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Updated: Mar 15, 2019 347 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Side Pleat Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Side Pleat Top Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ann Taylor Factory has a number of these side pleat tops — we're featuring the “faded aqua,” but there are also some print options. I like it because it's sort of an elevated basic — it's as easy to wear as a long-sleeved t-shirt but brings a good deal more sophistication and style. They're $54.99 full price, but today you can get 50% off, no code needed. They're available in sizes XS-XL. Side Pleat Top This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Comments

  1. Nelly Yuki

    What’s the best way to get from LaGuardia to lower Manhattan? It will be about 10pm tonight and this is for a work trip, so I can expense it.

    • Anonymous

      I’m an Old, so I cab. But some sort of vehicle transport is your best bet. Even when I was a poor student, that was a miserable transit commute (to the point where if I had an option, I would choose Newark).

      • tesyaa

        Do older people not uber? I’m entirely past my 40s and I uber whenever necessary.

        • Anonymous

          I had a blackberry until recently and there was no app ability. It’s just not a habit.

        • Anonymous

          I do cab at the airport because I think it is easier (don’t have to find the driver), flat rates to manhattan, and the cab drivers have better employment protections.

    • Anonymous

      100% cab/uber. LGA is not as connected to transit as JFK is, and since you can expense it, it’s a no-brainer.

      • Ellen

        I agree if you are on an expense account. The quickest may be to take the 4 or the 5 train to Bowling Green and walk, but at that hour, there are some skuzzy people in the subway, and to a lesser extent, downtown. Of course, if you are NOT on the subway line, the best way is a cab. Most drivers are very helpful. Only a few times did the drivers ooogle me, and that is not that much anymore now that I am not as young and fresh as I used to be.

    • anon

      If it’s in line with your work’s policy, then arrange to have a black car meet you. Otherwise cab and Uber (both completely reasonable options). There’s no decent mass transit.

    • Anonymous

      I use Carey, their cars are in good condition and their drivers professional. Tell them what flight you are on and they will also auto adjust the pickup if there is a delay.

    • Anonymous

      I do a ponytail because my hair sucks and I have no coordination. My favorite would be a braid, though.

    • Anon

      I have long, wavy air. I usually do either a ponytail or a Katniss-style hairdo (the front sections pulled off into a side braid along my crown, then a French braid in the back).

    • CountC

      Generally a big bun-ish type mess on top of my head. I don’t like feeling the ponytail hit my neck or swish around when I run. Sometimes I wear a ball cap style hat and do the same messy loops with the elastic with the hair pulled through the opening in the back.

    • anon

      Ponytail (if my hair has been straightened) or a messy bun (if it’s curly). The key to getting either to stay in place if I’m jogging or otherwise moving a lot is to use one of the hair bands with rubber woven into it.

      • KW

        Can you link to these hair bands? I have similar hair and wear it similarly for working out and always have a hard time getting it to stay put.

    • Nudibranch

      I put it in a high pony tail then loop/tuck the end up back through the hair band. This makes a poofy bun that doesn’t bounce around annoying me or feel like a wet rope slapping me as I move.

  3. Nude for me shapewear

    I’m wearing a dress that is partially sheer in some places. I definitely need to wear Shapewear with it but want to find something that matches my skin color, which is a medium brown. Kind of the complexion of Beyoncé or Halle Berry. Anyone have ideas? Spanx is my usual go to but they only have a very light nude color or black.

  4. lsw

    Here’s a silly question for your Friday morning. I have the Dior Lipglow, and somehow the tube and the actual stick of lipstick have gotten turned away from each other. That was fine except that now that it’s closer to empty, they don’t line up so I can’t apply it. I tried gently turning it with my fingers and it just dented the stick. Do I stick it in the freezer and try to turn it while it’s hard? …some other idea I haven’t come up with yet? There’s a fair amount left, and this stuff is pricey, so I’m against just tossing it.

    • coffee

      Can you just scoop out the lipstick and put it in a contact case or other small receptacle? I’ve done that in the past when I’ve snapped off lipsticks or they’ve gotten too misshapen to use properly. You’d have to use a finger or lip brush to apply but at least you wouldn’t waste it?

    • Miss

      I’ve usually been able to fix this by twisting the tube all the way down and pushing the lipstick down. But if that doesn’t work, I’d just start applying it with a lip brush.

    • Anon

      I’m by no means a makeup expert but could you use those little applicators they have at sephora for testers (like a little brush to get the lipstick from the stick to your mouth)?

    • BeenThatGuy

      I’d suggest getting a lip brush and dipping it into the tube. That stuff is expensive and you sure don’t want it to go to waste!

  5. Leggings forever?

    What are you wearing for casual pants on the weekend? I’m feeling tired of my leggings and skinny jeans, which I’ve been wearing year round for several years. Any suggestions for a fresh look now that it’s finally showing signs of spring in my area?

      • Anonymous

        I just got a pair of the athletica north trekkie jogger that I really like.

        I also like a looser distressed skinny, but I’m from LA so YMMV.

    • Anon

      I’m a million yrs pregnant but have been seeing onesies (like rompers but long- I’m not at all sure if the right name) popping up in stores and on bloggers styled in ways I really like. I’m plus sized, but have occasionally found flattering ones that I like as well pre-preg. They end up kinda looking like sundresses… but with pants and pockets! A win as far as I am concerned (I feel like people will have strong feelings about this suggestion lol).

    • Anonymous

      I like my Lululemon On the Fly pants for an alternative to jeans and leggings. Or a casual dress.

    • Monday

      How about jogger-style pants? My legs are so muscular that they don’t usually fit me correctly (all pants are skinny pants on me), but I love them on others. They come in denim and athleisure-type fabrics and tend to show ankle. I have some lightweight tweed ones that I got at J. Crew last summer.

    • Anon

      I just bought a jumpsuit for this reason! We will see if the bathroom thing drives me crazy. Mine is below knee with wide legs so it looks kind of like a dress when I’m not walking.

      • Katie

        I’ve had good luck with Athleta’s Siena Skinny Pant – they come in a few colors. They are a bit more elevated than leggings but just as comfortable.

    • New pants

      Shake up the proportions of your casual outfits. In spring, I do different cuts of denim like the Pilcro high rise straight jeans from Anthro or cotton utility pants with the hems rolled. (Full disclosure: I’m in my early 40s so I’m probably older than you and have never been a leggings person.) I’ve also re-introduced full length bootcut or wideleg jeans because the rises on the new styles are high enough that there’s no risk that people are going to assume I’m wearing left-overs from my late 90s/early 2000s heyday. Have a look through the pants section of the Anthro website – even if it’s not your price range or is too boho, they do a great job of styling their pieces so you can see what kinds of shoes and tops work with different cuts.

    • Fishie

      Pretty much all my weekend pants are old navy. Inexpensive, on-trend, washable. Checks all my boxes for weekend wear.

      • anonshmanon

        I have a pair of sweat pants/pyjama pants from old Navy with a whimsical print that I live in on weekends.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been eyeing some of the pants from ADAY. Has anyone bought anything from them?

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I wear a lot of skinny jeans, dark and not so dark. Have added in a pair of boot cuts and a pair of acid washed skinny jeans. I have some cotton skinny pants too. Also I am and have always been partial to white jeans.

  6. Anon0315

    Cat- random note- it seems like people have had questions about blogging/this blog and you’ve been answering various things in the comments- i have no interest in blogging myself, but I’d love a series on the “behind the scenes of how Corporette is run”- more on what posts are popular and how you run it as a business. Maybe I’m alone here, but I think that would be super interesting.

    • anon

      Along those lines–I would LOVE to see the demographics of the readers and, separately, the commenters. I think it’d be really need to see the range of ages, locations, and industries (among other demographics).

    • Pretty Primadonna

      I would like to see that as well as demographics of readers and commenters, as suggested by anon at 11:10am.

  7. Junk in the trunk

    My BigLaw office is now “dress for your day.” That can mean jeans, but jeans don’t work for me, esp. in the summer. Now, though, I want to wear some casual pants. BUT I am really, really pear-shaped. Like a Kardashian (at least below the waist). It almost feels . . . not a very office-appropriate look. Do I just wear drapy tops that are bum-covering? Like long/flowy over long/skinny? It feels like such a silly question, but if I size up, the waists are all too big and the pants then droop, gangsta style.

    And to make it more comical, I am a suburban mom in her late 40s. And I drive a car so large I get mistaken for an Uber.

      • Anonymous

        Does it not seem a bit silly — I feel like we didn’t tailor our casual clothes previously. Not ragging on you, but the whole casual dress thing seems to introduce trouble and effort and the need to be perpetually shopping. I am not missing my suits, but the psychic energy consumed by figuring this out ever day / season / slight size change is exhausting.

        • tesyaa

          Would you consider casual A-line knit dresses or skirts that would work better with your shape? I agree that casual pants seem like an uphill battle and dresses with or without tights might work.

        • SC

          Honestly, this is why I’m happy with my business formal dress code. I buy a few quality suits, a few sheath dresses, a few blazers, get them tailored as necessary, and switch inexpensive blouses and fun shoes in and out. It’s not exciting, but the day-to-day is pretty easy. Casual clothes take more effort to create an outfit that looks put-together but still casual, and a casual dress code at works seems to create more pressure to vary outfits rather than wear a “uniform” of sorts (at least for women).

        • Anon

          If you already have the wardrobe, wear your suit pants and whatever you wore before sans jacket. You don’t *have* to dress casually. But I would seriously tailor all my casual clothing if I could. I tailor my tshirts myself because I’m picky about fit and people always ask me where I buy them.

        • Different anon

          No one is forcing you to change how you dress. You said you want more casual pants. If you’re going to wear more casual pants to work, they need to fit you. Based on what you’ve said about your shape, that means tailoring. I agree it all feels a bit like “If you give a mouse a cookie…,” but you can decide not to give the cookie.

        • Anonymous

          I have never worn suits or sheaths. But I get out my sewing machine all the time to tailor my casual, inexpensive clothing so it fits me better. Totally worth it. You have a biglaw salary, so I’d book an appointment with a stylist or personal shopper to buy a casual work capsule, get the stuff tailored, and then wear it until it wears out. Rinse, repeat.

    • ...

      Why does everyone on this board seem to hate wearing dresses? It is so easy and looks so much more professional and versatile than separates. Surprise meeting? Throw a blazer on. Going out after work? Change your shoes and you have a party outfit. It’s also a one piece that you can take off a hanger and wear. Who cares if the rest of the office looks frumpy and casual in their AT pants? Someone please explain!! lol.

      • Anonymous

        My personal feeling is that I like tights with dresses in the winter and bare legs with dresses when it’s warm. I’m sick of tights but it is too cold to go with bare legs now. Hence pants until it warms up.

        • Anon

          I have massive chub rub and cannot recommend jockie skimmies enough. I live in these + dresses

      • Anon

        Haha everyone on this board does not hate wearing dresses. I don’t know where you picked up on that.

        Lately there have been lots of questions about pants but I’m sure that is because they are harder to fit, therefore more questions.

        • Small Firm IP Litigator

          Yeah, dresses are the most comfortable thing ever. They are essentially long T-shirts/tank tops. I wear them 75% of work days.

          On pants though, I am very hourglass shaped, and most brands don’t work well for me. I found some previously unknown brands of jeans and pants from checking out what celebrities who are generally my shape wear.

          • Pale Girl Snorkeling

            Junarose jeans from Denmark made me love jeans again for the first time in more than 15 years. I have another pair from another Danish brand that I also love, I bought them in a Danish mall which had several styles that fit me perfectly. I will wear them until they literally fall apart I love them so much

          • Small Firm IP Litigator

            R13, AG, and Hudson are great. Red Engine is OK. Basically none of the mall brands fit me (gap in the back). I’m a relatively small hourglass – waist 23.5-24 and hips 36-37. If I buy a 25 in these brands it works.

      • Anon

        I wear dresses like 90% of the time for similar reasons. Plus dresses tend to not need to be tailored and are more forgiving of weight gain/loss

      • Anon

        I’m actually not allowed to wear dresses or skirts at work, so it’s 20% preference and 80% necessity.

    • Anonymous

      I would wear whatever casual pants you want, tailored if you need to. The change in aesthetic will be a bit of an adjustment, but you are likely more conscious of the ‘kardashian-ness’ than anyone else.

      I usually have a blazer on at work regardless of the outfit, and this helps me feel better about the casual pants.

    • Anonymous

      There have been a number of threads on which pants work for pears. You might check for those. I find Brooks Brothers and Trina Turk pants fit without inappropriate gripping.

  8. Anon

    Does anyone have reccomendations for a blog/instagram of someone (ideally cusp/plus size) with an apple shape?

    I have always been an apple (everything in my belly, medium chest, skinny thighs) but post-baby it’s even more drastic, and I’m having an even harder time finding clothes. Thanks!

    • Katie

      There’s one called 12-ish (she’s more like a 16/18, but features other cusp-sized ladies of differing shapes on occasion) that might be a decent resource? Her style doesn’t match mine so I stopped following, but may be a place to start.

    • lydia

      Franish? not sure if she’s posting anymore. 12is is now katiesturino on instagram. I like her a lot, although her style is also a lot. Shannydoots on insta is more sort of everlane-y. marielle elizabeth is plus, not cusp, but has great style (also insta). or maybe deb from clothedinabundance (also on insta).

  9. Canada travel question

    Haven’t traveled to Canada in a long time. Can I still use USD? Will be there for a few days on business travel. Do I need to do anything with my credit card? Thanks in advance for any tips on business travel to Canada.

    • Anonymous

      You absolutely cannot use USD. You can let your credit card company know you’re traveling although it usually isn’t a big deal. If you need cash just go to an ATM.

      • Canada travel question - OP here

        OP here…ok, it’s been a long time…used to be able to use USD in Ontario….I used to summer there with family but it’s been 25 years. So are you saying I can use my US ATM card in a Canadian ATM to get Canadian cash?

        • Anonymous

          Yes. This is how ATMs work now. You can also get Euros from an ATM in Euro zone countries.

        • Annonnnn

          Yes, you can do that in many countries around the world. The card provider does the math and charges you a foreign transaction fee (depending on your card agreement).

        • Anon

          Yep, I’ve done it all over the world on many continents. ATM is usually the best exchange rate.

        • Anon

          Haha yes, that is exactly how it works. Or just use your credit or debit card because it’s 2019 and who even uses cash anymore?

    • Anonymous

      You’ve never been able to use USD – except maybe at a horrible exchange rate in a border town souvenir shop.

      Credit cards are super common and accepted everywhere. I almost never carry cash anymore.

      • Equestrian attorney

        There are a small number of places that will take USD, especially touristy places, but it’s really not widespread – CAD is the only lawful currency in Canada. Also note they usually take it on a parity basis which is really not a good deal for you right now. Use a normal credit or debit card, and get a bit of Canadian cash from an ATM.

    • Her-story

      can you *still* use USD…. Ha! When was the last time you traveled there, 1812?

      • anon

        OP here….well that’s quite rude and very Un-Canadian of you…. actually you are wrong….there are retailers that still accept USD, granted the exchange rate may not be optimal. I stated that it had been there about 25 years ago – at that time the USD was very strong and retailers wanted USD.

        • Anon

          That wasn’t rude, you asked a weird question and somebody responded with a joke.

          • nona

            +1 – Those retailers made a specific decision that they could revoke at any time. The reality is that USD is not, and never has been, legal currency in Canada. Anyone could have refused to take your USD and would be within their rights to insist you pay with Canadian currency. It’s just that some establishments have decided it was to their benefit to accept it anyway. Maybe because cash was the more common currency 25 years ago?

            So nobody can tell you if the specific places you intend to go will accept USD because there is no blanket policy.

      • Anon

        Not the op but I used to go to summer camp in Canada circa the early 2000s and most places definitely took US dollars (at least in Vancouver/Victoria). Worth looking at your cc terms and conditions to see which is best to use- some wave the international transaction fee!

      • Can You Tell Where I'm From

        I grew up on the border in the 70s/80s, almost all the stores/restaurants/bars on both sides took USD and Canadian interchangeably. The exchange rate for a lot of the time was par, so we used to pay in a mixture of currency types.

        • Ms B

          This. And USD worked even a ways from the border – north of Toronto, Ottawa, even Montreal and in Nova Scotia.

          I’m old to enough to remember deciding to run across the border for gas and a to go order of Chinese food from Fort Erie at lunchtime . . .

      • Anon

        I grew up in Maine and you could use USD just over the Canadian border (at least you could 20 years or so ago).

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, most restaurants take us Dollars in major centres at dollar for dollar.

        This isn’t that stupid of a question.

    • Cat

      No USD. Check if your credit card charges a foreign transaction fee. If it does, time for a new card. You can probably alert your card company to foreign travel using their website, but we don’t often bother and have never encountered a problem.

      • Anonymous

        Not OP but is it really worth it to get a new card just to avoid a couple $5 fees? If OP was travelling there every week I get it but not for a single trip.

        • anon

          OP here….thank you this is super helpful….thank you to all the kind responders that provided great advice

        • Cat

          Yes, in my opinion. Those fees are nothing but a greedy cash grab, and opening another card is fairly painless and free.

          • Anonymous

            Are there free cards that don’t charge a foreign transaction fee? Then you have to remember to pay it or remember to set up auto dedut. Really seems like one more hassle but I have two credit cards total so I’m not inclined to have more financial stuff to ‘manage’ unless it’s going to save me serious money.

          • Anon

            Yes, I have a Capital One card – no foreign transaction fees and no annual fee. I have 2 cards as well, I travel internationally enough that this was worth it, plus I get cash back on the card.

          • Anon

            I wouldn’t say opening a new card is free. Most credit cards have annual fees that are way more expensive than a few days’ worth of foreign transaction fees.

          • Anon

            I have a question on this. Even if your Capital One card doesn’t have a foreign transaction fee, don’t you still have to pay a fee for using a non-Capital One ATM? From both Capital One and the ATM owning bank? How is this not more than just purchasing the other currency from your bank before leaving?

          • Anon

            You don’t take out cash against your credit card, you use your regular bank account/regular ATM card. Standard fees apply, but they’re like what you’d pay in the US (a few dollars) and my bank reimburses them. The credit card is for credit purchases only.

    • Cdn

      I hope you see this late reply.
      1. Retailers may take USD but the exchange rate will probably be terrible. Your dollar is worth a lot more than ours right now.
      2. In Canada, most people do not use cash. When you use your credit card, you do not have to sign for it. You need to know the PIN number.
      3. Just take some cash out of the debit machine for small purchases.

  10. RU anon

    Was sad to see all the hate yesterday for my alma mater (Rutgers). Didn’t want to pile on to that messy chain but just want to say something positive:

    Getting an education at Rutgers was one of the best and most engaging experiences of my life. The friends I made there are brilliant, smart, driven, and worldly, and are now unbelievably successful as investment bankers, big 4 accountants, scientists, pharmacists, engineers, etc. Many have gone on to top law schools, medical schools, and PhD programs. As with any state school, of course, there’s a great mix of people, and I loved that about my college experience.

    My state school gave me a great education where I was taught by the top experts in my field, and my diploma has not held me back at all. I’m in a segment of my industry known for being filled with graduates of prestigious schools and have never had an issue finding a job nor making money. I’m also headed to an Ivy graduate program next year. (Skimping on details so as to stay anon)

    I’d challenge the idea that state schools are filled with mediocre students – there are far more college valedictorians each year than there are Ivy League freshman spots! So many people I knew were top of their class/perfect test scores/great resumes, and there are so many reasons one would choose their local state school. We’re all more than our college educations, and I hope some on this page rethink the idea that a public school education is something to be ashamed of or to overcome. Neither I nor my friends nor my employers have ever felt that way.

    • Anonymous

      Didn’t only one person hate Rutgers? Most people thought she was pretty terrible.

      • Ellen

        The manageing partner’s brother got a MBA from Rutgers, which is in New Jersey. I have never heard bad thing’s about it before, so it must be a good school.

    • tesyaa

      Only the OP yesterday was negative about Rutgers. Many others, including me (a parent of alumni) defended it as a great school. A big school has so many opportunities that smaller schools don’t offer. In fact, another one of my kid attends UMass Amherst and many students at local private (expensive, prestigious) schools like Smith, Amherst College and Mount Holyoke cross register for specialized classes at the state school because they’re not offered at the private schools.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for saying this. I went to a Big Ten school. The culture in the midwest is just different, and not nearly so prestige-driven. People are proud of their state schools. My parents both went to a Big Ten school, as did nearly all of my high school friends. I got an excellent education and met a gigantic, diverse group of smart and engaged people. I don’t regret my decision at all.

      When I moved to New England, people wanted me to defend my choice to go to a state school. I got into Northwestern and Columbia and Penn and I CHOSE my Big Ten school — partially because of a scholarship and because I knew I’d be going on to law school, but partially because that was the college experience I wanted.

      My husband and I are now thinking about kids, and I routinely think about whether we need to move out of New England because this obsession with prestige exhausts me and I am terrified of becoming the kind of person who is caught up in it. I have many friends and colleagues who are spending hours every week writing application essays to prestigious preschools and the whole thing just makes me want to throw up.

      • Anonymous

        Yes! I have a sibling who moved to the upper midwest and it is so un-oppressive compared to the East Coast. I really want to ship my kids off for high school with their cousins there b/c where I live is so toxic.

      • Z

        For real. I moved to the midwest a couple years ago. My boyfriend went to the flagship state school in our state and he is SO proud of it. He graduated with perfect grades in engineering and is very successful. There is no prestige here about HYP. Only thing people care about is if you went to U or State.

      • +1

        I was one of the SEC posters yesterday. I practice law in SEUS and let me tell you, we are very proud of our state schools, especially the SEC. While we appreciate applicants who went to fancy schools and now want to move here, people absolutely favor their respective state schools and our most successful rainmakers, including the managing partner, are all SEC grads. My network in my city and in my firm’s footprint is significantly larger and more involved in my development than those of friends who went to fancy schools, including fancy Southern schools like Duke.

        That whole “SEC, it just means more” branding campaign is actually true. There is nothing wrong with the fancy schools, but a state school will get you farther in the SEUS.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t get the Rutgers hate either. I’m from NJ and the only thing I disliked about Rutgers was that it was so close to home (the state is basically one hour wide by two hours long, driving time). I imagine that people in Maryland or Connecticut or Delaware may feel the same way. For many of my work friends, college meant going away somewhere (so different TV news, maybe a slightly different cultural feel, different weather, different topography), even if they went to in-state State U also. But if you want to work in the NY area, it helps to already be there when local employers are looking. And their sense is that a Rutgers kid is hard-working and likely to stick around for the long haul. And not be super-miserable and in debt.

      I mean, Lori Laughlin is on tape hating on Arizona State and I think that that is a fine school, too.

      FWIW, I live in the SEUS now and everyone goes to State U — the rich kids, the party kids, the I love football kids, and the smart kids compete for the big scholarships (so if you were a Morehead scholar, that is a super big deal, as is the USC (Gamecocks) Honors College).

      • Anonymous

        In retrospect, I should have done a semester or summer somewhere else — abroad or in another part of the country. That would have satisfied the wanderlust and have given me more insight on where to live / what do to after college. But it’s a want, not a need. And it’s not a fault of the school. It wasn’t an option it dawned on me to pursue and I’m still not sure I could have afforded it.

    • Anon

      As I said yesterday, the only people who care about HYP are the ones who went there. I think the majority of people feel the way you describe.

          • Anon

            Also, I think it’s funny that there was a huge thread recently about how nobody is impressed by Big Law except the people who are in Big Law . . . and people don’t seem to be able to extrapolate to their other “status” symbols.

      • Senior Attorney

        No kidding. And from everything I’ve seen on the news lately, horrible people are way over-represented at the Ivies.

        • Seventh Sister

          I’ve been mulling this over since the scandal broke and the person I think of in my graduating class who is probably the most successful in terms of $ and prestige (a partner at a big muckety muck firm, kids in Nanny Diaries-type NYC private school) isn’t…someone I like very much and most of my classmates feel the same way.

      • Anonattorney

        State-school grad and graduate from NOT a T14 law school. I love when newish associates at my firm try to flex their HYP undergrad and T14 law school. And then I (the senior associate) have to go back and edit their briefs and re-do their research, and reorganize their deposition outlines, etc. etc., because *surprise* they actually are not better than me at this job.

    • Anonymous

      I’m from NJ and feel that some of the hate always seems class / SES based.

    • Anon0315

      I went to a UC everyone poops on- but I graduated with great experiences and no debt… and ended up at the same great law school as lots of ivy leaguers…. so I feel you.

      • Anon

        I’m trying to figure out which UC everyone poops on. I’m a Californian with a graduating senior. She’s already accepted a CSU but would have been really pleased to get into any UC (maybe not Merced but that’s just based on location). She accepted the CSU before UC admissions have come out…. UCLA comes out today and many of her friends are on pins and needles!

        • Anon

          Riverside is the butt of many jokes (although I know someone super smart who went there for $$ reasons).

        • Anonymous

          UC Riverside, Davis, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz were not as well regarded in the mid-2000s

          • Anon

            Ah, my son who is 16 really hopes to go to Santa Cruz. I’m totally down for it. That kid will be successful no matter where he goes so I’m not worried.

        • Seventh Sister

          These reputations can change faster than you might imagine…my husband went to UCSD when it was a pretty solid party school and now people think he’s a freaking math/science genius because he went there (he is NOT).

      • Anon

        In my case UCR :p… but I had a totally wonderful experience and would do it over again in a heartbeat!

    • Anon

      I had a great experience at my state school, too. It helped me develop socially and going somewhere with one of the largest alumni associations in the world has really opened career doors for me, even though it’s not a fancy degree. It was also nice going to a large research university because it was so easy to get involved with the school. I worked for labs, got great internships, and even ended up running a program for my college my senior year where I managed 15 people.

    • Anonymous

      Stepkid is at a big State U in a neighboring state (with some merit aid — they make it competitive with our State U if you have good but not crazy high scores/grades). He could go anywhere. He could also be waiting tables. It is what you make of it.

      Maybe parental angst is that for every CEO who went there, they are outliers and the norm is that many kids are teachers, CPAs, etc. throughout that and neighboring states. Not rockstars but good solid citizens. But I think middle-class parents get told that your kid will go to better jobs (private equity! investment banking!) and a lot of those career paths may be more to family connections than through the school.

      Like the USC kids this week — I went to a harder-to-get-into State U for undergrad and I spent my spring break at home in my parents’ house where the weather was miserable b/c I could afford a train ticket home. I wasn’t on the yacht of the president of my college’s trustee’s board (and I doubt that person has a yacht — maybe a surfboard?). Those sorts of things I would have gotten access to even at USC b/c my parents are nobodies, as am I (although I am a BigLaw equity partner, I am not my firm’s co-chair).

      • Anonymous

        Lordy not making sense this am — I wouldn’t have gotten access to fancier friends / perks / networks / opportunities even at a fancier school like USC. I’d be back with my parents for breaks or staying on a friend’s couch, not yachting with my fancy friends.

        Some people’s success is not b/c of their school but b/c of the family capital they would have had access to in any event.

      • Senior Attorney

        Honestly, I feel like the world needs teachers and CPA’s about a million times more than it needs billionaire CEO’s. (Or even, with all love and respect, BigLaw partners.)

        • Anonymous

          Stepkid parent here. I agree with SA — we BigLaw partners are not always the most useful people. OTOH, life is what you make of it. Your resume telegraphs many things and lets people make assumptions, not all of which are valid. I think one reason people default to Ivies is that it stops you from having to think of what a person has done with the opportunities they have had — far easier to just say “Person from Fancy School can probably figure it out; let’s hire that person.”

          • Anonymous

            That’s fine, but the assumption is flawed. Decent odds that Person from Fancy School grew up with parents who knew in what direction to steer this person, and moved heaven and earth to get them there.

          • Senior Attorney

            Right? I feel like in the world that gave us Jared Kushner you’d be crazy to make that assumption these days.

    • Anonymous

      My husband does a lot of entry-level hiring and has yet to find the magic unicorn school.

      • Anon

        My dad is an engineer, does frequent hiring and often days the students from one college are the best- and it’s not one you’d totally expect- it’s a respected, but probably not nationally known, cal state.

        • Anon

          Please tell me which one. My son wants to go into engineering and my wallet wants him to go to CSU

          • Anon

            SLO :)… it’s pretty competitive (I actually didn’t get in there, but got into Cal) but I also work with a bunch of engineers from there and they are all aces.

          • Anon

            Oh yeah, SLO is pretty hard to get into. There were news stories last year about California kids who got into some pretty selective out of state universities but didn’t get into Cal Poly.

            For whatever reason my son doesn’t want to go there. He doesn’t like the campus.

    • Anon

      Yeah, State School girl here! And a crappy state school too. I went there because I could afford it. My high school grades were not fantastic, but my test scores were stellar. And everything has turned out great in the end, I loved my time at my school and my teachers and classmates. Most of which I still email back and forth to this day. Best of all I fit in there, and I would not have fit in at an Ivy, a popular state school, or a small private college.

      • Vicky Austin

        Woohoo mediocre state schools! high five.

        My university was looked down on at my high school (not because it was bad – it’s not bad for its location and price, I got a great education there, and my high school wasn’t academically discerning anyway – rather because of football rivalries, of all things) and people used to make fun of me for wanting to go there (including one friend who thought I wasn’t shooting high enough, and then ended up going to the other football school). I used to say, “Look, there are two ways my life can turn out. Either I become known and widely respected as a genius, or I don’t. If I do, no one will care where I went to school. If I don’t, no one will care where I went to school!”

        • Belle Boyd

          What an awesome way to look at it! Kudos to you from another football school chick!

    • phd-onymous

      I got my MA and PhD from Rutgers. In my department there were two MA students who wanted to go on for their PhDs. They applied in my department and were rejected. They also applied to Princeton and were accepted. So Princeton is full of (or at least had two) Rutgers rejects.

    • UCLA

      Yeah, I am a Californian and I always thought of Rutgers as being an east coast version of UCLA – quality large state school. I went to UCLA even though I got into “better” schools because tuition was <6k a year when I went there. Combined with Pell grants and some other state grants, I could pay my tuition and living expenses by working, graduating with no debt and a great education and employment opportunities. But hey I work with people who diss UCLA, so the post yesterday doesn't surprise me.

  11. Anon

    Question from a single person – did you marry your best friend? Or did your spouse become your best friend? I hear a lot of “I married my best friend” but I’ve also heard “Don’t expect your spouse to be your best friend” and I am confused.

    • Anon

      For me, definitely. He became my best friend pretty much as soon as we started dating. I still have close girlfriends that I describe as BFFs, but my husband is my real best friend.

      • Anonymous

        This. He knows more about me than my parents or my BFF since I was 12. Those relationships are still incredibly important and I consider my long time girlfriends (2) to be my BFFs but the relationship with DH in terms of wanting to spend time with him and being able to talk to him about absolutely everything, is just on another level.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yep. I was just telling him last night that he’s not only my best friend, he’s the best friend I’ve ever had. It’s pretty great.

    • tesyaa

      Not me. But someone I was friends with years ago married her best friend, who she didn’t want to date at first because they were “just friends”, “didn’t want to ruin the friendship”, etc. It’s 25+ years later and they look very happy on facebook.

      • Anonymous

        This is me. I beat myself up with guilt a lot for crushing on a friend; it felt like a big betrayal of trust. We’ve been married for fifteen years now. I will say it’s easy to fall into mostly spending time with your partner when they share all your interests and activities.

    • Anonymous

      I mean, people use these words so differently. I’m not marrying my best friend because she’s a lady and I’m straight. I think best friend and husband are different things. But lots of people view it differently!

    • Anon

      My spouse and I weren’t friends before we started dating (we met through mutual friends and were official within a couple of weeks). He’s my best friend in the sense that he’s the first person I turn to with most information and the person I picture doing big life events with. He’s not my best friend in the sense that he’s not the person I want to do random happy hours or girls weekends with or the one I text about hot celebrities or ask about work questions (his industry is very different) or in-law stuff or any of that.

      So it’s kind of both? Yes he’s my best friend because he’s generally my favorite person in the world, no he’s not my best friend because I have a best friend I’ve known for 12 years.

      • Katie

        I love this explanation – that’s how my husband and I are as well. Absolutely, we are the first person either one turns to with the serious/deep stuff and making real major plans with, but we 100% have different hobbies and activities we will do with our respective friend groups. It’s “kind of both” for us.

      • Never too many shoes...

        Me too. He is my very favourite person, but I don’t usually think of him as my “bestie”.

      • mascot

        Same here, except my female BFF has been in my life for 22 years, long before I met my husband.
        I think that this is one of these maxims that is shorthand for what you want the relationship to look like. Marriage isn’t all passion and fun and s*x. You need that level of emotional comfort and vulnerability that you have with those people that know you the best and love you despite it all. For many people, that’s a best friend. Those same qualities should exist in a spouse.

      • jwalk

        This is exactly how I feel as well, thank you for putting it into words! He’s also the only person I don’t need a break from after a long period of time spent together (I’m an introvert and find that no matter how close I am with someone, I need a break from them after being together for a certain stretch, even parents/siblings).

    • Abby

      One of my old coworkers described it like this: when a couple starts dating young they have a chance to be friends. There isn’t much stress in college (yes classes/studying, but no kids, mortgage, etc) so there’s a lot of time to do things together and hang out, they are also likely to grow together, because they don’t have as strong of opinions yet. When a couple dates when they’re older, they know who they are, either someone is compatible or not. There’s also a lot less time to just “have fun” because adults have more responsibilities, so those couples are still great together, but can have less of a friends aspect.
      I met my now-husband when I was 19, and we started dating at 20. I’d call him my best friend. But I don’t think it’s necessary for your spouse to be your best friend.

      • SW

        I think this is a really good point. I met my fiance when I was 32 and he was 41. We are now 39 and 48. We were serious very quickly, and we have (and share) a lot more day-to-day responsibilities than I did in my 20s. I wouldn’t call him my best friend, but he is most definitely my partner and my person.

    • Veronica Mars

      My husband and I met via online dating, so there was no friendship period before we were a couple. Over the course of dating him, he definitely became my best friend. I still have my female bestie, but my husband is just as wonderful to hang out with, travel with, etc. I think it really crystalized for me when we were coming back from a beach trip while dating. We’d spent the early morning cleaning/vacuuming the condo (borrowed from a family member) and then drove 3 hours home, and then once we were back, I turned around and asked if he wanted to keep hanging out until dinner. So for me, he’s definitely the person I want to spend the most of my time with, and if that’s not in the best friend category I don’t know what is.

    • Anon

      I’ve always had trouble getting close to other women and don’t really have any best friends. So it feels like my partner has become my best friend because we do so much together but we weren’t friends before we started dating.

    • Lise

      I think either one can be healthy and good! My husband became my best friend not long after we started dating, and it’s the basis of our relationship (we joke sometimes that we’re best friends with benefits). But I’ve been in long-term relationships before where that wasn’t the case and they were good relationships, too – it was just a different dynamic. I’m really glad that it worked out this way for us but that’s because of our personalities, not because it’s the one best way, I think.

    • Anon0315

      My husband was a good friend before we started dating. I kept thinking “oh he’s going to be such an awesome boyfriend/husband/partner for someone one day”, and then after I broke up with a really sh*tty guy, I realized I’d be an idiot if I didn’t make “someone one day” me. He’s my person and 10 years later, the best decision I ever made was deciding to see him in a new light and date him.

      • Anon0315

        So yes- we are best friends. We are lucky in that we both work from home a lot too and get to spend 5/7 days together a week and I wouldn’t have it any other way (both sets of our parents are similar with each other too- but this is a case of different strokes work for different folks in other successful relationships!).

    • MomAnon4This

      He was my best friend. Dating, married. Kids.
      Now he is not my best friend. We’re working on it. Still like each other.
      Also FWIW I think I’ve nearly always been his best friend. It’s hard.

    • Anonymous

      My husband and I were friends before we started dating. Not super close friends, but hung out sometimes, usually with a group of other friends. But once we started dating we became inseparable and now after 15 years together he is definitely my best friend. He is the one person I can always count on and sometimes the only person I want to be around when things are tough. I also have a best friend that I have known since I was a toddler. She and I grew up together, lived together when we were young adults, and still get together regularly both with and without our kids. But it is different and I am closer to my husband.

    • CPA Lady

      No. I like him and I like hanging out with him and I don’t get introvert burnout spending time with him, but he does not feel like a best friend. More like… a close companion? Idk, its hard to describe. I’ve always had very close female friendships, and not many close male friendships, especially the older I get, so that may have something to do with it.

      We have a similar sense of humor, very similar values, and similar living habits, but very few interests in common. We’re also both very independent. We’ve been together for about 16 years, married for almost 12. We have worked different schedules for the majority of our marriage, which has contributed to the independent thing. It works for us and we’re both happy.

    • anon

      My husband and I were best friends long before we were dating. He had a crush on my college roommate, so he was always around. I had a boyfriend and thought he’d be great for my roommate. I had zero romantic interest in him. We ended up becoming best friends, including spending a month backpacking through Europe together alone, but completely platonically.

      A couple of years into our friendship I broke up with my (by then long distance) boyfriend and he had gotten over my roommate, who he never actually managed to date. There was a lot of drama about not ruining our friendship and a ton of weirdness, but we ended up giving it a try. We’ve been together for 20 years, married almost 15, and he’s still my best friend.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I had this hilarious (in my head) moment with my boss’s wife once. We were at a wine event, so both a little silly (she’s a friend) and talking about our husbands, and she says to me, “I married my best friend!” and in my head I’m like “wait wait wait?! no you didn’t, you married Boss!!!!” and then I realize what she’s saying is “my husband is my best friend.” It’s just so far outside of how I see things.

      Like Anon at 10:09 said, it depends on what you mean with that wording, “best friend.” He’s the person I chose (and every day choose) to spend my time with and build my life with, but he doesn’t ever want to go out for nachos and margaritas! He is absolutely the first person I turn to when I am sad, but he doesn’t always understand the twists and turns of what’s going on inside me like my besties can. I very much want him to think I look s*xy, but when it comes down to it, I value my friends’ fashion advice so much more. Etc. etc. etc.

      For me, it feels risky to give a romantic partner the “best friend” title, because romantic relationships (like any relationships) have ups and downs, and I want to have someone outside the relationship that I also know is a stable, reliable force, for when I need support that isn’t from my husband.

      • Vicky Austin

        I had to think about my answer to the original question a little, but I really like your second paragraph! I love my husband and do consider him trustworthy and reliable and caring (which is what I’d expect from any other friend), but he’s not everything because he can’t BE everything.

    • Anon

      It definitely depends on what you mean by “best friend”. By that if you mean best friend in the same way you’d have a friendship without romantic connection, I think that’s rare. It’s normal to be very close to your spouse, talk to them about your issues, spend time together, but I don’t think there is a need to have a lot of common hobbies, do everything together, and talk about everything the way you might a nonromantic friend of many years. Your spouse should definitely be your friend in the sense that you enjoy spending time with them and talk about your life with one another, but best friend? I don’t think it’s a requirement as spousal love is a whole separate thing that binds you.

      • Anon

        I don’t really share hobbies with my best female friends though? (I’m not even really sure I have hobbies, lol. I like reading and traveling and that’s about it…not super specific). I’ve found my best female friends because we have similar personalities, love being around each other, can talk about anything and make each other laugh hysterically. It’s hard for me to imagine marrying someone I couldn’t describe the same way.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, and here’s something interesting. I was in grad school for a while for marriage and family therapy, and one of my professors did research on what makes a successful marriage. Turns out the number one thing, according to his research, was “the quality of the friendship between the partners.” Not exactly perfectly on point to the “best friend” question, but interesting nonetheless.

      • Anon

        That makes a lot of sense to me. You have to have a really solid underlying friendship to sustain a good relationship through the stages of life (having very young kids, death of a parent, job loss, etc.) when you can’t necessarily put romantic love at the front and center of your marriage.

    • Anonymous

      My husband I were close friends for over a year before we got together, so I can say that I married my best friend. What I will also say after 20 years of marriage (whew) is that you cannot expect your spouse to be all things to you, even if you consider them to be your “best friend.” I tell my husband almost everything but there are certain things – insecurity about my looks as I get older; perimenopausal woes; the deep and unreasonable sadness I feel about my child growing up – that I save for my girlfriends. It’s not that he wouldn’t be interested or wouldn’t (try to) understand, it’s just that there are some things I think women are more in-touch with and capable of relating to. Also, in the awesome book “Mating in Captivity” the author makes the point that when couples share absolutely everything with each other, mystery disappears and often so does romance. If my husband knows every single thing about me including frequency of my bodily functions, all my irrational insecurities, and every detail of my relationship with my friends and coworkers – what’s left to talk about?

      The success of my marriage has hinged upon a certain amount of “separate togetherness” and the idea that while we love each other, we both have needs outside of our relationship (I’m not talking about infidelity) and should not and will not do absolutely everything together, or tell each other absolutely every detail of our lives. I think you absolutely should marry someone you are or would be best friends with, but once married – have other outlets than your spouse for emotional support/satisfaction. For me personally, there was nothing worse than the clingtastic boyfriend who made me the center of his whole world. I can’t take that kind of pressure, man! My husband is not that, and that’s how we’ve been able to stay together 22 years. Other people’s MMV.

      • Senior Attorney

        I think you make a good point and I agree with your first paragraph. Just because you COULD share every single gory detail doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

    • Equestrian attorney

      We weren’t friends before dating, so we starting with the dating and then he became my best friend. He definitely is my best friend now, but I have tried to maintain solid friendships outside the marriage so he isn’t on the hook for every single detail/vent/emotion in my life, which can become a little suffocating.

  12. Anon

    Looking to refresh my work wardrobe a bit this spring. What styles and colors for workwear feel current to you these days? I work in a business casual environment, but am open to both more formal/less formal ideas.

    • Belle Boyd

      I’m seeing a lot of yellow and boucle jackets that would look cute dressed up or with jeans. I have mixed feelings about yellow — it can be a very hard color to pull off but it looks so sunny and cheerful. I am happy about the boucle jackets because I have a really pretty pink jacket that I didn’t wear enough the first time that trend was in (the jacket is a very timeless cut, so it’ll work this time around, too.)

      I’ve seen some really cute block heel shoes and sandals (if your workplace allows them). I wish I could wear them but most have an ankle strap and I can’t do ankle straps

  13. Anon

    Tips for finding apartments when you’re a student / retired / can’t show traditional income? Assume good credit and good savings.

    • Crash

      So most landlords want to confirm you have an income source to accept you as a tenant. Do you?

      I live on my modest investment income, so I bring proof of savings/”income” by bringing a copy of my Fidelity statement (which is my bank and investment company) and a print out of my credit score. I also bring letters from prior landlords that I collect each time I move out stating I am a good, quiet tenant that pays on time. And if needed, I am prepared to offer to pay several months in advance.

      I rent primarily condos from private owners. I am the ideal tenant in many ways (middle aged single women with no pets are highly desired). I set up my rent payments on auto pay, and don’t bother my landlord with small issues.

      • anon

        A couple other options: pay two months up front (similar to a deposit, but they don’t hold it forever), pay first and last months rent up front.

    • Anonymous

      Show that your savings are sufficient to cover rent and living expenses for the term of the lease.

      • anon

        How would this work if you don’t have income, though? I mean, it ought to be obvious to the landlord that you will have other expenses in that time period.

    • Houda

      I signed a 2 year lease, offered more money upfront, and shared my bank statements to show I have enough to cover the first six months

  14. Anonny

    In your opinion, what means feminism in workplace? What should be the ideal women’s professional outfits/workwears? And what’s your age, job and location?
    To me, feminism in workplace means equality between genders. That being said, women should be encouraged to wear clothes that are designed to achieve balance between efficiency, comfort and professionalism. I’m not satisfied with the current fashion trends that encourage professional women to wear skirts and dresses because I think they are such a liability and oppression to all females. I’d rather wear button shirts and full suits although I know some of you hate them. 29, investment bank associate, NYC.

      • Anonymous

        I just find this troll fascinating. I kind of want to start posting about collared shirts myself. 34, female, Boston.

        • S

          I am always fascinated by what people happen to get stuck on. Collared shirts is one I’ve never seen before! It’s like Savage Love is bleeding over into Corporette.

        • anon

          The style and content of your post is very similar to the multitude of shirt posts we’ve had over the last few weeks from the shirt post tr0ll. It’s getting irritating. Just go away. The grammar is a little different and now you’re “annony.” Maybe you’re tr0lling the tr0ll? Either way, just stop.

    • anonshmanon

      Hahahahaha. Well I too am for equal opportunity, so if a man wants to wear skirts, more power to them!

      • Ellen

        I agree this person is VERY annoying. It is probably a smelley man who has trouble getting any females in real life to talk to, let alone date. I think smelley guys like that ought to go take a course in how to interact with others (male and female) rather then troll around our website and get all of us ladies to react to him. FOOEY on him and other trolls who waste our time! I would like the HIVE to ignore such a schmoe, and maybe he will just go back to where he came from (some basement apartement in Upstate NY or thereabouts). I say boycott the schlub now! YAY!!!

    • Anonymous

      I crazy friend of mine bought something called a sport kilt. I hope it catches on.

    • anon

      Come on seriously….I feel bad for you …..you need to have confidence that you don’t need to dress like a man to have tremendous credibility and success in the business workplace.

    • Anon

      I totally feel you here. If we all wore onesies/jumpsuits to work, then we would all look the same and no one could discriminate against men and women for dressing differently.

      • Never too many shoes...

        While I think this is our regular collared shirts poster… I will say that, although I will never love how they look on me, wearing robed to court is a great equalizer.

        • pugsnbourbon

          I already professed my love of jumpsuits above, but wearing a utility-style one (“boiler” or “union” suits in fashion terms) every day is actually my dream. Function and comfort FTW.

    • Anon

      The 27-29 power button down top, who works in investment banking, is esl, conceal carries, and is into kinky lgps with buttons has returned!

    • Anon

      Scrubs for all! But only the kind without buttons because we shouldn’t indulge your obsession

  15. Midlaw Newbie

    I made the move from biglaw to midlaw recently, and also a move to a new, smaller city, in which I have no ties. I’m single, mid-thirties. Does anyone have midlaw success stories they can share? Or successful transitions to a smaller city (I moved from the East Coast to a non-coastal city)? I’m still getting to know new city and feel homesick and maybe feel a loss of opportunity, now that I am away from the economic opportunity density of larger East Coast city. I’ve also worked at some highly dysfunctional law firms, so I don’t know what a successful trajectory would look like at my new midlaw firm. And I transitioned to practicing a new area of law, so I can’t feel secure in my work competence level. All of this is making me feel a bit unsettled. Any advice on how to overcome that feeling?

    • Curly

      Why did you make the move? I haven’t been through this situation, but maybe just thinking through the “why” could help you feel better about this move.

    • Idea

      Why did you move? Do you have a partner or friend or family or someone or group outside of your job? I’d focus on that and feeling comfortable in the New Place first.
      Transitions are hard.

    • Anon

      I think you are going to have to reorient yourself to what “success” means in your new city. I live in a mid-size city and work at a boutique firm. Success at my firm would be making partner. My firm encourages us to be really involved in the community and bar associations. This is a common attitude in my city for non-Big Law firms. Most firms value their attorneys being known throughout the community, being active members of their church, on the boards of non-profits, etc. This is also a good marketing opportunity for the firm and us individually. I have gotten the impression from my friends in East Coast cities that these types of things are not valued as much at their Big Law firms– rather they are encouraged to get involved in the community by volunteering through the firm or doing pro bono through the firm, etc.– so marketing for the “firm” which really does not help you build a reputation in the community individually.

      • +1

        At midlaw firm in SEUS. Firm cares a lot about being a good firm citizen and giving back to your community, as well as involvement in alumni networks and recruiting. Success here means building strong relationships and bringing in business, but people absolutely care more about involvement and enthusiasm for being here long-term. Success can be partner or counsel, or a similar designation.

  16. Feelin' myself

    What is everyone wearing today on this (finally) warm day? I’m asking because I’m loving my outfit and so happy that tights season is over and want to share.

    Black Loft Utility blouse
    Black MMLF Nakamura trouser, tailored to ankle-length
    Red Everlane Day Heels
    Black Rebecca Minkoff belt with silver, 3 loop buckle

    I feel so instagrammable!

    • lsw

      I am loving my outfit too! Olive BR Sloan pants (I am on an extreme olive kick suddenly; all your favorite olive color combo suggestions are welcome), dark royal blue pullover top, white and navy striped knit moto jacket, Cole Haan patent tortoiseshell wedges, and my brand new glasses that are v v stylish.

      • BabyAssociate

        I have the Everlane GOWeave blazer in olive and love it! Such a versatile color and it’s very wrinkle resistant.

      • Feelin' myself

        I wear olive constantly. Olive and navy, pink, chambray, black are my favorites.

    • Vicky Austin

      Casual Friday and I went classic! Jeans, booties, white shirt and favorite navy blazer, plus some red lipstick. I wanted to wear my red flats today, but it’s snow melting season where I live…

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I’m wearing regular pants (gray NY&Co 7th Ave) with a floral top, but that wasn’t for the weather; it’s just what was clean. I was planning to change into shorts when I get home but now I see it’s supposed to have cooled down by then. :(

    • Rainbow Hair

      Aw, something I miss about seasons is that excitement in the spring for Snazzy New Outfit Days!

      But I do feel cute today! I’m doing St. Patrick’s Day Observed, here, so I’m wearing a cute kelly green dress – fit ‘n’ flare, 3/4 sleeves, vneck (it feels like, really flattering today? i’m gonna roll with it!) – and black tights and a black LJ and silvery grey heels.

    • Lilly

      One piece swimsuit with leafy floral print in blues and lavenders, accessorized with sunglassess, spf 45, a book, and the kind of frozen drink I never drink at home. At the beach in Mexico. : )

    • Senior Attorney

      BR Sloan pants in a fun but subtle navy-on-navy floral print. BR navy short-sleeve knit top. BR Factory light chambray-colored blazer. (Heh. Starting to see a pattern here!) Bright shiny silver tassle loafers.

    • NOLA

      We’ve had temps near 80 here all week, but today is blustery and high 50s. I had to be at work really early and I was tired, so I’m wearing skinny jeans, a gray Free People turtleneck tunic sweater, and chunky heel lace-up boots (Michael Kors that I’ve had forever).

    • Pretty Primadonna

      J. Crew Factory navy, white, and cerulean tweed blazer (maybe featured here?), navy suit pants, tan block-heeled sandals, pearl studs (I never change them).

  17. Anon

    What are everyone’s favorite magazines they subscribe to? I’m looking for some recommendations.

  18. Anonymous

    Size 16 ladies – where do you find belts? I feel like plus size belts are too big for me and regular-size belts are often too small for my hips.

    • JazzyRose

      You can have a tailor punch extra holes in belts. You might just need to buy belts depending on if you want them to sit at your waist vs your hips.

      • Anonymous

        The problem with punching extra holes is that then the slack (?) of the belt is way too long. One hope it still might look ok, though. I’ve actually found that cobblers to be good sources for hole punching leather.

    • anon

      I’m a 14ish right now and large belts fit my waist and low waist. I don’t know that I could find a belt to fit my hips, but I don’t wear anything that low anymore. If I did, it probably wouldn’t work well for my waist/low waist (i.e., I’d need separate belts).

      • anon

        Edited to add: I recently bought a medium-thin belt for suit pants at BR in a size large. It fits and I’m not on the last hole, so it may also fit you. I tend to check Gap first for casual belts but have had limited success. I was impressed with BR’s selection a couple of weeks ago, so you may start there.

    • Anon

      I have this struggle and I have a few belts from Old Navy. They’re not fancy but they hold my pants up. I’m sized out of belts from BR and Gap.

    • anon a mouse

      I recently bought several, size XL from Banana Republic and they fit great. I wear them on my low waist, though, not hips.

    • Anonymous

      Talbots belts in misses sizes. Large fits me when I wear 14/16 and xlarge fits when I am size 16/18.

    • Ms B

      Talbots misses’ section. Sizing is hit or miss, so plan to try on a bunch. As a back up, I have had luck at Rack, Macy’s and, of all things, Lucky Jeans (both regular stores and the outlet).

    • Anonymous

      J. McLaughlin has an extra large (but order it online, the store clerk gave me side eye).

  19. Jules

    Paging DC ‘rettes, restaurant recommendations needed:

    Favorite vegan-friendly places around Dupont. I’m taking DS and his GF to dinner tomorrow night – she lives there, he and I are visiting, separately, for work. We considering Zaytinya or Rasika but it will be late and I have a Sunday morning meeting (it’s the worst), so something around Dupont, close to my hotel at 17th and RI Ave. and to them on the Red Line might be good. Any suggestions?

    thanks.

    • Anon

      Not sure your budget, but Equinox near the White House has a ton of plant based options and is pretty tasty. It’s near the Farragut North metro station on the red line and a straight shot down Connecticut Ave from Dupont Circle (15 minute walk, or a shorter Uber ride or one metro stop on the red line).

    • BabyAssociate

      Iron Gate is my favorite restaurant in that area. Can’t speak to the vegan options though.

    • Jules

      Thanks, to both. I think Iron Gate is very vegetarian friendly, not so much vegan friendly (but so convenient to my hotel!). But I’ll double check its menu and also look at Equinox.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I don’t have specific recs, but I’d look for Ethiopian food. The Ethiopian Orthodox are very strict about Lent so they have a lot of vegan foods.

    • Beth

      Rasika is harder than Zaytinya as a vegan, as many of the Rasika dishes have yogurt or dairy components. We took a gluten-free vegan co-worker to Zaytinya and had a lovely meal.

    • anon

      Not quite as tasty as Zaytinya (nothing else in DC is, imho), but closer to you — Agora at 17th and Q has similar dishes and marks vegan options. They seem to offer enough to have a fun meal.

  20. Anon

    Any military spouses here? How do you balance the moving to specific locations (usually in the middle of no where) with your “overachieving chick” career? There are countless forums online for military spouses but I haven’t found any with an emphasis on maintaining a powerful career (seems like most are content with following their spouse where ever and working minimum wage jobs).

    • Cat

      Not a military spouse, but know a few. You’re right, it’s hard. One did a consulting job (like Acc3nture) for awhile (since it was 100% remote or 100% onsite at a client; as long as she was near an airport it was ok) but quit once she had a kid because hello, a military spouse + a consulting traveling spouse is not conducive to parenthood.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      Also not a military spouse but I wanted to make sure you know some federal job postings are earmarked for military spouses! This may not be much help, depending on the nowhere you’re in the middle of, but I thought I’d mention it.

    • Anon

      Not a military spouse, but am married to a fed that has to change locations a lot. For me, the key to success is getting into a teleworking position (which is not the norm at my company, but I wanna able to negotiate it). I’ve even been promoted since being remote! There is definitely a glass ceiling and I can’t manage people… but I feel like it’s an ok trade off to make $150k, be mid-level, and be able to also let my husband have similar successes (he’s had to make trade offs too).

    • EFM

      High achieving Foreign Service spouse here. It’s a major effort to find meaningful employment at every new post. Takes a lot of networking, waaaay advance planning, tons of self-advocacy, patience with uncertainty, and a heavy dose of flexibility. For instance, I might not find Job in Field X, but I might get Good Job in Field X-Adjacent — which I end up loving. Or, I might only be able to find Amazing Job in Field X, but for little pay. Obviously it helps when you can request geographic locations that are more likely to have jobs in Field X, even if that location is not SO’s first choice for their work (but I know the military doesn’t always give you that option). Then, again, SO MUCH networking. To me the tradeoffs are absolutely worth it for the adventure.

      What’s your story?

    • Anon

      Not military, but husband is in academia which also involves frequent moves, often to the middle of nowhere. We did long distance for a while and then when we decided to be together, I ended up leaving my big career and doing something different. I tried to negotiate remote work but my employer (Big Law) didn’t agree, even though I had always had great reviews. It’s tough. I don’t know many couples where they both have big careers, except two professor families (because often a university will take both people to get the one they really want).

    • Anonymous

      I am friends with two military spouses. One uses her MPH background to do contract work on presentations / materials / etc. and medical and medical educational publishing. The other is a CPA and has always found work with American companies / foreign companies that need a US person. Often as an employee or sometimes a consultant. Both are rockstars.

    • Anon

      I’m not a military spouse, but it’s not hard to do if you work from home. I’m sure it would be much harder if I wasn’t in a tech-related field, but you can be high up and fully remote in lots of companies in my industry.

      • Anon OP

        I think that’s an aspect I’m trying to figure out. I work in banking and while WFH is allowed each week, I don’t know anyone who is full time remote. Do you know what industries offer this?

        • Anon

          Anon op- I’m the compliance person above. I have a good relationship with my boss, but it really took taking a gutsy step and asking her straight up if she thought it might work (which I phrased to her as “as my mentor, not boss, what are your thoughts on this life situation”, I was prepared to leave the job or do a ld stint with my husband until I figured something else out… and for sure didn’t expect my boss to say yes… but she did! And that was about 4 yrs ago.

    • AnonLawyer

      Yes! My situation is somewhat unusual in that we have had very few PCSs but that is coming to an end this summer. I have an accommodation from my long-time employer to be a remote employee. (In house lawyer at Fortune 100 company.) I will never be promoted to executive as a remote employee, but I have gotten title and significant pay raises as a remote worker. For the portability perspective, it’s a unicorn job for me (although there are certainly times I wish we were settled and I could look at other options). I am the exception and not the rule, and it’s a huge reason why retention is becoming a problem. Happy to chat offline if you post an anonymous email address.

      • Pretty Primadonna

        I am not OP, but would love to talk more to you about your position. For purposes of work, it would benefit my husband to stay in the city where we currently live, but in-house jobs at corporations are not a thing here. I am a regulatory attorney for my state and could find work at a company elsewhere but for wanting to stay put. My email is prettylawbelle at mail of Google dot com.

    • Anonymous

      Military spouse here. I’d admittedly not super career-oriented/motivated (I like my job well enough but I’m a work-to-live person). I was able to keep the job I had before he joined and go 100% work-from-home and I’m basically the only milspouse I know that works a full-time corporate job. I’ve been seeing the Military Spouse Professional Network gain more traction lately at our base, and they are starting to have events (the next one is about project management and has a guest speaker from PMI, so it’s about real careers and not MLM garbage). Maybe see if they have a group where you’re located?

  21. Neutral Paint Color?

    We’re prepping our home to list sometime in the next 3-6 mos (as soon as we find our new home). Our kitchen/living room open concept needs a paint refresh before we list, and I need a paint color that is ideally not gray as there is already a bunch throughout the house. Bonus points if it’s Behr so Home Depot can quickly mix it up, but they can match color to most anyone so it’s not required.

    The house is a small ranch, not super modern but nice, clean, fresh. Blonde oak cabinets with modern hardware. Lots of light, too. Do any favorite colors come to mind?

    • Rainbow Hair

      I always say this, but a neutral green! Something like Behr’s Chinese Jade maybe?

      • Keeky

        No, do not list a house for sale painted green because it is most definitely not a “neutral” in the context of real estate.

        OP, definitely ask a realtor, our local area is moving away from greys to soft whites so we went that route.

        • OP

          Don’t worry – I definitely won’t! I asked her and she recommended Benjamin Moore Cedar Key. Problem solved!

          • Anonymous

            We moved into a new house last year and our walls are painted Benjamin Moore Natural Linen, and I just love the color. It is super-easy to live with. The sellers chose the color but honestly, the color (and the fresh paint job) really helped sell the house.

      • Rainbow Hair

        Huh, I was literally talking to a realtor two weeks ago and he said “I keep selling houses with that green on the wall.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

        We had lived in our house for 6 months before my husband realized (because I told him) that the walls were green. They just read clean and bright and not-white.

    • Jules

      Most of my walls are pale gray (Behr Double Click), green (Behr Lima, I think or blue (Oslo?), but my bedroom is a soft taupe, Behr Renoir Bisque, that I really like.

    • Idea

      Please ask your favorite local realtor! A friend listed her house for sale, it was built new so only 2 years old, and it didn’t get any second looks and the realtor told her the walls had to be gray not beige. So, please check locally whatever the market wants!
      Good luck.

    • Anon

      SW comfort gray (which is not a true gray) or sea salt. You want something that is not too saturated.

      • Rainbow Hair

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure Sea Salt is the green that’s all over our house that my husband didn’t even notice was green.

    • anon a mouse

      Benjamin Moore Ice Blue is lovely. If you want something softer, have it mixed at 50% strength.

    • anon

      We love Behr Hopsack – nice neutral and trim is painted an antique white…..have received many compliments

    • Paint colors

      Benjamin Moore’s White Dove, Simply White, Chantilly Lace, Cloud White

      You’re going to want to pick a different color/shade based on the exposure, so best approach is to get a sample and put it on every wall of the room covering a large space (like 2×2). Pick thewhite that seems truly “neutral”, meaning you shouldn’t see any hints of other colors in it.

      Unless you have an impeccably designed house with perfect furniture/upholstery, having the walls painted any actual “color” is going to be a detractor.

  22. Biglaw Question

    Rockstar sr. associate at my firm just became partner and is no longer working at all with me and does not staff me on anything. I keep second guessing if I did something wrong and that is why I no longer work with them, but assuming it’s probably related to them being super underwater and staffing young associates who are cheaper on their matters? They mentioned looping me in a few weeks ago, but did not happen.

    I have expressed my availability several times and also constantly interact with them in a non-billable thing we are both very involved in. They seem to like me–like giving me a sweet birthday gift–so I do not think they are outright done with me. For background, they have always been a mentor and are really nice to me and were part of the reason why I chose to work at our office.

    I realize this is just the associate insecurity thing for me, but partly did wonder if maybe I did something wrong. Any thoughts from the sr. associates/jr. partners?

    • Anonymous

      If they just became partner, their billable rate probably increased, hence using more junior associates to keep costs stable overall. If you got a birthday present I would assume you still have a good relationship.

  23. Anon

    Does anyone use Frownies? Do they really work or does the glue or stretching action just cause inflammation that hides the lines?

    • Anonymous

      I use them. I think they work. I am an expressive person and what I’ve found is that they really do “train” your muscles in your face not to crease in the same way once you’ve worn them for awhile (and by awhile, I mean you need to wear them every night for three months, so start by buying more than one box as you will have some that don’t adhere and you have to take them off and replace). My skin is pretty sensitive and I have not noticed inflammation from the glue. I do notice a difference when I run out and don’t wear them for a few days. It’s also a pain in the butt sometimes to put them on before bed when I’m really tired. But I’ve been using them for years, am almost 42 and do not have 11s (really) and recently started using a second patch on a forehead wrinkle that popped up and it’s getting shallower. Botox freaks me out (probably irrationally, but it does) and I also really can’t afford it. So the Frownies have been a good option although I freely admit they are not as effective and more of a pain than Botox is. If you can commit to the timeframe needed to see results, it’s worth a shot.

      • Anon

        I actually have an older box and I just put it up to my face for a minute without adhering it, and that alone made the wrinkle lessen (also the minty/menthol sort of smell), so this is why I am skeptical and think that it just causes localized inflammation. Or, maybe both. A lot of anti-aging stuff works by causing inflammation, so…I guess that part isn’t new.

        I see some of the newer reviews say that the ones with the new packaging aren’t as effective. Also wondering if that is true.

  24. Magic Pants Help

    What are you all wearing to work with your elastic waist pants, like the J Crew Factory ones or the Eileen Fisher ones? I have a pair from Old Navy and I just can’t figure out an outfit that works. My regular blouses feel too blousy and drapery, fitted tops feel too casual…maybe I’m just not getting the proportions right? Maybe my pants are a bit wider cut? They seem to be a true straight leg cut.

    Help!

    • Anonymous

      I find American Giant t shirts to have good proportions for my non-skinny pants (skinny ones too).

      Still haven’t found the right answer for blouses.

    • Anon

      For a wider leg pant, a wrap top or other style with waist definition. For a narrow leg pant I treat them almost as leggings and wear a looser tunic style top. If you’re feeling sloppy you’re probably wearing a flowy top with wider pants?

    • Anon

      Sweaters seem to be the only thing that looks right when I wear mine. T-shirts are too casual for work but I don’t like to wear blouses that aren’t tucked in.

    • Pretty Law Belle

      I wear long cardigans over drapey tees or fitted button-down shirts (untucked) with mine. I have the J. Crew Factory version.

  25. Anonymous

    I have this top in the black and white pattern and the green floral pattern. I love them so much! I’m pear-shaped and they are very flattering because it cuts in at just the right place.

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