This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Welcome Elizabeth! and Yay for Fruegel Friday’s! I have these tee shirts in a few colors and I wear them on weekends! I hope the HIVE all have great plans for this weekend. I am going with Myrna up to the Berkshire’s where her friend has a cabin. I feel like I will be camping, even tho she says the cabin has all of the comfort of an apartement in NYC. I have new Timberland hiking shoes b/c Dad says I should be careful of snakebites. I also have very nice jeans, b/c Myrna says her friend knows other investement bankers who have another house nearby. I will report back to the hive if I meet anybody decent. The manageing partner says I can take Monday off if I meet somebody! YAY!!!!
Anon
Any recommendation for a good sleep pillow? Thanks in advance!
rosie
Casper pillow (the same company that makes those mattresses, available at Target for I think around $50). Usually I get Costco/Ikea random pillows but decided to give this one a try and have been very happy with it. I am a back/side sleeper.
Miss
I love my Xtreme Comfort shredded memory foam pillow. I got a crick in my neck that wouldn’t go away and became so painful I couldn’t turn my head. Nothing helped until I switched to this pillow. I’ve had it for over a year now and still love it.
Anon
+1 to both of these recs – I have the Xtreme in my bedroom because I like a somewhat firm pillow and a friend who stayed the night liked it so much she bought one of her own. I have the caspers in my guest bedroom (they were a christmas gift from my cousin) and people seem to like them, but they’re too soft for me.
Anonymous
I love these. We picked them up at Ollie’s Bargain Outlet for our beach house and ended up liking them so much we bought them for our main house, too.
(There are lots of different brands with similar logos/names – ours specifically have this pattern.) https://www.target.com/p/essence-of-bamboo-jumbo-2pc-knit-pillow-white/-/A-51949586
Anonymous
I have a side sleeper pillow from Brookstone I love, and my hubs has a hot/cold pillow from Costco he likes.
Senior Attorney
I got this one after seeing it on The Wirecutter. I ended up taking a bunch of the filling out to make it squishier and I love it.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07K8XF449/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Dating in SF v. NYC
Has anyone lived and dated in both NYC and SF/Bay Area? Is dating really better on the west coast? Have a friend who moved to NY from SF who claimed he did not want to move back there because dating in NYC is so much better. Apparently, he gets 3x the number of likes on Bumble in NYC than in SF. I was shocked at how big of a difference it was for a guy like him.
nona
I think men and women have different experiences on dating apps. Like, NYC apparently has more hetero women in his age range looking to date (and thus on the apps). But those women in NYC are probably frustrated because there aren’t as many men on the apps, and even fewer who are looking for a relationship vs seeing how many people they can date.
And why is quantity vs quality (aka a good match for him), the concern? Is he dating for a relationship, or dating casually?
Anon
For men or women? I think the conventional wisdom is that it’s easier for women in the Bay Area, easier for men in NYC, just based on the ratios of men and women in those places. I will say having lived and dated in San Jose in my 20s, I really hate the techbro culture and I think there’s a lot of toxic masculinity in Silicon Valley. I ended up meeting and marrying a nerdy grad student at Stanford, who is a great guy. But finding quality guys in the valley was REALLY hard, despite the abundance of men.
MIT grad
The odds are good, but the goods are odd???
Anon
Yes, exactly! (I went to MIT too, ha!) I think dating in Silicon Valley was even worse than at MIT though, because the techbros have more money and (as a result) more attention from women.
Anon
Tbh, I feel that the men in NYC are pretty bad in terms of quality compared to DC. There are some really weird finance bros in NYC too. In fact, they probably even out the tech bros in SF. But at least the SF men are not outnumbered by women.
Anonymous
Finance bros who can ONLY talk about money and things . . . .
Anon Lawyer
I felt like DC had good guys but most of them got married by 30 and it was slim pickings after that.
YES
As a single woman in my mid-30s who recently moved from NYC to SF, it’s another planet here. A thousand times better than dating in New York. Men are so, so much more responsive, and kinder, and a higher percentage seem open to relationships as opposed to casual things. It takes WAY less effort to set up dates here — I can write a generic opening message on bumble and get paragraphs in response, almost every time, versus sending dozens of messages out into the ether in NYC and hearing crickets. A guy actually *thanked me* me for giving him my number. The two times guys here ended things with me after a few dates, they wrote sweet, thoughtful messages letting me down instead of ghosting. I loved New York SO much that I can’t say I regret living there, but I’m fairly confident that if I had moved here 5-10 years ago I’d be married with kids now.
That being said, dating is hard. It s*cks everywhere. It’s a rollercoaster, so much if it is luck, and it’s a total cr*pshoot in terms of whether and when you’ll meet the right person. I say I’m confident I’ll find it here just because the numbers are in my favor, but I still have to meet that person, which hasn’t happened yet. I will say that the *experience* of dating is infinitely better here. I haven’t really encountered the tech bro culture issue, but I live and work in the city and do most of my swiping during the work day, when anyone who commutes down to Silicon Valley would be outside of my location filters. I did go on a few dates with someone who turned out to be a misogynistic jerk, but doesn’t that happen everywhere? (Yay 2019.)
pre
I am a woman of color. A friend, also a woman of color, has stated she had a much better dating experience in NYC than in the Bay Area. She basically said she felt invisible in California. She’s back in NYC and loving it.
Anon
I am also a WOF in the Bay Area and I have been wary of dating for a multitude of reasons. Care to share specifics on your friend’s experience dating in the Bay Area?
Anonia
Any suggestions for anti frizz products for fine straight hair? Warmer weather has made my hair go POOF and I want to try to actually tame it rather than ignoring it or wearing a pony tail all the time.
Anonome
Verb Ghost Oil is my new HG frizz product. I did not have any luck with Living Proof, as excited as I was to try the brand.
Ribena
Do you have VO5 products where you are? Their frizz free creme is the product I always go back to for this. I also used tolike John Frieda Secret Agent, which is a little more pricey, but I have developed an avocado sensitivity and I seem to remember they advertised that they had added avocado oil, so I tend to avoid it now. Percy & Reed also have lovely products for this need. I seem to remember reading a description of hair like this as ‘British hair’ which may be why I think all these might be UK only brands!
In-House in Houston
I’ll be following this. I live in the south and have fine hair. I’ve tried EVERYTHING on the market, from drugstore brands to salon brands, to hot/flat irons to keratin treatments in a salon. None of them work for the kind of humidity where I live. Someone could make a fortune if they invented something that really works. If it really worked, I’d pay any amount for it….
Anonymous
I swear by Skinny Serum and order it in bulk. First time I tried it was on vacay in Myrtle Beach and it was life-changing. SEUS big city, so always useful to me.
anon
Paul Mitchell Skinny Serum
Anon
Probably not the reply you’re looking for, but the best solution I’ve found to fight humidity is to work with it. I use a curling wand to put waves in my hair, and generally the humidity kind of works with the waves and adds additional volume. I’m hopeless with a curling iron, but I think the wand is pretty easy and doesn’t take too much time. So I’ve basically embraced the #bighairdontcare vibe and I kind of love it. Sometimes I’ll use a little pomade to smooth flyaways on top.
Worry about yourself
I had a lot of success with Frizz-Ease products back in middle school into high school! My hair was a frizzy, damaged mess, and I tried a bunch of stuff before finding FE. I would start with the serum for wet hair, and the finishing creme for dry.
Or if you prefer something fancier, nowadays I’m a huge fan of Bumble and bumble’s Hairdresser’s Invisible Oil! The whole line is pretty awesome and smells great, but the actual oil is the best product I’ve used in a while. $40 a bottle, but you only use a pump or two at a time, so that thing can last a year or more!
Anonymous
I use Frizz Ease too – the Smooth Operator creme, I think it’s cared. It doesn’t make my hair straight and leaves nice waves
Anon
I enjoy the volume. If you have a lot of fly aways, brush then down with a bristle brush + hairspray.
Katie
Has anyone tried a professional keratin treatment for frizz? My hair is naturally pretty straight, but it’s fine and there’s a lot of it. I’ve noticed an increase in frizz and broken/damaged hair at the top of my head, and I’m thinking a keratin treatment might be just the thing to smooth and hide that, but boy, are they pricey! If so, any recs for the DC area?
Anonymous
I just started using IGK Good Behavior when I blow dry, and it has helped with frizz and fly-aways.
Anonymous
I bought the styler based on recommendations here. I like it and I like it more the more I use it, but it wasn’t the game changer I expected it to be, because I still have to blow dry my hair with a dryer before I use the styler – I cannot use the styler in a way that gets my hair dry enough at the roots, and so then my hair looks super flat. It has cut way down on the time I spend styling my hair and my hair stays straight and looks good longer, so I count that as a win. I have a lot of fine hair that is mostly stick straight but has a tendency to wave when it’s damp, and it’s hard to get it dry in the mornings.
One thing I will say about the styler – the hot setting is HOT. The first time I used it, at full heat I smelled burning hair, so I now just use it on low and it’s fine. It’s cut my blowout time from 20-30 minutes in the mornings to 10 minutes and I never put the styler on high. Best thing is that at 3 pm my hair still looks blown out and not limp and flat. Again, not a total game changer for me but I like the results and I’m going to keep using it.
Anonia
Thanks everyone! I’ve got some things to try now. Oddly, I embraced the frizz when my hair was shorter, but now that it’s long the frizz makes it look like crazy town. I’ve really never had long hair though, so I want to keep the length.
Anonnn
Keep in mind that long hair may need a different care routine to avoid frizz. You can get away with harsher products and shampoos if you’re cutting the old hair off regularly, but long hair is old by definition and needs gentler treatment.
Anonymous
if you’re still checking – I have similar hair and love dry oils. I specifically use the argan dry oil of morocco, comes in a spray bottle. one or two spritzes of it makes a world of difference for me!
Macbook case
Can anyone recommend a sturdy hard case and keyboard cover set for a Macbook? I bought one on Amaz0n for about $25, but in less than three months it has already cracked in several places. To be clear: I’m not looking for a bag to carry a laptop, but the actual snap-on shells that protect the computer itself.
BB
Thank you for the rec! I just went and bought 2 of these shirts! (Also the sale ones are 50% off with the code, so like $12 each!) I’ve been looking for a replacement for my old AT tees which they don’t even seem to sell anymore. Yay!
V neck?
Does anyone have recommendations for similar T-shirts that are dressy enough to wear under suits but come in a v neck? My chest doesn’t really allow me to wear crew neck shirts.
waffles
Following. I would love to find a dressy v-neck too. Especially a slim fit and with cap sleeves, similar to today’s recommendation.
Anonymous
Try White House black market scoopnecks
Anonymous
J Crew has a scoop neck T in tencel as well. I’m not sure if it’s good or not… but I have my eye on it.
Ash
In for 4 at $12.99 — still lots of sizes/colors available! $15/each with shipping and tax.
Anonymous
Any good hip stretches? Btwn a desk job and then salsa at nights, my hips are confused and achy.
anon
child’s pose-especially if you relax into it for a long time.
Cb
I’ve been trying to stretch more at my desk. I put ankle over the opposite thigh and gently push it down to release the outer hip.
anon a mouse
Pigeon pose, or modified pigeon pose where you lay on your back.
Triangle Pose
Pidgeon pose, or double pidgeon pose. Especially sit in it for a long time and really sink in. Don’t go to resting pidgeon, stay upright for awhile to let your hip really open up. Also thread the needle is a pre-pidgeon pose if your hips are really really tight and even basic pidgeon pose is too much.
Anonymous
Pigeon pose and lizard pose.
Lilliet
Frog pose!!! Like Child pose but better, IMO
fellowtighthips
There is a yoga video that I really like for this. It’s 50 minutes long but I usually do 15 minutes and then stop. I also learned a bunch of hip stretches from this.
https://www.doyogawithme.com/content/deep-release-hips-hamstrings-and-lower-back
Anonymous
Wow thank you all so much! I’m not a yoga person at all so just knowing the names of poses to google is so helpful!
Anonymous
This is exactly my problem – solidarity! Try the myrtl exercises to strengthen/activate also before serious exercise like running
Anonymous
I’m tempted to buy the revlon styler that everyone raves about, but as usual I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of reading a million reviews on amazon. several of the reviews mention either burning out of the item, or (more worrisome to me) potential hair damage from the hot metal components of the brush.
Can anyone who owns one speak to these two issues? it otherwise sounds like an amazing product! I have medium-long thick, wavy/curly hair. Pre-baby, I would blow dry, flat iron, and then curl it (a few times a week) which would take a long time. I just don’t have the time anymore, so I rarely do the flat iron part, and as a result my hair rarely looks good.
DoesntBelongHere
I’ve had one for about a year and no problems. I use it a couple times a week. On mine there is a low setting and some people use that to mitigate any damage, but I haven’t had a problem with the high setting.
Minnie
Are you talking about the One-Step Hair Dryer and Styler–the one that looks like a paddle brush? There’s a similar revlon product that is round that I’ve been thinking about. I, too, am in the market for something like this, but like you I worry about damaging my already fragile hair.
Miss Kitty
I haven’t experienced the issues you referenced, but I bought one a few weeks ago and I’m unimpressed. It could be that I just don’t know what I’m doing. I have long, thin hair and it has always been a frizzy mess when I’ve used the Revlon as opposed to my regular hair dryer. I might return it.
anon
I have it. What I tend to do is use an aquis towel to get most of the moisture out of my hair, blow dry for about 2 minutes to get even more moisture out, and then use the revlon styler. So I’m not using it for very long. It does a great job and hasn’t damaged my hair. I use a heat protector spray too.
Anonymous
Why not do a blowout with a regular hair dryer and round brush? That seems just as quick and less risky.
Anonymous
Did not work for me. I have very fine hair highlighted hair and it started breaking after using in several times a week with a heat protecting spray. It just burnt through my hair. I stopped using it.
Tippins
I have the oval styler and use it a few times a week. It’s great! I also worry about damaging my hair so I use a heat protecting spray and let my hair air dry at least 75% before using. It gives me a smooth, shiny, polished style with some volume in about 5 minutes. My hair is shoulder length, wavy, fine, and can be fragile. My hair stylist said she didn’t notice any heat damage at my last haircut, after I’d been using it for about 6 weeks. No burn out issues so far. I do remove the hair that gets caught in the brush because it gives off a burnt hair smell over time.
Minnie
This is the one I’m thinking about! Have you ever used it on totally dry hair? I wash my hair at night and by the morning it needs serious help.
Ginjury
Commenting again to add that I have used it on completely dry hair as a morning tough up to smooth things out a bit. My hair is fairly curly so I couldn’t let it dry overnight and expect to be able to straighten it without a flat iron in the morning, but, if you have straight hair, that approach could work. It dries hair very quickly so you’d probably be better off just quickly drying it right before bed.
Ginjury
+1 to all of this except I have curly/wavy medium length hair that takes forever to dry. I have found that letting my hair air dry a good bit helps reduce the damage. It does get very hot on the high setting so you do have to be careful about not going over your hair too many times. Sectioning the hair helps with that as does using the low setting if you have the patience for it.
Lise
I love the Revlon styler (the oval one, not the paddle), but it does get very hot. That said, I’m careful about always using a heat protectant (I use Bumble & Bumble Hairdresser’s Invisible Oil Heat/UV Protective Primer, but really only bc it was the first thing I picked up at Ulta) and drying small sections of my hair so the process goes quickly, and haven’t noticed any change in the health of my hair after a few months. My previous routine for my medium/thick, wavy hair was just to throw some mousse in it and air dry (so how good it looked each day was a matter of luck and the weather!), but now I really feel like I have a good hair day every time I use this.
Mpls
I’ve got similar hair, no baby and no patience for all the heat styling. My go-to is to blowdry and while the hair is still warm, twist the hair into a relatively tight bun, fasten with claw clips and let it cool. When I let it down, it’s relatively smooth and usually has a sort of wave to it.
You can also try seeing if you can go 3-4 days without washing (and therefore without styling) to stretch out how much time you need to spend on heat styling your hair.
Anon
I don’t really understand the hype around this. I got it and it didn’t make any significant difference in my hair. I have thick and wavy hair. I have noticed that my hair is smoother and shinier when I use it in low heat setting. If I use it in high heat setting, it can make my hair frizzy and basically acts like a faster way to dry my hair. Overall, I use this only as a way to dry my hair more thoroughly after using my hair dryer. It did not make a big difference in terms of volume or shaping of my hair.
Anon
I’ve had the oval Revlon styler for a year and have not experienced any problems with it. All driers will eventually break down though, for some it may be many years.
I cannot give this product a high enough review. I like to joke that if they ever discontinue it I will have to shave my head. I’ve gotten so many compliments on my hair since I started using it.
For reference, my hair is naturally medium thick with a slightly wavy, coarse texture. I towel dry, comb, run Argan oil through with fingers, then use the Revlon drier. A friend of mine with very thick hair likes to dry her roots first with a regular blow drier, then use the Revlon drier, but I don’t find this necessary.
Housecounsel
I have the oval one and I think it is magical. I have fine hair, just past my shoulders, weirdly wavy and prone to frizz. Before, I had to blow dry then either flat iron or use hot rollers. For me, using a round brush and blow dryer is much harder, takes longer, and leaves frizz. I spray my hair with ColorWow DreamCoat, let it dry while I empty the dishwasher or check backpacks or whatever, then blow dry. I absolutely love it. I have had mine for about six months, I don’t even care if it fritzes out; I will just buy another one. It’s way cheaper than my flat iron!
Housecounsel
Forgot to add I also use it to smooth second-day, dry hair.
Marise
I love this product. It has changed my life by allowing me to cut my blow dry time to about seven minutes. I use it almost every day and it does not damage my hair. I towel dry my hair pretty thoroughly before using it.
Cystic acne
Ever since I got an IUD I’ve started getting cystic acne once a month. At first it was annoying, but now it’s lasting long enough that I have bumps pretty much nonstop. They’re mostly on my chin, but they’ve migrated to around my mouth and between my eyebrows. I also get smaller bumps that are deep under the surface of the skin but never seem to go away (it appears to be hard clogs that rarely make it to the surface). How do I treat/prevent/eliminate them?
I’ve tried the pimple patches and they do nothing. Differin made my skin peel and didn’t break up the pimples. I’ve tried a variety of physical and chemical exfoliants including ROC overnight cream, Paula’s Choice BHA toner, Peter Thomas Roth pumpkin mask, Dr Brandt pore perfecting mask, Mario Bedescu buffeting lotion, and cleans and clear acne spot treatment. Nothing has been a silver bullet but maybe I haven’t stuck with one product long enough. Has anyone come up with a routine that works?
I’m 36 and haven’t had cystic acne since I was a teenager. They aren’t painful, but they’re large and red and never come to a head.
Anonymous
Take it out or try Accutane.
Monday
Ask your doctor about a topical antibiotic for acne.
pugsnbourbon
I take spiro, use retin-a 1-2x per week and otherwise treat my skin really gently. I’d recommend seeing a derm, talking about spiro, and asking what topicals they recommend.The combo of an IUD + work stress meant I was constantly broken out, but spiro has cleared me up.
anne-on
Welcome to adult cystic acne! I have it, and yes, it stinks. I also discovered I have PCOS and started Spirolactone which helps a ton. Beyond that the following helps – double cleanse, and then use a low-PH cleanser for your final wash. Sulfur ointment (de la cruz is cheap and works) for as long as you can stand it on the spots (20 minutes at least) to dry them/shrink them, that plus the pimple patches usually helps. I do differin every morning and then curology every night but swapping to a higher dose of just adapalene at night instead of the curology scrip I currently have. I also try to remember to take spearmint capsules, or spearmint tea is also supposed to help.
lsw
Would you consider changing your IUD? I had a series of annoying-to-bad side effects from Mirena, and have moved to Paragard with exactly zero problems. On my second Paragard (was pregnant in between).
Anon
+1 for Paragard
Anon
Mirena gave me acne, too. Paragard is great…except for the heavy periods. They do level out over time but mine are still loooonnnng. Annoying but more tolerable than constant acne. I spent three years working with derms in two different cities before throwing in the towel and switching to Paragard.
Anon
This is hormonal as a result of the IUD. Topical OTC stuff will probably not help– maybe a Rx topical antibiotic. Not the same exact problem, but I had very severe cystic acne all over the bottom half of my face as soon as I stopped b-feeding my baby, and my derm prescribed spironolactone. It’s gone from a 10 to about a 2, although still not perfect. It’s a pill (not topical), and I think the idea was to help regulate the temporary hormonal imbalance caused by weaning– that may be different than the hormone issues surrounding an IUD. But I’d suggest going to your derm.
Anon
I mean, if all the topical stuff isn’t working, you may need to take it out and switch to the non-hormonal version. If it is the non-hormonal version – you could be allergic to copper manifesting as acne.
Anonymous
I mean, if all the topical stuff isn’t working, you may need to take it out and switch to the non-hormonal version. If it is the non-hormonal version – you could be allergic to copper manifesting as acne.
Anon
Presumably you were on BC pills prior to the IUD?
If so, it’s not much that the IUD is “causing” the hormonal acne, but rather that you are no longer taking BC pills that typically do an amazing job of controlling hormonal acne. Taking the IUD out likely won’t fix anything unless you go back onto BC pills.
As far as how to deal – I have this exact problem (also with a Mirena IUD), and I’ve made my peace with 2 prescriptions – Benzaclin in the morning, and retin-a in the evening. I didn’t want spiro because I like my sex drive, and ditto re: BCP. There’s pretty good evidence that the exact thing that gives you hormonal acne is what makes you horny…so…priorities?
Anon
I don’t think this is quite right. I did not have acne as a teenager or an adult (I’m now 37), except when I had a Mirena. Even the “mini pill” (only has progesterone, no estrogen, just like Mirena) didn’t cause acne. I was on the same regimen as you and couldn’t get the acne under control. The derm preferred (but let me choose) that I switch my IUD before doing spiro.
cbackson
Actually, acne is a known side-effect of Mirena and IUDs with a similar makeup. I had the same problem, and hadn’t experienced acne before using Mirena (when I had a Paragard) or after having it removed and relying on barrier methods.
Simone
The same exact thing happened to me when I switched off my old birth control. I eventually went to my dermatologist about the issue and he prescribed me a sulfacetamide sodium-sulfur cleanser (made by Acella) that has worked amazingly well- totally got rid of the acne. So, I’d recommend seeing your derm and asking her if a similar prescription cleanser would work for you (mine costs just my $5 pharmacy copay, so it’s also a lot cheaper than over the hit or miss counter products).
Casper
I have a mirena and also got bad acne when i switched (had it before, but it got way worse of bcp). i now use the same prescription sulfur wash twice a day and my skin is absolutely perfect. highly recommend seeing a derm
anon
Curious how others handle their summer work wardrobes. Do they stay basically the same, or do they skew slightly more casual? My office is somewhere between business casual and business formal (annoying), and I’d like to spruce up my summer wardrobe a bit. I’m just not sure where to start. Blazer/tee/pants? Pretty blouse/dressy pants? More skirts/dresses?
leopard
I’m more casual in the summer for sure, but that’s mainly because my busy/intense season is during the winter. I chill in my office more during the summer so tend to skew more casual those days.
Houda
My wardrobe does not change at all. My work uniform is silk blouse and woven pencil skirt. Both are breathable. I find that silk blouses can be quite cool in summer and warm in winter, almost help me thermo-regulate. In summer, I just lose the coat and scarf. The hosiery becomes a flimsy sheer one and that’s it. We have AC in the office and I don’t spend enough time outside to wear something different.
This said, I have 3 Tahari dresses in bright colors that I might throw in the mix
Biggestballsintheroom
I wear a lot more skirts and dresses in the summer. I’m in the SEUS and summer can be brutal. Pretty well all of my dresses/skirts can be topped with a blazer to make it more formal looking if needed but if I’m just in the office I’ll use a lightweight cardigan instead.
lsw
Are there other “toppers” I’m not thinking of? Blazers feel so heavy and cardigans do not work great on me. Looking for something to wear over sleeveless dresses.
Anonymous
Lightweight moto jacket in linen, cotton, or summer tweed?
Anonymous
An in buttoned collared blouse. Can look casual, but it’s more structured than a sweater and lighter than a blazer.
lsw
Thanks!
Anon
I wear different fabrics in the summer so I do a 90% changeover from wool and cashmere to cotton and linen (the silk can stay all year) Because if that I’m a little more casual in the summer because lighter weight clothing is just more casual anyway.
Anonymous
+1 I do the same. Cotton blouses also stay year round, but pants, skirts, jackets and dresses are all swapped.
Anonymous
I wear a ton of short-sleeved dresses and keep jackets and cardis at my office
Erin
The climate in my office doesn’t change and I’m rarely outside, so my seasonal changes are minimal.
I show ankle (ankle/crop pants and flats vs full length pants and boots in the winter) and shift colors/patterns (more florals, lighter/brighter colors) and materials (like Anon at 12:36). I still need to be warm, so instead of a cashmere pull over I have a cotton/cashmere cardigan over a rayon blouse.
Anonymous
Late, but I think I’m actually more formal in the summer. Summer is when I break out the sheath dresses and heels because I’m too hot by my window without it (also because I think the dress will look wrong without heels), whereas in cooler weather I will wear a variety of pull on pants, flats, and tunic length shirts/sweaters. I suppose neither is wrong for business casual, but the sheath dresses are a tad more formal.
Anonymous
I could use tips on how to get better at analyzing things critically and expressing that. I’m pretty book smart but not as good at things like:
– intelligently explaining in detail why I like a book or work of art. By reading someone else’s review that’s more insightful I can say “oh yeah that’s it” but don’t get there on my own.
– seeing that there might be a third “thinking outside the box” solution when I see options A and B. Similarly I recognize easily that option C as formulated by someone else is the way to go…but I don’t think of C myself.
Anonymous
Creativity is just combining existing things in new ways. Start by trying to extend others’ observations and reasoning. If a review identifies a theme in a book, go back and look for other places where the theme appears. If option C is the way to go, see if you can take it a step farther or combine it with features of another option to make it even stronger. Look up book club questions for the books you’re reading and answer them yourself. Go to a museum and spend a long time looking at one work of art in detail, thinking about how it was made, how it fits into the cultural context in which it was made, what message (if any) the artist was trying to convey, and how the way the art was made supports that message.
You could also try meditation and The Artist’s Way.
Mpls
1. Figure out what the vocab is for talking about those things. Learning the vocab helps to learn about the concepts, which means you can think about things through that filter. Then read more reviews to see the concepts put into action – and decide if you agree or disagree (or don’t care). That being said – I don’t think you should feel the need to justify why you like things :) Some of like/dislike is emotional and based on the interplay of your past experiences and what you see in front of you.
2. Thinking outside of the box – gather your inputs (goals and constraints) and then figure out the possible paths from A to B. Most will be stupid, but some won’t. Know what the assumptions are baked into your inputs. Talk to the person that came up with Option C about how they came to that option – did they have previous experience where they ran into the same issue? Did they know about an input/goal that you didn’t?
I think a lot of it just comes with experience and understanding why we choose the “in the box” options. You have to know what the box is built the way it is before you can figure out how/when to work around the box.
Rainbow Hair
First, the obvious: do more dr*gs. Please take this ‘suggestion’ with as many grains of salt as is appropriate to your personal stance on them and the laws of your jurisdiction.
Second, aaaaart. For me, both consuming and creating art (the more bonkers the better) is practice for getting the synapses in my brain firing in more creative ways. So like, go to an immersive art exhibit and revel in the weirdness. Then come home, turn on some loud music, and flop on the living room floor with some Artzea Real Brush Pens and follow your bliss, making marks on a page and seeing how you want to build on them. It’s not the finished product that’s the goal, but the feeling of messing around and creating… (See also, Point the First)
Third, tell the critical voice in your head to STFU. I think that people wired like the women on this board are likely to shut down absurdity in their own minds pretty quickly. Give yourself spaces where you *don’t* do that. Like, literally change the way you talk to yourself. “So I’m planning Jane’s retirement party, and I know she loves the beach and dressy events, so what if we had… a 1950s ‘Under the Sea’ prom inspired party!” And then your brain would probably say “lol no, that’s absurd” but instead try “yes and!” … “then we could have ooh that punch where you put the sherbet floating on it, maybe one bowl labeled ‘watch out it’s spiked!’ and we could have corsages and boutonnières at the door with seashells on them, and that crepe paper stuff, and photo things where you stick your head through to look like a mermaid, and ooh imagine the cake!” I’m not saying that then you go and make that the party, but letting your mind run and run with it… that will give you a whole world of neat ideas to start from. (See also, Point the First)
Mpls
Just to build on the “yes, and” ….take an improv comedy class! This is literally the first rule of improv comedy.
The thing you (OP) are asking about are skills as much as any of the book learning. You might not be able to learn a step-by-step guide to doing the things you suggested, but just by *learning* things, you should be able to stretch your curiosity and creativity muscles. S
Anon
Inductive thinking. Learn to think from the ground up. This is (excepting certain disciplines) not a necessary skill to be “good at school,” but is one that helps intensely in ‘thinking outside the box.’ As an above commenter said, you know why the box is built that way; more importantly, IMHO, you get used to building your own framework, which naturally occurs without regard to ‘the box.’
Also, ask a lot of questions. Ask “Why can’t we do X?” not in a rhetorical way, but in an honest way – seeking an answer as to what the constraints are.
CHL
I’ve had mine for maybe 8 months and I have no concerns with it burning out. The burning of hair seems like maybe a user error kind of thing? It’s a hot tool, if you hold it on your hair tool long it will probably burn it. You probably need to rough dry it with the dryer attachment before using the curling part, if you tried to skip that and just hold the curling thing on too long i could see it burning. I also have fairly short hair so I don’t worry too much about damage to the ends because they just get trimmed off, but others might have different perspective. I also use a heat spray.
Anon For Obvious Reasons
Is there any such thing as a career coach — somebody I can talk to who can maybe help me decide what I should do with my life? I’m late (very late) 40’s, have been working since I was 13 (my family owned a business and I did a lot of after school/weekends), and need some kind of direction with my career.
I’ve had a month of nothing but bad days at work. No support from higher-ups. Too many people doing their own thing and not caring that there are processes and procedures that need to be followed. I am banging my head against a wall trying to do my job and I am getting nowhere. I’ve talked to my managers, I’ve asked nicely, I’ve politely demanded, I’ve gotten downright b-tchy. Nothing has changed.
I’ve gone from loving my job to spending my mornings crying and trying to convince myself that yes, I do need the paycheck and the benefits, so yes, I do have to get my ish together and go to work.
At least nothing good, anyway. Yesterday, we had a conference call with our corporate office and they are making some procedural changes that affect my job to the point that it’s going to make it difficult to take the very little vacation that I do take (the way my job is structured, I was never able to take an entire week’s vacation. 3 days was the most I could take at a time. It never really mattered, because I don’t take big/exotic trips. I’ve taken exactly ONE vacation in the ten years I’ve been here, and most of my PTO time is taken as a day here, a day there. But with these new changes, even that is going to be a stretch.)
I’m not happy. I’m probably burned out. I know I should be looking for a new job but I don’t want to do what I’m doing anymore. I just don’t know what it is I want to do. That’s why I want to talk to a career coach or somebody who can point me in some kind of direction. I had a dream job at one time, but that whole industry has changed dramatically and that job no longer exists, so it’s not like I can even go back to that thing I always wanted to do with my life. Something has got to change here, and quick.
Anonymous
Yes there are career coaches. I can’t recommend one – don’t know any. But often when people post here re — I have x degrees and y experience, others tend to be good at brain storming ideas. I’m not suggesting that it takes the place of a career coach but it can be a starting point.
Anonymous
I am a life coach,not a career coach. So I can say that yes, coaches for careers do exist. Can I suggest you look at the burnout issue before trying to decide what to do next? I have coached people through burnout, and it’s very, very hard for them to find new life and ideas and energy when they are bone-weary from (in your case) 10 years of no vacations and nearly 40 years of continual focus on work (since you were 13).
Do you have any options regarding that vacation? Can you get a string of three- or four-day weekends this summer, at the minimum? You need refreshment, and you’re probably so weary that it feels too hard even to do the work and planning it would take to get refreshed.
You may also need counseling, if the burnout is attached to any deeper issues, or if you’re bordering on depression as well (might need medication there).
Anonymous
Can you tack a day onto Memorial Day (that Friday) to give yourself a four day weekend to breathe and rest? Then make a list of the types of tasks you do enjoy at work and the ones you don’t, what you’re great at and what you’re not so good at. Then browse jobs and see what’s out there that seems interesting to you. Apply, apply, apply.
I think it’s important to dispel the myth of a dream job or job as life’s purpose. Sure, that happens for some people, but for the rest of us, the job pays the bills to allow us to live the rest of our life. It’s good just to have a job with some combination of good people, pay, work.
Also, be sure not to give so much to your workplace. It sounds like you’ve sacrificed a lot for them and they don’t care. Put yourself first.
Skipper
I second the four day weekend suggestion above. While I absolutely love therapy for nearly every ill, I have never found a career coach or, ugh, “career therapist.” I didn’t think was either dumb or out of touch with professional life or both. Maybe you’ll have better luck! I wish you better luck!
But here’s what I’d do: Take a day off to seriously relax, and then get to work on your list making. Bonus points if you do your list making with pretty markers on a big pad of newsprint while drinking your favorite wine and eating your favorite snacks and burning your favorite candle. I did this about three years ago in advance of a major (and delightful) career change and began by listing all the things that make me happy, that make me feel energized, and that I’m good at. I also made lists of everything I hate doing and that I’m bad at. I made lists of my priorities. Then I looked for trends. I drank some more wine and called up two or three people I trusted for their input. Then I went to the Department of Labor’s website where I looked at information about wages and availability and career outlook and educational requirements. By the end of the day I had an actual, workable plan, and a mild hangover the next.
I don’t know what you do and how lucrative it is, but it’s also worth exploring how close you are to being able to retire or to being able to retire and work in a less responsible, less well-paid field. I have a friend who retired from law at fifty to become a teacher’s aid, for instance, and is breathtakingly happy.
Anon
Yes, there are career coaches, although I couldn’t recommend one. In the meantime, if you’re looking for additional resources, HBR had a bunch of articles on burnout and whether it’s time to leave your job. I’ve also found Susan David’s Emotional Agility helpful, although also a bit unsettling since I didn’t actually make any changes based on them. Agree that therapy might be helpful too in your situation.
Ribena
The most helpful career resources I’ve read have been the related chapters of Helen Russell’s Leap Year (she sees a career coach and passes on some of their suggestions) and of Meg Jay’s The Defining Decade.
Qwerty
I’ve been working with one for about 9 months now as I’m in the midst of a similar career transition. I was initially skeptical, but have found it to be incredibly valuable. She’s based in Colorado, but works with clients nationwide via phone/video chats. https://frontrange-coach.com/
lsw
Is there a Jockey skimmies/slip shorts option that has more of a satin finish? Preliminary searches on the river store aren’t clear on the finish of the material. The Jockey skimmies I have I like, but they catch on one particular dress. Any brand or style suggestions?
mascot
Undersummers are more silky and don’t catch. They aren’t quite as form fitting at the Jockey slip shorts.
Katie
Soma makes “smoothing” shorts that are skimmies but in a slippery fabric.
lsw
I will check both of those recommendations! Thank you!
Jules
Just saw this, late, but if you check back I like the Vassarette Invisibly Smooth Slip Shorts. They run a bit small compared to the size of panties, IMO, I size up.
Seattle plane travel
I’m flying from an East Coast city (not NYC or WAS or BOS, where there may be more flight options) to Seattle for a lunch meeting and then a dinner (that should wrap up by 9). With the time change and red-eye options, it looks like I could fly in by 10am Seattle time and they catch a redeye back around midnight.
I’ve never been to Seattle before, but does this seem do-able? Or is it like flights generally don’t get in, cabbing in from airport will take at least an hour from when your plane lands, etc? I’d never try this in NYC, but if I stay over, I can’t figure out if it is better to fly in the day before and take the redeye back or fly in the day of and stay over. Some colleagues are making in a 3-day trip but I would hate to lose a whole day on the trip back east (which it seems like it is easy to do if you don’t take a direct flight back).
The original Scarlett
I would do 3 days, what you’re describing is positively exhausting. Going east to west, or west to east is a long trip, there’s just no way around that.
Anonymous
+1.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
You idea sounds hellish.
Anon
+1 Even flying to the upper west coast from Texas is awful (I guess we’re more south but we’re also much further west). I would never want to do a round trip within a two-day period.
cbackson
I honestly wouldn’t plan on taking a flight landing at 10 AM for a lunch meeting anywhere. There’s just no margin there if there’s an unusual delay, traffic, etc. If the meeting is important enough to fly in from the east coast, I’d come in the day before.
Anon
Yes. If you’re late, you’re wasting everyone time and money. Get in on time.
Senior Attorney
+1 that is just cutting it way too close
Come in the night before, for sure.
Anon
I don’t think people really do transcontinental day trips. Spend at least one night, maybe 2. Also I always try to fly in the day before important meetings because relying on flights being on time is a fools paradise.
Source: United 1K flyer
anon a mouse
I appreciate your desire to save time but I would not do what you are proposing. I’d fly out the day before and spend one night there, then take a red-eye back. That way you will be fresh for your lunch and meeting. (you just never know if you are going to be near a screaming baby for a flight!)
Anon
I would come in the night before so you can be rested and guaranteed to be on time for the meetings. Then go home on the redeye after the meetings.
Anonymous
Landing at 10 for a 12 pm meeting anywhere sounds like a BAD idea. All you need is your inbound aircraft being delayed, taking off an hour late, and then you land and because you’re late, the airport doesn’t have a gate for you, you wait 30 min to get off the plane and now you’re left with just 30 min to get from the airport to lunch. You better hope there is NO taxi line and NO traffic between the airport and wherever you’re going. And what kind of meeting is this that you want to walk off the plane and into lunch without any time to breathe or freshen up? Do you really not even want to wash your hands after getting off a plane and dealing with your luggage?
tesyaa
She probably wouldn’t have luggage to deal with if she did what she’s proposing (maybe that’s the appeal), but it still seems like a bad idea
anon
I have no particular experience with domestic flights, but my extended family lives near SeaTac airport. Unless you can arrange your meetings to be at the airport or maybe at a restaurant at Southcenter mall, the airport is at least 30 min away from Seattle, and those highways are known for gridlock–literally some of the worst traffic in the nation.
Anonymous
Thanks — this is super helpful to know. Like worse than getting into midtown from LGA — car sickness from constant braking and it will go on for at least an hour (and the taxi lines are endless).
I will do this all at a leisurely pace.
Anon
I’d take the light rail if it’s an option for your destination for this reason. But agree that relying on flight to arrive on time to make the meeting is highly risky.
Anonymous
I would not take a redeye home. Whenever I do that, I’m useless for at least the next two or three days. Better to stay over and come home at a reasonable hour the next day so you don’t totally wreck yourself.
PolyD
And me, I like the red eye for West back to East Coast trips. Of course, I take the arrival day off, so I have a day at home to sleep, do laundry, and just get back to normal. I can sleep a little on the plane, though, os a day of snoozing and puttering and I’m back to normal by evening.
Also, flying during the day for a Seattle to DC trip means I land in DC at rush hour, so add another 1.5-2 hours to drive home. Ugh.
Gail the Goldfish
I know people who do this schedule for trips to LA (except with more time between landing and meeting). I think they’re insane. Make it 3 days, or at least 2. You do basically lose a day coming back east, but if you have work you can do on the plane, it’s not a totally lost day.
Rainbow Hair
I am just off a trip the opposite direction: Tuesday flew California to East Coast, Wednesday AM meeting, Wednesday evening fly back from East Coast to California. It was fine, but I was tiredAF on Thursday morning (flight got in at 1AMish on Thursday AM and my kid came to play with me at 5AM). I would recommend getting to Seattle the night before your meeting, so you don’t have to worry about being late, and then you can fly home as late as you want the next day (making sure you’re able to get from your meeting to the airport in time).
Ash
I would fly in the night before to ensure you make it to the lunch meeting — flights get cancelled and delayed all the time. If you want to redeye out after the dinner meeting, that seems fine.
Anon
Seattle traffic is hellish. Get in the day before.
Sadie
This. I think people think Seattle traffic is going to be like Portland. It’s not, it’s like LA. I’ve literally just sat completely still for 45 minutes before. And many spots, there’s no where to get off. Also the freeway is partially torn up right now for construction. 10am arrival at SeaTac for a noon lunch in downtown Seattle is absolutely not doable.
Anonymous
Any lawyers (esp litigators) start their careers in NYC/DC (or both) and then move to a southern market? I’m specifically thinking Richmond but would be interested in hearing about other experiences. My only tie to it is the year I spent clerking there but even that’s been 10 years so IDK if that’s enough, as I feel like those smaller cities tend to make a big deal of whether you’re from there etc. Anyone do this successfully? My other experience is 8+ years in firm life in NYC and then government in DC.
Anonymous
I’m in Charlotte, and when we are interviewing people at our firm (including even summer associates), it is very important that you articulate why you want to move to Charlotte/the ties you have to Charlotte. I have a friend who is a litigator who moved from Charlotte to Richmond who is not from either area (he grew up in Florida) and he says it has been very hard to crack into the “Richmond native” network because it is insular there. His belief is that it is more difficult than Charlotte, because Charlotte draws a lot of people from NY and DC due to the large banking (leading to large banking regulatory) industry here, so Charlotte firms are ever so slightly more flexible on this requirement. But, the overarching point remains – your answer about why you want to be in Richmond/other city. is likely going to be the most important information you share at an interview or other conversation you have with people at a firm, so make sure you have a solid, well thought out reason.
Anonymous
+1 Charlotte has had such explosive growth that it is not that big of a deal not to be from here, but you need an explanation of sorts b/c we’re not typically a cool place to move to the way NYC or SF is. The answer is usually “my spouse got transferred here by a bank” or “this is the nearest big city to my family (which covers most things b/w Atlanta and DC, in a very vague way).” Like when I lived in DC, I was closer to where my family is from (Wilmington), but I get to say that “my family is from NC” and people stop caring about the details.
Richmond is a great city, too, but people have been from there for centuries (and don’t let you forget it). My Charlotte native friends joke about how much of a unicorn they are. People will ask “Are you from Charlotte” and then I laugh b/c no one is from Charlotte (10% of Charlotteans are New Yorkers; the rest seem to be from Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Michigan). You often hear that people are moving here not b/c they are from here but b/c their parents retired here.
Anon
I’m curious why you want to move to Richmond. I’m not in law so can’t speak to some of your questions but I’m in Richmond and I really don’t like it. I don’t see myself settling down here. I prefer bigger cities and I got bored very quickly. It’s like one giant suburb. I constantly hear “oh it’s such a great place to raise your kids!” Well, I don’t have kids and I’m not near that stage in life so…
Anonymous
In that case, if you’re not 22 (lots of recent grads) and not married-with-kids, I wouldn’t know why you’d be in RVA either, esp. if you’re a big city person.
Anon
I got a job offer I couldn’t pass up. I’m getting established and plan to transfer to another office when I can. Thanks for the concern.
Anonymous
Yay — also in CLT but went to college/law school in VA.
If you lived in Richmond for a year, was it for a 4th circuit clerkship? Did you keep up with your co-clerks? Did you go to college / law school nearby? Do you live in VA now (or are admitted there — no one really wants to hire you only to have you take time off for the bar)?
It seems like you should have ties to Richmond — like friends you visit, legal community you are familiar with? If not, dig these people up on LinkedIn, etc., so that you can network your way to some fluency with firms, practices, etc.
It helps when people say “From my time clerking, I was able to meet a great circle of people who contantly tell me how happy they are here. We were just back for XYZ’s baby shower and wedding and have been looking for the right opportunity to move back.” If not, I’d spend a weekend before you start applying places to reconnect with the city (and it will let you say “Yes, we ate at ABC restaurant after the event at the Maymont Park Zoo / VHM / etc. last month” or know that you would hate it — at some point, you chose to leave Richmond, so people may be curious about that, especially if both of your other degrees are from somewhere like Emory and your only bar admission is GA — they will wonder how much you really want to be in RVA when your resume will scream ATL.)
ChristineF
IANAL, but I lived in Richmond brief and haaaaated it. They have a motto, “twenty years behind the times and proud of it.” Racist, provincial, closed, smug, stratified . . .
I do hear that it’s improved since then (gotten bigger, anyway), but doubt how much it or its natives could have changed.
Sorry if saying this offends anyone here. For reference, I moved there after coming from four years in Europe and am a native of a nice suburb of St. Louis. (I know St. Louis can have a bad reputation to non-natives who know it only through headlines, but know this: Richmond didn’t allow Arthur Ashe to play tennis there, so he moved TO St. Louis.)
Anon
I’m the commenter above who is in Richmond now and I completely agree with the “twenty years behind the times,” provincial, etc. I’d also add mundane.
Anonymous
I hear you on that. It is a hard city to love. And the city is great — it was more artsy than I expected given the CCV crowd. It is some Richmonders I could do without.
RVA
Richmond city is now full of tattooed hipsters and has developed surprisingly decent arts and food scenes. The West End and the counties are still mostly as you describe, although the more affluent parts of the counties are starting to move into the 21st century with an influx of refugees from the ridiculous housing prices in the northeast.
ChristineF
Thank you and the other commenters for agreeing with me! I was afraid of getting slammed for being frank.
Anon
I enjoy Richmond because the counter culture is strong, but you’re not wrong about the rich, smug, very openly racist racists.
missannethrope
I’m in Richmond and agree about it being 20 years behind the times. There are some bright spots, including my super-progressive Unitarian Universalist church, a Zen center, and a lot of young socialist/anarchist/lbgtqi groups (I’m way too old to fit in to any of them). I’m a lawyer for the state government, which is a bit clique-y, but not as insular as private law.
Anonymous
Yes, there is always the vegan anarchist food reclamation cooperative.
Anonymous
I moved from NYC to the triangle area of NC. My firm hires people all the time who are moving from outside the state. It helps to have some vague tie, but in our case, even “I lived there for a year clerking and liked it” would suffice. That said, my area is one of the fastest growing in the country, so there are plenty of nonnatives moving in. I do feel like Richmond might be more insular and a harder market to break in to (I also feel this way about Charleston). I had taken the NC bar before I started applying for jobs, which definitely helped show I was serious (I had not been practicing long enough at the time to waive in).
Also, for what it’s worth, litigation is more pleasant down here (except most of the state of Florida, which is it’s own special place). Fewer jerky opposing counsel, presumably because it’s a smaller bar.
anon a mouse
3 government colleagues have moved from DC to Raleigh in the last 2 years. They all seem so happy there!
Anonymous
Not in law, but I imagined Seattle being my dream place to live, so I moved there after undergrad. Moved to Raleigh four years later. Seattle was great, but I’m much happier here and have all the things I thought I wanted about Seattle (except maybe the drive through coffee).
Anonymous
Yep – I’m anon at 11:44, and to be clear, it doesn’t need to be some sort of reason like, “I’ve been dreaming about moving to Charlotte since I was 3 years old.” At least at my firm, the standard is (1) don’t act surprised when the question is asked and (2) have an answer that you have thought about and sounds genuine. And I agree with Anon at 12:54 about Charleston – I still think there are a lot of places/things in Charleston that just can’t be bought with money (although it’s gotten significantly better in the past 20 years)
Anon
I’m looking for recommendations on a place to take my 18 year old daughter for a girls weekend as a high school graduation/pre college indulgence.
Timing would probably be July.
Things we don’t like – sunbathing, resorts, massages
Things we do like – museums, shopping, nice meals, luxurious hotels
Open to any suggestions in the US a flight or a drive away from SFO.
Anonymous
My mom took me to the Biltmore for my 13th birthday and we stayed at the Grove Park Inn.
Anon
What is the biltmore? Sorry for the ignorance!
FP
It is GORGEOUS especially in the summer. It’s in Asheville, North Carolina, and is the mansion that the Vanderbilts built. There is now also a hotel on property that is supposed to be great. But the GPI is insanely lovely and has one of the best spas I have ever been to.
Anonymous
Asheville also has lots of good restaurants, so that would fit the nice meals requirement.
Lilly
Biltmore: The regular tour is awesome and a must, and if you can, add a behind the scenes tour. They are fascinating. The grounds are gorgeous and designed by Frederick Law Olmstead, who did Central Park, but unless you are used to high heat with high humidity you may have limited tolerance for seeing them in the summer. There are rafting trips available nearby on the Nantahala (sp?) River. And Asheville is a great place to visit. My choice for lodging is downtown and walk to restaurants.
Daffodil
+1
My sister and I did a girls trip to Asheville a few weekends ago and loved it. Go to the chocolate lounge and to the Spanish restaurant Curate downtown, then meander around the shops in downtown Asheville one day, then go to the Biltmore another day.
cbackson
I spent a lovely weekend in Houston entirely focused on visiting museums. The city itself is sprawly and not my favorite, but the MFA and Menil Collection are world-class, there’s great food of every genre, and the Four Seasons there is lovely.
I’ve also been eyeing Santa Fe for a art-focused city-based vacation.
BabyAssociate
I would definitely not do Houston in July
cbackson
Ha, I’m from ATL so humidity is mother’s milk to me.
Anonymous
I second Santa Fe. You could probably find a direct flight to Albuquerque, and the drive to Santa Fe is about an hour north. New Mexican food is wonderfully spicy and unique. There are some great hotels as well (I like La Fonda on the Plaza). There is a quaint Farmers’ Market on Saturdays, and Meow Wolf is worth a visit. Not much mall shopping for clothing, but plenty of southwest-inspired boutiques. Lots of art galleries to browse on Canyon Road.
Anon
You know, I was thinking about Santa Fe! I have never been. Would the weather be miserable in July?
Collins
Oh, sunny Santa Fe would be nice!
Anonymous
I don’t think the weather in Santa Fe would be bad at all. It should probably be in the mid-80s during the day, and the temps drop at night in the high desert to the 60s or so. It is dry and sunny, so staying hydrated is key.
NYNY
Santa Fe in July is lovely weather. High temps in the low 80s with no humidity, lows in the mid-50s. There may be brief, dramatic thunderstorms around 4pm, but those clear to breathtaking sunsets. Stay at La Fonda on the Plaza.
Anonymous
Forget this cold Bohemian hell. Let’s open up a restaurant in Santa Fe.
Rainbow Hair
Santa Fe! Go to Meow Wolf!!!! There’s so much good art to see, and it’s a lovely, manageable city.
Anon
Chicago? I loved the art museum and architecture cruise, and recall the dining scene was quite good as well.
Anon
I was also thinking about Chicago but am worried about July weather…
nona
Look – its July. It’s going to be hot outside everywhere. It will (probably) be A/C inside. At least in Chicago the lakeside stuff should have a breeze off of the water.
Anon
Right. If Chicago is too hot for you, your only options are the Pacific Northwest, mountain destinations, Minnesota/Wisconsin and northern New England (Maine, Vermont, etc). Chicago is not noticeably hotter in the summer than NYC/Boston, in fact I would say it’s a lot more pleasant than NYC because of the lake effect.
Anon
I’m unimaginative, so New York.
Anonny
I know this isn’t want you want but I would personally fly to Quebec City and stay at Fairmont Le Château Frontenac and then walk around old Quebec city, stop by some of the lovely historical museums and drink all the local cider and wine.
The original Scarlett
Even hour you said US, I’d consider Tokyo – it’s not much further than NYC in terms of flight time from SF and is a fantastic place to visit.
BabyAssociate
I love this idea.
nona
It’s twice as long?! 11 hrs to Toyko, but 5 hrs to NYC.
Anon
I love Tokyo but it will be either horribly rainy (Tsuyu season) OR sweltering hot and humid in July, so would recommend more for October or April-May.
Anon
I can’t do Tokyo this year but storing that away for a future trip!)
Anon
SF-Tokyo is an 11 hour flight and 16 hour time difference!!! NYC is a 5 hour flight and a 3 hour time difference – “not much further than NYC” seems like a huge exaggeration. Tokyo makes no sense for a weekend getaway, if they had a week it would be a different story.
anne-on
July in NY is ridiculously hot and muggy but the museums, shopping, and dining are world class (obviously). If the weather sounds too much for you my next choices would be SanFrancisco, Boston, and Chicago, in that order.
Anonymous
NY is never ridiculously hot. You get maybe a week in the 90s and otherwise it’ll be in the 80s. And all over Manhattan is breezy anyway. It’s not hot like DC and south is hot.
Anon
Thanks both. We just did a family trip to NY in December so that’s probably lower on the list (not that i ever get tired of NYC)
MJ
LOLS to this ^^^ If you’re not from humidity or need to take the subway, NYC in Summer is the 7th circle of hell. Really. I have vivid memories of parts of my body I didn’t even know had sweat glands sweating, and when I had to take the 7 crosstown, it really was like descending to hell.
Anonymous
I’m originally from Georgia (and not like the parts of Georgia with an occasional breeze. The armpit of the South parts of Georgia), and even I thought the summers were miserable when I lived in NYC. The NYC subway in the summer is the worst. Heat radiates off all the asphalt and concrete. And while this is probably less of a problem if you’re just visiting tourist sites, a lot of places are not as well air conditioned as southern cities. There’s a reason it feels like half the city leaves for July/August.
dc anon
DC! Most of the museums are free.
PolyD
Although July does tend to be peak tourist/heat/insanely violent thunderstorm season.
Pale Girl Snorkeling
+1 DC is my favorite museum destination in the US and I’ve been museum visiting in all the major cities. Yes it will be hot and humid but the Metro tends to stay cooler and all the museums are nicely air conditioned. I’ve been twice end of June/early July and it was just about the same as from where I came from in the humid heartland
Pale Girl Snorkeling
Yes! Which means you can visit as many as you want without feeling like you’ve wasted money. And I’ve had some amazing meals in DC
Meara
Maybe Vancouver? It’s not US but close to SF, and will have nice weather in July most likely…
Anon
Thanks everyone! I’ve been texting my daughter and she loves the idea of Santa Fe!
Anonymous
I was just in Santa Fe and it was much smaller than I expected. We did the best restaurant and the nicest hotel but I don’t know that it would meet your expectations. For what it’s worth.
Anon
+1. I like Santa Fe a lot but the nicest hotels there do not compare to the Peninsula/Four Seasons/Langham-type hotels, and there isn’t fine dining the way there is in more major US cities.
anon.
If you’re still here, look up the Rosewood at the Anasazi in Santa Fe! Beautiful small hotel. Not super super luxe but absolutely amazing for us and right near everything central.
Anon
I would do Chicago or Boston. Lots of luxury hotels, shopping, museums and food in both cities, both will be pleasant enough in July.
Miss Kitty
One place I don’t see mentioned is Denver. I’ve only been once but I really enjoyed it.
Biglaw Anon
Looking for insight from ‘rettes who were Biglaw partners (or had offers) and walked away. What were your reasons, and your timeframe (right after being offered partnership / after X years into it)? What were your next steps in your career? Were there financial implications that factored into your next steps / timing (e.g., buy-ins)?
Pondering this question as I approach my 7th year — I’ve had good reviews and consistently bill at the top of my class, but not sure partnership is for me or how sustainable M&A partnership is family- and health-wise (although to be fair, I don’t have kids yet and won’t for another 2-3 years — maybe I’m leaning out before I have to?).
Anonymous
I am somehow still here, decades after law school, older kid is 10.
FWIW, I was at BigCity BigLaw and have been in NFL-team-sized-city at BigLaw (but not Cadwalader-MB-Dentons-Dechert-sized firm) for 10+ years, in a transactional area (so not going to court).
The answer is that you need 1.5x childcare (so if they are in school, help from 4-7 is ideal (although we don’t do it, my life would be so much easier with it)) and/or nearby family.
Anonymous
Can you talk to mid level female partners about this? As a partner my job has changed substantially, and I also have more control over my work schedule and work load.
Anonymous
I am the poster the other day who posted about feeling that my grief over my grandmother’s death was going unacknowledged. I just want to say “thank you” for all the kind words and support I received in response to my post. Things have been crazy at work so was not able to respond to the original thread or post until now. I am feeling better, I still miss my grandma, but the good advice and sympathy was much appreciated.
Anonymous
Aww… I’m so glad. Thanks for the update. It’s so good to hear what happens after the post.
And take your time and be as kind to yourself as you would to any of your friends after a loss like this.
Senior Attorney
Thanks for checking back in. Hugs to you!
Anonymous
I hope your happy memories of her provide you comfort.
AnonPara
Do you take vitamins? It would be ideal to get all I needed from food, but due to some sensitivities and recommendations from my physicians, I think I need to look into supplementation. I found out a couple of years ago that I have a sensitivity to dairy (not lactose intolerance). I never realized how many foods have a dairy component until I had to cut it out! I take a magnesium supplement per my neurologist and it has definitely helped with migraine frequency. I’ve tried a food based multi-vitamin, but if I take it too many days in a row I notice an uptick in migraine symptoms. My system is overly sensitive and it’s frustrating. I’m about to turn 50 and am squarely in perimenopauseland. Saw my internist yesterday and she recommended I add D3 and calcium. I am on the anxious side and there are so many confusing stats on vitamins that I end up with analysis paralysis. And then do nothing.
Anonymous
I’m not sure about your personal medical issues, but my normal advice is that worst case, you’d just end up with expensive pee :) I take 3 kinds of Olly vitamins every morning – I like them, I feel like I feel better when I take them – and I put them in the “can’t hurt and might help” category.
Anon
Right. Unless you work hard at overdosing or have very specific issues, you cannot lose by taking vitamins.
I take the Trader Joe’s high potency chewables. They are $7.99 for 90.
Nesprin
With the caveat that the fat soluble vitamins you can def overdose on. So things like Vitamin C- take as much as you want, Vitamin K- don’t do that.
Anon
I take B complex, magnesium, iron, C, D, probiotics, and omega 3. I think it is recommended that some vitamins be taken with food, and iron /certain vitamins shouldn’t be overdosed, but otherwise I’ve had no issues.
Anon
I would not supplement D3 and calcium without K2. I’m a big believer that vitamins can hurt as well as help, but deficiencies hurt more.
Have you tried diet tracking with Fitbit or cronometer to see how you are doing on intake? Even without dairy, you may find that you are getting enough calcium or could be with a few tweaks.
How’s your digestion? (I have low stomach acid, so I have ended up with deficiencies despite adequate intake; I don’t know how rare or common this is.)
How do vitamins make you feel? Does a good B-Complex just improve your whole day? I think that’s a fair consideration as well.
Anon
Given your medical issues, it might be best to work with your medical team to get the right supplements. Maybe they have a good dietician?
Anon
I take a NatureMade for women daily multivitamin. Something in it (iron? Vitamin D? Vitamin B? I’m not sure what exactly) has changed my life. I’m no longer tired all the time and I NEVER get sick. I wish I’d started a vitamin decades ago.
LSC
For the poster who asked yesterday about what to do in Austin in the rain: I responded, but very late. Reposting here in case you did not see it.
Alamo Drafthouse if you want to see a movie. Punchbowl Social for drinking and bowling. Crux Climbing Gym or Austin Bouldering Project. The Whole Foods mothership store at 5th and Lamar. Right next to local book store Book People as well as Anthropologie and REI. LBJ Presidential Library on the UT campus. Blanton Art Museum. We’re kind of an outdoor city, but lots of good bars and restaurants where you can pass the time too. Good luck!
Anon
Ehh, I am losing it. I showed up a day early for my haircut. I took my kid to her swim class after the quarter was over. That means I calendared both dates incorrectly after scheduling. What are your strategies to keep this sort of stuff from happening? (Aside from trying to destress, which I definitely need.)
Ash
For your haircuts, find a place that does email/text alerts to confirm your appointments, or ask if your current place can do them, or if your specific hairdresser would be willing to text you to confirm a day or two in advance. That would have just been another confirmation of the date and maybe given you an opportunity to realize that your calendar conflicted with the actual appointment.
For swimming, how old is your kid? Could they have a role in remembering the times and dates of classes? I’m not saying to rely solely on your kid, obviously, but if they’re old enough to say “Mom, my last day of swim was last week,” maybe give him or her the opportunity to do that. Also, again, I’d think you would be getting email reminders from the swim organization, “This week is our last class, thank you all for a great quarter and we’ll see you back next quarter!” If not, you could ask if they’d be willing to implement something like that.
Anon
I was a paper planner person for a very long time but my work commitments got to be such that I really needed the reminder that my phone calendar gives me. I put things in my phone *immediately* after scheduling. Even if it’s an occasion where it might seem weird or rude to pull out my phone. If it doesn’t go in the calendar right away, I just will not remember it.
Anonymous
Do you make hard breaks or try to stay friends? My partner of 6 months just dumped me on Monday. His family member passed recently, and he has been depressed. He decided he wants to be alone and grieve.
This is very hard on me. I’m trying to not take it personally, but I feel inadequate. There were no red flags. We went from him calling me every morning and after work and spending 3-4 days/week together to…radio silence. He said its him, not me, that he doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be in a relationship. That he’s attracted to me but just wants to be friends if I want.
I feel like I lost my best friend, and I’m sad for him too. I haven’t texted or called. It hurts seeing him active on social media. I want to block him there, but I haven’t done anything to not be petty or dramatic. I’m usually team clean break, but I wonder if he won’t change his mind after he gets over this loss (it was a sudden heart attack of his father figure 3 weeks ago). Typically, though, I make a clean break and move on-blocking exes and no further contact.
Anon
Make a clean break and don’t try to be friends. You can always reconnect later, even if you haven’t stayed friends. And I’ll add that I don’t believe good partners dump someone they love just because they’re devastated by the loss of a parent – how he handles this kind of grief is indicative of how he’ll handle future tough situations, and this would be a huge red flag to me, even if he eventually changes his mind about the break-up.
Desigirl
+1 for clean break. I feel that the “let’s be friends” trope is pushed on women by guys who want to keep their gardening options open even if they dont want to be your girlfriend, and women eat up this s#it because we are socialized to put our needs last. Going cold turkey on your ex allows you to free up emotional space to pursue your personal/careeer goals after a breakup, which is what needs to be done in order to mov3
Anonymous
Yes, clean break. He’s obviously not that into you. If he were, he’d want you by his side to help him grieve. Unfriend him on social media and move on.
Ellen
Yes. He is immature. If you have gardened with him, do not worry, there will be others, but I know how difficult it can be to dump a loser cold-turkey. But I am so over my ex, and am very happy b/c I now realize he was using me for my apartement, food, and ego, as he always showed me off to his silly freinds, and made it known he was living with me 24/7, with all of the attendent benefits. FOOEY!
Anonymous
+1 to unfriend. Or “Mute” and resist checking it if you absolutely can’t bring yourself to unfriend. Also, make it so that he can’t see your posts going forward. You won’t be able to notice if he liked/viewed your photo if he can’t like/view your photo/etc. Clean breaks have always been best in my experience, and I have indeed become friends with one of those people afterwards. The others just helped me get over it rather than drag it out.