Tuesday’s TPS Report: Cashmere Cable Boatneck Sweater

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Brooks Brothers Cashmere Cable Boatneck Sweater | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. We just rounded up a ton of cashmere sweaters — many of them on great discounts. This sweater is not on any sort of discount, but I'm posting it anyway for two reasons. First, I love that happy bright ORANGE — how rare is that? Secondly, I like the styling of the boatneck-with-crisp-button-front. It's a hard look to pull off, but it's confident, cool, and professional. This sweater is $398 (also available in khaki, yawn). Brooks Brothers Cashmere Cable Boatneck Sweater Here's a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece youd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
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  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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236 Comments

  1. I’m not sure what I’m looking for other than words of wisdom, advice. Maybe just to talk. Last night someone I had been seeing for 5 months ended the relationship. Even though we had an argument this weekend, the break up feels very sudden. Just the week before we were talking about how we could see ourselves together for the long haul and we were talking about having a family together. He was the one who always initiated those conversations; I would never have done that being too scared of getting my hopes up. But since he went in headfirst with those sorts of things, I felt like it was safe to go there too. Anyway, now I’m just devastated. His reasoning for the breakup is that we are incompatible in the way we argue and that “this is the best it’s ever going to be” and it will certainly go on a downward spiral from here. I told him that that’s just something he’s telling himself — that’s not reality. We don’t know what will happen. But that thinking comes from a place of fear. The arguments that we have are only a very small portion of an overall amazing relationship. The best I’ve ever been in at this stage. And we’ve never even had a serious discussion about our arguing styles — we’ve never even consciously tried to change that pattern yet. I just feel like it’s too early for this drastic step and I don’t understand how someone can go from saying “you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met” and being so loving and kind to this. There was so much left to experience.

    Getting through the days are hard. I know I’ll have another relationship, and hopefully one I feel as passionately about as I did this one, but I can’t escape this feeling of huge loss. To go from such hope and possibility to nothing in a heartbeat is really hard to bear.

    1. That’s rough, I’m sorry. I don’t understand his behavior either, and I would feel similarly. Since you didn’t date him that long and didn’t get to know him that well, there’s probably a lot of him that you hadn’t seen yet, and it sounds like maybe he wasn’t as great of a person as it feels like to you. I’d say you dodged a bullet, even if it doesn’t feel that way now.

      It’s normal to feel the way you do, though. Just know that you’ll feel that way again :)

      1. Yay! I love this Cashemere Sweater, and a boatneck is good b/c Frank can’t stare down at my boobie’s, but $400? Even for an up and comeing partner like me, it is realy better for Pricey Monday’s!

        Anyway, Hugs to the OP. Men are so unpredictable. They tell you thing’s that are beleivable, and then you open up your heart and body to them, and then, FOOEY, all of a sudden, they break up with you b/c you are to bossy for them. If you were mousey, they would breakup also, telleing you that you are NOT assertive enough for them. Either way, you are left heartbroken and I send you even MORE HUG’s. You will get over it and find a guy who will provide you with positive vibe’s at least 95% of the time. That should be the standard you reach for. This guy just used you, I’ll bet, kind of like Alan, and who need’s a guy who just want’s to have sex with you. I am all for that, but there has to be something more substeative then him huffeing and puffeing and then rolling over every night and you cleaneing up after him. FOOEY on men like this.

        Dad’s freind’s son — Donald — picked me up at my office and we walked uptown, stoppeing at the 2nd Ave deli. He likes to eat, and afterward, we went back to my apartement (which is NOT something I useueally do, but I want to move thing’s along). We talked a bit and then he started to have alot of gas (he said from the Kasha Knishes he ate – 3). I let him use the toilet, and he was in there for about 15 minute’s. I was afraid he got stuck in there or something — it is NOT a big place, but he eventueally came out. He said he had alot of gas (I could tell b/c my apartement walls are hardley soundproof). He sprayed alot of OUST after he left so it would not be smelley, and afterward, he rushed out. I think he thought I wanted to do something, but I did NOT –other then talkeing — and he kept his hand’s to himself (thank god).

        We are to meet this weekend with Myrna, so that she can tell me what she think’s of him. It is to early to tell, but he at least asked me for my opinion on thing’s and did NOT stare at my body or grab at anything, like others do. I hope he is finaly a guy who I can trust who will make enough money to support me and our children. He has a job with a teck company in Brooklyn, and he said I have a top of the line wireless rooter. I told him about how Dad made me get it b/c he did NOT like the Chinese rooter that Fios gave me. He knows all about teck stuff, so hopefully that will be VERY helpful the next time I have an issue.

        But enough about me. The OP should go out and find another guy immediately! That is what I would do. There are so many fish in the sea (tho many are rotten), she is sure to find a guy who will respect her for her MIND, and not just grope for her female part’s, like some loosers do. Keep us posted and I am sure you will feel better after reading the p’osts of the other corporete’s. YAY!!!!!

      2. Agree. The way he dealt with this comes across as very insensitive to your feelings. That is not an admirable trait IMO.

    2. Big hugs — sorry to hear that. I had guys do that to me too — I always chalked it up to the guy being one who’s super happy to “play house” and go down that “what if” rabbit hole — what would our KIDS look like? and then we could take the grandkids SKIING! — but before they had actually committed emotionally to the relationship or even asked themselves if they wanted to be in the relationship. I tried to see it as a sign of selfishness on their part — that they would go down that road without any thought of my own feelings — and I was always grateful (through the pain) that they did me the favor of taking themselves out of my life.

      Let me ask you this: after he’s done this once (broken up with you abruptly), will you ever trust him again? Could you ever give yourself to the relationship fully without fear that he wouldn’t do it again? That’s the real reason the relationship is over. Find the strength in that and move on as quickly/best you can.

      1. No, you’re right, I couldn’t. It’s really out of my hands at this point, what’s done is done — because he’s made up his mind, and for the reason you state, that it’s hard to see how I could move forward even if he changed his mind. I’m trying to find comfort in that. There is some, I just need to get through this mourning period. It’s hard. I was worried this was coming after the argument this weekend because I could feel him disconnecting. So I’ve been a wreck for a few days now. At least now I know and the uncertainty is gone.

    3. I’m sorry, that sucks. Be sad, but be grateful for him showing you who he really is. He’s someone who chose to run instead of work through something. That isn’t what you want in a life partner. It will get better.

    4. It may not help much, but if you were having arguments in the fighting sense (not the “I think differently and let’s talk about sense), you may actually not have been compatible. I used to think fighting-with-yelling and frustrated people was normal until I met my husband. We don’t agree on everything but we don’t really”fight” and instead just have long discussions about whatever the issue is. For what it’s worth, we met shortly after a terrible breakup for me like the one you describe. Hang in there. It sucks but you’ll get through it.

      1. Agreed. It’s not too helpful in the moment, but you shouldn’t be fighting that often at 5 months. You should still be in the honeymoon period. I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and we probably only have a real fight/disagreement every other month. And they aren’t big fights either. Othertimes we just talk through things. I also think sometimes looking for a “passionate” relationship can really mean looking for a dramatic/unhealthy relationship.

        1. I appreciate the comments. Do you think that’s really true? That if you have some fights in the beginning of the relationship it won’t get better? I think our fights had to do with insecurities prompted by getting serious so quickly without knowing that you can fully “trust” the other person with your feelings. We also only argued about those things when we had been out drinking, which of course exacerbates it. Rather than being able to defuse what should have been an easy enough situation to deal with, we only escalated it. I recognize my role in it and know I let my insecurities win a few times. Now I’m feeling like I really screwed up by giving into those feelings and the whole thing not working out is my fault.

          1. The whole thing not working out is not your fault. There’s no use placing blame on anyone. I really do think that a lot of fights in the beginning of a relationship isn’t a good sign. You are showing each other your best selves during those first few months, so if your best selves are arguing?… What are you both going to be like at your worst? Also, I think things that tend to burn so fast in the beginning tend to burn out quickly…but that’s just my experience.

          2. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist so you can talk through these questions.

          3. I’ve been married 10 years, with hubby for 13. We argue and have since week 2, lol. It’s our way of working it out. We go through periods of frequent arguing to periods of no arguing. Perfectly normal and works for us. Some people who are less confrontational would probably run from our relationship, but we don’t have a problem with being so… blunt, I guess is the nicest way to put it.

            Sound like OP’s ex hated confrontation. At least he told her now rather than later. She’s better off without him.

          4. Some of the wisest relationship advice I’ve ever heard is that the problems in the beginning are the same as in the end. The immediate subject matter might change, but the underlying issues are more or less the same. I’ve found that to be the case in my marriage. A big part of the process of commitment to me was was figuring out if they were problems I could deal with, or if they were real dealbreakers. Yesterday’s conversation about a husband wanting to go to grad school and the poster feeling that, yet again, she was putting more into the marriage than she was taking out and that she was being taken advantage of is another example that comes to mind.

            I don’t think it’s that fighting in the beginning means the relationship is doomed from the start, and I don’t think you can blame yourself (takes two to tango) but looking at those fights might offer some clues as to where things got off track, or where the foundation of the relationship was weak. Good luck, and hope that there are happier days ahead.

          5. I read something recently… and I wish I could remember where so I could link it… but it was something along the lines of, couples tend to fight more than normal when they reach the end of their honeymoon phase because they’re working out how to really be together. I think of the first 6ish months as the honeymoon period; after that, the veneer starts to wear.

            This DOOSH was perfectly happy to live out his little fantasy with you, but as soon as things for a teensy bit tough, he bailed. No communication, no warning, nothing. He just shut down. That’s not a good quality in a life partner.

          6. I don’t think it’s normal to fight a lot at the beginning.

            But regardless of whether it’s normal or not, HE clearly felt it was abnormal, and he gets a say in his own life. Maybe you and Toffee are comfortable with that type of relationship dynamic, but he wasn’t, and I personally wouldn’t be either. I don’t think it’s a workable situation if one person isn’t comfortable with the relationship dynamic, and if it had played out you might have found that he would have become increasingly resentful towards you and hurtful as a result. (And I personally don’t think that makes him non-confrontational. Especially since he seemed to have an issue with “fight style” rather than “fight frequency.”)

            I’m not trying to be insensitive, but rather just trying to insert logic into it (which helps me handle emotional situations so I apologize if it’s completely unhelpful to you). To echo kc, this isn’t your fault. You can be the ripest juiciest peach in the world, and there’s always going to someone that doesn’t like peaches. :)

            The times after rough breakups are the biggest opportunities for self-reflection and growth (on YOUR terms, not someone else’s), so I really encourage you to take this crappy situation and turn it to your advantage! Sending internet hugs!

          7. I tend to agree that fighting so early on is not a good sign. As I’ve said before, I think a good relationship should, for the most part, be easy. Certainly in the beginning, when everybody is on his or her best behavior.

            If you were fighting because you’d gotten so serious so quickly before you knew you could trust one another, then maybe the lesson is to put on the brakes a little more next time so that the seriousness of the relationship is more in line with the level of trust. I’m actually practicing what I’m preaching with New Guy (with a lot of coaching from Dr. Shrink), and it’s been surprisingly great so far!

            So yeah, I second Wildkitten’s suggestion to get some therapy to work through this. And please be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself and tell yourself it’s your fault. “Fault” isn’t even a useful concept in these kinds of things.

          8. I am going to seek some counseling. I looked at past posts that had recs for therapists in my area. At the very least, if I’m going through this much pain I want to have learned something from it and come out the better for it. Thanks all.

    5. I also had one of those brief, intense relationships. It was a really painful breakup and the only way out was through. Then Mr. Intense kept trying to re-kindle things and fix it by taking it slow, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me etc. Like previous posters said, he’d already shown that he couldn’t be trusted or changed so it made it easier to stay strong. And yes, you will be in a happy relationship again. Hang in there.

    6. Ugh I’m sorry to hear this, but as said above, sounds like you’ll be better off for it in the long run (doesn’t help right now, I know – where’s Shots, Shots, Shots when we need her?). The behaviour is very baffling, but unfortunately I’ve come across it a number of times. Guys tends to be super keen at the start but then suddenly it catches up with them and becomes a bit too real and they can’t deal.

      Key: do not speak to him. If he calls, don’t answer. If he texts, delete it.

      You will get through it and I’m sending you big hugs all around!

      1. Thanks… I appreciate it. Appreciate all the feedback and kind words. Easier said than done not answering calls or texts… but with this guy, I think it’s unlikely I’ll get either. Ughh, can’t wait until I start feeling anything other than terrible. Wish there was a way to fast forward.

      2. Yeah, I think for some reason guys have the entire relationship in their head before anything actually happens sometimes! it drives me crazy!

    7. It’s interesting that he’s focusing on the style of arguing. Yeah, that can be a problem for couples, but it’s also something you can work on – both separately or together or with a therapist. To me, the red flag might be that he doesn’t believe people can work through these things. That’s sad. You’re probably better off without him. If he is running away without even trying to work on an issue, then you won’t trust him to do it again.

    8. So sorry that you’re going through this. Be kind to yourself, know that it will get better with time ,and that you absolutely deserve to be with someone who won’t bail at the first sign of difficulty.

    9. SIIGHH I am so sorry. I went through something similar this year, just a total surprise. It is really hard, but the one thing I just keep reminding myself over and over is, if he didn’t want to be with me, he didn’t want to, and there’s nothing I could have done about it. I am like you in wanting to logic him out of it, but other people’s feelings don’t work that way.

      The thing that helped the most was that a few months later I went on a date with a guy that I had a REALLY great time with. It didn’t really go anywhere, but it really helped realizing i CAN feel that excited about someone other than BreakUp Dude.

      But now it just sucks, I know. Do nice things for yourself and I’m sending lots and lots of {Internet Huuuuggggsss} and wine and cookies. Come here whenever you need to vent, we’re here!

      1. Thanks for the kind words. How did you meet the new person you went on a date with? Sorry if that seems like a beside-the-point question it’s just comforting to hear about times other people went through this. Did anything help before that date, other than the passing of time?

        1. Not at all, whatever helps! The thing that helped in the immediate aftermath was telling a few friends that I was really sad and they were great and made an effort to spend time doing things with me to distract me, lots of lady-hang-out time. Movies, just getting take out and hanging out, doing weekend breakfast, etc. I also went on some women’s group events through meetup.com, again, just being out in the world with other women and not letting myself think about the guy for a little while. So, I hope you have some friends who will do that. And if you want, we can be email penpals or you can join the facebook dating support group we have if you need venting and commiseration time.

          As for the date, it took about 3 months before I felt at all ready for it, but it wasn’t planned at all. I did restart my online dating profile, but I didn’t really feel up to replying to people. But I went to a local Happy Hour meetup (again, through meetup.com) and even though I had no intention of this happening at all, I met a guy who was really cool and we chatted for a long time and then he asked me out on a date the next weekend.

          Anyway, I really hope things get better soon, I know what you mean I always wish for that fast forward button, too, but really, let me know if you ever want to talk more! HUGS

          1. Thanks. It’s reassuring to hear. I do have some great friends who are there for me and are a huge comfort right now.

          2. Oh, that is so great! I am usually really bad at asking for help for things like this, but I was really glad I did for once. It made all the difference, and my friends were happy to hang out with me even though I was kind of a wet blanket. ;o)

    1. I’ve had good luck with the Gemma – although, like all things at BR, I only buy when they are on sale. I don’t wear them that often (maybe once a month), but I’ve had some for nearly two years now and they look new. I do think they stretch out a bit (in length) over time/just hanging in the closet. When I notice it, I just give it some time in the dryer instead of drying flat (I machine wash in a laundry bag).
      I would say the sizing is “normal” for BR. I’m sometimes on the boundary of petite and regular sizes, and I use the petite in these.

    2. I have notice a lot of variation in the fit of the Gemma depending on the print. For reference, I’m 5’2 with a decent amount of muscle mass on my lower body wear a PS. I bought the solid black Gemma first–good fit, flattering, A+ all around (note: I wear a cami under the dress or a big necklace at work). The next one I tried on–a navy and blue geometric print–had a markedly higher waist than the solid black version. Then I tried the dress in two other prints, the grey feather and a small geometric black and white. One was frumptastic, the other super clingy in all the wrong places. I ended up getting a second Gemma in a crazy black and white print that reads very DVF. I feel awesome in it. I recommend either ordering a variety of prints offline, or going into the store and trying a few on. Also experiment a bit with how you tie it. I like to wrap the longer “piece” around a second time to create a wider waist band, and tie a simple knot on my hip.

  2. This is like a scoop neck / boatneck hybrid, no? Boatnecks have a tendency to strangle me, so I like this.

  3. I have a DVF wrap that I’ve been avoiding all winter. But what if I put a solid and coordinating infinity scarf on over the V? Too artsy / mumsy / PTA?

    I am SO TIRED of my winter clothes. Damn you, groundhog.

    1. Not sure whether I would put a scarf over a wrap dress, but that doesn’t scream “PTA” to me. Around here, “PTA” means mom jeans + sweatshirt from large public university + no makeup + Timex digital watch. Bonus points if you are carrying a CrockPot and/or look as if you haven’t showered in three days. It’s all about the martyrdom.

    2. I wear scarves, infinity of otherwise, over wrap dresses all the time. I don’t really get why one wouldn’t?

      1. For you, is this a work outfit? Or a casual / weekend / nonwork outfit?

        I get creative (not a suit, not a pencil skirt + jacket) and I am not sure if it passes for the office. The guys are doing business-casual just fine. Not enough female examples who are doing it well.

        Thanks!

        1. I think a wrap dress + infinity scarf would be appropriate in any situation where a wrap dress is appropriate.

          1. Ehh…you could wear a wrap dress to a wedding but you wouldn’t want to put an knitted infinity scarf over it. Silk scarf maybe.

            In general, I think a knitted infinity scarf works with a wrap dress, but will make it appear more casual or maybe a little less polished. So I guess this would be a know-your-office type thing.

    3. What if… you send me your DVF wrap and I wear the hell out of it for awhile, then send it back when you realize how foolish you were to ever spurn it? Does that sound like something you might be interested in? :)

      1. I haven’t spurned it, really! I am one of those people who freezes, so I’ve even thought of wearing it with a microfiber turtleneck underneath (which I have not done with a DVF wrap, but have done with a DVF Reina), all with fleece tights and La Canadienne Passion boots.

        [And I’m all about square scarves, but the only solid I have is an infinity scarf and they are so darn easy when I’m rushed for time.]

        I just don’t want to look too Olsen Twin with the layers. But it is so cold and I’m so tired of my winter clothes that I don’t care on weekends and am leaning towards not caring at work even it it makes me some odd eccentric dresser for a while.

        But yes: great idea of yours. Maybe we can swap closets?

  4. Lot’s of hugs from someone who has also been abruptly dumped. I agree with others on the thread that you dodged a bullet. The dude has pi$$ poor conflict management skills if his reaction to a fight is to run away. Nothing about this behavior suggests a rational, mature attitude towards marriage (does he really think that married couples never have nasty fights?)

  5. Has anyone gotten better at being detail oriented? I’m a mid-level associate, and I’ve been told by a couple of partners I need to work on this. Not in a Big Conversation, but casually. One mentioned that sometimes I have typos in my work (true). The other didn’t give any details but I’ve had a couple of instances with him lately where I didn’t realize we’d already produced a certain document and I forgot to email a document to a client the day we got it (I did send it the next day.

    I do think I need to slow down somewhat and get ahead of deadlines more. Sometimes I feel so swamped that I don’t feel like I can get ahead.

    Has anyone overcome a problem like this? Tips?

    1. My solution to typos is 1) to have my assistant proof-read for me and 2) do my edits from a paper draft and not on the screen.

      1. Yes, always proofread on paper. Also, as much as you can, slow down. Read out loud or line by line. I know it’s hard and I am not always good at this myself.

      2. +1 and +1 (+2?) If you are typo prone (I totally am when I’m in a hurry) you need to use whatever resources you have to fix ’em. Mine are an eagle-eyed assistant, printing on paper, etc.

    2. +1 to proofreading on paper rather than the screen.

      Also, to the extent that you can get ahead of your deadlines enough to do this, I’ve had a lot of success with finishing something, putting it away for several hours or even overnight, then printing and proofreading it at a later time. It’s easier to spot the typos when I have some distance from the work. (I’ll even do this with important client emails, to the extent that I can – draft it without anyone in the “To” field and save it in my drafts folder in my email, then go back to it in an hour or two, proof, and then send.)

      With stuff like remembering to send things, I keep a legal pad next to me at all times with my to-do list on it, and anytime I get something new in, I either deal with it immediately or add it to the list. Before I leave for the day, I read the entire list to determine if there’s anything I missed and should deal with before walking out the door.

      1. Agree with taking some space from it if possible before proofreading. I also try to keep a list of mistakes I often make so that I know to look for them when I’m proofreading.

      2. +2. Also, someone suggested here (which I always forget, but it was REALLY HELPFUL) to proofread from the back.

        I had this issue also as a mid-level and part of it was my thinking “it shouldn’t take this much time to proofread”. But it really does!!!

      3. Agree – I build in a day on my “turn around” time so that I always (if possible) have time to let a document sit overnight before I give it a final proofread. And I do different passes through the document: one for typos, one for citation consistency, one checking caption/footers/headings.

        I keep a bigger post-it next to my computer and when the little tasks that I need to do pop up (forwarding client emails, calling opposing counsel, etc.), I just write it there and then make sure that I do those tasks before I go home for the day. For the big deadlines, I have a paper calendar with major filing deadlines, my Outlook calendar for all deadlines/appointments/deadlines to send drafts to partners, etc., and a white board with everything “to do” that I can possibly think of.

    3. If you have a problem with typos in emails, and you can afford the time, you can set up a short delay on any emails that go out, so that you hit send, then realize you might’ve made a typo, or that you really should proofread that email before it goes to your director, and you can catch it before it sends.

      For some reason, saying “I need to proofread emails before I send them” never works as well.

    4. On a similar note, how do you forgive yourself for failing at something like this? I was just pulled on last night to to research a specific legal issue for a brief due today. I thought I’d go above and beyond and look up some of the pleadings so that I could really tailor my research. It turned out that I misread one of the facts and ended up doing about twice as much work as necessary as a result. I found out this morning (when the senior associate pointed it out to me) and now I’m just sitting here screaming at myself instead of getting any work done…

    5. Finish projects early enough so you have time to set it aside for at least an hour before proof reading.

      Print whatever you’re proofing.

      Do a “ruler read”–use a ruler to cover the text below the line you’re proofing. This keeps you from jumping ahead and missing your typos.

      Do a “CTFL F” search for apostrophes, and make sure you haven’t accidentally made a plural a possessive.

      This is more of writing tip, but: go through your work and circle all of the “to be” verbs [am, is, are, was, were, being, be, been]. Can you revise these sentences to eliminate them?

      Accept that sometimes typos happen and move on.

      1. Can you explain more about the ‘eliminate the to be’ verbs? I’m not sure I’ve seen that tip before.

        1. This was an editing tip I learned from my 7th grade English teacher! Unnecessary “to be” verbs are flat, and often result in wordy writing. Substituting stronger verbs makes the prose more engaging to the reader.

        2. It’s a short cut to eliminate passive voice in your writing. Not all be verbs are passive, and not all passive writing has a be, but it’s a good quick check.

    6. Just an aside, this morning I learned that g*mail prompts you to attach your file if it detects you stated “I am attaching” in the body of the email. I am half-creeped out that it knows this, and half want to know why outlook couldn’t do this so I am saved from having to send embarassing follows up attaching documents half the time.

      My only suggestion with that is to attach the document first before drafting the rest of the email so there’s less chance of forgetting.

      1. My outlook does do this and has saved me many times. Maybe you can turn this on in the settings?

        1. +1 My outlook does this, too. In Outlook 2013 you can enable it in Outlook Options, then Mail, scroll down to Send Messages. It is the last option in that section.

    7. This is something I’m working on also. In addition to the good advice others have given (proofread on paper!), I have noticed a problem for me is I just think I should take less time on things, and I have to accept that I’m wrong. So, I expect a task will take 20 minutes, and I spend 20 minutes on it and make mistakes. I’m just learning (repeatedly) that tasks take longer than I expect them to, so I need to slow down. This has really cut down on my mistakes.

      1. Agreed with all of the advice above, and this is something everyone has to learn, unless they’re naturally obsessive-compulsive. + 1 million on the printing things out and proofing.

        I keep a legal pad with a master to-do list that has absolutely everything on it. Everything, from returning a phone call, scheduling lunch, etc, goes on it. Hard filing deadlines go in my outlook calendar. One practice that has served me really well is taking five minutes before I leave the office at the end of the day to look over the master to-do list and making sure I’m not forgetting anything that has to go out that day. Bonus points if I make the next day’s mini-list of “must do todays” before I leave.

    8. Above commentors have typo tips pretty well covered. As for remembering all those little things you’re supposed to do, I keep a running to do list of the more major/long term tasks and use stickies for those bajilliion thoughts that pop into my head about things I don’t have time to deal with right now. I stick then under my computer screens (something about stickies on the edge of the screen looks more cluttered to me.) At the end of each day, I make sure to glance over sticky-land to see if there’s anything I need to take care of before I go.

    9. Thanks for the helpful tips! And I’m glad to know im not alone in this. I tried some of these strategies just today, and I think they’re already helping.

  6. Any recommendations for Cancun? I’m going with a female friend in a few weeks, she’s late 20s, I’m early 30s and we are happy to throw money at the good stuff like fancy restaurants/bars etc (we are staying in all inclusive in the hotel area, but would probably not want to spend every single night in the hotel!). Any good day trips anyone has done that would be worth going to? Mostly we will be lying around on the beach with a cocktail, but we’d like to have at least some culture thrown in there and nice food is generally a huge attraction for us.

    1. The Tulum ruins are really neat – it’s a large ruins complex and it’s overlooking the ocean and you can swim at a beach underneath them.

    2. I think you’ll be about a 5 hour drive to Chichen Itza, one of the 7 wonders of the world!

    3. Tours by Flavio goes to Chichen Itza and stops at a cenote. I want to try it on my next trip. Lots of good reviews on Trip Advisor.

    4. We really enjoyed snorkeling along the coral reef. The restaurants and nightclubs in Cancun seem to be primarily chains that cater to tourists. I’d rather stay at the resorts for food and go out on day trips.

    5. Ha! John Brooke and I are leaving tomorrow on our own Cancun trip! Not going to be much help though, as our plans are entirely “lay on the beach with cocktails” and “hang around the hotel”

    1. Staying in and making a more labor-intensive dinner than normal together. Unfortunately but deliciously, enjoying a nice bottle of wine (we are TTC and didn’t happen this cycle). No gifts – we save those for anniversaries.

      1. True romantics over here: my husband volunteered to cover the weekend shift so I’m going to my office and he’s going to his. We’re on the same campus so we’ll pick up takeaway for lunch. This is shaping up to be a hellish week (unexpected dinner guests, 3 extra hours of teaching, a few evening events) so I may take advantage of midday yoga on Saturday.

      2. A little solidarity for you, Cat– we have the same Valentine plans, are also TTC, and we’ll find out that morning if this is “the” cycle or not. We have the fancy wine on hand just in case of disappointment. Good luck!

    2. Seeing Fifty Shades of Grey (which I have not read…although I did read some of it when it was fanfic…and which looks hilariously awkward and terrible) with my BFF at one of those theaters where you can order food and have adult beverages. Ubering to and fro so that we can fully enjoy said adult beverages.

        1. It is the same way that I enjoyed whichever of the Twilight movies involved the bed-destroying s*xytimes, and let me tell you, it really helped.

      1. I’ve mentioned my Victorian Women’s Writers class I’m taking at the moment on here before – today we discussed 50 shades as the modern equivalent to the Victorian Sensation novel. So you can feel all highbrow and worthy!

        (My plans for the evening… I’m away skiing with my parents.)

        1. Ha, I am an ex-English/Creative Writing major, so that sounds right up my alley. I read tons of romance, and a lot of it is great, and although the bits of the fanfic version of 50SOG that I read were *not*, I was prepared to go into the movie without judgement. Then I saw the awkward, uns*xy previews and thought, THIS MOVIE CALLS FOR TEQUILA.

      2. Your post reminded me… I’ll be sure to make something out of 50 Shades of Chicken for Valentine’s dinner.

    3. We’re thinking about going to a winery…We didn’t make any concrete plans yet. Maybe going out to dinner. Maybe grabbing lots of yummy stuff from Wegmans.

    4. I usually hate Valentine’s Day, but this year the Music Box Theatre (Chicago) is playing The Princess Bride on the big screen. We are going with another couple for dinner and the movie.

    5. I’m not sure yet. It looked like we were going to have some extra cash this month, and my husband kept talking about wanting to do a really nice dinner out, but then we wound up having to go out of town for a funeral last week, so that extra money is gone (we could still afford to go out to dinner, of course, but we wouldn’t be so comfortable about it), and we haven’t discussed what to do now. I personally am more of a fan of staying home and cooking something really nice, but he seemed to really want to go out. He hasn’t mentioned gifts, so I’m hoping that we’re not doing those, either (something that again I’d prefer to skip, and we usually have, but he’s sometimes suddenly decided to get things).

      About 15 years together, and we’re on the same page for just about everything, but for some reason we’ve never quite gotten V-day traditions down! :)

    6. Sitting on my boyfriend’s couch eating pizza, drinking beer, and trying to learn how to play Call of Duty as a sociological experience. I asked for flowers and he asked for a thoughtful card. I would throw in one of the heart-shaped Duck Dynasty chocolate assortments that I saw in Food Lion last week, but he doesn’t like chocolate.

      This is actually the first Valentine’s that I’ve ever had an SO; I’ve always just missed it in one direction or another. But it turns out that glittery pink Cupid stuff is not in my wheelhouse.

      1. I can’t stand the glittery pink Cupid stuff, and I am a little grossed out by Valentine’s Day in general, but I do always want some kind of acknowledgement of the day from my SO, and would prefer to do something that’s romantic for us (like camping or just spending the entire day together reading).

        I feel a little guilty for not wanting “traditional” Valentine’s Day stuff but wanting something that requires effort and romance. Is that just me?

        1. True romance is when a couple is true to themselves. Celebrate in a way that feels authentic to the 2 of you and enjoy!

      2. Going away for the weekend to a nice hotel (an unusual treat, for us) with a cheese picnic and room service.

    7. No plans yet for this singleton! I’m hoping that some of my other single friends will want to hang out, but if not I’ll happily stay in and catch up on my hulu queue!

      1. Ditto, except I’ll binge something on Netflix and try to knock some serious homework out of the way.

    8. Judging a high school mock trial tournament (with my husband) and then making homemade pizza!

    9. We are going out to eat on Friday the 13th (more our speed!). Nothing on Valentine’s Day – I will probably decorate the house a bit for the kids, though.

    10. Staying over at my boyfriend’s the night before, so nice lie-in and breakfast with him, then home to chill with hubby, probably takeout pad thai and Star Trek DVDs.

      Boyfriend is more of a romantic than hubby, so maybe we’ll go out together and find something nice at the farmer’s market for breakfast.

      Kind of interesting that even among my poly circles I don’t seem to know anyone who’s doing anything huge for Valentine’s this year.

        1. Nah, you’d be surprised how boringly normal nonmonogamy is. Conversations tend to be more along the lines of “Can you be sure to pick up milk on the way back from your girlfriend’s place, and is she coming for dinner on Sunday” than “Hey how many people are we inviting to the orgy”. ;)

    11. Throwing a surprise Bloody Mary brunch at my BF’s apartment with all his friends, watching a romantic horror film (I’m thinking Warm Bodies or Let the Right One In), then I think dinner out and a burlesque show.

    12. Our tradition is to eat a fancy dinner at home and watch a ridiculously unromantic movie. We haven’t picked this year’s movie yet. Earlier picks have included Pulp Fiction and Commando. It might be Predator this year.

      It’s a nice update of my single years tradition of Chinese takeout and Fight Club.

      1. If you’re anywhere near the ridiculous snow accumulations, can I recommend “The Thing” – such a good snow movie.

    13. Some friends and I are having a Galentine’s Day Epic Night Out (inspired by Leslie Knope). A couple of us are recently single so decided we needed to just go crazy together. ;o) Nice dinner out, drinking then going dancing. We have a dress-up theme: Metallic, and are doing a Secret Cupid Exchange with one $5 gift per person. I never do stuff like this, and I am So. Excited. I. Can’t. Stand. It.

    14. Going out for a nice dinner on Friday the 13th, then driving to the mountains for a 5-day ski trip on Valentine’s Day. And there will be lots of me surreptitiously pinching myself because I can’t believe I have a nice man in my life and big Valentine’s Day plans!!

    15. DH and I usually do beer, pizza and watch an action movie on the couch, but my mom will be visiting so we’re pawning the kids off on her and taking our low key celebration out of the house. One does not pass up free babysitting!

    16. Going to see The Kingsmen, and then dinner somewhere if we can still get a reservation. After pancakes at the Boy Scout fundraiser and my bi-weekly manicure & pedicure.

    17. Everyone here seems shockingly cool about Valentine’s Day, especially the singletons. I wish I were that evolved. ;) I intend to ignore the whole thing and then be really excited on February 15 about half-price cinnamon hearts at the Bulk Barn.

    18. If I have anything to say about it, making sure that the bf hangs blinds in the bedroom of his new house so that I can actually get some sleep when I am there! I think we also decided to stay in and make food in the crockpot. SO ROMANTICAL!! haha

    19. Recovering from my 15yo son’s birthday party (which will consist of pizza chips pop & hours of wii) with take out cheesecake and trying to watch old stuff in the dark so we can get a new one. We rarely do stuff for V-Day.

    20. I just had a baby and my sister and her kids will be visiting, so we’re probably going to “camp” with the kids in the living room! We’re not big on Valentines anyway.

    21. It’s the anniversary of the most brutal r*pe I endured as a child. So, like every year, my plans are to keep to myself, make it through the day and night, and avoid all the kitschy V-Day stuff I find extremely triggering. Thanks for asking.

      1. Sorry the day is tough for you but there’s no reason for you to get pissy with OP for asking an innocent question.

        1. I actually was sincere in thanking OP for asking. In a world where it’s unacceptable to come from a past like mine, it is refreshing to have the opportunity to acknowledge, even anonymously to strangers, the good and the difficult moments.

          1. Thank you for sharing, sending thoughts and Internet Hugs your way. I hope you feel better on Sunday once it’s all over.

      2. I am sorry to hear about that. Thank you for sharing. Like the other poster, I wish you well on Feb. 15th.

      3. Hope you get through the day easily with no triggers and less pain than last year. And I hope that each year gets easier and easier for you.

    22. My fiancé and I had initially discussed possibly getting married on Valentine’s Day this year, but ultimately decided February weather was too unpredictable. Even though we’re having a small civil wedding, our siblings and nieces/nephews are all invited, and many of them will be coming from out of town. Looking at all the snow on the ground, I think we made the right call. Our wedding date is set for this summer. So for Valentine’s Day, we’re going to see Barry Manilow in concert!

  7. Am looking for an awesome silk scarf to wear with a classic beige trench coat in the spring. All the horse-bridle-type patterns read too old and dowdy to me. I like a few Kate Spade options but I don’t want to pay more than $100. Does anyone out there have a source for reasonably priced silk scarves that don’t look cheesy? Thanks for any suggestions.

    1. Take a look at the Met Museum’s and Chicago Art Institute’s websites. I have some gorgeous silk scarves from there. Mine are several years old (in one case, almost 20!) and have worn very well.

    2. Etsy or a good local vintage shop. If on-line, maybe search for scarves made out of kimono fabric for you’re looking for an interesting silk print.

  8. So, I drink a ton of ice water. And my coasters don’t seem to be up to the task of keeping the condensate off of my bedside table. I have marble coasters and the water just sits on top, and then eventually it’ll get on the table as I pick up the glass, I guess. Is there a better type of coaster? I have some Jonathon Adler ones that have a rim on the outside, which helps, but I don’t want to spend that kind of money again. I looked around on Etsy last night, and it seems most of the options are marble, just like the ones I currently have. Does anyone else have this problem? And, more importantly, a solution?

    1. I use one of those insulated tumblers for my bedside water – not cute, but effective for this problem!

    2. Third for a Tervis tumbler. They have a variety of options and accessories. Not the most attractive, but they last for decades.

      1. Fourth for Tervis tumblers. We’ve steadily replaced all our glasses with those simply for this reason and because they have lifetime warranties.

    3. My mom used to have a set of cork coasters. Cork seems like the perfect material for this.

      1. +1

        Also, I’m surprised the condensation isn’t evaporating. It’s so dry around here, at least, that standing water wouldn’t last very long.

    4. I’ve seen some coasters that are made out of some kind of absorbent material that feels like a kind of stone. I’m not sure what it is, but try searching for absorbent coasters. They just suck the water in.

      1. Yes, this is what I have. Mine is a logo-ed coaster from a conference so I’m not sure where you buy them, but it works great. It also has a cork layer on the bottom (not visible from the top, if you don’t like the cork look).

    5. I am pro-Tervis tumbler as well, but sometimes they are in the dishwasher, so we have soapstone coasters that work quite well.

    6. Stone coasters absorb the liquid, as well. Not shiny stone, like marble, but think slate or what I can only think to describe as ROCK.

    7. Thirstystone. The ones that look like wood grain are not too ugly (warning: they are thick).

  9. So- I bought a Knomo Cavendish tote in black for work- mid Atlantic, business casual. This bag has a super-red lining- is this OK for work, or a little much. To me it just seemed pretty- but my husband said, cute bag, I love that red – “oooh la la”. Would you think twice about carrying a bag like this in a conservative male dominated environment? My goal was something professional looking – but I didn’t really consider the lining color!

    1. I just looked it up on Zappos. I work in a similar environment and think it’s totally fine!

    2. Cool bag! I don’t see an issue with it all. The type of man who notices that red lining is going to be a sartorialist, not someone who judges you for having a red lining.

      1. Ok thanks. I was looking at it as fashion – I didn’t want it to be a “sexy” look. Who knows what goes on in guys heads! I guess I just won’t worry about that !

  10. I need a pair of nice black heels (or wedges) for work. I’m thinking the $300-$400 range, but would stretch to $500 if I was convinced it’s worth it. This is my first shoe purchase in this price range, and I definitely want something nice and wearable nearly daily. What’s your go-to brand in this price range? Comfort is key; thinking 2-3″ heel max.

    1. Used to be Cole Haan with Nike Air soles. Sadly, no more. I tried on the Cole Haan with Grand OS soles this weekend, and they were supremely uncomfortable (both the soles and the upper), so I certainly would not spend the money on those.

      1. Oh, I am sad to hear this, because about half my work shoes are Cole Haans with the Air. :(

    2. JCrew Valentinas (which would be under your budget and especially so if you catch them on promo, but I’ve found them incredibly comfortable and wearing well) or – in your stretch price – Ferragamo Carlas.

    3. LK Bennet Court shoes. Also recommend LK Bennet booties.

      It might just be me, but I have not found any heel “comfortable” for wearing all day, daily.

    4. Should note that I actually want a nicer brand (aka not Jcrew — which I know are comfortable because I already own some!). Trying to upgrade the shoe closet as it’s not something I’ve ever focused on in the past.

      1. I think partly you’ll need to go try different brands on – people swear by different expensive brands but it really depends on how well your foot matches up with the brand’s fit models. Check out this s!te’s guide to comfortable heels for some ideas. For me, Cole Haan and Prada heels pinch horrendously regardless of size, but my boss wears them almost exclusively. I used to love Coach heels but the uppers have recently gotten so stiff that I practically get a blister just trying them on. My two most-comfortable brands (other than Jcrew) are Ferragamo and Brooks Brothers, but I haven’t been willing to jump to the Manolo price point (which I hear are also comfortable for people with similar feet to me). Kate Spade are medium-comfortable to me – I don’t choose them for days where I’ll be walking a lot, but I’m not kicking them off under my desk every chance I get either…

        FWIW, I’d want at least two pairs of black heels to alternate between – wearing the same pair every day can wear out your shoes faster than alternating (lack of time to air out, etc.).

        1. I agree that you should try on different brands to see what is comfortable for your foot. E.g., my foot is different than Cat’s in that Manolos are not comfy for long-term wear, and in the lower tier Jcrew is also really painful. I need the wider almond toebox, so I do better in CLs, and at a lower price point, LK Bennett.

    5. I was in a similar boat and finally splurged on AGL black heels. More than I ever spent on shoes before, but I wear them daily and they are holding up great. Most comfortable heels I’ve ever owned.

    6. Stuart Weitzman or LK Bennett. Though if you’re going to spend that much, I highly recommend going to a Saks or Neiman’s and just trying on all the black wedges in that range they have and seeing which you like best.

    7. If you want a higher end brand but a price point near your range, I’d go with Louboutin Simple heels (around $650) or Jimmy Choo Abel pumps (around $575). FWIW, I wear one of these styles 4 times a week to work and can actually go grocery shopping after work without changing into back-up flats.

  11. Long time lurker, first time commenter here. Is it customary to voluntarily provide cost of living adjustments to a housekeeper? We have had the same housekeeper for five years and we have paid the same biweekly rate (with full holiday extra payment) since we hired her. It has occurred to me that the prices for most other services I receive, and my own salary, have gone up in the past five years. I suppose I’m feeling a bit guilty that hers have not – but on the other hand, she hasn’t asked, and she’s not shy (lets us know when we leave too much laundry for her to fold, etc). Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something.

    1. My take is that this is one of those things that will change in bigger chunks over time, not in, say, a 3% annual adjustment each year. My housecleaner (who only comes twice a month) charges $100 a visit. I imagine one day it will be $125, but until then, she’s decided this is a good round number.

      1. +1. Our cleaning service is a 1099 and not a household employee, which changes my thinking; I give our nanny a percentage raise each year and make sure to incorporate COL, but the cleaning service charges what it charges (like a salon, say).

        1. Thanks to all who replied. My thinking has aligned with Diana Barry’s – that the housekeeper is not an employee, but rather a service provider who charges a negotiated rate. I’m just going to be prepared to pay more when she asks. My neighbors use the same housekeeper and pay the same amount that I’ve been paying.

    2. I haven’t had a housekeeper long enough to have thought about this, but it would probably be wise for you to look at what the going rate is and match it, so that she doesn’t quit. But, you could also argue the opposite – if she has more lucrative options, she would either demand a raise or quit. So I think it’s kind of a wash. But your own salary doesn’t have anything to do with it, unless you are only referring to your own COL/inflation-related pay bumps – you don’t pay more for a service just because you make more.

    3. We have given raises. We are happy with the person who cleans and she works very hard. She will also continue to work with us for years and we want to maintain a good relationship.

      We also give generous bonuses twice a year. Sometimes you can use that option as a way to supplement if you are wary of increasing what appears to be a set rate.

      But 5 years is a long time for no increase…. a long time…

  12. The piercing thread from a few days ago got me wondering how many of you ladies have other ear piercings aside from lobes? I’m talking about parts of the cartilage like tragus, conch, etc. I alwyas have my hair down so my piercings can’t be seen (I only have helix and conch) but is there a point in your professional career where you just retire these piercings?

    1. Yes. Tragus. I’m 30 and have no plans to remove them. As long as you pick good jewelry I think they are completely appropriate. A lot of people have them and I don’t even notice.

      On the other hand, I find nose studs completely distracting and unprofessional. YMMV.

      1. +1 I posted about my tragus piercing on that thread. I am 28 and have no plans of removing it in the future. Honestly unless someone is taking my temperature with an ear thermometer I forget it is there half the time. It’s a very tiny diamond stud and I still love it and don’t see anything unprofessional about it.

        1. I notice mine when I wear earbuds. Maybe for Valentine’s I should buy myself better fitting studs.

    2. I have a snug piercing which I don’t plan to ever take out (the fact that I have one probably dates me–I’m in my mid-40’s). I have short hair and it usually shows. I think with conch, helix, antihelix, antitragus and tragus piercings the trick is to limit how much jewelry you’re wearing in an ear at a time.

      I stopped wearing my nosering from about age 35 to 40, but now I wear it intermittently. But I’m a policy analyst who works in public interest law–not a litigator. I never wear the nosering when I’m dealing with judges, media or donors. I think it’s too easy for a middle-aged white woman such as mysely to incur negative judgments when wearing a nosering and dealing with the public.

    3. I agree with others that it depends on how much jewelry you are wearing and how obvious those pieces are. Mid-20s, business casual, non-law office. I have two holes in each lobe and one helix piercing. I wear a thin ring on my helix and typically a small stud + something dangly/flashy on each lobe. Basically the only earrings I really call attention to are in the “main” lobe piercing in each ear. I wear my hair up about 75% of the time but it still took a coworker who I see daily two years to notice my cartilage piercing!

    4. I have a 2 holes in each lobe and a single helix piercing. I often wear a small stud or teeny hoop in my helix. I don’t specifically leave the piercing out for interviews or court (nor do I make a point of putting an earring in). I got the helix piercing in college, so I’ve had it my whole professional life. I don’t often wear earrings in the second holes on my lobes, but I do put something in them every once in a while to keep the holes from closing. So I usually just wear a single pair of earrings, and sometimes the helix piercing. I have short hair so my ears are completely visible.

      I had no idea there were names for the specific ear (non-lobe) piercings! I always just called mine a cartilage piercing.

  13. Regular commenter, anon for this.

    My yearly review was terrible. I work at a big firm in a very small group (one senior associate, one partner, but almost all work is from the senior associate). I was told the problem is all me, repair the relationship with the senior associate, and we’ll have a follow up in 3-6 months.

    The senior associate hasn’t given me any work since before Christmas, refuses to work with me, etc. So repairing the relationship isn’t happening. Does this mean I’m going to be fired at the three month follow up?

    In desperation, I managed to get some billable work from a new partner in a completely different practice group. He seems very happy with my work. I’ve billed about 25 hours in two weeks. I’ve also done some non-billable work for the partner in my group
    Similarly, he seemed happy. How should I use this to my advantage?

    I have no idea whom to talk to at the firm and feel pretty powerless to keep from being fired. I’ve submitted my resume to a job and had a phone interview, but I’m so depressed over my review, I haven’t been as proactive as I should be. But I better get on it, right? They basically gave me three months to find another job?

    1. Yes. They gave you three months to find a job. Don’t waste your time with getting work from some other group or fighting it.

    2. Looks like, unfortunately, you have no future in this group. Is there anyone at the firm who handles associate development or something like that? If so, schedule a meeting and explain that you want to switch practice groups — don’t get into the nitty gritty of your review if you can avoid it — and seek advice for how to accomplish that. You will likely need to reach out to partners in other groups who have a need. Your job is with your firm, your assignment is with this group. Until someone tells you otherwise, you still have your job. (But, yeah, send out those resumes asap).

      1. +1. If you can switch, do it. Otherwise they will push you out (but will probably give you another 3 months to leave when they fire you).

        1. Oh? I’ve never been close enough to someone in the legal profession who was fired to know the details. I started at this firm last March and I have no idea what to expect. The legal world is so different from corporate culture.

          1. It isn’t always the case, but there is often a “quiet fire” practice. Even if they don’t keep you on, they’ll often pay you severance, let you keep your bio up on the website, etc., to assist you in looking employed while you search. If it comes to that, and they don’t offer, it’s definitely not unheard of for the departing employee to ask for.

    3. At my biglaw firm, that it pre-notice that they will fire you. At the 3-6 month meeting, you would likely be told that you have 3-6 more months to leave. The benefit being that the firm doesn’t have to admit that they fire associate and the associate never has to admit they were fired (because they weren;t “fired”). But it may be different at other firms. Is there any other senior or mid-level associates at your firm you could ask?

      In terms of trying to get work from other practice groups, at my firm it wouldn’t make a difference. You could be billing 100%, but after the decision is made by your main practice group, your out. Again, it’s firm dependent. Other place may be different, which is were a senior or mid-level associate could be helpful.

      1. I just went through a similar experience, and all I can say is that you MUST NOT take this review as any actual feedback about the quality of your work or your abilities as a lawyer. Focus all of your attention on finding a new position. Treat that like your new job.

        I’m now happily in a new gig, and have been getting glowing feedback on my work and analysis. All too often in BigLaw, a culture or personality clash will be attributed to your work product, totally unfairly. Don’t let the man get you down!! Find a job where you are appreciated for you!!

        1. +1 I was in the exact same situation. I never had anything but glowing reviews through school and at all my previous jobs and then I hit my last job. I never got any real feedback about what the issue was, but they quit giving me work and eventually told me it might be a good idea to look for a new position. I hated the job anyway (like dreaded going to work everyday) which I’m sure didn’t help my performance, but I ended up finding a position I love (and now I am back to glowing reviews). Sometimes it really just is a bad fit. Don’t take it personally.

        2. +100000000. This is not about you. Your senior associate is an *sshat and he threw you under the bus. Look for another job, stat. I would reach out to everyone you know and schedule coffee or lunches, two a day if possible. Tell them you are interested in getting their advice (everyone loves giving advice – just look at this board!). When you meet people for coffee, tell them you want to do more X work and you aren’t able to do that at your current firm (which is true) and ask them if they have any thoughts on places where you could get more of that experience. You will be surprised – people want to help you! Stay positive. Do not mention the review or say negative stuff about your current place. But definitely do not stick around. Trust me, you will be in a much better place 6 months from now.

  14. V-day advice needed!

    I’ve been dating a new woman (who I really like!) for about two months and I’m stumped for valentines day. I’d like to get her a little something but am unsure what. (don’t want to go for wine, champagne, flowers, etc. since I bring those somewhat regularly when I have dinner at her place.) She’s also a surgeon so has a pretty minimal style since she spends most of her working life in scrubs, masks, hair cover, etc. so I don’t want to do perfume or nice lipstick/nail polish.

    She does read and run and drink craft beer but I don’t see any obvious gifts there.

    Thoughts? We’re planning on meeting mutual friends at a local dive bar having a “love fest” with lots of live bands so it should be a fun low-key night. I’d like to have something to bring though when I pick her up. Since it’s new I’d like to ideally keep it to $25 – $50 ish.

      1. A copy of your favorite book (if she hasn’t read it), inscribed by you. Or a copy of a book that reminds you of her (in a good way), inscribed by you.

      1. I was going to say this. My boyfriend is a big craft beer guy and he LOVES brewery tours where he can go nerd out with the brewers. Lots of places will also be having beer festivals in the upcoming spring months, if she could be free for a weekend day. Maybe tickets stuck into a six-pack of her favorite beer?

        Edited to add a couple of runner gifts: not the most romantic, but nice socks, gloves, and ear-warmers/headbands are usually welcomed.

        1. Yeah, DH loves craft brews and would like this.. Plus, it shows interest in continuing to see her and spend time with her.

      2. Danger! If she’s serious about beer, be careful about getting tickets to beer festivals. Since they’ve become popular, macro breweries have started having their own beer festivals with their fake craft brands. Anyone serious about beer will probably be appreciative, but not actually very excited to attend one of these festivals.

        If you tell me where you are located, I can find a good festival near y’all.

      3. Restaurants are now getting into beer pairing dinners, similar to wine dinners. That might be fun.

        1. My husband and I did one last year, and I highly recommend. The one we went to had excellent food, and the Stone Brewing Cicerone was there, it was really informative!

    1. How about a monthly craft beer subscription box? I know that multiple companies offer them, but I’ve never ordered one, so I don’t have any specific suggestions, but maybe the hive can help. My subscription addiction dot com reviews all types of subscription boxes, so that would be a good place to start. You could stick the gift certificate for the subscription in a 6 pack of either her favorite beer or something that she hasn’t tried.

      1. I would be uncomfortable if someone I had been dating for two months gave me a gift that would ship to me at a regular interval. The smallest subscriptions usually ship for 3 months, and that’s longer that you’ve been dating.

    2. Firstly, you sound like an awesome girlfriend, bringing wine and champagne and flowers when you come over for dinner. Can you give my BF some tips?

      Secondly, the book idea from roses and Basics is pretty good. Surgeons are generally pretty stressed and busy, so a massage gift certificate would probably go over well.

      For craft beer, do you know what general style of beer she likes? Saisons, sours, barrel-aged stouts, IPAs, fruit beers, mead? If she likes IPAs, Bitter Valentine by Aleworks is a cheeky nod to the day, but very well-regarded. Find you local craft beer store and let them guide you.

      For runners, I know my friend who runs appreciates the fancy gadget-y running stuff they have at REI, like the tech running gloves for her phone, the expensive Smartwool running socks (seriously, $24 for a pair of socks!), and nice ear-warmers.

      1. As a new runner who is starting to geek out but is also cheap, I would love if the bf bought me some cool running specific gadgets/gear. I would never buy these things myself, but would appreciate that he has noticed something that is important in my life and gotten me something he knows I would never get myself!

        I also love the book idea, but I am a reader!

      2. I’m a runner, and I think a perfect gift in this kind of situation would be fun running ear warmers, gloves, or socks. You can never have too many, it’s thoughtful, and it’s not too serious for a new relationship.

    3. One of the more successful gifts I’ve given my DH was pint glasses with his favorite beer’s label/insignia. (Early in our relationship he had his birthday, so I was struggling with the conundrum of wanting to give something but not wanting it to be too much.) I found it on ebay, I think. Eleven years later and 3 of those 4 glasses are still with us. Another option that is not super-fun but might be practical is some really nice hand lotion–I feel like surgeons are regularly scrubbing the bejeebus out of their hands so nicer-than-you’d-get-for-yourself lotion might be nice to add to the mix.

      And I’ll second that you sound like an awesome GF with all those thoughtful gifts.

    4. Thanks all! I really appreciate the gift ideas. I think I will end up going with one of them.

      And before I seem too good of a girlfriend, the flowers/wine stuff isn’t that huge. We both work a lot so our “dates” frequently end up being take-out eaten at her place. So I bring wine, etc to make it a bit more fun.

      Happy Valentine’s Day!

    5. We gave the beer appetizer plates from Crate and Barrel (link to follow) to a friend for Christmas and they were a huge hit. Those with tickets to a brewery tour would be awesome!

  15. My male SO’s libido has been on the lower side for the 10 years I’ve known him (and according to him, has always been low). However, recently it’s super low and we’ve agreed to work together to figure out what’s caused this. On the medical side, can anyone who has been through this recommend specific tests? His doctor said he could test testosterone but that there weren’t accepted levels to compare it to?

    1. I would talk to another doctor about the testosterone thing. I’m sure his doctor is correct that there is no precise “normal” level, but I find it hard to believe that there isn’t even a range. FWIW, my DH (who also has a pretty low drive) was tested as part of his annual physical and told that his testosterone levels were low…so, assuming his doctor is not a quack, it is possible to make such an assessment.

    2. Definitely see the doc and check testosterone levels. And then if it is at all low normal/low, go to see a urologist to get better advice than a PCP on supplementing. There is some controversy/art to this issue, so better to go see the right doc.

      Sounds like his current doctor isn’t very comfortable with testosterone, and that’s ok.

  16. Having a hard time getting through this month. The cold, the snow, the dreary days. Feeling especially down today and trying to think of a way to perk up as I have an important call at noon. All I can think is when will March get here hopefully with some sun.

    1. Same here. I’m getting tired of bundling up in my winter coat every day. This might not help for your noon call, but I’ve been thinking of getting a manicure in a bright color. (Assuming that is work appropriate for you) Or maybe try planning an imaginary tropical vacation?

    2. Hot chocolate. It makes me feel like I’m beating winter at its own game. I am right there with you….I am obsessed with December and Christmas time, but I think January and February are just dreary as f*** with few redeeming qualities.

    3. Paint your nails a fun, bright color (know your office). I’ve been sporting bright red for several weeks now and it makes me happy every time I look at my hands. Make yourself a fun, summery cocktail one night when you get home from work. Online shop for summery clothes (just window shop if you’re on a budget). Plan a weekend trip out of town (depending on where you are, it could be really cheap to get to Florida for a long weekend). Have a make-your-own fish tacos/margarita night at your place and invite friends.

    4. Drink lots of water. It’s just as important to remain hydrated in the winter, but I just don’t reach for cold water in this weather as naturally as I do in the summer. Add lemon or drink coconut water to seem a bit more cheerful and summery.

    5. “And February was so long that it lasted into March” – Dar Williams, “February”
      Mostly about relationship(s), but I like it for the weather perspective.

      Another line from there: “You stopped and pointed and you said, “That’s a crocus”
      And I said, “What’s a crocus?”, And you said, “It’s a flower”
      I tried to remember, but I said, “What’s a flower?”
      You said, “I still love you””

  17. I have this same problem in Houston and cork or cork-bottomed coasters don’t help because it’s so humid here. The only thing that has worked for me on my bedside table is a small cute plastic tray from the British Market.

  18. Can’t share with my friends but needed to celebrate somewhere: just got a much higher than expected review with a giant bonus attached. So excited!

    1. Wahoo, congrats! I think money talks, and as good as a great review feels, the firm putting their money where their mouth is, with a nice big bonus, speaks volumes!

  19. Shopping help!

    I am looking for a dress or pretty separates (but nothing that looks like I could wear it to work) for a baptism this weekend. It is meant to be in the teens, so very cold. I will wear tights or hose. Anyone have ideas?

    1. I would go for a sweater dress, or a nice cashmere sweater with pencil skirt and boots. Churches are not well heated in the winter (esp if an old stone building) and it will probably be COLD inside as well as out.

      1. In my experience, churches in the winter are either freezing cold or sweltering hot, especially if there are lots of people inside. Older heating systems also create extreme pockets of hot and cold. I would skip the sweater dress and go for something with layers so that you are prepared for either situation. For example, a nice blouse layered under your cashmere sweater (something with lace would be pretty and feel less work-like) or a long sleeved jersey dress (wrap or other style) with a pashmina/wrap.

  20. Paging the poster who is looking for jobs in MA. I’m MA-barred and somehow ended up on the listserv for Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly’s job advertisements. Maybe look into getting on their emails or seeing if they have a website with up-to-date listings?

    1. Thank you Marie! I really appreciate you following up, I just signed up for their emails.

  21. Has anyone thought about SlingTV? We don’t have cable, just an antenna, which covers pretty much every show we watch except HBO and sporting events, and I’m wondering if this could solve the sports problem.

    1. Oh, upon further reading, it’s only been available widely since yesterday. Anyone thinking about getting it?

      1. We are considering it. I got an email with a 7-day free trial. We might wait until football season to get it though.

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