ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: British Tweed Pencil Skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This emerald green tweed skirt made my heart skip a beat! I’m always on board for a jewel tone, and I love tweeds and other thick fabrics for pencil skirts — they’re great for camouflaging lumps and bumps and avoiding VPL. This green color goes with just about anything — I’d wear it with a white blazer while it’s still warm, and a navy blouse and leopard-print shoes when it cools down. If I were feeling bold, I’d also try it with a royal blue or yellow top. This skirt is $130 and is available in regular sizes 2–16, petite sizes 2–10, and long sizes 4–16. It also comes in navy and pink herringbone. British Tweed Pencil Skirt For a similar shade of green with a lower price tag, try this one from I.N.C., which is only $29.70 on sale and comes in sizes XS–XXL. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. Looking for some great work outfit inspiration? Pictured on the Pin: one / two / three / four / five

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250 Comments

  1. Thanks so much to the ladies who wrote in London travel recommendations yesterday. We were tickled to read them. Hoping your day is going well!

      1. With skirts that aren’t available in petites, I just get a regular and get it taken up. Unlike pants which have a major difference in the seat.

        1. Unfortunately, that does not solve proportion problems from waist to hip or issues on any lined skirt with a slit in back or a kickpleat.

    3. I loathe tweed with the fire of a thousand suns, and I still love this skirt in the green.

    4. The first or second comment is always about how great Elizabeth is and it’s really weird.

  3. I’m trying to decide if I should stay at an in-house job, go back to biglaw, or find another role. I am feeling stifled and alternately bored in the in-house role, but also stressed out because it’s not a natural fit for my skill set. For background, I left biglaw as a 6th year. I was not asked to leave and I think I would have happily stayed and tried for partner there.

    My in-house role is like a unicorn – better commute, higher comp, free health insurance, no more than 50-55 hrs per week, and I only work weekends if I choose to or if an emergency arises. I don’t have kids yet, which would make the question of staying or leaving a no-brainer, but we do hope to have them in the next 2-3 years. (Maternity leave is only 3 months here, paid at least, but there are only 2 or 3 working moms that I know of in the company.) The problem is I don’t love my work environment and I find the work much harder than biglaw to do as a substantive matter.

    What would you do?
    A – stay
    B – go back to biglaw
    C – find something in between

    1. How long have you been in your role? What kind of performance feedback are you getting?

      1. A little over 2 years. Getting great reviews and promotions and have a good relationship with my boss and C-suite leadership.

        1. In that case, is there a way to pivot within your current org? Tell your GC that you’re looking to expand your skillset or take on more XYZ matters or whatever. That way, if you decide you leave, you’ve primed yourself to get another position doing more of what you want. And maybe it will work and you can stay and be happier with what you’re doing.

        2. I say this as someone who gets irked when people act like women need to have kids ASAP, but it’s worth asking: why wait 2-3 years to have kids (presumably, at least two)? You’re 33 if not older, in a stable, high-paying job with reasonable hours. It actually doesn’t get much better than this, especially if you want more than one kid. There are several reasons for this – fertility does plummet around age 37, the increased risks of miscarriage, the IVF works less well the older you get if you need to go that route, increased risks of genetic abnormalities, and you just plain get old. It’s not fun to be pregnant at all, let alone when your body slows down, you don’t sleep as well, you just don’t have the energy you did at age 30.

          Not to mention that you don’t know what will happen in 2021 or 2022. You may have personal catastrophe that makes it challenging to start a family; a recession may hit and you or your partner (if you are parterned) may lose a job, etc.

          1. That really wasn’t her question. Instead of making a slightly more appropriate observation that having kids sooner rather than later when she’s in a very stable environment might make more sense so that she has the flexibility to move a little later on when life as a mother has stabilized a bit. But you went left into her fertility troubles and “the sky is falling” rant? How rude.

          2. So, I disagree with a lot of this – I had kids at 37 and 39, had no trouble conceiving and had plenty of energy for pregnancy and toddler-chasing, and if a catastrophic recession hits I think you may be glad you don’t have kids yet because they’re a major money sink – but I do think it’s worth examining why you’re waiting. Maybe there are very good reasons (she said “we” but didn’t say she was married, perhaps she is merely dating her partner and they want to get married and enjoy being newlyweds for a year first, which I think makes a lot of sense). But if it’s just a vague sense of not being “ready” then it might make sense to go for it. I’m not sure anyone ever feels 100% ready.

          3. I also disagree with a lot of this but will say that I had very serious trouble getting pregnant in my mid-30s and was glad we didn’t wait any longer than we did. We did 3 IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF to get pregnant at 36 (successful) and 5 rounds again when we tried at 38 (unsuccessful w fresh eggs, but we had one frozen embryo left from the first go-around and were finally successful w that). All that said, I wouldn’t have kids just because I was in a job with good perks if it was a job I didn’t like. If I were you, I’d either go back to big law or try to find something else (there’s a reason you left presumably). And leave now because you’ll want at least a year to get settled and qualify for FMLA/maternity benefits. Good luck!

          4. There are plenty of people who have trouble getting pregnant in their late 30s, and plenty of people who have no trouble. Problem is, you don’t know which camp you fall into until it might be too late.

            My general point is that “waiting for the sake of waiting” is, at this juncture, something to reconsider, and it is absolutely a factor in what she does with her job.

          5. If you want to have a child in 2-3 years and you want to switch jobs, you should switch jobs ASAP to build goodwill and qualify for benefits. That said, if you are at a point otherwise in your life where you could have a child — and I don’t know that anyone is every 100% in the “perfect” place — this sounds like it could be a good job for a working parent. And it doesn’t sound like your career is backsliding and you will become less employable elsewhere the longer you stay at this job.

            Unless you know you are going to have difficulties conceiving, very few people can have much certainty as to what that journey will look like for them. If you’re at a job w/good benefits (esp fertility benefits should you need them, the privilege of injecting yourself with hormones multiple times a day in the hopes you might birth a child is expensive).

    2. Is there another in-house option with work you might enjoy more? 50-55 hours a week is still a lot of time to spend doing something you hate, and having kids will not fix that problem. (In fact, it will likely only highlight your misery!)

    3. If it’d be a “no brainer” to stay in-house if you had kids, and kids are in your 2-3 year plan, I’d stay in house. I know that the conventional wisdom around here is “don’t leave before you leave” and I understand that, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to look at your 5 year plan when making big career decisions, including the timeline on which you want kids. That said, I agree you should consider other in-house options. 50-55 hours/week isn’t that light of an in-house workload and you’re not enjoying the work, so maybe you can find something that’s a better fit.

    4. If I were you, I’d try to find another in-house job that is better suited for your interests. Not all in-house jobs are created equally – my first in-house job was incredibly stressful, long hours, and the legal department was poorly run (I left after a year); conversely, my current in-house job is incredible – great people, exciting work, only 40-45 hours/week, etc. Your current job may pay well and have good healthcare benefits, but it doesn’t sound like the right job for you (which is okay!). I’d spend some time thinking about what you really want in a job and working environment and try to find something that is a better fit for you.

    5. I’m in Biglaw and would only go back if you have a clear path to partnership (your own clients or guaranteed work from a partner who will support you). Without that, if you go back I would expect you’d end up in a counsel track at least for a few years. I’m surprised the compensation was higher in-house. Was that because of stock options, etc.? Most Biglaw 6th years who leave have taken a pay cut. If comp is better, I agree with previous posters that your long-term work life balance is likely to be better in-house and perhaps over time you can move to a new role. That seems much easier in-house than in a firm.

    6. I understand missing biglaw because I do too, but I wouldn’t go back unless there was a very clear, “guaranteed” path to partnership — which is unlikely unless you’re bringing a book. If you go back now as an 8th year associate, sure they’ll sit you on the associate track for 2-3 years, you’ll run their matters for them, get great reviews etc. but there is nothing that stops the firm then from saying — well this has been great, but we don’t see you as partner material. No matter how much any firm loved you as a 5th-6th year, it’s a different ballgame as an 8th-9th year when they decide they like you but not enough to want to share the pie — which BTW is way more likely to happen in the next few years anyway as a recession looms (unless your skill set is something like bankruptcy though I suspect not if you’re in house). So then you end up frantically searching for the type of job you already have . . . . Stay put and/or seek another job that’s not an up and out type job.

      1. I just think it’s amusing that you-all think that big law is “more prestigious” than in-house counsel. In the rest of the world, people are more impressed by lawyers who work for companies that actually manufacture / make / sell real goods and services, and think it’s way cooler than just being a partner at X, Y, Z and A Law Firm. The prestige differential is all in big law’s head.

      2. So much this. You are in the danger years…it is _much_ harder to go in-house as a very senior associate who did not make partner. I’ve had a ton of corporate friends go through this. I also would absolutely not go in-house when I am “expensive” right before a shaky economy. I was at Latham when everyone got Lathamized in 2008-2009, and it was a terrible time to be an expensive senior associate. In most cases, all but the most beloved/up for partner “for real” (except many firms did not make many or any partners in those years) senior associates were the first to go. Dip your toe into finding other in-house gigs, but biglaw is really risky right now. Also note that when you’re in-house, you’re a cost center too (not a profit center) so being the new kid on the block makes you vulnerable too. The safest thing you could do is stay put for 12-18 mos and then reassess.

    7. What do you mean maternity leave is “only” 3 months at your current job? Where do you think you’re going to get more than that? It’s paltry, but it’s generous by workplace standards… I’d kill for 3 months parental leave. Signed, had to scrape up twelve weeks of “vacation” and have consequently never taken an actual vacation.

      1. Maternity leave is 18 weeks paid at my biglaw firm. 3 months would be significantly below market in biglaw, which is what OP is comparing this too.

        1. It’s normal for BigLaw, but for almost no other industry. Three months paid is a pretty good deal; I’m relieved that my company offers 12 weeks at 60% of salary.

      2. She means in comparison to Big Law. 4-6 months, most of it paid, is standard at large law firms for attorneys.

    8. If you want to take longer mat leave, why not ask to take some time unpaid? If you previously were in biglaw and now make even more money, it seems like you should be able to save to take some unpaid time. Check to see if your state version of FMLA is more generous. Otherwise, if you’re valuable to your employer, they may be ok with it to keep you happy.

    9. What about going somewhere else (Choice C). If you are going to have a baby, the last thing you want to do is work hard, and then you want to take off for as long as you can before going back part time while you raise the baby. If the money is good, go somewhere else. Not all inhouse places are the same, tho the similarities I see is that they are all pretty tedius and dull, and they have little responsibilities other than having to us in as their outside council to handle the important / difficult stuff. But from your inhouse perspective, less is better, so the less you do and the more you get paid, who cares?

  4. I’m a government attorney in the Midwest. My office dress code is business casual. My standard outfit is a pencil skirt, blouse, sweater, and flats. In cooler weather I add tights. I struggle finding boots or ankle boots that work with a pencil skirt and still look professional. Can you recommend some?

    1. I love the blondo booties from Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack with pencil skirts/tights. Bonus: they’re waterproof!

    2. If you want a flat boot, I’d do something like this: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/marc-fisher-ltd-yale-chelsea-boot-women/4144181?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShoes%2FBooties&color=black%20white%20snake%20print

      I do think a little bit of a heel reads more professional though, unfortunately, especially with a skirt. So you could do something like this:
      https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sam-edelman-raelle-pointy-toe-bootie-women/5329532?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShoes%2FBooties&color=grey%20iris%20leather

    3. I have a few pairs of leather Ecco booties that work for this purpose. They’re very plain in style, yet sleek, which is why they seem to work.

    4. I think the key is a refined sole and simple design. I have my eye on Born Olio or Remo.

  5. Carpal tunnel syndrome — have any of you ever had it? It’s shocking that I’ve never had it before, but it’s come on with a vengeance in the last few weeks. And it hurts! Any recommendations for exercises, tools, or products would be appreciated. I dug a padded wrist rest out of office storage that I’m hoping will help.

    1. You need to stop using your wrist and let it heal. I got by with one of those drugstore wrist braces but mine was pretty minor in the scheme of things. You should probably also see a doctor. It sucks.

    2. It hurts so bad. It kept me awake at night. It is definitely not a made-up thing.

      I got a splint and some giant anti-inflammatories and took a few days away from the keyboard and I haven’t had a flare up again, fingers crossed.

      Take it seriously!

    3. Regular carpal tunnel person. I get flare ups when I’m stressed. I wear a wrist brace at night when I’m sleeping (I curl my hands around the covers and sleep with a bent wrist if not) and wearing it during the days when I have a flare up to be the best. Plus some OTC pain meds gets me through the couple of days I have pain.
      My doc said for occasional flare ups there really isn’t much more to do. Treatment goes brace> pt> surgery and most people are mild enough to only need a brace.

    4. When it started waking me up at night, I went to my primary doctor who referred me to a hand surgeon. After some fun neurological testing (electrical currents!), I was scheduled for surgery. It was in office and lasted about an hour or so, including numbing time. I could drive home, took the next day off, and then was back to work. Two weeks later, stitches came out and I haven’t had any pain since. Definitely worth it.

    5. What worked for me was temporarily wearing a wrist brace (especially while typing and while sleeping).

      Then I did a round of Active Release Therapy (“ART”) while taking supplemental benfotiamine (a form of B1 that can apparently help heal nerves). As the pain went away, I eventually switched to a supportive tape wrap (I don’t know what it’s called; it’s the stretchy athletic tape that only sticks to itself). Now I’m fine.

      I believe they recommended the benfotiamine because they weren’t sure if the carpal tunnel was related to some prediabetic blood sugar readings I had previously. My A1C has actually been fine ever since I improved my diet, but my doctor took a kind of “can’t hurt” attitude towards the B1.

    6. Biglaw associate who got carpel tunnel syndrome as a first year within a week of nonstop forensic discovery here. I’ve tried many gel or foam supports, splints, medicine, stick mouse, warm water soaks, hot packs, ice packs, pen type mouse, mechanical keyboard, and what not — but the only thing that made ir go away for good was the Microsoft Ergonomic Scupt Keyboard and cordless mouse set, which was recommended to me by another suffering third year associate.

      1. Sculpt* keyboard. Rereading your post I realize it may not be work related, so my rec is limited in scope.

    7. Mine turned out to be triggered by stress. When the stressor went away, the carpal tunnel pain went away. Might be worth looking at stress management/relaxation techniques to see if that makes a difference for you at all.

    8. I have carpal tunnel but it’s better now that I carefully manage it. I still can’t do yoga postures where I put a lot of weight on my wrist, but my day to day activities don’t hurt. Here’s what worked for me (it was slow though – over many months):
      -if you have a desk job, get an ergonomic mouse, not just the kind that is better for your hand, but the kind that looks more like a joystick and your hand is turned over keeping your wrist straight and your thumb on top. I have one made by plantronics. Everyone snickers when they see it because it looks like something else, but it really relieved my pain, and if I use a regular mouse for even a day my pain comes back.
      -get Occupational Therapy to release the muscles in your arm – they’re likely very tense and contributing to the issue.
      -wear a brace while sleeping to keep the wrist straight.
      -tape together two tennis balls and use to release fascia in your arm (your OT or PT can show you)

      1. I have the Evoluent Vertical Mouse and it is a GAME CHANGER for my hands and wrists. I highly recommend ART, ice, and a sleeping wrist brace.

    9. I started to get it 1L year but was also doing regular bikram (with the pose where your arms are under your body–dolphin?) and that did something to stretch out those nerves/muscles and I haven’t had issues since (now an 8th year associate)

    10. Very late to this:
      As recommended by a PT I successfully used a brace/ position change in conjunction with pulse doses of B6. If I recall correctly it was 21 days on, 7 days off. A bit of internet research will help with timing etc as there are variations dependent upon your body proportions.

  6. I realize this may be location specific, but I’m going to ask/explain: We sold our house 2 months ago. 12 months ago we had our water heater replace after it died and also had some copper joints around the boiler replaced as they were sort of leaky and identified in our buyers inspection report as something we’d want to repair. AT the time we didn’t know we would be selling within 12 months, but figured he was doing the heater so let’s just get it all done at the same time. The work was done by THE plumber in town (small New England town – everyone recommends him, he’s a man about town, on committees and boards, and has his name, face and work everywhere).

    Fast forward: we sold our house. Buyer waived inspection. Within 7 days of closing they found a gas leak we knew nothing about. Seriously – we had a baby in the house… we would have fixed it had we known. First they sent us the $7k bill to pay, which we declined. Now she’s posting publicly on f-book about how they’re coming after us and our real estate agent for the bill, how we knowingly hid the leak and the work was unpermitted, we lied in the listing and PSA (??) so “#watchyourmail” (which I figure is a reference/threat for her to sue us).

    We 1000% knew nothing about the leak. Seriously. Nothing. With regards to the permit – I asked around since finding this FB post and people say “this town will tell you you need a permit to change a lightbulb”. Shouldn’t the plumber have known to pull one if there was one required? Would this have been on us? Hate playing the ignorant card, but I just don’t know. I thought we were doing it the right way by hiring the right guy who knows the town and would have made a judgment call about needing a permit or not. I’m afraid to call anyone official and stir a pot. Her posts were almost a month old so my attorney suspects she can’t find anyone to rep her since they waived inspection and it was an as-is sale so hopefully this all just goes away. Her closing attorney already turned her down, which we know definitively. I guess I’m trying to figure out if we made a misstep on the permit – is that on me or the contractor?

    1. you hired an attorney so you don’t have to figure it out yourself. Don’t let this crazy facebook lady get to you. She waived inspection, this is the stuff that can happen. Don’t ever look at her facebook again. Don’t call the plumber. Don’t pot stir.

      1. BUT screenshot the crazy posts if they are still up and put them away somewhere

        I don’t think you have anything to worry about. They are d*mn fools for waiving the inspection (and even if you waive inspection as a contingency, STILL GET ONE).

    2. It’s on you to ensure the correct permits are in place. And your home deeds or assessments are considered legal property descriptions, so if anything in there was done without permits, the buyer can absolutely sue you (and win).

      I think you made a wrong move by not paying the gas leak bill. I know it was an as-is sale, but that’s a pretty horrible thing to find as a buyer, and it would have been just a decent thing to do. They very likely have a good case against you.

      1. Huh? Not OP. but why is she expected to give the buyer $7k for a problem she knew nothing about when they were the one who chose to waive inspection? This is a business deal with a stranger, not a family friend, and it sounds like the buyer was represented by an attorney. Surprise bills are exactly the sort of thing you expect when you waive inspection, and I don’t know why you think OP has some kind of moral failing because she didn’t want to give charity to the person who bought her house. I don’t know why you think the buyer has a legal case either, this is an expected consequence of waiving inspection.

      2. I disagree strongly with this take. I’ve bought and sold a lot of property, and sometimes, that’s the way the cookie crumbles, ESPECIALLY if you’re dumb/cocky/desperate enough to take the property as-is and waive inspection. It sucks, but it’s on you as the buyer.

        2. There are six states in New England. Before you spout off about legalities, you ought to be sure that what you are saying is true in all six states, in this situation.

          Buying a property “as is” often means that it’s at a lower price. Risk shifts to the buyer. You don’t get your lower price and your coverage for risk, too.

          1. just FYI, but in New England (especially greater Boston area), it’s quite common to waive inspection and still pay $$$ for a property. You waive the inspection contingency (and sometimes the mortgage contingency) to be a more desirable offer over the seven other offers.

            Not sure about the permit question, but we waived inspection as a contingency for our home in a sought after Boston suburb and 100% understood the risk of doing so – we knew that anything we found during our inspection after the fact would be on us. I’d ignore her!

          2. I lived in the Boston area for 32 years, so I am well aware of this. You are still getting the property for “less,” because you are making your offer more attractive to the seller. You could make your offer equally attractive by offering $50k or $100k above asking.

          3. Anon @ 12:23 has it right. Just because it’s still a lot of money, doesn’t mean you’re not getting a deal.

          4. +1 to Anon at 12:23. Even if you pay well above asking price, it can still be a “deal” if you waive inspection. If you refused to waive inspection, you’d have to make a higher offer to be competitive. The relevant metric isn’t what you pay compared to the asking price, it’s what you pay compared to an offer on the same property that refused to waive inspection. You can almost always pay a lower amount of cash if you waive the inspection.

          5. Chiming in on this point alone because I’m trying to take to heart the advice to let it go and let the anxiety of it all subside / rely on attorney to handle, etc….

            Suburban Boston. 10 offers. Top four offers in dollars ALSO waived inspection. I fully expected we would have to choose between top dollar or a lower offer with a waived inspection (and FWIW we would have gone with dollar because, again, we weren’t hiding anything), but it didn’t play out that way. This market is insane and I’m fully committed to hunkering down in new house for eternity so we don’t have to deal with any of this ever again.

      3. What? Are you an attourney? Because while things absolutely vary state to state, this is not at all status quo.

        If she’d gotten an inspection and not found it, the seller *still* wouldn’t be responsible unless the buyer was able to show that the seller and/or agent knew and failed to disclose re: the gas leak. We ran into this very issue when buying in MA, and we actually ended up being able to prove sellers knew and hid damage that we later found. It was after closing but not by much. We went through the real estate agents (copying my closing atty) and the sellers agreed to pay so no Official Action was taken.

        Re permits, you could check your contract with your plumber. I’ve done a lot of home repair/improvement and some contractors will specifically say permits are the responsibility of the home owner. Otherwise, you can assume (but ask!) that they will obtain them. No reputable electrician is going to replace your electrical panel without making sure a permit is pulled, for example!

      4. Hahahaha no. I obviously haven’t seen the OP’s sales contract but I know what ours said and our said, in the case of waived inspections the seller is NOT LIABLE for anything the buyer discovers is wrong with the home after close of sale (although it said that in legalese). You sound like an ambulance-chasing plaintiff’s lawyer. I hope you’re proud of your choice of career; I would have a hard time living with myself, frankly.
        OP – something similar happened to us, our buyer didn’t waive inspection but refused our offer of a home warranty. We had some appliances in the house that were nearly 20 years old and reaching the end of their usable life. Sure enough, 2 months after we closed sale the oven in the house quit working (it had a minor problem at inspection; we fixed it; it was working at the reinspection and also at the final walkthrough). The buyer’s agent reached out to our seller’s agent and tried to get us to pay for a replacement oven; we laughed and told them to contact our lawyer. I understand the panic/anxiety you’re having but at this point, if you haven’t heard from a lawyer you probably don’t have much to worry about. People love to talk; talking big on Facebook and actually finding a lawyer to take a case like this are two different things. We talked to our attorney just to put him on notice, but three more months have gone by and we haven’t heard a thing. Don’t borrow anxiety. I would screenshot the crazy posts and save them but then put it out of your head and go about your business. I am sorry this happened to you.

      5. No this is completely wrong. As-is/waiving inspection means the buyer assumes the risk. They are the ones behaving horribly here.

      6. I think people are confusing waiving inspection with required disclosures. At least in my state (admittedly not in New England but full of people waiving inspections when they buy houses), waiving inspection doesn’t absolve the seller from the required disclosures, which in many states includes disclosing any work done without a required permit. So, if the plumbing work required a permit and didn’t have one, then the seller should’ve disclosed that work was done without a required permit (and should’ve known to get a permit – most city/town/county building inspectors are happy to answer questions about whether specific work requires a permit). So, the seller could possibly have some liability for a gas leak if it was due to something that went wrong with work that was done without a required permit. Whether the seller can then turn around and sue the plumber for failing to obtain a permit would depend on the language in the contract between the seller and plumber.

        If the gas leak is a completely separate issue, then the buyer who waived inspection doesn’t have any recourse for the gas leak unless she can prove that the seller knew about the issue and didn’t disclose.

        Again, I’m in a different state, but that’s how this situation would play out in my state.

        1. I think you’ve got it totally right here and I would guess that the seller is upset with themselves that they waived inspection and are therefore on the hook for the gas leak, so they’re trying to use an unrelated problem as an out (the unpermitted plumbing issue).

        2. This is the correct response. Two separate issues. If you repped to clear title and work was done with permits, etc., but that was not the case (regardless of your knowledge–you made the rep, and it’s unlikely you had knowledge qualifiers in a residential RE deal), that is separate from waiving inspection.

      7. You couldn’t be more wrong. The point of a home inspection is to ensure that everything is operational and that all needed permits, etc. are in place. You waive it, you bear the brunt if you discover something wrong. I just sold a house as-is with a waived-inspection (Pennsylvania) and that’s how the cookie crumbles. You want the seller to pay for something – you get an inspection, identify the thing that needs to be permitted or remedied, and then it’s part of the sale. Otherwise – you snooze you lose.

        1. Um, you can’t get retroactive permits. If work was done without a permit, you can’t go back in time to get one. That’s why it’s on the seller to disclose whether work was done without a permit. And most inspectors don’t check whether permits were pulled for work because that info is easily available to the buyer or buyer’s agent from the city building inspector’s office (and if they do, they’re definitely charging for that time).

    3. Depends on the contract. Usually it says something to the effect of “the contractor will obtain all necessary permits.” If so, then it’s on the contractor to handle the permits.

    4. I’ve generally relied on the contractor to tell me if a permit was required. Technically, I suppose you could be held accountable (not sure what that means – failed inspection and order to fix it if you were still there?), but I think it was reasonable to rely on the plumber. Hopefully this all goes away.

      1. Yeah, this. I get that it’s hard especially with the facebook posts. But she’s definitely the one who’s going to come out looking crazy here, if that’s any consolation.

    6. Wait-are we sure there was a gas leak? This woman sounds unhinged and desperate for money.

      This isn’t my area of law, but I doubt that the lack of a permit wouldn’t be dispositive evidence of wrongdoing or knowledge of the leak. Don’t beat yourself up.

    8. $7k sounds insane for a gas leak. A gas leak should be able to be repaired with a new pipe or a new fitting. The price alone makes me very suspicious of the allegations.

  7. Does anyone here either own a special wet cleaner for rugs or carpets or have you rented one and DIY’ed the cleaning? We have a large rug in our living room and I noticed that my dog drips a lot of saliva when she gnaws on various smelly chews, her favorite treats. She won’t chew edibles or toys on the hardwood floor so it’s always on the rug, which is too big to take to a dry cleaner. I’m wondering if I should just let her go with it and replace the rug more often or try and keep it clean somehow.

    1. I can’t advise you on whether you want to keep the rug, but carpet cleaning machines are not that difficult. I”ve only rented them, but Ive rented them many times from a couple different places, for carpeted rentals. Most of them have an attachment so you can deep clean your upholstered furniture at the same time.
      I know at least 1 person who owns his own, but I don’t think I would devote the space.

      1. I’ve rented them, and it’s worth it if you don’t mind lugging the (very heavy) machine home and pushing it around. The actual cleaning is slow and tedious, but if you’re just doing a rug, it shouldn’t take very long. Results were as good as hiring someone (though I’d probably be more inclined to hire in the future, because it is a pain to do and I have less time and more money nowadays).

    2. You could try training her to chew her toys on a fluffy dog bed that’s easier to wash and cheaper to replace.

    4. I had an older dog with some…issues late in life and having a wet vac was life-changing. Even after she died and we moved to a new house with new dog, we bought one to clean up after our kids. They aren’t that pricey and make a huge difference IMHO. If you have the room to store it, I’d buy one.

      I’ve also had carpet cleaners come to the house and clean rugs. Sometimes I have had to sign a thing saying they aren’t liable if something happens to the hardwood, I think because of the heat, but I’ve never had an issue.

    5. We rented the big green rug cleaner from L0wes. It was fantastic for our couch cushions, Pottery Barn rug, and upholstery. But I noticed that it was not good for our fancy wool rug (secondhand purchase) because the wool fibers kept clumping up when we tested a few spots. So in this situation it may be better to consult a pro.

      1. Dad rented one from the supermarket when Rosa’s cat decided to piss on the white living room rug instead of the kitty litter when Mom said she would hold the cat for a weekend that Rosa went skiiing. It worked pretty well to get the stain off, although I could still smell piss for a number of months.

    6. Rather than handle the equipment yourself, you might look into a local rug-cleaning service. I was shocked at how affordable it is–we recently hired one and it was $150 for five rooms of about 1500 sq ft total. I was kicking myself that we hadn’t done it sooner, at that rate.

    7. We have owned two Hoover SteamVacs and both had the same problem, a leaky gasket that is not offered as a replacement part. The soapy water drips into the rinse water reservoir, and it makes the entire process a lot more messy and difficult than it needs to be.

      Conceptually, I love the idea of owning a carpet shampooer for small jobs that would be wasteful to hire out (cat hairballs are frequent even with brushing). The steam vacs stand upright, and fit into our utility closet alongside the regular vac. But, I’m soured on Hoover products in particular. I’d suggest buying one, but being extremely thorough about researching reviews.

    8. Many ifs coming up.

      If you are considering replacing it anyhow, if it is an actual rug and not an attached carpet, and if you have an outdoor hose/yard area, you could lug it out there, hose it off (scrubbing with shampoo or dishsoap if needed), let it dry, and see if that did the trick.

    9. I own a rug shampooer that I bought on Amazon, and I love having it for messes and for my dog. It is heavy, but it works well, and I can manage it. I so prefer using it to waiting for a carpet shampooer company to arrive, or renting a huge machine that is harder to manage.

    10. We bought a $150 Bissell machine from the ‘Zon to clean up the occasional cat mess (hairball, spit up) on the carpet. It’s the Bissell SpotClean Professional Portable Carpet Cleaner.

  8. Travel question:

    Driving from Sioux Falls to Mount Rushmore on a Friday afternoon and then flying out of Rapid City on midday Sunday. Any tips on how to best enjoy the park/memorial? How much time to plan for, any other sights to see along the way, etc.

    Thanks!

    1. I found Mt Rushmore fine but underwhelming. Like, it’s a bunch of big faces carved into a mountain, and when we were there you couldn’t find out anything about the cultural context of the place or the history prior to the carving (the visitor’s center was closed for renovation, however). We looked at it for 10 minutes and then were done.

      Badlands National Park, which you’ll come to on the way, is much more interesting in my view and it’s definitely worth doing a short hike (or a longer one if you enjoying hiking) to get out amongst the formations. Bring water – there’s no shade. I enjoyed Spearfish (good hiking and nice breweries) – the drive up Spearfish Canyon is very beautiful and there’s some good hiking in the area. Also, Devil’s Tower (about an hour west into WY) has a very interesting cultural history, which is well-explained, and you can do an easy walk around the bottom.

      1. Maybe visit the Crazy House memorial as well? What the Park (probably? haven’t been in a while) won’t tell you is that the carvings on Mt. Rushmore defaced sacred land for the native tribes, after treaties were broken to take the Black Hills when gold was discovered. That always soured the experience some for me. The Crazy Horse memorial is about Native Americans carving their own heros into the Hills.

        Hot Springs (the town) is about an hour south of Mt Rushmore and has hot springs (the natural feature). Maybe also check out the Wind Caves National Park?

        I have a vague recollection of Rapid City having a neat (to a elementary school kid 30 years ago) museum with dinosaur stuff. There’s a lot of dinosaur bones that come out of the badland formations in ND/SD/MT, so you might find some good displays.

        1. Ditto South Dakota’s take on Mount Rushmore. I don’t remember the visitor’s center, but I do remember standing on the viewing platform, getting my picture taken, and, well, leaving. It’s neat, but it’s not an all-day kind of place.

          I’ve been to Hot Springs, and there’s some sort of indoor pool that uses the mineral waters for swimming during the winter. It was enjoyable…but it was just an indoor pool like you’d find at any hotel. Maybe there are other venues for exploring the springs than the one we went to?

        2. The Dakotas are a great place for paleontology buffs! The museum at the Black Hills Institute is great, as is the geology museum at the School of Mines.

          1. Geology museum is awesome. I had no idea there used to be an ocean where S.D. is now. The aquatic fossils are amazing. I actually loved Mt Rushmore. Watched he movie, hiked around. It was cool.

    3. Do not, I repeat, do NOT stop at Wall Drug. You will be bombarded by billboards for it during your entire drive (they start in Minnesota). It is not worth the 5 minutes it takes to pull off the road. Do not get suckered in.

      I’ll second the recommendation for Badlands. Needles Highway is a beautiful (terrifying) drive as well.

      1. Disagree! It’s such a tourist trap that it’s a sight to behold. Plus they have the dinosaur to take your picture with. Wall Drug is a fun place to stop for a pit stop and half an hour of gawking!

        Recommend you buy the Moon Guide for this area of the country. I used it to plan my XC trip a while

    4. If you have time, get a reservation at Skogen Kitchen. South of Custer State Park. One of the best meals I have had in my entire life.

      1. Ugh now I want to plan a trip to this random part of South Dakota to visit this restaurant. Thanks for nothing ;)

  9. I found a big brown spider in my apartment last Friday – maybe 1.5 inch wide. It was about 5am and I had to catch a flight. I am so so afraid of spiders and this one was particularly scary so I trapped it in a cup and let it sit for the weekend until my SO cwn recluse – which is poisonous and not common in Michigan. It didn’t have a big thorax like pictures I’ve seen of brown recluses. ould kill it on Monday. My SO took it in the cup outside, freed it and squished it. He thinks it may have been a bro
    I guess I don’t know what to do? I am afraid to be in my apartment when there could be these scary spiders hiding behind stuff. Tips? Commiseration?

    2. I get the concern, but recluses are not that big. Size of a coin, give or take. What you saw was most likely a wolf spider. But honestly, if you’re that worried, just squish it. It seems silly to trap it only to have your SO go to the trouble of freeing it, then ultimately killing it.

      Spiders are generally not an issue if you don’t have bugs, so keep the place clean, put out ant traps, maybe some glue traps if you’re really worried, but honestly, the occasional spider happens and it’s no biggie.

    3. It probably wasn’t a brown recluse. Lots of harmless spiders resemble them. You may feel better putting some glue traps in corners behind furniture. That’ll either catch them if they’re there or reassure you that they aren’t.

    4. Hey there fellow arachnophobe. Deep breath. Spiders are THE WORST and I get it. However, given your location it’s not at all likely that it was a brown recluse. If you feel up to looking at pictures of spiders, there is a very interesting twitter account called RecluseOrNot. Probably one out of ten submissions is actually a recluse.

      With cooler temps, spiders are starting to move toward more sheltered areas, including homes. Last year I had some success with spraying diluted peppermint oil around my garage (which is also my gym). You can try that around your doorways. Also make sure that the space around your house is free from leaf litter/debris which is a great hiding place.

    5. Recluses in particular don’t attack humans. They are called recluse for a reason. I have so many around the house and garden, and if you stir one by picking something up they were hiding under, they will run for their life and fling themselves off really high heights. Yesterday: dime sized little one desperately flinging itself off the kitchen counter to get the hell away from the human.

  10. The text in my first post got messed up- sorry!!

    I found a big brown spider in my apartment last Friday – maybe 1.5 inch wide. It was about 5am and I had to catch a flight. I am so so afraid of spiders and this one was particularly scary so I trapped it in a cup and let it sit for the weekend until my SO could kill it on Monday. My SO took it in the cup outside, freed it and squished it. He thinks it may have been a brown recluse – which is poisonous and not common in Michigan. It didn’t have a big thorax like pictures I’ve seen of brown recluses.
    I guess I don’t know what to do? I am afraid to be in my apartment when there could be these scary spiders hiding behind stuff. Tips? Commiseration?

    1. Is your SO actually some kind of spider identification expert? If not, I would assume it’s not a poisonous spider.

    2. It was probably a wolf spider or similar, especially if brown recluses aren’t common in your area. It doesn’t mean that your apartment is infested, but you could do a deep vacuum just to get all the nooks and crannies.

    3. +1 to Wolf Spider. These are friendlies and eat *actual* pest creatures. Take them outside and let them go, if you like, but don’t kill them!

    4. It sounds to me like you probably saw a wolf spider, which don’t bite humans unless you persistently harass them. They also don’t leave webs, and they eat ants and crickets, so they’re pretty much the ideal spiders to have in your house!

      1. I agree. I don’t know one spider from another and even tho spiders are icky looking, Dad says they are actually helpful to trap and eat other insects. They are NOT interested in eating you or even biting you. And at least you have an SO to do the dirty deed with these spiders so be gratful, but I would really have him direct his energy in calming you down rather then killing helpful insects like this one. FOOOEY!

    5. This does not sound like a brown recluse. They are not nearly as large as you describe. It’s some kind of scary, but harmless, yard spider. Use glue traps around your doors and you should be fine.

  11. I want to wear a particular dress for some pictures tomorrow and just discovered that it is super tight in the upper/bust section right now, to the point where I kinda have a uniboob. Sadly the fabric has zero stretch. Obviously I’m not going to lose 5 pounds (or any real pounds) in 24 hours, but is there any quick fix that will temporarily make me look less like a sausage in it? I have spanx but they aren’t helping much because it’s really the bust that’s too tight, not the torso/below that’s controlled by the spanx. I may just wear with no bra at all because then there isn’t a visible bra line…and trust me, nothing is moving out of place. but my boobs look squished.
    I’m guessing this is the best I can do but would be psyched for some magic tip…I feel like it’s two pounds away from looking amazing and I don’t want to give up on it.

    1. Nope. This dress doesn’t fit and doesn’t look good so you should wear something else. You can try a minimizer bra but I’ve never found they do much.

    2. I don’t know that there is a magic fix when the dress doesn’t fit you. The only thing I can think of is letting your boobs do a cleavage thing above the neckline, if it’s properly situated for that.

    4. honestly, 2 lbs is a big meal or a sweaty workout or a p**p. I would drink a lot of water, avoid salt-heavy processed foods, do a sweaty workout and get a lot of sleep tonight. your weight could fluctuate 2 lbs overnight just based on that. (of course, this is not “real” weight loss, just normal weight fluctuation).

    6. I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, and it’s a no-go if it’s a group picture, but could you unzip the dress just for the picture? And do that thing they do in fashion shoots where you clothes-pin it?

    7. If it has a seams with seam allowances that could be let out, that might be possible, but its a high-risk solution (might be visible).

    10. I’m pretty busty and a minimizer bra has saved me in similar situations, so depending on how severe the uniboob is, a strong minimizer might work.

    11. Push-up (no padding) or side-sling bra, straps tight, and band tight and low. You need to get the breast tissue in the place that the tailoring has any space.

      Green tea for de-bloating.

  12. I’m planning to wear a bright tomato red dress to a black tie gala next weekend in Chicago- what color shoes and wrap would you wear? I think black would be too harsh- maybe a pale gold?
    Also, the slit is medium high up my thigh- what’s the polite way to sit with a slit like this? Do I cross my legs into the dress or out of it? Do I try to throw the skirt over my legs while I’m sitting?

      2. Hmm do you have an example of what kind of leopard shoes you mean? I like the idea but none of mine are black tie appropriate

    5. I wear pale gold shoes with my long red dress, and I like the combination a lot. The gold shoes tend to get really dirty though, so I’ve been through several pairs.

  13. Small victories?
    I got my heels down in down dog in yoga yesterday. Was so pleased with myself!

      1. To be fair, it was 95C and my muscles were like jelly but 6 years of weekly yoga and I finally got there.

        1. Don’t sell yourself short, you did it all on your own! It could be that hot and my heels would be no where close.

          1. +1

            4 years of roughly weekly yoga and I’m not there! Didn’t even get there when I was on yoga retreat in the rainforest in summer! Celebrate!

  14. Had anyone used Benjamin Moore ceiling paint? Painting my ceiling in basement this weekend and wondering if I add the white I wanted to use or if it’s typical to just go with the shade of white already premixed in the ceiling paint? I was going to use something like simple white on both ceiling (flat) and baseboards (not flat) but haven’t used the ceiling specific paint before. My research hasnt turned up an answer on this one.

    1. Ceiling paint is flat/matte paint finish. Do not use the same finish on trim. Ceiling paint is flat because it doesn’t get shiny or highlight flaws. And nobody is touching on a regular basis, so it’s less likely to need cleaning. You do not have to use flat paint on your ceiling. If you are going to do white, I wouldn’t tint it – it makes it easier to touch up later with a new can of paint. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t match your trim work.

      Trim usually uses a semi-gloss (or satin at a minimum) – it’s a harder finish and will stand up to cleaning better.

    3. I always paint my ceilings a color and like it better than stark white- pale blue, pastel pink, etc.

    4. I’ve used it, it’s much easier to apply than regular white paint (I think we’re talking about the stuff that goes on pale blue but dries white, if not disregard!). That said, I don’t think it would work if you tinted it, but they should be able to tell you for sure at the paint store. We used it in a bathroom with a glossy white trim – they’re not the same shade of white but are pretty similar, and I love how it looks.

    5. I use Ben Moore ceiling paint as is. All of the woodwork in my house is Ben Moore dove white (including the top trim). I wouldn’t bother matching, with the different finishes it won’t make a difference.

  15. I’ve had supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) for about 20 years and I finally decided to schedule a catheter ablation as the beta-blockers I was prescribed don’t seem to work well to prevent it. I should have the procedure done next month. Wonder if anyone has been through this procedure; if so, what was it like and what was the recovery like? My doctor is saying to plan to be out of work for a week and on modified duty for about two weeks after that.

    1. I did it! I had SVT episodes for many years and could usually make them stop through vagal maneuvers but I finally had a big one that landed me in the ER, and they had to give me adenosine to stop my heart with the hopes that it would start again in a proper rhythm.. which it did, but that was so scary and unpleasant, not to mention expensive, that I finally sought out a cardiac electrophysiologist and got it done.

      The day of the procedure is long but I found it interesting and not at all painful. I was awake long enough to get the arrhythmia started while I was catheterized. They knocked me out while they were ablating the tissue but then I woke right back up when they were done.

      The biggest risk in the days following is that your groin incisions will start bleeding so you’re supposed to take it easy and not lift anything. This is where it’s best that you have someone with you if at all possible.

      After that, my heart would try to go into arrhythmia occasionally and I would feel it thud or skip a beat but it couldn’t find that pathway and has not gone into an SVT rhythm since.

      It’s such a relief to have it done. I used to worry about it happening on an airplane or when I was on transit or during a presentation or some situation where I couldn’t do my thing (the vagal maneuvers) so it has taken an enormous load off of my mind.

      I only wish I’d had it done sooner.

      By the way, ablation for SVT has a much higher cure rate than ablation for A fib. If your SVT is the AVNRT type, which is most common and they will only know once they’re in there with the catheters, then it’s a 95% success rate.

      Best of luck!

      1. Thank you so much for this response! The “happening on an airplane/during a presentation” thing has already happened to me several times and it is hugelyinconvenient…I can never predict when the episodes are going to start and the beta blockers really don’t seem to help much. 90% of the time I can get the SVT to stop with a vagal maneuver but I ended up in the ER a few weeks ago when I had an episode I couldn’t stop. They gave me a choice of being cardioverted (shocked) or getting an IV with a calcium channel blocker/beta blocker combo – I did the IV and that stopped it, but I’ve had enough. Both my PCP and the electrophysiologist are telling me the ablation is the way to go; very safe and they also told me about the 90-95% success rate. Thanks for sharing your experience; I am committed to getting this done, but it is a little scary and reading your response made me feel better.

        1. I realize you asked about time out of work. I believe I had it on Friday and was back at work on Tuesday. I probably should have taken longer but I have a car commute and I was getting restless at home. I can also come in late and leave early if I like, which I think I did.

          If you can take more time off, do it. I was definitely tired for a while – that part surprised me because I’m not sure why I was tired, but my friend who has had several ablations for a-fib said it was the same for him. I got my full pep back a few weeks later.

      1. I don’t know why my very long comment is in mod but here are the high points

        I had PSVT for years (P for paroxysmal) with episodes getting worse. I had ablation. It was a success. I’m super glad I did it. No SVT episodes since. Wish I’d done it sooner – good luck!!

    3. So I had something similar — I had an idiopathic RVOT that was treated with a catheter ablation. The procedure itself wasn’t a big deal, though I will be honest and say that it was a little unnerving to be awake for most of it. Not sure if that will be the case for yours but I was put under sedation while they put the catheter in, then they woke me up enough to get my heart to do whatever it was that it wasn’t supposed to be doing (by giving me something to speed up the heart rate, I think) and then when they found it, put me back under. They gave me some kind of anxiety medication during it so it wasn’t a big deal, just sort of weird. No pain at all afterward but they did want to monitor me for a couple of days, if I remember correctly. Good luck!

      1. Thanks for replying! My doctor did tell me that I would be awake for part of the procedure and I freaked out a little – but then he said “we can give you Valium or Xanax” and when I’m on Xanax, the Earth could be spinning off its axis into the sun and I wouldn’t care. So I think I’ll be all right but it is still kind of horrifying.

        1. It’s not as bad as it sounds! It was much easier than being awake for my c-section. :) . But I felt like it was good to understand that going in because I wasn’t really clear on that part. I figured they meant I’d be awake in that “you’re awake but then you don’t remember a thing” sense. Nope! :) . Glad I did it, though.

    4. I had a radiofrequency ablation 2.5 years ago after dealing with Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome for 17 years. I flew back to my home state to have mine done (scheduled before I moved, military spouse) and stayed with my mom, but didn’t really need any “care” to speak of. I was unfortunately in a role at the time that was difficult to take time off, so I didn’t take much. Take all the time your doc recommends, I wish I had done more. I had the procedure done on a Wednesday, stayed in the hospital one night for monitoring, went home Thursday and vegged out, worked remotely on Friday. Flew home on Saturday evening. Did not take any additional time off. I was very, very tired and a sore and knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have done the timeline like this. However, my grandmother died the week before my procedure, so I had flown in early and had already been couch-surfing at my mom’s for almost 2 weeks. I was anxious to get home to my husband and my own space and be able to process everything that had happened, medically/physically and personally. It was successful (I also had a failed attempt when I was 15), I had no complications, and I have no regrets. Where they went in on my neck was a little gnarly for a while, but now I just have a small scar that’s really only noticeable to me.

  16. Good friends of ours just opened their micro brewery yesterday and DH and I want to get them a gift to celebrate this awesome occasion. The brewery is on the opposite coast from where we are, so patronizing it is not in the cards at the moment. Does anybody have thoughts about what we could get them? Budget is $150 or less.

    1. Fancy beer mugs/steins with the brewery logo engraved or etched on them with a note saying “Cheers” to the new endeavor.

      1. Nooooo, it’s a brewery they are already going to have these.

        I’d get them something personal for the friends that is NOT beer-related. A big bouquet of flowers or something.

        2. Lol. I suggested the mugs. I doubt that they have personalized ones for a brewery. Most bars have plain glasses. But whatever, to each his own – but I have my doubts that a person opening a micro-brewery would be real into flowers on the bar.

          1. I don’t think you’ve been to very many breweries, then. I would bet lots of money they bought cases and cases of logo pint glasses before opening.

          2. The breweries I’ve been to are more likely to have the different shaped glasses (chalice, pilsner, pint) in plain glass than have logo’d ones.

    2. I would go with an Uber eats or similar gift card, but that’s also because I hate getting stuff that then have to keep (can you tell I’m a minimalist). If they just opened, I’m guessing they are completely slammed with work and getting everything up and running. I will get them something to make their life easier over the next few months

      1. I think this is a great idea. Or a gift card to a nice restaurant in their city so they can have a fancy dinner to celebrate?

      2. +1 to a gift card for food, particularly that can be delivered to the brewery — they will be spending long days there in the coming months.

    3. Buy $150 worth of their beer to ship and throw a party w their brewery as a theme! post in IG /tiktok/ blah blahor whatever it is right now

  17. I need some tips for a bad boss. He’s a nice guy but drops the ball on EVERYTHING.
    Ex: Filling out performance evaluations- it is a battle to get him to do it but has to be done. Then when he finally does do it, he forgets to turn it in. It is a constant battle to get anything done and really affects my work since I have to babysit him on even the little things so that our office moves along. It has gotten so bad that I cannot rely on him to do a single thing he says and end up carrying all the weight for his job. I then get in trouble for things that aren’t even my job. For example, he reports to CEO. CEO is dissatisfied with level of communication from him. It gets passed to me by him. I do it sometimes and then other times remind him to communicate XYZ to CEO. He says he does it or will do it but never does. Then CEO is upset for lack of communication. It is an endless cycle, and I cannot do his job (and mine) 100 percent all the time.

    1. I had a boss like this. There was nothing I could do. Worse, it will impact your promotion/raises etc as they will not put an effort to get that for you.

      1. +1. There’s nothing you can do. I solved this problem by leaving for a new job with a better boss.

      2. Yep- I have already noticed this as an issue. How can he get me a raise/promotion for delegating parts of his job without admitting that he is not doing them?

  18. Does anyone know of any good internet forums for gardening (actual gardening) questions? Some fungus-looking thing is killing my quince hedge and I never seem to be able to get to a local garden center when they’re open to ask them.

    1. does your local/state university have a Master Gardeners/Continuing Ed program? Might be able to email them questions/pictures. Otherwise, I think Houzz has regional gardening threads/forums for questions.

    3. Find your local extension. It’s usually, but not always, attached to a university. They are extremely helpful with and plant questions and typically will diagnose problems.

  19. I’m really frustrated with the quality of my work cardigans. I have been on the hunt for a solid non-thin black cardigan that won’t fade or pill within 6 months, but can’t seem to find a good one. In the past I’ve gone with pretty basic cardigans that never broke $40 but I’m realizing I need to invest in such a basic work piece that I wear all the time. Can someone suggest a work horse black cardigan, especially one resistant to fading? I’m willing to pay up to $150 – which I realize isn’t a lot to a lot of people on this board but is three times what I’d normally spend on something like this. I feel like I should be able to get a good black cardigan for this price.

    1. Not sure if this counts as a true cardigan but the J.Crew blazer cardigan works for me.

    2. I think one thing to consider is how often you wash said cardigan. People around here seem to think you can throw knitwear like cardigans in the washer almost as often as you would a tee shirt and expect it to last for years. Also if you are wearing the cardigan Every Single Day, and as you type you end up with your arms rubbing against your body, well, I don’t know that most cardigans wouldn’t pill with that sort of use.

      I….don’t wash sweaters. I nearly always have a layer between me and the cardigan, and I have a car commute and sit all day, so I don’t get sweaty. Thus, Banana Republic Factory cardigans have held up well for me. You might want to try Talbots or Land’s End, but those skew a little boxy/dowdy if you are not careful.

      1. I can’t imagine not washing my cardigans between uses. I layer over T-shirts too, but the armpits still get pretty damp by the end of the day most days. Maybe I’m just kind of gross. I do think it’s fair to say they will wear out over time, especially if you toss them in the machine every week; I use the “delicates” (for lights) and “woolens” (for darks) settings on our building’s machines for this reason, but hand washing is also probably ideal if you’re really into preserving the quality.

      2. I wash knitwear but certainly not every time. I wear an anti perspirant and I tend not to get wet. Unless I get something on my sweaters, I don’t wash them. I have had some sweaters for years because of this.

      3. I see your point. I want this to be my “at the office” sweater, and generally keep it there. I only wash my sweaters/cardigans if the start to smell funky so…once every couple of months? I have to at some point as I’m in Texas and can’t always wear a layer between the cardigan and my shirt (sleeves are barely bearable in the summer).

        I honestly don’t care about the fabric, I’m not anti-non-natural fabrics. A natural fabric is great but IME requires a lot more care and fade quicker.

      4. Fiber content matters – wool should need less washing (it’s got naturally anti-microbial properties), but cotton needs to get washed more often.

        I’m also in the “don’t wash sweaters every time I wear” – but I don’t buy cotton sweaters (they don’t keep me warm). My sweater collection is wool of various types.

    3. Honestly, I’m pretty happy with my black cardigan from H&M, although I guess it might be on the thin side. It hasn’t faded or pilled though, but it can’t go in the dryer.

      1. Fabric wise I’m not particular. Shape – a super basic cardigan, I don’t like boxy, but tbh I wear them unbuttoned the vast majority of the time, so it’ll look fairly boxy no matter the shape, so it doesn’t really matter.

    5. I’d scour Poshmark or Ebay for an MMLafleur jardigan or just splurge and purchase outright if the style suits your needs. It’s made with a fabric that’s almost sort of slippery to the touch. So no pilling and retains its shape well. I own two and wear all the time. They’ve held up like iron.

      1. This seems like a good option. Some of them seem a little to blazer-y (I have good blazers) but the wrap looks more like a cardigan. It’s a little out of my price range but I’ll search the sites you recommended.

    7. I had the same issue as you and I’m a heavy cardigan user. I eventually gave up on all materials except cashmere. It lasts far longer than other materials if it’s good quality cashmere, it’s warm, and it doesn’t seem to fade or show pilling as badly as non-cashmere cardigans. I get them from boden because they fit well, and I’ve been happy with the thickness and quality. I will hand wash them when they smell like they need it.

      1. Cashmere is the answer. I have a black cashmere cardigan that’s 15 years old and is still going strong. I do hand wash it but other than that it gets no special treatment. Cashmere doesn’t fade and won’t hold on to smells the way synthetics or cotton might.

        You can find decent cashmere for $150.

    8. My Calvin Klein cardigan from Macy’s is a workhorse, and I wash it once a week or every two weeks (have had it for a year now, and no noticeable fading).

    9. I get a new one cotton one from jcrew factory every year (they go on sale) and just know that I’ll cycle through them

    10. UNIQLO’s thin merino sweaters/cardigans are inexpensive and awesome.
      For the black, I use Woolite for black. I don’t wash them every wear, but maybe every 5-8 wears or if they start smelling funky.

      1. Seconded. I have not have my uniqlo merino cardigans fade with 2-3 years regular use and washing.

        I wash inside out on Wool cycle (800 spin) in a front loader, with a perfume free wool/silk wash.

        I wash max two cardigans at once.

        Lying flat on towel to dry, or hanging on perfect hanger (perfect shoulders width hanger).

        Iron or steam.

  20. Shot in the dark, but any Chicago-area ladies have a rec for a cleaning service? I’d like for someone to come maybe every two weeks to just do a more thorough cleaning than we are doing every day.

    1. You’re going to have to be a lot more specific than “Chicago area”. In the city? Suburbs? Which neighborhood? Which suburb?

      1. North suburbs, specifically, like Evanston, but in my past experiences, I have seen a lot of cleaning services travel all over, so I figure best to ask the service if they come to my suburb.

    2. I like My Clean! They are in NYC and Chicago. I have been very pleased with their customer service and quality. If you want, I think this code will get your $50 off your first clean.

  21. Last week, I asked for good vibes for my DH, who was interviewing for new position. He’s been offered & has accepted, and the plan is that he will start in early October! He is telling his boss this afternoon, once he talks with the HR department.

    It’s an 80-mile commute each direction by interstate highway, so I’m starting to look at the new city. And, I’ve already had a response to my first application. I didn’t expect things to move quite so fast, but I know that whatever happens, it will work out.

    1. Congratulations! And fingers crossed that you’ll find something you love in $NEW_CITY.

  22. How do you deal on those (seemingly random, to me at least) days where it seems like every decision/choice you made is the opposite of what the boss wanted? None of these choices are earth shattering or meaningful in the long run, but I just feel like I’m being nitpicked on things that wouldn’t necessarily warrant such a response on a different day. I realize it’s more her issue than mine, but I can’t help but feel simultaneously defensive and frustrated because I am not a mindreader.

          2. If you are in Chicago, Do-Rite serves both and they’re really good! I don’t know why this donuts + fried chicken concept hasn’t caught on more broadly.

    2. As much as I like a donut, I’m Team Online Shopping when this happens. Beats crying in the car! (Which has been happening a lot because of non-work stuff.)

    3. Although I am a fan of junk food any day, tbh, I usually deal with these days by venting to someone safe. Grumble to coworkers about clients, grumble to family about serious boss, openly grumble to cowrkers about laid-back boss…

    4. I have a coworker similar to you but from my perspective, it’s not random at all, you just don’t know the cause. Learn to read your boss. I have days where I choose not to go to my boss because I can tell they are not in a good mood and it’s not the right moment to ask about XYZ. My coworker seems incapable of any sort of reading of my boss, which I find odd because there is no poker face there. It results in frustration for my coworker and I can’t really help because I just think, I mean, look at his/her face, don’t go asking your question now.

      1. I think that this really only works if the person is easy to read. Sometimes I figure out that volunteering something about My Latest Screwup ™ won’t be good because I can already hear raised voices, but other times, I’ll have a pleasant interaction at 10 and there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth at 10:15. Everyone has moods, but I really appreciate when people don’t take their moods out on others.

        1. The other thing is that when stuff is exigent, it’s awful when you need a sign-off from somebody who is in a wretched mood. I’m already concerned about trying to fix an issue/do good work, I don’t need a bunch of extra anxiety.

  23. What are your best tips for tackling home paperwork and organization? I am finding myself more and more reluctant to spend time dealing with organization of family related paperwork. I’m annoyed that I have to send a receipt into my FSA every time I make a medical purchase, annoyed with having to sign and remember to physically turn in emergency preparedness paperwork for my kid, get travel certifications for the dog, get reimbursement from vision insurance etc. I used to enjoy being organized but it seems like I have to do more and more each year and I’m starting to feel like all of these institutions, especially the health-related ones, are deliberately out to waste my time. Like maybe I’ll just give up and not file for reimbursement. My husband is no help here and I can’t trust him to do any of this at all (many balls dropped over many years, it’s far more stressful handing off these items to him, believe me I’ve tried really hard). I also understand this stuff isn’t going anywhere. I think I just need a better system than Google calendar and a filing cabinet. What are you doing to keep it manageable?

    1. I think you could totally decide that it’s not worth it to you to submit receipts for reimbursement. Or can you save them up and submit them all quarterly or something? I’m not sure what else to say, other than your husband sounds like a real d!ck, at least in this arena.

    2. I think it makes most sense for one partner to handle all of the paperwork, because that way there’s no need to communicate about it and no danger of something’s getting lost in the shuffle. I am the paperwork person in our family. I sort the mail on the way in from the mailbox and drop junk mail into the recycling bin in the garage. Immediately upon entering the house, I file anything that needs to be filed, shred anything that needs to be shredded, and sort anything that needs to be paid/signed/submitted into the appropriate sections of a small plastic pocket organizer that lives in my work bag. As many bills as possible are on autopay. I have an Outlook calendar alert set to remind me to pay the ones that send e-statements but don’t have autopay. My main planner is a bullet journal, which I use to keep track of random to-do list items like renewing passports and calling for appointments. At lunch every day, I go through the plastic pocket organizer and deal with anything in there, then knock as many things off my bullet journal list as possible.

      My kid is responsible for all school paperwork. She hands it to me to sign, I sign it immediately, and I hand it back to her to return to school. She is not 100% reliable yet, so sometimes I have to ask her if she’s got a permission slip for me to sign or whether she’s returned it yet.

      Whenever my office makes free bulk shredding available for personal papers, I go through our file cabinet and purge old records.

    3. I tackle it in small doses. I have a few files near the where I sort my mail, to be paid, to be filed, to deal with later, to sign and return, and put everything in one. I do that daily. Then on Monday evenings, I spend 30 minutes filing paper, when the 30 minutes is up I get a glass of wine and stop. I also file things by month, for some reason, that works with my brain, so I can find things more easily than filing by subject.

      When my kids were little I spend 10 minutes a night emptying their backpacks, anything that needed signing I signed right then and there and put it back. Anything that needed a check, I wrote the check right then and put it in the backpack.

    4. You could use a tickler file system, where you have a file organizer of some sort with folders for each day or week. You stick the paperwork in the appropriate file as you receive it and then go through that day’s/week’s folder to take care of the items that are almost due.

      Depending on your kid’s age, you could also set aside an hour or two as a designated time to work on paperwork and organization. Go over your calendar, look through the tickler file, and eat some snacks while filling out forms and dealing with administrative tasks together. Your kid can help fill out any permission slips from school, add their events to the calendar, etc. with you there to supervise and sign. Honestly, your husband has no excuse for not being a functional adult in this area, but I totally get why it’s less stressful to do it all yourself. It may not save you any time, but you could make him sit there with you and the kid helping to research/fill out forms/etc. so that you know they get done and your kid knows that this stuff is a part of being an adult.

    5. Camscanner (which is a phone app) is a real godsend to scan receipts on the spot. It saves them in the app. It’s free and awesome. Highly recommend if your scanning is a bugbear.

  24. Please help me support my partner. He has lost two close friends in the last two months. Both of them died unexpectedly. Partner is older than me and feeling suddenly very mortal, in addition to grieving his losses. I’ve repeatedly told him I love him and how sorry I am, but I wish I could do more.

    1. That’s hard, sorry to hear he (and you) are going through that. My husband is also quite a bit older than me so we’ve had similar experiences. I think the usual advice for supporting any grieving loved one applies: just be there and really listen. And be kind to yourself by not expecting that you can take the pain away no matter how loving and reliable you are. They will still grieve, but if you are tuned into their needs and ready to listen, that’s the best thing you can do.

  25. I have been feeling bored in my job recently, it has not been a smooth ride in this role, I had a rough start with my boss and I have 8 months left on this contract. I am already starting to look for other positions. But I’m finding myself not excited to go to work now as opposed to when I had a position and colleagues that I liked. To add to all this I’ve been in a new country for this job–I have posted before about this. I have had to learn to a new language–this part was my own initiative, it was not required and have made some new friends here as well. But I’m really struggling emotionally. Please give me tips on how to get through the next months as I job-hunt, i.e. how to stay motivated in life etc. I know people here discuss therapy, I’m not sure if this is a situation where I should consider seeing a psychologist/therapist. I’m in France so not sure it’s covered by insurance–I don’t have a mutuelle i.e. insurance beyond the basic one. Advice please. Thanks.

    1. French person here (but don’t live in France anymore). I think some amount of therapy may be covered by Securité Sociale if prescribed by a doctor – ask a GP for advice on this. It might be worth looking into it even if not covered, it might be more affordable than you think, and there may be community therapy services available. If you don’t speak French well enough to comfortable in therapy, I think the American Consulate has a list of English-speaking ressources (but not sure what they cost, sorry!).
      A friend of mine moved to France (from Canada) recently and really struggled at first – it can be hard to adapt to a new culture. How long have you been there? Do you have a good group of friends? If you’re in Paris or another large city, there are TONS of expat groups that organize fun activities, outings, books clubs, etc – that’s how my friend met people and got out of her funk. Also, I empathize with disengaging from work, I’ve been there, but if you plan on sticking around for 8 months, that’s a long time to be miserable. Is there anything you can do to re-engage? Network with colleagues? Focus on a new project? Basically, try to invest in something positive in your life – whether it’s work, friends, a new hobby – so you have something to look forward to when you get out of bed in the morning. Maybe try to find a Meetup that does some short weekend trips in France/Europe? Paris can be a grind, but if you moved to France you try to make the best of it and the proximity to lovely countryside/other European cities. Take care, this will get better!

  26. Thanks for the Boston recommendations last week. My 10-year-old and I had a terrific time. She loved the city! I really appreciate all of the thoughtful guidance!

  27. What’s it called when you get feedback from everyone that you’re doing a great job at work but you personally feel like you’re failing? Is that impostor syndrome??

    I moved into a new role in February that was a stretch for me and all the feedback I’ve been getting from bosses and colleagues is overwhelmingly positive…I just personally feel like I’m not doing that great of a job and don’t deserve the praise. I came from a thankless company/role where I got no praise and no sort of feedback, so I’m not used to having so much good feedback and don’t really know how to react to it.

    I haven’t worked in too many companies so this is new to me. Any advice?

    1. Not really imposter syndrome; it’s a holdover from your previous job. Just accept that in a healthy work environment, people have normal expectations, and you are meeting or exceeding those expectations. Also, there is likely a long learning curve, such that six months in, you don’t feel like you are doing well (compared to what you should be doing in the role long-term), but your colleagues think you are doing well (compared to where most people are by month 6).

    2. Yep this is impostor syndrome. I started a new job in March, which was also a stretch for me, and also am receiving positive feedback (#humblebrag). It definitely feels a little weird coming from my previous job! I’m letting myself enjoy it and really recognize how much better it feels than what I experienced before. I also use it to push myself further – not in the unhealthy people-pleaser way I used to, but in the “these people trust me, maybe I should trust myself.”

    3. Sounds like imposter syndrome for sure. What has helped me to explore the various causes for that, dismantle them rationally and repeat until it sticks. While this process goes on, fake it till you make it, has worked for me: pretend to yourself and the world that you’re confident, and the rest will follow.

      Some of the influencing factors for me: having a line of work that is never done, there is always more effort I could put in, and objective accomplishments are very difficult to frame. Working with extremely educated people: we’ve all gone through multiple stages of education, many have a PhD and tons of experience beyond, so we all are used to excelling but now I can always see someone more experienced than me, I am hardly ever the top achiever anymore that I was used to being compared to my high school classmates. But I rationally know I am sufficiently qualified to do the job, and that’s fine.

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