Coffee Break – Cole Haan Vintage Valise Kendra Tote

Cole Haan Vintage Valise Kendra ToteI mentioned this briefly in an update to this morning’s TPS, but: Neiman Marcus is having a one-day only 40% off sale on Cole Haan items. (They also have a bunch of other great stuff in their clearance, including new markdowns.) I love this beautiful “beet” purple tote — the perforated leather, the shoulder strap, the custom lock closure, all with Cole Haan’s usual quality — love it. The bag was $398, but with today’s sale it comes to $239. (It’s also available in black and brown.) Cole Haan Vintage Valise Kendra Tote

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Comments

  1. Prrreeettty.

    Question: Would y’all buy retinol on Amazon? I’ve bought two different kinds. First one that doesn’t appear to be listed on Amazon anymore, and more recently: http://tinyurl.com/cwkj9j7. They both say prescription only and are manufactured in Israel and India, respectively. The first one was fine, I didn’t really notice any changes, but the second one has made my face start peeling a bit, so I’m just getting worried if I should be buying it from more legit sources.

    Thoughts?

    • I wouldn’t buy something that was rx only from anywhere on the internet. Can’t you get an rx from you doc? Better safe than sorry… especially when it comes to your face.

    • The more I think about my question, the more shady I feel like the products are. I would never buy “real” prescription meds without a prescription. I guess I didn’t realize at first that all retinol products are prescription — is that right? The sellers’ pages on Amazon don’t say prescription only; only the tube says that. I’m surprised Amazon would sell products like that.

    • Daughter of a Doctor :

      Sometimes you just need someone to tell you what not to do. No No No! You cannot put on your skin any prescription or prescription-ish concoction that you bought on line.

      Imagine if it makes your skin blow up. Here is the discussion with the MD:

      MD: so, tell me what happened?
      b23: well, my skin was fine until i started using this gel
      MD: what is the gel?
      b23: well, rxdrugscheep.india.com says that it is 3x retinol
      MD: oh, ok. do you have the tube with you?
      b23: right here.
      MD: hm, this doesn’t look like anything i’ve ever seen come out of the fda. do you read chinese? i can’t quite make out this label. or is it russian? indian? let’s just start you on some antibiotics.
      MD: by the way, what else are you taking that you got onlin?

      • You are so right. I am having a tattoo removed that I got put on in a whirlwind of drunken lust. I am older and wiser now, but am always have some reminder of that dumb mistake brought on by illicit drugs, alcohol, and weakness. You should wake up, smell the coffee and realize that it only takes a few moments to mess up your life. Having some guy just isn’t worth all the trouble especially when he burps and walks out on you, leaving you with a mess to clean up on your own. Stick to bona fide medication and men that will stay by you when thins are tough.

    • Forgive me if I’m off base, but I think I recall you mentioning in a recent discussion (this week?) that you are TTC?

      I’m not a doctor, and I’ve never been pregnant, so please do your own homework here, but my understanding has always been that retinoids and pregnancy don’t mix.

      • 2nd. I gave up my beloved Retin-A (prescription) while pg and bf.

      • Wow, amazing. Thanks. I’ll have to look into that.

        Have I mentioned how amazing this community is???

        • just Karen :

          Good catch Anon! Always double check with your doctor, but my understanding is that Retin-A and hydroquinone are both no-go’s for pregnant women (I had to decide whether to start using them knowing I’d stop in a couple of years and likely have all the pretty skin go away)

      • Anon — that’s impressive. Like…wow impressive.

        • See I’m always am amazed when people are like omg! you have such a good memory. I feel like I could write little paragraphs about frequent posters and I feel like I just skim! I wonder if people process that kind of grouping differently. Like I group the facts, Im sure others take them in individualy. And like, at least five people recognized lyssa going anon about her great news. Do you think people share more than they think they share (like tone, really small facts, habits of writing) or is it the way we process the info

          • I think it must be the way we process the info, because people have said before that they remember data about individual posters, but I read this site every day, and I have very little memory of any details about any poster. Like, when Lyssa outed herself as mamma mia, I thought “No way!” even though I clearly remember (in retrospect) Lyssa’s description of her firm. So, Anon’s memory here seems really impressive to me, too.

  2. Ladies! I did not get the job. AGAIN. But they really, really liked me, which is good to know for my future Oscar acceptance speech. Anyway, I am ready for my “Just say FOOEY and move on” mug, preferably filled with something other than coffee.

    Oh, well. But FOOEY.

  3. This bag is gorgeous! However, prompted by Batgirl’s thread on the TPS report, I’m going to abstain. Sigh.

  4. CoffeeTawk :

    I thought this would be a fun topic for an afternoon coffee break. For those of you that care about the subject, when/how did you decide you were ready for a baby? I know it’s not just a simple matter of deciding, but when did you make the actual decision that you wanted to do this? Contrarywise, for those of you that decided you don’t want children, how did you arrive at that conclusion?

    For reference, I’m 31, married to the love of my life, we both have good public sector jobs with a combined income in the low six figures, living in a high cost of living East Coast city, and both want kids in theory. On the one hand, now’s the time. On the other, our lives would go from comfy and fun to financially strained and crazy. Good bye trip to Lisbon and weekend trips to the Cape, hello how the heck can I afford pre-school. We both want kids at some point, neither one of us necessarilly wants a kid right.this.second. Sometimes I worry that if we don’t just jump into it, we’ll never actually do it. Other times, I wonder if that’s such a bad thing….

    • Well, we’ve been trying for three months, and I think I’m atypical, as described in the timeline below.

      We decided to start actively trying because we got to a point in our lives where, while it will be hard juggling things to have a baby now, it’s actually only going to get harder in successive years. I always thought there would come a time when it would come naturally, but there’s always pros and cons, and deciding if it’s worth it. I’m not baby-crazy, but we both know we want multiple kids and now is the time to make that happen.

      For me, each month goes like this:
      two weeks:
      yeah baby! let’s try to make a baby! boogie-woogie!
      two week wait:
      holy f*ck, what if I’m pregnant? our entire financial lives will be ruined, we’ll slowly die of starvation, I’ll be fired and blacklisted, etc etc
      3-4 days of period:
      oh good, I’m not pregnant! but wait, I’m really ready and want to have a baby…

      (rinse and repeat)

      • This is so similar to how I felt when we were not preventing pregnancy. (We have since gone back to prevention, due to H’s career change.) I would be excited thinking about it, and then the possibility of being pregnant made me sick to my stomach, which in turn made me even more sure I was pregnant.

        I also feel like (and maybe this is just me) during the spring and summer, I am much more content to let time pass by… but then in the fall and winter, I just really want to get pregnant. I can’t explain that, really.

        For the OP’s question: We are really comfortable in our childless life right now, as well. Financially, it would be a strain for us to add to the family. That being said, my mom waited until age “x” to have me and then five years later had my sister. She said if she had it to do over again, she would have started earlier for a number of reasons that I understand and respect. So, we have pretty much decided that if we aren’t baby-crazy within the next couple years, we will just go ahead and take the plunge, because we know we want kids. But I would like to hold off for right now, until I feel like we aren’t walking the financial tightrope.

    • I will be interested in hearing the responses to this one. I don’t feel an urge to have a child, but think I’d probably like one, maybe two, but our lives would be infinitely more stressed (time and money-wise), and I just can’t bring myself to have kids yet. Every few months I think, “maybe we should just do it, consequences be damned!” and then I think about paying off my student loans, and eating something other than ramen, and I think, “maybe we’ll wait a few more months.” I think we’ll probably have a kid in the next 1-2 years because I’ll get closer to 35 and that’s a bit of a cutoff for me. To be honest, I’d be fine (really, would probably prefer) to adopt children, but I think the price tag associated with some of these NYC agencies is a bit tough to swallow (like $35k!).

      • Do it now if you know you want to eventually. I was in same place at 31, then went on a ‘last big trip’ to Thailand and got a mysterious illness which made me sick for a few years. Fast forward, had to wait, now 35.5 and due any day, it has been way harder physically with the remnants of the illness, and being older, and almost zero chance we’d try for two. So my point is: when I had your thought processes, it never occurred to me that some intervening factor may jump in the way. You never know what life will throw at you- seize the moment and deal with the details, if you know you want a family and have enough of the right conditions lined up. You may not have the option later. (I initially had a hemorrhage first trimster etc… it has been dicey. There are a million things that can impact fertility and these matters).

        • ps- also, I never really listened to the whole fertility going down over years + risk of more baby problems thing- well once I started to, realized it was all true. it makes things way more stressful. younger is just better biologically. going for the down syndrome screening tests and stuff aren’t fun when the odds are way higher at later years. i was very dismissive of these points though until it was me.

          • ps again… i will admit i miss my old life terribly. husband has wigged out, i haven’t been able to exercise the whole pregnancy and been in pain… had to give up my glamorous global travel work… but, i am trusting the collective wisdom of the world that having my baby girl will be worth it, so not dwelling on the give-ups. well, ok i am, but viewing them in context.

          • Hey Ruby,
            Good luck with all- it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate now, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that all these things you’re juggling right now, will all go really well for you!

          • Susan- thank you! I appreciate any modicum of support at the moment:) I do know I’ll be okay eventually one way or another, but it is a trying time.

    • PharmaGirl :

      We just went for it because we weren’t getting any younger! Not the greatest decision-making strategy but it was one of those things I just had to try and see if it worked. And it did! The first month we tried! So my advice is, if you’re feeling ready and could accept being pregnant in the very near future, go for it. If you don’t quite want to be pregnant yet, use condoms but not hormonal birth control.

      The much bigger decision for us has been when/if to go for a #2.

      • anon atty :

        we are twins. literally the same thought process and the same result.

        When number 1 was about 2.5, i thought to myself, i think he would really benefit from a sibling. 2 months later i was pregnant.

        • LOL, same here.

        • PharmaGirl :

          Twinsies! We’re thinking of getting pregnant before the little guy turns 2 but now I’m faced with a potential new job / career change (interview pending) and the timing is just awful! But, again, not getting any younger. I’m very soon to be 36 which puts me beyond that comfortable hump of mid-30.

    • I’m also 31 and I think my friends had a lot to do with the “when” although I had always wanted to have kids (grew up in a large extended family that I treasure). But once a solid half of my friends had/were having kids, a lot of our activities turned into going over to their house to watch the game or having backyard cookouts instead of going out to bars/restaurants/concerts/etc. it was kind of like everyone was shifting into the next life phase and while the financial issues are still scary, not going on fancy vacations or weekend trips started to seem like not that big a deal. I definitely wasn’t ready for kids when everyone started having them, but I am now and we will start trying in the not too distant future.

      As a newish stepparent though, I will say that the good thing about parenting is that once it happens, you just make it work. Because you have to and because no one is ever actually prepared. Yes I miss going out for sushi and watching Bravo marathons on the weekends but honestly the stroganoff hamburger helper isn’t that bad if you toss some broccoli in with it and you get a decent tan watching youth sports. :)

    • Anon in ATX :

      Well DH is older so he was ready sooner than I was, but as soon as I was done with the bar & found a good job, that is when the baby-lust kicked in. I wouldn’t call it baby fever b/c I do not necessarily get super-excited about other people’s kids, but I do feel the desire/want to have my own baby. Apparently my father was the same way in that he loves his children but never cared for anyone else’s kids.

      Anyway, we are comfortable in our lives good jobs/house, but while I love our freedom/free time it is not like we are using that time in any kind of meaningful way. Of course everyone wants to be financially prepared but I really tried not to base it off that because then I don’t know if I would ever feel “ready”. I just try to console myself each month that it is one more month of building up savings/leave time before baby finally does arrive. Also we did not have any big discussions about it either. We just decided to go for it. Good luck with whatever you decide.

    • Seattleite :

      We backed into it, thus:

      We are X years old now. We want Y number of children, with N number of years between them. Allow for 22 years of dependency, so our age at the youngest’s college graduation is X+N(Y-1)+22. The final number horrified us, so we got right down to it.

    • I’m on bcp, so the decision is that much harder. I feel like if we used a more event-specific method, it might be easier to just roll the dice in the heat of the moment, but I am so damned responsible it can’t happen that way. This spring when I renewed my perscription, I almost felt a tinge of sadness. But then again, I can’t imagine actually going for it. Hell, I can’t even imagine where I would put a baby. My friends tend to fall into 2 groups thus far: working and no babies (most) and not working and babies (2). In a way, that makes it easier to not feel like I am behind time, but I am also 30 now so it’s all kind of an illusion. So in sum, short answer: I have no freaking idea how people do it, but I am interested in hearing others’ experiences.

    • This is why we had our kids when we were young, poor, and didn’t know better. LOL. Ds#1 was born while dh was still in university, DS#2 was born 6 mo into dh’s first job, ds#3 3 years later, a couple of months after I turned 30.

      FTR, I’m a designated accountant (CGA in Canada, similar to a CPA in the US), worked from home for years while our boys were young, went back to work f/t when #3 was about 2 & dh’s career started to sputter. Now, about 5 years later, I make enough to support our family without dh working (no extras), but he’s still bouncing from contract to contract to pay for the extras. We also got married really young, but say we’re the exception that proves the rule that young marriages don’t last. :)

      We’re not the norm in many ways.

      • There’s really something to the young, poor, and don’t know any better mentality.

        • Senior Attorney :

          I agree with this. I had my one and only at the beginning of my second year of law school and it worked out really well. Give or take my summer jobs, I didn’t have to go to work full time until he was two, which was awesome. And my schedule in law school, although intense, was pretty flexible. Plus now he’s up and grown while I’m still young enough to have a lot of those adventures I missed during the parenting years!

    • Mousekeeper :

      When I was in my 20’s, I was fairly convinced I did not want to have children . I thought I was too focused on my career to fit children in. Then, when I was about 32, I had what I call my “St. Paul on the road to Damascus” moment about kids. It was a Saturday, and I was driving past a high school football field where the marching band was playing. There was a small group of parents in the stand. And I thought, ” What a nice was to spend a Saturday – watching your kid in the marching band.” And I realized, “#$%@, I do want kids.”

      • I was almost exactly like you. I was rather obnoxiously (in hindsight) convinced I didn’t want kids all through my twenties, and then one day *poof* I could not wait one more minute to have a baby. Best hasty decision I ever made.

    • We decided to try for our 1st after DH finished law school (and had a job lined up) and I quit my job (not law, was working 70-80 hours/week, plus 50-mile round trip commute). We both knew we wanted kids, I was getting closer to 35, and wanted to make sure we had relatively stable income and health insurance without super-crazy working hours. Fortunately, I got pregnant pretty soon after we started trying.

      Life is certainly different now but worth it! However, I admit to changing my mind every day about trying for kid #2.

    • Unwed, Not Unhappy :

      Mad love, post-breakup (24). Bad love, pre-deployment (34).

    • Well, we debated whether it was time for 3 years, starting when I was 27 and he was 30. Finally on his 33rd birthday we decided to chuck the birth control. A year later, we had a baby girl. She is now an awesome 3 month old and we wish we had started sooner. I think that your life and priorities will naturally change when you have kids. Your life is flexible and you will be fine.

    • My husband suggested it when I was 30. I hadn’t really thought about it/no baby urge, but was like “why not?” — figured I’d have a few months to get used to it. Heh. Pregnant 4 weeks later.

      When #1 was about 10 months, I had the worst case of baby fever ever. I thought I would DIE if we did not start trying for #2 right away. Somehow managed to hold off until #1 was 18 months, then boom pregnant right away.

      #3 came along about 3 years later …. and now I’m so glad we went ahead, doing Seattleite’s math. It horrifies me how old I will be when the youngest is graduating college. Hoping that we will still be young enough to enjoy the empty nest!

      It is really fun. So much fun and so much stress — and every stage brings whole new kinds of both!

    • I’m late in posting on this but for my Husband and I it seemed like there was always something that we needed to wait for. We needed to wait till he settled in to his new job, or I settled in to a new job, or we moved, or we paid off the car. And finally, after all this waiting, we realized there was ALWAYS going to be something that would make us wait. We began to just feel like there was never going to be a perfect time, so we just threw caution to the wind and started not preventing it from happening. Within 2 months we were pregnant, but miscarried at 6 weeks. It took almost 6 months for us to recover emotionally from that, and feel ready to try again. I’m glad we started when we did because it made me realize you also never know how many “bumps” there may be on the road to a baby that may slow the whole process down. Here we are newly pregnant again, and completely terrified for the next few months, but all in all I’m glad we just went with it. Somethings you can overthink yourself out of.

    • I have to say that if you wait until the perfect time to have kids, or for your financial situation to be perfect, it will never happen. Or, you will be 41 years old and 6 months pregnant and so set in your ways that you worry about every.single.aspect.of your new life with a child.

      You must remind yourself that you have gotten to go to Lisbon and have your weekend trips, but that you gotta jump sometime.

      Don’t wait so long that you get afraid to try. That nearly happened to me.

  5. Anon for this :

    Completely honest under the veil of anon? I’m 34, and I’ve been delaying this decision for several years now. Ultimately, I just felt like we were running out of time and biology would make the decision for us if we didn’t try (and might make the decision for us anyway), so we’ve pulled to goalie and we’ll see what happens. I feel exactly the same way that you do — I love my husband and I love our relationship and our life together. We go on fantastic vacations and eat at Michelin 3-star restaurants and just come home from work and talk and talk for hours. I don’t want anything in my life to change – I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life. But when I picture my life in 10 or 20 years, I would like us to have kids. I don’t have that crazy baby urge that I want them RIGHT NOW, but I do feel like I’m running out of time to get the crazy baby urge, so we just have to start trying. We’ll see how it goes…

    I’d also highly recommend this book called The Conflict by Elizabeth Badinter. She really lays out this dilemma in the first couple of chapters — that modern women now have these fantastic, fulfilling lives, and modern conceptions of motherhood are so suffocating that a lot of women are either opting out of having kids or delaying it as long as possible.

    • Anon for this :

      That was for CoffeeTawk, above. D’oh.

    • In House Lobbyist :

      I wasn’t really ready to take the plunge but finally gave in to my husband’s pressure. And now that we have a 2 year old, I am so glad that he guilted me. I was 33 when we got pregnant the first time. We got pregnant the first month we tried but now that we are trying again at 35, it is proving to be harder. But I think the freak out period is normal.

      • I think that makes it easier. When one person really wants it, assuming you’re not actually opposed, the enthusiasm can be catching. My SO is always talking about it in an abstract way and whenever I bring it up, he says, “let’s do it!” but when it comes to actually planning for it, e.g, not going out for never ending happy hours with our friends, not wasting money on cabs constantly, etc., etc., nothing actually gets done. Not sure about others, but I feel like I would be much more ready for it if I knew it wasn’t going to be such a mad scramble once the wheels were in motion and that I wouldn’t have to be the one nagging us about finding a bigger apartment or putting away money for X costs.

      • We are twins.

    • Anonymous :

      Well, yes, that’s why babysitters were invented.

    • Yet another anon :

      I could have written this word for word except that I’m 29, soon to be 30. Don’t want a baby now, love my life, love my husband, we go on vacations and eat at great restaurants, lots of places in the world i’d still like to go, no urge to have or hold a baby but– when i picture my life in 10 years, I want to have kids around me. So, I feel like we should start trying in a year or so. I’m glad to know i’m not the only one- it sounds like lots of women are in this situation. All I ever hear about is how women have terrible baby lust, and was starting to feel like a freak because I don’t. I’m glad to know you can still have a family and be happy with your decision without that “urge.”

      • mousekeeper at home :

        Hit the send too soon. Anyway, what helped me to not miss those child free perks – happy hours, music festivals, etc., – was the fact that my work friends – my age group – was getting married and starting families. The folks I used to go happy hour-ing with couldn’t do that, either. And within a couple of years we were getting together with our babies. Later on, we talked about kids in school, and then the pressures of applying to college. After my “St. Paul” moment, I really, really thought about it, and wondered what I was giving up in my career by starting a family. I figured that even if I eventually became a VERY SUCCESSFUL ATTORNEY, at some point my employer was bound to less invested in me than I was in the employer if my job was all I had going in my life. I wasn’t working in private practice, and we were doing okay financially with me working for the government.
        A note on having children later rather than earlier – I didn’t have my first child until I was 37 and then the second one at 42 (we had a hard time getting her going). I am now at an age where I have to worry about age discrimination and employability, and I still have college to pay for, so I need to keep working full-bore. I was also lucky that my kids were not born with birth defects (my son has AS, but I know young parents who have had AS children), but over 35, you really have to worry about that. If you wait as long as I did, you will be older than the parents of your children’s friends, if that matters. Getting on your knees to give a toddler a bath is harder in your 40’s than in your 30’s. I think I was a better parent for NOT having had children before I was ready, but there are some downsides.

        • Very good point about it being physically easier when the mother is young. This applies to pregnancy and labor as well as to actual raising of the kids.

  6. DAM* YOU TCFKAG :

    You sold me that suit you posted yesterday, and I can’t even wear it until the fall. I loved it when Kat posted it and conveniently forgot about it. But today I simply could not resist.

    • muahahahahahaha.

      :-) I’m so glad, because I’m in love with it and really can’t afford it right now. But other people should own it and love it for me.

  7. Ceramic white watches this summer–yay or nay? I really want one but don’t want to look like I’m a season or two past a big trend.

    • Merabella :

      I have a white watch that I bought a few summers ago and I love it. It is great for outfits that look too overwhelmed by something else.

    • I bought a much more delicate white Skagen last summer with a white leather band after looking at some of the chunkier ceramics.

    • I hope the trend hasn’t passed. Because, as usual, I was a late adopter and just bought mine a few months ago after hemming and hawing about how expensive and trendy they were. I intend to wear it all summer long. I really hope I’m not behind trend. Ah well. Just to be safe, I bought a cheap NY&CO or similar brand one for ~$30 at Macy’s.

  8. momentsofabsurdity :

    Guys –

    I have been pitching in on a data entry project all day. I literally haven’t moved from my seat since 9am. I can’t imagine doing this every day – I’m so impressed by everyone who does!

    • stand up and strech, immediatly!!! i do so much data entry but if you dont move at least once an hour, your shoulders/arms/neck/back/body will hate you. do some streches, go for a little walk. ahhh im hurting just thinking about you!!!

    • Research, Not Law :

      Hahaha, that’s what I do everyday, so thank you ;) Once I had a supervisor ask me to write my own job description (don’t get me started on that job…) and I listed the physical requirement of being able to sit for extended periods. She laughed, but I was not joking. It ain’t easy!

      I drink a *lot* of tea during the day to assure take a lot of bathroom breaks just to stretch my legs. Otherwise, I can easily go an entire day forgetting to move and die when I stand up.

      • You’re back! I wondered where you were a while ago and someone said (see above for my explanation of never rembering details about any of the posters) that you were having a baby. How are you? How is the baby?

        Sorry, not to be a creepy stalker; just friendliness.

        • Research, Not Law :

          Thanks :)

          Baby’s gorgeous and healthy. So different from her sister but still just as perfect! I’m LOVING having another baby, since I feel like I can enjoy it this time around instead of freaking out over everything like with the first. I’m struggling with what two pregnacies did to my body (hint: my bikini days are over!), but it was worth it.

  9. Very pretty purse, Kat!

  10. Has anyone successfully used dish soap and water to clean their fabric purses? One of my light colored fabric bags with leather trim needs to be cleaned just from my constant use of it. I am trying to decide whether I should try cleaning it myself or just take it to a dry cleaner.

    • I think it varies by fabric type?
      The Hairpin has a great column on cleaning *everything*. There was definitely a purses/fabric purses “Ask a Clean Person”

  11. Research, Not Law :

    Hi, all! I’m back from maternity leave. :)

    Baby girl and big sister are doing well. I’m happy to be back at work and rejoin the hive, although I’m missing spending my whole day with my family and only worrying about whether or not to bring jackets to the park.

  12. I just discovered STFU Corpor*tte. Enjoy. I’m kind of weirded out, but I kind of love it too.

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