Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 198 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Addie Sweater Tee

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Addie Sweater TeeAnthropologie's big Summer Tag sale is going on now, and while there are a lot of great casual items, there are always a few gems for the office as well. I like this loose linen/cotton sweater by Moth — the neckline is high but interesting, and the colors are lovely (“lime,” white, black), and I like that you can tuck it if you want to. The sweater was $68, but is now marked to $39.95 at Anthropologie. Addie Sweater Tee Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at `https://corporette.com/tag/posts/feed`; the status code is `403` and content-type is `text/html; charset=utf-8`

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

    • zora

      trying to corral these crazy kittens!! It’s awesome having a kitten Scooby gang, but once they got comfortable with my house the second day, they are going a little nutso ;o) So, i won’t be leaving the house much, well except to do lots of laundry because messy kittens! not that i’m complaining, kittens are the best therapy ever.

        • zora

          Not yet, but that might have to happen tonight! especially after this morning’s shenanigans! ;o)

    • Calibrachoa

      Possibly a festival. With a side of “eff being responsible, I will throw myself at Nick Cave like it’s 1989”

      • Bacon Pancakes

        Excellent! And I’m fairly certain Nick Cave lives in a time-vortex in which it is always 1989.

        • Calibrachoa

          Heh, yeah. I Saw him with Grinderman a few years ago and it was amazing (he. TOUCHED. me. Two nights in a row. I have youtube footage of him holding my hand. !!!!) so I am REALLY looking forwards to the Bad Seeds! :D

        • Susie

          Thanks, I’m pretty excited! Haven’t been to Europe in almost 15 years and this will be my first time in Portugal (or anywhere other than Hungary or Germany).

    • Veronique

      Applying to jobs! I’m looking to make a move, so this has become my (other) full-time job!

    • MJ

      Labradoodle beach outing at Chrissy Field on Sat AM; Seeing Much Ado About Nothing on Sat Nite; wine tasting at Windy Oaks in Santa Cruz Mountains! Excellent weekend in the works.

  2. recent grad

    Shopping help! I saw a woman yesterday wearing linen/light beige-ish wedges that had less than a full peep toe, more like just a sliver of an opening. Does anyone know where to find these?

  3. EB0220

    For parents with young kids in daycare – I am thinking of passing out a little business card with my name/contact info to the parents in my daughter’s classroom in case they want to get together for a playdate or something. A mom at my daughter’s previous school did this and it worked out really well. Would you think this was nice or weird if you were on the receiving end of such a thing?

    • RR

      I would think it was a really nice idea (and appreciate the reaching out–I’m always looking for new mommy friends, but do a horrible job of initiating on my own–somehow rejection is so much worse when it involves your kids). I wouldn’t think it weird at all.

    • Non

      You can get really cute “Mommy Cards” made at Zazzle or Vistaprint – or you can print up some of your own. This is definitely not weird and is nice to have. If you Google “mommy cards”, there are a lot of cute designs out there. I had WAY too much fun making mine because my actual business cards are so boring.

    • mascot

      I think they are a nice touch. Easier to keep up with than the number scribbled on the back of the daily report sheet (which I then lose)

    • EB0220

      Oh, so that’s what they are called! I ordered some cute ones from Vistaprint. Thank you!!

    • Seventh Sister

      It’s a really nice idea. I’m shy about reaching out, and there are some parents that I don’t see very often because I drop off late /pick up early and they are vice versa.

    • Mighty Mouse

      I also had way too much fun doing mine at Vistaprint. They turned out great! Do it!

  4. Anonymous

    I’ve been dieting and exercising for 1.5 weeks, and my weight somehow went up from 116.8 to 118 . .

    • TBK

      Unless you’re less than 5 feet tall, I can’t see why you’d be trying to lose weight if you’re already only 116 lbs.

      • eek

        kg or lb? Also, like Ms BEF says, it’s probably muscle :) How are your clothes fitting?

      • Ellen

        Yay! Fruegel Friday’s, I LOVE Fruegel Friday’s!

        I have the same issue. I have to loose 8 lbs, but mostley in the tuchus and leg’s. Dad says my legs are like the piano at Grandma Leyeh’s apartment — short and stubby. Thank’s dad, but I got them from you probably. Dad is himself only 5 foot 7 and he is short and stubby for a guy, and even tho I look at men for their brain’s, if I were a vane person lookeing at just a mans look’s, then I would NOT be lookeing at him striectly speaking b/c he is NOT a Brad Pit type.

        Dad is more like a SHORTER older and pudgeier version of Gerry Steinfeld. That is someone that Gerry should look at to see what he might look like in 15 year’s! YAY DAD! Mabye he can get a consulteing gig with Gerry and not looke at my tuchus with comment’s this week! As it is, he call’s me to report on my walkeing b/c he track’s my FIT BIT useage, and they even send him e-mail’s telling him how many stair’s I have walked up! Can you imageine! DOUBLE FOOEY!

        This weekend, we are goeing up to see Roberta– Myrna is fit to drive and Roberta has a whole day planned for us! YAY b/c we can eat DELI again!!!! I think I will sample the same thing we ate last night and COMPARE. Or mabye I will try the pastreami and have 3/4 of the Kishkey. It will be a battel between the BRONX and Manhattan deli’s! YAY b/c there can be NO looser in this race!!!!!

      • Anonymous

        There is no possible way to add muscle in an amount considerable enough to show a difference on the scale in 1.5 weeks. Do you know how hard it is to build muscle?

        OP is talking about a difference of 18 ounces, which is a large glass of water. The difference is likely due to normal weight fluctuations due to water retention at different points in the day / week.

        If you do actually need to lose weight (remember its harder to lose the less you have to lose and the smaller you are, generally, the smaller your basal metabolic rate is, so the less calories you need to simply exist) I suggest continuing to diet, noting your weight each week or every three days or so, but waiting 1.5 – 2 months before you can expect to see any real, true change in weight.

    • Anonymous

      I’m 5’4″. I’m trying to lose max 5 lbs. I think my clothes are fitting similarly. Could be muscle. According to the calorie tracker, I’m only supposed to eat 1500 calories a day to lose 1/2 lb per week, which is hard. I’m a grazer, and get hungry easily

        • mascot

          It could be water retention. Drink plenty of water today and lay off salty foods then re-evaluate in a day or two.

      • Ellen

        Yay! Fruegel Friday’s, I LOVE Fruegel Friday’s!

        I have the same issue. I have to loose 8 lbs, but mostley in the tuchus and leg’s. Dad says my legs are like the piano at Grandma Leyeh’s apartment — short and stubby. Thank’s dad, but I got them from you probably. Dad is himself only 5 foot 7 and he is short and stubby for a guy, and even tho I look at men for their brain’s, if I were a vane person lookeing at just a mans look’s, then I would NOT be lookeing at him striectly speaking b/c he is NOT a Brad Pit type.

        Dad is more like a SHORTER older and pudgeier version of Gerry Steinfeld. That is someone that Gerry should look at to see what he might look like in 15 year’s! YAY DAD! Mabye he can get a consulteing gig with Gerry and not looke at my tuchus with comment’s this week! As it is, he call’s me to report on my walkeing b/c he track’s my FIT BIT useage, and they even send him e-mail’s telling him how many stair’s I have walked up! Can you imageine! DOUBLE FOOEY!

        This weekend, we are goeing up to see Roberta– Myrna is fit to drive and Roberta has a whole day planned for us! YAY b/c we can eat DELI again!!!! I think I will sample the same thing we ate last night and COMPARE. Or mabye I will try the pastreami and have 3/4 of the Kishkey. It will be a battel between the BRONX and Manhattan deli’s! YAY b/c there can be NO looser in this race!!!!!

        • Shortie

          That gif is funny, but five (three) pounds on a shortie can be a big difference in how you look and feel. At 5′, five pounds is a noticeable difference and clothing does not fit great.

          • Anon

            Seriously. I am 5’1″ tall and people did not recognize me when I gained 20 pounds. It was awful.

          • SoCalAtty

            Exactly! At 5′, 5lbs is noticeable…the 15 I gained while very sick and on a course of prednisone? Awful. Intellectually, I understand that I can get it off over time, and that gaining it had nothing to do with being bad or failing at eating well and exercising (the weight came on even while I was eating very clean and exercising 5x a week), it still takes a huge toll.

          • Anon

            Totally true. I am 5′ and I have lost 7 lbs over the course of the past 6 months and it’s a BIG difference on me — dropped two clothing sizes. (in the other direction, in college I only weighed about 15 pounds more than I do now and I was 4 sizes larger). I agree though that you need to weigh yourself at the same time and in the same conditions to see if there’s actually a difference (I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning, before I’ve had anything to drink), and even if you do that you will probably notice small fluctuations that have nothing to do with gaining/losing weight. I see it as more of a range (i.e. I was 110-112 depending on the day, now I’m 103-105, etc.)

      • DC Wonkette

        I recommend measuring yourself instead and see where you are in a week. I’ve found it to be a much more reliable source of where I am (and is more relevant to clothes fitting properly).

      • Anonymous

        I see your update now, sorry. I’d argue for more along the lines of 1800 calories a day, all of healthy food. :) :)

    • Eleanor

      Are you about to start your p*riod? (Not sure if that will get me moderated). I was trying to do something similar last Fall, and I am of a simliar height and weight, and I noticed that no matter how consistently I stuck to my calorie allotment I still gained a couple of pounds in the 7-10 days surrounding that time of the month. It came back off afterward (and I also was able to lose the five pounds I had put on over the last year, it just took a long time, so don’t give up!).

      • Anonymous

        Hmm that could be it. I started a new BCP so I’m not completely sure about what is going to happen. Also, I’ve been eating pretzels. So I should stop that.

        While we’re at it: inspirational weight loss blogs/websites, etc . . .

          • Walnut

            I’m really confused by this ‘ew’. I read lots of blogs for inspiration…what makes weight loss blogs ‘ew’? And I second the request for motivation blogs. I need to get back on the bandwagon.

          • Anonymous

            Walnut: I’m not the anon from 10:43, but I understand her reaction. There are great inspirational healthy weight loss blogs, but there’s also a scary world of “thinspiration” and pro-anorexia blogs that can drag a lot of people into terrible mental spaces. For the OP’s sake, I hope she’s following rational ones.

          • Calibrachoa

            Generally it is because a lot of them “inspire” by shaming bodies that don’t fit the beauty ideal, reindforce the idea that your worht is tied to how well you fit that ideal, and that if you don’t fit that ideal you are not supposed to do, oh, anything.

          • Kanye East

            Um, yes. Google “thinspo” or “pro ana.” Major trigger warning for disordered eating, in case that’s not completely obvious. Even the ones masquerading as fitness blogs are often just about looks, not performance.

          • Nonny

            If you are looking to lose weight legitimately through diet and exercise, I highly recommend Scooby’s Workshop for good information and exercise ideas.

        • January

          I like The Fitnessista, which is a general fitness blog, not a weight loss blog. She’s also doing her “Summer Shape Up” right now, which includes meal ideas and workout plans to help you reduce fat and build muscle, which you may find helpful if your goal is to get your clothes to fit better.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          I don’t know where my post disappeared to but I have always found the “Staci powerlifting superhero” story on nerdfitness inspirational – though not weight loss per se. You can find it by googling staci powerlifting superhero – I will try to put the link in the next comment.

          • momentsofabsurdity

            Okay I give up on trying to put in the actual link, it keeps disappearing (am I going into moderation? Who knows?) – just paste this into your browser

            nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

        • Lyssa

          I find that my weight goes up a little if I’m eating a lot of really salty foods, like pretzels. I think that it makes you retain more water.

        • anon..

          I have gained 5lbs within a day or two (and had it stay) when changing bcp. Despite being told it had nothing to do with the bcp, when I quit taking it I was 5lbs lighter within a day. I am similar build (5’5″, 115), so it could very well be that particular med

      • Wildkitten

        I love inspirational fitness/health blogs. They say you live the same as the people you hang out with and I can’t choose my cubicle-mates by their BMI but I can read blogs of healthy women. I second all the ones mentioned. Check Fitfluential and see who you relate to. Good luck! I’ve also found one-day juice “cleanses” to be helpful for losing the water retention/salt weight and seeing what you really weigh.

    • Anon

      Normal weight fluctuates day to day and week to week because of bloating, water retention, etc. You can’t really tell if you’ve lost weight after one week, to be honest, especially if it’s only a pound or two. You need to give it a few weeks.

    • Anonymous

      1) Re: why you’re trying to lose weight when you’re already at at good weight: there is nothing – nothing at all, people – wrong with wanting to lose “vanity pounds.” I have found myself a couple of times going back down to the 114-115 range from still-thin 120 simply because I feel much better that way. So, as long as there is no problematic equating of weight and self-worth going on, let us please not jump to the but-why-do-you-want-to-lose-weight trope.

      2) This cannot be muscle. In 1.5 weeks? It wouldn’t be muscle in 1.5 months – building muscle requires a decent calorie surplus, and the OP states she has reduced her calorie intake.

      3) It has to be just water weight. I am too tired to Google around, but it’s a pretty common occurrence. When beginning a new diet/exercise regimen, people often experience a slight uptick in weight due to water retention. This is normal. Keep doing what you’re doing and it will pass, and you will see a real weight loss. :) :) (Also, make sure you’re not eating too little, please! Nothing like the crazy-pill 1200 calorie diet!)

  5. Purse Care

    Can anyone remember the names of those acrylic pieces that sit in the bottom of purses to give them structure and support? Kat recommended them last summer maybe? I can’t find it in my search of the threads…too many similar words I guess.

    Also, has anyone had experience with asking someone to ADD feet to the bottom of a purse? It’s not a big designer name, so I’m not concerned with changing it’s heritage. It’s a Sondra Roberts. I was wondering about a shoe repair place that also deals with purses, but if so, where would I get the feet for it? Silver please.

    Happy first day of summer! Longest day.

  6. Whispery voices

    My daughter is going into 7th grade, and she has a quiet, whispery little voice. She’s an outgoing kid, not particularly shy, but just has this little voice. I feel like my husband and I are constantly saying “what? I can’t hear what you’re saying.” I don’t want her to grow up to be one of those women who sound immature or unconfident because their voice doesn’t fit a professional image. Any suggestions on how I can help her project more? Telling her to speak up doesn’t help because she just gets frustrated and says “never mind.” Should I encourage her to take voice lessons — maybe singing would help with her projection? She’ll be having some interviews this year for an internship and also doing some community service for school, so I’d like to nip this issue in the bud before then.

    • Em

      I know plenty of successful women with all sorts of voices. Conversely, making a 12-year-old girl self-conscious about her voice seems like the quickest way to get her to stop speaking up. If she likes the idea of singing or theater lessons, sure, that’s great for everyone. But it shouldn’t be about “fixing” her.

    • Sadie

      I would put her in theatre class. She will have to learn to “project” her voice as part of the class, and will get the added bonus of learning to talk in front of an audience and learning to improv, which is a great help for learning to think on your feet. That way, she’ll get the skills without feeling like there is something “wrong” with her. I would think that would be more helpful than singing lessons. You can still sing quietly, lol.

      • mascot

        I agree. Singing is great if she enjoys it, but the skills don’t 100% translate to speaking.

    • zora

      She’s still only in 7th grade. Just like guys have big growth spurts in high-school, girl’s have a lot of physiological changes in high school, including changes in their voices. I wouldn’t rush into this, it’s possible her voice will change in a couple years anyway. And I agree with Em, that focusing on this now could make her more self-conscious, and that if she is interested in voice or theater, then encourage her. But at her age, if my parents had been making me take things I didn’t want to, that was the age where I started choosing what activities I cared most about.

    • S

      Whenever my mom worried about little things like this it magnified any concern I already had. I could feel her noticing and trying to say it lightly and it was stressful.

    • Anne Shirley

      That was me at 12. And at 17. And now I’m kinda awesome at speaking in court, and everywhere else. What helped me was finding a reason to be loud: marching band and being a camp counselor. And both of those I cane to on my own. Definitely keep asking her to speak up if you actually can’t hear what she said, but I don’t think you need to worry about this.

      • Non

        Anne Shirley… are you me?? I was trying to think what taught me to project my voice, and I was like “Ahh yes… loud activities like camp and band where not only do you have to speak up to be heard, but also you spend a lot of time just generally being rowdy and silly and noisy.”

        So, I give a +1 for this. Not activities that you would want to force her into if she’s not interested, but I think spending all my college summers hollering in one way or another got me very used to the sound of myself being loud.

    • Anonymous

      What “internship” is a 7th grader interviewing for? I think you are putting the cart before the horse and putting a lot of pressure on a 12/13 year old. She’s not out of college and interviewing for jobs right now, she’s in middle school! And your voice is something that’s really difficult to change. I have a high voice and I get really annoyed when people are like “what? I can’t hear you, lower your voice, go to a lower octave”. Do you know how weird it is to lower an octave when trying to speak for longer than a minute? Try the theater lessons but just wait and see how her voice develops. She’s still a child, she should SOUND like a child.

    • Anonymous

      I was EXACTLY like this. And nagging always just made me feel worse, because I didn’t understand how to fix it. First of all, a lot of this dissipates as you get older and become more confident. Second, while sea in middle or high school out her in theater, model un, debate, etc . . . It’ll become natural to speak up because you need to, especially if they are activities she enjoys. Now I’m in business school (with a voice/personality with your daughter) and I can for e mysel to act more outgoing , be clear and confident when speaking etc because the situation demands it, and I learned to do this from high scho activities. I also did science research competitions, which helped because I had to make presentations in front of experts in my field, which is intimidating, but I had a lot to present and a lot of knowledge, so that was empowering. It taught me that if I had something I wanted others to hear, I had to and should speak clearly and loudly.

    • Anonymous

      Also she’s in 7th grade, not an adult, she have to have her own iniatibe and that’ll come, don’t go nuts

    • Whispery voices

      Thanks for all the advice. I should have been more clear — if I suggested drama or singing lessons to her, it would only be a suggestion (up to her if she decides she wants to do it or not) and I wouldn’t tell her that I was suggesting it because of her voice. I would say I thought she might find it fun. I totally agree that it’s an age where girls are increasingly self-conscious, especially if it’s something they perceive that their mother is nagging them about.
      Don’t worry, she’s not interviewing for a real job, it’s really just a community service program that they do through school. But they interview the kids to figure out which placements are the best fit for which kids, and she’s already said to me that there are certain ones she hopes she gets. So I was thinking about how she’d come across in an interview and that’s what got me thinking about this.

      • Brant

        Does she look at people when she speaks to them? If not, that’s something to help her get into a good habit of doing, ASAP. That is my biggest pet peeve with high school kids that come around my neighborhood asking for money. I can’t hear them, they don’t look at me (and not to mention that the girls are wearing leggings as pants and the guys haven’t brushed their hair in weeks AND their parents are idling in my driveway making my dog freak out because apparently kids these days can’t walk or bike and must be driven door to door in our very safe and sidewalk laden suburban town….so GET OFF MY LAWN.)

        • Nonny

          I SO feel the same way about everything you just said. If a teenager comes to my door asking for something, can’t articulate what they want in a coherent manner, doesn’t look at me, and looks like they haven’t bathed in a week, they aren’t getting anything from me.

          And the parents idling their cars outside my house are the WORST. It is perfectly safe to walk around the neighbourhood in pairs, even if you don’t want your child to go door-to-door on his/her own. How are they ever going to feel comfortable doing things on their own if they can’t even walk around the block?

          GRRR.

          • Brant

            On the flip side, the articulate teenage that recently showered and is looking for a donating to support their arctic sailing excursion will absolutely get me to buy/donate…even if their cause is silly.

      • Godzilla

        We understand that you’re a mom that loves her daughter but you’re thinking too much about this. She will come across as a tween in her interview, which isn’t so bad since she IS a tween.

        That being said, as her parents, you should teach her how to interact with adults, proper handshake and table manners and all that stuff. Demeanor and confidence are so much more important than the actual sound of one’s voice.

      • Jen

        My father has a stutter and didn’t speak much as a child because of it. His parents put him in drama, which he loved…and voila! He grew up to stutter very infrequently, became a teacher who uses his voice every single day, all day, and is always the life of any party. So I definitely suggest getting her involved in something she finds interesting that will encourage her to use her voice. Drama, choir, debate, mock trial, whatever.

      • mommy judge-a-thon

        i just want to say this is a very measured and kind reply considering all the insta-judging people engaged in here. it’s like no one can resist an opportunity to criticize another woman on her parenting. you are a good mom to consider how you might encourage your daughter to develop skills that support her independence and confidence. well done, mom.

    • Anon

      Whispery mom, your concern is fine. I am really loud and have always been that way. My normal speaking voice is much louder than average and projects very well. My parents constant reminders when I was in middle school made me upset at the time and I still get really mad when people shush me, but I’m grateful that they did because I still have to make a conscious effort to be quieter when I speak so I don’t annoy people and they take me seriously. Telling her to speak up and enuciate is just teaching her to properly communicate.

    • SoCalAtty

      I was similar, but my family put me in Job’s Daughters International when I was 11. That fixed it. Great organization, depending on which state you are in. Good networking, teaches girls to study, speak in public, and plan events. I highly recommend it, or any other similar groups she can take part in that will gradually ease her in to a leadership role. Student body at her school would do the same thing.

      • TBK

        But don’t you have to be the daughter or granddaughter of, I think, a Shriner? Or Free Mason? to be in that?

  7. longchamp?

    I just ordered a longchamp pliage leather tote (bloomies is doing an extra 15% off). Anybody around here own one? I can’t seem to find any reviews online and was wondering about the durability of the leather.

    • oil in houston

      I have a few, the latest in my collection is the black on black, they are very durable, although I find the black leather to be a bit more delicate than the brown leather, but it is not very noticeable and I’ve had it for a year.
      all in all, Longchamp is one the best leather around, so you should be fine.
      enjoy!

      • longchamp?

        Are you referring to the nylon pliage or the all leather pliage style tote?

    • TBK

      Oh no! I’m so sorry! Do you own your house and/or live on the ground floor? How scary and what a terrible way to end the week. But glad you got out safely!

      • Equity's Darling

        Nope, I rent on a higher floor so my stuff is fine, it’s just overwhelming, especially since they say the waters are still rising- I don’t know how bad things will get. Power is being shut off, drinking water is fine for now…

        • zora

          Oh no! I’m glad you’re okay though, and you have a place to stay and your stuff will probably be okay. But I totally understand the freaking out. I’ll be thinking about you and hoping for the best! Keep us updated.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      Oh no! I’m glad you got out safely, that’s the most important thing – everything besides you is replaceable. Don’t freak out until you have to. How scary – glad you are okay!

    • Bacon pancakes

      Eek! Stay safe – it’s good that you have friends with places out of the danger zone.

    • TO Lawyer

      I am glad you posted – I was thinking about you this morning! Glad to hear you’re ok :)

    • Jo March

      Crazy! I’ve been thinking of you! Hope everything works out. Fingers crossed and lots of good thoughts sent your way.

    • Equity's Darling

      More areas are being evacuated and they’re expecting the water to rise another 30%…

    • Nonny

      I was thinking about you this morning when I heard about the flooding on CBC, and it made me wonder if you were the person who posted about evacuation last night. I am glad you have somewhere to stay. Don’t worry, everything will turn out fine. Is your office closed today?

      • Equity's Darling

        Oh yes, the whole downtown core is closed- the courthouse was hearing some applications this morning for about an hour until the entire core was shut down. My tower is two blocks from the river though, so it was closed last night.

    • MU JD

      I was thinking about you when I heard about the flooding. I’m glad you are safe.

  9. First Generation

    Someone typed recently that envy is the thief of joy.

    One of my parents grew up with an outhouse. My parents both worked to put themselves through school and moved around for economic opportunities. I grew up around a lot of economic migrants who had similar trajectories for my friends and their parents. Now, I do well for myself. I live (thanks to my job) near a lot of people who seem to be wealthy (from the Chris Rock rich v. wealthy comparison). I’m OK with this. My husband seems to be out of sorts sometimes since he sees people with vacation homes, awesome garages, third cars, lavish houses, etc. as if that is normal (and we do well, but we don’t have a beach house or anything and while neither of us comes from that background, he is from a near-cushy background that seems to have faded with each generation). If I had something like 200K sitting around, I’d put it in the back in a college fund for our children or use it to pay down my mortgage — I guess I can’t imagine just having $ like that to spend for fun (garage with mancave above and riding lawnmowers! downpayment on beach manse!) when we have so many obligations facing us down the road (given how we’re doing, we’d be doing something wrong if we couldn’t pay off our house and send our children to at least state schools; if our circumstances were to change, I’d not consider these to be obligations).

    Is it time to talk to a financial planner type so my husband can see the $ issues better (and not just what toys he doesn’t have) or a marriage counselor type or a philospher?

    • Anne Shirley

      I have a similar background. If he’s just out of sorts from time to time, I don’t think this is something you need to do anything about. It’s okay for him to be a bit down from time to time about the mancave, especially since it sounds like you’ve essentially “won” on the how do we handle our finances discussion.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      This doesn’t really sound like marriage counselor territory to me, unless he’s really being a jerk about the toys he doesn’t have, but a financial planner might help him see things more clearly and feel more confident (and less “woe is me”) about your choices as a family.

    • Walnut

      I think it’s very normal to look around and get a wisp of “keeping up with the Jones” envy.

      After getting the veto on ‘mancave of his dreams’, my SO set his sights on puting together an outdoor TV set up. For the cost of cable, cable splitters, and a cheapo entertainment center, he now carries one of our TV’s out to the patio to watch the big game. Coworkers come over, beer is consumed, and at the end of the night, the TV comes back in the house.

      Perhaps there is a creative way to afford one of the neighbors “luxuries” without breaking the bank?

  10. Bacon pancakes

    FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!

    I feel like a kid just let out of school, even though I’m still at work, with no real vacation plans this year. BUt I am planning to complete the Buzzfeed’s 60 Things List, including popsicles in prosecco and getting a margarita manicure.

    What’s on everyone’s list to do this summer?

      • Miss Behaved

        I’ve already done several of those in the past month (1, 11, 39, 40, and 60). Yay. I’m planning to spend as much time as possible reading on the beach, with a drink at my side.

      • Gus

        This is phenomenal, thanks for posting! I was just thinking to myself that I need to get out of the woe-is-me-rut that I’ve been in for no apparent reason. Attitude is everything, right? I’ll make myself do some of these things, and it can’t help but get me in a better frame of mind.

      • AnnonFoo

        This is an awesome list. Today seems to be first warm enough summer day in my city, so really looking forward to the weekend.
        Going camping next weekend with old college room mates (10 years since we were starry eyed freshmen).

    • DC Wonkette

      Well now I’m spending the summer eating prosecco popsicles! (with a side of bacon, obvi)

  11. TBK

    In the last year, I feel like my Facebook feed suddenly filled up with these decidedly middle-aged looking people. Dads with polos tucked into shorts with gray hair. People living in large suburban houses and not apartments downtown. At first, I thought “how come Joe’s dad is posting on his feed?” Then I realized…that’s Joe. My friends are people’s moms and dads, and people’s moms’ and dads’ friends. Those dads I remember grilling in my friends’ back-yards? Now my friends ARE those dads. Anyone else have this realization? Sorry, random Friday musings.

    • Olivia Pope

      I’m having that realization about myself! Short of two years, I went from being a carless law student in a junky apartment paying bills with babysitting money to married professional woman with a house in the suburbs.

      And yes, I’m about to make an evite to a backyard BBQ.

    • mascot

      yes. I had one of those moments the other day when I realized that our babysitter was half my age. Which is similar to the age difference between parents and myself when I babysat. And those decidedly grown-up houses with the grown-up trappings? Yeah, I have one of those now. I hear ya.

    • cbackson

      I sometimes have a weird sense of dislocation because I was that person…and now I’m not. Even though we didn’t have kids, when I was married I definitely had more of a staid-married-person social life. And now I’m back in single-girl land.

    • KLG

      I was really hard hit when my (much too young to be my kid) middle school-aged stepdaughter went through the airport security line ahead of me on our spring break trip and the TSA agent said “where are your parents?” and then spotted me and said “Ah, that definitely looks like mom!”

      In my head, I was like “What?!!!! I do not look like a mom!”

    • ExcelNinja

      Oh for sure! The other day I casually referred to something as having happened 15 years ago. I stopped, said “I can’t be that old”, then mentally did the math and thought yep, I’m that old!

    • Lady Harriet

      I couldn’t remember how old I was recently, and was surprised when I actually recalled the number. A couple that I graduated from college with are going to have their 3rd kid. (They got married 3 days after graduation, and the second and third kids are twins and not born yet, but still!) Friends younger than I am are getting married. I know that I’m not that old (two years out of undergrad) but it feels like life is passing me by. :(

  12. Cornellian

    Why do I, as a grown, educated woman, find it so challenging to turn down men who ask me out? I KNOW I don’t owe them dates, but I feel like I do and turn into a bashful 12 year old girl.

    A friend of a friend I met last night texted to say “Let’s go out sometime. I’m travelling for a few weeks but will call you when I get back.” I don’t have say yes, and I don’t have to tell him why I’m not interested, right?!

      • Anonymous

        haha. No huge reason. Seeing someone would be the easy way out, but really he has a bit too aggressive/intrusive of a personality. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, just too big of a personality.

        Also I sort of judge men over 30 who have long hair.

        • Pam

          “Also I sort of judge men over 30 who have long hair.”

          Hahaha, this made my day! Glad I’m not the only one!

    • Monday

      Nope. The lowest-pressure thing for yourself would probably be not texting back at all. He may get in touch anyway after his trip, but even then you just be sort of breezy.

      I have a lot of friends–both genders–who remember it as a revelation when they realized they didn’t have to accept all offers or even explain their decisions.

    • TO Lawyer

      I hear ya – I’m starting to realize I can say no to dates/things with friends and it’s hugely empowering! Even if I’m saying no to sit at home on my couch and catch up on tv.

      So no you don’t have to say yes and you don’t have to explain why but I agree with Anne – you should tell us why!

    • Anonymous

      He basically asked you out via text message. No explanation on your part needed.

    • Anon

      I tend to just be straightforward and say that I appreciate the offer, but don’t feel any chemistry, and then say good luck to them. I frequently get a thankful response, and it nips in the bud the awkward protracted text message chain where you dodge additional attempts and advances.

  13. First Generation

    It hasn’t sunk in yet. I half expect to get chased out of nice stores. Or to at least get the stink eye.

    But pretty soon: GET OFF OF MY LAWN!

  14. Curvy / Pear Pants

    2 bits of unsolicited praise. I am a serious pear with some junk in the trunk. These pants fit perfectly and just needed hemming.

    1. Land’s End Fit 2 Ponte Knit pants. Tailored and comfy! Also washable!

    2. Halogen Taylor Curvy pants.

    I finally have pants!

    • zora

      I agree!!! love both of those. I have the Taylor pants in multiple colors they are the only dress pants I own now.

      And the Lands End Ponte are great, I got the skinny 5-pocket ones that look like jeans. I did still have to take in the waist a little bit, but they are my airplane travel pants, and I love them so.

    • Samantha

      Thanks for the rec! As a serious pear also, I’ve been looking for good pants!

  15. Cathy

    Love the sweater T, but it doesn’t come in black. The colors on the Anthropologie site are Navy, Cream and Lime.

  16. girl in the stix

    TJ-My mid-50s sister, after a health-related hiatus from work, is now job-seeking. However, her refusal to embrace any modern technology–cell phones, tablets, social networking–is definitely working against her. She keeps telling her interviewers that she can learn all that when she gets the job–I’m trying to convince her that she needs to demonstrate some sort of mastery, or at least a nodding acquaintance of the 21st century. Not helping her is her dismissive attitude “WE don’t feel the need for cells; FB is for children,” etc. I think part of that is defensive–she knows this makes her less desirable on the market. Any suggestions on how to address her insecurities about All Things Electronic. She has an advanced degree and most recently worked pretty high up the food chain in municipal government. And she is the type of person who really dedicates herself to the job, once she gets it. Thanks!

    • Godzilla

      Buy her a device. She’ll start playing with it and get it. Even an old phone of yours that can access wifi could do it.

      Seriously, no one is more stubborn than Papa Godzilla. He tears apart and rebuilds cars on his own, no formal training. He scoffed at smart phones and texting and insisted on dumb phones forever, even though it’s close to impossible to find an “elegant” flip phone for his use. He finally asked for a smart phone because he wants to check his email on the fly.

      • Leslie Knope

        I was just going to say the same thing, even the stubborn-dad part. Set up a FB account with very private settings, create a Twitter feed and follow a couple relatives, and leave a smartphone or iPad with minimal, foolproof apps laying around for her.

        I feel more comfortable playing with new technology in private so I don’t look foolish for messing up. It might be the same for your sister, depending on personality type.

    • Eleanor

      So long as she uses e-mail and basic Microsoft Office programs, why would a potential employer care whether she’s on facebook or has a tablet? Unless she’s actually applying for jobs at facebook, or some kind of marketing that invovles social media, I don’t even know how that would come up in an interview. I had to work with a woman once who could not master e-mail, which was indeed a struggle for the office, but is there something work-related that she can’t or won’t learn?

      • Leslie Knope

        I would be concerned if I were an interviewer. No, she probably doesn’t need a FB account (I have one but almost never log in), but the total refusal to interact with widespread aspects of today’s world might flag her as inflexible or stubborn to interviewers.

        • zora

          Oy, then this is definitely a problem. For most jobs she will need some understanding of USING social media and other tools to build audiences, run campaigns, possibly even build specialized tools. Things have changed in that area a LOT in the last couple of years.

          I would recommend that she not have to use them herself, but she should look for a training or class she can take on social media marketing strategy, so she can at least demonstrate a knowledge of strategic use of tools in an interview. And that she will need to adjust her attitude about them a bit. Or, that she look to slightly switch her career path, there are other jobs within government that do not have an emphasis on social media and marketing, but where her former experience could still be an asset.

          • girl in the stix

            Thank you Zora! She has experience in writing successful grants, and is a good troubleshooter. Since she’s been off work, she’s been looking at doing different things, like being in a more creative field–she did advertising copywriting at one point. Maybe a session with a career counselor would help.

          • zora

            Oh yeah, a career counselor is a great idea! That way, discussion of what is needed for different kinds of jobs is coming from an ‘expert’ not from you, and might be easier to hear ;o) . And grant-writing/foundation relations is very in demand right now since everyone is struggling with funding cuts. I think she should definitely think about what she CAN bring to the table, and focus on jobs that are looking for those skills.

        • girl in the stix

          I meant to say, in response to Eleanor, the positions she’s looking at all have at least a component of public relations/marketing. Godzilla, that is a good idea about just getting her a phone, if I could do it in a way so that she can save face—she has been so adamant (and not a little self-righteous) about not having a phone (think Portlandia), she might resist it just on moral grounds. Part of that attitude came from her ex, I know. I’m just going to encourage her all I can–maybe talk to her about the importance of social media in the workplace. Thanks everyone for your suggestions!

          • tesyaa

            Is she concerned about money? Is she using self-righteousness about not using technology because she’s worried about the cost of a data plan? My mother rarely turns her phone on unless she needs to make a call, because she’s worried about getting unsolicited texts/calls that she’ll have to pay for. (Even though SHE can afford it, she’s just frugal in a crazy way about little things like that. Meanwhile, she’s unreachable).

          • Eleanor

            Ah, then that completely changes my opinion. It’s nice of you to want to help her out, and the other commenters have given good suggestions. Although really, if you’ve already pointed out that interviewers for positions like that are going to be looking for social media/technology skills, and she hasn’t picked up on it, I don’t know if you can force her to get it.

          • Godzilla

            The sneaky way we got the parents into wanting a smart phone is by saying that they could have our old ones without buying new ones…..and then when our phone plan changed to include data for everyone (thank you T-Mobile), we told then that new phones would be better instead of old phones that freeze all the time. Now, we just have to pick out phones and increase all the text sizes so that they can use them without reading glasses.

            I wasn’t aware that cell phones were immoral but maybe download some religious apps or have her follow religious groups on facebook/twitter? Have her follow news feeds, etc. Plus, she can’t really refuse a gift, now can she?

      • Cornellian

        I’m 26 and I don’t have a tablet, but I don’t think you can work in a service/knowledge economy job and not have a cell phone. I would be super concerned as an interviewer.

        • Anonymous

          Thanks everyone! Godzilla, I’m sorry, I meant nonreligious moral grounds–she’s kind of painted herself in a corner about being anti-cell phone. She and her former husband kind of took on this attitude, and I think a lot of it came from him. I would be happy to put her on a family plan, but without seeming to impose it on her. Due to her divorce and health-related semi-retirement, she is now a little pressed for funds, which is why she is looking for work. Her house is paid off and she has a small pension, so she is covered for the basics, but she is having to be very, very careful.

          I really appreciate all your suggestions! She is a terrific person, and is getting a little demoralized by how hard it is to become gainfully employed.

  17. Neurotic Nelly

    I just got a sweater that’s a ramie/cotton blend (feels like linen) and it’s weirdly kind of scratchy. Anything I can do about this? What do you think about turning it inside out and putting in the dryer (on low) with a few dryer sheets?

    • FinanceJenie

      I don’t have any advice but be careful with ramie if you find it scratchy. I found out I was allergic to it in high school because the pattern of my new ramie/cotton sweater literally bruised into my back. Terrified my parents. After a ton of blood tests, my doc realized it was an allergy to the fabric.

  18. Help! :)

    Hi Ladies, I have a question about independent contracting.

    Background: I started a new job several months ago. At my old company, I was working on a huge project — developing the financial model for an international venture. Before I left, I was able to bring my replacement up to speed and I knew there were resources within my old company (as well as with our business partner and consultants) to fill in the blanks. However, I received a number of calls from my old company last week — it turns out that my replacement is no longer with the firm, the company is in negotiations on the next step of their agreement with the business partner (which doesn’t sound great in my opinion, and I’m sure I’m not even being told the whole story), they removed the consultants from the project, and the poor girl who is now in the position to clean this model up is new and feels lost. I ended up meeting with my old bosses and was able to answer many questions. They are on a time crunch to finish this model and, as they walked me out, asked if I would be interested in working as an independent contractor. I said yes, since I really did love the project and found it very exciting. I would only be available evenings and weekends, of course, because of my new job (but I’m not worried about time or ethical conflicts.. my new job is surprisingly FAR less stressful and there are no business reasons why I can’t do other work). However, I have some concerns…

    Concerns:
    I left my company primarily because of money. I was NOT getting paid commensurately for the job I was performing (low 40s after being there three years… I know…). I don’t want to get in a position where all of a sudden I am getting taken advantage of or sucked back in to this project. They can crack quite the whip. Which leads me to some questions…

    Questions:
    1. How should I STRUCTURE this arrangement? A friend suggested I get a retainer up front at a certain $/hour and then they can replenish if we decide to continue… or I might have to remove myself from the project based on whatever circumstances may arise.
    2. What should I CHARGE? I have had a working relationship with them, will technically be working “overtime” hours (should I/the company consider this as a factor?), and would like to at least make more per hour than I am currently making in order to make the extra stress worth it (I’m making double at my new company)… I am in my mid-20s, graduated from a top 10 school with a very usable degree, haven’t gone on for a master’s yet…
    3. I can help them organize the model and fill in many of the blanks; however, some of the data needs to come from industry experts (which are currently not at the company’s disposal). I assume I should tell them that I can take them only so far due to these conditions. Do you have any other advice?
    4. Does anyone have personal experience with this? Am I crazy for getting involved again or is this something that could be an extra boost to my resume, allow me to stay involved with a cool project, and hopefully bring in some extra money too?….

    Thank you all very much for your thoughtful responses!

    • Godzilla

      Define project scope. If they start scope creep, point back to your original agreement and state that you were only hired to do tasks Bananas and Grapes, not Oranges. Oranges are to be provided by industry experts.

      As for compensation, your hourly rate should take taxes into account. As an independent contractor, you’ll have that deducted from your take home pay. Figure out what that is. Find out what the standard multiplier is.

      • Anonymous

        The number I’ve heard is double your hourly rate if you’re a contractor vs. full time with benefits.
        I’d take the higher hourly rate of old job and current job, double it, and round up to some even seeming number.

        Of course, my source where I heard this is an ex, so verification from someone who does this kind of work herself would be good :)

        • Godzilla

          The multiplier is AT LEAST 2.0. I’ve managed contracts with 2.28, 2.3, etc, etc.

          • Help! :)

            One more question… since I will only be doing this nights/weekends, does the multiplier change? Technically I won’t need that extra “cushion” for benefits since I have those through my current employer.

          • Godzilla

            Gurl, OF COURSE you need that multiplier! Your taxes aren’t going away! Depending on your income level, you may have to pay 30-40% of what you take home. Do NOT sell yourself short. It doesn’t matter what time of day you’re doing this work, you’re doing it. Get yourself paid!

        • Help! :)

          Ah, that makes sense… it’s incredibly helpful to have a guideline. Thank you, Godzilla and Anonymous! :)

  19. Wedding Q

    OK. We’ve discussed this before but now it concerns me and I am blanking on the concensus answer. Can I wear red to a wedding? Not an indian wedding. Not black tie. My dress is silk, bright red, with purple and white flowers in spots but definetely mostly red. It’s not too slinky, I don’t think, but you basic knee length, spaghetti strap silk summer dress. I am not trying to upstage the bride and don’t think the bride would care, but don’t want to cause a stir among some old biddies or crazy ladies. FWIW, I would say yes to this if asked, but now that I am planning to wear it I’m having a bit of a panic that someone will be offended. The alternative is an emerald dress that’s much safer but much less flattering.

    • Jeneja

      My standard wedding guest dress for the past couple of years is a red silk chiffon that is fairly conservative in style and I have gotten loads of compliments on it. No one has acted as if it is anything but acceptable. I often pair it with a pale peachy/pink short sleeved shrug, which tones it down a bit.

    • Orangerie

      As long as the dress isn’t white, I don’t see why it should be a problem. Who cares if someone (other than the bride) is offended?

    • Anonymous

      I say yes. I wore a red silk dress to two weddings last summer and I’m pretty sure nobody batted an eye.

    • Bacon Pancakes

      I’d ask around. Maybe frame it in a way that says “What are YOU ladies wearing?” instead of “Do you think this is ok?” If you’re really super worried, ask the bride if she likes the dress you had planned on wearing, and gauge her reaction. If she says, “Oooh! Pretty!” you’re cleared for takeoff. If she says, “Oh! That’ll look… great on you,” mayyybe just go with the emerald and get your hair done to make you feel fancy.

    • Anon

      Went to a wedding last weekend and saw at least three red dresses. I think you’re good. The only dress I judged was an all-white lace dress.

    • Anon

      I’d say yes unless it’s a culture where the bride may be wearing red (which, in addition to Indian weddings includes many other Asian weddings as well).

      • Anonymous

        No one would bat an eyelid at any colour in an Indian wedding. You can never upstage an Indian bride. Try it. It is IMPOSSIBLE.

        Signed
        Indian

    • ExcelNinja

      Of course you can. My younger sister wore a tight red number to my wedding and I didn’t think anything other than she looked awesome. Everyone’s eyes will be on the bride anyway.

  20. TN Law Girl

    Just found out all the other attorneys in my department are leaving in a few minutes for a golf outing with a client. And apparently they need a 4th player. But do they bother to ask me, the only girl, if I want to go to? Nooooo, of course not! What, because I’m a girl I wouldn’t enjoy an afternoon out of the office playing a round of golf (which I do play, by the way!)???

    On the plus side, I may actually get something done today with no one here to bother me!

    Thanks… vent over!!

    • Anonymous

      I feel you. My boss recently invited a guy who is not even on the prospective project to go skeet shooting with clients because god forbid a girl come along (okay seriously, I’d hate to come along by why is all-male skeet shooting the proposed activity?)

    • Nonny

      Ugh, this would totally p*ss me off too, and I’m not even a (passably good, comfortable playing in public) golfer. It’s the principle of the thing.

    • ExcelNinja

      You couldn’t go up and say “Hey! Do you still need a 4th? I love golf!” and if the answer is no, you could just say “Ok, next time let me know!”

      I think men do default to boys’ club sometimes but if you just give them a gentle push they realize what they’re doing…

      • TN Law Girl

        Unfortunately, by the time I found out about it there was no way I could have made it home to change and get my gear and catch back up with them on time. So when one of them poked my head in on the way out with a snarky “looks like you’re in charge!” I replied with an equally snarky “that is fine… not like I would have wanted to go with you guys anyway.”

        Why do guys just assume that because a particular activity is more male oriented that us girls wouldn’t want to give it a try? I agree with Paralegal… I would love to try skeet shooting, but it is not something I would ever have the opportunity to do by myself. I had a friend who got the opportunity to shoot some sort of bad-a$$ machine gun for a research project… she said it was one of the most amazing experiences she’s ever had! Stupid boys [sigh].

        • TN Law Girl

          Sorry, that should be “poked THEIR head in MY OFFICE on the way out”!

        • Susie

          I hope you’re joking and had a more gracious response, otherwise sounds like you may have just ensured you won’t get any future invites.

          • TN Law Girl

            I have a very good releationship with the one who poked his head in my door (we joke around all the time). I NEVER would have said that to the more senior partners going on the outing. And I didn’t say it in a stomp my foot, angry 16-year-old, you are a horrible person for not asking me, kind of way. It was in more of a casual, joking manner — like the “what, and you didn’t bring me the leftovers?” reply you might toss to a close friend who just described the amazing dessert she had had the night before.

            I am VERY non-confrontational and I thought this would be the best approach… give him enough to make him think “hey, maybe next time we should invite her along” versus coming out and saying “I’m very offended that you didn’t invite me to participate in the client outing. In the future I would appreciate it if you would consider asking me.” I figured the later would give them the feeling that absolutely need to invite me to these things even if only to avoid me making a stink about it. I wanted to avoid that.

  21. Anon

    Hi hive! Regular reader and very occasional commenter here. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who recommended h*nky p*nky lace th*ngs. They have solved my suit pant panty line issues and they are also really easy for travel (they hand wash and air dry easily). Also, I sent my boyfriend a link to the men’s clothing thread and he has suddenly mysteriously seen the point of dressing better at the firm. So, thank you for all the good advice. Happy Friday!

  22. Merabella

    I got asked to go on an awesome 2 week trip for work in September. I’ve had trouble focusing because I keep mentally packing my bag for my trip…

  23. ExcelNinja

    So, my DH is a pretty aggressive driver. He will change lanes back and forth to try to get around people & get somewhere faster. He doesn’t normally cut others off when he’s doing this but sometimes he does. This morning he was driving me to work and totally cut off a friend of ours (not intentionally, and he didn’t realize it was our friend, though I saw the car & knew). The friend recognized us and kind of laughed it off, but a a couple other coworkers saw and emailed the friend saying what a d*** my DH was. I’m pretty fed up with my DH driving like this, I’ve tried to talk to him about it before, and now he’s made me look bad at work. Next time what if it’s not one of our friends, what if it’s an executive?

    He maintains that he’s in the right and following traffic laws – which he definitely does – he’s just aggressive – but how can I get him to stop??

    • Anonymous

      Actually, aggressive driving CAN break traffic laws, depending on the state. Louisiana, for example, has billboards all down I-10 reminding people that aggressive drivers will be ticketed. And, improper/unsafe lane changes (which I would assume include cutting someone off) and following too closely are often illegal. Aggressive drivers also routinely ignore traffic laws about signalling and lane changing over solid lines (in my observation). So no, I highly doubt he’s following all of the traffic laws.

      I wouldn’t be above contacting the local police department and trying to find out whether they would ticket an aggressive driver, and how aggressive the driver would have to be.

      • ExcelNinja

        He definitely doesn’t cross solid lines. He always signals and always checks his blind spot. He’s not unsafe at all. He’s a total “lawful good”, but sometimes he’s discourteous.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions