Coffee Break: LuMee iPhone Case

LuMee phone case sale I remember reading a few years ago that the reason Kim Kardashian always looks so great in her selfies is because she has a special iPhone case that provides a soft, happy light. Well, ladies, as holiday season approaches, I think it’s fair to say we’ve all got some selfies ahead of us — as well as group photos and more. So clearly we’re doing the world a service if we get one of these cases for our own phones, right? The fact that Amazon has some for $28-$70 (the rose gold pictured is $36… and kind of in my cart) is hard to pass up. Nordstrom, Target, Neiman Marcus, and a slew of other stores have more options for LuMee cases, including for the Samsung Galaxy. (Note that there are apparently two models: the LuMee Two only has front-lighting for selfies, while the LuMee Duo has front and back lighting. Not confusing at allllll.) Pictured: LuMee Duo for iPhone 8 Plus/7 Plus/6s Plus/6 Plus, The Original and Authentic Patent Protected Selfie Case

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  1. Anonymous :

    Ha! The reason any celeb looks good in selfies is
    A) hair and makeup people
    b) retouching
    c) taking lots of pics until you get a good one

    used to be a photographer

    • Yup. Taking selfies is literally Kim Kardashian’s job. Of course they’re going to look good.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Kind of like how the reason they look so great in their jeans and tees is that they get everything altered to fit perfectly!

      • Senior Attorney is right! Their clotheing fits perfectly, and they have sizable tuchuses that men really go for, which lead’s me to believe that their jean’s are specially tailored for them. When I get jean’s, I usueally have to get a larger size (b/c of my tuchus) and then get the legs taken in, b/c I do NOT want to look like a Western cow-poke, and prefer the skinny jean look.

        How is the HIVE reacting to Megan Marple snareing Prince Harry? Personaly, I applaud her b/c she should become a royal and shake thing’s up over there in the UK. Prince William was cuter, but he is looseing his hair so I would NOT want to marry a guy who will be BALD in a few years. FOOEY! I supose that is the price to become a princess, like Kate did. Kate’s sister also had a nice tuchus, what happened to her? I hope she gets married soon also! YAY!!!!!

    • Don’t forget Photoshop and cosmetic surgery!

      • Anonymous :

        +1. The Kardashians got “caught” photoshopping a ton of their pics back in… maybe 2014? They still do it, but now they don’t even try to hide it, I’m pretty sure they’ve admitted (or “sources close to them” have) that they actually have paid photo editors on their staff.

        They can’t be the only celebrities doing it, they’re just the most prolific and therefore the most likely to get “caught.”

    • Anon for this :

      I was just thinking today about how vastly different I look when I try and when I don’t try. I’m conventionally attractive but as I age, I need more and more work in the AM to look that way. Most mornings I don’t bother and wear my glasses, my hair air dried, flats, more boring stuff. When I have to really be on, like in court today, I straighten my hair, wear my contacts, wear makeup, wear heels. What saddens me is I’ve realized I am treated so differently based on how I look. Not whether I get checked out or not. Just general interest and presumed competency. I find people actually pay attention to what I say more when I am pulled together than when I look natural. (I’m sure this is 100 times worse for people of color)

      It made me think about celebrities and how much work it must be to be on all of the time, lest they end up in a tabloid.

      • Anonymous :

        The increased level of maintenance/effort needed as I get older is something no one told me about aging and I wish someone had. If I leave the house without foundation and blow-dried hair, I look like I woke up under a bridge. I didn’t have to wear lipstick for years; now I have to or it doesn’t look like I have lips. I also notice the difference in how people react to me when I’m “done” and when I’m not. It’s disheartening but I’m rolling with it; not sure what else to do.

  2. What have you bought due to this website's comments? :

    Wondering what you’ve bought (and how you’ve felt about it) simply based on recommendations of folks here in the comments section of this website…

    I’ve bought:

    –modal pj pants from Target (LOVE)
    –azelaic acid for skin (day 3 and so far loving it)
    –Brass black tank maxi that has pockets (got it 2nd hand so it was pre-hemmed, love it)

    I haven’t recommended much, but folks seem to like the cookie cards I recommend here sometimes, so at least there’s that!

    • Senior Attorney :

      So many things! Can’t really think of many offhand but the Tinkle razor for facial hair has been a game-changer for sure!

    • The one that sticks out in my mind is from many years ago – a leather tote bag from Brooks Brothers for $50. I got three, one for myself and one for each of my two sisters. Still have it and use it often.

    • Clementine :

      This is an amazing source for recommendations. A few of my favorites:

      – BabyFeet foot peel
      – Michael Kors Flex pumps
      – Boden as a source for professional clothing in tall sizes
      – Basically every piece of baby gear I own, specifically: Cybex Aton 2 carseat, City Mini GT stroller, Diono Radian convertible carseat, Ikea crib and whatever matress someone on here suggested, Flor carpet tiles, etc…

    • the skirt in black
      Brooks brothers suit

      • What is “The Skirt”?

        • Baconpancakes :

          A heavy ponte pencil skirt from Halogen (I think?) but which changed fabrics and stopped really being The Skirt a few years ago.

        • The Halogen seamed pencil skirt. Be warned though – I think the design has changed from back in the day when people here raved about it.

    • Anonymous :

      I got two pairs of booties (still trying to figure out how to deal with the transition away from riding boots…) and some sweaters. Can’t wait!

      Life Pro Tip: acidic skin care products are GREAT, but I find if I use them too often, it’ll make me break out. If you feel your skin start getting at all sensitive or tender, take a break for a couple of days. If you break, just scale way back on your use of it.

    • Eileen Fisher slim crepe ankle pants – they are magical.

      Talbots seasonless wool pencil skirt

      Dior nudeskin bb creme

      Making chicken broth in my crockpot from roast chicken carcasses (religiously, every time)

      • S in Chicago :

        OMG, yes. I literally just got some after someone here called them “magic pants.” Life will never be the same. How is it possible that they’re more comfortable than sweats or leggings and can still pass as work pants?!?

    • Anonymous :

      Fleece tights.

    • -Paula’s Choice ACA – still use and love
      -RNP when I had my son, which he exclusively slept in for the first 4 months

    • Anonymous :

      MMLF dresses
      The Skirt x 2
      LaCanadienne boots

      I am a Corpor3tt* basic b*tch

      • Haha you and me both – OG, The Skirt x 7 (black -2, red, camel, blue, pink, purple), Gap bi-stretch pants (which I think I hate, styling questions forthcoming), MMLF (returned).

        Let’s not even talk about the countless hotel/restaurant recommendations I’ve gotten here.


        Corpor3tt* Lemming

        (PS – wondering if this post didn’t originate from someone trying to tap into the power of viral marketing on this s i t e).

    • Anonymous :

      MMLa Fleur dresses and jardigan
      Booties instead of tall boots
      Drunk Elephant babyfacial
      And yesterday I ordered a small Lo & Sons weekender

    • Eager Beaver :

      Korean Exfoliating Washcloths
      The Skirt x 3

      I’ve recommended Paris by Mouth food tours.

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

      Cookie Cards
      Garnet Hill sweater on ridiculous clearance
      Assorted other ridiculously good deals on clothing

      More than individual items, though, I’ve learned brand names, which means if I’m at a resale shop or off-price kind of place, I know what to look for. A Classiques Entier sweater for $0.50? Yes, please!

    • Baconpancakes :

      Over the years, jeeze, like most of my wardrobe.

      MM LaFleur in general, jardigan in particular
      Fleece tights
      The Skirt in cobalt and tan
      Land’s End sleeved ponte sheath dress with pockets
      Boden Elsa Ottoman
      Clothes steamer
      Blondo riding boots
      Old Navy pixie pants
      that Korean back scrubber washcloth thing
      Biore watery essence sunscreen
      A lot of other things I can’t remember right now

      • Same! All this (minus MMLF, haven’t been able to pull the trigger yet) plus the LOFT utility shirt and Jockey skimmies.

    • So many things. Off the top of my head,

      – Paula’s Choice skincare (this has been a game changer for me, my skin looks amazing)
      – The Skirt
      – an amazing boucle Classiques Entier skirt suit (and other CE items in general). Too bad the brand is now discontinued.
      – Introducing me to Boden (although I wish their dresses were not cut so high in the waist)
      – Fleece tights :)
      – Biore watery essence sunscreen SPF 50
      – A royal blue boatneck top from the Gap
      – what an amazing source for clothes/shoes/accessories Nordstrom is!

    • So much!

      The Skirt – not currently available, apparently, and I lost some weight so can’t fit in most of mine, :(
      Basically Nordstrom in general
      A fab tweed AT moto jacket recommended by Senior Attorney
      Meditation apps (which I still need to get in the habit of using)
      La Canadienne boots
      My current favorite open cardigans from BR (I have in a lavender blue and black)
      Matte jersey short sleeve tops from K-mart of all places – love them, have five colors
      Monistat anti-chafing gel
      A heated hairbrush/straightener (I have the Gideon brand, love it)
      Bra band extenders
      The Hooty (a big hit last Christmas with my son’s GF, transplanted from LA to upstate NY)
      Thymes Frasier Fir candles
      ZeroUV sunglasses

      And recs from Kat:
      Slightly cropped ribbed merino cardigans from AT, in three colors
      A pink watch from Rumba Time
      A necklace of beads that look like pale rose quartz, from Target, I get tons of compliments

      Apparently, everything I own was recommended here . . .

    • Total Motion Control flats. Game changer. Will never buy another brand of flats. Until they inevitably stop making them and I suffer a crisis looking for another pair.

    • Anonymous :

      Talbots Audrey cashmere sweater
      Shoes of Prey flats
      Loft utility shirt
      Fleece tights
      Rockport Total Motion flats, Payless Karmen pumps, Dagne Dover tote (but returned them)
      And, your cookie cards!

    • lawsuited :

      I have never bought one of Kat’s picks, but I have made purchases based on recommendations from commenters! My most recent was Lord and Taylor ponte ankle pants, which I love!

    • Bobeau fleece cardigan (cozy but don’t love how they look on me)
      Natori feather b r a (Love!!! And they carry my weird size)
      Sam Edelman petty boots (wear all the time)
      Dagne Dover tote (just got it but think it will finally be a tote big and heavy duty enough while still looking decent)
      Hue fleece leggings (Love Love Love!)
      Ponte pants (honestly didn’t know what these were but tried them based on a recommendation here and am obsessed)
      Tinkle razors (on their way)
      Paula’s Choice (happy so far)
      Rockport Total Motion (should have sized up but otherwise good)
      Barefoot Dreams cardigan from Costco (love)
      Too many nail polish colors to make, but specifically a Deborah Lippmann one that’s a great interesting nude (sorry I can’t think of the name)
      Instant Pot
      Talbots wool skirt (like)

      Also I regularly think about buying the sofa Senior Attorney loved. And I added the salad claw from yesterday to my online cart.

      I’m probably forgetting a ton of things. I dislike shopping and rarely remember recommendations, but since I’m already online reading this, I look it up right away. So yeah, I’d have fewer clothes that would be uglier and less comfortable without y’all and your great recommendations.

    • Frozen Peach :

      I’ll play!

      Tinkle razors, like everyone else
      Femdophilius probiotics
      Nordstrom in general, especially the return policy
      Land’s End workwear
      Countless self-help, career, and fiction books
      Rock n’ play for sure

  3. I am in BigLaw (branch office).

    I am married to a basic guy with a basic job as a midlevel manager. His job seems to think that everyone has a SAHW and never has to do any kind of childcare (like over school breaks). It is crazy and makes BigLaw look so woke to working mothers.

    My job is the uber-flexible one. That lets me work from home whenever I need / want to. [Of course, until I am dead or in a coma, it expects me to be working, it just isn’t particular as to where from.]

    We have kids and as they get older (day care was every day except for holidays; school is a never ending stop-start-teacher-work-day-half-day-early-dismissal-delayed-opening sh*t storm) it just gets harder.

    No question, just that there are a million baby manuals and nothing for “OMG you work and you have school-aged kids what do you do now”. Unless there is — any advice / recommendations / blogs I should be visiting?

    [I get that half of my problem is BigLaw, but if I went in-house or worked as a supermarket cashier, I think it would be still hard with the schedule-juggling with kids and a working spouse no matter where I worked. There are no unicorn jobs.]

    • Flats Only :

      Since your job is flexible, perhaps it’s time for your husband to look for a new position that allows him more flexibility to engage in child care. You would still have a working spouse, but one who could perhaps help with the load. And it may not be his company that’s a pain, it may just be his particular boss or department, and if that’s the case maybe a change of departments would open things up.

      • Anonymous :

        It’s actually really hard to find jobs that are fine with regular work from home. I went in house from Big Law and my hours are much saner but it was a bit of a rude awakening how much less flexibility I have to work at home when kids are sick/off from school. I agree her husband should be doing his share of the childcare, including using his sick/vacation leave to care for kids when necessary but I don’t think it’s as simple as “oh he needs to just get a flexible job.” Big Law is actually (in general) incredibly flexible about working from home in a way most jobs aren’t.

        • Yes — husband can and does use sick leave for sick family members (my MIL and kids) and it’s shockingly generous (something like 2 weeks / 10 days).

          And yes — If we were both nurses (for example), we’d have no flexibility in that you can’t do hospital / bedside stuff from home, but perhaps the trade off is the hard stop when your shift ends? If we were hourly workers, we’d just clock in later for when schools have a delayed opening, but with some of our winters, we’d maybe not be able to cover the rent with losing time from work.

          TL;DR — life with two working parents is just hard. My grandparents were farmers; no schedule juggle (and the bookmobile came to them!) but just a different sort of hard.

          • flexible jobs :

            I don’t think hourly work means you can just clock in late. Think fast food places where your shift needs to be covered.

    • Anonymous :

      Do read C-moms at all? It’s a pretty mixed group so it’s not just baby stuff. Consensus seems to be that shared calendar and regular check ins on scheduling are key to maintaining family life.

      • I check it periodically but when I do it’s all birth plans, etc., so it seems that it’s people who don’t even have babies yet (or merely have babies).

        Where do the moms of kids who can read and do math hang out on the interwebs? Or is that they are so time-starved that they don’t?

        • I am on the moms page and have a kid who can read and do algebra! There are a couple other moms with school-aged kids over there, so come join us and bolster our ranks.

        • Anonymous :

          There’s usually a couple of school related questions every day. But if people ask about strollers or pumping, that’s what people will chime in on. Kat also does a nice feature that profiles a week in the life of moms with different jobs in different parts of the country – there’s been at least one or two on BigLaw moms.

        • Cornellian. :

          My kid is 10 months, so I have no direct experience, but there was a discussion about this recently. Conclusion was that at least in part, it’s because many women have leaned out after second kid. That seems true in my field, although there are two awesome mothers of 2+ in my group.

          • Or at least one spouse who leaned out. There was an Atlantic article about this a few months ago about how it was nearly impossible to have 2 working parents in really demanding careers.

        • Waves, also on c-moms. There are some regular posters that have kids who read and do math. It’s a pretty supportive corner of the web.
          And yeah, I hear you. Two career households are hard. My husband has a bit of a unicorn job in that he works from home and I have the “flexibility” of a law job. Yet, we still struggle with school breaks and sports logistics and business travel.

        • Frozen Peach :

          Yes, lots of moms of olders on C-moms, and also some of us who have older kids not our own, like nieces or godchildren, in addition to our youngers.

        • My kids are in elementary school. I am a lawyer and my husband works for the post office. My job is by far the more flexible one. However, we only make it work because our mothers are now retired, live close by, and are willing to help with child care. When they were both still working, it was a never ending scramble to get signed up for various after-care programs, camps, or try and coordinate days off with other parents. We have a couple of friends with school age kids and so we sometimes take turns taking days off and have all the kids go to one house. My sister is a teacher and so she is also willing to keep the kids on school breaks, but I also get that it is a break for her too so I don’t want to send them there every day. One summer we did a nanny share and it worked out ok. It is hard though.

    • I think you need a nanny. The transition from day care to school is HARD. But you still need to pay for child care in order to survive. I would try a half-day nanny who can adjust schedules for full day needs and/or summer schedules. It doesn’t feel great to give this advice, but….you need to throw money at this problem.

      • Or an au pair. A friend of mine has had great experiences working with a series of au pairs. She said you have to be willing to cycle through a few to find the right fit though.

      • Yes. You need a nanny for backup. You need a backup for the backup (i.e. when nanny gets sick). It is expensive but its the only way. In the long term from a career perspective it pays off as YOU have to be absolutely reliable and the only way is to have your child care be absolutely reliable.

    • Anonymous :

      I think teacher/professor is the unicorn job. DH is a professor and is home with our kids after school and in the summer. We do put them in some summer camps, but more for the social/educational benefits than because we need childcare and they (and I) are glad they can just go for part of the summer and have part of the summer to just run around and play like the kids of SAHMs. I have a 9-5 with no work from home but super generous PTO, so I generally stay home for snow delays and illnesses and I usually use 3-5 vacation days per year so I can attend class field trips and school plays. As lucky as I know we are, it’s still a struggle and to be honest I get jealous of my husband some times — I feel like he gets the benefits of being a SAHD (picking them up at school and hearing all about their day! middle of the day ice cream runs in the summer!) while still having the benefits of a great career (does something he loves, earns about 60% of our family income, etc.). It was no cakewalk to get to this point, but he really “has it all” in a way very very few people I know do. All our non-academic friends either have one parent who works less than full time, or throw a lot of money at childcare.

      • Non-college (elementary, middle, high school) teachers don’t have that much flexibility during the day in terms of appointments, leaving early, coming in late, etc. My SIL is a high school teacher and her parents are the ones who takes her kids to all of their appointments during the day.

        • Anonymous :

          They don’t have flexibility to come and go freely, like for random 11 am doctors appointments, but their work day ends when the school day ends and they can be home with their kids after school, whereas most people have to stay in the office for at least two hours after the school day ends. i know a lot of teachers with kids in elementary school and none of them have to pay for after care.

          • I don’t think a lot of teachers’ work day ends when the school day ends! And I’m not just talking about the massive amounts of grading and planning that they have to do that presumably could be done at home. I think often times there are lots of meetings or professional development or other commitments that happen after school. At least for the teachers I know.

          • Aunt Jamesina :

            Former high school teacher here. I don’t know one single teacher whose workday ends when school gets out! I used to drag home 1.5-2 hours of grading and/or planning per night on weeknights (and this was after getting in around 45 minutes before my students, and spend at least half the day Sunday working). Add in extracurriculars you’re expected to participate in (or else you’re not a team player) and (definitely generous) vacation time that’s restricted to school vacations plus only one day per year of personal leave and it’s not so flexible. I easily worked 60 hour weeks while teaching in a high-performing district.

          • Anonymous :

            My husband is a high school teacher, and he definitely has after school commitments. The amount of time has varied – it was worse in his first few years when he was trying to prove himself and when he kept getting assigned different subjects to teach – but there is always piles of grading that needs to be done that he can’t get it done during his normal work day. He can pick up our son at 4:30 daily, which means cheaper afterschool care. However, he often has to work on random school closure days because they are for teacher professional development or parent teacher conferences. And he basically never gets treated like an intelligent professional by anyone despite the fact that he has a PhD in engineering and 15+ years of teaching experience. On the other hand, great benefits.

      • Even college profs I know typically have to do course design and make a publication or two in the summer to catch up and attain tenure.

        • Anonymous :

          My husband does research in the summer, definitely. Our kids largely entertain themselves and have been able to do so since they were 5 or so. He takes occasional breaks to do fun activities/prepare food for them but manages to get in plenty of work. This wouldn’t be doable with toddlers or preschoolers but they were in full-time daycare at that age.

        • Yeah, I’m a professor and I do not remotely get summers off. I have a ton of flexibility, which I appreciate – but I also have significant research expectations, which I have to work on during summers and breaks if I want to get tenure and generally have the kind of career that I want. Summers actually suck for my husband because I travel a lot (for work, without kids).

  4. Senior Attorney :

    Threajack: Now that Lovely Husband’s big birthday party is successfully in the books, I’m looking ahead to a big birthday of my own next fall. I feel like between last year’s wedding and this year’s big birthday party, I’m kind of out of ideas for a big local bash, and for various reasons I can’t do a big vacation in lieu of a party. So I thought it would be fun to do a destination party in Manhattan. I feel like I could round up 20ish (or maybe more) friends for a weekend in the city featuring a fun party.

    But. I don’t really know New York that well and have no idea where to start. I have a travel agent friend who can help with flights and accommodations, but what about the party itself? I’m thinking a Saturday night in September with dinner and dancing… but where? Does anybody have any ideas about small event spaces, or restaurants with private rooms? Ideally I’d love a rooftop space but that may be way out of my budget. Or does anybody know an event planner who can help me coordinate a small party from 3,000 miles away?

    Thanks in advance for any ideas or suggestions!

    • Anon in NYC :

      I don’t have an event planner to suggest. But you might be able to do a rooftop space if you are willing to have a cordoned off area but not rent out the entire roof. Check out the Ink48 hotel (it’s a Kimpton property) – they have a decent restaurant, and a great rooftop terrace with views of the city and the Hudson. Caveat that I haven’t been there in a few years, but I remember it being nice on a warm evening.

    • Anonymous :

      I actually do know an event planner who might be a good fit! His day job is planning events for Carnegie Hall, and he does his own small scale event planning as a side business. Provide an email address and I’ll pass it along to him with the info in your post?

    • Anonymous :

      Have you been to Sleep No More yet? They have a rooftop garden called Gallow Green; I’ve only been in the summer, but I hear in the winter they construct a temporary cozy cabin and a firepit and hand out blankets. The show itself is a New York staple at this point.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Oh, that’s an amazing idea! Thanks!

      • Sleep No More might not be the vibe you want for your birthday. If you are into no talking, masks, not staying with your group members, dark, blaring music, weird scenes: naked orgies, blood etc – then sure. But if you are not into those things then I would pass.

        • Senior Attorney :

          HAHA thanks for the heads up!

        • Not the OP but I went to a casual birthday gathering at the rooftop. It is lovely rooftop and has nothing to do with Sleep No More. I think it just happens to be run by the same people?

      • +1 it is gorgeous!

    • The charity God’s Love We Deliver has a rooftop space in their office building in SoHo that they rent out for parties. Not sure about the costs, but the money goes to a great organization:

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      The Cloud Bar at the Citizen M hotel lets you have the full rooftop, except for hotel guests. But when I have done rooftop events there, usually very few guests come up. View is spectacular, food is ok.

    • No idea what your budget is, but I hosted a corporate event at Bar65 at Rockefeller Center and it was magnificent. You can do a half-indoor, half-outdoor arrangement so you get the incredible views out toward Central Park, but can retreat inside if the weather isn’t great. Or do all indoor. Pricey, but the view and the atmosphere can’t be beat. Their planners are easy to work with too.

  5. Just booked a vacation for me and my DH next thanksgiving…best Cyber Monday (…Tuesday? I gave stuff, too!) purchase so far. He had to travel home unexpectedly this weekend for a close friend’s funeral, and he stayed with his family. They were objectively all sorts of nasty to him all weekend, and he needed a cheer up. So, adults only all inclusive for next Turkey Day it is.

    • My husband and I travel every year for Thanksgiving just the two of us and it is the best! International travel is usually quiet because few Americans travel, nothing is closed, we take fewer days off work, and I’ve gotten to Black Friday shop in Spain and Milan. It is by far my favorite tradition.

      • We did it last year (Barcelona), and we’re strongly considering just doing something every year. No kids. We live far away from family (who, at least on my side, we see periodically; his side? they won’t leave their houses for anyone). I don’t even like turkey that much.

        Charcuterie and rioja or mudslides and caribbean lobster: sign me up.

    • We just did an all-inclusive over Thanksgiving that I had planned months ago as a surprise for my husband. Despite me fighting bronchitis and sinusitis (great timing, world), we had an amazing time!

      • This totally outs me, but having kids does not mean you have to give this up! I have taken mine all over the world for Thanksgiving break (except between the ages of 1 and 3). She is a teenager now and we just got back from Rome. Last year was Belize. Great time to travel internationally.

  6. Anonymous :

    I’m a salaried employee. Theoretically, I should work an average of 40-ish hours per week. Realistically, that’s my minimum and my average is much higher. I’m thankful that I have a job I (mostly) enjoy that pays me fairly, but I am growing to resent the fact that they own my life.

    I really wish my office were more flexible in terms of letting us take time off when it’s slow to compensate for working until midnight when projects are really moving. I don’t think that I’m alone in this – it’s totally normal for me to work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day but heaven help us if I ever told my office I was taking off a random Wednesday without charging time.

    Signed, I’d rather be at the gym than cleaning out old files.

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t have anything but commiseration for you. I think face time for the sake of face time is stupid, inefficient, and ineffective.

    • Can you work from home in case the workload is light? I do this and use the time to do my work and household care (laundry and rhen some light tidying during work breaks).

  7. Anonymous :

    This is kind of a ridiculous question in that everyone wants this, but is there some trick to getting Hamilton tickets in NY without spending an insane amount of money? Just the lottery system? Thanks!

    • Or London??

    • Anonymous :

      I saw on gofugyourself the pictures of opening night in LA and just wanted to scream. I’m sure all these celebrities were comped tickets or just plain invited. And I’m sure they just showed up to be photographed.

      I know all the words of all the songs. And was a history major. I’ve been to Yorktown and the Weekawken dueling grounds and all points in between that are relevant to the play. But I feel like I will never get to see it until they license it for high school productions.

      I has a sad. :(

      • It’s possible that they enjoyed it as much or even more than you would, despite not having your qualifications.

    • Anonymous :

      Get on the e-mail notification list. Last time a block of tickets was released, some people on the list (not me) got an early shot at booking tickets before they went on sale to the general public. I scored some at face value for a midweek matinee when they were released to the general public by picking a show towards the end of the block and then accepting the alternate time the site offered when the show I’d selected was already sold out. Good luck!

      I have also heard that Chicago tickets are easier to obtain.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 buy them really far in advance when they release a new block of tickets. I got Chicago tickets – bought in Nov for the following July. Had lots of seat options – my OK seats were $170, would have been better at $250 or $300.

        • Anonymous :

          I would so do this if I were local to a production. For those of us who’d have to fly in to a city (or try to add it to a planned trip), any advice?

          • Anonymous at 3:09 :

            I am not in NYC but bought the tickets nearly a year in advance so I had plenty of time to plan a trip around the show.

          • Anon 3:25 :

            +1 – am also not local (to Chicago), but because I had multiple months to plan, I could plan around that date. I’m not sure why this would only apply to being local?

          • Anonymous :

            For me, I work and have a spouse and two kids. I have a crazy work calendar that I partially know in advance and is a partial SURPRISE. And a coworker going out on leave. Between mutual work travel and summer camps and school year, maybe I could swing this? But if I could just swing a random bad seat the times I am in NYC or Chicago for work, I’d have done it already. But I don’t know about my work trips until a month or so in advance and if I could get a ticket, I’d plan for that but otherwise, I’m trying to work in client dinners or something with any extra time I have.

            And my kids would love to go, but to move a family of 4, we’d need to have everything line up perfectly (and then someone would be bound to have a stomach bug or something catastrophic).

          • Anonymous :

            Then I think you’ll just have to wait – my guess is that in 3-4 years, the hype will have fallen off a bit, touring productions will be making it to the smaller markets and will have longer runs in those markets. It sucks to wait, but the other options is to pay a lot of for flexibility.

            It will still be a good show in 4 years.

          • Plan a trip around it.

        • Just a warning that the ticket system is super annoying b/c you can’t just look for the next available seat, you have to pick a date and then search availability for that date; then pick a new date and a new date and a new date…

          I know people who’ve won the lotto though! And others who had good luck just calling the box office for cancellations. You never know!

    • Anonymous :

      I am actually planning to sell 4 tickets I got through the block system for August 8. Any interest?

      • Thanks, but I’m actually due to have a baby in August so that won’t work (I’m not local)! The other tips are very helpful, though!

  8. Job Rejection :

    Has anyone turned a rejection into an offer, either from the same org or at another? I got rejected from a position because they are going with a candidate that had more experience in a certain area. I had a great connection with the manager and staff and he was incredibly complementary of me when he let me down. My friend suggested that I see if I can leverage that rejection into a some other job by getting that manager to help me out. Has anyone had any experience doing that?

    • Clementine :

      We just hired someone on her third application with us (we didn’t even interview her this time). Her circumstance was basically: she was always in our top two but was beat out by an internal candidate once and a candidate who had specific niche experience the second time.

      What she did right was be positive, gracious, thank us for her time and let us know that she really appreciated getting to know about our organization and hoped that another opportunity would open up in the future. She didn’t act like we owed her anything, nor did she say complain when we had her re-submit her resume.

      I’ll add that in this case, it ended up basically being just under a year from initial application to final accepted job.

      • Job Rejection :

        Thanks. Would it be out of place if I connected with them on LinkedIn?

      • Linda from HR :

        I second all of this, as I’ve seen similar things happen. If you respond with “is there another job I can interview for?” or try to convince the company to hire both of you, it’s not gonna go well. Say you understand and hope to be kept in mind for similar positions, then connect on LinkedIn. If, in the future, you see a job on their website you’d like to be considered for, contact the person you first spoke to about the position, whether that person was a recruiter or the hiring manager.

        In any case, expect that if you do get hired with this company, it won’t be because you instantly turned your rejection around. It’s not like a video game where after you “die” you return to the beginning of the final level until you win, you may have to start back at square one after some time has passed.

    • I’ve been on the hiring side of something similar to Clementine.

      Someone interviewed for a role, we really liked her, but went with an internal candidate with more niche experience. When I gave my 2 month notice a month after we hired internal candidate(it was a long notice period because there was a move involved, and this is higher ed admin…), I told my boss that I really liked Runner Up and that she would be a great fit for my soon-to-be-empty role. She agreed, and we reposted the role but contacted Runner Up and encouraged her to apply. She did, and was head and shoulders above the others. She started the week after I left.

      Similar to Clementine’s runner up, this person was professional in interviewing and following up on the first role, then gracious and open to other opportunities, and well qualified to boot. She was flexible and understanding with our internal gymnastics and timeline on the second role.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes, I got turned down for someone with more experience (I was definitely not qualified for the position- it was a long shot) but I made an impression, sent handwritten thank you cards, etc. When they had a position one tier down open up six months later, they reached out and asked if I wanted it, but I had already taken another job.

      • A similar thing happened to me. I interviewed for a role that would have been a stretch and was rejected. A year or so later, the company contacted me and invited me for another interview for a job with a little less responsibility. I got that job. It can work out.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I got turned down for a job at a government agency and the rejection letter said “you were at the very top of our list and we will keep your resume on file.” And lo and behold, a few months later they called me to interview for another job, and this time I got it. So it happens!

    • I was the second choice for my current job, but ended up with it. I was up against a candidate who had previously worked at my company, so he was favored, but he ultimately turned down the offer and it came my way.

      Reach out directly to the hiring manager to express interest in future positions. I would use email over LinkedIn, mostly because I treat LinkedIn messages as spam.

  9. Winter Colds :

    What’s your best tip for getting over a cold quickly? What’s your best tip for preventing yourself from getting a cold in the first place?

    • Theraflu and going to bed early.

    • 1) lots of water. I mean lots like you have to go to the bathroom every hour. And maybe some pho or hot and sour soup
      2) handwashing and social distancing from people who are obviously sick. Doorknobs are disgusting – use the hem of your shirt or sweater to open

    • Anon in NYC :

      This is an off the wall suggestion, but acupuncture. The last time I had a cold coming on I saw an acupuncturist and also took some strange herbs that they gave me, and it improved both the severity and duration of my cold. I recently started feeling sick and took some of the herbs again, and I think it helped stave off more severe symptoms.

    • What’s already been said, plus the Zicam crystals that dissolve on your tongue. Placebo witchcraft? Perhaps. But, it has helped so far (…I think? y’all, who knows.).

      Also, hot showers to keep all your sinuses clear, if that’s a side effect you frequently get.

    • cat socks :

      For prevention, I wash my hands thoroughly and frequetnly. Try to avoid touching my nose, mouth eyes. Drink lots of water.

    • Anonymous :

      I swear by Cold-Eeze lozenges. Otherwise rest and plenty of liquids

    • Fluids and sleep. Lots of both.

    • Miz Swizz :

      Humidifier! I’m currently shopping for a new one so no specific rec but I swear that having the humidifier running while we sleep is instrumental in keeping us healthy.

    • I drink GINGER TEA. At my firm, Frank NEVER holds his hand in front of his mouth when he sneezes, and he sneezes all over everything, including the food and dishes in the pantry. So when Frank gets sick, we all get sick. He also throws out his dirty tissues wherever he is, so we get them in all of our garbage cans, and they have his snot all over the place. FOOEY!

  10. This is hard :

    Advice for dealing with aging parents with no savings or retirement to speak of? Is there a book I can read or a number I can call or a form I can fill out? Half joking.

    • So hard. I know a lot of commenters on here are like “eff them if they didn’t save for retirement” but I didn’t feel that way. My parents were poor when i was a kid and not any richer when I became an adult.

      I just went through this with my mom, who recently passed away after a long and expensive illness. Couple of things that helped

      – getting power of attorney so that I could act on her behalf for finances

      – getting her qualified for MedicAid (MediCal in California) I used a service for this and it helped a lot because it is time consuming

      – getting widow benefits at the very end, we waited to long to do this, but if either of your parents are veterans of ww2, Korea, Vietnam, or the gulf war they may be eligible (have to show expenses greater than income – this usually comes into play with medically necessary assisted living)

      Best of luck and brace yourself for a difficult journey. Hugs.

      • Thanks for posting this. My mom was a single mother and worked very hard to give me a better life. I take care of her now despite the poor financial decisions she made. I’m also in California, would you mind sharing the service you used to qualify her for MediCal? I will be needing to enroll her in the coming year.

        • Yes, Quality Life Solutions in Fresno, as this was near where my mom lived. They were recommended by the nursing home she was in for a while, when we were all deer in the headlights about the bill – Medicare only pays 90 days after a hospitalization, and she needed to be there longer.

          I’m sure they would have recommendations for someplace nearer you if you’re not in the valley.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Do you have a link or a way to get started on the veteran’s benefits thing? I need to look into it for my dad but don’t know where to start…

        • Yes! Socalvetsupport dot com

          It’s a non profit that does only this. Sign up for one of their weekly webinars to figure out whether your dad would qualify.

          • Ps for anyone else reading, this organization started in so cal but they operate on a national level.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Wow, thank you so so much!!

          • I’m really glad that some amount of what I went through to find all of this might help other people. More importantly, it would have made my mom happy to know.

    • Long comment in mod, please check back in a few!

    • anon a mouse :

      Find the senior services center in their area. It might be a standalone center or it might be part of something else, like a city building. They will have people who know the local benefits best — like whether there are property tax abatements for the elderly, or how to get them on the best health insurance for their needs.

    • Anonymous :

      My MIL moved to Central America because she could live cheaply and not be a burden. Is said person(s) in good health for this?

      • Interesting. Mind if I ask where?

      • This is hard :

        Relocation is definitely an option, as there is no home ownership in the picture. Central America might be a bit far, but anything else in the continental U.S. might be fair game at this point…

    • Clementine :

      1. Have a realistic sit down with your spouse and/or financial planner and figure out what you are able and willing to do. What are your boundries. (e.g., have a parent move in with you versus pay their rent versus give them $20 every now and then for groceries).

      2. Evaluate what their actual income is – Social Security, Veterans Benefits, etc. Apply for public assistance for things like heating, Medicaid, etc.

      3. Figure out where you can go for help. Do you have an Area office on Aging or a 211 line you can call? If you’re lucky enough to live in an area with geriatric social workers and are able to hire one, DO IT. Your life will be so much better.

      4. Be kind and forgiving of yourself.

      • This is hard :

        This is really helpful, thank you. I’ll have to look into the geriatric social worker. Wading through the mess of services seems so daunting, and yet it must be done, because there is no other option.

      • In a similar boat and co-sign all the advice above.

        I haven’t seen a settled name for this situation, but the main ones are the sandwich or donut hole generation (planning to take care of kids/parents).

    • I may be too late to the thread. I know someone whose aging parent had a house, but no liquidity. Parent wanted to stay in house. Adult Child gave Parent a set amount of money per year and put a lien on the house so that when Parent died, Adult Child was reimbursed for the amount Adult Child provided (you could do it with or without interest). Parent remained in the house and Adult Child did not have to compromise her own long-term financial goals. The loans were fully documented and recorded in the property records. It essentially was a reverse mortgage situation with the money being provided by Adult Child.

      This obviously requires Parent to own an asset.

  11. Job Rejection :

    Sorry if this is a double post, but my original comment is stuck in mod:

    Has anyone turned a rejection into an offer, either from the same org or at another? I got rejected from a position because they are going with a candidate that had more experience in a certain area. I had a great connection with the manager and staff and he was incredibly complementary of me when he let me down. My friend suggested that I see if I can leverage that rejection into a some other job by getting that manager to help me out. Has anyone had any experience doing that?

    • Anonymous :

      Is there another job open at the company that you are reasonably qualified for?

      • Job Rejection :

        No other job opening. I think at this point, my only hope would be the person they hired instead immediately leaves or the department finds more money for an additional position.

        • Anonymous :

          Then I don’t think you can parlay this into another job that doesn’t exist yet in the short term. You can say that you hope they will consider you for future positions and then stalk job postings to see if something comes open. If something comes open, then absolutely reach out to the manager you interviewed with to express your interest about that position. Also, make sure you connect with the manager on LinkedIn. You might be able to leverage the connection with that manager if they have contacts where there are job openings.

    • Anonymous :

      I would just keep in touch and be frank about what you want. With my past group, we did end up hiring someone who was rejected from another job opening later on down the road. Ask them to keep you in mind of there are other positions that might be open in the future for that group or another group.

    • Anonymous :

      I had a case like this – I interviewed and was not hired for one position, but the hiring manager sent my resume over to another campus of the company in the same metro area, where she knew there were openings. Because she had already interviewed me and was complimentary, it definitely gave me a leg up in getting hired at the other campus.

      But that was a case where there were job openings. I think the best you can do is tell the hiring manager thanks for interviewing and please keep you in mind for any future positions – either at his company or elsewhere in the industry. But I think that’s all you can push for.

    • rejection = offer :

      It happened to my husband but it was just dumb luck. Good friend worked for a company and encouraged him to apply. Interviewed with the company in January (several years ago), decided not to finish the process due to personal reasons, got laid off from a job of 14 years in September, interviewed and got a rejection in October, then 2 weeks later they called back to bring him in for another interview and then was hired.

      Either a candidate dropped out or they opened another position, he never found out which.

  12. Anonymous :

    One of my friend lives in a city and uses public transportation. He doesn’t have a car or car insurance, but he has to rent a car (and drive) for an upcoming business trip. What’s the best way to ensure that he’s protected?

    • He needs to buy the coverage from the rental car agency. I know a lot of people think their credit cards cover this but it is usually only collision damage and not liability insurance. And it is tough as nails to get them to pay out (ask me how I know)

    • Anonymous :

      He should ask his employer this question.

      • Anonymous :


        • Anonymous :

          Also, stop being his mom. Why can’t he figure this out on his own!? Even if he didn’t want to ask his employer first, he could Google it.

          • While I agree with the fact that he should ask the employer, and can google this, I would apply the breaks a little bit on admonishing the OP.

            Who knows if he asked her for help? I didn’t see that in her question. The friend may have just mentioned in passing that this was A Thing he was dealing with, and she, a curious and kind friend, came here to just casually see if anyone had experienced that before. Where’s the harm in that? We’re not always being taken advantage of, or being asked/expected to do the emotional labor for others. That’s not bad.

          • Flats Only :

            Thank you. So, so many questions recently on behalf of boyfriends, husbands and other men who apparently are to dumb or busy to use Google and find answers for themselves.

          • +10000000000

          • Anonymous :

            +1 lol @flats only

      • Anonymous :

        Clarifying: He should ask his employer because it may carry insurance coverage for this purpose, or may have a policy about what type of coverage the employee should get along with the rental.

    • Most credit cards come with rental car insurance.

  13. anon for this :

    Does anyone have advice on dealing with a depressed spouse? Husband recently told me he was depositing a check, then didn’t do it, and didn’t tell me about it. We’ve had financial problems lately, and we’ve had multiple conversations about how much stress it’s causing me. He’s unemployed, and the check was money he was owed for contract work, and it is needed to pay our bills. I felt really let down by his irresponsibility and not telling me he hadn’t deposited the check, and I told him it was a serious relationship issue, not just a financial one. I basically told him he needs to get his sh*t together, and this is something I’d divorce him over. He had a psychiatrist’s appointment this morning (already scheduled for ADHD meds), and his psychiatrist says he’s depressed. He’s starting medication. I don’t know about therapy. He has some concrete actions he’s says he’ll take, but I just feel so exhausted and done already.

    • Not a depressed spouse, but an anxious one, also to the point where his anxiety gets in the way of him remembering to do things like deposit a check or make the phone call he was supposed to make, etc. I was always reminding him to do everything, which made me feel like his mother and a huge nag!

      What helped us was first, getting DH to acknowledge the problem. He has had various points of more acute anxiety throughout his life and his parents approach was a very bandaid approach. It took me a long time to convince him that he needs to be in ongoing therapy, even when he is doing well. I always use the diabetes analogy – someone with diabetes can live a very long life, if they eat what they are supposed to and monitor their blood sugar/insulin. It is something they deal with every day because if they didn’t they would have some very serious health issues. Similarly, even when you aren’t in a period of acute anxiety, you need to be dealing with your anxiety to be more prepared when things do come up. It’s not a one and done thing. I finally got him to agree to see a therapist every other week (which is very very hard with his work schedule). We also did couples therapy which helped a lot. I think for him having someone else say the things I was saying, made it more objective and made us both better at identifying and communicating about issues relating to his anxiety. It isn’t always easy and there are times when I wish I hadn’t chosen a spouse with a mental health issue (especially since I had a sibling with one growing up, which had a deep impact on my childhood and i thought i’d escaped that), but through actions on both our parts we’ve made it work.

      There were times when I also felt exhausted and done, but got through them. I’d also suggest you seek counseling on your own to work through your feelings about his depression and also make him seek counseling. Also, it is not your job to monitor your spouse’s treatment, but you can have serious conversations with him about how it affects your life and your feelings for him.

    • “I felt really let down by his irresponsibility and not telling me he hadn’t deposited the check, and I told him it was a serious relationship issue, not just a financial one. I basically told him he needs to get his sh*t together, and this is something I’d divorce him over.”

      I understand that you’re frustrated, but as someone who has suffered from depression and would absolutely lag on something like depositing a check, this sucks to read. I can only imagine that your husband felt awful hearing this. Moreover, I don’t think that this attitude will get you where you want to go. I’ve been your spouse. When you’re depressed, the idea of doing things like depositing a check, making a doctor’s appointment, unloading the dishwasher, taking the steps needed to up your 401k contributions, or whatever, can seem totally insurmountable. This is even worse if your depression comes with ADHD or anxiety that’s triggered by having lots of tasks to do (for me, it’s paperwork and money). He didn’t fail to deposit the check because he’s irresponsible. (If he’s that irresponsible, would you have fallen in love with him and married him?) He didn’t deposit the check because he’s depressed. It’s a symptom of his illness. It’s just hard to view it that way if you’ve never experienced it because it’s so easy to think that he should just willpower his way to functioning at 100%. I have a law degree from a top school, was a federal law clerk, worked in biglaw. Does that sound like an irresponsible person? No. I take my responsibilities- to my family, my fiduciary duties to my clients–very seriously. But with depression comes the inability to get the little things done. That’s why you have people who are very high functioning in may ways but who languish on something as “tiny” as mailing birthday cards or getting the tire patched.

      You know your husband better than I do and, again, I’m not saying your frustration is not valid- I’m trying to give you another way to think about it. If you keep calling him irresponsible, then you will turn toward the problem with judgment and scorn instead of compassion, which ultimately, will frustrate you. It may also be counter-productive. I’m not saying you should baby him. But if my spouse shamed me and called me irresponsible for something like that, and threatened to divorce me, I’d be inclined to turn inward, stop trusting him, and just feel worse.

      • SF in House :

        Thank you for saying this. My husband is depressed, anxious, has ADHD, and is in chronic pain. Even though I know all of that, I still get frustrated that he doesn’t do X. There are times that I feel like all of that is his “get out of jail free” card and times that I really get what he is going through. It isn’t easy.

      • anon for this :

        Thanks for your insight. I struggle with anxiety, and I understand that it’s impossible to “make yourself” do something when you’re suffering from anxiety or depression. When I talked to him this morning, I didn’t know he was depressed–his appointment with his psychiatrist and diagnosis came after our conversation. I think he’s been denying and hiding it fairly well for a while. I’ve felt horrible and guilty all day for being so harsh with him this morning, but I also feel exhausted by how much I’ve been shouldering alone for most of this year.

      • Anonymous :

        + 1 to all of this. OP, I have been there, including the unemployment situation, and know how hard it is to be compassionate when you are yourself freaking out about money and the future. If you can afford it, try to get some counseling for yourself, or possibly couples counseling – you need a place where you can vent your frustrations. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to feel resentful of him, but that can really doom your relationship and make it harder for him to get better. You should also brace yourself for a long journey – depression medication takes a minimum of 2 weeks to start working and often requires some trial and error and dosage adjustment to be really effective. So it can easily take months. If he’s willing, you could also try going to visit the psychiatrist with him once to get your questions answered and get everyone on the same page with how this is impacting your relationship.

        • Unemployment can be a very dark place even for people who aren’t clinically depressed (research shows health problems and rates of suicide go up for people when they become unemployed). Having your spouse threaten divorce during that time would be a very low point to say the least. I understand your frustration, but empathy is the path to healing here.

    • I think the conversation you need to have is along the lines of, “We need to work together to deal with your illness together. I want us to be together and be happy, and I understand that your depression has a very real effect on what you are able to do, just like any other illness. Part of this is that I need you to be honest with me – it makes it impossible for us to tackle this together if I feel like I can’t trust you.”

      Remember that mental illness is an illness like any other – would you threaten to divorce him if he had cancer and was too exhausted to go to the bank? Probably not, but I can imagine that you would still be upset about him lying about the check. So maybe separate out, if you can, the frustration about things not getting done from the frustration about the lying.

      • Anonymous :

        I will add – perhaps on an unkind note – that he does need to be willing to address his illness honestly and to take responsibility for his healthcare. My ex had serious issues with depression that were made much, much worse by his combative attitude towards (every) therapist, his unwillingness to participate in medication management, and a total lack of interest in developing communication skills. Even baby steps toward his own good health would have been fantastic. Instead mostly he drank.

        There’s a balance between supporting him (take some stressful tasks off his plate, for sure) and taking over his recovery (don’t feel like making his appointments, finding a therapist, etc. is your job.) You may want to seek therapy or other support for yourself to help you with setting boundaries and making sure your own needs are met.

  14. We inherited 80 thousand dollars. We will use some to pay off a few bills and make much needed house improvements but I want to park about 50K in some type of investment account soon. CDs? Roth IRA? What is the best choice for the short term until we see what we want to do in the long term? Thanks, hive!

    • Anonymous :

      Well, not a Roth – that has a contribution limit of $5500 (or more depending on your age). Or I guess you could do part of it in a Roth (one for each of you), but then you’ve still got 60-70k to deal with.

      • Wow. I literally know nothing about finance. I am lucky in that I have a retirement account with my employer but never have had a chunk of money to invest. Thank you!

    • Cornellian. :

      I’d open an account at vanguard and buy cheap money market shares to park it while you wait to figure out what you want to do. I would definitely NOT invest it with anyone who is going to take a percentage fee of what you invest or earn.

    • Anonymous :

      The rates on the CDs I found were approx comparable to Ally Banking (1.25%) normal savings rate, so that’s where I park my short term money.

      • Anonymous :

        Capital One’s Money Market account is up to 1.30%, if you have 10K or more in the account…

  15. Anonymous :

    Does anyone here do wealth management or know someone in the field? (I’m talking a multifamily office setup where the average family is in the $30M range, not Northwestern Mutual-esque financial planning for every six figure earner).

    I’ve been presented with a role as a career change (it ties into a pay degree/career) and don’t know anyone in this particular ultra-high net worth subset. I’d like to get a picture of what I could expect in this type of job beyond just the recruiting and HR spin.

    • Anonymous :

      OP here. That’s “past” degree/career, not “pay.”

    • Anon for this :

      Do you have any friends in the Private Banking space? My husband transitioned into a family office after being with the “Big Bank”‘s Private Banking leg.

      What region are you in?

      • Anonymous :

        Unfortunately no one I know in private banking—all of my finance and accounting friends seem to be grouped into corporate accounting and commercial banking (with a few regulatory).

        Region is one of the big tex cities.

        • Anon for this :

          How convenient! Do you have an email you’d be willing to share and I might be able to help.

    • anonymous :

      Yes. Things to consider in terms of if it is the right fit for you: (1) compensation – are you being compensated in a clear way that correlates to your performance? Or is it more “black box” where it’s unclear how your bonus number was arrived at. (2) Job responsibilities – are the roles between the investor and the relationship person split or is that all your role? If combined or if split and you are going to be the relationship person, how comfortable are you at bringing in new business? (3) Verticals – are you expected to be on your own (eat what you kill) or are you going to be trained by someone up higher? This model varies at the different firms, so what is the right fit for you varies, too. (4) Expectations – is there an up or out mentality (some firms give you two years to get off the ground – this is usually an eat what you kill model) or is it more ‘lifestyle’ firm where you can sort of coast a bit.

      People have different needs or even different stages. For me, I am transitioning more to lifestyle where I want flexibility to coast even though I know I won’t be making the Big Big bucks, but still plenty. This is constricting to my husband, though, who needs a direct eat-what-you-kill because it means he can make 5x what he could be making at a lifestyle shop but he is willing to put in the insane hours. I am not anymore.

      Might be helpful for you to ask this question again in the morning.

  16. Didn't get it :

    Just found out that I didn’t get a job that I really wanted. I had been flown out for interviews and they went VERY well. I’m sad.

  17. Anonymous :

    Hotel prices – have you found that they go up or down in Manhattan as travel dates approach? Looking for a 4-ish star hotel in midtown for 1 night in Dec — it’d be before Dec 15. FWIW the travel websites are telling me NYC is 50% full for any date I check. Part of me thinks – put in a hotel that I can cancel if a better rate comes along. The other part of me thinks – hotels don’t like empty rooms, there aren’t going to be huge holiday crowds on a Tues in early Dec so they’ll have to discount; plus I feel like others plan trips in advance and have already booked hotels whereas I’m fine flying by the seat of my pants for a completely optional trip where I live 3 hrs away.

    • Anonymous :

      What is the downside of booking a hotel that you can cancel if a better deal comes along?

    • Anonymous :

      Book in advance or there’s a good chance everything will fill up or be insanely expensive; I wouldn’t want to risk it.

    • Anonymous :

      In my experience (my in-laws live there), Thanksgiving to New Year’s is all “the holiday season” in New York. Hotels are very hard to come by and very expensive any time in that window. I think there are probably lots of cities where you’re right that a Tuesday in early December would be very much off-peak, but I don’t think NYC is that city.

      • Anonymous :

        Disagree. Yes – Thanksgiving to New Years is all the holiday season, but hotel prices will be WAY UP from Dec 15-New Years as SO MANY more people are on holiday vacations then. Sure it won’t be cheap and empty before that either bc it’s NYC but if you can avoid certain days — like the day of the tree lighting and the Fridays in Dec. (big work holiday party nights), you can certainly still get a hotel room in the $300s or 400s for a 4 ish star hotel. The more willing you are to be there randomly mid week, or stay on a Sunday night, the easier it will be in the early part of the month.

      • Based on the number of tourists I see, it sure feels like the holiday season is already in full swing. But this is anecdata.

        • Anonymous :

          Yep – these are the folks who took off the week after thanksgiving and presumably are staying for the tree lighting tomorrow. After that come the official Christmas tourists and I feel like that doesn’t stop until the tree is taken down in Jan. Agree with the other poster though, there are ways to get a “cheaper” hotel here and there in the season.

    • I would wait and use the Hotel Tonight app. There’s also a Red Lion Inn right near the Atlantic Ave stop in Brooklyn that is clean and safe and cheap. Also search Budget Traveler’s website and for best budget hotels in NYC.

      • Anonymous :

        Another rec for the app. Though if OP is looking for/willing to spend $300/night or more for a 4 star in Manhattan, not sure the Red Lion Inn would work. OP – just book one room at a hotel you’re ok with and make sure it’s one that can be canceled; then if something better comes along, cancel and switch. That prevents you from getting to 2 nights before the trip and realizing all options are $600/night or something.

    • Expedia has a “Best Price Guarantee” where anytime the price drops before X days before check in (I think it’s 2 days. Still lots of time for it to drop but you can’t do it very very last minute) they’ll refund you the difference and give you a $50 credit toward a future hotel stay. The credit has become much harder to use than before (restrictions on minimum spend to apply the credit, expiration dates) but at least you get the difference in price refunded directly to your card! I’ve used it multiple times to success and all you have to do is send a screenshot of the lower price–can be from the Expedia site or any competitor.

  18. Lana Del Raygun :

    Has anyone tried Bumble BFF? Right now I have long-distance friends from college, and church friends. It’s kind of a small-town-y church within a larger city, and I’m starting to realize how badly I need friends who aren’t also/previously friends with my sisters, but I think I also need a friend *group*.
    (A) Has anyone made real friends this way? and (B) Any advice for finding and/or building a friend group?

    • Never heard of it but what a neat idea! Would love to hear feedback.

    • I tried it in a large city. It’s hard, not gonna lie. I had some interesting conversation but it was not super easy to transition to “let’s hang out sometime.” has been suggested to me since it is meetups of people based around and interest or activity.

      • Anony Mouse :

        I tried a couple of Meetup groups and didn’t have much success. It doesn’t seem to be especially popular in my city, though, so you may have better luck.

    • Anonymous :

      I tried it but it was a year or two ago. I never got past the initial intro chatter to actually meeting up with someone. It was also a little awkward–in person it’s easy to go back and forth and get to know someone and realize you have shared interests and build the relationship, but over messaging it felt unnatural and (this may have just been me) I felt like both people were reluctant to take the lead in progressing the conversation because it’s just an odd dynamic asking someone out for a friend-date on an primarily dating-purposed app.

      I’ll also add it was a little weird that they didn’t let you have different profiles for Bumble dating vs. BFF. Easy for the coupled folk to have a dedicated BFF profile, but for the people who were both trying to date and make friends…well I’ll just say I don’t typically pick my friends based on the duck face selfies and butt cheek jumping off a dock photos that were apparently intended for the dating side.

    • Professional Gifter :

      See if there is a Lean In circle in your area. If not, start one! I made a great group of like-minded professional female friends through my circle.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      I haven’t tried Bumble BFF, but if you are into fitness, and looking for friends, I’d suggest taking some group fitness classes. I’ve made a lot of my closest friends through exercise.

      • Anonymous :

        I was actually in a fitness group a while ago and couldn’t figure out how to make the jump from “Hi, person I sweat next to” to “Hi, come to my house and hang out and tell me about your life.” How did you do it? I feel like “join a group activity” is a common piece of advice but no one covers how to actually make friends once you’re there. Teach me your ways, sensei!

    • Anonymous :

      I moved across the country with my partner last year and knew no one. The friend group I’ve found here is basically all thanks to Bumble BFF. I cannot recommend it enough. It does tend to skew younger (early 20s to early 30s), at least in my area. And I think a lot of the warnings about online dating (things will fade if you wait too long to go from online conversation to IRL meeting, sometimes you have to pursue someone more than they’re pursuing you, some people aren’t on the app for the right reasons, etc.) apply, but it’s been a lifesaver being new to the area and not having a ton of potential-friends through work.

  19. Anon for this :

    Guys – I need some uplifting. For my pro bono work, I handle domestic violence restraining orders and divorces for those that are in abusive situations and can’t afford them. Several months after winning a hard fought order, before the divorce is finalized, my client wants to reconcile and have the restraining order removed. I know it is her choice and I can’t tell her how to lead her life but it is just so heartbreaking. I also fear what is going to happen to her after the honeymoon period wears off and she is ultimately punished for taking him to court. She has crisis services and advocates and safety planners and we are doing all the right things but my heart is just breaking that she is making this decision. I know it takes multiple times to leave. I know people have their reasons. I also know she can make it without him and there are no kids involved. Yet. ……..

    • Anon in NYC :

      Oh man. That’s hard. Hugs.

    • I’m so sorry. You’ve done all you can do. Just know that you were there for her when she needed you. And you’ll be there for her (assuming you can handle it) when she inevitably needs you again.

    • Oh hon. I’m sorry. I’m a DV prosecutor and honestly…this is most of my cases. Even the ones where the thing the abuser did is so awful they are off to prison. Even when the victim did really well being strong through the trial. Even when they are actively in therapy. Even when. Even when.

      You can’t save people. You can only be the best advocate you can for as long as they’ll let you. People think this is rewarding work. It isn’t. It’s heartbreaking, and the heartbreaking part isn’t what you expect. You can’t unravel the lifetime of experiences and self-perceptions that have led her to where she is or why she goes back. All you can do is be someone she saw she could count on, for however long. You never know when it will come back around.

    • S in Chicago :

      You showed her and reminded her she has value. That is helping and an important step. Even if the journey might be long.

  20. Best list making app?

    Starting to think paper and pen isn’t working since I make lists for a variety of things – grocery store, Target/Walmart, to-do at home, gifts to buy, etc. etc. etc.!!!

    • cat socks :

      I like Evernote. I have the app on my phone and it syncs up if I want to log in through my PC. You can create Notebooks and within those Notes. You can also save images.

      I have a running grocery list where I add things as needed. I also keep a standard packing checklist for travel. I also have categories for food – Chicken, Soups, Slow Cooker, etc and save links for recipes I want to try.

      • anon a mouse :

        +1 Evernote. I have EVERYTHING there. Shopping lists – grocery, Target, etc. I actually had a Black Friday list for splurges, to see if they were on deep discount (nothing was, sadly). I also have notebooks set up with measurements and other random things for my home, in case I come across furniture or decor. And I have a whole notebook set up to archive travel recommendations (often from here!) for places that I might want to go someday.

    • I use RememberTheMilk. It sounds like I use it as you would; I have different lists called ‘Grocery’, ‘Hardware’, ‘Xmas’, etc.

    • BabyAssociate :

      Google Keep!

    • I use google keep. Not sure how it compares to the others, but it’s easy to use and I have almost the exact same lists you do. For christmas gifts, I use Gift List (red present with yellow bow), which I really like. There’s a similar one for non christmas gifts.

    • Wunderlist

    • Workflowy! It’s amazing

    • Google Keep

  21. Anonymous :

    Are you doing any political donating, and if so how do you allocate it?

    I’m looking at:
    Texas Democrats
    County Democrats
    Hillary’s PAC
    Joe Biden’s PAC
    Local and State candidates coming up in 2018

    Is there any formula to this?

    • Anonchitect :

      I also like donating to organizations that recruit and train candidates — think EMILY’s List, Higher Heights, Latino Victory Fund, and the New American Leaders Project. Also just a great way to find new candidates to support, if you’d rather give directly.

    • Dem Politico :

      I work in Democratic politics. I’d generally advise you to give more to candidates directly than to state/county parties (though if you have the resources, certainly, spread the love!) Local parties can have weird bloat and spend money on questionable things.

      To see a list of candidates who could use the help (ie are running in winnable races where your contribution could make the difference), I’d check out the DCCC’s Red to Blue list and EMILY’s List endorsed list. If you want to support good people who are in office but need help with their reelections, check out the DCCC’s front line list. On the Senate side, consider supporting Claire McCaskill (MO), Tammy Baldwin (WI), Jacky Rosen (challenger in NV).

      If you want to make a difference in governors races (and redistricting!) give to the DGA .

    • I give almost exclusively to state and local candidates.

    • Political giving :

      It really depends on what your goals are.

      If you’re interested in local party building (making sure the infrastructure is there so the party can take advantage when he opportunity arises) give to your state party (local can be great, or can be pointless – it is totally dependent on your local group). I’d avoid the Biden and Clinton leadership PACs, and extra avoid move on. Act blue is more of a software than somewhere to donate money (although they have some specialty pages, so it depends).

      However, based on your question I think you should give to Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee Red to Blue candidates (details on the DCCC website) These are people in competitive US House districts with a good chance of winning. They have been vetted by the party and your money will make the most immediate difference with them, vs all the other things you listed.

  22. Anonymous :

    In case some of you are in retail or just know a lot about how stores operate — a LOT of clothing I’m interested in is sold out at places like Macy’s, J Crew, Ann Taylor etc; they have have some articles left but sizes/colors are gone. Do stores reorder/replenish things or is the only option now the leftovers? Part of me thinks no, stores are breathing a sigh of relief that they moved goods and will aim to sell the rest and basically move into spring lines at the end of Dec. Other part thinks — there is obviously demand for these clothing items and we aren’t even in Dec yet, why not get your suppliers in China to pump out a limited additional supply of size 0 sweaters or whatever is most popular with the aim of selling it from Dec 10/15-24.

    • I think if nothing else they get returns so it doesn’t hurt to check.

    • From my experience, there are several collections per brand per year and usually these are produced in batches and once the – let’s say – pre-fall collection is produced, here are no additions, as you need to allocate the workforce for the production of new collection (for which you already have orders).
      Retailers are aware of your collection release dates and this is why they need to turn the goods feom their stores at a fast pace and this is the key reason for all the super deals offers, pre-holiday sales etc.
      This is happening because consumers want to see fresh goods to buy every 1-week (fast fashion like Zara) or every 4 weeks (depending on the type of brand, commercial model, local shopping and consumer habits).
      Stores rarely restock same models after sales are over (as the idea was to clean the house to make room for new collection), unless:
      *they still have goods in their warehouse or stores with less footfall (ask a sales assistant to help locate the piece for you)
      *the goods are returned by customers (this is how I scored my dream dress from Allsaints)
      *if they have online store, try there as well (some stores source items for online stores from different warehouses)
      Or check Amazon or ebay or similar online stores.

  23. Vicarious shopping help! :

    Hopping on the holiday party train. Need a cocktail-level dress for fancy company evening party. Must be able to wearing a bra with it, I refuse to wear strapless, and I love elbow sleeves in the winter when I find them! Nothing faddish (cold shoulder, off the shoulder, weird ruffles, etc). Not a big fan of velvet, but most other materials are fine. I like jewel tones, and the darker fall tones like ponderosa, burgundy, navy, and eggplant. Preferably under $100, but I can swing up to $130ish if I love it. Size 00 but with a bust, and I’m short.

  24. Anyfeedback? :

    does anyone have any real life feedback on trying the knixwear [email protected]? Especially if you are above a DD size. Am thinking of getting a couple on the last day of their sale today. TIA!

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