Coffee Break – Dorell Oxford Pumps

132 Comments

1. Cute! Something about the slope of the heel makes me think they’re hard to walk in.

   1. Yeah–I have shoes much like this, but with a thick cone heel, and that’s more my speed.

2. Picking up on an earlier thread re introverts and extroverts (and this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/)

   My husband is an extreme introvert. I am an extrovert, likely an extreme one. Life was so much simpler before kids, when his need to disappear for “alone time” for 2-3 hours per night didn’t mean I never saw him. Now, with young kids + 2 jobs, his need to retreat each and every night means I don’t see him on weeknights. He puts the kids to bed and vanishes. I fall asleep earlier in the evening, and staying up until midnight or so to wait for him isn’t realistic (I’ve tried). Yes, we’re in counseling but haven’t gotten to dealing with this issue yet — and may not for some time, given bigger stuff on the table.

   How do those of you who are introvert/extrovert combinations find ways to make both of you happy? How does the extrovert recharge *with* his/her spouse when the introvert wants to be alone to recharge?

   1. Needing several hours at the expense of spending meaningful time with you does sound extreme! I am glad you are trying to work through your differences in counseling. He needs to be more respectful of your needs – here are a few ideas that may work as a compromise (coming from an introvert):

      You may have already tried this — could you ask him to delay his alone time until after you go to bed, since he stays up later? Or ask him to just take half an hour by himself after putting the kids to bed, then spending an hour with you before you go to bed?

      What does your husband do when he disappears, and what level of togetherness would help you feel satisfied during the week? Could you both do something quietly near each other (he reads while you email friends? you both enjoy some of the same shows?) and feel like you’re spending time together? The trick here is that you may need to watch lobbing stray comments at him during designated “quiet” time – which could be why he goes and hides. It may not feel like much of an interruption to you, but coming from an introvert, a few of those small comments sort of re-set the “clock” on decompressing. If you would like more conversation on a daily basis than what you get before the kids are in bed, it may be easier for him to focus for half an hour on that rather than spending the evening going back and forth between reading / tv / whatever and chatting.

   2. This is a tough one and I almost hesitate to post this, as not all “introverts” are the same, but I am what I’d consider a pretty severe introvert. However, quiet time at home with my immediate family “counts” for me as alone/recharge time. I’m happy to watch tv, cuddle and read a book, or sometimes chat a bit over dinner with my DH (not of these things would “count” if I were doing them with a friend though). Maybe his brand of being an introvert is differnet, but it might be worth exploring with him whether a quiet together activity at least a couple nights a week could work for him.

   3. It is possible that this issue will become less of an issue once you deal with the “bigger stuff” that you’re working through in counseling.

      My DH is an introvert, but his prefered method of “recharging” is sitting quietly with me and chatting or generally spending time together. My preferred method is being alone. Completely alone with no one talking to me. I start to go crazy if I miss too many of those evenings. We went through a very rough patch in our relationship where he got very clingy and that made me want to push away from him and desire more alone time, to the point where I didn’t really want to spend time with him at all. Anyway, we got counseling for the bigger issues, and now we can deal with each others’ “recharging” issues much easier. He understand that I need a certain amount of time and doesn’t disturb me or make me feel bad for wanting time alone. I understand that he needs to be around me sometimes, so I try to spend time with him a few nights every week where I try not to get too annoyed by his chattering. It just clicked somehow, and I really think it’s because we fixed our other issues.

   4. My parents have an agreement that they can do whatever they want until 8pm and then it’s “together time”- my dad usually does his independent/alone activities while my mom goes and walks around the neighborhood or visits people. They’ve been doing this for years and it seems to work out very well. My dad does not get home at the same time every night, so sometimes this may only be an hour, but other nights it may be 2+ hours.

      1. This is what worked for us … until we had kids. I worked late, he had time at home alone until I got there. Now, everything up to around 9:00 is kid-focused. Get them fed, homework done, bathed, ready for bed, time spent with them, etc. They also need parent time, having not seen us all day.

         His idea of alone time is ALONE time. Not with me in the room. Not reading quietly together or watching TV together. Usually, he watches TV, putters in the basement or plays on the computer, hanging out on messageboards. We tried delaying his alone time but I felt like he was watching the clock until he could bolt and it was’t quality time together.

         I’m hoping that eventually fixing the other issues will help with this, too. But honestly, the Atlantic article made me really think about fundamental compatability issues.

         1. Can you try a compromise for now- say MWF is alone/independent time while TR is together time? If you go that route, he won’t be watching the time until it’s his alone time because he knows it’s together day. It may not work, but it’s still worth a try. I’m an introvert and think it would work for me, but I am not an extreme introvert by any means.

         2. GovtMom, you might also check this article out: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201003/introverts-and-extroverts-in-love

            Your husband’s needs sound pretty intense, and it is great that you guys are in counseling talking about it. My DH is also an introvert (and I almost broke the myers briggs extroversion scale). But I have found that if I give him some breathing room when he first comes home, he can then handle my chatter later in the evening. Part of it is also managing my extrovert needs, which might mean calling up someone else on the drive home so I am not desperate to talk to him at the end of the day. I have also recognized that sometimes I just need to TALK at someone and I don’t really mind if he isn’t fully listening. Gosh, that sounds terrible. He needs more time on the weekend, but then I can easily find things to do while giving him time along in the apt. No idea how this will work when we have kids.

         3. See, he might have to realize that with kids, he just doesn’t get as much of “him” time as he wants. You have less “us” time too. With children there is less time to tend to your self, and more time spent on others. I don’t think this is about him being an introvert really, the problem would be the same if he recharged by playing a round of golf every day, at the expense of spending any time with you. He is taking care of himself at the expense of neglecting your marriage, and while knowing that doesn’t solve everything, I don’t think you should be giving his need for “him” time so much respect. Life with kids is busy. He needs to figure out a way to deal.

   5. I’m introverted and am definitely like your husband in that I need a couple of hours to myself every night. It doesn’t have to be totally alone, but it needs to be free from interference. If I’m trying to decompress but I’m in the same room as someone and they talk to me, it gets on my nerves. So maybe you two could be alone together – him reading, you watching a movie, for example – but I know it’s hard for extroverts to be quiet around others.

      I also think that this is something that might be solved automatically when you work through the bigger problems you allude to. But since it’s obviously really bothering you, why not bring it up in therapy? Maybe you’ll get a straight answer from him about why he needs the time to himself and then you can work through it.

      1. By the way, I think a lot of your issue is not your husband’s need for alone time, it’s that plus the demands of small children. Having kids eats your life. Your husband probably really needs those two or three hours a day to manage his stress levels so that he can be a decent father and co-worker and not snap at people all the time. But your kids will grow, and things will get easier. I know that’s hard to believe when you’re in the middle of it all.

      2. Ah, Eponine, I’m like you. I need at least two hours alone — more if I can get it. I cannot get that time hangin’ with my husband, because he can’t refrain from talking. Not even for five minutes. If we are in a room, we cannot watch tv together, or read quietly together, or fiddle on our separate laptops together, because he. must. talk. Everything that goes thru his head must be spoken aloud. It’s exhausting. He’s my husband and I feel I should listen to him. So I do. And then when I realize he’s not even listening to himself, he’s just talking like a wind-up toy, I get really testy.

         Our remaining child is a teenager who would rather eat ground glass than spend a moment with one of us, so we no longer have the frenzy of small children.

         On week-ends, I have to get away. Sometimes I drive to a really luxe hotel on the beach in Waikiki. I pay for parking, and me and my Kindle just plomp out on a big sofa facing the ocean . . . and it’s so good. No one bothers me because I have my “waitin’ for my husband look.” It is so refreshing –literally– to not be forced to listen and respond to others.

         For you extrovert s.o.’s out there, if an introvert loved one does not have time alone to regroup, he or she will become cranky, irrational, even possibly mean. It’s genetic. Sometimes I dream about a marriage in which we could just hold hands, look out at the sea, and walk on, walk on without a word.

         So probably not the best career choice: introvert becomes trial lawyer.
         So maybe not the best marriage choice: introvert marries extrovert.

         Wine helps.

         1. Your alone time on the weekend sounds heavenly.

            1. Seriously. I’m moving to Hawaii.

   6. My husband is an “extreme” introvert and we have developed “separate-togetherness” time, where we’ll each be on the couch with our laptops, but watching the same thing on TV or casually commenting on a news item we read every so often. Often he is fine if we are together but we don’t talk much, but he’ll rub my back or we’ll hold hands. When he gets stressed out, he also sometimes does the “retreat” thing, where he goes in the home office and plays video games, but he does it after I go to bed. Or, sometimes on the weekend, he’ll go take a walk or ride his bike for an hour, when he needs space. It used to bug me, but it’s just how he is – he is shy, has some social anxiety, and is in general just an extreme introvert – and over the years we’ve made it work.

      Where we have the most trouble is on vacation, when we’re basically “stuck” all together and it’s harder for him to withdraw if he feels overwhelmed – we will probably never do another cruise, for this reason; there was nowhere for him to go where people weren’t there, and I got tired of having to go find things to do on the ship so he could have “alone time” in the cabin. We actually don’t go on a lot of vacations for this reason – less than I would like – and if anyone has coping strategies for taking an introvert on the road, I’d love to hear some.

      1. I actually find that a cruise is the best option for introverts in terms of vacations because it’s much easier to do your own thing. You just have to be careful about picking the right ship to suit your needs. Some cruise lines like Carnival really don’t have much in terms of common areas, so lounges are going to be packed even if the ship isn’t filled to capacity. Other lines like Princess and Celebrity will have virtually empty lounges even when the ship is filled.

         1. We went on a Princess Diamond cruise to Alaska, and it worked really well for us. There are a gazillion little lounges to read, or play chess or to jacuzze. Great places to work out with a class or on one’s own. Plus we got a room with a lanai . . . and just sitting there a watching the glaciers flow by . . . bliss.

            We were able to meet our respective introvert/extrovert needs really easily. And this, at times, led to romance. Romantic romance.

      2. Regarding vacations — try to pick a destination where there are lots of things that you want to do, though not necessarily all together. On one vacation, we went to Rome. I would spend the morning shopping or going to obscure churches that my husband had no interest in. He would often have a leisurely coffee in Piazza Navona or the like. We’d meet up for a late lunch and a joint activity in the afternoon. He usually had some funny people watching stories to share, and I would talk about fun stuff I saw. It works great for us.

3. le sigh. size 8 in gray is all gone

4. Early threadjack! I am looking for some grad school advice. I love this blog even though I’m not a lawyer, so I know that you readers will have great advice because you’ve (most likely) been in this position before.

   I have been admitted to two grad programs for urban planning. One of them is Columbia, where tuition alone is $42,000 a year. And then there’s rent in NYC (& living expenses!), the thought of which makes me ill. I have close to no money to put toward grad school, and I did not get an offer of financial aid. My question is this: are big-name, highly regarded schools worth the debt? I absolutely love the idea of studying urban planning in NYC, and I know both going to Columbia and living in NYC will do great things for my job prospects. But it’s just SO expensive. My parents have told me not be afraid of grad school debt because it’s worth it in the end, but I don’t think they ever thought I’d be contemplating such an expensive program.

   Thanks for any advice!

   1. I think it partially depends on your job prospects coming out of the other program but grad school debt can be crippling. It really cuts into otherwise amazing salaries. Plus there’s always the off chance you decide urban planning isn’t for you. I loved my grad school experience and at the beginning I loved the job I got coming out of grad school but now I realize this is not the career for me and I still have $45,000 in loans to pay off which eliminates some of the career options to which I would consider switching.

      If you’ve worked before and know this is the next step in your path, it might be worth it. But if you can get a job coming out of the other program, you’ll be relieved to not have all of that debt.

   2. UVA A-School! Perfection. Planners, architects, historians, and landscape architects working together and apart (“the common course”) in studio, crit, charette, class, debates– school works there the way the design/political/permit/funding world works out here IRL. Best decision of my life. Consider, consider.

   3. UVA A-School.

      1. It’s perfection. Planners, architects, historians, and landscape architects working together and apart (“the common course”) in studio, crit, charette, class, debates– school works there the way the design/political/permit/funding world works out here IRL. Best decision of my life. Consider, consider.

      2. Perfection. Planners, architects, historians, and landscape architects working together and apart (“the common course”) in studio, crit, charette, class, debates– school works there the way the design/political/permit/funding world works out here IRL. Best decision of my life. Consider, consider.

   4. I struggled with my law school decision. I was accepted at an Ivy league school and a well-respected school ranked in the 20s. The difference in cost would have been about 100K after 3 years. Ultimately, I chose the cheaper school and cannot be happier with my decision. Having less debt allowed me to work somewhere other than a law firm. I knew from the beginning that I did not want to work at a large firm and do not feel I missed out on any job opportunities.

      1. I made the opposite decision and could not regret it more. It restricted my decisions post-law school in a way that I’m finding increasingly unbearable. If I could go back in time and take the scholarship to the lower-ranked school, I would do it in a heartbeat. I did, at least, pick the non-NYC school, which made my debt for living expenses significantly less .

         You are easily looking at well over 6 figures in debt. What is the realistic salary you are looking at post-graduate? Not the “I’m top in my class and get the best job ever,” but a truly average salary for the average job you could expect to get. Is this debt at all manageable on that salary? Then you need to weigh that against what you will get out of the NYU program versus the cheaper alternatives.

         Its ultimately up to you. But if you learn anything from the grad school/debt discussion that occurs with some frequency on this site, I hope you understand that there are a lot of people out there who seriously regret the debt decisions that they made in order to get the supposedly best graduate experience ever. While I loved my law school, I traded 3 years of fun in the short-term for very long-term limits on what I can do.

   5. I think it all depends on the field. The debt is a real issue for some (it is for me) and if it’s not going to benefit you enormously, I’d go to a cheaper school (if it’s more or less viewed as Columbia’s equal–not drastically worse).

   6. How many years is the program? Will you be able to work at all during the program, or during the summers? How much can you earn while in school, and how much do you expect to earn afterwards? If you’re talking about a possible $50k/year job with the name brand school but $45k without, I don’t think that will pay off (assuming the non-Columbia option is much cheaper).

      That said, I went to Harvard for undergrad with zero financial aid (a few smallish private scholarships) over some other very good options that would have been free, and that has been worth every penny in terms of the career I now have, not to mention the experience. I wasn’t very focused (career wise) during my undergrad years and had a VERY hard time finding a job in my desired field (and this was back when the economy was just fine). Late in recruiting season, I landed three (highly compensated) jobs in my desired area, none of which would have been options at the schools where I had full rides, as these employers did not recruit at those schools. Maybe I would have found something else, but it seems unlikely.

   7. Without knowing your alternative choice and your ultimate career goals and geographic preference, it’s a little hard to offer specific advice accept to say there probably isn’t any one right answer.

      What I would suggest is setting up meetings with people who have graduated from both programs and asking them about their experiences and how those experiences have shaped their lives and careers after school. See what resonates as you talk to people.

      As I always say, six figure debt is not a joke and not something to be entered into lightly. But if you will still end up with low five figure debt and limited job prospects after going to your alternative, that isn’t necessarily better.

      Another thing I would recommend while making your decision is not to forget you still have the option of not going at all. When I applied to grad school, I decided that if I didn’t get into a certain program I probably wouldn’t go at all. On somewhat of a whim, I also applied to a couple of others. In the end, I got into my top choice and another that I’d never previously considered. I ended up deciding (correctly I think) to go to the latter, but throughout my entire decision-making process I never took not going to grad school off the table as an option. In all times, but especially today when jobs are hard to come by, I think it’s important to constantly reevaluate why you’re going to school and what benefit you are accruing.

      Grad school isn’t entirely about getting a job. I probably could have easily made more money before I got my PhD. But as satisfying as the “life of the mind” is, it doesn’t pay your rent or fill you belly. So jobs need to be a part of the equation, as does a serious consideration of why you’re going to school (in my case, I freely admit that the experience was part of it).

   8. Can you give us a few facts about your alternative? What are the cost differences? What do you want to do afterwards, is that realistically possible to achieve, and what does it pay? Can you get your NYC fix through internships, fellowships, or other experiences?

      My general advice to anyone is to not take on educational debt that will sharply limit your post-graduate choices. If you think there’s any chance you might want to take a job or pursue a field that doesn’t pay top dollar, don’t take the debt.

      I graduated too long ago to be on top of the recent student loan reforms, so I would look into what those mean as I understand they place an income-based limit on repayments and eventually forgive some debt. Also, federal student loans are capped at an amount far less than what Columbia will cost, and you will likely be borrowing heavily from private lenders as well – if those limits don’t apply to the private loans, they probably won’t really help you out much.

      1. I realize I should have given a little more information. I am actually still waiting on decisions from 2 other schools (I’m feeling a little antsy!). The other school I was accepted to was Michigan, which also has a well-regarded planning program. I would say it is top 20, Columbia is more like top 10-15. The other two schools are Harvard and MIT, which are numbers 1 &2 in most rankings. I haven’t received a financial aid offer from Michigan yet– have to wait on the package that’s going by snail mail. I expect to get some aid if accepted from Harvard & MIT. What I really need to do is wait until I hear from the other 2. I just never expected to get into Columbia and am very intrigued, hence the question.

   9. Definitely check out your job prospects- I know a former urban planner who went to law school when the real estate bubble popped. Urban growth has still not picked up in our area 3+ years later and he is having a hard time finding a job in either real estate law or urban planning.

      YMMV, this is just anecdotal advice.

   10. That’s a lot of debt to be getting into, especially if you haven’t been working as an urban planner. Most of my natural and social sciences grad school cohort had worked in their fields before going to school, but still about a quarter of the ones I keep in touch with have switched careers. With that kind of debt, heading back to school or changing careers won’t be an option for a good long while.

       I don’t know how similar urban planning is to the natural and social sciences, but the hiring discussions I’ve been privy to have put far more emphasis on skills, experience, and even how long you took to do your degree than on school name. I would put more research into the program itself and what kind of opportunities to learn and hands-on experiences it can offer you than into the name. I went to a small university where I got to work directly for some profs on a couple of their projects, and I’m convinced that that did me better than a higher profile school without that kind of opportunity would have.

       1. Great feedback! I have some sort-of experience in the field; I work at a nonprofit that does architecture and planning work/advocacy. I feel if it was enough to help me get admission into the two programs, it counts as real experience.

          I am definitely going to ask questions about how much hands-on/’real life’ experience all the programs offer.

   11. I transferred law schools to save about $40,000. I really wonder how my previous classmates will pay their $120,000+ loans. Honestly, if I had to take it all out of loans I would be a paralegal. It is definitely a gambol to take out that much in loans and not know how it will end up. That being said, I think more information is needed to make a decision. I just don’t think I could live with the stress of 6 figure loans without a 6 figure salary to go with it.

   12. I second the person suggesting looking at UVA. I did undergrad architecture there, loved it, knew lots of grad planners who were very happy, and suspect the school alone has gotten me interviews. There also seem to be a lot of NYC ties among the professors and other students, if you are hoping to end up there eventually.

       Urban planning doesn’t pay anything near what law does, assuming you can even get a job these days.

       I think another question is how well the program matches what you want. Not only will you get more out of a school that suits your approach, but I think that employers that value the same things. I have friends who went to well respected schools known for zoomy computer heavy programs and they’ve had trouble convincing people that they have a very different design style.

   13. “My parents have told me not be afraid of grad school debt because it’s worth it in the end”

       Yeah…I think that thinking worked for people before the economy tanked, and now, it’s a much-less-sure bet.

       What I would say is that you need to look at what you can make, realistically, in the kinds of jobs Columbia grads from the same program are making when they get out of school (and DO NOT rely on the school’s information – do some Internet research and/or contact some recent grads you cam meet through networking) and then ask yourself if it’s reasonable that you can pay off $200,000 in loans on X salary, once you graduate. The big issue that’s emerged with law and grad schools isn’t that SOME people, who get top jobs, can’t pay off their loans. Some people will always be fine – if you have $200,000 in loans and you get a $160,000 job, it’s not going to be that hard to pay the loans off in a reasonable amount of time. If, however, you have $200K in loans and you only get a $60,000-a-year job – good luck with that. The student-loan debt will cripple you financially for years, and student loans are not dischargeable in bankruptcy. Andthere are only so many $160k/yr jobs to go around (and these days, only so many $60k jobs too). I think the problem with a lot of law/business/grad schools is that they gave everyone the impression that everyone would get a high-paying job out of school, and that is not and was never realistic.

       Personally, I wouldn’t take on the debt. Do you want to find a partner, buy a house, travel, take vacations, maybe have children (or even pets) in the near (5-10 years) future? If the answer is yes, the problem with taking on that much debt is that it will color and affect all of your decisions until you pay it off – from what job you take (do you want to be in a position where you have to take or keep a terrible job because of your debt?), to when to have kids, to the kind of house you can buy, etc. etc. It seems abstract, but that $200k is real money and it will not go away for a long time after you incur it. Long after you are sick of paying it off, it will still be there. Food for thought.

       1. That should read “SOME people, who DON’T get top jobs.”

   14. I have a few friends who are currently in urban planning programs and am currently at an organization that has lots of planning grads. My main observation is that planning schools tend to be very regionally focused. If you want to stay on the East Coast, that’s great, but if you’re planning on settling somewhere else, keep that in mind.

       I would think about what type of planning you’re interested in and why. If you’re interested in the policy side of planning you might not make as much as, say, a transportation planner. I think planners are relatively well-paid but I don’t think it’s something where you can come out of school expecting to make six figures. My impression is that name matters less in planning than it does in other fields–it seems like experience is more what sets you apart. Just some thoughts.

   15. Not worth the debt at all. I have a MS in a science. Got into Yale, would have made me pay tuition. Got into Fordham, gave me a full ride plus a stipend to be a TA. I chose Fordham. SOOOOO Glad I did. So what, I can’t say I’m ivy? No offense to many of you, but I know a lot of Ivy douchebags at my work. I would never take the debt if you can avoid it.

       Best of luck!

   16. Absolutely not. Do not even consider it.

       I know that sounds harsh, but you’re talking about anywhere from $130,000 to $200,000 in debt (is it a two or three year program?). That means astronomical monthly payments (think, $2K a month, for years and years), on top of living expenses in New York after you graduate. So unless you can COUNT ON making well over $100,000 per year (which you can’t, I don’t care what field you’re in or how smart you are), this is a very risky choice.

       Spending the next two years doing something great is not worth spending the following two decades eating Ramen noodles and living with roommates well into your 30s.

   17. Go wherever gives you the most money. Every month I look at my loan payments (law school in NYC) and realize that for what I pay in loan payments, I could buy a new computer every month. Or pay my rent three times. Or take a nice vacation. It wasn’t worth it–I could have gone to a lower ranked school for less money and probably be almost where I am now. The ranking isn’t worth it (Unless it’s literally the top 1 or 2 programs, and even then, it may not be worth it).

       1. “almost where I am now” in terms of jobs, that is.

   18. Rosie, first off, congratulations on getting into Columbia! :) That is not an easy school to enter.

       As I read your post, a question comes to mind: where are you hoping to work with this degree? I know some people who work with local and regional governments, and they keep talking about how strapped for money these governments are now. If you would work in local or regional government, and if you’d need a salary that pays off substantial debt, I would just hope that you could find a steady, high paying job! I’m sure people do find those jobs, but it might be a good issue to research before grad school.

       1. I would advise you to contact current students at all these programs and ask them what hiring/job prospects are like for there class, and also how helpful the professors/career services has been at their school. I did this when I got into an LLM program (as an unemployed JD, class of 2009), and it helped me decide not to get the LLM.

5. I have a pair of Gabrielle Rocha shoes that I really like. I order half a size down from my normal size 8 in the wide width and they fit great.

6. These are adorable, but the heel is just too high for me.

7. Why do you have to wear hosiery with suede shoes? Curious.

   1. You don’t *have* to – I think what Kat was getting at is that the texture / mood of suede lends itself better to having tights or socks on. Less “cool-weather” shoes don’t look out of place with a totally bare leg.

8. Can anyone in the DC area refer a good (actually, a great(!)) reproductive specialist physician? It would be great if this physician took insurance, but at this point, I may be open to paying. My husband and I have been trying for nearly two years and cannot conceive. I have visited a regular gyno, who did an ultrasound and said I had “some” cysts on my ovaries, but “nothing that should hinder reproduction.” Similarly, my husband’s sperm count/mobility, etc., was normal.

   We are fairly “active” and think that something must be affecting something if we cannot conceive after two years. We don’t necessarily wish to intervene medically to conceive (no IVF or shots, etc.), but we would love to know what is going on (or not going on) and why.

   Thank you!

   1. I’d recommend seeing a more involved gyno. Dr. Osmun at Reiter & Hill has been great for us. He is very detailed and found a problem others had missed.

   2. If you have cysts on your ovaries, I have to wonder whether you have PCOS, even if it’s mild. UVA has a very good endocronology practice–while it’s a hike to get there, it may be worth a visit. Good luck!

   3. Columbia Fertility Associates has been very friendly/open/receptive/quick so far. They take just about any insurance. You definitely want to see a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) rather than a gyno, who, in most experiences, don’t know a lot about fertility issues. (E.g., the “how to get pregnant” advice I got from Reiter & Hill was overly simplistic)

      Also, not to be Debbie Downer, but if sperm count is normal, and you know you are ovulating regularly (either through OPK or charting), and you don’t have any structural issues, the likely diagnosis will be “unexplained fertility.” Which means either going down the road of medical interventions or taking a “wait and see” approach.

      Good luck! I’ve recently discovered the plethora of infertility blogs (some better than others) and they have been a great source of information and support.

      1. I am an unexplained fertility diagnosis — it sucks. I ovulate regularly and hubby has super swimmers, but after 16 months, still no luck. We are on a break from trying now (after doing many rounds of clomid, 2 rounds of injects and 1 iui). We will start trying again in Aug/Sept going right to IUIs and if not successful will be doing IVF in Jan.

      2. Been there with the “unexplained infertility” diagnosis. In my case, I think it came down to too much stress in my life, which was probably throwing a lot of hormones out of whack. I ended up going to a naturopathic physician and with the adjustments to my diet she recommended, as well as some counseling for the stressful personal matters, I conceived without having to go with the serious medical interventions, although I was planning to take that step as well. This isn’t for everyone, but I am very grateful for the “alternative” care I was able to find, and if you are open to it, strongly recommend considering a naturopath. Everything she did was science-based but because there isn’t a lot of money in changing your diet and other non-pharmaceutical or non-surgical interventions, conventional doctors don’t spend a lot of time on these factors. It doesn’t have to be an alternative to conventional medicine but can work together with it.

         1. Anon, that’s so inspiring that you were able to conceive this way! I’ve been drinking all of the awful teas, loading up on kale and pineapple, and dutifully attending my acupuncture appointments, so it’s great to hear that it worked for someone!

   4. Have you looked at the DC Urban Mom website (www.dcurbanmom.com)? There is a TTC forum where people regularly post support and recommendations for these types of things. If you’re not familiar with the forums in general, let me be the first to say: a lot of posters over there are complete judgey b*tches about a lot of things. So poster beware (I kind of like to just watch the flame wars). But the TTC board itself might be nicer, and — more to the point — I think it would be an excellent on-point resource with lots of informed commenters for this kind of question.

   5. If you’re not ready to intervene medically yet, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschsler (there’s also a website, tcoyf.com) and start charting your cycles. You will then know if you’re ovulating and your charts will be invaluable to your doctor. Unless age is a serious issue, I would suggest heading to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) with 6 months’ of charts in hand.

      Did your regular Ob do *any* testing beyond the semen analysis? Any blood tests to see where your hormonal levels are? You can have your regular Ob do basic testing, before moving to an RE. My major hesitation with recommending an RE right away is that they tend to jump to the big guns, and it sounds like you’re not ready for that yet.

      We went to an RE at the GW Medical Associates infertility group, who has since left DC. I’m not sure I would recommend that practice, though.

      Ditto on the DCUM recommendation. I would also suggest doing some research on internet groups for infertility — there are TONS out there, to help you get educated as you start this pretty daunting process.

      1. Second the Weschsler book! But caveat on using her method exclusively for birth control. It didn’t work for me (my little “oops” turns 10 months soon). Still, she does a great job with the “how the female body works” discussion that my mother really didn’t attempt. I think every woman should read it, and should I have any daughters, it will be required reading for them by the time they are teenagers.

      2. thank you, GovtMom. I am not really into reading the books. I read “what to do if you can’t get pregnant” and that was enough.

         honestly, the OB didn’t do much. blood and ultra sound and said everything looked normal. I don’t think it was the most helpful.

         1. OK, skip the book, check out the website. You need to be charting or at least doing Ovulation Prediction Kits (OPK), it’s the BEST information on what is actually going on inside your body, absent significant medical testing.

      3. Ditto this book. I conceived in month #2 with my first and month #1 with my second using this method. Much to hubby’s chagrin. He wanted to practice more. :)

      4. Invest in a clear blue easy monitor. It’s expensive up front but a very accurate predictor of ovulation.

   6. I highly recommend the endocrinology department at GW.

   7. Thank you for all of the responses!

      All the gyno told us was that my ovaries had a few cysts, but nothing that should hinder reproduction, my blood results were “in the bounds of normality” and my husband’s sperm was mobile/normal, etc.

      I am not sure whether I am ovulating, to be honest. My basal temperature never rose like it should during ovulation, and I don’t have the typical symptoms like soreness, swollen, etc.

      I specifically asked about PCOS and was told I did not have it. Again, I don’t have any of the other symptoms – hair/weight gain, etc. I have had irregular periods my whole life, and was told as a teenager that I had a “tilted uterus” — this apparently is not longer a typical diagnosis that hinders fertility.

      I didn’t know I could be diagnosed with “unexplained fertility” — lovely.

      1. Basal temperature is not such a great indication – at least it didnt work very well for me. OPK kits worked better. During the critical few days, you may need to use more than one stick per day, because sometimes your positive OPK result only lasts a few hours.

9. threadjack: My husband and I are wanting to take a trip to D.C. next month (just for fun). We’ve been as kids, but not on our own. I know that there are a lot of DC corporettes, so I thought I’d ask for tips. Mostly, I see that there’s a ton of things to do, and time will be fairly limited, so I’m looking for can’t miss activities.

   We’re big into politics, so the history/gov’t aspects are really important, and he’s a big science buff, so we’ll certainly spend some time at the Smithsonian. Any other museums we must see? (We’d probably just as soon skip the art-oriented ones.) We’re also big foodies, and don’t mind an expensive dinner- any really great restaurants? Also, any cheap, hole in the wall but really great places to grab a meal? (with a bonus if we’re likely to spot “celebrities” of the governmental variety as well). Anything that we need to make sure to bring?

   TIA!

   1. Definitely swing through the National Archives. I love seeing the Constitution and other documents up close. The cherry blossoms should be blooming around the time of your trip. It’s worth braving the crowds to take a walk around the Tidal Basin and Jefferson memorial. You should make hotel and restaurant reservations early since many tourists come for the blossoms.

   2. If you’re a lawyer and have a connection to DOJ, see if you can get access to their building. There are amazing murals on the walls detailing the history of the rule of law, plus the geeking out factor of touching the (closed) doors to the offices of some very VIPs, and sitting in the DOJ library. My connection at Justice isn’t a lawyer, so he actually had a pretty good time walking me through the various murals because I could explain to him what they were depicting. OTOH, I was underwhelmed by visiting the Dept. of State.

      Because the Smithsonians are free, consider wandering into an art museum for even 20 minutes. There’s some really beautiful things in there, and it doesn’t have to take much time at all. The national gallery may be best for you history buffs.

      Last time I was there, I had a great meal at Jaleo. There’s nothing like that in my area.

      Lucky, lucky you if you catch the cherry blossoms!

   3. Lyssa:

      Where are you staying? Keep in mind that the Smithsonian is 26 different museums, so pick 2-3: American History, Archives, Air & Space. I like to recommend the Postal Museum (near Union Station).
      Remember that the Cherry Blossom festival runs March 26-April 20, which is fun and pretty, but the touristy places will be busy.

      Restaurants: I like Jaleo and Zaytinya for reasonably-priced, fun food (both owned by Jose Andres). Rasika if you like Indian food. Birch & Barley in Logan Circle if you like beer. (or even if you think you don’t). Cork (also Logan Circle) if you like wine. There are a gazillion new crepe places opening now, so that’s always fun cheap food. (Also Amsterdam Falafel, for late-night falafel).

      1. It looks like we’re staying right on Penn. Ave., which is exciting! It will be a fairly short trip, so I really only anticipate getting to the Smithsonians on the mall, unless we make a special trip.

         I like all of those foods!

      2. I got to hear a lecture by Jose Andres last year and it is now my goal to eat at one of his restaurants. His food sounded amazing, but he just seemed like such a wonderful person who was dedicated to such wonderful things (see his work in Haiti) – it would be a can’t miss for me!

      3. Lebanese Taverna (in Pentagon City and Woodley Park) is also great. And Jaleo’s is THE place to take visiting friends, I think.

         Second the recommendation for the Postal Museum. Also the National Building Museum (at Judiciary Square) for something different. The food court at Union Station can be a good way to get a quick lunch.

         My favorite memorial to visit is the Korean War memorial.

   4. I love the zoo! Also free, and the pandas are AMAZING! Maybe not at the top of your priority list for just a short visit, but it was for us.

      The Einstein Memorial was small, a little off the beaten path, and cool for a quick stop and photos.

   5. Definitely do the Holocaust museum and the Archives. My dad really liked the tour of the Mint, also.

      DC is actually a really great city for food! Of the hole-in-the-wall variety, the key stop is Ben’s Chili Bowl in the U Street neighborhood. There’s also a local burger chain that everyone loves called Five Guys; those are scattered around quite a few places. And Ray’s Hell Burger is just out of DC in the Metro-accessible suburb of Arlington — lots of people make trips there just for the burgers.

      DC has a large Ethiopian community and supposedly some of the best Ethiopian food in the States. If you want to try, the best are Dukem and Etete, also in U St neighborhood.

      Expensive restaurants: I could spend a lot of time on recs for this. Komi, CityZen, Citronelle, and MiniBar are generally cited as the best — I think they might all be tasting menus (but I’m not sure). My personal favorites are Blue Duck Tavern (locally sourced American), Acadiana (Cajun), Rasika (modern Indian), Zengo (Latin/Asian fusion — it works!). There are great winebars — I really like Proof. Here’s a super helpful website: http://www.washingtonian.com/sections/restaurants/100best/index.html

      1. Oh, and Zaytinya. Love that!

         1. Second Ben’s Chili Bowl and Ethiopian. I’d trust everything in this post based on those recommendations. I haven’t been in DC in a while, but looking to go back, so I’m taking notes from this post myself.

      2. Yes for holocaust museum! But reserve some time for it, and some emotional time to recover. It’s pretty intense.

         1. Agreed. Do the Holocaust museum on a really nice day, and do something happy afterward. The cafe in the museum also has really good matzo ball soup. :-)

   6. Disclaimer: I’m not a DC native, but I’m a highly experienced DC tourist.

      One of the things I really enjoy doing in DC is walking through the embassy district and seeing all of the embassies. That might be nice for a low key afternoon.

      I’ve always really enjoyed the food court at the National Museum of the Native American in the Smithsonian. It’s pricey, but it’s a variety of food that you literally cannot get anywhere else in the world.

      1. Second the food court at the Native American museum. The museum I’m not fond of at all, but the food is awesome.

         As for museums, my favorite Smithsonians are Air & Space and American History. If you have a car, the Air & Space annex is pretty cool, but it’s all the way out by Dulles. I also really like the Spy Museum, but it’s not free. The Newseum is supposed to be really amazing, though I’ve never been (also not free, and rather expensive for a museum).

         1. Third for the food court at the Native American museum.

            1. Okay, now I’m really wondering what kind of food they have at the Native American museum to inspire such a following!

            2. Hungry, me too! I don’t even know if I could name a Native American food (er, corn?). But I’ll definitely be looking to try it out!

            3. They have food from five different cultural regions in the Americas! It’s fantastic.

         2. 100th for the food court!!!! It’s soooo good. Went there semi-frequently when I lived in DC, only went to the actual museum once.

            The menus were designed in collaboration with the five different “regions” of native tribes highlighted in the museum. Think salmon on cedar plank for Pacific Northwest, Bison burger for Great Plains, Tamales for the Southwest, etc. So good.

   7. Some dining recommendations:

      Fancy-ish: Komi – http://komirestaurant.com/. Out-of-this-world fantastic.

      Hole-in-the-wall (but unlikely to see a lot of DC celebrities): Selam Restaurant – http://www.yelp.com/biz/selam-restaurant-washington
      — DC is known for its Ethiopean/Eritrean food, and Selam is amazing and inexpensive. Don’t try to pick anything, just get their combo plate. So delicious.

      Some recommendations where you might see gov’t folks: restaurants in the Capitol Hill area, or Eastern Market. Eastern Market is a farmer’s market/flea market, and has some cute restaurants.

      There’s a ton of places to get great cocktails, but two that are really fantastic in good weather are The Gibson and Marvin, both on U St. (technically, 14th St. NW). The Gibson has backyard outdoor space, and Marvin has a rooftop bar. I also really like Marvin’s food (southern inspired).

      Have fun!!

   8. Capitol Tour! You have to get a Capitol Tour. But see if you can get a staff-lead tour through your Congressman instead of one of the large public ones. They’re much smaller groups, and imo, can be a lot better depending on who’s giving them (but I used to lead them, so I’m biased).

   9. Food:

      Not as trendy, but great ambiance and by the same restauranteur as “Rasika”, I really like “Oval Room” for a romantic, quiet dinner. Great service, and traditional but inventive dishes.

      “Restaurant Nora” has a great rep and funky, but upscale, atmosphere. My experience was that my duck was overcooked (though the preparation itself was excellent…execution not perfect). Maybe it was a one-off thing.

      Slightly less pricey: I also like “Art and Soul” and “Osteria Bibbiana”.

      Museums:

      Lots of good suggestions. In addition, I think a tour of the Library of Congress (or at least a visit to the main building and some of the exhibits which are always fantastic) is worth it.

      Sites:

      If you can swing a tour of the Capitol (contact your Representative’s office to set one up for you), it’s worth it. White House even more so, though a lot more difficult to get.

      1. I actually saw my Rep today (he’s a freshman and I worked on his campaign and know him some) and he said that he’d be happy to take us on a tour. That sounds really exciting!

   10. – Smithsonian museums on the National Mall – I’d recommend Air and Space, American History (make sure you see the Star Spangled Banner exhibition and the First Ladies’ dresses), and eat lunch at the cafeteria in the American Indian Museum, it’s the best

       – Sign up in advance for a tour of the Capitol with your Congressman’s office via his/her website (not the tour led by tour guides at the Capitol). You can also sign up for the lottery for a White House tour.

       – Spend half a day walking around the monuments and the tidal basin (cherry blossoms should be in bloom)

       – Spend a couple hours at Arlington Cemetery

       – Visit the National Archives and the Library of Congress (LOC is right near the Capitol and Supreme Court so plan that for the same day)

       – Consider doing a Supreme Court tour if they’re in session – you can go through and watch 3 minutes of the argument

       – the National Zoo has PANDAS!

       – If you have time for a day trip I recommend checking out Gettysburg. Go to the visitor center and buy an audio tour on CD.

       Cheap, yummy places to eat:
       – Zorba’s – great Greek food in Dupont Circle
       – Teaism – tea house with several locations, one right near the White House and one right near the Archives
       – Dukem – delicious Ethiopian food on U Street
       – Ben’s Chili Bowl – to be honest I don’t like chili but this place is a DC institution
       – Five Guys Burgers – locations everywhere

       Less cheap places to eat:
       – Jaleo and Zaytinya, which others have recommended, in Chinatown/Gallery Place
       – Bistrot du Coin – Connecticut north of Dupont Circle
       – Ezme – P street just off Dupont Circle

       Have a great time!!!

       1. Professional DC ‘visitor’ here, altho haven’t been there so much in the last few years. Eighth the recommendations re Holocaust museum, Native American (museum AND restaurant), Smithsonian Air/Space and cherry blossoms if you hit it at the right time. Oh, and the Vietnam Wall is very profound, for me at least, my father having served active during that war.

          Eighth Zatinya also, glad it is still going strong. I am probably dating myself (maybe these are out of vogue/past their prime), but how about Tosca or Citronelle for nice date night dinner? And the top of the Hotel Washington for drinks at sunset? Tell me these are still good!

          Have fun Lyssa! DC is a fab place!!

          1. I’m surprised nobody has mentioned my favorite Andres restaurant: Oyamel. Delicious.

       2. Ditto on Teasim – great food. And the Penn Quarter location (near Archives) is also near the Navy memorial and a small museum.

          Washington Monument, Printing & Engraving, and Holocaust Museum have free entry but all require timed tickets. Try to get those in advance if you know you want to go. There is a printing fee but well worth it. Right now there are two days in March and four in April for which HM advance tickets are still available.

       3. tip on white house tours: You probably won’t be able to get one now if you’re going in a month (they usually fill up like 6 months in advance). However, if you’re calling your Congressman to ask for a tour of the Capitol, also ask if they’ve used their Member’s Pass for the month. The White House recently started giving each office a member’s pass each month for up to I think 6 people that can be used in a much shorter time frame (still need some warning for security clearance). Some offices save them for VIPs, but if you’re coming near the end of the month and they haven’t used it, you might be able to get it.

   11. I might have missed it in someone else’s recommendation but I highly recommend the Newseum!! They have some very cool historical exhibits but also tons of really interesting information on global journalism.

       1. Rather than repeat previous ideas, thought I would throw out a few random ideas that I have not seen previously. Consider a tour of the monuments at night, head to the top of the Washington Monument (reservations can be made in advance through the Park Service), National Cathedral or the Basilica, butterfly conservatory on top of the Natural History Museum, or Madame Toussauds. Also, if you plan on Arlington Cemetary, consider the tourmobile. I have been there countless times with visiting family members and took it once, you will be surprised how much you learn. Plus, it is a long walk!

       2. I just heard that Source, the restaurant at the Newseum, has some 3-course dinner deal if you sit at the bar. I heard the food was very good.

          I’m fond of the Spy Museum, myself. Another idea for a day trip, assuming you have a car, is Annapolis. It’s not too far from DC (maybe 45 minutes) and is very historical, plus it’s fun to see the boats. If it’s nice out, go to Pusser’s, located righ on the water, and sit outside and have a drink.

       3. The Newseum is fantastic!! Also, check out Pasta Mia in Adams Morgan (On Columbia and 18th). It is truly a hole in the wall, with limited seating and very sparse decor. But the food (italian) is out of this world amazing for the price. They open at six and are usually closed on Sundays. I would line up at 530/ 545 to get right in and not have to wait, but I have waited in line for two hours in the rain and would do it again.

          Also, definitely check out The Gibson or Marvins for drinks.

          Another great restaurant at 19th and K is called Cities. Every six months, the menu changes to a new set of four cities, on which the cuisine is based. Right now it’s Shanghai, Havana, DC, and Athens. Delicious drinks there too!

          1. I love Pasta Mia.

10. Love the shoes!

    On a related note – does anyone know what magic volcanic rubber Steve Madden shoes have on the heels? I have two pairs, both several years old, one pair is starting to reach retirement age but the little rubber bits on the heels are immaculate! Now I have worn these shoes a LOT to walk around in (as one can tell by looking at the rest of the shoe) so it isn’t that they are a display pair. I have tried rubber/plastic/metal heel caps but eventually they all need replacing – except for these. I can strongly recommend SM shoes for even just this reason!

    1. Really? I love SM because they are the only heels that fit my wide & toe high box, but all my heel tips wear out super quick. Mine are all plastic though.

       1. make that “wide & high toe box”

11. Does anyone have any recommendations for a savings account with a decent (well, decent for right now) interest rate? I need to have the money easily accessible, so I don’t want to put it in a CD or invest in anything long term, but the money market account I’ve got it in now has some pathetically small interest rate (Like .025% or something). I was looking at both ING or Capital One, both which seem to have rates of about 1%–does anyone have thoughts on these, or other suggestions?

    1. ING is a good company. I’ve been with them about 10 years. They used to offer better rates, but it went down with the economy. But they are aggressive about raising their rates when they can. Their lack of brick-and-mortar locations allows them to save money on costs and pass them onto their customers.

    2. I have an account with Ally Bank (formerly GMAC) and have a rate comparable to ING. It’s online only, but I’ve been happy so far.

    3. Thanks!

12. Threadjack advice request:

    I’m in the middle of job hunting due to do a less than mediocre current job situation… Anyway, my graduate university started a new school of global and community health (my main area of research) a few years after I graduated with a Master’s in applied research. Post my graduation I’d worked briefly on a project with the person who later became the dean of the school so I wrote him mentioning that I was an alum of another grad program at the university and reminding him of the connection from our project then asked if we could meet to chat about job direction ideas for me, how I ended up in my line of research (because I do what they want their students to do) and the PhD program the school offers (which if I determine I want to get a PhD would be where I want to attend). The dean (who’s also a former high up NIH person) graciously offered to meet with me for an hour next week and also put out a notice that other faculty could meet with me after my meeting with him.

    So – here’s the tricky part – what do I wear? My first thought was an interview suit, except this isn’t an interview. I think he’s pretty laid back (he has been signing his emails to me with his nickname – think Mikey for Michael) but the school when I attended at least was somewhat conservative in that faculty mostly wore suits etc. So now I’m thinking a wrap dress and blazer or slacks, top, cardigan… I’m not sure how much walking around the campus I’ll be doing either – and since the school is a good 90 min drive – I need to wear something that can with stand being sat in for a while with out totally wrinkling up. Or should I error on the side of being over dressed and wear a suit (also since I’ll be teaching my graduate class later that evening and may not have time to change I can say I’m wearing a suit to teach if it comes up…)

    and I may repost this tmrw because I’m not sure how many people are still at work ;)

    1. I think pant suit or business separates (blazer and non-matching suit). You might be able to get away with true business casual, but if you think he’ll likely be wearing a suit you won’t be overdressed in a blazer.

       1. Oops, should read: “blazer and non-matching bottom”. I’m always wary of dresses that aren’t sheaths in these kinds of situation b/c you don’t know how they will come across (but I’m also from a much more male-dominated field).

    2. I like the wrap dress idea. I think people interpret that look in whatever way makes them comfortable.

       1. No suit, casual blazer or nicer cardigan, and consider non-fashion forward shoes. Not exactly frumpy, but not cutting-edge. I’ve noticed people in the sciences never seem to wear shoes that make noise (like they only wear rubber-bottomed shoes or something) so I always feel self-conscious if I wear shoes that make noise, the empowerment of heel clacking as discussed in a precious topic notwithstanding.

13. Apologies in advance for the length of this…. I’m a 2L and am currently trying to figure out if I should apply for clerkships for the 2012 term. For background — I’m at a T10, probably upper 1/3 of my class (not really sure), on ed board of a non-law-review journal, publishing a note this semester, good record of leadership at school, great past and upcoming work experience. In other words, my grades will be my weak point.

    I’ll graduate in May 2012, so I’ve considered volunteering for the re-election campaign. Beyond the fact that it’s something I believe in and most people I’ve spoken with enjoyed their time working on campaigns, it would be very helpful for several of the things I’d like to do long-term. If I do that, I can’t apply for 2012 clerkships and wouldn’t have anything concrete lined up for after November 2012. (I’m not working at a firm this summer.)

    So… based on hivemind (!) knowledge of the clerkship market, thoughts on my chances at a federal clerkship for 2012? If I apply a few years down the line, thoughts on whether judges wouldn’t like the fact that I’d done more policy-related things in the interim?

    Beyond that, if I end up applying for 2012 — two people (a judge and the clerkship advisor at my school) have both said I should add an “interests” section to my resume. There’s not a ton of room, which is why I haven’t had one in the past — I worked for 2 years after college, split my 1L summer, etc. — but I can make room for it. Any tips on having an interesting but professional line on that? For those who’ve been involved in selecting applicants, any “interests” that you’ve seen on resumes that are far too commonly used or perceived badly?

    Thanks, all –

    1. Not a lawyer, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but as someone who is considering the same thing, I keep imagining how I would feel if Obama lost and I hadn’t done all that I could. But maybe I’m just young and optimistic.

       Don’t want to make this a political argument though.

    2. Everything you’ve listed is great as far as qualifications go, but the reality is that there will be hundreds of qualified applicants. For the most competitive federal clerkships, it all comes down to professor recommendations. Do you have a professor you’ve RAed or TAed for? Are they well connected to judges? Are you comfortable enough asking them if they know any judges they’d be willing to call on your behalf? If you have a well-connected prof in your corner, they can let you know when and where you can clerk with almost 100% certitude- but it can be an awkward conversation to have if you’re not close to them, so tread lightly.

    3. Yes, apply to clerkships. I hope you’ve been advised that the hiring is quirky because each judge picks based on his/her criteria. I got my clerkship because my judge knew my reference. My husband got his clerkship because his judge had some time in the Navy and liked to pick up a student with some Navy experience every now and then, and my husband had that experience. I’ve heard of picks based on similar hobbies (like the resume that says you like model trains going to the judge who happens to collect them). Like 9:44 just said, References are a big deal, especially if you have a professor with some connections who is willing to make a call on your behalf.

       I don’t know about doing election work and then applying for a clerkship. At that point, you probably wouldn’t look like you wanted to litigate and you risk getting pigeon-holed on the campaign/policy side. That might be what you want, though, especially as you seem pretty ambivalent about clerkships right now.

       For interests, be sure to put something that really does interest you. Assume you’ll be asked about it, so don’t just make up something. I’m happy to see specific travel locations because that’s an easy conversation starter, even if it’s “state capitals” and not someplace exotic. With clerkships, you really want to fill in the interests section because that just might be the thing that gets you noticed given the unusual hiring method.

    4. You have a decent shot at a district court in the city where you’re from or in an unpopular district (read: not SDNY or similar), at the supreme court of your state, and a long shot at an appellate clerkship. You should definitely apply. It’s way better for your long term career to have clerked than to have volunteered on a campaign. In fact, it’s way better for your long term career to have any sort of paid position than to volunteer for a campaign; I know quite a few lawyers who volunteered for campaigns in 2008 and 2010, and they didn’t get jobs afterwards.

    5. Apply for clerkships, but I would not rely on it at all, even though you have excellent credentials. For clerkships, more than any other job (I think), you need to work connections. Because of Oscar, most judges get hundreds or thousands of applications now. Also, most judges have actually already hired clerks (from previous graduating years) before the Oscar season even begins. So unless you know someone, like a Professor, who can give you an “in”, it can be very difficult to get a clerkship.

       Add to that the fact that there are many judges who won’t hire anyone who doesn’t come from schools that rhyme with Shmarvard or Dale and it can be a total crapshoot. Have you thought about appeals courts in a state court? The upper courts in many states are very well respected but can be less competitive.

       Also, in terms of wanting to work the campaign, depending on the jobs you’re applying for, they may be willing to be flexible on start date (or may not be even looking for anyone before November). So don’t completely rule out applying for all jobs just because you won’t be available until November.

       Good luck!

    6. Definitely add an interests section. It’s been a plus in all law-jobs (including a clerkship) I’ve gotten thus far.

14. You should apply, even if you do not get it. I applied and did not get a clerkship, but I have no real regrets, except I limited myself to New York City–not smart. But If I did not apply, I would have regretted it. I am working in a decent job anyway, so that is all that matters, but you should apply and this way you will have a shot. But you should know that there are a lot of different judges, so don’t limit yourself to the hot clerkships. Go to outlying areas because they are all district judges. Even the Northern District of Iowa is still a federal clerkship, and you would only be there for a year or 2, so what’s the big deal? Afterward, no one cares except that you clerked for a federal judge. That’s a lot better than no clerkship at all. Good luck to you!

15. Just really need to vent for a moment. I’ve been working very hard to gain footing in the legal profession – I’ve been in the profession and even in the practice area for a long time but I’m just newly a lawyer. Some of my efforts have been successful, but thanks to some ridiculous office politics some recent efforts are not receiving the praise I was expecting and I’m being met with resistance instead of the great reception I really should be getting for this work. People are suggesting that I’m stepping too far out of my pay grade, but since I have all this experience from all these years working in this area it’s well within my capability, and I know I’m adding value. It’s incredibly frustrating. Anyway, my problem right at the moment is that my generally wonderful boyfriend sometimes just doesn’t get it. Today he told me I should be like him and just take the path of least resistance because it’s so much easier. Argh! It’s possible that he’s right in some ways, but I’m pretty sure the path of least resistance would relegate me to a silent, mousy little corner doing doc review and proofreading other people’s briefs. Sigh. It’s hard to fight all day and hear something like this when I come home at night. I really hope this frustrating phase passes soon.

    I know I probably didn’t provide enough info to enable people to make constructive comments – just really needed to vent! Thanks.

    1. I say keep fighting during the day and find someone other that your BF to vent to about it when it gets rough. That is if this does not constitute evidence that your BF either underestimates your worth or simply is not going to support your career aspirations, in which case you might be better off moving on. If he is otherwise wonderful, you already know what his opinion is on this issue, and you will need to branch out to get support on this while appreciating what you get from him in other areas or on other subjects. You should not give up at work if you want to have more responsibility and genuinely merit the trust of your superiors. Generally, those most successful in their legal careers carve out a niche of expertise and garner the respect of their superiors in order to obtain the opportunities to really exercise their abilities early in their careers.

       1. Frankly, it sounds like you may need a bit of an attitude adjustment. I know it must be frustrating to have a significant amount of experience in the field and not having it “count” with the people that you are working for, but as you pointed out, you are newly a lawyer and are still lacking in legal experience. You say that “some recent efforts are not receiving the praise I was expecting” and “I’m being met with resistance instead of the great reception I really should be getting.” Remember, you are not entitled to praise, and certainly, a junior associate that constantly gave me the attitude that “I deserve praise” or “I am better than this type of work” would make me look for someone else to give a work assignment to. I don’t know the facts of your situation, but if – for example – you did extra research or work that the supervising attorney did not request, the issue may not be the work itself, but that you billed time for something that the client did not request, did duplicative work, or should have spent that time on a different assignment. I think you should take a different approach to the “fighting” approach that you have now. Initiative is a good thing, but too much initiative can interfere with the supervising attorney’s ability to manage the case properly. If you have an idea, suggest it, but don’t demand that your view is right. Taking 15-30 minutes to look into an issue in more depth is often appreciated, but then before going deeper, tell the supervising attorney what you’ve done, why you think it’s worthwhile to look into it deeper, and what you’d like to do as next steps. If you are proofreading a brief and see a hole in an argument or language that should be revised, let the writer know, but don’t take it personally if they don’t take your suggestion. If there is a task that you know should be done and has not been assigned yet, ask if you can do it. And do the assignments that you are given – even if they seem menial, like doc review and proofreading – and do them perfectly, so that people learn to trust your work and trust you with more substantive assignments.

          1. Anonymous 11:31 – thank you so much. I really appreciate your comments.

             Anonymous 12:26 – I do appreciate your feedback, but I think you’re reading more into the situation than is really there. I was talking about two different situations – the one confronting me at work where I feel like my efforts aren’t being appreciated, and the one at home where my boyfriend tells me to take the path of least resistance and I worry that that will never get me anywhere. I don’t constantly give anyone the attitude that I deserve praise or that I’m unwilling to do tasks that need to be done. And I don’t believe I have what should be characterized as a “fighting” attitude, but neither do I have an attitude that I should just passively sit around and not contribute. Again, I do appreciate the feedback, but I’ll take your tone as a sign that I should vent elsewhere.

             1. Anonymous 12:26- Thanks! This was a great pep talk for me (new lawyer) and more than that, concrete do’s and dont’s. Will be bookmarking this one.

             2. Agree with Anne Shirley that Anonymous 12:26’s advice was spot on for new attorneys. @lawyer person, it may not have been the advice you were looking for, but it’s good anyway…

          2. Triple ditto to this. Even if it is not the advice you are looking for – listen to this. The person more senior to you at work is ALWAYS RIGHT, even if you think X or Y merits more attention/research than Z, and the senior person is focusing on Z. Do what the senior person asks.

    2. A little late to the table on this one, but first, I would like to say that without knowing your BF’s personality, it’s hard to tell where his feedback is coming from. For example, my H and I have very different career paths. He is blue collar and a very hard worker, but he simply doesn’t understand the type of stress lawyering induces. I rarely talk to him about my work unless I have a general issue or a funny story. I have also noticed that H’s first instinct is to offer me advice that will alleviate my suffering because he hates to see me that way. Often, that advice is something akin to taking the path of least resistance. He just wants a happy wife. So maybe your BF’s advice is coming from a good place.
       Second, I rarely, if ever get praise for my work from the higher ups, *even* when I write the best motion for summary judgment ever and the plaintiff decides not to even write a reply brief and to dismiss our client as a party… ahem. So. Your efforts are noticed, and that’s the best you can hope for. I will also echo anonymous 12:26 about the billing issue: If you are planning to go above and beyond, make sure that it’s something worth your time and your client’s time. It could be as simple as doing the assigned task and then saying, “I’d like to take this a few steps further. What would be helpful?”

    3. Not sure if you’re still looking for advice on the BF’s response, but I’ve found that telling my husband when I’m looking for feedback vs. when I just need to vent has been really helpful. He’s always in “fix it” mode, and so sometimes he doesn’t understand why I just need a rant, and how his “advice” is actually more hurtful than helpful at that moment. After being together for a while, and me telling him when I needed to rant, he’s finally started asking (still doesn’t always get it right, but working on it), “Is this a venting time or an advice time? Are you ever going to want advice, or there’s no fixing it, you’re just angry?” Usually, him giving me those 3 options calms me down enough to hear some helpful advice. You might try explaining to your BF that sometimes you just need to vent, and you’re not looking for advice. I would recommend saying this at a time when you’re not angry or worked up over anything, but more as a “here’s how I deal with anger/stress, and here’s the best way to handle me when I’m like this.” The key is, you do have to be open to advice at some point, so make sure that if you say, “now’s the time for advice”, you do actually take the advice without getting upset.

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