ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 374 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Belted Striped Shirtdress

A woman with short hair wearing a green-and-cream striped dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A striped shirtdress is a classic look, but this “tropical green” version from Akris Punto looks fresh and fun. They’ve replaced the buttons with a quarter zip, which eliminates the gapping that happens on some ill-fitting button-up tops.

I would wear this with a camel blazer for a more formal office (or an office that starts blasting the air conditioning once Memorial Day hits).

The dress is $995 at Saks Fifth Avenue and comes in sizes 2-16.

This Banana Republic striped shirtdress is a more affordable option at $130; it's available in regular, tall, and petite sizes.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

374 Comments

  1. Sending a big hug to anyone for whom Mother’s Day is a complicated holiday ❤️

    1. thanks. joining you in kind wishes for all and also now in the complicated audience

    2. That’s the downside to these heavily marketed holidays. Hard to escape them. Be kind to yourselves.

    3. I know that Mother’s Day is complicated for a lot of people for legitimate reasons. But I just want to say that as a childless person, I do not need to be pandered to in order to bring me into the fold. Trying to suggest I am being acknowledged on Mother’s Day as someone who has ever cared for someone else, or for my dogs for heaven’sake, is not necessary. This is a holiday celebrating other people. I don’t need it to be about me just because I am a woman. It actually feels like more ant-woman nonsense suggesting there is something missing about me because I don’t have kids.

      1. I generally agree with your point as a child-free person (by choice! happy about it!) – there are definitely social media posts that come off as exhaustingly inclusive and unnecessary (for me). It feels downright sacrilegious to say, but I kind of feel Mother’s Day is seriously over-marketed and performative.

        But that said, I don’t actually think Elle was commenting for us though. I have a few friends who have lost their mothers and the day is really hard on them – those are the people who need the big hugs and kind to yourself.

        1. That’s exactly what I meant- one of my best friend has suffered multiple miscarriages and Mother’s Day is really tough on her. DH’s mother passed away when he was young and he feels the loss most acutely on Mother’s Day.

      2. I think the post was about women for whom mother’s day is hard because their mother is dead or they don’t have a relationship with her, or they’re mothers who have lost children or are struggling with infertility. I don’t think anyone was suggesting childfree by choice women are sad about Mother’s Day.

        1. +1 to this. It was a really tough day for me, as someone with a complicated and strained relationship with her mother. If you don’t appreciate the sentiment of Elle’s post, move on – maybe it’s not meant for you, but it might help someone else.

      3. I am a mom and am offended by all the inclusionary rhetoric around Mother’s Day. The most egregious example I encountered this year was someone saying “I know it’s Mother’s Day, but we need to keep in mind that moms aren’t the only important people in children’s lives. Strong male role models are essential for boys.” And then all the “all women in your life are moms!” nonsense. All of this completely ignored the unique and demanding expectations placed on actual mothers. If Mother’s Day isn’t about actual mothers, grandmothers, and stepmothers, then it shouldn’t exist at all.

        1. A lot of the issue is who is expected to do this honouring and celebrating. My husband cooked brunch and bought me flowers to thank me for carrying our child and being a mom. I don’t expect my church, randos on the street, or society at large to “celebrate my role as a mother” or whatnot.

          1. Really? The whole origin is church. It used to be called Mothering Sunday. It’s in May for Mary-related reasons.

          2. Check your history. Mothering Sunday is the visitation of one’s church of baptism.

            In my old city, my church prayed for singles, priests and lay ministers, married couples and those discerning marriage. I find it very important for them to adhere to their faith regarding singleness, marriage, procreation, and parenthood, which means not shoving mothers up on a pedestal while single and infertile people weep inside.

          1. It’s just another example of using “inclusivity” to erase the unique issues that women and especially mothers face.

        3. Bingo, Anonymous. Mother’s day is (by design) exclusionary–racist and transphobic, specifically. It honestly can be violent or deadly to black trans bodies. I’m always shocked and disappointed to see my fellow progressives celebrate it, apparently without any second thought for its dangers.

        4. Two men on my social media newsfeed made posts wishing their wives happy mother’s day becuase they are “dog moms” – I rolled my eyes at that.

      5. Sorry – Did not mean the happily childless by choice. More power to you! My friend’s 4 year old died this year. I was thinking more of her situation.

    4. Thank you. I’ve felt better about Mother’s Day since I focus on being with my husband/child and having a lovely day with them. I do the minimum required to keep the peace with my distant mother (cards and token gifts are sent like clockwork to avoid the ragey calls/texts/facebook posts about not celebrating her). I no longer try to go all out to win her affection and refuse to coach my kid to fawn over his grandma when I (and by extension, my whole family) are the black sheep…because…reasons (spoiler, there are no real reasons).

    5. Thank you. I was holding my breath the whole weekend. Last night when it was finally over, I downed a bottle of wine and called a friend crying. (Infertility + failed adoptions plural.) Called a therapist today and hoping to work out some of this grief with a pro.

  2. Any recommendations for under-eye concealer? I’ve used Maybelline age rewind for years but unfortunately their new label also seems to come with a new formula. I’m developing raccoon eyes by lunch! No preference between drugstore or department store brands. Thanks!

    2. I use Bobbi Brown corrector, rather than concealer. It does a better job of cancelling out the blue-ish tone of my undereyes and looks much more natural to me.

      1. I love Bobbi brown’s new concealer stick. They have it in shades to match their foundations. I use the exact match both under my eyes and elsewhere on my face. I do have the corrector so I suppose if I wanted to go a bit lighter under my eyes I could layer them.

    3. I love Nars Soft Matte Complete Concealer. Blends well with a brush or sponge, doesn’t look cakey, lasts all day on my middle aged skin.

    4. Saie (indie clean beauty brand) just launched a concealer and it is amazing. I have pretty dry sky and haven’t found a concealer that doesn’t settle into dry patches or creases, but the Saie concealer is so hydrating, I haven’t had issues with it yet.

    6. I use the Jane Iredale brand Circle Delete Undereye Concealer. It comes with two shades in a circular palette so you can dab a bit from this one and more from that or whatever to get a perfect match. It’s creamy and kind to my Old crepe-y undereye skin but my mascara doesn’t transfer. I’d say it’s “moderate” as to coverage.

    7. Becca Under Eye Brightening Corrector, which I got once after a recommendation here, with NARS concealer over it.

    8. I posted above about the Bobbi brown concealer stick but I also love light reflecting under eye concealers like Trish McEvoy Instant Eye Lift.

  3. So here’s something weird: the skin on my cheekbones near the outer corners on my eyes has recently become slightly rough, sometimes tingly/itchy, and lighter than the rest of my face. It looks like a sunscreen white cast on my south Asian complexion. It’s so far not a big enough deal foe me to go to the doctor. I have tried applying more of my regular cerave moisturizer, aquaphor, and even hydrocortisone. Any ideas?

    1. What other skin products do you use? It could be a reaction to another product, even a product that you have been using for a while.

      1. Op here – good call. These days the only other products I use are my neutrogena face wash and cerave moisturizer with spf.

    2. I like Vanicream. I had a dry spot on my face near my eye and it helped clear it up.

      1. Yes, OP; this sounds like it could be a fungal infection. Moisturizing and/or exfoliating won’t solve it if that is the case and may make it worse.

    4. I find the CeraVe hand cream more effective for these spots than the face moisturizer, oddly enough. Might be worth a try?

    5. You might need to add a chemical exfoliator (probably something gentler like lactic acid or mandelic acid, rather than glycolic acid or salicylic acid) to your routine. Adding more moisturizer might not be effective if dead skin cells are sitting on top of the skin.

    6. So that sounds like could be seborrhic dermatitis (i.e. dandruff on your face)- I had around my eyes and nose for a while. No amount of moisturizing will help- go to a derm.

  4. What do you wear to a professional conference if there is no dress code? I need to fly there, it’s one of the heat wave states (80-90+ every day – happy hours are scheduled to be outside but I wonder if they’ll move indoors), and it’s all lawyers. Four days of outfits required.

    1. Business casual layers, because you need to be ready for outdoor drinks and indoor meat locker temps because the AC will be blasting.

    2. Whenever I am unsure of dress code, I go black slacks with a business casual top and a blazer (or maybe cardigan). You won’t look wildly out of place at any indoor event, even if others are in jeans, and you can get by if everyone around you is in suits.

      To confirm: have you asked about dress code and been told there isn’t one, or they just aren’t specifying on the conference materials? If the latter, you could always ask.

      1. I don’t think this is at all useful in a post-pandemic world. The way people dress has changed. OP, I’m no longer willing to be uncomfortable. For a legal conference as you describe, I’d pack midi and maxi dresses and flats, including sandals with a denim jacket for inside. Unless I’m presenting, I just don’t worry that much about conference attire and choose for comfort.

        1. Counterpoint: Attire where I live has not changed dramatically because of the pandemic. We didn’t shut down for long so people have been dressing themselves the whole time.

        2. This is me, too. When I made partner at my firm I realized a) how few referrals I get from conference attendance and b) how miserable it is to steam or press blazers, slacks, etc after flying.

        3. People keep saying this, and yet I haven’t found it to be true at all. The only thing that’s mayyybe changed in my world is more people are wearing flats instead of heels. But the general outfits and attire are exactly the same.

          1. Wait. Do your people not know there was a virus that caused permanent leggings and sneakers?!

          2. same. our young analysts are dressing more “trendy” I suppose but anyone client facing is wearing the exact same thing.

    4. Always lots of layers. I go for business casual dresses with a blazer and nude tights if cold inside and also a pair of dress pants.

      2. Either. Whatever looks most natural and is comfortable while providing some warmth.

    5. I am always surprised (pleasantly so) at conferences because honestly, people can wear whatever they want and it doesn’t look out of place. The range is enormous.

    6. I tend to fly in jeans (that way I have them if things are more casual than expected) and pack slacks/business casual tops with a blazer or casual moto or jean jacket to throw on top. If there are outside happy hours/dinners that people will change for I’d maybe pack one maxi dress, but you can probably get away with a short sleeved top, jeans, and open toed sandald unless you run really warm. I’d also bring a shawl, the air conditioning in southern states is insane. I brought a cashmere wrap to a conference in April and more than one woman there told me they were jealous because we were all freezing in the plenary sessions!

  5. I’m 29, have lived on my own since college. what do you do with all the misc “stuff” in your living space? I don’t have good closet space – just a master and small coat/entryway closet. I have accumulated a lot of useful things that my parents and friends tell me to keep but I don’t know where to “store”. I’m talking things like: spare vacuum cleaner parts, curling irons for if I grow my hair out again (I don’t want to spend another several hundred bucks!), gloves for winter, craft supplies for when my best friends little kids come over, holiday gift wrap… Where does it all go? How did you figure out organization and storage?

    1. If you live in a small space with limited storage, you get rid of everything you don’t need or use. You buy one roll of gift wrap each holiday season and get rid of the leftovers at the end of the season. You don’t keep craft supplies around; you buy one new craft kit each time the kids come over. You don’t keep curling irons for hair you don’t have. Gloves go in the coat closet. Vacuum cleaner parts go with the vacuum.

      If your parents want you to keep all this junk they can make space for your boxes at their house.

      1. +1, especially the hair irons – by the time you need it again, there will be better products on the market. Same with the spare parts – I do have storage space, and I find myself throwing away parts for appliances I no longer own – just throw them out now.

      2. We live in a pretty big house with plenty of storage space, and this is still our answer to not ending up with too much stuff.

        I had watched a home-design reality show a long time ago where the designer was helping a family clean out their garage and said point-blank: “We can go to the store and you can buy thousands of dollars-worth of organizing equipment, but ultimately if you want this space to be usable you have to get rid of some things.” The family followed his advice and he was absolutely correct. We live in a neighborhood where many of the houses have three-bay garages and everyone still parks their cars in the driveway because the garages are packed full. I think “well, I’ll save this just in case I need it” is a slippery slope. As an example I finally got rid of our vacuum attachments because after ten years (!) of owning the vacuum, we never used them. Ditto the small appliances I had been given as gifts over the years; equipment from hobbies long discarded; clothes for weather we only rarely experience (we don’t ski and on really cold days, which are getting fewer and farther between where we are, we can just layer), etc.

        So, OP, one of the first things I would do when thinking about organizing your stuff is to assemble the things you’ve kept because “someone” told you you might need them and think: do I really need to hang on to these things? I understand keeping the curling irons – for maybe another few years; if you don’t grow your hair back out by then, you’re probably not going to. The only way we keep on top of our “stuff” is to be ruthless with ourselves about what we’re really going to use in the future and if we can’t see a time/place in the next two years when it may be useful, we sell or donate it. The other tip I have found helpful is – you may genuinely need something – like winter gloves, a heavy winter coat, certain kitchen equipment, etc. But if you use it rarely, you likely do not need more than one of that item. So maybe you need your winter gloves but you could really get by with just one or two pairs. If you have multiple curling irons, do you need them all or can you just save one of the more expensive ones? Etc.

      3. I dunno, but new crap every time you need it and throw out the leftovers when you’re done is not the way a lot of people want to live.

        1. Give the leftovers away through Buy Nothing, then don’t buy as much next time around.

          1. This. Things don’t serve a purpose in my home if I’m not using them, and if someone else can, that’s great. But I agree, this philosophy has to be paired with bringing less stuff in in the first place. But I refuse to let my home become a storage unit or a museum to purchasing mistakes I made in the past.

    2. Is your bed high enough that you can buy some under-bed bins to store some of those items, like the craft items? For the holiday wrap, I really culled mine down recently and gave a good portion away on my local Buy Nothing Facebook group. I also remember seeing a lot of offers for wrapping paper just before the holiday (parents who bought a roll of different paper for “Santa’s presents”, etc.), so you could get rid of some of the more seasonal paper, and just use one throughout the year.

    4. I have a bookshelf with wicker bins that have that kind of stuff in.

      In a previous apartment, my roommate used a bureau as a TV stand and we used the drawers in that as storage for gift wrap, extra linens, stuff like that.

      I also use under bed storage for out of season clothing

      1. I also buy a lot of things used (and therefore cheap) so I don’t feel bad if I toss (aka donate) something that doesn’t fit my current needs, Even if I might need it again in the furure

      2. We used a big cabinet with doors (this is important!) and one large drawer under our TV for years. It definitely wasnt a TV stand originally, but was great to have a big storage area with doors to hide all the junk in there! We kept board games, boxes of DVDs, wrapping paper, extra cords and tech-y things, paper manuals, spare candles, etc. We managed to squeeze quite a lot in there, and used boxes/bins to store like things together where possible. If things are not big enough to need a box (e.g. cables), Ziploc bags are super helpful as well.

    5. I assume you’re in a condo with no basement or attic?
      -Underbed storage for thin stuff like gift wrap
      -good closet systems
      -only purchase furniture with storage capacity (e.g., sofa table has cabinet space, not one that just has legs and open space underneath)

    6. I just read the book Decluttering at the Speed of Life, and I think it would be a really good fit for your situation. She talks about the concept of “containers,” in that your living space is your container, and you only keep the things in it that will fit. She then talks about how to achieve that goal, i.e., how to methodically decide what is worth keeping i your home or not.

      One thing she suggests is to ask, “If I were looking for this thing, where would I look first?” If your answer is, “I would never look for this thing,” that’s your answer – get rid of it. If you would look for the curling iron (in the event you grew your hair out) in the back of a bathroom cabinet, put it there. If it won’t fit, you have to ask if there’s something in the cupboard you need/want less than the curling iron. If there’s not, it goes. Rinse repeat.

    7. I have two solutions I’ve used over time: Rubbermaid containers stored under my bed, and a storage ottoman than opens in my living room. Also, bookshelves with a paneled lower section that is basically unattached cabinets. Beyond that, you have to either make some hard choices on what is truly worth keeping (vs buying later when you need it), and how cluttered you’d like your house to feel.

    8. A big armoire/book case with doors, within there are labeled baskets/containers. It’s basically just a freestanding closet. I got mine antique it’s lovely and solid wood.

    9. You will never use those things – they go in the trash or give them away via a buy nothing group. Saving just in case stuff is how you get a messy house. Store things at the store. If you need a curling iron again someday, buy one.

      1. Agree. You don’t need to spend several hundred bucks on a new curling iron. Gloves for winter make sense if you are in a cold climate. Why keep a bunch of craft supplies for kids? Are you watching them on a regular basis?

        For things you do need to keep, get a bunch of storage containers.

        1. I think it’s nice to keep stuff for kids, I do the same (because I remember being bored af visiting child free friends and relatives as a kid) but I usually just keep like 1 coloring book and one pack of crayons. Entertaining enough but doesn’t take up much space.

    10. Apartment Therapy is a great resource for small space storage solutions. Also worth browsing the Container Store & Ikea.

      As one who has lived in Manhattan apartments for 30 years, I can tell you that it’s a combo of decluttering and ingenious solutions for the things you really want to keep. When I was your age and my sister and I shared an apartment with the same closet space you describe, we made extra space in the closets – an advantage of high ceilings – but also had to sign a sweater non-proliferation treaty.

    11. That is very kind of you to keep craft stuff. But as a mom of two little kids I give you permission to throw it away. If I ever take my kids to a house without kids, I come very prepared and do not expect the host to entertain them. I used to live in a small apt with no storage as a single person and would be horrified to know my friend was running out of storage space to accommodate my kids’ infrequent visits.

      1. +1. I have two small kids and I can’t imagine bringing them to a childless place without packing plenty for them to do. I actually just have a pad of paper of some sort and crayons permanently in the backpack I carry when out with them. It’s sweet that you keep stuff, but not if you don’t have the space for it. (Plus, TBH, do you have Netflix? Then we are all good here in a worse case scenario!).

        1. I have relatives who tend to drop their small kids off at our house with zero notice and zero stuff in “emergencies.” The first time, I went out and bought a pack of crayons and two small toy trucks. I keep these things in a shoebox, and along with stuff I have around the house such as blank paper, plastic food storage containers, painter’s tape, empty shipping boxes, and of course the TV, I can keep the kids entertained for hours.

    12. I really like giving things away on Buy Nothing. I usually end up getting things of similar value from my group over time, and I can often re-get the thing I gave away if I need it (see: space-hogging casserole dish). It helps me diminish my largely mother-induced anxiety about giving things away. (Oh but that’s so nice! You’ll need that!)

      1. Agree – buy nothing has shown me how much stuff there is and made it easier to give away what I no longer need or use regularly because it’s so likely I can borrow or get it later for free

    13. That’s the downside to these heavily marketed holidays. Hard to escape them. Be kind to yourselves.

    14. That’s the downside to these heavily marketed holidays. Hard to escape them. Be kind to yourselves.

    15. It sounds like the main issue really is that you don’t have good closet space.

      Personally I think it’s depressing to get rid of things just because I use them infrequently, and I find it rewarding to use them when the occasion arises. This doesn’t apply to useless items or mementos that were useful only in the past (that’s where KonMari is helpful). But if an item is useful for the future and the future is actually going to happen (e.g., “winter,” “kids coming over,” “vacuuming the blinds”), then I don’t mind making some space for it. YMMV on specific items, but I think there are always going to be some items in this category of “infrequently but reliably useful.”

      So I would ask, what’s in your closet? Is there anything less useful taking up space (e.g., clothes you won’t ever actually wear again)? Is there unused space? (If there’s vertical space, I add a wire shelf.)

      If closets are well utilized and full, then I would work on increasing my closet space with furniture (armoires, corner cabinets, storage benches) if possible. Moving out-of-season clothes to a suitcase under the bed can clear a lot of lot closet space all at once. Linens and towels can move to a blanket chest or the shelves or drawers in a wardrobe or chifforobe. Replacing an open bookshelf with a tall storage cabinet with doors lets you store books and also items you don’t want on display without changing space requirements much. Those are the kinds of solutions I used until I moved to a place with an attic.

    16. First of all – separate what is actually useful to YOU and what could be useful for somebody else. You don’t need to keep things because your parents or friends thinks they are useful to them in their life, or could be useful sometime in the future.

      It’s okay to get rid of the vacuum cleaner parts you don’t know what are, or that are made specially to do a task you don’t do because you live in a small, easy apartment. If you live somewhere with two living rooms, dining room, a den and have room for stuffy bedroom furniture, I’m sure the furniture brush thingy is super. In a small apartment with a small couch and maybe an armchair the vacuum tube itself will do beautifully. The same goes for a lot of things that are useful in some kind of homes, and an absolute waste of space in a small apartment. Don’t keep sets of anything complete just because it’s a set, if you don’t use the whole thing. You don’t have a responsibility to the next potential owner of whatever thing. They don’t get five saucepans, only two? Boohoo for them. :)

      I have had different size spaces, but never somewhere with a lot of original storage. IKEA PAX and similar has been my friend, in different kinds of rooms, as well as more beautiful vintage dressers and similar. Basic tools, hobby stuff and pantry items have been priorities for me. But most of all, I’ve tried to store things at the store. I can’t afford the square feet Target can. I’ve given away loads and loads of “useful” things, because I know that if I truly need one, I can either borrow one or get some new.

      If you’ve grown up in a stockpile sort of environment (either LDS or similar style) it can be extra difficult to be free from the useful mentality, but it’s worth trying. But if you do have less space, it makes less sense to stock up on post-holiday sales etc. Space is the thing that is costly to you, not holiday wrap.

    18. Gloves in the pockets of your winter coats, or in a plastic ziplock bag that you poke the coat hanger through. Winter scarves, same. Vacuum parts in a gallon ziplock bag and tacked to the back wall of the closet where you store the vacuum. Craft supplies – more ziplock bags, the two gallon size of need be, and stored out of sight on top of your kitchen cabinets or at the back of one of the cabinets. All of these you might reasonably need. Hair stuff, jewelry, shoes, decor, and clothing and everything else that you do not need and will not need in the next year, donate or trash. Family ies that you do not want or need go back to family and let them sort it out. Use your own judgment and no one else’s. Do not discuss your decluttering efforts with anyone who will not be 100% supportive.

        1. “Family you do not want go back to the family and let them sort it out” could be freaking great advice for many people

    19. Basically every piece of furniture in our condo was storage furniture, with a heavy focus on closed storage so I could store (read: hide) random items that wouldn’t usually go together. Bedroom (to complement the 20″ closet): storage box spring, rolling drawers under the bed, chest of drawers, wall-mounted shelves for my makeup/jewelry. Living room: media unit with doors, bookshelves with doors, secretary desk, storage ottoman, drawers under sectional. Kitchen: I added extra shelves and a roll-out storage trolley in our washer/dryer closet, wall-mounted shelves for our dishes so I could use our 6 kitchen cabinets for things too ugly to be on display. Bathroom: wall-mounted shelves as we had a pedestal sink without storage. Front hall: I converted our front-hall closet into a pantry/storage closet and installed coat hooks for coats.

  6. This dress is lovely, slightly edgy but not too much. Alas I only really pick up akris pieces from consignment shops so I probably will never own it unless I get truly lucky.

    1. I agree. If I had unlimited clothing funds I would have a closet full of Akris including this dress!

    2. I get a lot from The Real Real, it’s one of my favorite brands to get second hand.

  7. I am feeling very blah these days. What are you all excited about or looking forward to? Need some ideas.

    1. A small thing, but we are going to see the new Dr. Strange movie on Friday. And in July we are going on our first vacation in over two years. Spending a few days in Key West. Also, the weather is finally warming up here into the 70s and 80s. I WFH and I hope to spend some time outside on the deck. Hope you start to feel better!

    2. I got a dog and an espresso machine so every day I can look forward to a walk and a latte.

    3. I just got cast in a community theatre production of a dream show in a role I never thought I’d land. Rehearsals start next week and it’s the first time I’ve been on stage in three years, so I’m excited to be on the other side again.

    4. I spent most of last year planting perennials so I would have flowers from early March through November here in Massachusetts and it worked!! I WFH now and happily wander around my yard checking on everything and my daffodils are mostly gone, tulips are toward their end of their run but still going strong, peonies about to bloom and I have the rest all popping up to fill in behind them. I’m really bad at a lot of things but after a while I think I’ve figured this all out (mostly).

      1. That sounds gorgeous!!! Just FYI that tulips are technically a perennial but treated like an annual by many gardeners. It can be hard to get them to bloom after the first year. I replant every fall.

        1. Yup. I add to the mix in the fall but have naturalizing tulips as well a yard free (!!) of tulip eating critters.
          Some of my bulbs are in their 5th year! Others are brand new.

    5. I leave Friday for a major bucket list vacation that has been in the planning stages for over a year!

      In terms of smaller things, it’s finally warmed up in my corner of the Midwest, it’s farmer’s market season, I’ve been getting into (actual) gardening and enjoying it, I think I’ll be able to wrap up my pre-vacation work by Wednesday and take Thursday unofficially off (WFH perks) and it was my birthday yesterday and I have a free Starbucks drink and a Nothing Bundt Cake to pick up today.

    6. 12 days until vacation. I put a countdown counter on my phone’s home screen and it’s pretty much the only thing keeping me going at work right now. We’re going to Vieques for the third time and I can’t wait to just sit on a beach and do nothing and snorkel some. And eat mofongo. So much mofongo.

    7. -the seasonal coffeeshop in town is opening this week Wednesday and I.cannot.wait. in a couple weeks I’ll start teaching yoga classes on the private patio deck behind the coffeeshop and it is just the best situation.
      -I’m in the upper midwest – it’s going to be in the 80s this week! And it’ sunny today and already 70. I don’t care if it’s unseasonable, I’m so happy its here.
      -super random thing, I bought pants hangers and hung all my jeans, skirts, pants last week. My jeans all in a row makes me unreasonably happy.
      -spotify “discover weekly” playlist is the best thing I can do for myself when I feel blah

    8. I bought a small block of tickets to a Sound of Music sing along movie showing at the Schermerhorn Symphony hall in Nashville in July. Absolutely gorgeous venue and a fun night out with friends. Sooner than that, tickets to the new Downton Abbey movie. I don’t even care if the movie is good or not, I am all in on the scenery from the filming locations on the French Riviera and the former royal yacht Brittania.

      1. Downton Abbey review was my confort thing last month as I was quite blah myself. It changed completely my mood and I was waiting everyday for the evening chapter. Looking for the movie now too.

    10. I was looking forward to my kids coming home from college for Mother’s Day, and they did, but now they’ve left and I need something else to look forward to….. spring flowers and warm weather I guess.

  8. Due to a confluence of events (new job, month gap in pay checks, over 2 grand in inexplicably delayed expense reimbursement, me accidentally paying my credit card in full instead of a partial payment), I’m overdrawn on my checking account and can’t cover it from savings. What do I do? Will they just charge interest? I expect to get the expense reimbursement this week and that will be enough to put things right. I feel so stupid but I just miscalculated and I’ve never been in the situation before.

    1. Get cash from your credit card to cover the overdraft amount + wiggle room, deposit in your checking account asap. Like if your credit card sends you “checks” to use as cash against your account, write one and deposit. Or withdraw cash from atm using your credit card. A cash loan is usually at a higher APR than your regular credit card rate, so pay it off right away.

      Usually your checking account will be charged a daily overdraft fee every day it’s under ($25-$30 a day but check your terms).

      1. Thank you. I had no idea this was an option. I think (hope!) I’ve managed to do this electronically but if not will withdraw cash and re-deposit.

    2. Id you are going to incur high fees, do the credit card cash back thing. Otherwise, just wait and deposit the reimbursement check.

    3. Call your bank, explain what happened, and ask if they will waive the fees this time / through a certain date. If this time is the first, they are likely willing to work with you.

      1. My bank has done this before. In my case I just forgot to transfer money from savings in time. It might be different if you actually can’t cover it, but it’s worth a try.

    4. Also reach out to whenever processes your expense reimbursements! It might be that someone else’s report in the batch has a question that they are looking to resolve and they aren’t thinking about the consequences of holding it up for everyone else.

    5. Are you currently working? I’d go to the bank and apply for an overdraft line of credit. Then you can use the LOC to payoff the balance of the checking. Likely less interest than the CC options and low/no fees.

      1. This seems wholly unnecessary for a couple of days. Why does she need to do this?

        1. At least where I bank there is no fee to have this, only the interest on money used. It is just an unsecured line. She would have this available to her if an emergency or other incident comes up in the future.

  9. Women with wavy hair: what’s your morning hair routine?

    I find if I don’t heat treat it, I don’t love how it looks. But, I don’t love how long it takes to heat treat. On days I shower in the morning (about half of the time) I rough dry it. If I have time I finish it off with the Revlon but I dont often have time for that. If I just rough dry it, i have a ton of flyaways. On days I dont shower I usually straighten it, but that makes it very flat.

    I’d love to learn how to make my waves look good on their own but don’t know how.

    1. This is why I got a pixie cut. I had to spend 25 minutes blowing my hair out every morning, and then if there was any humidity it was wrecked within five minutes.

      1. Same. My hair was not only wavy, it had a really irregular texture. I like my hair so much better now that I chopped it and use tons of moisturizer on it. It’s the only way I’ve ever avoided frizz, even in humidity.

    2. You could look into the Curly Girl Method. If I let my hair air dry, it is wavy but not in a pretty way. It’s kind of frizzy and messy looking. I considered looking into CGM because it seems like people have had good results, but I think my hair looks better when it’s straight and I have a routine down for that.

      When I wash my hair, I’ve been using John Frieda volume mousse and dry my hair upside down. Then I will use a flat iron. Other times I will use the Revlon one-step dryer. When I do that, I actually like how my hair looks the next day. Dry shampoo helps provide volume at the roots.

      1. I have not had good results with CGM on hair that is merely wavy. It makes my hair greasy and doesn’t make nice waves.

          1. Tried multiple products. There’s a reason it’s called the Curly Girl Method, not the Wavy Girl Method.

        2. For my long thick wavy hair, I like parts of the curly girl method. I find the most important aspect is enough moisture. I use sulfate free shampoo the majority of the time, clarify every 3-5 weeks, and avoid silicones. Lots of conditioner, but I avoid anything heavier with coconut oil. My hair prefers light oils like argan and jojoba. A protein mask every couple months helps too. I wash every 4 days and air-dry in a braid on wash day. I often wear it fully or partly up the rest of the days. Sometime I need dry shampoo to keep the roots looking ok but that varies on the time of the month.

      2. +1 to CGM – I thought my hair was wavy in the back but straight in the front, but it is curly everywhere. Look at the Holy Grail list of products on Reddit, especially for shampoo/conditioner.

      3. I have wavy hair that I can make curl in a nice way if I use a method similar to the Curly Girl Method (I researched the CGM a few years ago, and now I’ve kinda hacked it up over the years to what seems to work well for me), but I don’t love it because it takes forever for my hair to dry. I don’t even have very thick hair. It’s also hard for me to make curly hair last two days, where if my hair is straight I can get it to last several days.

        +1 to the Revlon one-step dryer. I got that a few weeks ago and am I LOVE. I never was good at the blowdrying with a brush though, so the one-step dryer is very effective for me.

        Also I cut my long hair shorter – just brushing the tops of my shoulders – a year ago (yay pandemic cut!) and my hair got vastly easier to deal with then.

    3. If I wash my hair in the morning, I towel dry it a bit, comb it out, put in leave in conditioner of some type, and then braid it and take it out shortly before I need to be at work.

    4. I have slightly wavy hair. I wash it every other day, and on those days, I use some air dry styling cream (I have some from Tressemme and some that is Sephora’s house brand) and I dry my hair upside down most of the way with a regular blow dryer. When it’s about 70% dry, I stand up and use a flat paddle brush to sort of pull my hair straight as I dry it. I don’t do this in any organized way and don’t clip up parts of my hair – basically I brush the left side over my head to the right and dry it, flip the other way and dry, back and forth like that. My hair is a sponge, so it still might be slightly damp at that point, so I pull the top half of my hair straight back and clip it with a claw clip while I eat, do makeup, etc. It’s sort of like using my head as a giant roller.

      This process takes about 7-8 minutes for me. I have a regular Revlon dryer and my hair is about shoulder length. It’s fine, but there’s a lot of it, and it is very absorbent. This process leaves my hair mostly straight except for a couple of inches at the bottom, so I have some waves and movement at the bottom (I have some layers cut into the bottom of my hair).

    5. To style it curlier, I need a good product (e.g. Tigi Curls Rock) to hold the scrunch waves while it dries, and the right haircut.

      I use the L’Oreal 8 second wonder water to style it straighter when it’s long.

    6. I wash every day pretty much, then comb it with a wide-toothed comb, add just a bit of hair oil at the roots and ends, scrunch the ends with my hands once or twice, and head out the door to let it air dry. I used to add a bit of mousse during the scrunching.and maybe I should go back to that but I have been getting decent results of totaled beach waves without it so I have been skipping it.

    7. Thanks all!

      My hair is very fine so I have to wash every day which means I have to style every day.

      I have a 35 min walk to work, but sadly that’s not long enough to air dry (hence rough drying). I’m usually in the shower by 7:50, out the door by 8:25 and at work at 9.

      2. I almost exclusively only shower at night, exactly because I don’t love dealing with full on style every morning. With your schedule, that would be my solution.

        I do have one product suggestion for the flyaways – I love John Frieda Secret Weapon Touch Up Creme. I have it stashed everywhere – my car, office, and I found one in a work backpack that I rarely use. Just a little amount of that stuff can really help!

        1. I don’t understand how people can wash and style their hair at night. Do you not sweat, toss and turn, etc.? My hair is a frightful mess in the morning and requires washing.

          1. I toss and turn a bunch, but I don’t sweat. I usually clip my hair up on the top of my head.

          2. Same! I don’t even toss and turn or sweat much and use a silk pillowcase, but when I sleep my hair gets pressed into unattractive patterns that cannot be undone without moisture.

          3. Just like we all have different body shapes and most items of clothing don’t work on all people, hair types/lengths/styles are so different from person to person. Some people have to wash their hair and style every morning (this is why I gave up on a pixie cut….) and others have amazing hair with other challenges that only wash it once a week and their daily style requires no work other than a quick brush.

      3. It’s old school (but hey, the 90’s are back?) but I part my hair, put in curl cream, and then wrap it in a twist and secure it with a claw clip. It dries this way by about 11 and having it tied back cuts down on the frizz significantly. I can take it out of the clip, ‘scrunch out the crunch’ and then add a bit more product if needed to add more hold.

    8. I have waves and found the full curly girl method was overkill. They look best on days I scrunch a little with a towel and then spray with salt spray and gel spray. If I do that early enough it’s properly dry by work time. If I have to shower and then go straight to work I blow-dry with a copper core brush to help speed it up and smooth some sort of styling cream through it (eg the Percy and Reed one).
      I’ve started using straighteners on day 2/3 as an alternative to re-washing just to make it look nice.

    9. My routine is that I shower each morning, although I shampoo every other day. Every morning I use conditioner and comb it through my hair in the shower. That’s the only time I comb my hair. After gentle towel drying, I scrunch in product. I use a hair dryer with a diffuser with most of time spent drying my hair flipped over to give me volume. I don’t dry my hair to 100% dry. I let the remaining damp hair dry on its own.

    10. I have curly hair. I wash it at night and sleep on it wet. That’s the entirety of my routine. For work I usually wear it half-up or pulled back.

      1. I have curly hair if and only if I wash it at night and sleep on it wet! It could be an interesting experiment for OP.

        1. Op here: when I do this it either looks amazing (defined waves!) but half the time I wake up looking like early Hermione Granger…

          I prefer showering at night so only shower in the AM if I’m working out before work (which is why I can’t get in the shower earlier) or I was out late and too tired to shower at night

          1. I wonder if the right product (which really depends on hair — porosity especially) would increase the odds of the “amazing” outcome?

    11. If I want to embrace my waves/loose curls: I only comb with a wide-tooth comb while in the shower before rinsing out the conditioner, immediately put in curl cream and gel (doing the “squish to condish” technique with my head upside down), and then wrap my hair in a microfiber turbie towel, which I dont take off until just before I walk out the door.

      If I want it to look smooth: Revlon. But I dont have time to do this in the morning before work, so either needs to happen the night before, or it doesn’t happen.

    12. I have expanded my idea of “my waves look good” and just live with them the way they come out of my head (when I don’t have time to blow dry and style). I use product and scrunch them and so far nobody has run away screaming so I’m calling it a win.

    13. I either blow dry it straight-ish, or if I let it dry naturally I twist sections of it loosely and then leave it alone until it’s dry. It creates a nicer curl pattern than if I just let it dry however it wants to dry.

      Basically I grab sections of my hair – I am not at all exact about this, and spin/twist them in the direction away from my face. I do about 3-5 sections on each side of my head. I don’t spray them, I don’t pin them, I don’t do anything. They just hang there as is and dry. It works. My hairdresser showed me how to do it but it’s not hard, just something I wouldn’t have come up with on my own.

  10. This dress looks off to me, but I’m having trouble pinpointing it. Are the sleeves too long? The skirt too short (or too long)? I want to like it, but it just seems weird and boxy.

    1. To me the black and white is way too stark. It’s a summer dress but not summer colors.

    2. I think the dress is nice, but would have been nicer if the stand-out stripe details were of equal proportions. The belt has two black stripes and is a very pleasing width, but the collar and the cuffs are both wider with 3.5 black stripes and IMO slightly oversized for the dress.

      If I were to buy this dress (bank says no), I would unbutton the top button on the collar, and have the cuffs tailored to a narrower band.

    3. I think the skirt is too short. In the picture, it looks like the skirt is the same length as the toros, which I think makes anyone wearing it look very boxy.

  11. My work outfits (and my casual ones too) are lacking. My clothes are a mix of newer additions and pre Covid clothes and I mostly like my clothes but the outfits just feel boring. I’m not a huge accessorizer: blazers are too formal for my office but cardigans look meh; I love fun earrings but keep other jewelry understated; I do do hair/makeup/nails but once again it’s understated. I really like fashion, but I’m not great at putting together outfits.

  12. Today is my first official day as a manager at my company! There is no real point to this post other than to tell internet strangers that I’m really excited about it haha

    That said, if anyone has a management tip they’d like to share, I’d love to know!

    1. Congratulations!! That’s a huge milestone and basically the fact that you care enough to ask for tips probably means you will be good at it:)

    2. Congratulations and good luck! Here’s my tip: Share success broadly, but take responsibility for failures. Make sure your team gets the praise when things go right (and not just you).

    3. Your job is to ensure that your team has the resources and support they need to do their jobs.

      Let team members present their own work.

      1. Don’t try to solve all the problems, ask your team what they want you to do to help if they come to you with an issue. Often they just want a sounding board

  13. following up from recent threads:

    when we think about end of life plans, many think they will have the chance to discuss it then, let the person be the guide etc.

    here to tell you this is the ideal but if your loved one has lost the ability to communicate to you, you need backup plans and your paperwork done. seuzures, dementia, being paralyzed etc all happen.

    wishing us all a thousand good years before needing the plans…

    1. This is why my dad got a living will and a DNR in his 40s. It’s (sadly) never too early to have a plan for this.

      My moms mom and my dads dad died 5 months apart and the difference was night and day: grandma was dealing with a few medical conditions and chose to start hospice. She lived in a retirement community so when she went on hospice was moved from her apartment to the on site medical facility. She had end of life directives/wishes and her estate/will well sorted out (and had for 20+ years) and everything was crystal clear for the family which made things infinitely easier (no thinking or decision making required of us!). She even had prepaid for her funeral/cremation/burial (I kid you not, paid for hers and my grandfathers at the same time back when my grandfather died years earlier… she figured she’d get a deal given inflation). She even selected which hymns and readings she wanted at her funeral.

      My grandfather on the other hand did none of the above: was on life support but had no living will so the family agonized over what to do. His estate was very complicated and disorganized but he didn’t leave clear instructions on how to handle it… 8 years later and it’s still not sorted out. He had been a very religious l man most of his life but then left the church so no one knew what type of funeral to have. No one even knew if he wanted to be buried or cremated.

      1. I am in my 40s and opted not to sign a DNR or living will. Instead, I went over my general preferences and values with the trusted relatives named in my health care power of attorney and left a written summary. I want my representative to be able to consider the actual circumstances, possibility of recovery, etc. and make whatever decision they think I’d be most likely to make. I just don’t think you can adequately consider and cover all the possibilities in a living will or DNR order unless you are near the end of a terminal illness.

        Also, a few months ago I read a piece in the NYT by a palliative care doctor about how when faced with an actual crisis patients are often more motivated to live and choose more aggressive treatment than they thought they would when they were healthy. Part of this is due to hedonic adaptation–for example, someone might think life with a particular disability would not be worth living, and then after becoming disabled would realize that there was still much to enjoy about life. I am noticing this with my elderly relatives. Those who previously criticized friends for hanging on to life after a stroke, for example, are now interested in prolonging their own lives. The will to live is powerful.

        1. I’ve been thinking about this. I know I have a strong will to live (and have been through some stuff — a disabled life is absolutely worth living! I hate pain, a lot, but I know I can stand a lot of pain too). So as far as my medical team is concerned, I want them to do their best to keep me alive.

          But I know that sometimes people actually do better in hospice than in the hospital, and I don’t want to become a burden to loved ones financially in certain situations. And I don’t want to suffer needlessly even though I don’t want suffering to be factored in to decisions about life saving measures. So I agree that specifics matter. But the name “DNR” turns me off when what I really want is a “DR, please,” so maybe what I want is a living will. Whenever I have looked into it, the focus on declining care that I would actually want has made me feel like I’m out of place.

          2. Link in mod. It was written by a critical care doctor, not a paliative care doctor. Search for “When Faced With Death, People Often Change Their Minds” by Daniela J. Lamas.

    2. Both my parents have made me (given me?) power of attorney in case anything happens to them – but neither of them have given me any information about what they want to happen in that circumstance. I remind them that they need to tell me but they just don’t. (They also didn’t tell me when they had Covid in the house ‘because you couldn’t have done anything’).
      Anyone else been in this situation? How did you resolve it?

      1. I just wrote an email (or for my grandmother, hand-wrote) detailing what I planned to do and what principles I expected to follow. I said “Since you have named me POA but have not given me any information on your wishes, here is what I expect to do, to the best of my ability and knowledge. Please respond if you have any changes or different wishes, and I’ll take a lack of response to mean your total agreement that whatever decisions I make will be okay with you.”

        IANAL and neither is anyone in my family so this was good enough for all of us – it basically forced them to tell me if they disagreed with my instincts. To figure out what to specify, I just googled around for end of life guidance and looked up various scenarios to try to figure out what I’d do if put on the spot. I wasn’t trying to get any legal coverage, it was just meant to sound official enough to force my parents into telling me their wishes.

        1. Oooh I think this is great advice! I think it’s probably pretty hard to think about your end of life care when it is close enough to not be entirely abstract. Giving them something to react to, rather than asking them to come up with it from thin air, is a great strategy.

    3. I am the poster from last summer with a relative just diagnosed with ALS.
      First I want to thank you to the person that offered a burner e-mail, I never used it, but knowing that I could find a kind stranger to listen me has helped me A LOT.
      At that momment I could not write or verbalized that was/is my mother. The ilness has progresed quite quickly and she is now in her last weeks in paliative care at home.
      She cannot talk since January then, around then, we sit with the medical ALS team to discuss all the optiosn with her in order she could take an informed decission about everything. With that she signed and register the legal instructions regarding healthcare.
      Again this month, afther the doctors told us “count weeks no months”, we sit again with her and with the help of an electronic comunicator she gave us intructions about all type of things from the no funeral to the visits to receive or what to do with her things as the china not included in the will. My parents did the will years ago and they have also an insurance for the burial since I remember.
      Some of my family members found quite “unpleasant” to do all of this, that but it was necessary to do it, and do it together.

      1. I have been involved in a similar situation with a family member, although it was neither my mother nor ALS. But I found helping to care for a person I loved at the end of life, and helping them to retain their dignity, to be a surprisingly lovely and rewarding experience. I hope that someone will happily and lovingly do the same for me one day.

      2. Thinking of you; this cannot be easy. I agree that you all did the right thing (I wish those family members hadn’t conveyed that they found it unpleasant; none of this is; but I’m glad they at least did was what was necessary and did it together).

  14. I’m in the running for a job at famous financial institution which has a decent rep and it would be a welcome pay bump. But suddenly I’m freaking out about going “corporate”.

    I’ve generally been on offices where we had leeway to do things our way, or in smaller (sub-1000 employees) companies where there was good autonomy on the job. Now the thought of being a small cog in a massive corporate machine where everything is pre-ordained is scary. I think having been working with more freedom for a few years and so the idea of being a worker drone is scary. Or wearing formal business dress. But it’s really my best bet at getting the salary and benefits I want.

    Oh, and I’m not happy in my current role although I like the company.

    I don’t know whether it’s realistic worries or just the scaryness of a change.

    1. Small cog here! I think the answer to this depends a bit on your role and how it fits into the organisation. I am one of ~100,000 people at my org, but I’m in a smaller niche function of strategic importance and I feel like I get to be a big fish in my niche’s pond even if I’m a small fish in the ocean of the whole company. Does that help at all?

      1. I think that is my sticking point, im used to being visible and feeling like i really have an impact and suddenly I’d be invisible in a team that isnt high profile (but with better pay).

        I think being in a strategically important team would definitely help offset the worries – and I wouldn’t.

    2. Any chance you’re going from a non-regulated industry/company to a regulated one? Like, private financial advisor/company to, say, BofA? The culture shock will be huge, especially given the concerns you’ve articulated, just given the regulatory backdrop. Not insurmountable, but something you’d want to be aware of, I think.

      1. My background is in industry, which isn’t as strict about dress code, reporting formats etc whereas this is at a universal bank.

    3. I have really complicated feelings about this as someone who has always been “corporate” but recently moved from a 20,000 person organization to a 200,000 person global company. On one hand, I love that my organization actually has the ability to make an impact on the world. We are also shockingly more diverse than smaller organization, and it feels engrained in our culture, not a corporate marketing strategy. BUT- none of that impacts my day-to-day work. In reality, I am 100% a very small cog in a very big corporate machine. So much corporate red tape. So many levels between me and anyone with decision making ability. So many people means nobody takes individual responsibility. Decisions (like return to office) are made on a grand scale and give no leeway for managers to do what is best for their team. I have learned that an organization of this size is absolutely not for me! Title and salary were absolutely determining factors for me to take this role. I don’t regret it, but my future job search will weed out corporations of this size.

  15. Random question – but where besides Starbucks can I easily get biscotti? Random craving for it; haven’t been in a Starbucks in 2+ years and the one closest to me has now closed. Obviously I’m not any kind of expert if I though the pre packaged ones at a chain coffee shop were good. Any idea what brand those are or where to get them/something similar?

    1. Most coffee shops? But they’re also super easy to make at home if you don’t have a place with good ones nearby. The two bakes take a little longer than drop cookies, but it’s pretty hands off.

    2. Any grocery store will have biscotti. My favorite is the almond biscotti from Trader Joe’s.

    4. Grocery stores should sell biscotti. Look in the Italian section if it’s not with the cookies.

      1. oh, and I usually find them in the coffee aisle, rather than with other breakfast things or cookies.

    8. Supermarkets here (including Wegmans) often, but not always, have Nonni biscotti in stock,

  16. I am a couple of seasons into Ozark right now. I have the same feeling as when I read the House of Mirth. It is like people are struggling to improve their lot and fix their problems but they are in quicksand and any movement makes it worse. [FWIW, I agree with the meme that as a child, I would have thought that quicksand was a hazard that people regularly encounter.] At any rate, Helen Pierce would so wear this dress. Wendy Byrde might, but only if it were solid and also indigo blue.

  17. Has anyone here tried Nutrafol for improving hair thickness, quality, etc? I’m 44 and finding my hair to be thinning and just a bit lackluster. A friend recommended Nutrafol, but sometimes I find her a bit gullible when it comes to the promises of beauty and health aids, so I was hoping to get a larger pool of opinions. Thanks!

    1. Yes – I did. Can’t say that I noticed a huge difference and don’t take it anymore. It’s also quite pricey. Fish oil supplements have helped my hair, as well as eating higher quality plant-based fats (avocados, olive oil, nuts).

    2. I’m such a brat, but those commercials drive me insane. “Like, med school was, like, really hard, and my voluminous hair wasn’t so voluminous anymore, so I decided to forget helping people and, like, sell fancy hair vitamins.”

      OP, friends have always been pleased with the hair, skin, and nail vitamins at the drugstore when they’ve needed something in that vein.

    3. I noticed that I was shedding more hair than normal and went to a dermatologist. She suggest I take nutrafol and use a couple of different shampoos. I’m not sure whether the nutrafol or the shampoos helped but at least one of them did help stop the shedding and I noticed much more new hair growth than I had in the preceding few months. I also think nutrafol made me less anxious and depressed which was a great side effect.

    4. My dermatologist recommended Viviscal over Nutrafol but also said to first try any hair/skin/nails vitamin I could get from Walgreens to see if that made a difference with my hair thinning. I bought some Country Life Maxi-Hair vitamins and they do seem to make a difference with my hair and nails, and haven’t felt the need to go to anything more expensive.

      1. I think this is good advice if flipped. I try the expensive one first, then switch to a cheap one to see if it anything gets worse. If I notice worsening, then I know the expensive thing was worth it. If I notice no change then I know the cheap thing works well for me.

        1. LOL that seems expensive and unnecessarily complicated to me, and with regard to hair loss, a bad plan. You don’t want to try something and see regrowth and then stop it and see if your hair falls out – because it may not grow back! Once follicles stop producing hair getting them to grow hair again is difficult.

          Ultimately people suffering from hair loss they’re concerned about need to not waste money on shampoos and vitamins but just try minoxidil, which is the only thing I’ve done that has had any real, measurable results in terms of helping my hair thinning.

          1. I understood the question to be about hair appearance, not growth or hair loss. If it’s about quantity of hairs on head, that’s totally different to me from the thickness or thinness of individual strands!

  18. Has anyone been to Nice? Looking at a trip in late September and keen to get recommendations. Plan is to get the overnight train from Paris on the way down and then possibly a daytime TGV on the way back so I can enjoy the scenery.

    1. I went with my family in high school. I’m not sure late September is the right time to go – it won’t really be beach weather then and I don’t think there’s a whole lot there besides the beach. If I could travel to France in late September I would go to the Loire Valley.

      1. I live in Scotland and don’t do particularly well with very hot weather (and can’t afford high season anyway) so September temperatures in the low 20s (Celsius) seem pretty good to me?
        I hadn’t thought about the Loire though, will explore that idea!

        2. I don’t like hot weather generally either, but I think you’d want the temperature above about 75 (24 C) for swimming/beach? And Nice is kind of boring to me if you’re not swimming or at the beach.

    2. I don’t like hot weather generally either, but I think you’d want the temperature above about 75 (24 C) for swimming/beach? And Nice is kind of boring to me if you’re not swimming or at the beach.

      1. Any good places to eat and drink, particularly interesting museums or day trips people have enjoyed! You never know, with the range of commenters here, someone might have just been and have a list of places they liked.

    3. are you spending any time in Paris? You could just fly into Nice? No help with details, though, because this is a trip that we had scheduled for fall 2020 :\

      1. Oh no, sorry – I’m taking the train instead of flying! It’s an easy journey and it will be part of the holiday for me.

    5. We have family in that part of south of France – I love it! Nice is great, but I wouldn’t want to spend all my time there. There are tons of smaller cities to explore around there that I prefer to Nice. Regardless, I would suggest renting a car. Highly recommend Antibes, St Paul de Vence, Cannes, Eze, and St Jean Cap Ferrat.

      2. I haven’t driven in years and never on that side of the road but I know there is a train to Antibes and Cannes – definitely planning a day trip there.

      3. This is what I would do, except many of these are accessible by a quick train ride.

    7. You’re getting some negative comments but OMG it’s the south of France – it’s going to be great! I went to Roquebrune-surs-Argens last early September and it was beautiful. A little off the beaten path but some distant relations own Chateau de Palayson and it’s a beautiful place to enjoy and purchase some wine. We took the ferry to St. Tropez and walked around. There is interesting hiking and frankly it’s just so pretty and lovely to sit around, drink some wine and eat some good seafood, bread and cheese. Enjoy yourself!

    8. I like Nice! Musee Matisse and Musee Chagall are must sees, and there were a number of other museums and galleries. I enjoyed walking up the hill to the Castle and Jewish Cemetery. The old Nice is cute and walkable, with nice outdoor markets and such. There is some great food. We went last summer and spent a few days there and then used it as a base to explore the region – the local train (TER) was cheap, air conditioned and took us to a number of beautiful locations. We loved Eze, Antibes, Vallauris, and Menton. We also did excursions to Saint-Tropez and Ile Sainte Marguerite by boat, which was very fun. Monaco was worth seeing but not super interesting to spend time in from our perspective. We had some great beach time but most of the beaches are pebbles – bring shoes, and we paid for the beach chairs (expensive, but comfy + felt comfortable leaving our belongings there + they bring you food and drinks). We could have rented a car and gone inland – apparently there is some great hiking but it was hot and busy in July. I think late September would be really nice. I would recommend staying at a Hotel on the Promenade des Anglais or in Old Nice. We enjoyed meals at La Maison de Marie and Le Plongeoir. If you want to splurge, we had a gorgeous meal at Les Remparts in Eze (warning: fancy). We had good ice cream at Fennochios. Anjuna Beach Club in Eze-Plage also had great food and basically turned into a club in the afternoon (a little off-putting but actually super fun – think 20 year olds and grandmas in bikinis going all out to DJ classics on a lovely beach, the whole thing felt very French Riviera but they were super nice and welcoming to us despite the fact that we strolled in sweaty, dusty and in shorts and sneakers from hiking down Chemin de Nietzsche, which I recommend if it isn’t a billion degrees out).

      1. I have to disagree re the Musee Matisse. As my husband described it – “these are all the pieces that Matisse threw away while making his art.”

    9. I think the beach promenade is lovely, and very nice to get the Riviera feel. Stalk the little man on google maps and find a hotel in a cute street where you can get a room with a little balcony – to be able to have a coffee on a balcony, even if it’s an instant from the hotel kettle, feels like a luxury, and there are loads of those hotels.

      If you like cosmetics there’s always some nice french apothecaries with Caudalie, Avene, La Roche del Posay and similar, and there’s an okay size Sephora (no Sephora in the UK, for the US folks).

      I didn’t really enjoy the old town a lot, but I’m not charmed by bric a brac shopping. If I had a few days I’d rent a bicycle and take food from the market on a picnic on a trip by the seafront.

    10. Buy olives, and olive-related foods, in the market; take a bus into the hills above the town.

    11. Thanks everyone for these suggestions! I haven’t had a sunshine holiday since 2018 (same time of year but in Tuscany which I found almost too warm) and I’m really just looking forward to some time where I can soak up some sunshine in bearable heat, swim in the sunshine (looking at hotels with rooftop pools), read outside, try out the French from my 600 day Duolingo streak, and so on. (The most ‘overseas’ I’ve been since Jan 2020 is the Isle of Wight!)

  19. Have your parents gifted you anything sizeable as an adult (after paying for college/grad school if they did that)? I don’t mean a $500 Christmas gift, but rather things like stock, down payments or even a small part of a down payment, money to furnish a home, car/part of car purchase, regular vacation funding or contributions your kids’ private school/college fund etc? Has it been a game changer for you in any way or just a nice to have but I was going to buy that house/car/whatever anyway, this just gave me breathing room?

    1. My grandad died when I was 24 and I was gifted a low five figure sum from the sale of his house, which I used as a deposit only flat.
      Four years on from that, they’re seriously talking about giving me a four figure sum to help reduce the balance of my student loan to the point where I can make a dent in what’s left (U.K. loan with RPI-linked interest rate – i.e. about to go up to 10%).
      If I were in financial trouble they would help me out but they won’t give me cash for breathing room.

    2. My parents loaned us about 2/3 of the money for our first down payment, and it was absolutely a game changer; we would not have bought without the loan. (We paid it back over several years, but it was definitely a gift.). It would have taken us at least 3 more years to save that amount.

    3. My parents loaned us part of our down payment 8 years ago. We paid it back within three years. They’ve helped out my siblings – I don’t know full details, but things like helping refinance student loans and get a car. They couldn’t afford to pay for college for any of us but now that they’re more comfortable, they like to help out when they can. I also know that if I truly hit the skids I could go live with them.

    4. Yes, they have helped me pay off debt which was a huge help. They don’t have the kind of money lying around to give me a down payment or anything like that though (nor would I expect them to).

    5. I get an annual gift of around 10k each year now. It is fourth generation wealth being distributed early to me and my sister during my mother’s lifetime rather than only upon her death. We did not start getting the gifts until 7 years after my grandfather’s death (in our 40s). I have had some rough financial years since the gifts started and mostly direct it toward reducing debt. I am hoping this year will be a bit of a recovery year and I will likely use the money next year to make a significant down payment on a much-needed new car. After that, my intention is to split it between house funds and student loan reduction. I already had a house and car and big student loans when the gifts started and got no help with any of those before. My sister barely works and I think it is most of what she lives on.

    6. Not my parents, but my in-laws. They gifted us 20k when we bought our house, to use either for the down payment or furniture. We were going to buy the house regardless, but in hindsight it was truly a godsend – especially for the furniture tbh, which we hadn’t really thought too much about coming from a 700 sq ft apartment. It also meant we didn’t have to dip too far into our savings (we only put down 5%).

    7. what is the purpose of this post? to make people who have received something feel badly or to make people who haven’t feel badly or help them understand why other people have more than them despite seeming to earn less?

      1. I’m not the OP but I always appreciate these posts. I came from no family wealth, a very small town where no one had family wealth, went to my public state university, and it can be eye opening to see what kind of assistance other people may get. Not just for understanding perspectives of my coworkers, but also to see what kind of things I could maybe consider for my kids in the future. I figured others got their wedding paid for, maybe got schooling paid for, and maybe just had the safety net of being able to move back in with parents if things went south. Getting inheritances from grandparents, money toward a down payment, etc, are all new concepts that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own.

    8. Back in the late 90s, a great uncle left me $2,000. I was shocked to get it (we weren’t close), but he and his late wife had never had children so I guess he thought of me and my siblings fondly. It was a “game-changer” in that it allowed me to buy my first computer.

    9. so we’ve received a decent amount of money, but it has mostly provided breathing room/allows me to sleep better at night. when my grandmother passed away, my dad and his siblings did not keep their inheritance and instead passed it straight to the grandkids. my great uncle grew up dirt poor and built a successful company and then gave me the maximum allowed each year under the gift tax amount while he was alive and left me and my kids some money in his will. my mother passed away too young (like 6 months after she retired) and my dad didn’t need the money, so they changed their will when she was sick so that my sister and I would get her life insurance and retirement accounts. my dad contributes to 529s for my kids as bday gifts. my parents lived well, but below their means with lots of plans upon retirement, but then my mom got sick and made my dad promise to give some of the money to us while he was alive so he could see us enjoy it rather than just wait until he is dead. we spent the money inherited from my grandmother to pay off grad school student loans and the other money made us less nervous when buying a house. i am extremely extremely grateful for all of it. DH earns plenty to support our life but I am in a fairly low paying role, and often feel guilty that i live this nice life that i myself didn’t ‘earn’ and so i try to pay it forward.

    10. I got a full ride scholarship and didn’t use all of the money my parents had set aside in mutual funds, so when I got married my dad signed it over to me. I moved it to where I can manage it easier, but left it in the same fund – It was around $6k then, around $13k now. I think of it as part of our emergency fund, so gives us breathing room.

    11. My parents gave us money towards the down payment on the new house we were building. It helped get the mortgage payment to a number that we could afford. It helped us get a house with some of the features we really wanted. I would say it was a game changer.

      They have also paid for us to go on vacation with them. We could have afforded those vacations on our own, but they enjoyed having the company on the trips. And at the time my dad had some mobility issues, so we helped them with getting around, luggage. etc.

    12. My parents bought me a condo. Huge, huge help—I don’t have a mortgage or rent, but I do pay the taxes, HOA, repairs, etc.

    13. They loaned us $200k so we could make a cash offer on a house, but we paid them back with market rate interest so I don’t really consider that a gift.
      They treat my family to occasional (very nice) vacations.
      They will likely contribute significantly to our kid’s college.
      It’s all very nice to have and I’m definitely grateful, but not something we couldn’t do without.

      My husband has a wealthy uncle who gave us $10k once.

    14. Parents gave me $45K when I needed to quit my job because my boss was evil and destroying my mental health. They are “working rich” (by which I mean they both worked hard their whole lives, maxed out their 401Ks, always paid cash, and accumulated net worth of about $3 million including their house).

      They also put about $200K out of what they inherited when my grandparents died (roughly $800K from their share of the sale of a house my grandparents bought in what turned out to the a HCOL area in the 1950s) into my child’s college fund which should pay for wherever she decides to go.

  20. I just moved into an actual house and would like to plant a few different kinds of perrerials so I have almost constant flowers in bloom. I know tulips are now, but does anyone have a list of the three or four best flowers to plant to have spring – early summer – late summer – fall blooms? In the Chicago area if that matters. Or what do I look for?

    1. Take a day trip to the Chicago Botanic Garden for ideas on what you like. Also the tulips there are beautiful this time of year.

      1. I was at the Chicago Botanic Garden yesterday for mother’s day/my birthday and can confirm, the flowers (especially tulips) are gooooorgeous there right now! I took like 100 photos. Fwiw, we’ve had a late spring this year in this part of the Midwest. Tulips are usually past their peak by Mother’s Day.

    2. Walk around your neighborhood and see what your neighbors with nice gardens are planting, because that’s what will grow well for you too. My neighborhood (in DC) has lots of houses with immense cascades of phlox that just makes a purple carpet everywhere for several weeks in early spring, so I planted some last year and it looked great this spring. Also lots of daffodils for early spring, and hydrangeas for later spring. For summer, daisies (white is perennial, gerbera is annual) and dahlias (annual) do really well for me. Hydrangeas can be nice too. But really, just look at what your neighbors are doing.

        1. Or use the Seek app, which is free (as I recall, Picture This is relatively pricey).

          1. Oooh I love the idea of an app, I always admire the plants in my neighborhood but don’t know any names. This is such a great idea!

      2. Second this. I’m two hours south of Chicago in Indiana, so somewhat similar climate.

        I would plant bulbs: crocus, narcissus and hyacinth are the earliest in my flower beds, then tulips (different kinds).
        Peonies are great in spring and grow quickly every year, but the flowers wilt fast (I cut them for indoor decoration, as well).

        You can also look into native plants for ground coverage/foliage, and as an extra for pollinators. I have bergamot, cardinal flowers, columbine, prairie sundrops, milkweed (later in summer).

        Also, I added a few low-growing shrubs like aronia, pasture rose, coral berries for visual interest, and again, those are beneficial for pollinators and birds.

        For something late-blooming, sedum varieties are great, their dried flower stems make for nice visual interest in winter.

    3. I’m in the Chicago area. For bulbs, we have tulips, hyacinths, and daffodils that come in during late April/early may. Poppies and peonies are good for June. Peonies will take a couple of years to get established, but they’re foolproof and gorgeous! We have a mock orange, hydrangeas, lilacs, and some rhododendrons (PJM elite) for flowering shrubs that bloom at different times throughout the summer. And don’t forget native plants! Wildflowers are super easy and are good for our pollinators.

    4. No specific suggestions, but I encourage considering planting natives or at the very least, checking that what you plant isn’t highly invasive. I curse whoever near my house decided to plant privet at some point, which is the actual worst.

    5. I’d go to a local nursery and ask, bringing with you pictures of where you want to plant. What would work best depends on how much sun each spot gets. (I’m in the city so what works for my yard, which is in part shade or shade due to near by buildings/north facing house, would not work for a suburban yard with full sun). I like Christy Webber Farm and Garden on Chicago. They have a ton of native and other perennials for all different levels of sun. Good luck!

    6. I’m in northern Indiana, not far from Chicago (zone 5b). We have daffodils (late March-early April), tulips (April-early May), peonies (late May-June), irises (late May-June) and last fall we had hydrangeas installed that should bloom summer 2023. We’re hoping to get some sunflowers in this summer so we have a late summer/early fall flower.
      Peonies in particular are really hardy and require basically no maintenance, so I recommend them if you don’t want to worry about watering or pruning or replanting.

  21. Do you have a percentage or dollar amount of your salary that you save in addition to whatever you save for retirement? How did you decide what that savings number should be, are you saving for any particular reason/goal or just because, and how flexible are you with that? Meaning say it’s your goal to save 10% of your monthly take home, do you ever let yourself dip below that for a month or a few months if there’s a specific reason or is it more automatic than that?

    1. I automatically divert a third of my take home into a HY savings account. I use that account for vacations and emergencies/house projects usually.

    2. Standard advice is to save 15% of your salary for retirement. Its recommended that you make these savings automatic. I’ve redirected away when I was getting ready to and had just bought a house, and am now trying to build back up.

      1. The question was savings beyond retirement.

        We used to (just a few hundred a month) but stopped when the daycare years started. When our youngest goes to K in 2023 I hope to start it back up.

    3. I try to save about 1,000 a month above my retirement. It ends up being lower than that for the first 10 months of the year, and then a bit higher when my take home goes up in October or November. I’ve definitely paused months if I had something going on like a lot of unexpected medical expenses (and will probably pause for a month this summer because of crazy camp costs eating my cash). But it’s generally automatic and I don’t see it happen so i can’t spend it.

    4. Sounds like you have a bigger question here. First, I would make sure you have an emergency fund of ~6 months (or more depending on your industry). After that, it’s a personal question of what you want your life to look like. Maybe think about it the other way. What’s the optimal amount of spending that would give you the greatest happiness both now and going forward? Are your retirement savings on track to get you to retirement at a time that is acceptable to you? Are there other priorities you have in life? (home, kids’ college, trip somewhere, etc)

    5. I’m in a similar financial situation to you, but not in law. Mortgage only, max out 401K, have an emergency fund. It sounds like you could use a financial planner to run the numbers for you and calculate how much you need to save annually or monthly. I did this, and for me, there’s a lump sum amount I need to save annually and I work towards that number. It all goes into what’s basically an index fund + bonds in a ratio mix for my age. I don’t automate it because there’s some months where I don’t put in anything (maybe I took a big international trip) another months where I put in 1/3 of the annual number (usually due to bonuses). I generally keep an eye on it and adjust if it looks off. I’m pretty unemotional about my $ though, and market fluctuations don’t really bother me, so this works for me.

    6. I save $5k/year for my child’s college fund, but other than that no savings outside of retirement. If we have an unexpected large expenses we dip into our emergency fund and then replenish it by cutting back on fun spending until the emergency fund is back to the target amount.

  22. Y’all. I’m going to do the thing. Company leadership are recruiting me for an internal job switch. I’d lead a team, be charged with growing the team. I’m compensated in a hybrid but largely commission basis and I’m asking for a large financial backstop and an upgrade in job title to take this on. They know the ask is coming, but it will be formally made today. Very male dominated world. I’m nervous but not backing down. Break out the crystals, pray to your deity of choice, light the incense. Woot!

  23. Any thoughts on disclosing or not disclosing a disability? My boss is the best, seriously the kindest human ever, as far as I can tell she has no prejudice and even has an LGBTQ kid. In the past few years she’s promoted me 3 times and I’m considered a star. I have two trains of thought it which is why I’m seeking your advice. I think disclosing could help dispell myths that disabled people aren’t good employees (I literally had the best performance evaluation in the whole organization last year). However, I think it could also backfire and I could never be promoted again and things that I’m praised for now could be viewed in a bad ‘disability light’. Thoughts?

      1. Autism, which comes with the stereotypical attention to detail, sharp memory, and other ‘quirks’ that make me a great employee.

        1. I do not have autism, but I have disclosed mental illness broadly at work (well-managed anxiety and depression), and it has had some of the stereotype-busting impact you are hoping for. I did it in a position when I had immense political capital, was performing very well, and trusted my manager and her leaders through 4 levels of the chain.

          1. I think well-managed anxiety & depression goes over better than either chronic illness or autism (to the point that it can be beneficial to let people assume that illness symptoms are actually depression & anxiety, since it alarms people less). Emphasis on well-managed in a high performing employee though; I think the perspective shifts if things aren’t going well.

        1. +2. If you’re a star, disclosing your disability will just subject you to unwarranted scrutiny.

      2. Fair enough. I know I should just look out for myself, but it sucks that I don’t have anyone to look up to because women before me didn’t disclose either.

        1. +1M

          I have a kid on the spectrum. Kid is in a club that today is very much celebrating all of the all-star kids who have any disability or are on the spectrum. But that is very different than ensuring that they are treated fair day-to-day. {And a job > a kid’s activity.] I do think that if kid wants, in the last year of eligibility, kid might self-identify once there is nothing left to lose and so that other younger kids know someone else like them did this, too.

    3. Honestly, as someone with a disability, my experience with disclosing hasn’t been very good, but I do think it depends somewhat on the disability. I’m assuming yours is not immediately apparent, which is often the type that’s more stigmatized because people can’t really see what’s happening with you and so they assume you’re just making up excuses or making too big of a deal about it. I have multiple disabilities and I get a much better reaction when I talk about the relatively minor physical disability than when I talk about my chronic illness. Both are a little bit complicated to explain, though, so it’s not easy to bring up without an extended conversation and people still not necessarily understanding how it affects me. If I had simpler conditions, I might be more inclined to disclose.

    4. Are you talking about neurodiversity? Or something like a chronic illness? I’ve got both (yay…) and while I do disclose the chronic illness and the doctor’s visits/surgeries when necessary I don’t disclose the neurodiversity. I don’t need/require accomodations beyond what’s already allowed at work so I just present what I need/what’s happening with treating my illness and my plan for coverage while I’m out. I liked the scripts on ask a manager – something like ‘I’ll be out for X amount of time for an outpatient/inpatient procedure for my illness, I’ve made notes on my open projects and scheduled a handover/debrief call with the team who will be covering for me. I won’t be available past X time, but I’m happy to schedule additional calls to discuss my work or talk about any concerns you have about coverage.’
      I can usually (but not always) flex my longer procedures so I tend to arrange those on slow days/afternoons and on Fridays if possible.

    5. As a disabled person who faces regular systemic and unconscious discrimination in the working world (as a result I’m still nearly entry-level at age 38 despite achieving high ratings for manager-level projects), I wouldn’t disclose. Why invite trouble?

      On the other hand, if you need to disclose to request accommodations, I’d just request the accommodations without explaining why (I believe it’s not required under the ADA to provide reasons).

      1. It’s not required by the ADA, but my experience has been that both HR and my managers have required me to explain my condition if I wanted accommodations. Technically they only need to know how you’re impaired and how to accommodate it, but in reality they ask for much more.

      2. Requesting accommodations without disclosing always works better in my experience (oddly even if the requests themselves imply a specific issue, not naming it is still helpful).

        Most people like to feel like, “I’m providing an accommodation needed to help this employee do their best work, hurrah!”

        Most people are much less comfortable with diagnoses and specifics (being a manager of people doesn’t come with a vast education on every disability in medicine after all, so the extra specifics can be unhelpful as well as unsettling, and can provoke anxieties about liability, feeling coerced, identity politics — not many people have zero such anxieties even if they seem really left leaning).

      3. If you’re requesting an accommodation under the ADA, the employer has the right to require certification from your doctor supporting (a) that you have a disability, and (b) why you need an accommodation for that disability. That information shouldn’t be given to the manager, it should be given to HR. It’s true that the doctor doesn’t have to disclose the specific diagnosis, but as a practical matter, they’re going to share it with HR, usually. But I don’t know that it matters, since you don’t need an accommodation.

    6. The exact disability may matter, but I don’t believe that disclosing while still in this role would help dispel myths, and I think it could harm your career because people would view everything you do in a different light. You could get less credit for your accomplishments, and new scrutiny could be applied to your work or methods.

      Basically, the myths and stigma are way stronger than one counterexample, and whether people believe or feel them isn’t just about whether they are kind or prejudiced or not. It’s expecting too much of an ordinary decent human being to completely overhaul all their societal thinking and beliefs about disability because of one person, when currently so many people who went to school for this for years with the best of intentions still pretty routinely fall into ableism and discrimination (for example, educators, or healthcare providers).

      There’s also a huge difference between disclosing and retaining some plausible deniability. I’ve seen kind, understanding employers treat employees really differently if they basically think of them as having some kind of invisible disability (very understanding and inclusive, generous with accommodations requested without reference to disability) vs. if they have it confirmed (I’ve seen this trigger the projected fear, the scrutiny, the anxiety over whether the employee is still reliable, reluctance to accommodate, etc.).

      So I think this could backfire and hurt you, and that you may actually be in a better position to advocate better for things like hiring disabled people, etc., if you don’t disclose.

      1. +10^1. This has been my experience nearly to the letter (I’m the Anon at 11.29 am and my disability is sensory/communication)

        1. I think w/autism, there can also be an aspect of wishing/hoping/projecting that people would respond the way they might respond if they were also autistic.

          1. I’m on track to be the youngest person in charge of my department, but it’s at the expense of hiding myself. I guess I’m sad that they would think I was less great if they knew the truth.

          2. which will never happen, as the autistic are not good at understanding what everyone else is up to (not judging, just observing).

            I am an employment lawyer and have never/will never self disclose my own neurodivergence or “disability”. it’s not a good idea in the workplace.

          3. Are you saying what I think you’re saying? That I will not get to that level because of my autism?

    7. I can’t answer this question for you, and I totally hear what everyone is saying about the risk. You have the best read on your boss and the situation. I have had my team members disclose disabilities and other super, super personal things to me and I still champion them as their work merits. We’re all human and have our own endowments and challenges. Leaning in with sharing something personal I find can really help build those relationships, and it’s helpful for you to not feel like you’re hiding yourself from everyone. It’s not all risk.

    8. OP, I replied in a nested comment up thread. Reading these stories suggests the odds are against you. I wanted to give one counterexample.

  24. My only debt is my mortgage, I have a fully funded Emergency Fund, have maxed all tax advantaged retirement spaces, and I don’t have any short or medium term savings goals right now. I think I may be coming towards the end of my time making Big Law money and would like to set myself up for success later down the line.

    I’m planning to substantially increase my contributions (i.e. add everything extra now that the student loans are gone and house is bought) to low cost index funds in a taxable brokerage earmarked for retirement on a bimonthly basis until I leave Big Law. Is there any reason that’s the wrong call, be it the stock market’s gyrations, inflation, or something else I’m missing? Thanks!

    1. Complicated question. But I think if you are more than 10-15 years from retirement, this sounds like a fine plan. I think the big things are savings (for retirement, etc) and mortgage pay down. Think about what you want your life to be post big law. Do you want the mortgage paid off because you are going to take a much lower paid job? (Or not because it’s low interest and the job you are thinking about moving into makes the payments affordable.) Apart from that, saving it in an index fund for retirement sounds like a great plan.

      Congrats on the potential move and for thinking through these things in advance!

      1. Thanks for the thoughts! Unless I retire early, I’m 27-30 years out from retirement. I refinanced and recast my mortgage, so I think it should be fine on the lower pay check.

    2. I think your timescale matters, but that sounds reasonable.

      Some thoughts:
      -you’re (likely) an Accredited Investor based on income now. If you don’t expect to be in the future (when I left, I wasn’t), see if you can get their via non-house net worth. It opens up investment opportunities you may want to look in to.
      -If you may want money in the <10 year term that you're earning now, I'd maybe throw some in something less high risk high reward, like a short or medium term notes portfolio, or I bonds or whatever is appropriate for your situation.
      -Since you are (presumably?) turning of the firehose of cash, I'd set aside a lump in cash or something equivalent (and not just taxable index funds). I didn't realize how much I depended on having high income to solve problems, and now obviously need to save my income to plan for emergencies. I know you said you don't have short- or medium- term goals, but you may develop one when you leave, or life may hand you a short- or medium-term emergency/illness/etc.
      -Also look at your health insurance and deductibles and think strategically about pushing anything in to your BigLaw time and policy that makes sense.

      Good luck!

      1. Really good points, thank you! I’ve never looked into becoming an Accredited Investor, so I will definitely see if that’s a good fit. How has it served you?

        I definitely have used the money to solve problems, so I will also look at a lump sum set aside. I did make my first I Bond purchase this year for future needs.

        1. Re: Being an AI, you don’t need to do anything to become one, although you may need to prove it if you want to purchase unregistered securities (i.e. private debt, private equity, real estate interests, etc). In brief, as a single person you either need to have earned 200K the last two years and have a reasonable expectation that you’ll continue to OR have 1M in net worth OUTSIDE of your primary home. Whole definition is in Rule 501 of Reg D promulgated under the 1933 Act. There’s no future-looking expectation required for the net worth, it’s a one-off test at the time of purchase.

          Personally, I’ve used my status to invest in short-term notes (3-9 months with 4-5.5% annualized interest) on yieldstreet, make a few small PE fund investments, and make two small real estate investments on crowdstreet. We’ll see how the long-term investments pan out over the next few years, but I thought I wanted something less exposed to inflation, and I think that was probably a good call.

          The short-term notes are great, because they are way above a savings account rate, and lock up my money so I can’t spend it on dumb things. I am developing a sort of ladder system so the notes mature when I have big expense planned (like my property taxes this winter). Of course, it’s riskier than a bank account and not FDIC insured.

  25. I know covid isn’t a thing for most anymore so please ignore if you think this is crazy, but if you are interested in interviewing for a new job, there are no covid precautions at this point, correct? Like you have to be willing to take maskless meetings in the office at this point? This is in DC at boutique law firms. I’d likely interview this summer and if I were to get anything (big if), I’d ask for a few weeks between jobs and a post Labor Day start. Would you ask anything about what covid policies have been or will be in the future, say if there’s a huge surge in the fall, would you be able to work from home? Or is it even too much to ask now? I feel like if I want a new job, I’ll have to get over it and go interview for a few hours in offices and hope for the best, but I don’t want to lock myself into a situation where things get bad in the fall/winter and I’m in the office maskless 40 hours a week.

    2. This is purely anecdotal, but I think if there’s another surge in the fall, most employers in the DC area aren’t going to make you go to the office just to go to the office. People are going back now, but it’s still not like it was pre-pandemic.

      Here in Maryland close to the DC border, I would say people still seem to prefer outside to indoor eating (although people are eating indoors) and mask-wearing in grocery stores is still probably around 50+%.

      My employer is public health focused and we’re starting to go back to the office. We are not officially required to wear a mask in the building, but people will if, say, they meet with another person in a small office and one or both want to. This area also has a very high vaccination rate, if that makes you feel better.

    3. I live in the Bay Area and it’s fine to wear a high filtration mask even if few others are wearing one. I would think DC would be similar.

      I wouldn’t assume many organizations really know what they’ll do come another surge.

      1. Do you mean it’s ok to wear a mask for interviewing or for starting the actual job in the office? My sense would be it would be looked at strangely for interviews since you’re only there for a few hours max and are trying to make a good impression; but for actually working I think it’s less of a big deal as you’re there 8 hours a day.

          1. Not wearing a mask for a limited time for a job interview is not “risking her life” unless she is over 75, immunocompromised or unvaccinated. The hysterical rhetoric people employ here in these conversations is beyond. Really, you’re still doing this? You haven’t been chastised for it enough yet?

          3. It’s nice not to die of respiratory crisis from acute infection, but some of us also don’t want to die of strokes, heart attacks, or pulmonary embolisms as post-viral sequelae, especially as the protection from breakthrough infection provided by our last round of boosters wears off.

          4. Maybe she is immunocompromised? Something like 3% of the country is. It’s not this weird, almost unheard of thing you seem to think it is.

      1. A lot of places are doing zoom for first rounds at least. They don’t want tons of people walking through their offices either, so that at least cuts down the amount of time you’d have to spend in some office.

    5. DC boutique law here. First thought, DC boutique law is a pretty highly vaccinated crowd. My firm has a “you do you” culture around covid and masks, so if you want to mask, you’re welcome to. The other thought is that I’m not sure how many firms are 100% back in the office. We’re encouraged to come into the office one day a week just to keep connections alive, but no one has to. And all attorneys in our firm have a door that closes, so you can work mask-free if you want to.

    6. DC is mixed, I know people at firms and nonprofits with wildly varying policies. If it’s important to you, you should ask.

    8. I am in NYC and masks are still required in my office! I would definitely ask about WFH/case thresholds for that if interviewing, and for myself personally would not ever take a job again where I had to be in the office when I felt like my health/safety was at risk.

  26. I realized when I watch Netflix, I don’t read. And not just that night- like, the entire week. I read 9 books last month and then started watching Ozark… it’s May 9 and I haven’t cracked a single page of a book.

    1. It’s definitely possible to do both. Watch one less episode each night and pick up your book instead. Or just enjoy binge watching for a few weeks and then go back to your books. I get most of my books from the library, which is a really good way to stay motivated to keep reading- if I don’t, the book will disappear!

    2. I feel like you need to watch Ozark. I can listen to Law & Order and read or do whatever. Ozark I have to pay attention to. It’s like watching Call My Agent — I have to watch the action and read the subtitles. Not much multitasking goes on then (which is a blessed relief, TBH).

    3. It’s possible to do both (read in the morning, watch TV in the evening, for example). But I like to immerse myself in a story, so I tend to switch off back and forth (when I have a good book, Netflix has no chance of attracting my attention; when I’m in the middle of a show on Netflix, I’m not going to pick up a book). I’m too invested in whichever story I’m in the middle of typically.

    4. I do both all the time! I’ll read while watching TV. I also watch TV in the evenings and then read for at least an hour before I go to bed.

    6. I have to pay attention to Ozark. We just finished the finale last night. As for reading, I usually read while I’m eating dinner or lunch. I have e-books on my phone.

  27. Ugh- just feeling discouraged today.

    Work’s had staffing issues for a long time and while we’re seeing the light at the end of the tunnel we’ve had some set backs last week.

    Looking into needed renovations for a house we just bought and feeling like we overpaid, even in this crazy market.

    Have been trying to lose the baby weight and the scale hasn’t budged.

    Happy Monday.

    1. Ugh, same staffing issues. But I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. With what seems to be an impending recession on the horizon, I think we’re just going to hang on by our teeth for a bit. Which, ugh.

    2. “Looking into needed renovations for a house we just bought and feeling like we overpaid, even in this crazy market.”

      SAME!

      I’m trying to breath through it, remind myself that a house is a consumption as well as an investment. That it’s way better than where I was before. And that you don’t know the final outcome until itself sold later down the line.

      But me and my insomnia Redfin searches are right there with you!

      1. I think most people feel this way. I certainly do. In fact, I know I did because I paid for a punch list of items, most of which were not completed by closing and I caved to pressure to close anyway. But 5 years out, that discrepancy is completely eclipsed by the value of living in a home I like in a neighborhood I love with a yard my dogs love and by the growth in value that is >10x the price discrepancy. It’s fine. You will be fine. It’s too late anyway. Enjoy your new homes.

  28. I am leaving for a Girls Trip this Thursday but I have had a cold since last week. Stmptoms

  29. I am leaving for a long-awaited girls trip later this week, but I have been sick with a cold for a few days. Symptoms are cough, congestion, and fatigue. COVID PCR test is negative. What can I do to accelerate my recovery before I leave for the trip?

    1. Sleep and hydrate. See a doctor if you think you have a secondary bacterial infection.

    2. I would go to urgent care just to make sure it didn’t need antibiotics. Possibly get a steroid shot if those generally help you. Agree with the hydrate and sleep above. Also probably a decongestant (Allegra D is my go to) and Flonase — this sounds like my seasonal sinus issues and those generally help clear things up.

      1. Also, if you have a feeling that there is just like thick mucus from sinuses, just an unmedicated saline nasal spray can really help loosen that up so it isn’t like choking you.

      2. I avoid urgent care unless I’m certain there is something they can do to help (antibiotics). I usually pick up another bug while I’m there.

        2. Yes. As my doctor once said when I asked if I should go to urgent care, “heck no — that place is full of sick people!”

    5. tons of hydration, B12, vitamin D, I would also take those awesome ginger/cayenne/ vit C shot drinks they sell in whole foods (I think they actually are amazing and work) along with turmeric tea, gypsy cold care tea, etc.
      I would totally avoid urgent cares or doctors.

    6. Melatonin has been shown to support the immune system (the research is mostly in the context of Covid but I think it would apply to colds and other viruses too).

  30. How do y’all keep track of projects with a longer timeline or that need some serious contemplation time? I have a system that works for me to remember tasks that are off in the distance and then a good to-do system for weekly/daily items. But I’m finally get back to a place in work that I can sit and contemplate things, but haven’t figured out a way to track what those need to be. We use out Outlook and Microsoft apps at work, so systems I could create in that would be great.

    1. This might be helpful if you don’t want to recreate the wheel. https://www.makeuseof.com/use-microsoft-outlook-for-project-management/ And this. https://www.windowscentral.com/microsoft-project-moca-now-outlook-calendar-board-view https://www.techradar.com/news/world-of-tech/roundup/how-to-use-outlook-as-a-time-and-project-management-tool-1106184

      You could read a book like Project Management for the Unofficial Project Manager: A FranklinCovey Title or Project Management Essentials, Fourth Edition: A Quick and Easy Guide to the Most Important Concepts and Best Practices for Managing Your Projects Right. The first one is more for those who don’t have teams.

  31. Polling for some perspective here…
    We’re living with my parents for 6 months as we do construction on our house. We have 3 kids, including a 6 week old baby. My parents are very involved and helpful (my mom will give the baby a 3am bottle, she picks up the older one from preschool). I was a little nervous about living with my parents, as my husband can be a little prickly about people “overstepping” boundaries. But He was fully in favor of living with them so we wouldn’t have to pay 6 figures in rent while we do construction and to have extra sets of hands around with the baby.

    Fast forward to yesterday and he had a complete meltdown over my mom asking him not to have our 5 year old go outside unless the adult outside knows to expect him. IE texting my dad to say Kid #1 sees you on the patio and is coming out to see you- do you have him? And getting a text back saying yes got him! They have a pool, they live near a very busy street, and they have a long driveway that mailmen, landscapers etc absolutely fly down. My mom wants to have a handoff of who is responsible for kids and doesn’t want there to be any chance of a tragedy where it’s like how did the kid get hit by the car? I thought you were watching her! And it’s like I didn’t know she was coming outside and I wasn’t watching her! Is this completely overbearing for a 5 year old? I think it seems pretty reasonable and she didn’t ask in a disrespectful way.

    1. It’s completely normal and reasonable and your husband needs to be reminded that for the price of free housing he needs to cope. Also, it’s hard to live with in laws! If there’s a way for him to have a weekend away, try to make it happen.

    2. I think that’s a totally reasonable request. I can completely understand where your husband is coming from feeling stressed by living in somebody else’s house with somebody else’s rules, but he does need to learn to deal with that sooner than the point of meltdown! Six months is a long time, are you guys able to take a weekend away at all?

    3. If he’s taking all that sweet, sweet free rent and all that sweet, sweet 3 a.m. help, he needs to put up with an occasional interaction that feels intrusive to him. If it were me, I would suggest he see it in just those terms: He pays for the free rent by biting his tongue and smiling and nodding when, as in this case, it’s harmless if not exactly what he would do.

    4. It seems eminently reasonable, even if you weren’t living with her, to her to ask that caretakers hand off responsibility. Especially unpaid caretakers. I am very much a “boundaries” person and it might get my hackles up for a second if an in-law asked me to do that, but it is so so reasonable. I don’t know what ‘boundary’ he thinks she’s overstepping here.

      1. What scares me is that the husband doesn’t think it’s necessary to be 100% sure who is watching the child at all times, especially since there is a pool. Grandma shouldn’t even have to ask him to do handoffs. Handoffs should be the default.

    5. Not your question, but I’ve never had a renovation project end on time. I’d add at least a third to it and ask if the money saved is worth it . . .

    6. In my opinion, what your mom requested should have already been happening. An adult should accompany the child outside and make sure the receiving adult knows they are now on duty, or do the text thing wait for the return text. Especially with a pool (which is hopefully 100% fenced? With no direct access from the house?)
      Read one story of kids getting run over by a lawnmower or car by a relative who didn’t know they were there, let alone the pool dangers.

      Maybe I’m paranoid, but I’d have this rule whether we were there for the day or months. I think kids can get in the most trouble where there’s a group of adults all who think the others are watching the kids.

    7. It’s so reasonable that it is very strange that your husband had a meltdown over it.

    8. This is completely reasonable and your husband needs to respect your parents and be grateful that he is getting free rent for a family of 5 and childcare assistance. I know it is incredibly difficult to live with parents as an adult but he needs to know his place in the whole dynamic.

    9. It’s so reasonable that it makes me suspect husband is stressed about something else and chose that to explode about.

      1. Not at all excusing husband’s meltdown over this, but I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to think the stress is coming from living in somebody else’s house for a long time. I think you could be endlessly grateful for the help and still privately wish you could be back in your own home already.

    10. It’s completely reasonable and I consider myself someone who is annoyed easily by overbearing relatives.

    11. I know a family whose young child was struck by a car and killed when he wandered into the street. Both parents thought the other one had him. Your mother is on the money and your husband is very wrong.

    12. 100% reasonable to require an affirmative hand-off anytime there’s a pool and the child in question cannot swim to the side with all their clothes and shoes on.

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