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Everyone gets burned out from time to time — particularly if you have an intense job that demands a lot of time and energy. By the time you finally realize, GOD, I'M BURNED OUT, though, you've probably blown past a zillion smaller signs of burnout that might have helped you see you needed to take a little extra me-time, schedule a vacation or some other experience to look forward to, or go to bed earlier. It's been years since we last discussed battling burnout, so I've rounded up some of my personal sneaky signs of burnout — but I'd love to hear yours, readers! What are your early warnings that you're getting burned out, ladies? What do you do differently when you recognize that burnout is on the horizon?
I would call these all “early signs of burnout” because to me, full-blown burnout involves stronger emotions like anger at the demands of the job/task, a very quick temper, and avoidance. But that's another interesting question for discussion — do you think of burnout as a spectrum? What differentiates early burnout from full-blown burnout?
1. Sneaky Sign of Burnout #1: Lack of Focus
The biggest sign of burnout that I notice is lack of focus on things that I should be able to focus on or even enjoy. I may feel like I'm flitting from thought to thought in my head without landing anywhere, or just like everything is a slog. (In my head I call this “bog snorkeling” now — I read a story about it last year (it's actually a thing!) and thought, YES, that's what my head feels like half the time.) We've offered a lot of tips on focus over the years — it's a big sign that something else is going on when these tips don't help me.
2. Sneaky Sign of Burnout #2: You're Overwhelmed, All The Time
This feels like it's different than lack of focus, but the two are definitely related. For me, overwhelm is when I feel like I have a ton of work to do and I can't identify ways to break it down into smaller chunks — or when I do break it down into smaller chunks I can't finish them past something like 90%, which in itself is frustrating. Then you have a million almost-finished to-do list items, and that gets frustrating.
{related: how to deal with overwhelm}
3. Burnout Sign #3: Nothing Is Joyful
I'm a sarcastic, pessimistic person by nature — but when my response to every.single.thing (even things that might have been exciting or joyful once) is to roll my eyes or blow past the temporary, fleeting good feeling and focus on the overwhelm, I know that I'm getting burned out.
{related: how to revamp your attitude and get your groove back}
These are some of our favorite funny books if you're looking for brain candy reads…
- Bossypants, by Tina Fey
- Yes Please, by Amy Poehler
- modern comedy: Crazy Rich Asians, by Kevin Kwan (fiction)
- modern romantic comedy: Love on the Brain, Ali Hazelwood; Eligible, by Curtis Sittenfeld (an updated take on Pride and Prejudice), pretty much this entire series on Billionaires of Manhattan, by Annika Martin, Bet Me, by Jennifer Crusie
- historical romantic comedy: The Duchess Deal, by Tessa Dare (it's laugh-out-loud funny, promise)
- science fiction / rom-com / time travel / history: To Say Nothing of the Dog, by Connie Wills
4. My Fourth Sign of Burnout: I Have Problems Sleeping
I sometimes get waking insomnia, where I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep — but honestly, that is more a symptom of full-blown burnout. The early, sneaky signs of burnout look different for me — my sleeping problems look like bad choices. I stay up too late, I pick up the book after I should be sleeping, I don't put my phone or iPad down. It's like I can't disconnect from the day (or what feels to me like precious free time) enough to settle my mind and go to bed. Like I am choosing to let exhaustion overtake me rather than to willingly drift off to sleep.
{related: here's our last discussion on professional women and insomnia, as well as how to investigate when you're exhausted and have no energy}
Like I mentioned above, when I notice these things I try to commit to better sleep and hydration, do something small like schedule a massage or a night out with friends or my husband, and focus on parts of my life that don't stress me out or make me feel quite so put-upon.
Some great sleep aids if you're struggling with sleep issues…
How about you, readers — what are your sneaky signs of burnout?
Stock photo via Shutterstock / Jason Salmon.
Anomanom
I am two weeks in to transitioning to a casual jeans every day office. I’m feeling okay on the clothes but I need shoes help! I live in a cold climate, so I need foot coverage for a while longer. My favorite jeans are all skinny or slim leg styles. I’m over my heeled booties, and am trying to use this change to add a little more personality back into my wardrobe. What are those of you with casual workplaces or casual Friday’s wearing on your feet?
Anonymous
I wear booties.
If you don’t want to wear boots but need something you can wear socks or trousers socks with, you can wear some other style of boot (chukka, combat, etc.) sneakers (I like high-top if I’m going to wear socks — either laced or slip-on), or oxfords. If you don’t need to wear socks for warmth, you can wear loafers, ballet flats, low-top sneakers, etc. Basically, any closed-toe shoe.
If you want to add personality, I’d definitely be going for statement boots, oxfords, or sneakers.
Anon
I have been wearing wingtip oxfords (yes, they were popular a few years ago, but my co-workers aren’t the fashion police), and they keep my feet warm and I get compliments. Especially on the shiny pewter colored ones!
A.
This doesn’t help you but I’m obsessed with my Sorel Joan of Arctic Chelsea Wedge booties. Super comfortable, waterproof with huge tread (so great in snowy/wet weather), and (IMHO) extremely cute!
boots rec
I’m living in lace-up style boots this year. I alternate between a Wolverine 1000 mile pair that read a little dressier, and a the Chaco Cataluna lace-up boot, which has a small wooden heel that I think adds a little interest to the look.
Comforter
Anyone have any comforter recommendations? I run really hot at night and my DH runs cold, and we need a new comforter. I’m trying to decide between down and down alternatives and I really can’t decide.
Bonus points if I can use my stock pile of Bed Bath & Beyond coupons and buy it at BBB (don’t judge, this is one of my life’s simple pleasures!)
Anomanom
I am a firm believer in the two people two comforter plan. Find on your like, find one he likes, layer then when you make the bed, then each of you has your own level of comfort and you end of disturbing each other way less throughout the night.
AnonInfinity
YES! I recently adopted this method. I am cold and he is hot, so we got a quilt that was the level he wanted, then I got a twin sized blanket and put it under the quilt just on my side. It works really really well for us.
Anonymous
Yes, we do this too — it’s a bit lumpy in the middle of the bed but then I got a Sherpa twin blanket for my side.
anon
indeed, you should get two comforters! It’s da best!
Housecounsel
At BBB, I absolutely love the Ugg Avery line, but you may find it too hot.
This Post Is About Me
Such a timely discussion. I am in full-on burnout mode and pretty much saw it coming. Why I didn’t do anything effective to stop it, well, that’s a whole nother post…
Earliest sign: crappy eating choices. Nothing big, but a slow increase in the unholy trinity of sugar, caffeine, alcohol.
I fall asleep in the car, on rides that are only 5 mins long (not when I’m driving).
I snap at my husband and kids waaaaay more than necessary.
Unrelated but kinda related, I Have read a number of articles lately about mid life crises in Gen X women. I made a passing comment to my boss in a discussion about how overwhelmed I am right now and what it would take to get me to NOT consider leaving… and I was told “You’re too young for that.” So… thanks, I guess… but now my MLC isn’t even valid?! Argggghhhhhhhh
anon
You are not too young for that. I am giving your boss a lot of side eye right now for being so obtuse. Hopefully you will not have to interact with him for the rest of the day.
Signs for me are: 1. Overreacting to each new snag that comes up on a project. Instead of a deep breath and then work the problem, I get angry and my energy is spent being annoyed, not problem solving. I do not get angry/act out at other people to their face, but in deeper burn out mode I have a hard time letting my feelings go and just working the problem or working with the person (I’ll just avoid them). 2. Little black rain cloud feeling that never goes away. You have this feeling of dread,anxiety,unresolved annoyance,whatever…that will not go away after a evening off and a good night’s sleep. Or as burnout progresses, a weekend. 3. Just wanting to be left alone – not socializing after work, not even over weekends, being too tired to plan or do fun things.
Anonymous
I’m GenX as well and the pain is real. It’s like I’m hitting this point of wondering where all the hard work I’ve done has gotten me, as I see opportunities given to some of the younger team members who haven’t had to pay their dues the same way. The entitlement from them sometimes is choking. At the same time, there’s the senior executive group who have largely leaned out and seem fond of issuing directives on matters they have next to no experience in. It’s like a sandwich with seeing potential capped and yet being high enough up the chain that you’re burdened with crazy responsibilities and being “the adult” who will get it done.
For me, the biggest sign of burnout is when I begin to see the cracks in some of the people and personalities that I once enjoyed. It’s like I go from thinking so and so is kind of goofy or is kind of crummy in their role, but they’re the type of person I’d want to have coffee with– into thinking how much I actively dislike them for their sloppiness or feel like they are trying to be manipulative with social interaction. Also big is obsessiveness on thinking about work. I can’t even veg out with cooking competitions or reality shows without relating the challenges or conflicts to current experiences with work problems or various client or coworker personalities I encounter.
And if I read one more thing about GenX being the forgotten generation it is going to make me burst. It’s like boomers and Millennials are all that matter.
Pilates newbie
So, I’ve never done Pilates (or yoga, for that matter). My pelvic floor PT has recommended it to work on strengthening my deep abdominal muscles. For those who have done this before, any online videos you’d recommend? And is it a bad idea to start that way? Unfortunately I’m solo parenting two young ones half of the week, working full time, and breastfeeding, so I can’t fit regular classes into my schedule at this point…
Anonymous
I would try starting with a private class or two to make sure you are doing things correctly. Surprised that your PT didn’t recommend specific exercises or pilates/yoga instructors. They may also Most of the better local instructors in my area also have videos online so you might be able to squeeze in a class or two and then follow up with videos.
I’ve heard good things about the MUTU system videos from UK friends.
Anonymous
I love the windsor pilates videos. I have it on DVD from a million years ago but it is now on youtube too. The video looks dated, but it is a solid pilates workout and it explains things well and offers modifications.
Salary discussions
Do you ever give different compensation expectations to different companies during the interview process? I’m interviewing at a few different companies right now, with two at the top of my list. One is a large multinational with a lot of publicly-available comp data. Based on that, I feel comfortable telling them that I’d need to be in the range of $275k total comp to come on board. The other is a startup with no available comp data, but all the right funding, people, and products to make it big in their industry. I would probably accept a job there closer to $230k because the growth potential and network would be better, but I don’t want to sell myself short just because I can’t confirm the expectations around comp. (When I ask the startup about comp expectations, I am certain they will ask what I need/expect.) Thoughts? Advice?
Anonymous
Maybe say that you normally cite 275K in total compensation but you are really interested in the opportunities with their company and may have some flexiblity in the balance between salary and other forms of compensation. It’s a lot cheaper for them to pay you in stock. So you could aim for 230K salary and 45K stock comp.
anne-on
To quote ask a manager – let them TELL YOU the compensation range, do NOT offer it first. You may undercut yourself with the bigger firm or short yourself on stock or other options with the smaller! She has lots of good scripts that you can use. I was SO nervous to do this when interviewing but the recruiter pretty easily disclosed when I asked HIM for their salary range so I could make sure it would fit into what I was looking for.
Angela
Runners, is it normal for a 5k race distance to be off by a quarter-mile or more? I was in a 5k this weekend, and my GPS said the course was 3.37 miles. Obviously, this meant my pace was incredibly slow for the “5k”. I recognize my GPS could be off, but when I mentioned to a friend that I was thinking of writing to the race director to see if there had been any other comments/complaints about the course length, he acted like that was crazy. He said a 5k is “approximately” 3.1 miles, and no one expects the course to be exact. That was news to me. People talk about PRs on short courses, which would seem to be meaningless if the course lengths could vary by up to a quarter mile in either direction!
Anon
A USATF certified course must be at least 5k/3.1 miles when measured on the tangents. If you took the outsides of curves or were all over the road, along with error on your GPS, 3.37 is certainly in the realm of possibility.
If it wasn’t a USATF certified course, there are no actual rules governing distance and you’re at the mercy of however it was measured.
Angela
Ahhh good point, I didn’t think about being all over the road. I definitely did have to weave quite a bit as it was a crowded course and at my speed, a lot of people alternate between running and walking (lol). I think you’ve solved it!
Anon
A crowded course can definitely cause you to cover a ton of extra ground!
CountC
It should be fairly close in a road race, but GPS trackers differ a LOT (up to .25 mile sometimes). If it was a local race for a charity, I wouldn’t expect as exact of a distance as a sanctioned / qualifying race. Have you mapped your regular routes to get a sense of how close your watch is to the actual distance usually? How often is your watch pinging for your location?
At the end of the day, I look at it as everyone runs the same distance, so if it’s over, everyone’s time is going to be slower / faster depending.
Personally, I wouldn’t email the RD. What do you want the end result to be? At best, they send out an email saying yea, the course was long, but it doesn’t change your time or how long you ran, you know?
Angela
The end result would be to let me know if it’s more likely my watch was off or the course was off, which makes a difference of over a minute on my pace. I mean, it was ridiculously slow either way, but yeah I just kind of want to know.
EM84
I used to do lots of short and long-distant races, almost always certified. As previous posters said, the distance is measured using the shortest tangents. I always had a few hundred meters more as I was not able to always run the shortest tangents, especially in short-distance races (too crowded). I believe my personal best was 5.1km, worst 5.3km. You can ask the race organizers if it was certified (most races have this information on their website). That should give you the final answer.
Anon
Most likely, the course was off. If it matters that much to you, do a USTAF certified course in the future.
When this happens to me, I just mentally adjust my time for what the actual 5k was (i.e. when my watch hit 3.1 miles). When one course ran short, I continued running through the finish line until my watch hit the mark.
If you want to figure out if your watch is off, find an outdoor track and run a mile on it.
L
Do you have any advise for when others are experiencing burnout and are blaming/taking it out on you? Specifically when you are lower/equal in rank?