Coffee Break: Norton Leather Tote

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1. File this under “questions appropriate in the apocalypse”…
   I’ve never done a virtual “happy hour” with friends. I’d like to suggest one with my college girlfriends, but there are a lot of us (11 or so?). I suspect I need to break this up into smaller groups.
   What have people found is an ideal number of people to have on a virtual happy hour? What has been the tipping point for too many (ie not everyone gets to talk etc)?
   Any other tips?

   1. I’ve done a couple this week with five people, and that seemed like a good number. The more people you add, the more potential for delays (and the smaller everyone’s face becomes on the screen!).

      I’m sure you can make it work with more, but it might be better to split it into two groups!

   2. Get Zoom – they have breakout room so you can take a big group and move it into smaller groups

   3. If you have zoom video conf software, you can invite a large meeting, and as people trickle in, send 3 or 4 into a breakout meeting, aka separate meeting. It’s less mingling, but better conversation.

   4. We had a virtual bookclub Monday night and it was actually very fun! We used Google hangout, and there were 10 of us.

   5. We did 4 tonight and it was perfect. I’m concerned too many more would have made it hard to take turns. Of course, we are all lawyers, so we talk over each other anyway. It was so worth it and we are already planning on another one tomorrow.

2. My partner’s family is very anxious by nature and before this tended to have members who were merely anxious to those who never went outside on walks because of what other people might think of their body size. No one ever has a headache — it must be cancer. No one ever coughs — they must be choking to death. If a kid coughs during a meal, three adults will spring into action with “are you choking” “he’s choking” ” get him some water” “DRINK SOME WATER.” You can imagine how the temperature has risen lately. I don’t think that anyone is under any treatment for this, but previously the nervous energy in a room would make me uneasy (same with partner, now that he’s not around it daily).

   We are using distancing to physically avoid but one the phone, I am almost wanting to lick my fingers or touch my face because they are just more than we can deal with emotionally (I am not licking my fingers and am trying not to touch my face). And yet, they need support. And asking them to get professional help when they can’t at the moment seems catty and mean.

   They are not bad people. But my nerves are getting shot and theirs already are. [Partner can vent to me re his family; he still doesn’t like me saying anything bad about them, which is human even though we are feeling the same thing in stereo.]

   1. This would send me absolutely over the edge and I would probably avoid as much as possible. But I don’t think suggesting professional help has to sound catty and mean. You could express concern for them and say they sound like they must be suffering and there are resources for this. Maybe be ready with some? Our state department of public health has a hotline you can text for mental health support during this crisis.

   2. I’d try to remember these are difficult times and you are a touchpoint for them with reality. You are serving a valuable purpose just by letting them vent fears. It is hard, but it is important not to isolate those in need of emotional help that much further. Give your calls a set time each day for your own sanity. Listen and ask questions. When appropriate, try to point out some positives in how your own family is coping, as this may help give them a sense of strategies to model–what a relief stores are doing curbside pick up and delivery, I feel so grateful that we have homes to go to right now, so nice to go for a walk outside with an audio book, so nice to see the plants are starting to sprout no matter what else is happening in the world, rinse repeat. It’s time for us to take care of the vulnerable as best we can. After these draining conversations, give yourself a time out with a bubble bath or a few moments of deep breathing or even just a few moments of reflection that you’re proud of staying strong and helping others. Since things escalate with them and you know this about them (the choking example) I don’t know if giving a hotline would just potentially validate that chaos is the name of the game. I’d reserve that if you think there actually is a high likelihood of them actually using.

      1. You are a very good person.

      2. This is fantastic advice, especially the point about not validating panicky attitudes unless necessary.

   3. No suggestions, but I routinely wish I could slip some Xanax into my MIL’s orange juice for this very reason.

   4. Honestly, I would not take these phone calls for the time being. Your partner can deal with it. It is very Not Cool to pass off your anxiety onto other people, and I say this as someone who is anxiety prone.

   5. Lots of therapists are doing telephone or video appointments these days so not sure why you think they can’t get help now

      Might even be the perfect time as covid becomes the excuse for people who might otherwise be reluctant to seek help to go ahead and reach out

   6. Could they get professional help though? There is telemedicine, video psychotherapy, even mental health texting apps, audio meditation guides, etc. It’s definitely not your job. Having finally stepped back from a friend like this, I have to say she’s still the same (and still refusing professional help) — but I’m much healthier even though I do still worry about her from time to time.

3. I just found out my sister has been bringing her child who had a fever >100 last week to my parents’ house this week. They are over 60 and have underlying conditions. She’s a narcissist and says her underlying conditions are worse, so that makes it okay. I am so frustrated with her and scared for my parents, and I don’t know what to do.

   1. I’m sorry. I would find that very frustrating too and I don’t find the general calls to be serene/kind to people like that helpful or actionable. Would having a firm conversation with your parents help?

   2. I would tell my parents that if they die because of this I will never ever speak to sister or their grandchild again. I would tell them that I thought they cared enough about me to at least try not to die.

      1. This is kind of the approach I took, except that I love the child and could not cut them out of my life. Narcissist knows this and any time someone calls her out on her bad behavior, she threatens us with not be able to see the kid. It’s a lose-lose.

      2. Genuine question: What do you think this would accomplish? How would you expect her parents to react to something like that?

         1. Right. Especially because they’ve already been exposed. I might take this approach with the sister if nothing else would get through, but it’s pretty harsh for the parents who have already been exposed in a situation that was surely difficult for them (having to say no to a person who has probably been unreasonable and demanding for a long time…)

   3. I can tell you’ve talked to your sister about it, but have you talked to your parents?

   4. You can’t reason with the unreasonable. Talk to your parents, but don’t expect much to change.

   5. Tell your parents that by choosing to see her, it means they can’t see you. It is their choice not hers and they can’t expect you to ignore public health advice even if your sister does.

      1. My Mom and Dad told Rosa and Ed that b/c of the virus, they can NOT bring the kids over to visit for a while. Rosa and Ed disagree. My parents are right fully concerned about Grandma Leyeh and Grandma Trudy who are both well over 80, and b/c the kids are always running around with runny noses and playing in day care with other sick kids, we all think they could be carriers of the virus, even if they don’t have symtoms today. What is worse, is that in Weschester, if don’t have symtoms, you can’t get a test for the virus. So it’s a Hobsen’s choice but you can get sick even after you test negative, so long storey short; no kids. I agree with Dad b/c I also don’t want the kids snotting over me if they have the virus and I am out there b/c I can’t afford to get sick and not work.
         Life is so complicated when you have kids and the virus is all over. DOUBEL FOOEY on the virus and for the people that carried it over to Weschester and NYC last month.

   6. Ouch. Narcissists are the worst. I’m sorry that your sister was inconsiderate of the entire family and I hope your parents don’t catch anything, corona or otherwise.

4. I’ve never had groceries delivered before, or done curb side pick up. Both seem like good ideas right now to avoid close contact. Wondering if those of you who are experienced can tell me which one you use and why? I am in Chicagoland, and my preferred shopping stores are Jewel, Trader Joe’s and Costco – rarely Whole foods. Some of the costs online are a bit vague…

   I was about to place an order directly with Jewel online. They are about 1 week out before they can deliver and of course can’t guarantee what they will have in stock, as the items come from central stores/sites, and not your local stores. But I may try it for their great first time discount (free delivery and $20 off orders over $75) and I’ll just order a bunch of heavy stuff that is a pain to go pick up anyway that I don’t need urgently.

   It seems like Instacart goes to your local store, and shops there for you. That makes me think that in some cases, you might be lucky and they might be able to get some things in your local store that you can’t order on the Jewel website right now because they are “out of stock” centrally. But maybe this is more expensive?

   I am also tempted to try Whole foods (they used to deliver locally in my area…. or maybe now they only do if you order on Amazon?). And I think I will try to order from Costco.com, but maybe using Instacart for Costco is also a good idea in case our local store has some things out of stock centrally.

   Thanks!

   1. I tried Instacart a while back and was less than impressed. They do send a shopper to pull items at your local store. The store charges a markup, and you have to pay for delivery and tip your shopper. If an item you’ve requested is out of stock, your shopper will substitute something that may not be suitable. Under the current conditions, with so much out of stock, I’d much rather go myself and make my own decisions based on what’s available.

   2. Is Mariano’s an option? My husband placed an order today for early Sat pick-up. Also, just an FYI that Walgreens is now going to allow pick-up of all sorts of home goods and food stuffs if you need to patch through until a bigger grocery store order can arrive. I haven’t tried it but got an email earlier today.

   3. In general, I think all these services are comparable, so don’t worry too much about which one to pick. At the moment, just have an eye on which one has an available delivery window in the near future, because they are all in high demand right now.

   4. I use Shipt and I think they deliver from most of these. I’ve been happy with them.

   5. Whole foods delivery is called primenow – available if you have amazon prime . We use it frequently, also in Chicagoland. The picker-outers do a great job of getting produce that’s not too bumped/bruised. Be careful about amounts- one time I wanted one jalepeno pepper and got a pound of jalepenos.

      1. Ha, I totally did the same thing with jalapenos! A pound is a LOT of jalapenos. Fwiw, we used Mercato this week for delivery in Chicago and had a good experience. Used our local independent food store, but I think they also work with some of the big ones. Ours were delivered within 24 hours, but I know things are changing every day.

         1. I have had really good luck with Instacart and Amazon/Whole Foods in the Chicago suburbs, but all bets are off right now. Yesterday and today, Whole Foods/Amazon wouldn’t even let me schedule a delivery any time at all, even into next week.

5. I have a pair of black jeans that I swear would be cool on Keith Richards (who makes everything cool). But were black, but now they are muddled dark gray with some areas of more fading than others (but not in a cool way; I can’t put my finger on it). They aren’t skinny jeans or jeggings. They have a contoured waistband (lower in the front, to highlight every bit of my gut probably; higher in the back to fit over my monster hips). The legs are tapered and slightly ankle-length. At least they aren’t pleated. They don’t look like someone acid-washed black jeans (yet! they are possibly on the way though). They fit, so I’m not tossing until I replace, but I just can’t wear these to work (I did; I regretted it; of course I ran into Someone Important). I am e-shopping to replace, but I feel like there are some nuances I am not picking up on and want to get stylish jeans that I feel OK wearing out (not clubbing, but to work, etc.). I can pick boot-cut jeans so I can hold my head high. Help!

   1. It sounds like they are bad because although they technically fit you, they don’t flatter you. And the mottled fading doesn’t sound like it helps :) My favorite black jeans are from madewell; I like their skinny style but they have some nice straight leg and bootcut options too.

   2. Can you RIT dye them to dark black to save them?

6. My 16-week OB appointment was just canceled, and I had a meltdown. I keep being told I’m high-risk (old) but now this appointment is considered nonessential. I keep telling myself they would just take my blood pressure and listen to the heartbeat and none of the risk factors would really be assessed at this appointment. But I don’t even know if that’s true. My 20-week ultrasound and appointment are considered essential and will go forward. Thoughts, commiseration?

   1. Is it just your age that makes you high-risk? If so, that 16-week appointment is much less essential. I get the fear and anxiety, I really do, but I think you’re right that not much would happen at that appointment anyway.

      1. Agreed. Did you have a 12 week appointment, and is it just 1 baby? Any complicated medical history or previous complicated pregnancies/late losses? It’s a scary place to be in, but the 16 week is a pretty lame/quick visit. If you’re going to miss one, 16 weeks is the best one to miss.

      2. Yes, just my age. Thank you!

   2. Trust your doctors. It’s better to avoid doctors offices unless essential.

   3. I’m sorry, I’m also AMA (with a complicating health condition) and pregnant and was told this week that my NT scan was being cancelled b/c my NIPT came back negative. I rebooked the NT scan at another clinic but I know there’s a real possibility it will be cancelled too. I agree with the PP, if you are just AMA, the 16 week check up is probably not essential. I would order a BP cuff if you haven’t already, and maybe a baby doppler if checking a few times a week would help reassure you (mine arrived yesterday). Hang in there, we will all get through this somehow.

      1. Thank you! I think I would worry more with those tools, but something to consider.

   4. If it makes you feel better, my friend who was high risk for non-age reasons was allowed to skip her 16 week appointment last summer, pre-COVID. She had a major work event (a once every two years type thing that she leads and has to travel for). Her prior visits hadn’t shown anything concerning so her OB gave her a pass.

7. Is there any news on your daughter’s test yet? How is she feeling? Am thinking of the stress you must all be feeling.

   1. Finally heard today (4 days after testing). Daughter is positive. We are to quarantine until the 29th, when she will test again. So far that’s 4 of the 19 kids in her Spain program. We found out about her roommate earlier today. The other kids, in other states, haven’t been told they need to test again. So far, all of the kids including mine have been only mildly ill. My daughter is on the upswing. Hoping we all stay healthy. Thanks for asking.

8. This bag is currently in my shopping bag. I am trying to wait and see if I am still thinking about it tomorrow before I pull the trigger.

   1. I’d recommend not. While I would normally never stand between any woman and her bag, suede in a functional silhouette is NEVER a good idea. It will not hold up well, and if the fabric doesn’t start to pill, you will have unsightly scratches and all forms of marks that do not give it an appealing look almost from day one. I HIGHLY recommend a leather, or even faux leather, in a tote. I don’t understand why any designer still makes suede bags or lines bags with them due to the pilling problem.

9. This kind of looks like a fancy IKEA bag.

   1. I like it but fancy ikea bag has def been done and for a lot more money.
      https://www.adweek.com/agencies/ikea-had-a-great-reaction-to-balenciaga-making-a-2145-version-of-its-iconic-99-cent-blue-bag/

10. My client wants to schedule an in-person meeting of 50 people for mid-May. Client is in a COVID-19 hotspot where gatherings of 25 are currently banned until mid-April. The client is itself closed until the same time, despite providing an essential function. Even if the virus miraculously disappears within the next few weeks, the client will be so overwhelmed dealing with the fallout that there is no way on earth its personnel will be able to devote a full day to this meeting. Crazypants.

    1. Crazy. Pants.

    2. Clients can be crazy. About two weeks ago, when things were starting to get crazy, we told our client that the Italian counterparty couldn’t travel to the other european country for meetings, so they asked us to reschedule the meetings in Italy where we could all meet. Um, no.

11. Paging Senior Attorney!

    Would you mind sharing your easy bread recipe? I’d love to try to make some…

    1. Not SA, but this one couldn’t be easier: https://www.jocooks.com/recipes/no-knead-bread/

       1. That’s the one I used. It was amazing.

          Also trying this one next: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/11376-no-knead-bread

          1. Is there a place in NYC I can buy a loaf like this to try?

       2. Thank you both!

    2. There’s an America’s Test Kitchen illustrated bread cookbook for sale on Kindle today for $9!

12. PSA: Hubby and I watched “Brittany Runs a Marathon” on Amazon Video last night and we both loved it. Yes the fat suit/weight loss Cinderella story was a little cringey in places, but there was a lot to love about the film and Jillian Bell’s performance (she was in pretty much every frame) was outstanding. Check it out if you’re so inclined!

13. All, for anyone looking for a little something to take your mind of things and that isn’t doom and gloom, last night I watched Belgravia , which is the new Julian Fellows TV show (he did Downton Abbey). It’s not the same as downton abbey but it’s the same easy watching. Only one episode is available right now so it means I can look forward to next weeks. Just sharing!

    1. If your nickname is “The good wife” and you liked Downton Abbey I think I have to follow your advice.
       N.

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