growing up and are a big fan club for each other now.

      Example #2 – My kids were close together on purpose (23 months) as I was the primary earner and wanted to get the diaper phase over quick. One girl first, then the boy – each very different. They were each other’s best friend growing up and say that they still are – both are in college now.

  8. TO Lawyer

    So my best friend coming to visit in a few weeks for a weekend – I’m trying to think of fun Toronto type things for us to do, but I thought I’d ask the hive – what are your favourite things to do when you’re visiting a girlfriend/one is visiting you?

    I haven’t seen her in about a year so I’m trying to make sure we get a lot of quality bonding time!

    • Katie

      I like to try new restaurants or go out for fancy drinks at a pretty/girly bar.

    • Marilla

      Take her thrift shopping in Kensington and try on as many ridiculous items as possible! When I have friends coming in I try not to overschedule too much though – it’s nice to have a relaxed evening at home to make dinner, watch a movie, do our nails, and catch up. Just spending unpressured time together is often the best part of a visit.

      • Rosalita

        +1. If I’m visiting a friend, cooking together is the #1 thing I like to do with them (including shopping, and of course, wine).

    • Equity's Darling

      I love city specific things, like festivals or farmers markets or boutique-ey stores that I can’t find at home.

      One of my favourite things is going to a local farmers market with the friend, then going home and cooking dinner together and making fancy drinks.

    • KinCA

      Trying a new, fun restaurant, shopping at local boutiques, or hitting up a group exercise class. I also like cooking at home together and then going out for drinks somewhere. We also have good weather here, so when it’s nice I try to do something outdoorsy if my friend is up for it (hike, beach, etc.).

    • wintergreen126

      I use a friend visiting as excuse to do the toursity things I normally would never do. It usually winds up being a lot of fun for both of us. My friend gets to see the famous things that others will recognize, and I get to learn more/see parts of the city I usually don’t get/want to see.

    • Anonymous

      The Distillery District was my favorite part of my trip a few years ago. Heck, do the CN Tower. Touristy things are more fun when you have a good guide.

    • lawsuited

      There’s a 2 for $30 admission promotion at the CN Tower, I think through facebook. Having lunch up there and checking out the new aquarium should be fun?

  9. Theory Suit

    What are the pieces that make up a good Theory suit (2-button jacket; straight-leg pants)? Every place I go to lists everything separately instead of putting things together in suits. I’m already thinking I need to order or try on (so may have Nordie’s outfit a fitting room) 3 sizes in bottoms (I’m a 6 in Talbots/The Skirt, so I’m thinking I need to try on 8-10-12, as I’m a bit of a pear), so I want to get the right pieces to start out with.

    Also, what is the right skirt / shift dress if this all works out? I usually don’t go all garanimals, but I’m thinking that this might get me done with shopping for a year or two in the suit department. [I tried with JCrew mail order and just failed – jacket was too long and I need more of a blazer cut. Will try again dresses if the Origami ever comes back in stock.]

    • BB

      I’m not familiar with the Theory lines specifically, but generally if you want to be “done” with suit shopping, I would try to find 2 or 1 button jacket + matching straight leg pants +/or matching skirt. If you can get both the pants and skirt, that would be awesome. I just bought myself a gray suit and a black suit with both the pants and skirt and I’m pretty much done in terms of “boring” suits. Time to focus on the fun blazers!

      Also, don’t forget about tailoring. Too long jackets can’t be tailored, but you can usually get the waist nipped in. As long as the shoulders fit, you’re good.

    • posey

      I would look at the fabric rather than the items – “Tailor” fabric is their basic suiting fabric that they do every year. They make several different types of jackets, skirts, pants and dresses in that fabric, but I think the basics are the Gabe B blazer, Max C pants, Golda skirt and Betty dress. There are definitely other options available though. IMO Bloomingdales has the best Theory selection so I’d head there first.

    • Anon

      I recommend buying two pairs of pants for every jacket. I frequently wear the pants on their own and it is nice to have two pair to rotate. Theory’s fabric and construction quality have declined in recent years so wear from dry cleaning shows up pretty quickly. To match the suit pants and jackets correctly just look at the fabric/line name. Typically the suits are Max C Tailor. Unless you’re straight up and down from shoulders/chest to thighs, be prepared to size up in Theory. I’m a 4 or 6 in “real” life and buy an 8 jacket in Theory. They are not cut well for women with any curves.

  10. Silk sweater advice?

    I am looking for some simple/classic silk pull-over sweaters, that are work appropriate and can work with pants or a skirt. Silk blends would also work.

    I work in a hospital, so will often be wearing a lab coat over my outfit. Looking for jewel tone colors rather then prints, but am flexible. Would love v-neck or interesting necklines and possibly some shape to them. I am very slender with no chest.

    Any advice, during this sale season? I have some sweaters like this from Ann Taylor, but don’t seen any among their current collection.

  11. zora

    so, this is my first morning with my phone giving me alerts like “lazy a$$, get out of bed!” and “get the f$&k UP!” i have to say it’s working so far. ;o) Thanks for the idea, r3tt3s!! And thanks Batgirl for asking the question. It finally gave me the push to start getting my life together this weekend.

    • Diana Barry

      So I have seen the Matrix about 20x and when my alarm goes off every morning, I say “Get up, Trinity. GET. UP.” and that works pretty well too. :)

    • snowy

      haha nice, I do this. I even put sarcastic alarm names like “No seriously get up. Just do it.” it kind of makes me laugh in the cold pre-dawn minutes when my whole entire being is fighting for me to stay asleep.

      • zora

        totally! this is what worked this morning ;o) I think I’m going to have to mix up the messages once in a while, tho, to continue getting the same result. But it was also fun making them up. I made up alarms for going to bed at night, too.

        On a side note: why do I keep getting the WORST bus drivers lately?!!? Almost fell twice this morning thanks to crazy lead foot syndrome. Ugh.

        • Coach Laura

          Zora, I had a bus driver who tried to break the land-speed record this morning! Luckily, I had a seat but 1/3 of the time I don’t.

    • Parfait

      You know what? I recently got a super-deluxe full spectrum happy light and have been spending some time each morning sitting under it and drinking my tea. And lately I’ve been waking up before my alarm, raring to go. This despite going to bed too late.

  12. Diana Barry

    Ladies, I’m having a hard time getting it together in the new year. I just feel tired all the time and like I need a vacation. I was sick over New Year’s and also didn’t get any vacation time so I feel like it’s been a long time since I had time to catch up/organize/etc. This past weekend I spent a lot of time with the kids and they were being terrible to each other, fighting and I had to put them in time out all the time. I’m also having a hard time motivating to put on makeup/wear non-snow boots to the office. Blargh!

    Any tips for motivation?

    • Katherine

      How’s your diet? Are you getting all your nutrients? I went through a period where I wasn’t getting enough iron and I felt lethargic and unmotivated all. the. time. Since I started eating leafy greens (kale, beet greens, turnip greens, sunflower greens, arugula, parsley, etc) with every dinner I’ve felt a lot better. Also, make sure you’re drinking enough water. Hugs if you want them!!

    • Sparrow

      Sorry you’re having a rough time. Have you had a blood test to check for issues, especially thyroid levels? I used to be tired and run down all the time. Once I got my hypothyroidism under control, I noticed a huge difference.

      I can relate about not being motivated to put on make up or nice clothes in this crummy weather. I feel like I haven’t been wearing any cute clothes lately b/c it’s slushy and wet, and everything is covered in salt. I don’t know how to combat this except dream of spring and summer and plan an imaginary vacation to the tropics!

      Are you able to take a day off work to get caught up on stuff? Or maybe even spend a half-day by yourself recharging? Is getting a massage or spa treatment feasible?

      I’m a list maker, so once I note down all the things that I need to get done, I feel a little better having a specific to-do list to work from.

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks, ladies. I do have a thyroid condition but just got my levels checked a couple months ago. I have an appt scheduled with a nutritionist and will up my leafy greens levels in the meantime! I do drink a ton of water already.

    • ANP

      I hear ya! I’m in the same place — part winter doldrums, part feeling behind, part…blahhh.

      Any chance you can take a day (or even a half day) off of work to yourself? I know that you have kiddos, etc. but for me sometimes it makes a huge difference just to be home (or out) on my own time. You won’t make up the vacation time you lost by being sick, but it might give you the chance to pull out a few outfits (shop your closet), get a manicure, take a nap, etc. Those small things often make me feel more refreshed.

    • new york associate

      Can you take a day or two off when the kids are in school/childcare? You could spend one day getting Stuff Done around the house and one day doing things for yourself (a daytime movie, a massage, reading a book).

      You might also think about SAD. Are you getting enough light? I don’t have a rec, but a sunlamp or other full-spectrum light at your desk at work might help.

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks! It sounds like a personal day is in order. :) I also need to tell my husband that I need the time to do ME things so he doesn’t bug me to do his stuff at the same time.

        No lamp at my desk, but I totally don’t get enough light and should go outside during the day too.

        • Frugal doc.....

          I am a huge fan of the “happy light” this time of year. Either sit in front of it is you have quiet coffee time in the morning, or put one on your desk at work. But only use it befor noon, or it can shift your circadian clock .

    • Rosalita

      For me, it’s the lack of real sunlight in the winter. I realized I wasn’t motivated and was grumpy all the time. It was kid of the post-holiday blues too.

    • IT Chick in MN

      You could try a B-complex supplement in the morning, or some Vitamin D supplementation. My vitamin D deficiency was pretty profound, but my GP says nearly everyone she tests comes back with at least low levels. Since the supplements are actually the precursor, your body will just use what it needs.

      Whatever you do, do NOT take the B complex vitamins at night! I learned this lesson the hard way, as did my mother.

  13. loans

    So every month I make the minimum payment for my 10-year soul sucking law school loan. However, every month the percentage that goes towards principal versus interest is different. Sometimes its 50/50, sometimes its 60/40, etc. I can’t find any pattern as to when it is which. Anyone have experience with this and know what it is about? And followup, if I’m overpaying each month and the extra is just going to interest, not principle, is this actually helping in any way or should I save the money? (There’s nowhere on the site for me to chose specifically to put the extra towards principle).

    • Bonnie

      Is the interest rate fixed or variable? If it’s the latter, your payments would change. The distribution will also change based on your remaining balance. The extra payments should be going to the principal but you probably have to call your loan provider to make that happen.

      • loans

        it is definitely fixed. their FAQ on the website says clearly “if you overpay it will go towards interest first”. You think if I call every time I overpay they’ll redirect it?

    • Anne Shirley

      My percentage varies depending on the number of days in the month- if interest has accrued for 31 days there is a noticeable difference in allocation than 28 days. Not quite as much as you are noticing but worth checking on.

      • loans

        That could be it. I wonder if the date I pay on affects it to? Sometime I pay a week before it is due, sometimes the day before (my payday moves all over).

        • Anne Shirley

          Yes, at least in my situation varying the payment date changes things around quite a bit.

    • preg 3L

      Usually they will apply any extra you pay to principle if you call and ask them to. Annoying, yes, but that will do far more for you than paying extra interest!

    • Ginjury

      I’m not sure about the rest of your questions, but it’s definitely not helpful to be putting more towards interest. You may want to call them to clear things up.

    • Anonymous

      If the extra interest you’re paying is interest that has accrued that month, you can’t really do anything about that unless you make more than the minimum payment. All student loans are going to apply the minimum payment first to accrued interest from that period (and any late fees). It’s only after that any remaining payment will be applied to principal. To pay down more of the principal, you would need to make a payment in excess of the minimum (which certainly may not be possible in your circumstances–I’m just saying that there isn’t anything fishy going on with how they’re applying your payments if you’re not paying over the minimum).

      • Anonymous

        +1 to this among other posts.

        To sum up: interest is calculated on a daily basis, but each month is a different length. Yet, you pay the same amount each month, regardless of the length of the month and how much interest accrues. So, when your payment goes through for the month, your lender says “how much interest has the borrower accrued since the last payment?” That amount must be paid first — you have to pay interest first. Whatever is leftover goes toward principal. At this point, the process starts over, but you’ll be accruing ever so slightly less interest per day now because your principal will be lower. Repeat this for 10 years if you don’t pay anything above the minimum.

        So, if you pay more than the minimum, more will go toward the principal and this, in turn, will reduce your interest paid per month, which reduces the principal further with each regular payment, and so forth and so on.

        There’s no need to call your lender over this — this is standard practice.

        • Rosalita

          Right.

          I have heard from others on this site and elsewhere about trying to apply payments to principal rather than interest, and sometimes even if you call, or write on your check “apply to principal”, they still don’t do it. :(

  14. Aerith

    What is up with the styling in this outfit? Everything about it is terrible – the hair, the makeup, the other clothing, the way the jacket lays on her. It’s hard to pay attention to what they’re selling.

  15. Anon

    I just found out that I will be inheriting an amount in the (low-ish) six figures. As someone who is currently paid less than $50,000, this is huge for me. What should I do to get started on managing this money? I have a small amount of student loan debt and no CC debt and I have not yet gone to grad school (I’m in my 20s). I also live a frugal lifestyle in general and have no need to purchase property or a car or anything like that in the near future, but I do anticipate having significant family expenses (caring for aging relatives) sometime in the next 10-20 years. Can anyone recommend some articles or books or resources to learn more about how to manage an inheritance? Are there any must-dos that I should be aware of? Drafting a will comes to mind, but other than that, I just really have no idea how to start. Thank you!

    • jc

      I don’t have any book recommendations, but I would recommend putting the money (or the investments that you put the money in to) in a trust. It can pay you income (or not) and that way it can grow over the years that you don’t need it and will be protected from probate if something happens down the road.

      • Anon

        I would not recommend this for a variety of reasons. Avoiding probate would be about 50th down on my list for a 20-something with no dependents / family / drama stated in the original post. Trusts add complexity and complexity can add expense.

        Avoiding probate can easily be accomplished with the beneficiary designations allowed on any financial account (e.g., a mutual fund, savings account, etc.).

        And the trust has to invest in something. And has to be drafted by a lawyer ($$$). And file taxes if it has taxable income it doesn’t distribute ($$$ to pay and $$$ for someone to fill out the forms).

        You don’t want this.

        • snowy

          Another anti-trust voice.. my grandmother put everything in trust (even money she wanted us to use for college!) and it was such a pain to actually obtain funds when we needed them.

      • Diana Barry

        Nah, no need to do this. (I do this for a living, the OP doesn’t need to put it in trust.)

        I would pay off all debts, max out retirement, then stick it in an index fund at Schwab or Vanguard. And maybe take a fun vacation. :)

        • Anonymous

          Also consider a 529 if you *know* you are going to grad school. The earnings will grow tax free until you pull them out (also tax free) to pay for school expenses.

    • Theory Suit

      This is a ton of $ for you, but not enough to get serious money managers interested in. So you get to be your money manager.

      Have you read The Millionaire Next Door? It’s great basic financial advice and a fast read (and b/c I’m frugal, you can check it out from your library).

      If I were you, I’d pay off any debts, max out your retirement (if you aren’t already), and put away maybe 1/3 of this in a cash-equivalent fund (so you could tap it if you had an emergency — something like an online high-yield savings account so you can’t easily spend it) and 2/3 of the rest in a no-load index fund (I’m partial to Vanguard, but there are others).

      If you decide on grad school or getting a house down the road, you have time to shift out another 1/3 into the cash fund to avoid market drama.

      But I wouldn’t otherwise change a thing — it sounds like you’re on good footing.

      • Wondering

        Out of curiosity, how much assets would a person have to own for a money manager or private wealth manager to get interested? Are we looking at $1M+? $500,00+ in combined assets? Just wondering…DH and I have talked on and off about getting an advisor but have never taken the plunge. It just occurred to me there might be a minimum “threshold”….

        • Diana Barry

          Most of the big banks have a 500K or $1M minimum. Look at the fees – almost everyone charges 85 basis points or 1% on the first million. You do better just by putting it in an index fund until you get above $2M – just IMO from having friends that pay a lot in fees!!

          You can also go to a fee-only financial planner to make sure you are on track, if you are nervous about not having an advisor.

        • Anon

          We have an investment account with Merrill Lynch with about $200,000 but know that their junior people will take accounts of $20,000. We do pay 1% but our advisor makes much more with the money than we would (11% last year) so the fee is worth it.

    • Anon

      I already have a fairly solid emergency fund (~$10,000 with new contributions every month). I wonder if I should shift more of the inherited money to an index fund or something, but I just don’t know enough yet about the tax implications of various types of investments. I’m partial to Vanguard as well and would be happy to look for options there, but I’d have to hope that at least some money managers would be interested in that amount because I’m not sure I can do the best job alone…

      • Anon

        Consider whether $10,000 is really a “fairly solid” emergency fund. Major car repairs could deplete that by 20 percent or more overnight, and I suspect it wouldn’t cover your living expenses for very long if you were to lose your job.

        • Anon

          No car and it would cover my crucial expenses (rent, loan, phone bill, etc) for a little over six months. I also live with my fiancé and would be somewhat protected by his income as well. It will obviously be wonderful to have more security, but I feel okay about the basic emergency fund for now.

          • DCR

            Given your income level ($50,000), I agree that $10,000 seems like a pretty solid amount in an emergency fund. That is appx. 1/4 of your yearly take home, right? I might add a small amount (appx. $5,000) to that, but would put the rest in an index fund.

            I’ve heard good things about the books The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and Making the Most of Your Money Now by Jane Bryant Quinn. But both are still on my reading list, so I don’t have any personal experience.

      • Anon in ATX

        I believe Vanguard customers can pay a fee to get one-time investment consulting advice. Its something I have been contemplating getting for a few years now, when we reach a level where I feel we need extra guidance.

      • Rosalita

        You should talk to a financial professional instead of random people on the internet.

        I have been with Edward Jones for years and have moved from city to city and have always met the new advisor in the new city and felt comfortable.

        I also started my investments with them with $1500.00 in my pocket. Three figures is certainly something you’ll want professional help with, if only to avoid your tax burden.

        • Young Professional

          +1 regarding talking to a professional.

          I’m also in my twenties and have found the certified financial planners at LearnVest.com to be incredibly helpful in assisting me with managing my money. Their services are incredibly affordable and their advice is sound. Every time I have a question about something (eg. what to do with a bonus, creating a realistic budget, etc.).

          • Young Professional

            [Got distracted and clicked submit before I was finished].

            Every time I have a question about something, the planners are an email or a phone call away. It is nice having an unbiased/uninvested (in the sense that my financial decisions don’t ultimately impact them) to give me a reality check or to confirm whether a particular decision is wise.

    • Abby Lockhart

      If you intend to go to graduate school, something you might want to investigate is whether there is a place you can put the money so that it will not be taken into consideration as an asset for financial aid purposes. It may be that you will want to pay cash for school. But it may also be that it will make more sense to take low-rate loans and keep the money invested or available for emergencies/family member care, etc. Or you might be eligible for grants or other aid for which you would not qualify if you have $100k liquid. I do not know anything about this specifically, but want to throw it out there for consideration. I would want to keep as many doors open as possible, which also means not putting it somewhere you can’t get to it without massive penalties should you did decide to pay cash for tuition.

    • Mladymac

      The investment world has its’own language – so in order to understand what they are talking about you should read a financial planning book or two. Any of Suzie Ormond’s books, the millionaire next door, rich Dad, or Smart Women finish rich will be helpful.
      Then BEFORE your check arrives you can open an account for your investments. I’m partial to Fidelity because you make an appointment to talk to an advisor in person without fees. Any brokerage house or bank should be fine.
      You can ask them about fees – do not be shy about this – it isn’t supposed to be a secret.
      You may also want to consider putting some money every year into a ROTH IRA – since this income will be tax free up to a $ 100,000.
      And if you’d rather read online LearnVest is very well done.

  16. Anon

    OP here. I guess I should mention that it’s in a trust now – not sure what happens when it becomes “mine.” This has all happened suddenly and I don’t even have paperwork or anything yet.

    • jc

      If it’s in trust then it will likely pay income to you, but you may not be able to take out the principal. It’ll depend on the trust document – I’d recommend finding an estate planning lawyer who can help you plan and also give you tax advice. Good luck!

    • Diana Barry

      Ask the trustee for a copy of the trust. It is likely that the trust is terminating and will pay it to you outright.

  17. hoola hoopa

    Funny, I like this jacket EXCEPT for the frayed edges and the front hook closure.

  18. ezt

    Hi Ladies – I need to plan a bachelorette party to Charleston, SC, for the end of Feb. Any ideas or suggestions greatly appreciated. The bride is not a crazy partier, so we’ll probably just do some classier drinking and things like spa/teas/something touristy (thankfully, for pregnant me). TIA!!

    • Charleston

      I went to college in charleston. For classier drinking you want to stay away from King and Market Streets. Lots of college kids and not much class. The southern end of Meeting Street has a lot of the nicer bars and restaurants. Kaminskys is on Market St but is a really great dessert bar. SNOB and Coast are my favorite fancier restaurants. Both the Charleston Place Hotel and the Francis Marion Hotel have nice spas

    • Carine

      You can find tons of recommendations for Charleston restaurants on Chowhound. There are also a lot of beautiful places to stay downtown! I had my wedding in Charleston and stayed at the Vendue Inn, which I think would work well for your purposes–it’s in a great location and really lovely. The service was wonderful, breakfasts in the morning were delicious, and they have a nice rooftop bar area. They will also do private events, like a tea or luncheon if you’d like them to organize something for you all.

      • Carine

        I’m sorry, I should have checked the Vendue’s website before recommending–looks like a major renovation is underway and not scheduled to be completed before March.

    • Rosalita

      My mom and I did a horse and carriage ride that was a ghost tour there once.

  19. Skiing for Dummies

    Hello!!

    So my DH and I have never been skiing. It just never came up individually or in our time together as something we wanted to try until recently. So in about a few weeks’ time, we’re going to drop off our baby at daycare per usual and take a random day off from work to try our hand at skiing. We’re live in DC–anyone have any recommendations on where we should go? Which slopes are good and close by (maybe in 1.5-2 hours driving range?) Should we book a class or instructor? Would 3 hrs be enough?

    I’m excited about trying out something new and slightly terrified about falling over and breaking a leg.

    TIA!

    • Bonnie

      Whitetail. It’s about two hours away and has a few longer green (beginner) trails. I believe that the day pass comes with a lesson. It’s best to go early in the day before the mountain gets busy.

      • Anon

        Yes Whitetail! Several easy beginner trails, good lessons, and if you fall down all the time and get sick of trying to ski you can go snow tubing too.

    • HSAL

      I have no useful information for you, but I just wanted to say that I love that you’re taking time for yourselves and doing this together. Random days off work are the best.

    • CKB

      This is awesome! I have no recommendations as to locations, but dh & I have talked more than once about how skiing is one of those sports that as long as you get your basic skills down (how to fall, how to get up, how to turn, how to stop) you can have a great time without being very good. I would think a 3 hour lesson would be more than enough, but you could always ask what they recommend when you book your lessons.

      Have a great time, and be prepared for your calves to be very sore the next couple of days!

    • Fromage

      I have no recommendations for DC area mountains, but, unless you’re going the week of Presidents’ Day, I think you’d be okay signing up for a group lesson rather than private instruction. It doesn’t seem very likely to me that there’d be a large number of beginner adults going mid-week, so you probably would have the instructor to yourself.

      • Maddie Ross

        Love, love, l0ve Wintergreen, but it’s a haul. It’s a good hour from Charlottesville realistically.

    • Rosalita

      You should check out WISP in Western Maryland or the resorts in Canaan Valley, WV. They aren’t too far away.

      Highly recommend a lesson. Check with the resort and see what’s offered.

  20. Investment Question

    I would be interested to hear from people who (1) contribute the max amount to their 401(k) and (2) make too much money to contribute to a Roth IRA.

    I need to save more than the max 401(k) amount, but not sure of the best approach. Put money in a non-retirement investment account, e.g. an index fund? Contribute to a regular IRA? Contribute to a regular IRA and then convert it to a Roth IRA? Something else entirely? I am 28.

    • snowy

      I don’t make too much for the Roth, so I max my 401(k), my Roth and then contribute to a traditional IRA. When I make too much for Roth, I plan to just contribute to the traditional IRA.

      also curious if there is more I should be doing… DH and I are always joking “oh look, we made $1000 on that fund. that’ll buy us a sandwich in 2055.”

      • Anon

        You should be aware that by the time you make too much for Roth, you will also be making too much to actually deduct your contributions to a traditional IRA.

        As far as I can tell, unless you do the immediate Roth conversion, there is literally zero benefit to using an IRA at all, once you make too much money to contribute to a Roth or to deduct contributions to a traditional IRA. Am I missing something here?

        • Anonymous

          Yes – Although you are unable to deduct the contributions, the earnings in the account grow tax free.

    • Sarabeth

      We contribute to traditional IRA then convert. Or at least, that’s the plan – this will likely be the first year we make over the max, assuming no job loss or similar.

    • Topanga

      If you have an HSA, consider maxing it out as well. You can pull out money for anything once you hit 65 (although you will have to pay tax on the money then if it’s not for medical expenses).

    • Anon

      I’d do the backdoor ROTH — $ into an IRA and then covert that over to a Roth right after (repeat every year). $ above that goes into a tax-advantaged Vanguard fund to minize any CGDs.

    • Anonymous

      1) Agree with the above doing the backdoor IRA option.

      2) After you’ve maxed that out, consider doing a non-retirement investment account but use this for your muni bond investments and load up on equities in the retirement account. Each individual account will be out of balance with your overall goals, but as long as the overall balance is what you’ve decided is appropriate for you, this is one technique people use to shelter the investments that would otherwise generate a lot (hopefully) of taxable income in a tax-advantaged account, and then buy investments that themselves are tax-advantaged in your “taxable” account. Just watch out for possible AMT issues depending on the type of muni bonds you buy.

    • RZ

      I max out my 401k and am ineligible for Roth accounts. My current approach is to keep a set amount of money as an emergency fund in my savings account. I have an index fund that is “play money” in the sense that I put the minimum in and have rarely contributed more but will do a little more whenever the market is down, and have no particular use for the money but to watch it grow.

      Any additional money goes into a higher-yield savings account. I do mine through Barclays, but there are lots of options (Ally, ING, etc.). This gives me more liquidity than a CD and a much higher interest rate than a normal savings account.

      The next step I will do, once I have saved for shorter-term goals like a down payment, will be to put money into a 60-month CD, or even longer. This is low risk but will earn you almost 3% interest. You can’t touch the money for the amount of time you select, but if you are saving for retirement only that shouldn’t be a problem.

      My approach is diversification and understanding how much risk I am willing to take based on the savings goals. For retirement, there’s a lot longer for the risks to even out so index funds make sense, as well as something less-risky like a CD. For shorter term goals I am much more risk-averse, hence the high-yield and normal savings accounts.

    • Investment Question

      Thanks so much!

      Is the backdoor Roth hard to set up? I read some articles about it but I got kind of confused as to the actual logistics/steps. I do already have a Roth IRA (with only like $5k in it), but I’m ineligible to contribute to it anymore. Would I be rolling over the traditional IRA into that existing Roth IRA of mine, or a new one? Do I need an accountant to help me with this or is it something anyone can figure out?

      • Anonymous

        What you do is make a nondeductible* contribution into your traditional IRA and then immediately roll it over into a Roth. It can be the Roth you have now or a new one (as in, it doesn’t effect the tax consequences, but I’m not sure why you’d want to set up a new one, so I’d do the existing one). *The contribution is nondeductible because you participate in an employer 401k and exceed the income limits to otherwise make deductible contributions.

        The huge caveat to this strategy is if you already have funds in a traditional IRA that were contributed with pre-tax funds (such as funds that were rolled over from a 401k). It makes the backdoor rollover much less advantageous (if you google articles about the backdoor IRA, they will explain why–I don’t want to create an example while distracted and miss a number!). I’m actually in this situation and plan to to a “reverse rollover” where I put those traditional IRA funds from a previous 401k rollover into the 401k at my new job. Then when I contribute to the traditional IRA in future years, it will only hold nondeductible contributions.

        • Investment Question

          So helpful, thank you. I do not have a traditional IRA, only the Roth IRA with $5k in it. I’m going to do this. Thanks again!

    • saltylady

      A big one for us is our kids’ 529 accounts, but it sounds like you don’t have kids yet. Otherwise, I just put (after tax) money in our Vanguard money market account, where it then gets dispersed into various funds. I think I’m too dumb to understand this backdoor IRA stuff so I need to keep it simple.

  21. preg 3L

    I’ll repost this on the afternoon thread if that goes up soon…
    Law School / Resume question. I interned for a judge in state trial court. She has been promoted to state appellate court. Do I indicate that on my resume? If so, how? Thanks!

    • Rosalita

      I don’t think it matters to your experience that she has been elevated. In my area, if I saw that you clerked for her, I wouldn’t need any more details about her. You didn’t do appellate work, you did trial work.

  22. Anon

    Does any one else feel embarrassed by telling people what they do? I do … maybe that is a sign I’m not in the right line of work. I work in marketing communications btw.

    • Philanthropy Girl

      Oh Anon, I get it. I’m a fundraiser. Which is an incredible career to have – but the minute I say it, people look at me like I’m about to ask them for their life savings and their first born child. Too many rotten fundraisers out there spoil it for those of us who just want to help make people’s lives better.

      • Don't Be Embarrassed

        Why is Marketing Communications any more embarrassing than, say, accounting or law or something else? And I say this as someone who went to a very snotty undergraduate institution and who has friends who are mostly in high-paying or “prestigious” careers.

    • Parfait

      I used to, when I was a secretary. Now it just takes a long time to explain what I do.

      I was definitely not in the right line of work back then.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions