Weekend Open Thread

Joie Devani Beaded Top Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I was at a small dinner party at a paella bar in NoLiTa last Saturday, and noticed, a few tables away, another diner wearing this awesome top. Like, really awesome and beautiful and unique but still, you know, laid back — the “this old thing?” kind of vibe. Loved it. Then, in our convo on Monday about personal style bloggers, one commenter linked to So Much to Smile About, which had posted a picture of Meg from MegBiram wearing the same top and I thought, a-HA! Now I don’t have to Google-stalk it. And so here is my excited report: It’s Joie — beaded silk chiffon.  It’s $288.  For once, I think it looks better in real life (both on Meg as well as the random girl I saw at dinner on Saturday) than it does on the model.  Le sigh.  Joie Devani Beaded Top

(L-2)

Comments

  1. momentsofabsurdity :

    I like the top. But $288 seems like a LOT for a “this old thing?” kind of top.

  2. Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

    The scallop pattern falls unfortunately over her b**bs in such a bad way.

    From a distance, it looks like she’s wearing a drawing of droopy b**bs that have fringe dangling from them. I can’t unsee that now, either.

  3. I absolutely love this top but the price is absurd!

  4. Gift-giving question:

    My sister and I are very close in age, she is 27 and I am 25. She is graduating from law school in December and I want to get her a nice, classic gift to mark the occassion. I want to keep it under $500. For context, for my graduation she got me a burberry trenchcoat- I love this piece and wear it very frequently. I’d like to give her an equally nice staple piece. She is very much into designers and labels (quite the opposite of mysel), so I’m thinking a piece that a designer is known for- ex: an hermes belt (way out of my price range). Jewelry would be easier- but she already has a nice watch and staple jewelry pieces. I’m not too familiar with designer stuff, so if any of you fashionable ladies can offer some suggestions I’d really apreciate it! Thanks!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      A pair of RayBans maybe? Along with a Burberry scarf?

    • What about a nice work bag? (I’m actually more like you, not into designers/labels, so no specific suggestions.)

    • Not knowing what classic jewelry she has and doesn’t have — what about something from Tiffanys? People love that stuff and a lot of it (like say pearl studs or silver huggies) would be great as daily wear or interview wear for a new lawyer. Plus people just love those blue boxes.

      • My sister gave me a silver Tiffany pen for law school graduation and I use it daily.

        • Yes, my uncle gave me a silver Tiffany pen for my law school graduation too. It is gorgeous and it reminds me of him every time I use it.

          • Ooh or what about a Mont Blanc pen? My Dad gave me one for college graduation and I treasure it! Is a Mont Blanc pen still a “status” thing or is it an “old person” thing nowadays? Just curious!

    • I’d suggest a beautiful leather bag for work. Coach has a “classics” collection with some beautiful options in the 250-350 dollar range. That being said, I know some people who really like designers and labels think of Coach as being kind of a “lesser” label, so not sure if your sister is in that camp.

      • We literally just had the same comment. Ha!

      • She went through a coach phase in highschool (she had A LOT of “C” labeled bags) so I think this option wouldn’t work for her. But also, she recently bought a very nice, classic work bag. le sigh.

      • downstream :

        If she’s into labels I would steer clear of bags – she probably has her own likes and dislikes. I would go with a beautiful burberry scarf or, if her style is more alternative, an alexander mcqueen scarf.

    • What about a purse? I’m thinking something that is classic in shape (i.e., no hobos, etc.) and conservative in color choice (black, cognac, burgandy, a deep purple), that is long and deep enough (TWSS) to hold a file or two (for me that means, long enough that you can fit an 8.5×11 file comfortably). I know Coach isn’t quite so popular anymore (I think there was a discussion about this yesterday), but I think they’re getting back to their roots rather than being all-logo-all-the-time. From what I’ve seen online, I like the Candace carry-all, and I think some of the items in the Madison line would be nice.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Ferragamo Varina flats?

      • I was reading quickly and my brain interpreted “Varina” flats as…something else.

        I think I can safely say that I will never be able to buy those shoes now!

    • anon for this :

      My parents gave me a Waterford fountain pen for my law school graduation, and I still use it on a daily basis. It is my “signature” pen that I keep in my desk for signing pleadings and letters, since it looks much nicer than a felt-tip or ballpoint. I actually get quite a lot of compliments on it.

      • anon in-house :

        I read Waterford as “Wolford” and thought you meant the high-end hose/tights and thought that was quite an interesting idea. They’re supposed to be really long-lasting, but they’re so expensive I never bothered getting them for myself. But I’d love to receive some as a gift!

    • S in Chicago :

      Do you know what designers she favors? Tory Burch is very big in my circles, so I might purchase some classic black leather gloves and then maybe a lovely scarf. DVF makes some gorgeous scarves and is so well known for beautiful prints. I always think a scarf over a trench looks so classic and classy. Or what about a lovely cardigan? Or a cashmere wrap? Not sure how she feels about Brooks Brothers, but I’ve been lusting after this one: http://www.brooksbrothers.com/Cashmere-Ruana/WR00013,default,pd.html?dwvar_WR00013_Color=BLCK&contentpos=17&cgid=women . It seems like the sort of splurge item one would wear year after year and would work for office, travel, night out.

    • Hermes scarf? Real gold hoop earrings?

    • OK–not as fun as some of the other suggestions. But what about a nice piece of carry-on luggage, such as something by Tumi? (I believe there are some sales right now.) I know I would have really appreciated something like that post-grad school when taking my first business trip.

    • If she knows designers, I’d go for a Hermes scarf. It is classic, the quality is unreal, she can use it multiple ways for decades. You can get them around $400 from places like ruelala. Also, you are a nice sister.

    • Anonymous :

      A family member got me this Tiffany bracelet/earrings set when I graduated law school and it has been great for everyday wear at work, since it goes with pretty much everything:

      http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=GRP01690
      http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/item.aspx?fromgrid=1&selectedsku=11408362&sku=GRP03142

      I believe there is also a matching necklace. Their pink pearl jewelry can also be great (pretty and feminine but still simple enough to go with a lot of workwear): e.g. http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=25547896

    • From a different perspective, if she enjoys cooking, you could also give a piece of “designer” cookware. I’m thinking a Le Creuset dutch oven, a couple pieces of All Clad or something along those lines. I received my Le Creuset dutch oven as a grad school gift and was completely thrilled.

  5. Kitten Heeled :

    Hi Ladies! My husband is turning 30 in August and I want to do something nice for him and his friends to celebrate- like sending him on a fun and memorable boys-night-out. It would be him and 15 of his friends- they are all roughly the same age. Any suggestions?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Where are you located? There is a “James Bond Experience” type thing near me that a few guy friends had a TON of fun doing (even though it was aimed mostly at kids). Maybe there is something similar in your city?

      http://www.patriot-place.com/espionage.aspx

      Otherwise – paintballing followed by a bar crawl? Beer tasting at a local brewery? Trip to the shooting range? Tickets to a sporting event?

      • Kitten Heeled :

        We’re in NoVA/DC area. My husband is not much of a drinker, so the bar crawl and beer tasting wouldn’t be too fun for him. A shooting range might be fun— would there be a place for them to congregate? hmmm, never been before.

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          I have had friends that have gone in groups to a shooting range (I’ve never been to one though) and maybe a shooting range, followed by a hearty dinner at a local restaurant might be a fun boys’ night for non drinkers? I know after you leave they let you keep your target sheet, so they can all compare notes, even if they can’t chitchat while shooting.

          • If your husband has never been shooting before, maybe see if you can rent out an entire range for a few hours for the group. That way they could get a lesson first (everyone should know basic firearm safety and range protocol before stepping foot into the firing area anyway) and know how to load and shoot whatever firearms they’ll be renting (pistols, shotguns, ARs, etc). And the range staff can give them ongoing pointers during their active shooting time which is helpful for beginners (and makes it more fun).

            Check a few different places, as different ranges have different atmospheres.

        • If you’re in DC, I would monitor Living Social. They have some special outings that they run, and then deals on things like paintball and shooting. My husband just did Whirleyball at a bachelor party (I guess it’s like lacrosse while in bumper cars), and he said it was a lot of fun, so you could see if there’s anything like that around DC.

        • Go-karting. Wayyyy too much fun.

          • There is a place out by Dulles that does this. Gives out trophies and everything.

        • Does he like sports? Here in NY, you can rent a box to see a Mets game, with food and drinks and it ends up being something reasonable like $50/pp. Maybe look into something along those lines where you are?

    • I think it depends on what your husband and his friends consider to be “fun and memorable.” If they’re hard partiers, I know that in big cities there are companies that operate “party” buses and trolleys that have alcohol on board and take you on a longgg bar crawl. I know a lot of people who have had a blast on these, but they’re not exactly the classiest excursions. For something a little calmer, maybe you could arrange for a beer tasting at a nice pub or a brewery? Or you could avoid the alcohol route altogether and go for something extreme-sports-y: jet skiing, hang gliding, etc. Good luck!

    • Be carful. When I was 30, I was with Alan, but his idea of a fun night out was to go drinkeing with his dumb accountent friends, and they would then think they were Big Men about Town and start approacheing women to see if they wanted to go out some where else for a drink (or something else).

      These were CPA’s! Not rif-raff, but educeated professioneals! So don’t think that your man is diferent. Once they have a few ounces of booze in them, they think they are big lady’s men, and they start preeneing as if the lady’s even care.

      It is importent to remember that if your guy does get lucky, he could be bringeing back a “gift” that you don’t want — STD’s, HERPES, AIDS or even WORSE. I could NEVER take that chance.

      So I had to wind up dumping Alan when all he did was caruose, drink, and lay around my apartement for day’s and even it was geting bad at work for him b/c he was not abel to do his job with a hangeover. FOOEY!

      If you wan’t to do something good for him that is NOT goeing to be bad for you. How about a Mexican apple bobing contest at your place with hot cider? They can’t complain, if the ladies are invited, particularley if the ladies dress in bikini’s! If I was smart a few year’s ago, I would have done this. Fooey, but I do NOT miss Alan. Yay!

      • I’m dying imagining the invitation for a mexican apple bobbing party with a bikini dress code. And I don’t even know what makes the apple bobbing mexican but I’m hoping it involves sombreros.

        • Someone, even if not the OP, needs to do this just to see what happens.

          Maybe the apples fall from a pinata into a barrel of tequila? Who knows.

          • I’m pretty sure that it means you are bobbing for apples that are floating in the brim of a sombrero (filled with tequila) instead of out of a bowl or cauldron.

          • Ah yes. So first you have to break the pinata. Then the apples that are in the pinata fall out, into the tequila-filled sombrero. Then, and only then, do you do the apple-bobbing.

    • Does he like food? In DC I think it would be a fun night out to say go to either Jaleo or Zaytinia or Dukem (or one of the other Ethiopian places) — something quirky and communal — and then maybe go out after and play pool somewhere (if they go out in Chinatown I think there’s a billiards bar across from the Verizon Center right?) Or if they wanted to do something more formal, they could go to a comedy club or an improv show — something like that.

      • I second this. Zaytinya is amazing! (Jaleo is also good, but I thought Zaytinya was much better.)

        The Spy Museum is also nearby and they do after hours scavenger hunts. I did one a few years ago with a large group (probably 35-40), and it was a blast. I’m not sure if there’s a minimum party size and what the cost is, but everyone in our group loved it.

        • Zaytinya has gone way downhill. If you like that genre of food, Ezme (21st and P NW) is about 100 times better and also a better date place. Spy museum at night is a great idea.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        I don’t know about billards, but I could spend hours playing shuffle board at Rocket Bar in Chinatown. (classy, however, it is not. I went to a “nicer” shuffle board/billards bar I think near dupont one time, but I can’t remember the name. I don’t live in DC anymore).

      • I would not recommend Jaleo, Zaytinya, or similar — I don’t know too many men (actually, any) that would choose tapas/small plates of their own accord. I would guess that a steakhouse might be more in line with a traditional boys night out.

  6. JC Penny makeover? The guy who designed the Apple stores took over the new JCP and stock is falling. Looks like he is rejecting basics that appeal to suburban shoppers including getting rid of Big and Tall for men, etc., in favor of cheap and trendy. I always counted on JCP for sheets, t-shirts, cheap costume jewelry, weekend clothes but not work clothes, bags, or shoes.

    What do you all think about the change?

    • I think the biggest focus was to get rid of the constant sales. People were trained not to buy something unless it was on sale.

      Now, JCP is making a big deal about their every day low prices to try to get it where people aren’t always waiting on a sale.

      • Research, Not Law :

        I *LOVE* the new pricing. I hate having to wait for huge sales before I can buy something.

        I don’t know about the content changes, but I would be very sad to see their home goods go downhill.

    • I think they’re missing a fundamental idea of shopping: women like to buy things on sale/clearance (and some also love love love coupons, although I’m not a big coupon-er). This may apply to men too, I don’t know. But I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t love buying what was originally marked as $50 for $20. And with JCP’s “fair and square” “we don’t put anything on sale” pricing, they’ve completely missed one of the psychological elements about shopping that women really like. From what I’ve read, the couple of times they’ve done sales or coupons since changing to “fair and square” pricing, their sales have gone up.

      I’m not and never have been a JCP shopper. No reason why I’m not; it just isn’t in my ball of stores. So I can’t comment on the new stores and merchandise.

      • They do have a deal where you use your JCP card or a registered credit card and get $10 back for every $100 you spend in a month….

        They also recently sent out coupons to people on their e-mail list.

        So, not all coupons are dead.

      • They do put things on sale still though. I’ve only been in there once, and it was post-redesign, and there were sale racks.

    • Bewitched :

      I love the new JCP. I literally NEVER shopped there before, but I have gone in pretty frequently since the new guy took over. I don’t find their things to be trendy/cheap. For example, I bought my boys tons of khaki shorts in cool colors like Nantucket Red this summer-they were really good quality material and the price was something amazing like $15! I was really impressed and have been back often. I hope they don’t go back to the old pricing/styles.

      • Word. It was SO ANNOYING how items were 40% off on Tuesdays/Wednesdays, 30% off on Thursdays and 20% off on Fridays (I would walk through JCP during my commute home so I noticed the pattern). I know they still run specials but it’s not “worth it” to pick up whatever I want whenever I need it.

    • Anonymous :

      Is this for real or a marketting survey? If the latter, I would like to be paid for my opinion, please.

    • They’re getting rid of men’s big and tall??? Nnnooooooo, say it ain’t so.

  7. another gift ? - nola specific :

    New Orleans ladies, any ideas for recommended ballet, dance or theatre shows that are not too expensive (pref $75 or less for 2 tickets)? Looking to maybe get my SIL in nola some tickets for a holiday gift, but NOBA & NOBT are a bit out of my price range. I’m not familiar w/ nola, so I don’t know what non-mainstream stuff would be good or bad… TIA for any ideas!

  8. I would love some relationship advice from the hive. I’ve recently gone on a few dates with a really sweet guy. We seem to have great chemistry, he’s been very direct about his interest, and overall it seems like a nice start to something. However, my concern is communication. He recently moved to the US from Europe and while his English is surprisingly good, we have problems communicating about deeper subjects and also humor doesn’t really translate. We don’t seem to have a lot of common references to fall back on, something I’m really used to sharing with partners.

    My backstory is that I’m recently out of a five year relationship with a guy I thought was “the one,” but he finally admitted that he never wants to settle down. I’m of an age where I’d like to only date serious contenders. I really like this European guy but is the language barrier too much? Have any of you had experience bridging the gap?

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      If you’re looking for serious contenders, how will you the handle the logistics if things work out with your Euro guy?

      1. Are you prepared to move to his country of origin if he decides he doesn’t want to live in the U.S. permanently? If so, do you have the necessary skills (language and other) to work in that country and live comfortably?

      2. Conversely, has he even said whether he’d like to relocate to the U.S. permanently?

      3. What does his family think about his moving here and possibly living in the U.S. forever? How about their opinions about a daughter-in-law from a different culture (and possibly a different religion)? Other posters on here have talked about how this is a problem for some in-laws.

      Finally, onto the language issues.
      Is he unable to talk about abstract concepts and psychological stuff? As in, does he not know what it means to be: “passive-aggressive”? “emotionally withholding,” “codependent,” “needing affirmation”? Not to say that you or he might necessarily fit those descriptions, but I’m just throwing them out as an example for the abstract psychological /emotional landscape type terms he may not know.

      This is important stuff. Marriage is tough at some times, and being able to communicate effectively and solve (marriage, and other problems) together is one of the cornerstones of a successful relationship. So you’re right to be concerned.

      There are a few women on here who are married to guys who speak English perfectly, but refuse to do the introspective work necessary to understand themselves or their wives. Language nuances can be learned. Therapy-speak can be learned. More important is whether he wants to learn more and whether he’s introspective enough to discuss these concepts in any language.

      • Good thoughts. The language issues will work themselves out, as both parties learn more of each other’s linguistic quirks by the immersion method :-). But it’s really important to figure out whether relationship-maintenance concepts that are close to your heart are a linguistic problem or a language block. Talking should resolve that one.

    • If he just recently moved, I’m guessing things will get better as he is in America longer and becomes immersed enough in the culture to understand humor and nuances in language. Guess it depends how much of a hurry you’re in to get to a very serious level, as it might take a little longer to get on common enough ground to talk about serious things. As an aside, if things are starting to get serious, I’d also make sure you know of his plans for the future (is he planning to go back to his home country? is he a citizen? green card? visa that might expire?).

    • 1. Language will improve the longer he’s here.
      2. You’ll develop more recent common references as the relationship goes on. This can happen even in same-culture relationships — if one partner is even five years older than the other, they may have completely different references from childhood.
      3. Humor will be tough but some of it is learning to appreciate the humor from the other person’s culture. I dated a German guy and geez their humor is weird! But after awhile I started to get when he was making a joke and even started to see why the joke was funny.

      Also, +1000 on the point about intentions re staying in US or going back to Europe. If you’re looking at the very long term, one thing to consider is the fact that people often feel the urge to move back “home” once they have kids. If you think you’d be up for moving to his country someday, or feel confident that he really, really doesn’t want to go back for whatever reason, then, while not a 100% guarantee, that’s at least helpful.

    • Thank you all for your thoughtful comments! It’s really helpful to think through some of your points which I hadn’t considered! He does seem committed to staying here, he has both a business and property here, as well as a long term visa. That said, anything could still happen. I’m just so bad at casual dating. Ugh. Like you said, Susan, I don’t think he understands abstract concepts so well. That’s my biggest concern. I think I’m going to put “I need to take this slowly” into Google translate for him!

      • I’m an immigrant, also from Europe. Although my English was quite good when I moved to the U.S., there definitely were things I didn’t get until I lived here for a while. I would say it took me a good five years before I felt like I was “fluent” in terms of the culture, not just language. And when I recently moved to a different part of the country, I felt like a foreigner again (although the adjustment period was much shorter).

        One question: are you interested in his culture / background / language? While he may be making the biggest adjustment, you will probably also have to adjust a bit even if you stay here. Although my husband never learned more than a few words in my language, he has had to turn a switch to understand my family and friends and, most importantly, me.

      • I would also warn you about a definite cultural chasm. You may be delighted at first, after your previous experience, to find that Europeans in general are incredibly U-Haul, moving to commitment at breakneck speed by US standards. But make sure to take the time to find out whether you’re really happy to commit to THIS person. Just because you can doesn’t mean you must, or that the relationship would necessarily be happy.
        Also, this particular guy may be fleeing that cultural imperative, or not consider it really possible with a foreigner if he doesn’t think he could negotiate a future move back to Europe. So tread carefully..

        • PS: also be sure you aren’t confusing polite with sweet. These are really totally different concepts, and Americans can be fooled because they’re so unused to the former.

          • This.

            (As a side note, I’ve experienced the polite/sweet confusion when talking to Minnesotans, too. ;) )

          • M-C, thank you so much for writing this. That’s exactly what I have been experiencing. After my last BF being so unavailable, this guy is the opposite. I had never heard that about Europeans being quicker to commit than Americans, but that is exactly what is going on. It just feels like too much too soon. Now I’m also considering the polite angle versus “sweet.” I like, “just because you can doesn’t mean you must.” I think I need to apply that to all areas of my life.

          • Americans make jokes about lesbians and U-Hauls, but Europeans have even those beat by a mile :-). Horrifying, really, as there’s no room for any light-hearted fun. But don’t flog yourself Calico, it’s natural to move between extremes, especially about things you feel burned about in the last iteration of relationship. There is always a happy medium though, really, somewhere..

          • LOL, as a Minnesotan I understand where Anonymous 10:31 is coming from!

        • Definitely had an Austrian tell me he loved me within maybe two weeks of starting to see each other. He proposed marriage within three months.

          …in retrospect, shoulda jumped on that.

    • Make sure he baths regularlery and has good teeth. In college this europeean guy kept Askeing me out b/c he was in my history class. I did NOT show interest but he kept STAREING at me and always grinned withVERY dirty teeth that probabely needed alot of dental work. He also wore the Same argyle sweater that.was smelley. FOOEY! He said he wanted to move here, and I said to myself “not with me mister”. I think he wound up workeing for the parks department, but I am not sure. The key is to make sure he is not a male goldigger! FOOEY!

    • The nationality of European would really help out. I’m European, lived in the US for a long time and also lived in a few European countries and I can assure you, outside the individual’s preferences, there are vast differences between all of those nationalities dating habits. One thing I will say for Western European’s versus American’s is that the concept of “dating” (going on dressed up dinner dates) doesn’t really exist in Europeans under 30. Generally, you’re friends and eventually fall into a relationship. Compared to the U.S. the initial progression of the relationship is then rather fast (up until moving in together), but I think on average Western Europeans take longer to commit to marriage. Of course, these are some gross generalizations and situations vary very much individually, but it’s a general pattern I believe to have observed.
      You mentioned some downsides to moving too fast and I agree, but one upside to a relationship that is progressing fast: at least you find out quickly if this guy is not for you and can move on quickly.
      Best of luck!

  9. That capitalization for Nolita (North of Little Italy) makes no sense to me.

    • I thought it was NoLIta because North of Little Italy.

      But, then, I still spell it TriBeCa.

      • That makes sense. And of course these acronym names (nolita, tribeca, dumbo, bococa) were made up by real estate brokers anyway . . .

        • Dowisetrepla!

          (Down Wind from the Sewage Treatment Plant, for the non-How I Met Your Mother Fans)

          • Love.

          • Gail the Goldfish :

            Like.

            I always try to figure out if Lily and Marshall’s apartment location is based on an actual neighborhood. Anyone know? The only sewage treatment plant I know of is the one in Astoria, north of the park, and I doubt it’s supposed to be there because the inevitable “you live in Queens?!” comment would have appeared on the show at some point.

            (Not hating on Queens. I live in Queens. I’m constantly amazed by my Manhattan friends that seem to think the East River is a magical barrier that slows down all trains and expands distances. And think more people live in Manhattan than Queens)

          • I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING! HiveFive! ;o)

          • There’s a sewage treatment plant in west Harlem, under Riverbank State park. I used to watch the show, and it seemed like the crew lived on the UWS, so maybe Lily & Marshall moved a little uptown?

          • Gail the Goldfish :

            ahha! Yea, I think they do. Thanks for solving the mystery, NYNY.

  10. There is a paella bar in NoLIta?

    THERE IS A PAELLA BAR IN NOLITA!

  11. I’ve got a “brief interview” on monday for my first attorney job post-clerkship. Any advice? Particularly from former clerks on how you handled the interview process while still clerking.

    Thanks!

    • I interviewed while clerking and didn’t find anything about those interviews different from the in-office interviews I’d had with firms during law school. We talked generally about the types of cases I’d worked on, what I’d learned while clerking, and then all the usual stuff about why I wanted to go to X firm. I never talked about any specific cases or gave enough detail so that someone could figure out which opinions I’d worked on.

      One guy I know interviewed with a large, national firm. When he was interviewing with one of the partners, the partner started talking about a case he had pending before the judge that guy worked for—and the partner seemed to be probing about when he could expect an opinion. I’ve never heard of another person having this issue, but I have to think it does. Be prepared to provide a “I can’t discuss that case” response.

      Otherwise, good luck!

      • Agree with all of this. Remember your confidentiality/ethics issues. If you feel you are being asked too provide too many details about the cases you work on, have a professional “I cannot discuss my work” ready to go and don’t let it rattle you. The interveiwer could be testing you or could just not be up in on her/his judicial ethics. I had to say something during an interview I had while I was clerking, and I totally wasn’t expecting it, so it just felt awkward. That’s the only clerkship-specific thing I can think of.

    • Good luck! Assuming “brief interview” means only a short interview, it shouldn’t be anything significantly different than the kinds of interviews you experienced as a law student. Interview styles vary widely from firm to firm — some will be interviewing largely for fit, others will be interviewing you more for a specific position. Be prepared to rave about your clerkship and why it has prepared you well to succeed as an associate.

      Logistically, interviewing while clerking should be easy — my judges knew I was looking for a job post-clerkship and did not mind that I was out of the office interviewing.

    • Thanks! I’m assuming that “brief interview” (their words) means a meeting with one or two partners before being brought in for a more formal interview when they’ve narrowed down the applicants. However, I am in a smaller market, so who knows?

  12. Bewitched :

    Threadjack! Since Kat is talking about a recent event where an attendee was wearing a sleeveless top, in November (perhaps appropriate for a warmer indoor venue), can I just ask if anyone else finds Savannah Guthrie and the Today show’s constant love of sleeveless sheath dresses to be annoying? Really, Matt Lauer is sitting next to her with a long sleeved shirt and suit jacket, and she’s going SLEEVELESS? In November? Ok, rant over. RAWR!

    • DUDE, THIS IS MY PEEVE. Why do female news anchors dress like they’re “going to lunch” or a party or whatever while male news anchors are wearing suits? WHY DO THEY DO THIS. EVERYBODY IN SUITS.

      • Me too!!! I hate the mismatch. The weather-inappropriateness is one thing, but what I really can’t stand is how the dude is dressed like he’s at work, and the lady is dressed either too casually (looking at you, anchors in moto jackets) or like she’s at a c*cktail party. Thank goodness for the women of PBS.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        This doesn’t only happen to news anchors! If any of you watch USA’s “Covert Affairs,” Joan Campbell is always wearing what looks like a sleeveless cocktail dress during work-hours in the CIA’s offices.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        (reposted to avoid moderation)

        This doesn’t only happen to news anchors! If any of you watch USA’s “Covert Affairs,” Joan Campbell is always wearing what looks like a sleeveless c*cktail dress during work-hours in the CIA’s offices.

      • Mine also. Hate this! I blame Fox News for starting the trend, but it really has taken over every channel. I literally sit on my couch sometimes and yell at the TV. “Put on a f*cking blazer (and get off my lawn)!”

      • Yes, and I hate this on police procedurals, too. Why do the male detectives wear button-ups and ties, while the women are in sexy jeans and low-cut Tees? Not that Elliot and Olivia don’t look great in their respective uniforms, but it makes no sense to me.

    • I hate that this trend is now moving to courtrooms. I haven’t seen women in sleeveless dresses without jackets but am seeing a ton of dresses with cap sleeves as court atire. Ugh. Throw on a jacket.

    • Count me in the minority. I actually like Savannah’s sleeveless dresses. And I’m one who thinks those type of dresses – sheath-style are actually business appropriate. Opposite on two counts.

      • I’m with you ADL! I love Savannah’s dresses! In fact, I wish I could get in touch with her stylist, so that I could find out where to buy them.

        I think she would look stuffy wearing a suit every day on the Today show.

      • Divaliscious11 :

        Me too. I imagine its hot on the set under the lights, but I’ve also noticed it a few recent events – I was envious because I was hot and wished I had on less….

      • I was reading this thread while at a conference in a sleeveless DVF sheath dress, so…yeah. My colleagues were in suits and ties, but I felt absolutely fine.

      • Ditto. I much prefer a well fitting sheath dress to a suit and feel completely business appropriate in one. I am not at all bothered by seeing women presented in them.

  13. Anonymous :

    Okay, so I just went to check out the 6pm sale that someone recommended in the morning thread, and I found this: http://www.6pm.com/see-by-chloe-lc80401t6622-a30-cream?zfcTest=mat%3A1

    Can anyone explain to me why you might want to have those weird fan details right over the boob area? And why this was originally $295???

  14. Does anyone know if Kate Spade (online) does a Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale? Their site is currently 20% off, and I’m hesitating to pounce on a watch I want in case it’s discounted further next week.

  15. Turtle Wexler :

    I haven’t seen Anon in PNW for awhile, but if you’re out there — what ever happened with your house situation? I was just thinking about it for some reason and wondered whether things worked out for you or you’re still looking (hopefully not!).

  16. Fey and sudden :

    Holiday secret santa ideas? My Junior League is doing a present exchange-cap at 25 dollars, and they strongly suggested not chocolates/cookies or ornaments. Other than that, all is fair game. I’d like to do something classy-not tacky or overtly quirky.

  17. In advance of Black Friday sales, does anyone have recommendations for v neck cashmere sweaters (ideally in petites)? I loved by Ann Taylor double ply sweaters from a few years back, but I was not impressed with this year’s quality. Thanks!

    • Lord & Taylor house brand sweater are consistently great, and I think they do petites. I also like Uniqlo for inexpensive cashmere sweaters but not sure they do petites.

    • TO Lawyer :

      I’m petite and bought Uniqlo v-neck cashmere sweaters. It’s a little boxy on my frame, but it’s really comfy and I’m a convert. It’s not too long and the sleeves fit well too.

  18. Bangs: yay or nay? I haven’t had them since middle school. Much hairspray and curling iron handiwork involved.
    But I’m SO TIRED of my hair. I’ve already cycled through every color I’m comfortable with, and I can’t vary the length too much with my very straight, very fine hair (but lots of it). I am thinking of taking the plunge; anyone want to talk me into / out of it?

    • springtime :

      do side swept bangs. i have the same type of hair- doesnt take long to style with a round brush, looks good, and can be pinned back when feeling lazy.

      • Style advice needed.... :

        Can I ask what length/style you guys have settled on?

        My brown straight/fine hair is so flat and boring. I keep it long now, as short took so much maintenance (curling iron or it was so flat…). But I don’t think it is looking very sleek/professional looking.

        Thinking maybe I need to move to a bob variety, but dread the maintenance…

        • I have fine hair that was always flat and boring. So this past summer, I cut it really short (think Anne Hathaway short) and absolutely love it. And I get a ton of compliments on it. My hair finally has personality. It’s really low maintenence on a daily basis (90 seconds max per day); I just have to get it cut every 5 weeks, which is far more than I did before.

          • Style advice needed.... :

            I am very envious of women who can wear these short short haircuts, but I feel like you have to be so beautiful/perfect face/perfect skin to pull it off. I don’t think I can do it.

            When I was a young child and my mom cut my hair short when the “Dorothy Hamill” haircut was “in”…. I was totally scarred when another child stopped me on the street and asked… “Are you a boy or a girl?”. Ouch. I am embarrassed to say that this isolated experience stays with me to this day….

          • I had really short hair as a kid too (because it didn’t really grow in until I was about 5) and people thought I was a boy. I even pierced my ears so people would know I was a girl—no luck. When the hair finally grew in, I let it grow out and then spent the next 20-some years wearing it in a ponytail a lot because, let’s face it, it was pretty ugly when it was down. So I finally chopped it again and don’t feel anything like a boy now. Nothing a pink top, great jewlery, and some make-up can’t make look girlie.

        • For me the best length is grazing my shoulders or up to a couple inches below. Angled just a bit in the front. Any longer and it just hangs straight (it will NOT keep any sort of curl on the ends), and any shorter is really unflattering for my face shape (sort of a rounded square). I’ve been having luck keeping it looking neater with a touch of oil on the ends. I avoid layers because of the super straightness; they always look wonky an hour after blow-drying.

          I’m surprised by all the pro-bangs comments! I’m getting really tempted.

        • I have incredibly fine, straight hair and not a lot of it, so it’s been super flat my whole life. I cut it short about 7 years ago and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I don’t have it pixie-short — I have sort of a side part with long side-swept bangs in the front and then the sides have tufts that go down to about an inch past my ears. It looks like Keira Knightley circa 2005 (that was the original photo I brought to the stylist who first cut it short). It does mean though that I wear earrings and make-up, although the cut is feminine enough that I’ve only been mistaken for a man a couple times in 7 years. It really did change my life though. I went from having blah hair that never looked good to having hair that people constantly compliment me on. It’s somewhat funky, but very professional, and people definitely remember me because of my hair. You might as well try going short. You can always grow it back out! If you’re in the DC area, let me know and I’ll give you the info for my stylist. She’s amazing and the cut only costs $65.

          • Mouse in DC :

            L in DC – I’d love to get the name of your stylist. We’ve just moved from the PNW, and I miss my hairdresser so much!

          • Her name is Meghan Moody and she’s at Easel Hair Studio in Georgetown on Wisconsin Ave. I’ve had several different stylists in the past 7 years and she is by far the best. She’s also steered me to a couple hair products that makes my hair look AMAZING (google the Kevin Murphy Powder Puff) with zero effort/ability on my part. I now spend a grand total of about 30 minutes a week on my hair, and it looks better than ever. Good luck! Let me know how it turns out. I’m at nofrosting at gmail and am always happy to trade hair tips.

    • Lady Harriet :

      I’ve had bangs my whole life and love them, but my hair is very different from yours (curly, medium and lots of it.) If you don’t like the bangs, it’s relatively easy to grow them out, especially if the rest of your hair is short. I have shorter layers (nose-chin length) framing the sides of my face too, which I think helps the bangs fit in much better with the rest of my hair, which is long. Side layers also make grow-out easier if you decide you hate bangs. I say go for it!

      Also, don’t be dissuaded by the conventional wisdom that bangs only work if you have a long/oval face. I have a round one with a squarish chin, and I look much better with bangs than without.

      • How do you curly hair with bangs? Do you straighten them? I have long curly hair that is in need of a serious color and cut, and I’ve been pondering bangs but am terrified I will look ridiculous unless I straighten my hair every day… Or I will be a little face peering out of a mess of hair if my forehead is also covered.

        • Lady Harriet :

          Nope, I don’t straighten them. My haircut is a bit like Farrah Fawcett crossed with Jane Austen/regency. (It looks more Farrah when down, more Jane Austen when up. My mom joked that it was 1975 meets 1795, which is pretty true.) My bangs are curlier and not sideswept like hers are; they cover my forehead to my eyebrows, maybe a bit longer. My hair is definitely the most noticeable thing about me, but I think it’s my best feature so it doesn’t bother me. I think the side layers actually add more to the “hair everywhere” feel than the bangs do. My hair is waist-length other than the bangs/layers if that gives you a better idea. It would definitely be possible to do curly bangs in a more low-profile way than I do. I hope that helps!

        • I straighten just my bangs. Takes no time at all, and it doesn’t look weird to have curly hair and straight bangs. At least, not weird to me :p

          • Thanks ladies :) To clarify, I am intrigued by curly hair and bangs and did not mean to imply that you weren’t pulling it off fabulously!

          • AnotherLadyLawyer :

            Ditto! Curly hair with side-swept straightened bangs. Take 5 minutes!

    • I have similar hair, and went full-on across-the-forehead bangs about 9 months ago. I love them. My hairstylist taught me how to brush and dry them so that they naturally curl a little under and lay nicely. They add maybe 90 seconds to my morning routine.

      • Me too! I love bangs. My advice to keep them laying flat and straight it to blow dry them while brushing them down over your face. I do this immediately after showering to prevent them from air drying any other way but down. It really works and only takes a minute like Nancy wrote.

    • I have completely different hair than you do, but got bangs a few years ago for the first time since Jr High, and I love them.

      Anyways, they only take a few months at worst until you can easily pin them. If you’re looking for a big change that doesn’t take forever to change back, bangs are a great option.

    • I have lots of very fine/very straight hair and have heavy bangs. I have a really high forehead so I need something to break it up. My stylist taught me how to dry them first (brush to one side, dry, then the other side, keeps everything laying flat). I also swear by velcro rollers. I just put them in my hair after drying and finish getting dressed. You can leave them in as long as you like. It cuts down frizz and gives some volume. You can heat them up a little with the hair dryer and finish with hairspray for more bounce.

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      I vote yea. They’re great for hiding the occasional forehead pimple.

      My English colleague thought I was talking about “bangers” (sausages) incorrectly when I mentioned bangs. And then, she said, “oh, you mean, a ‘fringe’!!” I now prefer “fringe,” because it’s more descriptive.

      “Bangs” sounds like I’m contemplating whether to order a toy drum kit or not.

  19. The gift exchange post reminded me of a question I have about work gift exchanges. In a non-mandatory participation event (i.e., not everyone participates, no one would care if you did or didn’t), would you be put off if the organizer asked that you don’t give Christmas (or other religious holiday) items? It would be a random exchange, so you don’t know the recipient.

    • Nope. Sounds very thoughtful to me.

    • I wouldn’t be put off. Lots of people enjoy the gift exchange and they may not celebrate a holiday in the winter time. I’d also say it’s a know-your-office kinda deal.

    • No. Although in all honesty, I think that most work gift exchanges I have ever participated in have been overwhelmingly non-religious. I think this is because I’ve worked mostly in very diverse workplaces where each person’s December celebrations/customs are very different. Some things are seasonal (peppermint candy, mulled wine spices, etc.), but most of the presents are just presents. I think the most popular gift one year was a set of bodum tumblers. As a non Christian, I wouldn’t be offended at receiving a Christmas tree ornament, I would just have absolutely no use for it and would just regift.

    • Thank you! I feel I little silly, since some people bring gag gifts which are totally not useful, but it seems different to have a gift that’s not useful because it’s so silly versus a gift that’s not useful because I don’t have a tree to put it on.

  20. Ladyfriends, help. I need to go to a neurologist because I have about 3-4 types of headaches simultaneously. I don’t know their names and I’m afraid to google stuff because I don’t have time for hypochondria. For all of you headache/migraine sufferers, what was your first visit with a neurologist like? What should I do to prepare? What do you wish you’d known? I’m not pleased about the prospect of making time for another doctor but MY HEAD ACHES. I don’t want to go in as a clueless patient who doesn’t ask the right questions. Recs for a doc with evening hours in NYC are also appreciated.

    Quick rundown of me: I have sinus headaches which I’m discussing with an ENT. Sometimes, I feel like someone is holding my brains and squeezing them. Other times, I feel tight pressure around the base of my skull. And ear pain/weird ear pressure which I think is related to my sinus issues. Ibuprofen and Aleve help alleviate the pain but I’m becoming increasingly sensitive to them (my skin gets itchy when it’s exposed to the sun). Definite headache triggers are changes in barometric pressure, sudden temperature change and artificial scents.

    • I had a misfire but my reply is somewhere down below…

    • Merabella :

      I would keep a journal to keep track of symptoms and possible triggers which might help the neurologist get an idea of what they are working with. Also, any previous head injuries – concussions in the past, would help as well. You note sinus issues and artificial scents, you may also want them to test you for allergies.

    • I went to a neurologist to discuss two types of intertwining headaches and being able to distinguish between them was really important. In addition to the data you mentioned, my doctor wanted to know the frequency and times of day of the different types of pain, the location of the pain and the pain levels on a 1-10 scale. Basically, the more information you collect, the better. I found easiest to see the trends when I put each month’s data in a grid on one piece of paper.
      I’m not sure if he has evening hours, but I saw Vladimir Kramskiy at HSS and he was awesome. Very compassionate, great listener, didn’t mind my excessive questioning. Best of luck, hope you get some relief soon!

    • Style advice needed.... :

      It sounds like you have migraines. People commonly think they have sinus headaches, but they are really migraines. It is common to have several headache types at once. My mother had all the same headache triggers as you, and also got headaches if she didn’t eat/sleep on a regular schedule. Everyone in my family has migraines (commonly runs in families) and my mother recalls her father’s “sinus headaches”…. which we are now sure were migraines.

      I think it is great to see a neurologist. Ideally, go to someone who specializes in headache. Look to see if they are board certified in Headache medicine. They usually list that on their website/CV.

      There are several excellent Neurology programs in New York, that probably have multiple docs. Einstein has the most famous guy – Richard Lipton…. But Cornell and NYU and Columbia are excellent. Hopefully if someone here has a personal experience they will post. You can find good headache neurologists at smaller clinics too.

      It is helpful if you think back about when your headaches started, what they are like (location, quality, associated symptoms, duration, triggers), what makes them worse/better, and how they have changed over time. Buy a little pocket calendar at the drug store, and start keeping record of when you get headaches and what you take for them, and whether it helped. The doctor will be so happy if you bring in that information with you.

      In an initial appointment, the Neurologist should ask you about the history of your headaches and how they have changed over time (like I mention above), if you have any other symptoms/neurologic things going on, if you have any other medical problems or take medicines, and if you have any family history of headaches. If you have had any head/brain imaging (CT or MRI scan) with your ENT then bring in a copy of that report (or even better – the image on DVD). It is not critical to have any sort of imaging of the brain for headache, but neurologists like to see that sort of thing if you have it. The neurologist should examine you carefully from head to toe checking things like the nerves that control your face, your strength, your sensation, your balance, your thinking etc.. If they don’t – they are sloppy and not good.

      What is good to know ahead of time….. That migraines are INCREDIBLY common, and unfortunately most people don’t see the right doctor early enough and get misdiagnosed/mistreated. That headaches are almost NEVER indicative that something bad is actually going on in the brain. People worry a lot that they might have a brain tumor or something, and this is almost never the case. And…. it is good to know that things can definitely get better!

      • Great point about the low likelihood of brain tumors!

        Although I wasn’t formally diagnosed until around age 14, I started getting migraines at a really young age (around 9 or 10). I still remember after one of my frequent requests to go visit the nurse my 4th grade teacher told me that I should ask my mom to take me to the hospital for a CAT scan because I might have a brain tumor. (Who says that kind of thing to a child?!)

      • Legally Red :

        I second that it’s probably migraines. I’ve gotten sinus headaches for awhile, but didn’t think too much of them because I was usually able to fend them off with OTC pain relievers. Then Hurricane Sandy came through, and it was the absolute worst. sinus. headache. ever, complete with nausea and light sensitivity. Turns out that hurricanes are a migraine trigger for me.

    • I will fourth (or fifth) or whatever everyone with the headache diary. And don’t just record when you have a headache — try to be as specific as possible about where the headache hurts, how it hurts, how it feels when it comes on, and what helps and what doesn’t help when you treat it. Seriously, the questionnaire I had to fill out at my first neurology appointment was so detailed and some of it I just looked at and was like…I have NO FREAKING idea. Because who thinks about whether headache pain is throbbing or pulsing or whatever.

      (That’s another thing, you can ask for their patient admission paperwork in advance — it will probably be extensive.)

    • Pretzel_Logic :

      Holy crap, are you me?! I had a minor freakout today because of similar ear pain which I chalked up to sinus issues. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s always comforting to hear it’s probably just a migraine and not a tumor or a blood vessel trying to explode. (Anxiety girl, jumping to the worst conclusion in a single bound!! haha)

      So…I can control my headaches with peppermint oil, stretching/exercise (getting my blood moving almost always helps), naps, and Excedrin…but would it still be helpful to make a headache diary to show to a doctor? Just in case there’s something that should be flagged?

    • KansasAnalyst :

      My mom gets wicked headaches when she eats anything with MSG. Try to keep track of foods you eat too just in case you are sensitive to something. I hope you feel better soon!

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