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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A friend and I were recently discussing this question: How are we wearing the knee-high boots that have been taking up massive real estate in our closets for the last several years? For a long time, I wore them with tucked-in skinny jeans or tights and skirts. Lately, they’ve been collecting dust in my closet in favor of loafers, ankle boots, or (if I’m being totally honest) sneakers.
This styling of this belted sweater dress from Ann Taylor is giving me some inspiration to break them out and wear them with my favorite midi dress. I particularly like this “jubilee” red version.
I’d wear it to the office with a camel sweater blazer and to every single holiday event on my calendar this year.
The dress is $159 (but because it's Ann Taylor, be on the lookout for sales) and comes in regular sizes XXS–XXL and petite sizes XXS–XL. It also comes in a less festive, but equally lovely, black.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
I remember seeing a boot height chart for which boots to wear with a particular length of hem. Anyone have one they trust/like (or heartily disagree with and why)?
anonymous
I’ve seen posts on You Look Fab with guidance on what type of shoes to wear with different pant lengths. You might want to search for “perfect pant length” on the site to get started.
Anon
I think rules like that keep you from freshening up a look. The best way to play is to experiment and try something new.
Anonymous
Is every law firm full of back door politics? I’m guessing the answer is yes. My firm is 35 partners, I made partner this year l. The number of hours of back door dealing and wheeling and backbiting people is really wearing on me.
No Face
The answer is yes, unfortunately.
anon
In my experience, while BigLaw gets a bad rap (and rightfully so on many issues) I see Mid and Small Law as sometimes more fraught because there are fewer intermediaries between the partners and their money and it feels like a more zero sum game to get money into their pockets.
Anonymous
BigLaw is at least afraid of ATL and headline risk (even if just locally). MidLaw and SmallLaw realize that this will never happen and can be so much worse.
Ellen
You have more partners at your firm then I do, but yes, even in a boutique firm like mine, there are personalities to deal with. Fortunately, I early on alighned myself with the manageing partner and worked all of his cases with him so that I had an inside track to partnership. Now that I am a partner, I see everything very clearly, and am glad that I stuck close to the manageing partner, doing all of the dirty work early on to get me where I am today.
I think that no matter where you are, you have to deal with a-holes, so I would not maline the law firms specifically. My freind, Rhona is in academics, and she is so tired of the backbiting that goes on. She thought she could avoid it, but the head of her department pressures her all the time to stay over at his place, and he has had mixed success with her (bedroom wise) b/c she is going to be up for tenure, and she does not have a boyfreind anyway, so bad s-x with that schlub is no worse then bad s-x with other schlubs, and at least this guy will do something for her in exchange for her having s-x with him.
School Supplies
I start a masters program in January. Getting a bit nervous now that reality is setting in. Any recs for school supplies: fun pens, paper, etc? I want to get myself a little starting package to perk myself up.
Anonymous
It really depends on the program. I did not use any paper or writing implements at all in law school. In my quantitative social science master’s program, I used pencil and paper and colored pens. A good laptop will be important no matter what.
OP
It’s a combination of programming, math, and business courses. I already have the computer handled and prefer taking handwritten notes.
pugsnbourbon
I have started writing notes on graph paper rather than typical lined notebooks – for me, it’s much easier to section off ideas/concepts/to-dos. For math and programming it might be helpful.
Anon.
This. You will want to put down charts on graph paper.
Anon
I take handwritten notes and my little splurge is buying the reinforced looseleaf paper for courses where I know I’ll want my notes to last as a reference for future courses.
Anonymous
Minor thread-jack re doing law school w/o taking notes on paper. Do you type everything verbatim or have a code system for your own internal shorthand? One thing that really frustrates me w/ computer note-taking is the formatting / not able to use symbols or shortcuts what make sense to me (so autocorrect). That is really true when listening to a lecture (for me) and less so when trying to take notes on text I’m reading (pending tax reform bills). But I almost thing that thoughts go from my ears to my typing fingers and bypass my brain vs when I write (e.g., when I hand-write my grocery list, I remember it even though I lose it or leave it at home or in the car more often than not).
Anonymous
I set up keyboard shortcuts for symbols (delta for defendant, pi for plaintiff, etc.).
hairy
Studies have shown that simply typing everything verbatim leads to poorer retention/understanding of what you hear. It becomes automatic, and you can type without really “listening”. It is more effective to force yourself to think while you are listening and synthesize the material, and then type/write more concise summaries/interpretations as you go. So in fact, taking handwritten notes forces you to do this because you can’t write verbatim (unless you are a skilled shorthand person!), so people tend to remember what they hear better by taking notes this way. But if you have never done it, folks may find it harder initially.
But it sounds like you already learned this on your own!
My generation grew up handwriting our notes, and only transitioned to computers as a time saver but not as our primary note taking device.
Ribena
Ah but which is more useful totally depends on how you’re being assessed. If it’s a memory-retention exam then I can see taking notes by hand being better. Most of my courses were assessed by long essays though, for which I didn’t need to retain the information, but needed to have it available and searchable so that I could cite it accurately. Having all my notes in OneNote including verbatim quotations (and the citations to go with them) was much more important than having things in my head.
Ellen
I did not use a computer in law school. I took notes, then when I came home, I copied my notes over, filling in the blanks so that everything sunk in better. I did not like those people with computers clicking away all the time. I found it very distracting. FOOEY on them b/c they also liked to brown nose the teachers. Fortunately, the teachers did not like them clicking away either, and I got alot of milage out of being one of the few people w/o a computer and liked by the professors.
Nora
Laptop + laptop case, good coffee mug and water bottle
PaperSource is my go to for pretty stationary, I used a planner from there.
Anonymous
Hydroflask water bottle and Yeti travel tumbler.
Anon
I like Levenger Circa notebooks.
Anonymous
Also: Pilot gel pens are the bomb. Get them all. And good loose-leaf paper or good 3-whole punch binder paper in a pad that is perforated at the top.
Anon.
I am very partial to Pentel Energel pens. Lightweight, smooth writing, and come in a variety of needle tips (I prefer 0.7mm).
anon
I’ve been loving these felt tipped pens I got at Target that are from the brand Noted.
Elegant Giraffe
I really like the combo pen/highlighter/sticky flag things for reading.
Anonymous
sticky flags FTW
Anon
I am currently in a PhD program and did my masters while working full time. I think the biggest advice I can give you is to think about your energy levels, whatever they are naturally, and how you will manage them. Whenever you start something new, there is a ramp up process energy-wise, it can be a major shift. I’ve always found working WAY easier than being in school.
For example, I am not a morning person at all and don’t even bother trying to do anything intellectually productive that requires new, creative thinking and learning before 1pm (I often work until 3am though so it’s not that I’m not working). In the morning I do my life admin, emails, what have you. I need to go for a run sometime between 3-5pm every other day to deal with stress and keep energy up (if I go in the morning I’m exhausted all day and the remaining time is a flatline), and I can work for a max of 10 days in a row before I just shut down so I *need* to plan for a day off at least every 8 days. That means no expectations I will read something, no expectations I will think about my papers, no expectations I will write. You know yourself best – the trick is to time everything with your natural habits and energy levels.
Think about what ‘doing’ your masters really means to you. Plan now how much time you want to allocate to learning a certain skill, or topic (ie hours per day/week you can spend), how often you want to do networking activities, how often you want to have social activities. Be realistic!
I feel like everyone discovers some kind of procrastination challenge in grad school, so be prepared to work through yours. Mine is I am afraid of getting highly critical feedback, so I often can’t start something because I’m already nervous about producing something that will get harsh feedback before I even start. What works is free writing, just making *something* with no expectation of it being useful or good. Other people don’t know *how* to do the thing they are trying to do, so they put it off. Build in the time – like, days – to figure out *how* to do the project/paper/assignment.
Depending on how long your program is, if you will be starting a new job or making any kind of career shift, don’t wait until the last semester to start networking and looking for jobs. Start at least 10 months before, ideally at the start of your last year.
Have fun! Get a fancy treat to celebrate starting:) and then again at milestones!
Anon
A really good backpack, lots of highlighters, sticky tabs to keep track in textbooks and binder clips if necessary. I went to law school 10 years ago so we still printed things but I hardly use actual paper now so idk. As far as planners and anything else physical, I’d rather use my phone and laptop and keep carrying to a minimum.
Alcoholic brother
My brother has become an alcoholic of Leaving Las Vegas proportions (DTs, brief hospitalization, etc.). He lives in the Midwest, alone, and I live on the coast. I haven’t seen him since the pandemic began – he was always a heavy drinker, but not like this. I’m not supposed to know about his issues (long story) and I’m not sure if he would even let me in the house.
I would really like to get him into rehab, but I’m worried that he will cut me off entirely. (He is very angry with my mom who has been trying to help him through a medical episode). I’m looking for similar experiences and what happened, and/or resources I can consult. (I would prefer those that are not religious). Thank you.
anon
Sorry to hear this, but attempting to force your brother into rehab is not going to work and is also going make him completely shut you out (as you suspect). This is not the path to take (said by someone who abused alcohol heavily for 25 years with accompanying health issues and is now sober – the addict has to want to quit/get help. No one else’s desire to want them to do so is going to work.)
Anon
+1 to all this from another person who got sober from alcohol.
Anon
Nice to hear there are others on this board who got sober… am in the early stages of this process myself.
anonymous
I’m sorry you’re going through this. My sister-in-law went through a similar situation, but she was local and went through rehab and was hospitalized to deal with withdrawal. Unfortunately, I don’t see a way for you to get him into rehab, especially if you are not local. You could check with Al-Anon for resources.
Anon
My heart goes out to you. My brother was the same—even lived in Las Vegas. It made me feel very helpless that there was nothing I could do for him. That’s the sad truth. You can’t make someone go to rehab. It might help to remember that addiction is an illness—it’s not that he’s making bad choices. You can read up on Motivational Interviewing if you want to learn to speak with him and gently help him find his own internal reasons for stopping. It has to come from him, though. It can also help you to connect with others like us who’ve been through it. Kindest wishes to you and your family.
Anon
Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about this. My brother was a heavy drinker and marijuana smoker (people can do it to the point it becomes a real health problem; in my case my brother developed cannabinoid hyperemesis) and did not stop until he had a severe medical episode where he almost died. Unfortunately, many attempts to get him into inpatient rehab, outpatient counseling, AA, etc. by myself and my mom and dad did not work. He had to come to the realization that his choices were continue on as he had been and die, or make a change. He fortunately chose to make a change. Therapy is what worked better for him than any organized program – through a hospital referral, he found a therapist that specialized in addiction issues and was a former alcoholic herself. He’s been going to therapy for three years and is sober and no longer uses marijuana.
I strongly suggest Al-Anon content for you. Whether you go to meetings, or just read the material that’s available online. You did not cause this, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. (Those are the Three C’s of Al-Anon.) Unfortunately trying to take some kind of control of the situation will likely just push your brother farther into addiction. I could write a novel about what I learned from Al-Anon and how it helped me deal with my brother’s situation, but will just encourage you to read the material and find a supportive group, or Al-Anon informed therapist for yourself. I am sorry you are going through this.
Anon
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went through the exact same thing with my brother. The unfortunate reality is that there is nothing you can do unless the addict wants help.
Anon
I’m sorry to tell you this, but he has to be the one to want rehab. My ex husband lost a beautiful family and a beautiful life. No amount of ‘will’ from me could change it. I hope one day it comes from him. Sending you a lot of hugs
No Face
I agree with the others – you can’t get him sober. All you can do is try to rebuild and maintain a relationship so that if he decides to get sober, you can support him in the process.
I don’t have personal experience with it, but I think Al Anon would be helpful so you can hear from others who are on this journey.
Alcoholic brother
Thanks everyone. I suspected as much (trying to get him into rehab). My dad died at 47 of alcohol issues, so this is very painful. My brother is headed down the same path.
Anon
Al-Anon is made for people who have alcoholic family members.
I encourage you to learn about the different treatment options available for alcohol addiction. Inpatient rehab is definitely effective – not having access to alcohol, but having access to AA and psychologists, is a good way to detox long enough to make a clean break. However, a lot of people simply cannot disappear from their jobs and lives for 6+ weeks; they can’t afford rehab, they can’t afford the unpaid leave, they can’t afford the hit to their careers. (Yes, it’s better in the long run.) Outpatient treatment is an option for some people.
A
I am so sorry to hear this — based on the experience of friends/family members who have dealt with similar issues, I recommend you consider going to an al anon meeting (or a virtual meeting these days). Try going to a meeting located in the same place you’d personally chose to go to a coffee shop or a cute little restaurant, you’re likely to encounter like-minded people that way.
Anonymous
Lots of city churches have mid-day and end-of-day AA meetings and many of them also do Al Anon meetings at similar times, some on different days but with the idea that you can easily pop out from work.
CPA Lady
I have a friend who needed to go to rehab who was in very bad shape. A group of seven or eight of our friends, the woman’s high school aged daughter, and I staged an in-person intervention. We all read the book “Love First” by Jeff and Debra Jay and followed the method in the book. We did all the prep work ahead of time, had a spot in a rehab ready to go so she could leave immediately, and we hired a professional interventionist to be there with us during the intervention and to go with her on the plane. She had a complicated family situation and we basically planned ahead so we could tell her how we would take care of every detail she would be worried about while she was gone (it was a 90 day program). She agreed to go to rehab that day and has been sober for five years now.
So yes, your brother has to want to get sober for himself, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to tell him how his addiction is hurting you and offer him help. And I say this as someone whose own father had to go to rehab. And I’m 3+ years sober myself (thought I did not go to rehab). I will also say that I went to al-anon to try to deal with my father’s drinking, and I did not find it particularly helpful. It was a bunch of angry people talking about the addicts in their lives like they were monsters. I get that people need a place to vent, but wow. I found individual therapy a lot more helpful.
Anon
I love that your intervention worked out. It’s not always true and I guess you know that but I need to point it out – an intervention in my extended family went the opposite way, drove the person deeper into their addiction. At the end of the day she didn’t want to quit. So she drank/smoked/snorted herself to death a few years later. Sorry to be a bummer, it’s just reality.
addiction
Lots of good advice here.
It is true that alcoholism is a form of addiction, like so many others we know…… food/shopping/video games/opioids….it just can kill you faster. Many of us have a genetic predisposition towards addiction. Life experiences/stressors/abuse etc… can all set the stage to make alcoholism/addiction more likely to happen. You have to treat those underlying triggers to treat the addiction. Usually a combination of medications and counseling and behavioral modifications are needed and it is very hard and most people will reject this help, or try and fail many times.
Agree with everyone that you can’t change him, and even if you get him into rehab he will relapse. Strongly recommend going to Al-Anon and start learning more.
I would try to keep in touch, let him know you love him, and if there are things you think that he would benefit from discussing let him know you are there for him. Sometimes being a little vulnerable yourself to him… will sometimes open a door.
Good luck.
Anonymous
If he is to the point where he cannot care for himself, and depending on state law, you may be able to get a brief psych hold. That can be a gateway to rehab. But the state standards and processes for involuntary commitment vary. I would talk to a lawyer in your state in advance to understand the process if you need it.
Anonymous
You can’t get him into rehab. It has to come from him. Don’t even try.
Anon
Has anyone made the move from being an in-house employment lawyer to employee relations? If so, how did you decide to make that move?
There’s a senior level ER opportunity I’m considering, but I have some hesitation about leaving the practice of law entirely (especially since I’m still repaying my student loans). I think some of it is that a huge part of my identity is built around being a lawyer, and I (stupidly) feel like it will come with a loss of prestige. On the other hand, opportunities to move up in my company as a lawyer are slim, and I know I would kick ass at this opportunity. I also worry about whether this would impact my career trajectory if I were to leave this company at some point in the future, since similar senior level opportunities are rare.
Anonymous
No one is impressed by the practice of law except other lawyers.
OP
Logically, I know that, but after drinking the kool aid for 15 years, it’s hard to reset my thinking
LaurenB
+ 1000. And in real life, I’ve also found that people are more impressed by lawyers who are in house for a company they know that makes an actual product and/or delivers a service, than they are by Big Law.
Anon
I am not a lawyer, but have left the industry I got my graduate degree in for new opportunities using the same skills I learned in that industry. Only you know what you will enjoy, but 10 years after leaving my graduate field of study…I’m so much happier. And my grad degree is in public health, a field that has been in the spotlight and high demand for the past 18 months. Don’t worry about impressing – or not – people you don’t really care about or won’t know in a few years.
anon
In-house, still paying for school, and trying to shift into a compliance role that will not have counsel in the title. I DGAF what anyone else thinks and, as already has been mentioned, no one but a lawyer will give a rats ass what I do or have any opinion on what is prestigious. I was interviewing for a role a while back that I thought everyone would get was huge! And prestigious! There would have been a press release! And no one who wasn’t an attorney GAF other than wanting me to be happy. They had no concept of what the job was even though they had heard the title mentioned before.
Do what you want at a salary that lets you pay your bills. Get fulfillment in your life outside of work.
Anon
You sound excited for this role, and like it will have more potential and prestige – go and don’t look back. Low school and the legal profession are obsessed with keeping options open by doing the most conservative career choice, and people follow that path at the expense of their happiness, job potential, and intellectual stimulation. If this doesn’t work out, as long as you are a person who does good work and has a decent network you’ll figure something else out.
Anon
This is a really insightful point about lawyers’ obsession with keeping options open. It isn’t something I could have put my finger on before – it just seemed like there was a lot of unrealistic thinking. (“But do you ever consider going back?” No, I’ve been a corporate lawyer for almost a decade and actually really love it, so no, I’m on this career path thanks.)
Counterintuitively, the way to limit options is to steer your career towards keeping every possible option open. Eventually, you pick something to the exclusion of others and work on that. If it’s a big bust, you can reassess and aim in a different direction.
Cornellian
Oof, that second sentence is true.
Cat
people move from legal to “not a lawyer but legal-adjacent” roles all the time. If the company will still cover your bar fees & CLEs so you can keep your license active, I would not blink at the tr-nsition.
Senior Attorney
And also the people who move into business roles, in my experience, almost invariably end up making more money than the people who keep working as lawyers. In the real world, line jobs are more prestigious and highly compensated than staff jobs, and that includes legal staff jobs.
Anon
I’d consider it but be cautious about the role. Most people I know who’ve made the switch go to being CHROs or heading up HR. If you’re used to the company taking your advice on how to handle ER matters, you need to be ready to have your voice have less impact and to defer to your boss, in-house legal, etc. it can feel like a step down, even in a senior role. I think going to the HR side is a great exit path for employment lawyers (I am one and am friends with many who’ve made the switch over), but be careful about the role you choose.
JHC
Agree with all of this. I went the HR route and it’s been an excellent transition.
Anonymous
Is anyone wearing trench coats these days? In tan? Or in another color? I feel like I’ve been in puffy coats for 2 years and I’m not sure if I’d wear a trench. Or even a formal wool coat. IDK. What are people doing now?
I have a closet that seems more and more like a prop / costume department. And yet, I need a new coat b/c my old one doesn’t fit and now that we are back in the office, I may need to look fully-presentable at some point before spring. BR has a nice-looking wool trench and it looks dreamy (or dreamy for my 2019 and prior life). I imagine that the Burberry people are wearing their coats, but that’s not my budget right now.
Anon
I don’t own a trench and I haven’t been seeing them on the street recently, but I think formal wool coats are absolutely in. Especially ones with interesting structure (so less stuffy more trendy)
Anonymous
Puffer, wool coat, and trench serve very different purposes. A puffer is for the dead of winter. A wool coat is mostly useful for going straight from a car to indoors if it is not raining or actively snowing. A cotton or nylon trench is for spring and fall.
Nora
Exactly this. I would prefer style-wise to wear my wool coat to work and dinner/going out in the winter, but sometimes its puffer time.
AIMS
+1. I literally would wear them in completely different weather. I have been wearing my trench all fall when it was cool but not cold. Today I am wearing a wool coat. When it’s really cold, I’ll break out my puffer. The only thing that I think has changed is the silhouettes are a longer/looser now. So if your outerwear doesn’t feel current, maybe that’s why?
anne-on
This. With the lining in my trench and a heavy sweater or blazer underneath I can wear my trench until Thanksgiving, then it’s time for the ‘real’ winter coats to come out. I’m in MA, your winter weather might not make that necessary.
No Face
Exactly. I live in the Midwest, and need clothes for a huge range of temperatures. I have an array of vests, jackets and coats so I can pick the correct one for the temperature/precipitation combo.
To me, trench, wool, and puffer are for completely different days. I see different puffer styles all the time on other people though, so YMMV.
anonshmanon
I feel reasonably timeless in my black trench coat. It hits above the knee. I feel like I can’t do long coats as a short person.
anne-on
I have worn a trench as my ‘work’ coat for fall/spring since the early aughts, it may not be trendy but it’s super timeless and always appropriate. BR has a nice one, Abra raved about the quality of hers. I replaced my earlier BR trench after many years of wear with a Brooks Brothers one. If you like/want one I’d also suggest Hobbs as they make very classic trenches in more modern colors (green/yellow/red).
I’m in MA so a lined trench takes me through December with a heavy sweater/blazer underneath, then I swap to my ‘real’ winter coats. Colored or patterned wool coats seem to be ‘in’ this year – if you don’t need a super heavy coat for brutal winters I’d totally go with the BR ones, JCrew, Hobbs, and Ted Baker also have fun ones – Bloomingdales usually has good sales and a great selection.
Anon
I always feel like Inspector Gadget in a tan trench myself and prefer black. I have a closet full of coats and don’t think you can go wrong with having a menu of trendy to classic. My MVPs are a leather moto inspired jacket, long and short puffers, and wool peacoat. I always seem to ignore my trench coats.
anon
I feel that the time of year to wear trench coats is pretty short. Most trenches aren’t hooded, and Spring/Fall are often rainy where I am, so during trench coat season I often wear a raincoat on rainy days and a leather jacket/moto jacket/green “utility” coat on dry days.
Anon
Generally agree with you, I live in San Francisco where it’s basically the same weather all year, so trench season is technically all the time. I’ve found that I don’t like longer coats because they’re a hassle to deal with inside restaurants, which is usually where I’m going in something with more style.
Anon
I’ve gotten several complements out of the blue on my coat this year. It’s a camel colored, traditionally cut loden coat that’s older than most of my staff and I’ve worn it for years, so while it’ll never be trendy I don’t think, something about it is getting noticed in a way it hadn’t in years past.
Anon
I think camel and other warm earth tones are having a moment — great pieces like that seem to come and go in trendiness
Anon
I think you need a puffer coat that fits and then you get the gorgeous wool coat if there’s still room in the budget. As others have said, they serve different purposes. I love coats a lot so I understand the longing.
Ellen
I have a treanch coat, but limit it’s use to when it is raining and not that cold out. I do not like to wear it when it is warm out b/c I sweat and it stains my underarms. When it is very cold, I put my Canadian Goose coat on, even if it is sleeting out b/c I would rather be warm then wet.
Seafinch
I have a classic tan trench with hood by Aigle and I love it. I wear it every year on the shoulder seasons (Ottawa is too cold over winter). I think it is about as classic as you can get. I wear a variety of wool coats in colder weather.
language needed for job description
Wise hive, my supervisor wants to give me a better job title and a raise, but we need to post the job publicly according to company policies. So I get to write my own job description. I would like to list two things that I am good at and that justify the higher level title and pay, but I can not come up with the right, formal language.
1) I have no problem saying no when the higher ups want to violate policies (and usually can come up with a good alternative solution)
2) dealing with extremely disorganized and overscheduled people above me and keep them on deadline/make them give me what I need to do my work
I am blanking on how to package this in the right language…
Anonymous
These things are both about your soft skills, but job descriptions generally focus more on specific tasks, outcomes, or goals. So for the first one, something about ensuring strict compliance with critical company policies while delivering xxx result. For the second one, working collaboratively to produce xxx and meet deadlines. You can’t really advertise that you are good at making people give you what you need to do your work; at a certain level, that is just expected as part of being able to do your work.
Anon
Go on LinkedIn and look at job postings for inspiration.
CHL
+1
Anon
Keep it simple – “Candidate has proven project management skills and experience ensuring policy compliance.” I wouldn’t overthink it.
anon
These strike me as very useful skills in doing your job but they are not your actual job. They would go in the ‘candidate profile’ or ‘skills’ section.
ArenKay
I have no helpful suggestions (but I think suggested script in first reply is great), but I just have to chuckle that you are clearly getting a better title and a raise as a reward for saving a lot of incompetent people from themselves. One hopes they might be fired. One doubts it.
Anonymous
I am beyond frustrated that there is zero news about boosters for the 12-18 age group. Kids over 16 are already past the 6-month mark, and kids 12-15 are going to hit it right in the middle of the holiday season. Case counts are already beginning to rise in our high school, and the inevitable post-Thanksgiving surge hasn’t hit yet. To make things even more fun, we’re in VA where the school mask mandate is going away after the new governor is inaugurated in January. I feel like sending my kid to school in January will be like sending a lamb to slaughter.
Anonymous
Right there with you. I predict the high-water mark as 2 weeks after MLK day when travel / visiting finally settle down. Grrr. I got my kids vaccinated over the summer, so they are in the system and I can’t just randomly take them in somewhere. If everyone else had gotten their shots, I wouldn’t feel the need to go rogue on this. And IDK that the COVID pills are approved for those <18. I'm getting my booster b/c my state is all "eh, just get one if it has been 6 months."
Anon
You should be able to get them a booster if you take them to a different state. That’s what the 65+ folks I know who got early, unofficial boosters did. There’s no national registry of all vaccines, everything is on a state-by-state basis.
LaurenB
You most certainly can take them someplace different. Honestly if they look old enough, do CVS and/or Walgreens even care about their birthdates?
I know someone who “went rogue” and took her 17 yo daughter to her ob-gyn for a booster. The office didn’t care one bit that she wasn’t technically 18.
Anon
That’s a little dramatic.
anon
Got my second dose of Moderna on March 2nd. I’m still not eligible to receive a booster, given local guidelines. When I’ve tried to sign up for a booster online through the major pharmacies I’m told that I’m not eligible and cannot schedule an appointment. I’m in the office 4 days a week and interact with the public for my job.
I’m planning on leaving my job and taking a few weeks off between jobs, and thus will be without insurance for a little bit. I’d like to get my booster now to further limit my chances of being seriously sick without insurance.
However, I’ve heard there’s plenty of availability so I will try to get a walk-in appointment at one of the pharmacies.
Anon
Just stop answering the questions so conservatively and you will qualify.
LaurenB
No kidding. In my mind, “subterfuge” in order to get the vaccine or a booster isn’t nearly the crime that not getting vaccinated is. I’ll save my scorn for the people who don’t get vaccinated, not the ones who fudged a bit that they had a medical issue they didn’t really have in order to make a choice that keeps us all safe. There aren’t shortages of the booster.
Anonymous
Stop being such a ninny and check the box that you qualify because of your job, which is true.
Honestly some people just do not want to help themselves.
Anon
That’s a little harsh, but I agree with the basic sentiment. The level of scrupulous honesty some people want to engage in, to the detriment of their own lives or health, is a little shocking to me sometimes. The greater good, individually and collectively, is for people to get booster shots. I don’t think checking a box and saying you have asthma when you don’t is a felony, or morally wrong, or will prevent someone who really needs a shot from getting one. They are begging people to get boosters in my state and just opened eligibility up to all adults. I am sure other states will follow soon. If folks want boosters, they should check the boxes they need to check to get one. This is an instance where common sense and personal judgement needs to trump strict interpretation of the rules.
Anon
If you interact with the public at work you can check the box for “high risk of occupational exposure” which is one of the things that officially qualifies you to receive a booster. That is not a lie, and I don’t understand why you wouldn’t check that box.
Anon
And your coworkers are the public, btw. The guidance is so loose, everyone qualifies. Just answer the questions right if you’re in a state that’s still going CDC.
Anon
There’s no shortage of availability of shots. They’re throwing away unused doses right now. Check the box that gets a shot into your arm and move on with your life.
anne-on
Have you asked your pediatrician? In NY they are opening up boosters to anyone who wants one, if you are concerned I would ask your doctor. I really don’t see a downside to getting them a booster and I wouldn’t hesitate to book it as a ‘first’ shot if you’re concerned.
Anonymous
VA has a vaccine registry, so it’s impossible to get a second “first” shot. All vaccine sites verify age. It’s really impossible to fudge anything with kids.
Coach Laura
If your state tracks via a registry, cross state lines. This is true for both adults and children. I have fellow cancer survivors who did this before boosters were approved for the immune-compromised. (These people were part of a clinical study that showed low or no immunity from the original two shots. Yes, I know the CDC hasn’t approved the immunity tests and that’s not the point but these people knew they were immunocompromised from a combo of active disease and active treatment via other approved immunity testing – IgG levels etc.)
States keep vaccine records – they are not federalized. Don’t claim any insurance coverage. No vaccine site is supposed to turn people away for lack of insurance or lack of ID. However, with minors, I’m not sure if they will require ID or not. Some places may not give the vaccine without parental proof etc., so it might be harder to get the shot than for an adult.
The CDC is hesitant and has been hesitant to approve or recommend boosters without clinical proof and there currently isn’t any/much for teens. I am a very concerned about covid and breakthrough but I don’t think I would boost my teen (if I had one) unless they were at higher risk due to an underlying condition. But I understand the desire – I really wanted a booster before mine was approved because I was immunocompromised and had proof of that. “Will kids who are under the age of 18 need COVID-19 boosters too?
Researchers are still studying whether COVID-19 immunity wears off in kids over time, like it has in adults. That information will help decide the right approach to boosters for younger kids. Stay tuned.” https://www.connecticutchildrens.org/ask-a-pediatrician/ask-a-pediatrician-does-my-child-need-a-covid-19-booster-shot/
https://boston.cbslocal.com/2021/11/15/coronavirus-vaccine-booster-dr-mallika-marshall-questions/
Anon
+1 just go to a different state and ask for a first dose. This is not hard. There is no federal database.
Anon
Coach Laura, I mostly agree with this but the thing that worries me is that they haven’t even started the trials in kids and appear to have no plans to do so. It’s a minimum of 3 months from when the booster trials begin until it can be authorized. So the trials should really happen before you have evidence of waning immunity, so that when immunity starts to wane you can get people vaccinated ASAP.
Anon
It’s limited to 18+ only even in the states where boosters are open to “all.” Pfizer unfortunately hasn’t studied boosters in people under 18 so there was no request for authorization. That said you can just get your child a booster by checking the box for “first dose” the way some elderly people did before boosters were available.
Anonymous
Has anyone tried this? Our state has a centralized immunization record for children (for school, probably, and other public health reasons) and I’m not so sure it would really work (or maybe it would be flagged on the back end, but I won’t want to cause trouble for the shot providers or my insurance company or flag me for any sort of health care fraud (damn lawyers have ruined everything)).
Anon
You’ll probably have to go to a different state. I think lying and saying you don’t have insurance is fraud, and lying about you child’s age is probably falsifying vital records or something like that. But I’m not sure how going to a different state to get a shot is a crime, given that it’s legal to get a vaccine in a state where you don’t reside.
AIMS
Like a lamb to slaughter minus the actual slaughter though? I understand the worry but statistically “slaughter” is not a likely outcome even if a breakthrough infection happens. I would talk to your pediatrician. If your kid is high risk, maybe they can recommend something specific but I think we are entering a new stage of this whole thing where some risk just needs to be tolerated for most people.
Anonymous
A couple more rounds of quarantining and I will lose it. If you get sick, you are home until your symptoms resolve. We still have 14 days if you are closely exposed :( And then it is different for everyone in the household depending on how their cases resolve or not.
Anonymous
The risk that we are being asked to tolerate here is unreasonable and easily preventable, though. If teenagers could get boosters kids were still masked in school, the risk would be much, much lower. And I wouldn’t be quite so desperate to get the kid a booster if they were still masking.
Anonymous
My SIL got long COVID from a breakthrough infection.
Anon
I also know someone who got long Covid from a breakthrough infection. The actual infection was very mild, much less severe than a typical flu.
Anon
How does she know this? Long Covid is symptoms for a year or more. It’s just about been 6 months post most people being eligible to be fully vaccinated. I don’t think you can say that yet.
Anonymous
In what world is long COVID = symptoms for a year or more? Long COVID is symptoms that persist for weeks or months after the initial “recovery.”
Anon
This is false. It’s symptoms that persist for >2 months per WHO (https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/WHO-2019-nCoV-Post_COVID-19_condition-Clinical_case_definition-2021.1) and I have heard many people (including doctors) apply it to persistent symptoms that last less than 2 months.
Anon
Not OP but I think it’s weird that we’ve collectively decided we only care about death. With a 70 year old, yeah, keeping them alive is what matters. But with a kid who has their whole life in front of them why are we just accepting they’ll get this virus that is known to cause all kinds of organ damage?
AIMS
Because statistically it is likely to become something that many, many of us will get in some form, and if we are vaccinated it will probably not cause all kinds of organ damage, and the alternative of avoiding all life until we feel safe poses all sorts of potential harms, too, especially to young people/kids.
Anonymous
Having kids mask in school and getting booster shots is not “avoiding all life.”
Anon
It’s not clear that the vaccine prevents organ damage. It certainly can’t hurt and I agree getting a breakthrough infection is preferable to getting infected before you’re vaccinated, but we just don’t have the data to support that statement. If we all get Covid it’s because we’ve given up on preventing infection because apparently death is the only metric that matters. Boosting the entire population regularly (which is not crazy – we do it for flu) would mean infection is not inevitable. The booster restores 95% efficacy against infection.
AIMS
Anonymous @10:36 – I didn’t say anything about masks.
My only point is some risks in life are just tolerated. We could save many lives and prevent lots of lesser injuries if we made everyone drive a max of 15 miles an hour but we don’t. We could avoid the thousands of flu deaths every year if we just avoided all crowds and social functions every fall/winter but we don’t. Life is a series of risk calculations/trade offs. I would imagine that the reason teens haven’t been approved for boosters is because it is not deemed a high enough problem/priority given EVERYTHING else that needs to be addressed. I get that it’s frustrating for parents of teens! I have a 3 year old that can’t be vaccinated at all. I wish I could just stop worrying about him, too. But I also understand why he isn’t a top priority in the grand scheme of things right now.
Anon
We can’t avoid every risk, that’s correct. But there is a very easy way to mitigate this risk. Annual shots are not weird! We have them for flu. There is abundant vaccine supply in the US. I agree children under 5 should be a higher priority, but it’s not a trade off (the vials of vaccine aren’t even the same so a teen getting boosted does not take a dose away from a child under 12).
Anonymous
AIMS, the OP says there will be no masks in school and you are telling her just to accept the risk. That seems unreasonable.
Anon
I actually don’t think that kids with two vaccine doses who get a breakthrough Covid infection are likely to have organ damage. Do you have statistics on that?
Anonymous
No she doesn’t because it doesn’t exist because it is not a thing. Contrary to the anxious ladies on here the vaccine trials actually did study long Covid as a serious case.
Anon
It hasn’t been studied enough to know for sure one way or the other. But it is clear that even very mild cases of Covid can cause damage to a variety of different organs (studies on this have been mostly in adults but some in kids, e.g., vascular damage to the pancreas leading to increased rates of T1 diabetes) so it’s a reasonable theory that it’s still happening with breakthrough cases.
Anon
Anon at 10:46, that’s not correct. The definition of a serious case in the trials was hospitalization. There are some early studies (separate from the trials) that suggest “long Covid” is less likely with a breakthrough case. That is encouraging, although they were small studies and are by no means conclusive. Also as far as I know, they were all in the pre-Delta era, although it’s not clear long Covid is a greater risk with Delta. It’s worth noting that long Covid and organ damage aren’t synonymous – there may be some overlap but you can definitely have one without the other. The thing that worries me most are the very large, high-quality studies about loss of grey matter in the brain after even mild and asymptomatic cases, but the effects of that damage likely won’t have physical symptoms for years or decades.
We have a very safe and effective vaccine and getting a third dose reduces the odds of infection by something north of 95%. If believing that kids should have access to that booster to dramatically reduce their risk of catching this horrible virus makes me anxious, than so be it. I have a PhD in science and work with a lot of brilliant people who have a lot more information about this virus than the average member of the general public. The smartest, most informed people I know are the *most* scared about the long term effects of this virus. I say this with no hint of sarcasm: I am honestly jealous of everyone who is naive enough to think that Covid is no big deal as long as you don’t need to go to the hospital. And I think, like most parents, I worry about chronic illness and future complications in my kids far more than I worry about them in myself.
Anon.
Anon @10:46am, you are unfortunately not correct.
I recommend reading this timely newsletter regarding long Covid and vaccinations.
https://yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/p/how-vaccines-reduce-long-covid
There are a lot of unknowns, still, and for my 5-yr old who just got his first dose of Pfizer, I’d rather err on the side of caution and do everything to void kid/us getting Covid!
Anon.
Anon @11:18am, I couldn’t agree more with you regarding your last couple of sentences.
As a researcher who’s worked on SARS-CoV1 many years ago, and also has training in epidemiology and RNA drug delivery, I have a unique perspective that unfortunately few people share. I’m so tired of explaining why our family’s precautions are so “extreme”.
Anon
As someone approaching 70, I find your assertion that the only thing that matters for a 70 year old person is keeping them alive. You have a very limited and ageist view if life for people my age. Do better.
Anon
Quality of life matters more the more years you’re expected to live. I think we should care about quality of life in everyone and in general I reject the notion that life vs death is the only thing that matters. But many people believe Covid is no big deal as long as you don’t die. I think that argument wrong in general, but even more abhorrent as it pertains to children with a statistical life expectancy of 70+ years than 70 year olds with a statistical life expectancy of <10 years, as I think most people would.
NYCer
+1.
Anon
+2 to this big time. I don’t think lamb to slaughter is an accurate metaphor here given the relatively low risk for otherwise healthy young people.
Anonymous
Right? “Lamb to slaughter” sending your vaxed kid to school without masks (that no one wears properly anyways) when you can still have your kid wear a mask. Honestly, this is the most insane post I’ve ever read.
I dont konw whether to laugh or cry that someone could be so divorced from science and reality that they could call a vaxxed teen going to school “lamb to slaughter”
Anonymous
Okay.
Anon
Just lie and get your kid a booster. Whatever.
Anonymous
Just lie and get your kid a booster. Whatever.
Anonymous
I would like to see how many working moms who haven’t gotten fed up by all the stop-start of their ability to plan / leave the house aren’t completely unhinged by spring break. I think we’re in for a whopper of a winter and I’m so burned out and stabby already.
Anon
As a working mom I’d love to have a fully vaccinated high schooler. I can’t wait for my kid to get the shot.
AnonMPH
The reason boosters have not been approved for the general population, but only those for an extremely wide range of pre-existing conditions/circumstances, is really about the risk/benefit analysis especially at younger ages. For young people, even over the age of 18, their covid risks after 2 doses of a vaccine are extremely low, even to contract covid, let alone to be seriously ill. The population most at risk for myocarditis after mRNA are teen and young adult men/boys. While the risk is low, I think it is an actual real conversation about which risk is lower- serious covid risk or the very rare but serious myocarditis risk. Most young men who experienced myocarditis after vaccination recovered fine. Most young men who experience a breakthrough covid case are asymptomatic, or very mildly symptomatic, and also recover fine.
For this population I would strongly encourage you to be in touch with your pediatrician, watch for updates on the data, and I would not necessarily rush out to get the kids boosted before this is approved. Unvaccinated kids were already very resilient to covid and double vaccinated kids are still very strongly protected. Even in January. Even without masks in school. It’s not ideal, but we absolutely do not want a higher number of adverse events from vaccinations than is necessary.
Anon
This is nonsense and you should have your MPH revoked. Even in teen boys, the myocarditis risk from infection is MANY times higher (last study I saw was 6x) than the myocarditis risk from the vaccine. And any doctor will tell you that not all myocarditis is created equal. Myocarditis induced by a vaccine tends to be significantly milder and resolve faster than myocarditis caused by a virus, including Covid. And this is just comparing the myocarditis risks and not factoring in all the other risks from a Covid infection that don’t exist for the vaccine, including a small but non-zero risk of pneumonia that requires a ventilator.
AnonMPH
Of course the myocarditis risk from infection is higher. And of course there are of course many other risks from covid. But it is true that this is one of the key pieces that the FDA advisory group was weighing during their decision process- how much benefit is there really to most people, given that the non-boosted vaccines are still providing very strong protection from severe illness. And what are the potential risks from getting a booster, and to whom.
Most double vaxxed kids will not get infected at all, and the likelihood that they will have a symptomatic, let alone severe infection when they do is extremely small. This is why the approval process for vaccines is so much more complex than the approval process for treatments. Just because we are all extremely pro vaccine and extremely motivated to escape the pandemic doesn’t mean that the burden of proof to decide to inject healthy people with a substance isn’t very high. All the kids should get double vaxxed. We do not have good evidence yet that all the kids should get boosted, and it is not reasonable to be so extremely concerned about kids not having had their boosters yet.
Anonymous
The big, big, big point is that kids are spready, particularly teens. People are no putting off hooking up b/c of the pandemic. Especially the ones full of hormones and free time. And kids live with adults who also have older adult relatives. Are we not stopping the spread anymore? It seems like we’ve forgotten who our good spreaders are (and yet they live with grownups who can make them get a booster vs people who are 18+ who are on their own).
Anon
“Most double vaxxed kids will not get infected at all” is simply not true. Immunity wanes significantly after six months and the virus is not going anywhere. Most vaccinated people who don’t get boosters will eventually get Covid. Mild cases, to be sure, but with kids the issue was never really death anyway. Boosters restore protection against infection to 95%. If you don’t want your kids getting the virus, and there are good reasons to want to avoid even a breakthrough case, the booster absolutely has value.
I’m aware the FDA and CDC they care more about mortality and whether hospitals are overrun, but as a parent my job is to protect my kid. The evidence is clear that the vaccine is far safer than the virus and boosters reduce the odds of infection substantially even in a double vaxxed person, so I will be getting my kids boosters every six months until we have evidence that immunity against infection lasts longer than that.
Anonymous
A vaccinated kid (12) in our scout group got a breakthrough case (likely from an unvaxed kid or 11YO kid in her grade). She got done quarantining but her family was merely exposed, so they came off quarantine after she was ready to go back to school. We weren’t sure how far back in time to go to determine exposure, but none of the other kids developed symptoms (many are 5 months out from getting vaccinated, but some kids in a younger grade only just turned 12, so they may only have had one shot, same with one 11Y0 kid). Every week is like this now. Can’t imagine how much I will just buy lottery tickets in January b/c I’m sure we’ll be stuck quarantining one kid at a time.
Anonymous
Are they even studying boosters in teens?
And your risk-benefit calculation is nuts. The risk of myocarditis from vaccination is infinitesimal. I’d like to compare that with the risk of myocarditis from a breakthrough COVID infection for kids 6+ months out from vaccination who are crammed into an unventilated classroom with a bunch of unvaccinated, unmasked kids.
Anon
No they’re not studying boosters in teens or kids and I doubt they ever will because as a society we’ve decided the only thing that matters is people not being dead and double vaxxed teens and kids don’t die. I would just get the booster once it’s been six months (or even slightly earlier if you’re traveling or socializing for holidays). The risk of the vaccine are microscopic and the risks from the virus are non-trivial, even in a teen.
Anonymous
Nope — try, as a society, if something is disruptive to families and working moms, we DGAF and they can just deal. Maybe they should think: if we keep kids safe, it keeps grandma safe. Someone gave Collin Powell COVID — we should have stopped that from happening and apparently we don’t care about the next Collin Power (or other vulnerable person) either.
Anonymous
But you can’t get a teenager a booster because they are not being studied and will never be authorized. The people who say “just lie to get what you want” clearly don’t understand the logistics.
Anon
It is actually really not hard to lie and get a shot when you’re not officially eligible. I know many people who got kids vaccinated before they were age eligible, and many elderly and high risk folks who went out of state for “first dose” boosters before the FDA authorized boosters. A prominent virologist I follow on Twitter even talked about it doing the latter. If it’s a crime, it’s not one anyone is being prosecuted for, or there wouldn’t be so many people publicly admitting they did it. I don’t know of anyone who tried to do this and didn’t succeed.
Anon
Please look up the actual statistics for low-risk teenagers. They are more likely to die in the car to/from school.
Anonymous
It’s not about dying. It’s about long COVID and the disruptions from missing school.
Anonymous
Couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’t wish CFS (associated with long COVID) on my worst enemy. It is damn well worth it to wear masks in grocery stores to lower that risk.
Anon
Death. Is. Not. The. Only. Thing. That. Matters.
Anon
She literally said “lambs to slaughter,” which would imply that her main focus is death. Thanks for playing!
Anon
Hi it’s a metaphor.
Anon
My 16 year old’s school doesn’t offer any remote learning anymore. I would love to get her a booster to minimize the chances that she has to miss 10 days of school due to a breakthrough infection, even if the symptoms are mild. She’s taking very demanding classes and I can’t imagine how she could make up for all of that lost learning.
Anonymous
Same. My kids can read at home but for math it is really not just disruptive to learning, it has stopped it in its tracks. Can’t wait until they drop off the dead frog to dissect. Sure we will be on quarantine for that, too.
Anonymous
Yup. And our school district automatically fails kids for missing 10 days, excused or not.
Anon
Do we know that boosters are necessary when the first two shots are properly spaced? I thought the data coming from Israel and the UK suggested that leaving enough time (months) between the first two shots had conferred the kind of protection in the UK that Israel was only able to achieve with a third shot, because the first two shots administered in Israel were too close together.
Anonymous
Any kid in the US who was immunized under age 18 was supposed to have the doses 3 weeks apart.
Anon
Actually that’s not true. 3 weeks was the minimum but there was no reason you couldn’t space them longer and I know several doctor/scientists parents who did. If I were vaccinating a kid now I’d want the second dose in them ASAP because of Delta’s immune evasion and the current surge. But most 12-15s got vaccinated in May and June pre-Delta and the risks of waiting for the second dose were much lower back then.
Anon
If it’s probably correct that that is a less effective dosing schedule, I see delaying the second shot as an option possibly preferable to crossing state lines or lying to get a third shot.
Anon
But this doesn’t help a teen who already got their second shot. It’s also not correct.
Anon
I thought every time the dosing schedules have been actually compared, the longer interval has worked better.
Anon
You’re correct that there’s some evidence longer spacing is better. You’re not correct that boosters are unnecessary with longer spacing. Also one shot is essentially worthless against Delta, so the risks of delaying the second dose (especially now) are significant. I did consider a longer spacing for my 5 year old because I believe it’s better, but the risks of leaving her essentially unprotected for many weeks were too high that I ultimately decided against it.
Anonymous
The US is an anomaly in this regard. It’s interesting. I was looking up entrance requirements to Italy (planning a trip now that my little one is vaxxed!) and they say that to be considered fully vaccinated your two vaccine doses must be at least 28 days apart. Perhaps it’s not enforced, but there are a whole lot of fully vaccinated Americans who got Pfizer who don’t technically meet the requirements to enter Italy without quarantine. We’re a Moderna family (even the kid, who was in a Moderna trial) so it doesn’t affect us, but it made me wonder because a LOT of people in the US got Pfizer 21 days apart.
Anon
Yes, boosters are necessary regardless of the spacing between shots, although I agree that 3 weeks likely isn’t the ideal spacing. The UK is starting to see a lot more waning immunity now. Their wave was later because they gave second doses later but it hit them all the same. It’s possible they’re seeing less waning of immunity against severe disease than the US and Israel did, I haven’t really dug into that data, but the immunity against infection is not durable regardless of how you space the doses.
Anon
Thanks, this is helpful.
Ellen
I think that your kids can just get boosters in DC or some other place where Biden has more pull. I just got a Fiizer booster b/c I live in NYC and both of my parents got their boosters (over 65), and I did not want to be the one to carry disease home to them or my Grandmas, who are also vaccinated with booster’s.
Mabye Kat can do a chart of people in the hive who have had boosters so that we can all see who got which one.
Nora
I started about a few months ago at a company that is basically your choice whether you want to be in the office or remote right now. It really is 100% either way is fine, no one cares.
I can’t figure out exactly what my hours are supposed to be. I’ve been coming into the office a few days a week at 9:30am, and today a coworker made a crack about how he came in at 8am. He’s in a different vertical and a bit more junior than me, but I knew he’s probably working 8:30am – 7pm while I’m doing really 9:30am – 5:30/6pm. My boss is very happy with what I’ve done so far, and has told me so. I’ve seen other coworkers leave at 5:30 with a “going to the gym can be online later” which is basically what I do although I rarely go back online.
I know the obvious answer is “ask your boss”. I’ve asked him about start times and 9/9:30am seems fine, no one is on before then for sure. I don’t want to ask about “end times” because he might say something later for no particular reason.
This is not a job that requires coverage, and other than meetings which are usually between 9:30am – 5pm my work is pretty independent. It’s the type of work that doesn’t really end – there are semi-regular deadlines, but its otherwise very self directed and there is always something that could be done. The reason I’ve been leaving at 5:30pm is that I’m generally mentally tired by that point, so I figure why waste everyones time. (I’ve worked longer hours before, I know that can be necessary, but I also like being realistic about focus and brainpower)
Flats Only
Don’t open a can of worms just because some random dude on another team mentioned he starts earlier. Be reliable, responsive within predictable hours (whatever those may be), keep alert to what your boss and direct co-workers are doing, and you’ll be all set.
Anon
If you don’t need to work overtime or late into the night why would you?
Cat
you sound fine, in a world where people are drifting in and out of offices and half WFH, how does Junior even know you didn’t have an 8:00 you took from home before coming in?
Unless people are routinely looking for you and unable to get you at that time, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Nora
Exactly, he doesn’t know about things like that. The office is just a place where people happen to work sometimes, like studying in the library in college or something.
Anon
I have never worried about the little gadflys that like to make cracks about the time they work and the hours they and others keep. No one cares. Do your job well and that’s all that matters. No need to ask your boss a thing.
Anon
This is the way. I got so much happier when I stopped paying attention to the people who always talk about how slammed they are and how they got to work so early and then worked so late and skipped lunch, etc. Because I noticed those were the people who were rarely able to execute, and despite working all those hours, they were mostly delivering excuses for why something wasn’t done by deadline vs. producing actual results. One woman I can think of, in particular, spent a ton of time at work developing elaborate tracking spreadsheets and file systems for even simple projects, and then would miss the deadline for delivering the project because she was spending so much time tracking and organizing everything. And then complained about her poor performance rating and low raise because “look how much I’m working!” It’s about working smart, not working long hours. If I’m delivering and moving things forward and my boss is happy, I don’t worry about the perception of my “face time” or working more than someone else. If there’s a problem, someone will let me know. Otherwise I’m going to do what I need to do to get the work done, and not worry about matching someone else’s hours.
anon
I would keep doing what you’re doing and say nothing if your boss is happy. I’ve never had a concrete end and start time since leaving hourly work. Obviously, be available during general business hours but if you’re salaried and getting your work done and your boss doesn’t care, don’t try to fix what ain’t broke.
anon
It sounds like your coworker is working longer hours than the norm or what’s expected at your company. It may be that he has different expectations based on his role or his manager, but he’s probably just inefficient. Unless you hear otherwise, focus on doing good work within hours that don’t cause burnout for you, and be available for meetings or calls between 9 and 5:30.
I worked at a job where long hours were expected. I felt like I needed an excuse to leave at 5:30, even when I’d arrived at 7:30. At my current job, my first boss/mentor coached me to be more efficient during the day and fit my work into 9-5:30 whenever possible. I get more done, and people are happier with the quality of my work.
Nora
He started before me so when I joined and saw him working those long hours I was alarmed, but its just probably not relevant to me.
Anon
You are overthinking this.
A
His job is different, he’s at a different level, he might even be less efficient or have f2f things to do. Who cares? Just do what you’re doing. Boss happy, you’re happy.
AIMS
I wouldn’t worry about this if you’re getting your work done and have gotten good feedback. Depends on the job, of course, but the way I see it is if you are a salaried employee (vs hourly) it’s on you to manage your workload. Some people work faster and some work slower, I just make a point of being available if/when I’m actually needed.
Anon
I think most jobs are choose your own hour type jobs. As far as workday, why stay late if there’s no need? I’ve definitely run into people that do that but those people seem like suckers – nobody actually cares if they work all night or not. There is literally no benefit to it at my office.
Nora
This is why I don’t want to ask my boss. I don’t need to be super responsive after 5:30pm or so so there is no reason to sit on my laptop after that.
Anon
Can you put your work email on your phone and just glance at it once in a while? No need to sit in front of your laptop waiting for an email that may or may not show up.
Also, you’re new. It’s always a bit slow when you first start somewhere. The work will come eventually, as the tendency is to add responsibilities without taking anything away.
Nora
Yeah I have Slack on my phone so if something came up I would know.
Anon
Not one person suggested asking your boss, you made that point as the answer but everyone is telling you not to.
Anon
Ok “most jobs” is a little out of touch with the fact that the majority of lower income workers punch a clock to a rigid schedule. I hope you mean something like “most elite jobs.”
Anon
Seriously. But it’s not true even for salaried jobs. I haven’t been in an hourly, retail-like job in over a decade and I’ve never been able to completely set my own hours.
Anon
I’ve worked a long time in corporate America and I can tell you for sure the people who brag / complain about the hours they’re putting in are the same people that get little to no work done during the day. That’s why they have to stay late. As a manager, I’d much prefer an 8 hour a day employee who just gets it done.
In other words, ignore that d0uchebag.
PolyD
Right? Plus people who police other people’s comings and goings, when they are not the boss of other people, are just obnoxious.
I had a friend who once started going on and on about when some of her colleagues came into the office and left, and I was like, I have absolutely no idea when my colleagues come in or leave and I really don’t care. Unless I need them for something, why should I care which hours they are in the office? They may be working from home and then coming in late and staying later or whatever (this was pre-pandemic). Most of us office drones are paid for the work we produce, not how many hours we are in the office!
I’m very lucky to have lots of flexibility in this regard, even before the pandemic. One good thing coming out of all this is if more workplaces recognize that being flexible about time in the office is a good thing.
anon
My employer pays for our parking in the parking garage attached to our space. I’m senior enough that I’m eligible for and have been offered a reserved parking space. I turn it down because people, including partners, are obsessed with who’s in the office and at what hours, based on whether their cars are here. You’re welcome to walk by my office and see if my light is on, but I have no interest in having people who won’t bother to do that much checking to see whether I’m here, or talking to anyone else about it.
Ellen
I say to heck with others. Do what works for you. Personally, I am back in the office and many others are too. A few who don’t want to come in are working from home, and doing little in my opinion. My new associate is very good, and b/c she is young, she is in the office, and is very impressive, b/c she knows how to use Microsoft Office. The manageing partner has her doing some power points for the Bar Association, and I gave her the ones I did last year for her to update. She has a boyfreind, which is good, so she is not interested in any of the men I see in the hallways, and I think she will work out alot better than the schlubs I’ve had in the past. Lynn wanted a man associate, but she is still hooking up with the last schlub, who is now out of the law entirely since he never passed the bar. FOOEY!
Vicky Austin
This dress is beautiful and right up my style street, but I feel like Ann Taylor’s quality has fallen off a cliff lately.
Anonymous
Agree!!!! I am a regular AT shopper and have been disappointed.
Nina
I was a regular AT shopper the last time I wore formal work clothes in 2016, but haven’t seen stuff I like now. BR Factory has become my go to
Anonymous
I don’t think that I can have nice things, and by “things” I mean “walls in my house.” My spouse, dog, and kids are just rough on walls. Smudges, nicks, etc. They looked nice when the painters came through. Now, sorry and sad. Will wallpaper in high-traffic areas make things better? Or just set us up for nicked and smudged wallpaper? Paint? High-gloss so they can’t slime it (but they can and do chip paint on corners)? Those metal wall liners they have on the loading deck at work???
Also, I have a closet that is large enough that it is my closet / office. They scuff that up, too (it is where kid electronics live after curfew to charge), even the spouse (grabbing my footstool and richocheting around). I’d like at least my space to look nice. Wall covering ideas for that? Paint still? Old-school contact paper (kidding!)? What is good and durable and doesn’t look too industrial?
Maybe this is why at Graceland there is carpet going up the walls. Maybe that?
anon
I am your spouse and kid – I’m hard on everything I own. I have broken two credit cards! I don’t try to be rough on things, but I”m naturally a bull in a china shop, so yes my walls are also nicked! I dont have a solution, just that I feel you
Anon 2.0
Same. I am rough on pretty much everything and get hurt during the most mundane things. As a kid there was a joke I’d break something or get hurt in a room full of nothing but pillows.
It’s just my nature even though I genuinely try to be careful.
Anon
Magic erasers (gently) and “high traffic”/”scrubbable” paint.
pugsnbourbon
+1 to scrubbable paint and lowered expectations.
Notinstafamous
yes hi there I’m your spouse. I’m sorry about the wall. And the chip on the footstool. And the mug I dropped with coffee in it all over your notebooks and it shattered everywhere. I have done all the things (including seeing a specialist, there’s an actual medical reason I’m like this) and the the only answer we have found is that your space should be yours and no one else is allowed in. No charging of other people’s electronics. No getting furniture out. No clearing up. This is your space and it is your temple and there is no sharing. Ideally put in noise cancelling baffles.
For everything else… no idea but please let me know once you solve it.
anon
Related-ish question:
Are you supposed to wash walls/doors/stairs (the vertical part of a stair, not the horizontal)? I mean, obvious spill or backsplash stuff, sure. How do you do this? I’ve used various products on doors near the handle that look grubby but then they feel sticky? IDK. I never saw my parents do this and I’m at a loss.
Anonymous
I use Murphy’s Oil Soap.
Anonymous
Clarification: I use Murphy’s on woodwork and doors. On walls I use a very weak solution of Mr. Clean.
anne-on
Yes, maybe it was just my family (or a holdover from coal heat) but I was taught how to wash the walls once a year for a spring cleaning (again, I think this was to wash off the coal dust). You used a mixture of amonia and hot water with a tiny bit of soap suds, and use old cloths. Start from the top down, and then end by scrubbing the floors (hands and knees method with spic and span) to wash the dust out. If you’re going really traditional, that is also when you’d wash the drapes/shades/blinds (soaking blinds in the tub, washing drapes or vacuuming if they are fancy).
Anon at 11:20
SOAKING BLINDS!? My mind just exploded. I never knew you could do this.
Anon 2.0
Caveat – my grandma always soaked blinds but they were the old 1980s beige plastic kind. I wouldn’t go soaking your blinds until you know what they’re made of.
Anon
Old days and metal blinds are what I recall washing. It would not work with what is now in my house.
Anonymous
Magic erasers are really good for grubby trim, light switches, and doors
Anonymous
Not walls — eventually they scuff the drywall to the point where you notice.
Anon at 11:20
For some reason, those have left a stickiness? Am I doing it too hard?
Anonymous
I would ban everyone else from your closet office and institute a “no touching the walls” house rule. I don’t know what to do about the dog. I literally have to use my body to block my dog from rubbing against the wall when she goes out the back door, and I can’t convince any other member of the family to do that.
London (formerly NY) CPA
If you have more classic style, painted decorative wood paneling in semi-gloss or high-gloss paint is highly scrubbable. Could do full wall or just half-wall with paint or a sturdy wipable wall paper.
On average though, I find wallpaper stays nice-looking for longer than standard flat/eggshell paint. It’s just a pain to replace (even though you need to do it less often than repainting).
London (formerly NY) CPA
See for example:
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/5e/c5/d0/5ec5d038232ca3380bd7f56174352420.jpg
or
https://www.thespruce.com/thmb/i0qmbrjJFl1xQKxp0Mci9yip8t4=/3867×2175/smart/filters:no_upscale%28%29/Steven-Miric-56a5ae825f9b58b7d0ddfb08.jpg
or
https://cdn.apartmenttherapy.info/image/upload/f_jpg,q_auto:eco,c_fill,g_auto,w_1500,ar_1:1/project%20prism%2Fcolor%20search%20archive%2F452f428233ab1a7b46bcc2ba35d81e51bcae1a07
Senior Attorney
For the chipped corners, this is a big job but… friends of mine just remodeled their house and rounded the corners of all the walls. So if it really bugs you, bring in the drywall guy and have at it!
Elegant Giraffe
that’s genius.
Anon
I have an old cat and his coat gets kind of greasy sometimes. I just noticed many of the outer corners and doorways in my house now have a film of what I can only conclude is his body oil right at his height, where he rubs against it as he walks past. Did I feel like the grossest person in the world when I discovered this? Yes, I did.
Anyway, yes to scrubbable paint.
Seafinch
I could have written this. It absolutely kills me. I have no advice. Just commiseration.
Anonymous
I’m sorry but this is ridiculous. I understand that lockdown made us all a little nuts but please realize that that’s what this is. If you want a spotless home then don’t get married have kids or adopt an animal. Live a solo life like many women on this board are unwillingly experiencing because the dating scene is awful, or because of infertility issues, or any number of factors. I encourage you to look at every scuff as evidence of love and joy and fullness that exists in your life.
Nudibranch
You know, I agree with this. Blessings in disguise.
And if that refocus doesn’t work, pay the housecleaners to scrub down your walls.
Anonymous
Wallpaper: vinyl
Painting: there are special, easy to clean painting ranges. If you can’t get those, you want hard, high-gloss, not soft matte things.
Painted wood will be more resistant than painted plaster.
Elegant Giraffe
Morning! My sister has asked for a tennis bag for Xmas, big enough to hold her racket. Anyone have a recommendation? I don’t play.
Anonymous
My tennis-playing husband likes the selection at tennis-point dot com and Holabird Sports. I would not go to a general sporting goods store like Dick’s–the tennis merchandise they carry there is usually very low-end.
Elegant Giraffe
thank you! the first website has some good options. I’ll snag something from there.
Anonymous
Get one that holds at least two rackets. Even if she currently has just one racket, if she continues to play and gets more serious she’ll likely want to have two on hand in case she breaks a string.
Elegant Giraffe
helpful, thank you
Anonymous
Get thee to a pro shop! Tory Sport if you are very spendy. Or for inspiration if you are not.
Elegant Giraffe
ooooh pretty
ArenKay
I think the designer bags are more for the country club crowd, so if she’s going to be playing on city/public courts, one of the bags that the big racket makers produce is just fine. You want a bag with extra pouches for all the other tennis stuff (balls, sweatbands, keys). I personally prefer the backpack style.
Poster who wanted to quit
Thanks to everyone who chipped in with sabbatical advice yesterday when I asked about quitting. That was indeed what I was planning post bonus, but didn’t want to pre empt people.
Thanks also to those who raised a red flag in case of divorce etc. totally valid but every single asset we have is in joint names apart from bank accounts. So that’s good also.
My dithering was mainly a case of Asian guilt I think. We’ve always been raised to work hard, be career women, and so forth and even after 25y, I feel like I’m letting down the sisterhood, etc. We are comfortably in the 8 figures, but I still feel terrible about potentially not working or even ramping down. I’ve literally never not had a job since I was 22, and I appreciate how lucky we’ve been. It’s all in my mind.
Thanks for listening. And for the advice.
Anon
Definitely do it. I mean the point of all that work was to get yourself to this place, right? Not some infinite Elon Musk level wealth… so it’s ok to re-focus on other aspects of life!
Curious
Thanks for coming back and checking in! Good luck in your transition.
Anon
So I am not Asian but I do get the “letting down the sisterhood” thing. I am from multiple generations of working women and I was raised to achieve and taught that my success was important (as an example for my future kids, to help younger women see they could be successful, etc.).
Then I realized that success was exactly what I had, which was the freedom to leave a situation that no longer made me happy and wasn’t financially necessary.
Anokha
This is beautiful. Honestly, I feel a lot of the “letting down the sisterhood” — and will also add that I had a realization that I realized that I was buying into capitalist feminism.
Anan
I want to say I really hear you on the Asian guilt. I work in a very unstable low paying field and I used to feel like It was a disappointment to my parents given all their hard work to come to this country and send me to an Ivy League school. I’ve kind of gotten over that, but it definitely causes a gap between me and my cousins.
I want to say you would not be letting this Asian sister down in any way to take a sabbatical and really think through what you are chasing. If you want to chase anything. We spend so much time worried about *doing* the right thing, but I think it’s okay to think about the *being* you want too.
Anokha
+1. Also Asian, and FWIW, taking a sabbatical ESPECIALLY as an Asian woman would be something I would look up to.
Senior Attorney
Hell, if you’ve worked since you were 22 and amassed an 8-figure fortune, you are not letting down the sisterhood! You are living the dream!
yes
+1
You’ve won the game.
Enjoy.
Your parents are so proud of you too.
Vicky Austin
+2 – you rock and you have earned your break many times over!
Anon
Dude, I’m mid 7 figures and almost ready to quit forever (would be early retirement in my case). If I had 8, I wouldn’t think twice. Enjoy your life! If you hate it, you can always get another job, or better yet, volunteer and give back.
Evaluation OP
Thanks to all that have responded to my post a couple of weeks on my eval and whether I should raise my hand and asked for that promotion. Reporting back with an update, I did. The partner said she would talk to the practice leader but also mentioned there would be benefits to being a senior associate. For instance, people would be less competitive and more willing to share opportunities. It also gives me time to build up my brand.
That all made sense to me at the time but a gut check, is she trying to string me along?
Separately, I am extremely burnt out at the point and just don’t want to work like I did before. But the perfectionist part in me as well as the never ending emails is stressing me out. And no, I can’t take a vacation because I will either have to work all the time or just have a longer to do waiting for me. There is literally NO ONE that can cover for me.
Elegant Giraffe
I’m not in law, but yeah, it sounds like she is trying to string you along. Or at a minimum, she knows it’s unlikely you’ll get the promotion and she is trying to soften the inevitable blow.
Anon
She’s stringing you along. Keep standing up for yourself.
Anonymous
At my firm, you are better off as a senior associate than you are as a counsel. If your goal is partnership, then stay a senior associate for another year to make a run.
Anon
How do you know when you have a sinus infection that calls for antibiotics vs just a cold virus to wait out? I’ve never gone to the doctor for my occasional seasonal sinus grossness before because I always assumed it was a cold and antibiotics wouldn’t do anything. In a doctors visit where that came up once, but when I wasn’t sick, the doctor told me I didn’t need to suffer and I could get antibiotics for that kind of thing. Trying to decide now if it’s worth the hassle and expense of making a doctors appointment.
Anonymous
What color is the gunk and is it it chunky and are you hacking anything up?
Anon
As a sinus infection veteran it’s definitely noticeable if you have an infection vs just a cold.
Curious
Hello, fellow sinus sufferer here. I agree with you mostly. I had a sinus infection that caused a fever a while back, and that one responded well to antibiotics. Otherwise I just up the Neti pot and tea and cut out dairy and they eventually clear.
Anon
I have chronic sinus issues and they typically move down to my lungs and cause bad bronchitis. (I am having a procedure soon that should “cure” my sinus issues)
If you tap on your sinuses and they hurt, that’s a sinus infection and it may be time for antibiotics. In addition, if it’s been ongoing for a week, it’s likely a sinus infection. Pay attention to the symptoms you feel for cold v sinuses. You’ll have a better chance of catching it if you are paying attention. Unfortunately for me, most colds either are actually sinus infections or turn toward that. IDKY. It sucks. I’m at a point where I can just call Dr on Demand and point them to my history and they’ll send in a prescrip for antibiotics, steroids, and an inhaler. (like I said, it gets bad for me) They work fantastically for me. But it still sucks.
Anon
For me, (this is gross but) if it’s yellow, my body can handle it by itself. If it’s green, it’s an infection.
Anon
For me, (this is gross but) if it’s yellow, my body can handle it by itself. If it’s green, it’s an infection.
Anon
Are jumpsuits a good alternative to dresses for holiday parties? DH’s holiday party is in a few weeks and I was eyeing this jumpsuit from Eliza J. I’m a size 4, relatively slim but trying to lose some baby weight in my belly; would a jumpsuit even be flattering on me?
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-cowl-neck-sleeveless-jumpsuit-regular-petite/5573631?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=001
anon
This is gorgeous! It’s absolutely a good alternative for a holiday party. You won’t really know how flattering it will be until you try it on, though
Anonymous
+1 to all of this. So pretty! Try it on!
Anonymous
I love this and I think you’d need to try it on to see if the “baby weight” makes this unflattering. If you are carrying it in your belly, that waist looks pretty snatched, and it is hard to tell if that would be helpful or not in your case. Perhaps try a 6 as well and see, but I think it looks great. Consider a cute shrug or something for warmth.
London (formerly NY) CPA
I usually find that jumpsuits accentuate the lower belly on people, so if that’s something the OP is self-conscious about, a jumpsuit wouldn’t be my go-to option.
Cora
I think a looser jumpsuit would be very flattering – Banana Republic has some good ones.
For this one. I think its def holiday party approrpiate, but you would have to try it on
Anon
This is gorgeous! Yes you can substitute jumpsuit for a dress
Nora
I was just thinking about this boot question yesterday. I know that they’re not in style now, and I’ve been wearing a lot of ankle boots, but now its getting very cold. I was putting together one of my many skirt + tights + boots outfits and it just works better, both practically with the cold and in terms of how it looks.
Cat
I think booties are on the way out and knee-high on the way back FWIW… especially flat knee-high.
Nora
Oh perfect then, my knee highs are flat anyways! And I realize my post was unclear, I’d like to wear skirt + tights + knee high boots
Anon
To me that’s a classic look, and practical in rainy or snowy or just plain cold weather.
PolyD
Skirts + ankle booties may be out, but I can’t imagine that ankle booties + pants will be a problem. How would anyone know if you are wearing ankle boots if your hem goes past the top of the boot (especially now that pants are trending straight rather than skinny), vs. if you try to cram a knee-high boot under pants?
anon
I really think anything goes, as far as boot height goes. It’s all about how they’re styled. What you’re describing sounds perfectly fine! I know LOFT isn’t the height of fashion, but just yesterday I was looking at the styling section and it showed outfits with several types of boots and boot heights.
Anon
I’m wearing a pair of ankle boots for rainy weather but other than that they’re not getting a lot of use. I think oxfords or knee high boots and nothing in between. And don’t tuck your skinnies into knee high boots.
No Face
Short boots are for fall or under pants for me. I need the leather for warmth on my legs when the real winter leather hits.
Telco Lady JD
Not to start another “to gift or not to gift” discussion…. But, for those who celebrate, what are people asking for for Christmas? My MIL is a die-hard Christmas list person…. And, as a new/working mom…the things I need (a full time cook, housekeeper, and personal trainer) are not services she can provide nor “gifts” as she sees them. Also…we’re grown up adults with good jobs. And when we need/want things….we just…buy them.
So….any suggestions for things I can ask for that will be useful and fun? The only thing I can come up with are some good ear bud headphones, as I stepped on mine last week and broke them.
Anonymous
You are on the right track with stuff that needs replacing or upgrading. Earbuds, fancy skin care items that you will eventually run out of, fancy coffee, Darn Tough socks, nice PJs or robe to replace ratty ones…
Anon
I’ve dropped hints that I want a radio for the kitchen so that I can listen to NPR with one push of a button in the morning and evening, rather than futzing with bluetooth speaker and phone, etc. I suppose some sort of smart speaker would accomplish the same but I strongly dislike those.
Anon
If you tend to buy yourself things you need rather than want, how about asking for some little luxuries like fancy skincare, a good candle, cashmere scarf, etc.
Anon
Usual consumables: wine, whiskey (I’m a bit of a bourbon snob), items from Lush, candles, chocolate
Not consumables: books (not into Kindle), c0cktail smoker, fancy sunglasses, upgrades on stemware and bar items
As someone who just buys herself whatever she wants, I usually stop buying myself “stuff” in August or September, and everything that I would buy myself gets thrown onto a Christmas list.
anon
I asked for an Ember mug so I can stop reheating my coffee all morning!
anon
I like to ask for things I want to upgrade/replace or the occasionally frivolous thing that I don’t want to buy myself (aka the duck trinket tray from West Elm – so weird but brings me a lot of joy)
Things I’m asking for this year: nicer joggers (current Old Navy ones have a hole), a new black crossbody bag because mine is ratty, more stasher bags. I also like to ask for consumables so more nail polish for at home gel manicures.
Looking at what you’d actually like:
Cook: Would she purchase a subscription to a service like blue apron? Or a kitchen appliance that will make your life easier (air fryer, new coffee maker, sous vide cookie, etc)? A good no-spill or travel mug (I like Yeti because they can go in the dishwasher).
Cleaning: What about a Roomba?
Personal Trainer: Exercise equipment for at home workouts? Classpass or local studio pass? Membership to Peloton app or Obe?
pugsnbourbon
I have the duck trinket tray! My wife bought it for me on a whim. It’s perfect.
anon
I LOVE it! I asked for it last year for Christmas, didn’t get it, so bought it for myself. I have no idea why but it brings me so much joy!
pugsnbourbon
I’m asking for consumable hobby supplies (ink and paper), wool-blend socks, fancy lip balm (based on recs from here) and some earrings I saw at a museum store.
anne-on
Can you put her in charge of replacing something luxurious but consumable? Like, ask her to buy you a bottle of your favorite perfume, or eye cream, or (this is going to sound silly, but it brings me such joy) the fancy Laundress scented detergent? Otherwise I’ve been enjoying the Sydney Hale candles, wool socks, nice thermal base layers (my husband buys me the Patagonia ones for Christmas because I can never pull the trigger on them due to cost but love them so much), etc.
Coach Laura
On my list would be really good luggage (Tumi, Delsey, Hartmann). Perhaps a Vitamix, Espresso Machine, food processor upgrades. New kitchen knives. Upgraded earplugs would be good – noise cancelling and/or over the ear – you could have different pairs for different uses (work, play, travel/airplane). Garden bench with cushions for the back patio.
Senior Attorney
I got all new cookware last Christmas and it was a game changer. I have loved it every. single. day.
Pompom
We are like you, and we live half the country away from our families of origin and shared hometown.
This year, we asked for a “gift pack” type assortment of a food local to our hometown, and practically impossible to get where we live. Did I feel the need to sort of prep my mom that yes, I did ask for 12 lbs of assorted sausages? Yes. Yes I did. But I think it’ll make us all happy!
anon
My mom is also a big Christmas list person also, and she likes to buy at least one thing personally for me, in addition to stuff for me and my husband, like kitchen items. This year, I asked for replacement slippers. Recent years’ gifts have included a travel coffee mug, coffee and tea, a wireless speaker, and candles.
Notinstafamous
Paging Senior Attorney: BLUING. How did I not know?? I thank you. My sheets thank you. My septic thanks you. Game changer.
Senior Attorney
Oh, wow! I remember that from back in the day! Okay, I will check that out.
Anon
That’s in Jolie Kerr’s book as well. An all around good one to have around for those weird questions. Changed my laundry game 100%.
Anonymous
Recommendations for SAD lamps that you found actually worked? I had a cheap one a few years ago but ended up giving it away because I didn’t feel a difference from it. Now I’m getting my butt absolutely kicked by seasonal depression and could use all the help I can get!
Anon
You need one that outputs 10,000 lux at 16-24″.
Hollis
I have and like this one, with the caveat that my SAD was never that bad so I can’t really say that it worked, but it works great as a desk lamp also: https://www.amazon.com/Carex-Day-Light-Bright-Light-Therapy/dp/B002WTCHLC/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=day+light+sad+light&qid=1637169164&qsid=140-9165982-7679233&rdc=1&sr=8-6&sres=B00PCN4UVU%2CB002WTCHLC%2CB01IAEV13W%2CB00K08ZDBI%2CB07FYK5MNG%2CB08HV89TVQ%2CB01IU9MMPI%2CB07TBCFL6B%2CB09F8YM7FT%2CB08KSDZHMG%2CB09F8TSRNP%2CB08M917RHB%2CB079YBGPM5%2CB099ND7XKC%2CB09DP3HK1H%2CB00F6WRMV2%2CB08RYMPLQT%2CB08BCLLYN5%2CB07KX8L2GT%2CB075TSR3X2.
No Face
Added to cart. Thanks!
Anon
I was given the spendy Sunrise Sensations one as a gift, and I love it.
Anon
Look up how to use them effectively, too. They should be above you and you should use them for a short period in the morning.
Anon
I’ve had a cheap one from Verilux (from Amz) for years and it’s a lifesaver for me. I have regular depression and have struggled for years to find the right meds, and it’s a great thing to have to “stand in the gap” for me when my meds are off. I have it on my desk right in line with my monitor so I’m looking in its direction for the first hour-ish of the day. It’ll make you agitated if you have it on for too long.
Uninspired
I’d love some advice. A reorg in my department made a peer into my direct supervisor…and he’s terrible at it. A poor communicator, an information hoarder, a micromanager, and always undercutting me in my role. Yes, it’s time to leave. I fully recognize this, and have started looking. I have a niche role and am geographically limited due to custody arrangements, so it is looking that it may be a while until I can exit. So, what’s your best advice or tips on leaning out in a current job? I still love the work, will continue to do quality work until the next opportunity, but my personal pride in my work leads me continue to get frustrated at Bad Boss’ actions. I need some ideas to not feel so engaged to where it bothers me so much during this time while I look for the next opportunity to kick a$$.
Coach Laura
Uninspired, I hope that the job search will be quick and perhaps you can take advantage of remote work job availability to widen the pool of available jobs.
I would keep your work and your successes visible to your boss and his bosses and/or any peers. I have made judicious use of cc: to bosses and diagonal higher ups to highlight what I’ve been working on and you could try that. If you have a visible niche, writing a white paper might be something you could lean into. Circulating articles appropriate to your industry is also something that might be possible, if the articles are of use to your field. If you go to conferences or virtual conferences, circulate a recap of the conference and important key points.
Reach out to others in the company that you’ve worked with previously and raise your visibility in an organic way but chatting in the kitchen (if you’re in the office) or call people on the phone to say hello and ask how their work is going in general and after the pandemic stress.
Reach out to former colleagues and network with others you know. If you have an organic reason to call, that’s great. Otherwise reach out and say “It’s been a long pandemic – how are you? What’s up in your field/your life?” Ask trusted contacts for names of good headhunters.
Good luck!
Anon
This is very good advice.
anon
This was me for the past 2 years until I found a new job.
Tips on leaning out: only do what is asked, aim for “good enough” quality work (not perfect), and if an email is not specifically directed to you, don’t answer it. Do not volunteer for things. Also, if you’re juggling multiple projects, intentionally let a few drop and see if anything happens. More likely than not, nothing will happen (or someone else will pick it up). Lastly, if someone wants to give you their work, it’s a firm NO.
Just before I gave notice at the old job, someone who was recently promoted did not know how to do a core part of that job. That core part was something I was familiar with and knew how to do. He tried to foist it on me and tried to engage my boss to get me to do it. I said no — and ultimately, the work got done (he was the one that did it).
Seventh Sister
I went through something where I would sometimes just say to myself, “I’m going to make Bad Boss fire me.” It helped to ratchet down my anxiety about getting such terrible flack for doing good work.
Anon
Work from home and spend more time on personal things you care about, and cut corners on things no one will notice and that don’t matter to you.
Anon
I joined a new small (less than 10 lawyers) law firm 2 years ago and am now a partner at the firm. At the time, I had been working with a fantastic legal assistant so I inquired about her joining me and unfortunately, new firm did not have any openings but they kept her resume on file. When I was looking for a new firm, I was heavily recruited by 2 lawyers at a different firm that I didn’t end up joining (we did not get to the offer stage – my current firm just moved faster than them) but they were very nice to me and told me that the door would be open to me joining them in the future. The fantastic legal assistant applied for an open position at that new firm (through a recruiter) and used me as a reference and I gave her a glowing reference. Legal assistant started at the other firm in January of this year. My firm just recently had an opening and were interested in my former assistant so I reached out to her by text and she’s interested. We’re paying the same, but she knows me and also another lawyer well and had hoped to work with us (we have an unexpected opening because one of our assistants decided to retire instead of getting vaccinated). I’m nervous about the fallout, if any, of me recruiting a legal assistant away from the other firm since it’s a small legal community and she’s been there for less than a year. I also think that at the 1 year mark, the recruiting fees vest 100% so maybe it would be better if we hired her before her 1 year mark at the other firm? I know I’m getting way ahead of myself, but if you were in my shoes, would you reach out to the lawyers you know over there and basically try to smooth things over (or even apologize to them)? I’m sure they’re not going to be happy to lose an assistant because in our market, good legal assistants are in high demand.
Anonymous
Hire her if you want. Don’t do or say anything else. No one cares.
Senior Attorney
I think you’re over thinking it. You do you. Maybe it would be better to hire her right before, rather than right after, they have to pay the recruiting fees, but other than that, have at it. Under no circumstances should you apologize to anybody for a business decision (and particularly one that is made primarily by a third party — the assistant in question).
anonymous from MD
I struggle with Ann Taylor. I’m 5’4″ but petite is too small and regular is often too long. Also, their sizing is super kooky. They engage in a lot of vanity sizing but every once in a while something is sized as it should be. Almost everything I’ve bought in recent years online from them has gone back as it hasn’t fit. However, the stores don’t have a lot of merchandise. Anyone else have advice for those of us between petite and regular?
Anonymous
I don’t think your height is the issue with AT. I am 5’6″ and also have issues with the cut and consistency of sizing. AT, BR, and the other mall stores are just terrible, and have been for more than a decade.
Anon
I will pay the tailor now occasionally, but until recently I hemmed all my own pants and sleeves. I have a sewing machine that I pull out once every two or three months. Petite doesn’t work for me either (I have a long rise and muscular armpits) but I am 5’2 and there is no chance reg length anything will fit off the rack. That said I don’t like Ann Taylor quality any time recently well enough to spend effort on tailoring.
Seventh Sister
Is anyone listening to The Daily’s podcast about school boards? I feel like this is an issue that Democratic strategists ignore at their peril. But I’d love to be wrong…
Anon
I haven’t heard the podcast, but there has never been a time when I’d be less willing to teach in the schools. The teachers I know are in pretty nice school districts, and the stuff they’re going through with parents sounds like utter madness to me. I would quit if I were them.
And in general, the alliance of Q Moms and Proud Boys is not something I foresaw happening especially offline. But here we are.
Seventh Sister
Yes, I think it’s a very tough time to be a teacher or school employee. I’m also sort of surprised no one has tried to recall anyone on our school board yet, emphasis on the “yet.”
Monday
I’ve been listening in despair. I’ve never worked in schools, but working in health care at a public hospital for the past few years I see lot of parallels. No idea what to do. I understand why so many people are leaving both fields.