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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Alice Color-Block Tweed Sheath Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This colorblock dress looks like it would become a wardrobe workhorse for me. It's lined, which is always a bonus in my book, and the high, rounded neckline is easy to pair with just about any blazer or cardigan. I would wear it with a bright blazer on a more casual day, or I might consider getting the coordinating jacket ($260) make a full suit. It's available at Bloomingdale's for $176 (marked down from $315) in sizes 2–14. Alice Color-Block Tweed Sheath Dress A couple of more affordable dresses are from Lauren Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein, and in plus sizes, from Karen Kane. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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256 Comments

  1. Which bank do you use for your HSA account and do you recommend it? Do you have a spending one or a savings one? Looking for a spending one for Invisalign. Thanks!

    1. Do you have an HDHP? You can’t just choose to open an HSA, you have to qualify. I have it through my employer and have no choice in which bank it’s at.

      1. And…it’s a savings account, but you often get a debit card associated with it to spend the money. But yes…you have to have a qualifying High Deductible Health Plan (HDHP) in order to open an HSA. And typically, the HSA is at the bank of your employer’s choosing, since it makes depositing your pre-tax contributions easier.

        If your employer doesn’t have a mechanism to make contributions, you *can* open one on your own, and contribute to it (if you have the qualifying plan), and then get the tax credit when you file your return. Or if you get a qualifying plan on your own (exchange, individual insurance, whatever), you can shop around.

        Also, don’t confuse an HSA (Health Savings Account) with a FSA (flexible spending account). They are different things and work differently.

    2. I’ve used Bank of America for my past two employers because I bank with them for my regular checking account. The companies didn’t care who manages my funds. In hindsight I should’ve done more research on a bank with zero or lower fees but overall it’s fine and easy to use. For my current employer, we have to use their choice so I may think about rolling funds over.

      1. Also I’m not sure what you mean by saving vs spending. It’s like a checking account for qualified medical costs. There is no interests until you reach over a certain dollar amount, then you can start investing the extra.

          1. Actually I am not conflating the two. A HSA account for spending purpose refers to an account with low or no fees. A HSA account for saving purposes refers to an account with an interest rate. I am aware of FSA. Normally, employers offer either HSA or FSA. Some employers require employees to use a certain bank for HSA, some do not. I am in the latter group.

          2. Shrug. Lots of people do confuse HSA/FSA. I’ve never had the option/interest in shopping for a different bank to hold my HSA, so I haven’t encountered the marketing.

            The distinctions you mention have to do with the personal goals of the HSA holder, though. It’s not like there are different (in a way the IRS would recognize) types of HSA accounts out there. It just has to do with what you want your money to do in the account. And I don’t know why low/no fees would be better for spending vs savings account. Regardless of what I do with my account, I’d want it to have no/low fees and the highest interest rate I can get.

    3. You can create your own as long as you are on a hdhp—you don’t have to use your employers. If you are saving I strongly recommend fidelity. If spending probably wouldn’t matter.

    4. Thanks so much for this thread. I had no idea I could open an HSA and self fund if I am unemployed.

      Unfortunately, I just did a bit of research and my Obamacare plan is so terrible that I am disqualified. I pay almost $600 per month for the cheapest catastrophic bronze PPO plan in my area and my deductible is over $6000 and my max out of pocket for the year is $7300. For just me, age 49. And none of the good, teaching hospitals accept my plan. None. The only medical care I use is a once a year primary care visit. There are more things I need but I am deferring all of them.

      Why in the world does the IRS / gov have top limits for out of pocket max allowed to qualify for an HSA that are lower than what the Obamacare plans are required to provide? It’s another hole that hurts people who are struggling and can only “afford” the cheapest plans, yet need the benefits the most. Like the working poor in Republican states that didn’t expand Medicaid who can’t get an Obamacare plan.

      1. I think you might be reading the rules incorrectly. To qualify for an HSA you need to have a plan with a deductible of at least $1350 and an out of pocket max of at least $6750. Your deductible and your out of pocket max are both above that, so you should qualify.

        1. Carrie is absolutely reading the rules correctly. There is a *minimum* for the deductible, and a *maximum* for the maximum OOP amount. Her plan meets the former qualification, but not the latter. My OOP max is $5k (individual) and I’ve had an HSA for years, through my employer. You definitely don’t need a minimum OOP max of $6750 to qualify for an HSA.

  2. I am a pear with some recent size fluxuation. Loft Julie / AT Curvy Cut pants fit me, but for suiting pants, my former standybys (BR Logan in 8 short (8P does not fit me at all)) are now slightly too big.

    The waist could be taken in slightly (this never works in IRL — the taken-in waists are always too tight or throw off some other measurement; I think that tailoring pants is hard to get right except for hemming). Do I belt to raise the pants up? The cr*tch is dropping just about an inch, but it is noticeable and a bad look. [Eek — me with low riders! And a low rider suit!]

    Or is there another BR pants cut that might be worth trying out? I always thought the Logan had the smallest waist-hip ratio so I am surprised that my waist is what seems to be smaller (believe me — hips / thighs are the same). But maybe it’s worth some mail order roulette (my mall store is never stocked with what I need to try on).

    I feel like every year I buy a whole new set of pants / bottoms b/c centimeters matter in pants (whereas the dresses generally fit for 5-10 years).

    1. As a fellow pear, I find that a belt does help with adjusting the waist measurement (which then helps fix the low crotch issue), especially when I’m fluctuating and don’t want to commit to tailoring. Try it out and see. I’ve never had much luck with BR pants anyway, the AT curvy/Loft Julie’s have always been better bets.

      1. Thanks — where do you get belts from? I literally only have the thin ones that come the Etsuko dress and a giant studded thing (for . . . pretending I’m in a biker gang?). I’m not sure they are built for holding up lined wool suiting pants (but are delicate enough not to bulge out too much).

    2. You might need a better tailor. Back in the day when my waist was smaller (I am becoming barrel-shaped, sadly), I used to get pants taken in at the waist all the time. My tailor also put darts in the back, so not only did the waist fit better, but my butt looked SO GOOD. The rise was in the right place and the darts made the back of the pants fit my curves better.

      But I think I lucked out on the tailor, I’m not sure how one finds a good one, except for word of mouth. It is probably easier to belt – there are these clear plastic belts with a very flat buckle that work if you don’t need to tuck in your shirt. Wardrobe Oxygen has reviewed them, I can’t think of what they are called. InvisiBelt or something like that maybe ?

      1. Yes – I love the stretch invisibelt! (Not so much the plastic versions, but the stretch one I use all the time. Just google and the shop will come up). And I agree that a different tailor might be more skilled and get you better results – e.g. flattering back darts! But it is a gamble when you are trying someone new.

        1. +1 for invisibelt which is how I’m saving some pants after an unexpected weight loss. Got mine on the ubiquitous online company.

      2. Yes my tailored pants in the days of yore when I had a tiny waist were the best. To get a good tailoring job, you want them to take off the waistband entirely, put in a couple of darts in the back (very flattering!) and then put the waistband back on. If your tailor isn’t doing this, you need to find a new tailor.

        If you want to be extra fancy, have them make the waist slightly large on you and add 2” of elastic inside the waistband over the side seams. That will help with future fluctuations.

  3. This is our first summer having a dog and I need vacation ideas for a short getaway. I am in Virginia and would like to find somewhere within driving distance (<10 hours) with water (ocean, lake, river- doesn’t matter) that has either a dog-friendly luxury hotel or luxury rentals and a good food scene. Would like to lounge around and maybe do some nature type walks but nothing too outdoorsy. We loved Napa last summer but can’t easily get out there with the dog. I may be asking too much, but I figured if it exists you ladies could point me in the right direction.

      1. I don’t have a dog, but I was just in Asheville, and I felt like I was in dog heaven. Even downtown, there was so much dog-friendly outdoor seating, and I saw a good number of dogs indoors too.

        1. Asheville is very pro-dog (but I think also has had a measles outbreak recently, so get a booster).

      1. I love the outer banks there and spent summers there a kid but I don’t remember it being very luxurious. Has it changed?

        2. If luxury is your top concern, I think you’ll have a hard time finding something on the East Coast with water that’s dog-friendly. You have various beach towns up and down the coast which may have some nice AirBnBs and some good local seafood; you have mountain lakes, which are less likely to have good cuisine; and you have the Virginia coast with its major rivers that feed into the Chesapeake, and while each little village has a good restaurant or two, they’re few and far between. The Mass coast with Cape Cod, Nantucket, etc is my best recommendation, but finding accommodations this late in the season could be nigh impossible.

    4. My DC pup has loved our trips to Vermont (excellent local breweries, amazing farmers’ markets, beautiful vistas, etc). Burlington is pretty dog-friendly if water is key.

      We’ve also enjoyed trips to the Eastern Shore of MD (there’s a dog-friendly BnB in Rock Hall, MD whose name escapes me) and the Outer Banks.

    5. We went to Savannah, GA with our dog at New Year’s and stayed at the Hotel Indigo. I think everyone at the hotel had a dog. Hotel was super nice. We were able to find dog-friendly walking tours and ate outside at restaurants with our dog. There are beaches nearby (some dog-friendly and some not). We were really able to do most things with her except touring houses– which I had done on previous trips.

      However– Savannah is hot AF in the summer.

    6. The one dog friendly chain I can think of is Kimpton Hotels (had my wedding at the DC one which involved our dog!)

      it could be a good starting point for you to look where Kimptons are? I find the hotels to be relatively lovely

    7. What about The Greenbrier in West VA? It’s definitely luxurious and according to their website, they now permit pets.

      1. My boss spent Christmas there last year and said the hotel was very shabby and the service was dismal. So bad in fact that they asked for a refund and left early. He’s a down-to-earth guy and this was a special trip for them, so he was really surprised by the conditions and service. Have any rettes been lately to concur?

        1. A good friend went with her family last summer and had the same experience. They also left early.

        2. Oh really? That’s such a shame! I’ve not been in years and it was lovely once upon a time.

    8. There is a dog resort near Asheville I am desperate to check out. Apparently each cabin has a fenced dog yard and then the property as a whole is also fenced so dogs can roam.

  4. I’m trying to cut down on my diet coke habit. I’ve tried replacing diet coke with water, which works somewhat but I find that I crave something with taste. I’ve tried and like hint water, but it is so expensive that I don’t want to switch over to that, and I don’t like carbonated water. Any ideas for other alternatives? I’m also trying to lose water, so don’t want to add a drink with a ton of calories.

    1. Just add a splash of lemon or lime juice to your water. I’ve also used mango juice or pineapple juice on occasion but lemon or lime are my favs.

    3. Fruit based iced teas? You can prep them on your own and make them with no to little sugar.

    5. When I have gotten tired of plain water, I have filled my bottle 1/4 with cranberry or pomegranate juice to add some flavor.

    6. I use True Lime packets. My favorite is black cherry limeade. I buy mine either at Kroger or Amazon.

      1. I use Crystal Light packets – the caffeinated versions. I eliminated a major diet soda problem that way. It improved my dental health. Good job for trying to cut back!

    7. You can add cocktail bitters to regular water to flavor it. Make it taste like flavored water. I started adding Angostura to water when I had morning sickness and really liked it (tastes vaguely like a flat Coke), but there are all kinds of fruit flavored options.

      1. +1 to bitters! I prefer them in seltzer, but they could work in water. Mint bitters are especially nice.

    8. Do you like iced tea? Unsweetened iced tea is how I kicked my habit. Unfortunately I don’t like the stuff in the bottle. I have to make tea and pour it over ice. Earl Grey is my favorite, but there are so many flavored teas you could try.

      1. So, I haven’t tried iced teas because I really like sweet drinks. Not a big fan of sour things, and I figured that tea wouldn’t be sweet enough for me. Do you find that to be a problem?

        2. not the anon above, but i’m like you – i really like sweet drinks. I add a packet of splenda or truvia to my iced tea and that does the trick. but i know a lot of people don’t use artificial sweeteners, so YMMV.

        3. I find for me that drinking sweet things begets wanting to drink more sweet things. So as you start weaning off the Diet Coke, you might find you don’t need your alternative drinks to be as sweet over time.

          1. I’m the iced tea poster and yes this happened for me. I lost the craving for a sweet drink over time.

            You can always add a packet of sugar to the tea while it’s hot (it dissolves better in hot liquid) before pouring it over ice.

        4. I use those flavoring drops, usually the store brand. When the water has a color and a flavor, it’s a lot more appealing. They even make caffeinated ones.

    9. Spa water! Add cucumbers, watermelon, pineapple, lemons, limes, whatever fruit you want!

      1. This is what I do! Cucumber and mint are really good. So is strawberries and lemon.

    10. Green tea, rooibos tea, dark chocolate aromatic black tea, any kind of herbal tea, really.

    11. I have an infusing pitcher with a basket in the middle that you fill with fruit/veggies/herbs and then fill the pitcher with water. It’s fantastic and also helps me use up produce that might go bad. My favorite thing to add is mint, to which you can add cucumber, watermelon, peach, strawberry, whatever. Lemon and lime are obvious and also can be combined with other things. Basil is also good.

    12. Kevita Sparkling Probiotic Drink. There are other brands that are okay but this one is my favorite because they have so many flavors. Little to no added sugar (though check the label), organic and very few calories – some flavors are as low as 10 calories per serving as it is mostly fizzy water and light flavoring. The natural flavorings and fizz allow for less sugar needed to enjoy the drink.

    13. What worked for me was taking something sweet (lemonade, fruit juice, etc.) and adding a splash of seltzer/club soda to start, gradually increasing the ratio of seltzer to juice until it was just a splash of the sweet in the fizzy. It satisfied the craving for the sweet & fizzy refreshing.

    16. The Tazo teas are great iced and unsweetened. I love the Passion, but have enjoyed others as well. You can make it by the pitcher which should last you several days…maybe?

  5. Feeling meh about life. I need to lose weight. I need to be saving more. I need to figure out when and how to have a baby. And it’s all just so much work.

          1. Yeah literally I am! Do I do IUI? Do I do IVF? Do I screen embryos for the genetic disease I might carry? It’s more complicated than just googling “where do babies come from.”

        2. Not the Anonymous above, but I figured that there is an issue around a partner, finances, or health. Hug.

          (One of my very good friends has given up on having a baby; she had a lot of fertility issues, despite being young. Other friends have given up on having kids because they are approaching 40, don’t want to be single moms, and haven’t found the right person yet. It is really, really hard on them.)

          2. Honestly, even with all the enthusiasm in the world, it is no joke being an older mom. And you are not enthusiastic?

          3. No advice, except to find someone with good judgement to help you sort through everything.

    3. It’s so much work. Commiseration. I’ve been trying to remember and focus on the fact that life isn’t all about planning for a secure and successful future (I know this is hard for us over-achieving women); part of it is enjoying the “right now” also, and when I focus on that, I feel more satisfied overall. Even as you work toward the other stuff, give yourself some time and space to enjoy, or at least appreciate, the now.

    4. No advice, commiseration. My almost 60 year old ex-boss, a man, just got married and had a kid. I’m so annoyed that they get to choose to postpone that last part for so long. Women have ridiculous pressure to get everything in life done in measly 15 years after graduating college.

      1. Yes, but he almost certainly won’t get to see that kid really grow up. Or at least not be as vibrant for it. Everything in life has trade offs.

        1. I was friends with that dad. He was a great dad and great work mentor (girl dads are really amazing sometimes). And then he died and his kids are still teens. They are just wrecked. Sh*t gets real fast when you have an older parent (as do I, but I’m a grownup, so I guess I’m mentally prepared for that in the way that a kid isn’t).

        2. Yeah, this. I’m always kind of amazed when people say they’re jealous of men who can have kids in their 50s and 60s. I chose to be done having kids by 32 because I want to enjoy my 50s and 60s as an empty nester and hopefully have grandchildren in my life by my 70s. And yes, I might have made a different decision if I were single and didn’t have the option of having kids so young, but I don’t really see having children late in life as something that’s optimal or enviable.

          2. Female (obvs? but just confirming) here who had kids at 38 and 39. Had I gotten married earlier, this wouldn’t have been my choice. 2 miscarriages. Aging parents on both sides (who had kids at 27 and 30). I hope my kids have kids when they are younger b/c I may miss grandchildren entirely. And I will probably have to retire and then move to a city one of them is in for mutual dependency (I will pet-sit but you may need to drive me to the doctor or come listen). My spouse is older and don’t expect him to live past when they finish college.

          3. It wasn’t my intent to make women in their late 30s who don’t have kids and want them feel bad. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having kids later, and I was definitely the earliest in my friend group to have children when I had them at 30 and 32 (I acknowledged as much when I said I had kids “so young”). I’m just saying I don’t understand reactions along the lines of “I’m so jealous of men who can have kids at 60!” IMO, there is nothing enviable about becoming a first time parent at 55 or 60 – an age when most people are becoming empty-nesters and contemplating retirement – and I don’t feel like women are missing out on anything by not having this option available to us.

          4. Anonymous OP, if you’re young enough to have bio kids, you’re young enough to enjoy your 60s and 70s as an empty nester. Have a kid at 40, and s/he’s in college when you are 58. You can have plenty of good years with grandkids.

          5. anon at 12:43 – let’s be clear, though, it’s not just being a first time biological parent at 55 or 60 that women do not have the option of – it’s that it becomes increasingly unlikely as a woman approaches (and passes) 40. Given our relatively longer life expectancy, it’s not all that implausible to have a child in one’s mid-40s and still be around when the kid was full grown and potentially even see grandkids. The trouble is that most men can easily impregnate a woman in their mid-40s while the natural pregnancy rate for a woman of the same age is like a dismal 1% or something like that.

        3. Yeah, but the distinction is that at least men have that option (having biological children well into their 60s and beyond), while women are foreclosed from it. I agree it’s not desirable to have children at that age, but all else equal, I would love even a few extra years of fertility into my 40s even if it means that I might not get to see my kids as settled in life as someone who was able to have kids younger.

          1. This. They have the choice. Which means they also have greater flexibility in waiting for the right partner to come into their life.

      2. The average lifespan for a 60-year-old man in the US is 22 years, meaning there’s a good chance he’ll be dead by the time his kid graduates from college. It was his choice, yes, but certainly not one I would envy.

        1. That seems high, honestly. I don’t know too many men that have lived to 82, at least not in good health.

          1. Conditional probability. 15% of men don’t live until age 60, so the group that is already 60 is the group who didn’t die young.

          3. Yes, conditional probability. Your life expectancy increases the longer you live. If you’re feeling morbid, check the Social Security administration life expectancy calculator.

      3. I think it would be easier if it were more equal. If men’s fertility declined to the single digits by their mud-forties, men in their 30s would be a lot more serious about dating and marriage. The tough thing is having men on a completely different timeline.

    5. Are you me? So much commiseration. Hugs to you. Especially on your last sentence. I hear you. I cry a lot at this point in the process of realizing that life isn’t how I envisioned it and how do I either 1. accept that or 2. drop everything and make a lot of expensive attempts to have a child or adopt.

    6. Same. Sending you hugs. I’m divorced and turning 35 soon. My husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. They aren’t together, but I couldn’t get over that. That was 2 years ago. Here I am single and not getting any younger. It has crossed my mind that it I’d be ok if I got pregnant by accident from a casual gardening friend. I don’t even care about child support. I can raise a child on my income. It’s the cost of reproductive technology that is a challenge. How ironic I went from scared of an unplanned pregnancy to scared of the cost of planning one.

      1. I’ve looked in to reproductive technology, and am considering it. I’ve been trying to put aside the amount of childcare each month (i.e., 2k a month, which won’t actually be enough for childcare in my city) as I make this decision. This money can then fund my reproductive costs (which isn’t actually that much at all for IUI, but gets more expensive if you move to IUF) and unpaid maternity leave.

        Anyways, if you can afford the cost of raising a child, I strongly suspect you can afford the cost of IUI. If you are serious about this, I suggest looking in to it.

        1. +1, if you are not even 35 yet, there is a good chance that IUI (maybe not the first one, it might take a few tries) will work for you. OTOH, if you know you want multiple children, you might want to do a cycle of IVF now and see if you can get extra frozen embryos for later. It’s potentially worth the upfront cost. The controversial (and less secure) option is egg freezing (if you are hoping to meet a partner to have bio kids with in the next few years). I froze mine at your age and am about to thaw them now for my second child (I am 40). Good luck, I know how stressful and sad this struggle can be.

          2. Oh, i didn’t realize you had already frozen them. Given your age, I would save the frozen eggs until your natural fertility is exhausted and start trying IUIs. I can understand wanting to just get pregnant by accident, but the problem with that is then you may have the baby’s father in your life forever, which you may or may not want. If you are ready to be a single mom, I think IUIs w/donor sperm make sense. Have you joined the SMBC forums? the membership fee is like $50/year but they have so much useful information.

            Otherwise, if you don’t want to be an SMBC but def want to preserve the option of bio kids with a partner, then I’d freeze more eggs. How many did you freeze? I have 20 eggs frozen at 35 and my RE said I have a 70-80% of a live birth but I wonder if that is optimistic. If i could do it again, I’d have frozen another 20 just to be safe.

          3. I would look at the stats of birth from frozen eggs (not embryos) again. Not to freak you out but I think an 70-80% chance of the frozen eggs resulting in a live birth is overly optimistic (some recent studies put the rate at 19%).

            For reference, even a frozen IVF cycle with genetically tested embryos in a woman <30 has only a 60% chance of success.

            I share this not to freak you out but I cam into the TTC process completely naive and the stats for all of this are actually a lot less rosy than I expected.

            Good luck.

          4. anon @ 2:52, i agree, i think 70-80% might be high. but I had success at 39 with only four eggs (resulted in my child) so I think that’s why my RE is giving me the odds that she did. There’s also a calculator online for frozen eggs that suggests an 82% chance with my number of eggs, so I figure the estimate is probably not too far off. 19% seems very very low for 20 eggs frozen at 35 and I haven’t seen that statistic in any recent peer reviewed journals. Of course there are no guarantees in the fertility world but I think I at least I have a (decent) chance.

      2. My wife and I are in year two of fertility struggles. It is so expensive even for two people with good jobs. Actually having a child would be significantly cheaper than trying for a child.

        One cost that we had not accurately captured was sperm. It’s approximately $900 a vial and costs $200 to ship.

        So far we’ve gone through 20 vials of sperm.

        My heart goes out to anyone else going through this.

        1. Oh, to be clear, I wasn’t trying to discount the cost if you have fertility struggles. But the poster at 12:47 seemed to be writing off having a child on her own because of the cost to conceive without knowing whether she would have fertility struggles. It’s not cheap, but the cost of IUI, especially unmedicated IUI, is so, so much lower than IVF. She should at least look in to it before assuming that she can’t afford it.

  6. Okay – has anyone done a trip to Africa with a 5 and 4 year old? We are looking to safari with the kids and visit Victoria falls and see the flamingos.
    our plan is to only have four “safari” rides. The kids will only join us on one or two of them. We are traveling with friends who also have children (5 and 7), so we will take turns watching kids while the other couple does the other 2-3 rides. We’ve pretty much settled on doing this. We travel quite a bit with the kiddos.

    I’m looking for advice from this board on “base” camps. I’d like to spend a few days near Victoria Falls, and also see flamingos and some wildlife. But I’m not sure how much time and what camps. any resort recommendations? I’ve seen some interesting choices in Botswana. any opinions on whether this is the best area?

    Then we are looking to spend another 4-5 days at a resort that is near a water hole or some area where “big five” can be seen by the kiddos other than on the safari rides. I’d also love a resort with fun for the kiddos during the day, etc. any recommendations? I can’t decide if I want to base it In Kenya (especially so we can spend a night at the giraffe manor), or if S.Africa or Tanzinia is better.

    has anyone done a similar trip? I love to research and plan, but since i’m first time there, should I just suck it up and use an agency?

    Thanks, ladies!

    1. Following because mine are 4 and 8 but this is on our bucket list for when they are 8 and 12. Would also be travelling with same aged family friends and love the idea of swapping solo adult safaris!

    2. Not to be a buzzkill ,but have you discussed with this with your pediatrician? We told our ped we wanted to do safari (in S. Africa) with our 8 year old and she basically went ballistic and told us it was too dangerous, the side effects of malaria pills are serious and not something you should give a child unless absolutely necessary, we were crazy to subject a minor to this kind of risky travel without her consent, etc. We travel internationally 2-3x/year and she’s never objected to any of our other travel plans. We decided to wait until our daughter is a teenager and better able to consent (at least morally, if not legally). 4 and 5 also sounds awfully young to enjoy this kind of trip, even if you don’t expect them to go on every game drive.

      1. There are large parts of South Africa that do not require malaria pills, which may be another reason to pick that over Tanzania.

        1. Tanzania, in the north around Kilimanjaro and Arusha, at least, doesn’t have malaria either. The CDC maps are painted with broad brushes, but in the higher elevations it’s not a problem.

      2. This seems overly conservative IMO. It depends on the type of malaria pill — some have crazy side effects, but some don’t.

        That said, I personally wouldn’t “waste” a safari on a 4-year-old. I’d wait a few years till they have the stamina to keep up and can remember everything.

      3. The irony is that my friend who lives in Tanzania is nervous about bringing her small children to the US because of measles…

        1. Hell, I’m in the US and have recently been to both Brooklyn and Seattle and Asheville and I’m nervous and heck about measles and am getting a booster shot. We be crazy about not doing stuff the rest of the world gets right.

        2. Touche. I’m the Anon at 9:41 and we definitely avoided Brooklyn on our last trip to NYC for this reason. That said, my ped is generally reasonable and I think I needed to hear her thoughts on this. Speaking only for myself, I can sometimes get a little overly ambitious about adventure travel with my elementary schooler, and I think we’ll all enjoy the trip more when she’s older. And she was 8 at the time – 4 and 8 are kind of light years apart in kid years.

      4. Huh? She realizes children live in South Africa and survive just fine, right? And she expects you do request her consent for things you want to do with YOUR child? Give me a break. She sounds like she has a complex, and I’d be dropping her like a rock.

        1. The fact that people live there is irrelevant to the calculation of whether a privileged American should take a young child there on vacation. People also live in North Korea and Syria, I think most people would agree it’s not a wise decision to take a child there purely for entertainment. I don’t know enough about South Africa or the OP’s planned trip to know whether this pediatrician’s opinion was reasonable, but I don’t think telling someone to postpone an entirely optional vacation is inherently unreasonable just because some children live there.

        2. I thought the OP meant they needed the child’s consent for risky travel, but maybe it was the doctor’s consent…either way, this was ridiculous fear-mongering and I would be looking for a new doctor.

          1. Disagree — it’s like taking a kid to places where you don’t drink the local water without talking about not drinking the local water. Except that the meds here aren’t optional. And the kids there already have adjusted to the local surroundings probably since birth, so it’s not exactly apples to apples.

            I had a kid who got a stomach bug while travelling and it really was not the awesome vacay we had envisioned. Sick or sickly kids are no joke (and this was just in the US).

        3. Okay. I used to work in malaria research AND I’ve had malaria myself. So the pediatrician’s reaction was way over the top, but “people live in malarious regions and they’re just fine” is not accurate. At all. If you’re in a malaria zone, it is a major public health issue that is particularly risky for young children. People should evaluate that risk if they are planning to travel to a malarious region, especially with kids.

          That said, the pediatrician’s reaction was way over the top, IMO. OP, it doesn’t sound like you would be going to a region that has high malaria risk. Even if you are, there are many forms of malaria prophylaxis, and not all of them have significant side effects of the type the poster’s pediatrician was likely alluding to. It’s important to see a travel medicine doctor – NOT a regular general practice physician – who will have a good understanding of the malaria risk and the available prophylactic medications. What drugs you take depend on what type of malaria is prevalent in the region you’re traveling too.

          1. I took Malarone and had a very good experience (no side effects and no malaria despite living in an endemic region for 2+ months). It was slightly more expensive, but I was very, very willing to pay more for the drug that does not come with risk of hallucination. I believe it’s safe for kids, but check with your doctor about that.

          2. When I went to South Africa, I did not take malaria drugs. We were not visiting the areas where malaria typically occurs. I was willing to take the risk. My husband took the drugs. Everyone has a different level of comfort.

      5. I traveled with my parents when I was 8 and my little sister was 4 and we were forced to take the malaria medicine (mefloquine) for the trip. After that one time, we repeatedly went to that same (high risk area) and never took the malaria medicine again. We never got malaria but I would never take the medicine again. My mother says that my sister hallucinated from it, but my sister doesn’t remember.

    3. With the caveat of I have no kids, I loved Tanzania, but from research I was doing on planning our trip, I get the impression South Africa would be a better option for a trip with kids. South Africa seemed to have more “resort” type camps with pools and the like, whereas Tanzania is more just the (very fancy) tent camps and I think kids would get bored pretty easily. There were a handful of camps that were more permanent with pools and such, but I think you’d have more options in South Africa. A friend who had been to both S Africa and Tanzania describes Tanzania as much more open/unfenced and therefore less able to wander around freely (because wild animals). I know all the camps we were at were very cautious about letting little kids (and even adults after dark) wander around because of that. Same friend raved about Ant’s Hill in South Africa and it had more activities than just game drives, so you might check that out.
      When planning, I initially started out working with travel agencies and then gave up and planned it on my own because it was so much cheaper to plan directly, so I recommend that. Use the tripadvisor forums to get suggestions/ask questions.

      1. And not what you asked, but I do think 4 and 5 is probably too young for this trip. I’d save it until they’re at least 10 and better able to enjoy it. Safaris are not cheap and it doesn’t seem worth it to take them when they’re really too young to fully appreciate it. Some of the providers also won’t take kids that young on game drives (some may not even allow them in camp, period), so if you are set on going, be sure to ask.

        1. Agreed. I took an amazing trip in Africa after law school, and recommend it to everyone. But, unless you are made of money and can afford to take the trip again when they are older, I would wait until they can truly enjoy it and remember it.

    4. Haven’t done it with kids, but make sure to check permitted age range with the safari operators and camps first. Many do not allow young children (due to safety concerns about children riding in Range Rovers without car seats or concerns that kids are impulsive and won’t stay in the vehicle).

      1. thanks! we have been doing this. maybe that makes it wiser to use a travel agent? hmm.

    5. I went to Tanzania last summer and it was amazing, and I would totally take a 4 and 5 year old there. Malaria is not a concern in northern Tanzania, nor is yellow fever. We flew into Arusha, and spent time in Tarangire, Arusha National Park, Ngorogoro Crater, and Serengeti. There were some very lovely looking hotels in Serengeti. We didn’t stay any nights in resorts that were in the parks themselves, though we did a tent camp in Serengeti for 2 nights. There were others who had little kids there even in the tent camp (which was more glamping–the tents had frame beds, indoor plumbing, and a dining tent with a chef cooking French food to order). We had the advantage of knowing friends who live in the area, and they hooked us up with Wild & Me, a safari company owned by mutual friends, and they planned out everything for us. The owners are a really nice couple–she is Australian and he is Masai. They have a facebook page if you’re interested.

    6. there is a blogger who has a great instagram account – the world wide webbers who has done this trip with her kids. i know her peripherally from growing up and she is a normal, down to earth person. i went for my honeymoon and we loved safari in botswana and we also went to victoria falls and used karrell travel to book our trip. i would 100% suggest you use a travel agent.

    7. Just did this trip recently.

      Tongabezi was a phenomenal place to stay when visiting Victoria Falls. They have boat rides down the Zambezi river too which are definitely kid friendly.

      Dulini in Kruger National Park in SA was also fantastic! It wasn’t too difficult to travel between Zambia and S. Africa

      1. Did this trip for my honeymoon – Second Tongabezi in Zambia. I remember the hotel having lots of activities and Victoria Falls adjacent activities as well. We did safari in South Africa and I don’t believe our lodge allowed children, but I do recall reading about “malaria free” safaris as well, which may be an option.

    8. I did a safari in South Africa (through the Kruger National Park website) last fall with my mom and best friend and her mom and there were a bunch of kids (aged 6-12) in our group. Honestly, it was so much fun to have the kids around and they were super well behaved. We had cabin or tent sleeping options and food was provided (and very good). I definitely think the kids had fun and there were varying tour options that included day trips on the Panorama Route or self-driving safaris. The only things I can think of that might be difficult for kids are the early wake ups (at the car at 5:30 AM) and the 3-4 hour drive with no bathroom breaks.

    9. Check out the blog Design Darling – she wrote up a long series of posts about her safari honeymoon. I think you should also consider Rwanda. It’s quite safe and you can go on safari and/or see mountain gorillas.

      Also, the instagrammer Callie Coles (the one with the infamous baby basket on a pony from the “adventures with kids” arguments a while back) did a safari trip with young kids. I’m not sure where (although it was partially on horseback), but it can be done.

    10. Thanks, everyone.
      I understand the children are little, but we have to do this travel now because my husband will not be with us for travel more than a few more years. He has a degenerative condition, and this type of travel will likely not be possible in a few years (no way to know how long). So, we are doing a lot of exciting things now while we have the ability. Sorry to overshare, but that’s why I said in the OP that we are set on going.

      Our pediatrician is not concerned.

      It sounds like South Africa may be a real place to focus. thank you!
      but I’m glad to hear the good on Tanzania, because it really does look more interesting!

      1. I hope it’s a wonderful experience and the memories are a blessing to you in the hard times to come. Thinking of you all.

        1. Seconding this. Thinking of your family and just voicing support for your travel plans even though I have no specific advice to offer about the destinations.

      2. I will say if you have your heart set on Tanzania, I went with Access2Tanzania and they are great and should have suggestions for the best camps/parks for your situation. And while one of the amazing things about the Serengeti is that it’s so big, that’s also a downside because you can drive for hours and not see a lot of animals, depending on the day and where exactly you are staying. So if you do decide to go with Tanzania, you might do better to focus on a smaller park (Ngorongoro was my favorite, Tarangire was also very nice.)

      3. I’m so sorry for your circumstances, but I hope that you and your family have a wonderful time. It’s going to be an amazing trip.

    11. We did a safari last year in Sabi Sands/Kruger NP and it was amazing. We did take antimalarials when we were there. However, there are game reserves in the Western Cape which is not a malarial zone and may be better suited for travel with children. South Africa has first-world level medical facilities (unlike many of its neighbours) in case anyone does get ill. While I also prefer booking my own travel, for a safari it does make sense to go through a travel agent; I think they may be able to get a better deal on the – insanely expensive – game lodges.

      As for the kids’ age, I have very clear memories from that age; it will be a magical experience that they will cherish forever.

    12. Just to provide some perspectives on the game drives. There is generally one early in the morning and then in the afternoon and they last a number of hours. Some drives you see lots of animals, others can be snoozes. I would make sure that your kids can handle the tedious sections. I haven’t been to South Africa for my trips, but based on feedback from other travelers, those seem to be the most family friendly and where its pretty easy to see animals.

  7. does anyone have a rec for a therapist in Houston? ideally one who takes insurance… (why is it so hard to find mental health practitioners who take insurance)

    1. Three friends (who don’t know each other) have all raved about Lee Winderman, Ph.D.

    2. If you like a warm but straight forward female therapist, albeit in slightly shabby offices (she’s on the younger side of her practice – I’d peg her early 30s at oldest) – Janelle Marshall, MS, LPC, CART. She even posts her non-insurance rates and the Insurance and EAP providers accepted (most of the major players) on her website.

    3. Why? Because therapists often have $100k-$200k in student loan debt, insurance companies can take months to qualify someone as approved, and therapists often have high overhead in practices (costs of the space and of hiring someone to handle billing). Add in that insurance companies take months to pay out and often pay very very little. As a result, therapists are finding it unrealistic to be able to financially juggle all of that, especially as the pay out rate can fluctuate with little or no warning. Thus many prefer to work only without insurance and offer a sliding fee scale, knowing that they make more and patients without insurance have better access than if there is insurance involved.

      1. I had a chiropractor who refused to take insurance because the cost of the paperwork and delayed reimbursements would be too onerous. She just kept low, flat rates, had a part-time receptionist as her only staff, and spent her time with patients and not paperwork.

        On the other hand, I tried going to a therapist who took insurance, just not mine, and who basically browbeat me when I said I would pay the full rate out of pocket. By the fourth time I said I would pay because I needed a therapist more than I needed to find one who took my insurance, I gave up. Like, just take my money!

      2. I agree, colleague. I dropped off panels in the early 1990s. I didn’t like being told how to practice by nurses who had no history with my patients. Especially when my sessions were keeping a child with ADHD off his medications quite well…

        There are so many invisible costs, and a big chunk can be rent/overhead – especially when not shared with others. Maybe that’s why things can look “shabby.” There is also far more wear and tear on furniture as we don’t generally buy the industrial, physician office, hard surface furnishings – all in the hopes of our patients feeling more comfortable.

  8. A colleague died over the weekend. Normally I would send a sympathy card to her family, but her widow is my husband’s boss’s boss. The power dynamics there seem weird. Should I send a card? Or just wait and participate in the whatever my office does? I worked with her more closely than anyone else here, but, because of office hierarchy, I’m not even certain I’d be included in a group memorial.

    1. A card is never wrong. Death is an equalizer–we’re all humans at times like these, not bosses and subordinates.

      1. +1 – another vote for send a card yourself. My rule for things like this is I’ll participate in the group whatever, but I also always send my own whatever. You can never go wrong telling someone you’ll also miss their loved one.

      3. +1. If the rule is “always go to the funeral,” then sending a card cannot possibly be wrong.

    3. Send the card.

      I am so sorry for your loss. I worked closely with Carol for two years and i always looked forward to her laugh/sense of humor/kindness. (Choose one) I will miss her a lot and my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

      Having been through a number of losses, unfortunately, I have found that the cards that told me one thing someone liked about my loved one are the ones that meant the most – and they meant more than flowers or a casserole.

      1. +1 to a note like this. Sending a card is never wrong as long as you write something in it. Don’t be like my dad’s uncle and cousin and send a preprinted card with a signature—that’s worse than nothing at all.

  9. Any recs for good quality polos for men without obnoxious branding? My husband has asked for new polos for his birthday and is not a little pony or alligator kind of guy. He doesn’t wear them for golf or anything, so they don’t need to be sporty fabric. He’s slim, if that’s helpful.

    5. Charles Tyrwhitt. They are slightly more expensive than US mall brands but they wear like iron. I think my husband has some that are nearly a decade old at this point and still look fine.

    6. JCrew Factory has slim-cut polos with no logos or pockets. Not the world’s HIGHEST quality, but reasonable for the price point.

    8. LL Bean’s men’s polos really hold up well through multiple washings and the colors don’t fade as they do in cheaper polos.

    11. +1 to LL Bean or Land’s End; they’re my husband’s favorites and each on easily lasts a year or two. I recently got him a very lightweight merino wool one from Woolly and he seems to like it—soft and breathable for summer.

  10. Luke P is the worst. I want a bachelorette featuring a chubby 35 year old who has a full time job (me pick me) and a bunch of men from 35-45 who own real furniture and want babies soon.

    1. Just came to say I loved this comment. :)

      I watch the show for the trainwreck it is, and I cannot believe the level of gaslighting this season from Luke P!! Agree – I would love a bachelor/bachelorette with a higher age range and people with real jobs (but then I guess they wouldn’t be able to spend two months filming a reality show, and it probably wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining.)

    2. I’ll admit to not understanding this comment BUT I would love a version of the Bachelor/Bachelorette that featured someone older. Maybe a Bachelorette who is over 65?? I feel like some retirement communities are basically hotbeds of relationship drama anyways – might as well let us all join in vicariously!

    3. I agree Luke P is awful. That being said…..I hope he is doing the young ladies and gentlemen of Bachelor Nation a favor by showing how easy it is to fall for the hot guy who says all the right things in the beginning then makes you crazy after a couple weeks. My hope is that this insight will lead to break-ups with d-bags all over the US. And that’s what I cling to.

      1. Except – isn’t it more likely that she knows he is awful and the producers are telling her to keep him until a certain point for ratings purposes. The crazy personalities get the ratings because the viewers want to see them go and will tune in until they do.

        1. Doesn’t matter if it is engineered by the show or not. There are always producer picks in this show.

          End of the day, viewers are getting frustrated by the dynamic. X months down the road, say a viewer meets Lame Dude, recognizes red flags (based on frustration with Luke P’s behavior) , then dumps Lame Dude after 2 months rather than spending 2 years trying to make it work at the expense of her own well being. …is my hope.

    4. I’ve never really watched the show until this season, and now the only reason I’m watching is because I REALLY want to see Luke P get his a$$ kicked. And I really wish Hannah would rip him a brand-dandy new anal orifice on national TV. This is why I need to be the (over a certain age) Bachelorette. I would not take any of this cr@p and we’d be having weekly come to Jesus meetings during cocktail hour with some of these guys behaving worse than most toddlers I’ve met. Now that is some TV I know people would enjoy!

    5. I am finding this season so triggering and upsetting. I’m getting so frustrated. Even though the past few bachelorettes were not perfect, they were not this bad about not seeing red flags! (Becca with her terrible dude might be the exception but he came off well on the show). this is why they should at least be over 27. Rachel was great! 31 year old, no patience for BS, charming etc .

  11. I have an outpatient medical procedure scheduled. On a day that is a workday. No time though.

    The billing people called, wanting $$$ (my 4-figure deductible) to hold my spot on the calendar. I asked: I work FT and have kids; could you let me know what time this is going to be so I can arrange for work coverage and child-care coverage (it’s summer; my kids won’t pick themselves up from camp; someone also has to be with me 100% of the time I’m at the outpatient place, which will be for 4-5 hours).

    It was like pulling teeth to get this information even tentatively (but up until 5 the day before they can change the schedule — so could the surgery start at 5pm and then we need to be there until 10?). OMG so, so, so not user friendly. It’s like they don’t understand how peoples’ lives are (but they certainly understand $$$).

    I hate everyone. So stabby right now.

    1. Um slow your roll. They have other patients, who may or may not have unscheduled medical needs. This is normal, you’re being a dramatic princess. You need to take a full day off and a full day of childcare.

      2. No, it’s not. I went without quite a bit of medical care because of this problem when I had a super-unpredictable and inflexible work schedule, and I don’t even have kids! Their entire system is predicated on people being able to have complete control over their work life/schedule. That’s just not the case for a lot of folks.

        OP, it sucks and I hope you’re able to get the procedure you need done.

      3. Medical services are the worst. They should be patient-focused and attentive to patients, but for all of the soft-focus ads and commercials, it’s a bureaucracy not unlike the DMV except that they could kill you (but want your $ first and I know you’re in pain and didn’t bring your glasses b/c you just wear them for reading and didn’t plan on being in a car wreck but could you please sign this waiver written in 8-point font?).

        All I can think of is that the reason women in labor hire doulas is the reason why I might hire a private duty nurse / random person to be my advocate in case something ever goes majorly wrong.

        2. I have been hired to be a patient advocate in the past (by friends of friends or others), if you truly decide you want this, I’m happy to help you, email me! IAmAnEpicWarrior at the mail of g.

          No matter what, am sending you positive energy and vibes for the experience and the recovery!

      4. 10:51 — you must be a doctor

        I have sympathy for lawyers, who have to jump when clients call (and then do their own billings and collections and can’t demand payment up front or they won’t put you on the schedule). And accountants. And the whole rest of the planet that couldn’t treat people so dismissively. Honestly, I’d prefer going through airport security to anything healthcare related.

        1. Lol nope. But I get that their priority is providing everyone the best medical care they can, not providing optimal scheduling convenience.

          1. They are also like bad high volume hair salons where they stack people to ensure that there is no downtime.

            It’s like when you have a doctor’s appointment, you go and you wait. If you get that at your lawyer or CPA, you walk out the door and get a better one (so lawyers and CPAs treat you better b/c they have to; doctors don’t have to or make a better system for you). Same with mechanics or house painters or like any other good service provider.

          2. Holy hell, not all people are local to their medical care. If you have a 6am or 8am procedure, you might need to spend the night locally to avoid any unknowns with local rush hours, etc. In my state, there are two big areas for medical treatment in cities at either end and about 6-8 hours of driving time in between. For someone who is sick with a family to deal with, this is a huge QOL thing that medical providers ought to be aware of unless they are oblivious to their patients’ needs.

        2. I agree with OP that this is ridiculous she can’t get a time for her procedure, but you have no sympathy for doctors at all? There are bad doctors out there, but most doctors aren’t in charge of billing or how the office runs. It’s an issue with the system, not the individuals.

          1. “It’s an issue with the system” is just how you wash your hands.

            I couldn’t get away with not being customer-focused in my line of work. But it seems like with medical care you just s*ck it up. Except for where the practitioner owns the business and runs it like you have a choice of providers — I have nothing but good words for my dentist and kids’ orthodontist b/c they really care and are responsive and don’t make you twist in the wind.

            Corporate health care is just the worst — no one owns the problem. So it just continues to exist.

          2. Yeah, but outpatient surgical procedures are a much bigger degree of complexity than dentists.

          3. Some of my (former) doctors seemed hellbent on hiring the very cheapest labor they could find – front office staff who could barely understand the written or spoken word and didn’t care a bit. And why would you care, if a guy making six figures is paying you $12/hour?

      5. Way to be rude. Forgetting her logistic issues, people tend to be nervous about medical procedures and want to control what they can control — sometimes that means schedule and working life around the surgery day and recovery.

      6. That’s harsh. Yes, unscheduled things come up, but they should be able to tell her what time it starts. If it’s a noon surgery, she needs to plan for evening camp pick-up and backup childcare if the procedure runs late. If it’s an 8 am surgery, she needs someone to drop the kids off at camp.

        They have a calendar; they can communicate that. I’ve never had a surgery wherein it’s been hard to figure out the timelines, even though one was delayed for eight hours.

      8. This. I just had unscheduled urgent (not yet emergency) outpatient surgery. I’m very thankful that the hospital and doctor were able to make room on their schedule.

    2. Yea my mom had an out patient removal of a benign tumour, she was bitching about it so I told her she is lucky she doesn’t have whatever the patent she was bumped for had. The perspective helped her calm down.

    3. yes, i am constantly surprised that the concept of customer service doesn’t exist in the medical field. it does in all other professional fields that i can think of. consumers have no power when it comes to medical issues.

    4. I had outpatient surgery in November and then again in March. They ought to be able to tell you what time you should get there. They usually err on the early side, so they tell you to plan on 5 or 6 am, and then they call you the night before and say ok you don’t have to be here till 7 am. It depends on a lot of things, like who ends up needing emergency surgery, which you can certainly, I hope, understand will come before yours.

      Either way, you should plan on a whole day. Presumably you’re going under general and you don’t want to be trying to do anything but sleep or watch crap tv the same day.

      1. If they mean to plan on the whole day, shouldn’t they just tell people that???

        One of my aunts retired and I think her life now is filled with stuff like this for my grandmother and her husband. She has the patience of a saint, which I do not. But also is retired and doesn’t have little kids to care for.

        1. But, it’s outpatient surgery and presumably involves sedation or anesthesia. Wouldn’t it be common sense to assume that you should plan for care for yourself, and for your kids, for the whole day? It’s a big deal! Treat it like one, instead of trying to shoe-horn everything into the 24 hours you have each day.

          1. IDK — I’ve had a couple of outpatient procedures where I was there for not long at all and others where there was anesthesia and maybe it was 1-2 hours. But it can be longer. But honestly, THEY SHOULD TELL YOU what to expect and not to have you rely on an internet fashion board or Dr. Google. Like hand you something that spells it all out. But they don’t.

            I’m not a doctor or health care professional and I don’t know these things off the top of my head. I’m not psychic.

          2. If your surgery doesn’t start until 3 pm, why on earth would you have childcare starting at 8 am?

      2. I’ve been in both situations- the one who’s waiting for a surgery (both as an outpatient and hospitalized already and waiting for an operating room) and the one who needed to push everyone else out for emergency surgery. It sucks, but, trust me, if you’re in the situation of needing something done right that very second, it sucks a lot more than having some schedule inconvenience or uncertainty for a day. A lot of the time, unless you’re literally going to an exclusively outpatient surgery facility, the operating rooms and teams are prioritized for hospitalized people or patients with higher or more acute levels of need, and so everything is based around who needs to have the schedule shuffled around and who has flexibility. It sucks as the one who has flexibility, technically, but who might not have that much practically, but you realize how important that is once you’re the one who needs the room before anyone else.

    5. I’ve always known the time to show up for medical procedures and surgeries. I personally think it’s strange they didn’t tell you a time right away!

      As for logistics, I would plan childcare all day and take the full day off work.

      1. OP, I’m sorry the system you’re in is like this. Not everywhere in the US is like this, though and it may be worth checking other hospitals if your area has effective competition in healthcare.

        I’ve never been told to hold a whole day. However, I have been told a time for an induction, but to call a few hours before became I could be bumped to the next day if there was a surge of women already in active labor (which makes sense).

        I think the messaging makes a huge difference “here’s your time and we’ll aim to care for you, but emergencies may come up” versus “we don’t care about your time at all.” I’d be very unhappy with the latter.

        1. Yes — I was worried about being bumped for an induction but my OB was all “no, they can’t bump you if you are past your due date” and I was “game on!”

    6. I had outpatient surgery for a miscarriage. So emotionality — off the chart. Dealing with this (my first surgery ever) was off the chart medical / scheduling / non-communicative / oh, but we need your credit card # drama that no one should have to deal with ever.

      I felt like I was on a production line.

      And the experience was awful — freezing basement. Curtains, not rooms. No vocal privacy (so you heard weeping and wailing). Horribleness on top of horribleness.

      1. I had outpatient surgery for a miscarriage. So emotionality — off the chart. Dealing with this (my first surgery ever) was off the chart medical / scheduling / non-communicative / oh, but we need your credit card # drama that no one should have to deal with ever.

        I felt like I was on a production line.

        And the experience was awful — freezing basement. Curtains, not rooms. No vocal privacy (so you heard weeping and wailing). Horribleness on top of horribleness.

    7. If there is a nurse practitioner associated with the practice, call for him/her. I’m my experience of knee surgery, two knee replacements, biopsy, cancer surgery, the NP is the source of practical information.

    8. This kind of scheduling crap is why I switched physicians between Kid 1 and Kid 2. While a lot of people seemed surprised that I’d switch from a practice associated with a very very fancy “hospital to the stars”, I have been SO happy at the slightly dingier hospital system in a less white part of town. The fancy practice seemed to assume that I had infinite time to wait around to see The Great Doctor for ten minutes and/or be rescheduled at the drop of a hat for unexplained reasons.

      Also, Unfancy Hospital is so much better about billing – I haven’t been double-charged copays and they didn’t even attempt to balance bill me when I had Kid 2. Oh, and they cut me a check when I overpaid for a procedure.

    9. This is the standard practice in my area (we have a huge medical system that has a monopoly on the region so they can basically do whatever they want) and its awful. I have chronic health issues and its gotten so bad I’m considering going on disability or moving bc it’s impossible to have a planned out work schedule and also get the care I need. This might be “standard” for your area but all the people telling you to suck it up are full of shit. It shouldn’t be this way.

  12. Any suggestions for super comfortable work pants?

    Like the Uniqlo pants (will add link) but not ankle length

    2. Betabrand yoga-dress pants are SUPER comfortable but can lean a bit too “yoga” depending on your body type and what you pair it with. I would definitely give them a try though, good to have on hand for days when you just can NOT be fussed to wear real pants. I also like MM LaFleur Fosters (splurge).

      1. The Foster Pants are the best. I have 4 pairs and they’ve really held up over the years.

  13. Long Island Q- where’s a good town for a girls weekend? Wine, good food, swimming, don’t care about being fancy.

  14. Are we still doing colorblocking? I thought that trend was two years dead? I’ve personally never been a fan because it reminds me too much of star trek, although I’ve seen lots of people look fabulous in it.

    1. How is “colorblocking” (in this instance) different than “my shirt and skirt are not the same color”? (I’ve wondered this for a decade.)

      1. I think it’s color blocking when it’s giant chunks of the same color on one article of clothing? But maybe I’m super off, I’m not fashiony at all!

      2. +1. This isn’t colorblocking to me. Frankly, I can’t tell from the picture that it was a dress and since I don’t read the descriptions I though it was a top and skirt.

        1. Right, I would call this a “twofer” dress, although that may not be the official term.

      3. It’s colorblocking adjacent – Elizabeth said that it was colorblocking in the text and it made me wonder which is why I posed the question. But for real, is it over? I feel like I only see true colorblocking at Marshalls and TJMaxx with two and three season old dresses.

  15. Any ideas? I’m being told to essentially just wait or deal… 2 months of needing pseudoephedrine on the regular due to sinus pain. Now on antibiotics for 6 days (fairly high dose, amox. 500mg 3x/day) but still in facial pain and I know it’s impacting my sleep, even though I’m trying to sleep propped up.

    No health insurance so I know free clinics are trying to treat and street me but it’s been ages and I just want to not feel gross during the season in which the weather doesn’t make me want to hermit (I’m in the midwest)! Any ideas/experiences?

    3. Not a doc but I had a sinus infection this winter that needed augmentin, amox did not help. I don’t know if amox is a great option for sinus infections (based on stuff I’ve read and my experience…again not a dr).

    5. Sorry, but this is normal for an unfortunate sinus system. It may not be be bacterial (maybe it is! good luck with the meds!), it may just be a flow issue, a mild allergy issue, or systemic inflammation. Even with insurance and good specialists, meds dont necessarily fix sinus symptoms.

  16. When a pet passes, please stop recommending people get a new pet immediately. Please stop making jokes about how now they can go on vacation without paying a pet sitter. Please stop offering to give away your pet for some annoying thing they did yesterday. Please stop assuming that a person is deciding to be a downer when they are still grieving more than 15 minutes after the loss.

    I get that many don’t know what to say or do when someone is grieving, but come ON! Whether you go with “I’m so sorry for your loss” or you just set your phone to remind you to text something like “thinking of you” every few days for a while or whether you offer a hug or send flowers or a card, that’s up to you… but please don’t minimize it as if the pet is instantly (or ever) replaceable or remind them that their pet will never again annoy them with silliness or that they want to feel so horrible. If you are being told that someone is grieving this loss, it’s likely that they felt the way about their pet that you do about your kid or your sibling or your best friend. It would be horrible for someone to just have another kid or offer to give you their sister who always steals their makeup. It would be horrible if someone told you that it was just a kid or just a sibling. It would be horrible for people to expect you to no longer be grieving because it happened last week or because you have other kids/siblings.

    Seriously. Even if you don’t get the experience, please stop making it worse. (And to those of you who get it, who offer the support, who show up with hugs or send cards or listen without judgment, you are heaven sent and you are appreciated more than a grieving person can probably ever fully articulate.)

    1. I’m sorry for your loss and for the people in your life who have been insensitive.

    2. So sorry for the loss of your pet.It’s so hard. You have a right to feel your feelings. *hugs*.

    3. I’m also very sorry for your loss. I appreciate the PSA as I will be experiencing this soon.

    4. I’m sorry for your loss as well. I’m curious whether you’ve found any “comebacks” (so to speak) that have stopped that kind of obnoxious behavior in the moment. I’m not really sure what I would say if someone said those things to me, but I know I’d be upset and angry about it if I didn’t.

      1. I’m not sure it’s a situation for “comebacks;” these people are trying to make you feel better. They’re failing, to be sure, but can we not presume good intentions? No one is TRYING to make you feel bad. They know you’re sad and they’re trying to cheer you up. Many people do not view pets as equal to humans… they hope that might be a comfort to you. Again, they’re not correct, but they’re trying…. no need to “comeback” to their “obnoxious behavior” when they’re just trying to help.

        1. I disagree. Many people have “tried to help” with exactly those sentiments when close family members have died and it wasn’t just “oh, good intentions!”, but actively hurtful. Speaking up firmly and directly is not out of place.

          1. People said some awful things recently when a close family member died following a very sudden illness. I already knew that many people show more concern over the welfare of a cellphone than over a household pet, and some people who aren’t close to older family members or to anyone sick or disabled may have an odd perspective on whether things are somehow “better” when they’re gone. But apparently there’s no mercy even if it’s a young, apparently healthy person who checked every box for society’s sympathy just a week prior.

    5. You’re absolutely right. No one says this kind of thing with human friends. I’m sorry for your loss and the people who have made it more difficult.

  17. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for awhile now, on top of/as a result of which I’m quite a slob. My apartment is in disarray. Cleaning and tidying up seem daunting (and pointless…). I take a look at the chaos around me and I don’t know where to start and it makes me tired. Any tips for tackling this? Thanks in advance.

    1. Put on some fun music and get some fun drinks & snacks. Dance around a bit while moving around. Make it a cleaning party for one. Also plan a reward for yourself.

    2. This was me. Just hire a house cleaner. If you can’t afford one regularly, hire one for a 4 hour clean through Handy. Will they completely organize and Marie Kondo your life? Absolutely not. Will you wind up with a clean bathroom and kitchen and clothes and books and papers in piles? Yup. It is so much less overwhelming to deal with once you’ve got help.

      1. This. Even if you cannot hire a regular help, hire a service to do a one time clean to reset the situation. It will be much more manageable for you if you just have to maintain vs. if you have to deal with the current mess.

        If you can afford even semi regular help (monthly/bi monthly), get the help as it will keep you on track.

        1. Technically no one, but you can Kondo your house, but The Home Edit girls will get really close.

    3. Pick a starting point and keep moving in one direction around the room, completing a section at a time. Having something finished to look at makes the rest of the work seem less daunting. Use a timer and stop after 15 minutes for a 5-minute water break.

    4. Set a timer. Even if its just for 5 minutes. Whatever you feel like you can handle. Clean/tidy for that amount of time and congratulate yourself for improving things! Cleaner is an improvement, it doesn’t need to be perfect. Give yourself a treat of some kind and then repeat tomorrow. Work up to longer cleaning increments or more frequent ones, including timed breaks in the middle if needed. you can do it!

    5. Been there, my friend, many, many times. The website “unf*** your habitat” helped me a few years ago. Other things that help me are turning on podcasts I really want to listen to so I can kind of zone out while cleaning, giving myself 10-20 min time limits so it seems less daunting, focusing on areas that affect me/my mood the most (for me: bathroom counter, kitchen counter, coffee table, bedroom floor).

    6. The website “a slob comes clean” really helped me after I went through a darker spot in my life. She is an actual slob, not one of those cutesy pinterest perfect people dispensing unrealistically perfect information. She posts actual pictures of her actually chaotic house that helped make me less ashamed. Go to her website and click on “my methods” at the top for several articles that sums up her approach.

      Some ideas she had that really helped:

      1. let the size of the container be the guide to how many things you can own (e.g. don’t own more dish cloths than fit in your dish cloth drawer
      2. make routines about when certain cleaning tasks get done so you dont have to expend mental energy trying to remember when you did something last, when it needs to get done again, etc.
      3. do the biggest visually impactful things first (go around with a big garbage bag and throw away all your trash before you get started on the cleaning, so you have less to deal with and everything looks better right away and you get positive momentum.

    7. First, you are not alone. So many people struggle with this, but it’s easy to forget that when you’re scrolling through other people’s perfectly curated social-media lives.

      If you’re someone who gets completely overwhelmed because of the scope of the mess, take some steps to visually minimize it before you begin. For example: roughly make your bed by pulling a comforter up so that there’s a clean flat surface; pick everything up off the floor and put it in a box so that you can actually move around; get out a few sheets to drape over cluttered surfaces (desk with a million stray papers, dining room table covered in bills, dresser covered in laundry) so that you don’t have to look at anything besides what you are cleaning in the moment.

      One thing that’s really worked for me is identifying where my pain points are. I cannot keep up with laundry when I’m struggling, so a lot of my clutter/mess is clothing–dirty clothes that I haven’t picked up from the floor by the shower, clean clothes that I pulled out of the dryer and couldn’t bring myself to fold, a hamper in my bedroom that overflows to the point of taking over half the room. I found a local wash/dry/fold place that will pick up and drop off so that the only actions I’m responsible for are (1) put clothes in bag; (2) schedule pickup; (3) put clean clothes away (which is easier because they return them folded and grouped by type). Look around your space. If your biggest issue is something that you can outsource, it will help so much.

    8. I start with what I can handle- closet, table top, corner of a room whatever. I clean that out and that becomes my clean space. I don’t need to do anything else but that needs to stay clean. Then when I move along to the next area, I can dump stuff in the not yet clean space, but whatever is clean space must remain so (so I can put something that goes in that closet there, say hang up a coat, but I can’t dump a bag of clothes I’m not ready to deal with).

    9. As someone who has totally been there, I have to recommend this book to you: The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns – see link below. It was recommended to me by my physician and it has been so very valuable to me over the past ~15 years. In particular, there is a section on procrastination that contains some very revealing exercises, such as creating a list of your least favourite tasks/activities, and rating how rewarding you*think* completing these will be. Once you’re done the tasks, you re-rate how rewarding completing the tasks/activities actually is. Because I’ve done this so many times now (3-day sink full of dirty dishes, anyone?!), I can usually pre-empt the procrastination to begin with knowing how pleased I am when I’m done my tasks. It’s always tough to begin but much respect to you for looking for ways to do things differently!

      https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2222.The_Feeling_Good_Handbook

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