ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 206 Comments

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Coco Metallic Dot Patterned Short Sleeve Top

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. ba&sh is a new-to-me brand that I’ve been very into lately, but every time I bookmark something to include in a post, it sells out before I can write about it. Fortunately, this purple blouse is still here! I love the flowy fabric and metallic accents. This color would look gorgeous with a navy or gray suit, or you could wear it on a more casual day with a sweater blazer and a pair of skinny ankle pants. The blouse is $235 and available in sizes S–L. Coco Metallic Dot Patterned Short Sleeve Top More affordable options are available from Dolan (XXS–XXL) and Vince Camuto (1X–3X). This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

206 Comments

  1. Anybody spent any time working as in-house counsel at FedEx? Wondering about the atmosphere and opportunity to move up.

    1. I have a shirt and skirt from them and adore them. I get compliments every time I wear them. The quality is great.

  3. Yesterday there was chatter about maxi dresses for the office (verdict: no).

    What about this midi dress? https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pcid=999&vid=3&pid=495148#pdp-page-content

    I usually wear more structured sheaths, MMLF-type dresses, and full-on suits because I’m always cold and already owned these items when our dress code suddenly changed last winter. I’m not used to anything like a flounce or ruffle, much less on a bold pattern. But I could wear this with tights and a layer of HeatTech underneath (and maybe something like a Jardigan / Going Out Jacket if I get really cold). Yes? No?

    1. Don’t personally care for the actual print, but I think the concept / shape / silhouette is fine for the office.

    2. I think so. I have received a couple of inquiries from it for jobs I would consider if I were not happy where I am. I’ve also had contacts ask me to introduce them to other contacts they see I have on LinkedIn.

    3. I did 90% of my networking by searching linked-in for people in my target field with things in common with me and reaching out to them. I eventually found my job through a linked-in job post too, but that was more of a fluke. I also found a professional bookclub on an organizations linked-in page that led to me making a few friends with similar jobs.

    4. Yes, even more so today – make sure your page is up to date and polished, like your resume.

        1. I would just leave the gap unless you were off volunteering or something. If you stepped out to have kids, I think that’s common enough. I’d just explain if you’re asked but I wouldn’t worry about it on LinkedIn

    5. Yes! If you’re in a field that is in high demand, it’s essential. I get about one recruiter a week contact me about positions at their company. Recruiters really use it, so make sure your profile is up to date!

    6. Came here this morning to ask about LinkedIn as well. I have been able to get by for a decade without using it but now I need to update my page and get familiar with best practices for job searching and networking. Any blogs or other places to get good tips for beginners. I find the site cluttered and a little hard to navigate.
      If anyone has a tips for how the leveraged LinkedIn to market themselves for a career change, that would be helpful to me as well.

      1. I think one important factor is you have to be active. You can’t just update your profile and hope people notice. I tried that for too long. Depends a little on the field, but I was successful getting people to talk to me by just searching (Field) (Location) (Background), and then sending a message along the lines of “Hi, I’m a new ____. I noticed that you have the same background. I was wondering if you would be willing to give me a few minutes of your time to discuss your career path, experience, and the job market in [city].” Sometimes via linkedin. Sometimes to their professional email if I could find it. I got 2-3 responses for every 10 messages I sent, and of those, usually 1 emailed with me, 1 phone call, and the occasional coffee meeting. I usually got some other people to contact next from them too.

      2. ask a manager . com [no spaces] for general job hunting advice, and I believe Allison has answered some LinkedIn questions there. Good luck on your search!

    7. I think it really depends on your field and experience level. I don’t know of anyone who has been recruited on LinkedIn. I suspect that is common in some fields (IT?) and not at all in others. I also don’t find the job postings that relevant to me, and the ones that are relevant are also listed on other sites. But I do think it is helpful for keeping track of your network, since it is so easy to lose track of people as they switch jobs, and helpful to see if you know someone or know someone who knows someone who works at a company at which you are applying/interviewing.

      1. DH has landed all of his jobs from LinkedIn since entering the workforce in ’07 – either applying directly through a posting on LinkedIn or someone reaching out to him using their messaging service. He works in-house at companies on their digital marketing teams. He’s currently at a bank (not exactly a cutting-edge industry in terms of technology) but has worked in a few different industries over the years. My field, a niche of finance, uses LinkedIn for self promotion and to do the obligatory job postings specifically for lower level jobs, but the reality is once you’re at a certain level (director / ~10 years experience) most of the jobs you’d apply for either come from direct referral, networking/word of mouth or an industry-specific recruiter. It’s definitely relevant, though. Even in my role/at my level it’s weird to not have a LinkedIn profile, even a very basic one.

    8. In law, I think not having a linked in page with basic info could be a sign of not being in touch with current norms and/or not having been on the market for many years. You don’t need to do much – just general info about where you went to school, positions held, etc. – and those who don’t have that seem to be people who have been off the market for 10 years plus or are very senior, IME.

    9. You have to have a LinkedIn for sure. You may not find your job there but it’s important to have a profile so people can figure out who you are.

  5. We have tickets for me and my tween daughters. I’ve been playing the soundtrack (hey, they loved Hamilton . . .) and understand a bit about the French Revolution (we are very Americanized people who have French protestant ancestors who were kicked out of France and came here). They do not understand On My Own. At all. Unrequited love totally does not compute for them (why can’t she tell Marius how she feels?!).

    I recall my own teen days when this song was so perfect b/c I always had one great unattainable unrequired love interest going on (even if I had a life boyfriend of the moment, there was the One Great Love Of Which One May Not Speak Lest It Be Ruined). I’m not sure if that is a thing now or not, but I’m glad it isn’t for them, at least today.

    1. Oh man, that song was my anthem in high school. It sounds like they’re just a little young for it (I mean, to relate to it, not too young to see the show). I think in middle school I probably would have rolled my eyes at it too. Middle school crushes felt different, and it wasn’t such a big deal when a boy didn’t like you back because you had your whole life ahead of you. But by 16 or so, it was like you were going to die alone if your crush didn’t feel the same way.

      1. i loved that song around age 14 or so! I never considered what an angsty-lovelorn song it is….. you’re totally right. It’s a lovely song and soundtrack even if they don’t quite “get” it yet.

    2. Personally I don’t really connect to a musical unless I see it for myself. They might appreciate it more once they actually see it on stage. I never listen to soundtracks ahead of time for this reason.

      1. This is wild to me.

        As a kid, I could only go to plays once they could be performed at high schools or maybe community colleges or community theater. So I saw some Shakespeare and some things like A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, but often listened to only the soundtrack for years, even decades, before seeing the show. [The Sound of Music may be the one exception, but I don’t think it is a play or the movie was frequently on TV.] Even with Hamilton, I started with this backwards approach: soundtrack, libretto, finally seeing the play (which, TBH, was not the life changing moment I yearned for; soundtracking is still awesome though!). Sometimes, I even get the sheet music (I play one instrument, still, even as a solo grownup).

      2. I’m with you. There’s only one first time you hear a song, and I find it so much more powerful to do so at the actual performance. So I don’t seek out soundtracks beforehand. (Fully recognizing the privilege I have to be living in a city with a theater scene so that I am not therefore avoiding show tunes entirely as a practical result….)

    3. I should be embarrassed to admit this, but that song didn’t hit home for me until Joey sang it about Dawson on Dawson’s Creek (oof I am old and was not raised in a home that played any kind of “fancy” music).

    4. My first exposure to Own My Own was when Joey sang it at the beauty pageant in Dawson’s Creek. Clearly she was singing about Dawson, but both Pacey and Dawson were watching her. SWOON. 14-year old me taped that episode (no DVR back then!!) and watched it on repeat. Because I was Joey Potter and in love with my guy BFF.

      1. Oh man, I have such a crystal clear memory of watching Joey sing! Actually, that episode drove me to wanting to see Les Mis on Broadway, which I got to do when I was sixteen!

    5. Oh man, that song did resonate with me in middle school (and in high school . . . and in college . . .), BUT I think it’s great that your girls are like “why doesn’t she just tell him?” because it means when they like someone, they’ll see nothing wrong with making the first move and letting someone know how they feel.

    6. Too late for this comment, but Les Mis isn’t about the French Revolution (1789)! It’s about a subsequent set of rebellions beginning around 1815.

  6. I’m a week away from being presented with a service award by my COO, and I am in the WORST stage of a Retin-A purge. I am red, inflamed, flaking, peeling, and covered in pustles. I look absolutely gross. I thought this would be over by now, but it’s taking forever.

    I”m torn between hiding behind my hair like a goth teen, and shaving it all off in a crazy attempt to distract from my nightmare visage.

    WWYD?

    1. I would cut way way back on the Retin-A for the next week, focus on moisturizing and soothing, and wear an anti redness primer.

    2. Can you ask your dermatologist for a low dose course of prednisone? Mine did this for me for acne before my wedding and it worked miracles. I believe I had 20mg/day for 5 days (the last day taking it being the day before the event)

    3. Ask your dermatologist or a very good spa that does facials. They might have something that can calm the inflammation.

    4. Congratulations on the award! Fellow retinoid user here. A few retinoid tips that have helped me (you may already be doing these, but in case):
      – apply no more than 2x per week if irritation gets bad
      -make sure face is totally dry before application
      -use super-gentle products – moisturizing face wash, sensitive-skin moisturizer, and sunscreen
      -a green-tinted primer can help correct redness
      People will be happy to see you win the award – their focus will be on that, not your face. I hope things clear up for you soon!

      1. Retina A user here as well and agree with all of this advice. (Do NOT go to a spa–you’re only introducing one more source of sensitivity.) I’d also add avoid exposure to sun and wind as much as possible. Drink lots of water. My derm has given injections to take down swelling of cystic acne, but that’s likely not what’s needed. The bigger issue when you’re ramping up is just being as gentle as you can with the skin as it sheds and heals.

    5. Make sure your hair (whatever you decide to do with it) is styled impeccably, and I’d probably distract with a bright lipstick. If your skin will tolerate a mask, Origins Clear Improvement mask is a lifesaver for me when I’ve got a bad breakout.

      1. Retin-A dryness is NOT the same as a breakout, though, I wouldn’t want to use anything on my face except a very gentle moisturizer.

    6. Blue tansy oil – I have one from Acure that I use a couple of days after I use my Curology lotion that has tretinoin in it. I think there are a few brands out there doing a blue tansy oil. It’s incredibly soothing and it cuts redness pretty quickly. Laneige Sleeping Water Mask is also helpful when my skin gets over-irritated from retinoids.
      As also suggested, you need to dial back on the Retin-A until after the event. If you keep using it, the irritation will continue.

    7. If this is an “in front of the whole company and the photos will be used in the future” I would book a professional makeup appointment. Obviously it would be great if you could get your skin to heal up in 1 week, but in case it doesn’t the makeup artist will be able to work wonders on making you look even feel confident.

    8. Gah adult acne is THE WORST and I swear sometimes the treatments are just as bad for moments. I have been there! In very client facing, public roles. My thoughts:
      – I think it’s too quick to start trying any other products or facials. Whatever you do might make it worse, and you don’t have time to course correct.
      – Dialing it back is a good idea, and use lots and lots of moisturizer/whatever has helped in the past.
      – Talking to your derm is a good idea. Mine prescribed a course of antibiotics in the middle of my accutane treatment to help get over the worst part of that purge.
      – I LOVE Flats Only idea of booking a professional makeup appointment. Like do this if at all possible. More than anything, good makeup helped my confidence significantly. I was never one for fancy/expensive makeup but broke down and visited a Sephora after a cyst burst in the middle of a conference and oozed for hours. Super fun time. Thank god for the Sephora sales associate who helped me get good products and helped me feel normal.

  7. Normally I really like Elizabeth’s picks, but I can’t get behind this one. I know this baby-doll cut is a “thing” but I find it juvenile at best and wildly unflattering to boot — having that seam run across the top of the bustline gives me the world’s droopiest-looking chest!

    1. I disagree, the seam is way above the breasts and won’t make your chest look droopy. I don’t have the world’s perkiest chest (nursed two babies) and I think this would look fine on me. It’s not really my style but I don’t think it would look terrible on me.

    2. I have big hips for my waist and need one of those stretchy belts to keep my pants up. So I like that I can wear this untucked and hide my stretchy belt. Now if I could find a good duplicate for a bit less . . .

    4. I’m with you on this one. I can’t get behind this as a professional look, though I wouldn’t fault someone else for wearing it. I’d feel too casual/cutesy.

      1. This is why I love the differing opinions here. I love a “fancy” top with an otherwise boring suit – makes me feel like less of a paper doll in business clothes.

    6. i love it but maybe not for work. I don’t think it would work with a suit. But for weekend day fun it would be cute. except all i wear is t-shirts on the weekends so there’s that………

    7. I think it’s absolutely adorable, and I’m an old lady. The color is not for me, though. And I’d pay up to $40 for it.

    8. This cut makes my large-for-my-frame chest look comically big. I call them milkmaid shirts because I feel like a dairy cow. It doesn’t make things look droopy, just… huge and gross.

      1. Agreed. I would never wear something like this, but is because it is going to make my 36DDD chest look huge and my stomach look bigger since it won’t come in after my chest. I was also going to question if it is really professional workwear, but I’m wearing jeans and a nice sweatshirt today so …

        1. I think it is workwear for a pear in a bus-casual office or casual office. I need bulk above the waist to balance out my hips :)

      2. I am really large of breast and I think a top like this looks great as long as it is tucked (or French tucked).

      3. Hmm, I’m 32DD, which seems kind of in the large for my frame department, and shirts like this do not look good on me, either. Maybe that’s why. I tried one from Loft in a beautiful olive color and I just looked so dumpy. Also the high, closed-in neckline doesn’t help.

        1. Also 32DD and this type of top does nothing for me, I need something that cinches a bit in the waist. With that said, this is a gorgeous color and I would love it in a different style.

  8. How do you get out of a fight with your SO? I feel our pattern has just become me expecting something basic from husband, him forgetting, me getting annoyed/ feeling not loved enough, him insisting each of his “goof ups” were not a pattern but just an incident that I’m over extrapolating, me sulking, him saying it’ll never happen again, me unhappy that he doesn’t go beyond that to help us get out of the funk that we’re both in. We continue being cold and annoyed with one another till we’re tired of doing that. Then rinse and repeat. I’ve a therapy appointment but that’s not for another 20 days, will greatly appreciate any thoughts/tips/experiences.

    1. I don’t date useless people who won’t do basic tasks of adult living and pout about it when I expect them to, let alone marry them. Just be mad. He’s being a bad husband.

        1. Exactly. It shows a real ignorance as to the fact that ‘basic tasks of adult living’ is not some universal magically applicable standard. Does the dishwasher have to be loaded and run every night or is it okay to leave a few dishes in the sink overnight? Do the sheets get changed every week or every second week? Does the floor need to be vacuum every night or once a week? Negotiating and agreeing to living standards is not always an easy task.

          2. Ok cool write me off because I think the amount of time and energy women spend coaxing and cajoling men into basic functionality is absurd. She’s asking how to fix this- I don’t think she should. She’s mad with good reason.

          3. This paragraph just made me feel like a pig, because (1) I load most dishes every night but only run the dishwasher about once a week, (2) try to change my sheets every other week, but doesn’t happen all the time, and (3) only vacuum like once a month.

            I suspect that if I was married to most of the readers here, they would be complaining that I don’t help clean enough and it would be because we had a different idea of how often things have to be done.

          4. I think some of the absolutists who post responses like “I wouldn’t put up with that” and “You should dump/divorce him” in response to any reported relationship issue are single people who may not have ever lived with an SO for any extended period of time. Married 20+ years and in my experience, marriage/living together is 100% about negotiation and picking your battles. People who have never lived with anyone for very long haven’t experienced this, so they post these knee-jerk responses. Making every single thing that happens in a relationship into a relationship-ending issue is a great way to spend the rest of one’s life alone, and also quite stressed.

            OP – counseling is a great idea; my husband and I went to counseling some years ago solely because we felt like we weren’t communicating well and wanted to learn better habits than the ones we had learned from our parents (in his case it was to shut down; in my case it was to explode). The therapist walked us through how to communicate needs, be explicit about the intent of why we said or asked something, and had us agree to always assume the other person was communicating from a place of best intentions. It took time to develop new habits but it really helped our marriage. My husband is a person who is not going to “just remember” things or anticipate my smaller needs; he needs to write things down on a to-do list and also I need to be explicit about asking for what I need. I think one of the biggest myths the media perpetuates about relationships is that when two people are in love, they will “just know” what the other person wants, all the time, and anticipate their every need. We used to be in a cycle of: I would mention that I felt like something needed to be done around the house, assuming that he knew that if I was mentioning it, I considered it an action item that needed to be completed. He assumed that it was just casual conversation, and would either do it or not – whatever he felt like doing. I would assume he was ignoring me/didn’t care about me; he would get confused because I hadn’t explicitly said “we need to do X.” It caused a lot of fights. In couples therapy we learned a new pattern: If I think something needs doing, I will explicitly say, “X needs to be done by Y.” He will then say “Let me put that on the to-do list” even if it’s something like “unload the dishwasher.” If I mention something without explicitly saying it needs to be done, he will proactively ask, “Are you saying we need to do this now, or are you talking more generally/abstractly?” and I will clarify. As I said, new habits take time but they’re worth developing. Sitting down when you’re not fighting or in the “cold shoulder” phase and talking calmly about what communication patterns work for you, and also how you want to clarify intent with each other, will probably go a long way.

          5. To Anon@10:32, That’s my baseline, too, but I up my game when sharing space with someone else. The downside is that for me at least, having people over means a few hours of getting my place presentable.

          6. “Ok cool write me off because I think the amount of time and energy women spend coaxing and cajoling men into basic functionality is absurd. She’s asking how to fix this- I don’t think she should. She’s mad with good reason.”
            As the first response to your original comment indicates, there’s a broad and nebulous definition of “basic functionality.” What I consider basically functional kitchen cleanliness my husband considers unbearable mess. It’s all a negotiation and it requires communication to resolve. And even if OP is justified in being mad (and she might be), tell me how sitting and pouting and being mad helps her or helps her relationship? What good does that do? Let me tell you from experience, it’s not very fun being around people who sulk and hold grudges rather than collaboratively figuring out a way to proactively solve a problem. I choose to avoid those types of people at all costs. Either you’re part of the problem or you’re part of the solution. Sounds like OP wants to create a solution. If your relationships are working despite you seeming to want to stew in your own anger and not figure out functional solutions when you have a problem – good for you, I guess.

      2. Man. I hope you’re selling time machines, 933 anon, because otherwise you’re just being the literal worst.

        1. Oh sure that’s a thought. Actually I think her feelings are valid and she should feel them and sit with them instead of trying even harder to make up for someone who isn’t trying.

          1. So that’s why you assumed her partner was “useless” and “incapable of basic tasks of adult living” and a “bad husband?” Maybe you need to sit with the fact that people are calling you out on your rudeness instead of trying to defend it.

          3. Yeah or I could not. I’m not upset about this I just think it’s a shame people have decided there’s only one way to comment, only one way to help.

          4. You’re not helping! You’re drawing really severe conclusions based on minimal information and being horribly rude at the same time! Your follow up comments aren’t really demonstrating good intentions or basic consideration and compassion–just hostility and a need to be correct over anything else.

      3. Yeah sorry but this. I have so many friends who are going through stuff like this. It’s sad. Idk what it is, but it’s like as soon as a man moves in with a woman, he just stops doing basic household stuff that he did when he lived alone. Like I have been to your house! I know you know how to wash dishes! Why did you suddenly stop doing that when you moved in with my friend?? It is not that the women are too picky or want things done a certain way or at a certain time, I’m so tired of hearing that, it’s that these men assume a woman will take care of it so why should they bother. Sorry but I don’t want to live with someone who makes my life harder.

        2. Why on earth do they move in with people who they can’t agree about housekeeping with? Do they not discuss division of household chores before they move in? Like that’s basic roommate stuff – it has nothing to do with romantic relationships.

          1. Obviously it doesn’t start out that way or they wouldn’t. I see a couple of things. One, by the time you’re moving in with someone, you’re spending a lot of time at each other’s places. You get into a cleaning routine and you figure that’s going to continue when you move in together so no one thinks to bring it up. Then you move in and he just does nothing. Alternatively, they do talk about and agree on a chore split, maybe he sticks to it for a while, but eventually it falls by the wayside. It starts off small – you see a glass so you pick it up, then he realizes oh hey I don’t have to do stuff and it still gets done!, so he does less and less over time.

            I also see problems with changed circumstances – it’s really hard to change the rules once you’ve established a pattern. Say, when they move in together she’s still in school and he’s working FT. She does more chores because she has time and no income. Then she gets a biglaw job and he balks at the notion that now he has to do the bulk of the chores. Or, she puts up with doing most of the chores because she’s the one that really prefers a clean house so it’s only fair right? Until they have kids and she’s solely responsible for cleaning up after them too, and when she asks for help he’s all, what no cleaning is your job, my job is mowing the lawn and changing the oil and that totally equals daily cleaning.

          2. Honestly, i think a lot of times the woman in the relationship does do the basic household chores during the dating phase. I am hearing a few of my good friends now talk about doing stuff like this (laundry, dishes, general tiding up) and it seems like they perceive this as part of “earning” the relationship or “winning” the guy over. Then, they get married and are annoyed that the man has fallen into a patten of expecting his stuff to be cleaned and put away.

      4. Why are you assuming that she’s talking about basic tasks like chores and that he’s an incompetent adult who needs to be cajoled into “basic functionality”? OP didn’t state that the issues had anything to do with basic tasks of adult living. Maybe it does, but you jumped to that conclusion so that you could make a snarky post that insults both OP and her husband. Just stop. No one benefits from this.

    2. One thing that helped us is having clearly defined responsibilities for household chores. When we used to do “whoever notices the trash takes it out“, it wouldn’t happen until I did it or he did at the gross stage. Now my husband is responsible for trash 100% of the time and knows that I do not want to be involved in managing the process whatsoever. This has resolved a lot of our issues and I think it works better for his brain, which is less rigid than mine but affected by ADHD. Our general guideline is that we each do the chores that we don’t detest. Fortunately I don’t detest laundry and he doesn’t detest doing dishes.

      1. This is also how we do it. I don’t even know how the washing machine in our new house works, since laundry is DH’s responsibility. I do most of the cooking.
        It is helpful if each task either has a well-defined deadline (trash gets taken out at least on Sunday before we roll the bins out to the street, hubs will run out of his favorite clothes if he delays laundry for too long) or, if there is no good deadline, then to have the person doing be the one that cares more (he also maintains our pretty large garden, but I know that he gets to it when he gets to it and that works for me).

      2. +1 for a task list and clear communication of expectations. We went through and labeled all the chores that need to get done and voluntarily put our names next to tasks we generally do and don’t hate doing. First, it made me realize that I may feel like I pull a lot of weight in the household, but he does a lot that I hate doing. And there are always exceptions. Cooking is my thing, but I may have a really long day and need to ask for help or say “hey go order a pizza”
        It’s not the most romantic thing in the world, but if you share a dwelling with someone, you have to be clear about who does what in that dwelling. Would you expect a non-romantic roommate to read your mind and attend to mutual chores.

    3. Ha, timely, I’m in a stupid funk right now with my husband. We almost never fight, but we also lack a framework for getting out of stuff. He totally shuts down and I need to talk it out. I always feel like I’m the one who has to extend the olive branch so this time I’m just….not, which is very immature and I feel dumb about it.

    4. Oh man this is me with so many exes. I’m mildly annoyed at Thing They Did, but I’m MAD that they deny/excuse/minimize Thing and tell me I’m wrong to be annoyed or to talk to them about it. Then they pretend I’m MAD about Thing and not about their reaction, and I get EVEN MORE MAD that they’re being intentionally obtuse and making me out to be a crazy person who overreacts to Thing instead of just admitting that Thing is annoying and trying to do better. It sounds like you’re in a similar pattern, but instead of getting MAD you sulk, which is probably equally ineffective.

      The key here isn’t Thing, it’s this – “him insisting each of his “goof ups” were not a pattern but just an incident that I’m over extrapolating”. If his boss or coworker told him, “hey I’ve noticed this pattern of small mistakes in your work – if it was one it might be nbd but it’s a lot of the same type of thing and that’s a problem,” would he respond, nah you’re overthinking it. Of course not. Like his colleagues, you are also an adult human who deserves to be taken seriously when you say there’s a problem. It’s basic respect.

    5. You might want to check out Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson. Within your post, you talk about an “assumption.” Assumptions are tricky because you think that you know what the other person sees and understands what needs to be done. Reading the entirety of your post, it sounds more like the assumptions “miss” is a more general lack of connectivity and engagement between you both. You are expressing your concerns, and he is dismissing them–that cycle will repeat itself until one or both of you change the conversation. You don’t say what the “goof ups” are, but it is clear that these goof ups have the effect of making you feel unloved/ uncared for. Instead of discussing the “goof up” discuss your feelings and explain how his “goof up” has an impact that is then magnified by his dismissal of your concerns (because that actually reinforces your unloved feelings).

      1. I don’t disagree with this. But I fear that this discussion has been had already, repeatedly. And if that’s the case, he is telling you that he doesn’t care about your concerns and he is not going to change his response. And then you need to decide whether it’s a dealbreaker or whether you can live with it as the price of admission to the relationship. Unless you want to have this same fight forever.

    6. If it’s a pattern, it’s a pattern and explaining away individual instances is counterproductive.

      Could you talk to him at a time when you’re not in a fight and see if the two of you can work together to brainstorm a solution to the issues? My husband used to have a problem with forgetting non-routine tasks he said he would take care of (get oil changed, research insurance rates, call cc company about unexpected fee, etc.). The solution we came up with was to keep a joint to do list in G00gle Keep and go through it together once a week. I was already keeping a to do list, but he was not and approaching it as a joint problem and solution was enough to get his buy in.

    7. Maybe not the question you are asking, but we all have expectations of our partner that may be internalized that we have never expressed directly. For example, I expect flowers on my birthday because my dad always did that for my mom. However, my partner has no reason to know that unless I tell him. Also, dad had a set chore list, mom had a set of chores also…I have carried those into my relationship now, but my partner has a totally different set of role expectations from growing up and past relationships.

      The key is very clearly stating your expectations in a relationship- I expect you to do yard work, wash your own clothes, etc.

    8. This is us! I think there are two parts to the question … how to get out of the immediate funk, and how to “resolve” the issue that caused it.

      For the first, lsw says it well … someone has to extend the olive branch and it kind of sucks when it’s always you. It can feel like conceding, but it doesn’t have to. He’s ridiculous, but there’s something Dr. Phil said that has always stuck with me … “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” I try to remind myself of what I love about my husband and how quickly this life goes and how much time we’re wasting being cold to each other. And that is usually enough to extend some warmth, which is always gratefully received, and then we can move on to the 2nd part …

      And that’s much harder. I don’t have advice for that part, because we still haven’t figured out how to reset our pattern and not have the same fight we always do …

      Good luck. Give him a hug, tell him you’re still frustrated but that you love him.

    9. Omg the time policing around here. I’d rather read one or two snarky responses than scores of virtue signaling responses about how other posters would do it better.

      1. Haha Time Police.
        Just make sure y’all don’t step on any butterflies…

      4. I don’t think telling someone it’s rude to call someone else’s husband a bad person is tone policing. Maybe it’s content-policing, but I’m fine with that. Otherwise you might go through life thinking that it’s okay to treat people like sh*t because no one ever challenges you on it. If you still want to treat people like sh*t, that’s your right, but at least you can no longer claim ignorance about the negative impact on others.

      5. This place is by far the worst for tone policing. Everybody here is so sensitive, I honestly wonder how they manage to cope in the real world.

      6. I agree. Once in a blue moon a comment is truly out of line and deserves to be called out (like I think maybe once someone suggested another commenter should kill themselves) but the majority of the comments that people get upset about are somewhere between brusque but fair and rude/snarky. They may not be especially pleasant, but they’re really not that big a deal and not hard to ignore. The constant “we can do better” discussions are exhausting.

        1. Funny, I find dealing with a bunch of women who are obviously unhappy and frustrated in their real lives, and choose to constantly take it out on people they don’t know online, to be exhausting. Common courtesy may not be all that common anymore but it’s also not rocket science. Those of you who don’t like being “tone policed” here are free to go hang out on Reddit and 4Chan, where I assure you you won’t be policed. Those places are full of hostile, unhappy people who have no emotional self-control online; you’ll feel right at home.

  9. Help me decide whether to accept an offer to go in house? I’m currently a senior associate in a small office in biglaw. I’m told I should make partner next year (though who knows). Book is just barely six figures, which is a problem. I like the work but hate the hours. I’m overwhelmed; the downside of being good at your job is that you’re everyones go-to. No one else in my office has the caseload I do, but we don’t have enough mid level or senior associates to push work to, so I hand off work to the income partners when I need help. It’s not functional and everyone seems to know it needs to change but so far nothing has been done.

    On the plus side, the office is a ghost town after 5. No one seems to work nights and weekends as often as I do. Start time is pretty flexible, they’re grudgingly ok with working from home periodically, plenty of partners regularly work remotely. Vacations are respected. I have good mentors who seem empathetic to what I’m going through but they haven’t really helped yet. I’m wondering if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel – if I make partner next year maybe I’ll have more freedom to turn down work and focus on building my book?

    I have an offer to go in house. It would be a pay cut of about $30k base. Longer commute (about 45 mins) start time is 8 am (meetings often start at 8) and people stay until 6. The start time plus commute would effectively eliminate my early morning workout routine, and the end time plus commute would make it tough to work out in the evenings. I’m a litigator (and I like litigation) and the role involves regularly appearing before administrative boards. Outside counsel can be hired as needed, but you have to make a case for it. I’m passingly familiar with the work but I haven’t done much of it, so it’s a totally new area of law. One catch – there are two people in this role and both have left or are leaving soon. The company is hiring for both positions. I wouldn’t have a peer to ask questions of and I’ve heard my potential boss is a great person but maybe not great at training. Weekend work is infrequent but sometimes needed. I’m tempted to take it; I would still get to litigate, plus it’s so hard for litigators to find in house positions – even if this position ends up being a bust, I’d have experience in an area of law that’s more attractive to other companies than what I’m currently doing. What should I do?

    1. Longer commute, less money, crappier hours…that doesn’t seem like a great offer to me. Is there an option C, wait for another in-house offer?

    2. Keep looking. Don’t leave a good that is perfectly okay with some solid upsides for one that isn’t any better.

    3. Doesn’t sound great. I’d wait a year or two and see if you make partner and staffing changes at all. Since you like litigation and are okay with a pay cut, have you considered government instead?

    4. As someone who has a three hour round trip commute, don’t sign up for that commute.

    5. If going in-house is your goal, and you’re a litigator, I’d take it. That sounds a little typical – set-ish hours, but those are your hours and then you’re done for the day/week. I’m also always amazed by the 45 minutes is a long commute comments, mostly out of jealousy – I live less than 10 miles from my office and 45 minutes is a normal commute each way for me. I just listen to podcasts or take calls on the road, it’s not a waste of time. At bottom, getting in-house offers aren’t easy and it can be a great move long-term career wise. The conventional wisdom I was told is take any offer for your first in-house job and get picky on the second move, and I think that holds true. I also found comp is pretty easy to make up over time, but try negotiating for a signing bonus to make up the difference in year one.

      1. Aren’t you in the Bay Area? I don’t think 45 minute commutes are expected/typical anywhere except there. (Not to say no one outside CA has that long a commute, but you can generally find a much shorter commute if it’s a priority.)

        1. I don’t think this is right. I’ve lived in a Boston suburb and a NYC suburb and 45 min is standard.

        2. I think it is a pretty standard commute for any large city. 45 minutes was common among the people I knew living in NYC and DC. I suspect, but don’t have as much first hand knowledge, that it is pretty common in Chicago, Boston, and Huston too. Heck, 45 minutes would not have been considered outside the norm when I grew up in a smaller Midwest city.

          1. Larger Midwestern city and a 45 minute commute is very normal, but I (and many of my colleagues) also live 20-30 miles away from the office.

          2. Chicago suburb and drive ~20 miles to work – typically 35-45 mins. I’d say it’s relatively common to have this type of commute.

          3. I live 12 miles away in Chicago suburb, and with a 22-32 minute train ride, my total commute is still close to an hour. 1 mile walk/drive/bike to train (I allow 15-20 mins), 10-15 minute walk from train to office. I find a less than 45 minute commute hard to imagine anywhere in Chicago unless you live in the loop/west loop/river north. Even then a walking commute could easily be 20-25 mins

        3. I am, and I know it’s common elsewhere to have shorter commutes or at least the possibility of them. I’m just saying that while that’s nice, a 45 minute commute isn’t the literal worst and is worth considering for the right job.

      2. Shoot I meant to insert a note about the commute – it’s currently 45 minutes (not awesome but could be worse) but there will soon be a huge, multi-year construction project that will shut down or severely limit the only reasonable route. I have no clue what the commute will be then. Over an hour certainly.

        1. London has terrible commutes. I live in NYC and I was shocked by the commutes when I visited my relatives. My commute is <20 minutes by subway, 30 minutes walking and <10 minutes by cab.

          2. Yeah that must be a within manhattan commute. Most NYC workers commute a lot longer than that.

    6. The position doesn’t sound awesome, but is there ever such a thing as a “perfect” job? And I just wanted to say that I find your comment about how hard it is to move in house as a litigator interesting…. I am a commercial real estate attorney looking to move away from big law and it seems like 60%+ of the jobs I see posted are job opportunities for litigators.

    7. If you don’t want to be a partner forever (or have any doubt that you’ll make partner or have doubts as to whether your life improves as partner), I’d take it. EVERY in house job will be a pay cut from biglaw — there’s just no way around it given biglaw salaries right now. But as you know, in house jobs are HARD to come by so if you want it, take it, even if it isn’t perfect. This is especially true given that this job will at least make you more marketable for other in house gigs. The first in house job is the hardest to get because most people don’t have the exact right skill set coming out of biglaw + when cos. look to hire they tend to want someone from another in house role.

    8. I am a litigator and went in-house with a government agency for a couple of years. I didn’t love the work but it was much more low key and less stress. I ended up leaving because the administrative hearings I’d expected to cover (and therefore scratch my litigation itch) didn’t pan out. I missed litigation. Now I’m back in litigation and miss the low stress in-house work. I think eventually I’ll move in-house again but in the meantime I’m back to litigation and enjoying it for the most part.

      1. What is in-house with a government agency? I’m a government lawyer and never thought of myself as “in-house.” I guess I think of that term as describing corporate work.

        1. in-house versus outside litigation counsel. In my state, the agencies are representing by the AG in litigation matters and the in-house counsel have a mostly transactional practice.

    9. No advice on your overall dilemma but just want to mention that its doable to find a workout routine that works with those hours and a long commute. I’d scope out the gym / workout options near your would-be new office. I have a long commute and similar hours and have been able to make time to workout by seeking out classes and running trails near my office. Going before or after work also cuts down on the time I spend commuting to/from my house because I am driving at non-peak hours (i.e. a commute that normally is 45 minutes to an hour, is reduced to 30 minutes).

      1. That’s exactly what I do. Morning commute isn’t too bad (about 35 minutes) but afternoon can be much longer. I joined a gym 4 minutes from my office (literally that close) and go there and do my thing and by the time I leave, traffic is much better. I’ll also do errands and grocery shopping on the way home – I still get home “late” but at least I’ve accomplished something besides sitting in traffic. And then I don’t have to do those things on the weekend.

        But I also have a pretty chill job and if I need to leave a little early to get somewhere or get home, it’s not a big deal. Can’t speak to the salary issue, but flexibility is also something to consider.

    10. I feel like the decision about going in-house should be separated from the decision about taking this new job, which sounds like a crappy downgrade with no upside.

      1. Agreed – maybe go in-house in the future, but you don’t need to jump to this job, which sounds not that great.
        I will say that the paycut seems pretty reasonable. I took a MUCH larger cut to go from firm to in-house.

    11. If you enjoy litigation I would never take an in-house job as a litigator. From speaking with several friends, they simply manage outside litigation counsel and don’t do any of the brief writing, court appearances, etc. themselves. To me, as someone who loves litigation, I would find it incredibly boring. I would stay put now and look for a litigation role in government.

      1. For those who do in-house litigation, are you actually doing any litigating or just managing outside counsel? The latter has always been my understanding but curious to hear from others.

  10. If you had 3-4 days to see Scotland by car (leaving from Edinburgh) where would you go? #1 goal is scenery, but we can’t do any serious hiking due to a 2 year old and a 70 year old man (who are about at the same physical fitness level…). Short easy walks are good. We’ll be traveling in June, I just like planning ahead :)

    1. Try the Fort William area. It has stunning scenery with walks of varying degrees of difficulty in Ben Nevis and Glencoe, but it’s a big enough town that there’s a little more going on than just the scenery. You’re also close to other cute stuff like Oban (seaside town, stroll along the promenade and eat some seafood) and Glenfinnan (see the Harry Potter train if that’s a thing you’d be into).

      1. Yes, yes, yes! We honeymooned in Fort William and we took day trips from there. Take the A8 over to Glasgow and then follow the A82 up to Fort William. Breathtaking scenery the entire way. There are lovely little spots to stop and see pools and such all along the A82 – we randomly stopped at one in Arrochar and were completely charmed. Just look for the roadside signs like you would in the States announcing that there’s a pull-off ahead.

        If you’d like to see a distillery up close and personal, the McDonald one in Fort William is great. They’re not a big, fancy corporate one – so you get to see how it really works (and smells – we didn’t realize one portion while things are fermenting is quite pungent ha).

        I personally didn’t care that much for Edinburgh castle (I know, I know), but I loved seeing Holyrood Palace (QEII’s official residence).

        Oh, and one more tip. Of course when you’re traveling, food is expensive and you don’t always want a sit-down meal. For truly delicious grab-and-go sandwiches and chips, head inside their Co-Op stores. They’re a grocery store, but you’ll often see mini Co-Ops at gas stations. We ate Co-Op sandwiches and their delicious potato chips (crisps?) for lunch every day once we discovered them!

        Oh, one more thing: the Scots have public restrooms scattered throughout the countryside – just look for the signs. If you go into a gas station and head to the back looking for a restroom, you won’t find it :)

      1. I drove to Skye and back from Glasgow in 4 days. Skye was gorgeous… but it might be a lot of time in a car for a toddler. I think there’s an airport in Inverness? Skye might be doable if you want to fly and rent a car up there.

    3. Do you already have St. Andrews in your trip? I tend to think it’s a can’t miss, and you could easily spend a couple days there.
      Other than that, Isle of Skye is easily one of the most beautiful, breathtaking places I’ve ever been, and I did basically no hiking. If you’re already seeing St. Andrews, or if you’ve got 4 (but maybe not 3) days, I’d be tempted to squeeze both in. Skye is clear on the other side of the country from St. Andrews and Edinburgh, but the drive isn’t too long and the drive itself is gorgeous.

      1. Yeah, St Andrews would be fun. Lots of cute cafes, and the castle and monastery ruins are beautiful. If you want to have a toddler meet-up I’m in Edinburgh and know all the good spots :)

      2. Possibly a day trip to St. Andrews, but no overnight there. I think I’m only going to have 3ish days in Edinburgh and want to make sure I see that city well.
        Cb, I would love a toddler meet-up!! I will contact you when it gets closer.

    4. Drive up to Inverness and use it as a base to see the Highlands. You can see Loch Ness, Culloden, various castles that aren’t too much for a toddler and a 70 year old man. Just driving around up there is amazing. Alternatively, take a train up and rent a car there. We did the opposite of this last year (train from London to Inverness, several days in the Highlands, then drove to Edinburgh). I can recommend a great Airbnb in the Inverness area.

      Edinburgh itself is also beautiful, and I wouldn’t hesitate to budget a day there at least.

    5. Two days in Edinburgh is plenty, definitely go to st Andrews! I would go to Glasgow and Loch Lomond then up through Glencoe to Fort William as others have suggested. Plenty to see on the way past Loch Lomond and as you go up Glencoe lots of good spots to stop and see things from the road. I would go to Oban over Inverness and wouldn’t try and squeeze Skye in, its gorgeous but does need a few days. I think Stirling Castle is far better than Edinburgh and Perth is lovely, Pitlochry and Dunkeld (the hermitage) would both have flat walks.

  11. I am about to go on the job market, and I have a really stupid LinkedIn question. Whom am I supposed to be adding? People I know who don’t work in my field? People I don’t know who do? Both?

    1. People you have had some professional contact with – e.g., those who you met at industry networking events, potentially opposing or co-counsel, maybe college or current friends (this is kind of a YMMV one – I do even when they are folks I know from kids school who I don’t interact with professionally, but figure I might be able to ask in the future “hey, I see you know [actual industry connection] at a company I’m interviewing at … would you be willing to connect us?”]

    2. I added a bunch of college and grad school classmates when I first joined. Currently I only friend request colleagues or clients or other people I’ve worked with professionally. I will accept a request from someone who’s an old classmate or friend but not a professional contact. I do not accept requests from people I don’t know.

    3. people you actually know!!! i despise getting invites from randoms. I have a big enough network that I do not want to connect with people i don’t actually know, unless for some reason they are well-known in my field or something (but those people generally don’t send creeper requests).

    4. Only people you know, whether in your field or not. I decline all invitations from people I haven’t met (in most cases they want to sell me something – financial planning etc).

    5. I definitely connect with people I haven’t met. They’re not going to reach through the screen and grab you. I do avoid financial planners and insurance salesmen because they will hound you with sales pitches. But I absolutely connect with other lawyers or compliance professionals in the area who are in-house and have things in common with me. It often leads to networking opportunities which is helpful for my career (and hopefully theirs too). A random LinkedIn request led to a coffee which led to a good contact for bench marking.

  12. Vacation ideas? I would like to take my mother on a vacation with our family in the next year. She is 63 years old, but had very intense cancer treatment that left her physically weak, so she can’t do a lot of walking or climbing stairs. She likes cities more than nature and would NOT like to just sit on the beach all day. We would also be traveling with my children–ages 19, 11, and 8. We live near a major airport and would prefer to keep this a domestic trip. Ideas??

    2. this seems tricky because to me cities usually = walking. can she walk around a museum or something? LA is a driving city, so that might work. You would obviously get out of the car for various excursions. We loved Charleston, and you can do like a horse and carriage tour instead of a walking tour and it is a very flat city.

      1. Most cities have buses you can ride – both regular city buses and also tourist “hop on, hop off” buses that connect major tourist sites. Something like the hop on/hop off might be perfect for her mom.

    3. What does she like? If food, I second the above suggestions (or SF). If art museums or theater, maybe NYC or Chicago?

    4. Taos, Chicago, Miami… Maybe also try to make arrangements to rent locally a scooter or other accessibility device to make city or site wandering easier

    5. If you can rent a scooter it’s worth it. My mother was reluctant a first but she enjoys things so much more now when she’s not tired/in pain or worrying she’s slowing people down.

    6. Honestly, this sounds like the perfect time for a cruise. She can pick and chose activities on board, how often to get off, and the scenery will move around her even on deck. Plenty of activities for the kids, including supervision. No cooking or cleaning for anyone.

    7. Honestly, this sounds like the perfect time for a cruise. She can pick and chose activities on board, how often to get off, and the scenery will move around her even on deck. Plenty of activities for the kids, including supervision. No cooking or cleaning for anyone.

  13. Ok, help. I took a new job, which overall is great and I love it. But my cube is bordered by two heavy smokers, and it is driving me crazy. Obviously they don’t smoke inside, but every time they come in from outside it’s like an assault. I’m very sensitive to cigarette smoke, so at times literally my eyes water from the smell. What can I do? Any tips for keeping the smell away from me?

    2. Request a different cubicle without delay. I’d talk to your supervisor first and then HR if needed. I wouldn’t phrase it as “I’m sensitive to smoke,” but “The exposure to thirdhand smoke from Bob and Joe is causing physical symptoms, including headaches and watering eyes, and I’m afraid I can’t keep working effectively in this cubicle. Are there any other cubes I can move to?”

      2. I agree with this phrasing, except I’d ask “how can I move my workspace?” rather than if there are any available cubicles.

        regular thirdhand smoke exposure caused me to become very ill and nearly landed me in the hospital.

      1. No, do NOT try to mask it with Febreze or some godawful scented candle. This is a health hazard and it won’t be helped by pumping artificial, irritating fragrances into the air too.

      2. Ewww, no, that’s a terrible idea and really rude to everybody else who works there.

    5. My handwriting has never been beautiful but it’s legible and hasn’t gotten worse. I write in a mix of cursive and print, proportions of the two depending on my mood and the phase of the moon. I was at my parent’s house this weekend and wrote a message in a birthday card to my very young cousin, prompting my mom to ask if said cousin would be able to read the cursive. I rolled my eyes, but for some reason I really want my potential future kids to learn cursive? I think dexterity is important and we need to do more with our hands and not less.

  14. This is a random question, but does anyone notice that their handwriting had getting worse since they started working? I’m slightly older, so all my note taking in college was on paper but I switched to a laptop for law school. Since I’ve been working over the last 10 years, I rarely write anymore. I’ve always had messy handwriting, but I think it has actually gotten worse over the last few years. I have to really try to have neat handwriting or no one else will be able to read it and even I can’t sometimes. Is this just common? Something I should work on?

    1. I don’t even think this is about work vs. school, I think this is just about the fact that we all write much less than we used to. Gone are the days of filling blue books for exams or even writing out a grocery list on paper — so of course that skill that you don’t practice gets worse. For me I at least write when I take notes in meetings (which is often in law), but even so I’m much slower at it than when I was taking notes all day every day — i.e. school.

      1. … people don’t write out their grocery list on paper? I mean, I don’t bring the paper with me, I take a picture of it with my phone, but still. Don’t judge me.

        1. Not the person you’re responding to, but ours is a google doc so we can share it. Paper seems hard if both people want to add to it.

          1. Random but check out Google Keep. It loads so much faster on my phone that Docs, and you can do checkboxes. Same sharing etc.

        2. Same. We keep a paper shopping list in a drawer in the kitchen. We’ve tried various electronic solutions but the paper is tried and true, and it’s organized by the aisle of the grocery store, which makes everything a lot faster.

          Also, there’s no cell signal in our most frequently used grocery store – wtf Safeway.

          1. Agreed. We typed out a standard grocery list several years ago, organized by section (vegetables, fruit, dairy etc) , which we print out every week. Then we circle by hand the specific items on that list we need for the week and take it to the grocery store. That way nothing gets forgotten.

    2. I wish the main partner I work for would think about his handwriting. Ever time I get work back from him, its covered in handwritten notes which take me ages to decode. I’m getting better at translating, but its hard to work out some words that seem to be missing half the letters and the remaining letters look like they’re from a different alphabet.

    3. I feel like I write fairly often…and that my handwriting is pretty good. I take paper notes in meetings, write to-do lists for myself, and yep, even use a magnetic notepad on the side of the fridge for a grocery list.

      I wonder how much of this is at least partly generational… I’m 37 and I find unearthing my phone from my purse, unlocking it, scrolling to the right app, opening the right document (and, in the case of grocery shopping in particular, repeating the unlock-open process constantly throughout my shopping trip) to be tedious.

      1. I’m 30 and I find it tedious too. I also have grown to hate having my phone in my hand as much as I do.

      2. 39 yr old who writes the majority of things out by hand also – including grocery lists, meeting notes, etc. I have a very hard time remembering things unless I hand write them.

      4. I’m 37, too, and agree with all of this.
        There is something about physically crossing out an item on a list that is just so satisfying.
        I build business cases often, and sometimes even use white paper or a white board to work through the math of something. Yes, there is Excel, but for the general logic I prefer paper.

        I use Google Keep for the list of tasks for my cleaner, as I can easily add/remove things and share by text, and for random lists where I need to copy things, e.g. saving a book title to order it from my local library portal

      5. 29, have impeccable handwriting, write everything down, I meal plan and make grocery lists on paper. Also use a paper planner and write all of my work notes in notebooks.

  15. Those of you who still send paper invitations for things, what are your favorite sources? We throw a Christmas party every year, and my usual stationery sources seem a little flat this year. (I imagine companies don’t put as much effort into designing them as they used to.) Bonus points if it’s a) on the less expensive side since we invite everybody and their brother and b) I can edit it myself online.

      1. +1 We used Minted for our save the dates and wedding invites. I didn’t want to spend a fortune on them, and I still thought they came out really nicely.

  16. I want to thank the person who recommended the Ervet duvet system. We’ve been using it for a week and it’s lifechaning! No more midnight wakeups to unburrito husband to steal the blanket back.

    1. Can I ask what insert combo you got and what you think about the weight? I’m torn between getting the mid-lightweight and all-season (I’m a cold sleeper).

  17. I have certain people I meet with who no-show on scheduled meetings all the d*mn time. Is there a tactful way to confirm meetings? I want to confirm a meeting today because I might WFH this afternoon if the meeting isn’t happening and I suspect it isn’t because the person’s Outlook calendar says they’re out of office. But “I was creeping on your calendar and noticed you’re OOO” is weird, right?

    1. I would message all attendees (and/or their assistants) and ask for confirmation.

    2. I think you’re overthinking. Just send an email the day before or whatever: “Just confirming our meeting tomorrow at 2 p.m., I’ll come by your office as we discussed. Please let me know if this time no longer looks for you, look forward to our discussion.” If this is someone who uses Outlook calendar, would it be very out-of-sync with your office culture to send them an invite, if you think that would help keep it on their radar so they either show up or reschedule in advance?

    3. If your Outlook calendars are public, I don’t think it’s creepy to say, “Hi Person, I wanted to confirm our meeting scheduled for this afternoon. I noticed that your calendar shows you as out of office, so please let me know as soon as possible if you’re not available for the meeting.”

      1. I think this script is fine even without tipping your hand. “Hi Susan, just confirming that we’re still on for this afternoon.”

      2. Yes, this is totally fine. I have definitely made the mistake of accepting a meeting on a PTO day because I forgot I had PTO (usually for something unexciting like daycare closure). I always appreciate it someone notices and asks (although I don’t expect it and will call in if I failed to decline).

    4. I would address the underlying issue. “Hey Susan, this is the fourth confirmed meeting that you’ve missed without notice. If you aren’t able to make a meeting, I need you to decline it and/or email me in advance so I can manage my schedule accurately. Thanks.”

      1. Unfortunately these people are my internal clients of sorts, so I really can’t take that tone. But it’s super frustrating and I feel so disrespected by them, which is really messing with my job satisfaction :/

    5. I’d do a “I’ve noticed these meetings have had some conflicts lately and I want to be sure everyone is able to attend. Can you confirm today’s meeting?” It’s a more subtle way of saying I noticed folks keep blowing this off while maintaining respect. If it’s something where you can move forward without all of the group or not also would influence how I’d approach. If you can’t move forward without them, I’d also note this “in the interest of group schedules” or some sort of thing. And, not that this is a reason because heavens knows I’ve had people blow of m meeting, but I’d revisit whether the meeting is needed. Can folks get the same info with an email or two? If it is needed, can you keep it tighter? And can you do a more detailed agenda with timing so they can better appreciate what they are missing? Sometimes I think it’s easy for folks to start double booking if they feel like they don’t “need” to be there. Never hurts to remind them of the value.

      1. These are one on one meetings, scheduled by the people who keep cancelling. I would MUCH rather do this over email, but they’re really into scheduling recurring meetings and then forgetting to show up.

  18. Can a Bostonite advise? I have meetings in Boston tomorrow and Thursday with lawyers, judges, and an accounting firm. Are black tights and booties with a low heel ok, or will I look too wintery?

    1. The high tomorrow is low 60s and it’ll be sunny! I’d go with heels, no tights.

    2. Can’t speak to the specific legal spin, but I’m in Big Finance and that’s what I have on today. You’ll fit right in.

    3. Following up to say keep an eye on the weather. I’m hearing rumblings about nasty wind and rain tomorrow into Thursday. It’s par for the course around here this time of year so I don’t pay much attention to anything but the morning-of forecast, but as you’re packing ahead you should take that into consideration.

      1. Thank you! Coming from the South so no idea what to expect and trying to avoid my usual “put everything I own into my suitcase and deal with it each morning” approach!

        1. I’m at the airport headed back south from Boston right now. I wore long sleeved dresses with tights and heels. One day I went bare legged and was cold but was mostly inside for a conference. When I did got outside for dinner, I just added a scarf but would have take a coat if it was more than a block walk. I can relate to what to pack since I hadn’t seen 50 degrees since last spring.

Comments are closed.