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Looking for something similar but more affordable? These $22 flats at Amazon might be worth the gamble.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend a dress that’s similar to this but in a darker color like navy and in 16/18? thank you!
https://hunterbellnyc.com/collections/dresses/products/maya-dress-white
Anon
I have never heard of this brand before today. Can someone explain who this brand is for? And is this what you wear Golden Goose sneakers with?
I have big hips and I do feel like the giant puff sleeves would really balance me out. OTOH, where do you wear this?
And I’m not trying to be snarky. I feel like I mastered about 5 iterations of business-formal to business-casual and then after the pandemic my fashion mind stopped working entirely. I am barely back to wearing real bras vs just stretchy things.
Senior Attorney
I live in So Cal, and I’m short so this dress would probably be knee-length on me. I would wear this dress all summer long to parties, brunch, outdoor concerts, etc. And I’d probably wear it with sandals, as shown, rather than sneakers. (Although I think it would be cute with my metallic gold sneakers.)
Anon
It’s a cute dress and I used to do cutwork embroidery, so I am a fan. And yet, there is a Mommy and Me section, and a lot of things that would amuse my mom, who made her wedding dress and a lot of my clothes as a kid (did we ever love ric-rac trim on things). I’m having some nostalgia.
Anon
i kind of want this dress as i have a daughter named ‘maya’ but a $300 white dress is not very practical with small children
Anon
A white “dry clean only” dress at that. I can’t have nice things like this.
Anonymous
It’s a casual
Day dress
What is the mystery?
Anon
So it’s a weekend dress or a SAHM dress? No wonder it didn’t compute. I get church dresses and party dresses, but I never get a party dress in white b/c then I’d need to have something else for weddings. I just cannot with clothes sometimes. Men have it so easy and their footwear is always comfy.
Anonymous
If you want to do nothing and go no where that’s A you thing.
Liza
“SAHM dress”? Wth…
Anonymous
No SAHM I know would wear that on a weekday. They are wearing grubby sweats.
Anon
I think I had things like this in high school and college. After that, it was all sheath dresses and athleisure and nothing in between. I nearly had to baptize my kid in a dark solid sheath dress, but the vibe was just so wrong that I attempted post parting shopping to be less somber. This is definitely hitting a better vibe.
Kaywinnet
This is not a work dress, it’s a day dress. Day dresses are not a new thing. I am 45 and would wear this to church, brunch, wineries, parties, etc. with sandals. The sleeves are on the extra-poofy side but it’s not completely over the top.
OP, you might like the Navy Floral Eyelet V-Neck Dress from Sail to Sable.
Liza
Literally, what is the mystery. I would wear this to any daytime/outdoor party or event, the farmer’s market if I felt like making it fashun, obviously brunch, a “white party”, anything where the sun would be shining on me. If people can’t afford a $300 dress or never wear white, fine, but the concept that such clothing items exist really isn’t that shocking.
Anon
Not as breezy or flowy: https://sailtosable.com/products/long-sleeve-v-neck-dress-3
https://veronicabeard.com/products/addilyn-dress-1?variant=41526790783147&glCountry=US&glCurrency=USD&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=US%20-%20Shopping%20-%20Generic%20-%20FP%20-%20Dresses___14168178145&utm_term=&utm_content=___124799343839&ajs_event=Ad%20Clicked&ajs_prop_match_type=&ajs_prop_placement=&ajs_prop_ad_id=537607792702&ajs_prop_network=g&ajs_prop_target_id=pla-1675661012874&gclid=CjwKCAjw6raYBhB7EiwABge5KiZY_jfPzhbyIoWrTZVwS_Xot96WXSxdlTZYTrMnGwOnO9pSlZjVqRoC4s8QAvD_BwE
Kaywinnet
Jinx on the navy blue eyelet dress!
Anon
Well, I want to recommend Lily Pulitzer Amrita Eyelet Midi Dress in blue, but it looks like they’re sold out of 16/18 (and like every other size) :(
In Black and size 16 (sold out of 18), there’s ASOS EDITION Curve v neck broderie midi dress with puff sleeve in black, which is midi/long, not short.
Anon
Try the Sue Sartor sale — lots of longer dresses and their sizes go up to XL and are pretty generously sized. There are some white dresses IIRC.
Anonymous
Ooh, I want that dress. Too bad it’s final sale.
Solo birthday ideas
I’m turning 35 soon and typically plan a fun solo trip for my birthday but this year I’m just exhausted and also can’t get away from work. I’m not into big parties, but 35 is a nice round number and I do want to do something special for it that will be a nice memory later (I have awesome memories of my 30th birthday travels). Any ideas? I’m not looking to spend a ton but have considered: treating myself to first time botox, spa day, casual meet-at-a-bar for any friends who want to come… but would love other ideas
Anon
I’d do spa day or delayed trip.
No Face
If you are exhausted, a spa day sounds great. Maybe ask some friends to join.
A classic piece of jewelry or tattoo also works.
Anon
Like a spa service and then you just hang out at the spa pool reading a book and maybe knitting and ordering nibbles and pretty drinks all day.
Anonymous
For my birthday a few years ago I spent three days solo at Ojo Santa Fe Resort. I was exhausted and it was exactly what I needed. I recommend something like that as I came back totally recharged.
Anon
Pedis + Brunch w/ Friends would be delightful.
Anne-on
I’d find an upscale hotel by with a spa in your area. Book a room, arrange a facial or massage, shower off and get a blwout (or do your own hair) and then meet friends there for lunch/brunch/dinner. Relax afterwards in the fancy hotel room, sleep in the next day and order room service before checkout!
Anon
This is the clear winner!!
Vicky Austin
This is such a perfect idea omg.
Anon for this
As much as I hate feeling trapped, right now I have too many unknowns. I’m apartment hunting (which I wish I could afford to outsource, I hate this process), I am job hunting for something more consistent than the freelancing life, and I have been online dating (or at least trying to). I just want one category in my life to feel secure! I am exhausted with all of the narrowing down and initiating communication!
Ugh!
Anon
No advice, just commiseration. I’m wired the same way.
anon
Maybe drop the dating until life settles down? That is a lot of unknowns and it seems like your focus is elsewhere at the moment. Feel free to disregard if this sounds crazy, but it is a thought.
Cb
What’s the weirdest interview you’ve ever been on?
I just finished parts 1 and 2 of a job interview (presentation and drinks reception, academia…) It is so weird to meet the other shortlisted candidates. I’m just grateful there isn’t a dinner and I can get a big bowl of pad Thai and retreat to my hotel. I’m by far the most experienced candidate but each persons’ profile is so different, I can’t figure out what they are looking for.
Anon
That seems like inviting you all to some sort of trial by combat. Do not like — 1 start review for this approach.
Anon
Is this a UK thing? My husband is a US academic and never met other the candidates when interviewing. He could figure out how who they were though, due to public colloquium announcements.
Monday
No, when I was in academics in the US I also met my competition on interview trips. I thought it was really uncomfortable and don’t understand the benefit.
Anon
Maybe it’s intentional, like seeing who is cutthroat and who can bite their tongue and be nice? Not a fan though.
Anonymous
Or is it because the committee is lazy and doesn’t want to bother to take each candidate to dinner individually? Either way, it’s disrespectful to the candidates.
Anon
Huh, it must depend on your field then? I’ve never heard of anyone in my husbands field having a group interview in the US.
Monday
We had individual interviews, for one job I am thinking of, but then a group dinner with all candidates present and some of the hiring committee. I think some of the guesses above have merit, or it’s just obtuse and pretentious on the part of longtime tenured people who have no idea how it feels. “Why wouldn’t all these interesting young scholars want to have dinner together?”
Anon
Yeah, in my husband’s field they don’t do group dinners either, at least not in the US. There are often two or more interviews in the same week, but they schedule the colloquia and dinners on separate days. You can often tell who is interviewing from the public list of speakers, and if my husband recognized a name he might talk to the person about it. But he never met any other candidates through the formal interview process.
Anon
I’m a professor and have never heard of this in my field in the US, but I’ve heard it’s common in Europe. I’ve even heard of some places (Norway, maybe?) where everyone is publicly ranked and notified of who interviewed best.
Cb
It’s unusual even for the UK. I think it used to happen, but from an equalities perspective / Athena Swan it seems pretty suspect. Often fields are small enough, you know who might apply. For my current job, it was me, my coauthor / office mate, and another guy in my field but that was all online.
The thing that surprises American academics is that they hire you on the basis of a 30 minute talk and a 30 minute interview, and you know if you got the job or not within 72 hours.
Anonymous
My weirdest one wasn’t like that, it was an NYC private equity shop that thought it was all that. So for an in house lawyer job you went through like 7 rounds of interviews and in each round interviewers on both the business and law sides were bragging about ooohh no one is tough enough to survive here, our attrition is SOOOO high. Like it was a positive, like they were Navy seals or something. I knew by round 2 I’d never take it if offered, but kept going back for each round as I got called back because I was so curious what the next level of ridiculousness would be. Lol.
Anon
Go on — now I’m curious. Was there a fitness test? Body fat calibrations?
Anonymous
Haha if they could have they would have. They did make me feel like a gross pig for extending my hand for a handshake. And this was years and years ago, before covid was a thing.
Anonymous
A team interview! I was paired up with 3 other candidates in a group of 4 to solve a problem. It was awful, I’m incredibly introverted and I had only prepared to speak to the actual interviewers. In the end I wound up taking control of the group and leading the problem solving because I felt like I had no other choice given the lackluster partners I was assigned. I passed the interview but I made sure to tell them it was the worst interview of my life.
Anne-on
Omg I forgot that I did that too! At Deutsche (pre-crash) they had 3 of us interview together and present our solution to a logic problem. They then only moved some of us to the next round. Interviewing in big finance, especially before me-too was hands down the WORST (they also asked me if I would be ok accompanying salespeople to ‘gentlemen’s clubs’, ugh and ugh).
Anonymous
I have had quite a few weird interviews, but always when I was the interviewer. These are for PhD-level non-academic positions and oh boy you would not believe some of the weirdos that make it through HR.
Anonymous
This used to be a very common approach in investment banking for first year analyst toles. I did multiple group dinners with other candidates. I think it was to see how well-rounded you were. If you were supposed to be cutthroat, we all missed the memo.
Anon
+1 At least one of my Big Law summer associate callbacks involved a group dinner with other candidates. I assumed they were assessing your ability to schmooze. No one was rude, but I am fairly socially awkward and was also the only person there who wasn’t a white male and felt super out of place. I was not shocked to be rejected by that firm.
Anon
I think we did group lunches with candidates in public accounting. But that was part of final round for interns and fresh grads. To make sure they could interact socially and be a well rounded person. The lunches were after two rounds of interviews.
Nina
The interviewer asked me about my biggest regret and success at each stage of my life and each job, starting in high school. One question specifically was “what was the hardest thing you went through in college” – did she want me to start talking about realized I was depressed and having horrible test anxiety . . .
Vicky Austin
This gives me the opportunity to tell my favorite (mock) interview story: when I was a college accounting student, a partner in a regional accounting firm came to do mock interviews and I signed up for one. My resume indicates that I studied abroad in Sweden, and as usually happens, she asked me about it. We chatted amiably for a minute, and then she said, “Did you ever see any of those beautiful dogs that are from there?”
I was a bit flummoxed. To my knowledge Sweden was not famous for any dog breeds to US dog connoisseurs, except perhaps the occasional Samoyed. I politely said I had not, please tell me more. She mentioned that her sister had one but she couldn’t remember the name of the breed. We moved on. A few minutes later she remembered that she was thinking of the Bernese mountain dog.
Bernese = of Bern, which is in Switzerland.
That sort of thing has happened to me many a time, but never in an interview with a partner. I figured it was better not to correct her at that point.
Cb
Haha! Oh my goodness, I love it!
anon
I had a Big Law interview in Miami. I was a 2L in NYC in 2009, so height of the recession. They flew me down from NYC, put me up in a hotel, etc. First, a fire alarm went off in the high-rise office building shortly before my interview time, so when I arrived, everybody was standing around outside in the hot sun. Then it took quite a while for everyone to take the elevators up to the office. So, my interview started at least 45 minutes late, everyone was hot and sweaty, and the lawyers were all cranky that they’d lost so much of their morning.
In my first interview, the partner told me that I had no chance of being hired since their summer class was so small (and, he implied, basically decided).
In the associate interviews, it was super clear that all the associates were miserable because they were being flown from Miami to Los Angeles every week for doc review on the Lehman bankruptcy. They hadn’t been in the Miami office in months and were just there to interview people the firm had no intention of hiring. It was really strange.
As promised, I didn’t get an offer. That firm also laid off a substantial number of their associates 2-3 years after I graduated.
Anne-on
This was years ago now, but pre-2008 crash I was interviewing at a hedge fund (that I would bet no longer exists but I literally can’t even remember the name so who knows). It was a sales support role, they had me do a written test on the securities/finance stuff (pretty normal and expected). I handed that back and then went for my interview with the MD. His EA brought me into his office, sat me down, offered me a glass of water and then told me he’d be in to see me shortly. He walks in, shakes my hand, sits down, and (I honestly can’t remember) either stares at me or says ‘go’. After a few seconds I realize this is some macho wolf of wall street BS and hand him my paper resume, and start to talk him through my (pretty paltry at this point) work history. I pause after talking about my current role and ask if he has any questions. He then cracks up, tells me ‘he does this to everyone’ and compliments how well I handled myself. We make small talk about my current company, what I like to do, how I studying for my series CFP, etc. They made me a pretty decent offer which I used to get a counter at my other job because no way in heck was I working for that jerk. As Alison at ask a manager says, if you take a counteroffer you should probably be prepared to get out quickly as they know you’ve been looking. I was also interviewing with a much bigger name company for a totally different type of role, got it about 3 months after all this mishegoss and vowed to never work in finance again.
Vicky Austin
Wow. I definitely would have been impressed with you too, but what a weird power play psychological testing nonsense approach! And he thought that was effective??
Anon
This is as an interviewer but in my early 20s I had hiring responsibility for a high-turn around, low bar of entry job, and in an interview asked the interviewee why he left his last job. His answer: “assaulting my boss.” Deadpan 100% serious. I kept up the interview b/c I didn’t want to anger him but OMG.
Anon
When I was applying for Big Law summer associate jobs, one firm had all the candidates come to the office on the same day, sit around the conference table and chat, move around the office in a circle and do the interviews, and then have a cocktail hour. It was an extremely strange vibe.
Anonymous
Say you are starting to look for a house, is there any way you can get in “trouble” if you start looking with 2 agents with two different firms? Have not and would not sign anything with more than one agent. However, both have sent up MLS portals for me. I started with one agent due to a recommendation and liked her fine, and then met the other one at an open house and she’s just been assertive in reaching out, setting up a portal, checking in. Right now all I’d use them for is to get appointments at properties where I missed the open house which isn’t a daily thing, more like once every month or two as this is a slow search. With 2 agents, I’ve found that if I’m available on Tuesday morning, one of them will be around Tuesday so I don’t get the – sorry can’t do Tuesday, can you reschedule things to do Wednesday. I assume this problem works itself out but I don’t want this to come back to bite me in some way either.
Anonymous
Not cool
Anonymous
At what point in the search do you commit to one agent? If you look at houses on your own at open houses, are you obligated to use an agent you met once at an open house who set up an MLS search for you if you never use their portal?
Senior Attorney
You tell that agent thanks, but you are already working with someone.
anon
don’t do this
Liza
Yeah I mean, if either of them “shows” you a house, even by pushing it on the MLS portal, they would have an argument that they are owed the commission for the sale if you ultimately buy it. Whether they would actually pursue anything depends how much time/resources they have invested in you. It’s pretty unlikely, but still. You don’t want to go too far down this road IMO, just for peace of mind.
OTOH, these realtors have to protect themselves by only taking clients on showing and investing time when they have a realtor agreement in place. Have either of them sent you documents to sign?
If availability is an issue, go with someone who is part of a larger office who can have colleagues cover showing you properties. As a buyer, I highly recommend Redfin. They have a huge network of people who can just show up and show you a house, in partnership with your “main” realtor.
Anonymous
Generally this. To me an automated portal set up is NBD because they aren’t doing anything, they put in your criteria and the portal sends you emails. I’m assuming you haven’t signed paperwork with anyone from your post, so that’s kind of their own problem. But once you start scheduling showings, I’d pick one – ideally whoever works more with your schedule or whoever you want to ultimately use to buy.
AIMS
Right. I don’t even understand how this isn’t a problem already. If you want to see a house on Tuesday and one agent isn’t available, are you asking the other one to set it up on that day? Because that could definitely set up a commission fight.
Aside from being a crappy thing to do to these people, I think it’s just not a sound strategy. 1. Assuming you’re looking at one general area with both, you’re going to get the same listings suggested from both which is just a waste of your time (esp. if you forget what you already saw, which can happen when you’re looking long enough, and go see something twice). 2. If there is an issue with who found something for you first, that’s not an issue a seller with other offers will want to be involved with. Just figure out who is better or who you like best and work with them.
Anonymous
For anyone who enjoys shopping and looks put together, do you think tweed or herringbone blazers are dated or classic? I picture wearing a casual dark jeans, long sleeve t shirt, short boots in the fall and then throwing a blazer on top to dress it up. Or a work wearing a grey tweed type blazer with black dress pants, rather than a full suit. I’m 40 and kind of a formal person if it matters.
And for actual shopping help – have you seen one available anywhere? I’d like the classic grey tweed or herringbone. It doesn’t need to be wool or anything but some sort of structured suit material. So many womens jackets I’ve seen lately are jersey material or linen which to me feels like a sweater, though I suppose linen with a lining could be ok. And because this is just a “for fun” piece I’d like to spend $100-150 ideally esp when the black friday type discounts start probably in a month. I’m not looking to spend $500 at Brooks Brothers or anything.
Anon
This sounds like a Ralph Lauren on ebay purchase to me. It might be a little dated, but it’s a good look if you can pull it off well.
eertmeert
https://www.girlsofacertainage.com/shopping/fall-preview-blazers/
This has a few options you are looking for! Maybe more $$$ though.
Evereve has some options:
https://evereve.com/book-club-blazer-50989-c
https://evereve.com/daily-oxford-blazer-51918-c
Old Navy: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do
Loft: https://www.loft.com/houndstooth-long-modern-blazer/601814
https://www.loft.com/plaid-houndstooth-boyfriend-blazer/574086
eertmeert
I just posted some links, so in mod. But there are cute options out there!
No Face
Classic. I love a tweed blazer. Mine were purchased resale mostly, but I have a Calvin Klein one that I bought new from Macy’s.
Anonymous
tweed and herringbone are classics, jcrew and boden have them every year but not yet. maybe check poshmark?
uniqlo has also had them in the past.
This one isn’t wool but I got it and kept it in the NAS – https://www.nordstrom.com/s/glen-plaid-blazer/6616224?origin=coordinating-6616224-0-1-PDP_1-recbot-also_viewed_graph&recs_placement=PDP_1&recs_strategy=also_viewed_graph&recs_source=recbot&recs_page_type=product&recs_seed=6616635&color=BLACK-%20GREY%20MENSWEAR%20PLAID
too expensive but this is cute https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kerstin-herringbone-wool-jacket/6968073?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=020
Anon
Everlane has an oversize version that I really like
Seafinch
I run to fairly formal and am 44 and I like this look. I think with the right updated jeans, accessories a classic blazer is…classic! I like Boden, Joules, basically the British brands. I have a couple.
JM
I have several from Talbots and one from LRL and wear them like you described. In fact the last time I looked Talbots had a few left from the winter.
Anony
I got a used Ann Taylor herringbone blazer (black and cream colored) on ThredUp for like $14 last year. It’s structured and very fall/winter. Bonus – blazers on ThredUp are 30% off with code YAY through tomorrow.
Anonymous
I really like that look. I don’t think everyone can pull it off but I think a certain formal type of person looks really good in it. Go for it. Just google around and see if it pops up. IDK why I think this but I feel like department stores in the New England area tend to stock a lot of these types of classic things.
Vicky Austin
J. Crew Factory has some herringbone styles right now, not sure if their patterns will fit your bill of “classic” though.
PS I love this look and I would wear it all the time – my office is on the formal end of biz-caz.
Vicky Austin
brb just let me get out my J Crew Factory drum to bang on again
Grace
Definitely classic! But idk I love Ralph Lauren prep style and live in a preppy college town in the Northeast so YMMV. I’m currently on the hunt for a tweed or herringbone blazer with elbow patches (adore this look!)
anon
This is such a classic fall look, and I love it.
Anon
Banana Republic has a herringbone jacket right now: https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=772757
There’s also this one from WHBM, although not sure it fits what you’re looking for: https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/whbm+studio+blazer/570333573
Anonie
I am under the impression that tweed is back in a big way. If you watch reality shows with casts of “business professionals” (debatable use of those words since they are not very professional haha) like Selling Sunset, the realtors are wearing lots of tweed in recent seasons. Their version of tweed is in mini skirt form or with plunging necklines, but I think a more conservative version of tweed would be a stylish and business appropriate nod to that trend.
AIMS
Classic and also in for Fall right now – see the glen plaid blazer and jeans featured on Thursday last week.
Take a look at BR, Madewell and JCrew Factory. Even Old Navy has a version, which I think means this is very much on trend right now.
Anon
Depends entirely on the cut and style of the blazer and its details. It might be a little early to find at most retailers, that’s a very fall/winter look. Oh but, wasn’t there one featured here just last week?
Anon
In a spirit of fun, what incorrect stereotypes do you hold about various locales?
For me, you say Pennsylvania, and my mind immediately pictures child coal miners from the late 1800s and old fashioned factories belching black smoke. Apparently, it’s still the 19th century in Pennsylvania in the recesses of my brain 😂 (Interestingly, West Virginia in my mind is just one giant park with mountains, rivers, hiking trails, and winding roads. Coal never enters my mind 🤔)
Anon
Yikes — I’m having Breezewood flashbacks. Hate the PA turnpike.
Anonymous
Who came up with the idea for Breezewood? Let’s dump the entire turnpike out onto surface streets with a bunch of intersections! What could possibly go wrong?
PolyD
Laughing in recognition having driven through Breezewood twice a year for the last couple of years, going from DC to Chicago.
It is a very strange set up!
pugsnbourbon
Omg Breezewood. At least there are plenty of restrooms.
Anonymous
Growing up in PA, my only memories of Breezewood are vomiting there multiple times from car sickness on the turnpike.
Anon
this isn’t really about a locale, but i associate southern accidents with the uneducated, even though i know there are many many well educated intelligent people with southern accents. CA and FL i think of Palm Trees and Sunshine, though I know the bay area and many northern parts of FL beg to differ
anon
This is why I have to mask my southern accent despite my education and work history 🙄
Not that Anne the other Anne
Indeed. I deliberately temporarily misplace my Southern accent for that exact reason… except if I’m talking to my family, friends, or business associates from the South. Then it comes back.
PolyD
I used to kind of feel that way. Moving from IL to MD, I encounter more accents now that are Southernish so that has busted my stereotype. Also watching tv shows where people have southern accents (okay, True Blood mainly pops to mind) and also Waltons reruns (what can I say, they were very comforting to watch in 2020) has neutralized my opinion about Southern accents.
Anon
I am a Southern accident.
Anon
Jacksonville, FL. I imagine it being filled with beach bums or Jason Mendoza types (The Good Place), but it’s apparently a thriving city with a lot of industry and company HQs.
Anonymous
Jacksonville is very much your initial impression. My DH is a street drug expert and he routinely gets flown out to Jacksonville for qualifications, tests, etc. He has so many stories about people he’s dealt with.
Vicky Austin
I also see Jacksonville as just a sea of Jasons.
Anonymous
I live in Jax. It is what you think. There are some lovely people, but there are thriving biker gangs and lots of rednecks. The public school system is woefully underfunded and undersupported and getting cut off at the knees by the state administration. The public library system is amazing though. The mayor appears to want to be like the governor.
Anonymous
I think there’s an underground coal fire still burning in rural pa somewhere so you’re not totally off? I picture 19th century textile factories filled with young women every time someone mentions Lowell Massachusetts.
I imagine that Tampa Florida is perpetually stuck in the 1980s and everything is turquoise or teal and I have no idea why. I’ve never been there.
Anon
SAAAAME to your Tampa paragraph!!
Anonymous
You’re correct about the unground coal fire – Centralia.
Anonia
Centralia PA. Burning since 1962. I loved the Bill Bryson chapter on Centralia in A Walk in the Woods!
Vicky Austin
All of Maine is idyllic coastline. I refuse to believe otherwise.
This isn’t exactly the same, but I also remember being thoroughly shocked at how geographically small NYC was. In my mind it had been built up as such a wonderland that I couldn’t imagine it not going on forever.
Anonymous
I grew up in Los Angeles. The first time I saw NYC was when I went there for a job interview. I remember looking out the window as the train approached the city, absolutely astonished by how tiny it was.
AIMS
As a New Yorker, I am always shocked when I see how spread out other large metropolitan areas are. I always think, “what, you couldn’t just fit all 8-9 million people in one place?!”
(also – New York City is technically not just Manhattan or even Manhattan and BK, but point taken).
LaurenB
You don’t think about things like, I don’t know, the Liberty Bell, William Penn, Ben Franklin and the founding of this country?
Anon
New Jersey – basically a cross between The Sopranos and Jersey Shore.
I know it’s not true. I have been to some beautiful communities in Jersey and several of my friends who work in NYC live in Jersey. But that’s not what pops into my head when someone says New Jersey.
anon
Has anyone successfully worked out a part-time schedule, especially if you’ve been in a people-management position while doing this? I have my doubts it could work, but I am feeling time-crunched in a way that I can’t seem to time-manage my way out of. First and foremost, I want to be with my kids more. One of them in particular could benefit from having a parent around every day after school. He is nearly a teenager; this is not an “outsource childcare” situation. Middle school kids come home with lots of feelings, or at least mine does. I also have a side hustle that I’d love to get off the ground but haven’t been able to make it work because I have no slack in my day (and it’s not the kind of thing that can be done at midnight or 6 a.m.). Add in kids’ appointments, activities, etc., and I feel like I’m constantly biting into my vacation time anyway just to cover things. (DH is doing his share and isn’t leaving it all to me). I guess I’m looking for an escape hatch from the grind: not that I want to sit around and do nothing, but I have very specific things I want to do with my time and full-time work makes them nearly impossible.
I would first have to get DH on board. But also, logistically, how do I pitch a reduced schedule to my boss, knowing that work is just going to pile up unless the expectations change overall or she hires someone else?
Anon
I think you have to choose between the side hustle and more time with your kids. Either of those alone could easily eat up the hours you gain by going part time, unless you’re talking about working 50% or less.
I don’t work a reduced schedule but I’ve never had to use formal leave to cover kids appointments. Maybe you just need a more flexible job?
anon
You’re probably right that it wouldn’t buy me enough time. I have plenty of leave time to cover the appointments, but they eat into my day and I find myself needing to make up the time later to meet my deadlines. I probably do need a more flexible job but no clue where to start. I’m in higher ed admin and feel very … locked in.
Anon
i think it depends on industry, and what kind of people management. and what kind of work product the people you manage are producing or need to produce,
Anonymous
I think you lean way out and see how that works. Im I’m a similar situation, was preparing to quit my job and got a really great performance review. The mindset now is “ manage this income steam” not “excel in my career” it is bizarrely working, like in office space. So weird but the money is good.
Anon
Yes, this. It is pretty easy in most jobs to lean way out without getting fired, or even suffering negative consequences.
JTM
You want to work the same number of days, but just less hours each day? Can you just say “I need to be offline for an hour” but then log back in to finish your work day? Or do you need a hard stop at like 2pm or something?
My company has a thing called job shares, where 2 people each work 60% to cover a 1 FTE job, but they split the work days, not shorten their day.
anon
Yeah, I’m thinking the same number of days, but fewer hours overall. I do best when I have a hard stopping point, but maybe that’s not realistic.
Anon
Try quiet quitting?
Anon
I don’t think you have time for the side hustle.
Anonymous
I have an Athleta rashguard that has a pocket in the back and a little credit card pocket on the arm — both zip and they were perfect this past weekend at the beach. Is there a brand with similar features like that for guys?
Anon
Maybe Lulu? They have men’s clothes
An Adjunct
Thank you to those who recognized how hard adjuncts work for so little pay and no benefits or job security. It is hard to be here sometimes and hear some of you spend 5 months of my income on one bag or trip and wonder if I’ll ever feel financially stable, but academia is where I know I belong so I just keep applying for full-time or Title IX or anything else. Thank you for letting me and us be seen this morning.
Anonymous
It galls me that adjuncts are so poorly paid despite rising tuition, so where the bleep is the money going? If tuition is rising, I’d rather see the money go to adjuncts, because that’s more useful than a new fancy sports complex! Or if the school is making money from the athletic division, then why isn’t the money going back to the adjuncts instead of the head football coach (who, at least at my state alma mater, is still running a bottom of the Div 1 program so isn’t worth his ridiculous salary).
Grace
It’s an incredibly unjust system that needs to be highlighted more, especially to students and parents. Wishing you the best in your applications and job search!!
Anon
Adjunct isn’t necessarily synonymous with terrible job. There are adjuncts in my department who make upwards of $60k and full benefits for teaching 4 sections of the same class each semester. The total time in the classroom is less than 15 hours a week and it’s only one prep, with summers completely off. It’s cushier than a lot of jobs. How adjuncts are treated really depends on the institution and department.
Anon
This is very far outside the norm. Signed a higher education researcher.
Anonymous
No offense, but that’s a full-time lecturer or full-time visitor, not an adjunct. If your institution classifies somebody teaching a 4-4 load as an adjunct, I would think they’re cruising for issues with their accreditor.
Anon
Can anyone comment about Junior League, specifically the DC chapter (apparently there’s also a Northern Virginia chapter)? It was mentioned late in the morning thread and reminded me that I really need to find something to join in my new city (Arlington/DC). I’m 29, single, childless, and honestly friendless too…I always sort of regretted not joining a sorority in college because I have no college friends and it seems like many who were in a sorority still stay in touch. Anyway, is Junior League super clique-ish? What is it like? Is it expensive (like other than dues, will the lifestyle of being a member cost a lot of money?) With the DC chapter(s), does it slant a certain way politically?
Cat
I casually looked into it once and it seemed very “super educated SAHMs humblebragging” but ymmv by chapter.
Anon
Yeah it’s all wealthy, educated SAHMs in my city, but I’ve heard it’s different in other cities.
Anon
When I was in the JLW, it was half lawyers. I did a placement at the Folger Shakespeare Library ushering for plays and pouring wine for parties. I also did a fundraising placement and something that provides volunteers for one-time events (like handing out registration packets for events, that sort of thing). I loved it and met a lot of great women through it.
I thought the JLNoVa was more SAHM but I lived in N. Arlington and didn’t have a reliable car and worked downtown, so JLW just made a lot more sense for me.
DC pandas
Hi! I ended up not joining the DC chapter in my mid 20s (a few years back) due to the upstart cost.
Most folks who have experience with JL said that they enjoyed their experience, but found that other localized groups (walking groups, book clubs, rec sports teams) provided a more “bang for your buck” in making friends. YMMV
Anonymous
friends who joined in NYC and DC were mostly professionals but you have to have a lot of time – i think they had major commitments in terms of hours and I did have the impression it was expensive if only because of all the fundraising cocktail hours and benefits requiring cocktail dresses?
Anonymous
Not the DC chapter. I was in JL in Charlotte. I joined because I wanted to volunteer on a more regular basis, but didn’t want to deal with a lot of the administrative hurdles I was finding with volunteering, such as committing to a very specific day and time each week/month, not allowing individuals to volunteer (only accepted groups).
I was like 5 years older than the other girls in my “provisional” class (29 vs 23/24). I didn’t encountered anyone who was a SAHM or SAHW, although I think there were many involved in this chapter. Everyone I met worked. My issue was with all of the additional things you have to do and the times they were at. lots of meetings at 6 on a Tuesdays and socials at 5:30- I’m never sure I can’t make those with my job, and if you missed one you were basically screwed with your ability to meet your “requirements” for the year. Also, I had been lead to believe that I could get all my volunteer hours done on weekends. This was not the case, so I would be constantly short on hours. I brought this up many times and it fell on deaf ears. I guess other people have more reliable stop times in their days and can just make it work more.
Anon
This was my experience in JL Nashville. Everyone in my provisional group was the same age as me– 27ish– in part because our groups were divided up by neighborhoods. Everyone worked. However, I found many of the higher up JL people did not– most of them were close to 40 and had worked when they were younger, before kids. There are not very many working moms, and JLN has trouble (understandably) retaining people once they have kids.
I also joined to volunteer for the same reasons, and I also had trouble getting my hours done with a 9-5 job. Most of the volunteer opportunities were during the school day. Many working professionals still do them on their lunch break or leave work early one day a week… but that was not an option in my profession. I also raised this issue numerous times, and it was never resolved. I found that most of the people that worked full time were in other areas of the league like marketing, social, etc., not community, which is what I was in.
I felt like I met a lot of people and learned a lot about my city, but I did not really make any friends. I know people that did make friends through the league, mostly provisional year, or through book club, etc. I found it hard to make friends past provisional year and just never found a group I clicked with.
anon
I don’t know anything about the DC league, but I joined one a few years out of college and found it was not for me. They were not my people. I didn’t make a single friend from the experience, maybe a handful of short-term acquaintances. It wasn’t super expensive, but it was time-consuming and not especially gratifying. The projects were very … surface-level. That’s the best way can describe it. They were designed for people who wanted to feel good about “contributing” but didn’t actually make much of an impact, imho. I dropped out after three years and should’ve done it sooner.
Anon
What do you mean by surface level? I think I know what you mean, but could you give an example?
Anonymous
Yesterday’s talk of beach vacations has me wondering – where would be the nicest beach resort you’d go to with young kids but in March/April times without paying through the nose because it’s high season? Or would you just wait to go until June, and go somewhere else in March?
Anon
So March/April is still high season in the tropics. You won’t find the crazy prices of Christmas-New Year’s week, but you’re not going to find great deals either. Your money will go farther in Mexico than in most Caribbean islands. Hard to recommend specific resorts without knowing a budget. As to whether it’s better to go in late spring or early summer instead of early spring, only you can say. Your money will go farther in May or June, but the weather is nicer at home and worse in the Caribbean than in March or April. We prioritize travel to the Caribbean over school breaks in December and March because we want to get away from Midwest winter and “spring.” May is probably the sweet spots for deals and decent weather in the Caribbean. Hurricane season kicks up a notch in June and Cancun starts to get uncomfortably hot by mid-late June. We were there in August this year and it was miserably hot.
anon
Depends on where you want to go. I looked into beach vacations for March/April, and I didn’t find much unless you’re willing to go pretty deep into the Caribbean for warm weather.
Anne-on
Be aware that March/April will also be peak spring break/senior graduation trips. Our local private high schools all seem to go to Atlantis/BahaMar every year because the drinking age is 18. I would be SO mad paying those prices and having drunken 18 year old idiots in the pool next to me.
In terms of ‘nicest’ you need to pick a price point and an country/area and go from there. Jumby Bay is amazing but makes the Four Seasons look reasonable. I’d also pick what amenities matter to your family – not all the resorts are on a swimmable beach (or there will be lots of kelp) – some have more nightlife, others are quieter, etc. Oddly I found that Key West was more expensive than some places in Jamaica and the Bahamas because this past year people didn’t want to leave the country and possibly get stuck if they tested positive for covid. I’d imagine FL and TX prices will go down this year as that’s not a concern.
Anon
Yeah, there are resorts in the Caribbean that charge upwards of $2,500 a night. Not that there aren’t nice hotels in Europe, the US, Asia, etc., but the Caribbean is one of the easiest regions of the regions of the world to spend $$$$ on hotels.
Cat
Caribbean is only marginally less expensive in late spring. Prices drop typically after Easter and spring break season is over. May and June are typically lovely and like 30-40% less than Easter.
Cat
oh, adding, for reliable beach weather that time of year, you’ll probably want south FL gulf side. Naples in March or April is beautiful. East coast (like Ft Lauderdale) the wind off the water can be awful.
Anon
Noosa, Queensland
anon
I keep going back and forth on whether I like these shoes. But, man, I love the color
Anon
I love the colour too! I used to have a pair this colour and wore them so often.
I’d have to see them on to figure out if the design actually looks good.
AIMS
I love them. Full stop.
Anonymous
What are the cons or risks of Botox that should be taken seriously? If I’m thinking of going for my first Botox how many weeks away from seeing people should I do it in case of an allergic reaction or something?
Senior Attorney
One more Italy question: We’ll have about half a day in Rome (say, 2 p.m. to 8 p.m.). Open to hiring a guide for a half-day walking tour. If you had half a day and had never been to Rome, what would you want to see/do? (Not SUPER interested in St. Peter’s — I’ve been as a kid and Hubby is going to be museum-d out by then, I think.)
Wheels
Via del Campidoglio
Anon
The Colosseum. It’s technically a museum maybe? But it’s so different than other museums.
Anon
Oh and walk around Piazza Navona and surrounding area at dusk. That was one of the highlights of our multi day trip there.
anon
I just had 1.5 days in Rome. Enjoyed seeing the Pantheon and Trevi fountain, both are relatively brief stops, also crowded but cool. Loved just walking around eating gelato. Looked at the Collosseum from the outside, might have been cool to go in, but seemed beyond our time budget. Trekking way off the beaten path to see some catacombs in hindsight was not the best return on the time investment.
JTM
If you want to lay eyes on a lot of stuff, I think the hop-on/hop-off bus is perfect for this. I did it in Rome and it was really convenient.
I’d visit Trevi Fountain & maybe the Colosseum? Maybe do Colosseum first – book tickets in advance, then head to Trevi Fountain, which also allows you to grab food/gelato.
Anonymous
Half a day and never having seen Rome:
Trevi Fountain and walk or drive by the Colosseum (outside view is fine).
Walking up the Spanish stairs (Scalinata di Trinità dei Monti) to the area by the Villa Medici to look at the view over the city.
Maybe Trastevere or the Jewish quarters.
Seeing one church.
Having a coffee or a drink people watching. Having a meal a nice trattoria or osteria.
Of Counsel
If I had a few hours in Rome, I would see if Tess at Claim Tours is available for a walking tour of the Forum and any other area you think looks interesting (she took me on a tour of the Forum and Jewish Quarter and it was amazing). Honestly just walking around Rome was my favorite part but with that time limit I would like a guide. She is not cheap but she is amazing. (And if she is not available, she can refer you to someone. She can also make dinner reservations if you want a break – although that that little time I would just eat pizza and gelato).
I personally preferred Plaza Navona to Trevi because it was so much less crowded and there was more to see in the general area bu YMMV.
Twilight in Rome is beautiful. Enoy!
Savannah
Private walking food tour. We did one through eating Italy, now called eating Europe, I think. Amazing.
Anon
Counterpoint: we did a private food tour in Rome too and it was great, but it’s not what I’d do with one afternoon in Rome. You can find great food anywhere in Italy; I’d want to do something more unique to Rome. And a food tour isn’t likely to give you your Best Meal Ever in my experience.
Anon
Colosseum and Forum.
Senior Attorney
Thanks, everyone!
BeenThatGuy
I think you should talk to the doctor about this. When I first started Botox a decade ago, I had just been thru a huge medical trauma. The doctor suggested I do 5 units, see how I reacted, then come back in 3-4 weeks for the rest, assuming no reaction. It gave me peace of mind. FYI, I now do neurotoxins and filler and love it.
BeenThatGuy
Shoot, nesting fail.