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This may be triumphant discovery of the obvious, but if you (perhaps like me) are rediscovering the little joys of cleaning your own home while you social-distance from your cleaning professionals, I just wanted to give a shout out to the Magic Eraser for its amazing ability to easily clean what, to me, are the “harder” jobs, including soap scum on shower doors/tiled walls, baked-on crud on your stove, and more.
I don't know if I'd use them all the time, on every surface, but for occasional “deep cleaning” jobs, they are great.
They're generally around $1 per sponge; they're available at Target, Amazon, and more. (Target has a ton of cleaning supplies right now, it looks like!)
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Psst: some of our favorite books on cleaning:
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
annoyed
How do you teach your coworkers good meeting etiquette? Or at least enforce it?
I started at a new job a few months ago and its a very meeting heavy culture. Obviously for most of that, and especially for big meetings, its a different culture and I’ll just deal with it. If I run a meeting I have an agenda, only add people who are absolutely needed, make it just the length required, Google calendar set to end 5 mins before a 30 minute meeting and 10 mins before a 60 minute one, have clear takeaways, etc
But others just schedule a 1 hour meeting (that doesn’t always take that long) for absolutely anything. It’s worse with WFH, but definitely a time suck and things get discussed over and over again, especially when there are too many people in a meeting.
Today, someone scheduled a 1 hr meeting over something that should take 5 minutes. I responded asking if it could be shorter “out of respect for everyone’s calendars” – was that rude? I’m fairly senior in my division but she’s in another department so I’m by no means senior to her.
Also, another thing, my boss told me about a time where she and someone else we work with literally yelled at each other during a meeting. It came up because the other person is very rude and was rude to me over Slack. Once we are back in the office, how are you supposed to deal with it if someone yells at you during a meeting? Why do people stand this? At a consulting- job I had. I briefly worked with a partner like that and would literally say to him when he yelled “This doesn’t seem like a good time for you, we can discuss this later” but how is this a thing that happens?
I know this nonprofit is a bit dysfunctional, I like most of the people and the cause and I think I can have influence, we’ll see how it goes.
Anonymous
You don’t. The things you list aren’t universal. You are new. Adapt to them.
CountC
+1 I can only control my own meetings. The majority of people at the multinational I work for do not do any of the things you do.
annoyed
I control my own meetings – I’m just asking for tips on how to influence meetings I’m in. Of course if I am not in the meeting I can’t do anything about it.
CountC
Unless you want to annoy and/or irritate people? You don’t, and instead you multitask while you are in them. If it’s a meeting I do not believe I need to be in, as long as it’s not someone more senior than me, I ask for an agenda and whether my subject matter will be discussed. If it’s clear that there is no issue for me, I decline with an explanation. I end up in several meetings a week I don’t need to be in, but I won’t decline if someone is more senior to me and/or it’s someone I need to respect and support me for career advancement purposes. This is a price of admission in most organizations for me.
annoyed
@CountC –
I can’t reply to your comment, but this is very helpful, thanks! I can take this approach in the future
“If it’s a meeting I do not believe I need to be in, as long as it’s not someone more senior than me, I ask for an agenda and whether my subject matter will be discussed. If it’s clear that there is no issue for me, I decline with an explanation.”
anon
They’re not universal but they should be! OP’s meetings are way more efficient and productive and I so wish more people ran them that way.
I decline meetings if I can, and ask the organizer to send me a list of any action items that require my attention. If I can’t skip but don’t have to be involved, I typically use that time to catch up on emails.
Anonymous
I for sure WISH people would be more like this, but if it’s organizational culture it’s going to be an uphill battle to change it!
Anon
Yup. Sorry, OP, but this isn’t really something you can change, except with respect to yourself and your direct subordinates. I’m cringing on your behalf that you asked a senior colleague in a different department to make her meeting shorter.
annoyed
Eh I feel a little bad about it but honestly, not that bad. We all have work to do, why the heck do you want to be in meetings like this. How can you hope to create social change in the world (which this nonprofit is trying to do) if you’re not even willing to change “how things are done” in your own world.
She’s not senior to me, she’s the same level as me in a different department.
Anon
I understand she’s not senior to you, but it’s still inappropriate. If you really can’t bear to sacrifice that much of your time, then decline the meeting request. Your way of scheduling meetings is not universally acknowledged as “better” than hers, and it’s really weird to come into a company (except maybe as the CEO) and try to impose your way of doing everything on people at your level and above who have been there longer.
Hildy
+1 to Anon at 3:45. You’re the new person. You can do what you want for your own meetings or meetings that subordinates run. If others decide they like your style better, they may chose to adapt similar styles for their meetings. They likely won’t if you try to force it on them and you’ll end up with a reputation for being annoying.
I loathe meeting culture too but this is very much a know your office thing. And, as much as it annoys me, there is value in having some meetings of this type, including allowing space for organic chit chat. This reminds me of a story of a senior executive told who was always annoyed when he was more junior about the chit chat that would happen for the first 10-15 minutes of a standing meeting (that he thought could just be an email) and started showing up 10-15 minutes late. His boss said something like why are you always late and he said because the meeting always started late and he always arrived before the meeting started. His boss countered and said, oh no, you misunderstand, those 10 minutes of chit chat are the most important part of the meeting. So he started showing up on time and found out that he learned a lot about the company and his colleagues in those wasted 10 minutes and information that came out of those wasted minutes were the basis for many of his big wins and promotions, including pitching new projects, getting on key client relationships, knowing when promotions were coming up. Just food for thought.
annoyed
@Hildy – I completely understand the point of chit chat. I have plenty of meetings where that is an important part. I think relationship building is crucial, and I do a lot of that. But these aren’t those meetings, especially since they’re virtual. How can I, the new person, be invited to a meeting where the meeting organizer doesn’t have an agenda, an idea of the takeaways, and be expected to run a meeting I didn’t organize? And to figure out the next steps. I’m not as off base as everyone hears thinks, and I do have the power to change things to some extent. Of course cultures vary but I should be able to protect my departments time.
Hildy
I’d argue the chit chat may actually be more important in WFH times since you lose the random organic discussion that happens when you bump into people in hallways. Particularly if you’re new and don’t know everyone, it might be good to take advantage of these meetings to get to know people better.
Aside from that, I think you need to focus on what your actual complaint is about these meetings. And then focus on how to fix that. If you’re being asked to run a meeting you didn’t organize that doesn’t have an agenda that’s entirely different than what you originally posted. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask a meeting organizer if there are topics they expect you to cover so you can prepare. That is a very different request than can this be a shorter meeting without a concrete reason other than you want it to be shorter.
Anon
Yeah, nowhere in your OP did you say you were being asked to run meetings you didn’t organize. That’s a completely different complaint, and a much more valid one in my view.
anon8
I don’t see anything wrong with asking a colleague to make a meeting shorter, but I would use a different reason than “out of respect for everyone’s calendars”. I would say that I won’t be able to attend for the full hour because I have a conflict with another meeting.
And I hate meeting heavy cultures too. Sounds like you’re implementing best practices, but if this is the org culture, then I think it will be difficult to change unless you’re at a high enough level to implement top-down changes.
Anon
Agreed – I’m cringing on your behalf, and I’d imagine you’re going to get yourself a difficult reputation if you do things like that regularly. If you don’t care, by all means, charge ahead, but different organizations have different cultures, and unless you’re running the organization, and sometimes even then, you can’t change it.
Pink
Do you have the option to decline meetings that aren’t useful or necessary? IME you can’t really change an entire team’s behavior, you can only try to limit how much it impacts you.
annoyed
I haven’t tried declining meetings unless it was like a huge informational meeting that I wouldn’t be missed at. I’m concerned that you can’t keep saying “I have a conflict 30 mins into the meeting” or just declining them too much before it becomes obviously false.
anon8
Agree. Just decline or respond as tentative. If there are so many meetings you can say you’re double booked but will try to attend if possible. Also, if these are online meetings can you just multi-task and get other work done?
annoyed
Maybe that’s a plus of WFH – they’re online meetings for now.
Anonymous
I recently worked in a heavy meeting culture environment. A few things I did — send one of my direct reports to the meeting if I didn’t need to be there. Good experience for them and a chance to learn, provding it was appropriate. This was an acceptable practice at the organization. I also took the opportunity to mentor my direct reports on good meeting practices when I saw something that could be improved, which had a ripple effect.
Sloan Sabbith
You can also buy these as bulk melamine sponges. Cheaper. Slightly lower quality but I find they get trashed quickly no matter what. The magic erasers work to get paint scuffs off the walls too!
Anon
This is true; I have a big stockpile since I bought the bulk ones once. They’re not as good, but they’re not many times worse.
I’m 100% sure this is part of microplastic pollution, so I have mixed feelings about them now, but I have a medical condition that involves weakness and these things really help compensate for lack of what my mom called “elbow grease.”
anonnn
Get a scrubbing brush attachment for your drill! I bought a drill specifically for this and its a game changer for cleaning
anon
Don’t use them if your walls have matte paint, though, it will ruin the finish!
Maudie Atkinson
Yup. And if anyone has any ideas about how to deal with the mark left beyond from using the magic eraser on a flat finish, let me know. Similarly interested in alternatives to the magic eraser for flat finish walls.
pugsnbourbon
+1, did a number on the paint in a long-ago rental … we weren’t going to get that deposit back anyways.
T
Really? My whole house is BM Simply White in flat finish and I use these all the time and haven’t noticed anything. Maybe the white disguises it?
Anon
Hey all, wanted to do an update to my mask review, if helpful. Definitely support/suggest buying from local, small businesses or Etsy, but I did not have success with any that I tried, hence buying these. I have been washing and donating those that didn’t fit me, so they aren’t being wasted.
-Banana Republic: Nice, adjustable ear straps & pocket for filter. The more “feminine” pack with a pink, gray, and blue mask were sized much smaller and had a thinner, more comfortable liner. The more stereotypically “masculine” colored pack were much larger and had a thicker, quilted liner. A-
-Old Navy: Super basic, children’s size ran very small, but will work for younger children. Adult size fit male spouse but too large for me (but fit once I used rubber bands or tied a knot to tighten ear loops. No pocket for filter and no nose wire. B-
-Gap: Children’s masks ran small-definitely for 10 and under. My children found these masks comfortable, and they have a nose wire.Adult size mask fit my male spouse, but I needed to use rubber bands/tie a knot in ear loops for it to fit me. No filter pocket. B+
-Summersalt: Nice, lightweight material & adjustable ear loops. The yellow & white was so cute, but looked strange on. Patterned & plain black ones will work well but wish there were other colors to choose from. No pocket for filter. B-
-Emilia George: The tie straps around each ear seemed like they would be comfortable plus the nose wire. However, the whole fit was just totally off. F
-Madewell: Masks arrived and were a different pattern than I had ordered. Way too large, but fit male spouse. Pocket for filter. C+
-Athleta: Nice, adjustable ear loops and nose wire. No pocket for filter, but these will work well. Wish there were more color options. Children’s size worked for my 10 and under children, but no nose wire. A-
-Swaddle Designs: Bought the chambray masks in the “teen/smaller adult size” and the “large-will fit most adults size.” These ran HUGE! My spouse had a large head/face, but the smaller size fit him best. These were really well made though, and he finds them very comfortable. Has a nose wire. A-
Waiting on ones from Keen, but will be all set using the Athleta, Gap and BR masks once in back in a school building for 8+ hours a day! I pre-ordered the Under Armour Sportsmask for the gym and will provide a review once it’s arrived. I fully realize I’ve become so if holy obsessed, but am someone who would never wear accessories like a scarf or necklace because of sensory discomfort, and have found it frustrating to find a mask that’s comfortable and fits well.
Pink
Interesting. I ordered a pack of cotton masks from Johnny Was and they work fine but are not my favorite. They look beautiful, but most of the material is too thick to comfortably wear for more than a few minutes (I have not added filters). I don’t wear a mask all day, but wish I had sprung for the silk ones. I also ordered one from Emilia George (cupro) and it is my favorite. The material is breathable, and it has a nose wire, unlike JW. The string ties seemed annoying at first but I’m finding them to have a more comfortable fit for me than the Johnny Was elastic. I’m planning to order a few more from EG to get me through the work week.
Anon
Glad they worked for you! Out of curiosity, is your face on the smaller or larger size? Mine is on the smaller size, and I just couldn’t get them to fit at all-they kind of stuck straight out like an envelope on my face despite trying to adjust the ties. I like how she is an independent designer vs. most of the others are from large orgs.
Pink
I think my face is on the smaller side, but I just ordered “medium” sized sunglasses from Native and they’re too small (squeezing my temples). Did you get cupro or cotton? IME the cupro is very moldable, and the nose wire really helps.
Anon
I got the cotton ones.
ATL rette
I bought some of the Swaddle Designs ones and they are SO big! I throw them in the dryer and they’ve shrunk up some, but they still feel massive on my tiny face.
anon
I bought some from Jaanuu that I find very comfortable and lightweight. The kid versions were too small for my kids (a large 7 year old and older), but they fit my small 5 year old nephew well. No space for a filter.
The Masked One
I’ll put a plug in for the masks from Jaanuu and WearFigs, both are companies that make medical scrubs and the masks are made from scrub material. The Jaanuu masks come in a multitude of colors but are 5 to a pack and the shipping is very slow. They are very comfortable. The WearFigs masks have a pocket for an additional filter and are very comfortable. I also bought my mother in law mask from CrystalRoseLabel on Etsy that is really nice, has a filter pocket, came in a multitude of colors, has adjustable ear bands, and shipped relatively quickly.
anon
Highly recommend happymasks dot co (not a typo) if you want something more protective. KN99 equivalent filter, can wash up to 50x, sized, comfortable.
Vicky Austin
In case it helps anyone, I wanted to share my experience at the dentist today. I was in and out in forty minutes for a routine cleaning.
Precautions they were taking: waiting room seating was distanced; I filled out a form stating I understood the risks unique to dental care/had no symptoms/had not traveled by air or across state lines within the last 14 days; hygienist and dentist wore mask, safety glasses, face shield and gloves the entire time; they asked me to rinse my mouth with a bit of hydrogen peroxide in water before beginning the cleaning; all extra decorations, patient education, magazines, etc. had been removed from the exam rooms and the waiting area (the only things in the exam room were disinfecting supplies).
No mention of: me or other patients wearing a mask even in the waiting area; masks for the registration staff.
Our (very rural) state was just moved to “low-risk” per our own governor (although social distancing has been lackluster at best).
AFT
This sounds similar to my experience in a Chicago suburban dental practice recently, except/with the following additions:
– Mask required for entry and was kept on until dentist arrived to my chair
– No-touch thermometer before entry
– Beyond distancing in the waiting room, only 2 patients were allowed in at a time, any patients #3 etc. had to wait outside/in their cars.
Vicky Austin
Oh, thank you for the reminder – first thing registration staff did was take my temperature!
Magic erasers on painted walls
For matte painted walls (SW finish; seems to be like flat but you can scrub?), magic erasers always leave a faint trail when the wall dries. Just don’t use on walls? Is there a trick? I feel like my kids are always touching the stairwell walls with unclean hands.
Agree that magic erasers are great on tub soap scum, etc.
anon
They wreck matte finish because of the micro-scale abrasion that gives them their cleaning power. I don’t know if the same is true on gloss or semi-gloss walls.
Anon
It is because they can take the sheen off the gloss or semi-gloss. Ask me how I know!
Any time you use Magic Erasers, just remember you’re using very fine sandpaper.
Maudie Atkinson
Do you know of anything that can be used on matte finish for the same kind of cleaning?
anne-on
For walls, I’ve just used a microfiber cloth that is juuuuust barely wet. Kids are gross. An actual thing I had to say today – get the remote off your lips (he was absent mindedly rubbing it over his lips?!? because…I dunno).
Leatty
I’ve recently been using Water Wipes (yes, the diaper wipes) to clean walls. So far it hasn’t caused any damage to the paint/walls, and they come clean more easily than they would with the magic eraser.
Anon
You can wipe the walls with a regular sponge or rag.
Vicky Austin
What do you do with harder stains? Our cheap dining chairs have rubbed into the kitchen walls and left chair paint on the wall paint and I’m wondering if I have any recourse besides just repainting the kitchen.
Aunt Jamesina
The reality is that the more matte a paint is, the more porous it is, and the harder it will be to remove stains. Your best bet is to touch up with paint if a damp rag with a bit of all-purpose cleaning spray won’t take it off. There’s no magic trick, Magic Eraser is essentially just a super fine grit sandpaper.
Plaster vs drywall
Most of our older house has plaster walls. The newer part is drywall. The plaster part of the house is not really insullated but it is very, quiet — no room-to-room noise and no noise b/e upstairs and downstairs. The drywall part of the house — OMG do I hate it. The outside walls are insullated, but now that we are WFH, every sound and movement telegraphs or travels through walls and across floors. If the washer is in the spin cycle, it’s like I have a magic fingers bed (even through it is across a hallway). And I can hear things downstairs — footfalls, the water going through pipes if you flush. It is amazing and not good. Can this be fixed in existing construction?
Anon
This is the nature of drywall compared to plaster.
Anon
This is one (of the many reasons) I have no interest in ever living in new construction!
Anon
Does your washer need to be rebalanced?
Anonymous
Possibly! But the noise — flushing toilets, running water when showering / brushing teeth, footsteps. It is all so evident what is being done elsewhere.
anon
I’ve never lived in a house where you couldn’t hear the flush from above.
anon a mouse
You can fix it – the effort depends on how much improvement you need. For your washer, you may be able to place it on a shock-absorbing mat, since what you are hearing is the washer moving. (And yes, make sure it is properly balanced). If you are concerned about noise in the basement, you may be able to add sound-dampening tiles in certain areas to help.
Anon
For the poster this morning looking at outdoor furniture, here’s a version of what we have.
It’s truly an outdoor living room and we spend a hefty percentage of our time out there weekday evenings and all day on the weekends. Our setup is similar to this plus two small side tables and two large umbrellas.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Hanover-Summer-Nights-5-Piece-Patio-Fire-Pit-Set-with-4-Cushion-Rockers-and-40-in-Square-Fire-Pit-and-Desert-Sunset-Cushions-SUMMRNGHT5PC/205204023
I really do think if you can swing cushioned furniture outside, you will spend a lot more time in it than non-cushioned.
anon for this
Question about planning a long road trip. We are thinking of decamping to my in-laws for 6-7 weeks (until after Labor Day). We have 2 small children and they have young cousins nearby, the parents, BIL and us would all be in the same quarantine bubble.
It’s about 15 hours by car, not safely feasible in one day. Would you feel safer for a single overnight at a national hotel chain, small local hotel, air B&B type house rental or other? Or would the need to stay overnight be a dealbreaker for you? Flying is not an option because of safety/cost/our need to have our car at destination.
Anonymous
My bet is to go with the chain if you have no idea about the small hotel / rental house. I feel that chains heave a lot to loose and are mainly empty and would be more likely to get it right. But everything is so empty that I think if you call and make it clear that you want a room not recently occupied, they should be able to make that happen. Chain hotels are usually pretty large, so it might be easier to accommodate you.
anon for this
My only qualm with a hotel is I have no idea if there are risks with HVACs and recirculated air from other rooms, where a private house would be separate. Am I overthinking this?
Anonymous
Yes dramatically.
Anonymous
IDK, but if I were renting one night for a whole house, I’d probably lose $ b/c I’d have to clean the whole house vs one hotel room. We rented an AirBNB last year that we figured out the hard way had not been cleaned (and that was last year, where people were merely incompetent instead of incented to cut corners).
Anon
You’re overthinking this. From what we know so far, air conditioning is unlikely to spread coronavirus, and remember, your likelihood of getting sick depends on your exposure level. A stray droplet or two through A/C is unlikely to cause problems.
Anon
This is not true at all. There are multiple documented cases in China of restaurant AC systems making people ill. You can look up the maps they drew and see how it was people sitting under AC vents who got sick, even while multiple people sharing a table with patient zero (who had much closer physical contact with him/her) did not. And the version of the virus that circulated in Wuhan was less infectious than the dominant strain now in the US/Europe. You don’t hear about restaurant/hotel exposure here because we don’t have a robust contact tracing system here, not because it’s not happening.
If no one in her family is high risk and they can isolate at their destination before mingling with elderly family, it may very well be a risk worth taking, but it’s not paranoid to think you could be exposed this way.
Anon
I have seen those studies. With all due respect, if the only studies on this are coming out of China (and not other countries that do contact tracing but do not pathologically lie), then it’s a non-issue.
Anon
CDC has recommendations on this.
Anon
I would think a larger hotel (so the national chain) would be safer because more opportunity for distancing in a larger physical property. You could probably get rooms that have been unoccupied for a few days).
Anon
I would be fine with any kind of accommodation personally, but I think an AirBNB house rental or a motel where you can enter your room directly from the outside would be the safest. At a motel or hotel, the employee who checks you in will likely be masked and/or behind a plexiglass barrier, and once you have your room key you wouldn’t have to interact with anyone again if you can enter your room from the outside. I think a local hotel would feel the least safe to me, because they tend to be inherently cozy and intimate (aka not social-distancing friendly).
anon
It sounds like the benefits outweigh the risks for your family. The chances of your family having sustained indoor contact sufficient to transmit Covid are pretty low in a hotel, especially if your family and the hotel employees are wearing masks. I’d probably stay in a national chain because they’re likely to have standard cleaning policies, which you can look up ahead of time, but many national chain hotels are locally owned, and you won’t really know whether they are following those cleaning procedures.
Anonymous
Hotel. It’s no riskier than an apartment building and loads of us live in them just fine.
Walnut
I did this a month or so ago and stayed at a chain hotel each direction. We stopped late, left early and the staff was distanced. It felt safer than stopping at a gas station in terms of cleanliness.
Pink
We recently roadtripped 18 hours one way with our 3 y/o. We stopped at a boutique motel (Route 66) on the way out, a chain hotel on the way back (different cities). They were both fine. If I had unlimited options, I’d choose a boutique with ground-level entrance over a chain. It just seemed cleaner and less busy.
Anon
If you have two drivers, I would do it all in one day taking turns. We drive 17 hours to my in-laws annually with dogs and sometimes we go straight through and sometimes we stay over. If you each drive a 4 hour chunk and then repeat it is not so bad. The last hour is always the roughest. Whether we go straight through or stay over depends on what kind of traffic we hit.
Body Scan
If you had the opportunity to get a full body scan at age 35, would you?
I have a Significant, significant cancer history in my immediate and close-in extended (aunts, uncles, grandparents). A dear family member is in the process of being diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor – the same kind that four family members have died from that can be genetic though we’ve all tested negative for the gene. Doctors tell us the reality is there are so many genes that a negative only means so much, and the cancer link could lie in the untested genes. (I’m not a science person; that’s how I interpret what I’m being told).
In any event, I may have the opportunity to get a full body scan proactively. I fear it could show things that I’m afraid to know as an otherwise healthy person with two little kids. I don’t know…. would you?
anon
I would 100% do this. I lost my dad to cancer and wish the doctors had caught it before it had already metastasized.
Anonymous
I would have a very robust informed consent discussion. What could the scan show? What would the course of action be if the scan did show something? What would be the risks inherent in that follow-up? What are the chances of a false positive? A false negative? What are the risks of the scan itself? Etc.
anon
I would.
PolyD
I’d talk to a genetic counselor or clinical geneticist with a specialty in cancer before you do a whole body scan. They could give you a better idea of legit screenings you should do and when – like, maybe you should get a colonoscopy at a younger age, etc. To find such a person, I’d start with the oncology or genetics departments of any large university near you.
I’m pretty skeptical about the whole body scans, I don’t think they are really a validate way to lower your risk of death from cancer.
PolyD
Replying to myself – the average MD is not well-verses in cancer genetics. Even the average oncologist might struggle a little, which is why I recommended people with genetics specialties.
genetics anon
+1 to all of this.
most big academic medical centers have a cancer genetics or genetics clinic who could help walk you through what screening and/or testing might be appropriate. fyi – in smaller medical centers, the genetics clinic may be run out of a children’s hospital, but will often see adults as well.
genetic testing is constantly evolving, so some genetic tests might benefit from being re-performed with an extended panel or prior results being re-analyzed.
if you’re even thinking about going to this appointment – i would square away your disability and life insurance. GINA does not apply to these insurance products and the results could render you uninsurable in the future.
Anon
I would do it.
Hildy
I would 100% do it with the caveat of make sure you have as much life insurance as you think you may ever want in place before you do this since any results could come up in underwriting.
Anon
I don’t think you’re even asking the right questions here.
If a lot of people in your family have died of brain cancer, why do they think it is genetic if you’ve “all” tested negative for the gene? Does that include people who have had this cancer, or just the rest of the family? Exactly what genetic brain cancer do they think this is? Do they think this is genetic brain cancer, or genetic general cancer? (Does the latter even exist?)
Why are they doing a full-body scan instead of a brain scan?
Why do they think this is genetic instead of environmental?
How would the results be interpreted? What kind of results have shown up from these scans and how has it improved treatment?
Anon
I disagree that these are necessarily better questions than the OP is asking. Family history still means more than the results of genetic testing; we’re just not there yet with genetic tests. We’re still interpreting genetic test results through family history, not the other way around, very, very often.
As for whether to get general scans, I would do it. I read an article once about the kind of general testing that many Japanese corporate employees get (I believe when they turn thirty). There are a few different levels of testing, but it would definitely save lives if we did that kind of testing more often here. I asked my doctor about it, and he said the main reason we don’t is that it’s much, much more expensive here.
OP
I have a lot of the answers to your questions already. The next step that I’ve been offered as an otherwise healthy, symptom free 35 year old is a ‘body scan’ of some kind – I have asked but don’t know yet if that’s multiple scans (brain, breast, blood, ovary, uterus are of particular interest) or if there’s some full body MRI or PET scan that would be used. Nevertheless, the objective would be to scan everything and anything feasible at once or in pieces.
Your question about environment is an interesting one, though, that hasn’t been discussed with me among the family, particularly as it relates to the brain cancer and the relation of the people who have that (dad, and 3/5 children all with glioblastomas). Still, that only ‘explains’ one of the cancers.
This is the worst, man.
Coach Laura
If you’re talking to real doctors and not a scan offered over the internet or some kind of marketing gimmick, I’d do it. Obviously 3/5 kids plus dad with glioblastoma requires the big guns of doctors, NIH Cancer center expertise. I’d also look for any clinical trials that you might be able to enter. Try clinicaltrials dot gov for that.
I have lymphoma and a recent head to toe PET scan with tracers put my mind at ease, at least for any other measurable cancer. My dad and one brother have had melanoma, I have lymphoma and another brother has another blood cancer, plus others like grandparents and uncles. My dad had a 52-cancer gene screening and it was negative and, as may be the case with others, the doctor said that there may be a family cancer gene at work, but it may be a gene that researchers haven’t identified yet.
Someone else said a PET scan doesn’t work for brain tumors and I have no knowledge there, but if it’s an MRI, yes, have that. I also agree that you should get life and disability insurance beforehand but if you answer the screening questions for that, it might not even be possible to get more life insurance at this point.
As far as what it might show? If you want to diagnose early with the idea of knowing and treating early, then yes get the test. It’s not like Huntington’s gene test where it is a yes/no answer. But if you show a different cancer (e.g. ovarian) then you can have surgery and be monitored versus not doing anything now and waiting for symptoms when it might be too late to treat as easily or with good effect. If a brain scan did show gliobastoma, then you may be able to get in an early clinical trial. But you’ll have to be mentally prepared.
I recommend the Longevity Diet book by Valter Longo, which is a stricter version of the Mediterranean diet. He does a lot of diet-related cancer research… the diet is in the category of can’t hurt, might help. You might also check into the Block Center in Chicago. He is an MD doing integrative oncology but he may work on prevention.
It is awful and I wish you and your family the best.
Anon
It’s a hard question. Scans aren’t generally an accepted form of cancer screening except for lung cancers for older people with risk factors. First, what kind of scan? PET scans are good for a lot of cancers but not brain tumors. CT is a good generic choice but it comes with a lot of radiation. The question then is what’s the risk of false positive/negative, what do you do if you find something, what’s the cumulative effect of radiation over time vs original cancer risk? There’s also risk involved with any follow up procedures. Maybe through a screening clinical trial?
scans
No.
Because … what if it doesn’t show anything? Then what? You could have a tumor start growing tomorrow. So do you get another one … in 1 month? 1 year? 5 years?
I would instead do some research and find the best place in the country for the type of cancer that ran in my family. Find the best doctor, and possibly the best doctor doing research in my type of cancer. And maybe call them/email them/make an appointment with them. And then ask them what they recommend for me and my family.
I wouldn’t do a full body scan. Because it will probably show a random dot/blip/blob somewhere. That is probably nothing. But will scare the hell out of me and now need to be biopsied or I’ll never sleep and then what if I get an infection from the biopsy and then I need follow-up scans and it’s probably nothing.
Everything has a risk/downside.
Anonymous
I would think long and hard about this. I am a cancer survivor with lots of cancer in my family. Consider how you will deal with the potential follow up testing if something is “seen” on the scan, but it is not clear there is an issue. You can go down a rabbit hole pretty quickly. I have and it was super stressful. Also, consider whether there is anything that can be done if something is found (my cousin died of glioblastoma 6 years ago — at the time it was basically 100% fatal, so finding it earlier would not have had an impact on outcome. ). I do my routine testing ( eg colonoscopy, etc.), but I’m more selective about chasing down an ache or pain with a scan.
dg
For the person asking about a programming bootcamp –
This is anecdotal, but we’ve been hiring for a data scientist position recently and have been more impressed by the (recent) grads of Masters in data science / analytics/applied data science /information technology with a focus on data science than bootcamp grads. A big part of this is that its a small team and we unfortunately don’t have as much time to nurture someone less experienced, so it may be different at a larger company. We also do value statistics and math a lot.
anon
adding, that for someone looking to do a big pivot from a different field, to do some research into what makes programming different from data science different from computer science, to find a good fit.
Piper Dreamer
Thank you!! That was me. This is all very helpful. I am going to sit down with my husband and talk through all of this this weekend before making a decision!
Anonymous
I want to buy a house next year. This is my first house purchase. I’m nervous and a planner. There are SO many realtors and SO many books about “buying your first home…”
If you could only read one (knowing I’ll read 3-4), what would you recommend? What do you wish you would’ve known before your first purchase?
Anon
I bought the “Home Buying for Dummies” (loathe the title, but useful info) and the Nolo “Buying Your First Home” book. Be prepared for the bank/lender to potentially request endless paperwork. Working with an experienced realtor was hugely important—she had relationships with home inspectors, real estate attorneys etc. I needed to ask her when I wanted to see a house though-she didn’t send a ton my way partly because she knew I was refreshing every 5 seconds-ha! My spouse and I were in the lower price bracket ($280k) in a HCOL area. We ended up buying a very sweet farmhouse-style home built in the 1800’s) but it is technically a 2-bedroom. I preferred this vs. a fixer upper or a ranch. We also wrote a letter to the sellers about ourselves, and what we loved about the house. I have reservations about this practice, because it can reinforce bias/removes some anonymity but it worked in our case (“our children would love to live here blah blah.) We put an offer in the same day as the open house for $7,000 over the asking price and it was worth it.
Anon
The realtor is everything. If you get a good one, you basically don’t need to know anything. Can you get a referral from a trusted friend or colleague? Or your future employer if you’re relocating. We moved to our area and didn’t know anyone but my husband’s employer had a list of pre-vetted realtors, we interviewed them and picked one and she was great. I read Home Buying for Dummies but it felt pretty unnecessary because our realtor did everything
E
Get a plumbing inspection if it is an older house. Homeowners usually own the service lines and “side sewers” all the way to the main in the middle of the street but do not realize it until they have a big leak (or worse, if it is your sewer line). Most regular inspections do not turn up if your water or sewer lines are at the end of their useful lives, and if you know about any issues up front, you can generally get a concession from the current owner or get them to fix it before closing. Replacing these can run in the $30K range, so good to know if you are buying an existing problem.
Anon
+1. Your realtor is everything. Find one you can trust (ask for recommendations from people who live in your target area) and she can be the one to direct you through the process, even recommending loan institutions, inspectors, notaries, lawyers, etc if you need them.
Two things to know before you meet with your realtor: 1) I’d research PMI and understand if you are willing to pay that or not (overly-simplified – do you want to put 20% down or will you pay an extra PMI fee until you reach 20% equity), and 2) I’d put together a budget to understand what kind of monthly payment you can handle (then work with your realtor to understand how to break that into taxes, PMI, insurance for your target area, and use the remaining payment amount to back into your targeted loan for a house).
Anon
Don’t buy a fixer for your first home purchase unless you are a contractor.
Anon
This x 1 million. Our first house was a “fixer upper.” Unless you really enjoy DIY home repair and hiring contractors (because you won’t be able to do everything), and don’t mind putting all of your time and all of your spare cash into getting the house fixed up, don’t do it. New home buyers get shown houses that no one has tended to in years and are told they are a “great investment” and a “great opportunity” when the reality is – neglected houses, that haven’t been upgraded in decades, almost always have serious issues somewhere. If the house has not been upgraded or repaired as time has passed, coming in as the new owner who is going to fix everything that needs fixing is a time-consuming, wallet-emptying and heartbreaking process. That’s why in many areas it’s become popular to tear down old houses – stripping a house down to the bare bones and rebuilding it back out is not as easy or fun as reality TV shows on HGTV make it look, and for people without contractor skills it is considerably more expensive than the reno shows report. If I could re-do one decision in my life, it would be hanging on in that house. We should have done the bare necessity of repairs and cosmetic changes and sold it within 5 years to get out from under it.
Anon
+1. It’ll cost SO much more than you imagine.
Anon
+2
In my area, given the cost and difficulty of finding contractors, and the not-huge discount you get for a fixer (a discount for sure, but IMO not enough for what I gather the fixing all costs) I cannot imagine buying a fixer works out as an actual cost save for someone on a budget. What I see more is professional outfits buying them and doing the work themselves and then flipping it. I imagine the only way it works out for a nonprofessional buyer is if money isn’t the motivation, but you really want to customize your house to your exact liking in a specific area (and have patience) and that is the only way you can do it.
Go for it
No book recommendation; however, for the next 6 months pretend you are paying a mortgage & put excess over your current rent in a savings account. If you feel like you can continue in a lifestyle you are comfortable with, then go ahead with the house buying plan. If you feel tight perhaps reconsider the size of the mortgage you intend to take out. Trust me when I say house poor is the worst.
Anon
If your mortgage is going to be more than what you’re paying to rent, which is absolutely not universally true. When I bought my house a couple of years ago, my book club friends who are all about ~10 years older than me were making jokes about how I’d have to start eating ramen, etc. They were all very surprised to hear that the mortgage for my house was a couple hundred less than the rent I’d been paying for my apartment.
Another anon
I am in the process of my first home purchase and am also a planner. I didn’t read any books but I went to a first time home buyers seminar (run by my work) a couple years ago. There they explained all the financial components etc. When I was ready to buy I was fortunate to find a GREAT realtor and as others have said, that is all you need.
anon
Can someone speak to the advantages/disadvantages of using a Redfin agent versus another realtor?
AnonMPH
Just adding another +1 to the most important thing being a good realtor. We were gearing up to start reading books on buying a home and attending a first time homebuyer’s class online, and then instead we got a referral to our friend’s realtor and she spent two hours on zoom walking us through the process and a couple of weeks later we put in an offer on a house. I’m not saying it always will go that quickly or that smoothly, but there’s just no replacement for a real human who knows your actual considerations and your specific market. And you SO have to trust the person. If you get a recommendation for a realtor from a friend and meet with them and leave feeling unsure whether you would believe their recommendations- keep looking. This person should become your most trusted advisor.
Ours wound up being so great that we never read a book…oops!
AIGUILLETTE
I lurve Mr. Clean Magic Erasures. I used to work in a school where the design committee decided that white tables were good for the art room. They were horrible to clean until I discovered the Magic Erasures. Grimy hand prints, crayon, markers, etc. All gone.