Coffee Break – Calfskin Belt

48 Comments

1. Audrey Talbott is a great brand for professional wear.

2. Eek, I know it’s silly if you already wear leather, but something about calfskin just bothers the hell out of me. Babies/kids shouldn’t be killed, imo. At least let the creature grow to adulthood. Same with veal.

   Oh well.

   1. I’m the same way. No problems with leather and I love a good steak, but I can’t picture hitting a baby calf in the head with a bolt just so I can have more tender meat. He should have a chance at life, even if it’s just in a cattle yard.

   2. I completely agree!

3. Sierra Trading Post is great though somewhat random in what they have.

   1. I sometimes use it for random retail therapy purchases as in “if they have the perfect pair of brown boots for under $75 in my size I get to buy them!” Its like a little lottery or something and I get to see if I “win” (by “getting” to spend my money).

      OK, I’m crazy – but it does make my day a little more fun when work has been killing me.

   2. I just ordered two London Fog trenches from STP this weekend. I’ve never bought anything from them before, but they seem to have a lot of discount codes on retail me not, some of which are stackable.

   3. I bought a beautiful Lafayette 148 suit there for a fraction of the price. It’s odd that you can buy suits and camping equipment on the same site but as long as the deals are good…

4. Threadjack! My cousin is having a bridal shower and I can’t attend (though I am attending the wedding). I already bought a wedding gift from the registry–is it appropriate to buy the bridal shower gift from there as well? Or should I just send a check and a card? I haven’t seen this cousin in about ten years, but I’d like to do something nice. Any thoughts?

   1. Several people bought a registry gift for my shower and I was happy because they were things I could use; however, I like practical gifts so if she’s more sentimental YMMV.

   2. My favorite gifts were cash!

      But I don’t think it is a faux pas at all to buy a shower gift from the registry.

   3. You can’t go wrong with a registry gift or cash, but for a shower, an actual present seems more in order since people sometimes open the gifts in front of guests (opening envelope after envelope of cash doesn’t have the same effect as tupperware, I think.)

      IMHO, the less thoughtful thing would be to buy and send a present that is not from her registry – unless it is incredibly meaningful to her and you KNOW she’d love it. I hated getting non-registry gifts that were completely at odds with my taste (think crystal knick-knacks).

      1. IMHO, the less thoughtful thing would be to buy and send a present that is not from her registry – unless it is incredibly meaningful to her and you KNOW she’d love it. I hated getting non-registry gifts that were completely at odds with my taste (think crystal knick-knacks).
         

         Eh, I mean, everyone prefers getting gifts that are to their taste, but I kind of hate the attitude that it’s somehow rude and unthoughtful to put effort into choosing a gift you think someone will like and that will be meaningful to both of you instead of something they’ve pre-selected and just want you to fork over some cash for. Why do we give gifts at all if this is the attitude? We could just spend our own money on ourselves and all end up with exactly what we want.

         1. I kind of agree. I always put a ton of thought into getting someone a gift, and even if I am choosing from a registry, I try to find something that will be meaningful somehow, and it feels a bit insulting that people have such a cavalier attitude, like “just pick what I selected,” or “I prefer cash.”

            I prefer cash, too — as in “my cash, in my pocket.” If I take the time to get you a gift, have the grace to be just a little bit appreciative. A wedding is not an occasion to furnish one’s house on someone else’s dime; let’s not act like it’s rude to give someone something you sincerely think they may actually appreciate (and, yes, I have gotten my fair share of horrendous gifts from relatives, and I still believe it’s the thought that counts).

         2. Yes, but the problem with off-registry gifts is that people tend to use weddings as an excuse to regift that ugly vase that they didn’t want in the first place. (Or you end up with duplicates) Everything I got at my wedding that was off-registry was very sweet and thoughtful and I loved it, but that’s because it came from people who knew me well.

         3. I don’t think receiving an off-registry gift necessarily means someone will think of the giver as rude or unthoughtful. However, I think it is less thoughtful where the giver doesn’t know the recipient very well, and is actually using less effort to find something that the giver wants to give rather than an item from the registry. Especially (1) where even the off-registry gift is generic (we got a cheesy Waterford heart shaped ring holder from my in-laws’ friends with a note just saying “it’s crystal clear that you are a great pair” — not even addressing us by name and obviously their form wedding gift) and (2) in the absence of a receipt — when going off-registry, unless you REALLY know the person’s taste, I think it’s most thoughtful to choose from a store where exchanges/returns are straightforward.

            1. Agreed. I got many off-registry gifts for my wedding, and the only two that bothered me were both from my cousin, who was also my Maid of Honor. They just so clearly did not fit with my style or life . I wasn’t upset that I hadn’t picked them out, I was upset that even after thirty years she still had no idea who I am or what I like. The non-registry items I got from more distant relatives or guests didn’t bother me at all, even if they were useless.

   4. The registry for both gifts is totally acceptable as is cash. I’m sure she will appreciate whatever you give.

      1. any tips on how to personalize a registry gift? my good friend is getting married soon and while i want to get her something she has picked out and wants i would like to make somehow make it more meaningful.

         1. If you’re picking items from place settings / glassware, there are often accessory pieces (the Christmas accent plates that go with her china pattern? A coordinating bowl, vase, pitcher, platter etc that matches the glass/crystal, which can be a nice way to break up all the matching china pieces?) that she may or may not have registered for. They can make nice surprise supplements to what’s already picked out — and of course if it turns out she doesn’t want them, she’s already registered at that store so can exchange.

            1. Or, if you give her wine glasses, also give a nice bottle of wine. One of my friends registered for some salad dressing shaker or cruett, can’t remember, so for her shower, I paired it with some fancy flavored vinegar. Bath towels – some kind of fancy soap in a scent you know she likes. Bakeware or cooking ware – add some kind of food product that’s regional for where she lives, went to school, etc.

            2. @PollyD – those are cute ideas! I have done a similar thing for shower gifts in the past — once getting the bride a new cookbook from her fav. Food Network person to go with a pan, and once putting some deluxe coffee beans in with the coffee maker.

         2. Several of my friends gave me some of our baking / cooking registry items and then also included recipe cards for their favorite recipes. I still use the recipes and think of my friends!

5. Does anyone have suggestions for a daily moisturizer +sunscreen that is good for oily skin (preferably on the cheaper end)? I feel like the one I’m using is just making my skin way oilier than normal and it’s time to try something new.

   1. I use the Neutrogena Oil-Free kind that is SPF 15. It’s just the basic kind (no anti-aging properties, etc.). It’s only $10 per bottle and a bottle lasts 6 weeks or so.

   2. I use mineral makeup to provide my SPF. My oily skin does not tolerate any sort of moisturizer.

   3. I use Garnier Skin Renew Anti Sun-Damage Daily Moisture Lotion, and I love it! 28 SPF, non-comedogenic, less than $10. I do use it with another moisturizer because I have weird combination skin – but I find it really light and easy to wear under makeup.

      1. I use this too and love it.

   4. I use DDF and really like it a lot.
      http://tinyurl.com/4vusdzx

   5. Have you tried jojoba oil? I know it sounds counterintuitive to add oil to oily skin, but it’s really fast-absorbing, doesn’t clog pores, and it’s cheap.

      1. I had oily skin with dry flakiness right in the oily areas. Out of desperation, I started using a Seaweed night cream twice a day and amazingly, I’m no longer oily or flaky. Wow.

         1. Sounds awesome; do you mind sharing the name?

            1. Sorry it’s late. I use all Mario Baduscu now. love the products!

   6. I always stick with Olay facial moisturizer.

6. Thread jack, sorry I’d just really love some input.
   I left a position five months ago after almost 7 years. I’d reached a dead end and the level of stress was more than I could continue to bear for no reward. I left for another position on very good terms with the organization, never complained and was relived to never have to walk in that office again. Here’s the problem. They won’t leave me alone. I have received dozens of emails from my old boss, and other managers who ask me questions and want me to do little favors. Seriously, I’ve been asked to review a grant. For free.
   I have been contacted by newly hired staff who were given my email as “someone good to talk to” about the work I did years ago. Like Im part of the orientation. I have had it up to here. I have been curt but professional in my responses (didnt review the grant for instance). But they won’t stop.
   I can’t burn this bridge, but I want them out of my life. That includes the emails from my old boss “we miss you!” Seriously, it makes me sick to my stomach to see her name in my inbox. It was that stressful of a job. Thoughts are welcome. Thank s a lot.

   1. Change your email address. Don’t tell them the new one.

      1. Add them to your blocked senders list? ___@badjobdomain.com should be able to be blocked. :)

      2. Thanks for the response. Cutting contact like that is an obvious step, however I think it would burn a bridge. My field and community is small and I can’t afford to upset these people.

         1. They don’t have to know they’ve been blocked. You could just set them to redirect to your junk mail folder rather than bouncing back their emails outright. Or, you could just start responding less and less promptly and over time, stop responding at all or tell them you regret that you’re to busy to help. Rather passive-aggressive, but what are they going to do? Start badmouthing you for not working for free? I know you don’t want to burn any bridges, and it’s a small community, but at some point you have to decide if it’s worth it to maintain contact.

            Also, one advantage of a small professional community is that everyone probably already knows what a Mickey Mouse show your former employers are running (or it at least sounds like they are), and it probably won’t hurt you as much as you think to break things off.

            Obviously you’re a better judge of the situation than an internet stranger, so take this advice with a grain of salt. However you decide to deal with your former employer, good luck!

   2. Maybe you could go with

      “Though I’ve been able to help out in the past, now that my new job has really picked up, I simply don’t have time to attend to non-work related things during the day. ”

      Or something like that. Basically, blame the new job for why you’re unavailable. But honestly, this is completely inappropriate. I mean, the occasional follow-up might be okay (how did you do X part of your job or whatever) but frequent contact more than a couple of months later is beyond the pale. IMHO anyway.

      1. Thank you for your thoughts. They aren’t even contacting me so much about work that I used to do because those projects are over. They are contacting me about new things! I was the content expert in area A so if they are writing a grant including something related to that content they still want me to contribute. They did not replace me and its like they are trying to pretend I never left. This week they sent out a meeting request, included me on it and said “let me know the best phone number to reach you”. Give me a break!
         I don’t mean to whine, I am just very upset because I left this position with my hair falling out and unable to sleep at night. It had become unbearable, but I grinned and bared it, did outstanding work to the detriment of my own health and didn’t complain one word, not even on my way out. The whole point was to be free of that toxic environment and they are now trying to push it into my personal life. I’m so upset. Thank you for letting me vent.

         1. Wow. I agree with TCFKAG that this is so completely inappropriate. Especially in light of the fact that they didn’t hire anyone to replace you!

            I think her response is good, too, though I would take out the last phrase (“during the day”) bc it might make them think that they can expect you to answer questions on your time off.

         2. That’s unbelievable. Can you respond that you would be happy to attend the meeting as a consultant and that your rate is $xx per hour? You could even discuss helping them with future email responses but billing for time spent reviewing and responding. If you sent them a retainer agreement with a high enough rate I bet they’d either stop contacting you (or you end up making money for the work, at least).

            1. I agree with this. Tell them you’d be happy to help and you’ve set up an arrangement as a consultant and would love to have them as your first clients!

            2. I do some consultant work already but I am not interested in helping them at all. I left the job because of the stress and difficult people. I want them out of my life completely. Thanks for the thoughts though.

            3. To be clear, I consult for other organizations already, not them and I do not want to start.

         3. Wow — the meeting request and asking for your best contact number is so over the line. Just refuse the meeting request. Say that since you no longer work for them, and you will not be taking on any additional consulting work at the moment, that you will not be able to work with them on future projects. Then, stop responding to them.

      2. Honestly, I don’t see a reason to blame a new job for unavailability. If an employer does not have questions about your prior projects and is asking for help (for free!) on new projects, it’s time to put your foot down and say that you don’t work there anymore and are not obligated to take on projects for free. If they’re offering to pay you for the new work, just say you are not interestted in taking on new projects at this time. Under no circumstances should you give them a phone number or other contact information that they do not already have on file.

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