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Updated: Nov 2, 2018 191 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Cap Sleeve Sheath Dress in Industrial Navy

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Readers were recently heralding the fact that Ann Taylor Factory is online now. That's great news for those of you who prefer the Factory clothes, which tend to be more conservative and offer different iterations of some bestselling styles from past years — as opposed to the trendier stuff available from Ann Taylor. This one looks like a great, basic sheath dress. I like that the V-neck isn't too deep or too high, that the back zipper is hidden, and that the dress has some nice darts and other seaming. Do note that it's machine washable, too. The dress was “originally” $119.99 (see pricing policy) but is marked down to $71.99. Sizes are regular 0–16, petite 00–14. Cap Sleeve Sheath Dress in Industrial Navy This Lauren Ralph Lauren dress at Nordstrom comes in sizes 14W and up and is on sale for $71.40; this dress from Michael Michael Kors (I see a theme here) is available at Bloomingdale's in 1X–3X for $140. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Take this job . . .

    Have multiple meetings today to let folks I work for know that I am planning to leave my job for a new one I have lined up. I have never ever done this in my professional working life (only in my teens/early 20s types of jobs). Send good vibes please! I’m most concerned about letting my direct reports know once I brief the various people I report to . . . .

    • Panda Bear

      Congrats on the new job! I’m sure (reasonable) people will be happy for you.

      • Ellen

        Yes, do not be afraid to tell people you have a new job. I am thrilled for you. We must stick together in the HIVE when we find younger women like you who need guidance. Some of us more seasoned attorneys are hear for you and can help if you want to dialogue with us! YAY!!!

  3. Pompom

    I have the AT (regular) version of this, bought as part of a suit, and it is a gd unicorn. I’m 5’7″, size 14-16, and v curvy, and this dress was perfect for me. I’ve seen it on women of all different heights, weights, body types, and it looks great on them all.

  4. NCAA recruiting scandal

    Am I missing something — shoe companies provide $ to players’ families to play at this school vs that school. This seems to be a crime. I am not really feeling the outrage.

    I went to a D1AA school, so a couple of scholarships, but no big $ for athletes. And I went to a D3 school after that, so really sports were for players who loved to play (and 60% of the undergrads were varsity athletes of some sort or other). I guess at big $ sports schools, people care (but I think in the $ sports, no one really thinks of these kids as scholar-athletes — they are just athletes).

    I feel bad that football and basketball can’t figure out how to have legit minor leagues like hockey and baseball do (which I think have no taint like this — it seems to be mainly basketball / football). But am I missing something? [Honestly, if you could just pay the basketball team like you pay the facilities department or the Chemistry department, it would at least not kid people (but I think people aren’t kidded anyway — the Bama Football team is not the Bama golf or gymnastics team).]

    • Anonymous

      This kind of corruption will continue until we admit that the NCAA is a sham, and if we want to develop young athletes, there are better ways to do it – like creating young-athlete development leagues that aren’t tied to colleges. Pretending that “student athletes” at D1 universities are there for the education, and not to develop themselves for major-league careers, just insults everyone’s intelligence. And the value of the scholarships the athletes get is tiny compared to the amount of money made by broadcast companies, apparel companies, and the colleges themselves off of the unpaid labor of the athletes. I am not surprised by the “corruption” like this; I am surprised that anyone is surprised by it. If I were a student-athlete from an impoverished background, and all I was being offered in exchange for my talent was a scholarship to a school that, frankly, really doesn’t care whether or not I get a good education or even graduate – I would take money too.

      • Anonymous

        At my D1AA State U school of <5,000 undergrads, I think that the field hockey players got an education, as did the swimmers. There is no $ in those sports, so IMO no possibility for corruption. I went to law school with my undergrad's football team members (maybe all but 5 of which are students not there on scholarship who just wanted to play and were OK with the major imposition on their time).

      • Cookbooks

        I went to a D1 school, and as much as I love college football, I agree that there few genuine “student athletes.” The NCAA is total nonsense. It makes billions off these students’ likenesses, off ticket sales, and off jersey sales. But they demand that the students remain “amateurs.” And schools profit, too. I know that revenue from basketball and football and the like mean schools can afford other, less popular sports, but everyone is making money off these kids except the kids themselves. Its no wonder students are tempted and take the money.

        • emeralds

          Could not agree more. It’s BS.

          My SO was a DI recruit in an Olympic sport, and even in his program it was very clear that if it ever came down to sports vs. academics, sports were the priority. It’s just such an effing mess of a way to administer athletics.

          • Anonymous

            Not surprised — even kids’ sports are like this (not so much vs academics, but with the idea that something might have to wait or not get done b/c Mom works, Mom is in traffic, Mom is solo parenting while Dad is on travel, Dad is not sure if it is a home game or away game, part of the uniform is missing, there are other kids in the household, etc.).

            OMFG We quit a ballet (!) program for 4-year-olds due to their HAIRSTYLING rules (which were rules, not suggestions; not my fault kid didn’t have enough hair yet for a bun and I’m not using product or extensions on her sorry).

    • Anonymous

      Well I live in Kentucky so I’m not shedding any tears for Pitino. My issue with college sports is, let’s just go ahead and pay the kids. The schools make so much money off their ability and images. This “amateur” bs is total bs.

    • Anonymous

      Color me “shocked, shocked” that there is this going on in big-$ college sports.

      But why even have eligibility rules (beyond being enrolled students) in any non-$ sports like golf (where you could just play in pro tournaments outside of the NCAA) and diving? It is super-annoying and schools have to hire people just to deal with the red tape. Treat it like club sports and just play.

    • Anon

      I disagree that hockey (and probably baseball) at D1 schools don’t have the same types of problems. I went to a big hockey school, and the hockey student-athletes were, on average, no more there for the scholarship aspect then the football or basketball players. It was a way to continue to play hockey, continue to grow as a player, and get noticed with the hopes of making it to the pros.

      I honestly think the only way to fix the problem is to either (1) let the athletes be paid, in recognition for all the money they make for the schools or (2) stop having these sports in colleges, which has really just been a way to push the costs of development programs on to the athletes.

      • Anonymous

        I really don’t know re hockey, but it’s a sport with minor leagues (ECHL, AHL, etc.) in a way that there isn’t in basketball (but they just go pro as soon as they can if they can) or football.

        I suspect that women’s sports generally don’t have this as an issue. Or men’s sports outside of some D1 sports at some really D1BCS-eligible schools.

        With the $ spent on the prosecution, it’s like there aren’t legit malum-in-se crimes going on, just this.

      • Never too many shoes...

        I think hockey is a bit different than some of the other big sports mentioned here because only 30% of NHL players come through the NCAA rather than from European/Russian leagues or the Canadian major junior leagues.

        • Anonymous

          I went to a small D1 school in the SEUS. It has a hockey team but no scholarships. I think the guys just want to play. Their ice time is like 11pm and no one goes to their games at home, much less away.

          Maybe in the northern US there’d be corruption potential in hockey, but the Canadian boarding hockey school D-leagues seem to be where many/most players come from, not the Harvard/Dartmouth hockey teams (my ECHL team had 2 Harvard and 1 Dartmouth guy on it, but I think they did for a year or two each and went to b-school or wall street; ECHL hockey is like 25K/year and you are taking the team bus to the away game in Erie for 3 nights of game there and then to some other random small city; it is great only if you love hockey that much).

        • Anon

          I agree that there are other options to get to the NHL, and there are schools where the hockey players are not gunning for the pros (like there are for football and basketball), but there are college hockey teams were players have a real chance at going pro and they figured it was a better option then going abroad. Frankly, at my college, the hockey players had a significantly better chance of going pro than the football or basketball players (who never made it from my school).

    • Anonymous

      The NFL and NBA absolutely CAN have a thriving development league, but the NCAA and the schools who reap $$$$ don’t want them to do it, and everyone keeps greasing everyone else’s palm to keep the current system. The big school conferences (SEC/B1G/ACC) want to keep their lucrative TV contracts, and schools know without big sports they can kiss that rabid alumni (and just fan) support goodbye – why pay big money for season tickets when the really good players are now in the NFL development league?

      I went to a Big Ten school and an ACC school (but in SEC country) and it’s criminal what the NCAA and schools are allowed to do in terms of exploitation of athletes, majority of whom are Black and hoping to get that big payday for their families.

      • Anonymous

        Would it work if instead of giving them scholarships you just paid them something like 20K/year + housing + scholarships after 4 years of playing (so they could become coaches or gym teachers or physical therapists or other jobs that might require training if they don’t go pro)? Then it could be something like VaTech/Adidas Football Team, Davidson/Nike Basketball Team, etc.

      • +1

        SEC grad living in SEC country with friends who were on SEC football team.

        I don’t think the players should get paid an insane amount, but I do think it’s so awful to think that some of these would show up to the coaches’ houses for a meal (or fellow players’ homes) because the coach couldn’t outright buy their groceries, but they came from really humble backgrounds and didn’t have “spending” money or grocery money, or honestly any kind of money and the only access to food was the school food, but they’re on campus far more than food was available. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting ice cream or some other sort of non-food provided food. Considering how much revenue these kids bring in (school is consistently ranked at the top of the most revenue producing football programs), it’s inconceivable that they would go hungry.

  6. Anon

    Thank you to the poster who recommended those Lee ankle pants you can buy on Amazon! They’ve been great so far. On that note, can anyone recommend the best pants for biking to work? It’s a casual office and most people are wearing jeans, but I typically find biking in jeans uncomfortable. I’m going to try doing it in the Lee pants, but would appreciate some other recs as well.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I missed that post – can you share a link? Always chasing that ultimate pair of black ankle pants.

      • MagicUnicorn

        I missed the Lee recs earlier, but for black ankle pants that are comfy enough to bike casually in, check out the Banana Republic Devon ones. I picked up a pair on Poshmark recently and am loving them.

    • Anonymous

      That was me!! I’m wearing them today! Glad you like them!

      Search Amazon for LEE Women’s Modern Series Ivy Pull-on Ankle Pant

    • Torin

      I bike in the Athleta Sculptek jeans. Other jeans are sometimes uncomfortable to bike in but those are GREAT. They’re pricey and don’t go on sale very often, which is definitely a downside, but I have so much trouble finding jeans I like that I just gritted my teeth and paid for them.

      I’ve also biked in Prana jeans, which are very comfortable, less expensive than the Athleta ones to start with, and much easier to find on sale. Downside is they don’t hold their shape at all and look baggy after a few hours of wear. I may just be between sizes though. Sizing down didn’t work for me because the smaller size was completely unzippable, but the size that seemed to fit when I first put them on looked way too big later in the day.

    • Cmg

      The Nic and Zoe wonderstretch side zip pants in black are ankle length but not too short, look good with everything and have enough stretch to be comfortable biking but not so much that the butt sags. Downside is they are pricey (~150).

  7. Nude tights -- que es eso?

    Now that it is cold, what are these nude tights that people are talking about?

    I know of pantyhose. And the thick opaque tights that figure skaters wear with their costumes.

    Are nude tights for fashion / wearing to work so it’s not 99% black tights from now until March either of these or are they something else entirely? If so, links please :)

    • Worry about yourself

      Danskin womens ultrasoft microfiber tights. They’re on Amazon, price is usually around 10-15, I tend to order a few pairs every year.

      • Anonymous

        Do they look like pantyhose? Or like the white nurse’s or ballet tights (but more of a “toast” color)? I have a hard time thinking that this would look OK with office clothes. So tired of black tights already though!

        • Worry about yourself

          They are pretty opaque, so yeah I guess they do look more like ballet tights, but they do match my skin color somewhat closely.

          I work in relatively causal offices, so I doubt anyone’s wringing their hands over my tights, but maybe someone who sees me in the lobby at the end of the day might worry about my career.

        • Duckles

          Yeah I can’t see that looking good. I think when the weather drops below 40 it’s just black tights or pants time :(

    • Cat

      PLEASE do not wear opaque flesh-colored tights that is super weird. Either sheer pantyhose in the appropriate shade for your skin tone (which is what I think most people mean by “nude tights”), OR black/navy/gray opaque tights.

      • Anonymous

        This. I can’t imagine how flesh colored tights don’t make someone look like a figure skater.

        • Anon

          Or naked. I’ve had severe internal frights thinking there was a nudist in the grocery store with wearers of flesh colored tights. Goes for light peach too – if it’s too close to your skin tone just don’t.

          • Pompom

            Haha I think the thread is talking about “tights” as things that cover your legs but are worn under a skirt or dress (like pantyhose, nylons, hosiery), and not “tights” as in “running tights” or leggings, worn alone with nothing over them.

            Because yes, that would absolutely be shocking (and I’ve had that reaction to the flesh colored leggings…humorous alarm!)

    • Baconpancakes

      Heist has great reviews. They only make them up to a US size 10, currently, but if you’re smaller than that, I’d give them a try.

      • ...

        has anyone tried these? I am curious but whenever i get to the purchase page i chicken out. they are expensive and online only.

        • Marshmallow

          I tried them and they were awful. They didn’t feel… “tight” enough? They wiggled around on me throughout the day. And their much-hyped return policy of “love it or return it!” turned out to require ME to pay international return shipping. LOL no.

    • Anonymous

      You should only wear these to work if you are a Rockette or in Disney On Ice.

  8. Anonymous

    My old boss left the company in May. We are doing just fine without her (better, in fact, because the person who replaced her is much better). But she keeps emailing me with things she thinks might be helpful or relevant. I don’t need or want her input. I didn’t like her very much and my career has actually progressed now that she’s not here holding me back. How to tell her nicely to zip it? Is that even possible?

    • Anonymous

      You don’t have to tell her anything. Have IT block her email address. She’s totally crossing the line and you don’t need the hassle.

    • ANP

      Can you set up a filter so her messages bypass your inbox to a separate folder? Then you just check it once a month/once a week/whenever and reply “Thanks! Hope you are well” to the most recent?

      • anon

        +1 I don’t know that you need to set up the filter, but there is zero upside to responding in any way other than “Thanks, hope you are well” before putting it completely out of your mind.

    • ac

      Can you just do a slow fade? Like, not respond for a couple days, and do so in a non-committal manner (e.g., 3 days later, “thanks for sending – we’ve got the project covered. I hope you have a great weekend!” or, more directly, “I appreciate your thoughts – we ended up taking a different approach. I hope your new role is treating you well!”)

      • Anon

        I don’t think you should be telling a former employee and perhaps current competitor what approaches are being taken.

      • s

        Discussing the value (or lack thereof) of the advice in any way only feeds the impression this advice is being considered and keeps ex-boss’s head in the mode of being part of the problem-solving team. A simple “Thanks! Hope all is going well” repeated enough will shut it down.

        If you’re telling her “we’re going with a different approach,” intentional or not it also can come across as sort of smug/passive aggressive–like “you don’t get to make the calls anymore, I do.” While that may feel satisfying, it has no long-term upside for you. You never know where your paths may cross again and in what roles. It’s far wiser to keep things nothing but positive and brief.

    • anon

      I don’t think this hurts you even though it may be annoying, and she may even be trying to be nice. I would let it slide. If it had been a year, I’d have a different answer. But I don’t think there’s a nice way to tell her to zip it. I’d err on the side of politeness – she could be a future reference or a future employer may call her anyways!

    • Anon

      You need to establish yourself some boundaries. It does not matter why she left, whether things are better or worse after her departure, or anything else.

      She is sending emails that could be fishing for information about internal company operations, long after her departure. Depending on her new company’s IT policies and where she is emailing from, she may be inadvertently disclosing your company’s confidential information to her new company.

      Shut this down.

      “Hi Sarah. As you are no longer employed by Acme, it is not appropriate for you to comment upon our internal operations. I have cc-ed my manager, Rachel, as well as our on-site HR rep, Mike, in case you have questions. Regards.”

      • Anonymous

        I would actually just let your manager handle it or maybe her previous boss. Let them know she is crossing the line. Either forward a message to them and have them respond to her or ask them for their preferred response and cc them on it. Huge preference toward them just emailing her.

      • ANON

        Now both your manager and HR are having their time wasted as well? This is horrible advice. At the least, it’s much less nasty to just say you don’t feel comfortable talking strategy given current circumstances but you hope all is going well for her.

        • Anon

          1. There are terms and conditions of this woman’s employment and departure. Presumably, it is not a fantastic idea for former employees to be openly discussing the internal operations of a company. That’s an HR matter.

          2. Per previous, she may be fishing for information, or she may just be cluelessly exposing company information to her current employer. (All computer usage is monitored.) You have a former employee who does not understand boundaries. That is worth a discussion, and not by the OP.

          • anon

            You’re overreacting. It didn’t sound from the OP like she was discussing internal operations, or revealing information that could lead to conclusions about internal operations. Nor does it sounds like she’s fishing for information. Maybe she is, but that’s not the impression I got. If she’s writing, “hey, I thought xyz new technology could be instrumental in helping you improve abc proprietary process, might really work that kink out!” then your position could have merit. This sounds more like “hey, did you see this article in Relevant Trade Publication?”

            Your original script is rude AF. It’s also patronizing and insulting (“if you have questions”? come on). Don’t burn bridges. Don’t waste HR’s time. Here’s a better script, if she is in fact revealing company info “Hey Sarah, I appreciate you keeping in touch, but I’m concerned that these emails might be exposing confidential information. I’d be more comfortable if they stopped. Take care, see you at Next Industry Conference.” Then forward to HR as an FYI.

          • Anon

            Yeah, you’re way overreacting. The best thing to do is to just ignore these emails.

      • Anon

        This is such bad advice. Don’t do this. You will unnecessarily burn a bridge and look like a weirdo. Just be polite, slow fade, ignore or whatever, but don’t do this.

      • MagicUnicorn

        If she were taking information from the company this course of action would make sense. Offering unsolicited comments to her old company is not giving her any insight into confidential information, though, so this seems like a rather drastic overreaction to respond with.

      • Anon

        Again, depending on the level of detail of the advice and where she is sending it from (even if it’s her personal email, her current employer has access to it if it’s on her work computer and sent over their networks), she could be exposing confidential company information.

        It’s actually not for any of you to unilaterally decide if that’s okay. It’s for her former company to decide.

        As a reminder: this is not a one-off thing. This is repeated, and this woman left five or six months ago. Shut. It. Down.

        • Anon

          Just a reminder: This is her former boss, someone she presumably may need to reach out to for a reference some day. Sending her an incredibly rude note and bringing in HR when she reached out to be helpful (OP’s words) is unilaterally stupid. No exchange of confidential info is indicated here. Even if there were an expectation, there are far more polite ways to shut.it.down.

    • Anon

      Send them to a new folder and totally ignore them. Don’t even bother with a short “Thanks!” or whatever. Check the folder every once in a while and delete them.

  9. Anon

    Why do I get little holes in my thinner shirts? They’re usually right around the belt buckle area, but I don’t wear belts (and I don’t tuck in). I wash most of my shirts on a gentle cycle. Some I hang dry and some I tumble on low with wool felt balls, but regardless within a couple washings, I get these little holes.

    What are they? What am I doing wrong?

    • Anon

      They’re probably catching on the zipper pull. Other than making sure the pull is turned up, which seems to help, no good ideas for this.

    • Anonymous

      Seatbealts, rubbing from purses, catching on your waistband/zipper? When you wash them, even on gentle, do you wash them with anything else that has hard plastic or metal parts that could bang into them?

    • Anonymous

      My theory is that they are from the corner of the pants fly. You can iron a piece of featherweight interfacing inside the shirt to help prevent the hole or even to repair small ones, but on a thinner shirt the interfacing will show.

    • anon

      Hi! I have researched this on the internet because it happens to EVERY shirt I have. Consensus seems to be it’s the way your button closure makes the fabric on pants stick out a little and it just wears down the shirt. I have given up trying to prevent it and just toss the shirts eventually. It’s a huge annoyance. I find it mostly happens with cotton/modal shirts.

    • anon

      Oh my gosh, I almost posted this exact thing a few days ago. I’ve been super frustrated and went down the google rabbit hole. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one this happens to. The most prevailing theory is that the shirt catches on jeans. Whether it’s the fly piece, the button, or a belt, it wasn’t clear. I guess we need to embrace the front tuck? Good thing it seems “in” right now.

      I have a fairly thin slub cotton t-shirt that I’ve been sleeping in for about 5 years now (and machine washing it approximately once every week) and it does not have any holes. I’ve never worn it with jeans so the theory seems plausible, I guess.

    • Anonymous

      These happen to me from my belt when I lean my stomach against something (like pressing against the counter when I’m washing dishes).

    • Senior Attorney

      This happens to me too and it drives me insane!

      My current theory is that it’s from the seatbelt in my car because it happened on a knit maxi dress (that I loved, darnit!) so no “corner of the pants” to blame. Nevertheless I still wear an apron in the kitchen to avoid counter-rubbing and I front tuck, too, when I think of it.

    • Minnie Beebe

      I get this too, and while the root cause may be the corner of the fly of my pants wearing this area down, I have found that *never* drying the shirts in the clothes dryer helps significantly. My shirts last way, way longer with line-drying.

      Until DH, trying to be helpful, tosses everything into the dryer.

  10. Leatty

    Thanks to everyone who chimed in on our potential trip to Montreal and a nearby ski resort after Christmas. We decided to go (even if it might be really cold). Now I need to buy some cold weather gear, especially shoes. Any recommendations for winter boots for less than $150?

    • Equestrian Attorney

      Sorels are the most popular brand around here. And don’t worry about being fancy – Montrealers are very used to people showing up in bulky snowshoes and puffy jackets. If you are going to a very fancy place, there often is a option to change shoes and check your boots (bring a bag). Otherwise, wear warm clothes, even if they feel outdororsy/not very polished – no one cares. Also, bring a scarf, hat, and mittens!

      • Mtl bagel

        Another vote for Sorel: they are warm and waterproof. As a Montrealer myself and a mom of 2 little girls, Sorels are by far my favorite boots.
        Also, I agree with Equestrian Attorney: bring a scarf, hat, and mittens and warm clothes. You will be fine. Enjoy the city and make reservations to restaurants you want to go in advance: some restaurants are closed during the holidays while others are completely booked. I personally love le Filet, Liverpool House and le Serpent. If you love good quality pastries, go to Patrice Patissier for lunch! Enjoy!

    • Anonymous

      I have a pair of North Face Shellista II Tall boots, but they have them in mid length too. Wore them in Iceland in February and they were great. Worked well on ice, although I often paired them with Yaktrax. If you are taking boots on and off frequently, however, get something with a zipper instead of laces.

  11. Anonymous

    Best of luck on the home stretch to all the fellow ‘rettes running for office! May the press coverage play well, the voters answering doors be friendly, your GOTV efforts successful, and your willpower to stay out of the parade candy be stronger than mine.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with this and also, thank you for taking this on. Campaigning is difficult and can be very demoralizing. I very much appreciate you doing the hard work of making our democracy better. And even if you don’t win you are still a superstar!

      • Anonymous

        It has been a real balance of demoralizing (one lady asked my party affiliation then slammed the door in my face) and uplifting (two doors later, a woman said she’s been following my campaign and was excited to meet me.)

    • Anon

      Heck yes!!!

      I don’t think I posted an update, but I won the municipal election I was in (it was in October) with 61% of the vote [hairflip emoji]

  12. Weekend in Sedona

    I have a weekend trip to Sedona coming up. I have never been- what are some can’t-miss things to do? We’ll be there for a wedding, but have some down time before. Also, what to pack? Layers? Outdoorsy stuff?

    • anon.

      Sedona is my favorite place in the world and we try to go every year or two.

      Clothes – Yes, it’s super outdoorsy and casual. Just bring layers and things to hike/walk in. I like to have a soft shell jacket that folds up into my day pack and then smartwool and a tank of some kind. I do not usually need serious hiking boots there – basic low tops tend to be fine unless you’re attempting something more ambitious.

      What’s your level of hiking? Whatever it is, you can definitely do and enjoy Bell Rock Trail. It’s mostly flat around the entirety of Bell Rock, with some fun but not technical scrambling. You don’t have to do the whole thing to get enjoyment out of it if you have wedding commitments. If you reply here with what you’re looking for, I can give you some additional trail names. NOTE: You need to be aware of weather before going on any trail there this time of year (i.e. don’t go anywhere with a lot of snow if you aren’t prepared for it).

      Food: The eating culture there is not great. I’d say there’s NOTHING that’s a “can’t miss.” Go to the grocery store and stock up on food to eat at the hotel if you can. Elote is popular and pretty good (but the LINE can be an hour or more long). Chocolatree for lunch is pretty good.

      • Delta Dawn

        +1 for Elote; they don’t take reservations, but if you can get there 20 minutes before they open, you should be seated in the first round. Get the actual Elote and a prickly pear margarita!

  13. help me recover

    Oh god. I had a phone call scheduled at 10 with a recruiter who was going to give me a job offer and I was prepared to negotiate. I didn’t hear anything by about 10:20 so I sent a quick email asking if we were still on. She responded that she had called me and left a message. I looked back and in the final email I sent her I had a typo on my phone number! Obviously it was correct on my resume, but of course she used the number in my email.

    I feel like a complete idiot. I said in my response it was my fault and apologized. We are going to speak this afternoon instead. Did I ruin my chances for negotiating because now she thinks I’m an idiot who wasted her time? I cannot BELIEVE I did that. I am dying inside.

    • anon

      Yeah, this happens. It will be ok.
      Although, this reminds me why I really wish people would set up their voicemail with a personal greeting. I don’t like leaving messages with any detail when it’s only a number.

    • Worry about yourself

      I don’t think so. I work with recruiters, and generally when they find someone who’s a good fit, and the hiring manager wants them, the recruiter WANTS that person to get hired, because then they get the credit and the req is closed, they don’t have to keep working on it anymore. The recruiter here probably understands, and still wants to extend the offer. Remember, they might decide who gets an interview, but they rarely have any say over who actually gets the job.

      • Anon

        This.

        If you are this far in the process, you have established yourself as a reasonable and competent professional. No sane recruiter wants to turn to a client and tell that client to re-start the hiring process because (drumroll) the preferred candidate made a small typo in an email. The client has spent time and money finding you and wants to hire you. A typo falls laughably short of what would cause them to pull an offer and start over.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, I totally get that you feel horrible but I’m sure it’s fine! Hugs!!

    • Queen of Awkward

      Quick, make a joke that you never call yourself so you’re not sure of your own phone number, ha, and now we all have cell phones and no one remembers phone numbers anymore.
      Thank Recruiter for understanding and move on to the negotiation, good luck!

  14. Boots?

    Shopping help, please. I’m looking for knee high boots. I’m short (5’2″) with muscular calves. Any suggestions?

    • anon

      I have muscular calves too, and I found a great pair from DSW — the Kelly and Katie Dawsyn. I’m 5’5″, and they come to about the middle of my kneecap, so they might be more of over-the-knee boots on you? But I really love them.

    • NYNY

      I have big calves, and the best tall boots I’ve ever owned come from Duo Boots. They’re pricy, but well-made and come in calf sizes, so you can be sure they will fit whether you have narrow, average, or wide calves.

    • Good luck

      For wide-calf boots you must try: wide widths
      all 1 word
      then add dot com

      Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      I bought Coach leather riding boots that hit right below the knee (also 5’2″) in their wide calf option. Had them for three years so far and wear the heck out of them every fall/winter. Still going strong.

  15. sneakers with jeans?

    My feet are begging me to get on board with this trend. I’m think of a pair of blush pink sneakers from Steve Madden (the Lancer sneaker – n0 link to avoid mod). Thoughts? Better suggestions?

    • Idea

      I did not realize this was a trend. I guess I’ve been trendy since 2007!!
      Even a stopped clock…

  16. Anonymous

    Question – for people who’ve done milestone-birthday travel with friends, as a friend would you expect the birthday person to cover the costs of anything, or does everyone pay their own way? This is likely to be in the $1,000 range for 3 days and everyone’s upper middle class.

    • Anonymous

      Stipulate no gifts, their presence is the present. People who want to come, come and pay for themselves. If you as the host want to pay, that would be a lovely gesture.

    • BabyAssociate

      I’d definitely expect to pay my own way. If it wasn’t in my budget, then I wouldn’t go and wouldn’t feel bad about it.

    • Anon

      Everyone pays their own way. If they can’t afford to go then they can just choose not to. IME these sorts of trips are less “birthday trip” and more “vacation with friends with birthday as an excuse to do it”. They may choose to pay for your actual birthday dinner as a kind gesture, but I wouldn’t even expect that.

    • Anonymous

      Recently a friend wanted to do a weekend getaway and paid for the air bnb for the whole group. I thought that was extremely generous of her, and definitely did not expect her to do it. Those of us who went paid for everything else we did that weekend ourselves. If we’d paid our shares for the air bnb too I would’ve been fine with that.

    • Anonymous

      I would be horrified if my friends covered any of my travel on a birthday trip. I am an adult and if I want to go on a trip, to celebrate my birthday or not, that’s on me! I would never go on a trip where the birthday person expected her/his fellow travelers to cover the cost of my trip. Buy me a drink? Sure, that’s fine, but anything more than that too much.

    • Anon

      I would not expect all of the costs to be covered, but I’m probably not in the same income bracket. I would expect a fancy meal or two to be covered and *maybe* lodging, depending on type, like if it’s a house or something.

      • Anonymous

        Ack! I see now I asked the question wrong – I meant, would you expect the birthday girl to pick up the friends’ travel – not that they would pick up HERS.

        I’m the birthday girl here, and my friends are being wonderful about taking this expensive trip for me (I have Very Difficult Life Situation going on), and I’m wondering if I should treat them.

    • DCR

      I’m thinking about doing this next summer for my 35th birthday – I’m sad about still being single and want to go away from home for a fun weekend with friends instead of wallowing at my place. My current plan is to rent a beach house driving distance from my city, and just invite all my friends. I’ll pay for the beach house myself, but not the other costs associated with the trip (i.e. food, any entertainment, gas, etc.). If my friends offered to pay for dinner on my actual birthday, I would probably accept but I don’t expect them to cover any of my costs for the trip.

    • Meg March

      I almost think the birthday person would be expected to cover MORE, if anything. Similar to 12:43 Anon, a friend of mine wanted a birthday getaway and she covered the AirBnB for the group. I think I paid for one drink for her one night we went out, and everyone covered their own costs besides the AirBnB. I didn’t expect her to cover the AirBnB, but thought it reasonable, since she wanted the trip to celebrate her birthday. We don’t normally do birthday gifts for each other (except, as mentioned, a drink when we go out).

      • Anonymous

        OP here – this is what I’m wondering. I’m the birthday girl. It’s not a hardship for me to cover any/all of the trip – just not sure what the expectations are.

        • Anonymous

          If you are able, I think it’s an incredibly kind gesture. But I don’t think there’s any expectation (at least in my group of friends).

    • Never too many shoes...

      Everyone pay their own and then maybe the friends pay for dinner for the bday woman one night.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just did this. We threw a big party with dinner, dancing, and open bar. Beyond that everybody paid their own way and mostly picked up the tabs when we went out for meals with them.

      If there’s no party and everybody is staying in the same Air BNB I feel like it would be nice for the birthday girl to cover that.

  17. Merry Christmas ya Filthy Animal

    We bought a new house and want to buy a nice fake Christmas tree that will last and look good. Where should we go? We are strongly considering Costco – any other ideas? Any ideas for nice (long-lasting) Christmas decor would be helpful as well.

    • Senior Attorney

      If you have Michael’s near you, they have nice trees and they have big sales on Black Friday.

    • Anon

      I would get a cheap tree to pass this Christmas and shop post-Christmas (or venture Black Friday like the above poster recommended) sales.

      • DCR

        I got a fake Christmas tree a few years ago. I originally planned/hopped to get a good discount after Christmas, but didn’t find any and ended up buying it the following year at a black Friday sale. In my limited experience, the discounts after Christmas aren’t much better than what you can find before and certainly not enough to counteract the cost of a cheap tree.

    • Anon

      I want a fake tree, and I’d love to get one at Costco, but all of the ones there are pre-lit. My favorite part of having a Christmas tree is putting lights on it. I have really vivid childhood memories of doing that.

    • anon

      The Balsam Hill ones are terrific. Easy to put up, look pretty real, and will last forever. Unfortunately they come with a price tag to match, but in our experience it’s been worth it. They pop up from time to time on ebay if they are discontinued styles.

      We got one with the lowest count of lights (all white) so we can still string our lights on as well, because I like colored lights and some of the big globe lights too. We’ve been really happy with it.

    • Never too many shoes...

      I got an amazing fake tree from Costco – they had the most choices for a slimline tree for my small living room.

    • mascot

      We’ve gotten several tress from Costco and have been very happy with them. I pick a tree with as many lights as possible and get great results. (I hate stringing lights). I generally look for 100 lights/foot (which usually means $$).
      Costco also has some really nice outdoor lighted decorations that hold up well.

    • anon.

      Costco is the best place to but a Christmas tree in my opinion. I had one from there for three years that had a lifetime warranty on it. A string of lights went out in the 4th year. They returned it for full value and I turned around and bought another one from there. The customer service is great.

  18. Med Shoe

    I have a big toe injury and have a medical shoe of the open toed Velcro variety. It has a large heel. I don’t have to wear it all the time. I can wear shower shoes or regular sneakers instead to the extent my toe fits.

    That’s fine for home and recreation or even in my office but I feel I need to wear the medical shoe for court and important work stuff to make clear I’m not wearing crocs or running shoes as a fashion choice.

    The issue with the medical shoe is I can’t find the right height shoe to wear on the other foot (even in a plain black sneaker) so I can walk evenly. Why don’t these medical shoes come with a mate that’s the right height?

    Mostly just venting but if anyone has any good ideas I’d love to hear them.

    • Anon

      What is the medical shoe height? Just get a low heel as close to it as possible even if its (gulp) a dreaded kitten heel. What’s the medical boot height?

      • Med Shoe

        1.25 inch in the back and 3/4 inch in the front. Today I wore a black sketchers ballet style sneaker on the other foot that has a about a 3/4 heel. I wore a Life Stride flat the day before that had a 1/2 inch heel.

      • Anonymous

        I had the same problem and ended up just wearing the Sketchers Shape-ups that are similar to the (very expensive) MBT shoes. They were the right height and worked well for me for the brief period I was in the boot.

    • Horse Crazy

      Ugh I had exactly the same problem, but with a walking boot. I had to wear it a few years ago, and at the time, I had a pair of wedge pumps from DSW that were the exact same height as the boot. Now I am back in the boot, and those pumps are in such horrible shape now that I can’t wear them to work, and I haven’t been able to find another pair (and I don’t know what brand they were). The wedge heel was probably about an inch – I would suggest trying to find something like that.

  19. C2

    Two 16:8 intermittent fasting related questions: I’ve been doing this most mornings of the week for the past month to see if it was something I could get used to, and this week decided to make it a more permanent thing, and include weekends. I have a coffee with a dash of whole milk (way under 50 cals), typically do a 12-8 eating window with reasonable meals, and feel more alert all day.

    1) I like to go to lunchtime spin class twice a week, and I need to have a couple hundred carby calories before I go, otherwise I drag and overeat later. So, I adjust my window to 10:00-6:00 and have toast and a little fruit. Do you find that regularly adjusting the window has any effects long-term?

    2) Do you find yourself thrown off greatly if you skip a day? My parents are in town for an event tonight and I’m going to breakfast with them tomorrow, and have plans with friends in the evening. I’m going to try to keep everything reasonable, but I’m just going to have to start Saturday fresh. Do you have any strategies you’ve found helpful around days like this?

    • Anonymous

      I adjust my window at least once a week. And I’ve skipped a day on the regular. I don’t think of IF as a strict regime, I just try to stick to the principle of having a solid block of time where I’m not eating that coincidences with sleep time. I’m an abstainer not a moderator (in all things, not just food) so IF works well for me.

      • Ellen

        I wish I had your will power. I love to eat even tho I know it all winds up on my tuchus. Dad says I need to cut back on food but it is just something I enjoy, especialy b/c I have no boyfriend to keep me slim. FOOEY! If I had a boyfreind, I would do stuff with him and be svelte! YAY!!!

    • Anon

      I frequently adjust my window on weekends (like 10-6 or 2-10) and don’t really worry about it. And then sometimes I go to brunch with friends at 11 and then have a late dinner at 9. If I notice I’m gaining a couple pounds, then I’ll be a little more strict about it. But, like Anon @ 12:42 pm said, I tend to be fine if I’m just sticking to the general principle of having a large block of time where I’m not eating, so that my digestion has time to do its thing.

  20. Dealbreakers

    What are some dating dealbreakers you had that you broke when you met your current SO? Also what qualtities did they have that made you want to forgo the dealbreaker(s)?

    • Anonymous

      DH is blonde and not taller than me, not a great dresser and doesn’t like dogs. Totally thought my type was tall, dark and handsome, and loved dogs.

      Be open to someone who doesn’t fit the phyiscal type that you think of yourself as attracted to but don’t accept dealbreakers in how you are treated – e.g. I would never be with someone who didn’t value my career or who expected me to be a SAHM.

    • Anon

      Deal-breaker: long distance.

      Quality: being the man I am going to marry.

      I just am not into dating long distance for fun, or because it’s a nice relationship, or anything else. I’ve seen it work out with a small number of people. More often, it prolonged a relationship that would have ended much sooner if local, in a manner that was obvious from the start. I’ve also seen people pine for someone in another state, in a way that was vaguely commitment-phobic: if the perfect guy is 300 miles away, you never really have to find a relationship. (If commitment-phobia if your thing, power to you. But it’s not mine.)

      No other deal-breakers, mostly because every other time I violated a deal-breaker, it turned out there was a reason that I had it in place. FH is everything I want in a man and a partner.

    • Anonymous

      I love to dance… my husband made it very clear early on he was not into dancing. So that was the dealbreaker; his redeeming qualities were (and are!) his nerdy wit, kindness, and excellent cooking.

    • Anonymous

      Dealbreaker: beards.
      Quality causing me to let go of my dealbreaker: being the most wonderful man no matter what.

    • Senior Attorney

      Dealbreaker: Being a Republican (this was 2014)

      Quality: Him being the best man ever, plus he switched parties in 2016

  21. Awkward situation

    Need some input on an awkward situation….I was referred for a position by a trusted former colleague. The interview process requires speaking with 3 people: two new contacts and one that I am acquainted with from a previous position but do not respect due to various reasons/behaviors that I have witnessed. I am inclined to withdraw from the interview process as I am simply having trouble preparing for an interview with the individual that I just don’t respect or trust – I have witnessed the individual disparaging many associates. Do I follow through and risk brand damage or withdraw from the process?

    • Anon

      I mean, if you think this person is really going to damage your reputation after just interviewing, then by all means go ahead and withdraw. That seems a little extreme, though. But is this person part of the interview team because you would have to work closely with them? Then you should absolutely withdraw, because it’s clear that you don’t want to work with them and that is absolutely a call you get to make. Otherwise I think it’s a little weird to be worried about “brand damage” just from an interview. If you do decide to withdraw, I wouldn’t cite that as the reason. I think it won’t come across well.

    • Velma

      I don’t think that interviewing–with almost anyone–can “damage” your brand. It’s just a conversation. But I’d certainly say to withdraw if you know for certain you don’t want the job and wouldn’t consider working with this person.

    • Try it

      Does Trusted Former Colleague know about Disrespectful Person? Did you 3 work together? Can you ask TFC if s/he/they knew that DP is on the hiring committee and if so, just broadly ask “so… what do you think about DP because my experience at XYZ firm with her/him/them was not 100% positive and I’m just wondering here….” If you do this sort of thing rarely, you do NOT get a reputation as a gossip, you get a reputation as someone who can spot a train wreck coming miles before it gets to the lookout post.

    • Anonymous

      Call your colleague and tell them you won’t work with X person and how would they like you to proceed. Maybe withdrawing, maybe they can have you speak with someone else. In this market, they need you as much or more as you need them. Put on your diva gown and tell them you’re not having it.

      • Awkward situation

        Thank you so much all of you! You have helped me tremendously….you are so right – they do need me more than I need them. They’re not going to get me by having this undesirable character interview and disparage me. Putting my diva gown on now and sending a nice letter to my referrer’s boss – he is a gem and we had a wonderful initial interview.

  22. Awkward situation

    The person may disparage me or say I’m not qualified (they’ve done this before to other individuals that I know)….the individual already questioned my capabilities to my referrer (my referrer told me). So essentially, I am set up for an interview where I am at a disadvantage and I didn’t even pursue this position….they came to me. It’s an interesting role and I’m sad about this awkward situation but my brand is super important to me too….thanks for any feedback

    • Idea

      Yikes, I can see how you’d want to pull out then. I don’t think you’d be doing brand damage to yourself to explain this to your referrer – there may be more going on behind the scenes and maybe the disparager is on his/her way out…?

    • Anonymous

      Yep, I can understand your position now too. I’d mention it to referrer the way someone stated it above, “so… what do you think about DP because my experience at XYZ firm with her/him/them was not 100% positive and I’m just wondering here….” Based on their answer, you can decide whether or not to withdraw (yes, they’re on the committee and have a lot of sway / you’d be working directly with them; no, they’re departing soon).

  23. Awkward situation

    Thank you so much….I am struggling with this one so your feedback is super helpful…the disparager is not on way out:( unfortunately ….what I have witnessed in their past behaviour is a lot of bullying to get their way, move up and very unfavorable treatment of women. I should have noted that I am aware of HR issues this person was involved in. All of this makes me very uncomfortable.

    • Anonymous

      This may be a situation in which the bully is sending signals that you will not be selected after the interview. If you choose to go to the interview, the bully may make sure you are not selected. If you are somehow to be selected after the interview anyway, the bully may find a way to make your life miserable if you join the company (ask me how I know).

  24. Awkward situation

    YES, that’s exactly what I was thinking!…..thank you! the bully is already signaling that I won’t get good feedback and if I were to get selected and join the team, even though we are individual contributors, there is no doubt they will definitely make things difficult for me. I’ve seen the bully’s true colors and I cannot believe anything has changed. I think you are recommending that I withdraw. Right now that’s what I’m feeling….

    • Anonymous

      I can’t give a recommendation but I can say that it is hard to recover from a bully. Someone I trust told me once that the most important thing we have is our reputation. Please look out for that. And let us know what you decide. I don’t post a lot on this forum, but I feel really strongly about trying to help you on this one.

      • Awkward situation

        Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me and for your kind words. You describe my feelings exactly!…My gut was telling me I was risking my reputation by moving forward, that all of this could end badly and reflect poorly on me – so I decided to withdraw myself. As soon as I reached out to the top leader and thanked him for his time and consideration, I felt relieved. I knew I had made the right decision. I reached out to the recruiter as well to advise – he thanked me for applying and encouraged me to consider other opportunities with the firm in future. What I learned – withdrawing gracefully is much better than pushing forward, against your better judgment, to try and seek approval from a bully and risk potential damage to your reputation. You are so right – the most important thing we have is our reputation. Thank you thank you thank you

        • Anonymous

          You’re welcome and all best. (for myself I am so grateful to this forum).

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