Coffee Break – Suede Classic Pumps

Brooks Brothers Suede Classic PumpsI normally don’t like to post shoes in lucky sizes, but for purple suede pumps marked 75% off, I’ll break that little rule. I love the deep plum color of these gorgeous shoes, and I think it’s a good sign that numerous commenters asked that Brooks Brothers be added to today’s poll on the top brands for comfortable heels. They were $198, but are now marked to $39.60. Brooks Brothers Suede Classic Pumps



  1. What? Kat is posting purple shoes?? Shocking! ;)

    • They are also purple shoes that have been previously posted (Kat definitely has a type….) But hey, they’re more seasonally appropriate now!

      • Anonymous :

        d’oh — did not remember posting those. my brain is addled today.

        • Kat, you have A Type. We all have a type. It’s good to know what the type is. It takes some of us years (and many dollars spent on shoes we dont actually like) to figure it out.

          No harm, no foul.

          • You have no idea how happy it made me to see your post. I always get frustrated and wonder why I dont “get it” and can’t just buy shoes I like. Glad to know I’m not alone!

    • I realized yesterday that I own 3 pairs of purple suede pumps. They are Nine West Barbe (pointy toe, narrow heel), Guess peeptoes with a patent bow, and the new ones are the Michael Kors York mary jane. I might have a problem…

      • It must be a purple thing. I realized this morning that the only colored (ie. not black, gray, or navy) pants and skirts I own are all purple. I wouldn’t even consider it my favorite color. And yet apparently I am drawn to it in clothing form?

      • I have multiples in red.

    • I love these shoes!

  2. Do any [readers of this site] have experience with the Mirena IUD? Particularly if you haven’t had children yet. Would be interested to hear about side effects, insertion experience, etc.

    I discussed it with my gyno at my annual exam yesterday and have tentatively planned to do it (assuming results from cultures, etc, come back OK) but would love to hear the experience of other women who have it.

    • Anonymous :

      I was informed that the mirena is rather large, so there is a risk of the iud implanting itself if it is too big for your uterus. I was told 6.5-7cm is recommended to avoid any side effects.

    • I have had two kids, but I currently have a Mirena and it’s been great. Insertion was a b!tch but it was over fairly quickly. My cycle is sporadic but very very light.

    • Make sure they do an ultrasound to measure your uterus first, as compared to the device. I had problems with mine coming unseated, only to find out later that there just wasn’t enough room for it! My GYN told me that that is a common scenario in women who have not had children, although not necessarily universal. Definitely worth checking first, though.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i’ve posted about this before, but i love my mirena. i was on depo for more than eleven years before i got my IUD, and would probably still be on it if i hadn’t gotten so sick of the frequent doctor’s visits to get the injection.

      insertion was pretty damn awful. i have not had children, and i found out after the insertion that the resident who did it had never done one before. (oh. cool.) it was incredibly painful for a very short period of time (less than a minute), with fairly intense discomfort for maybe 10 minutes total. i had someone to drive me home, which i was very, very grateful for. i spent the afternoon in bed with a heating pad, mindless literature, dark chocolate and chicken broth. i had a decent amount of cramping for the rest of that day, but woke up feeling 100% fine and have had no pain, cramping, or other negative side effects since.

      i have not had any spotting and my period has never come back (i haven’t had one in over a decade thanks to the depo). i would definitely make the same decision if i had it to do over again.

      • AnonInfinity :

        Same here. Insertion hurt like crazy, even more than I was expecting. The pain subsided pretty quickly, and I was back to normal the next day. I did have minor spotting for about 10 days, but I haven’t had any spotting, pain, or periods since.

      • Oh, Jesus, I am cringing for you. He’d never done it before???

        Actually, when I was asking questions on this site before getting mine, a lot of people told me to make sure that I had it inserted by a provider who does insertions regularly.

        • yes, that. And, also, I second the advice to have someone else there to drive you home. It just took more off my mind to give myself less things to worry about, and have the option to spend the rest of the day in bed.

    • Just fyi, we discussed this ad nauseum when I got my Mirena and asked a million questions here. So if you do a google site search for this site and IUD, you’ll find a lot of info.

      I don’t tolerate hormonal birth control well, and so my gyno and I decided an IUD was right for me. I chose the Mirena for a few reasons. The copper Paragard IUD can increase your periods and cramping, which was unacceptable to me. The progesterone in Mirena is localized, and does not cause the side effects that hormonal BCP causes. Plus, most women with a Mirena stop getting their periods altogether. Also, it was important to me that due to the progesterone in Mirena, it actually stops ovulation. With a Paragard, you continue to ovulate and there’s a very small but real chance that an egg could become fertilized, but it would be unable to implant in your uterus and would be discharged with your period. Based on my beliefs about the beginning of life, that was an unacceptable risk for me.

      I was absolutely terrified before the Mirena insertion. My blood pressure was sky high, I was so nervous. It turned out that there was no reason to worry at all. My gyno had prescribed misoprostol, which is a cervix softener, and I inserted it the night before to open up my cervix. She also prescribed a muscle relaxer to lessen any contractions or cramps. I also had my period when the IUD was inserted, which my gyno recommended because apparently that made insertion easier.

      Insertion took a grand total of 6 minutes. 5 minutes of that was no more uncomfortable than my annual exam. Toward the beginning, I felt a sharp pinch when she measured my cervix. When she inserted the IUD, it hurt quite a bit for about 5 seconds while she was actually touching my cervix with the insertion tool, and then I had uterine contractions for a very short while (30 seconds?). It hurt enough that I gasped a few times, and I did yogic breathing throughout to try to control my reaction to the pain, which worked. But seriously, it was nothing; only a bit worse than painful menstrual cramps and very brief.

      Afterwards, I took the rest of the day off so the effects of the muscle relaxer could wear off. About a week after insertion, I got a nasty yeast infection (I had never had one before), which is not unusual because the IUD can change the PH level in your vagina. It cleared up with an OTC treatment, and I have had zero problems since. I went in for a follow-up a month later and everything was fine. It did take me a few tries to feel the strings, and learning to do that was really the most awkward part of the whole process.

      TL;DR: Make sure you get an Rx for a cervix softener and muscle relaxer and insertion will be A-OK.

      • Not a doctor :

        @Bluejay – I am not a medical professional, but I’m fairly sure that Mirena doesn’t stop ovulation. I believe that ovulation may stop for some individuals (kind of a bonus), but it is not the goal of Mirena and not the experience for most. But you should check with your MD because this isn’t my area of expertise and I may be wrong.

        • My gyno told me that the progesterone inhibits ovulation just like the progesterone in BCPs does, and my (very Catholic) OBGYN aunt concurred. I haven’t had my period at all since being on the Mirena.

          • Not a doctor :

            Interesting. My gyno told me the opposite, namely that the estrogen in combined pills carries the ovulation-prevention load, and that any progestin-only method (Mirena, the mini-pill that I take, etc). was not designed to prevent ovulation and only did so sporadically.

            I do get my period on the mini-pill on a regular (for me) cycle.

          • Maybe I misremember what they told me or the reason why, but both my gyno and my aunt were 100% clear that Mirena should prevent fertilization, not just implantation. Paragard should to, but something about the lack of hormones makes it more possible that an egg can be fertilized. I’m not a doctor either so it’s entirely possible I misunderstood the reason why.

          • dancinglonghorn :

            I believe that you are both right – it SHOULD prevent fertilization but it is very, very bad at it. I got pregnant twice on the mini-pill.

      • Oh, OP, I forgot to mention that I am childless and have never been pregnant. My gyno said that it’s quite rare for someone to be too small for the Mirena.

    • Had it 2.5 years, LOVE IT. Agree with advice above for rx, because it definitely hurt. But oh so worth it.

    • I have Mirena (and have not had any children). I have had it in since May and love it. I will be honest though, the insertion was painful and the rest of the day was spent laying on the couch with magazines and trashy tv because the cramps were painful.

      My insertion took a little longer than normal because the door that the doctor needed to access would not open enough. Before I went, I took an 800 mg ibuprofen, but that was not enough.

      Before I got Mirena, I was on Loestrin 24 which completely prevented my monthly visitor. Now, it’s back, but light enough that a liner is sufficient and it’s only about 2 days long. Otherwise, I don’t have any other monthly (or in between visit) issues.

      I hope this information helps.

    • I’ve said a lot in those previous posts people mentioned, but i will give the short version: I am a total baby for pain, and was really scared about the insertion, but i took advil ahead of time, and told my dr i was nervous, so she did a lot to reassure me and calm me down, and it was just like a pap smear x5, maybe, def longer and more uncomfortable than a pap smear, but not anywhere near as horrible as i was expecting. And i have never had kids.

      Also, those 10 minutes were completely worth it, 3 years later, i LOVE it, i never have any major problems with it, and i had major problems with the pill. Plus, it is easy and so much more effective. I highly recommend it. There is a very very tiny percentage of women that have problems with it, but if you have a good, conscientious, caring Dr. tell them immediately if you are having any weird reactions, and they will deal with it quickly. I think you should do it… and we should really start like a Corpor*tt* IUD club or something ;o)

      • I would totally join the IUD club. I have been told I am evangelical about IUDs.

        • i am so evangelical about IUDs, I feel like i talk about them on this site way. too. much. but I can’t help it, I must spread the gospel.

        • AnonInfinity :

          Me too. I had a worse insertion than it sounds like some of you did (definitely should have asked for that softener…), but those 10 minutes were completely worth not having to worry AT ALL about birth control.

          • OH! wow, it’s late, but i just remembered something, and thought someone might still be reading. I will remember to bring this up at IUD Club.

            My dr. told me that insertion would be easier right at the end of my cycle, so we scheduled about when i thought that would be, and indeed it was about the last day of my cycle. That might have been why mine was not that bad. So, that’s something to mention to your dr. and try to schedule around it, if your cycle is regular enough to figure that out.

          • phillygirlruns :

            i wholeheartedly agree with this (10 minutes of very intense discomfort and pain are completely worth it). and also love that so many of you are, like me, IUD evangelicals.

          • Late to the thread — but anyone care to write a guest post about it for the blog? You could stay anonymous. You guys really do sound like IUD evangelicals and I think it might help the other readers who don’t necessarily read all of the comments. Email me (kat at corporette dot com) if you’re interested. Thanks!

    • Definitely pre-medicate for insertion. However uncomfortable insertion turns out to be for you, it’s quick. I had cramps the rest of the day — definitely worse than my normal menstrual cramps, but still on that scale — and worked at home, but it was not a big deal. I’m now two months into mine and it’s going . . . okay. Progesterone is not a happy drug for me, at all, but what sold me in the end was one phrase: “you’ll hate it for three months and love it for five years.” I can put up with three months. And, so far, I don’t hate it. My current symptoms I could put up with for another couple of months, waiting to get to that mythical “love it” stage. The solid month of spotting after insertion was a nuisance, and I am definitely feeling systemic progesterone effects, albeit mild (tender breasts, constipation, vivid dreams, some irritability/moodiness), but I understand such systemic effects, if experienced at all, peak at around three months. I’ve had one period post-insertion, and it was definitely lighter than my usual (control of my heavy periods is the reason I chose Mirena), so I’m optimistic about continued progress on that front.

  3. Mirena Search :

    There has been a fair amount of discussion on past threads. If no one gives you any input today, then I would definitely suggest doing a search of past threads to find relevant discussions. I’d recommend using the Google site search format ( SEARCHTERM site:[sitename] dot com)

  4. Sassquatch :

    This is an outreach to the hive

    I always imagined myself as the type of woman who would date many different interesting and exciting men through my 20s before settingly down in my late 20s early 30s. Since I have graduated from college and started a great job in a big city that world has kind of opened up in front of me and seems awesome.

    However, I have been dating an amazing guy for about 2 years and we are very serious. I love him, but we have gotten very serious and I am finding myself a bit turned off by my life being “ours” rather than mine, not to mention giving up my dreams of a date filled 20s.

    How do you know when it’s time to settle down? Am I just being immature or getting restless? Any experiences in this area?

    • 2/3 attorney :

      How old are you now? What is your previous dating experience (I have heard tales that people outside of big cities date sometimes…)?

    • If I were you, I’d be asking myself what I’m really fearing missing out on. In other words, is the fantasy better than the actual reality?

      In my opinion, it’s time to settle down when “settling down” doesn’t feel like settling at all. Sacrifice might be involved, but what you’re gaining from being with one person outweighs what you’re missing from dating around.

      • Yes. I’d ask myself that same question. You don’t want to scare yourself into a relationship that you later resent (ie “If I disrupt this life of “us”, I’ll never find another as good when I’m ready”) but you might find that, when you think it through, that there is nothing you were hoping for that you don’t have.

      • I kind of agree with this, but I was in my 30s when I met my husband and I went through a real rough patch when I realized how much I would have to give up to settle down. I had done the whole single girl “go make a life and don’t wait around for a man” thing and had lots of friends, hobbies, a crazy time-consuming job, lots of vacations with friends, money for just spending on myself, crazy nights out with friends, and nights home alone where I put on pj’s and curled up with my cat, a pizza, some wine, and my favorite TV shows. I remember the day when I realized that I was pretty much at a crossroads and if I stayed with my now-husband, my old life was not going to be there for me anymore. A friend of mine was in the same place and we comiserated on how we never realized how much we’d have to give up to have a serious relationship. I still miss those days (and when Mr. TBK is out of town, it’s pizza and wine and Jane Austen time at the K House!) but it was a sacrifice I’m glad I made. FWIW, Mr. TBK did not date around when he was younger, met me just as he was coming out of a long-term relationship, and really had wanted a few years of fun single guydom. He kind of wishes he’d had a more colorful decade in his 20s, but he also says he can’t imagine having passed on me just because he wanted another year or two of being a swinging bachelor. :)

        • I get this, too. I think your summary is right on. “I remember the day when I realized that I was pretty much at a crossroads and if I stayed with my now-husband, my old life was not going to be there for me anymore.” I’ve been there, too. The point is, I think, that the sacrifice of the old life is worth the rewards of the new one — not that getting from Point A to Point B is easy, because it’s not.

    • One of the secrets of adulthood is that every choice necessarily involves giving something up. Including the choice not to choose. Plan accordingly.

      • 2/3 attorney :


        • Anonforthis :

          Dude, tell me about it. DH and I decided to lay off the birth control and see what happens kid-wise.

          Then we spent the evening drinking wine and sadly acknowledging everything we’re giving up (fun. money. freedom. not being pregnant. etc) :)

      • Couldn’t agree more.

      • yes, what DC Jenny said. So, I’ve thought about posting the link to this Dear Sugar column many many times, whenever these issues about choosing and worrying about regret-ting things come up, and i feel like I really have to. But, Important Disclaimer: 4 out of 5 people say that Dear Sugar columns make them cry every time, so you might want to wait to read this until after work.

        But this column is about life and choices and it blew my mind and i think about it every day:

        • Wow, gorgeous. From the linked poem:

          “It’s always so early in here, before the crossroads, before the irrevocable choices. Thank you for this life! Still I miss the alternatives. The sketches, all of them, want to become real.”

        • That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

        • Philly CPA :

          This really struck a chord for me. Thanks for sharing.

          • awwww, im getting warm fuzzies. ;o) i LOVE reading Dear Sugar, every post is amazing, but i had to start waiting to read them till after work, cuz i pretty much cry at every one, and laugh, and think… she’s pretty cool.

      • YES.

    • I’ll be honest with you. How you’re feeling is how I felt when I married my now-ex-husband in my early twenties. Things changed. We changed. We got hit with some serious curve balls. I’m not sure I regret being married to him, but I am very, very happy not to be married to him now. I suppose in hindsight, I would have preferred to just move in together rather than getting married.

      I did miss out on a lot of fun twenties going out type activities because I was married. However, I also thankfully missed some other things my friends in their twenties went through – getting dumped, getting cheated on, getting accidentally pregnant or infected with an STD.

      It depends on how you feel about what marriage means. I don’t feel shame that I’m divorced and remarried. Some people would.

    • I’m 24 and I’ve had 2 “serious” boyfriends in the past ( over a year, meeting families, planning for the future..). I know many of my feelings are compounded by the fact that I am in an inter-continental relationship and will be for another 3 years while he finishes school in Europe. Thus, I don’t get the benefits of coupledom or the benefits of being single.

      In the end, I’m worried about looking back and not thinking I took advantage of this time where I don’t have many responsibilities or commitments to be a bit more wild, meet more people, and adventure. I know that’s not mutually exclusive with a mature, serious relationship, but in my mind it is a bit easier without one. But, as has been mentioned, I am worried I’d be giving up something good/possible irreplaceable for a few more years of freedom that I probably don’t need.

      But really, it’s probably a win win so I should probably just relax (easier said than done) and see where the wind blows.

    • Anonymous :

      Many couples who are in love but want to experience other partners have open relationships. I don’t know how conventional you and your boyfriend are, but if you’d both be into it, it’s something to consider.

      • I am personally open to this idea, but my boyfriend is the product of a marriage that was ruined by infidelity and things like commitment and loyalty are very close to his heart. I worry bringing something like this up would really hurt him. Do you have any experience on being in a relationship like this, or even how to broach it with a more conventional significant other?

        • Anonymous :

          I have experience in open relationships, but not with conventional people or people who were interested in monogamy at all, so I can’t help. I don’t think that open relationships are similar to cheating – cheating is about lies, deception, and hurt feelings; open relationships are about commitment, openness and honesty. There is a difference between polyamory, which means that the people in the relationship may be in love with/emotionally involved with others, and open relationships, which usually means you’re a couple but you have sex with other people. But I have no idea how someone with your boyfriend’s background would feel, nor do I have suggestions on how to broach the subject.

        • My sister was in a similar situation at your age. She and her long-distance boyfriend decided it did not make sense for them to remain in a serious relationship when they weren’t physically in close proximity. They did remain close friends (she lived in his hometown and would often go to his parents’ house for holidays) and ultimately ended up deciding to get married several years down the road once the degree was finished. I don’t get the impression that either of them dated anyone else seriously, but the option was at least there for them if they met people they liked.

          • ETA that I wouldn’t categorize my sister or BIL as people who were unconventional in the sense of not interested in being monogamous. However, they were also not people who felt like they really needed to be out there on the market going on tons of dates just because they were in a more open relationship.

  5. Lady Day Coat :

    I am a 6 top / 8 bottom and a 4 skirt in J Crew. My 8 Lady Day coat fits perfectly with light clothes, but when I tried it on over more wintery clothes, the pockets pulled a bit. The 10 seems quite large though (but no pocket pulling).

    I live in the upper south, so it can get cold here, but often isn’t (so buttoning, even over winter clothes, usually isn’t an issue). I go to DC or NYC for work and then it IS cold and I am wearing a suit.

    I currently don’t have any winter coat though. Accept pulled pockets (or wear dresses) for work trips to colder climes and stick with the 8? Be the Michelin Man in the 10 (it’s not that bad, but I do not Love It)?


    • 2/3 attorney :

      Find a jacket that fits you correctly or get the 10 and have it tailored. You don’t have to settle for these two imperfect options, and for an investment coat like that (well, IMHO), you shouldn’t.

    • If you are really in love with this coat (which I totally get – I have one and love it too!), you could just add a thermal base layer to keep you warm when you travel instead of bulkier winter clothes, and wear a normal long-sleeve blouse over it. Uniqlo and Under Armor make great ones that keep you super super warm. If it gets too toasty when you get inside, just slip in the bathroom and take it off!

    • Lady Day Coat :

      Thanks. It’s hard to be a pear some days. I will experiment with the undergarments (and hopefully stay within the window for JCrew returns — the 8 has been sitting around for a while and the 10 didn’t magically fix things). I have a freezer for an office, so this may well fix a few of my problems.

    • Get another size 8 with Thinsulate so you don’t have to wear a second layer under it?

      • The thinsulate is not that great. I had this coat and loved how it looked but the fabric is so thin! And the thinsulate is just in the body, not the arms and so my arms were always cold.

  6. Diana Barry :

    Ladies, I just got a cold-call type of email from a law student. It said that I specialize in X area of law and she is interested in X area of law and practicing in that area after graduation, so could she come talk to me about X area of law sometime?

    First of all, I don’t practice X, I practice Y. Second of all, don’t misspell words!

    Third, should I respond to her or just delete?

    • Kontraktor :

      Have you ever practiced X area of law? Is there any way that Y area could be interpretted as X area? If the message is legitimate, I wonder if this person had not pulled your data/contact information from an outdated database, profile, etc.?

      I think if you want to ignore the person/don’t really want to help, perhaps at least write back to be polite (I say this as somebody who spent a lot of time carefully choosing industry contacts to email, writing them each individual letters, and rarely getting responses back- honestly I think some form of a response is the kind thing to do). Maybe say, “Hello Jane, Thank you for contacting me. I do not practice law in area X and thus do not think I can be of assistance here. I wish you the best of luck in your search.”

    • 2/3 attorney :

      From a 3L’s perspective, I hope you respond to her. Seems better for someone kind and helpful to mention her mistakes and how to fix them, than to receive no response and continue making them in the future. I also think it takes a lot of guts to cold-call (cold-mail?) someone in the area you want to practice, so I think, good for her for trying even if she didn’t nail it.

    • You’d certainly be justified in tossing it, but if you have time to help her out, you could find a way to tell her what you just told us, in a way that doesn’t sound mean, but that lets her know that people notice that mistakes and are not impressed; she needs to be more careful. I’d have a hard time treading that fine line in a written response, would probably tell her in a phone call.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      DB, forward the bad email to her Career Services and have them handle it. The last thing you want is to open a dialogue with this 3L about her lack of attention to detail. I don’t think it takes a lot of guts at all, 2/3. My guess is that this 3L used a generic email and/or did poor research and then switched the names out over and over. That’s lazy. And misspelled words?? And 3L didn’t coldmail someone in the area she wants to practice – DB doesn’t practice in that area.

      • e_pontellier :


      • 2/3 attorney :

        Well, color me the chastised 3L.

        • Sugar Magnolia :

          I agreed with you 2/3. I think I would have responded, and informed the person about their errors, and why they probably wouldn’t ever hear from anyone else they sent a similar email to. But my personality is more in that direction. Some people prefer to take different tactics in dealing with others. I call those people opposing counsel much of the time. :)

        • SF Bay Associate :

          Be happy that fools like this girl are your competition for jobs. You would never make such a mistake, so you will stand out from the pack just based on basic competency. I reviewed a resume for a summer candidate recently that listed his position as “Treasure,” which I presume meant “TreasureR”. It’s a one page resume. How could he not have seen that?! There are way too many smart, hardworking law students for us to have to consider candidates with stupid typos.

        • Look on the bright side, 2/3 Attorney. At least you don’t want to be a pubic [sic] interest lawyer.

          • Anon in MD :

            OMG. I used to work in public health. If I had a nickel for all the times people told me they wanted to work in “pubic health”…

    • e_pontellier :

      If there’s a possibility that your law school or your LinkedIn has incorrect info about what you practice, you might want to respond and just tell her that you practice Y but where did she get the incorrect info? But as a law student, I think it would be totally fine to delete the email. Typos are unacceptable, and getting the wrong practice area is worse.

    • If it were me, I’d ignore it. I’d also double check how you’re listed in your law school’s alumni directory. :-)

    • I would respond to her. There is no excuse for the misspellings, but I know my career services office often gave incorrect information to students. I had a friend who was given a contact that was supposedly in city a, but was actually in city b hundreds of miles away. I assume the same thing happened with practice areas.

    • Diana Barry :

      Thanks ladies. She clearly didn’t look at my firm bio or linkedin bc those say “Area Y” on it. (She also goes to a different law school than I did.) I may hold on to the email until I am feeling less irritated. ;)

      • Kontraktor :

        Got stuck in moderation for some strange reason, but the short of my message was I think the least you could do is reply out of politeness. Something like, “Hello Jane, Thank you for contacting me. I do not practice law in area ABC and thus do not think I can be of assistance here. I wish you the best of luck in your search.” Takes 5 seconds and is at least a response. I think the worst part about networking/job hunting/etc. is the huge number of messages that go totally unanswered.

    • I am an actuary, and without boring you with too many details, there are two kinds of actuaries. I get unsolicited resumes all the time for type X actuarial positions when I clearly work for a type Y company – I mean it’s even in the company name. In addition, my credentials are easy to find online and also clearly indicate that I am a type Y actuary.

      When I get one of these emails, I kind of roll my eyes, then I cheerfully delete it at no extra charge. If the candidate can’t be bothered to check the most basic information before sending me an email, then I can’t be bothered to correct him/her, gently or not.

      My favorite solicitation, though, was someone who found me through LinkedIn. “I understand from your LinkedIn profile that you are the top actuary in the nation,” began her letter. I didn’t hire her, but I’ll never forget her either!

    • When I was a 3L/recent graduate I cold mailed probably 20 (maybe 30?) attorneys in a practice area I wanted to be in and two of them brought me in to interview, so no harm in just ignoring it, it’s a fact of life, especially in these times. I didn’t end up working at either firm but it was still nice to meet a bunch of attorneys in the practice area.

      • omg, I just remembered shortly after I started my first job my boss took me to an industry event and one of the attorneys that ignored my solicitation sat with us because he wanted to talk to my boss and he deliberately ignored me even though my boss brought me into the conversation and generally acted awkward. I thought it was kind of funny, but anyway, I’m no worse for the wear that he ignored my coldmail.

  7. Brooklyn, Esq. :

    Hey e-pontellier, how was the Jay-Z concert? Were you happy with your outfit? :)

    • e_pontellier :

      The concert was SO COOL and my outfit was perfect!!!!! Thanks for asking :) Today is my one-year wedding anniversary so I haven’t been checking the ‘r e t t e, but thanks to everyone for their help on my outfit! (I meant to post today, rather than in the monstrous weekend thread, but evidently forgot).

  8. Blonde Lawyer :

    Pretty interesting article regarding gender bias, particularly in STEM. Anyone else care to admit you couldn’t figure out the riddle until you read further? I don’t want to elaborate and give away the answer. I’m off to take the quiz she links to.

      Amusingly, the thought that he had two dads popped into my head before it occurred to me that it was his mom.

      • Motoko Kusanagi :

        Same initial reaction as Bluejay.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Same and I was thinking I was being so progressive considering “two dads” as a possibility. My deepest apologies to ECMD for my error. I try so hard to use the he/she for all professions every day. Goes to show that even though I project “I don’t have gender bias” I actually do. I’m putting off the quiz until I get home since it goes to an actual research project. I want to make sure I give it my full attention.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        I’m also curious if the fact that the child was a boy impacts our thought process. I wonder if I would have figured out the riddle if it said “she’s my daughter” instead of “he’s my son.” Hmmm.

        • My thought process was basically, “He has two dads? But what does that have to do with the topic of this article? Oh, duh, it’s his mom.”

    • “And that women and men both act with unconscious bias to privilege those who already dominate a specific field of work, whether that means preferring a man’s résumé for a job in physics or a woman’s for a job in nursing.”

      I give up. I’m going to curl up in the fetal position clutching my copy of How to Be a Woman.

    • I remember that riddle from The Cosby Show years ago! I love catching old reruns of Cosby – so great.

    • Research, Not Law :

      I got the riddle immediately, although I work with a lot of female physicians.

      But then again, isn’t that the point – that even a female scientist didn’t picture a doctor as female?

      Interesting piece. I also enjoyed getting lost on Implicit.

    • LadyEnginerd :

      Did you see the New York Times room for debate thinger sparked by this study?
      The gem from the Independent Women’s Forum made me So Angry. She cherry-picks her facts – there might be more woman biology majors, but they don’t advance at the same rate or get paid the same amount as their male counterparts with similar resumes. Yes, there is gender-based discrimination at universities. Yes, it is the government’s business because the government funds the majority of the basic research in this country. And no amount of libertarian wishing will magically change the funding structure or the gender-specific harassment overnight. And, while she doesn’t address this, a globalized labor market in science makes it worse, as men from other countries with different ideas of gender roles are, (according to my limited anecdata), often the worst offenders!
      (link. ugh, feel dirty even posting it.

      Yes, we need more girls liking science from an early age – so we need teachers who actually like and are good at science in the K-12 classroom (many of mine hated math and science in school and it showed). But K-12 science class is not representative of pursing a career in STEM – as of your first day of class as a science major in college, you realize that unlike the gender parity in high school, you’re now in a classroom where you’re significantly outnumbered by men. What’s the point of making more girls excited about science at an early age if we then make pursuing it as a career an awful sexist gauntlet?

      • karenpadi :

        LadyEnginerd, this is absolutely perfect:

        What’s the point of making more girls excited about science at an early age if we then make pursuing it as a career an awful sexist gauntlet?

        Honestly, after reading this study, I considered changing my first name to a male name just to see if it made a difference with patent examiners.

        • My middle name is a “male” sounding name, I’ve thought about going by first initial middle name last name to see if I get more interviews. I’m not even in science and I have still noticed bias, for sure.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I’d posit that this is not indicative of just gender bias, but the general problem with bias across the board…..

  9. nail polish recs? :

    Anyone have any fall favorite nail colors that aren’t too dark? Sometimes I buy shades that look great in the bottle, but they inevitably dry darker on my hands — almost black, sometimes, I want deep wines, cranberries, and eggplants that don’t look black. Nothing wrong with black polish, but it’s not my style. Any recommendations?

    • I love love love Butter London’s British Racing Green.

    • I just tried Finger Paints in Sketch-Y. It’s a very dark wine but I don’t think it looks black. I’m wearing dark brown tights and cardigan today and it definitely looks red against the brown.

    • Last year I fell in love with Chanel’s Blue Boy. It is almost a denim-y blue, very subtle, and was just so lovely on that I didn’t want to wear any other nail polish all season.

    • Barrister in the Bayou :

      Revlon’s Valentine is really pretty.

    • mezzaluna :

      Sally Hanson salon line, Plum Seduction. It’s a deep greyish – lilac (so not super dark) but I find it lovely!

    • One of my favorites (currently wearing it) is Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Haute Chocolate (630). Might be along the lines of what you’re looking for.

    • Professor TBA :

      I’m currently obsessed w/OPI Roadhouse Blues. (I know it’s from last fall and don’t care.) It’s really dark, but doesn’t read black–just dark, gorgeous blue.

    • e_pontellier :

      In case you’re still checking this thread, I love OPI’s You Don’t Know Jacques – it’s dark dark grey, but still looks grey and not black or purple.

      • nail polish recs? :

        I have Essie’s Merino Cool and Chinchilly, which I think are similar (greige-y with subtle hints of violet), but I’ve heard so many great things about You Don’t Know Jacques that I think I may need to add it to my collection. Thanks, everyone!

  10. So here’s one to add to recent discussions about how invitations describe guest attire.

    I just received an invite to a charity event that is Karl Lagerfeld themed. Attire is described as: “Lagerfeld Black & White.”

    ???? What is this I don’t even.

  11. Have any of you read the book, “Overdressed”, by Elizabeth Cline? Am currently reading it and working hard to process it in the context of my own purchasing habits and those around me. For those of you who have read it, what was your response? Did it affect the way you shopped or viewed your wardrobe?

    • Joan Holloway :

      I just finished it. She shares a lot of my values, so I basically consider it a justification for the clothing I already want to purchase.

      As a survey of fast fashion, I think she does a fine job, but I find her tone to be shrill, and there isn’t a lot of depth.

      However, I’m glad to have someone highlighting some of the issues. There are so many people who consider themselves to be socially responsible, but they won’t pay more than $30 for a new item of clothing. It’s a wakeup call as to how sustainable our standard of living is. If we seriously consider purchasing clothing of high quality that fits us well and is made locally, we realize how limited our clothing budgets can be!

    • Yes, a number of us have posted about this some weeks/months ago, and I think there’s a growing number of folks who are concerned about the very problems (labor, environmental, quality, psychological) that have come about because of the cheap clothing industry and mindset.

  12. You guys, i just clicked onto the eileen fisher site and looked at the “plus” looks. (i am borderling plus and can generally wear misses in EF buti liketo see how things look on a plus model)

    The model has my exactshape. I never see a model with my shape- hourglass, high hip, tummy, long legs, b00bs – and it makes me want ALL the clothes.

    I love the fantasy of Eileen Fisher – natural fibers? Easy care? Cozy, comfy, stretchy,forgiving – but i am not sure they’re structured enough for business

    I need hinest opinions. Is this how you imagine your boss would dress? Does it convey enough authority?

    I am one itchy trigger finger away from making Eileen my exclusive fall/winter shop.


    • So, I live in a casual area of the country. But I think Eileen Fisher is a typical “look” for women who have made it and therefore I equate it with women in power.

      I do not doubt that you have gravitas, mamabear, that outweighs whatever you are wearing. Plus, that stuff is gorgeous. I think EF is finally hitting a nice blend between trend and matron (or maybe I’m just getting older)

    • mamabear, I love this look! I do think about 50% might be a bit too unstructured for work (lookin’ at you, cowl necks, cocoon sweater, and dolman sleeves (no, not an all-purpose rule, but these specifically)). I really like the red sweater, black dress, grey sweater on the bottom left, and the grey sweater with the red scarf. Perhaps relegate the others to weekend and casual Friday? There are definitely some great work choices in there, though, and even more if your office is more casual.

      • Addendum after reading EC MD’s comment — very good point re: gravitas allowing more casual work looks to still “work”. Wear those bad boys with authority and get down with your fashionable self!

    • Thank you ECMD and petitesq for answering. I do not think all of the looks are ok for work, I agree, but i think i might investigate this line for this season, particularly since i seem to be traveling every week. Structure can feel pretty conining on transcontinental flights.

      I used to think of EF as shapeless and boxy, but it seems like the brand has improved. I am still not a fan of the summer baggy linen dresses, but the fall fabrics look sumptuous. Thank you both for enabling me!!

      And sorry for the atrocious spelling. IPad.

    • Kontraktor :

      If I saw a woman at work who looked exactly like these models, I would think she was a great dresser and looked really nice. I think work appropriate is more about how one carries oneself, being put together, and wearing clothes that are a good balance between quality and fit. I would much rather see my boss in clothes like this than ill-fitting, wrinkled, cheap poly suits from Macy’s. Sure, some of this is a bit more casual, but there are plenty of dresses, sweaters, and other looks that would be 100% great for work and would probably be even better because you like the clothes so much/you would feel confident and exude an air of ‘I’m the (wo)man and don’t you all know it.”

    • Just got in from a late class and I couldn’t wait to check out the link. I thought the Plus clothes looked better than the regular women’s. Really pretty! I wear fairly unstructured clothes but their regular clothes are even more unstructured than what I wear. But a lot of it is gorgeous and, as EC MD says, a certain amount of gravitas (or GRAVYTAS if you’re Ellen) can make more flowy clothes look professional. I should know!

    • The clothes are either love or hate for me. So yes, you can totally pull it off because I am sure you like all the clothes I like. An aside, Ina Garten (whom I want to adopt me) took an Eileen Fisher shirt to a shirtmaker and had a bunch of copies made and that’s all she wears on her shows. And Ina can do no wrong. ever. And remember to always use good mayonnaise and that there is no substitute for freshly squeezed lemon juice.

  13. emcsquared :

    So I’m at work late and will likely be here all night, and my stomach is *so* bloated that I’m struggling to keep my pants buttoned and zipped (it’s an allergy thing, not dangerous but def uncomfortable). What to do? I don’t have any spare pants or skirts laying around, and all the stores are closed. My shirt isn’t quite long enough to cover the waistband if I stand up. And the partner I’m working with has a propensity to just wander into my office unannounced, so sitting with pants unbuttoned = not a good idea. ACK!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Do you have a hairtie? Loop the hairtie around your button, twist it, pull it through the button hole and reloop. Like this:

      Totally works!

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        (Ps it would help if your hair tie/rubber band was the same color as your pants)

  14. I’m a senior in college, and there’s an award given in the spring that I’m very well-qualified for. It’s an award given to students who have done exceptional service for the UG student body, and I would love to at least be in the running for some recognition for all of the volunteer work I’ve done. I really want to be nominated when the time comes, but I realized that I have no idea how to approach the whole nomination process. Do I ask someone to outright? Do I casually mention it to an advisor? Thoughts?

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