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- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
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- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anonymous
I’ve never been in a position to need to ask, but I recently inherited an expensive ring and a watch so now I’m wondering if I need to get them insured. Is jewelry insurance worth it?
Anon
I think it depends how expensive and how much you would care if it was lost/stolen. I add any pieces over $1000 to my jewelry rider. It’s very inexpensive.
Anonymous
Add it to your home insurance, it won’t cost much extra.
Anon
+1, renters or homeowners will cover it. I added on coverage for an expensive musical instrument.
Also, years ago, my DH was robbed, and the robbers took his watch, jewelry, cell, and cell battery pack case (remember those?). Our renter’s insurance quickly and easily compensated us for it (minus depreciation) even though the incident didn’t happen at home.
Anon
Check your policy first. Most only cover jewelry up to a certain amount unless it is scheduled on a rider. Same for art. It’s a simple process, just reach out to your agent.
Anon
And there is often a deductible. You may need a jewelry rider.
Tara
I have a good amount of inherited gold jewelry. I’m not sure exactly how much it costs, would have to get it appraised. I haven’t thought about getting it insured in the past but maybe I should at least add it to the home insurance. Probably like 10 pairs of earrings, 3 rings, 2 necklaces, a nice-but-not-too-nice watch.
Anonymous
Typical cost to insure jewelry and watches is 1% of the value per year.
However, consider why you are insuring it. Would you replace it if it were stolen or destroyed in a fire? Would it be a significant financial hardship of it were lost or stolen? There is also a cost to get the items appraised before they are insured. Only you can balance the cost of the insurance against the value of the insurance, but I do not insure my expensive jewelry (beyond my homeowners insurance sublimit) because I’ll just do without or pay myself if it gets stolen or destroyed. Of course, as the value of the collection increases, the replacement cost is higher and just paying to replace becomes less viable — hence, insurance.
Anonymous
I think it’s a good idea to include some coverage for jewelry in your homeowners/renters insurance. If all of your valuables get stolen or destroyed in a fire then you’ll need to replace a lot of stuff even if you wouldn’t replace this specific piece. Include everything you can in the hopes that your payout from the insurance company will be closer to fair than it might otherwise be. I would not take out a policy/rider for a specific piece unless it was very valuable (as in resale value is over $10k) or it was very personally significant (like an engagement ring or special watch).
Anon
I spent the money on a safe. I have my sub limit as high as I can get it on my homeowners but the expense of getting everything appraised has been what’s stopping me from getting a separate itemized jewelry policy.
Anonymous
How often- or maybe a better measure is after how many showers?- do you wash your shower curtain? bath mat?
I was just in my kids bathroom where I don’t spend all that much time and realized it’s been…a while.
Anon
Every few months? Or when I notice them getting grungy? Probably not as often as I should.
Carrots
Both my shower curtain and my towels are white, so whenever I wash my towels, I typically through my shower curtain in with them. I change out my towels every week and wash towels once a month.
Anonymous
You just. Have dirty towels hanging out somewhere in your home for a month waiting to wash them? This is the craziest thing I have read in here.
Anon
It’s not like you’re toweling off dirt when you just got out of the shower. Unclutch your pearls.
Anonymous
Towels that have been used for a week are dirty. Why would you store dirty towels for a month before washing?
Anon
Because we don’t all have household help, time, inclination, or in-unit washer/dryer to do them more frequently. You must live a charmed life, 9:42.
Anon
I assume she probably just has a big hamper somewhere for them.
anon
This is what we do in our master. We have 4ish towels/person and hang them to dry, then put them in a basket and they sit for a few weeks before we bulk wash. We rotate irregularly but on average probably 1x/week. We didn’t do this until we had the space to store towels, but now that we do it’s awesome.
And if that’s the craziest thing you’ve read in here, you must be a brand new reader…..?
Sybil
It’s…laundry. I change towels every week – I let them dry and then I put them in a large laundry hamper until I have a full load. If that’s the craziest thing you’ve read, you’re clearly new around here.
Anon
You have lived a pretty sheltered life if that’s the craziest thing you’ve read on here.
Anonymous
What is crazy to me is that people have space to store that many dirty towels, and a washer big enough to wash 8 towels plus a shower curtain at once. My giant washer can barely handle 4 bath towels, hand towels, and one bathrobe.
Anonymous
Yes this is what is wild to me
Trish
Bless. Not everyone has a washer and dryer in their home or even at their apartment building, Karen. There are people who – get this – take the bus or walk to the laundry mat!
Anon
I am not wigged out at the idea of letting (dry) dirty towels hang out for a month until you wash them, but am curious about the size of your washing machine. How many towels can you fit into it at one time?
Now granted, we use thick, plush, bath sheet size towels, but four of them make a full XL load every week. I wouldn’t be able to fit a month’s worth of towels into my machine at once. If I could, my procrastinating self would find that glorious!
anon
We use thick plush XL brooklinen and it takes 1.5 loads? so in the second we toss hand towels and other towel-adjacent items.
Carrots
I live alone and it’s only 4 towels (I think they’re bath sheet size though, so they’re also bigger than a standard towel); with the shower curtains, it’s like half of the washing machine capacity. (Also did not anticipate that the most controversial thing I’d share here is my towel washing schedule…)
Anonymous
I don’t like bath sheets – too big for my taste – but I think my front loader can take 8 kilos of laundry, so I can easily wash 7-8 bath towels, 7-8 smaller towels, 5-7 hand towels, a bunch of face towels, and queen sheets, duvet cover, and pillow covers at the same time with space to spare every week.
My dryer is a little less happy with this load, so I dry in two sets.
Betsy
We have an every other week housecleaner, and I throw them all in the wash before she comes to get them out of her way. This is a recent change, and before she started we went wayyyyy too long without washing them.
Anonymous
I also have an entire linens and towel washing cycle timed around our housecleaner’s visits.
Anon2
Shower curtain is never, but I do change out the liner if it’s looking mildewy, probably every three months.
Bath mat is frequently. When I grab towels to wash I also grab the bath mat (assuming you’re talking about a thin towel-type one…if not, switch). My kids take baths and the mat slops up a lot of water, which mixes with feet dirt and bathroom floor grime, so that one is washed at least 1-2 times a week
Anon
It’s amazing how clean shower curtain liners get in the washing machine. I highly encourage it.
Anon
Change out meaning replace or wash? Wow if I’m supposed to be buying a new liner 4 times a year, my standards are very poor…
Anon
Yeah I throw the liner in the wash. I am not a big fan of bleach for most laundry (I think oxyclean is better) but bleach is great for a shower curtain liner.
Please try washing it before you buy another giant piece of plastic/vinyl!!
Anon2
Interesting…I never thought to try, since our liners get gross (function of a very small shower stall and no ventilation — old house). I also cut them in half so one lasts a while.
In general we make pretty green choices in the area of disposable goods — we cloth diaper, compost, our trash can is never even close to full each week, etc — so if this is my wasteful “splurge” I’m okay with it. But I will give the washing machine a try.
Sunshine
Oh my. I consider myself someone who keeps a very clean house. And I’m guessing the bath mat in front of my husband’s sink has never been washed. I don’t use one and don’t give his much thought – and he absolutely would never think to wash it. It’s going in with the rags today. Gross!
Anonymous
I use a towel as a bath mat and I change it when I change the rest of the bathroom towels every 2 days. I do a towel load twice a week. Shower curtain is washed once a week.
Anon
I wash the bath mats every week or so, and the shower curtain less frequently unless it gets dirty. We recently had a dirty handprint on a white curtain…yet no one did it!
Anon
I specifically buy and use bath mats that are part of the towel set (they all match and are all made of towel material) so that I can wash the mat with the towels every week. We have shower glass, so I can’t comment on the curtain.
Josie P
I wash every few months but I have giant bath mats so I need to take them to the dry cleaner (they are too big for my machines).
Anonymous
Shower curtain never. Bath mat weekly
Anonymous
OP here, glad I’m not alone. I washed the shower curtain liner and bath mat in the kids’ room today (it’s house cleaner day and I was in there triaging). I realized it had been…quite a while. Just curious! Happy Thursday!
Cat
We use a bath mat that’s basically just a slightly thicker terry towel (it matches the towels) so throw it in with them every week when we wash all the towels, washcloths, etc.
Don’t have shower curtains.
Anon
My bath mat gets washed with the towels. I find it stays much nicer looking if I put it on the side of the tub after every shower. We used to leave it out like a rug and I ended up having to replace or downcycle it too often (my dog loves to lie on old bath mats). The towels get washed weekly. I change out hand towels a couple of times during that interval, and wash cloths are single use.
My shower curtain is just the clear inside curtain, I don’t have a separate outside curtain. It’s heavier weight than a liner. I throw it in when I start to see any mildew or soap scum.
My mom had that fuzzy lid cover and contour rug around the toilet. I have never gone for that level of textiles in my bathrooms!
Anon
Pro tip: you can get shower curtain hooks that don’t need to be unsnapped and snapped back on to remove the curtain and liner. It is so much easier to remove the curtain and liner with those.
Think – https://www.homedepot.com/p/Zenna-Home-NeverRust-Aluminum-Double-Roller-Shower-Curtain-Hooks-in-Nickel-12-Pack-SS08ALBN/303848284
Anonymous
DH does all laundry except my clothes. He washes everything on hot and has a deep distrust of 1) cold water wash and 2) things that cannot go in the dryer. Shower curtain doesn’t get washed, the liner gets replaced when it’s mildewy enough for me to see it without contacts in, which is maybe once a year. I’ve heard you can wash them but I’m concerned about washing plastic on hot and then putting it in the dryer, which is what will happen if DH does it. He washes bath mats when they look like they need it, which is maybe once or twice a quarter because I inevitably spill makeup or lotion on it. We also use a towel as a bath mat right outside the shower and that gets washed weekly with the towels.
Anon
You might be able to wash the shower curtain on medium or hot. Obviously it doesn’t go in the dryer – hang it up back on the hooks after washing.
Anon
I wash my shower curtain probably once a month, but the liner and bath mat every 2 weeks.
Anonymous
Today’s medical question for Dr Corporette: do you guys ever get weird tics or pulsing in random parts of your body? I’ve had it in my eye, thumb, parts of my thigh or knee… today it’s an area just to the right of my pelvis. Been happening since last night. I’m assuming stress, but does anyone know what that’s called so I can google?
Anon
Sometimes I get this in my hands/fingers as a repetitive stress injury from typing/using a mouse a lot. Ergonomic supports and an upright mouse do the trick. Also, my eyelid sometimes twitches from stress. I would talk to your doctor for a check up to make sure, though.
Anon
Twitching? I get that, not sure why. It can happen from dehydration but that doesn’t seem to be my issue.
Anonymous
Yes, I get these often. For me it’s stress, lack of sleep, or low potassium. Remedies to try: Quit your job, get a divorce, take a nap, drink some electrolytes. Not necessarily in that order.
LizzieBennet
+1, it’s stress or potassium. In college I had an eye twitch that lasted the entire week of exams.
Seafinch
Same. LMNT solves it for me. Regular electrolytes don’t.
Anon
Yes I’m a regular twitcher. I also have RA so I tend to mentally blame that, but when I think about it it’s probably unrelated.
I also have random shooting pains in my legs and feet. Like, quick, but enough to stop you in your tracks. Fortunately it’s usually toward the end of the day so I haven’t had too many embarrassing public moments with it.
Anon
Eye twitch is definitely severe fatigue for me–I’d get it at the end of deals after weeks of no sleep.
When I sleep deeply again, it goes away. Super-annoying, but it’s been a thing since I was a child.
If you are getting lots of twitches, I’d speak to your doc about it–could be something else! GL!
Anon
I posted on Tuesday about my dad’s birthday party being inaccessible for me. (I have MS and use a wheelchair.) I spoke to him about it again and asked why he is having it on the boat when he knows I couldn’t board. He said “it’s just what I wanted to do”.
I talked to my oldest friend who reminded me that he’s always been thoughtless, and she’s right so I feel silly for expecting different.
Stings a bit when a few people have been saying “see you at the party” and I have to explain I won’t be there.
Thanks Coach Laura and other commenters, I appreciate it more than you know.
Now planning something fun for that day with a friend. Suggestions welcomed!
Anon
I would definitely do something that involved a bakery. I love cake and would take any opportunity to have some. I’m sorry your dad is thoughtless.
Anon
Thank you, there’s a new patisserie opened that I wanted to try so that’s a good reminder to go!
Anonymous
How big is this boat that you have people saying “see you at the party”?
Is it the sort of thing where you could go, hang out at the marina for a bit and wish him well, then go home?
I grew up on boats if all kinds/sizes. Unless it’s a small sailing charter or something it might be more accessible than you think. My grandmother, who used a wheelchair, came with us often. She did have some mobility though which I do understand may not be the case for you.
In any case, when people say “see you at the party” you can say “unfortunately, I won’t be there because it doesn’t work for my wheelchair.”
Anonymous
C’mon, she’d cut a pretty pathetic figure sitting on the dock alone while everyone files onto the boat and sails off without her.
Booze it up with a friend or two! Day drinking and lots of great food somewhere well away from the water.
Anon
+1 virtually every “party boat” is large enough that it has a gangplank that is wheelchair accessible.
Anon
If my dad purposefully chose to have a party he knew I couldn’t go to, there’s no way I’m going to the dock to wish him well, come on.
CapHillAnon
This. He is being pointedly hurtful and exclusionary. He’s already conveyed that he doesn’t care for her well wishes by going forward with the party.
OP, you have a wonderful spirit. I hope you have a great alternate day with people who appreciate your awesomeness.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
OP here. Thank you.
Anon
This.
And plenty of yachts aren’t accessible but comfortably fit a crowd.
Anonymous
Have you called the marina? Before we booked a pontoon boat I asked so I’d know the situation for some mobility-challenged grandparents (cane, walker) and they sent me like 8 pictures. I think it’s a common question.
Anonymous
Have respect for a disabled person when they say something is inaccessible for them. She obviously wants to go and would if it was possible.
Anon
+ 1,000,000
Anon
Seriously! This “you can go if you just s*ck it up” attitude is really annoying, and I’m not disabled.
BeenThatGuy
This. And anyone can go and read the post from yesterday where OP goes into more detail on how this options aren’t viable.
OP, I’m sorry you’ve been excluded in such a thoughtless way by your family.
anon
Exactly this. OP, I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I would be, too.
Anonymous
I can’t! No idea where it is looked and didn’t find it. People don’t always read every word here if you decide to bring something up another day you might get some repeat comments!
Anon
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised after reading here during Covid, but the ablist comments are stunningly disappointing. When someone is disabled and says something is not accessible to them, believe them. The comments on OP’s original comment were bad, but now …
She cannot get on the boat. It is not accessible to her. She is asking for plans to help her get through a day, not for someone to second guess her abilities.
Anon
On the flip side, a lot of us here (myself included) spend a lot of energy figuring out accommodations and making things work so we can still partake in things we have to or want to do. Yes, I’m often physically uncomfortable after making it work, but it’d personally always worth it for me.
Obviously not everyone has to make it work if they don’t want to, but people are offering potential work arounds if the OP wants to make it work.
When my grandfather was in a wheelchair, we got very creative in ways to get him to inaccessible places.
anon
Ah, the old “you’re just not trying hard enough” message.
anon
‘you’re just not thinking creatively enough!’ is really tone deaf.
Anon
Idk I suffer from a chronic condition which causes me to be very physically uncomfortable on my best days and quite sick on other days. I do believe that there are people to let life happen to them and others that make life happen for them.
Anon
Anon at 10:46- completely agree with you. Again, this is that “external locus of control” thing that has been posted about before. I have two chronic conditions (one of which I was born with) and if I didn’t try to make my life work and try to view things through the lens of – what CAN I do, vs. what CAN’T I do, I wouldn’t do very much. I wouldn’t have a job or a family, that’s for sure. But that does require me to accept agency over my own life and not constantly blame “The World” or other people for my problems.
Anon
What in the ableist nonsense is this??
I’m kind of shocked at the number of people in this thread who are acting like the OP isn’t trying hard enough or that her father isn’t being inconsiderate.
I guess I feel like I want to celebrate important events with the people I love and who are important to me. Which would include my children. And if I knew my child couldn’t access a space due to a disability, I’d find a different place to celebrate. This is not hard.
I’d be so hurt in OP’s position as well. And to OP— please don’t feel any kind of way about being disappointed, even if he has been thoughtless often in the past. I always hoped my father would change!
As for the day, I’d plan a mix of quiet time and stuff that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time to accommodate any emotion that might come up on the day.
Anon
OP here. I’ve been on the boat before I was in a wheelchair. I had a birthday lunch on it as a teenager.
1. Bathrooms are down narrow stairs. Inaccessible even if they hoist me onto the boat like a sack of potatoes.
Before you say ‘wear a diaper or get a catheter put in’…
2. It’s 5 hours, which is too long for the MS. MS is one of the most fatiguing diseases there is. I can do two hours at a party but I’m done in for a week afterwards. On a boat I can’t duck out early or just come for the middle part.
3. The diesel fumes (outside) and perfumes (jnside) cause a bad reaction and my specialist said to avoid them, Benadryl won’t fix that. Mast cell activation, if anyone has heard of it, I hadn’t until the specialist told me, apparently not rare in MS.
No amount of research, planning, willpower, positive thinking or essential oils will overcome the barriers. I’ve caused myself injuries from trying to do things that I should have been wise enough not to attempt. It’s pretty hurtful to say I’m “constantly blaming the World”.
I only have one parent and one sibling, no grandparents, so not whole range of immediate family members.
There’s dozens of great accessible venues in my city. You’d probably find it hard not to take it personally too, if it happened to you, or maybe you are a tougher person than me.
Anon
OP– I’m sorry some people on this thread were so ableist that it made you feel like you had to explain all of this. I don’t understand why people can’t take a person’s word about this type of situation.
I understand your hurt.
Anon
To be fair, a lot of the comments on the original post were from before OP explained why she couldn’t go.
Anon
She said she was disabled and it was inaccessible for her, and people were telling her to just take Dramamine and go. Not appropriate, even without knowing the precise details of her disability.
Anonymous
I’m sorry you are missing out. And I don’t think this means he doesn’t love you or care.
Anon
I’m so sorry. I know the pain of knowing that there are about 3000 venues that will work and the host chooses the one that won’t. People who haven’t been in that position sometimes really cannot understand it, but they should try.
Anonymous
A boat is way different than just a restaurant. People are allowed to want to do fun things.
Anon
Of course! And OP is allowed to be disappointed she can’t go.
Anon
This. You are both sort of right.
I have a disabled child and things that are fun for teens are not fun, sometimes excruciating, for her. She does not want to hold others to just do what her limitations allow her to do and knows that that is unrealistic. Inclusion doesn’t always work. It’s nice to meet in the middle much of the time, but all the time wouldn’t be good (if it’s not her limitation, it would be someone else’s
IDK if OP’s dad is always a jerk to her. If so, I wouldn’t have expected the jerk-ness to wear off for this one event. I think that if the dad had wanted to go sky-diving, we wouldn’t have a problem with that b/c it just couldn’t be accommodating. If there are 10 restaurants in town and 9 would work, it does seem to be a jerk move to go to the 1 that won’t. IDK if the boat is like this (are they kayaking?) but I would have expected that to work for most people in wheelchairs if it is big enough for a party.
Anon
I agree with Anon at 10:28 (I’m Anon at 10:12). There are some experiences and parties that are not inclusive, but that are special – things like a day on a catamaran, a rock climbing expedition, whatever. People are allowed to do those things (I do them too and will as long as I’m able). But it sounds like OP’s father has long been “thoughtless” and probably didn’t even consider whether he wanted her to be able to come to the party. It doesn’t sound like he responded “I know you won’t be able to come on the boat, but I’m hoping you’ll be there for the ___ after or for the _____ the next day” or anything else. That IS painful and I totally get it.
Anonymous
This is where I land. The dad is allowed to have the party he wants, and OP is allowed to be disappointed that she can’t go. What’s not OK is purposely choosing a party venue for the sole purpose of excluding someone, but it’s not clear whether that was the motivation here. What’s also not OK is expecting someone to plan their entire event around one person.
There are some silly-sounding things like having a party on a boat that are long-time dreams for some people, and expecting that person to miss out on such a dream because one of their relatives can’t participate is unreasonable. Especially since 2020, all people and especially older people need to take the opportunity to do what they want to do while they have the chance. Who knows, maybe the dad will get MS and never be able to go on a boat again. Let him have his fun.
Anon
Also, I will point out that even in cases where the host really has a passion for a particular inaccessible sport, there are totally ways to make it work for mixed groups. They could do the boat portion first and then have the party at the club/marina restaurant after, to name just one easy example.
Walnut
+100. There are lots of ways to have a land plus boat party. I’m so sorry OP. I’m glad you brought it up directly with him and I hope it lurks in the back of his mind.
Enjoy the day out with your friend. Are you in a place where the fall colors are turning? I’d head to a botanical garden/nature area for a stroll and then somewhere cozy for lunch/dinner/drinks. Bookstore with a cafe, bistro or a jazz bar?
Sometimes a mid-afternoon restaurant with a happy hour menu where you order all appetizers brings out a party feel.
Anon
Thank you. I love your suggestion lots of appetizers. There’s a great place next door to my favourite bookstore/tiny indie music venue so I’m off to check the gig guide for that day!
Anonymous
So that’s something that would likely cost double. Which is a wild and unreasonable ask.
Anon
Plus I feel like guests would be complaining about being asked to spend so much time celebrating, at least based on the commentary we see here about weddings.
Anon
Party boat, pfft! You’ve got party wheels, much cooler!
For suggestions, consider:
Visiting a cool museum you haven’t been to;
Fancy lunch wearing fancy clothes;
Matinee movie with ALL the snacks;
Any one-day classes or workshops or tours;
Road trip to the closest fall foliage;
Spa.
At any rate, I hope it’s crazy fun!
Anon
“Party boat, pfft! You’ve got party wheels, much cooler!”
:)
Anon
Great suggestions! I bought a new frock a few months ago and have only worn it once so it definitely deserves an outing.
Thank you.
Wheelchair dressing is a whole new thing but I’ve figured out it is not entirely dissimilar to requirements as a political staffer: must be comfortable for very long periods sitting and lap stain proof.
nuqotw
I went back and read the Tuesday thing…oof, I’m sorry. Reading between the lines it sounds like you’re being really gracious about the situation to the “see you at the party” contingent but I would be tempted to say something snarky. “Oh, Dad’s known for a long time that a boat is impossible for me. I get it – a boat party is more important to him than including his daughter. But enjoy yourself!”
The party day itself sounds like it calls for total self-indulgence, whatever that looks like for you. What about you/your friend taking on some small project that leads to said self-indulgence? Spend the day eating finger foods (crackers and fancy cheese, veggies all kinds of dip) and cooking an elaborate dessert. Eat as much of the dessert as you can for dinner. Pick a wine that pairs well with the dessert and get some.
Anonymous
“A boat party is more important to him than his daughter”. Will come across and bitter and unhinged.
Anon
It’s sort of like you have one kid in AA and dad wants his party to be in a bar with alcohol. And IDK what you do for that, except bill a “sober” event as the party and then everyone but that kid goes out after (but doesn’t call that the party). And maybe it makes a difference if that kid is long-sober and but if they are newly-sober, it’s a bad, bad look. Everything is always a balancing act under normal circumstances.
If dad is 100% always a complete jerk, I would have written this off a long time ago. The wound seems raw to the OP though, and I’m sorry. We don’t pick our families and sometimes have to re-pick our friends. I hope you do something fun with people who treat you well without fail.
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s great to compare MS to alcoholism.
It’s not a particularly useful comparison either. There is a difference between being physically unable to participate vs being uncomfortable participating. It’s as if dad set up a roadblock to the party and lets everyone pass except her. OP isn’t making a choice to not attend, she’s being excluded.
Anon
I get that there are always considerations for group events: physical limitations, dietary limitations, sensory limitations. Someone with IBS or cancer (GI symptoms are a side effect for chemo) who is mortified at the thought of the boat trip. Someone disabled who can’t get on it. Someone with autism who gets overstimulated at graduations or has to stim during long concerts but can manage at a wedding when the ceremony is brief. It’s hard when you care and you may get it wrong and may need to smooth things over, but it is not hard when you’re like the Dad and just overlook something.
Anon
Why not? They’re both diseases
Anon
This is like AITA where people are arguing based on how the world should be instead of how it actually is. Fair or not, you will come across as bitter and unhinged if you say the words “Oh, Dad’s known for a long time that a boat is impossible for me. I get it – a boat party is more important to him than including his daughter. But enjoy yourself!”
Anon
I dunno, I said this on yesterday’s thread but my husband gets severe motion sickness and it’s unimaginable to me to plan a boat party (even though I love boats!) because I want him there and not feeling miserable. It’s not like I never go on a boats, but to plan a big birthday party at a venue where my husband would either have to skip it or be really uncomfortable seems really thoughtless and I can’t imagine doing it. A spouse is a closer relationship than an adult child, but I still find it odd to choose a venue where a close family member can’t participate.
Anon
Totally agree. I can’t imagine celebrating a milestone without the people around me who I most value. I’d hope that includes a child!
Anon
You could say that and you would be right, but it would not garner the sympathy you think it would.
Anonymous
I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
My family of origin is really toxic and there are a few relatives who have done things similar to this that excluded the person they don’t like at that time, usually me. I finally got the message that I wasn’t wanted and cut contact completely.
Anon
Thank you. I do wonder if I’m slow to get their message.
I was the favourite when I could do things for him but now I’m not very useful or have a job he can brag about, I get the feeling I’m not welcome. The invitation was from my brother and said “my dad” like he was the only child.
Anon
I think this is a when people tell you who you are, believe them situation. Since your dad has always been thoughtless I guess you should try to stop being surprised. Honestly, you probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it anyway, right? Enjoy your alternate plans!!
Anonymous
What are we doing with Rothy’s points now that they say they are changing their reward system? I have $80, so not enough to buy a pair of shoes right now but enough that I would be disappointed if I lost them all with whatever revamp they’re doing.
anon.
I just used mine toward a new pair due to the lack of transparency.
Anon
I’d buy and Essential Pouch to use the points, return it and get credit and use that for shoes. Or buy gift cards? Check FB groups Rothy’s ReTreat and Rothy’s Unicorn Collective and ask the pros!
Anon
Just buy a pair of shoes.
Rosacea
Has anyone with rosacea tried BBL or IPL? My derm isn’t the best, but has suggested this as a next step after trying most of the topicals. I’ve had a lot of improvement and now just have an easy to cover pink glow on my nose and cheeks instead of intense redness and bumps.Unfortunately all of the dermatology and plastic surgery places around here use aestheticians to run the laser and on various forums I’ve read you want an experienced doctor doing it for best results. I’ve got very sensitive skin and I am nervous about doing it.
Anon
Yes — at a dermatologist’s who has a med spa for the things. I did v-beam though. 3 times. Bruised like hell the second time. They say they can see an improvement (they take pictures each time). It’s gradual, so I can’t say that I do. I have roseacea with acne / bumps / ugh, mainly on my cheeks and chin.
OP
I think that’s the same here, it’s a medspa in their office. Did the dermatologist do your laser or just an aesthetician? Would you do it again?
Anon
Aesthetician and yes, would do it again. My understanding is that after some initial treatments, it may be ideal to do one annually b/c rosacea doesn’t stop, it continues with its damage and new redness can replace the old redness that you could zap away.
Anonymous
My husband has had the most success with a low dose of Accutane. Caveat that, as a 52 year old man, there were no concerns about the birth-defect side effects of Accutane.
OP
That’s interesting. I took accutane myself about 15 years ago and I’m convinced it is what triggered my rosacea.
RiskedCredit
I had an awful problem with rosacea. One day it just cleared up, about a week after my divorced papers were signed. What made a huge difference for me was using good skincare. I use the orindary squaline cleanser for removing make up. My 2nd cleanser is horribly expensive but it works. It’s by cle de peau and I’ve had lots of people tell me it’s overpriced. It also works so I happily pay. I have switched over to toner and moisturizer with the same brand. It’s very expensive but cheaper than seeing a dermatologist
https://www.cledepeaubeaute.com/softening-cleansing-foam/9990000000311.html
OP
Thanks I will check this out! I did recently change my face wash to Aveeno Calming Oat from Cetaphil which has made a considerable difference. It was recommended by my derm. I am looking for a new moisturizer as I react to silicones and niacinimide so choices are slim.
Anon
Yes I’ve done BBL. It wasn’t as effective as v beam laser but the downtime was also shorter. V beam was EXTREMELY effective but I had to go around with purple dots on my face where the exploded capillaries used to be. BBL didn’t give me as many to those, but I also had less striking results.
IMO I paid too much for the results I got. Three sessions cost me $2500. I’d shop around if I were you.
The issue with having rosacea is that the capillaries re-grow over time so it’s really a maintenance thing.
Anon
I have rosacea and I get IPL + Genesis at a medi-spa where the Doctor does the laser. In my state all laser treatments must be done by an MD. It does lessen the redness for me and also makes my skin glowy. I usually have a very minimal recovery time although once in a while if she ramps up what I think is the IPL, which is the zappy one, I get mildly puffy for a day or so. At another med-spa laser treatment I got very, very puffy all over my face for about a week and that was the first and last time I went to that doctor. I also use 15% prescription azaleic acid for the bumps and breakout part of rosacea. My skin is also sensitive and getting more sensitive and I do minimal other skin treatments (cetaphil gentle skin cleanser and Cerave moisturizer) but I’ve been doing laser for about 10 years now and it would take a lot for me to give it up, it’s been so successful.
Anon
I am starting Invisalign soon. Any tips? TIA.
Anon
Make sure at the end of the treatment that you are happy with your bite. Mine changed and was never the same after; the molars don’t rest comfortably on each other. Also, you will need to wear retainers for the rest of your life to keep the teeth from shifting back.
Anonymous
Agree. My husband started 1/2020 With a projected 18 month timeline. He’s not done yet.
edj3
I’m on tray 25 of 38 (weekly changes), barring refinements. It’s been really easy–biggest adjustment (which was not big) were the attachments. I’m stoked to see results already and I’m glad I did it.
Things people tend to struggle with:
Snacking is much harder b/c you do need to floss & brush after everything.
The goal for tray wearing is 22 hours a day. If you are a slower eater, that may be a challenge for you.
The first day of each tray can be a bit uncomfortable.
Learning how to take my trays out was weird and I felt so stupid, until I mastered it.
You’ll probably pull together a little tooth care kit to take with you (I do).
Always use the tray case if you are out eating–people tend to lose trays wrapped in a napkin but remember the case.
Hope this helps.
Anon
Thanks. The last one reminds me of that scene from Parenthood with Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen going through the trash bins at a restaurant looking for their son’s retainer.
PDX Atty
Plus 1 to all of this. Also:
Use sensodyne before you start and during the course of invisalign. I used it already so I didn’t notice a major difference but other people have said it helped with the ache/pain of the retainers.
I had the most pain/acheness with the first couple of retainers and then the remainder were whatever.
Most of the pain is right when you change them so try to set up your system to change at night.
Buy Peroxyl and apply it with a q-tip to any parts of your cheeks/gums/tongue that get irritated by the retainers edges.
If you clench your teeth when you are stressed, try to kick that habit as soon as you can. I have noticed I clench my teeth with my forever retainer in at night and sometimes wonder if the residual impact of that outweighs my straighter teeth.
You can clean retainers with a toothbrush & soap. I save old electric toothbrush heads that are already softened down) and soap (I used to use Dove, sounds crazy but it works; now I use Dr. Bronner!
You will definitely cut back on snacking in the beginning.
Tooth care kit is a must have; I had a little flosser pik in mine and it really helped when I was eating on the go (even brought it with me backpacking and camping).
If you are worried about how your teeth are adjusting or the overall results, SPEAK UP IMMEDIATELY. Hopefully things could be fixed then without additional costs.
Good luck!
Anon
I found the first few days a bit miserable and was having regrets, but after about a week everything got easier. Now I barely notice the trays. You may have a bit of a lisp in the beginning!
Anonymous
I need your help crafting a convincing lie.
I am a government policy negotiator, I work on a specific high profile convention. This convention won’t be done for at least another year, but there was a senior management reorganization that is so intolerable I have to leave. I’m interviewing today for a job as lead negotiator on a different convention, I’m not sure how to spin why I’m leaving. This new job won’t be a new challenge and it honestly isn’t a good time to leave my old job, I just have to escape for my own sanity.
Anon
Any chance it’s in a different location and you could do some version of “I want to move closer to be near aging relative”?
Anon
You have a deep personal commitment and passion to new job convention and you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work on it. Good luck!
Anonymous
Did the reorg effect your responsibilities in a way you don’t like? I think you can say that. If it’s that you don’t like your new supervisor that’s a tougher conversation. Can you focus on something specific in the new job that you are excited about? If pressed I would say the management style of newboss wasn’t a good fit for you.
Cat
“Opportunity fell in my lap and I couldn’t pass it up” covers all magnitude of sins.
Anon
I’d go with internal reorg you don’t like the direction of. I hate when people make things up, they never sound genuine and reports cause people to leave all the time.
JD
Yes just be vague. There’s been an internal reorganization and change in direction/job responsibilities. I’m excited to make a change and try a new convention/different branch etc. Two sentences, don’t say more.
Anonymous
Also, if the OP lies about the reason, she loses an opportunity to assess whether the same reason exists in the new job AND she risks getting eliminated based on something that she doesn’t actually care about.
CapHillAnon
Vagueness: “I’m ready for a change of pace, and I’m eager to share my knowledge about ___.”
Vagueness, but suggesting more detailed: “There are a few factors prompting the change. The technological gaps/ program resources/ dynamics of team/ focus/ day-to-day efficiency management…”
Redirection: “I like all the different aspects of convention negotiation, particularly ___, and look forward to applying my recent experience here.”
I think commute / better pay / broader opportunity are relatively neutral.
Good luck, and I hope the new position comes through for you.
Anon
what great options
anon
“Looking for change.”
“Reorg leaving some uncertainty, figured it was a good time to consider making a change and this opportunity presented itself”
Non-answer answers, and that’s all you need.
Anon
Are there substantive areas that are different with the conventions? “I’ve been working on the DNC convention for years but am more interested in state politics, so the California convention appeals to me.”
Anonie
IMO you should always focus on the good things about the new opportunity, not the negative aspects of the old one, regardless of the reasons for leaving (or even if there aren’t any). Same thing applies here, find something good/exciting about the new opportunity and say that’s what you’re looking for.
Anonymous
+1000
People who trying to get away is less attractive when interviewing than people who want to be at the new place.
Runcible Spoon
“I realized with the recent reorganization that I have reached an inflection point, and it’s time for a change. It’s great timing that this opportunity has arisen, and I’m ready to take on some new and different challenges.”
Anon
I love this!
Runcible Spoon
P.S. This is similar to what I said when I had to leave an intolerable situation several years ago. It worked, and it had the added advantage of being true!
OP
The interviewer didn’t even ask why I was leaving! He just briefly mentioned ‘hearing about the situation at [employer]’ then moved on. It seems like the rumour mill saved me and it was obvious.
Anon
Yay!!
Anon
I am starting a new job that will have somewhat frequent day-long business trips (the job is 40% travel, with roughly half of the travel being day long trips) and I’m wondering what I should pack with me on those days. Some of those days will be pretty quick (travel in for one meeting and then travel back) and some will be marathons (early travel, work 9-5, maybe meet with a contact for drinks or dinner, late travel). I’ll be traveling on Amtrak along the Northeast corridor , so aside from severe weather surprise cancellations should be rare (even if I miss my train, it will be easy enough to get a later one). Even in the event I have to have an unplanned overnight, I have very close friends in the 2 cities I’d be traveling to and would probably opt to stay with them over a hotel (even though my employer would obviously pay for a hotel; but it’s easier because I could borrow PJs or toiletries or whatever from my friends…plus I get a bonus visit with friends!). All that to say, I don’t need to plan for the overnight contingency that other day-long business travelers may need to plan for. I would also be able to swing by CVS and pick up a toothbrush, change of underwear, and whatever else I need that a friend couldn’t lend me.
I’m mostly thinking about my comfort on the very long days, and how to have what I’d want with me, without feeling like I’m shlepping everything I own to another state for the day. When traveling, I’ll be in either very nice business casual or business formal so even the most comfortable clothes and shoes could be uncomfortable after 10 hours. I’m thinking I’ll need my work stuff (computer, charger, notebook, pen), personal stuff (wallet, phones, sunglasses, keys, AirPods, phone charger, snacks, water bottle) and some things to deal with the long day (wrap or scarf (I run cold), advil/tums/an extra set of my daily meds if I need to stay over, maybe the most basic toiletries (deodorant, chapstick, hand sanitizer, hand lotion, lipstick to refresh – even if I don’t stay over these would be nice for the long days). I know I’ll really just want to throw on some comfy clothes and shoes for the trip home, but it’s not practical to pack that.
Anon
As someone with a hotel desk policy, you’re overthinking it. I carry most of the items you mentioned on a daily basis. The key is choosing lightweight items because the weight adds up. I put loose pills (advil, imodium) in a mini altoid tin instead of packing the whole bottle. You don’t need a giant 32oz hydroflask, just refill a smaller water bottle more often. My nylon makeup bag has lipstick, mini dental floss, chapstick, an extra pair of contacts, and a couple bandaids. Avoid polyester or sweaty fabrics so you don’t need deodorant. Buy some outfits that don’t require heels or hose.
committed to the feeling
Okay that’s hilarious; I also keep my loose pills all mixed up in an altoid tin. My friends and I were just laughing at this the other day.
Tea/Coffee
OMG I thought it was just me! Altoids containers FTW!
I would add a small, very shelf stable snack. I make a point of keeping a KIND bar and an emergen-c packet with me and they frequently save me. Or more accurately they save a colleague from becoming a target of my hangry-ness
Cat
+1, also I have done the day-trip thing (most recently on Monday) and wore sneakers for the commute since it was walk to train + train + walk a mile to the office. I was worried the meeting would run late and so brought the following in a standard Longchamp tote-
-laptop and power cord
-phone and airpods, charger
-wallet
-sunglasses
-typical mini tote bag pouch (about 4×6) that has my emergency kit – tampon, nail file, comb, altoid tin of misc. medication, hair elastic, gum, mints, wet wipes, tissues, mini lotion, Chapstick
-added for risk of overnight in a quart-size baggie – contact case full of optifree, glasses, extra pair of underwear, extra pair of socks for the sneakers, bare minimum makeup which in my case is concealer, brow gel, mascara, and lipstick. Figured anything else (like a toothbrush or other basics) I could buy & expense if needed, but the other stuff would be annoying to impossible to get on short notice
-added in case of gross meeting food – a few protein bars
-Dress shoes (low heels)
OP
Yes I already combine pills and keep them all in a a travel pill container so it’s not like I’m bringing entire bottles.
Deodorant / wipes are less of an issue now that it’s cold, but no matter what I wear in July in DC, I will need deodorant.
Anon88
I would absolutely buy a set of comfy, lightweight travel clothes to change into for travel. I’m a merino wool fan, and the Icebreaker Crush Pants are great for this.
Cat
this is not a great solution for day trips on the train. Where are you going to change into the meeting clothes?
committed to the feeling
I think the idea is to pack the travel clothes on the way home. Wear the meeting clothes on the way there, change into the comfortable travel set for the way home. That’s what I was thinking anyway. After a conference or big meeting, all I want to do is get into something comfortable. IDK why the urge is so strong, but I have had to talk myself out of buying hoodies on the way home countless times.
Cat
I’m just picturing what usually happens for me- meeting breaks up, people then travel in groups to wherever they’re going (train, airport, whatever) and stopping to change clothes in the bathroom would be an outlier. Taking 2 mins to swap shoes to comfy sneaks is NBD and both men and women did it at my meeting!
Anonymous
Huh? Change at the train station. They have bathrooms. This isn’t that hard.
a
YMMV, OP, but I think this might be office/industry dependent. When I travel with colleagues (in law) we do often make a quick stop to change or just generally use the restroom prior to boarding the train or plane. The first time I travelled with colleagues at my current job everyone changed after the meeting and I was stuck in my suit and regretted it. A different time we didn’t have time to change and we all just changed shoes.
I have to think as long as 1) you aren’t making everyone late for the train and 2) the outfit is sufficiently “professional,” no one would say boo and most people would wish they had done the same. If it doesn’t take much space, might be worth packing it, especially if you end up delayed.
OP
I should clarify that I’d be traveling alone 99% of the time! It’s a remote job with frequent in person meetings and I live in a different metro area, but everyone else is local.
So, I should be able to change into comfy clothes at the train station! I just need to find something sufficiently packable.
committed to the feeling
Yes, if you can possibly at all, figuring out a compact comfortable traveling home outfit that fits into a small travel packing cube. Perhaps thin sweatpants or leggings, a comfortable sports bra or bralette, and a really super soft thin long sleeve. Ideally I would want a hoodie, but that’s going to be too bulky.
FP
Honestly I would get a packing cube and for every trip, I’d take a pair of leggings and a long sleeved tshirt, and a comfy bralette and change of underwear, and a toothbrush/deodorant. This could be really small and in the bottom of your work tote. This could sustain you for overnights (what if your friends are out of town during a random overnight stay and you need to go to the hotel?). I’d also invest in a work backpack with a crossbody bag for your personal essentials.
Anonymous Grouch
Yeah – I hate to say it but I would not remain friends long with someone who called late in the evening needing a bed and pajamas more than once when her employer is willing to pay for a hotel. Add a weekend day onto your trip if you want to see your friends, but don’t drop in on them at the last, late, second for a “visit” just to save corporate travel money.
Nudibranch
Ditto.
OP
My friends and I have hosted each other in similar situations before so it would be fine. And, as stated, the ability to not get an Amtrak would be really rare given my travel.
Anonymous
I feel like this is the thing Rothys are good for.
OP
I feel like Rothys are fine commuter shoes (though they don’t have enough arch support tone comfortable for me personally), but don’t look polished enough for big meetings.
My work shoes are generally comfortable enough for a normal day of being on my feet walking to meetings or standing to give presentations; however, I can’t imagine that I’ll want to wear them for 12+ hours.
Anonymous
Oh, no. I absolutely meant the Rothys are the riding on the train shoes that can be stuffed in the bottom of a bag.
Anon
I would definitely wear commuting shoes (boots, sneakers, whatever) with nicer shoes in your bag.
roxie
As a frequent NEC amtrak traveller, the delays lately are worse and worse. I’d focus on comfort items to pass the time – good headphones, kindle, snacks, etc.
OP
This is good to know – thanks. I’ll make sure I plan accordingly.
Anon
Put a change of underwear and socks or tights in a ziploc and make it as flat as possible.I’d throw a panty liner in there too. Put in in an interior pocket of your tote/briefcase/backpack and never think of it again. But you’ll be glad it’s there just in case.
Anonymous
Back in the pre-pandemic days, I remember Kat posting about foldable flats for commuting. Maybe you could get a similar pair for days when you’re wearing fancy shoes with your business formal. Over time, I think you’ll develop a wardrobe of clothing you wear on travel days that’s very comfortable and looks good after 10+ hours.
Ginger
I would suggest planning your trips so that several of them are back to back (if possible). You stay overnight in a hotel, have a nice dinner out and catchup with you friends. Doing day trips several times a week will get real old.
anon
I slipped and sprained an ankle two weeks ago today. I’m still experiencing swelling and light pain/tenderness. Can’t walk more than 10 min or so without needing to rest my ankle. I went to get x-rays and the doctor says no broken bones, its most likely just a bad sprain. I’m going to an orthopedic specialist next week just to be sure, but curious if any of you have had a bad sprain that too a while to heal? Is this normal? I thought I’d be back to almost normal by now.
Anon
Yeah when I had a bad sprain it took about a month to be back to normal.
Anonymous
A bad sprain can take 6 months to fully heal
nuqotw
Yeah it can take a while. I sprained an ankle years ago and wound up on crutches for a week or two, and was in one of those ankle braces full of air for a month.
nuqotw
Also, don’t be me and try to do too much too soon because you think it should be better so you pretend it is. My ankles have been asymmetric ever since.
NY CPA
Sprains can be very severe. You probably have a second-degree sprain which can take up to 6 weeks to heal. It seems unlikely to be a full tear (third-degree sprain) unless you were totally immobilized by the injury. I had a third-degree sprain and tendon tear that required surgical repair, but I was in a boot and on crutches for months before the surgery due to instability and pain. It sounds like you can walk a bit, but not much so more likely second-degree.
Anon
I sprained my ankle in the beginning of January. It wasn’t a bad sprain, but it’s still a bit swollen (no pain). I asked my doctor at my annual checkup in July, and she had me get an X-ray, but she said sometimes ankles just stay swollen for awhile because of the way blood pools, and being ‘older’ (I’m 36!). The X Ray showed nothing.
Anon
Ankles are nasty joints. There’s a ton of stuff packed in there, not great circulation (tends to be one of our bonier areas) and it’s about as far away as you can get from where all the action is (ie your torso). All that combines to make it one of the slowest-healing spots. Time and being careful to avoid accidental sudden lateral movements is about all you can do unless you’re going to hobble around in a boot.
Don’t be me and reinjure it so many times it’s just permanently loose. I will be paying for that in my old age, I’m quite sure.
Anon
I don’t know if you need an orthopedist (this timeline is very normal for sprains), but definitely go to PT. I sprained my ankle on a hiking trip years ago, didn’t do PT, and it’s never been the same since. It frequently gives out on me now when I run and hike.
anon
My sprained ankle was worse than my broken ankle. Very normal, and sorry you’re dealing with it.
Know that once an ankle sprains it can be more susceptible to spraining again. Truly take the time to heal this time so that you can try to insure as best as possible against future injuries.
Anon
Definitely go to PT! It will help a lot.
PolyD
I remember watching a documentary about ballet dancers, and if they broke a bone, they were like, NBD, but damage to ligaments and tendons was much more difficult to heal from.
Anon
Oh that’s good to know! I have what’s called a “dancer’s fracture” in my foot. (Not OP, and also certainly not a ballet dancer!)
Seventh Sister
Yes! Ashley Bouder (a principal ballerina at NYCB) had a ligament injury pretty recently and it’s been a really h*llish comeback. She’s an amazing dancer but it seems (based on her sm) that it will get better, she’ll be able to dance, then pow! back to square one.
Anon
That’s what the doctor told me when I broke a leg years ago – all the pain and swelling was from massively spraining the muscles, not from the actual fracture.
LizzieBennet
I had a bad sprain about three months ago and it’s still not normal. Sorry :(
Runcible Spoon
It takes much longer to heal a sprain than you would hope. Keep elevating and icing it, and consider asking your doctor for an order or prescription for physical therapy, which will help strengthen your ankle. Good luck!
Anon
Get a script for PT.
lots if rest/ice/elevation
Runcible Spoon
Jinx!
Anon
My ex had a sprain so bad he was put into a cast and was on crutches for quite a while. I know people think “sprain” and think minor injury because that’s now people use the word, but that’s not always the case.
I remember being shocked at how swollen he was when he was first injured. His ankle looked like a small cantaloupe and I am not exaggerating.
Lise
I have, unfortunately, and I do think it’s normal. It sucks!
Anon
I sprained an ankle 20 years ago that still hasn’t healed completely. At the time, I was on crutches for two weeks and after that, did about six weeks of PT. Those things can be far worse than breaking a bone.
.
Anon
I think you’ll be sent for some physical therapy and it will likely help. I had this issue about 18 mos ago and after a return trip to the doctor around the 2-3 mark, physical therapy was prescribed. it made a world of difference and I was back to full strength a few mins later
Anon
Sharing for context: I sprained the same ankle twice, once in college, and once 20 years later. It definitely took longer than two weeks to heal both times. It sucked much worse in my 40s — even though I still remember how swollen it got when I decided not to wear the elastic bandage to walk all over Paris in college….
How are you protecting it when you walk? I walked/hopped with a cane at 20, and used a crutch for over a month the second time around.
committed to the feeling
Low stakes shopping poll – I’m convinced one of the Lands End maxi winter jackets will make this next upper Midwest winter better. I’ve been going round and round the last few weeks on the following jackets – which would you pick?
(casual office/lifestyle – formality (which really isn’t happening anyway in maxi winter jackets) doesn’t matter)
Women’s Down Maxi Winter Coat
Black
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-down-maxi-winter-coat/id_327570?attributes=21830,43326,43398,44256,44967,52659
Women’s Insulated Quilted Primaloft ThermoPlume Maxi Winter Coat
Forest Moss or Golden Oak Brown
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-insulated-quilted-primaloft-thermoplume-maxi-winter-coat/id_358725?attributes=41372,44967
Women’s Expedition Waterproof Winter Maxi Down Coat
Deep Woodland Green
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-expedition-waterproof-winter-maxi-down-coat/id_363298?attributes=21855,44967
Anon
I have the first one and love it for dog walking! It really blocks the wind, too.
committed to the feeling
The first one was my initial “yes” and then I kept looking. :) Specific question: how doe the removable hood attache and does it fall off easily? I have an Eddie Bauer coat that has a removable hood that attaches via snaps and it falls off way too easily – like any time it gets snagged, and it’s very annoying.
Anon
Mine is a zipper. It’s 2 years old, doubt it has changed. Very easy to remove and replace!
committed to the feeling
Excellent, that answers a big hesitation I had. I haven’t bought LE for years and always remember LE sizing being really oversized. I’m between a 4 and a 6; so between small and extra small. Would you say yours is oversized?
Anon
Not oversized
Anon
I have LE coats that are 15+ years old, so like what you get b/c it will last forever. I live in the SEUS but freeze in the damp cold, so I have a different Thermoplume and love it. Also a down puffer. Also a wool coat. Also another down puffer that my teen has nationalized to her closet. Probably others.
Cat
Ok blunt reaction time- I don’t like how that fake fur looks on the first one and the last one looks frumpy-sensible rather than cute-practical. I’d go with #2.
committed to the feeling
yeah, I have the same hesitancy about the last one – that it’s going to fall on the frumpy side of the line. I like the pockets, but if it’s oversized at all (like big enough to accommodate a sweater) it’s probably going to go straight frumpy and not cool.
The fur doesn’t super bother me in the first one but I do wish it was black coat + brown fur, not black + black. So it’s a fair point.
I just added option 2 this morning; it doesn’t look super warm to me so I wasn’t clicking on it, but the details say it’s good for down to -13 F. At that point I”m not leaving my house, period.
Betsy
I have the first one and it’s great, like a wearable sleeping bag. I really like the looks of the second though!
committed to the feeling
DH is horrified, but I LOVE the idea of wearing a sleeping bag!
I haven’t bought LE for years and always remember LE sizing being really oversized. I’m between a 4 and a 6; so between small and extra small. Would you say yours is oversized?
Anon
Mine runs TTS.
Seafinch
I find them very large. I am normally an 8/10 and the large was so big I gave it away and ordered a medium which is still too big. I like my daughter’s small and I have a size 30/32 GG chest.
Betsy
I would say mine is pretty true to size, with the caveat that I’m wearing it in the winter over sweaters. If you tend to just be wearing a single layer in the winter you might want to size down.
Anon
I find LE to be a little oversized, but I wouldn’t have purchased a smaller size because you don’t want winter coats to be tight, you need the air circulation. The only caveat about the first one is that it’s REALLY long. I bought the petite size and it’s still ankle-length on me at 5’4.
Runcible Spoon
A sleeping bag with sleeves is terrific in a snowstorm!
anon
I really like the second one, especially in the oak brown! The first one is probably the more practical choice.
Anon
I have the first one and love it.
Traveler
PSA – I clicked on the link, and my Rakuten (formerly eBates) plug in popped up a promotion for 20% cash back on Lands-End.
Anon
When interviewing for jobs, especially when you won’t be in the same location as your manager, how do you suss out what the hours expectation is? I’m really only interested in an 8 hour day at this point in my life.
Likewise, when a job has “unlimited PTO”, how do you figure out what’s the generally accepted number of days to take / how supportive management is of taking a reasonable amount of PTO?
Anon
With unlimited PTO, I’d assume it’s hard to take time off unless you hear otherwise from a bunch of people at your level. I know a bunch of people with unlimited PTO (in tech) and all but one of them really struggle to take more than one week a year. I’m very wary of unlimited PTO jobs based on what I’ve seen.
Anon
As someone who’s worked in these environments, this is the correct answer
OP
Yeah I don’t love the idea of unlimited PTO (best case scenario is just a job with at least 3-4 weeks of of vacation + separate sick leave!), but I guess the flexibility of unlimited could be nice. I definitely think it’s usually a trap to get people to not take as much PTO and to avoid paying out vacation when you leave. But, quite a few jobs I’m applying to seem to have it!
Anon
+1. My one friend who “loves unlimited PTO” also mysteriously keeps ending up in a “toxic workplace” and having to jump ship for a new job every year. Unclear if it is just companies that have this perk tend to be toxic, or if her taking 30+ days of PTO does not align with their idea of “unlimited” …..
Anon
I do know one person who takes a LOT of time off (I would guess 25-30 in addition to major holidays) and seems to have done really well for herself, she keeps getting promoted and what not. But everyone else I know with unlimited PTO either takes very minimal time off or separates from the job within a year.
Betsy
I worked for a company that had 4 weeks of PTO a year and then switched to unlimited PTO. Everyone still took about 4 weeks of PTO a year. I think asking people close to your level how much time they personally have taken in the last couple years is a great way to figure out company culture around it.
JTM
This has been my experience. My company decided to give everyone Sr Manager level and above unlimited PTO but stressed that they expected us to take the same amount of time as we did before. My leaders take 4 weeks through the course of the year so I have no issues doing the same. But this is in a company that has always valued work-life balance and working a lot of hours is really uncommon.
JD
I’m in biotech with unlimited PTO (flexible time off, hah!). It’s very group dependent. The normal groups take around the average (either based on the pre-unlimited period or what the team thinks). The busy groups don’t take enough, and probably never did. Figure out which group culture you’re in.
a
+1. Granted, I’m a lawyer and unlimited PTO just means bill your same number of hours another time. There was no “credit” for PTO so that means effectively no PTO. We just have flexibility in when we work.
Anonymous
This is one of the things that drive me insane about firm life. We “have” a PTO amount, but if you’re not giving me billable credit for it, then no I don’t.
Anon
Unlimited PTO is a definite sign you can’t ever take vacation, and it also signals high employee turnover, since one of the goals of unlimited PTO is to not have to pay it out when you leave.
Hootster
Just jumping in with a counter-example. I’m in big tech with unlimited PTO, and most everyone in my org and beyond take at least 4 weeks/year. I’d second the advice to ask around. I think that most hiring managers at places that actually take work-life balance separately (like my company) would not count it against you to ask about “what unlimited PTO looks like on the team” relatively early in the interview process.
Clara
Ask someone more junior how many days of PTO they took last year. I used to ask “how many days in the last 2 weeks have you worked after 6pm”. Questions that are a little more likely to get a direct answer rather than “oh yeah we have good PTO”. People may also have different definitions of things like “reasonable hours” or “enough PTO”.
Anon
While I would ask the interviewers how many days of PTO they took last year and the year before to get an idea of culture, I would take a place with unlimited PTO at face value and take as much PTO as I want. If they don’t like it, then I’ll leave.
oldladylawyer
1) Depending on the job you can ask to speak to a peer (like someone who has the same job or comparable job as the one you are interviewing for and isn’t part of the interview process). Most normal places are happy to arrange this. anyone job that says no is probably not a job you want.
2) I don’t know where you are in your career but I’m 48 years old and I’m pretty wide open. I changed jobs less than a year ago because my new employer was 5 minutes from home and let me be remote 2 days a week. I was very expliciit that I was making a change for lifesyle reasons and i flat out asked questionss like “do i have to punch a clock?:” “what is the process for leaving early/ arriving late” I wouldn’t ask it early in the process but certainly before accepting an offer I think it’s fair to ask these kinds of questions. Honestly anyone who responds with nonsense or arrogance or “you seem to care more about your lifestyle than the job” (duh, yes i do and so does eveyryone else on the planet) is a red flag.
3) also not sure how big the company is but have you checked glass door or those kinds of sites? do you know anyone who has worked there?
OP
I don’t know anyone who has worked there (company is HQ’d very far away, so I’d be remote which I believe is new post-pandemic for the company). I did check Glassdoor but am having trouble finding useful reviews since this company is a retail company and most reviews seem to be from retail employees so benefits are different than corporate. Like hypothetically, I’m interviewing for a corporate job at Target but most reviews are from individuals who work in Target stores.
Anon
Since they are far away – different time zone – ask about expectations for covering different time zones. If they say something indicating that you should be covering Eastern to Pacific, that’s a red flag. You’re looking for them to say something about core hours.
Anon
Agreed!
Anon
I’m pretty direct because I think it’s important to understand expectations. It wouldn’t be the first conversation I’d have, but at a later stage I’d ask the boss and peers about it.
OP
Thanks! Wasn’t sure if direct was okay for this.
Anon
I started at a new job with unlimited PTO a couple months ago. How many months should I wait before taking any? I have to say that it seems like people don’t take advantage of it in my workplace. Only 1 person on my team has taken any PTO at all, and she took 6 days.
In past jobs, we would have to use it or lose it. I did like the reality of it expiring to give a reason to take it.
Anon
Yeah, I think the use it or lose it aspect helps you take it. I work for a company with very generous PTO for the US (6 weeks vacation + separate sick leave), but in a department with a workaholic boss who sets a top down culture of not using PTO. Senior people brag about not having taken a vacation in five or more years, which is just nuts with the amount of time we have off. My direct boss is more reasonable but takes at most two weeks a year, often only one. I take every day I’m given and even though I end up taking five times as many vacations as other people, I feel like I have an excuse because I can point to the accrued that will expire if I don’t take them, and they can’t really complain about it in performance reviews because it’s a set benefit everyone is entitled to. I know I couldn’t get away with half this much vacation if we had unlimited PTO.
JD
I think it’s ok to ask in the interviews. I would ask one of the individual contributors at your level and not the hiring manager. I would also not ask too many of the interviewers about work life balance questions. Ask one person and I don’t think they’d hold it against you. If they do, then they’re not 8 hour day teams anyway.
Anon
I agree with the approach others provided to suss this out. fwiw, I have unlimited PTO, use about 30 days annually, and have been promoted and received higher than expected raises. I agree with the comment that I take the company at face value and will use the time until I’m told not to. I’d also hesitate to go anywhere without unlimited PTO.
anon
Dumb question for the runners on board. I am terrible at remembering how much mileage I have on my shoes. Usually I just wait until something starts hurting consistently to buy new shoes, but I feel like I really should be doing a better job keeping track. I’m a purely recreational runner and at this stage in my life, I’m rarely running more than 10 miles a week. I realized this morning, after feeling really achy after a run and checking my Zappos order history, that I’m still wearing a pair that I bought a year and a half ago! So how are you all remembering to, um, be more mindful of shoe wear and tear? For whatever reason, I’m not especially hard on my shoes, so the outside can look nearly new even when the insides are shot.
Anon
I usually replace every 8ish months, I don’t really track my mileage but have a rough idea of my weekly mileage and can extrapolate from there. And, when I notice the wear and tear (either visible or I Feel it)
I also use Strava so if I wanted to I could easily calculate my mileage. I think Strava even has a feature where you can specify which shoes you wore on which runs. I don’t use it because I only have one pair of road shoes and one pair of trail shoes so I know which shoes I used based on the type of run.
Anonymous
The app runkeeper used to keep track of your shoes if you entered the info, so if runkeeper was tracking every run you’d know.
Anonymous
I’m definitely not an avid runner but I can just kind of tell when I need new shoes. It’s usually the same metrics you noticed: oh my hips/joints hurt. Time for new shoes. DH runs a lot of mileage and has two pair of the same shoe he switches between. But I think that’s so they will dry in between wears, not trying to be frugal.
Anon
Low-tech solution: I used to use a Sharpie to write the date I break out a new pair of shoes on the actual shoe, usually inside the tongue. You can also write under the insole if the insole pulls up (most do). If you keep the box, you could write on the box instead.
anon
OK, this is the life hack I needed. Thank you! Off to buy new shoes and will mark them accordingly.
Anon
I’m a walker, not a runner, but replace my shoes every 6 months. I’m fairly consistent in my milage, and walk daily, so that’s pretty close to 900 miles. I have 2 pairs of shoes and switch every other day.
Anonymous
If you run a consistent amount, Pick a time of the year and change them every year at that time. For DH it’s Father’s Day. When he was running a lot about 10 years ago he got new shoes when the clocks changed.
Anon
Nope, what you’re doing is a perfectly fine way to do it and the outside does tend to look good longer than their comfortable life as a running shoe. Of course shoe companies want you to buy more shoes and impose all sorts of deadlines and best practices for when you NEED to buy another pair.
I wear mine for pavement running for as long as they’re comfortable, then they get demoted to trails, then for walking/hiking, then yardwork. I’ve trained and run all distances for many years. I know my body well enough to know the very specific pain that indicates “time for new shoes”.
anon
Glad that I’m not too far off the mark, because this is basically what I’m doing. Most of my running is on pavement, unfortunately, which does require more cush. But I’ll wear my shoes for walking and yard work for a very long time (probably longer than advised).
Anon
If you run 10 miles a week, then that would be a new pair every 30 weeks. To make it easier I would round down to every 6 months. Put a reminder on your calendar.
Anon
I use the Nike running app and you can enter when you buy new shoes – makes everything seamless!
Anon
Garmin! You can track gear on it; just tell the system which sneakers you used on each run.
anon
Sort of a weird question- are there any books or resources y’all know of that talks about the impact of growing up in an environment that doesn’t talk about race and pretends that everything is equal and meritocratic? Specifically how that denialism impacts people of color. A lot of the stuff I find on race feels like it’s for a white audience and I’m trying to understand my experience better.
Lydia
I’ve seen this discussed with respect to transracial adoption (especially but not exclusively Asian adoptees with White parents). There’s a lot on Tiktok and instagram; there’s also a book called “Outsiders Within,” and a newer book by Angela Tucker called “You Should Be Grateful.” Might be a possible starting point?
Anonymous
Michael Harriot has written on Twitter about what an impact it made on him when, growing up, his mom never introduced any books or toys that showed black as something other than the majority/main character. Not sure if he’s written about it elsewhere
anon
has anyone ever had success getting reimbursement from a moving company for damage? In our case it was a $5k marble table that shattered into 100 pieces so basically destroyed. They’re offering $200. I don’t expect the full price given depreciation but maybe 1k? any tips?
Anon
It’ll be in your contract how much their responsibility is.
Mooove
I had success when a barstool broke in a x-country move. Showed them receipts that said exactly how much it was and they didn’t blink.
If you’re not successful with the company, I’d also report to your homeowners/renters insurance if you want the money and can prove it was $5k.
anon
would you report it to the insurance for the house you’re moving out of or into? There’s overlap in coverage.
Anonymous
I’d let your Insurance Agent/claim handler guide you.
SSJD
Our moving company (a major national company doing our midwest to east coast move) broke a lot of things, and they paid me for them. I produced receipts/data when I could. I don’t remember them giving me a hard time about it at all.
Anon
Yes–I moved from Colorado to California. I was told my things would be put on a truck. Instead, they were palletized and sent via air. And when they landed at SFO, some idiot stabbed the wrapped-in-opaque-plastic blob that was my pallet of boxes and fancy furniture over and over. I had forklift marks in multiple furniture pieces and I also had scratches, because no moving blankets were used.
I alleged this was gross negligence, not near industry standard, and was misrepresented to me. I was not a a lawyer (at the time–now I am). They paid to repair all the wood furniture to like-new condition.
This was when I threatened to take them to small claims.
Did you pay via a cc? Open a dispute? Did you sign off on the condition of the move at the time of delivery? (Hope not–I refused!).
You can definitely take them to small claims and allege negligence. No–moves don’t mean your stuff should be perfect, but they also can’t shatter your stuff. Take pictures. Read the contract.
Most move contracts limit damages to a few pennies per pound of moved goods, and so that’s why they’re offering you $200. You need to claim that’s for “regular” damages but they went above and beyond to f up your table so royally. GL!
Anon
Finally got in-house job offer and can finally get out of biglaw! I have to wait until background check clears to give notice, right???
Background check company gives estimated finish for next Weds. I’ve got a pitch meeting scheduled for Tues, some big projects expected to rear their ugly heads over the next few days. I am not invested anymore and want out!!!
Cat
you can do anything for a couple of business days – be patient!
also, if you haven’t already, see if you can get yourself a signing bonus that replaces the $$$ you’re probably leaving on the table at year-end.
Anon
I did! It’s definitely not on the scale on my biglaw bonus, but it’s something.
Cat
Nice work – just hang in there a few more days :)
Anonymous
Please please tell the leaders of the pitch that you won’t be there long term. It is so awful to pitch a team and then have someone leave. It’s fine – of course! – when people leave, but leaving the day after you do a big client pitch is a good way to burn some bridges with me.
Anon
Do not tell anyone until your background check clears.
Cat
+1, this happens frequently, everyone knows an associate in particular may leave at any time. The only surprise would be that it’s this close to yearend without sticking it out for the bonus.
Anon
She doesn’t owe the client or company anything. Her employer would fire her at the drop of a hat if it benefitted them. She shouldn’t do something (telling the client) that benefits them and not her.
Anon
Precisely. She’s not doing anything wrong by waiting, and it protects her.
Runcible Spoon
Yes, do not tell anyone until the background check clears, in case your offer isn’t sustained and you are, in fact, there long term-ish.
Anonie
Disagree with this. It is not reasonable to expect someone to give notice before their background check has cleared.
Anon
Background checks can get held up. Don’t tell anyone until it’s a done deal. A colleague once had a background check hung up for like 2 months…
Anonie
Yes. Wait. Do what you can to minimize your workload in the meantime if you have to – take PTO or call out sick or ask other people to take things on – anything is better than announcing your departure prematurely.
Bath Remodel
Hi all! I am currently doing a bathroom remodel and debating whether spending an extra $10k on a steam shower is worth it. Does anyone have one and have opinions? I think I would really enjoy it when I did use it, but the extra cost, not knowing how much I would use it, and possibly not staying in my house more than 2 years makes me question the investment.
Anon
There is one in my my house, and while I initially used it quite a bit, now I mostly use it to steam wrinkles out of clothes that I hang in the shower.
Senior Attorney
I feel like it would be totally worth it just for that.
Anon
Not worth it. They’re nice on bitter cold winter days or when you’re sick, but I didn’t use mine often. When it broke we didn’t bother replacing it and rarely missed it.
Anonymous
You’re very unlikely to get that money back when you sell the house. It’s not a universal selling point and even people who like it won’t pay an extra 10k for it. I think it’ll just make you more disappointed that you’re not getting your money back from the remodel.
Runcible Spoon
A steam shower is not worth that price, but if you have some available funds, have you considered a heated floor, a towel warmer, both a fixed shower head plus a hand-held, and a plate-glass mirror stretching wall to wall and countertop to ceiling behind the sink? Now is the time to add in stylish grab bars, too (not “when I get old,” because anyone in the household could break a leg or something like that and appreciate assistance in stepping in and out of a tub/shower). Enjoy!
Bath Remodel
Thanks all!
Anon
If you are not sure you will stay in your hourse more than 2 years, I wouldn’t spend the $10K. If you believe it might add value when you sell your home-I’m skeptical on that piece, you might recover something but I doubt it would be anywhere close to your cost-I would double check with a local realtor. They are usually good at giving advice as to what features/upgrades are meaningful to buyers.
Anonymous
Nah. I was a maybe until I got to that you are moving soon.
Josie P
ISO athleisure pants that are lined and warm since my home office is now cold. I have the Athleta attitude pant and it is OK for now but not quite warm enough. Same for the Polartec leggings. Or should I just wear leggings under pants all winter?
Cb
Uniqlo sherpa lined sweats? I’ve got the hoodie and it’s very nice in my very cold house.
Anon
I’d get a blanket or heating pad if it’s your house.
Anon
Silk long underwear under your pants will be more comfortable than leggings because the silk doesn’t grab the fabric of the pants.
Panda Bear
I like wool leggings on cold days at home. And an electric blanket!
ALT
Random, maybe fun? question for today: what book have you read lately (or ever!) that you couldn’t stop thinking about?
I just finished Foster Dade Explores the Cosmos and can’t stop thinking about it. I found it kind of disturbing—the casual drug use, the descriptions of depression really hit home, poor Foster just seemed so intensely sad.
There have been happier books I can’t stop thinking about but this is my latest one. What’s yours?
LizzieBennet
I read The Light Pirate in January and it still crosses my mind often.
Anon
I just read Push Back: Guilt in the Age of Natural Parenting and thought the book overall was mixed, but there were some themes that will stick with me forever – like how prioritizing the ideal “birth experience” over safe outcomes may lead to irreversible harm.
Anon
Thanks for mentioning this book. I recently gave birth, and had far from the ideal experience – induced at 34 weeks and had a c-section. I think I’m going pretty good with the guilt about that, but am struggling with guilt that the breastfeeding experience hasn’t been going well
Anon88
Migrations. The story itself isn’t that memorable, but it takes place in the nearish future when climate change is rapidly causing many animal species to go extinct. There are many instances of say, the news reporting the last known wolf in the world has died, the only monkeys in the world are in captivity, etc. I read it last year and it still gives me chills.
The Only Plane in the Sky: An Oral History of 9/11. The audiobook uses archival audio and people telling their stories in their own voices absolutely gripping and (as you’d expect) haunting.
Something New Under the Sun. I guess climate anxiety sticks with me. Another nearish future setting, this one with massive draught, and people on the west coast beginning to drink synthetic water. Rich people order fancy natural water at restaurants as if it’s a wine menu.
Anon
Oh Migrations is on my list! I’m glad you liked it.
Anon
The Whispers by Ashley Audrain. It’s a domestic drama/thriller, in the vein of Liane Moriarty, but had a lot of interesting observations about modern motherhood.
Cb
I read Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitino, finished last night and glad I was home alone because I had a cathartic cry. I really loved The Covenant of Water.
Panda Bear
The Beast You Are by Paul Tremblay. It’s short stories and some hit harder than others, but the whole book is worth it for the last story.
AnnyManny
Unusually for me, the recent reads I keep thinking about are non-fiction:
How big things get done by Bent Flyvbjerg
Invisible women by Caroline Criado Perez
Anonymous
Someone mentioned Deleteme in a comment a while ago—has anyone tried this or a similar service, and are they worth it?
Anon
Yes, I’ve had them for several years, and I’m really happy with the service. I feel that the amount of spam texts and emails from random political and community orgs has gone down. I also got married 6 months ago, and it was easy to add my additional name. Instead of searching to remove just my married (hyphenated) name, they actually search for several variations, with and without middle name. So they look up First Middle Maiden. First Maiden. First Middle Married. First Married. First Maiden-Married. Etc etc…I just looked in my profile!
Here’s a ref code for 20% off if you’re interested: https://joindeleteme.com/refer?coupon=RFR-127321-PEQRVR
Cozy warm pjs
I need some warm soft cozy winter pJs.
any recs this year?
thanks from Chicago
Anon
Skims are very very soft. I got my daughter some and if we were the same size (or even close) I’d probably steal them back.
Anon
oh my god… I love this.
I want to start lounging in their slip dress and robe. love it.
you buy this for your daughter?! wow, you are a nice mom…
Anon
thank you! I think I am a nice mom too, but I’m also a very good sale shopper, and my daughter’s birthday falls during the last of the post-Christmas sales when everything is on final clearance. I got her a cropped tank, pajama pants, and the robe. It’s the fuzzy knit one, very pettable.
Anonymous
I got some Nautica brand fleece pjs for winter from Costco and they are so warm and cozy. You can find them online.
Anon
perfect
ordered two pairs
thank you!
Anon
This brand has terrible reviews on Nordstrom’s website and I know some people are #NotAllPolyester, but this is, like, the worst of the worst of polyester.