Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Classic Two-Button Blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Classic Two-Button Blazer I sometimes forget that Max Mara has a much more affordable line called “Max Mara Studio” and available at Lord & Taylor, but this lovely linen blend blazer looks like a great example from it. I hate beige, but I love this deeper cafe au lait color — it seems great for summer, white neutrals, or even black neutrals with white accents (like a black sheath dress and classic white or ivory pearls). It was $595, now is $297; try code FRIENDS for an extra 30% off; many sizes are left.  Classic Two-Button Blazer

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  1. Pre-Natal Vitamins :

    My husband and I have decided to TTC and I want to start taking pre-natal vitamins. Ideally I’d like the chewy gummy kind. Any recommendations or things to look for?

    • No specific recs (they should all have folic acid, some have DHA, etc.), but keep in mind that gummies don’t have iron, so you’ll eventually need an iron supplement or a non-gummy variety. Iron constipates me something fierce so I wouldn’t add that in before I actually got pregnant.

    • Lana Del Raygun :

      You want like 800 mcg of folate/folic acid (it doesn’t really matter; you synthesize folate out of folic acid) and everything else is basically gravy, depending on your diet. I know I don’t eat enough calcium in real food so I look for that. Also the gummies don’t have iron so if you have low iron you may need it separately. Good luck! :)

      • It doesn’t matter for most people, but if you have the MTHFR gene mutation (which many people don’t know they have) you definitely want folate. I have a cousin recently diagnosed and suggest sticking to folate if possible.

        • Lana Del Raygun :

          The CDC says:
          > Even though women with the MTHFR TT or CT genotype process folate more slowly, they can increase their blood folate concentrations enough to help prevent neural tube defects by taking the recommended daily amount (400 micrograms) of folic acid.
          so I don’t think it matters.

          • Anonymous :


          • Ok, maybe it doesn’t matter as much for the baby’s health, but it can for the mother. Folic acid can’t be converted as efficiently and builds up in her body, and research is linking it to increased risk of PPD/PPA and some other pretty serious health concerns. This is a relatively new area of research so take it with a grain of salt, I guess, but I wanted to mention it. It’s easy enough to focus on natural folate sources.

          • Pls don’t spread pseudoscience it’s harmful.

    • Anonymous :

      My doctor told me she recommended against the gummies. I don’t remember now if it was because they’re not well-absorbed or they’re missing something (maybe it was that they’re missing iron) but she definitely recommend non-chewables.

      • Lana Del Raygun :

        They’re missing the iron; some women can’t keep iron down (at least in the first trimester) or they can keep iron down separately but not in an all-in-one prenatal. I think gummies are mostly recommended for “gummy vitamins or no vitamins because I keep puking them up” situations.

        • This was me. I could keep non-iron vitamins down like a champ….but any vitamin with iron I had no hope. My doctor recommended either two 15mg iron supplements spaced out throughout the day or a liquid iron supplement.

    • Really this just depends on taste/price preference/etc – the key is to get enough folic acid as mentioned above. I’ve had success with the Up & Up brand from Target.

      • Clementine :

        Yeah, I did some research about vitamins and ended up with the Rainbow Light prenatal vitamins.

        …But they upset my stomach and I hated taking them. So I got the Target Up and Up prenatal vitamins and they were great and everything was fine.

        • Housecounsel :

          I haven’t been pregnant for 11 years, but I have continued taking the One-a-Day brand pf prenatal vitamins to ward off anemia. They’re the only way I have ever been able to tolerate iron supplementation. I remember Kat posted something once about how it isn’t a good idea to take prenatal vitamins when you’re not pregnant, but now I can’t recall why.

          • It’s basically just that if you’re not pregnant or nursing, then you’d be getting way too many vitamins and they build up in your blood over time and can do more harm than good. If you’re anemic you should take an iron supplement, not a prenatal.

    • Anonymous :

      The Smarty Pants prenatal gummies are popular.

    • The blog Wellness Mama has good posts on the difference between folate/folic acid and what to take during pregnancy. She’s pretty crunchy, but she provides legit references for every claim.

      • She’s spreading dangerous fake science.

        • Anonymous :

          I have no idea who Wellness Mama is, and I wouldn’t readily take advice from a mommy blog, but my doctors (ob/gyn, psych, PCP) take seriously the research on the risks of folic acid supplementation. I understand that it’s a highly politicized issue right now, but that usually means dangerous fake science on both sides of a debate.

    • My doctor recommended I start taking a multivitamin with folic acid – ideally speaking 6 months before ttc or as much as possible before. Once pregnant, can add a non-fish DHA or do a prenatal. (She recommended Flintstones Complete before pregnant, which has 400 mg of folic acid.)

    • My doctor recommended Thorne prenatals. I have malabsorption issues so taking a medical-grade vitamin has worked way better for me than any alternatives–my bloodwork shows the difference. You can also consider Pure Encapsulations.

  2. Anonymous :

    So this is a revolting beige shapeless blazer no one should wear.

  3. DH is working remotely now and has turned into a schlub. I don’t think it’s depression because he has a ton of energy and enthusiasm, he’s just made comments about how he doesn’t have to impress anyone anymore with how he looks.

    He’s gained about 25 lbs, hasn’t cut his hair in probably 8 months, and is wearing ripped T-shirt’s that keep getting tighter, sweatpants, or pj pants all day. A few times where I’ve suggested going out to grab a bite after he picks me up from the train station, he’s come in a backwards hat, ripped T-shirt and plaid pj pants and been taken aback when I’m like we can’t go out to eat like that.

    I work in an office with people in suits all day. Coming home to feel like DH hasn’t moved on from his frat days is starting to be a turnoff. How do I have this conversation gently and lovingly? I love him but I don’t want to feel like I’m coming home to a 20 year old who can’t get dressed for dinner

    • “Hey, I love you! You need to actually get dressed though. Go get a haircut. Put some pants on. It’s not cute. I’ll do more s3x.”

      Just tell him!

      • Haha! Yes. Some people need to be told things more explicitly.

      • OMG your v is not a bargaining chip! Have some self respect! Just tell him to clean up, it’s really not that hard.

        • Calm yourself, it’s shorthand. I’m more like to want to have s3x if I’m attracted to you. I will be more attracted to you if you get a haircut and get dressed. The natural consequence of taking better care of yourself may be one you like.

    • I think you can tell him that he needs to put on clean, unripped clothes to go to a restaurant with you, but I don’t think you can tell him what to wear while he’s in his home. If my husband told me he didn’t want me wearing my sweatpants on the day I work from home I would laugh and walk away!

      • +1. Let him do whatever he wants at home. The only area to intervene is for going out. As for the weight, that’s his own problem. Let him realize the consequences naturally when his dinner clothes don’t fit.

        • +2 especially about the weight. I don’t think many of us would take it well if our SO’s brought up our own weight gain.

        • I don’t know. If it was 5-10 lbs, sure. But 25 lbs in what seems a short time frame is a lot and if he can control it, he should. It is more of a health issue than an appearance issue for me.

      • BigLaw Sr Assoc :

        As a WFHer, I agree. No one is tearing me out of my loungewear during work hours unless I have to actually go to a meeting or court. But I do, you know, put on normal clothes to go get dinner after work if we do that.

    • Maybe come up with a fun exercise hobby to do with him?

      • Nope, do not do this.

        Chubby partners can hear the “stop being so fat” behind your *fun new exercise hobby* that you suddenly want to take up together. It’s a huge turn-off that, frankly, would make me want to take up competitive Oreo-eating as my *fun new hobby* just to spite you.

        • Seriously. The people who always recommend passive aggressive advice need to realize that it’s worse for everybody involved than just being direct.

          • Linda from HR :

            Yeah, I hate just about any advice that goes “just do this thing, and they’ll get the message!” No! Tell them what you want! I don’t pick up on hints and passive aggressive stuff, all that happens is I’m vaguely aware that someone is trying to subtly communicate something to me, and I’m frustrated because I’m not clear on what exactly that is, and I don’t understand why this person couldn’t just come out and say something when the issue started to bother them.

          • Anonymous :

            It’s advice that’s meant to shield the giver of the passive aggressive message from any discomfort or negative feelings, but part of being a grown up is accepting that sometimes you have to be uncomfortable.

          • Anonymous :

            For real. If you’re not willing to say “you need to stop being fat because I love you less” because you recognize that that’s a pretty gross thing to say, then why do you think it’s okay to send the same message in a passive aggressive way?

    • Many men have two types of clothes: suits or work clothes, and sweats and ripped shirts. He needs a new wardrobe. Casual but new joggers, chinos, stylish tees, grown man sneakers or loafers. Does he have anything decent to wear that is not something he’d wear to the office? Order some comfy, new clothes for him!

      • Yes, good suggestion! I also like the first comment of telling him he needs to clean himself up, he’s not 20 anymore.

    • Does he have enough in-between options in his wardrobe? Not suits, but not PJs or sweatpants either? Maybe you should encourage him to get some comfortable chinos, nice T-shirts/polos, knits and nice sneakers, so he can still be comfortable, but look decent when he goes out?

    • Yeah, agree with lawsuited and Trish – this is a two part issue – his hygiene and health, and a lack of nice casual clothes. My husband’s world changed when I brought him nice thick material sweatpants with the tapered ankles that look appropriate outside the house, but feel like sweatpants. But whether he works from home or not, he should be wearing clean, non-damaged clothes, and getting regular haircuts (ew!).

      • What sweatpants are these? If I never have to see the black cheap sweatpants he gets from Wally World again I would be sooo happy.

    • I tried to approach this with my husband when he was working from home full time. Instead of telling him what I didn’t like (that he wore the same pair of mesh shorts every. single. day.), I focused on what I did like/would like to see more. “You look so good in that new pair of jeans you got, you should wear them more!” I found it really did NOT help when I focused on the negative or got passive aggressive about it. But overall the thing that helped the most was just getting him out of the house more– something about seeing other people dressed like adult humans made him want to put in a bit more effort. He still mostly wears the same old shorts at home, but he looks great when we get out!

    • JUST

      jeepers. My husband worked at home and started trying to trail off on showering. I told him he smelt and he needed to take a shower. He did; he’s still hawtness incarnate.

      It doesn’t have to be this complicated unless your husband can’t handle emotions from you at all in which case you have bigger problems than a holey t shirt.

      • Agreed. This isn’t a problem where the answer is to literally do everything except have an actual conversation with him (buy him a new wardrobe?? seriously??). Just use your words. You’re married to the guy, you should be able to do that by now.

    • Same thing happened to me when my husband left his biglaw job and started working for his family’s business, which involved him being outside all day. He trailed off on hygiene and clothing. I had a discussion that I preferred him to be showered and have a regular haircut because it was a turnoff that he wasn’t taking care of himself, and once I put it like that, he realized how gross he was getting. Now he’s very casual but still is presentable to go to a post-work happy hour with me.

    • Linda from HR :

      This sort of popped into my mind last night, when I went to my boyfriend’s place in work clothes and he was in sweatpants, because he works from home. I decided it didn’t bother me, because we were just whipping up our usual salads and eating them in front of the TV. I’ve never been one who believes you must ~dress~ for dinner, growing up my mom would come home and change out into comfortable clothes before dinner, when we move in together I may rock yoga pants most evenings.

      That said, if we were going out, or making something nice for dinner and eating it at a table, with wine and a candle, and then moving to the living room for a movie, then yeah, I could see wanting him to put on something nicer than sweatpants.

      If you do believe that people should generally look nice for dinner every night, then you really should communicate that to your husband, rather than expect him to know, or judge him for not valuing it on a personal level.

      • Housecounsel :

        Is anyone else seeing the ad for Lulu men’s sweatpants on the side? I was actually thinking about Lulu “athleisure” for men as a sort of solution and as usual the Internet read my mind.

        • Pretty Primadonna :

          I am not, but was going to suggest that OP’s hubby get some Lulu or similar. My husband lives in athleisure, including the Old Navy version of the Lululemon ABC classic pants, and polos made of dry-wick material. Comfortable and presentable.

    • Frozen Peach :

      My SAHD husband started to have this problem a while back. I gave him some nice shirts from LL Bean and the like as gifts and also as “oh I got a great sale.” It piqued his interest in nicer stuff. He later told me that he didn’t feel like he could justify spending money on nicer casual clothes, since he was at home all the time. I cleared THAT up quickly, and things have gradually solved themselves.

  4. Anonymous :

    Patch pockets for $300? No thanks.

    • Anonymous :

      This looks like it should be $50 sticker price at a department store, further marked down on the clearance rack. Maybe it’s better in person?

    • I know! I had this jacket in high school in the 90’s. From the Gap. I loved wearing it over floaty dresses with my Steve Madden wedges.

    • I like it, everyone, but my new associate thinks she is NOT wearing a Cami! That can simply not be the case! Does anyone agree with my associate? I am sure she must be wearing a cami, but I do NOT want to tell my associate she is wrong, or else she might not p’ost on Corporete! I want to introduce her to Corporete so that she can learn how to be fashionable at work like I am. YAY!!!!

    • Mrs. Jones :

      Ditto. Also the sleeves look too short and not on purpose.

    • “Many sizes left”? Shocking. This blazer should be on the clearance rack, next to the Alfred Dunner outfits, where it will sit forever. It’s horrible.

  5. In DC looking for either a day-of or weekly food delivery service. I need healthy meals prepped for nights I’m working late. I’ve realized that this happens about 2x a week and I always eat poorly because of the limited options available by 8pm. Does anyone have companies they like? I used to use Galley Foods but I stopped because everything was sold out by noon. It looks like they’ve changed their program a bit–now you have to pay a monthly member fee or pay delivery each time? Not sure if that’s worth it. Any other recs welcome!

    • I found that the best thing to do was order sushi. Expensive, so you get the minimum order for delivery fairly easily. And not too heavy / high calorie for a meal eaten late.

      Or just eat cheese and crackers, maybe with a piece of fruit.

      This doesn’t have to be hard and/or pricey.

      • +1

        This is what I do.

        Take out sushi or cheese and crackers. I always have tomatoes and carrot sticks for easy veg to grab to go with it.

        And if I have any energy, I scramble a couple eggs, and may throw in some goat cheese and tomatoes at the end.

    • Is this when you are still at the office, and work would pay for it? I found a few salad/healthy places on seamless, and would make sure I got my order in before they closed. Sometimes, it sucked to be eating a salad in the office at 8pm, but it was better for me then the other options

    • jumpingjack :

      We’ve been doing Foodhini for the past month or so. We do the weekly “Taste of the World” subscription. They deliver a full meal (just throw in the microwave to reheat), within a set time period once a week. The delivery is very reliable. We’ve enjoyed the variety. Plus, you get a warm fuzzy because the chefs are refugees.

      We also do a meal kit delivery. Started with Blue Apron but changed to Plated. Doesn’t sound like that’s what you’d want though, because you still have to do the cooking.

    • Snap Kitchen delivers in some areas. Super easy.

    • anon a mouse :

      Friends have liked Healthy Chef Creations. I haven’t tried it myself though.

    • I really like Territory – we pick it up at a gym near our house, but they also have a delivery option.

    • Marshmallow :

      I’ve been using Ionutrition and everything is super tasty. I get two meals delivered per weekday and the ability to opt out of cooking and meal-planning has been literally life-changing. The biggest downside is that you have to actually call them to revise your order, you can’t do it online. They ship all over the country.

  6. My birthday is tomorrow and I always get a little introspective around birthdays, so I thought it’d be fun to see what you ladies do to mark the years as they go by. Journaling through how you’ve changed this year? Goal setting? Resolutions? I want details! (Bonus points if you have any brilliant suggestions for a birthday “treat yo self” in the middle of a pretty busy season).

    • Anonymous :

      I give myself the gift of just having fun! Why make birthdays a drag? I mark them with good friends good food good wine and cake.

      • +1 I’ve accepted that no one is going to plan my birthday so I try to plan something fun that I normally wouldn’t do. In recent years DH and I have taken the afternoon off and hung out together sans child doing something fun like kayaking, trying a specialty coffee shop in our city, or going for a run on a pretty trail.

    • Re: treat – I like to have a nice breakfast on my bdays to set the tone for the day. Usually something a bit more decadent than I would normally eat but that’s still light so I’m not slugging the rest of the day. Mine’s also in the summer so a go-to is a really good croissant, full fat vanilla yogurt and some yummy berries like Harry’s strawberries or similar, plus a big cappuccino. If I was going to work, I would try to be an hour late and stop by for a breakfast at a cute café somewhere, bonus points if it’s outside.

      • +1 to this! Breakfast feels like a treat. Sometimes I’m able to meet up with a friend to make it extra special and still get to work at a decent hour.

        I love Anonymous at 10:00’s attitude toward birthdays too! I take a moment to soak in where I am, but I’m not a goals or journaling kind of person.

    • Journaling while listening to Enya and drinking chamomile chai and then assuming child’s pose.

      Hells no.

      I crank up some 80s metal or original rap and drink me a beer. Then I bust out the Triscuits and some Easy Cheese (haters gonna hate, but the English Cheddar flavor is pretty good and it actually has a good amount of calcium in it, which these old bones need). I turn on a rerun of Sons of Anarchy and marvel what Peg Bundy has come to (and then remember that she is also on a comedy again now and I realize that I have a full lifetime ahead of me, STILL, even after all these years of living). Cheers, y’all!

    • Linda from HR :

      I take the day off using one of my “floating holidays.” I suppose if my team hit a busy season around that time I wouldn’t, but I would make a point of taking a day off once it felt okay to do so. I often just sleep in and hang out around the apartment. My parents take me to dinner on or near the day, sometimes my mom takes me to lunch around that time, that’s kinda nice.

      • +1 I always try to take my birthday off, or the Friday if my birthday is a weekend.

        • I take my birthday off every year. It goes right on the calendar at the beginning of the year.

          • Linda from HR :

            I’ll admit, when I posted my comment I was a ever-so-slightly afraid people would judge me for taking my birthday off! I’m so glad I’m not the only one!

            But again, it helps that my department tends to slow down a little around that time of year. If things picked up and I got handed a big project that week, I’d postpone the day off, and possibly even work late on my birthday, telling my mom we need to reschedule the family dinner for a different week.

          • Shananana :

            Yep, always take my birthday off. The one time I didn’t someone made me cry. I’m 100% not putting myself in a situation to cry from frustration and work on my birthday.

    • I’m single. I don’t get bachelorette parties, wedding, wedding showers, baby showers, or any of the other various celebrations and gifts that marrieds get. So my birthday is special to me. This year it was on a long weekend and over the course of 3 days I went to a spa day, dinners with various friends, and the movies (which I love).

      • Elizabeth Jennings :

        FWIW, I was the last to get married and the last to have kids. I had such a toxic hatred of all these that I didn’t have any of them (one exception possibly being a SATC bender with friends and daydrinking at a friend’s house when I was engaged as a fun activity with my friends) that I merely got married and had kids.

        I hate the smug married and the smug parents and feel like I’m some sort of underdover anthropologist spy with my minivan.

      • Anonymous :

        Same. Not having those things also means not having a chance to get all your favorite people together and party, so that is why the last couple of years I’ve planned birthday parties for myself. Nothing extravagant — just house parties. And I dunno, people might judge me anyway, but I’m not having these parties because I like to be the center of attention (I actually really do NOT like this). I’m having them because I want to hang out and have fun with all of the people I love.

        • Linda from HR :

          Totally! I would never judge someone for throwing their own birthday party, or even if they organized a birthday “weekend” with a few different activities at different times so everyone they wanna spend time with has a chance to take part in something. If you look at a birthday celebration as someone going “it’s MY BIRTHDAY and everyone has to celebrate meeeeeee” then yeah, I see it, but if you see it as someone wanting to round up all their friends for a fun evening, I see no reason to snark at that,

    • Anonymous :

      You and I share a birthday. Happy birthday to us!

      I had a horrible 40th birthday last year (aside from just turning 40, other bad stuff happened) so feel like I have nowhere to go but up this year. Getting older doesn’t bother me but I don’t feel like it’s something I want to celebrate either. I don’t get to take the day off tomorrow, so I’m planning some stuff for this weekend. I hope you have a great birthday and get to do something fun.

  7. Recommendations for where to stay in NYC first weekend of December? Planning a trip with my MIL and SIL (they’ve never been, I was there years ago) – we’re from the mid-west flying into LGA. Looking for good food, a Broadway show, a few museums, decent shopping, and a few tourist-y things. TIA!

    • OMG you will be lucky to get a hotel. That week is crazy! Hotels book up so much that I’ve had trouble finding a 4-figure hotel when I’ve had to go to the city for work that week/weekend.

      I have liked staying in Weehawken when I couldn’t stay in the city and then taking the ferry over. Can’t beat the view.

      • Housecounsel :

        Weehawken. Dawn. Guns. Drawn. Anyone?

        • It’s on.

          (And as a many year resident of NYC I have to say, really? You can’t find a sub $1000 hotel room in December? I should clearly airbnb my apartment…)

          • Be like Abbi and Ilana in Broad City. Airbnb your apartment and sleep on the roof.

          • Anonymous :

            No, she said she’s had trouble finding a “4-figure” hotel! That means that most of them are five, i.e., $10,000+!!! That is…definitely not true.

        • Don’t row across the Hudson at dawn though. NY Waterway Ferry FTW. [Srsly — they fished people out of the Miracle on the Hudson plane.]

        • Marshmallow :

          Everything’s legal in New Jersey.

          • Linda from HR :

            ha, love the Hamilton reference!

          • Housecounsel :

            Hamilton lyrics are pretty much on a loop in my head at all times.

          • Linda from HR :

            Have you seen the Hamilaria video? It proposes a hand gesture that Hamilton fans can use to acknowledge each other when something could be construed as a reference.

          • Mrs. Jones :

            I literally cannot stop the Hamilton lyrics going through my brain. It’s cool though.

      • We stayed at a Double Tree near Times Square the first weekend in December for $300 per night last year. My sisters and I do an annual Broadway binge that time of the year and stay near Times Square out of convenience. Booking in advance, I have never had a problem securing a room in NYC for a semi-reasonable price. Sure it is more than the exact room in Houston, but I can sleep comfortably at night at that price.

    • I like the Warwick in Midtown. Very near MOMA.

    • Get your Broadway tickets now. It seems like all the popular shows sell out way, way in advance these days.

    • The Benjamin in Midtown East is great and close to everything (including Ess-A-Bagel, which I also recommend).

    • InHouseAnon :

      Piggybacking on this: is the “Christmas / Holiday” season in full swing in early December in NYC? We wanted to take the kids (early elementary ages) for a “Christmas in New York” this year. What should we do? When is the best time to go?

      • Marshmallow :

        Yep, full swing. And a lovely time to visit because the Christmas decorations are up but it’s not yet freezing and miserable.

        • InHouseAnon :

          Good to know. We are also considering an after Christmas (like spanning Dec 28-Jan 3) trip. Will everything still be going in holiday mode or will it have that sad “we already opened all the presents” vibe in the city?

      • Anonymous :

        Yep, full swing! I’ve been to NYC that weekend many times- just because it’s the last good weekend to plan a trip before holiday craziness.
        If you do make it there, I really like the Lexington hotel for location (it’s a Marriott Autograph) and the Kimpton Eventi further south on 6th.

        • InHouseAnon :

          Thank you so much! Any thoughts on a trip right after Christmas? Will the city be sad or does it remain just as festive through the first of Jan?

          • Anonymous :

            Dont forget that a lot of people are there for NYE. If I recall correctly, the decorations will still be up through the first, but then they’ll come down pretty quickly after that.

            I think that first weekend in NYC feels festive and wonderful- even if the crowds are a little crazier than usual.

      • NYC Xmas really kicks off on Thanksgiving, so early December is ideal.

  8. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for…. but here goes: anyone have a good recommendation for a therapist who prescribes meds but also provides counseling on how to deal with anxiety/fear/depression in order to move forward with one’s life? Or any recommendations for a family therapist? Ideally, in the DC/North Arlington area. Generally, looking for some help on how to deal with a sibling who is like a best friend to me. We’re both in our early 40s and my sibling has been unemployed for almost two years and has now been living with me for almost a year and still can’t figure out what to do with her life. She says she has a lot of anxiety and hates leaving the apartment to do anything (and thus a huge reason why she isn’t looking for a job). I’m just not sure what to do anymore. I want to help but I just don’t think anything I’m doing is really helping her (and any suggestion I make seems like a critique of her life). Or anyone want to start a support group on how to deal with siblings you love? :)

    • Dr. Smita Patel in Foggy Bottom prescribes meds, though she isn’t the talk-it-out type. Dr. Carla Washington in Farragut West is the talk-it-out type who’s good at getting down to the root of family problems, but she doesn’t prescribe. They refer patients to the other. The best part is that they take insurance, though that may not be applicable for your sister.

      Also, just a gentle reminder for you that there isn’t anything you can do for your sister. People have to want to help themselves. You can get her these names, but horse and water and all that. It might be wise for you to think about therapy for yourself, too – oxygen mask before assisting others and all that one. Hugs to you.

      • OP here–thank you for your recommendations and kind words. And I agree, I know she needs to help herself and I have really tried to give her the space and time but I just am feeling like this situation is not helping either of us. And agree, I think therapy for myself would help as well. I’m just wondering if we should do it together or maybe I’ll just have to do it on my own if she doesn’t want to do.

    • (Is the therapist for you or her?) Seconding that all you can do is set boundaries for yourself. If she’s been living there for a year, maybe it’s time for her to live elsewhere.

      You might try the Women’s Center in Vienna for great talk therapy. Meds are usually handled by a psychiatrist and talk therapy by therapists or psychologists.

      • OP here–thank you for your recommendations as well. I’m asking for her but if family therapy or therapy for me will help, I’m willing to do it too. I guess I should have mentioned that she is currently on meds and she has tried therapy but overall she does not think therapy is helpful but I think she sounds open to doing something with me. I know I’m not a doctor but I feel like just being on meds isn’t going to help and we need other help.

    • Frozen Peach :

      Check out an Al-Anon meeting, or some of their literature. Or get a book or two by Melody Beattie. All this is for you, not your sister. :) Hugs. Stuff with family members and boundaries is SO HARD.

  9. Pool party :

    My daughter got invited to a small birthday party (10 kids) with our nanny. It’s a pool party. My daughter is only 2 and can’t swim and I’m nervous. Water safety is so important to me and I feel like there are way too many people who don’t take it seriously.

    Question 1- would you let your kid go? I trust my nanny and she’s incredibly responsible. I’m leaning toward asking her to always have the baby with her. Like if she needs to go to the bathroom, she brings her.

    Question 2- would you use some kind of pool float or water wing in this type of situation? We haven’t used them before because they can give kids a false sense of security. When I was a lifeguard, I saw way too many kids jump into a pool without their water wings, only to realize that they couldn’t swim.

    • I would use a life vest that can’t come off (like the kind that’s integrated into the swimsuit). Not sure on whether you should ask the nanny to keep the baby with her at all times.

      I think you’re doing the right thing by being concerned, though. Water safety is extremely underappreciated for how many drownings still occur every year, including drownings with parents present.

    • How about a life jacket for this party? Definitely recommend putting your kid in swim lessons soon- swimming is really essential skill.

      • Pool Party :

        She’s been in swim class since 6 months old, she just can’t swim independently yet. She’s comfortable in the water and going under and things like that.

    • I would only let them go if nanny will be actively watching kid within arm’s reach at all times, including taking kid to the bathroom with her.

      As a side note, are the birthday child’s parents insane?

    • We always use the wingspan rule, as in if the kid isn’t in your wingspan, they are too far away (so, clearly, kid goes with nanny if nanny goes to the potty).

    • I would just say no. She’s too little, that’s too many kids. Water wings are pointless to prevent drowning. I wouldn’t explain, just say no.

      • BeenThatGuy :

        +1 Also, you didn’t mention if this is a private pool or community pool. If it’s private pool, have they hired qualified lifeguards? I would want to know that before I RSVP. And if it’s a community pool, understand that many, like mine, have a no flotation device rule (false sense of security).

      • I agree, and I’m not usually one to be overprotective when it comes to kid safety issues.

      • I had to chuckle at 10 kids being small for a two year old party… I guess the “invite the whole daycare class” trend has changed things, but my 2-yr-old had over two friends for a cupcake and an hour playing in the backyard.

    • I’d send her in a life jacket/vest- I agree that one of the suits that she can’t remove would be best. I had the same concerns about flotation devices (former lifeguard). We were working on swimming lessons and water safety by age 2 and I also balanced it with reasonable use of flotation devices. I think there is some middle ground where you won’t slow down their learning while at the same time keeping it fun and safe.

      • +1. I would have the child wear a life jacket and tell the nanny the child needs to be with her at all times. Definitely if the nanny needs the bathroom or something, even with the life jacket. And start swimming lessons as soon as possible.

      • +1

        Also a former life guard. Life jacket that cannot be taken off is a must. I abhor water wings (standing alone) for the false sense of security they provide. They are useless.

        Also, how old are the other kids at this party going to be? I can’t imagine a pool party with 10 2 year olds (why???). I would be nervous that she might accidentally get bumped or pushed around by an older kid. Even if she doesn’t get hurt, it may be unpleasant for her (big splash of water in the face by rambunctious 6 year old? no thanks). Having the nanny with her at all times could help to prevent this. No way in h3ll would I let my two year old in a pool even with a life jacket with a bunch of other kids unless I was in there with her.

    • Whether I let me kid go would really depend on the situation. Who is throwing the party? How close are they to your kid? Will your kid be disappointed they can’t go? Why was it your nanny invited and not you (i.e., if it is a friend of the nanny, does she really want the kid to come and have to work the whole time or would she have more fun alone)? If it was not someone close, I would probably skip it.

      But, if I decided to let me kid go, I would tell the nanny she had to stay with the kid at all times and put the kid in a life jacket/vest.

    • No, I wouldn’t let her go. She’s two.

      • +1 if my 2 year old goes to a birthday party it is because I am friends with the other parents and want to go to it.

      • Ya, I wouldn’t send her either. She’s 2 and won’t know the difference, and the anxiety and potential risk is not worth it.

        I don’t think 10 kids is a small bday party either – that’s a LOT of kids to keep track of near water. I’m paranoid about pools, but I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t there myself to watch my kid.

    • Yikes, that’s tough. Age 2 seems young for a swim birthday party, unless it’s the type of party where the families will be there too. It doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable with it so I would say no.

    • Are you sure there’s an expectation that a 2yo will be swimming? If the party has multi-aged kids, maybe the pool party is the theme but there will be hanging out by non-swimmers as well as some swimmers?

    • I actually disagree with the life jacket. I’d say she can go, provided the nanny is *in the pool holding her* at all times. If it were my can-swim-just-not-great 4.5 y/o, I’d insist on a puddle jumper and supervision. But I have a 2 year old. She needs to be in my arms or she tries too hard to swim.

      If nanny won’t be in the pool with her, she can’t go in the pool. Why bother with floatation? It’s just false security.

      I bet the party is 90% land with sprinklers and water tables but they have a pool. If that’s the case, 100% supervision or no go with nanny.

    • I’m in a similar but not quite situation. Close family friends are having a backyard pool party and invited my kids (ages 4 and 2). We contemplated either DH or I taking the day off to take them, but then realized they had invited 15 kids!!!! Yes, their pool is humongous, but that is too many kids in one non-lifeguarded pool for me to feel comfortable, so we declined. It’s sort of straining our relationship with the friends (and the numerous other friends who ARE letting their kids go), but I’m not budging.

      I’m really lenient on most kid safety issues, but a crowded pool with no lifeguards is just not a risk I (or DH) want to take. Too much immediate potential for harm, even if everyone has the best intentions.

      • Anonymous :

        What is surprising to me is that you or your husband would consider taking a day off work for a toddler party. Is this the norm?

        And who are these parents having large risky toddler pool parties on a weekday? This also seems so odd to me. What are these parents thinking? That is a lapse in judgment, and in my opinion, would be evidence against letting my kids go.

        • No, not the norm (that we’ve seen). The party is a Friday at noon and it’s on a slow day for me, and I have the PTO day to spare. Who doesn’t want to cut out early on a Friday and hang at a pool?

          But I’m incredibly frustrated that they’re actually MIFFED at us that we can’t make a toddler pool party during the workday. We both work! Even during the summer! And yes that’s feeding into our “digging in our heels” and not budging on saying no.

    • Mrs. Jones :

      A pool party with a 2-year-old that can’t swim? No.

    • Nerfmobile :

      I take water safety very seriously. My rule with my daughter at that age was that either me or my husband had to be within arms-reach of her in the water at all time. Even with flotation devices. And yes, that probably would have meant bringing her to the bathroom with us every time if we couldn’t hand her off to each other or someone else we trusted.

      My daughter is now 7, and an awesome independent swimmer. But we are still eyes-on her at all times when she is in the water (no lounging by the side of the pool with a book yet, sigh). She attended a pool party earlier this spring (14 kids at a hotel pool) and I volunteered to stay at the party and keep an eye on the group because I wanted to make sure they were all safe.

  10. Looking for a great dermatologist in NYC who takes insurance.

    I have some scalp issues, but mostly I’m unhappy about my hair getting thinner.

    Thanks for any recs.

    • Mrs. Jones :

      I can’t rec a doctor, but I recommend taking Viviscal.

      • Oh really? I’ve seen all these ads for hair vitamins but assumed they were crap. I starting taking a normal multi vitamin and haven’t seen improvement.

        Has anyone else had a good experience with viviscal or others? I keep seeing ads for nutrafol too…

        • I use and like Viviscal for thinning hair caused by thyroid issues. The caveat is that you have to follow the directions–start with two pills per day for a few months, then drop down to one pill per day. It took about 3-4 months to notice a difference, then it seemed to hit all at once.

          Note that it contains shark cartilage and thus is not vegetarian friendly.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I’ve seen both Gilberto Alvarez del Manzano and Arash Akhavan. I don’t see them regularly, but they both take insurance. However, I have only seen Gilberto Alvarez del Manzano for things that insurance won’t cover (I assume he’s telling me the truth). He is willing to quote me a price on the spot though, so I can decide if I want to proceed, and it’s usually pretty reasonable.

    • Dr Mary Buchness

    • I like the derms I’ve seen at Columbia Doctors Midtown. It’s right near Rockefeller Plaza.

    • I saw Shira Maryles for the same issue in NYC and definitely saw improvement based on her prescriptions and recommendations.

  11. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for…. but here goes: anyone have a good recommendation for a therapist who prescribes meds but also provides counseling on how to deal with anxiety/fear/depression in order to move forward with one’s life? Or any recommendations for a family therapist? Ideally, in the DC/North Arlington area. Generally, looking for some help on how to deal with a sibling who is like a best friend to me. We’re both in our early 40s and my sibling has been unemployed for almost two years and has now been living with me for almost a year and still can’t figure out what to do with her life. She says she has a lot of anxiety and hates leaving the apartment to do anything (and thus a huge reason why she isn’t looking for a job). I’m just not sure what to do anymore. I want to help but I just don’t think anything I’m doing is really helping her (and any suggestion I make seems like a critique of her life). Or anyone want to start a support group on how to deal with siblings you love? :)

  12. Pre-made Breakfast Ideas? :

    Any ideas for breakfast items that can be made in advance and eaten on the go (by adults and young toddlers?). We’re always in such a rush in the morning. Something along the lines of mini quiches, though I don’t want or need it to be fancy

    • Breakfast cookies! They even freeze well. I like the sweet potato breakfast cookies from Run Fast Eat Slow, and the “healthy-ish” breakfast cookies from Pinch of Yum (I double the flour and baking soda, otherwise they are too doughy).

    • Shopaholic :

      Egg muffins! They’re essentially little omelettes baked in muffin trays. Super easy – it’s like 5-7 mins of prep and 20-25 mins of baking and they’re delicious and you can customize them. Link in reply

      • Shopaholic :


      • And then have fun spending a year scrubbing your muffin pan out!

        • I do a squirt of pam in each pocket of the muffin tin before adding the egg and contents in — helps the muffin to pop out, and the pan isn’t hard to clean at all.

        • You sound like a joy!

          Shopaholic – +1 on the egg cups and if you use Pam or other nonstick spray, they literally fall out of the muffin tin.

        • Use a silicone muffin pan….problem solved

        • Egg Muffin Lover :

          Use parchment muffin cups. They’re super cheap and work way better than the fancy thick nonstick version.

        • Or foil – it peels off pretty easily. I’m obsessed with these and make them by squashing tater tots in the bottom and baking for 10 minutes before I add everything else.

    • google ‘2-ingredient banana pancakes’ – they’re more like crepes than an actual pancakes, but they are tasty and high in protein and reheat really well. I make them on Sundays and they still are good on Wednesday. (My tip would be to use baking powder, salt, and 1/4 C coconut flour in addition to the bananas and eggs, and to use one of those thin flexible fish spatulas to gently turn them.)

    • Because of the no peanut rule at my kid’s school, we give him a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. Cut squares work well on the go.

      • FYI, our daycare has specifically requested that we not give kids PB in the mornings before sending them so this may not work for OP with toddlers – I guess for older kids who are less likely to shmear their food everywhere it’s less of an issue though :)

        • Anonymous :

          +1! That seems like a horrible idea. If I had a kid with a peanut allergy, and knew that you did this, I would be really scared for my kid. Little ones get their food all over, and that could easily get on another kid.

        • Assuming the kid is thoroughly washed hands and no smears on clothing, brushed teeth afterwards, and is of an age where they won’t generally spontaneously lick another child, feeding a child peanut butter in the morning is fine, especially with a spoon so they can’t possibly get it on themselves.

          If your child is so sentitive to peanut butter that being breathed on by someone that ate it hours ago with cause them serious harm, you need to be less concerned with what someone else feeds their child and more concerned with getting home care while you work out a solution with their allergist. Extreme food sensitivities (to a normal degree, everyone understands not to eat PB or smear it on another child) are not the responsibility of other parents to change their own child’s diet. It’s your responsibility to make sure your child can come into normal contact with other humans and not die.

          • My kid is 2 (and pretty tidy, but still 2) and I definitely don’t have time to brush her teeth between breakfast and drop-off, but YMMV if you have an older kid and more time in the morning :)

          • Anonymous :

            “Assuming the kid is thoroughly washed hands and no smears on clothing, brushed teeth afterwards, and is of an age where they won’t generally spontaneously lick another child”

            That is a lot of assumptions! I don’t have time to brush my teeth after breakfast, let alone try to brush my kids. If your kids old enough that they can do all of these things alone, I agree that it’s not a problem. But by then, I don’t plan to be making them breakfast

    • If you have a sous vide, egg bites in a mini mason jar are great. Our Joule (sous vide machine brand) has a recipe in its app. Basically blend eggs and and equal part of cottage cheese until smooth, pour into jars, and sous vide for ~20 minutes. They recommend topping with a tomato-basil salsa which is great, but they taste equally great plain or with hot sauce. I eat them out of the fridge or at room temp.

    • BigLaw Sr Assoc :

      Granola bars, hard-boiled eggs

  13. Comfortable Flats :

    What’s the consensus on a comfortable pointy toe flat? I know we had a discussion on this a few weeks (months?) ago and can’t find the thread. Looking for a pointy-toe flat that is comfortable, breathable (ie, no stink), and that won’t break the budget. Rothy’s did not work well for me.

    • Housecounsel :

      I really like my Toms . . . or is it Tom’s? I have pointy-toe ballet flats in a sort of rose-colored suede.

    • Legally Brunette :

      Dr. Scholl’s has a great pointy flat (leather lining, so no stink). For some reason the black is extremely comfortable but the snakeskin one wasn’t.


      • Baconpancakes :

        Would the pewter leather be too flash to wear in place of a nude flat? I was looking at the Rockport flat in Dove, which is more subtle, but it’s only available up to a 10 now, and I go from 10 to 11 in size, depending on the shoe.

        • Legally Brunette :

          Ha, did you read that WSJ article too where they claimed that silver was the new nude? :) It looks pretty shiny on screen but not sure how it is in person. I would probably buy it and just see it for myself.

    • I love the marc fisher half d’orsay flat: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/marc-fisher-ltd-sunny-half-dorsay-flat-women/4991969

      I have it in the blue and it is phenomenal in both comfort and look!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I love these: https://www.amazon.com/LifeStride-Womens-Quizzical-Pointed-Flat/dp/B01LGW0NZC?th=1

    • What about the Rockport total motion flat?

  14. I think I’m experiencing a bout of stress and anxiety, and I’m not sure what to do about it (short term). My heart is beating fast, I’m having trouble concentrating, I feel on the verge of tears, and I have a general “everything is going wrong” malaise. Are there any helpful recommendations for the short term?

    I have a very stressful situation at work (deadline coming up, it’s not going to end well – nothing I can do to improve it, it just is); we leave for vacation at the end of the week and my spouse and toddler are both sick, I have to leave work early to take my son to the doctor; huge changes from high up at work that are not good, and my boss is leaving; I’m comparing my life to other people’s and feeling like I’ve done everything wrong.

    Normally I feel like I’d take a day off of work and try to do something relaxing but that’s just not possible right now, and I’m escalating by feeling like I *must* be at work and productive, but I can’t be, because I’m sitting here tearing up and feeling overwhelmed. Help! (in the voice of the toddler trying wasabi for the first time)

    • I know that feeling well.

      Inhale for 6 and exhale for 6. Repeat many times.

      If possible, go outside for a brief walk, just 10 minutes.

      Toward the end of the walk, examine what individual, contained tasks can be completed today. *Individual* and *contained.*

      Unless you are an emergency room physician or hold the nuclear codes, no one is going to die today because of whatever does or does not get done. Truly. If you have managed up and explained the situation, there is nothing more you can do. It’s ok to believe that.

      Ignore the changes at the company. You can’t do anything about them. (If it helps, tell yourself you’ll worry about them later.)

      • pugsnbourbon :

        +1 put your worries about work and your self-comparisons in a box for now. Really, imagine a box and imagine yourself shoving the thoughts inside. Give yourself permission to open the box up after the trip.

        As for feeling stuck at work – do something small, even if it’s just deleting and organizing emails. You’ll be productive and feel more in control, and then you can move on to small things.

        Make the rest of your life as easy as possible right now. You’ve got this, and in a few days you’ll be on vacation and having a great time.

    • I’ve been there (kind of, no toddler), but my short-term fix when I have zero time to do anything else but I’m also in a panicked/agitated state is to find some online stress relief videos on y0utube with calming sounds, and take a minute or two every hour to close my eyes, breathe deeply, and center myself. I keep the music on all day at a low volume.

      Once this week is over, it may be good to make an appointment for anxiety relief meds to have on hand for these types of situations.

    • Can you cancel or postpone the trip?

    • Frozen Peach :

      Oh, I have been there. Triage mode. There are excellent instructions over on the Moms website— just search “triage mode.”

      Give yourself a break. This time will pass, and all this stuff is not because of your life choices in any direction.

      Is it possible that you, too, are sick? That is often the source of my above-described malaise. Get yourself a green juice full of vitamins, drink some extra water, try to go to bed early.

      And my single most important tip. Make incredibly comprehensive packing lists for everyone, using internet sources and time during meetings when you are not “on.” Having an idiot-proof list to follow has saved me in this situation before. I can pack us at midnight as long as it doesn’t involve cognitive function, just following the list.

  15. Moving in NYC :

    I just found out that I need to move out of my apartment at the end of my lease. Any suggestions on a good realtor? I’m in NYC on the Upper West Side – planning on staying in Manhattan. Thanks!

    • No Problem :

      Danielle Nazinitsky. I believe she’s with the Corcoran Group.

    • I’ve never paid a broker to avoid the 15% realtor fee for a rental. Most high-rise buildings/management companies have an on-site realtor. I’ve gone directly through the building/management company or StreetEasy for four different apartments in NYC.

  16. I’m in my mid 30s and now have some tiny red veins around my nose. My skin is otherwise good. Wondering if anyone has treated this successfully, what you did, rough cost (I assume no insurance coverage…)

    • Like cuperose? Lasers might help, but I wouldn’t do anything without consulting a dermatologist first to diagnose and then recommend treatment.

      • +1

        And wear sunblock religiously and hats when in the sun. You may be prone to them, as I am. And always be cautious with drinking alcohol.

      • I’d never heard that term…but that might be what it is technically. Just little red lines at the side of my nose.

        I will check out a derm and ask, thanks…

    • Lasered at my derm. One was big and appeared between nose and cheek. A couple of seconds of my derm with a laser and it was gone and never reappeared. Smaller ones on my nose have gone away with simple IPL laser from an aesthetician (at my derm’s).

      • Anonymous :

        Thank for this. Do you vaguely remember how much it cost?

        And how red was it after? Did the area require special care for awhile?

  17. Bre is local to the UWS and so, so fantastic. Can’t recommend her highly enough. She’s great anywhere in Manhattan but if you’re looking to stay on the UWS, she’s definitely who you should talk to:


  18. GF Meal Delivery? :

    Has anyone had success with a gluten-free meal delivery or used Freshly, Fresh n’ Lean, the Good Kitchen or Green Chef? Any feedback is welcome!

    • Sunbasket is good for gluten free meal options.

    • Marshmallow :

      I use Ionutrition which is also called Fresh n Lean (can’t figure out the difference?) It’s very tasty but I’m finding it annoying to need to call them anytime I need to make a change instead of adjusting online. But we’ve been doing it for like a month and it’s a big stress reliever. The food is genuinely delicious.

  19. Mid level government lawyer trying to go back out to private practice probably in NYC. Not sure how or if it’ll work out but want to try. Had an initial call with a recruiter (2 actually at the same co). It wasn’t bad as far as recruiters go. So they happen to be in my city one day this week and want to meet up. They only have like 20 min between some conference panels, so at least it’ll be quick. I imagine they’re just trying to make sure I’m a normal person who can be put in front of hiring partners etc (while mid level in the government, I’m 12 years out of law school so fairly senior). After a 20 min call they were like – save up your questions for when we see you. What would you be asking them now – before you’ve event submitted for any firm?

    • What their background is, experience placing people at my level, their understanding of my chances.

    • Coach Laura :

      What the market is like and what firms are looking for, in general. How many firms they work with. Whether they’ve placed any/many people with x to y years’ experience,

  20. Heartbroken :

    After getting a couple of bonus months with our beloved kitty, we have to say goodbye to her. :( I’m so sad, but grateful that we got more time (even though emergency vet services cost $$$). But we found out that she has an inoperable tumor and so we brought her home and will have a vet come tomorrow to help us say goodbye here, where she’s most comfortable. Any advice? I think I’ll write some things to say. It doesn’t feel real and I’ll miss her so much.

    • I’m sorry sorry to hear this. Hugs.

    • Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. Saying good bye is so difficult. I will offer a piece of practical advice that others may disagree with and you may not feel is right for you, so feel free to disregard, of course. I recommend not watching the actual moment when the vet euthanizes her or seeing her body to the extent you can avoid it. I saw my dog in a fairly rough state right before she was euthanized and it was truly awful for me- I will never unsee it and honestly I think that’s part of the reason that I still weep almost instantaneously 15 years later when I think of her passing (like right now). (My dog was in a coma so she didn’t even have the benefit of knowing we were there at the very end.) I also saw the vet with our cat and that image still sicks with me. On the other hand, I did not see our other dog pass and some how it’s easier. Of course you may want to be right next to her so she knows you’re there, but it may help you to overall to try to avoid disturbing memories, if that makes sense.

      I’m so sorry.

      • For the animal’s sake, however, I recommend being in the room and holding a paw or something even if you close or avert your eyes. I was never scarred more when a vet tech told me that almost universally, when the animal is conscious, they search for their owners for comfort. It made me so sad for the lonely pets.

        • Right, I think that’s important to try to do. What I would do is pet/hold a paw and avert eyes, and then quickly leave the room. And lest you think I’m a monster, we didn’t abandon our other dog to be lonely, she just passed while we were out of the house. :( :( :( :(

      • Anonymous :

        I will provide a counterpoint to this – I was there and watching/holding the leadrope for the euthanasia of both my childhood dog and horse and am glad I was (and horse euthanasia is not pretty). Definitely not saying you’re wrong, anon – this is one of those things that is a personal decision, and there is no wrong answer. It’s just a know yourself sort of situation.

        OP – you are doing your kitty the greatest act of kindness to minimize her suffering and give her a comfortable and dignified end. Big hugs to you.

        • I felt the same way. It gave me a lot of comfort knowing I was the last thing my little man saw and that he knew I was there.

    • It’s nice that the vet will come to you. My vet did that for me, and I know it was easier on my beloved kitty. It’s just so hard.

    • No advice, but I’m very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your kitty!

    • I’m so sorry. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.

    • So sorry to hear about this. Will be thinking of you.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Hugs to you. No advice, but I’m so sorry.

    • Marshmallow :

      I’m so sorry. Lots and lots of hugs.

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

      I’m so sorry to hear this. Animals add so much to our lives and leave such a large hole when they go.

    • Heartbroken :

      Thanks for your sympathy, everyone. I’m planning to have her on my lap or very close, if possible. She’s such a lap cat, so thought that seemed like a good idea. And I plan to keep talking to her, since I’ve heard that they can hear until the very end. I wish nobody had to go through this!

      • What you’re describing is the absolute best case scenario. I have only been able to do it for one of my cats, but it’s what I wanted for my baby who passed after surgery in October. When the vet came to the house, we sat with her and played music and cuddled her. So sorry you’re going through this.

  21. I really want a pair of the Eileen Fisher crepe slim ankle pants but I’m having a hard time stomaching the price. Does anybody know if this style goes on sale with the big Nordstrom sale in July? Or anywhere else?

    • EF pants fan :

      Nordstrom, Macys and the EF site sometimes have sales on certain colors. They go fast. Check out Ebay or Poshmark. You can often find them NWT. Just make sure you get the right style since others are similar (non-crepe, bootleg, etc.)

    • Sunflower :

      I’ve found them on sale at Neiman Marcus online several times. As other commenter says, be careful because there are many styles of EF pants and some styles are quite similar.

  22. Holy…Kate Spade…

    • I just came here to see if anyone was talking about this. So terrible and tragic for her family.

    • It’s so sad. And she left behind a young daughter.

    • Legally Brunette :

      Was just about to post this. Feeling so sad for her and her family. Her daughter is only 13. :( I know some people look down on her handbags but I love mine and always got so many compliments.

      • I don’t think people “looking down” on Kate Spade handbags is a common attitude, but nice misplaced virtue signaling.

        • Anonymous :

          Yeah, it takes a pretty high level of privilege to think only the poors carry Kate Spade.

          • Anonymous :

            I assume she meant that snotty (not rich) people look down on it as a basic brand, like how people are judgmental of Michael Kors purses. I think it may even have been a subject of discussion here a time or two, though not recently.

      • I’m extremely saddened as well. Mental illness is real. I have many Kate Spade bags and jewelry and love her colorful, quirky style. What a tragedy.

        • Linda from HR :

          I just got a pair of red, sparkly Kate Spade Keds for dancing and they got a ton of compliments. I can’t believe I didn’t bring them for class tonight, I’m gonna wear them all the time now.

      • I read her things as WASPy / aspirational. Quirky is more . . . Betsey Johnson?

        Why, why, why? And hanging (and hanging yourself at home where your child or spouse could find you) — why?

        The poor housekeeper who found her. This is terrible for all.

        • Anonymous :

          The brand has some quirky elements (there’s a flamingo Sam handbag that has my eye), but can run straightlaced too.

          Though, Kate Spade the person hasn’t been involved with kate spade the brand for almost 10 years, right?

    • I know :( :( :(

    • WHOA. How tragic for her family.

    • Linda from HR :

      Oh my God, how terrible :(

    • I’m so suspicious of this whole thing. Assuming that she had a lot of money and the fact that women who commit suicide generally don’t hang themselves (I know they do but it’s less common). I hope they do a thorough investigation.

      • Anonymous :


        I am not a conspiracy theorist or TV crime watcher, but I have to agree. This is really unusual.

        But you really never know people, especially famous people. Mental illness is everywhere.

      • Anonymous :

        This is one of the most ignorant comments I’ve ever seen here and that’s really saying something. Of course rich people can be depressed and commit suicide! There’s a lot of empirical evidence that once you make a pretty modest low six-figures salary, more money doesn’t translate to more happiness. And of course anyone can have mental illness.

        • Good lord, that is not what I meant at all. I meant people WITH money can be murdered so that OTHER people GET the money. Geez.

          • Anonymous :

            Exactly. That’s what we meant.

            Please poster Anon at 1:33pm…. take a breath before calling us ignorant. We’re just referring to the data about suicide.

        • I don’t think she was saying that rich people don’t commit suicide, more that rich people get murdered for their money.

    • This is terribly sad. I don’t know why it feels so wrong – maybe because she had such a happy, optimistic aesthetic? And I do wish the papers wouldn’t give some of the details – red scarf, Park Avenue apartment … it almost sounds glam?

      Her poor child. A friend’s mom did this and it has been haunting. Actually another family friend did too (Anon @ 1:26 I don’t know where you’re getting your ‘stats’ but I can’t imagine this kind of speculation is helpful to the family).

      • No one is trying to be malicious. Hence the “I know they do.” Gender differences in suicide has been thoroughly studied.

        • Anonymous :

          Ok but unless literally NO women kill themselves this way (which is obviously not the case) why is it so surprising? Just because 90% of women would choose a different method that doesn’t make this is a homicide!

          • I literally meant it as a surprising suicide. It IS a surprising for a woman to hang herself and the statistics prove it. Considering the theme of this discussion, all of you who are bashing others on this thread should be ashamed of yourselves. A huge reminder to again take a step back from this site (as I have done before and I should have never come back, obviously).

        • You don’t have to be malicious to make a tragedy more difficult.

      • Anonymous :

        It seems very theatrical and glam. When I think of 13 Reasons Why (or whatever that teen suicide series was), this seems to be a grown-up glam version of that (not in my eyes — I cannot imagine the long tail that this would leave had her teen daughter found her instead of the housekeeper), at least potentially.

        We had a local teen (good home! loving family! church family is awesome and caring) kill himself this year. He ghosted his family and turned off his phone. It took weeks for hikers to stumble upon his body. It wrecked his parents and siblings. It wrecked his friends. It wrecked ever person in his life because now they question themselves.

  23. Omg so sad!!

    • Housecounsel :

      I am so shocked . . . my impression of her is that she had such a perfect life and I guess I am attributing the cheeriness of so many of her designs to the woman herself. Mental illness doesn’t discriminate.

  24. Poor thing. My heart goes out to her daughter.

  25. Recently got a Costco membership. I know I’ve seen threads in the past with Costco recs but having trouble finding them. What I’m loving so far: giant bag of almonds, 100 calorie packs of Skinny Pop to throw in my lunch, mini guacamoles, the giant jar of pesto, Kirkland brand moisture shampoo. It’s just me and DH, I pack my lunch everyday (or try to), we’re working on better meal planning/prepping. What else should we try?

    • Lifeway Kefir smoothies

    • Anonymous :

      Peanut butter-filled pretzels, chocolate-covered raisins, more almond butter than you’ll ever need…

    • Shenandoah :

      Kerrygold butter. Their deli meat and cheese selections. But if you’re anything like me, avoid the bakery section because you can easily get into trouble. Ahh I miss my Costco membership.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      They have really good meat.

      Also, giant bag of Whisps, which are crackers made out of parmesan. Just parmesan. They are the most crispy and delicious.

    • Anonymous :

      It is my dream to invite a bunch of people over for a comfort food dinner just so I have an excuse to buy their huge and delicious chicken pot pie.

      Otherwise – bags of almonds and pistachios, cheddar and goat cheese, greek yogurts, protein bars and protein drinks, face lotion, gas, prescriptions, vitamins, reading glasses, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, basmati rice, organic eggs, milk, organic baby spinach, blueberries, organic mangos, bananas, tomatoes, Keurig cups, peanut butter and almond butter, protein powder for smoothies, frozen salmon/white fish/scallops.

    • Anonymous :

      Copper River salmon should be in stores soon, prime grade beef cuts, fresh flowers, patio plants, electronics, wood furniture.

    • Anonymous :

      If you’re trying to be healthy, never get the cake. Or the frozen taquitos for a party :)

    • Costcolover :

      Cans of veggies/beans really help us with last-minute meals and to not make as many trips to the grocery store.
      It’s just husband and I on our costco membership too:

      We buy the following on a regular basis:
      Oil jugs (We now have 4 types-extra from the multiple bottle packs go into the pantry for backup)
      RX bars
      Spinach and Kale bags that go in the freezer for smoothies: in the produce section not the frozen food section
      Frozen fruits for smoothies
      Greek Yogurt for smoothies
      Bags of individually wrapped chicken breasts
      Mini-naans: Stay good in the freezer for a long time
      Every few weeks we get one of the pre-prepared meats based on the samples (hot dogs, meatballs etc.) for quick meals
      Tuna cans

      I have found their produce/fruits to not be as great so avoid buying those

    • anon a mouse :

      Toilet paper — kirkland brand is better than the fancy name brands
      If you have freezer space, the meats are really good – pork chops, steaks, etc
      Allergy meds (zyrtec or allegra)
      Contact lenses
      Protein shakes

    • Anonymous :

      The dish soap, the laundry detergent pods and the dishwasher detergent pods. The laundry pods, and I *think* the dishwasher pods have been ranked by Consumer reports as some of the top rated products (I know the laundry pods at one point were better than the tide ones).

  26. Not sure if this is going to nest correctly but for pointy toe flats I love born Madeline. They’re more almond than pointy but incredibly comfy. I do think the color babes are misleading; the “sky blue” is definitely gray to me and the “mango” is what I would call caramel or tan…but they’re very very comfy!

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