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Updated: Aug 25, 2021 247 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Balloon-Sleeve Wrap Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I love a top with a touch of drama. This 100% cotton top from Banana Republic has a flattering wrap fit, with a fun balloon sleeve. I would wear this navy version with a navy pencil skirt or skinny pants for a great monochromatic look.

It also comes in a really pretty “dry mustard” solid color and yellow and blue prints.

The top is $119 at Banana Republic and comes in regular sizes XXS–XXL, tall sizes S–XL, and petite sizes XXS–L.

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Sales of note for 9.10.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Ribena

    Oh I love this!

    In exciting news I have got an interview for a promotion… at the other end of the country. I’m keen to move there anyway (it’s where my family are) but wouldn’t be able to do so immediately as I’d need to sell my flat. Perfectly happy to travel to be there T-W-T every week in the mean time though.
    Do I wait to bring this up until offer stage? Or mention it if ‘return to F2F working’ comes up in the interview?
    My understanding is that there will be a lot of domestic travel involved in the role anyway, so it might not be so awkward to have a different base.
    (Domestic here is U.K. – currently in Scotland and the role is in London)

    • Cb

      Ooh, congratulations! That’s very exciting. Would you have an internal notice period? Everything seems to be selling super quickly so you might just be able to leave the flat vacant for a week weeks and come back up to sign the paperwork, etc? When we sold, we didn’t really need to be there for much (especially if the estate agent can do an open house – we sold in the autumn so had to do the viewings ourselves).

      • Ribena

        A month or two. There’s a shared repair happening on the building so I might not be able to sell until that’s done – which Londoners should be understanding of as it’s similar to the cladding issue flats have there.

        • Ribena

          Sorry – should have been clearer. Standard internal notice period at my level is a month, I’d be hoping to stretch that until after COP26 in November (which given I wouldn’t expect to get an offer until the second half of September at the earliest should be doable).

    • Cat

      I think this could come up naturally as you interview and make small talk (i.e., the fact that you currently live elsewhere but would be happy to relocate for family reasons), but I’d expect the actual timing of the start & structure of either remote or part-remote onboarding to be discussed at the offer stage. Good luck :)

    • No Face

      Discuss matter-of-factly at the offer discussion stage. Needing to sell your home or rent out our home is a very normal relocation issue, and full or partial remote onboarding is far more common that it used to be. Good luck!

    • Anon

      They presumably know you live in Scotland as it’s an internal promotion. Let the process roll along with the focus on how much you want the role and how great your skills are for it. Leave details about moving and start date and selling your flat for the very very end. Your company may offer to relocate you – that’s what I’d be looking for in your shoes. But first they really have to want you.

  2. Seeking 1 business formal outfit

    I work in an informal field and it’s mostly remote right now. However I’ve realized that my wardrobe has gone extremely casual, and. I don’t even have a single business formal outfit. Should I buy a sheath dress and jacket? I’m not a fan of work pants, but maybe a skirt suit that can be worn as separates?

    The thing is even if I had an important meeting I wouldn’t want to be completely first year lawyer formal – it would be better for me to wear something a bit more distinctive/unusual.

    • Veronica Mars

      I’d say no, don’t do it. Informal industries are getting even more informal, for the most part. I’d only buy a formal outfit if you had an event or meeting where you wanted to wear it.

    • Seeking 1 business formal outfit

      I was looking at this although idk if I could wear it to an interview

      https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=716248001&cid=1181671&pcid=1045225&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AWomen%27s%20Apparel%3ADresses&grid=pds_14_164_1#pdp-page-content

      I also liked this suit posted here a few days ago

      https://www.anntaylor.com/suits/cata000013?N=4294962110&cid=aff_QFGLnEolOWg&siteID=QFGLnEolOWg-uBmjkxAFioNplF3EGfMEbA&ranMID=42156&ranEAID=QFGLnEolOWg&ranSiteID=QFGLnEolOWg-uBmjkxAFioNplF3EGfMEbA&Pubname=rewardStyle&SID=2575853&goToPage=1#productId=572342&colorCode=8191

      • pugsnbourbon

        That BRF dress is super cute and versatile. I agree that it’s probably not the best choice for an interview, but it’d work for almost any other “formal” work occasion.
        The suit is fine – sheath dress + jacket is formal enough for most interviews.

      • Anonymous

        I actually think the banana republic dress would be fine/great to most interviews outside of the more formal fields, which it doesn’t sound like you’re in. It would look a lot more work-y with closed toe shoes.

      • Nancy

        I actually think the banana republic dress is a great interview choice for all but the most formal fields, which it doesn’t sound like you’re in. Especially with closed toe shoes. And it’s so much more fun than the suit. I have a “just in case” suit in my wardrobe that I actually quite like but have literally never worn in 5 years. A dress like that is really versatile though.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve recently become a convert to machine washable pieces from MM Lafleur. I found an Aditi dress on Poshmark for $50 and liked it so much that I bought two more colors that were on sale. I guessed my size from MM Lafleur size chart and found it TTS.

        I’ve picked up a matching top and skirt and a cardigan on sale, too. I have yet to pay full price for anything but I’ve put everything I own from that brand on heavy rotation.

        Maybe see if there’s anything on sale or on Poshmark that catches your eye?

    • Anonymous

      I would want to have something in my closet rather than have to scramble in the moment. I would start looking now. Production of business formal wear seems to have shrunken considerably so I’d start shopping for the right thing and be ready to purchase when I find it.

    • Cat

      I might buy a dress or top from The Fold rather than a jacket. The pieces are beautifully structured and look formal, but not “I’m in my 2L interview suit.”

      • OP

        Ha yes, “2L interview suit” is the look I’m trying to avoid! Not sure if the Ann Taylor suit is too close to that (I do remember all the women first year consulting class wearing Ann Taylor)

        I’ll check out the Fold!

    • No Face

      Do you have easy access to a department store, or a resale shop that typically has business appropriate clothes? If so, I would just quickly buy something if a specific event came up. I can always walk into a Macy’s and buy some Calvin Klein work clothes, for example.

      If you cannot easily access work clothes because of where you live, a solid-color dress with sleeves can work as business formal but be appropriate for other events as well.

      • Curious

        +1, my backup formal + funeral outfit is a Calvin Klein sheath and an Ann Taylor blazer.

    • Anon

      I’d get a Chanel inspired jacket (can also be worn casually), a nice blouse and a pair of slacks you feel good in (I’m partial to a wide leg style). This is my go-to combo for dressing up when I need to but it’s not fussy or first year lawyer. I personally love the cut of Shop One Third’s jacket in this style, link to follow to avoid mod.

    • Anon

      Ok since you talk about not being first year lawyer formal, I think all you need is an interesting blazer or some kind of jacket. I have a handful of these and wear them for most of my presentations and external meetings. They’re also a good thing to have for the occasional more formal zoom meeting.

      For someone with a more casual wardrobe I’d wear them over a shell and pants (I know you said you don’t like work pants but that’s a more current look than a skirt) or a basic dress. The dress doesn’t even need to be fancy because the blazer will dress it up. But it does need to have a straight skirt.

    • Anonymous

      My picks would be an interesting jacket from Elie Tahari, Lafayette 148, or Rebecca Taylor, and a plain skirt in your favorite length.

  3. Anon

    Lately, I get a really bad stomachache from working out. Like, so bad that I have to stop, and genuinely feel like I’m going to throw up, sometimes even get pale. It then lasts for a long time – like almost the whole day. This never used to happen to me, and it’s driving me crazy. I do have a sensitive stomach, and have tried different sports bras, eating a bit at various increments before I work out, not eating before I work out, taking Tums or similar before/during a workout, etc., and so far haven’t been able to find a solution. The workout I do is one I’ve done many times before (30 Day Shred), so it’s not a new exercise that’s causing the problem. It’s very frustrating as I’ve gained some weight over COVID and want to get it off. Of course I’ll speak with my doctor about it, but anyone else experienced similar and find a solution?

    • Anna

      Is there a chance you’re dehydrated? Are you refilling both water and electrolytes?

      • Anonymous

        Piggybacking on this thread, does anyone have a recommendation for a supplement that is not super sugary, ideally not flavored at all, that I could add to my water during tough workouts?

        • Anon

          Shield, manufactured by Sword Hydration, is not very sugary (45 calories per packet that goes into 16 oz of water).

        • Anony

          Hi-Lyte Zero Calorie Electrolyte Concentrate is my go-to from Amazon. It’s not a sugary taste, more salty but very mild.

        • Anonymous

          I like Nuun a lot but it is flavored. I also make my own at home with the same electrolyte profile

          1/4 tsp baking soda
          1/16 mortons lite salt
          1/16 tsp medical grade Epsom salt
          1/2 tsp sugar.

          I multiply the recipe by 8 or 10 and mix it together then use it 1tsp at a time in 16oz of water

    • Anonymous

      Dehydration? I work out first thing in the morning and this used to happen to me. I always thought I needed a little something on my stomach before my workout. Turns out I was just super dehydrated, and my morning coffee right before my workout was not actually a bright idea. The rub is – you have to drink a lot more water during the day/evening if you don’t want to be dehydrated in the morning. You can’t wake up and chug a bottle of water and then immediately go for a run.

    • Anonymous

      This happens to me when I am constipated or have gas issues (which often go together for me). Have you changed your diet at all?

      • OP

        OP here, I actually am on a medicine that has made me a bit irregular. I notice that after this happens, like while I have the stomachache, I burp/feel the need to burp.

        • symptoms

          I favor dehydration, as the others say. But if you hydrate well and it still happens, try checking your blood pressure when it happens. Is it low? Is your heart rate off the chart? Still may be dehydrated, but maybe you have an instability in the nerves that help regulate these vital signs.

          Do you have diabetes, or pre-diabetes? You may have some autonomic dysfunction/neuropathy/gastroporesis with this too. Rather than going down this rabbit hole, have a good physical with your doctor, and ask about diabetes.

  4. Anonymous

    Anyone up for a little citizen rebellion today? TX has a new “pro-life” abortion tip hotline so anti-abortion people can report doctors for performing abortions (it’s all very Stasi-like). Women everywhere are going to flood the form and make it useless. Anyone can make a report and the link is here: https://prolifewhistleblower.com/

    And here is a news article describing the tip line: https://www.sacurrent.com/the-daily/archives/2021/08/24/texas-right-to-life-sets-up-site-asking-for-anonymous-tips-on-people-who-get-or-offer-abortions

    You don’t need to report your name or contact information – just come up with a city in Texas you want to report “the crime” from. Make it sound somewhat realistic so valuable resources are wasted investigating false tips, although I fully support being clever with initials (for the doctor you’re reporting) to send whatever message you like. Please send to your family and friends! Your IP address may get blocked eventually, but that’s what VPNs are for. I strongly believe in the power of resistance when it comes to violations of women’s health and rights.

    • Anon

      Thanks for posting this, I’ll make sure and submit a few times today (just submitted my first one right now).
      Protip, there’s an image upload feature in the form! Get those MAGAt-triggering meme photos ready!

      • Anonymous

        Yes, I found a couple of pictures of Chucky’s relatives that I’m pretty sure were aiding and abetting abortions!

    • Kara

      Wow this hotline and this form is terrible. It’s literally asking for help running a witch hunt. Thank you for sharing this idea, will be doing it!

    • anon

      Try using anagrams of republican TX representatives for the names when submitting. Or the last name of the representative with made up first name, or vice versa.

    • LaurenB

      I’m on it! Thank you for sharing. Where is ACOG (Amer College of Ob-Gyn) telling the government of Texas to back off and let them take care of women’s health as they and their patients see fit???

    • Anonymous

      If you need a town name (to be realistic, obviously …) texasalmanac.com has a town database. Pick a county and then press search. All the towns will come up and you can pick a town name.

      China Pond? Cutnshoot? Study Butte? The list of fun town names is endless.

  5. Anonymous

    I am doing the Whole 30 with a friend in September. We both gained weight during covid but chose it to reset what we are eating in lieu of trying a weight loss plan. I admittedly eat a lot of junk right now, especially when I look at my sugary snacks and soft drinks at work. Any tips from people who have tried it before?

    • Anon

      plan, plan, plan! put away the things that are not whole 30 friendly. the first week is hard, but then it becomes easier. planning really is key though to make sure you have the right foods at home and prepared so that when you are hungry you can reach for one of those rather than something not on the plan. i will say the whole 30 taught me to drink my coffee black and now i love it black. i also tried some new recipes which are now part of my regular rotation. i’d love to do it again, but don’t have the mental energy right now. good luck!

      • Anon

        Same here. I tried it once and didn’t finish but my main takeaway was black coffee. I now LOVE black coffee and actually think sweetened coffee tastes disgusting.

    • Anonymous

      I did it once when the program was relatively new and do not recommend it. I’m still struggling with some disordered eating patterns and thoughts from it. It’s 100% a diet – you should go into it aware of that. It also is really expensive, time-consuming, and extremely meat-heavy. I did lose almost 10 lbs but gained them back along with disordered habits. Not worth it to me (and a friend who has done it four times had a similar experience, FWIW).

    • Pep

      I didn’t lose any weight on the Whole 30, but it did break me of a lifetime habit of adding artificial sweetener to my coffee.

    • Anonymous

      You’re looking at it the right way – it’s a reset not a weight loss plan. I know a lot of people (including me) who were discouraged to not lose any weight after the 30 days. Counting calories plus Whole30 resulted in weight loss at a pretty good clip, though.

      I recommend amping yourself up to get excited about all the new foods you’ll add to your diet and the new recipes you’ll try. There’s a bunch of Whole 30 cookbooks that are pretty good, it can be fun to work your way through the book.

    • No Problem

      I agree with others: don’t do this if you have any history of disordered eating, but if you are going to do it, plan a lot (especially snacks), and use it as an opportunity to really examine the sugary snacks or other junk food you eat and see if there are alternatives you can swap to in the long term. I tried it once and found it really hard (quit after 2 weeks) because I just never felt full and also never lost my chocolate craving – the craving was REALLY intense and was all I could think about for over a week until I finally quit and ate chocolate. OTOH, I lost 4 lbs in those 2 weeks and was really happy with that result.

    • Anon

      It can be a lot of label reading since sugar is in everything (though I think there are Whole 30 compliant condiments at places like Whole Foods these days).

      I found it easiest to rely on foods that don’t have ingredients and keep it simple. Vegetables that can be served raw, pan fried, or oven roasted. Meats that can be pan fried or slow cooked.

      I found it helpful to take advantage of the shopping guides and recipe ideas.

      For medical reasons, I’ve had to do a temporary medically supervised elimination diet before. I noticed that even though the medically restricted diet was actually slightly less restricted, I found it was a lot harder. I think it’s because there’s so much more support for Whole 30… the Pinterest boards, recipe blogs, shopping guides, etc., really make a difference. And it’s all free and freely available.

      I think some of the extra restrictions on Whole 30 are aimed at changing our tastes. I guess that’s what they mean by a “reset.” It’s for real though: a month away from sugar, and carrots start tasting sweet. Actual junk food tastes unappealing. I actually consistently notice now if meat has dextrose added and don’t like that flavor. So even though the thirty days took effort, the dietary changes I stuck with feel effortless since they’re basically preferences now.

    • Anonymous

      This may or may not be helpful but I had a really, really hard use with whole 30. The main reason is because I have a husband and kids, who were not doing it. I found weight watchers far more easy to work with the food the rest of my family eats.

      Regardless, planning is critical. You always need snacks. You will crash hard at first so be prepared for that- this was another reason I struggled. I was crashing hard and had 3 young kids around!

      • Anonymous

        It was too much planning and mental energy for me. So many rules, so many foods off-limits, zero flexibility or acknowledgment that people don’t want to spend so much time cooking…I think it’s a bit easier now because there are more Whole30-approved products out there, but even one month of constant, CONSTANT obsession about the next meal was way too much for me. It wasn’t how I wanted to live and I’m still feeling the negative impacts many years later, no joke.

    • Anon

      You need a good pantry clean-out (seriously, get rid of the non compliant stuff that will tempt you) and a big grocery shop. Plan to shop at least twice per week because all of that fresh stuff will go bad quickly.

      My best tip is to make extra dinner and bring it to work for lunch the next day if you go to an office. I found that it was impossible to buy anything fully w-30 compliant at all the lunch places near my office. If you’re the kind of person who is tempted by having seconds when you’re not really hungry, pack your lunch for tomorrow before you plate your dinner.

      I liked the recipes you can find online for w-30 ranch dressing, made using a stick blender. I brought this along with my lunch a lot because last night’s roasted veggies and chicken thighs on top of some greens feel more like a real salad with some ranch.

    • roxie

      So i did W30 twice and LOVED it but am not sure I could do it again – it is hard and takes a lot lot of work. That said, I am so glad I did it.

      While it definitely kickstarted some needed weight loss, and I think really re-set my gut, my biggest takeaway was that I learned about some pretty major food sensitivites that changed my diet permanently. The first time I did it, i was finished and on the reintroduction stage and learned that I couldn’t tolerate gluten anymore. After a month without, when I reintro’d it I had sore and swollen joints within 14 hours. So now I have been GF for years – which works for me but is a huge change I don’t know I would have done if not for W30.

      The second time, the re-intro of dairy showed me how dairy causes congestion and intense fatigue – so now I (mostly) cut out dairy,

      Both of these life diet changes have hugely helped my overall health – my intense seasonal allergies? GONE now that I don’t eat dairy! My chronic foot pain that podiatrists told me I couldn’t do anything about? GONE without gluten. And…I always tell ppl, don’t do a Whole 30 if you dont actually want to know what some food groups do to your body! Cause once you know you can’t really go back.

      • Anon

        I think a lot of people don’t do the one food at at time reintroduction (because then it’s not really a 30 day program) but I did and I agree with you. I’ve back-slid on gluten but I did notice a difference. I also drink less alcohol than I did before W30.

    • Anonymous

      I missed cheese, legumes, Greek yogurt, alcohol and cheese. You know, CHEESE.

      I normally cook with single ingredients and always drink my coffee black, so I didn’t really have that much trouble with hidden sugars, but bacon and deli ham was surprisingly difficult.

  6. The Alt Life

    Resources or anecdata about working less than full-time in a small (<15 attys) litigation firm? There is precedent in my firm for alternative salary structure based on hours worked not a percentage for someone taking time away for a specialized, time-limited project (i.e., running for office), so that is not my concern. I'm more wondering if I can pitch a less-than-full-time schedule in a way that works for everyone. And by less than full time, I mean 40 hours all in, instead of 50-70 hour weeks. Ideas I've thought of include keeping my salary, but giving up my health insurance and/or 401k match. My main concern is we are staffed tightly so I need to make a case for why it makes sense to keep me on fewer cases instead of just hire someone else who is willing to do it all. I'm a high performer with good relationships, but it's a small firm. I'd be grateful for any ideas beyond "give up on this pipe dream and look for something else."

    • Anon

      It’s just not that realistic. The way to work 40 hours is by being a contractor not an associate. Health care and 401k doesn’t cost the firm what your salary does. And it doesn’t make sense to keep you on at a full rate. It’s also just unrealistic to think that any legal job will clock in at 40 hours a week consistently.

    • AugNon

      I think it totally depends on how much pull you have with your firm. If you’re more junior or fungible and they would need to hire someone to take on the work you’re not doing, this does not seem feasible. A straight 9-5 schedule is often hard to come by at a firm, and I think even more so at a small firm. A salary cut seems inevitable, and there’s a risk that even asking could hurt your reputation (it shouldn’t but I wouldn’t ask if you weren’t ready to take that hit).

    • anon

      I think what makes part time (especially of the 40 hours/week variety, as opposed to fewer hours spread out over the course of a year) difficult in litigation is, when a case heats up, someone has to do the work. If you’re the one with knowledge of the case, it’s going to be you. Even in a large firm, nobody was going to staff a whole extra person on my matters who would have had to keep up to speed on the case and step in to take on the overflow, so I ended up with fewer total hours but still lacked a predictable schedule and continued to have plenty of long days/all nights. I did eventually leave and become an independent contractor, and regained control over my life. It was great but there are downsides of course. Aside from the financial/uncertainty aspects, one thing to consider is that, by being a contractor, you will likely be doing the overflow work (and possibly the work nobody else wants to do), and what you may give up is some of the day-to-day involvement or continuity with your matters. At least that was my experience. For me, that trade off was totally worth it for awhile, but eventually I missed being in the thick of things.

    • Anonymous

      If there’s precedent then follow the precedent. Conceptually, I think the only way you keep your full salary is if the bonus structure is such that associates get fairly compensated for their hours over their minimum, but ime that’s almost never the case at a small firm (or big firms for that matter).

  7. Jane

    TW obesity/weight loss. Please scroll past if not interested.

    I’m trying to move down from a medically obese BMI, with a nutrition program that’s very slow and steady as it should be, but I’m really really struggling to stick to my plan after dinner. I get enough calories and protein through out the day so it’s not hunger but a lifetime habit of eating a crap ton of junk (desserts/chips/cheese/booze) etc after dinner till I fall asleep. Any tips/anecdata/swaps to help?

    • pugsnbourbon

      Can you try a hobby that requires you to use both hands? Knitting, crochet, needlepoint, heck even friendship bracelets.
      It’s not a super-healthy swap, but I do diet sprite with a splash of grapefruit juice as my cocktail substitute.

    • Anonymous

      After dinner is also my hardest time. Things that work for me are:
      – not eating anywhere except the kitchen. When I am eating I am 100% focused on eating, not watching tv etc.
      – ‘closing the kitchen’ after supper. As in leave the room, turn off the lights etc.
      – drink something instead – I have a ‘drink station’ near the entrance to the kitchen with a kettle, sodastream, ice bucket and various teas. Hot herbal tea in the winter. Trying different teas has become my ‘thing’ to a degree. Pre-covid people actually started bring me back different teas they found on their travels.
      – leaving the main floor if I can’t stay out of the kitchen – cozy up and watch a movie in my room or call a friend or do a mani/pedi/spa bath
      – leave the house if I can’t stay out of the kitchen – obviously this works less well at night but I go for a walk and listen to music or putter in the garden ( I can’t grow anything but I’m good at watering annuals and trimming stuff).
      – forgiving myself when I slip. Progress not perfection and all that. Did I not snack after dinner 4/7 nights? That’s better than last week when it was 3/7 nights.

      • Anonymous

        Adding that this works for me because I am an ‘abstainer’ not a ‘moderator’. I have an incredibly hard time with moderating. So a small bowl of pretzels will quickly get bigger and have cheese and crackers added. When pregnant, it was easier to have no wine then ‘just a small glass’ or a few sips.

        • Anonymous

          Seconding this. My SO will (jokingly) comment I have no self control, to which I say: know thyself! I’m not fighting it. We now avoid buying cookies from Costco for this reason.

          • Anonymous

            Exactly! DH does the grocery shopping because I can never resist buying like a dozen cookies in the bakery and eating them in the car on the drive home. But if it’s not in the house, I’ll rarely go out and get it. Trying to use my laziness to my advantage.

    • Anon

      Brushing my teeth right after dinner helped. Also drinking water (after dinner and otherwise), because sometimes I thought I wanted a snack but I was really just thirsty.

    • Anom

      Brush your teeth? Make sure you floss and use one of those fluoride mouthwashes that don’t let you eat or drink for 30 min after. Instituting a new ritual/habit may help?

    • anon

      When I was quitting alcohol, I had to find brand new after-dinner activities to occupy my mind and hands. So instead of just sitting in front of the TV with a glass of La Croix to replace my usual cocktail (which was a very unsatisfying swap), I started doing things like jigsaw puzzles, video games, boardgames with neighbors, duolingo lessons, deep cleaning unusual parts of my home, going for walks or bike rides if the weather was nice, evening yoga nidra classes, etc. After breaking the drinking habit and getting rid of the cravings, I was able to add reading and TV back into my evening routine.

    • Anon

      I save 200-250 calories to have dessert after dinner. It’s a small ice cream cone or regular size brownie. I would try that, and just savor whatever treat you choose at the end of the day.

    • Also Anon

      That’s my weakness as well, so I feel you. I had a bad habit of caving to cravings at night and eating calorie dense foods after dinner. One thing that helps is working out in the evenings and eating dinner on the later side, so you’re less likely to feel super hungry before bed. Another thing that might help is to just have a light snack, like some rice cakes or a cheese stick.

    • Anonymous

      I brush my teeth right after dinner. This stops me from snacking because I am too lazy to brush them again after the snack.

    • A Nonny Mouse

      I am working on not giving into cravings, and late afternoon and evening are my toughest times. I stumbled upon the Calm Harm app, which is meant for stopping self-harm, but I have found parts of it useful for riding the wave of the craving. You can choose comfort, distract, express yourself, release, random, or breathe options to help you get through cravings and it gives you 5 or 15 min activities. Obviously, some aren’t appropriate, but it has been helping.

    • Sunshine

      I don’t buy or make snack foods. We have meal foods in our house and that’s it. Otherwise, I want to snack on snacks when I’m not hungry because they taste so good. Hence I exercise my self control at the grocery store (and don’t buy the stuff) rather than at home where I have to mentally keep telling myself no.

      • anon

        +1 I am not a person who can have things meant to be eaten in moderation (snacks, sweets, etc.) in my house. I am unable to stop myself from eating half a pie, for example, so if I don’t want to eat half a pie, I have to keep pie out of my house. Everything in moderation is not a phrase that applies to me!

    • Anonymous

      One issue I’ve had is eating so “perfectly” during the day that by nighttime I feel deprived and more likely to over-indulge. It’s helped to allow myself smaller indulgences during the day so then when night rolls around those things don’t hold quite the same power over me that they otherwise would have.

    • Anon

      Honestly the biggest hack for me was just going to bed earlier. I am a night owl so it was hard but I adjusted after a few days. Wine+snack+netflix was too tempting for me and substitute treats and drinks didn’t fulfill me in the same way. If I go to bed within 3ish hours of dinnertime I’m okay but if I stay awake until 10pm I’m going to eat a meals worth of calories. I also gave myself a “no cell phone after 7pm” rule to help bore myself to sleep.

    • anon

      You can totally do this! Good on you. I am a similar evening grazer. I do save some calories specifically for that, and do IF in the mornings. I also select low cal snacks like tomatoes – I just want to snack, it doesn’t matter on what. Sometimes hot tea or gum helps. As does going for an evening walk!

    • Anon

      Something that helps me is putting heavy moisturizer on my hands and adding white cotton gloves, or sometimes putting on a face mask when I feel the urge to snack. The “goop” keeps me from eating, and I have usually regained my willpower by the time I wash clean.

    • Anonymous

      Can you eat dinner late and go to bed shortly after? And keep busy before dinner? Walks, classes, working out, things you do outside the house, etc.

      My schedule often works out this way naturally several days a week and I don’t have a problem with snacking after a late dinner. On evenings that I don’t have much to do, I eat early and am much more likely to snack after dinner, despite not really being hungry.

  8. Worried

    A colleague emailed our team yesterday that her partner passed away after an accident. Her email was heartbreaking and I’ve been trying to compose a condolence email. So far, what I have is short and while I would like to say more, I’m at a loss for what to say. Ive known this colleague for over fifteen years. This person also lives a close distance from me, and I’m wondering if I should leave something outside her door, but I don’t want to intrude. Though I just heard about this, colleagues who are closer have known for the last week. I’m on vacation now— at home— and in addition, there is work closure here, and many are working from home. Is just a short heartfelt email enough? I want it to be more personal, but I just don’t know where to start.

    • Anonymous

      Short and heartfelt is great. And make sure that you don’t ask questions or word anything in a manner that can (inadvertantly) feel like they have to respond, they don’t need the burden of having to manage politeness or other people’s feelings.

    • Anonymous

      My personal philosophy is that it’s better to send something quickly rather than send something “perfect” late (which is usually never). I am always just very honest and plain about it — something like “I am so sorry. I don’t have the right words right now, but please know that my heart is with you and your family.”

      • Worried

        Thank you so much for the reassurance an reminders. I know an email sooner is the right action. Likely, down the road, I will do more — me an another colleague plan to leave or send something small.

      • Anon

        Second that heartfelt matters more than anything. I still recall a note I received from a colleague when my father died. She wrote her note on a leaf torn from a legal pad, clearly expressing her sympathies. It meant a great deal to me.

      • Anon

        This! Please just send something now rather than waiting for the perfect words, which you’ll never think of.

    • Anon

      It is clear from your message that you are kind. I think that a short, heartfelt message is always appropriate. “Dear [Colleague]- I am so sorry. Know that I am thinking of you.”

      As someone who had a baby in the middle of the winter in the middle of a pandemic with no family around… It meant the world to me when someone sent food or a thoughtful card or text message. It really reinforced the notion that I should just “do the thing.” Ordering someone a gift basket that can be delivered to their door, or a Doordash gift card that can be sent to their email isn’t disruptive – it lets them know that someone is there. So… Do the thing. :-)

      • Worried

        Thank you so much for the kind words. I am thinking of sending a food card or basket with another colleague.

      • Clara

        Agree with “do the thing”. I think sometimes people get wrapped up in “but what if they don’t like delivery/your gift basket/getting texts”. Do it in an unobtrusive way, don’t expect a response, but generally I feel that people like the recognition of whatever is going on.

    • Anonymous

      My loved one passed away during the pandemic and a local colleague offered to go for a walk with me. She said we could talk about my loved one or not. I didn’t take her up on it but the offer itself was really comforting.

    • Senior Attorney

      When my mom passed, some friends left a big box with a prepared dinner on our doorstep and I appreciated it SO MUCH. And agree that the imperfect condolence note you send is way better than the perfect one you don’t send. ( I think a real note in the is more meaningful than an email, though.)

      • Worried

        Thank you for mentioning the ‘real note or card.’ I’m thinking of sending an email and then a card, but maybe I will buy and mail a card today.

  9. West Coast

    Crowdsourcing food ideas for a low key birthday party at the park for a kindergartner. Thinking of a late morning (10 or 10:30) event and having friends drop by at the neighborhood playground. Handful of kindergartners with parents and some younger toddling siblings. Will have cupcakes and goody bags. But stumped food that’s easy to transport, setup, and eat—and appropriate for that time of day.
    Help! Willing to throw money at the problem and order from somewhere—but what?

    • Anonymous

      Juice boxes and individual sized bags of chips or veggie straws- Costco carries both. Maybe bear paws cookies as well.

    • Anon

      Bagels to have ready when everyone arrives, or order pizza to get there at 11:30.

    • Cat

      for midmorning I would do some sort of fruit platter thing from the grocery store, perhaps – depending on your crowd and when they eat – a bagel or pastry platter with cream cheese & box of coffee, and like, juice boxes and goldfish or animal cracker snacky cups for the kids.

      • Anonymous

        I haven’t seen any non-individually packaged food at outdoor birthday parties in my area but maybe other places are more relaxed. I would probably cut the stay at the party short vs have to fight with my kid about not eating communal food.

    • anon

      Iced coffee with oat milk for adults. Have a cooler with small bottles of water and juice boxes for kids. Set out a fruit tray. You can also have a tray with bagels, cut into quarters, and cream cheese if you feel like you need more. But nobody expects a full meal at that time of day.

      • anon

        For a 10:30am party, I wouldn’t expect breakfast food, but I usually see pizza around 12 followed by cake.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, feel free to skip goody bags. No one needs more plastic trinkets.

    • Anon

      Donuts!! I agree the goody bags are useless but kids love them! I wouldn’t skip those.

      • Anon

        Yes to donuts. I was reading this thread grateful I don’t have kids so I don’t have to go to the park on a weekend morning, but donuts made me reconsider the wisdom of that thought…..

      • Seventh Sister

        I did goody bags a few times, but I also did things like an inexpensive book or toy (like a beachball).

    • Anonymous Grouch

      If you’re doing this at a public playground in a public park, I would make sure to have some extras of whatever your provide in case other random kids show up. I would hate to have to tell a stranger kid – “sorry, these cupcakes are only for Joey’s birthday guests” instead of just giving him one.

      • LaurenB

        I wouldn’t be allowing my kid to go harass some stranger for cupcakes just because they’re playing in the same public park. What happened to “yes, those people are having a party over there” and “no, we are not entitled to any of their food / toys, no matter how fun it looks”?

        • Anon

          LaurenB, I host and go to such parties regularly and Anonymous Grouch is right. In my experience at these kinds of parties the kids from the party at some point (usually between Activity and Cake) run off to play in the playground and often make a new friend. They will then invite the new friend to join the party. I think this is great, and I want my kids to make new friends and broaden their social circle! After speaking to new friend’s parent or guardian, I invite them to join the festivities and welcome them as I would any other kid-guest, and have extra cupcakes and goodie bags for them. Most of the time someone cancels at the last minute so I have extras anyway. My kids often do this even on a regular day when we have treats or snacks at the playground. I’ve never seen a random child just insert themselves into a party uninvited.

        • Seventh Sister

          I have one kid that never would have dreamed of doing that kind of thing. Also have one that would regularly strike up conversations with anyone who looked like a promising mark, so I can see him asking a stranger for a cupcake before I could intervene.

          He was also the one that made me learn to smile vacantly when another mom would say that *she’d* told her toddler we don’t hit, so her toddler never hit anyone at the park. I’d said the same thing, yet somehow I’d gotten a toddler who disregarded my heartfelt, cogent advice and was A Puncher.

      • Senior Attorney

        I don’t think you’re a grouch — I think this is a very kind comment and a good idea!

      • Seventh Sister

        I always tried to remember extras – not so much for random strangers, but for extra cousins or toddler brothers or my own imprecise calculations of how many people we’d invited. I did feel bad about not letting a random kid play in the bounce house I rented and used at a public park, but I’ve seen enough bounce house injuries to be cautious about that kind of thing.

    • Nesprin

      Costco for the win- would get muffins, fruit tray, veggie tray and maybe a cheese tray.

    • NYCer

      Donuts/pastries/bagels and fruit tray, or else order pizza to arrive around 11:30 if you’re planning for the party to go longer than noon.

    • Anon

      I would definitely do bagels. There’s a chain here called Noah’s where you can order boxes of bagels with accompanying schmears + boxes of hot coffee. I think they will supply the cream and sugar if you ask. That and some juice boxes and maybe some cuties and you’re all set. I’ve done this many times. I’m sure most bagel shops offer something along these lines.

      I figure one bagel per head because some people eat half and some people want more and will eat the other half left behind.

    • Anon

      I just did this for a 3 year old bday party. We had a pavilion at the local playground. I got bagels and assorted egg sandwiches from the local bagel chain. They had a catering option. I think each box was 2 dozen. From costco I got: fruit salad, box of individually wrapped animal crackers, box of apple sauce/fruit pouches, juice boxes, waters. For adults, I got a box of coffee from the same bagel place. We had cupcakes for dessert and I got “special” more gourmet cupcakes for the adults (so that they’re not eating VERY BLUE character cupcakes). Everyone got a cakepop as a favor (ordered at a discount from the same baker who did the cupcakes).

  10. Anon

    Has anyone found straight-leg jeans that aren’t cropped or have a stitched-down rolled hem? I want something I can wear with booties this fall and I’m a sock wearer, so I want something that will go down long enough to cover the bootie top. Bonus if it’s a good fit for a pear.

    • Cat

      I like rag & bone’s Dre. They’re kind of a hybrid between skinny and straight, and look cute either rolled or unrolled.

    • Anony

      My go-tos are Pilcro & The Letterpress Parallel Mid-Rise Straight Leg and the Slim Boyfriend. I think the Parallels have been discontinued but there are plenty on Posh, Ebay, etc. J Crew has some too but the name is escaping me – maybe Toothpick or Matchstick.

        • Anon

          They haven’t made Matchstick for a while but I’m wondering if the new vintage straight slim is similar. I miss that cut!

  11. Jean/Moto Jackets

    I am looking for two basics that I just haven’t pulled the trigger on or found ones that I like yet.
    A jean jacket and a faux/vegan leather moto. I am not a big fan of anything too cropped. Prefer to spend less than $125 per. The ON jean jackets always seem a little too stiff, even after washing. Would love some recommendations please. Thanks!

  12. Anon

    If you were naming a child, but had to select a name that is a word in the dictionary that’s not commonly used as a name (i.e. so no “Ruby” or “Violet”), what would you choose? For a boy, girl, or either?

        • Anon

          And it’s becoming trendy in the US too, thanks to Maren Morris I guess? There is an (American) Maren in my daughter’s daycare class and the last time we did soccer there was a different Maren there too.

    • Anon

      Lake
      Aria (this has gotten kind of popular recently, so many not count anymore)
      Merit
      Autumn
      Paisley
      Pace
      Aspen (not sure if that counts, since it’s a proper noun)

      Ones I’ve heard but don’t really like: Soda (haha, Seinfeld), Jubilee, Bliss, January, Fawn, Maverick, Pleasant (founder of the American Girls doll company)

      • AIMS

        I love Autumn – knew someone with that name in school and it really suited her. Paisley is fun too.

          • Anon

            Attempted extorter of Bill Cosby. I never knew what was going on with that one, but it was my first exposure to the name. At the time, he was a Philly-area treasure (went to Temple IIRC) but now that I know more, it’s just karma at work.

          • roxie

            this is the most bizarre cultural reference I have ever heard on this site, and also anyone who tried to extort bill cosby is a friend of mine.

          • Anon

            That is such a huge stretch, nobody is going to think of some random nobody from 30 years ago.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I love Merit (or Merritt) as a name.
        I had an acquaintance named Promise which I thought was really beautiful.
        It’s a bit out there but I like colors for names: Grey, Blue, Red.

      • January

        Should I take offense to this? ;)

        Kidding! I have a very traditional first name in real life, and I don’t think I’d name a kid January.

      • LaurenB

        An acquaintance’s child just transitioned from male to female and chose the name Juniper as her new name. I really liked that choice.

        • Anon

          I have known a couple of Junipers and they were both really cool, amazing people, so I have great associations with that name. Someone named Juniper can always go by June or Juni if they prefer.

    • AIMS

      Go the Learned Hand route and choose characteristics? In Latin or some foreign language if you want to be more subtle about it?

    • Anonymous

      Hope (Hope Solo was my idol when I played soccer), Heather, Rose, Lily (I had a thing for flowers). I also always found ‘Verity’ appealing but never felt brave enough to use it.

      • Anonymous

        Really pretty. My niece has it for a middle name. I love it, but when they write her middle initial it kinda looks like her first name is suing her last name.

    • AnonATL

      I seriously considered Sage as a middle name for my son. DH declined that option.
      I also like Cedar, Alder, and Jasper- had a tree thing going there for a bit.

    • Monday

      I think it’s cool when people are named for places. Obviously some place names work better than others. Cities, states, parks, natural landmarks, even some nations or continents if culturally appropriate.

    • Anon

      Lyric
      Aster

      Some of the others posted veer a bit into “could be a stripper; doesn’t sound like a judge” territory.

      From my fever dreams, good for pets:
      Cheddar
      Chitlin
      Biscuit

      • Anon

        Cadence is one of the My Little Pony ponies. I like it for a name for my boat at my lake house (all very theoretical).

    • Anon

      I think that Honor is fantastic. Unfortunately, I couldn’t talk DH into using that one :(

    • Senior Attorney

      Okay, taking you at your word on “not commonly used as a name:”

      Piccolo
      Flute
      Feather
      River Song (*waving at all you Doctor Who fans*)
      Rain
      Queen/King

      My husband has a friend who named her daughter One, so that opens up all the numbers. (Paging Seven of Nine. Seven of Nine, please call the reception desk.)

    • Anon

      I like botanical names so I don’t know if these are too common but

      Ivy
      Fern
      Olive
      Rosemary
      Juniper
      Sage
      Laurel

      There are of course flower names like Lily and Rose but I think you nixed those.

      How about fruit names like Plum?

        • Senior Attorney

          You could name all your children after coins: Nickel, Dime, and Quarter.

          I think Euro would be a good name.

    • Anon

      I have an extremely unusual first name (it’s a made up word) so I might have a higher tolerance for “weird” than some people: Tannin, Copper (also Cooper but that’s at least somewhat common as a last name), Charade, Ember, Solstice, Trace, Treble, Stone
      Even odder but I’m still intrigued: Doctor, Plaid, Tachyon, Tonic, Xanthan
      I like these words but their meanings ruin it: Traitor, Smudge, Wild, Filibuster, Temptress, Lord, Shadow. Maybe Charade belongs down here?

  13. Is this a crazy idea?

    I’m considering taking the next 6 months or so to be intentionally unemployed (can live off of my DH’s income with some lifestyle adjustments) and do some soul searching and work on myself. Could be less time, could be more, 6 months is an arbitrary timeline. I’m a litigation attorney who has been miserable for the past 1.5 years, incredibly burnt out, deeply depressed. I’m fairly certain I don’t want to practice law anymore. I’m not sure what I want to do. It’s just my husband, cat, and I. If you were in my position, how would you spend the next 6 months? Is this a crazy idea? Please let me hear your thoughts. Also relevant: I want to TTC soon. Due to Reasons a pregnancy will be Complicated for me. I’m nervous about potentially being at a new job in that position. However, I don’t think I’m mentally ready to TTC right now.

    • Anon

      I think it is great that you are able to do this! If it were me, I would need a routine for some days – morning walk, self care time (nice breakfast, coffee outside, journaling, a relaxing bath), another activity (exercise or something fun like scrapbooking) etc. Maybe schedule a standing weekly lunch with a friend or DH. Good luck!

    • Anony

      You are not crazy. This is a wonderful idea and you should absolutely do it, since you can swing it. I have never been able to purposely take time off from working (my 4 times not working was because I was unemployed and couldn’t find a job) but I echo the other poster and recommend some kind of schedule. You won’t believe how fast the day, then weeks and months go by, if you just ‘wing it’ every day.

    • Anonymous

      Can you say more about what it is that you mean by “work on myself”? That would dictate a lot of how I’d suggest you spend the time.

      For me, I would work on optimizing my health and my surroundings. That would mean 4-5 focused, purposeful workouts per week (with measurable goals toward improvements), significant daily movement, plus improving my cooking repertoire and skills a bit and focusing on consistently sleeping 7-9 hours per day. I would also spend a fair amount of time cleaning and organizing and improving my home. I have too many things and a long list of small home projects that create stress and unhappiness for me. That may or may not be an issue for you.

      I would try to optimize my financial life. Get that cable bill down and really shop for insurance and automate things that are not automated. That would potentially broaden the options for a next career and just remove one more mental weight.

      I would ask my partner to participate in the process by (1) devoting time to our relationship on a regular basis but also ask him to make requests as to how I might improve his life/our life together with the extra time and then make myself available to support him when there is an opportunity, so that the relationship comes out stronger after the 6 months rather than having him feel like I’ve taken a 6-month vacation and feeling resentful.

      I would hire a career coach and also set a goal of at least one career exploratory commitment each week. If you are like the other litigators I know, you are probably capable of many things but clueless as to what else you could do for a living. I’d want to reach out to people with different jobs and explore with them whether moving into that space is realistic and appealing. If you really want to pursue something different, you are squandering time off if you aren’t purposeful during the break.

      Finally, I would pursue a physical project — making or building or fixing or growing something — so there is something reflecting tangible progress that I could point to on a regular basis. I get satisfaction from seeing something physical and one of the frustrations I have with law/litigation is the lack of any real evidence of progress most of the time.

      • Anon

        Basically I want to optimize my mental and physical health and get to a place where I can be happy and succeed at a job while maintaining my physical and mental health. I have some chronic conditions that make working really hard if they’re flaring up, and take a lot of work to get under control.

      • Anon

        I am exhausted from reading all the work that would be involved in taking time off. Actual work sounds so much more manageable (and less likely to result in feelings of failure). I think that intentional unemployment should not increase stress, and this broad focus is just too much.

    • Anon

      I think that with Covid you get a pass on a lot of lifestyle changes, so I’d go for it. But mentally, plan for not working for 2-3 years for budgeting, etc., thinking re resume gap, staying licensed, needing CLEs. 6 months to think, maybe 9 months to gestate (starting who knows when), some maternity leave. See how it mushrooms? Maybe see if you could get a very PT job (like volunteer counsel to an arts group or something) as a resume filler and to give yourself something fun to do?

    • anon

      I did a version of this. I had a 1 year old, but I kept him in childcare full-time so I didn’t lose my spot. What I needed was developing some self-care habits before returning to work. So, a 2-week journey into the mountains or on a beach in Thailand wouldn’t have really given me what I needed. It was much more mundane. I developed healthier eating habits, particularly around lunch and snacks. I went on walks. I got back into a hobby that’s good for my mental health. I thought about what I actually wanted to do, kept in touch with a recruiter, went on a few job interviews that seemed promising. (I wasn’t looking hard, but I didn’t want to pass up a great opportunity either.) When I was really ready to go back to work, I got the first job I applied for, though of course you have to be prepared for this not to happen. Five years later, I’m glad I took the time off, and I’m in much better mental and physical health than I was when I was burnt out.

      My only hesitation is that you anticipate a complicated pregnancy. I had a complicated pregnancy, and you’re right that that will be hard in a new position. You won’t be eligible for FMLA for a year. There’s also a potential financial impact to being unemployed, then having a complicated pregnancy (unpaid time off, high medical bills). Would you be able to handle all of that?

    • Anon

      I am 30s and happily single but having a partner for things like this is one of the key reasons I eventually do want to start dating again. Being unemployed or between jobs without any income or support sucks – it’s just risky and not practical. If you can do it, do it!

    • Anon

      Consider FMLA at your current job.

      If that is not an option, I would –
      Line up a therapist, perhaps even one who can prescribe medication
      Make a schedule for my days – working out, cleaning, all those annoying household projects
      Make a list of things to do – informational interviews with friends, sightseeing, museum-going, etc.
      Find a career coach
      Find volunteer work
      Have some sort of timeline for getting back into the workforce – when you’re going to start applying, etc. Also, consider just… TTC while you’re on your sabbatical. Firms are apparently very hungry for talented mid-levels, so you may well be able to negotiate a maternity leave that they are not legally obligated to provide you.

  14. Stye

    I am on day 3 of a stye on my lower eyelid. I have been putting warm compresses on it regularly. Anyone have any other ideas? The lower lid is a bit more swollen/puffy this morning. I called the eye doctor and waiting for the nurse to call back. Thanks!

    • Diana Barry

      You may need an antibiotic. YMMV but I had this last year and the antibiotic gave me the WORST yeast infection, so start taking probiotics/eating yogurt now!

    • anon

      Stop using contacts and eye makeup if you haven’t already. Hope it clears up soon!

    • Mrs. Jones

      I had one this spring and it sucked. Get eyelid wipes from the drugstore. Also rinse your eye with baby shampoo a couple times a day. Do not use contacts or eye makeup until it’s totally gone. My eye doctor prescribed an ointment that helped.

    • Anon

      Late reply but hopefully you see it. Pharmacies sell a small microwaveable heating pad for eye styes. It works wonders for mine. Better than my homemade warm compresses. I also second the eyelid cleaning wipes, no eye makeup and no contacts.

  15. Hair Woes

    I have a lot of hair with a LOT of wave, about shoulder length. I typically blow dry and follow with a flat iron. I’ve used Moroccan oil and Living Proof perfect hair day before drying/ironing. The problem is that my hair doesn’t seem to hold the straightening and starts to wave and not look polished just a couple hours after I style. Is this something hair spray would help with? A different styling treatment? It’s so frustrating to look great when I leave the house and by the time I hit the restroom mid morning, my hair looks so much more disheveled than when I left the house. Appreciate any ideas on how to counteract this!

    • pugsnbourbon

      Gonna ask a potentially dumb question – why not keep the wave? You could blow dry with a diffuser and use an anti-frizz product.

      • Hair Woes

        For some reason, the wave just looks sloppy on me. I think others pull it off beautifully, so I’m not opposed to the look. I am, admittedly, hopeless at doing hair.

    • January

      This happens to me because my hair feels like it is dry but it isn’t actually completely dry. I’d try blow-drying it a little longer before starting straightening.

    • Anonymous

      YMMV, but I got tired of trying to coax my wavy hair into straight hair. Got a curly cut (dry cut by a stylist who specializes in waves and curls), she taught me how to style it, and it’s made my life so much easier. I truly love my hair now, and it takes me less than five minutes a day to deal with.

    • Anon

      I have very curly hair and this only happens under 3 conditions:
      1. My flat iron was not hot enough
      2. My hair has gotten wet from sweat or humidity or rainfall.
      3. I didn’t blow dry my hair completely before flat-ironing
      If you aren’t getting wet then you’re iron wasn’t hot enough or your hair wasn’t sufficiently dried during the blow-dry phase. Reassess the temp of your iron and use a lightweight heat protectant. If you find the heat to be too much then you need to wear your hair wavy on some days.

    • Anon

      I’d lean into the waves and heat style some on top of your natural ones – that will give more definition and polish but you won’t be fighting your texture. You can do that with a flat iron.

    • anon

      Talk to your hairdresser. Chances are it might be some combination of not getting your hair completely dry plus not using hot enough appliances. If you haven’t already explored it, I would consider upgrading your blow dryer to either one of the salon quality ones (e.g., $200+) or a Dyson. As someone with thick wavy hair, it is possible location like even Houston, to blow dry your hair to straight without a lot of product.

    • anon

      That’s my hair type. My solution is to keep it short and let the cut do 85% of the work. Styling is wasted on my hair!

    • Anon

      Finish drying on the cool setting. You probably aren’t fully finished drying when you stop, but the heat hides the moisture. Using the cool shot button will let you run your fingers through and make certain that every bit of wetness is gone.

      Bonus, flat ironing wet hair wreaks havoc on it, so taking the extra time to do it right will keep the shaft healthier.

    • Anon

      Sounds like you have a very strong curl pattern. You can either fry your hair into submission or do as others said and embrace the wave.

      I also have naturally wavy hair and when I air dry it I twist it. I take sections of my hair and loosely twist them in the direction away from my face. They’re fairly large sections – I’d say I get maybe 8-10 sections total all around my head. This is not a rigid thing. I twist them and leave them. I don’t secure them in any way. It just helps the wave fall in a more organized way.

      When I used to drive to work for around 30-45 min, I’d shower and wash my hair, towel dry and leave it wet and stick straight while I put on my makeup and got dressed, then I’d twist it with one hand while driving for the stop-and-go section of the beginning of my commute. By the time I got to work and walked in from the parking lot it was nearly dry.

      Just don’t try to brush it at all until the next time you wash, and try not run your fingers through it until it’s fully dry.

    • SMC San DIego

      I gave up and got a keratin treatment. My stylist is able to use different formulas depending on how straight you want your hair to be.

      My hair tends to frizz and my waves look sloppy (on me, which is not the same as looks sloppy on everyone). And getting my hair to actually curl requires me to get it wet and blow it dry every single day, which as not a solution since my hair is also very thick and coarse and it takes forever. I wanted wash and wear hair and this gave it to me. People who love their curly hair sometimes do not understand that for some of us it is not worth the effort and/or we just do not like the way it looks on us.

  16. Anon

    I would also stay open to/be prepared to take a year to do this, since 6 months will fly by.

  17. Anonymous

    Law firm question:
    I have been retained by a firm as an expert witness. Firm is outside counsel to a major company.

    I’ve been emailing back and forth re: basic contracting and logistical stuff with a guy at the firm, assuming he was in contracting or an admin or something. I googled him today randomly and it turns out he’s a partner.

    Is it typical that a legal assistant type person would be emailing me using the partner’s name? Or is this really such a big deal that the partner is emailing basic redlines back and forth?

    FWIW it’s a pretty high profile client and the expert agreement is with the client, so perhaps that’s why he is the intermediary?

    • Emma

      It’s very common for a partner to be the point person. He might have his assistant using his email (definitely happens) or it flipping to a junior somewhere and then responding to you as needed. Our high profile clients generally expect the person handling the relationship (generally a partner) to be involved in everything. Wise partners get an associate to be another point person that the client is comfortable with, but that doesn’t always happen.

    • Anon

      Yes, it is that big of a deal. Retaining an expert witness is a major, major, litigation expense and can make or break the case.

      • anon

        +1 I am in-house and I want the partner handling the case to manage something as important as this.

    • Cat

      Partners are regular people who use email (well, most of them)- I don’t work with any partners who don’t send markups personally.

      If it’s an admin the “from” info would usually reveal that aka “Admin on behalf of Partner.”

    • Anonymous

      It’s probably a partner. Trial teams for major clients usually have more than one partner on them, though, so it might be a more junior partner if these edits seem administrative in nature.

    • Of Counsel

      It probably is the partner and not an assistant using his email.

      Read the transcripts of the sanctions hearings for the lawyers who filed some of the frivolous election lawsuits and their due diligence (or lack thereof) regarding their “expert” declarations and you will understand. The lawyer is responsible for what is submitted – not the assistant. And a bad expert – of just an expert who is a bad fit – can lose a case.

  18. Anon

    The other day we were talking about blouses that don’t need a jacket and today’s pick is one of them. I usually have a few blouses like this in my summer wardrobe that I call my Sacramento blouses! (I’m in the Bay Area)

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