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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Alloy Ombré Leggings

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Work from home, but make it fashion! As a lifelong magpie who hasn’t left her house in weeks, these ombré leggings with gold flecks are right up my alley. I would wear these with a basic black top when working from home, just in case an unexpected video conference pops up. If you’re looking to make a full workout outfit, there’s a matching sports bra, although it only seems to be available in sizes XS–XL.

The leggings are $110 and available in sizes 1X–3X. They also come in straight sizes (on sale for $77). Alloy Ombré Leggings

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Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 4/24/25:

  • Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
  • The Fold – Up to 25% off
  • Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
  • J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

321 Comments

  1. I don’t have any links today so I will just say Hey y’all, how’s everybody feeling today?

    2. Hanging in there. Hitting submit on an academic job application today and trying to get some work on a paper done before my co-author gets back from his time off. I was with my son this am and he made it 2 miles on his balance bike, he’s such a keen little cyclist and it has been a really worthwhile investment.

      1. good luck with your application and the paper! Two miles for a little dude is amazing! :)

        1. It was incredible. He’s not even 3 but he’s really loving it, and is getting so so fast. It really opens up a new world of walks for us, as he can go further / I don’t need to wrangle him into the sling when he gets tired.

    3. Yesterday was brutal. Found out my grandma’s assisted living facility has the virus. She’s 93. It’s not a given that she gets it but…. isn’t it?

      Then we had terrible storms in our area. The wind took down a tree and fence. Roof shingles are all over my yard. Two other trees were bending and shaking and we’ve decided they have to come down to prevent damage in a future storm. I’ve already taken steps to remedy fence and roof with insurance but like… really? The adjuster has to come in our house because we likely have roof damage that they say needs to be assessed from the inside. We also lost power for about four hours, dinner time through bedtime. With my two year old going completely off the rails at that time, not having a screen to distract her while we tried to patch the fence for our dog’s sake was a huge struggle. Feels like a giant first world issue and so ridiculous to complain about – not having electricity in the middle of a pandemic and all – but, also, I’ve found the end of my rope.

      Universe, I’m saying uncle.

      1. That’s a really tough situation! We had roof damage in the last round of storms, too, and I’m just dreading the whole mess. I hope the process goes as smoothly as it can for you!

      3. So sorry to hear this. Also, same. Do you live in Ontario? I am in the same situation as you in Ontario.

        1. Boston area, not even on the coast either. Terrible storm with gusts to 60+ mph, and the gusts were fairly sustained for elongated periods of time. It was mostly between between 2 and 7 pm, and then at 7:30pm we had sunlight. It was bonkers.

          Good luck to you.

      4. Seriously. I’m in the SEUS, where I assume you are, and those storms were bad. I’m feeling similarly about the universe right now. It has just been shitstorm after shitstorm with so many things in life lately. Who did I murder in a past life to get this concentrated level of karma..

      5. It’s likely that she gets it but it’s very unlikely that she will die from it. Fingers crossed for you. I sure hope you can have more easeful times soon.

        1. It is not unlikely that a 93 year old person will die of Coronavirus at all if she gets it.

      6. My grandfather’s facility (with both independent and assisted living) also has multiple cases of it, and the facility has been sending out updates periodically. While they contain sad news often, it is reassuring that they are on top of it. He has been quarantined to his apartment for a few weeks now and they are taking extremely strict measures to ensure people are not in contact with each other. It is definitely not a given that she gets it as long as her facility has responded with appropriate measures (ideally weeks ago). Can you find out what your grandmother’s facility is doing? It might help ease your anxiety.

        1. My dad’s facility has one staff member who’s tested positive but they’ve all been locked in their rooms for weeks and so far none of the residents have been diagnosed. I’m pretty optimistic he’s gonna come through it just fine. (His 94th birthday is next week!)

    4. Fun link of the morning: Kim Kardashian attempted to film a PSA on Social Distancing and her 6 year old (the famous North West) interrupted in the most 6 year old way ever.
      https://www.buzzfeed.com/elliewoodward/north-west-crashed-kim-kardashians-psa-social-distancing

      Not even a Kimmy K fan (why doesn’t she smile anymore!?) but found this hilarious.

      Also, pretty good. I’ve realized that when at home, 90% of my mood is dictated by the weather and it’s not pouring raining so I’m pretty happy.

      1. Now that the pollen has tapered off some, our spring weather has been such a blessing. It’s sunny and not yet crazy hot.

      2. I am not a fan of hers either (and especially not of her husband) but I found the video quite endearing. She MUST have a live in nanny (or 2) but 4 kids during quarantine.. ouch!

      3. I wonder how her law school studies are going. Who in law school is not reading law at home now?

    5. Lots of anxiety today – I feel a little off and its hard not to immediately go “well this is it, I’m sick,” especially because I know I was potentially exposed 8 days ago (grocery store I went to had an employee test positive). Something bringing me joy is the fact that NBC is replaying lots of Olympic finals, which I love. Last night gymnast Laurie Hernandez did an Instagram live with Aly Raisman when NBC was replaying the 2016 gymnastics team final, and it was totally delightful (should still be on her instagram until tonight for anyone who wants to watch!)

      1. > I feel a little off and its hard not to immediately go “well this is it, I’m sick,”

        I feel this so much. I’ve had chest pain and I’m pretty sure I’m dying and then I’m pretty sure I’m just being anxious and then I’m pretty sure I’m dying… yeah.

        The gymnastics sounds awesome!

    6. Not great. I think I worked so hard to make Easter magical for my kids, in spite of the circumstances, that I have very little energy and motivation left.

      1. This is me, too. The Sunday to Monday transition is always hard, more so during this pandemic, and more more so after a holiday Sunday. My kids want it to be Easter again, but I’m hiding upstairs on my laptop.

    7. I recently did a zoom presentation on I about 30 people I had never met before, and with questions it was about an hour long. It was supposed to be in person but of course that changed. In any case I don’t do much public speaking for my job but the feedback was overwhelmingly positive, both about my public speaking skills and the content, so that was really nice to hear.

      1. I bet it was amazing! We had a good presentation at work today, I am sure the presenter didn’t think it went well (slide issues) but I found it fascinating and was really glad she did it.

    8. I feel like I am hitting a wall – anyone else? I’m in NYC, and we’ve been pretty locked down for a month. I’m really glad we’re starting to see fewer people die but just discouraged at how far we have to go still. School is closed through the end of the year, which is JUNE 26 here, so we have so far yet to go in our working from home while homeschooling debacle. I work for a performing arts organization which has thus far been able to avoid mass furloughs/layoffs, but I’m really worried and sad about the impact longterm on the entire cultural community. And I discovered this morning I’m gained 4 pounds in the last month, despite maintaining my exercise regime. Hopefully some of that is bloat.

    9. Super annoyed by my coworker who takes action on stuff that involves me without asking me first. She also likes to give me due dates for things and she is NOT my boss and does not have that authority. I think she thinks I don’t actually do anything here so she is being my boss.

      1. Ugh, the worst! Have you talked to your manager about that? I had to bring in my manager when a peer was trying to assign me work. HELL NAW.

    10. Ugh tough day here today. Did. not. sleep. at. all. last night — read a novel and tossed and turned and listened to my husband sleeping and then not sleeping. I’m so over all this even though I know I have it easier than 99% of people.

      At least the sun is finally out after a solid week of rain, so we’ll get to take a socially-distanced, masked walk this evening.

      1. Go sit in your hot tub! :D

        Some days are easier than others, hang in there. *elbow bump*

      2. We woke up with temps in the 50s. Totally crazy! I opened up the house then sat in my meeting this morning shivering in a sweatshirt. Missing my gym, sad about stuff, sorry that Easter break is over, worried about everything.

  2. Paging Clementine….

    I found a towel rack similar to the one I posted about yesterday. They still make them! This one is at Walmart, but I found others at various hardware and home stores for around the same price point or less.

    https://www.walmart.com/ip/Three-Arm-Rack-Towel-Swing-by-HOMZ/45777223?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=101017555&adid=22222222227033076378&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=80417007489&wl4=pla-136038129369&wl5=9052201&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=169758687&wl11=online&wl12=45777223&veh=sem&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIrobj2ufn6AIVgobACh2g8ARtEAQYBCABEgLgkPD_BwE

    I also found this one. My sister has one like this under her kitchen sink. It’s fancier and a bit more of a PIA to install, but it’s also a bit more heavy-duty. She has a very small kitchen and cabinet space is at a premium, so this one worked much better for her needs. She found hers at Lowes.

    https://www.kitchensource.com/cabinet-organizers/ha-5-46.htm?p=HA-510.54.932

    Maybe one of these will help you out!

    3. Yep. Last week I was like, okay, I did this for a month, I can do it for another month… but this week I have hit a wall and I don’t wanna anymore.

    5. Yes. This. The worst part is that completely normal life just isn’t coming back anytime soon.

  4. Has anyone had any success starting to date online during the shutdown? I had one budding relationship from before the pandemic that died a quick death once we realized we had nothing to talk about on the phone. Otherwise, I have not had a single successful match online or on apps…please give me some hope that there can be success for some people.

    1. Do not worry. With the virus being on the top of people’s mind, the concept of talking on the phone with a complete stranger based soleley on a picture you see is NOT something that is appealing, but especially not to men, who are visual in nature, but want to move directly to physical. Since they know that they are only able to talk to you for mabye months b/f meeting, once they tell you where they went to high school and college, and where they work, there is not much more they can say. Since we cannot see what they are doing, talking is often not good, b/c they are multitasking by looking at other things, texting, or some other thing rather then focusing on us. That is what makes it so bad. With straight texting, conversations can go on longer, but I know that if I am not attracted to a guy and he sounds dumb or distracted, that is it.

    3. I feel like there are a lot of new people on the dating apps I use because so many profiles mention coronavirus-related things, but still very few matches or actual conversations. Ugh.

    4. I tried a few FaceTime first dates. I don’t know if we just weren’t compatible, but talking is difficult because there’s nothing to talk about other than the obvious. It’s tough to have a normal conversation right now.

    5. I’ve had a lot of matches (mainly because people are bored, myself included) and some conversations but they all die pretty quickly because what’s the point? It’s hard to feel a connection with someone who haven’t met and the idea of having a text penpal/virtual dates for 3 months (which would take ALOT of effort to keep up) and then meeting them and finding out I don’t like them in person is enough to make me pretty much give up on dating right now. It sucks because being single right now is especially lonely, but I don’t want to date out of loneliness alone.

      1. I’m definitely swiping more, in part, because I am bored. Lots of small talk, maybe will try to meet up with someone when it’s safe to do so. My expectations are very low for dating during this period.

    6. I’m not online dating right now. I am just not comfortable with phone/zoom dates, I need to meet someone in person to get a sense of who they are. I think when restrictions are lifted there will be a boon in online dating because people will want to get out and socialize!

      1. agree, i also think it’s going to be a great environment to actually meet people who are looking for something serious. all of us players are contemplating how fulfilled we are (not) and how things will change.

      2. Yeah, I’m not bothering right now – operating under the assumption that the apps will be popping once we’re allowed to be out and about again. Plus, think of how many newly single guys there will be after all the quarantine breakups!

        1. Agree that everyone will be eager to connect.

          But like… how do we actually date in a post-COVID world? Dating by its very definition involves spending time within six feet of another person. How do we know we or they haven’t been exposed and are asymptomatic? Even if you don’t kiss or touch, just meeting for drinks at a bar could be dangerous…

          1. Sorry, but this sounds slightly ridiculous. Forget dating, if you are this anxious, how do you plan on resuming any activities of normal life?

    7. Hard to know where the dude and I stand right now, so I did reactivate Match the day after we had the serious talk and I heard from 10 guys the first day. I’m texting with about 3 guys right now – one or two of whom are dating prospects for when we can date. It’s weird because someone asks what I’m doing and Friday, I was at the dude’s all day, day drinking while he smoked meat on the grill and we lounged and I read and we watched silly TV. The whole things makes me sad right now.

  5. For those of you that use an instant pot, but are frustrated with cleaning it – check out the Oxo appliance cleaning brushes. I got some for Christmas and thought it was silly. But they are actually great! I use them all around the kitchen. I plan on getting a bunch and giving them to everyone for Christmas.

    1. Is there some cleaning I’m missing? I just throw the pot and the lid in the dishwasher.

      2. The edge around the top, on the main appliance itself, gets full of liquid and starch and stuff and is hard to clean. The main appliance can’t go in dishwasher

  6. Piggybacking on yesterday’s post about whether the pandemic inspired you to reconsider where you live… what else has the pandemic changed your thoughts on? Choice of career or partner? Perspective on having kids or not? Thoughts on certain relationships? I know I’m seeing some friends in a new light based on how they’re acting (both good and bad!).

    I have mostly felt okay, but there have been moments of dark thoughts where I question literally every choice I’ve ever made and how it got me to today. But I guess that would probably be the case no matter what decisions I had made (extremely anxious person here).

    The coping techniques I’ve learned in therapy have REALLY helped—reframing the situation, acknowledging catastrophic thinking for what it is, asking for what I need from family and friends.

    Hope you are all hanging in there, and sending warm thoughts to this special community. Seeing all of your posts, especially the positive check-ins on the morning thread, has been a real bright spot during a dark time.

    1. I’d like to save more aggressively towards buying a house. It’s been a 5 year goal and now hopefully 2.

      1. Same! These times are proving to us how much we spent on things that ultimately aren’t necessary/don’t matter, and that we really want to own our own place (we currently rent a single family house, and we’re really polishing our list of things we like/things we don’t for when we go to start looking).

    2. A LONG time ago, I realized that I was miserable in a high-rise. I could have liked it under different circumstances. The neighbors on one side had screaming fights overnight most weeknights (generally after closing time; not apparently students; still curious about how they paid the rent). Groceries were a bag at a time on foot or a weekend ordeal with a friend with a costco membership in the suburbs over an hour away. Everything was just hard. And I was exhausted.

      I moved into the smallest free-standing house I could find. One door to the outside was lifechanging. It wouldn’t be affordable in obvious coastal cities. But if your house standards aren’t of the “must be OMG huge and brand new and fancy,” then it is generally something one can do (where I’m from, most people don’t have schooling beyond high school except for some trades / nursing school but most people can have a house by their 30s if not sooner).

      1. When I moved out of a high-rise to a townhouse, it was the most magical feeling to only go through ONE door – mine!

        1. I love the townhouse I’m renting in a HCOL area outside of NYC. Could have lived either in the city or in a standard apartment complex and lucked out so much finding this place. I cannot imagine being in an apartment during this and I have so much empathy for anyone in a high rise right now.

          1. It’s not an issue at all. I don’t lick the door knobs or get in crowded elevators.

        2. I moved into a townhouse a year ago and “ground level, with my own entrance to the street” will forever be an apartment must have. I LOVE being able to let the dog out at night without having to completely get ready to go out myself. And I love being able to park out front, or right across the street, to unload groceries or load luggage or whatever. Also, I have a little patio!

      2. I wound up with the forerunner of the tiny house movement when I found my house. It was <900 sq ft, apparently built for an older couple originally. Oddly, at the time, "townhomes" were new and fashionable and I was priced out of them. I still don't have a dishwasher (tiny galley kitchen with no room to add one) and prior to this wasn't really home enough to care much.

      3. I wish I could have your old high-rise! I’m stuck in a middle-of-nowhere town outside of a major metropolitan area, and while I have the benefit of not having to worry about being sick, being away from NYC is killing my soul (yes, I still have one)!

    3. I’m so glad that therapy and those coping skills have helped. This is the coping skills olympics and you’re getting a gold from me, friend!

      I am very, very grateful to have made the decision to live in a smaller* home with a cheaper-than-we-could-afford mortgage, and for the choice of not having children (now or ever). We made these decisions for a soup of reasons, one of which is that we were burned by a 2012 job loss and general life upheaval that we swore we’d never be caught unprepared for again. *so glad we didn’t go smaller…that would have been not great.

      I am struggling with the fact that my dh and I are minimalists, don’t have a lot of extra stuff, like to stay nimble and streamlined… and yet here we are with nonperishable foodstuffs and necessary extras stuffed into the nooks and crannies of our small kitchen. It just feels so invasive, yet so necessary. I want our usual life back, like everyone else.

      And my anxiety likes to start in on me (just as I should be falling asleep) about my high risk category parents in their 70s, 1000 mi away, pretty sure that going to the grocery store to get out of the house is ok. NO! ugh.

      1. I’m totally feeling you with the overstuffed kitchen — I’m normally very minimalist, and just buy what I need for a week. The only stuff that’s in my cabinets is stuff you can’t buy in smaller quantities, like rice, dried beans, flour, spices. I emptied out a shelf in my linen closet for all the extra food I bought and am really looking forward to dwindling those supplies back to the minimum. It’s such a weird anxiety to have!

        1. Same here. Our dining room is literally piled with food, paper products, toiletries, and cleaning supplies to get us through the next several weeks. It stresses me out just looking at the mess. When this is all over, I want to buy a new house with actual storage. I don’t think I will ever again be comfortable just buying what we need as we need it.

          1. I am not a minimalist, but was trying to be more so this year. I’m lucky I wasn’t too far into minimalist mode when this hit, and had just bought toilet paper at Costco and two extra tubes of toothpaste.

            What I do need to do is go through my small, cluttered pantry and see what I really have in there. Might help me with some of the worrying about food.

            Also, I am not loving coming up with three meals a day for myself. I am bored with my usual meal solutions but don’t want to get too creative because what if I don’t like what I eat and waste that food?

            And, as a fellow high rise dweller, yeah, I kind of want my own house or at least townhouse now.

        2. I am so glad I’m not the only one with this anxiety. I am also a bit of a minimalist and usually keep a very streamlined pantry (I actually *love* when we’re about to get groceries if the cupboards and fridge are basically empty). Trying to stock up for two weeks at a time totally fried my brain at first, as did carving out space in the guest bedroom closet for extra non-perishables (I’m not hoarding, we just have a really small kitchen with basically one cabinet for non-refrigerated food).

          Normally I love that we live in an apartment building with no yard to maintain, a pool, a gym, etc. But of course now all the common areas are closed and I’m wishing we had a backyard or at least a balcony to hang out on. I love our corner unit for all the windows and sunlight, but really missing being able to go down to the pool to spend a lazy Saturday morning reading a book.

          1. Yes, me too! I want my fridge to be completely empty by the time we go grocery shopping and recalibrating to stock up has been tricky. I’m very glad we live in a small flat (with a garden thank goodness!) with a tiny, tiny mortgage.

    4. I’m pretty grateful for my not- particularly great but steady job at a big company that will likely survive this. And for my very financially cautious husband, who always saves money for a disaster scenario.

      I’m pretty happy not to be pregnant right now, although seeing my four year old long for a playmate makes me feel very guilty that he’s an only child.

    5. Very anonymously, I wonder how much “good schools” matter for kids and if I could move from an urban area with decent public school options (though not stellar) to a smaller heavily older and touristy area we like to visit with terrible schools and not feel bad.

      1. Biggest predictor of a child’s educational attainment is their parents. Depending on how old your kids are I might also be thinking about ease of them reaching employment opportunities or visiting home when they move out?

      2. I would say yes, move. Read to them and encourage their interests and they’ll be fine.

      3. We’re doing it. Our second house will be our only house in a couple years – it’s in a rural, coastal area. The population is either older retirees who moved there from elsewhere or poor locals – there’s not too much of a middle group. I worry about our social lives, but I don’t worry as much as the schools. The schools are poorly rated on Great Schools, but the problems are generally poverty-related – outdated facilities, limited tax-base, lots of children receiving free or reduced lunch, etc. There’s no violence in the schools – the worst crime (as reported dutifully in the town’s adorable weekly newspaper) is kids smoking cigarettes in the bathroom. Class sizes are tiny – only about 100 kids per grade. We’re confident in our ability to supplement whatever they might miss in school with trips, tutors, and extracurriculars. The cost of living is dramatically cheaper and, well, this area doesn’t send a lot of kids to college, so our kids may have an admissions advantage (that is, if colleges still look at that by the time our kids get there).

        2. I’m so interested that you’re doing it – I live in a rural area that sounds exactly like what you describe (only difference is the coastal – we’re not coastal – but everything else is dead on). We’ve been seeing a lot of city people coming to ride out COVID 19 in their second homes right now (which is actually a problem in spreading the virus and lots of local people are ticked, but I GET IT – I’d do the same thing), and it even seems that several houses have been sold in the last few weeks to people from out of the area. DH and I have been wondering if it’s signifying a shift and we’ll see more highly educated people moving to the area, especially if remote work stays a big thing. It would be a huge game changer for small towns. My town is cute – come here! Coffeeshop/bakery, a couple good restaurants, yoga studio, florist, little library, good park, hiking trails, forests, local farms for farmer market stands in the summer, a nearby lake, lots of local festivals/events, great solid community, easy driving and one hour from a great state capital city and 30 minutes from a smaller city that has the bigger grocery stores, Target, Lowes, etc.

          We don’t have kids by choice, but for those concerned about raising kids in this type of area: I grew up in this area as well, excelled in my “bad” school, had my pick of colleges, did awesome in college, moved around and then back again because this is home and we love the rural area. 100% agree that it is parents that are the predictor of success. The studies say it and I saw it firsthand growing up.

          1. Yes, I think small towns can be really wonderful. The biggest thing holding back our town is rural broadband. Our Main St has it, but most of the rest of the county has to rely on satellite internet, which you might know from experience is both expensive and crappy. When we move there, I’m dying to take one of the storefronts on Main St and make it a coworking space – use Main St’s broadband, have a big color copier, (a place for my monitor that isn’t my kitchen table…), etc – and hopefully we could have more professionals in town.

            Our towns do sound similar :) We have a cute coffee shop, 3 really great restaurants (1 decent one…and 2 bad ones), Chinese take-out!, a smattering of antique shops, a few gift shops/boutiques, two hardware stores, and a well-stocked and recently remodeled grocery store. We have a farmer’s market every Saturday 8 months of the year and several festivals each year. Thirty minutes away is a rapidly developing small town – a Lowe’s and HD, TJ Maxx, Wal-Mart. We’re an hour away from big shopping, but when you live in a big city, traffic and searching for a parking spot can take the better part of an hour, too.

            For us the move really makes sense. We would love to see a boom in small towns!

      4. I lived in the MD suburbs until I was 9, and then in a smaller coastal city in FL until I was 18. I HATED living in a retirement community. The weather was uncomfortably hot and humid 9 months out of the year, there was nothing for kids or teenagers to do, and many older residents did not like young people. My whole family didn’t like it actually. Obviously this is a highly personal decision, but take a good look at the other resources that make a community livable with kids.

        1. Any chance it was Palm Coast? I spent so much time with my grandparents there that it was/is a second home for me. DULLEST place on earth! (And kinda creepy in the sheer scale of uniformity.)

          1. Ha! My grandparents lived in Palm Coast from 1986 to 2000 and it was soooo dullllll. They loved it!

          2. Ha! I wonder if your grandparents knew my grandparents! :) My grandparents were in Pine Lakes (which I hear is really looked down on these days since it was one of the original neighborhoods and isn’t shiny and new anymore), but they were mighty proud of their golf course and clubhouse for Saturday night dinners! :) They had MADE it by Greatest Generation standards :) My 96 year old grandmother is still there in an assisted living, and my mom and aunt have moved down to be close to her, so I still visit regularly. Still as dull now as it was in 1986 ;)

          3. Small world! They were on Ballard Lane, which from the map, looks in/about that neighborhood.

            My grandfather passed away there in 1996?ish, and my grandmother moved back north in 2000. Passed away last May at 92. Never quite “warmed up” again in the 19 years she was back north!

          4. Aw! Mine were on Wellesley Lane. My grandmother keeps her assisted living room at 80 degrees and still isn’t warm – I can’t imagine if she lived up north :)

          5. Sarasota. It’s relatively cosmopolitan, but not in a way that is good for teenagers – e.g., we weren’t going to hang at the opera.

      5. Terrible or mediocre schools? Kids can survive the latter if their parents are invested in their education (tutors, Khan Academy, summer enrichment). IMHO, a few hours a week of intense instruction, in addition to the regular school day, is often enough.

      6. Parents matter more than schools. It’s unfortunate (so many kids have simply awful parents), but it’s repeatedly borne out in the evidence. You should move if it’s what you want to do.

    6. One hard thing for me is facing the fact that every aspect of my pre-pandemic life was built around things I no longer have: easy access to public transportation (I don’t have a car) or taxis/Lyft, a small condo that was fine because I never stocked up on things and grocery shopped 3x a week for just enough fresh stuff that I could carry…

      Now I feel trapped and alone in my giant city. My friends live in the same city but most are not within walking, or even running distance. Never mattered when I could hop on the train, but that’s not an option now.

      Meanwhile, my parents who are mid-60s in the suburb I grew up in are actually having a better experience socially because most of their friends are within walking or biking distance and they will go on bike rides and have a socially distanced conversation from the sidewalk while a neighbor or friend sits in on their front stoop. I am sad that that’s not an option for me.

      I live alone and never minded it, and mostly still don’t, but I loved feeling alone in a sea of people and with that gone, I feel truly alone in a way I never have before. I thrive on connecting with lots of different people, going to events, joining organizations, going to networking stuff, whatever… and with all of that gone my life feels reduced, small.

      1. I feel somewhat this way – I’m in NYC and so much of the good parts about living here are inaccessible right now. We have a child and have never really been tempted to move to the suburbs, but right now it just feels idiotic to live in New York. I work in the arts, so it is a really great place for me generally, but right now the arts sector is in such a crisis. I’m just really sad for the city.

        1. Not in NYC but I feel similarly. Someone posted a poll, asking if the first trip you’ll make after this is into the hills, to the city, or to the beach – we have all three here, they’re just out of bounds right now.

        2. Oh gosh, same. I’m a lifelong New Yorker (grew up in Manhattan, currently in an outer borough) and am just heartbroken for my beloved city. And, for the first time, I find myself dreaming of moving far, far away. Like not to the suburbs, which we discuss regularly (we have two preschoolers). But to the boonies.

          I also fantasize about being laid off and taking a year to be with my kids, which is something that never EVER appealed to me before. But it would be disastrous financially, so I have to hope it doesn’t actually happen…

      2. No one should be going on socially distanced walks irrespective of location. I’ve found that suburban folks are flouting the rules a lot.

        1. I’m not sure what this means. I am walking on trails regularly. In the course of two hours, I may see 3 to 4 people. With that level of density, it is easy to divert or wait so that no one ever comes remotely close to any one else, not 6 feet or 10 feet, but much greater distances. I feel like my approach to COVID-19 has been quite conservative. I have not been inside a store or ordered carryout food in over a month, but my socially distanced walks feel pretty darn safe.

        3. I didn’t phrase that well. The “they” is my mom and dad. They go on bike rides together just the two of them, not with any friends. Then my parents wave to people they know from the street if they see people who are sitting on their front porches. No one from separate households is mingling, or even getting closer than thirty feet apart.

        4. I don’t get this. Why can’t I walk through my suburban neighborhood, seeing almost nobody and touching nothing?

        5. I *think* she means friends that don’t live together meeting up to go on walks together but just 6 feet apart from each other.? I honestly can see both sides of this argument.

          If she means walks in general, that is bananas and we should all be out walking.

        6. I think your statement may be poor phrasing. There is nothing wrong with people in the same household going on walks together and staying socially distanced from others, which is what the poster said her parents are doing. In our community we are being encouraged to walk outside but just stay distanced from others.

          If you mean people should not be meeting up with people outside their household and going on socially distanced walks – fine. You can get your knickers in a twist about things like that if you want to, I suppose. Let me know how that works out for you.

    7. I was really struggling with work and super burned out before all of this. Since I’ve been home, work has been slow and I’ve had a chance to catch up on lingering projects and get some rest and am feeling better. I think I have to figure out ways to re-create this when I go back. I do like my job a lot overall, I just need to learn to manage the pace and stress better.

      I also realized that I’m much more of an introvert than I thought — being away from other people has been great for me, and I’m not particularly excited to return to regular social interactions, especially in the office.

      1. I could’ve written all of this. Not being in the office has allowed me to get more sleep and I’m less drained from various social interactions. I’m realizing how hard I’m working, at all times, to project professionalism, competence, confidence, all of it. And that is really freaking draining. Just dealing with my coworkers on email and zoom calls has been great for me.

        1. Agree 100%. I was traveling at least 50% before March. Now WFH for 6 weeks and I’ve caught up on sleep and generally feel healthier, getting more outdoor exercise, time to cook healthy meals. The travel and constant feeling that you ‘should’ be doing more is exhausting. I want to retain these practices going forward.

          1. +1. My commute was draining my life away (2.5 hours round trip on a good day). Now I’m exercising more and sleeping better.

        3. YES! I so don’t want to go back to the office! I’d happily WFH 3-4 days a week.

          I do really miss going out and poking around HomeGoods or antique stores, though…

          1. I miss this like crazy. A typical Sunday routine for us was poking around thrift or antique stores and then going for a late lunch at one of our favorite local restaurants. Sigh.

          2. Yes :( I find myself scrolling through FB marketplace just to see people’s used stuff! ?

        4. I can’t believe how much better I feel with 8-9 hours of sleep every night. I can get up at 7:30 or 8 and still be ready to work by 9. It’s amazing.

      2. Same. It’s been a joy not to see my direct supervisor and the site manager but at the same point, I feel woefully out of the loop and that my ‘essential-ness’ is dwindling. Not being around other’s negative tendencies has been great for my mental health.

        1. Right there with you on losing that sense of “essential-ness.” I’m spinning out all kinds of disaster scenarios where it’s decided my role isn’t really necessary – need to double down on those coping skills that OP mentioned! I know that’s just my anxiety talking and I’m valued. It’s been a real challenge feeling so disconnected.

          1. Yep – even though I know it’s not rational I feel useless and not valued at work because I’m not getting positive feed back or doing anything that feels important. But I’m just not getting any feed back or interaction at all. The disconnected feeling is very disorienting. Amazing how 1 month can distort perceptions of a years-long career.

        2. “Not being around other’s negative tendencies has been great for my mental health.” +1000000!! And to the main post – I could have written your entire post. I actually think that I am an extroverted introvert now, rather than an introverted extrovert as I formerly thought. I do miss interactions with friends on the weekends but I am actually more anxious about having to go back to working from my office and being around my workaholic colleagues than I am about anything else. It has been such a nice break from an environment that is in itself a source of stress for me.

      3. Initially reading this as “catch up on lingerie projects” and had a great moment pondering all the things that could be!

      4. same for me, though I’ve always known I was an extreme introvert, this has really hit home how much I dislike going into my office and seeing my co-workers. My DH commented the other day that he’s never seen me as happy as I have been while WFH the last month.

      5. My husband not having his commute has finally allowed him to do his 50% with our child. It’s been such a huge relief.

    8. It is making me more likely to stay with my current company, which has been stellar through all this (though had no plans to leave). Definitely more likely to move to the suburbs and out of our tiny-but-great-location apartment. I love the person I married, but I wish he wasn’t a doctor. The burden of managing everything related to our household all on my own while working my own intense job and also knowing that our family (particularly him) is at greater risk is more stressful than I could ever have imagined. I do not know how I could ever do this again.

    9. I am really really glad that we prioritized having a larger emergency fund. If one or both of us ends up losing our jobs, we will hopefully be OK until we can find new ones.

      I’ve posted about this before, but I’m also glad that I put in the time and effort to be more deliberate about my leisure time and hobbies. There was a time about two years ago when I couldn’t really tell you what I enjoyed doing in my free time (mostly because I was addicted to my phone). I can now and it has helped me prioritize and make the best of this indoor time.

      Finally, really, really glad I have a great partner at my side through this. It makes the stress about my health (high risk condition) easier to bear because he does all he can to help without me having to ask or cajole. We were undecided about having kids and I think we still are. Obviously it has been challenging for so many people right now, but on the other hand, all of this has highlighted what’s important and family certainly is. We won’t make any decisions for a while – still need to make a move to another state and figure out some health stuff for me.

    10. This situation has made me really happy with the decisions I have made over the past few years. This is dumb luck, mostly, not any great foresight. I live in a just-big-enough home in a neighborhood full of great people near one of my city’s largest parks. I have always been one to buy too many supplies and to freeze and stash a lot of extra food. I know many sources of great food here and I know how to cook for myself. My SO lives in my neighborhood, so we can still visit easily without moving in together. And many of my friends are nearby, too, so I can still have some interaction with them. My law practice, as of two years ago, is in an area that will be busy during these tough times. I am still sad and overwhelmed by the isolation sometimes, I miss the gym and I miss going out a lot, but that sadness is more about the landscape of disconnectedness than about my own.

    11. It’s made me want to be better about going out and doing things. I have fallen into such a rut of staying home and just puttering around on the evenings and weekends, even when there are classes I would like to take, museum exhibits I would like to see, friends I want to visit. I would start thinking about the perceived inconveniences and end up making excuses to just stay home… and then wonder why I feel bored! Now of course I’m dying to go somewhere, anywhere – but I want to commit to getting out of the house and enjoying the world around me more.

      1. Have you checked out Laura Vanderkam? Her writing on the anticipating self, present self, and remembering self might be perfect for you. I read about it when I was already on my path to improving my own similar path and it helped crystallize it all for me. I can also tell you that the effort is definitely worth it and that I’m really really glad that I made the effort to stop puttering as a leisure activity.

      3. Right there with you. I’m hopeful for any restaurants and performing arts venues that survive, they will be SLAMMED. I want to eat out all the time and go to all the shows. I am fortunate that I will (probably) be financially able to do this, and if we need people to stimulate that part of the economy, I am so in.

    12. I feel very fortunate to have picked the partner I picked. I’m remembering in particular an old relationship that fell apart and I was devastated at the time. Now – I can’t imagine being isolated with that partner and maintaining my sanity.

      I feel fortunate for some of the financial and career decisions that we both made – even though it stunk to spent a big part of my 20’s working a bazillion high-stress hours, I’m so thankful that it set me up in the way that it did. I’m thankful to have outdoor space we can access.

      I’ve also realized how thankful I am for my village. I miss my people. I miss being able to hug my mom and go for a run with my friends and just… be social. The only way out is through, though.

      1. Ha, same! I was literally just thinking last night about how terrible this would be if I was in quarantine with my most recent ex and not with my current spouse.

      2. I lived with some wild conspiracy theorists for six months when I relocated after university… I’m very glad not to live with them anymore. In general but especially now!

      3. So much this. I am recently divorced and now quarantined with the new guy I had been seeing for a few months, but things got a lot more serious since we are together 24/7 in a small space, and oh my goodness, he is so kind and easygoing and nice to be around and I am so glad I no longer live with my ex because we would have driven each other completely nuts and my anxiety would be through the roof right now.
        Also thankful that my firm has been doing their best to be kind and compassionate, not fire anyone and reduce our billable targets as necessary. We have all taken a pay cut, but their reaction has made me a more loyal employee.

    13. My divorce was a hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but I have found myself really, really grateful I’m not sharing space with my ex. I would have lost my mind.

    14. I still really like Boston and I don’t see us moving from here anytime soon, but I can’t deny the market for my job, and my boyfriend’s job, looks a lot better over in California . . .

      1. I moved from Boston (had been there 5 years) back to Bay Area in Fall 2018. It is _so much more expensive here_. The produce is better, the weather is better, my friends are here, but dayum I was saving so much more money in BOS. As a lifelong Californian, I thought I was immune to how pricy CA real estate could be…but no. I’m not.

    15. I never thought I’d say this because our house really is great for us, but: I have never regretted an open floor plan until now, when all four of us are at home, all the time. Keeping the kitchen from being a disaster that’s visible from all angles is a challenge. I am someone who gets really stressed out by visual clutter and have been wishing for more separation between our main living areas. We built this house and aren’t moving anytime soon, so I guess that doesn’t fall into something that I want to change.

      On the plus side: We have a great, walkable neighborhood. We have plenty of space to spread out. Our backyard is awesome, thanks to our hard work. It’s just the clutter issue that’s getting to me!

    16. My main regret is that I have not spent enough time with friends and family. I have a demanding job and little kids, but I could have invited people over for hangouts more often. How I miss just spending time with people, doing nothing! Moving forward, I am going to focus way, way less on my career. I was all about making partner, but my firm has been so horrible about the pandemic that I don’t want to be a part of that partnership now.

      Otherwise, my choices and luck have worked out fairly well. I stumbled upon Mr. Money Mustache, Frugalwoods, Journey to Launch, and other FIRE resources years ago. We had absolutely no intention of retiring early, but DH and I have lived far below our means. Even though I will probably be laid off, I am not worried about affording our house or food. I’m also glad I committed to living in a Midwestern suburb instead of the HCOL coastal city where I grew up. Very appreciative of my spacious house and giant yard right now. Very, very glad we live in a multi-generational household. I am extremely fortunate.

      1. Love this comment and love Frugalwoods (and MMM) – we’re not on track to retire early either, but I’ve gotten so many great ideas and have reframed a lot of things in my life due to these blogs.

    17. A lot of this depends on whether or not the economic crash from this is bad enough to take out either my job or my husband’s job. If so, then I think we will both regret the fact that I was a trailing (but higher-earning) spouse, because the job opportunities in my former city are far more plentiful and my contacts there are great.

      But if we keep our jobs, then a lot of the decisions we made will pay off in spades, i.e. living well below our means. I’m also happy that I chose an area of law that is geographically mobile and can be done entirely remotely, which are both decisions I made long ago.

      1. Commenting late but can you share what area of law you are in? I might be in your shoes soon…

    18. I am not willing to take a new job that requires me to commute on crowded public transit – at least not yet – so that really narrows my job choices.

    19. I want a balcony so bad. I live in a tiny square box of an apartment and outdoor space would make a big difference right now.

      1. I’m currently renting and have a balcony. I’ve been saving up to buy and had accepted that I would have to give up the balcony but now I’ve decided that the balcony is non-negotiable and I will just need to save more!

    20. I too an grateful for my choice in partner. He was amazing before and is still amazing now, even with both of us WFH with two small kids. There is no one I would rather shelter at home with. This is still a really hard situation.

      We moved out to the suburbs from a closer in, but smaller apartment and at the time, I had some hesitation to leave the accessibility of the city. Obviously couldn’t have predicted this, but I am so so grateful we are in a house in the suburbs now, and I think after this is “over,” more people will WFH more often, so there is less need to be super close to work. I do still plan to take public transit to get to work as I hate driving in traffic, but I’ll probably be more aware of covering my face and hands now.

    21. Hasn’t changed my thinking on this, just made it that much more important to me that my bf and I find a way to live in the same place when this is done. He works in my town seasonally and lives in another city the rest of the year. He was here when the pandemic hit and got called back to his normal city way early because of the pandemic. He’s amazing and I really can’t imagine spending more time without him.

    22. Very grateful for my husband, having a small mortgage at least for our HCOL area, living in an area with good weather/good running, and for having a small home (1 bedroom) so there is less to clean – we stopped using our housekeeper for now. Also glad we bought a place with a disproportionally large kitchen and high ceilings. Also glad we didn’t buy a new car this year – it would just be sitting there! – and our two cars are paid off.

      I have realized that the next time we buy a place we are going to do more diligence about the neighbors if possible, or since that is likely too difficult, more simply live on a high floor that is higher than any surrounding buildings – perhaps just the top floor of a building that is taller than the rest. We have numerous neighbors are just too noisy including very late at night – think yelling/loud talking, loud music, slamming doors in the middle of the night, etc. This is surprising since they are elderly and the neighborhood has a reputation for being quiet and older – we moved from a younger neighborhood and never had noise issues! Two sets of neighbors also smoke a lot, so we have to keep our windows closed pretty much all the time and had to fully enclose our balconies to keep the smell out. I think we just had very very bad luck, but I’d rather not take a chance in the future.

  7. I am worried I exposed myself to Covid yesterday and keep obsessing about it…any tips about how to let go? I know it already happened so there’s literally nothing I can do, but I just feel like I’ve been so careful, and I live in NYC where things are so bad…it was just a freak accident, but I am beating myself up over it and fearing the worst.

    (What I did was splash myself in the eye with liquid that ricocheted off a frozen plastic bag of vegetables that had just been delivered from the grocery store, while trying to disinfect it. I would love to hear that people think I’m being crazy and this isn’t the risk I think it is…I’ll admit I worry that I’ve gotten a little irrational.)

    2. This is not something you need to worry about. You don’t need to disinfect your groceries. For you to get sick, someone would have to have transmitted a bunch of virus right on that spot that water splashed from. The water would have had to collect all of it. It would have had to enter your body through your eye in that split second. Your immune system would need to be unable to fight it off. A lot of things would need to go exactly right for you to get sick from this, and that is extremely unlikely.

      https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/04/12/832269202/no-you-dont-need-to-disinfect-your-groceries-but-here-s-to-shop-safely

    3. You’re being irrational and this is not the risk you think it is. There is no evidence of anyone being infected by groceries. I know a ton of people in NYC who don’t even attempt to disinfect their groceries, and none of them have gotten sick.

      2. I take everything super seriously and I absolutely do not disinfect my groceries. The amount of effort for the level of risk just seems too lopsided.

        2. Same. There’s taking appropriate precautions and there’s taking things beyond the point of rationality. I decided that disinfecting my groceries was taking things beyond that point.

    7. Seriously chill. Since you want to hear that you’re being crazy…you’re being crazy.
      The privilege and self-absorption of people on this board has really come to light during this. There are essential workers out there who have been exposed to coronavirus– actually exposed, like working closely with people who have tested positive for the disease. Meanwhile people here are worried that some splashed droplet from a bag. It seems like when people don’t have real concerns they make up things to be concerned about.

      1. My boss had covid, and I spent many, many hours with him in his small office the day that he developed symptoms. So either I’ve also now had covid and was asymptomatic or I didn’t catch it from him. Either way, it’s made me less worried. I’m still following all the public health recommendations, but I’m not disinfecting my groceries, or my mail, or using hand sanitizer every five seconds when I’m outside my house. I figured that if I was gonna catch covid from anyone, it was most likely to be my boss who I spend hours with most day or for my boyfriend for obvious reasons.

        For people who are not high-risk, I agree that some of the precautions being discussed are absolutely ridiculous

      2. anon, I think you’re being unfair with this. (1) amidst all of this uncertainty, people, especially Type A professional people, are desperate for something they can control. Even if that manifests itself as washing packaging. (2) media in general, whether “real news” or facebook news, grasps onto scary updates and blasts them far more readily than it does sensible information like “this is not a food borne illness; focus on social distancing when shopping and washing your hands after shopping, rather than fearing the packaging material.”

        Trying to manage our own worries as best we can (while keeping an eye out for becoming irrational, as the OP is), does not mean we’re oblivious to the far greater risks faced by others!

        1. Thanks, Cat. I definitely count as a type A person who likes to control things and I recognize that I’m way more privileged than most, but it hasn’t stopped me about panicking about myself. Sorry to be so irrational but I appreciate the assurance from others that it isn’t a big concern as it feels like in my brain.

      1. Also, even if it did have Covid, the amount you get in your eye is minimal and wouldn’t hurt you. Most people would get sick if they ate raw chicken but I have splashed myself in the eye with water that bounced off raw poultry with no issue.

      2. I’m going to be a pedantic jerk, but COVID is the disease (COronaVIrusDisease), not the virus.

    9. Remind yourself that worrying isn’t going to change the outcome, there’s no solution you can come up with by overthinking, all you can do is get some cough medicine and chicken noodle soup, rest if you can, stay hydrated, and see what happens. Remind yourself that it’s unlikely you caught anything, but that if you are somehow exposed, most cases do not require hospitalization and you’ll probably just feel gross for a couple weeks, if that.

    10. I wouldn’t worry that you infected yourself. However, I’m also washing groceries. It helps me feel proactive. It can’t hurt if it gives you some comfort.

    11. If you’ve disinfected and cleaned, please do not worry. If you start to feel bad, please try and see a doctor. But please stay calm because it’s probably nothing, and you’re as healthy as ever.

  8. For people with kids old enough to have phones:

    Do you use family calendars? If so, what has worked well for you.

    Teachers and activities are sending zoom schedules to me (b/c they are using parent lists; many kids don’t have e-mails or if they do, teachers don’t have that info; their school e-mails apparently don’t work away from school and are mainly used in their grades for testing). I want to put them on something as the equivalent of Outlook appointments my kids can get to and use their iPads (and possibly phones, not sure we can swing a phone now) or a home computer to get onto themselves.

    1. A family Google calendar would work for this. My kid’s school email is Google based and I add the links to his calendar, set reminders for class, etc. It works pretty well. He uses his iPad to access.

    2. We have a “family” setup in google accounts, and that comes with a shared Family calendar. We put anything kid/ whole family related on that calendar and they can see it too. I set up email addresses for them early on, which they don’t have access to, but we used one to set up their Chromebook and put the calendar on there so it’s easy to click to their zoom meeting.

    3. Family Google calendar. I WISH my kid’s teachers were sending stuff to us rather than to his school email address. He’s in elementary school, so still needs some hands-on help with stuff.

    4. Same. We’re the opposite (teachers are sending stuff to the kids’ email addresses, which is fine for the 5th grader and nuts for the 1st grader, so I’m signed into all three email addresses on my phone to keep track).

  9. We bought a house in December, and the plants are starting to wake up from the winter. This is our first single family home (my husband and I have both lived in apartments/condos since we lived with our parents), and we are definitely not experienced gardeners. It looks like there are about a bajillion different things planted between our front and back yards.

    Is there a service that will come out to our house and identify what all the plants we have are and teach us the basics of how to care for them? (e.g., cut off dead growth on that one in the spring, get X brand of soil/mulch for this bed and put it down in the spring, do XYZ in the fall before it gets cold). We’re happy to learn and to follow the instructions, but we don’t want to kill anything off as it’s clear the prior owners spent a lot of money on landscaping. We’re paralyzed by the diversity of the various bushes, trees, plants, and flowers.

    What kind of service should we be looking for? We’re in the Boston area if anybody has any specific recommendations.

    1. For trees, we use a certified arborist for this. I am not sure whether they’d be able to help with other types of plants, maybe shrubs, but probably not smaller things.

    2. Just get a gardener to maintain it for you unless you’re dying to take it on as a hobby.

      1. I’m in BigLaw and my husband works for a big retail company. Neither of our jobs seems terribly permanent at the moment, so we’d rather a one-time expense to learn what to do than take on another monthly/seasonal/annual expense.

        1. Even more reason to get a pro, frankly – if you have to sell, replacing dead landscaping is way more expensive than a gardener. Mine comes weekly for $200 a month, but I’m sure you could find one for less. There’s so much to know and it’s really easy to mess up.

          1. We’re not going to need to sell – we can comfortably afford the house and have a big e-fund. We just want to learn to take care of our own house and lawn, which we plan to own for the next several decades. I’m glad a gardener works for you. Not what we’re looking for.

          3. Anon @ 10:47 speaks the truth. I had to replace two bushes ($800!) because I wanted to do it myself. Learning about plant care takes time.

            Also, don’t mention expenses, and then get defensive about how wealthy you are!

        2. A couple of thoughts. Local garden clubs/FB groups are good resources. Usually, there are some master gardeners in these groups that are happy to help folks learn. See if your county agriculture extension office has any resources for your area- sometimes they also offer classes and soil testing. Find illustrated guides (actual reference books) for your state/area to learn plant names. Local garden centers and nurseries often have in-house landscape designers on staff that would be happy to come out and do a consult. Call and ask around and see what gets recommended.

    3. This might be more manual than you are looking for but there is an app that will identify plants on the basis of a photo. We’ve been testing it and it’s really accurate.

    4. You can use the PlantNet app to identify plants and then look up online how to care for them.

    5. What town are you in? When I was growing up in Concord years ago there were a lot of my friend’s mothers who did things like this or ongoing garden maintenance as a passion project / side income back in the day. I bet my mother and her friends would love to do that for a new family in their neighborhoods – scope out your neighbors who have nice gardens. Also check out the local garden clubs – they may have people who will do it either for free or a small donation.

    6. Unfortunately, landscaping isn’t really a “set it and forget it” type of endeavor. Your yard needs weekly (maybe you could get away with biweekly, or monthly in the winter) care. This includes mowing, watering (if you don’t have sprinklers), trimming, fertilizing, mulching once a season, etc. It’s labor intensive. You can’t cheat this. Our gardener is $60 a week and very reasonable for the amount of work he puts into our yard.

      1. Right. I’m literally saying I want to learn what those things are. We have an irrigation system and we know how to mow a lawn. If somebody would teach us what to do, we are happy to do it.

        1. We bought a house with an irrigation system we knew nothing about (never had one before). Before everything shut down, we called the installer of the system (company name was on a sticker inside the control box) and said we wanted them to inspect the system. For $115 he came, inspected the system, fixed a few things (including a few things we didn’t know were broken), flushed the system, and showed us a few things we didn’t know about the system controls. You can probably call any sprinkler/irrigation system installer and ask them to come take a look when everything reopens.

          As far as the other stuff – everything is shut down now obviously but when things reopen, see which college or university has a Cooperative Extension Service. Call them and ask if they can connect you with a Master Gardener in the area that does consultations. You may also have a local garden center (not a plant nursery, like a club for gardeners) that can connect you to a master gardener who can come out and take a look at what you have and tell you how to take care of it. That’s about all I can think of in terms of having someone tell you what plants are and how to take care of them. Other than, a gardener might be able to come, get things in shape, do some education with you, and then you could take it over without it being an ongoing expense.

          Honestly, most yard maintenance is not that difficult. If you have fruit trees, roses, some types of bulbs, or something else specialized, those need special care if they are going to look their best. Most trees, bushes, hedges and perennial flowers require little care beyond making sure they get watered and are pruned/trimmed at the appropriate time of the year, and it’s a good idea to mulch in the fall to protect things over the winter. But you could learn most of this yourself with a plant identifier app and some Googling. You don’t necessarily need someone to tell you what to do.

    7. My state has a fantastic Extension Service that provides information on plant identification and care for free. You might want to see if MA has the same type of service. Ours is through the big university system in the state. I’ve sent them pics of trees in my yard, and they’ll email back what it is and how to care for it. I’m not sure if they’ll do that in individual emails if you’ve got a ton of unidentified plants, but I’m positive they can point you in the right direction if you call their office, and wouldn’t be surprised if they have employees who will make house calls like what you’re talking about.

      1. Our state also has good extension service courses and information for free. There may also be a local community college that offers some gardening/landscaping classes for cheap.
        If you are friendly with a neighbor who has a lovely garden, they might be able to help as well if you have an occasional question. We bought our home from a widow who told us she hated doing lawn care (she outsourced it), but our neighbor is retired and gardening is his hobby. He’s always giving us unsolicited advice about things, which can be nice if you are completely starting from scratch.
        If you want to throw money at it, a landscape designer/gardner/etc could probably come out for an initial fee and help you know what is going on and maybe propose future changes and maintenance. Whether you pay them for that maintenance is a different story.

    8. We were in a similar situation, and we did hire a gardener to come out one time to help us identify all of the plants. I bought some plant marker things to write the name on and stick in the ground next to them as we walked through identifying them, as it is really easy to forget when you aren’t familiar with the names (probably even if you are). We did hire a (different) gardener for maintenance, but they were kind of a cut and go operation and didn’t really help cultivate our yard or anything (we have since let them go).

      I will say, 6 years in, our yard has been way more resilient than I was expecting and despite our unintentional best efforts to accidentally kill everything (we had 2 babies along the way….). An established yard is a beautiful thing. But I’m also in CA which may be a huge difference.

    10. There’s an app called PictureThis that will ID plants for you! I’ve been really impressed with its depth of knowledge – it’s gotten trees, pretty weeds on the side of the road, nursery plants, etc. You just take a picture of plant in the app and it pulls up the most likely result and a couple backup options.

    11. Check if there’s an extension education outreach (some combo of those words) service either through your local government or a nearby university that can advise or a local gardening/horticulture group, such as master gardeners. A professional gardener will also be useful especially if there are things that need tending to that are difficult to reach, for example. And pruning can be quite technical.
      If there are LOTS of things everywhere, sounds like the previous owner was an avid gardener and may have left a file with descriptions and plans of what they’ve planted. Check with the house documents you received.
      Also, there are lots of great apps that can help you identify the plants.
      This is such an exciting project; have fun!!

    12. I’d just call up a local landscaper and ask, they’d probably be happy to help. You may want to have them come weed and mulch and you can chat. You could have someone identify things all season but really the first year you just kind of have to wait and see what pops up.

    13. Our local nursery will do a consult at your home for a small fee that gets applied to any future purchase. When we did ours, the person who came out told us all about the plants and trees, how to care for them, and what we might consider adding to improve the landscaping. It was amazing and their advice was invaluable. We did end up having them add a tree, which significantly improved our yard. Short answer, contact your local nursery to see if they do consultations.

    14. Our extension has a show on public television called “Backyard Farmer” and they share all sorts of useful information like telling me when to prune the hydrangeas.

    15. You might find it useful start documenting things. Make a rough map and diary of your garden, take some pictures when things start to happen (“this weird bushy thing is happening in zone G in mid April”).

      It’s unlikely that you’ll know exactly what to do this first year – observing, getting a feel for what your favourites are, understanding the plan behind the garden might be enough for now. You’ll probably not do any of the spring things right, but by autumn you’ll have identified lots of stuff. :)

      Also – look out for local gardening societies or official info – maybe there are a few black-listed plants in your area that it would be useful to know to destroy on sight. And a local society might know of a good gardening calendar that works for your climate (the the Royal Horticultural Society has for the uK).

  10. Prior to all the virus things, my husband was having doubts about our marriage, and decided that he needed a separation to figure things out. Well, this weekend, we started that separation for an unknown period of time (he’s now staying at his parents empty home, as they’re in their second home for the foreseeable future- we are lucky to have this option).

    This is REALLY hard. I’m so sad about the potential loss of my husband / best friend. I knew separation would be hard, and I also can’t go to work, see my friends, or distract myself in some of the usual ways. Have been connecting with friends and family on Zoom/FaceTime (only some know what’s going on with my marriage), and doing phone sessions with my therapist. For those of you who have gone through a separation, do you have any advice? How did you get through it?

    2. Don’t. You’re wasting valuable time in your life. You husband doesn’t want to be married to you and moved out during a plague. Get a divorce. Get this marriage over so that you can move on.

    4. I’m so sorry. What hard timing. So many coping strategies are unavailable to you. That said, it sounds like you’re doing your best to connect to supportive people. One thing I’d add, if you safely can, is outdoor exercise.

      I’ve been through this, and it was much worse sharing a home with a husband who wondered out loud about whether he wanted to be married to me, than it was being alone after he moved out. It’s still incredibly hard, but it brings some peace and may help you think more clearly.

      Take it one day at a time, seriously. The other phrase that comes to mind about these memories is “suspension of disbelief.” You can see past your shock to acknowledge reality, but you don’t have to make any decisions or even decide how you feel or what you think. If people ask how you’re doing or what you plan to do, it’s ok to say “I don’t know.”

      Let us know how else we can help. Many regulars here have been through this.

    5. Ooof, OP, I’m so sorry. And I’m so sorry especially that you’re facing this when connecting with your other support systems is especially difficult.
      My then-husband left very abruptly in the summer of 2018. It was a total shock (to me), and not something I even remotely wanted. Some things that helped me:
      1. If you were taking care of a small child, what would you do? You’d make sure that she ate nutritious food. You’d give her time to play, to burn off energy–ideally outside–each day. You’d make sure she was going to bed at an appropriate time and getting up at an appropriate time. It was helpful for me to think of myself as a small child I had to take care of; the list of things I needed were short and elemental.
      2. I made a list of things that felt good, in the moment, while I was doing them. It was too much to find things that made me feel better or happy, but I could identify things that made tiny marginal differences. Then, I made it a game to do as many of those things as I could every single day. For me, that list consisted of walks with my dog, lighting candles, taking a bath, reading a book, coloring in a coloring book, listening to Beyonce’s Lemonade album, etc.
      3. Drink as much water as you possibly can. Wear soft clothes. Stretch. Maximize your physical comfort to the full extent possible.

      1. Number one is such a wonderful way to frame the need for (real, not Instagram) self-care. I’ve never thought about it that way before. Thank you.

      2. #1 is a lot of how I frame my self care when I’m not doing well – what would I tell my kid? To get some exercise, to eat healthfully, to talk to a friend, to rest and read a calm book, etc. It does work wonders!

    6. No advice but commiseration. I am going through the same thing but I’m in your husband’s position. We got married last May and the last year has been OK but I don’t think that we’re as happy together as we were living apart. Being stuck together 24-7 has highlighted a number of fundamental incompatibilities that I don’t know whether we can work through. I spent most of last week crying.

      1. Please don’t judge your marriage on how you two co-exist during this pandemic. Living and working with someone 24/7 is so different from normal marriage. Even the best relationships are struggling through this. It’s not a vacation.

        1. Oh I agree. The incompatibilities raised issues throughout the last year, so my concerns are not based only on our current situation. It’s tough to figure out whether the issues are part of the bumps that all new marriages go through or whether they are due to fundamental incompatibilities between us. The time apart is for us to think through that and decide whether we will put in the hard work, including couples and individual therapy, to resolve our problems.

        2. Co-sign. The first year or two of marriage is a big adjustment in normal times. If my husband and I had had to quarantine together for two months 11 months into our marriage I think we probably would have gotten divorced, just because it took awhile for us to calibrate to each other’s habits and expectations. We’ve been married over 20 years now, living together longer, and we have still had to do some negotiation and structured communication about boundaries and ground rules (guess who is a veteran of couples therapy!) to make sure we don’t drive each other nuts during this time. Not trying to invalidate your feelings, Miss Marple, but I wouldn’t make any big decisions right now. If any marriage counselors in your area are doing distance visits right now, you might want to think about doing a session on your own, and then asking your husband to join in later.

      2. Fwiw, if you don’t think you’re compatible and you aren’t happy maybe don’t sink more costs into it.
        I’ve been married twice. The first time, I bought into all of the “marriage is WORK! it’s so great but IT’S THE HARDEST THING YOU’LL EVER DO” hype. Sorry to offend anyone, but if it’s that hard maybe it’s not right. If you don’t have kids or larger considerations, follow your gut.

        My marriage now is not what I would describe as “work” at all. Of course, I live with another person and take their considerations and needs into account but we both feel like we get as much, if not more, out of it than we put into it. Not to say marriages never hit bumps or require therapy, but if you’re having to seek out therapy and work this hard so early on, it’s OK to decide that it’s not worth it to you.

        1. Yes, this has been exactly my experience as well. First marriage that felt really hard. Second marriage that has felt pretty easy.

    7. I’m so sorry. My only advice is to continue talking with your therapist.

      It sounds like things aren’t really broken in your marriage, and I’m sorry that your husband wants out. Did he give any specific reason? (I’m not saying this to berate you; if other people have heard the same thing but been able to make it work, you may be able to draw on the experience of women here.)

      1. OP here- he has always had anxiety, and that anxiety seems to now be manifesting in “what if” we weren’t together. We’ve been together since college (10+ years), and haven’t been with anyone but each other. We had been talking about having kids soon, which apparently spurred the thought of, this is his last chance to ‘get out.’ This came totally out of the blue for me – I thought we were happy (not perfect, but on solid grounds).

        He says there’s no problem with our marriage – and that couples counseling this won’t work, and that he needs to figure out these doubts in his head. I think this is ridiculous, and will insist on couples counseling if he comes back after separation (especially as I now have some serious issues with him to work out).

        1. Omg just seeing this, but please, PLEASE do not have children with this man. My goodness, it’s bad enough that he’s left you with essentially no notice/reasons during a pandemic. What will he do if he gets anxious while you’re pregnant or once you have children? You deserve a partner, not someone you have to manage. And that’s speaking as someone currently medicated for anxiety – I know that’s a ME problem to fix, not something I would ever take out on my partner or family.

        2. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds familiar to a friend whose wife recently decided she didn’t want to be married any more. No issues with the marriage, but she just really wanted to be single and alone. If he says there’s no problem with the marriage, it really is a him problem, as hard as that is to hear.

          I’d suggest being aggressive about finding ways to fill your time with distracting tasks. Make sure you are getting a ton of fresh air — go for the longest walks you can. The sunshine will be good and will get you away from the house where you are faced with reminders of him. It’s a good time to pick up a ridiculous hobby. Baking? Puzzles? Painting? Woodworking? Find something tangible that has a lot of discrete steps to focus your mind.

        3. Oh I am so sorry to hear that.

          Let me guess: he’s about 30 and now figured out that his youth is in the rearview mirror and thinks that life would be more “fun” if he weren’t married. He’s in for a rude awakening. (I have many male friends in their 30s and early 40s who would move heaven and earth to find the right woman. Dating is not fun. Meshing your life together with someone at age 40 is challenging at best.)

          1. OP here- you are exactly right that we are early 30s. I do think that is part of this.

            Thank you all for you support here- I can’t tell you how much it helps hearing your advice and similar experiences.

    8. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. One piece of advice that I saw and think is applicable here, is that HE is not solely in charge of this decision. Please take this time to think about what YOU want. Do you want to be in this marriage? Do you want to be in this marriage with someone you now know will leave you to focus on THEIR needs during this time instead of being willing to work through them with you? That would be a deal breaker for me, personally.
      And check if your employer now offers referrals to/covers sessions with a therapist – they’re all working remotely.

    10. Oof! It is really hard — big hugs to you!

      I second the advice to make sure you do not have children with this man any time soon!

      Otherwise, when I left my husband I was so heartbroken and I kept telling myself a few things that were dumb but helped me a lot:

      * The only way out is through
      * I just have to feel like this until I don’t feel like this any more
      * This time next year things will be MUCH BETTER

      And all those things turned out to be true. And also it’s now six years later and I am SO MUCH HAPPIER now with the most amazing new husband. You deserve somebody who is head over heels about you and would move heaven and earth to be with you, and if that’s not your husband, then… see above.

  11. Seeking recommendations for webinars or online spaces you’ve been enjoying! Looking for ones to help break up the day, because just having something on the calendar is so helpful these days, even if I end up not being able to tune in. Webinars I know of: Ladies Get Paid and Career Contessa. The website https://www.stayhometakecare.com/. Other recommendations welcome!

    2. I love them. I saw someone wearing them out and about and searched them out online, then realized I can’t spend that much on no -workout leggings. (They seem like they’d be ok for barre or maybe yoga, but not for running). I don’t even spend that much on my workout leggings, but since they’d just be athleisure for me, there’s no way.

    3. I just have a thing about how fabric in your skin tone can make it look like you’re not wearing fabric (please, no beige-peach coloured chinos!).

      1. (To clarify, I know there are lots of different skin tones – but I don’t see chinos in many other swivel skin tones)

        1. Don’t know where the word swivel came from there, apologies. Tablet autocorrect…

      2. Yeah, I love colors like blush pink, champagne, rose gold, and dusty rose but I would not wear leggings in those colors because they’re too close to my skintone, and they’d probably make my thighs look enormous.

        That said, leggings in a dark color with a light sparkle starting at the bottom and fading upwards might be fun to wear when running on a sunny day.

    4. Like Elizabeth, I am a magpie and my initial reaction was LOVE! But then my practical reaction was how can these be comfortable to work out in, let alone run in, and the affection passed.

        1. Per folklore, magpies are attracted to/distracted by shiny things (it’s been proven false, but lives on regardless).

          1. Oh welp, that’s me then! My middle school glitter obsession came back in a big way, starting about two years ago when I watched Olympic figure skating and decided I liked the sparkly outfits, and I wanted to sparkle too! Not at work though, of course.

          2. BUT I can’t see myself spending over a hundred dollars on leggings. I gaze longingly at the legging at barre3 and they run just under $100, I lean more towards the ones at Victoria’s Secret, and maybe Athleta or Fabletics. Maybe as a birthday present though . . .

      2. I have these, and work out in them, and they’re super comfy. I do both yoga and running in them, no problemo.

    5. I will say, I do have some of the plain leggings from this company, and they are super soft. So much so that I’ve been considering buying another pair. And, while I’m not a fan of this particular color combo, they do have some other metallic alloy colors that look better!

    6. I love them. But I never wear leggings except for the gym and would never spend this much for pants to get sweaty in….

        1. I’m not the person you’re asking, but 1. i love the term “hard pants” it made me giggle and 2. I actually find leggings to be extremely uncomfortable! They make my legs feel itchy to think about! I wear them to work out but do not find them to be comfortable lounging about clothes

    7. My sentiments exactly, but I do appreciate the glittery in certain contexts. Unfortunately, just not on leggings, as I’d never spend that much on athleisure either. The ombre effect on these are better than most, no?

    8. I saw this and thought my 5 year old daughter (who is currently wearing her tutu dress with the golden stars) would love it. Not me, nope.

  13. I need some perspective on dating. I’m in confinement at the moment due to COVID19 and have been talking everyday with someone I have been spending time with alot before this confinement started. We had been spending time going out on dinners regularly, and sometimes concerts. The last weekend before confinement started, he let me know he wants to be more than just friends, I was over at his house and ended up spending the night. This is someone I have grown fond of, and whose company I really enjoy. One thing that does bother me is that he smokes-he uses one of those vaping/e-cigarette things. I have always had smoking as a deal breaker but when he hang out before it was as friends and so it’s not something I thought about alot. I did mention that I didn’t like that he smoked when we were together that weekend just so he understands any negative reactions I have towards it. (FWIW I am not going to try and make him quit. I believe that’s a decision that only the individual can make for themselves.) Fast forward to now and I’m wondering whether I should still give this a chance? I never quite imagined being faced with a situation where you spend time with someone who has a habit you disapprove of but you still end up liking them.

    1. Does he smoke or does he vape? If it were me, the former would be a dealbreaker but the latter maybe notsomuch.

    2. My ex quit smoking to stay with me when we got serious. I have asthma and allergies to cigarette smoke. He knew smoking or vaping is a deal breaker for me, and he wanted to quit to make it work. You’re right that someone has to want to quit.

  14. We got a king sized bed a while ago but we still don’t have a mattress for it. I’ve been looking at mattresses online but there are so many options! We will go have a look at them in a store when the stores open again but I’d love to hear recommendations and opinions (ie. memory foam, spring…).

    We generally like a firm mattress with a soft mattress pad on top… and I’m wondering whether it’s unnecessary to buy an expensive mattress (we’re hoping to stay under $1500) if you buy a good quality mattress topper?

    1. We have similar tastes/budget and I went with Brooklyn Bedding. I had previously had a cheap IKEA mattress with a topper and the new set up is a big upgrade for me.

    2. If you like firm, you might like Tuft and Needle. I have no complaints about the quality, delivery, or customer service, but man, that sucker is firm af. I’m going to get something else once all things COVID-19 settle down, but I recommend it to my firm-loving friends because I liked everything else about it.

    3. This sound exactly like my Tuft and Needle bed. It comes on the firmer side which was great for me but adding a mattress topper for my SO who needs a little more softness made it perfect. The delivery and set up was so easy (you buy online and its shipped rolled up in a box so you just take it to your bedroom and let it fluff up – just air it out a couple days before sleeping on it). And last I saw they had a 100 day guarantee policy. If you don’t like it, donate it and show them the donation receipt and you’ll get 100% of your money back.

      2. Cosigning tuft and needle. I think we got the “mint” one if it makes a difference. We are very very happy with it.

    4. We have a combo (springs below with a thick layer of memory foam on top) and it sounds like exactly what you’re looking for. It gives the support you get from a firm mattress with the softness of a mattress pad. Ours is a Serta that we purchased from a local furniture store – we’ve had it for about three years now and still love it. When you try them out, remember that they will soften over time so you want something that feels maybe a touch too firm in the store. Ours was about $1500 for a queen set. Has held up dramatically better than the cheap mattress we had before that.

    5. We have a Big Lots Serta mattress at our beach house and it is SO much better than our main one at home. I had a great night’s sleep at a B&B a few months back and looked at the mattress tag…yep, Big Lots. And it makes sense to me – I slept so much better back in the day when my mattress didn’t do tricks, when it just sort of a basic mattress – with maybe an egg crate topper if needed.

    6. We got the firmest option that Room & Board had, which was 999 for a King. We bought our bed there, and since it wasn’t expensive and what we wanted, was just convenient. And then got a 4″ memory foam topper from Lucid, which was less than 150. Best bed I have ever slept on, and something like that sounds like what you might be looking for.

    7. My mattress is firm but with a pillow top (so I don’t need an extra topper). I love it.

    8. I have had a Beautyrest from Costco with a topper from Sofitel Boutique for years .Love it, and it was cheap (well, the topper not so much…)

    9. Happsy. Perfect medium firmness that is a good compromise for me and my husband. They have a mattress topper but we didn’t get it. And it is organic- I am not an all organic nut, but after doing a little bit of research I was convinced that this is one situation where it’s worth the extra few hundred dollars. You are breathing in mattress fumes 8 hours a day for years.

  15. I’ve been thinking about getting laser hair removal for a while, and am curious about others experience. How much does it hurt? How successful was it? Costs? I’m in the DC area, and would also love recommendations for locations if anyone has one.

    1. I did my bikini area probably 10 years ago, best decision ever. It hurts at times when doing the actual procedure, but not anything that one can’t handle, and not enough to make it not worth it. It was pretty successful long term. I have to do a tiny amount of clean up shave once in awhile, but nothing crazy, and I also think I could have done one or two more sessions than I did (if memory serves I think I did the minimum amount of sessions recommended). I will let someone else address costs and specific place recs since it’s been so long since I did mine. But if you wax at a salon otherwise it pays for itself eventually.

    2. I have done my entire body and I love it. Worth every penny and the pain. The pain can be pretty intense but it is just for a second and then it passes.

    3. I had about five sessions on my lower legs but stopped when I got pregnant. Apparently five wasn’t enough to have any lasting effect.

      1. OK this makes me feel better. I went to three sessions for my lower legs and saw zero hair reduction. The techs kept saying “you just need more sessions.” which made me think they were just trying to keep collecting money from me. FWIW, the facility seemed…eh less than professional. More like a factory than a doctor’s office. Also a lot of friends had success with underarms/bikini line, which are darker and more coarse hairs than your legs.

        1. I was in there for 12 sessions spread over two years. I bought a package, so I didn’t pay per session. Have been hair free for 3 years!

    4. I have done 3 sessions, and would be due for the next one in a few weeks but it’s very non-essential so that’s on hold. I thought it was really painful my first time, but it got better. Did armpits and entire Brazilian – thought about doing legs but I don’t have a lot of body hair so I didn’t think it was worth it. So far even with 3 sessions I can’t believe I didn’t do it sooner – some hair is growing back but it’s much less and a lot thinner than before.
      If you decide to do it, ask if they can offer a numbing cream. That’s what I used ~30 minutes before the laser and I couldn’t feel a thing for half of it.

    5. I did my legs 8 years ago, and it was one of the best decisions of my life (no joke). I haven’t shaved once this month and my legs only have the errant hair.

    6. Love it and can’t wait to do my calves too. I’ve done bikini area and underarms. I found underarms more painful and used some lidocaine that I had – it helped.

    7. For some reason, my underarms (the only area that I’ve done) are super resistant to laser, even though I have darker hair and fair skin. I had eight sessions done, and still have a fair amount of hair. It is sparser and finer, but definitely not gone – still have to shave. I’m saying this because it is expensive, and I don’t often hear experiences like mine. I’d be sure and ask whoever is doing it to be super honest with you about what results you can expect. I may do more sessions later but don’t want to spend the money for the time being.

    8. I am in the process of doing it, obviously on hold at the moment. It’s not cheap, but it seems most places do discounts when you do several body parts at once. The silver lining of the current delay is that it will give more time for regrowth so hopefully my next session will be extra effective. I’ve been happy with the results I’ve seen so far. One tip I’ve learned is that hydrating well and going easy on coffee the day of your appointment really helps with the pain – I have no idea why but have definitely found it to be true.

  16. Anyone know of a good website to order some adult-level jigsaw puzzles, preferably with free shipping? Trying to avoid the river site.

    1. The brand Galison has some nice ones! I don’t know about free shipping directly from their site. (I just ordered one of their puzzles, but from a local small-business stationery shop that I wanted to support. The gold foil astrology puzzle!)

      2. LOL, that’s why I decided to add “level” because I thought the same thing!

    4. Do you have any local game/hobby stores? I’d search there first (though I’m admittedly a support small business snob)

  17. This might be too late for the morning post…but what are your thoughts on “serious” vs. “big smile” headshots? I recently lateraled and am using my old headshot (full, beaming smile). I’ll get a new one next month or whenever the photographer feels comfortable. My practice was going to be about 30% restructuring/bankruptcy but I’ve been told to expect 90% by year end. I’m already scheduled for a few virtual CLEs mid year for some industry groups. I’m the only woman. All the male lawyers in my practice group have serious/slight smile headshots. I’ve been Googling and I suppose Christine Lagarde’s wiki photo is the closest I’ve found…But it’s not quite what I’m looking for. Not looking to out anyone here, but if you have any suggestions for poses or facial expressions, let me know!

    Yes, I know there are bigger problems, and I’m lucky to think about something like a photo… But something about putting a huge smile on webinar slides about bankruptcy feels ‘wrong’ next to serious old men.

    1. When I did my headshot recently the photographer spent about 30 minutes with me taking a billion photos with slight variations. At his direction, there were different sized smiles, no smile, different shoulder towards the camera, different head tilts, etc. I had soo many photos to choose from. I think the important think is not whether it’s smile or no smile, but which photo feels like the best representation of you.

      1. This. I was really surprised that we (photographer, marketing, and me) ended up choosing one with a lips closed smile – it’s not a normal photo look for me, but it looked great.

      3. Same here. I picked a smiling photo, because I looked ridiculous otherwise. It’s very much a “this is who I am” picture. But my firm isn’t really into serious headshots either.

    2. I have a beaming smile headshot (lateralled 6 months ago, so it’s recent). I just looked so awkward in the serious ones, and so many people have commented on it positively, so I feel good about it despite initial misgivings. It has led to a few somewhat awkward “I saw your picture and your lovely smile” convos with clients, but ultimately I never felt like it affected my credibility or anything like that. I don’t practice in bankruptcy, but if I needed a bankruptcy lawyer I would prefer a cheerful one!

    3. I would decide whether you like how you look not smiling. I personally feel like it isn’t me and I look totally ridiculous. It might be because I am a very smiley person in my daily life – odd thing to say, but not sure else how to express it.
      I also work in a practice group with all men, but they all have very smiley photos on our website – some even open teeth smiles lol, so it was a no brainer for me. Bigger debate for me was suit or no suit – i went with a suit, and now wish I would have worn a dress.

    4. I am smiling in my photo because I smile all the time. I’m a smiley person and the photographer was making me laugh. I got back all the proofs and the ones my friends said looked best we’re those where I’m smiling the most (but not laughing) so I went with those. I’m in professional clothing and serious pearls, I have my glasses on, I have a professional bob haircut, so if the worst someone can say of me is that my expression is not serious, I will accept that.

  18. I need some extra writing space in my home office; my desk is basically taken over by two monitors. I’m thinking maybe a side table that’s sturdy enough to write on? Does anyone have something like this? Recommendations? Thanks!

    1. I do the thing I’m not supposed to do, which is in bed. For some reason, there’s been a significant psychological relief to staying in bed throughout this (I guess because in my mind, the only time one should be confined is in bed at night, sleeping). I’ve been bad in doing everything from bed except meals lately, but it’s made me feel better despite my lack of sleep from stress.

  19. Over the past year or so my skincare routine has gotten very utilitarian. Since I’m not wearing makeup these days I am curious, does anyone have skincare (or haircare) products that bring them joy? Something you really enjoy using? I am thinking some bougier products might give me more to look forward to everyday during quarantine life. (I am a skincare addict but these days mostly use Cerave products + Curology).

    1. Herbivore Blue Tansy Face Mask and Blue Lapis Face Oil!! These are my very favorite two face products and my skin looks amazing after using them/when using regularly. I have tried tons of stuff, and I just feel that everything (even Herbivore’s other products) pales in comparison to these two. (Not that that has stopped me from eyeing up other products, currently have my sights set on some Caudalie Premier Cru products.)

      1. I should have also mentioned, I do also like Tatcha’s Ultra Violet face mask and their rice polich. (But even so, Blue Tansy 100%!)

    2. There are so many, as well as an entire (good) magazine devoted to this: Allure.com. I tend to go to masks, both wash-off and sheet, when I need serious joy. There’s one called Hanacure that’s supposed to be the bees knees of sheets masks. I personally love the Chantecaille line, which has floral-based and detox clay varieties. Both are bougie pricing but different than your run-of-the-mill products.

      1. I switched to chantecaille foundation a few months ago and it’s amaaaaaaaazing. Every time I find a foundation I like it gets discontinued, though, so fingers crossed that’s not the case with this!

    3. Ooh, I use a cleansing balm and it is such a little treat at the end of the day. It’s a solid and melts on your face/fingers and feels so so nice.

      1. Those are nice, especially in a double cleanse routine. I prefer them to oils, since oils can sometimes leave that greasy film, no matter how great the brands’ products.

      2. I was going to post the same thing! I have the Banila Clean It Zero cleansing balm and I love washing my face with it. It smells so nice and feels so soft going on. I have combination skin so I always worry about breaking out and was super reluctant to use anything resembling oil on my face, but I was amazed at how easily it rinses off. It’s a nice little treat for my face.

    4. I love doing sheet masks (green tea, aloe or propolis area my favourite “flavours”) while watching a film in the bath. I put my glasses on the outside of the mask and watch a film (or a show or series) in the bath.

      The coolnees of the mask allows my skin to tolerate a warm bath (rosacea does not necessarily like hot and humid), so it gives me something I can’t do without the sheet mask.

  20. I was just online looking for good deals on casual tops because I’m tired of wearing the same 4 tees from my dresser on rotation. Then I realized what I really need to do is wear more of my work tops. This involves choosing things to wear from my closet, which has felt so foreign lately.

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