Coffee Break – Cybil Peep Toes

58 Comments

1. early and sad threadjack – sorry.

   I just cried for the first time in my office and no one noticed. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. An old friend was killed in a car accident. Can’t share it with someone here (in the office), but I have to share somehow- so I’m sharing it here (on the site) instead.

   1. I’m so sorry. :(

   2. So sorry. Go home if you can.

   3. Sorry to hear of your loss. Get a coffee and take a quick walk to clear your head. It really helps :)

   4. So sorry.

   5. Sorry to hear that…Can you leave early?

   6. I’m so sorry to hear that. I lost an old friend about a year ago and took it pretty hard, despite the fact that we were no longer in touch and had not been close for many years. Please give yourself time to be upset and to mourn in whatever is the best way for you. And go home early, if you can.

      Hugs.

   7. I’m so sorry to hear that. It is rough to hear sudden bad news in the office. If you cannot go home, give yourself some breathing space. Either go for a walk or just shut your door and meditate on it a bit – give yourself 10-20 minutes to just sit and absorb it. Listening to some calming music on headphones may help.

      And honestly, this is the situation where absolutely no one would or should judge you for crying in your office.

   8. thanks everyone. I’ve pulled it together for the rest of the day. I’ll take off a bit early. I really appreciate the support :)

   9. I’m so sorry. I agree with the others – if you can’t leave early, take a walk down the hall, around the building, to your car, somewhere so you can be alone with your thoughts for a few minutes. And soulfusion is right – no one should judge your grief.

      I truly am sorry to hear of this.

   10. I am so sorry. That is really terrible.

       I received some pretty terrible news (though not this) about an old friend earlier this year, and I was a wreck at work for a few days (and then some). I closed my door a lot. Do the best you can, but give yourself room to deal with this and if that means not doing actual work for a bit or even taking a day off, know that this is okay.

   11. So sorry to hear this. You got some good advice yesterday, and I hope you were able to make it through the day without falling apart. I’ve never received bad news like this at work, but I hope that if I ever do, I can handle it as gracefully as it seems like you did.

2. These would be so, so much more versatile if they were leather instead of suede.

3. Another early “need to share somewhere” – I’ve been dating a fellow midlaw associate (different floors, different departments) for several years. At this point, certainly not a secret although we are rarely if ever seen together at the office. A jerky junior partner who neither of us work with/for (different departments) but knows us both but not well — we don’t socialize with him outside the office — just referred to me as “X’s wife” in what was a casual hallway smalltalk convo w/ me within earshot of staff and other attorneys… and then said “don’t marry him – he has issues.” Wish I had some better retort than “Alright, are you done.” Likely won’t mention it to boyfriend — he’s been over stressed with work lately and also don’t want to seem like ratting out Jerky Junior to him. Advice welcome.

   1. No advice, just constantly dumbstruck by the tactlessness some people have. Did their mommas not teach them anything?

      Of course, he may just have the hots for you and is seething with jealousy.

   2. Gah! How rude! I would also be super-annoyed that I didn’t have a better response. No advice, but lots of sympathy. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how socially inept other people can be.

   3. I think your response was great. No need to rise to the bait.

4. Threadjack for exam etiquette –

   I’m in law school, but in this case I don’t think that makes a difference. This past semester I was in a class with two of my friends and the exam was this morning. I spoke to friends A after the exam and we thought it was tough but didn’t discuss specifics (we never do). When I got home, both of us got an email from friend B, talking about how the exam that it was poorly written, focused on the wrong things, and was too easy. One of the things that she complained about was that a major issue in the course was not covered on the exam. But two of the questions on the exam included this issue, but it was non-obvious (and she apparently didn’t catch it). Those two questions were about 1/3 of the exam points. I asked friend A and she said she wrote about this issue for those two questions as well.

   I don’t know whether I should tell friend B. Friend A isn’t going to say anything and doesn’t think I should either. If it was me, I’d want to know so I’m not shocked when I see my grade. On the other hand, I don’t want to stress her out even more, especially since she has one more exam to go, and there is nothing that can be done about it now. Am I right to not say anything?

   1. Yes. (Hopefully brevity is the soul of wit.)

      1. Agreed. If she presses you on it later, then you just respond “I don’t want to dwell on it. Its over and done with, so no good can come of complaining/second guessing/whiny behavior”. Good luck with it.

   2. Don’t say anything. In reality, you have no better idea of how the exams will be graded than she has. It is quite possible that she caught major issues you missed – such is the world of exams. This is exactly why I absolutely hated talking about exams after the fact and pretty much wiped my mind of the details after I turned an exam in because nothing can be gained by comparing notes and reactions.

   3. I would definitely not get involved and just redirect her to the professor – something like “TBH I hate talking about exams after the fact because it severely stresses me out. I found the exam pretty tough but I definitely think you should talk to the prof about that issue to see what she/he says.”

   4. I wouldn’t say anything. It will be easier to see her grade, get shocked, then deal (and maybe a lot of other people missed it, too, and it won’t be that big of a deal) then to worry herself about it for weeks until grades come out.

   5. Thanks! You guys are right, of course, and I feel better knowing that I’m doing the right thing. This is exactly why I hate talking about exams after the fact, too.

      1. Harry Potter and Ron always prohibited Hermione from talking about exams afterward, too. :)

         1. This made me smile, especially since I’m re-reading all the books in preparation for the last movie!

            1. I did that before HP7 pt.1 and am hoping to do it again before HP7 pt.2 :). I probably won’t have enough time to read them all, so I’ll hit HP6 and HP7 I think.

            2. I did that before HP7pt.1 as well! What a great idea to pull out the last couple of books again. Though really, I think I enjoyed the movie less because of it – the films just don’t measure up, IMO.

   6. Might be the voice of dissent here but I actually would want to know. I also had a strict no talking after the test, because what are ya gonna do attitude (yay Potter!), but if I were in that person’s shoes, I would want to know so I wouldn’t be shocked by the grade (but yes, mention it after her next exam). I would just wait to email and after she takes that exam, I’d write back and be like “Oh, sorry, I totally forgot to write back – I tried to block it all out! But actually, I thought issue X was part of question 1 in this way … and 2 in this way…. Was I wrong?” [I’d probably do that self-deprecating thing at the end, personally, so it didn’t seem like I was showing off that I thought I got it right, and in that beginning part you also would make the point that you don’t like talking about tests after the fact]. But you know the people in question and follow your judgment, but this is how I’d roll in that scenario.

      1. Risk of shooting the messenger though.

         1. This. And the friend may be embarrassed by her mistake and act differently. I would just forget about it.

      2. But with the curve in law school grading, if a lot of people missed the issue, it might not even affect her grade. So then she’d worry about her grade for the next month or two, for nothing. It’s better not to know if you missed an issue.

         1. Another good point! I hope it works out for her (i.e. that she does fine), because I hate for friends to do badly :(

   7. I’d only tell her if you found out she was planning on going to the professor to complain about how poorly written the exam was, because that would be more humiliating for her than getting the news from you by a long shot.

   8. If I were you in your shoes, I would probably say something, like – oh, I actually thought that issue was mentioned in this question because blah blah…..

      There’s absolutely nothing that can be done about it now, so there’s no point in hiding something from your friend. Especially if she said an issue was not covered, but you spotted it. She can’t blame you for telling her.

5. Threadjack- reposting in case I posted too late in the other thread- any recommendations for broaching the subject of moving in with my boyfriend with my parents? We’re very close, and I will be entirely financially dependant on them for two years while I get a graduate degree, so I really need them to be OK with it (both because I wouldn’t do something that they vehemently oppose and because it would be unfair to ask them to financially support something that they are uncomfortable with). I’m young (early 20s) but have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Help!

   Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/05/12/thursdays-tps-report-34-sleeve-wrap-top/#ixzz1MAbPsDje

   1. I don’t really have any tips (having paid for a college dorm room that I never stayed in once for several months while engaged and conventently avoided giving my parents the dorm room number), but I’ve been surprised at how many people I’ve know in their mid to late 20’s who hide living together from parents (I was only about 20 and still in college, though not financially dependant on them at all, when I did it.) I lived really far away from law school, and even managed to sub-let an unused apartment near campus that was being rented by not one but two of my classmates who were covertly living with girlfriends at the time! Another friend in her late 20’s had to kick her fiance out of the house and hide his stuff the week of their wedding in preparation for her parents’ visit.

      Anyhow, I’m not saying that it’s a great idea to lie to your parents about it, although I do think that there is some benefit from avoiding having awkward conversations when possible (i.e., if it is a short-term thing that they never need to know about, which I assume yours is not).

      My brother was upfront with our *Very* conservative parents about living with his girlfriend (who is now his wife), and they were annoyed (and I had to hear it, as I do every time they now get annoyed at my somewhat abrasive sister-in-law), but got over it pretty quickly. I’m not sure how he specifically brought up the subject, though.

      All of that being said, though, if they decide that that is not something that they wish to finance, I think that that is their right and you’ll have to accept it.

   2. I’d just be prepared to answer the question: why living together instead of engagement. I’d also be prepared for all of the related follow-ups (and, if you parents are anyting like mine, rebutting statistics re: living together before marriage).

   3. are you in a major city where rents are high? If so, you could try to spin it as saving on rent.

      My parents refused to let me move in with my boyfriend senior year of college (when they were still paying the bills for housing), but we moved in together during law school, since I was paying for that (well, the loans were in my name). My parents weren’t happy about it, but they got used to it. I think it helped that basically everyone I know my age who has been dating their significant other for a decent amount of time is living together. My parents realized it’s just what “kids these days” do. (and I live in New York, where rent is astronomical, so it makes sense)

   4. Have a backup plan in case you have to move out during the relationship – who is going to stay in the apt? whose furniture is whose?- and let the parents know you’ve thought about this.

      Are you planning on getting engaged? If yes, your parents might be more comfortable with you living together if you can articulate your plans for the future.

6. Especially since she has another exam…this reminds me of exactly what I don’t miss about law school…

7. These shoes are cute. I would not think to wear them to the office though. They are just not office shoes, imo.

8. Vent – I’m on a conference call with a big case team, and the lead partner on the case keeps referring to me and the two other associates (both female) on the case as “the girls.” It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me, every time he says it…

   1. Ask him if there’s anything else he and the boys need from you.

      1. nice one !

   2. I had a male boss who constantly referred to one of his female colleagues (who was married to another one of his colleagues) as “______’s wife.” It was SOOO inappropriate, as all three of them had exactly the same seniority and credentials. You know, she did also have her own name. I had the latitude to get a little sassy about it with him, and he did stop. So I say if you can afford it go with Jay’s retort!

   3. When you have an opportunity to refer to the male attorneys on the case, call them “the boys” in a joking manner. Either he’ll take the hint, or you’ll have leveled the playing field.

9. I’ll echo the venting threadjack: I just saw my grades on my final exams, and they were not on par with my normal performance. The kicker? It looks like on two of them, I missed ONE question that now kills my “A” in the class. The finals are 30% and 40% of my grade, so even though I did great on the mid-term and all the projects, missing one too many questions on them killed me. So frustrating!!

   1. Ugh I’m sorry. I know how much that sucks. Maybe you can still get an A-?

   2. That sucks :(

   3. I’m sorry. Hopefully there is a curve and i helps you!

      1. Yes, I believe I’m still good for the A-. And, sadly, someone managed to break the curve! But, this person is a hard worker and very smart, so I can only applaud them in this case!

         1. Well, for one class, the other may still have a curve :)

   4. That’s rough. For what it’s worth, it could be worse. A friend missed a question on the bar exam and failed it. At least you’re in a position to make up for and learn from the mistake.

10. Mild work dilemma: One of the supervisors is handing out personalized letters asking his direct reports for donations to pay for his trip to India to do missionary work for his church. He did this last year too, but to another exotic location.

    This type of request irritates me to no end for so many reasons and it’s becoming quite common — sponsor my exotic vacation to do some charity work or other. This request in question annoys me even more because of the religious undertones and the ethics of the situation.

    Has anyone else dealt successfully with these requests?

    Thanks in advance.

    1. That is not cool at all. If you are part of a government agency, union, trade or professional organization, there is probably some kind of rule against this, and possibly anonymous reporting of violations. If your company is large, there might be a similar rule too, so check any sort of employee handbook etc. That said, I have no idea how to proceed and wish you luck. It’s an uncomfortable situation and you are right to be irritated.

    2. why not just politely say “I wish you the best in this endeavor, but I just cannot commit money to that; I have other obligations; I am sure you understand.” It is a rude request and he does not know every aspect of your finances and you do not owe an explanation.

    3. Are there issues with him being a supervisor and his subordinates feeling obligated to donate or getting preferential treatment is they do donate? There are definitely some problems with this. Aside from that, I would just send him an e-mail saying you are not in a position to donate, but wish him the best. No need to explain any further.

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