Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Masha 3.0 Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This dress is gorgeous, and for once I love it on the plus size model more than the smaller model. The only problem: it’s sold out in almost all of the smaller sizes, at least for the time being, save for a lucky size still left from an earlier iteration of the dress. Boo.  Still: the deep purple color is fabulous, and I love the gathered, pleated waist. It’s also machine washable and looks fabulous with the belt we featured last week. Love!  The Masha 3.0 Dress

This bright violet dress comes in regular and petite sizes and is only $168; this berry dress from Milly has a similar shape and puffed sleeves but is a bit more expensive.

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Comments

  1. Amelia Bedelia :

    Watching British crime dramas is pretty much the only way i can force myself to stay on the rower/elliptical.
    I just finished the first two season of Broadchurch. I’ve already watched Morse and the spinoffs. I loved, loved Wallander.
    Any other recommendations? I don’t really like period dramas. I want modern day. But I just love British dramas and the methodical approach in their crime shows.

    • Anonymous :

      Sherlock!

      • +1.
        The Fall (although it’s set in Belfast).
        Luther.
        Also, I’ve been meaning to check out The Tunnel, which is based on a Swedish show called the Bridge. There was an American version (also the Bridge) which was really excellent, esp. 1st season, and I feel like the UK/France angle would be fun.

        • BabyAssociate :

          The original Swedish/Danish show is one of my all time favorites. The first 3 seasons are on Hulu!

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        don’t shoot me, but I actually couldn’t get into Sherlock . . . maybe I should give it another whirl.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Have you tried the British version of Law and Order? It was pretty good as I recall.

    • Anonymous :

      Luther and The Fall!

    • I’m enjoying The Five

    • I’m watching Grantchester right now — first two seasons free on Amazon Prime!

    • So this is a little more than a crime drama, but I just finished the first season of Fortitude and it’s excellent. To give too many details would spoil it, but it’s the investigation of a murder in the isolated, northernmost city in the world. It’s a slow burn but very good.

    • Small Law :

      Father Brown! Endearing and someone happy despite the murders.

      • Baconpancakes :

        Haha I love this description.

      • Anonymous :

        Ooh this sounds perfect for me. Adding to my list. I love comforting British murders.

        For more grim/not at all comforting murders, I agree with the Luther rec – Idris Elba is awesome and so gripping. But it definitely gets pretty sinister.

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        LOVE the sound of that! :)

    • Anonymous :

      Marcella on Netflix was excellent!

    • Marcella, Luther, and The Fall all on Netflix I believe.

    • Grantchester.

      I am guessing by the spin-offs you are including inspector Lewis series which I actually enjoyed more than the original inspector morse series.

      I also heartily recommend springing for Acorn tv which costs like $4 a month from amazon prime. It has a ton of UK/Irish/Welsh/Scottish/Australian/New Zealand/Canadian programming and is all around awesome.

      Its basically a whole channel devoted to british mystery shows.

      I really liked brokenwood mysteries from NZ, the code from australia, 19-2 from montreal, and this other australian show I am blanking on that stars the australian woman from orange is the new black as the main detective.

      I also enjoy the slightly cheesier comdies/soaps like 800 words from NZ, heart guy from australia, and striking out from ireland – an up and coming associate in the dublin version of big law who finds who fiance/law firm partner cheating on her and sets out to establish her own firm.

    • Anony Mouse :

      Shetland is worth a watch, and Grantchester, though set in the 1950s, is very modern in its sensibilities.

    • Whitechapel – on Amazon Prime

    • Whitechapel – on Amazon Prime

    • Anonymous :

      I’ve watched them aaaallll…don’t you just love the Morse spinoffs? I haven’t seen the newest season yet at and I can’t wait! But recommendations:

      Vera: one of my favorites, but very subtle and character driven. Beautiful scenery, too, if you like that.

      George Gently: I think this was comparable to early Morse. It’s been years since I watched it, but I did enjoy it.

      New Dogs: Ensemble comedy set while solving cold cases, but I loved this and have gotten others hooked. Mostly focuses on sexism and ageism in the workplace.

      Midsummer Murders (bbc) or Murdoch Mysteris (canadian): I can’t recommend these, and yet I keep going back to watch them. At the very least they are prolific.

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        how could I forget Midsummer Murders!? I loved them so.
        and yes — I think Lewis is even better than original Morse! and I grew up on Morse.

    • The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. The Prime Suspect series (although those tend to be much heavier, I think) with Helen Mirren.

    • Anonymous :

      Oh wow, I am SO with you on this.

      I can recommend Happy Valley (Happy it’s not, but SO GOOD), Shetland, Scott and Bailey (amazing show with women protagonists), Midsomer Murders (addictively cliche – I was sad to come to the end of 18 seasons on Netflix but saved many a workout for me), Father Brown (so cute), Broadchurch, and Line of Duty. I’m trying to get into Hinterland but I find the episodes a bit slow somehow.

      These have been my 2016/17 workout motivation since I save them exclusively for the treadmill.

      • I love Shetland..

      • I loved Happy Valley! I had the same problem with Hinterland and ended up dropping it. I also loved the Fall, Luther, Broadchurch, Wollander, Wire in the Blood, and Marcella. Would recommend New Tricks too. It’s older but fun. And Prime Suspect if you never got around to watching it. Helen Mirren is amazing.

    • Seattle Freeze :

      Foyle’s War – love, love that series. And the theme music!

      • Foyle’s War is amazing. Second the recs for Whitechapel, Endeavour. You would probably really like the Inspector Morse or Midsomer Mysteries series–both current day.

        You may just want to subscribe to Amazon Prime / Acorn TV or just AcornTV. It’s an amazing collection of British TV from documentaries, to mysteries to comedy. It’s pretty much all I watch.

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        that was actually a really good show. I watched it a few years ago.

        and I have Amazon Prime for shipping. I jsut forgot you could stream on it!!!!!!!!

    • Diana Barry :

      Inspector Lewis!!!

    • Wire in the Blood is excellent.

    • chiming in to add River. (in addition to Wallander, Sherlock and Luther). For Luther, it took me a couple episodes to get into it, but once I did, it was great!.

    • Amelia Bedelia :

      THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
      I’m going to be the fittest woman around with all of these recommendations!

      • If you want to go more exotic then try Montalbano and the Young Montalbano. Similar to Shetland eta but Italian. If you can manage not to fall off the apparatus when reading subtitles.

        Actually, when I think here was a UK language show set in Italy called Zen. (Only one series but the scenery…)

    • Sherlock, Marcella

    • Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren!

    • Anonymous :

      I second Hinterland, Shetland, and The Tunnel, in the Wallander style, but Death in Paradise is a murder mystery show with a Scotland Yard detective fish-out-of-watering as the lead investigator on a Caribbean island. British sensibility but much prettier scenery!

    • It’s moments exactly like these where I don’t understand for the life of me why Kat does not participate in the comment threads. It would be so easy for her to quickly chime in and clarify a comment that clearly generated a lot of discussion. I’m not saying she needs to participate in every single mini thread, but I truly don’t understand why she would not have stepped in here to clarify what she meant.

    • Hustle, with Adrian Lester and Robert Vaughn. Grifters with tons of charm.

  2. Anonymous :

    “This dress is gorgeous, and for once I love it on the plus size model more than the smaller model.”

    Hm.

    • Anonymous :

      +1

    • Anonymous :

      I took it as a reference to companies are often lazy about just making a larger version of a dress designed for a small woman without accounting for how different body shapes (plus/petite/tall) need a garment reworked to flatter. But yeah, could have been expressed better.

    • Anonymous :

      Yeah that struck me as an odd way of describing it.

    • Eh I’m plus sized and I didn’t take offense. I see what she means about this dress. It looks good on the plus size model’s curves.

      • +1. I think companies are often lazy about how they style plus sized models/how they design plus sized clothing, causing the models to not look as polished, despite how beautiful they are.

        I’m plus-sized too, FWIW.

        • I just ordered it. I really do appreciate the plus sized picks. This color is a stretch for me but so much of plus size work clothing only comes in black that I am happy to give it a spin.

          • Please report back! I love this color.

          • Yes, please do! I look great in this color (and am presently wearing a similar shade). I am pear-shaped, so I’m hoping that it would look good on me, as the model appears to be a pear, too.

      • Yeah, I take this to be commentary on design, not on plus-sized bodies. So much clothing was actually designed for small sizes, then just sized up as an afterthought, and the results are not flattering. Clothing that comes in both straight and plus sizes but actually looks like it was designed to work for larger bodies is, unfortunately, rare enough to be worth calling out.

      • Never too many shoes... :

        Me too. I think it was more a comment about how terribly the plus size clothes are often styled. Not to mention the fact that they are often (Nordstrom, I am looking specifically at you here) too big for the model leading everything to look shapeless and boxy.

      • +1. Have you looked at plus model styling in photos? You can tell they usually don’t care, and the outfit is usually mega unflattering.

        This one actually looks nice, and like it was made with curves in mind. I’m impressed!

        • Nordstrom used to have that one plus size model who looked like she was about to cry in every photo. I never understood how they thought that’d help them sell clothes.

    • +1

    • Anonymous :

      I mean, what’s wrong with what she said? Straight size figures are considered to be more conventionally attractive, so why would it be surprising that Kat, or anyone else, thinks that clothes generally look better on a straight size model? It’s not an indictment of plus size women.

      • “Straight size figures are considered to be more conventionally attractive”….And we have people like you to perpetuate this fallacy.

        • Anonymous :

          It’s not a fallacy though. Straight-size figures are considered to be conventionally more attractive. That is a fact. It’s not an objective statement that skinny people are prettier than fat people.

          • Anonymous :

            Snort. Beauty is subjective, so I’m not sure how you can make an objective statement about it.

            Yes, at this point in time, advertising has convinced us that we should aspire to be skinny, such that the cultural norm is to prefer skinny over not. That doesn’t mean that skinny people are prettier than not-skinny people.

          • But that is literally exactly what 9:52 said. She is not saying that skinny people are prettier, she said it’s a cultural norm.

          • Beauty is subjective and thus determined by cultural norms. Obviously there are beautiful and ugly people at every size but this is about averages.

          • I’ll remember that the next time your husband or boyfriend is hitting on me at a party or charity event.

            I’ve been a size 14 or 16 since I was 14 years old. Never fails to amaze me how the men with the skinniest wives are the ones who can’t get their face out of my cleavage as soon as their wives’ backs are turned. I get tired of having to deal with this, so next time, could you pay a little more attention to him so that I don’t have to? Thanks.

            P.S. you sound hungry, sweetie. Maybe you should go have a sandwich.

          • @ Anon 11:17

            Your comments are just as ugly as those posters who are making negative comments about plus sized women’s attractiveness.

            Strong women do not tear down other women.

          • Anonymous :

            Literally no one on this thread has attacked plus sized women. It was obvious that 9:52 was describing the cultural norm. And, honestly, 11:17, you sound miserable.

          • Anonymous :

            Anonymous at 11:17, bless your heart. This is a pathetic thing to not only say but think, too.

            Women’s solidarity FTW. Jesus.

          • As someone who is naturally very thin and very flat chested…you sound horrible

      • lawsuited :

        It is an indictment of plus size women to judge that they are “less attractive”. You can couch it in cultural norms or conventions or whatever else, but that remains the crux of what you’re saying and it’s unkind.

    • Anonymous :

      What’s wrong with pointing out that this dress is actually cut well in plus sizes? Everyone here always complains that plus-sized clothes are never designed to flatter the plus-sized figure, so why jump on Kat for pointing out that this dress actually gets it right? The plus-sized version is lovely and the straight-sized version is just meh.

      • But that is not what she did!!!

        • That is exactly what she said! “[F]or once I love it on the plus sized model more than on the smaller model.” That means the plus-sized version looks better than the straight-sized version.

    • Anon Plus :

      I’ll admit that I’m programed to view the average size model/clothing size as better looking than the plus size model/plus size option. It really hit home for me on sites like Talbot, where I lazily search the sales and both plus and straight sizes will be in the mix, and I realized I was drawn to a straight-size blouse but breezed right past the SAME BLOUSE in plus size.

      Meanwhile, I’m a 14/16 and have been most of my adult life. I should see the plus size model and identify with her–she’s actually smaller than me! But my brain has been trained since the days of the 1980’s JC Penney catalog that a very thin size 4 woman looks best in clothes.

      I’m trying to retrain my brain by scrolling through Plus Size Fashion posts on Pinterest. It’s a barrage of images that are more realistic, more like me, and help me to see more sizes as beautiful. Help me to see MYSELF as beautiful. Like I said, it’s a long hard road of de-programing.

    • I see why people are skeptical but– assuming good intentions– aren’t we always saying that plus sized clothing is often substandard as compared with straight sized clothing? Oddly cut, poor fabrics, poor construction? And that it’s not as simple as just enlarging the measurements, which seems to be what happens sometimes in lieu of creating a garment that is designed specifically to flatter a plus sized person.

    • Anonymous :

      Plus size people – get over yourself. The whole world should not cater to you just because you have an issue.

      • Wow.

      • The irony is that the whining is very likely to be coming from the virtue-signaling skinny saviors and not the plus size contingent of commenters. You’re still rude, though.

      • How pathetic are you that this is your hobby? Go tr0ll somewhere else and consider your life choices.

      • This is usually the attitude of thin women who are mad as heck that there are all these FAT GIRLS who have boyfriends/husbands and successful careers, while they are terminally single and stuck picking up their bosses’ dry cleaning.

        Honey, I’m so sorry your life hasn’t worked out the way you wanted. Hint: it’s not your looks, it’s your personality. You could work on that – it’s difficult, but not impossible, to change yourself into a person people actually want to be around. Until then…your unhappiness is your own fault. Please don’t take it out on the rest of us.

        • Anonymous :

          Honey, you’re correct it’s all about one’s personality, but you, my dear, clearly have major issues. Who thinks like that?!

        • Anonymous :

          If this is truly your outlook I feel bad for you.

    • Yeah the word choice could have been better

    • I’m plus size, and I thought it was an odd statement.

      It also clearly doesn’t fit the plus size model. Look at her bust. It needs a dart. From the front and the side views, you can clearly see the fabric is pulling. It doesn’t lay flat against her bust. Look at that wrinkle of fabric!

    • Definitely not a thoughtful choice of words. I paused at that, too.

    • Exactly my reaction.

    • It’s moments exactly like these where I don’t understand for the life of me why Kat does not participate in the comment threads. It would be so easy for her to quickly chime in and clarify a comment that clearly generated a lot of discussion. I’m not saying she needs to participate in every single mini thread, but I truly don’t understand why she would not have stepped in here to clarify what she meant.

      • I agree. It feels like she sets things to auto post and then walks away for the rest of the day.

  3. Baconpancakes :

    A friend is finishing up the first draft of her thesis this month, and experiencing the normal associated stress. She’s been working full time while doing her degree, has a very supportive husband, and is financially quite comfortable. I want to send her a little care package, but since she is in a completely different life stage than most students, I’m not sure what to send her. Suggestions?

    • We sent alcohol and cookies to a family member to celebrate the milestone.

    • Gift certificate for a meal delivery service. Even if she can afford it, it’s nice for it to be a gift instead of a personal splurge.

    • Anonnymouse :

      I think I would send something like a spa gift card so she can relax/pamper herself.

      • From the way she described her friend’s situation, she likely doesn’t have time for the spa just yet. Maybe once she turns in the final draft! More useful/fun might be a little box of fancy snacks to eat while editing, or a gift certificate for a nearby place with good take-out. (Even if the friend can easily afford it, somehow a gift certificate can be “permission” to take a shortcut, and be much appreciated)

    • That is so sweet of you. Something small just to show you are thinking of her would probably go a long way. I would include: cookies, chapstick, and a small tube of hand lotion.

    • Fancy coffee or tea is always appreciated, and would help provide a caffeine boost for the next stages of the thesis! I don’t know your budget, but maybe look in to getting her a few months of a coffee, tea, or snack subscription box to see her through the end of the degree.
      I’d also make sure to include a note acknowledging how hard she’s working and how impressive her accomplishments are!

    • I was in similar circumstances as your friend recently and received a note with an oversized chocolate bar from a friend in the mail. It was a delightful surprise! I agree with all the suggestions of a snack, hand lotion, or something like that. I had gotten myself a good smelling quality candle that I would light when I sat down at my desk to work on it, so if your friend enjoys candles, that might be good.

    • Do you know where she works? I’d do voucher to favourite coffee shop.

    • I think anything you send is going to be well-received! Sometimes it truly is the thought that counts. I agree with the coffee card suggestion.

    • Baconpancakes :

      Thanks for the suggestions, y’all! I think I’ll go with the coffee card and a candle that I know she likes.

  4. I am the poster who did a longish review of mm la fleur plus sizes. They sent me this dress in black. It was a size too small and I didn’t need another black dress, but I can confirm that it is a gorgeous, well-made dress, and quite flattering.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      That is super exciting as I love this dress.

    • Tech Comm Geek :

      Adding this to my wish list. For the first time in my career, I’m now at a company that has a long history of actually paying out the annual incentive plan. I’m going to set aside a small piece of it to get a couple of really nice clothing items.

    • Love the Masha :

      I bought this dress in black a couple years ago. And then I bought a second one (also in black) just because I love it so much. It works great with the longer jardigan. Like a suit but better.

  5. Yes, Anonymous, we get it, you’re on a break from GOMI and you feel a need to start trouble. Yes, it’s possible to like a look better on certain sizes without being “OMG I hate Teh Fattiez” which are the words you are dying to put in Kat’s mouth.

  6. Looking for a small mirror I can place behind my monitors at my desk to do a quick tooth check after eating in front of the keyboard. We have glass offices to pulling out my compact to do it is not as discreet as I thought! My desk is arranged in such a way that I have about a square foot of space in the corner that no one can see but me. Any suggestions? TIA!

    • I have teeth that trap everything and a glass office but I still just use a compact. Like a boss.

      But I’m thinking maybe you need one of those mirrors designed for a locker. You can search locker mirror on amazon.

    • I have a round circle mirror, maybe about 3″ in diameter, that was part of one of those sets of circle mirrors that had a moment in home decor. I keep it in my desk drawer and only pull it out when I need it, so it’s the same effect as a compact. But if you really wanted something, I feel like this is a job for Big Lots or Goodwill or one of those random places.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I just use my phone with the front facing camera. It just looks like I’m checking a text, not taking a selfie. This only works if being on your phone is ok in your office.

    • Maudie Atkinson :

      In the kindest, gentlest tone possible, this feels a bit like a “Is my water bottle professional?”
      If, on the one hand, you simply want to check your teeth, then look at your compact for the moment it takes to check your teeth. If anyone sees you doing it, it’s going to pretty obvious you’re checking your teeth and not, say, applying make-up at your desk, which could be suspect.
      If, on the other hand, you want a mirror because you want a mirror (it reflects light, it makes the office look bigger, it alerts you if someone is approaching you from behind), then get a mirror.

      • +1

      • +2 I am not sure what the big deal is about checking your teeth for food? I ask my cube neighbor to check for me, so this is not something I lose sleep about.

      • +3, it would not have occurred to me that checking your teeth was something that required discretion.

        • I just want a mirror! Not asking if it’s professional.

        • Maudie Atkinson :

          Fair. You just want a mirror, in which case, you should absolutely get one! I think we were confused because your question seemed to imply an underlying assumption that there was something wrong with using your compact to check your teeth. There isn’t.
          Also–agreed re: the UO desk stuff being quite stylish. I love that white “marble” dry erase board. Also, I have the gumball desk lamp, and really like it.

    • Here. I googled that for you.

      https://www.target.com/p/princess-decorative-wall-mirror-pillowfort-153/-/A-51674398#lnk=sametab

      • Um wow. I’ve been gone for awhile from this s!te so glad to see everyone is still so supportive and non-judgemental…

        • Usually people are – today there is a bit of a glassbowl problem – not clear whether it’s one, prolific one or several, but it, or they, should get bored soon and move on.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          It’s a particularly bad day.

        • Anonymous :

          Just snarky on this one. This is someone who came here to outsource a 5 min shopping task. Got an idea. Decided to ask someone else to carry it out. No request for something specialized — a rose gold frame or hexagon shape or fogless or attaches to a corkboard and has a cover so others won’t know it’s a mirror, after searching herself but failing. Just a request that someone else identify a mirror with dimensions under 12″x12″. That is what Target is for, and what Google is for.

          • Anonymous :

            This is what I’m for if I’m at my desk on the phone and looking at this site. Why be so rude?

          • Anonymous :

            In addition, how would I ever have known I need a mirror at my desk until I read this?

          • Pushing back slightly here. The purpose of the post was not to ask someone to do a shopping task for me; I decided I wanted something for my desk and I was trying to have fun with it and make it functional decor. I’ve read this blog enough to know that other readers enjoy discussing office decor and sharing finds, so I posted to see if anyone else wanted to chat about it. The lack of specificity in my original post actually cuts against how you see it–I view a very specific ask as outsourcing a shopping hunt, while asking for what others have used and liked invites discussion. I see how a LMGTFY post would be irritating, but that wasn’t at all the intention.

    • Here’s one that’s a step up from a locker mirror.

      https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/triangle-tabletop-mirror

    • Anthropologie has so many cute options
      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/scalloped-vanity-mirror?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=027

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/gold-compact-mirror?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=070

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/olive-leaf-mirror3?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=027

      And, there’s always sephora:
      https://www.sephora.com/product/sparkle-shine-compact-mirror-P413424?skuId=1843564&icid2=products%20grid:p413424

      not to check teeth but these magnifying mirrors are THE best!!
      https://www.sephora.com/product/hot-pink-15x-lighted-magnifying-mirror-P377006?skuId=1457696&icid2=products%20grid:p377006

  7. Banana Republic Suiting :

    I just made the mistake of checking the Banana Republic suiting section, looking for something new for fall. Among the selections include a silver velvet suit, a yellow corduroy suit, and a full-on leopard suit.

    http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1052541&pcid=5013&vid=1&pid=874623002
    http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1052541&pcid=5013&vid=1&pid=875991002
    http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1052541&pcid=5013&vid=1&pid=876155002

    This selection is making my wallet happy but not my soul.

    • Yeah, I just ignore them these days because their ridiculousness makes me cranky. Nearly everything I wear comes from J.Crew Factory (casual and work dresses) and Talbot’s (work).

    • I wish my skin tone was darker because I would wear the h*ck out of that yellow cord suit.

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t think any of them are meant to be worn as a full suit (the corduroy was just a jacket, yes?). I actually really like the silver velvet one – and would consider wearing the pants separately.

      • Anonymous :

        never mind, found the matching pants…and, shrug. I mean, I also bought the hot pink jacket and matching pants earlier this year, to wear separately (and have done so). I get a lot of use out of that jacket.

      • Pretty Primadonna :

        I really like the silver suit, too. Very festive.

    • The silver one looks like something the band from Disney’s Zenon would wear.

    • I actually like the leopard print one as styled with the contrasting top and jeans (or even for work over black pants and a black shirt?)

    • Chicaganon :

      I saw the leopard and silver ones in person this weekend and could see them working as separates. But I also work in an office where color and “fun” blazers are fairly common.

    • Why? Why? Why? Did you paste these!?? Now I’m in love and will spend money! Thanks?

    • Leopard suit is just homage to Hugh Hefner, I’m sure.

    • Whatever, I love them!

    • The leopard blazer over a black blouse and slacks, paired with a cat-ear headband, would be the perfect Halloween outfit for anyone whose office mandates dressing up but doesn’t like looking silly

    • That silver suit is amazing. I am sending this to my wife. Wearing going to a wedding this fall which is “festive cocktail” attire and this is the perfect outfit for her as she dislikes wearing dresses but isn’t super butch.

    • I would buy the silver velvet pants in a second if there was any chance that they would fit me (these are the wrong cut for my hourglass). I have three black tops (velvet, sequin, patterned chiffon) that they would be perfect with and I already have two winter cocktail/holiday events on the calendar where I know I could wear them.

  8. Anon for this :

    Can someone walk me through the process of what happens after a s**ual harassment complaint is made?

    Backstory: a close male friend, mid-70s, has had a complaint filed against him by a colleague’s wife. Several years ago she requested that he no longer kiss her on the cheek in greeting (he does this with everyone). He complied. Now she is alleging that he 1) brushed a knuckle against a sensitive area on one occasion and 2) gave her a s**ual look on another. I believe she says these actions were made on separate occasions, perhaps years apart. She has dates but they may not be accurate (he might have been out of the country for one).

    I want to be sensitive to the allegations and her discomfort but I am also concerned about the impact this could have on his career, working relationships, family, etc. In my heart of hearts, I don’t believe he had any malintent.

    I believe the next step is a meeting with the organization’s HR. What is the process after that?

    • Depends. Usually an employer will conduct an investigation and decide what to do. Why do you need to be involved in this?

    • You don’t have to have poor intentions to be a creepy perv. Stay out of it.

    • I’m not sure that a colleagues wife, assuming a non-employee of the company, would have any standing to bring a real sexual harassment case, in the EEOC, State side Human Rights Agency sense. The company can decide whether to do something about this as a moral imperative and to appease the coworker whose wife is bringing the allegation but the company isn’t facing the type of liability it would if the complainant was an employee. I very well could be wrong but that’s my basic understanding of it.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      If there was touching that is one thing, but are we seriously at the point where not liking a look generates a complaint???

      • When coupled with a history of being a creep, sure. Sounds like the dude can’t or won’t learn how to behave appropriately.

        • Never too many shoes... :

          But the OP is suggesting that these are two distinct and separate complaints.

          Regardless, I cannot accept that “I do not like how someone looks at me” is an actual thing. It smacks of eight year-olds in the back of the car complaining about how their sibling is breathing their air.

          • Have you ever been looked at by a creepy supervisor who is creeping on you? This comment smacks of you not ever having experienced this.

          • I disagree; some looks, like leering, can definitely be harassment, particularly when coupled with other creepy behavior.

          • Anon 4 this :

            I am very glad that you have never had to experience the type of look that can send chills down your spine (not the good kind), be intimidating, make you feel extremely uncomfortable because the person is clearly evaluating what your body looks like under your clothes, etc. However, just because you haven’t experienced it or don’t feel the same way another woman does when presented with it, doesn’t mean it’s not valid.

    • Anonymous :

      He retains an age discrimination attorney.

      What she has said does not, over the course of many years, remotely amount to sexual harassment, and it is beyond strange to drag his work into it. (She’s not an employee. She could go to the police if worried, or ask her husband to approach him with her.)

      My guess, given how insubstantial the allegations (“He gave me a weird look” is *literally* the kind of thing that even liberal women plaintiff-side employment lawyers roll their eyes over), that she’s involving his work, and the fact that her hubby is the bos, is that it’s a set-up to get rid of him.

      • Anon for this :

        Thank you for this perspective. I have really struggled with being sensitive to what truly could have made her feel uncomfortable. The fact that he promptly and consistently honored her request to stop greeting her with a kiss on the cheek and the vagueness of the allegations made me pause. I believe that my friend is also not the only person she is bringing complaints against. FWIW, my friend is not at all worried. I just don’t want him to be blindsided.

  9. Dress for those boots :

    I have gray suede OTK boots that I’ve never worn, partly because I don’thave anything to match, partly because I needed time to get up the courage.
    Now I’m thinking of getting a rent the runway dress for an anniversary dinner with DH, and I might like to wear the boots. Suggestions? I’m blonde with a pixie cut; body type busty with very very broad shoulders.

    • I don’t think OTK boots are meant for dressy styles a la RTR. I would wear them with a jersey swing dress or a hippie/bohemian floral dress. Or skinny jeans + leather moto jacket (Extra Petite styled them this way).

      • +1 to wearing with skinny jeans.

      • I think if they are heeled, they definitely go with a fabulous, sassy minidress!

      • There are A TON of different styles on RTR.

      • A few options:
        https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/parker/chrissy_dress
        https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/diane_von_furstenberg/floral_dot_printed_dress
        https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/jason_wu_grey/drop_waist_dress

  10. Job searching :

    If I’m planning to apply to a job at a company I previously rejected, should I mention that in the interview? I wound up with two offers and went with the better one (after negotiating at the company in question now, but their salary was below market for the position and they could not meet my other offer, which was 7K higher). I am now interested in the company again because I would be applying for a different position and in a different specialty area, but will it hurt me that they made me an offer once (in 2014) and I didn’t take it? It will be a difference office this time as well.

    • If they have any kind of tracking system, they’re probably aware of it, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to just mention to the recruiter during the scheduling process to make sure that someone is aware (might not be any of the same people working on it) and that it doesn’t get awkward later. The recruiter would probably give the manager a heads up. Then in your interview you could reference back to how you learned so much in the previous interview process and were very interested in the company, etc. a few years ago but it didn’t work out at that time. At most companies it shouldn’t make a difference. If they take it personal, that’s probably a sign to you.

  11. Are short motorcycle boots still in fashion? And can someone help me find a dupe that they like for these Jimmy Choo ones I’m posting? Don’t like the label or the price, love the short height! I have young kids and I feel like these would be a more fun alternative for days spent chasing them!

    • https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/ProductDetail.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524446862168&site_refer=CSE_GGLPRADS001&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI36Kwp87U1gIVCB-GCh2BUwtuEAQYASABEgKVm_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

      • Never too many shoes... :

        The “also viewed” at the bottom of that page has some good looking alternatives at 1/3 the price – Ugg, Rag and Bone and the Natalie Frye all seem like possibly options if you like that look.

      • I have something like these from Gentle Souls. Very comfy.

      • I am a big fan of Frye’s just to give you another option: https://www.thefryecompany.com/womens/boots/best-sellers/engineer-8r-d-77500

    • ponte python's flying circus :

      Teva De La Vina low boots! I can confirm that they are true to size, extremely comfortable, and look good with skinny jeans and leggings.

    • I have a pair of flat Sperry ankle boots from a few years ago that are super comfortable.

      http://www.sperry.com/en/juniper-glyn/30571W.html?dwvar_30571W_color=STS80603&sma=sm.00004gy3g81210coxtoacj3ra55ql

      I really like these they’re selling this season.

      • I wear this style and have gone through three iterations thanks to puppy teething. First pair was Tory Burch, second J.Crew Factory and third was an old J.Crew style found on Poshmark. All were good quality but the factory ones wore out more quickly.

  12. Hive: I need some networking advice. I am a mid-level associate looking for move on (ideally to gov or in house). What plan on action would you all recommend?

    • What practice area, what kind of market are you in, how long have you been practicing, and what kind of environment do you want to move to?

      • Admin litigation, major US city, five years, and open to anything that is a “right fit.”

        • Tech Comm Geek :

          I’d start with working hard to identify what YOU think a “right fit” is. This is frequently a tough thing to wrap words around, but you need to know more than “not here.”

          • Along those lines, the networking advice I’ve gotten has been that I need to be running towards something, not away from it (and I need to come up with a narrative to tell potential employers that supports that).

          • I have an idea of what the right fit is.

          • That is to say, I am looking for “no ***holes.”

        • Small Law :

          Is there an ALJ you trust or have a good relationship with? Despite the ample postings on USAjobs, I feel most gov jobs it is still best to have an inside hand helping your application get in the right hands. I’m in admin law, and I made a move out of a firm with help from a supportive ALJ. You are also close to meeting the requirements for an ALJ position — then you don’t have to worry about the ***holes.

  13. Someone I know and I am not a fan of is missing in Las Vegas. I’m thinking thoughts of “karma” but want to reframe this in my mind. Any suggestions?

    • Try focusing on their loved ones. They are someone’s sister/brother, son/daughter, friend etc.

    • Yes. Remind yourself that disliking someone does not mean wishing them bodily harm and terror. If you find yourself thinking otherwise “no, I’m not a horrible person, obviously this is not karma.”

    • No Problem :

      No matter how much you don’t like someone, nobody deserves to die like that. Especially without the opportunity for people who do like the person to say goodbye.

    • Think of their family instead and sympathize with their feelings.

    • Good lord. Yes – try thinking of the hundreds of others wounded and 58 other dead and try to realize that you are not so important that the universe would cut down those beautiful lives so that you could have your petty revenge. Honestly seeing sh*t like this makes me so scared for the empathy in the US.

    • If “not a fan of” is code for someone who assaulted you or a friend or some other heinous thing, I think you have to allow yourself to have complicated thoughts. It’s ok to be glad if that person is out of your life for good while still feeling terrible that this tragedy happened in the first place. While I am generally anti-death penalty, I can admit that if a particular someone from my past was run over by a truck I’d probably mentally respond “good” while still feeling bad for his wife and kids.

      • Yes, heinous thing.

        • And? Srsly. You’re being a bad person. Stop.

          Are you religious?

          • I don’t know. I feel like God would be pretty sympathetic to the fact that I wished harm to a person who had hurt me or someone I loved in a heinous way. S/he knows we are only human. Pretty big distinction between thinking that and actually trying to hurt the person.

          • Anon at 10:49 not OP Anon :

            not OP

          • “Love your enemies” is in the Bible not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard. A little grace would go a long way here.

      • +1 to this. Be open to your complicated feelings, even though the trolls here may not agree you should have them. Super common.

        • I don’t think this post had any trolls and it’s not helpful to call troll on everything.

          Most posters were responding to OP’s reference to “not a fan of” vs. her later comment that the person had actually done “heinous thing” which was the reason for the dislike. Two different scenarios.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Suggestions? Just one. Stop it, immediately.

      Even the most awful people have people that love them who will never, ever get over this. They will picture their child, brother, mother dying while terrified…forever.

      You do not have to cry false tears for someone you do not like, but thinking “karma” kind of makes you seem like a sociopath at worst and an unfeeling b*tch at best.

      • +a million.

        If this person hurt you and you’re still carrying around that much anger, that’s eating you alive whether you know it or not. Get therapy. You don’t have to forgive but you do have to learn to let go. I don’t think you’re a bad person for feeling this way – I think you are a person who’s hurting. And for that, I’m sorry. Big hugs.

    • Did he murder you? I’m thinking no since you’re posting. Did he murder someone else? I’m thinking no if he was out at a concert. So the fact that you wish murder upon him makes you a horrible person. You don’t like him –fine. Don’t think about it. Don’t check social media for updates. Don’t cry any tears. But to wish this upon him?!? Maybe worry about your karma.

    • Wow, there are a lot of people here who don’t seem to have ever had a bad thought or complicated emotion in their life. I hope you aren’t as judgy and unsympathetic as you appear here.

      • I’ve learned (and re-learned) that online forums just aren’t the best place for complex, vulnerable, and unflattering statements about how we feel. Even with anonymity, it’s just not the right venue. I think close friends/family, journaling, or prayer if that’s something you do are better options.

      • Oh no we have. But they’re bad. And we try and stop them.

        • She did ask for suggestions about how to change this thinking.

          • Yeah, I am kind of boggled at how many people seem to be missing that she came here to ask how *not* to think this way.

          • And got them. Lots and lots of them.

        • Ha… based on a lot of the responses on this forum generally, there are a lot of people not in touch with their emotions to a great degree. Makes me sad how much knowledge and care you end up missing by shutting this down with judgment.

    • I’m not sure what this person did to you, but assuming this was something pretty terrible, this doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you human. That said, I’ve been a victim of a violent crime, and for me, those kinds of thoughts were fairly spiritually corrosive, and they didn’t help me get to a place of healing.

      In terms of reframing, the best advice I can offer is what was helpful for me: that nothing that happened to the person changed or undid what happened to me. Feelings like what you’re feeling don’t have much to do with what may have happened to him, but they’re a big sign that your own wound is still unhealed. Focus on that – on the part of you that is still injured, still hurt. Maybe you thought you were past this until now; maybe this is a wake-up call that you weren’t. Maybe you let yourself feel hurt before, but you didn’t let yourself feel anger (or vice-versa). Ultimately, your response to this is about you, and what remains still unsettled within you, and that’s what I would focus on.

      I’m a Christian, and yes, I believe, that I’m called to love my enemy, but getting there can be a very long road, and I think God understands that.

      • This is fantastic advice: “the best advice I can offer is what was helpful for me: that nothing that happened to the person changed or undid what happened to me.”

    • My two cents: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling what you feel. But you don’t need to verbalize and express every thought you have. I’m sure I’ve felt similar things before, but I haven’t gone on to seek validation for those feelings on the internet.

    • I’ve been assaulted a few times in my life and I know these men have hurt more women than just me. If one of those Men happened to take a bullet I would be… Not sad. That doesn’t make me a bad person and I don’t think it makes you a bad person either.

      • Anon 4 this :

        +1

        I am sure I will get jumped on for this, but you have feelings for a reason. I don’t think you should try to not feel them. Pushing them off and not recognizing them is not going to help you work through why you are feeling them, which IMO after therapy aimed at helping me with a traumatic event is the way to reduce the feelings/thoughts.

  14. Unsolicited book recommendation (just listen to it on audiobooks or kindle to not incite panic in your spouse)

    How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids.

    Really interesting read.

    • I can’t get this on my kindle or Audible because we have family sharing! I would have to secretly purchase it in hard copy at a bookstore and then read it at lunch.

      • try the Hoopla app through your local library! (if you have it!)

        • Baconpancakes :

          Or Overdrive – you can download the ebook and read it on a pdf reader in your phone instead of Kindle.

      • Why are you worried others would see it?

        • I wondered the same thing . . . I do understand why the title might be surprising to your husband, but couldn’t you just, like, explain what the book is about? You know, communicate?

        • I guess I would freak out if i saw my spouse reading “how to not hate your wife after kids” and am projecting

      • You can not share certain books when you buy them…that’s what I did for this one ;-) Although it’s not bad reading for one’s husband

  15. The plus-sized version of this dress does look better. I think it’s partly the neckline. The neckline on the straight-sized version looks like it’s choking the model. The neckline on the plus-sized version is a little more open, which would be more flattering on all sizes.

  16. I just started grad school in August and have been suffering from insomnia for the first time in my life. I go to bed and lie awake until 2 or 3 in the morning. then I wake up at 6 or 7ish for class and am so unbelievably tired all day. I literally struggle to keep my eyes open. Then the cycle repeats itself. No matter how exhausted I feel, I can’t seem to fall asleep.

    I think that I have pretty good sleep hygiene: I’ve been shutting off my computer an hour before I go to bed, have a bedtime ritual (tea + reading or meditation), and don’t drink caffeine past noon. Sometimes I take a melatonin supplement, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I did cut out alcohol recently and am wondering if that’s an issue?

    Anyone have experience overcoming this or ideas? I am just so tired (no pun intended, ha) of dealing with this.

    • Boston Legal Eagle :

      I went through this my third year of law school and then when starting my first law job after that. For me, it was related to anxiety. For an immediate fix, I would recommend talking to your GP about medication to help you fall asleep. For the longer term, I would suggest therapy to discuss the underlying issue and to discuss techniques.

      • +1 – sleeping difficulties are closely related to anxiety and depression and can be the primary symptom. I’d get checked out for these.

    • This happened to me in grad school as a result of stress. I didn’t feel particularly stressed, but it manifested in not being able to sleep properly. Melatonin helped me, but I also found it useful to give myself “permission” to go to sleep. I’d list everything I had accomplished that day, acknowledge that I had been productive, accept that sleep would be better for my productivity than staying awake, and make a list of the things I would do the next day. That helped switch off my brain enough to let me relax and sleep without my subconscious trying to sort through everything I needed to do while I was trying to get some shut-eye.

    • pugsnbourbon :

      I have been told by my doc that it’s okay to take a Benadryl for occasional sleeplessness – you can see if that gives you some momentary relief, but I think this is worth a visit to your GP.

      • Be careful with this. Benadryl is not a sleeping pill, is not supposed to be taken regularly, and can leave many people tired the next day. You can also become dependent upon it and “forget” to tell your doctor you are using it nightly. It is actually sloppy/lazy medicine for a doctor to recommend using this for sleep.

        If this is an every night issue, start a little more exercise daily, add a happy light in the morning to help you get up and take the melatonin regularly and earlier (dinner time), and start using a mindfulness App to help you fall asleep.

    • A magnesium supplement made a huge difference for my insomnia. start with one dose and then keep upping until you get loose stools. Then back-up a dose.

      Epsom salt baths are better for absorption of magnesium, but who has time for that every night? Might be worth a try on a really stressful night though.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 for magnesium, but be aware that even a daily dose may be too much for your intestines. I do every other day.

    • New Tampanian :

      Oh, this has been my life.

      You are doing the right things before bed it seems. Do you exercise? Or have you recently stopped? That can have a huge impact on your ability to fall asleep.

      That said, I have a little trick that I’ve talked about on here before. It’s “Gratitude ABCs.” As you lay down to go to sleep, think of something you are truly grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet. These can be teeny tiny mundane things or huge things. Whatever comes to your mind first. For example: “A is for air. B is for bacon. C is for cats…”

      This is something my therapist taught me. It focuses you just enough so that your mind isn’t wandering but it’s not something that requires so much focus that you are stimulating your brain. I’m usually out by L.

    • Flats Only :

      You would be surprised how much caffeine is in a cup of decaf tea. Keep the caffeinated beverages to one at breakfast time and cut out the bedtime tea. See what happens.

      • Anonymous :

        The OP’s problem is almost certainly caused by stress and anxiety. The caffeine in decaffeinated coffee/tea will not cause this. (Felt it was necessary to clear up this statement.)

        • I have learned from years of mistakes and experimentation that decaf tea after 3pm will keep me up at night. No idea what the OP’s problem is, but this blanket statement of impossibility is silly. Bodies are different from each other.

    • Totally get this, I occasionally get the “worries” and cannot sleep. In the past I would read or watch dumb re-run tv shows in order to turn off my brain; sometimes it worked and sometimes I’d just end up bingeing stupid tv all night. I began meditating for unrelated reasons and the app I downloaded has something called “sleep stories” (the Calm app). It’s been lifesaving – the stories are designed to distract your brain from the mental lists but they’re read in a soothing tone and are not interesting enough to keep you up.

    • givemyregards :

      +1 to all the recommendations to see your GP. I’ve also been really liking this app called “relax melodies” – you pick different sounds to create a “soundscape” (it sounds goofy, I know), like rain + chimes + whatever else you like and then you can play a guided meditation on top of it. I’ve tried other app and this is the one I like the best for falling asleep.

    • Everything you are doing sounds right. That said, it might be worth trying a nighttime yoga routine. I love Yoga with Adrienne’s 20 minute bedtime yoga (free via the internet). It seems to help me focus and block out the million thoughts running through my head and get in the right mindset to fall asleep.

    • I guess I am a big pharma / health care lemming, but my first call would be to my doctor. Maybe they will suggest a short-term pharma solution to help get you back in a good sleep rhythm and maybe they will suggest other things, but this is a miserable way to live. I have battled insomnia for almost 20 years, but now I use Rx meds so I can function on a daily basis. We don’t have to live sleepless and miserable!

    • Go to your campus counseling center! That was the best decision I ever made when I was in grad school.

    • Skip the tea. Am in graduate school and have the same problem sometimes. Eliminating tea just before bed time has really helped, but the cup that comforts is sorely missed. Replaced it with hot water and a small amount of Ribena (black currant juice). Blame that choce on a British upbringing!

      • I assumed she meant some kind of herbal or otherwise non-caffeinated tea.

      • Anonymous :

        Dude, this is crazy. Of course she should have the tea. It’s precisely the relaxing ritual that helps with sleeping.

    • Thank you all so much for the replies! I have not been exercising regularly (used to work out 3-4 times a week) and think that would help. I’ll also try some of your other suggestions.

      The tea I’m drinking is chamomile tea (so no caffeine) and is actually specifically meant to help with sleep. I’ve been drinking it nightly for several years with no issues.

      • biglawplussize :

        David’s tea has a yummy sleepy tea — “mothers little helper” which is supposed to make you sleepy.

        I also like color meditation (like the ABC thing above, but “seeing” colors in the dark with your eyes closed –and I was always out by Yellow when I was in grad school and couldn’t sleep).

        Another good app is Insight Timer (free) has good guided sleepy meditations. (usually 17-30 minutes) and unless I’m really stressed out, I’m out in 5-10 minutes.

    • If you’re in grad school see if you can grab a little shuteye in the afternoon, siesta style. It might help with some of the tiredness so that you can be at a normal bedtime state.

  17. Hey – for the person here who was given notice by her law firm in the last week or so, I set up an email account if you want to chat- [email protected]

    (Also, class of 2008 litigator who got the “not making partner” talk about a year ago, if you’re out there, I’d love to talk to you, too).

  18. I am sick of the partners I work for continually throwing me under the bus with clients/judges/other lawyers when I do things they request in the specific manner they request. I know the answer is get a new job and I’m looking but it’s not happening as quickly as I would like…

    • That was my ex-boss (feels good to say ex)

      Me: boss, please review these selections
      Boss: change this selection and that selection, the rest are fine

      Later
      Senior mgmt: we hate these selections
      Boss: yes, Anon, how could you have selected these?

    • That’s a shame. My boss’s mentality is that throwing an associate under the bus makes HER (and the whole firm) look bad. More people should see it that way because it is true!

    • I’ve also been there.

      Me: Boss, here is a draft letter you asked for to submit with the permit application.
      Boss: Great thanks.
      Me (following up): Have you had the chance to review letter? Any changes? Just FYI, Christmas is in 3 weeks, I put a notification on your calendar that I’ll be out of the office on the 23rd and 24th; let me know if you have a problem with that.
      Boss: No problem. Letter looks great. I’m not ready to send permit application yet. Hang on.
      Me: Boss, just a reminder, I’ll be out for Christmas. (repeat 4x for next 2 weeks)
      Boss: I haven’t finished the permit application yet. (repeat 4x for next 2 weeks)
      Me, Dec. 22: Just a reminder, I’ll be out tomorrow.
      Boss: Yes, fine, have a safe drive and a nice Christmas!

      Boss, December 23: Where are you? Where’s the most recent version of the letter? This is way, way, way overdue and the client is begging for it! They’re going to fire us. *Sends out letter and application.*
      Boss, 1 week later: It’s your responsibility to finalize letters and applications and send them out, and you were no where to be found when this one was sent out, and that’s why we didn’t get it out on time. This is unacceptable.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Reading these posts is making me realize why I have stuck it out at a difficult, challenging job for so long – my boss always has my back. He will stand up to clients to defend his associates (so rare) and never throws us under the bus. He’s not perfect but in this respect he is a solid, solid boss man.

    • Document everything in case you get sued or referred to bar counsel.

  19. Travel novice :

    Question for you road-warriors: I have to get from the Baltimore airport to a hotel in the Inner Harbor area (Marriott, if that makes a difference, mid-day) – what’s the best way to do that, for someone who’s never been there before, has no sense of direction, and can’t believe that she’s lived this long with virtually no independent public transportation experience? And if the answer is get an Uber, can someone walk me through exactly how that works as if I’m 5 years old (like, start with “download the app,” because I have no idea.)

    • This is how I get to my hotel no matter what city I’m visiting: Look for ground transportation/taxi signs at baggage claim. Walk out the indicated exit to the curb. Look for taxi sign. Get in taxi line. Tell the attendant running the taxi stand/line where you are going and how many in your party. Go to the cab indicated by the attendant. If there is no attendant, go to first available cab in line. Tell the driver where you are going. Driver puts luggage in the trunk while you get in the cab. Easy peasy.

      • +1! I take Uber all the time, but never from airports. They often have to wait at random spots, and it just seems like a hassle to find the driver. A ride from the airport is not the time to learn Uber.

        Take a taxi. Every airport has a ton of signs for the taxi line and it’s supper easy.

      • yes, take a taxi. Make sure you have cash. They don’t all take cards. Make sure you get a receipt.

    • Uber works, but just grab a cab at the airport. The hotel can help you hail one for the return trip, too. Public transportation in Bmore sucks, so cab/uber is the way to go.

      • Public transportation in Baltimore has a LOT of room for improvement, but getting from BWI to the Inner Harbor or anywhere else along the light rail is convenient and affordable for people who 1) know where they’re going, 2) know exactly how to get there, and 3) have street sense and can manage in a city where few middle class people use public transportation aside from commuters, travel to sports/arts/entertainment downtown, travel to the airport, and Circulator (free bus system focused on tourism) users.

        For the OP, Uber/Lyft is the way to go.

    • I personally love Uber at BWI. Or Lyft, both work the same. Download the app now, and add your credit card info (they will give you all the prompts as you setup the app), then when you arrive at the airport there is a special airport interface that tells you to go outside to pickups, like you always would and there are signs for taxi zones. You just indicate which one you are in through the prompts, then type your destination in to the box when it asks you, and hit “request”. You’ll then see your car tracked on its way to you, along with the color, make, model, and license plate. The driver usually calls as they pull into the airport, unless they see you right away.

      • givemyregards :

        +1 to Uber from BWI. It’s faster than waiting in the taxi line and – this may not matter to you if you’re traveling for work and can expense it – but it’s way cheaper. The metered rate from BWI to downtown in a cab is really high and most of the time they just make a fare up anyway. But I also echo other commenters that if you’re really not comfortable using a new app, then the taxi line is totally fine! If you’re going to be moving around in Baltimore proper once you get there, though, I’d get comfy with uber/lyft because you really don’t want to be dealing with the cabs there.

    • The hotel webpage has directions on how to get there from the airport. They don’t have shuttle service, but you can take the super shuttle for about $15, or a taxi for about $30. Link in separate comment.

    • http://www.marriott.com/hotels/fact-sheet/travel/bwiih-baltimore-marriott-inner-harbor-at-camden-yards/

  20. Recommendations for a hair mask for curly dry hair? Preferably something not too expensive.

    • Eva NYC Therapy Session. Leave it on as long as you can in the shower.

    • Flats Only :

      Alberto V05 hairdressing. Probably in the men’s section at the drug store. $6 max, and the tube will last you years. Before bed rub 1/4 inch dab of it in your palms to warm it up, then run it through your hair. Wash in the morning. Your hair will look amazing.

    • Aussie 3 min miracle. Leave it on for longer than 3 min with shower cap over head, then wrap a towel on it. I’ve also used some Brigeo (sp?) repair something or other from Sephora, and that was nice.

  21. Question for those of you who use the L&S omg for travel – if you are travelling for more than 1 day, what kind of luggage do you use? I had switched to a backpack + duffel because carrying a tote and a weekender bag was breaking my back. But now I’m wondering if the omg and a small spinner might be more convenient. I’m good at packing light (contents-wise) to avoid checking bags, but then end up with small bags that weigh too much.

    • I use the omg for up to three days with a purse.

    • Small, carry on roller bag, large tote (I ditched the OMG because I hated it), and take a small purse for evenings with me. Balance large tote on roller bag, out under seat in airplane.

    • I use the OG plus a small spinner for trips of 3 days or more (up to two weeks).

    • MandaPanda :

      I usually take a carry-on roller bag, a backpack, and a small purse. I can usually shove my purse in my backpack so that way I only have two carry-ons.

    • anon a mouse :

      I carry a small spinner carry-on and the OMG. I also have a clutch purse (or small crossbody) that I tuck into the OMG to use at my destination. I can go up to 4 days with this combo, assuming I don’t need a ton of shoes or jackets.

      • biglawplussize :

        I didn’t do the smallest spinner carry-on, just the samsonite expandable one, but I did that + OMG (with foldable longchamp for day tripping once I got to my destinations) for a 3 week trip (Seoul, London and Paris). If you have access to homes with laundry, it’s totally doable.

    • I don’t have the OG or OMG, but for travel via plane (or sometimes train depending on circumstances) I bring a roller bag and a tote, usually a large longchamp or sometime the large LL Bean tote. Then I’ll put a small handbag inside of that. I then put the roller bag in the overhead compartment and keep the tote under the seat (or just take out what I need for the flight and put the bag above too).

  22. Linked In, II :

    Thanks for the helpful comments on this LI subject from yesterday. It’s given me more (overthinking?) questions about Linked In that I’m hoping you all can help with. I live for details so all suggestions are welcome!
    Photo–should I have one, can I go without, does it need to be professional or at this stage can it be playful?
    Uni– dates should be included? what do I say about the flunked phd–I’ve been doing it for the last few years and so don’t have any thing current to offer except that and affiliated teaching
    Public/private –what is the better setting to put it at? I know that headhunters have their keyword searches they use to contact people and their settings to view a profile is different–in that case does it matter? I’m mostly direct applying to positions that I’m interested in. If the company searches for me is it okay that it’s private?
    An anon person who works in HR suggested I only post ‘high level info’ what specifically does that mean?
    I’ve been at uni for more than ten years and have little clue; thanks for the way finding!

    • If you have a photo it should be professional. This is for work.

      Stop saying you flunked your PhD- you were in a program for xyz dates. You left.

    • make sure you comment “good insight” on a bunch of articles every day. (just kidding, I’m a LinkedIn hater, but understand that it’s necessary!)

    • LinkedIn is not facebook. LinkedIn is like an online resume. You don’t have to use it like facebook, like they seem to be trying to turn into).

      I would put a professional photo (you can ask a friend to take one outside in portrait mode, even), your education (grad dates, etc), your past experiences.

    • GertrudeStein :

      You did not flunk your PhD, you withdrew from your program ABD (all but dissertation). You should tell people you realized an academic life was not for you. As a PhD holder, employed in my field, I often wonder if I should have left academia. It’s not all giggles and champagne for anyone. You’re going on a different path than you planned, but it may be much more rewarding and interesting than academic life.

      • She only “withdrew ABD” if she passed her comps.

        • Even if she failed comps/quals, she probably got a master’s degree and can say she withdrew as opposed to “flunked.”

        • GertrudeStein :

          True, I’m assuming she did, but I still think she should say she withdrew. Honestly, I feel for the OP, it’s crushing to feel like you’re a failure. The thing is, she’s not a failure. A ton of folks withdrew from my PhD program, voluntarily and involuntarily. They were all interesting, smart people who have gone on to do fascinating things with their lives and contribute to the world in ways we couldn’t have imagined at the time.

          • Interviewer :

            This.

            You are not a failure and anyone who learns that you withdrew from a phd program will not automatically think you are a failure.

            As a hiring manager of a large department that has a technical specialty, I receive a ton of resumes for people that withdrew from phds. I hire many of them and some now even manage people that have completed phds.

            Having a professional setback is something that happens to EVERYONE. It absolutely sucks and you completely deserve several nights of cookies and wine.

            That said, you can’t let this throw you or undermine your confidence. You need to keep your chin up and keep putting one foot in front of another.

            Practice saying your short, standard response in the mirror with a smile until you can do it with ease. I think something like “I withdrew from the program. I realized that I did not want an academic career.” is good. Given the reality of the academic job market, no one would quibble with that.

            But most of all, you are a smart, talented person. This is one small blip in what will be a long professional life for you. Try to keep that in mind. Yes, you feel raw now but this will not be forever.

          • Linked In, II :

            You are all so kind, thank you. I appreciate it tremendously. I definitely feel like a failure, like I should have gotten out earlier, so now I’ve wasted so much time, that I should have chosen a different disciple/topic/committee/school but all that is hindsight and when I was in it because I didn’t know what else to do with my self it was so so hard to leave. I’ve started telling friends since this past summer but I’ve yet to tell my parents–I want to have something else set up before I tell them so they won’t be disappointed. I know that all this is the past, learn the lessons, do something else but now I have so much doubt about my decisions–what if the new thing that I think/feel/love to do is not the path that I should be taking.

      • This, absolutely. Don’t say that you failed unless you are very specifically asked. Otherwise, you left the program. People do that all the time, for a wide range of reasons, and I would neither assume that you had failed or feel deceived when/if I eventually found out.

    • There’s no point in having a Linked In at all if it’s going to be private. I think you are probably spending too much of your mental energy thinking about this.

    • I’m Anon HR person – for high-level, I just mean one to two sentences or bullets about your role. Like I have: “Led Enterprise performance management, succession planning and leadership talent review programs. Consulted with Senior Leadership to assess future talent needs and create customized talent interventions.” for one of my roles. Some people have like a whole paragraph or their entire resume pasted in for each job. I don’t necessarily have a problem with that (sometimes it’s too much), but since you seemed to want to keep it lower key I wanted to let you know that a sentence or two is perfectly appropriate. Also, it’s fine to crop a snapshot or selfie, but aim for professional (doesn’t have to be an executive glamour shot).

    • Tech Comm Geek :

      Definitely have a photo that clearly shows your face and is reasonably professional. I have a cropped version of a candid photo a friend took a couple of years ago. She caught me smiling and relaxed.

      Profiles without photos get much less response and are perceived as not interested in contact or networking, according the last couple of recruiters I worked with.

  23. Does anyone have opinions on the Babyliss Pro Nano Titanium Hair Dryer vs the Chi Touch 2 Touch Screen Dryer? I was thinking of buying the Babyliss Pro to replace my old drug-store-brand hair dryer. Then I saw that the Chi will be on sale for $108 this weekend.

    • Where was it on sale? I think I want a Babyliss hair straightener (recs on a specific one, anyone??)

      • The Chi dryer will be on sale at Ulta this Saturday.

        I love my Babyliss hair straightener. I bought it about 6 months ago with “birthday money,” and it totally changed my morning routine.

    • Delta Dawn :

      I have the Babyliss Pro Nano Titanium Hair Dryer, and I LOVE it. I have no frame of reference to compare it to the Chi dryer, though. I had a Conair that took about twenty minutes to dry my (long, thick) hair; the Babyliss takes ten minutes or less.

    • I have the Babyliss Pro Nano Titanium Portofino Dryer and love it. Sometimes it’s almost too powerful. My hair stylist thinks Chi has gone way downhill in the past several years so I didn’t consider it but if I had I’d be worried about the touchscreen breaking.

      I tried the Bio Ionic before this Babyliss and like the Babyliss better. Got them at Ulta. They have a decent return policy. And you can try them in store.

    • My post appears to have been eaten but apologies if this ends up a double post.

      I have the Babyliss Pro Nano Titanium Portofino Hair Dryer and I love it. Didn’t consider the Chi, but would have worried about the life of the touchscreen if I had.

      • Also if you’re getting this at Ulta too, they have a decent return policy. I’ve tried hair dryers and return them.

  24. Cold travel :

    We take a beach vacation (usually to the Caribbean) every February, but are TTC (Zika). I have a crazy idea of going to Norway or Iceland instead. Has anyone ever been in that part of the world at that time of year? I’m envisioning bobsleds, curling up by cozy fires, northern lights. I’ve never been to that part of the world ever (husband has), and realize summer is more pleasant. Also the flights are soo cheap, like $235 round trip from NYC.

    • You can do all that stuff in Quebec too! And it’s cheaper on the ground.

    • Iceland with the hot springs is amazing!

      • We went to Iceland in February and had a great time. I would suggest it. Go see an ice cave, which you can only do in the winter. Also, the northern lights are better in the winter too.

        • I went to Iceland in February and it was fun, but there was a heavy blizzard for several days of my trip, which made outdoor activities pretty rough. Make sure you’ve got indoor options you’d be happy with if you go to Scandinavia in winter.

    • Anony Mouse :

      Those sound like fantastic vacations. That said, do be prepared for it to be dark for a large part of the time. (Think sunrise at 9-9:30 a.m. and sunset around 5-5:30.) Not necessarily a deal-breaker, but it’s likely to catch you off guard if you’re not expecting it.

    • I’ve been to Iceland in the summer and would love to go back in the winter, since you can’t normally see the Northern Lights in summer. The flights from NY sound like an amazing deal, I say go for it.
      Know that the length of the day depends a LOT on when in February you go. On February 1, the sun rises after 10 am and sets right after 5 pm (7 hour day). On February 28, the sun rises at 8:30 and sets close to 7 (over a 10 hour day). A change of more than three hours of daylight within a single month! The shorter day might be better for viewing the Northern Lights but otherwise I’d say go at the end of the month so you have more daylight hours to take advantage of.

    • I have been to Iceland and Norway in November and enjoyed both trips. The weather is probably a bit milder in November than Feb, and as someone else mentioned it is very dark. In Norway, the sun never rose above the horizon and would “set” around 2pm (we were very far north, not in Osl0).

      We went dogsledding and northern lights watching in Norway. Rented a car and drove around Iceland. Both trips will be very, very different than a beach trip, but I wouldn’t hesitate to go if you’re up for cold weather (and not opposed to possible very bad weather, i.e., blizzards).

  25. Any suggestions for official-ish (government or respected nonprofit) resources that list the average cost of mental health counseling by region?

  26. Headphone Recs? :

    If I have to listen to my otherwise lovely cube neighbor chew ice or Fritos much longer I’m going to lose it. Earbuds are really uncomfortable. Any recommendations on a comfortable set of over-the-ear headphones that won’t break the bank?

    • givemyregards :

      Oh, I FEEL you on this one. To the point that my SO got me bose noise cancelling headphones for my bday this year. For something cheaper, though, NYMag just did an article with some good options: http://nymag.com/strategist/article/best-cheap-wireless-bluetooth-headphones.html

    • Tech Comm Geek :

      I find that headphones are a super personal decision. I prefer the Wirecutter reviews, and they have an article focused on choosing the right type of headphones for you. They give a good amount of detail on what they evaluate and how each choice came out. I often don’t agree with their top choice, but the reviews let me choose an option that suits my needs.

    • Anon prof :

      I’m late here, but hopefully you’ll check back. The Amazon brand ones that look like a knockoff of Beats are great and usually less than $25

  27. Dresscode Q :

    I will be interviewing for a promotional opportunity when I am 7 months pregnant. Is it necessary to buy a suit that I will have no other use for just to look appropriate? This is somewhat of a longshot and I have no expectations of actually getting the position.

    I have been able to “make do” in court with maternity dresses + suit blazers and/or maternity pants +suit blazers. Obviously, if I wasn’t pregnant I would wear my most formal suit.

    • Maternity dress and blazer is fine.

    • Dresscode Q :

      If it matters, this would be for a visibility heavy position so looking the part is important. I will not know anyone on the interview panel so I don’t expect any concessions. OTH, I think I am being interviewed as a courtesy.

      • I say this not having been pregnant, so take it with a grain of salt, but what would you wear if you were 7 months pregnant and already had the position? If it would be a maternity dress and blazer, then I think it’s fine for the interview as well. My feeling is that by 7 months, you’re visibly pregnant – you get a pass on having to buy a full suit.

      • I had a maternity suit that I loved so I’m biased but if this is not your last pregnancy I’d say buy the suit.

    • Just my personal opinion, but I suspect it’s widely shared: I think the dress+blazer combo is appropriate for the highest level of business formality for anyone who is heavily pregnant (assuming it looks nice and you’re put-together in general).

      • Interviewer :

        +1

        I don’t think it has to be a maternity blazer either.

        I would just make sure hair/make up (if you wear anyone)/accessories are really on point.

      • Interviewer :

        +1

        I don’t think it has to be a maternity blazer either.

        I would just make sure hair/make up (if you wear any)/accessories are really on point.

    • Anonymous :

      I would borrow a maternity suit.

      • Anonymous :

        Easier said than done, I think. A lot of women never purchase a maternity suit (I didn’t) and many women donate or give away maternity clothes as soon as they’re done having kids. All my friends work professional office jobs, have had kids in the last few years and I don’t think any of us currently owns a maternity suit.

    • Hmmm…This: http://www.seraphine.com/us/luxe-collection/maternity-silk-dresses/silk-ponte-maternity-nursing-dress.html (which is lovely)

      is different than this: https://www.isabellaoliver.com/us/shop/maternity-clothes/maternity-dresses/ruched-t-shirt-maternity-dress-darkest-navy.htm (which I see often, understandably, but maybe isn’t the right thing for a professional office, court or interview)

      So, I’d say it depends on your maternity wardrobe. “Maternity dress” just isn’t descriptive enough. But chances are most things in your wardrobe beat those awful maternity suits!

      • Dresscode Q :

        Fair point! It’s not like the bottom one but not like the top either. Think solid color ponte in a sheath silhouette, non body con, and a non maternity suit blazer in a coordinating color. I have several color options in dark muted suit colors. This is my second pregnancy so the maternity clothes are on their second go round. I’d feel better if this was the last time because they’re probably starting to show some wear, but nothing too noticeable. I’m hoping if I get everything professionally steamed and am on point with hair and accessories, I’ll be fine. But maybe i should look for one new dress. I’d prefer that to an ill fitting maternity suit. And I only wish I knew someone I could borrow a suit from but that’s not something that would work for me in my regular size, much less pregnant.

  28. Paging Moving on Mama :

    Not sure if you’ll see this, but in response to your question on Portland, ME from yesterday. All my in laws live there and we fantasize about moving there regularly. It’s an awesome place-really great food scene, independent breweries and distilleries popping up all the time, great quality of life, and housing is relatively affordable (if you’re coming from away; my family thinks it’s getting insane). That said, the job market is incredibly tight. It depends on what you’re looking for. Your husband might have an easier time as a contractor; it would depend on what you’re looking for. Jobs are the reason keeping us from moving up there. If we could, we would. The other consideration is winter-I’m from Boston and I find the winter noticeably longer in Maine than in MA. That said, summers are fantastic, so there’s that tradeoff. It’s also a pretty small town, which can be nice (everyone knows you! You have your local spots!) but also kind of a challenge (everyone knows you and you can’t go anywhere without bumping into someone you work with/know/etc.). Hope that helps!

    • I also have family in Portland ME and I +1 all of this. Wonderful city in so many respects but the winters are loooooong (noticeably worse than Boston) and the job market is tough.

  29. FL/Orlando Real Estate Attorney Rec? :

    An elderly family member owns a condo unit in a fractured condo, and could use some legal counsel. A shot in the dark, but any recommendations for a Florida-based (preference for Orlando area) real estate attorney or firm name that might be able to assist? TIA

  30. Planning for mat leave and return - help! :

    Biglaw moms (or any moms, really!): What do you wish you had known before going out on leave? What do you wish you had negotiated/thought through/set in stone regarding your arrangements when you returned? (I’m thinking flex time, but could be something else.) Due date is fast approaching, I’ve been remiss on planning this out, and I haven’t yet carefully considered what to ask for.

    • I think it really depends on who is making the decisions about your flex time and what your firm’s general policy is.

      My practice area is amenable to part-time and remote work, as it’s fairly piecemeal and transactional in nature and most work is done by individuals. I think it’s harder for flex-time and remove work in litigation, for example.

      I didn’t formally do anything, but hinted rather broadly to the partner I worked a lot with that I was probably going to come back part-time. About a month before I came back, I scheduled an in person meeting with him and let him know I wanted to return at a certain percentage and planned to be available everyday, but leave at 4:45 for daycare pickup and work from home 1-2 days a week. Since that worked with everyone, the required paperwork was completed a few days after I got back from leave.

      I think it’s better to wait until you’re close to coming back — there’s no point in leaving before you leave (or in this case going part-time before you go part-time). It’ll also be much more realistic to figure out what work schedule you’d like once you have your baby in hand. And, finally — if your practice group really does feel your absence, they’ll be glad to have you back at a reduced schedule rather than not at all.

    • I wouldn’t ask for flex time just yet. For one thing, you don’t want them to start cutting your pay while you’re out on leave. Wait until you are at least a month or two postpartum.

      I went back to my big law job on an 80% reduced schedule. We don’t have a billable hours target and I am a transactional attorney, so my goal was just to work 20% less. Another goal was to be home with my kid every weekday from 6 to 8 pm without feeling guilty. I was still in the office five days a week. It all worked out very well. In my transactional practice I could never have taken a full day off during the week.

      Besides just thinking about flex time, try to brainstorm the things that will help you to maximize time at work or with baby, money no object. (For example: minimize commute time, hire au pair, grocery delivery, etc). In big law, even help that seems exorbitant becomes a good deal if it can help you to preserve your current income.

    • Anon Biglaw Mom :

      What’s your level? Associate, counsel, partner?

      I went back full time, as did all of the other transactional Biglaw women I’ve worked with / known well (sample size of 5 plus me, including 2 partners and the rest mid/senior associates). What I would ask for WHEN YOU GO BACK is for your schedule to be respected unless there’s a real client emergency. For example, I generally come in late (10:30 a.m.) b/c mornings are my time and I do daycare drop off (I take early AM calls from home, although I can make an exception and actually be in the office early if absolutely needed).

      Why do you think you need flex time? Truthfully, the biggest determiner will be your partner (if you have one?) A partner that will take maternity/paternity starting the day yours ends, or a partner that can reliably do one or both of the daily daycare drops/pick ups is a game-changer. Some couples where both have demanding careers get there with nannies or family help.

      • Planning for mat leave and return - help! :

        Thanks! I’m an associate. I should mention that I already have 2 kids, and I’ve gone back full time with each. I have a very supportive partner with a less demanding job, but I’m afraid going back full time with the third is going to be very difficult. Wrangling two preschoolers and an infant to bed for my partner solo on a regular basis is not an option. (We’ll probably hire extra help for the witching hour once I go back to work, but still… I want to be there!) I guess part of the issue is what “flex time” really means if you are a biglaw transactional associate, and how to get people to respect your schedule. Since I started having kids on the very junior end of what’s typical for biglaw, I’ve erred on the side of making myself very available to prove to everyone that having kids didn’t make me a less valuable associate, and now I’m concerned that it’s going to be hard to reverse that reputation and make it known that I am going to be strict about my schedule and need it to be respected in order to make this work…

        • Anon Biglaw Mom :

          Ah, that’s an entirely different situation than I was imagining. I can think of good reasons to wait (they’ll expect you to come back full time having done so before and won’t give your work away). Asking early makes you vulnerable in my mind (“she’s not coming back full time so give this matter to Johnson”). Can you think of a benefit to asking ahead of time (one that benefits you not them).

          • Planning for mat leave and return - help! :

            I and my skills are in demand these days (and I expect will continue to be when I get back from leave, barring another financial crisis), so I’m not too worried about having my work given away. I’m more concerned about making sure I plan appropriately and am effective at getting the message across that I’ll need to be less generous with my schedule than before. Typing this out, I think you’re right that there’s not much benefit to messaging this now, but that I need to make sure I’m assertive and have a plan in mind when I am gearing up to get back to work. What makes me nervous is that I’ve rarely seen examples of tranasctional attorneys successfully managing flex time or similar when they come back from leave, so I guess I was hoping to preempt some of the anxiety about this by trying to get a plan together before going out on leave.

  31. For those of you who eloped or had an otherwise small ceremony, how much was your photographer? We don’t need 8 hours of coverage and all that jazz – I really just want maybe 2-3 hours of coverage (and on a weekday!).

    I’ve gotten a little sticker shock because the going rate in SO’s rural home state is $3500 for a full wedding (did I mention this is a rural area where you can buy a house for $125k?), and I’m trying to get an idea of what others have paid for similar lite coverage.

    • Veronica Mars :

      I think $1200-$1500 is regular in my area. I’d ask around for the “elopement rate.”

      • Veronica Mars :

        For more context, my photographer’s regular rate is $4k and her elopement rate is $1100 for 2 hrs, 1 photographer, $500 extra for another photographer per hour and $500 extra per hour.

    • Anony Mouse :

      We live in a very LCOL city (Great Plains State), and paid $1100 for 5 hours of coverage on a Saturday: full ceremony plus reception, same site. It’s worth mentioning that this was a fair bit lower than the average wedding photographer rate we encountered.
      Side note–if you’re having all or part of your to-do indoors, make sure you have a photographer who is totally comfortable shooting indoors. A number of photographers we spoke to were “natural light only” (i.e. don’t like/know how to use a flash).

    • You’re probably still going to pay a couple of grands because it’s not just those two hours, it’s the processing time and also presumably the digital rights to print your photos.

      • Anonymous :

        Plus for an elopement (as opposed to something like family portraits) a good photographer will want to scout the location in advance to find the best lighting and figure out where to take portraits, bring a second shooter and put way more time into editing the photos than they normally would. It should cost less than an eight hour wedding would, but it shouldn’t be 1/4 the cost of a wedding, because it is still wedding photography with all the costs that entails.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      We paid $900 for two hours of coverage (on a Thursday in the off season) and all the digital photos — prints would be more. She was a great photographer, but up and coming. (She only does huge fancy weddings now.)

    • Small Law :

      We had a small wedding and were able to negotiate $1000 for similar coverage that you are describing. I got the higher standard prices from vendors and then as politely as possible explained in detail the less coverage we would need and our price expectations. I found a photographer that I not only loved but was willing to deviate from her standard price/hours for a smaller weekday job. I found being very specific was key.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 to negotiating, looking for someone new to the business, and not paying for more than you need (eg files only, no album). We end up paying something like $1500 for a wedding in the Catskills, partially because the photographer came from Albany rather than NYC. That said, I don’t 100% loooove all our pictures but they are adequate. I was comfortable with good but not great pix going in.

    • Anonymous :

      We paid something like $2600 for the whole elopement package: ceremony, photographer, flowers, small cake and bubbly and overnight accommodations in Napa. Helped that the photographer ran the elopement business and her hubby did the officiating. It was perfect, tasteful, great pics.

      • We went to the photographer's studio :

        We eloped in 2013 (got married on our porch by a judge; two friends were there to witness and also get married). Afterward we went to a photographer’s studio, where the photographer took a bunch of photos. If I recall correctly, we paid the photographer about $500 for doing the shoot in the studio plus giving us digital copies of everything.

        This was simple and cost effective. And we liked that this was what my grandparents did for their 1928 wedding in rural Minnesota.

  32. BabyAssociate :

    Can anyone tell me whether Reiss ever has sales? I’m in the market for a new suit, but I don’t NEED one, so I’m willing to wait.

    • givemyregards :

      They do! I don’t know the exact scheduled/seasonality, but they definitely have things marked down before and after Christmas. Usually it’s on their last round of suits, though, so if it’s a fall/winter suit it may take longer to go on sale. Bloomingdales also carries some Reiss items, so you may be able to find it on sale there.

    • Anonymous :

      They do, but only in the form of last-season’s markdowns. The fall batch goes on sale at some point in November, and spring styles go on sale around July 4th.

    • The Frenchie is My Favorite Kid :

      They do, but the sizes are often limited so it’s hard to get each piece in the size you want. I ended up with a lovely jack in the proper size and then had to get the skirt in a size up, but the tailoring wasn’t too bad since I have a good tailor.

      Their UK in-store sales are the best…sigh…but their US site isn’t awful.

      I sign up for their email notifications and then hop on their website as soon as I get a sale notice and I’ve had ok luck.

      • The Frenchie is My Favorite Kid :

        That said, I’d probably just cave an pay full price for the suit of your dreams because Reiss is worth it. I save my sale shopping for “fun” suits and also their dresses. If I needed a workhorse suit I’d just cave and pay non-sale prices.

    • BabyAssociate :

      Thank you all!

  33. I made an interesting decision over the weekend that going forward my work wardrobe will consist of skirts and dresses only. I got tired of trying to find work pants that I like and fit well. It just wasn’t worth the effort anymore. Anyone else done this?

    • Me. But then I got bored after like 2 years.

    • biglawplussize :

      6 years and going strong.

    • Love the Masha :

      Yup, although I’ve gone one further and only wear dresses. I have one pair of pants that I wear occasionally when it’s really cold…

    • Rainbow Hair :

      SCREW PANTS!

      I have two pairs of those betabrand “yoga dress pants” but I only wear them in emergencies (that is to say, when I have to wear pants because I’m like, going to do a competition involving ladders or something).

      I don’t do skirts either because matching skirts and tops is too much work. Dresses or GTFO.

      • Anonymous :

        I wish I knew you IRL. I am a frequent reader here and always enjoy your posts and perspective.

    • AnonForThis :

      I’d love to do this but can’t since I hate shaving more than once or twice a week (all the skirts and dresses on day one and day two! then switch to pants and Jeans Friday).

    • Shopaholic :

      Ya I’ve done it. I wear jeans/leggings but for work clothes, just skirts and dresses. 6 years and counting.

    • Anonymous :

      Me. 8 years in major city big law and the only pants I wear are jeans on Fridays. As for shaving, I wear tights a lot, and vary between opaque and sheer patterned.

    • Yes–not intentionally, my wardrobe just evolved that way because I couldn’t find any pants that worked. I eventually found one unicorn style of pants that actually fits and looks great and have one pair each in black and navy. I also own two pantsuits. Totally fine not to do pants. It makes finding tops easier too because you only have to get tops that work with skirts.

      • Could you please clarify, Anon 11:18? What is the difference betwee finding an top to go with pants and a top to go with skirts?

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