Looking Young

Eyeliner & Competence: An Open Thread

by Kat on 12/05/2011 · 135 comments

in Beauty, Being Girly, Career, Looking Young, Professionalism, Success

So a few weeks ago there was this survey: more makeup makes you look more competent. Or so they say. This seems like exactly the kind of thing we should explore here… hence today’s open thread.

So here are some of the pictures they showed to test subjects. And I thought I’d share my thoughts (I typed these specifically for the first row, but really they sort of apply across the board).
- Picture 1: Aww, is she a college student on summer break? (Which is really interesting, because while we’ve talked about young women feeling unprofessional if they’re not wearing makeup, it isn’t a bias I generally think I have.)
- Picture 2: Meh. No opinion. She doesn’t look very friendly.
- Picture 3: Ok, if I were this chick, this is probably the amount of makeup that I’d be comfortable wearing on a daily basis, at least at the beginning of the day. That said, does it affect how I feel to look at her as a potential colleague? I suppose it does, but it comes back to me — she and I both feel comfortable putting the same amount of work into our makeup and outfits, so we must have similar/same outlooks on life. Great!
- Picture 4: This is the “glamorous” look. Maybe I’ve been hanging out with fashion bloggers too long, but she doesn’t look particularly glamorous to me. She looks kind of like the villainous boss in a movie. Is it because of the makeup? Because of the darker brows and lighter hair? The expression? This is also interesting, because according to the study, “women in glamorous makeup were found to be less trustworthy.”

The thing that I kept thinking while looking at the pictures, though is this: expressions are huge. I’ve worked with a lot of young newbies starting their first job, and thinking back to that first meeting, whatever impression I had of them was formed not through abstract things (like their makeup, or even their clothes) but rather their expressions. If someone comes into your office, plops down and gives you the dead stare seen in each of the 12 pictures: you curse the hiring department. Whereas, if she’s eagerly listening to what you’re assigning, and maybe even suggesting other avenues for research or development — it doesn’t matter if she’s wearing buckets of makeup or not, you think, WOW, it’s gonna be great to work with her.

So let’s take it back to the realm of photographs. Would you want to work with her based ONLY on her picture? Honestly, I wouldn’t want to work with any of the women in this photo — they all look humorless, tired, and a bit wary. I’ve advised this for corporate photos, and I’ll advise it again here: your resume and your achievements are usually posted alongside your photo, so the main thing your photo needs to convey is friendliness. Forget “smize-ing” (as Tyra would say) or trying to give some smoldering look of sheer intelligence… just look like someone trustworthy, responsive, and friendly — the kind of person you’d want at the other end of a phone line if you’ve got a problem.

I’m not saying that makeup doesn’t matter — but I think it speaks to judgment calls you make. The woman in the third row — her first picture makes her look tired, weary, as if she is so overworked and overstressed that it is all she can do to get a shower in and show up at the office on time. Her fourth picture (with the heavy lipstick) makes her look high maintenance, even vain, to me, because I know how much work maintaining that dark perfect lip must take. Women wearing the completely wrong color of lipstick similarly get dinged — they look like they haven’t done a self-assessment in a while.

I don’t know (um, obviously): readers, what do you think? What do you think about the women in the photographs? And do you think those thoughts translate to makeup… or that the bigger thing you’re evaluating in the photos is the expression? Do you take anything away from the study re: how much makeup to wear for the office?

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Can Long, Platinum Blonde Hair Be Professional?

by Kat on 06/30/2011 · 113 comments

in Hair, Interviewing, Looking Young, No Time, Professionalism

This is a perennial question: is long hair professional? Reader K wonders:

I’m a law student with upcoming fall recruiting, and want advice for doing my hair for interviews. I have naturally platinum blonde hair (which is long – about 4″ below the shoulder). It makes me look younger than I am, but I don’t want to dye it or cut it short. How do I make it look professional and say, “I am not an airhead” for interviews?

I’m curious what the readers are going to have to say about this one, because we haven’t talked about long hair for the office in a long while, and I don’t think we’ve ever talked about platinum blonde hair. (Pictured: If you’re not watching HBO’s Game of Thrones yet, I highly recommend it — the first season just ended.)

First: Is Long Hair Professional?

I know a lot of other sources say that long hair is unprofessional — it makes young women look younger, and older women are too old for long hair. Here’s my strongest argument for why long hair is totally fine: Long hair, for some women, is the EASIEST. It’s easiest to pull back into a professional-looking updo (French twist, bun, low neat ponytail), and it’s easiest to maintain in the morning without too much styling. Personally, I prefer to wear my hair below my shoulders because when it’s shorter, it’s natural shape creates a “triangle head” look (which, trust me, is about as flattering as it sounds) and it requires 15+ minutes of styling in the morning (versus the 5 minutes I can get away with for longer hair, where the length and weight of my hair keeps it from creating a triangle shape). Furthermore, I know several very established and accomplished lawyers who look gorgeous and professional with their long hair, and I can think of a lot of others in the media spotlight — in the real world think Maria Shriver or Huma Abedin; in the fictional world think Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Veronica Palmer, or Jane Bingum.

That said, there are some limits and rules to “long hair.” My rules would be:

You are never, ever, ever allowed to play with it. No twirling, no repeated smoothing of it, and certainly no absent-minded chewing or braiding of it during meetings.
Your hair shouldn’t be overly long. I’ve said before that I think hair that approaches your bra strap (in the back) is too long. I’ve gotten some pushback on that from readers, and even though I agree that longer lengths can look professional on some women, I would still use the bra strap benchmark as the “it’s time to question whether you should get a hair cut.” For reader K, 4″ below the shoulder sounds like she might be approaching the bra strap.
Long hair must be maintained well — the ends should be trimmed and shaped regularly, and if you have frizziness issues you should be taking steps to combat them (conditioners, etc).

Second: Is Platinum Hair Professional?

For my $.02, as long as it’s natural, rock out with your bad self. I would even say that platinum highlights on dirty blonde hair are fine — I have one friend whose hair has changed from platinum to dirty blonde as she’s gotten older, and she does upkeep to keep it blonder. On the other hand — I think it’s the rare woman who can change her hair color entirely and go platinum blonde. Furthermore, I’d say that any dyed hair that has that crunchy, “if it’s pulled too tight it might break off” look is not professional.

Third: How Should Long Hair Be Worn for Interviews?

For the most part, I think long hair can be worn long and neatly parted for interviews. For all those JD and MBA students going into an intense interview week, you might consider getting a blowout if your hair looks better with one — nothing too bouncy, but just simple, straight, silky hair — and then rocking that for a few days. For interviews, I think an “I intended this” updo or half-updo is fine — think a French twist, a bun, a hair-pulled-half-back-and-bound-with-simple-barrette, maybe even a very neat ponytail with your hair wrapped around the elastic. My only caution would be that you should avoid the “I suddenly got hot/tired of having long hair and yanked it back into a sloppy ponytail/bun with this elastic that has lived on my wrist for the past two months.”

OK — that’s my advice. Readers, let’s hear it — what are your thoughts on long hair? Platinum hair? Interview hair? Is there an age limit for longer hair? How long is too long?

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Networking with Older Women

by Kat on 06/28/2011 · 132 comments

in Business Etiquette, Looking Young, Networking

Reader R has a question that goes pretty well with our discussion of networking with older men — how to network with older women. Here’s the question:

I’m a 24 year old summer clerk with a public defender’s office. I got the gig by networking through my friends; specifically, by getting to know their mothers and fathers who work in the legal field. Now, however, I’ve gotten to become friends with my friends’ parents and their colleagues, who are in their 40′s and 50′s. Do you have tips on navigating the waters of friendship with women who are quite literally old enough to be my mother? I’m frequently invited to lunches and happy hours with them and I always accept the offers and enjoy my time, but I’m curious as to what tone I should be striking. They always address me and treat me as a colleague, and I’m frequently told I act like I’m 30 (in a good way), but I want to keep fostering these friendships in an appropriate way.

It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job and don’t really need any advice! For my $.02, here are some thoughts:

It’s probably a good idea to be clear with yourself about what your goal is — it’s to learn from these women, not to enjoy the mozzarella sticks at the bar. Your goal is to get on their radar as someone who they would recommend for a new hire, and possibly even consider you as a mentee.
To that end: during this summer, try to listen more than you speak. The concerns these women face now will probably be struggles you’ll face in your own career at some point. Listen to the advice, and ask questions where you can.
It’s fine to talk about yourself if you’re asked, but within limits. Don’t overstep by talking too much about yourself — not everyone at the gathering will be thrilled to hear the latest drama that occurred between your boyfriend, roommate, or mother, or your 5-minute take on the new restaurant or movie.
Watch your table manners when you’re out, and don’t drink to excess. (And this is a minor note, primarily because I couldn’t think of anything else to use to illustrate the post, but it probably isn’t the best idea to order “young” drinks like Midori Sours if you’re out with older friends — if you can order what they’re having. Pictured: Midori Sour, originally uploaded to Flickr by Nicole Lee.)
Start building your contact files. This sounds a little creepy, but stick with me because I got this tip from some movie (which escapes me now), but if it’s from a movie it must be the proper way of business, right? In any event, what I’ve done — primarily with older people — was to keep written notes on our conversations. If they told me how they had gotten to where they were (a fairly typical question I’ve asked), I would briefly note the progression so I didn’t have to ask again the next time I met with him or her. It might look like this in my notes, which I would usually keep with their contact information:

from SmallTown, OH –> [Ivy League schools]–> worked as a ____ at [large nonprofit]–> [firm] –> inhouse for [large nonprofit]–> inhouse for [giant company]–> current position at [small nonprofit]

I’d also keep track of their partner’s name, as well as any children that they mentioned and a few facts about them (“just bought house upstate; recently into spelunking”).

When you leave the internship, try to stay on their radar. With the example contact above, if I saw an interesting article that I didn’t think she’d have come across on spelunking, or something on one of the entities she had worked for, I would send it her way. Aim for one or two lunches or breakfasts a year to stay on their radar, as well — review your notes on them, see if there’s anything you want to ask them about that will further benefit your career (“So when you went from [firm] to [large nonprofit], how did that happen exactly? Who did you use for your references? Was it awkward to leave [firm]?”) as well as remembering the course of conversation (“so are you and X still spelunking upstate?”). Maybe I’m alone in that I have to keep track of things like this, but for friends you don’t see often it helps to have notes. Like I said, when I was younger this was primarily with older people who I only saw once or twice a year in a mentee capacity — now I keep notes on friends I haven’t seen in a long time, keeping track of what their partner’s name is; if they’re married, what date they were married; what their kid’s name is; when the kid was born, etc. (All of this was made easier by my Palm Pilot — I’m just recently upgrading to an Android phone, which is requiring some new contacts systems, but I’m sure I’ll get it sorted eventually.)

And I should probably note — to me this is just what a healthy networking relationship looks like (as opposed to one where you’re worried there’s some sex-related ulterior motive); there’s nothing specific here for older women.

Readers, what’s your advice for networking? Would you give Reader R any additional advice, or different advice?

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What NOT to Wear to the Office

by Kat on 04/12/2011 · 368 comments

in Business Casual, Fashion Gaffes, Internships/Summer Jobs, Looking Young

So there’s this great piece on USA Today about how “business casual” can be confusing to some people — this one 24-year-old PR executive was shocked (shocked, we tell you!) when she wasn’t allowed to attend a meeting dressed in Bermuda shorts and flip flops.

So I thought it might be fun to have an open-thread today about what attire makes you really raise your eyebrows. Obviously, every office is different, but I think we can all do a public service by listing which garments and accessories someone might want to think twice before wearing.

For my own list:

Any shorts (or any pants that are less than full length — ankle-length pants and capris will be questionable at some offices!)
Flip-flops (whether they’re plastic or leather, rethink)
Sandals of any kind; peep toe shoes are also often questionable at the most conservative offices
Tall boots (even knee-high used to be questionable, but over-the-knee styles are definitely questionable)
Anything that is overly noisy in the hallways (flip-flops are the primary offender here, but other things qualify also — corduroy pants, for example)
Denim, or items cut like denim (e.g., 5 pockets) — cords, khakis, etc.
Lace or sheer clothing
Sleeveless tops or dresses (worn without a cardigan or blazer on top)
Any item that can be worn to the gym (sneakers, yoga pants, terrycloth wristbands, large shapeless t-shirts)
Anything too short, tight, or low-cut

Readers, what “think twice” list have you compiled from your time at the office? Any fun “I couldn’t believe she wore that” stories that you’d care to share?

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How to Look Professional Without Looking Like You Think You’re In Charge

by Kat on 03/10/2011 · 44 comments

in Business Etiquette, Career, Looking Young, Networking, Success

Reader L has a question about looking competent and professional, without looking like the assistant who thinks she’s the VP…

I recently started a job in a large creative nonprofit in New York. It is a conservative place- no open shoes, hose or tights at all times. This is fine, except it creates another problem. Hard to describe why this is wrong, but in a suit, I look like a vice president. Polished, mature, and competent. Why is this a problem? Because I’m not! I don’t have all the answers — frankly, I’m still trying to figure out a system for getting to work on time. The problem with my look right now is that I’m afraid I can’t deliver, and/or I’m putting off my supervisors. I want my bosses to see themselves in me yet at the same time I don’t want to come across as arrogant or immature. It’s further complicated because as a new hire I’m entering an already inhabited space. I’m the newest addition to a group of young people, all of whom have their own career goals.

What do you suggest for a look that says competent and professional, but also young, creative, and teachable? That will help me stand out from my coworkers without alienating my peers?

This is a great question, and one that I think a lot of young women struggle with when they enter the workforce. Ultimately, don’t worry too much if you’re mistaken for Someone Who Knows What’s Going On — just help them if you can, and if not redirect them with a smile. (Entire careers have been made out of this!) Still, it can be tricky to avoid looking and acting young, or to avoid look like you think it’s “Dress Like Your Favorite CEO” day (by, say, being an intern and carrying a $9K handbag). We’ve talked before about which workwear basics may be helpful to a woman just starting her career — but if those suggestions don’t help, some additional tips on looking like the eager, young professional you are:

First, make a “do not wear” list by looking around you — is there a cultural divide between what the the secretaries and the executives are wearing? (In a lot of big offices, particularly in New York, there may be.) If there is, make sure you identify what you should avoid. It may be bracelets layered on top of one another that clank when you walk down the hallway — or it may be a suit that looks like something from the 80s.
Co-opt just enough of the executives’ style to show you’re a member of that group. It may be a layering technique — if the women wear trousers, blouses, and blazers, look for the same for yourself. It may be the details — understated jewelry and makeup, simple hair, sedate colors. More youthful details are okay — color and fit will be the main ones — but try to keep the overall sense of “taste” at the same level as the executives you work with (and avoid veering into secretary territory). Sometimes, budget-friendly swaps will be necessary — e.g., a colorful statement necklace for $50 rather than a $3000 set of pearls — but try to be mindful of the office culture. I would advise that you should have less clothes of better quality, rather than a new outfit a day from stores specializing in knock-offs and fast fashion.
Recognize that “teachable” is a great quality — but that you can project authority at the same time. Carry a notepad and a pen with you to all meetings, and take notes. Respect your superiors’ time — don’t launch into long stories without prompting, and think before you speak (I’ve even jotted down questions before asking them at meetings) — it will help prevent youthful speech patterns (“um”) as well as, hopefully, shortening what you have to say. Journalists talk about the “nut graf,” entrepreneurs talk about the “elevator pitch” — both of these things stress a way of speaking that is concise and information-packed. By the same token, try to think of your bosses as your friends and mentors. When time allows, ask them what they’re reading, or what their favorite industry association is. Do your best to contribute thoughtful things to the conversation, both when it’s work-related and when it isn’t. I’ve even continued the conversation when I’ve seen an article, or had what I deemed to be an interesting thought, by dashing off a friendly but quick email to my superior.
Freely admit what you don’t know — but follow it immediately with the steps that you’ll take to learn about it and answer the question. “I’m not familiar with __, but I’ll get back to you in 5 minutes after I check out their website and look at some of their other collaborations.” (If you’re constantly getting questions that stump you, try to befriend someone you respect at an intermediate level between you and the boss — mentors can be from all levels.)

Readers, have you noticed this problem in your own workplaces (if not your own careers)? What tips do you have for Reader L?

(Pictured above: Photo submission 2 – Kids in Flushing, originally uploaded to Flickr by seventrainphotos.)

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Looking Young — or Acting Young?

by Kat on 11/30/2010 · 192 comments

in Career, Fashion, Interviewing, Looking Young, Success

Reader K asks a great question that comes up, sadly, altogether too often — looking too young to get the job.

I am a 31-year-old female attorney who graduated from a top law school in 2008, went biglaw, and got laid off. I’ve had several interviews with great feedback about my resume and my presentation, but no offers. I recently met with a consultant who said I look too young to trust with bet-the-company matters. I might look 25. I need a power look. I have great skin because I haven’t had a tan in 16 years, and I wear there-but-light makeup. I’m tall and slim, and I have light mousy brown, layered hair that is bra-length in back. I usually wear glasses, but not to interviews. My interview outfit is a lightweight black wool pantsuit with a little feminine detail, oxford pumps, tiny hoops, my wedding band, and a semi-statement necklace. I’m willing to cut or dye my hair, but not to have a bad haircut. Please help me look older.

We’ve talked about acne on the job, as well as whether long hair makes you look too young — but there must be more here because your outfit sounds fine (and I’m not about to recommend you get a Mom cut in order to look order). I recently attended a conference where a number of senior, extremely accomplished women lawyers spoke — many of whom looked young (such as, wow, how can she have accomplished all that and still be early 30s? oh, she’s 49? oh-kay). However, they all carried themselves with gravitas, and spoke with authority — so perhaps those are issues we should talk about today. (Pictured above: A firm handshake, originally uploaded to Flickr by afagen.)

* Deepen your voice. I personally tend to have a fairly soft, highish voice if I’m not thinking about it — when I introduce myself to people or leave voice messages (and particularly on my own outgoing voicemail message), I do my best to speak in my lowest voice. I’ve read that Kathleen Turner used to practice talking with marbles in her mouth, which seems like an extreme option, but hey, there is that.

* Speak more slowly, and don’t fill empty space with “um.” These are both things I tend to do, also — when I get excited I speak quickly, and oh, the amount of “ums” that exit my mouth on a daily basis…. Neither of these things really convey authority. On my recent TJ Maxx trip I met a blogger who, on our first conversation, I assumed to be in her late 20s or perhaps even my age, not because she looked old, but there was just something in the way she carried herself. I was shocked to find out later that she was 22. One of the things that she did — and, thinking back to my conference, and other authoritative women I’ve known and respected — was to speak slowly. (The blogger also struck me as incredibly smart, reflective, and well-spoken, but the age thing really threw me!)

* Watch your body language. Forbes Woman recently had an article on this, as did Real Simple — avoid twirling your hair, playing with your hands, etc. Your handshake should be FIRM.

* Speak with short sentences, and answer the question. This may seem obvious, but I’ve noticed that people who seem to meander when answering a question — particularly in an interview — never impress, and I think part of it may be because it just isn’t an authoritative trait. For interviews in particular I’ve talked about my theory of “prepping” for the interview by remembering stories that illustrate your best worker traits (and you should perhaps keep this article in mind when thinking about your best traits) — but really, anything that helps you answer questions concisely and with authority in interviews will only help you.

Readers, what are your thoughts? How can you LOOK older? How about ACTING older?

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